You Are Being Unreasonable - 078 - In which we name children after non-dead magicians

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

"Dressed as a glowstick dressed as a banana dressed as a bridesmaid." This episode is so vid-19. Some genuinely interesting questions this week as Mumsnetters ask why copyright dates on TV shows are shown in Roman numerals and we ask which magician's name is best for a child. Well, maybe that last one isn't so interesting. Among other things, this week we determine the best colour schemes for weddings this year and the best wedding theme, Bananas in Pyjamas, we invent a new incomprehensible system of British numerals to replace Arabic numerals, and we ask if it's reasonable to ask a whole village to be quiet so one person can have a lie-in.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, Hello.

Hello, welcome to your being unreasonable, the podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com with me, Hells. And me, Simon. How's it going, Simon? I got sunburned. I went out in the sun for the first time in months and my face is burnt. Mine too. Like a little tomato. A little tomato?

This is what happens when you go out. Do you mean you look like a little tomato or it's burnt like a little tomato, a little flombayed tomato? A little sunripened tomato. A little sunripened tomato. sunripen Simon. You are a little sunripe and tomato. Yeah. Slather you in Pesto. So I won't be going out again. Like, I'll just be locked down for the next six months until Corona goes away and we finally get rid of the cursed sun. I mean, it wasn't even very sunny, was it? It's just we went outside. I had sun cream on as well, but... Not me. I had sun cream and then layer upon layer

of foundation, as I always do. Not me. Just out in my bare skin. That sounds like you went out but naked and now you're like a little sun-dried tomato. Yeah, now I have to say inside because I'm in jail. Shall we do the speed round? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable? There's no excuse for parents. There's no excuse now. You're banged her rights.

That makes it sound there's no excuse. Parents, there's no excuse. Amma being unreasonable, quick advice about sleeping tablets please, which are the most efficient over the counter? Does this have to be quick? Quick. Can we do a proper consultation? Quickly.

It seems reclust to do it quickly. It's almost bedtime. Just take anything. Am I being unreasonable? What the fuck is wrong with me? Don't know. You sunburnt like me? You're a little sun nap and tomato?

And Emma being unreasonable. Posting for traffic. What is this? It's when you just post something to try and get the engagement, try and get the clicks. Click bait? Yeah. Yeah. When you post something on mums net and then you check your clout score.

Yeah. Like how I've been photoshopping myself into photographs with Galane Maxwell. For the clicks. Yeah, we should Photoshop our logo into a photo with Jolene Maxwell. Am I being unreasonable? I wish they'd stop using Roman numerals on TV and film credits. A very small annoyance in the grand scheme of things, but I wish TV and film companies would drop the habit of showing the copyright production date in Roman numerals.

I know that the digital TV guide often shows the year the film was made, but on the occasion when it doesn't, it can be. frustrating to wait for the credits to roll, only to find the date appears as a row of Roman numerals, which often flash by too quickly to convert them into Arabic or ordinary numerals. The BBC is the main culprit, which is even more annoying, as it's funded by the taxpayer. I know most of the Roman numerals, so I'm not completely phased by them, but they make things overly complicated, and I think the use of them by a public service provider is somewhat arcane in the 21st century. In the early days of the BBC, most of its presenters in hierarchy were the

products of the public school system and had the benefit of a classical education. So their attitude may well have been, well, anyone who's had a decent classical or public school education will understand them, and we're not bothered about the rest. Or maybe they just thought the Roman numerals looked more elegant. Either way, Irish they'd switch over to ordinary Arabic numerals. Am I being unreasonable? No. Like, yeah, I get it. Yeah, I mean, they're pretty long to look out when they just flash up. Yeah, why are they in Roman numerals?

But also, why does it matter that the BBC is funded by the taxpayer? Yeah, the whole BBC paragraph seems irrelevant to the question. Yeah, I mean... Like this just seems like a rant about the BBC. They're not the worst corporates. Everyone does it. It's the suggestion that if we nationalise things, then they cannot be in Roman numerals. They want to be in British numbers. British numbers.

the British Arabic numbers. After Brexit, after Brexit, we won't have any Arabic new rules, thank you very much. We'll have the British numbers. I have to come up with the whole new numbering system. Yeah, named after the highlights of Britain. So one will be sausage, because it looks like a sausage. Okay. So I guess we still are using the Arabic numerals.

Yeah. But we'll deal with that later. Well, no, to avoid that then, one will have to be, I don't know, sausage. No, sausage will have to be eight because sausages look nothing like the number eight. whereas for example bulldogs look nothing like the number one so bulldog and then a bit like emojis so I'm drawing a bulldog to represent the number one yeah okay yeah it'll be like oh I'll see you at bulldog and that's the time you'll see them at 1 p.m. right and I assume that you're going to the pub and the pub is also called bulldog so I'll see you at bulldog and then another

bulldog and pub is a British institution so that's number two yeah so I'll see that see you at Bulldog Pub, Bulldog Pub. Wait, so I'm meeting you at 12 at the Bulldog pub? I'm meeting at 12 minutes past 12, but where? What? No. Why have you written Bulldog pub, Bulldog pub? That's 12, 12. Yeah.

Yeah. No, that's good. Yep, we'll submit that to Mr. Johnson. I don't think we should risk it just in case he goes for it. But yes, why are they in Roman numerals? Like, why not Arabic numerals? Because, and this may surprise you, Film is a relatively recent invention and does not go back to ancient Roman times. Unlike television, of course, which does.

Yeah. So that explains television. Because that's how the ancient Romans did it. Yeah, maybe... The Emperor Claudius. I Claudius is exempt and that's allowed to use Roman numerals because that's in keeping. And then everything should just tell you the year it was made in a way which is thematic to the programme. Which is why EastEnders can use this system that we've come up with, a bulldog park.

The very British system, yeah. Yeah. Alo, hello, hello. It'll be just regular numbers, but in a French accent. And how do you represent that visually? You write them out phonetically. Right. Couldn't you just write the French words rather than what you've suggested,

which is a phonetic representation of a bad French accent? A French show is welcome to do that, but I'm talking about alo, alo. Why would Alo Alo use the French words? I think this is a genuinely interesting question. So I looked it up and the actual answer is, well, there's several theories because no one actually knows. The general consensus is the deception theory. It's used to make it difficult for viewers to determine exactly how old the show is on the theory that audiences don't want to watch all shit.

As a woman, I do worry about the currency of my youth fading. Okay. And that's why from here on in, I will only be telling people my age in Roman numerals. Great. So I was recently featured in a very niche professional magazine in a feature, which is the 25 under 35 list. I'll give you that much. But it had my age in the feature. And so now that information is just out there.

And I don't like that. So going forward, I'm going to try to hide that from people, and I will only ever tell my age in numerals. But even then, at the moment, it wouldn't be that long. string of numerals that is quite tidy. Yeah. And I'd probably end up messing it up and accidentally making myself look 65, isn't I? There's the inertia theory. It's just the way it's always been done.

But I don't think that holds water, because it's not the way it's always been done. And there was a time when it wasn't done. Yeah. I mean, if that's the theory we're going with, why don't we go further back even than that? Why aren't the years that things were done demonstrated by cave paintings? I also read that it's done

because the theory is that Roman numerals are easier to see, as film degrades. So they will not degrade in the same way as Arabic numerals. This sounds like nonsense. I'm not sure how that possibly applies, especially when they're always in such weird fonts. Yeah, my research didn't really come up too well, but I think podcasts are a relatively new medium in the space of things. So let's start doing this at the end of podcasts. Yeah, and we could say which episode number we're on in Roman numerals. Yeah. Or in hieroglyphics. they also mention like oh sometimes the digital TV thing tells you the year but if it doesn't

then you have to look at that I don't know how often personally I'm that asked about what year something was made I don't know that I would be concerned if it wasn't on the digital thing and then I'd sit and watch all the credits waiting for it to come up in the Roman numerals and if I needed to know I would simply look on IMDB it must be nice for you but there was a time before IMDB yeah the Roman times I've heard of them Should we hear what the people on the throat have to say? Yes. The BBC does it on purpose, so you don't realise it's a repeat.

I think you would realise something's a repeat because it's a repeat. You wouldn't realise it's a repeat because you're watching it. And you're like, oh, well, this is a sharp episode of Jonathan Creek. I feel like this and the deception theory don't hold water. Because they come at the end. So you've already watched it. That's exactly what I'm saying. You wouldn't watch Jonathan Creek and be like, wow, they're making new Jonathan Creek.

And Alan Davis looks great. And then get to the end and be like, hang on. You would just know that something's a repeat. Yeah. And that is on the digital TV guide. It's a little bracket that says, oh, no. I love Roman numerals. Was excited to see M.M.

In January 2000. Here's M.M. Turning over their Roman numeral calendar. Some of them are really setting to blanks. Some of them are going up. All sorts of crazy nonsense. Three, two, one. M.

M. Someone has said, I remember my mum making Roman numerals. into a game for me and my brother. First to work out the date was the winner. I don't think we actually got a prize or anything. It was a fun way of learning. So much fun that years later you're telling everyone on the internet

you didn't actually get a prize. Sounds great for those kids being homeschooled at the moment. Yeah, just sit them in front of the TV and every half hour say, what year was it? Yeah, show them my Claudius. I don't think that's appropriate for kids. It's got a banging theme tune though, hasn't it? I love Roman numerals.

I have Roman numerals at the end of my Twitter handle. Oh, I thought that just said Zix. No. Oh, it's Simon Zix. I try not to draw attention to it because things appended with the number 19 are not very popular at these times. Yeah, I mean, but it's not as if you are the novel Simon virus discovered in 2019. That is my Twitter handle, novel Simon Virus, 19. I'm also known as Sovid19.

That is so vid-19 I guess it would be sci-vid, wouldn't it? Real sci-vidia You're so-vid-19 Let's move on Am I being unreasonable, Sigfried or Paul? Hi, posting on behalf, O Friend Just hoping for some closure on an argument

I'm having with DH brackets, we are gay I think baby should be called Sigfried After recently sadly to see Sigfried of Sigfried and Roy He wants Paul who's right? Why did your friend tell you that he was gay in his text?

Why is he a friend who you're close enough with that you get a say on the baby name but not close enough that you know that your friend who is married to his husband is gay? Yeah, if that was part of the text you received, it's weird that your friend had to tell you he was gay. I mean... You should have known that if you were close enough to them.

Maybe you thought, are they gay? Maybe they're by, maybe they're pan, maybe they're somewhere else on the queer spectrum. of things. I don't know if they're gay. I don't want to assume they're gay. Yeah. I don't want to be doing any bioreasia. I don't know why you'll worry about that. Everyone else is. But yeah, maybe this person was like, I don't want to be doing any bioreasia. And then this couple are like, look, we should just say that we're gay. Maybe she thinks we're romantic asexuals. So many things.

Yeah, but no, they are gay. Yeah. Like, very gay based on this question. Should the baby be called Sigfried after the recently sadly deceased Sickfried of Sigfried and Roy? Now if you'd asked me which of Sigreed and Roy recently died of COVID, I would have said Roy. But would you name a baby Roy? Yeah, no doubt. If the question was Roy or Paul, those names would seem in the same ballpark as one

another. Sigfried is a bit out there. It is a bit out there, isn't it? But then imagine meeting someone's newborn baby, and the newborn baby is called Paul. Oh, oh, this is Paul. Paul's only a day old. Why are they called Paul? I was right. Roy died recently. Sigfried didn't even die. He's not dead. Right, so this doesn't make any sense. This gay gentleman is incorrect.

This gay fan of Sigfried and Roy doesn't actually know which of Sigfried and Roy died. Next thing we'll know, this person isn't even gay. They're just sending those of lies in a text message to their weird friend. But there's a way to do this. Like Paul Sigfried. Sigfried Paul. Like, just use it as a middle name. Yeah. I'd suggest putting the Sigfried maybe as the middle name. If I sent a text to one of my friends about something as intimate as what to name a baby,

and then that friend took it upon themselves to post it on Mumsnet and presumably add in the confusing brackets saying we are gay. I wouldn't be very impressed. You're like, I just wanted to know your opinion as my friend. I didn't want you to get Mumsnet to settle an argument. They would have got a Mumsnet themselves if they'd wanted to. Yeah, I mean, as a really... people go on Mumsnet when they want to and if they're not on Mumsnet, leave them alone.

Yeah, don't, don't, don't ask the Mumsnet on their behalf. No, no. But what would you pick, Simon? Well, I'd pick Roy, because Roy is the one who recently died and he can join the illustrious Roy of, you know, Roy Orbison, Roy Chubby Brown. Yeah? The racist comic.

It's not great, is it? Uh, I can't think of any other Sigfried, so. Like, Siegfried Krakauer, maybe? Yeah, I, someone else, like, on the thread of said, they're quite different in style. Not sure anyone's right or wrong. Paul is more neutral, boring. Sigfried rules remind me of all creatures great and small.

Now I'm showing my age. I'm just still so confused about the bit where the friend sends a text saying, me and D.H. need to name a baby, we are gay. Should we call the baby Sigfried as in the man who's not actually dead? Or Paul. And there's not even a backstory off of the pool. Yeah, there should be a backstory off Paul. Paul is after my husband's father.

who also recently died. But I'm really pushing for Sigfried, the not-dead magician. I only want to name my baby after a living magician. Yeah, so we're really down to Sigfried or Blaine. Yeah, I mean, Blaine. Blaine is a perfectly good name. Someone has said, maybe Belons. Sure.

Sure, why not Belons? Great. The O.P. has come back and said, ha, funny, but it's a genuine question. Ing is a little, shall we say, theatrical than the other. What are we thinking? Hells, it's obviously Paul Daniels. Paul Daniels! The other magician.

Is Paul Daniels dead? I believe so. I think where the AP here has said, ing, they mean one. I think the OP, what I think has happened is the OPE has always wanted the classic gay best friend, but every time they've met a gay man, they have made the mistake of openly objectifying them

in an attempt to find a gay best friend. They don't have the gay best friend they've always dreamed of, so they've imagined one, and their imaginary gay best friend has got an imaginary husband and an imaginary baby named either Sigfried or Paul and then they've said, one is more theatrical than the other because they've seen modern family

and they're picturing Mitch and Cam. Yeah, that's always the case with gay couples. Always. There's a theatrical one and the down-to-earth one. I don't think that's gay couples, I think that's all couples. And so, is it me? Am I the theatrical one? Could it be I?

Brian Blessed over here. That's a great name for a baby. Call the baby Brian after Brian Blessed. Oh no, call the baby Brian Blessed. Brian Blessed Jones or whatever. Has anyone raised that Sigfried is not dead? Yeah, someone's just come along here and said, Slightly off topic, but when did Siegfried die?

Wikipedia says Roy died in May, but Sigfried is still alive. you. And then someone else has said, why don't you name the baby Liberace? Really feels like they're looking for gay names. That's not a thing. No, it's not. It feels like a lot of people who have never actually known anybody who is gay. Yeah. Or more likely, have known plenty of people who are gay, who have decided that that is not a piece of information they wish to share with these particular people. And now they're just imagining, like, what might a gay couple call a child? I would imagine Liberace. I know a baby pool I know a baby pool

It isn't fashionable But it is a proper name With a saint and everything Sigfried is a heavy burden To make someone else carry It's like the one ring Like Sam Carrying the one ring for Frodo

I wouldn't even be certain That there isn't a Saint Sigfried And these people aren't just living in their own There we go Catholic saints dot info Sigfried St Siegfried of Sweden This says the 14th of February 2010.

Maybe this was just... Maybe this was just someone's weird Valentine's gift. Oh, there's a little picture of St. Siegfried and he's got a basket full of babies. Are they all called Paul? We don't have time to get into this. Fine.

Anyway, Sigfried is a saint's name and you're just being very, very Anglo-centric about all of this. It's nonsense. Let's settle it for now. Sigfried or Paul? Roy. Okay.

The baby's called Roy. Am I being unreasonable, mother-in-law dressing like my bridesmaids? D.P. and I have rearranged our wedding for early next year and mentioned the colour scheme slash choices to his family. Despite making it clear that the bridesmaids' dresses will all be navy with various different straps, etc. D.P.'s mother has taken it upon herself to order a dress in the same colour that completely blends in with the shape and style. Am I being unreasonable in thinking it's not her place to dress like one of the bridesmaid?

I expected her to want to join in having her hair and makeup done with us. She loves to match her DD at any event. And I'm pleased we normally have that sort of relationship. But I thought the Mother of the Groom should wear something complementary to the overall colour scheme, if not her own thing, entirely. Mm, tricky. It's tricky, isn't it, when the Mother of the Groom is such an out-there attention-seeking little bitch she wants to wear Navy.

What's she doing? How dare she? Navy on my big day! Navy? It's Navy, my friend. Yeah, everyone wears Navy. Navy? Men have Navy suits.

Oh, you're looking for something smart, but you don't want to look like you're going to a funeral. Well, I guess you're wearing Navy then. Yeah. Of your limited options, Navy is the main one. Navy. Unless, I've misinterpreted this and everyone's wearing naval-themed outfits. If they're all dressing as little sailors, then that would be a bold choice. Like Donald Duck.

Yeah, all the bridesmaids are dressing us. Donald Duck. And I thought that mother-in-law wants to do something complimentary, like dresses a different famous duck. The theme is famous ducks. I thought mother-in-law want to come as Daffy Duck. Daffy Duck doesn't wear anything. Oh, but you're grateful that he's wearing navy then rather than dressing as Daffy Duck. Well, yeah, quite, quite. I'm going to start describing all naked people as being dressed as Daffy Duck. This is why you need to dress all your bridesmaids in different colours. Yeah?

Ideally, you have seven, so they can be the colours of the rainbow. And that way you have left no colour unturn, so there's nothing your mother-in-law can wear. So she simply must dress us, daffy duck. Big exaggerated wink. Yeah, what can she do? She can't dress as all of them. Unless she turns up in a rainbow dress.

Unless she turns up in a coat of many colours. Red and orange and pink and green and violet and purple and brown. You know how you can remember that? Roy G. Biv. Roy! Roy! Roy! Yeah, name the kid, Roy G. Biff.

Name the kid Roy G. Biv and they'll never have any trouble remembering the order that the colours of the rainbow come in and that'll be really useful to them for two weeks in year two when they're doing a topic on rainbows. But then after that people will be like, why is your name Roy G. Biv? That's weird. Why isn't it something normal like Sigfried? You need to set, you need to change this.

The colour scheme? The colour scheme is Navy. The colour scheme is whatever mother-in-law isn't wearing. The colour scheme is you've got to go and meet

a recruitment agent because you're concerned about a possible recession so you thought you'd get yourself on their books sooner rather than later. That's the colour scheme. It doesn't say joy, does it?

When I think of a joyous occasion I don't think of navy. I don't think, oh, this will really stand out. This is my colour scheme. Oh, what's the colour scheme? beige. Grey. What would be worse if your mother-in-law chose something that goes with the

colour scheme too well? Yeah. Well, if she choose something that clashes with the colour scheme. Well, I mean, at the end here, she says, I thought she'd want to wear something complimentary to the colour scheme, if not do her own thing entirely. So... So maybe she wanted clashes. Yeah. What clashes with Navy? That's a problem. I mean, what clashes with Navy? It's so good. Black. Navy and Black isn't great. So even that feels like received wisdom from the original queer eye, like the one from the 90s, like Carson told me that in 1996, and I've just clung onto it. Like a bright yellow, a very bright yellow.

Yeah, she could dress up like a banana. She could dress as one of the bananas in pajamas. That wouldn't look like she was a bridesmaid. The pyjamas were navy. Oh, no! Not only his mother-in-law stole in the day we're dressing as a banana. She's also still dressed as one of the bridesmaids. She's turned up dressed as a banana dressed as a bride's.

made. Shh, shh, sh, I'm about to walk down the aisle. Bananas and pajamas. I'll walk down the stairs. Why didn't we think of this back when we got married all those years ago? What was our colour scheme? We didn't have one. That's the solution.

Yeah, we... That's the solution. Then anyone can wear anything. How many? And it won't bother you because you don't care what people were. We didn't have a colour scheme. I think there were five different types of tartan going on among people in the bridal, groomer whatever it's called, in the wedding party.

Mm-hmm. And... I was wearing my family tartan, but also a different coloured suit. A different tartan suit. A different tartan suit. And your brother had a different tartan again. Yes.

And then, for reasons, my dad also had a bit of tartan. And I was wearing sequins and beads, and it was all a lot. It was. And we did that to keep people guessing, so no one looked like they're in the wedding party. Not even us.

Can't steal our thunder if it's not clear who's getting married. Yeah. Good luck. dressing like us now. Yeah. Keep on your toes. What's going on? Who's in this wedding?

We don't know. What? Who? Why there's so many crisps? Who's marrying who? It's my husband. I'm gay. That's my husband, Sigfried.

Look again. It's Roy. That should be the theme of their wedding. The old Spice Man, the mother-in-law could ride in on a horse. She could have a handful of diamonds. She could be extremely suave. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

And shirtless. Yeah, and that would also solve the problem of the Navy thing. All the bridesmaids will be keeping their tops on. So, if you don't want to look like you're in the bridesmaids. The theme of the wedding is, taps off. Tapes off. Oh, the endless source of disappointment to me that I've got such a southern accent. I wish I could pull off saying taps a.

Never mind. Yeah, like I say, got enough Scottish family drove a family tart and not Scottish enough to say taps off. No. And tops off just seems so formal, isn't it? It sounds like some sort of instruction from a public school. Top's off, please. Makes me sound like a creeper.

Someone has said, what does D.P. think D.P. thinks about this. Do you think anyone has given it a second thought other than the O.P.? I don't think D.P. thinks a lot about it. Better navy than white. If it looks daft, that's on her. It won't look daft. I don't... Why would the theme be white? Why would all the bridesmaids be wearing white alongside the bride. That's the one colour scheme it can't be Because no one wants

The bride to not stand out I think the suggestion is it's better That the mother in Norse dressing like a bride's babe Than dressing like the bride Oh yeah I thought they were saying The better the colour scheme is navy than white Yeah I mean if the mother in North

Turned up wearing a white dress That would be a choice Had that been me though Again I don't think I would have mastered up the energy to care I just don't know It would be good if the colour scheme were white And everyone was wearing white Yeah, like those pictures that Americans take with their extended family on the beach.

Someone said, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. Fine, that's what you say to a kid when the kid's annoyed that someone else has got the same fluffy pencil case. It's not what you say about someone's wedding day. That's not true either. Saying something nice to someone is the most sincere form of flattery. Saying something nice to someone's the most sincere form of flattery. See, I was flattering you there. No, you weren't, because I just said saying something nice is better.

Bad Bad Just buy her a lovely hat To go with the dress A really big hat Are you proposing that you hide her under a giant hat Like a tent A bigger hat as you can find

A tent with a brim Danny DeVito would wear A Tim Burton film In lieu of having Characteristics Yeah All my friends Ask each other what the colour scheme is

So they can coordinate I think your mother-in-law doesn't want to clash and wants to look like she's part of the wedding party. Nothing wrong with that, surely. Why do these people care? If I went to someone's wedding, I would assume that the mother of the groom was part of the wedding party.

I wouldn't think, oh, well, I see that Betsy is wearing a yellow dress, so she can't possibly be part of the wedding party. Where do people get these ideas from? Did we just wedding wrong? Was I just... I mean, people who listen to this podcast will know that I'm not chillier.

I have very little chill. I think I used all of my chill on what people wore to our wedding And I've just been very highly strong about everything else ever since Seems like a waste of chill But I honestly, I don't understand why people care so much What people wear to weddings Yeah, maybe we did do it wrong Because planning a wedding was easy

Like, it was really, it was so easy, you guys It was so easy Like, yeah, there's a few things you need to get So we got them Yeah And then we did it Yeah, it's great I don't know what, it wasn't very stressful at all

No, no. The most stressful part of it, I think, was when the day before the wedding, I saw some glow sticks for a very cheap price and decided I wanted glow sticks. And I thought, it's too late to start adding things. And I text you and I was like, is it too late to add glowsticks? And you're like, just buy them. I was like, okay, good. The most stress. And then my mum turned up dressed entirely in glow sticks. Dressed as a glow stick, dressed as a banana, dressed as a bridesmaid. She had to bend over to snap and get onto glow. Someone said, I had a navy wedding. Navy isn't a theme, my friends. If the theme is Navy, I would really encourage you to dig deep, dig deep into your well of creativity, or failing that, just spend a little bit longer on Pinterest. Yeah, think of any colour that's not just looking at the sky for a second. The sky isn't navy. Oh my mind, if the sky was navy, that would be terrifying. That's true. The sky is, by definition, sky blue.

Yeah, and then at night it's darker. It's, you know, it's in place. key, but it's not knaving. Oh, and now this person's sharing a picture of the dress, and as anyone who has been to a wedding or knows anyone who's had a wedding in the last 15 years can guess, it's those dresses where you can change the straps and all the dresses start off the same, and there's 30 different combinations, and it's navy. Yeah, it looks exactly how I'd imagine the dress to look, like the platonic ideal of a bridesmaid dress. Yeah, it's like, I know what a bridesmaid looks like, so I'll have some of those, please, rather than I know what I want my wedding to look like. Yeah, I've seen an American sitcom in the past 20 years. Yeah. This is what a wedding looks

like. Am I being unreasonable to post on Village Facebook asking people to shut the fuck up one Sunday a month? Flame me if you will. I'm currently working full time from home, often into the early hours. DH is NHS and works days, then nights in a rotating schedule. Would I be unreasonable to ask Village Facebook for my road to please keep their kids in until 11am, one effing Sunday a month? Maybe the first Sunday of the month I'd love one actual lion a month I know DH working nights Can't expect the world to be silent all day

When he's on night But good Lord I would love one single lion a month Without the sound of trampolines Football's bashing Toddler shrieking at 7am I know kids need to play outside But really 7am on a weekend

You can't ask people To stay in until 11 on a Sunday The Sabbath the lawns day, because church starts at 11. So how are you going to get to church if you don't go out until 11? You'll all be late. Teleport. That's not a thing.

Ask church to start later. Why should church start later? Because this woman wants a lion. She knows that her husband, who works for the NHS, can't have a lion, but be damned she'll have a lion. The world can't stop for my husband, of course, but why won't it stop for me? No, imagine asking everyone in your village. The sheer hubris of asking everyone in your village.

to not get up until 11 on Sunday. Big difference as well between 7am and 11 a.m. Like, that's quite substantial. That's quite a lot of day are wasting, isn't it? It's one thing to say, can you try and keep people until 9? I mean, it's still a big, unreasonable request, but 9 doesn't seem quite so bad. 11?

We're losing daylight, people. A village sounds fairly quiet. Like, a village sounds past all and, you know, fairly quiet. We live in the city, and from our flat we can hear the train station nearby. Yeah. And trains start, you know, super early.

Four. Yeah. I mean, this is the train line that connects Gatwick to London. So there are trains that run up and down that line all night. But a village sounds quiet. Like, it's only broken by the scream of the occasional murder, which the local detectives have to figure out. Don't move to Midsummer.

Problem solved. If you don't want to live in a village for the murders, don't move to Midsummer. Yeah, the occasional cult sacrifice. maybe. That's midsumar. Oh yeah. Midsumar is an event. Midsummer is the murder village. The murder village. Not the murder event.

Am I being unreasonable to ask people to keep their murders until after 11 on a Sunday? I'm sick of being woken up at 7 by blood-curdling screams and convenient clue placement. What I was going to say is, yeah, people think villages are all quiet and idyllic, and they talk about how they're going to move to a village so they can have a load of babies and dogs. Babies and dogs aren't quiet. People move to villages to do all their noisy stuff. They're like, oh yeah, we lived out our child-free sleeping in you is in the city, and now we've moved to the village. So did everyone else. They've all got screaming children. Oh yeah, we live next to a charming little farm. Well, that farm's got industrial equipment

that needs to run from very early in the morning. We live next to a charming abattoir. I hear the pigs scream once a month. Have the pigs stop screaming, Chloe? It's 11 a.m. Someone has said, with the best will in the world, wise up. Wise up. Wise up. Pull up your bootstraps. You're only did you would be better spent soundproof in your own room, surely.

Or someone has just suggested get some earplugs. I can't sleep with earplugs in. Well, I guess egg boxes on the walls it is. Eggboxes all over the walls. Yeah, making a nice little podcast studio. But I guess if you live in a village, you might not even have any egg boxes, because maybe you get your eggs fresh and you've got a basket and you can't just put egg baskets on your walls.

If you're making eggs though, then the cock is crowing at 6am or whenever. You know that the eggs that we eat are unfertilised eggs, no cock needed. That's what she said. It is. My friend has texted me about baby names. She and her wife. She's a lesbian. Yeah, someone has said you can't put it on Facebook.

If it's a couple of known families You could maybe have a friendly word But 11am. No Don't sound like a friendly word You keep your kids indoors So I can sleep Let's just check what it is That they want to say

They want to say shut the fuck up On Sunday a month Just a friendly request I just being friendly If you could shut the fuck up On Sunday a month Just between neighbours Just shut the fuck up

One fucking Sunday a month Just go to bed earlier If you're tired love It's fine Yeah Having an early night what a joy. I don't want to be on those people who like moralises about how being a morning person's better. It's absolutely not. Like, you're a morning person, you're not. There's no moral value to that.

But if you're tired, having a lion is good, but also having an early night is nice. And going to bed early isn't a failing either. It feels like the way that people attribute these things as like having moral value, the people that manage to have late nights and early mornings needing to sleep is some sort of moral failing. Hmm, like fact you. Four hours of sleep a night. I bet she would have been a very different person if she wasn't so tired. The whole course of the history of Britain could have been quite different if she wasn't so overtired. She just needed to get some sleep.

Why is it okay to tell a child that they're being overtired, but what you mean is they're being a little twat? But you can't say it to a prime minister. You can't. You really can't. You can't just give her some cowpole, put her to bed. No, if only. Someone has said, why not close a window?

Which is good because they've never mentioned the windows being open. If the windows are open, then this really is on you. If the windows are closed, why not open? and then close it very loudly to make a point. Yeah. Why not go to the window in your nightcap with a candle? And slam it. You there, boys.

What day is it? And then when they say it's Sunday, say, Why aren't you sleeping then? Didn't you see my Facebook message? Someone said, why do you have to work into the early hours? 11 a.m. line is the sort of thing teenagers do. There's no moral failing to being a teenager either. One more post from this thread.

It will not end well. Ominous. I think this is midsummer murders. Or midsummer. If you do this, it will not end well. Like the graffiti I saw the other day, it said, It's Happening. That's like the kind of environmental storytelling you get in a bad video game

after the apocalypse, where people have conveniently explained what happened in the apocalypse in their graffiti. Here come the zombies. It's happening. But, like I said, I was in Bermansy, for all I know, it might have just been that the nice street food market is reopening. I don't know what was happening in Bermondsey.

Gentrification, maybe. It's happening. And also, I read it as, it's happening, but maybe it was, It's happening. It's happening in Bermenze. Or maybe it was like a happening, like a Marina Abramovich thing. Yeah, like the kind of counterculture thing of the six years and 70s. It's a happening.

It's a happening. It will not end. Well, go back to sleep. One more speed round? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable to wonder when all the cars on our roads turned monochrome? 11 a.m. on a Sunday. Am I being unreasonable? Unsupportive husband or not?

Not. I would vote for not. He's actually a good husband. And he's gay. Am I being unreasonable to ask how sister-in-law got her money? Yeah. Why did she get that money? It just appeared all of a sudden overnight. suddenly had money to throw around.

It's so strange. It's happening. It will not end well. Voting for the listener's choice award has now closed. So if you didn't vote, it's too late. Oh, well, that's fine. But next Saturday, we'll find out who won. We'll find out that Commoda Mayo won again.

I have nothing to plug. I did a plug at the end of our last episode for a show, which, for technical reasons, I have cancelled. Yeah, I'm not doing many film reviews anymore, partly because I'm focused on dissertation, and partly because the film industry is not working at the moment. Great, so we'll have things to plug once the pandemic ends, and until then... Thank you for listening.

Thank you for listening. It's happening. Bye. Bye. It's happening. It's happening. And I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.