You Are Being Unreasonable - 076 - In which Timmy dresses a bad satsuma as Anne Boleyn

Episode Date: June 11, 2020

"What is your shower regime that is so cognitively challenging?" This week, we discuss the extreme variance in satsuma quality in this country and the epidemic of jazz apples among children, a puritanical husband who enjoys frugality, fish fingers, and beans, a smelly work colleague from seven years ago, and a Mumsnetter who has a great scheme to stop the spread of all viruses. We fully support the protests across the USA against white supremacist structures and police violence. If you can, please donate some money for protesters' bail (https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/donate) or for community groups fighting for the memory of murdered Black people (https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd). Black lives matter.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day when I felt the way that I Hello, welcome to you are Being Unreasonable, a podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com with me, Hells.

And me, Simon. We just watched Stephen Soderberg film Contagion, a documentary from the past about the present. Yeah, I mean, it's only taken 12 weeks of people saying, contagion. It's okay. For us to say, okay, let's watch it. Yeah, and an hour and 48 minutes later, we can say, yeah, it's okay. Yeah, yeah. It's fine. Trundles along. It does, yeah. I like the bit where they say, okay. say social distancing is the most important thing. Wash your hands. But then no one does any social distancing in the film. There's very little social distancing. The next scene everyone is packed in

really tightly to go and get their government-issued food parcel. Yeah. And no one's washing their hands. No. So in some ways, it's worse than our current situation. But in some, you know, at least the US government is looking after its citizens. Yeah. A fantasy world. Well, that happens. Should we do a speed round? Yeah. On the speed round, it might be a bit more stilted than normal because I'm having to skip over all of the abhorrent racism going on at the moment. But they're onto thread three of, well, I'm white

and I haven't experienced any privilege, actually. Jeez, Louise. You get a thousand posts before a thread closes. So there we go. Yeah, it's worth acknowledging the horrible events in America from the past week and how it affects us here. You know, systemic racism is a problem. Systemic racism is very much a problem all over the west

So make a donation if you can or do it you can The Minnesota Freedom Fund And the official George Floyd Memorial Fund Are both good places to donate There's also a YouTube video that you can watch That's been set up so that the ad revenue racks up To donate for people who don't have the disposable income To donate themselves

So we can share a link to that We'll share a link to that when this episode comes out Yeah Yeah it feels like a weird time to be trying to make a comedy podcast but people who listen to podcasts have already heard that for every other podcasters, so we'll just get on with it, I suppose. Amma being unreasonable to think carpets are grim? No, all kinds of things come from carpets.

COVID can live in carpets, bugs can live in carpets, borrowers can live in carpets. Amma being unreasonable, my husband is being a dick. Sounds like your husband's being a dick. Sure. Leave him. I'm being unreasonable to for a new wedding vows slash blessing. No, go for it.

Do it over Zoom. Great, and Amma being unreasonable. to hate what my name has become. Batman. I was going to say, get over it, Karen. It's got to be Karen, right? That's a slur, but I'll bleep it out.

Please don't bleep something out in the current climate without it being apparent what it is that's being bleeped. I don't want anyone thinking that I'm saying something that's actually a slur. I'm being unreasonable

in being dismayed at Satsuma variants. You buy a hairnet full of Satsumas and they're delicious, juicy, tasty and easy to peel. You go back on the next day for another hairnet film and it turns out they're solid, hard to peel, tasteless, orange packets and sadness and tragedy. Why is it so hard to trust the Satsuma? This is a sponsored mum's net post by Big Satsuma.

Why would Big Satsuma put out this terrible post asking why they can't be trusted? Because they're juicy, tasty and easy to peel. Are they or are they solid, hard to peel and tasteless? Orange packets and sadness and treasidious. I assume that I'm supposed to say orange packets of sadness and tragedy, unless they think that packets are inherently bad too. Packet is a slur. I don't think you should be filling hairnets with satsumas. It doesn't seem very hygienic.

No. Whip them off your head, fill them with satsumas, put them back on. It's a great way to steal satsumas. I've been saving so much money by simply stealing my satsumas. I just pop them in a hairnet and off I go. Just looks like you've got. got a lumpy head. And he's going to question you about your weird lumpy head. Well, yeah, exactly. If anyone questions, I would just look very hurt and offended.

Start crying. And I would say, I have a condition. I have lumpy head, sir. No, I wouldn't go into specifics. Dominic Cummings had it. You can often tell when someone's lying because it's too specific. That's why I would say, I have a condition. I have a certificate from my doctor. A certificate. You and I go to the same doctor's practice, and I have more ailments than you, and I never get a certificate. It sucks to be you. When you got shingles, did they give you like a laminated A4 piece of word art? Yeah.

With the blue wavy font. Shingles. This man has shingles. Don't come near him. You might get chicken pox. Great. Don't touch his shingles. It will hurt him.

It's his weakness. Like how Superman carries around a sign saying, don't bring me a kryptonite. Yeah. Okay. So this is turning to something that's not a certificate. A warning. Yeah. A dire warning.

A dire warning. like when you got a certificate for attendance at school they gave those to the kids who had really good attendance they didn't give them to the kids who had lower attendance and it was a certificate that said why they weren't there this sickly being it's a warning to the other kids to stay away from this late comer yeah they didn't like they gave out attendance certificates

to the kids who were always there they didn't give out attendance certificates like oh sorry but this highly asthmatic child actually only came in 92% of the year Don't you talk to this child? Yeah. So I think you've misunderstood what a certificate is. And also how you go about stealing satsumas.

You've gone, like, you're so extra that is just drawing attention to the situation. But no, satsumas are variable fruits. Similarly, avocados. Yeah, I mean, a good hass avocado is delicious. But I don't like the ones that have got the smooth skin so much. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. A lot of variants.

A lot of variants. Yeah. Oh, if you get like the little ones that are really sharp, they're delicious. But if you get those big bulbous ones that are just sort of wet. Wet and, yeah, not tart. Yeah, the ones that we got in the veg box this week are wet and not tart. Yeah, too sweet. I think they might need to go in a pancake or something.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Yeah. What's the most consistent fruit? Most consistent fruit? Yeah, a good, reliable fruit. I'm always... Where you're always going to get a good one. Oh, I was going to say, I'm consistently disappointed by a gallia bellon.

Not disappointing, not sadness and tragedy. But it's consistent. Well, you know, if you buy this fruit, you're going to get a good one, no matter what. If you buy this apple, your life will be better. I mean, apples are fairly consistent. Well, not every apple, though. No, but more than Satsumas. A jazz apple.

I've never been disappointed by a jazz apple. Yeah? Yeah. Is that some kind of drug? Is that some kind of drug lingo? They call them jazz apples. Your child might be eating. jazz apples.

Jazz apples would also be a great cabaret name. Look out for your child texting WTF, meaning where's the fruit? LOL, lots of legumes. Acap, apples consistently are brilliant. All telltale signs. But why is it so hard to trust the Satsuma? They don't flake on you They're flaky fruits

Yeah I'd rather have a bad satsuma Than a good orange Because I always think I want an orange But they're just a pain in the ass to eat Oh all citrus fruits are I mean you were eating a citrus fruit For lunch the other day

And I walked in and said Citrus is bad or something Yeah I was eating an orange Because while I'm working from home I can have an orange Because I've got a big sharp knife To cut it up into pieces

Rather than fanning around Trying to peel an orange at my desk Like some sort of sad baby Should carry a knife of you I can't carry a sharp orange knife around I can because of my white privilege But I shouldn't carry a sharp orange knife around No probably not

No I think I stopped by the police Oh I just really wanted an orange It's all my oranges You haven't even got an orange Well I left the whole bag at work Because they're very heavy You have to buy them in a bag

Next thing you know you're arrested You got the sharp knife But you can't get to your oranges Terrible And that's why I'd rather have a bad Tatsuma Than a good orange Most of the time And that's why

I don't like cricket. Someone says they've been taking lessons from the avocados. There you go. Someone else said, I think you've done well if you've got a bag full of satsumas that were consistent in taste, good or bad. I always find there's huge variation in taste amongst the same bag. On the same bag even.

Yeah, you cannot trust them. You can't trust the fuckers. I miss writ this as satsuma violence and had to click on the title. Just loving satsuma. at the cops. That's what you do. If you buy a new hairnet full of satsumas, you peel the first one,

and it's, you know, like, baggy. You know, and they're like baggy, and it's dry. You know that the whole bag is just, is gone to pot, and so you go out and you find your local cops, and you just hurl them at them. Throw satsumas at the cops.

Yeah, throw satsumas at the cops. Fill a pillowcase of satsumas and swing it round your head. Yeah, I mean, you've taken this a little further. Someone said, where are you finding them this time of year? My local shops only stock them at Christmas. What sad little town do you live in where?

You're only allowed a satsuma at Christmas. And only to make Chris Dingles. They sell them in bumper packs with candles and little ribbons. This person lives in a sad little town from a hallmark film. They had a big shot career and then they had to go and visit some elderly relative and then they just never went back to their career and didn't hand in their notice because they fell in love and the only downside is the satsumas. At least they fell in love with a local satsuma farmer.

Yeah, I mean, they didn't though, did they? Because they only get satsumas at Christmas. A handsome satsuma farmer who teaches them the value of Christmas. Am I being unreasonable? To think it's about time, we limited the spread of all viruses. I've always been a bit puzzled by the way we all pass around coughs and colds every year and just accept it. People are allowed to sit in meetings and offices on trains and in churches,

and pubs and at dinner parties, coughing and sneezing, blowing their noses, looking pale, admitting to being dosed up on Lemsip because they had a temperature that morning, etc. Having a cold is unpleasant and horrible. Yes, not deadly for most, but it can be absolutely rubbish, and yet it's socially acceptable to spread it to others. Does anyone else think it's about time that keeping away from other people when you're sick became the norm,

or at least wearing a face covering to start you spreading your germs? There will always be exceptions and people that absolutely have to go out, but I'm not talking about those people. I'm talking about the general culture of it being normal to spread viruses, even in some companies more noble than taking sick leave. Bald take. If I were the World Health Organisation, I would simply stop the spread of all viruses. I agree, but I don't know whether if we're in this manifesto. Yeah, like, yeah, this sounds great, but, like, how do you achieve this? Yeah.

What's your workable solution? We had to have meetings with our managers last week to talk about how working from home is going. and how we could look at how to get back to working from the office at some point. And there were a lot of questions that came up in that. And one thing that I really wanted to raise was that I don't trust my colleagues not to have this like martyrdom culture of coming in super sick. And I spent all of the first half of March surrounded by people who had these consistent dry coughs who were like, it's so weird.

I'm sure it's not the coronavirus, but, and then just coughing relentlessly while, like, while it was quite active in London. And I really wanted to say, my big. barrier to feeling safe about coming back to work is the culture of coming in when you're sick. But I thought, can I change that? No. Is it worth bringing it up? Probably not. Yeah, I mean, the culture of presenteism is, is, is, is nonsense. Like, you need to change that. But, like, how do you change that, apart from having good managers and good management structures that make people feel comfortable taking the sick leave they're allowed to take?

But even that isn't, I mean, that needs to come from the top, doesn't it? Because my actual manager is extremely good at encouraging us to take sick leave when we're sick, as is her manager. You get much further up the chain and that doesn't seem to be the case, which means that all of my colleagues, like my whole organisation work in one room, which as states have said, it's not big enough to contain the number of people who sit in it and everyone comes in sick. So if this OP has got some actual solutions, then I want to hear them. As it stands, it seems like it's taken their whole adult life until now to be like, hang on. Wait a minute.

Maybe. We shouldn't go into work when we're sick. Maybe none of the viruses are nice. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's not good to have a virus. Controversial opinion. What if it was?

What if there was a good virus that made you super strong? Yeah, what would be a good virus to have? Like, tell me about how you envisaged it. It's a novel virus. It makes you super strong. Okay. Does it make you the king? Does it mean that you have a crown?

Is it a novel coronavirus? The king of the castle, yeah. The King of the Castle I have King of the Castle Virus It makes me the King of the Castle Whereas you are a dirty rascal It makes you

Oh no now you're the King of the Castle It's a virus that makes you limitless Like the character Limitless From the film Limitless The character The titular Limitless Yeah whatever his name was Jack Limitless

Yeah sure Make you Limitless else Also this isn't the place to post it Because people on mum's that are always like really quick to berate anybody whoever mentions they might take some sick leave wow in my industry you just get on with it I haven't had a sick day

in 25 years and I had cancer for 12 of them it's like it's just it's oh this isn't the forum for it yeah a friend was arguing on Twitter the other day with someone about migraine headaches and they were like well when I get a migraine I just power through I just

you've never had a migraine my friend no one who says that has had a migraine you have had a simple headache. If you have migraines, you have a long-term health condition. Why are you powering through? Go lie down. You can't power through a migraine sometimes. You can't see. I can't see when I get migraines. Yeah. It'd be dangerous for me to power through. Yeah, I've had migraines during this time where I have powered on with working so I could get to the end of something because I know that when it gets to the point where I can't see, I'm at home so it's fine. But I've gone home at the

first hint of a migraine because I've had managers who really haven't wanted to deal with the fallout me potentially leaving it too late to try to get home and being blind on the tube. Like, this is ridiculous. Take your sick days, join a union, work together. Yeah. Someone on the thread says, our immune system needs to be challenged regularly, otherwise it will start to go wrong. We didn't evolve to hide away from microbes. No, it's not like doing a Sudoku to keep your brain sharp.

Yeah, why don't you go get some immunity off COVID-19 by going and licking a train seat. Good nuts. Ugh. Yeah, the seat. The worst part. The seats are all soft. They're like carpets. People put their shoes on those seats.

People put their shoes on everything. Never mind. You were talking about attendance certificates for schools. Oh, yeah, that. That's how they get you. They encourage you as a small child who values a certificate. They make you think that being present is the best thing ever. Well, I got loads.

I've still got them in a draw somewhere because it fed into my need for external validation. That persists to this day. But why, what's going to happen this year? Like, is anyone getting certificates this year? Well, I would like to think that's the least of anyone's worries. It's not the least of my way. It'll get to the end of term and there'll be 93 threads on Am I Being Unreasonable where people are pissed off that they got their kid up and working every morning

and little Timmy hasn't got his attendance certificate. Yeah. And the teacher doesn't even have 100% attendance. But Timmy, Timmy worked so hard on his self-directed project about the Egyptians. Yeah. About the Tudors. It's always the fucking Tudors, isn't it? The important parts of history.

Yeah, Timmy has been, he has 100% attendance on sitting at the kitchen table, colouring in pictures of Tudors. And writing sentences in that really big, joined-up handwriting that children have. Timmy's drawn a fucking face on a satsuitan and called it Anne Boleyn and reenacted the beheading. But he can't tell you about British colonialism. Oh, Timmy. Timmy, you are the virus.

Yeah, I mean, it is bad to give out those certificates. It's really alienating for children with long-term health problems. Or children with short-term passing health problems. Kids who are allowed to have sickness. Yeah, kids who got sick. Yeah. Oh, goodness me. One year at school, I had 100% attendance right up to the last day of term,

which is when they gave out attendance certificates. And I don't remember if I was sick. if I just felt like I'd earn it, but I just didn't go in on the last day of term. So they had to hand out a 100% attendance certificate to somebody who wasn't there. Ironic. Yeah, I almost wish I'd been there to see it, but obviously that wouldn't have worked. You would have had to disguise yourself as someone else. It was secondary school, so I may have been sick, but it does seem more likely that at that point I just thought,

you know what, I've worked really hard all year, and I don't want to go and see the teachers sing that version of the Wheaters song, Teenage Dirt Bag to be Kidbrook School bag. Weird, weird and bad. Yeah, I mean, it was fine, but seeing it. it wants. Yeah, I can't imagine that's... I mean, the production values must have been quite low. Well, you'd be surprised, actually. It was a specialist arts college. Am I being unreasonable to want my DH to enjoy the finer things? I'm getting sick of feeling like I can't enjoy the finer things in life that I like because my husband doesn't. He's someone who actively

enjoys frugality and admits he has a very strong Puritan tendency. We have shared finances, I earn 2.5 times more than him. I'm not extravagant, but I feel that he impedes my enjoyment of things and makes me feel guilty for wanting small pleasures. Examples. I would like to buy a few nice wines and do a mini wine tasting session in lockdown. He says, no, I don't like drinking anymore, a new thing related to being increasingly puritan. And 60 pounds on wine is ridiculous. I would like some nice, different recipes. He happily eats them and says they are nice, but I know he would be even happier with fish fingers and beans. He likes toddler food. I buy flowers for the house, five-ish pounds from the supermarket. He sees that as a total waste

of money and he doesn't understand why they could be pleasurable. We go to nice restaurants, not during lockdown, obviously. We have a good time and enjoy it, but he would genuinely be equally happy with a takeaway pizza. I just don't see the point in working if we can't do some nice things. He never ever stops me buying anything but his attitude just taints everything nice I do for myself or us. Am I being unreasonable? Will he

ever be persuaded to change? Sounds like this man needs to treat himself. He needs to treat himself. He needs to have some self-respect. He does. He values frugality too much and he values himself too little. He sounds great. Yeah, I did

want to say to you that you valued books too much and yourself too little. because you wouldn't read a book in the bath? I don't even like having a bath. Fine, read a book in the shower then. Treat yourself. It'll definitely get all wet. I don't have time.

I'm trying to clean. Watch a film in the shower. No, I'm trying to clean. I'm trying to concentrate. I've got a routine. Surely if it's a routine, it becomes muscle memory at some point. You've been showering for many a long year. I need to think about it to get every step correct.

What is your shower regime? That is so, like, cognitively challenging. Rinse. Water everywhere. Hair. Swish, whoosh. Rinse out hair. Body.

You're just saying words. This isn't a strategy. This is a list. Strategic list. It's not strategic. No. This is operational at best. It's not strategic.

But earlier on, you did have a nice glass of wine and a twirl. As you put it, like a lady from the 90s in an advert. Exactly. Treating myself. You were treating yourself, but in keeping with this O-P, I bought both the Twirl and the wine. Yeah, I'm with this O-P, the O-P-H, the D-H. Yeah, if you... He sounds great.

If you marry a woman who wants to treat herself and yourself, then why not just be frugal? Yeah. Reap the benefits. If he really enjoys frugality, which... I don't know that he enjoys frugality. He just is frugal. No, there are people who enjoy frugality. They exist. They're on mums net.

They call themselves the frugal ears. That's weird The frugaleers Don't like that And they like post about all of the best bargains And they really get off On spending the least money possible Oh these are people who go to

MoneySavingexpert.com Yeah And the people who decide That their budget for the week Just for the heck of it is one pound this week Let's see what we can do on a pound And they'd like treat it like a challenge The frugal ears

Look them up on mums there if you're interested There is a big difference as well I'd like to acknowledge the difference Between being in a position where you have very, very limited disposable income, or very limited income, full stop. Yeah. And being a frugal ear.

And it's the frugal ears that I find bizarre and alienating. Yeah, that's frugality as an affectation. It is, and something about it feels extremely distasteful. And I also think if there are people who really are living hands and mouth and you are extremely well off, or even just comfortably off, and you're buying up all of the yellow-sticked items because you get a kick out of it, like someone else may be needed. those. It seems weirdly inappropriate to me. In this case though, this D.H. isn't a frugal

there. He's just a frugal man. And I don't think he's done anything wrong. He wants feed fish fingers and beans. Great, we all want fish fingers and beans. Yeah. We love them. She buys flowers for the house and he says that's a waste of money. Flowers are a waste of money. Just buy some plants and grow them yourself. I would simply grow my own flowers. Well, you know what I mean? Like cut flowers. They're just going to die. I think I've made my feelings on cut flowers quite clear on this podcast before. I think I talk about cut flowers, the same way I talk about roasts and Harry Potter. Good for other people, not for me, get them out of my face, I don't want them in my house.

But, yeah. They go to nice restaurants, and they have a good time, they enjoy it, but he would be happy with a takeaway pizza. Takeaway pizza is itself a treat. Like, you're looking at 20 pounds for two takeaway pizzas. Yeah, maybe more than that. Maybe more than that. Pizza's expensive. Pizza is weirdly expensive for what it is.

It is. It is. It's just a big toast. Sure. It is just a big toasty. It's quite a take. It's dough with stuff on top of it, toasty. I just don't see the point in working if we can't do some nice things. Yeah, maybe there's no point in working.

Sounds like you're well enough of her, but because you want to live your luxury lifestyle, you have to continue working. Your luxury lifestyle of spending £5 on some flowers and not only eating fish fingers and beans. Yeah, and he just wants to retire and live in the woods like Nick Offerman. He's never said that anywhere. I'm reading between the lines. She says that she feels like

she can't enjoy stuff because he doesn't But then That sounds like a her problem Yeah I mean Okay he doesn't want to do the wine tasting Fair enough If she wants to do a wine tasting And he doesn't

It would be weird for her to set up a whole elaborate wine tasting with no one else Because she couldn't even discuss the wines Yeah That would be a weird thing And it's a shame that he doesn't want to join in with that But then she makes recipes And he likes them

And he says they're nice He'd prefer fish fingers and beans But whatever I make recipes because I enjoy cooking and I like trying new recipes I'm sure that there'd be times where I've made stuff and I've derived real joy from making it and you'd be just as happy with fish fingers.

Yeah, no beans, thank you. No beans, me. But it doesn't deprive me of joy if I've had the joy of cooking something elaborate and lovely that I want to eat and I've made it and you eat it too and you would have preferred to have fish fingers like you should have spoken up, buddy.

It's not going to make me sad. The recipes, it sounds like it's fine. He's not stopping her. And the restaurants, he's not stopping her. And the flowers, okay, it's probably not great if she's trying to treat herself to something that sparks joy. And he says, what waste of money? I don't be a killjoy about it. But he's not stopping her.

She sounds like the killjoy. He's just trying to eat his beans. Well, he's not eating beans. He's eating Coco Van or whatever it is that she's made. He's pouting because he wants beans. Cocovan and beans. Toddler food. Got any beans to go with this cocoa van?

Cocco Man's good, but a little pot of beans would be great for dipping. Little rambican of beans, like when you get a KFC. Exactly. And they have a good time at restaurants, but he would be happy with a takeaway pizza. Okay, but you're at the restaurant and you're having a good time. He never ever stops me buying anything. Okay, well, great. I don't like a problem.

It's just a frugal man. Sounds like maybe you've been on lockdown for too long and you're picking holes in him because it's difficult to be on lockdown with someone for a lot of, time, especially if they keep looking at your flowers and talking about how many beans they could have bought with that money. Two cans. Five pounds, two cats. Look, their beans, how much could they cost? Two pound fifty a can? Yeah. Let's hear from the thread. God, he sounds like a right joy sponge. He's not doing anything. He's just saying a joy in his beans. I couldn't live like that, like, I actually would up and leave before he could suck all the happiness and enjoyment

out of my life. He's not sucking. He's just sitting there. The only thing he's sucking is bean juice. Yeah. You're sitting there. You want to do something. Go do it. He's not stopping you, apart from with the flowers. The APs come back and said it's the slightly high and mighty tone of all you need is family, which irks me. I can see why that would irk you. Yeah, if I just wanted to make a nice meal and you were like, well, actually all you need his family while you ate beans directly from the tin cold. Yeah, that would upset me. That would be challenging. It does feel like a value judgment and so I wouldn't want to live my life with someone who was judging me for the things that spark joy, but she's judging him for

the things that spark joy. It sounds like she's projecting the judgment onto him. He's not actively judging. I don't know. If he's saying we need his family, it does seem like maybe he is. It's the fact he never tries to control me and will tolerate what I want, but can't enjoy it. It's draining. Someone's come along and said, I like him. I get a kick out of being frugal. Genuinely prefer eating at home because the food is usually better for a fraction of the cost, and I don't enjoy crowds

and noise, and I hate waste. Yeah, see, these are the people, it does feel like a judgment. It really does feel like a judgment. If he's like that, you know, you know the people. We've all worked with the people or met the people where you're like, oh, I'm going to go buy a coffee, do you want one? They're like,

actually I'm just going to make one, and they tap their jar of Sainsbury's own brand, freeze-dried, instant coffee. Just going to make one actually. Only two pence a cup. You're like, all right, get fucked. Am I being unreasonable, smelly work colleague? Am I being unreasonable to simply just tell a new work colleague who is actually superb at their job, that they have the worst B.O. I have ever met. We work in a small room, and I have to run outside every few minutes to gasp for breath. Help. Goodness me. If you can still smell them over Zoom, it's quite the thing. Not a small Zoom, a small room. A small room.

Zoom room. No, I take it this is from before the unpleasantness. Well, here's the thing. It's from 2013, but it's inexplicably been resurrected today. Today? No one, no one's concerned about their smelly work colleagues at the moment. There are plenty of people who have to go to work right now. I guess. You know, you know who's only just reopened? Dentists. I think this is a stinky dentist. I should be wearing masks, surely. Well, that's how much this person stinks.

Yeah, it's really odd So it was last posted on On the 25th November 2013 2013 That's seven years again Yeah, and then today At 1 o'clock Someone came along to get involved

What? So what I think The horse has bolted What I think this happened Is this person who got involved today Has got a stinky colleague And they didn't want to start their own tread So they've gone searching to see if someone's had the problem

before and they've resurrected a zombie thread because of it. Stinky colleague friends. Mums there, colleague reeks of B-O. Am I being unreasonable plus worst smell I have ever met? Smelly colleague makes me faint. Small room, stinky. The horse has bolted, yeah. Like, yeah, this, they might not even work with the smelly

colleague anymore. The smelly colleague might have sought treatment. Yeah, I mean, I hope they haven't spent the last seven years with no change in this situation. That would be a shame for them and for the colleague. Yeah. But we don't know. And part of why I chose this was I enjoy that it says, am I being unreasonable to simply just tell a new work colleague that they stink. I would simply tell my colleague they have the worst B.O. No, to simply just tell a new work colleague that they have the worst B.O. that I have ever met. The B.O. is so bad. It's like a third character. The B.O. is really the fifth character in Sex and the City.

You couldn't smell it through the TV, obviously, but it was always there. Which one of the Sex and the City characters do you think would be most likely to have terrible B.O? Samaranda. Samaranda. I don't know their names. Well, there's Samantha, and there's Miranda, and they're two different. different characters. Great.

Samantha, Miranda, Miranda, Charlotte. Samantha, Miranda, Charlotte and Carrie. Ross, Monica. Jerry George. I think Carrie would have the worst, B.O. Because Carrie stores her jumpers in an oven and smoked into a man's fridge, which makes me think that she is not a hygiene fan. She's always tapping away on a computer and her time to shower.

Yeah, she's like the stereotype of an internet troll, someone who's just there. She's a blogger from the early naughty. She is literally a blogger from the early Nauties She's Julian Assange Oh my god, Carrie Bradshaw is Julian Assange Crikey Was Julian Assange in the embassy in 2013

Do you think the small room was the embassy And this was someone who worked at the Ecuadorian embassy Almost certainly Because they did all complain about how much Julian And Sange stunked didn't they He was smelly, he was a smelly one He was terrorising the embassy cat The worst house guest ever

He stinks He has a parade of people coming in and out being awful. I saw a video of him trying to do an ollie on a skateboard. In the embassy, on the lamin up flooring, mate. Well, I hope that this has been resolved. Do you think the person who's come along today is the prison guard at Belmarsh, who's now stuck with Assange? I have the same problem.

I too need to tell Julian Assange that he stinks. Stinky. Oh, goodness me. Look, there's ways to make it known that your colleague is smelling. Just like wave your hand in front of your nose. exaggeratedly. Yeah. You could do a gagging action.

Yeah, yeah. That's what... You could spritz them with body spray. That's what the person sitting next to me when I went to see the Irishman did when the person next to him took out like a red onion sandwich or something. It really stunk.

And I was two seats away. And the guy next to me was like, because this is a three-hour movie we're about to watch a three-and-half-hour movie. And he was like, oh, oh. Without actually saying, you stink who's waving his hand in one of his face and going like oh oh oh oh it did reek that is such a power move and it was a long-ass move that is such a power move i got loads of red onions in the veg box this

week i might just pack them all up and take them to the cinema when it reopens yeah yeah yeah where could you take them now the queue for saints a bit just eating them like an apple like Fred West used to do. The only crowded place you can go. Yeah, I could get on a bus. You could go to the House of Commons. That's pretty crowded now. Shall I write to our MP

and ask if she would be open to taking a red onion sandwich to the House of Commons? Yeah. I don't think she would be open to it. Probably not. She's a very good MP, and I feel like these sorts of ridiculous japes are beneath her. Yeah, yeah.

She gave a very lengthy answer when I emailed her about Black Live Matters and the impact of racism in the UK. And I don't think I'd get the same kind of considered response if I said, can you take the red onion into the house of comments? You just crack into it like it's an apple next time one of the worst ones speaks.

Just... You know who we're talking about. The Cabinet. Anytime a member of the Cabinet speaks, just take a bite. I've got loads, actually, so I've sent you a selection for many of your colleagues. That'd be the best...

Just get all of the Shadow Cabinet to just eat red onions. Yeah, some kind of red protest. Yeah, yeah. I don't think Keir's going to go for that. Boy, does he make it difficult. It would really give new meaning to red ed. Yeah, but Ed would have to lead it.

He would have to lead it. And as we know, he's not good at eating things. He doesn't go well when Ed eats things. No. But one time, one time that happened. And he was so dedicated to learning to eat more effectively that he had to get a second kitchen put in, so... Oh, my favourite thing.

Like, my favourite thing is just trivia about new labour. New labour trivia, guys. Hit me up. Yeah, should we do one more speed round and then we'll call it a day? Am I being unreasonable, exotic holiday with mum? Leave husband and kids behind. Go for it. A jolly holiday with mum?

Am I being unreasonable to be absolutely fucking livid. No, no. My smelly colleague has brought in bad satsumas. unacceptable. Am I being unreasonable? What's good at the body shop? I don't know. The soaps, the good soaps.

Sure. Anything that's not a lush product? Because lush are working with the cops. Yeah, which is odd because it was only two years ago that they remember... Yeah, there was that whole undercover scandal thing. The spy cops campaign. Yeah. Am I being unreasonable, things that are inexplicably cheap.

Beans. I'll tell you what's not inexplicably cheap. Flowers. Cut flowers from the supermarket. Great. £5 pounds. Five pounds a pop. You know what is cheap, fish fingers and beans. Don't forget to donate, if you can, to bail funds and labour organisations in the States. They really need your help right now. Yeah. And if you are looking for more information about anything that's happening, I wouldn't get it from the am I being on reasonable board. No. It really is a cesspit at the moment, as I'm sure many places outside of my carefully curated echo chamber are. Yeah, but, you know, stay safe out there, take care of each other. Thanks for listening. Thank you. Bye.

And I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day, When I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now