You Are Being Unreasonable - 075 - In which we do a socially distanced Macarena and hurl Gratitude Pebbles at vulnerable elderly neighbours

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

"I mean, that's just what I would do if I were starting a campaign of hateful motivational rocks." We celebrate our second wedding anniversary: the podcast anniversary. As part of our celebrations, we discuss when it's appropriate to do the Macarena under the current circumstances and suggest that the UK Government do the Time Warp, we receive mysterious pebbles with sinister messages on them, we receive a huge box of clothes as gifts every single day and discuss if shoes are clothes, and we wear a truly monumental amount of underwear per day despite the fact that pants are not an infinite resource.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day. Hello.

Hello, welcome to you are Being Unreasonable, the podcast about People Being Unreasonable on mumsnet.com with me, Hells. And me, Simon. Two years of marriage, 75 episodes. People said it wouldn't last. Did they? Yeah. Which people?

Everyone on Yabby with Twitter. Everyone. Oh, no. That's not going to last. We've heard your podcast. Rude. So, it was paper. Two years is paper, right?

No, one year is paper. Two years is cotton. Cotton. What's the podcast anniversary? What year is podcasts? 78. Eight. 78 is podcasts.

78 is podcasts. We should update these. Like one year is avocado, two year is podcasts, three years is spicy memes. Yeah, okay. Update them for hit millennials and Gen Z. One of them is the very concept of laughter. Remember we looked it up? Yeah.

I like that you've differentiated the podcast anniversary from the laughter anniversary, so you're like, no, our podcast was not qualify for that one. No, very different, very different. I like to think I bring you laughter every year. Every year, once a year. Once a year, Simon makes me laugh. Mm-hmm. So.

I unveil my joke. I've been working on the entire year. The unveiling is, in itself, the bit that's funny. A whole grand thing where you climb up a ladder and you've got a velvet curtain and you pull the thing down and then it just says, knock, knock, who's there? Simon, Simon who? Simon jokes, but once a year. Oh, that was weird. It was funny when you climbed the ladder, though.

Should we do a speed round? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable to ask who else just isn't spending at all? At all? At all. Incredible scenes. You must still be needing to eat and pay bills. Yeah, unless you've paid off your mortgage and you don't eat.

And you don't have council tax. You don't have electricity. Self-sufficient. Yeah. How are you managing to access the internet without spending any money at all? Because people did not vote for that policy of making war. Wi-Fi a right that we all have. Yes, that's tough.

Am I being unreasonable to ask about your precious things? Like the one ring, my precious. I can only assume that's what it is, yes. Should we do a full thread? Am I being unreasonable? Gratitude Pebble. Am I being unreasonable to not understand the meaning of this? My DH and I are in our 70s and have complex health needs,

and we're both in the shielding category, so haven't left home in months now. This morning, while bringing in a parcel, I noticed that someone has entered our property, gate, long driveway, and left a shop or online bought pebble with the word gratitude on our doorstep. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be a kind thought or a random act of kindness, or if it's a trend at the moment. It's actually upset DH quite a bit, as he feels someone is trying to send a message that we are somehow seen as ungrateful and need to be outwardly seen as having more gratitude. It's also made just feel a little more vulnerable, as someone has clearly went to some effort to deliver it,

as we aren't directly on the road. We've asked everyone we know if it was them, in a friendly way, and the general consensus is, no, it wasn't us. How odd? Adi D has tried to say maybe it's someone who wants to say they're grateful to us for some sort of kindness, but she's also a little spooked, as she's been doing a lot of voluntary work, helping a lot of people, and has been having trouble with a stalker since lockdown. So who knows that she grew up in this house, and has previously trespassed here, although not for many years. Does anyone know what these pebbles are meant to represent?

Gratitude. That's why it says gratitude on it, fellas. Yeah. It's not telling you to be grateful. Someone hasn't come to your house with a pebble demanding things. I put my demands on pebbles. It doesn't say be grateful. It says gratitude.

Yeah. Here's some gratitude for you. If I gave you a pebble that said laughter, I wouldn't be saying, you do not make me laugh. Try harder. Spooky shit. This is some spookier shit. He's like David Lynch's Lost Highway.

Is it? Yeah. In that film, this couple find a VHS tape on their doorstep. It's a VHS of footage from inside their house. Okay, but this isn't a pebble from inside their house, is it? It's still weird. Yeah. It's still weird to find a pebble with gratitude in it.

They say shop bought or online bought pebble. Yeah. That makes me think that gratitude is in a font rather than handwritten. Yeah. I can picture the very font that a pebble with gratitude for being. It's a kind of curly serif. We all know the font. You can imagine the font.

And I imagine that it's in rose gold. I'd just seen it carved and maybe painted white in the carving. That's why I pictured the pebble. Two sides of the same pebble. I think we're picturing something that you might get at a gift shop at a seaside town. Yeah. But that makes no sense because the gift shops at the seaside towns should not be open. No, they're not essential.

No. Unless they're selling rock, as in the food stuff. food is essential. People aren't supposed to be going on date, well, people can go on day trips, but they really shouldn't. And I can't imagine that the residents of seaside towns are desperately trying to buy up rock. I moved here because I wanted to eat rock every day. I moved here for that reason, and that reason alone, and they're taking away my human rights

to eat rock. I don't think that's what's going down in the seaside towns. Don't know, we're not allowed to go to the seaside, too far. No, we are. That's the thing. Oh, yeah, just not in Wales. Yeah, we can't... We mustn't go to the seaside in Wales.

Or Northern Ireland, but I think we'd struggle to get there anyway. Well, yes, yes. But we can go to the seaside here. We could go to the seaside. We could pick up a pebble. We could scratch gratitude into it and throw it through a neighbour's window. No, not throwing through the window, placed on the doorstep. Gently placed.

It is quite creepy. It's very creepy. I don't like it at all. I can just picture the local Facebook group where someone's come up with that as a way to spread some sort of joy. So I saw something on a local Facebook group where, people have painted pebbles and they said, oh, we're going to leave them around the area for people to find to spark joy. And then they said, but we've only just done them and we think they probably need to be quarantined. So if you see them in the next 72 hours,

don't pick them up. But then after that, feel free to move them around. Well, and then if you see one, do you have to make a note? And then if it's still there three days later, assume that no one's touched it in those three days. Yeah, mate, I'm not taking custody of this pebble. It sounds like carrying a bag of flour around as a baby type shit. Yeah, how is that supposed to work? I'm not becoming responsible for your pebble. Oh, I've written love on a pebble and there's a rainbow and don't touch it for three days. But after three days, do touch it. And then if you see them after that, feel free to touch them.

But only if you think it's been there for three days. Nonsense. This is some big-ass pebble. If it's got all that explanation written on it. It's a paving slab. Yeah, certified rock. We've left boulders all over the neighbourhood. We're a big explanation of why we're doing it to spread love.

Yeah. And gratitude. Yeah. So if it said love on their pebble, Would the husband think that it was the OP, making a dig at him about not being a very loving husband? Yeah. I found this pebble that says love, and if that's how you feel about me, let's just get a divorce, Tracy. What, no?

What are you on about? What would be the worst word to get on a pebble? Hmm. I would go with the C-bomb. Jeez. Yeah, that would be bad. You went much more, this is openly, you know, abuse kind of thing. I just meant, like, sinister.

Oh. close. Oh yeah, that's good. But then you might see it and think it said close. You'd be like, what? Behind you. No. When you'd look behind you and there's nothing there and you just leave the pebble.

Yeah. I feel like it needs to have an ambiguity about it to be sinister. I feel like if it's really openly, if you open the door, there's a rock there that says, I'll fucking kill you. I don't think that's as sinister as one that, like, you just can't fathom. Yeah, something ambiguous is better. Yeah. I mean, that's just what I would do if I was starting a campaign of hateful motivational rock.

Yeah, using pebbles. Yeah. I would write scary haikus on them. Yeah, I think this is an Etsy business just screaming to be made. Right, and I'm going to open an Etsy shop, and I'm going to put some pebbles with scary haikus on them on there, but then I'm going to paint a rainbow on it, and I bet people will buy them.

People will absolutely, people will buy any old shit at the moment as long as it's got a rainbow on it, and it seems motivational. Yeah. I walked past... The rainbow's symbol that's recently coming to use. It's got no prior associations out. at all. It's just about protecting key workers. Absolutely. Nothing more to it, lads. Nothing to see here. Yeah, I don't know what the pebble is meant to represent. I assume that your neighbours are

basic. I think it represents that someone nearby is basic. That's all. I hope the next inside the factory is Greg Wallace at the Gratitude Pebble Factory. The timer starts, and then it's the time from when you first get the pebble to when it ends up on someone's doorstep. It starts from the point that erosion starts to wear down larger rocks, the shape of pebbles. Should we hear from the thread? That's odd. My best guess is someone local has bought a load and is delivering to people who are stuck at home who they feel might appreciate them. Yeah, I got a job, a lot of pebbles. Yeah. I got this big box of pebbles. I'm going to hand them out. Throw them at vulnerable people.

Gratitude. I suspect it's a misguided idea to give good wishes. Gratitude, not good wishes. My area is littered with crochet, bombing little hearts with positive messages it's got nothing to do with you personally a hundred percent not personal sounds nath i've just thought of a couple of people i'd like to write a message on a pebble to except it wouldn't be as pleasant as gratitude and it would be delivered by hurling it through their window laughing face hate crimes hate crimes so there we go someone on mums that wants to do a hate crime what a surprise am i being unreasonable to think it's strange to send your wife a romantic present every day. An acquaintance has had presents ordered online and sent to her by her husband every day

during lockdown. He is isolating at home with her and their kids so it's not as though he's away and sending her presents because of that. Literally every day she puts a post on Facebook saying today's present and it's been all kinds of things ranging from a huge box of new clothes from an online retailer to lebutans to flip-flops to underwear every single day. Am I being unreasonable to think this is strange and wasteful behaviour? Am I being unreasonable to think it's strange to send your wife a gratitude pebble every day? I imagine just having one of those driveways, just lined with gratitude pebbles. I was picturing like when you are a kid and you go to the bull pit.

Yeah. But instead of ball pit balls... The bath just filled with gratitude pebbles. Yeah, just swishing around in there. Ow! Ah! up and then they get worse again. A huge box of new clothes is an insane present.

It is. Just a job lot of clothes. Unless it's come from one of those things that sponsor other podcasts. You know the ones. You know the ones. I'm not naming them. No. I'm not going to say their name.

No. But these personal tailor. Yeah. You tell them what your tastes are, and you tell them what clothes size you are, and they send you a personal box of clothes. A pebble every day. You put an invasive questionnaire about your body type. and then you receive a pebble.

You send them a list of your interests and they'll send you a pebble every day. I got a pebble today that just says, Mad Men. Great. This pebble says cheese. Do you remember how the... I don't know if it still exists. There was an online shop

where you could just send a potato to someone. No. Oh, that used to be a thing. You could just send someone a potato. A raw potato. Yeah. That, but with a pebble. That would be a good.

present to receive every day. Because you could eat a potato a day. Keep the doctor away. You could, but it would get samie, wouldn't it? Very sammy. They are versatile. There are different ways you could, no, I'm not here to sell potatoes. This is like one of those food boxes where they send you a meal every week, except it's always a potato and a little menu card. The menu card just says, boil, mash, roast, fry. I'd enjoy that. Back to this, though. What are lumbotons? They are extremely fancy, very expensive shoes,

which is why it's so funny that the next thing is flip-flops. So every present, it says it's been all kinds of things, ranging from a huge box of new clothes, clothes, to lubotons, clothes, to flip-flops, clothes, to underwear, clothes. So it's just clothes. It's not a huge range of things. I would like to just point something out. It is a range of things.

It's a huge box of new clothes, clothes, clothes. To shoes, shoes. shoes shoes clothes shoes are clothes no shoes are different do you wear them if someone said all right put your clothes on we're going out and when they said that to you you were nude and then you put your shoes on and then you went out would you have put your clothes on no well then but if they said put your clothes on I would assume that meant shoes as well as the rest of the outfit but we don't wear shoes around the flat and if we're about to go out I'll say oh I'm just going to put my shoes on but I wouldn't say oh I'm going to put some clothes on no that's fair because

Shoes and clothes are different. I still think shoes are clothes. Mm-hmm. I don't think we're going to settle this one here. Fine. It does seem wasteful. It's filling up the house. Yeah.

With clothes. And shoes. But, you know, whatever gets you through, really. I don't understand why this person's so worked up about it. It seems like a bit of a smug thing to post it on Facebook, but... Dale Cooper in Twin Peak said to give yourself a little present every day. Clothes. I mean, he had a cup of coffee in, like, a slice of pie.

because he liked piling coffee And this person likes clothes and shoes Someone said it's not strange If it's things she'll use It's not wastefully either And you would use clothes It's distasteful of her to share it on Facebook every day though Facebook is distasteful

Nothing shared on Facebook is tasteful The very fact that you've decided That what you're doing is interesting enough To share with a load of people That you know from school Or maybe they were friends with your mum When you were a kid Or maybe you once met them on a plane

and it was back when everyone added everyone on Facebook. Sharing anything on Facebook is inherently distasteful. So I don't know why you're so angry. You're just angry that you don't have clothes and shoes. I'm sure they have clothes and shoes. If they're posting on Mum's Net, I think they probably have clothes and shoes. Well, then they've got nothing to be bitter about, and they should just grow up. She's a complete show-off and bragger about everything and anything, but that's another story.

But it sounds like quite the same story, to be perfectly honest. It sounds like you don't enjoy her Facebook persona. Yeah, you just have a problem with your Facebook friend. Yeah. And you can deal with that with my friend the mute button. Having said that sharing anything on Facebook is inherently distasteful, there are people on Facebook sharing stuff that I love to see. You love to see it.

You do love to see it. But by sharing it on Facebook, you are sharing it to a wider audience than you would if you were doing it personally. And therefore, you can't be so mad about this. The whole concept is a bit odd when you think about it. It's nice to get people presents, but there is a cheaper way to do it. I like to think of my tweets as presents that I'm giving to the world. Yeah, but you.

And spicy memes I share over WhatsApp as little presents. But these are romantic presents and a romantic tweet every day would be extremely distasteful. A meme can be romantic. Yeah, but if you shared a romantic meme with me every day, that would be distasteful. All right. It would. If you went on Twitter, if you went on Twitter every day and then you tweeted a romantic meme and then you like atted me, everyone would see it and they'd be like, that's distasteful.

It would be more tasteful to buy me clothes. shoes, I'm just saying. Oh, and now people are saying that it's vulgar to be on Facebook at all, which I guess is kind of what I was saying. Someone said they think it's sweet, which I kind of agree with. Someone said getting blow jobs in the garden during the night. That's quite the present. What? Let's move on. Yeah, I don't know. Are my being unreasonable, people in the Tesco queue are doing the macarena and I'm cringing so hard I think I might turn inside out. Just that, really. Essential shopping trip for us and two elderly-shilded neighbours. Standing in the huge queue for Tesco, they're blasting 90s and

naughty's classics out and people are dancing accordingly. At the end of each song, they all cheer and clap. I'm a complete introvert, would rather shut my left tit in the car door than get involved. Probably being a miserable killjoy, but what with a killer virus on the loose, I don't feel like flailing your limbs about and cheering. Me, in close proximity to lots of people, is the best idea. I want to shop and then go home and then sit in the bloody garden, not do the fucking time warp again. That's good because they say, let's do the time warp again. Yeah, it's a, it's a well-written post, right? Yeah. I agree again, unprecedentedly agreeing with all the mum's knows. I would hate this. I would hate this to have passion. I don't want to be all didn't

happen of the year awards, but this doesn't sound likely to have been a big thing that happened for a long time. I mean, the Macarena's what? Two, three minutes, tups. And the time warp is also short. It's a different era. Songs used to be shorter. You think?

The time warp is not from the 90s or naughties. Get it right, O.P. Check your facts. Found the first hole in your post. Let's start seeing where else it unravels. Don't come in here with your stories. Unless you know when the time warps from. I mean, I'm just saying I can't imagine it being Tesco policy.

It sounds like you might have just been unfortunate in standing near one twat in the queue who was playing it through a phone and a couple of people joined in. But they're framing it as if it's hundreds of people queuing round the block at a Tesco doing a flash mob. And I just cannot imagine that happening. Yeah, I could see it. I saw those people doing the Congo on VE day. That was a street party. They opted to go out onto the street for a party. They were predisposed to doing stuff. It's not like going to Tesco. Tesco's fun. What? You've gone mad. Tesco's the funniest of the supermarkets.

That's rubbish. TESCO's the worst. It's the funnest. It's not. What do you think's the funnest? Aldi. Aldi. No, Aldi is practical. Get it done. Go home. The centre aisle.

That is. It's wacky. Is it fun? Yes. At the end of each song, they all cheer and clap. Yay! It just doesn't sound like it happened. And maybe it did. One, Maca, two, Maca three, Macarena. I don't think I could do the Macarena.

If I were in the Sainsbury's cute, you near us, someone started playing the macarena and everyone was joining in. I think I'd struggle. I think I'd be a few seconds behind, because I'd be following the person in front of me. But if you're a few seconds behind, on the turns, you run the risk of getting hit. We're doing the turns? Well, if you're not doing the turns, you're not doing the Macarena, are you? How am I going to concentrate on the queue moving? I'm doing the turns. This is why I don't think it happened. Yeah. I think at best, someone played it through a phone and a few people half-heartedly joined in a bit and had a bit of a laugh. You need a song where you're

all face in the same direction, like the YMCA. Yeah, or the catch-up song? Sure. I think, oh, that might have turns as well. The cha-cha slide. Fine. These all require a lot of movement. I know you should have two metres of space,

but you only really have one metre of space in either direction, don't you? That's why the Macarena lends it, the smack of truth, because it's a solo dance that you don't need much space, that you stay in the same spot. Okay. I think it's bad. I don't think it should happen. I will say as well, though.

I think it did happen. There is a reverence. that is required in the situation that we find ourselves in. But equally, I, from two metres away, stopped and took my headphones out and paused my podcast to have a conversation with a strange man who was singing the other day just because it's so nice to talk to someone. It's so nice to speak to someone who's not you,

and I love you very much, but ordinarily, I would have been out, I would have seen friends, I would have gone to the office. Yeah. It's nice to interact with another person outside of your usual people, so I can sort of see that, Maybe people would be more inclined towards joining in just because they've lost it. But still, I don't buy for a second, but it was everyone in the huge queue being blasted out.

I think you underestimate people's blitz spirit. Okay, maybe I do. And then the other thing that I don't like is I'm a complete introvert. I'm so bored with the introverts. I'm bored with the extroverts, but I am so bored with the introverts. The people who are like, I'm actually thriving. Can you imagine? It's quite nice to see the extroverts suffering for once, because

the number of times I've had to go to a party and I haven't even wanted to go to a party, so I'm glad that 35,000 people died. Like, they don't understand how badly they're coming across. And then, oh my, I got into a row with someone on Facebook about this where she was like, someone posted saying they think it's in poor taste that all the introverts are like, oh, it's our turn to shine.

And then this woman posted a crying laughing emoji and was like, yeah, I do completely recognise that, but the number of times that I've had to go to the pub and it's really funny to see all the extroverts who don't have any non-pub hobbies suffering right now, crying, laughing. I was like, no, I don't think you meant to come across the way you do, but that's really unpleasant.

And being an introvert doesn't make you inherently better than people, and suggesting that extroverts have no hobbies by themselves that aren't the pub is incorrect. I'm so bored with the introverts. And on that basis, if I saw the Macarena, I wouldn't want to join in, but I would, just to fuck with the introverts.

It's all a bullshit, you know, pseudo-science Jungian idea anyway. Like, it's a bad psychology. You can't just divide the world up into two kinds of people. And it's a misunderstanding of that psychology, because the psychology goes that introverts get their energy from being by themselves, and extroverts get their energy from being with other people. And you can be a shy extrovert,

and you can be an outgoing introvert. Like, there are a lot of comedians and actors who are introverts. It's more complex than a simple binary. So you, like, you might get your energy from being alone, But while you are alone, you might want to be streaming yourself doing the macarena for attention. Yeah. Like, it's nonsense. I went off on one there.

First comment on the thread. Get your groove on and swing those hips. Hey, Macarena! Thanks, Bulls Deep. And they've spelled, hey, H-A-Y. Is that how it's meant to be... Is that... What is the Macarena?

What is the Macarena about? Is the Macarena a dance from a different culture? I don't think so. It was made up. right? It's just made up to go with that one song. Yeah. So is it Hey, Macarena and in H-J-Y? Was it made up to go with the song?

Or I don't think you can separate it from the song. I think the dance and the song are inextricably linked. Like, if you were in a club and the Macarena came on and you just carried on doing whatever dance you've been doing to the previous song, let's say it was total eclipse of the heart, you would look absolutely lost. If you tried to do a different dance than the Macarena, people would think that you were some sort of alien.

I just don't want to find out that the Macarena is like, like a Mexican folk dance and it was Cinco de Mayo outside Tesco or something and they were doing it in honour of you know Mexicans that have been lost during the pandemic I'm just looking it up where did the macarena dance originate from Venezuela in 1992 the band Los Del Rio a Spanish flamenco pop duo spotted a beautiful flamenco dancer oh wow there's a lot of story here her beauty and grace inspired them to write a song The macarena doesn't strike me as a song that's inspired by someone's beauty and grace. Imagine if someone wrote a song about you, like as part of a present they're giving you every day,

and you turn it on, it's the macarena. When I was 19, someone wrote a song for and about me, and then they gave me the lyrics on a piece of graph paper, and they said you should keep these. These will be... That's nice. They'll remind you of me. And then off he went, he emigrated.

He emigrated because he was engaged to someone It was all a very odd situation I hope he's not listening to this And then I found the lyrics like in the back of a purse About six months later And it was weird But it would have been so much weird If I'd been rummaging in the back of a purse

And I opened it up One Maca 2 Macca Inspired by her beauty and grace They wrote The Macarena This is from a website called Mortal Journey See now I think this was some cultural celebration Yeah

Yeah, Cinco de Mayo at the Tesco Cinco de Tesco de Mayo Tesco de Mayo sounds like it's probably not an okay thing to be saying I don't know Yeah and then someone said I feel the same way with the clapping I don't think the clapping and a macarena flash mob are comparable Because if at 8pm every Thursday people do a macarena flash mob I would be there I would get involved with that

Because that seems fun We're all different That's all we can say, we're all different I don't think you can do the time warp and social distance I'll say that because it's a jump to the left Yeah, but everyone jumps to the left. Yeah, but everyone would have to jump to the left. Oh, yeah.

If anyone messed it up, social distancing is broken. If you jump to the left and everyone else jumps to the left and one person doesn't and you jump into them, have you breached social distancing or have they? Who's at fault? This is a good question. And it's one, I think we should leave to the courts. Okay. Because perhaps Dominic Cummings had to jump to the left to Durham because the person next to him. He had to jump 270 miles from London to Durham.

It was part of an elaborate. time warp. I'll say. His next tall neighbour was also going to Durham, so the only way to maintain the distance. He's got a Richard O'Brien look to him. Yeah, he has. He has.

I'd like to see Dominic Cummings in a government cabinet version of the Rocky Hoa Picture Show. I thought you'd just say a government cabinet, like a trophy behind glass. Just his big old face. No, no, I want the cabinet and special advisors like Dominic Cummings

to do a review of Rocky Hoa Picture Show. This sounds like, the end of term where the teachers tried to have a laugh and they change all the lyrics to a song to be about the school. Like they're changing all the lyrics to the time warp to be about austerity to try and make it seem cool. It's just one for us and another for you. That's me.

Don't get on the bus. I'll see my parents too. Like that. This is great. Yeah. And we're being unreasonable. D.H. uses four pairs of underwear a day. Lighthearted.

Fred, am I being unreasonable to think this is excessive. He cycles to work so wears two payers in case, ahem, sweatiness soaks through on his work trousers. When he gets there, he changes into a fresh pair. After work, he cycles home, has a shower, key worker, then dons a fourth and final pair. Four bloody pairs for every workday. Am I being unreasonable, or is who? It depends if you're buying presents every day of underwear. Yeah? Then it seems fine. You know, I can think of a company that will send you underwear with cool patterns in various cuts, but I'm not going to name them, because they don't sponsor our podcast. All this kind of blackmail is not how you get sponsors.

I don't think. No. I don't know how you get sponsors. We've never done any research into it. I will say, though, that Stitch Fix, Trunk Club and Meandis probably all only operate in North America anyway. Yeah. And so I'm just doing a bit.

He wears four pairs of underwear a day. He wears two to get to work in case of sweatiness. Then he changes. What if there is no sweat. It's in case of sweatiness, but that's not guaranteed sweatiness. Sweatiness, guaranteed. You get a pebble on your doorstep that says sweatiness guaranteed. You get a pair of pants on your doorstep that say gratitude.

Bad, don't want. Wait a minute. He cycles to work so he wears two pairs. Yeah. So he wears one pair over the other. Yeah. I thought he was changing at work when you first read it. That was what my question was going to be.

So he wakes up. Well, yeah, he's going to get sweatiness because he's wearing. two pairs of undies. And presumably he cycled stuff over that. So he puts his undies on and then he puts his undies on and then he puts his work trousers on rather than cycling clothes. He puts his undies on. He puts his outies on.

He puts his cycle shorts on. His work clothes. Wait, yeah, because he's cycling? No. He cycles to work so he wears two pairs in case of a hem, sweatiness, soaking through on his work trousers. So he's wearing his work. When he gets there, he changes his pants.

So he takes up. Right, so he puts his undies on, he puts his outies on, he puts his work trousers on, then he gets to work, and he takes his trousers off, and then he takes his outies off, and he takes his undies off, and he takes his undies offes off, and then he takes his trousers back on. At number three at this point. So why doesn't he just wear undies and cycle shorts, and then change? Yeah, because he's soaking through two pairs, presumably. But only because of the second pair there to soak through. Not only because he's wearing two pairs, and getting his groinolary, didn't all sweaty. So why doesn't he just soak in to be cycled?

I mean, this is disgusting, but it's the second pair in the morning that has lost me. Yeah, one pair, cycle to work, change at work into your second pair. Yeah. Put back on the first pair to cycle home. Yeah. Get home, put back on the second pair. Yes. Two pairs.

So you have your cycling pants and your non-cycling pants. Yeah. So you wear your cycling pants when you cycle, and then for the other parts of the day, you don't wear your cycling pants. Never the twain shall meet, unlike in your first example. Why does she specify that he has a shower when he gets home? Because he's a key worker. I didn't realize that as I'm not a key worker, I shouldn't have showered in the last two and a half months. No one told me. I've been showering like some sort of twat. Yeah. Taking up valuable resources for our key workers. Four pairs every workday. On a non-work day. Does he just wear one pair? Or is that like on the Sabbath he rests and he doesn't wear any pants at all? On the non-work days, he doesn't change out of his initial two pants. So he doesn't cycle anywhere.

He just wakes up, puts on his undies, puts on his outies, puts on his lounging clothes. Yeah. And then unless he gets really sweaty, he has no cause to remove those. So there was a, I don't know if it was a trend among a particular calibre and age of man who I used to know. But there was a time when quite a lot of the men that I knew when I was in my early 20s would have two lots of bed sheets on the going. at any given moment because they thought if you put one sheet

down and then another then you could just whip off the second sheet and then you've got your bed made for when it's time for a new sheet and this was like a thing that one person who I used to live with did

and I thought this was like bonkers and I remember telling people and all the women were like why have you got two lots of sheets on that's ridiculous but all the men were like yeah no great and even those that didn't do it

were like I'm going to start doing that yeah that means on when you come to change the bottom sheet you have to put two sheets on at the same time yeah so you're not saving any time You're not, and also, the bottom chute won't be truly crisp and clean, would it? Because it would have had all of your movement from being, like, it has that skin on top of it, but yeah. Potentially.

It won't be freshly on, perfectly in position. No. So is that what he's doing with pants? Yeah, that's what he's doing with pants. Because he's, I don't understand why he wears these work trousers to cycle in. No, you should wear dedicated workshops and nothing else. I'm worried about when I have to go back to my office and get on public transport, and I've been thinking about, the logistics of how I could cycle to work, and a lot of that has come down to trying to

work out what I would wear and where I could get changed when I got to the office. And at no point when I've been making those calculations if I thought, I better buy more pants because I'll need to start wearing four pairs a day. He could wear more. Do you think he's not trying hard enough? Yeah, two pairs to cycle to work. Yeah. Take them off, but on his work pants. Yeah. At the end of the work day, he takes those off. He puts on two more fresh pants to cycle home. Yeah. That's a good point. Hang on. On the way in he wears two pairs in case the sweatiness soaks through to his work trousers

But on the way back again he wears one Is that because he doesn't care if he turns up home With like sweat marks all over his pants All over his work trousers Yeah so he must be swapping his work trousers every day as well So this man has five suits Yeah Five suits he can wear a different suit every single day

And he'd need 20 pairs of pants Just for the working week This is a monumental amount of laundry No, he's untenable I would be pretty mad if I lived with someone who got through four pairs of underwear in a day but thought it was acceptable to come home with Dick Sweat Visible Maybe that's his name Dick Sweat Visible I thought it sounds excessive but with the cycling and so on it's okay

No it's not No because it's still excessive and then Oh the voice of reason I'm so glad can't he wear different trousers to cycling One pair of pants and trousers to cycle there Change pants into work trousers when he arrives cycle home and the same shower and then PJs on all right but saying shower then PJs on about your adult husband is a bit shower and then PJs on imagine if you came through the door you're just going from work and I was like so I'm going to have a shower and put your PJs on great you'd love it

but if I told you to do it would you not think I'm a grown up given the current situation you just have to tell me at five when I close my work laptop sometimes you have to tell me that I need to stop working because I've done over my hours. Yeah, a good delineator of that would be putting your PJs on. But yeah, I was going to say, but usually you're like, hells, I think you should stop working now and I say, okay, I'm going to go for a walk. But if instead of that, it got to half fast five, and you said, shower and then PJs on, I think I would just militantly keep working. I think he'd be better off going commando, as is usual, under cycling shorts or trousers, and then putting on a pair of pants and trousers at work.

I don't know, that is usual. Well, now that I understand it's apparently usual, for people to be commander under their cycling shorts. I hate middle-aged men in Lycra even more than I did before. There needs to be an extra barrier there. I don't like that. I'm horrified. No one's questioning why it matters

that he has a shower because he's a key worker. I think there's just a lot to go out here. Now people are talking about how he can wash up. Why? This is a man who doesn't wash up because the washing liquid irritates his hands. Get a different washing up liquid. Get some gloves?

Or just put pants on your hands and then go out of. It sounds like he's not pulling his fair share, apart from when it comes to wearing pants, that he's doing more than his fair share. But that's not a chore that needs to be done. Pants aren't a finite resource. It's not like someone has to go mining for pants.

He's using all of the fossil pants. Well, pants are a finite resource. Pants are not infinite. Let's make that clear. Pants are not a renewable resource. I just need to make sure you know that. Infinite pants is being... David Foster.

wallace's book. I was going to say would be the parody of infinite jest that like finally encourage me to read 1,079 pages. Wearing different trousers to cycling doesn't save washing, but it's definitely less weird than wearing two pairs of boxes underwork trousers. There we go. No. He's an old-fashioned kind of man who prefers

to wear tweed. He wears, I'm not kidding. Potties to keep his trousers clean. I had to... No one know he's sweating through the pants. I had to threaten to divorce him to make him wear a cycle helmet rather than a pith one. Lycra does not feature in his wardrobe. Reader, I married him. A piff helmet? Is he going to administer India? Sounds that way, doesn't it? Yeah. This man is wearing two pairs of pants simultaneously and

dressing like an ugly racist. I don't know why you're still with him. Two pairs of pants getting on his penny farthing. Tweed, he must stink. There we go. Should we do one more speed round? Yes. Am I being unreasonable, not to buy my son narrow width shoes. Narrow width shoes. for his narrow, narrow feet. Am I being unreasonable? Do you believe that shellfish feel pain? Goodness me. It's a real mixed bag.

And am I being unreasonable? Are furloughed people, the new benefit scroungers? No. No, absolutely not. No. No. So we're eligible for the British Podcast Awards Listeners Choice Award again.

Yeah. Go to the British Podcast Awards website and find the Listeners Choice Awards bit. Search for us and vote for us. Yeah, thank you. Follow us on Twitter. Twitter at where it be unreasonable. And sponsor us.

Thanks a lot. Thank you. Bye.