You Are Being Unreasonable - 065 - In which we are not everyone's personal snack bitch and Elton John outlives us

Episode Date: February 27, 2020

"Just care yourself up by your bootstraps." Some weeks we cover the tough questions about politics and economics and etiquette in the modern age. Some weeks we ask, 'Should you literally steal candy from a baby?'. How is a hapless husband supposed to get snacks if his wife doesn't buy them for him and he's not allowed to eat baby snacks? This week, we also listen to the reasonable and knowledgable claims of the Flat Earthers, we assess a Classic Mumsnet Scheme to set up a job-share between one million UK unemployed people to be a single care worker, and we panic over how to write invitations to events. Thanks to Imogen for providing us with the 'snack bitch' thread.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day. Hello.

Hello, welcome to You Are Being Unreasonable, the podcast about people. being unreasonable on mumsnet.com. With me, Hells. And me, Simon. How are you doing, Simon? I'm all right. I want strike at the moment. You are on strike, strike, strike, strike. I never get to go on strike. It's really rubbish. It's, you know, no one wants to go on strike. Like, I'm losing 14 days of pay, which isn't great. But I do get to lie in more often. You are also on strike because at least you've managed to find enough people who give a damn about having some rights, whereas I work in a sector where we don't. We haven't managed to form a critical mass of

people who give a fuck, which is why we never get to strike. What if there were a mumsnetters union? A mums netters come together and unionise the union of mums netters. Yeah, what would they take a, like, what would they go and strike from if they were to... Using mumsnetter. I'd show those big wigs at Mumsnet towers. We won't use Mumsnet until every bathroom is free from the spectral penis. Exactly.

Am I being unreasonable to think that Pretty Patel doesn't sound very nice? Nice. Oh dear. That's the Home Secretary, right? It is. I'm guessing no. She doesn't sound very nice. I'm being unreasonable, all this be kind when I know they are not kind themselves.

Hippocrats. Am I being unreasonable to have planned in minute detail? Nope, got a plan ahead. Got a plan every minute detail. And with that one more speed round, am I being unreasonable? Who would come to your funeral if you died? Let's see. I hope you, front row centre.

Yeah, hopefully. Mom, dad, my brother, Elton, John. Why do you think your parents will outlive you? And why do you think Elton John will outlive you? He's a lot older than you. If it were tomorrow. No, but this just says if you died, which apparently this person doesn't even believe is a certainty. Because I've stipulated in my wishes for the funeral that Elton John plays candle in the wind. And what, you're going to turn me down? I'm dead. A letter of wishes is not legally binding. If you want it to be legally binding, you need to put it in the body of the world. that applies to getting out and jonesing at the funeral

and gifts to charity. So, should we do a proper thread? Someone's clearly not on strike. Never. Always be hustling. And by hustling, I mean just fundraising for good causes. And we're being unreasonable to think if you want your own snacks in the house, you can buy them yourself. We have two very young DC.

I plan and cook all meals, including doing the online food shop. I also work four days a week. D.H. works long hours from home, five days a week. He's just stormed out of the kitchen because he never has any fucking food in this house after I told him not to eat the snacks I was about to give DC. Am I being unreasonable to think that at approaching 40 he can buy his own fucking snacks if he wants them? Am I now everyone's personal snack, bitch? And why would he think it's reasonable to eat food that's been bought for our one-year-old? One-year-old?

One-year-old. I know it said very young DC, but now I'm just picturing this man in the kitchen hovering over a little jar of baby food with it halfway to his mouth and the op comes in and says no no that's where our one-year-old stop it stop it the little bag of white chucky buttons white chucky buttons are great for kids and he's literally stealing candy from a baby am i being unreasonable to think my husband is stealing candy from a baby yeah literally don't eat those snacks those are for literal babies exactly those are literal baby snacks our little niece was eating this like weird blueberry-flavored wafer the other day. And it was fascinating to look at because it's like a wafer that doesn't create any crumbs perfect for babies. But we were saying like, oh,

have you ever tried them? And her parents were like, no. No, we have not. I was like, I asked a reasonable question. Have you ever tried a bit? Because I think I'd want to try it just out of curiosity. You'd steal wafers from a baby. I'm not stealing it. I bought it for the baby. I can't believe you think that our niece is your personal snack niece. And everyone was just confused by the question, I think. It's like, why would they? Yeah. It's not like dog food. It's human food. It's food for humans. Baby humans. Anyway, to come back to your crumbs point, despite these being no-mess wafers, there was quite a bit of mess involved. She is a baby. Not as much mess as with other foods, I'll admit, but not

no mess, which is what the product specified. So, do you think this woman's husband is just like messily eating a baby wafer all over the desk and his home office? And she's like, no, I'm not buying you snacks because you can't be trusted. These are supposed to be no mess. A baby could eat these and yet you have got blueberry wafer crommies all in your keyboard. These are wafers for the babies and you have to work from home five days a week.

Long hours. Yeah. Get back in your room. Get back in your office. No snacks. No snacks. I don't know. I mean when you're at work I don't furnish you with snacks and when I'm at work you don't furnish me with snacks because we work outside of the home so you just get

snacks when you're out and about if you decide that you want snacks or with being an adult. Yeah. I mean, there'll be more snacks when I go back to work when the employers capitulate to our demand for snacks. Yeah. That's why we're on strike. We want our own personal snack bitches to bring us snacks. Oh, the Daily Mail will get hold of this and they'll have a picture of a sad Tory student who's like, I pay £9,000 a year and I haven't had any lectures because the lot of the IT staff wants snack bitches. I do want a snack bitch. Sad face. Yeah, so thank you.

This was a listener suggestion from Imogen. Thanks Imogen. He said that the thing that she particularly liked about this was that it says, Am I Everyone's Personal Snack Bitch? And that they like... Personal Snack Bitch is a great phrase. And it is, in fact, this person's username.

Yeah. So it's the classic question that we ask anytime we mention the username. Was this always their username? And the prophecy, as was foretold, has happened? Or have they changed their name? because they're that incensed about the fact that their husband wants some snacks. Personal snack bitch can deliver me a little salami as a treat?

No, I'm not your personal snack, bitch. Angry typing, angry typing. What are you doing? Just changing my mom's that username to reflect how angry I am about this. Oh, okay. I mean, the husband should buy his own goddamn snacks. He's 40 years old. Yes.

Just buy your own snacks, my dude. Yeah. Go out and get yourself a multi-pack of crisps and have them. Don't give them to your one-year-old. Yeah. Too sharp for a little one-year-old. Too sharp, probably. I don't know.

I don't know how babies work. We've been learning about baby-led weaning recently and maybe crisps are okay. Chips seem to be cool. Chips aren't sharp. Maybe crisps are okay. But importantly, he's not the baby's personal snack, bitch. The baby's got their own snacks. Now, this needs to be husband-led weaning.

Husband. Yeah. You need to go out and buy what you want with your own money and then wean yourself with it. Yeah. You need to wean yourself out of the house and down to the shop. Yeah. Get some celery. get some hummus, snack.

Nom, nom, num. Wean some money out of your wallet and over to the cashier. Yeah. If babies can do baby lead we're in, then you, a husband, can definitely do it. Shall we hear from the thread? Yeah. Sorry, O.P., I think you're being a little unreasonable here. I mean, if you think he's not doing enough towards the household in general, you should bring that up for sure.

But if you're happy doing the cooking and meal planning and it generally works well, I'd find it weird to tell him he couldn't eat a snack from the cupboard. A snack is not a meal. Meal planning does not include snack planning And I do imagine that these are specific snacks for small children Like, if she has like her own personal stash of crisps And then he tries to eat some crisps and she kicks off That's one thing

But if they are little baby wafers or, you know, those like weird fruit roll-ups Things that are clearly for children For babies Then I don't think that's weird I think saying to your 40-year-old husband Hey, you know what's not hot when you steal food from the baby? I think that's fine.

Don't steal food from a literal baby. Someone else has said, just order some adult snacks when you do the online shop. It's not difficult. Ooh, adult snacks. What like penis pasta? You know that pasta that's shaped like cocks?

Yeah, it's very sorted. Edible panties, that kind of thing. Yeah, just eating them out of the bag. Sitting at his desk gnawing on edible panties while he's on Skype calls. And then someone else has said, why can't you buy snacks for him when you do the shopping? This is great. I buy my own snacks, I like to think.

Yeah. Like, we have different snacks, really. So I buy my snacks and you buy your snacks. Yeah, we have very different taste in snacks. But if you wanted some of my, let's say, McCoy's multi-pack, you'd be welcome to them. Yeah. Absolutely. And if you want a little bag of bits of dried pear, help yourself.

Yeah. Go nuts. Am I being unreasonable? Flat Earth. What's your opinion? Just catching up on this morning's interview with the Flat Earther. Can't get my head around this debate. but at the same time he makes some points that sound very realistic and he seems knowledgeable

but I do believe our earth is round and not flat but very open to other people's views so just wondered what you think mum's netters sorry if there's been a thread like this before I believe our earth is round but I believe there's a parallel earth a mirror universe earth if you will just next door that is flat do you yeah that's the difference oh so in the Star Trek mirror universe where they all have evil goatees which is just next door and it's where bigfoot comes from right we'll get on to that later will we the earth is flat because it's opposite the opposite around is flat okay but we're talking about our earth here yeah our earth is round right let's not be silly okay why did this morning have a flat earther on christ knows and why does this person frame it as a debate

is it a debate is this a live debate well this is what yeah this is why it's coming to now oh you don't have to give your kids vaccines because it's a debate. The science isn't in yet. Oh, we don't know if Australia burning is because of climate change. The science isn't in yet. No one can agree. Who's to say? We don't know if the earth is flat. Yeah. Some nonsense. Both sides is I'm from dickheads you think you have to have a contrary opinion to everything. And then the way that this person goes back and forth. I can't get my head around his debate. So she's like, no. But at the same time, he makes some good points that sound very realistic. And she's like, yeah. But I believe our Earth's round and not flat.

Okay, so she's back to the Earth is round. But, very open to other people's views. You're too open to other people's views. Why are you so gullible? Yeah, this is nonsense. When I watch Star Trek The Next Generation and Lieutenant Commander Data is talking away and doing some explanation

for a phenomenon, it sounds very realistic and he seems knowledgeable. But he's an android in a made-up show. Yeah. This is nothing. Just because someone sounds smart, doesn't mean they are. Look at Jordan Peterson. He only eats beef

And now he's sick and in a coma This person seems like the target market Within the musical universe Of every musical that has an out-of-town salesman Come and do a patter song Yeah This person would be fooled by the person Who came and sold that monorail to Springfield

Yeah Oh my book I would love to hear the patter song About the earth being flat If anyone has any musical theatre talents Which I really wish I did Because I've got so many great ideas for musicals When he wants to collaborate with me

the Earth is Flat Patter song is the one that I need. Yeah, this is good. Yeah. You're just thinking to do a musical about all these shitty conspiracy theories. Yeah. It's like Earthers, anti-vaxers. That's not top of my list of musicals to make, though. Top of my list of musicals to make is, you know, six, the Henry the 8th, ex-wives musical.

Yes. And you know how men were upset that there were no men in that? Yeah. So I've got a job for seven men. It's seven, and it's the Liz Taylor ex-husband's musical. Yeah. Yeah, and I've thought about this a lot. Like, it could be six because one of them is the same person twice,

but at different times in their life, and we need to create jobs for men because they're very sad. I'll say. Very upset if people aren't actively creating jobs for them all of the time, all of the time. So that'll be first on my list. Well, are the men going to go? They're just, there's nothing for men to do. They're just hanging out, eating baby food and no mess wafers.

And creating patter songs about the flat earth. Because that's all you can do, because you can't, you know, even talk to your secretary. anymore. Exactly. If you express any opinions at all, then you get arrested and thrown in jail. So you've just got to keep shoveling food into your mouth. Baby food, no less. Constantly just sucking on baby food so that you don't get caught out saying anything bad. Or going on this morning to talk about how the earth is flat, because that's the only safe thing left to talk about. Yeah. If Weinstein had had a mouthful of wafer, he wouldn't have been able to harass those women. I think he was quite

handsy. Oh. Well, if he'd had wafers in both hands. Yeah. I mean, this is a bit dark actually but like enough time has passed tragedy plus time equals comedy when I was a student someone once tried to fill me up while they're eating a deep fried burger and it was a very unwanted turn of events and it left a big round like deep fried burger mark on my back oh greasy yeah but the thing that that made him stop and respect that I didn't want to be touched was the fact I said you're eating a fucking burger and he was like oh yeah I nearly forgot to eat my burger and then he left me alone if you haven't been eating that burger that could have got really nasty this is why men need snacks

Hey, rather than being really inappropriate and harassing me, maybe you could get back to your burger, you've already ruined my dress. Thanks, bye! Please, for just £3 a month, we can get a multi-pack of Whisper Golds for every man in the UK. I won't go very far, though. They can eat them and not harass women. Yeah, things that men are allowed to do, eat Whisper Golds and say that the earth is flat. Maybe if you're going to have men playing devil's advocate,

I'd rather remember playing devil's advocate by saying the earth is flat rather than, you know, eugenics, doing a bit of chicky eugenics. Well, this is where we're up to, isn't it? It is. At least the flat earthers aren't doing eugenics. Great. Yeah. Fantastic. Great.

Wonderful. We're giving platforms to flat earthers because their views are weird, but not inherently offensive. Their takes are bad, but their takes are not racist. Maybe some flat earthers are racist. We don't know. Should we hear from this road? Yeah. Why would we be flat in a year?

universe of round planets. Oh, you naive mungsnetter. It's all an illusion. Exactly. They only appear round because flat circles appear round when you're looking at them, like the flat moon we've discussed before. Yeah, the flat moon. If you look at the moon, that looks like it's just... If I stick a load of coins on the wall, they will all appear round, but they're flat. Oh. And everyone will know. He sounded knowledgeable, and it seemed to make sense for his thing. He'd stuck a load of coins to his wall at home, and it was a very effective demonstration. He had so many coins.

He'd obviously had some success in life, which made him a reliable narrator. Two peas, five peas, even a five cent. Wow, he's well travelled. All over this flatter for us. He'd slid backwards and forwards, just doing skiddies like kids at school discos, because earth is flat so you can just skid right across the whole thing. Yep, yep. Get your tracky bottoms on, get a bit of a run up and then whoosh. Someone has said, what were the points that sounded realistic? Someone said, wasn't the flat earth thing started off as a

debating topic by a bunch of student types? No one was meant to take it seriously, just put up a decent argument. Then Tim Fall hat's got a hold of it. I mean, I don't like it. They say student types. You either mean students or you don't. Student types, independent researchers. Are I being unreasonable to expect the UK's 1 million unemployed to get a job as a care worker? The number of people unemployed in the UK is just over 1 million, the lowest it's been since the early 1970s. However, we should still surely expect that figure to be even lower. From next year, it may be much harder for care-providing organisations to recruit European migrants to fill their care worker vacancies.

Surely it's reasonable to expect any UK resident who is unemployed claiming job-seekers allowance and so far unable to get a job to be required to get a job as a care worker. If they don't, they should be sanctioned and lose their state benefits. I'm not just talking about care work. I'm talking about all minimum wage and minimum wage plus jobs that have been relying on European migrants to film. Why not? There will always be maybe a few hundred thousands unemployed. as people move from one job to another, etc.

But why should there be a million unemployed people if there is a shortage of workers in any industry that does not require any great level of pre-entry qualifications? Just to go back to her Fred title. Am I being unreasonable to expect the UK's 1 million unemployed to get a job as a care worker? A job as a care worker, as if it's a job share between 1 million people. I mean, care worker is extremely demanding, so maybe a job share.

as a good shout, but not a million ways. So I'll do the 30 seconds from 9 in the morning to 30 seconds past 9, and then I'll be relieved by my colleague who will do the next 30 seconds. It's going to be difficult to get things done, but we'll find a way, coordinate together, and we'll get it done. That sort of very basic mistake in the title really sums up the way things are about to go, doesn't it? I picked this one because you know how much I love it when a mum's net has got a scheme to fix the world? and they're like, I've got a rudimentary understanding of my own existence and nothing else.

So here's my way to solve politics. Yeah, I don't know why we didn't think of this. Yeah, I mean, it's like the person who thought families should get GP appointments that last 30 minutes so you can do everything. Just a full check-up. Yeah. Full family check-up, family package. Or the person that thought that adults should get more votes if they have more children. Yes.

And that they could then use those votes. So if they thought their interests were represented by one party, but their kids were represented by another, they could vote in two different ways because they were sociopaths who didn't take their kids' needs into account with their own vote. And this, this is up there.

This is maybe worse. This might be the worst take. So any UK resident who is unemployed and claiming job seekers' allowance and unable to get a job should get a job as a care worker. Yeah. Walk in.

With no skills, perhaps, with no experience of care work and just crack on. Yeah, these are just, yeah. Oh yeah, you want to do some caring for someone who, for whatever reason, needs a care worker. Oh, but you're a horrible person who has been completely unemployable in any sector whatsoever. And you're a pathological liar and a thief and a bully and a brigand. Well, why not become a care worker?

I'm not saying that all of the people who are unemployed are those people. I'm not saying that at all. Like, that's absolutely not what I believe. What I'm saying, though, is you can't make every single person do it because some people will not be so. for it. What if you're unemployed and you yourself need a care worker? Well you better care for yourself. Just care yourself up by your bootstraps. Do I get paid for that? Because I don't get paid for care for myself. I just manage. Oh. I just get by. Steal snacks from the cupboard. So if you got a payment towards your care costs and then you did all your own care because you cared yourself up by

your care straps. Yeah. Then you could give yourself that payment and so yes, you were get paid for it. It's an absolutely shocking take. Like, there's so little understanding of what care work requires, which is just horrible. Like, care work is so demanding and it's, it, like, must take real skill and patience. And this person's just reduced it to, oh, anyone who can't get a job should have to be a care worker, like some sort of national service. Oh yeah, I like to think of myself as a fairly skilled worker, but I couldn't do care work. I wouldn't have the first idea how to do it. No, a friend of mine has been doing care work for the last, like, I don't know, 10 years. And I have so much respect for her, because I would not have survived.

Like, she is incredible. And the skills and the personality and the, oh, it takes so much. And for this person, just be like, oh, just a compulsory care work. Anyone can do it. Great. So the standard of care is just going to massively, massively slip under your system. Whatever, no. I like the fourth paragraph where it becomes apparent that they're actually using care work just as a way to refer to all minimum. wage and minimum wage plus jobs. Surely all minimum wage and minimum wage plus jobs just means jobs.

Yeah. Like a shop that's called the pound plus shop. It's not a pound shop. It's simply a shop. Yeah. And minimum wage and minimum wage plus jobs are simply... All everything. Jobs.

Yeah. But all jobs that they're relying on European migrants to fill. Yeah. As if care work is full of European migrants. But you can't just use care work as a shorthand for all jobs. So disrespectful to care work. And all other jobs. Yeah, what's my profession.

Oh my God. How dystopian is that as well? Like, great. So we pulled up the borders so no one can get in or out. And we've got an ageing population. So you will all need care work, but your care work will be served by this conscripted army of care workers who resent every moment of doing it.

No. That is so dystopian. Like, I might write that as a short story. Also, right, the username of this person has got the word squire in it, Which makes me wonder if, like, Dickens is back. Dickens is back. Dickens is back, and he's doing some character pre-work on mum's net. Like, what that?

Can't wait for characters to just crop up again in an amazing coincidence that isn't really explained. Well, the Squire's got an idea, and the Squire's idea is a shit show. I'm sorry, but if it was me who needed a carer, I would rather have the option of having a care worker available than not, for sure. But if that care worker was someone who really was entirely unsublished, and who hated every moment of being there and who was being paid minimum wage

for something that I think deserves so much more. It's so undervalued. Yeah. No. What if they want to be, say, a baker? Well, I mean, do we have lots of European baker so we're going to create vacancies when they all get turfed out

or more likely leave because this place is a sinking ship? It's a bad take, girls. Should we hear from the thread? This is getting the bad take going too. Excellent, Squire. You'll be entrusting the care of your own nearest and dearest vulnerable people to this army

and resentful conscripts, of course. Nope, that's what I thought. Because of their username, Excellent Squire, and then saying, Nearest and Dearest, it's so, like, it's Dickens. That's a good response.

It's a good response. It's all over. Dickens. And someone said, a lot of care work requires the ability to drive. Right. That's the biggest stumbling block.

Yeah, that, rather than all of the other human character traits. The fact that you need to be someone who is patient and compassionate and... Yeah, you need the ability to drive, and sometimes you'll need to drive

to unfamiliar places. so you'll need GPS. So a flat earther, for example, really can't do this job because GPS won't work on a flat earth. Maybe the guy on this morning was saying, well, obviously being a flat earther, when the day comes, when we all get rounded up and forced to do our care work stint. Yeah, how am I going to get to my carey's house? I won't be able. I'll be absolved because of my weird views. Yeah. And this one was like, oh, maybe if I say I'm a flat earther, I'll be saved from one of the next dystopian policies. Sweet. Well, listen up, lady. Whatever dystopian policy you get saved from, there'll be another one right behind it waiting to suck you

up, because this is the world we live in. Don't be so silly and simplistic. You're being unreasonable and naive. Yeah, I mean, everyone's, everyone is safe. Naive is quite a sweet way to put it, rather than actively harmful, uncaring of others, yourself, not thinking about other people. Yeah. Selfish and weird. Amma being unreasonable to think pretty Patel sounds a bit naive. Am I being unreasonable, what would you think if you got an invite worded like this? So this was for a big night out, think annual event where we usually get together with the same group of friends. Hi, event date, at our place if you fancy joining us, would be lovely to have you, but feel free to say no.

Oh no, I get chills all over my buddy. Hells, this is how I phrase every invite that I ever send to anyone. Even if I'm asking a friend to the pub, I'm like, hey, do you want to get a drink? If you're free, like, don't worry about it. If not, feel free to say no. Well, do you think this place is about you? Yeah, probably. Oh, no.

That's how I phrase everything all the time. Is this bad? Am I bad? Am I cancelled? Well, it's a very open question. Good. I think no. I think this is fine.

Let people know they're free to say no. Because this is how I want to receive event invitations. There we go. That's what I was going to say. The point of this is how you would feel receiving it, not your motivation for sending. it. I think those things are connected, but obviously intention is not the same as outcome. Yeah, it'd be great. I want to be invited to places, but I also don't want to feel like I'm letting someone down if I can't go. Yeah, I think it's nice. If you fancy coming, that'd be

great. If not, don't worry. Yeah, that's, I phrase things like that as well. Because sometimes, you know, when you make a casual suggestion to someone and then like, oh, I'm so sorry, I'm extremely busy. You're like, you didn't need to labour the point. It was a casual suggestion. Like, I'm not going to go home and have a cry about it. The more you labour this point, the more I think, I won't invite you anywhere again. It's just very busy and important, aren't you? Because if you say, like, hey, do you fancy this? No worries if not.

And they're like, oh, sorry, next time. That's great. That interaction is done and you can move on with your day. But is this OP condemning this kind of phrasing? Is it bad something? Do they feel like they don't actually want them to be there? I think the O.P. is just very anxious about the phrasing. I'm anxious about the inverse.

I'm anxious about not phrasing something like that. So the thing that would make you anxious about this, I suppose, is if you did think it meant don't come. Yeah. And I suppose that depends on the person who sent it as well. Because obviously, if it's someone who always sends invites that look like this, then you'd be like, oh, sure. But if normally they're like, absolutely cannot wait to see you, babe,

it's going to be a must attend. And then this time they're like, hey, we're doing this, like, if you want, but no worries, like, don't even bother. Like, it's totally fine. Then you would be like, oh, oh, this is out of character. Are they mad at me? What did I do? Is it because I ate their baby's wafers?

that time? He looked so delicious. Barched through the door, told them that the earth was flat, ate their baby's wafers. And then said, all your opinions about care work. If my brother had said, do you want to try one of these wafers when we were talking about it the other week, I would have eaten one of the wafers. Yeah, but then he might have been mad at me. Well, no, because if he'd made the offer.

Yeah, but not expecting me to actually take it. Well, obviously he didn't want you to try one, which is why he didn't make the offer, so. Yeah, that's fair. I saw those wafers Oh, where was it? It was at the supermarket closest to my office And I thought about getting some Because I was a bit curious too

But I thought if I see any of my colleagues And I see me buying baby wafers They'll think that I'm really weird I think you're having a baby Would they? That seems a leap, doesn't it? Like, why would the first thing you do Before you've announced the pregnancy

He starts stocking up on wafers? You know, you go to the supermarket You get a test You get on wafers just in case Yeah, and do you think they'd keep that long? Well, maybe if you're just getting, if you're at the point of just getting the test, you don't know how long it takes a baby to gestate? So you think it might be like that afternoon? No, no. I don't know. Maybe the school system let you down.

I mean, I'll be honest. If, if for some reason I was peering into someone's basket and they had a pregnancy test and some baby wafers, I would assume they were checking whether they were pregnant again as they already had a baby. I wouldn't think that they thought, oh, I better stock up on wafers just in case this is positive. I think I might be pregnant with a baby, and the baby will need some waivers. The baby will be hungry when it gets out. The baby will want a snack.

Yeah. Anyway, so that's why I didn't buy any of the wafers. I should have bought the wafers, and I should have text you to be like, hey, got some baby wafers if you're interested in trying them, but like no worries if you don't, like, feel free to say no. Yeah.

Don't worry about it. Don't even worry. That is how I phrase everything as well. like I even sometimes phrase stuff like that at work where it's actually not optional at work yesterday I was writing an all-star email asking for help with an event and the colleague who sits next to me who is excellent read the email and she was like oh my god why are you so grateful stop being so grateful to everyone take that out take that out take that out you know what don't even send this just go to people's desks and tell them you need them to come and I was like

yeah face to face I would feel a lot more confident about doing this and she was like then why are you sending an email and why is it so groveling I was like and just in case they feel like they have to come but they do. I was like, oh, I don't want anyone to be worried. Don't want them to feel like that. What's the worst place to use this kind of phrasing? Start off a tent. Marriage proposal. You want to get married, but no worries if not,

don't worry about it. It's cool. It's good. Yeah, I think I've seen a reductress article along those lines. Was it a reductress article or was it just like someone actually did it? It's hard to say these days. I love you, but it's cool if you don't love me. it's cool, no worries, no worries at all, no pressure. Yeah, that would be, that'd be pretty weird. Yeah.

If you're in the middle of giving birth, but you're saying to the baby, like, oh, I can't wait to meet you, but also, like, if you want to stay in there. It's cool, if you want to stay, like, no pressure. Yeah, like. Just bring a bottle if you can, it's, it's all right. But don't worry about it, just yourself is good. This is totally how I phrase everything. Yeah, like, if you want to listen to this podcast, that's great, but if you don't, don't

even worry about it. It's fine. So, I, I posted about this podcast on a Facebook group for a different podcast because something came up that was genuinely related and I was like, you know what? I'm going to take the plunge. But I started the post with, oh my God, I'm so sorry. This is like so gauche of me. So just ignore it if you want and feel free to delete it. But, and then a thing, and then again, I was like, sorry again. Great. Listen to my podcast, which I promise you is good, but also I'm extremely sorry that it even exists. It's about 30 minutes long, about 25 minutes of each episode is apologies. Yeah, you know, really sorry about that. That's the way it is, the sorry cast. Someone has said, I'd not read much into it, they're inviting you, but they're making it clear that it's an invite not a summons. Yeah.

Great. But then someone else has said, almost sounds like the actual invitations have gone out, and this is a secondary invite to boost numbers. I could be wrong, but it seems too short, and I wouldn't have to feel free to say no part. Almost like they added that in last. So it's the last thing you read, so the idea is planted in your head. head? Why would you send an invite to boost numbers but then put a subliminal message not to come? Because that's not going to boost the numbers. Unless your overall objective was to boost the number of invites you sent out. No, that's what I'm afraid of everyone I'm sending my messages to thinking. That's the person I'm afraid of. Fortunately, they're on Mumsnet, so I'd never invite them to anything.

Yeah. I might post on Mumsnet and be like, hey, I've got a podcast if you want to listen to it, but then phrase it like this, so everyone's up, they obviously don't want me to listen. and see if anyone actually bothers listening We do not want you to listen We really don't I was genuinely afraid that they would turn up At our live show at Christmas time I honestly thought that we would get

Turfie hecklers at the live show Sounds like a normal invite In my circles we're all busy And have very busy lives with working Children caring for family members etc Yeah this sounds like stealth boasts So we like to try and ensure people can say no Well people can say no anyway

And also all the things you're busy with sound really boring So I wouldn't bother boasting about it If you're like, in my circle of friends, we're all really busy because we all work at the Equine Circus and we're painting murals all over town. And I've been making my own black pudding out of human blood as an artwork to talk about. Then I'd be like, okay, cool. Yeah. These are all things that make sense to brag about, whatever.

But if you're just like, in my circle of friends, we all have jobs and families. So sometimes we are. I've recently been conscripted into care work, so I really can't come. I have to care for Eliza down the street. It's a boring thing to show off about is what I'm saying. Boring. The Ops come back and said, She's not a drip feed, I just thought the extra bit at the end was odd.

Why tell me I can say no? I know that. I guess. I mean, that sounds logical. It does, but I mean... It sounds reasonable, and she sounds very knowledgeable, but... Well, someone has come back and responded to that, saying, You might know that, but judging by some of the threads on here,

a lot of others don't and somehow feel obliged to go to invited events, even when they don't want to. Yeah, I was just going to say that. I think a lot of people feel obliged to go to things that they get to invited to. And then I just annoyed that they're there. I just don't go, my dude. Yeah, you're just going to ruin it for everyone. If you go along and then you seize the whole time and you're...

Oh, when can we leave? Do we have to wait until the cheese and crackers? No, you can go now. Go save the cheese and crackers for me. Yeah. As a snack. The only snacks I'm allowed. I only get to have snacks on there's visitors here.

Snack bitch! One set of friends got the same invite, one didn't. Why have you been comparing this with everyone? The person's sending the invite? No, too far. No. You've gone too far into paranoia. Far too far, but I mean, typical. Bad.

Should we do one more speed round? Are we being unreasonable? Random dinner party. Help, ideas for this crowd! It's cool if you can't make it. Like, don't worry about it. It's fine. Not at all. Just bring a bottle, but don't worry about that either. We'll have a...

enough for everyone. Just a Zim Fandau on some baby wafers. Yeah. Am I being unreasonable or just think you either have it or you don't when it comes to school? It's true. You've either got it or you don't. Ooh, fire. Am I being unreasonable to be sick of racist comments?

No. From the government? No. From Mumsnet? No. From anyone? No. What point of this thing to post about?

The thing is, I bet if you click on that, people are like, yes, you are being unreasonable to be sick of racist comments. Just people with valid. economic concerns. Yeah. And am I being unreasonable to be proud of my parking. No. No, don't be scared. Be proud. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good message for everybody. Yeah. Don't worry about it. It's hard to parallel park. And if you can do it, be proud. Good work. And if you aren't interested in driving, then just imagine we said something you are interested in where we said parallel park there. It's hard to do stuff. Be proud. Eat snacks. What have you done today? Okay. So thanks for listening,

everyone. Thanks for sending in your threads this week. Yeah, I've then Heather Small. And I've been Simon. I've got a couple of reviews on Take One. Awesome. Coming up as part of the Glasgow Film Festival. So look out for those. There's a review of a film where Denise Richards

is in love with a T-Rex. Yep. Which is particularly a choice. As I mentioned at the top, I'm currently on strike for UCU at the moment. So if you can show your solidarity online or by donating to the fighting fund or whatever, it's very much appreciated

because it's a tough time for a lot of people in higher education at the moment. Absolutely. Thank you for listening. Thanks. Bye.