You Are Being Unreasonable - 082 - In which creepy dolls work to reduce the stigma of HIV/AIDS

Episode Date: September 3, 2020

"I'm adamant that Tom Hanks, James Belushi, and Bill Murray are the same people." Conspiracy theories and creepy dolls in this week's episode as we uncover some shocking truths about beloved American actors. This week, we discuss stacked 'speak to the manager' bobs that you can go out with, what to do with creepy dolls and how to kickstart a horror franchise with Mabel and Mabel 2: The Daughtening, which conspiracy theories Mumsnetters think hold some weight largely those to do with Princess Diana, 9/11, Jeffrey Epstein, and Boris Johnson's baby (not one big conspiracy theory), and whether you should put a photo of yourself on your CV alongside your "extensive Microsoft Office skills".

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day when I felt the way that Hello, welcome to You Are Being Unreasonable, the podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com, with me, Hells.

And me, Simon. It's easy to forget that Mumsnet is a place for mums and not just weirders of any stars and stripes. So how do they feel about the schools going back? Mixed bag, you know, there's the people who think that the teachers are at fault in all situations. Yeah. So they've been loving the chances and teacher bashing. Those people are unreasonable. Yeah, how dare the teachers drag the kids back? Yeah.

Then there are the people who... who are concerned, but they think, yeah, we'll give it a while. And then there are the people who are in Scotland, and they are saying, this is not going well, and there is a world outside of England. Listen to us. Save yourselves. So, as always, the Scots, no best. The Scots ahead of us in terms of progressive issues and the schools going back. Yes, that's the chat at the moment, pretty much.

But I have managed to dig out some threads that are not about the schools going back, because my main rule for this podcast is if people are worried about their actual parenting, that's not appropriate podcast fodder. Yes. But also, my God, it's boring. It's so boring, just reading people saying, oh, I don't know how many masks my DC might need. They'll have to wear seven or eight each day because you can't put a dirty mask back on. That would be like wearing dirty pants.

That seems like a lot. I'd go for one a day, like underpants. Yeah. Like, I feel like if you, for some reason, have to take your pants off several times a day. That doesn't mean that when you put them on, I don't know. It depends why you've taken your pants off several times a day, I suppose. Yeah. But if you take your pants off every time you are in an open space or in your own home

and you just put your pants back on to go into shops briefly. Yeah, which you should. Yeah, I mean, you shouldn't be taking them off just because you're in the park. No, that's true. That's the problem with that. Yeah. But you should wear pants to go to the shop. Yeah.

So there's some similarity with masks, but not all, it's not an entire overlap. Yeah. Anyway, I would say you probably don't need eight masks a day. It's unlikely that you'll need eight pairs of pants a day. But if you do, that's fine. You do you. Shall we do a speed round? Yeah.

Am I being unreasonable? What is this obsession with coffee? Everyone's all about coffee. The coffee shops, the prets, the costas. Oh! That explains why they're posting it now because I saw that and thought, what is it in 1992 and this person is like coffee culture? Those big cups like I'm friends.

Everyone has those big cups like I'm friends. They're muffing the size of a bowl of a hat. That's this craziness. Ah. Am I being unreasonable? What, the actual F. X has ordered lube one day after splitting. Splitting up or?

Yeah. If something else split, then maybe you do need lube. Maybe the lube has come too little too late. Am I being unreasonable to think a YouTube video of my kids in the bath is not inappropriate content. Not sure why you put that on YouTube. That should be on YouTube. You can have it, but don't. not as to share it. Yeah. And am I being unreasonable to want to smother D.H. No, go ahead. There we go.

Up to the point of death, I'm not encouraging murder. Oh, just a little bit. Just a little bit. Teach him a lesson. You're just, he's just encouraging abuse. Yeah, just so he knows you could smother him. Okay, well, there we go. Shall we do a thread? Yes. Am I being unreasonable to expect to have a hairdo to go out with, Is it just me or am I being unreasonable to expect that when I pay for a cut and blow that my hair should look ready to go on a night out? I have a stacked bob that I can blow drive to be big in height and volume and look ready to go out. Yesterday I paid my money for a cut and blow and the hairdresser used a small barrel brush

and I left with a fairly flat-looking hair. Even after I'd said I wanted it to look top-heavy, volume, etc. Am I just old-fashioned at 48 to expect to look like I've just come out of the hair dressers and feel my hair looks good. Or it's a cut and blow dry nowadays, basically someone just drying your hair after cutting it. Hashtag I like big hair and I cannot lie. Jeez Louise, I need a glossary of terms for this one. Go on. Cut and blow. So when you get your hair cut and then you get a blow dry. Right. So I would take a blow dry to mean that they will style it and a rough dry means they'll dry it until it's dry and then off you go. Got it. What else

you need? Stacked Bob. That's the speech to the manager haircut. Hi, I'm stacked Bob. Check at my fat stacks. A stacked bob, I'm almost certain, is a speak to the manager haircut, and the thing that backs that up for me is that this person wants their hair to look top-heavy, but I will just check that I'm right on that. It sounds like they want to. It's 100% the speak to the manager haircut. Speak to the manager of this hairdresser.

Yeah, I mean. Small barrel brush? So those round brushes that have got bristles on the entire cylinder. So a small one would probably be like, I don't know, maybe three or four centimetres across, and then a big one would be more like 10 so you can really get loads of volume on it. Like a £2 coin. Yeah, so probably the one they've used is like a £2 coin,

but she probably wanted one like a can of Coke. Good it. Or Pepsi. Or Pepsi. Great. And hashtag, I like big hair and cannot lie. I don't think that's a hashtag that's trending. I think this person just thinks that they're really hip. Oh, am I old fashioned at 48? I've used a hashtag and I've got to speak to the manager haircut.

You do sound old before your time. You don't understand how hashtags work. Hashtags are not in use on the Mum's Net platform. No, you can't click through to this. It doesn't take you through to every other dreadful person who likes big hair and cannot lie. The boffins at Mum's Net haven't cracked that technology yet. There are no boffins at Mum's Net.

No one at Mum's Net is a boffin. Everyone at Mum's Net is just a fool, a simple fool. And that's not misogyny. That's very specific to these people. I wonder whether the hairdresser took one look at the enormous bouffant that this person came in with and was trying to bring them into the 20s. first century and therefore did not get the big can of Coke slash Pepsi other drinks to exist

brushed out. The Pepsi treatment. The Pepsi treatment, yeah. Like, when I was a teenager, one of my friends asked the hairdresser for a fringe that she could roll around a Coke can and the hairdresser, this being South London, said, you taking the piss, love! She was like, no, I honestly want that. Then the hairdresser sort of backed down a bit and said, well, I could do that, but it will look terrible. Do it. It's my money. So maybe the hairdresser thought, well, this person doesn't understand that having a big can of coke on the top of your head isn't a good look anymore. If you want hair to go out with, to look ready to go out on a night out, that's any hair. Yeah, it is, but we're quite...

It doesn't say look good on a night out. Nowhere does it say look good on the night out. Also, I'm imagining this person goes on the sort of night out that's like everyone's really overdressed, you know? Yeah. Really overdressed, but they're just going to like a local Yates. Does Yates as still exist? Every Yateses I can think of is now a gym. They're going through a Yates's, they're talking very loud and laughing very loud, and they get white wine in a bucket with some ice for the table. They've saved up all their Sliming World sins for the week so that they can have white wine.

Yeah. And they are just dreadful. But yeah, if you want to go out with that crowd, they're your friends. They're not going to judge you. I think they are. No way. Yeah, that's all they'll do. That's all that crowd is. I used to work with a lot of that crowd, and the way they bitched about each other,

They all seem to be each other's only social life. You know when you watch a workplace sitcom and they don't have any other friends because that would complicate the sitcom format? But that's not how life is. These people were a bit like that. And they were so unpleasant about each other and a lot of them had stacked bobs.

I could imagine one of them coming in being like, did you see Cindy's stacked Bob on Saturday? She said she'd been to the hairdressers but it only looked like it had been rolled around a two-pound coin. Oh my God. Look at that bob. They should do a sequel to mean girls Where they get the original cast back

Mean women Mean women And they're just mean middle-aged women Yeah They've got some office politics One of them's been promoted above the others But the others think that she didn't deserve it Mm-hmm

Mm-hmm Lindy Lohan has a stacked bob now Yeah And it doesn't quite look really for a night out Someone's husband's had an affair And for some reason All of their friends Are blaming the person

Who's on the receiving end of this for it Mm-hmm Mm-hmm Yeah, mean women. The gay guy settled down with a husband and some kids. Yeah, and everyone talks all the time about their gay friend, even though they only see him once a year, because he can't bear to be around them.

He doesn't want to go on a night out. He's got kids now. Yeah. He's happy in his suburban little home. Yeah, but they really love the cachet of having a gay friend. It justifies all of their transphobia. Yeah, they call him from a night out, and he patiently puts up with him.

I mean, have we answered the question? Should hair look like you've been? Got it all, like, I know I say you can go on a night out with any hair, but should it look the way that you would want it to look for a big night out when you leave the hairdressers, I suppose is the question. I suppose so. I suppose you want it to look how you wanted it to look. Yeah, like I never let them do a big long blow dry on my hair

unless they start without my consent because I've got very thick hair and then they spend like two hours straightening it and they charge me for a double appointment and they get home and wash it and let it dry wavy because I don't like how it looks when it's been straightened with straighteners. I don't go for a haircut if I have plans. later that day. Because you get bits on you.

Because you get bits all over you. I want to have a shower when I get in. Yeah. Well, I don't go for a haircut at all anymore. Well, yeah. Because of the Rona. I think everyone remembers the Rona. How wonder why Simon hasn't been for a haircut?

Seems unprecedented. To hear from the thread. This is not something that would ever even cross my mind. If you want the hairdresser to tart your hair up a bit, then tell them. I shouldn't tell it. Can you tart it up a bit? Could it be tartier, though? tart it up love

Yeah the back's good But could the front be tartier I want it to be more top heavy This is a Pepsi can I want my fringe to go around it And then someone said No need to equate height and volume With tarting up is there

It's just a phrase No one's saying this woman's a tart explicitly No one's saying that out loud I expect to leave with a going to a restaurant hairstyle Maybe not full night out But certainly well styled

Better than day to day hair I want to be able to go to a pizza hut I want to be able to walk into a KFC and leave everyone a gog. I like to walk into KFC in slow motion, swishing my head side to side. I want to demand to speak to the manager and for everyone to know before I've even opened my mouth that that's what I've come in to do. Not even ordering at KFC. Nope.

Just got in to speak to the manager. Lots of people saying that all the hairdressers are obsessed with blow drying is straight and flat, which is the only bit of this thread that I agree with. Am I being unreasonable about creepy doll? sisters and I have unfortunately been clearing my nan's house ready for sale. We found a very old doll that looks a little creepy. It's a young girl doll in hand-knitted clothes and was probably my nans. Nobody wanted her and I've brought her home. Both my children and husband say she's going to come alive and kill us all. I think she'll be okay in the attic. Have I bought a demon doll

home? She needed a name. I was thinking something of the same vintage, so maybe Mabel. that you get on horror posters. Yeah. Like Annabel. Like Annabelle. I'm thinking of Annabelle. Yeah. Yeah.

But Mabel, and it's this spooky doll. It's a shot. The poster, let me explain the poster. Please do. The poster is an attic, you know, opening, an attic door in the ceiling. And it's open just a bit. You can see the doll's eyes just through the little slot. Yeah.

And it says, Mabel coming 2021. What certificate is Mabel? At 18, pure 18. Pure 18. It is both raunchy, sweary, and viscerally. Violent. Why is it raunchy? She's a little girl, don't. She's not doing anything. Oh. But she does have the soul of a 200-year-old woman, so she could. I don't know if that applies. That sounds like some twisted logic. Oh, she was an old soul. No.

Anyway, film studios, desperate for content, hit me up. I can have a treatment of Mabel on your desk within a week. I'm curious as to why you think film studios would be desperate for content, and they must have content stacking up that they can't get out at the moment. Yeah, they're like stacked bob. They've got stacks of content. Stacked Bob, exactly. Stacked Bob, the movie producer. Stacked Bob sounds like a great name for a movie producer. He's got a big cigar, got a big hair, too.

I'm Stacked Bob. He is the manager. Mabel, you say. Sounds good, getting on that conjuring money. Yeah. But instead of a spooky doll, make it a sexy teen. Instead of murder, she's at the beach with her friends. This is a very different film.

Very different. I'm stacked Bob. You'll never work in this industry again. Okay. I'm like Harvey Weinstein. I think... And basically Harvey Weinstein. That bit was implicit, wasn't it?

It's me, Stacked Bob. It'll be good when you get sued. You'll get sued. Can I get sued? By Harvey Weinstein. Happy Weinstein's dead. Did Harvey Weinstein die? Yeah.

What's the timeline on this? Everything's lost all meaning to me. Are you thinking of Jeffrey Epstein? I'm thinking of Jeffrey Epstein. Harvey Weinstein is not dead. No, Jeffrey Epstein. He died. in prison. Anyway. The question's about a creepy doll. It is about a creepy doll. It really escalates

quite quickly this one, doesn't it? It's like, oh, I'm really sorry that this person's lost their nan, they found a doll. A bit weird. No one wants it, so she took it home, but my children and my husband say he's going to come and kill us all. Okay, well that's a funny joke. But then she says, I think she'll be okay in the attic, as if she believes her husband and children. Yeah, don't put her in the attic for one thing. It's a spooky place. Keep an eye on her. Put her where you can see her. Put her on a shelf in one of the main. Room's. Yeah?

Mm-hmm. Keep an eye on. Put her on a shelf, but also, like, bind her to the shelf, which will make her look creepier, but it means that she won't be able to escape and stab you in the night. That's a good point. That's why we have our creepy painting of a young girl. Yeah. Prominent.

First thing you see in the living room. Incidentally. A centerpiece. Our creepy painting is called Mirabelle, which is not far off, Mabel. I think there's something about the L sounds, Annabelle, Moabelle, Mubel. Yeah. That is inherently creepy. Yeah?

Mm-hmm. Okay. There's a Jonathan Colton Jonathan Colton does our theme tune I feel fantastic at the start of every episode You phrased that as if he made it for us Thank you Jonathan There's a Jonathan Colton song about a creepy doll

Yeah Friends of the Pod Joko Made a song about a creepy doll Yeah We need a photo Yeah a lot of people on the thread are saying They need a photo Someone has said how can a doll look demonic Do you have no imagination

What's wrong with your mind's eye Are you familiar with the Chucky franchise are you familiar with all the creepy dolls out there creepy little girl ghosts creepy dolls these are common things casper someone is asking the question that i think is is very important which is if she's going to live in the attic is there really any point in keeping her and i agree with that i think moving stuff from one place to another to then put it in an attic seems like nonsense but that might just be because i don't have an attic maybe if i had an attic i would feel very differently perhaps this is just jealousy speaking It really feels like if you're just moving the creepy doll so it can live in the attic, this is really check off stop. Yeah, it really is. You're just moving it so you can be creeped out later in the attic when it's moved or disappeared.

Yeah, like the seasons will change soon and you'll go up to find a coat and then she'll just be there and somehow her eyes will be reflecting the light like a cat's eyes. And sometimes she's got into the Halloween decorations and she's covered in cobwebs and pumpkins. Yeah. And he's even more spooky. She makes you jump and you fall down the little pull out stair stair. case to the attic, you break your spine, she's killed you. The prophecy as was foretold. She came alive and killed you, but she didn't come alive and kill you at all. It was just coincidence.

Yeah, years later. Checkups, Mabel. Your daughter's looking at a photo of the funeral. I don't know why they took a photo of the funeral. They took a photo of the funeral. And she gets a magnifying glass, because they're in the background, just near one of the graves, Mabel, peaking out. Well, should we do another thread? I really can have a treatment ready so quickly. You don't even know. I don't want to able too, the dawtoning. We're recording this on a bank holiday, so you could probably crack that out today. Have the most productive bank holiday ever.

Yeah, and have a multi-million dollar film franchise under my belt. Yeah, great. Well, time for more fodder for your film franchise. Am I being unreasonable to wonder what conspiracy theories you think may hold some weight? Generally speaking, I hate conspiracy theories. But is there anything out there that's passed off as a conspiracy theory that you think hold some weight. I personally have some questions about the assassination of JFK. You can give the questions. No, no, no. I have some questions.

I have some questions and I will wait until the right person comes along to ask them. Inbox me, hon. Who are you looking to interrogate? The CIA? The mafia, Frank Sinatra. These people will not be engaging with this. Am I being unreasonable, stretch? You really don't go fucked up. This seems like a great way for Mum's Net to cultivate some of the right-wing conspiracy theories that are going around at the moment. You're QAnons, you know, your anti-maskers, your anti-vaxxers.

Yeah, I think Mumsnet, for all its flaws, is quite good at being anti-A-Vax. That's one thing that I don't think they'll flourish on Mumsnet. Anti-mask, possibly, but that's because everyone thinks you have to wear eight a day, and that's just not sustainable. QAnon, I haven't delved enough, I don't know. I don't know what the likelihood of that taking off on Mumsnet is. The only conspiracy theory that holds weight with me is, that Boris Johnson's baby's too small.

I told you about this the other day as we were going to sleep, which was a weird thing for me to do. Like, night, night, I love you. Boris Johnson's baby doesn't look the right size in those holiday pictures. What's going on? Night. You were like, what are you on about?

And now every day since then, you've told me about it as if you've unearthed some mystery. I've cracked the co-tails. Look at his little legs. Yeah. Two little legs. If you look at the size of the baby when his partner is holding the baby months ago

and then you look at the size of the baby next to the dog when his partner's holding the dog, the baby's considerably smaller than the dog. How's the baby smaller both? How did the baby get smaller? And the dog takes up the same sort of amount of space on her as where the baby was. So anyway, the dog is somehow important in this.

I've forgotten the details, but that's a good conspiracy theory. I've got another conspiracy theory, not his dog. Not his dog? How many dogs do you think he has? How many dogs does he know about? There's hundreds of dogs, hundreds of backup dog The Civil Service keep buying him new dogs

He didn't notice Because he never had the rona Oh, I'd forgotten about that one Yeah, people thought that he'd pretended to get the rona To get public sympathy Yeah Same with the Brazilian president, Bolsonaro He's had the rona like five times

And people say it's because he's careless And doesn't wear a mask And isn't protecting his country But I think it's all a cover Yeah. Mm-hmm. All these politicians are going to some kind of summer camp when they're pretending to have the Rona.

They're having a great time. Some kind of summer camp. Yeah, playing table tennis and beach volleyball. Wild swimming. I mean, a great time. Doing finger painting. Yeah, like G8, but without the meetings. Just the fun parts of the G8.

Okay, gush. I'll say, Mumsette seems to have really got into conspiracy theories. Like, I've been looking at, how long have you been doing this podcast? Like, three years? Yeah. I've been looking at this website for a long time. time. In the last nine months, I feel like the conspiracy theorists have really just taken hold on here. I don't know why. Yeah, I'm sure we've had freds about this before. We've had the moon,

the flat moon theories. Yeah, the flat mooners. Yeah. Classic episode. The flat moon is what we call people who have flat bums. What kind of conspiracy theories do they think are credible? Right, hold some weight. Just read, give us the one line and I'll tell you what this bit theory is. says Diana's death? Not really dead. Living in Bermuda. 9-11, possibly. 9-11 didn't happen. Royal family being lizards? That one's self-explanatory. The royal family are tiny, tiny lizards. Not lizard people, just tiny lizards. 9-11 and Diana. Diana did 9-11. This one explains the whole theory. Jeffrey Epstein. Jeffrey Epstein's like the one that I would get on board with. Oh, that Epstein didn't kill himself. Exactly. Dr. David Kelly, which I believe... My conspiracy is that

Jeffrey Epstein is Harvey Weinstein. And that Harvey Weinstein has killed himself. Yeah. Someone has missed out on all of the Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself stuff and said, do you mean that he was murdered or do you mean he's not dead? And then a shocked emoji. He's murdered. He's not dead.

He's on his island. What? He's on his private island with Prince Andrew. Laughing it up with Bolsonaro. It's like the G8. I hope it's a different island. I hope that's a different island to the one that Elvis and Tupac are on, because they don't deserve to be stuck on this island with these people.

No, that would be a shame. It would. I'm adamant that Tom Hanks, James Belushi and Bill Murray are the same people. What? Yep. That's crazy. It is wild. Bill Murray and James Belushi were in films together.

Yeah, but also Lisa Kudrow played two twins on Friends, so I don't know what you think. Tom Hanks looks nothing like Bill Murray. Well, fine. I don't have a comeback for that one. Bill Murray, to my knowledge, has never won an awesome. Whereas Tom Hanks got one for Philadelphia. There are some unfortunate rumours about Bill Murray as well, which I've not heard about

Tom Hanks, and I want to preserve Tom Hanks' purity in my mind. James Belushi certainly does not look like Tom Hanks. Well, okay. That seems to be, like, you were... Furious about this. Yeah, you were sceptical, but that one, now you seem furious. Yeah, it's all fun in games to joke about Geoffrey Epstein and Princess Diana. Is it?

There are lines. Lots of people talking about Dr. David Kelly. Oh, and now people have started explaining them. So, yeah. Certain prominent members of the provisional IRA being British agents. Absolute truth in some of the names often mentioned. I will suspect a lot will come out upon their deaths. Yeah, I'm down with that.

I think certainly the British had agents in the IRA. I think Meghan Markle was fed to the dogs to stop media revealing Prince Williams' affair. I don't think they're connected incidents. No, I think it's because she's black. Yes, I think, yeah. Racism is the factor there, not the affair that we'll have to redact. from the podcast. Someone has come along with a list saying Princess Diana, Geoffrey Epstein and Caroline Flack, which is a trio I didn't think I'd ever see together.

Quite the selection. Supergroup. The latest line-up of the sugar babes. Yeah, I think, so there's a lot of people trying to explain about Geoffrey Epstein and someone has just said, this thread is creepy. But is it as creepy as a little girl doll. No, no. My conspiracy theory is that Princess Diana was reincarnated. it into the doll. But the doll is older than Princess Diana. It went back in time. What? Creepy girl doll paradox.

So all the creepy doll will do in the attic is complain about the royal family and have an affair. I think Princess Diana did more than that. She did a lot of work with victims of landmines. She did a lot to reduce the stigma around HIV AIDS. That's true. The doll will do all of this from the attic.

I mean those are quite sort of sawny issues of the time that Princess Diana was alive. I'm sure the doll will pick up some other issues as well now. Some contemporary issues. Hopefully trans rights and Black Lives Matter and things like that. Yeah, just to fuck with this Mumsner who's made her live in an attic. Yeah, this creepy doll in the attic has been reducing the stigma on HIV and AIDS and advocating for black trans lives. Great. I can't wait to retweet that and say, this. I am living for this creepy doll in the attic. This creepy doll is a time's person at the year The creepy doll gets her hair done before the photo shoot

But it's not a stacked bob Yeah, I mean There's a lot coming up But most of them are about Princess Diana Because I suppose it's an audience that are just really invested in Princess Diana Daily Express readers Yeah which isn't how I imagine mum's net But I suppose so

Well there we go Someone has said Jill Dando's death was something to do with Jimmy Sable and his associates. I've heard that one as well. I've heard a lot about that one. Yeah. Doesn't mean I believe it, but I'm just saying, I like conspiracy theories. I don't think I am a conspiracy theorist because I don't believe them

and I don't go around telling people they're sheeple, but I do like to know what the conspiracy theories of the day are. It's good to know. Yeah, it's just sort of for audit rather than, you know, I don't want to get involved. Yeah. For audit rather than credit. I think Boyce Johnson's baby who is Jill Dando.

I think Boris Johnson's baby is a creepy dove, and that's why it's so small. I think Boris Johnson's baby is doing a lot to reduce the stigma of HIV and AIDS. That's why it's so small. I think Boris Johnson should have complained to his hairdresser that he wanted hair ready to go out with. Yeah, look what he's... That's not a stacked pub. That's not a stack, but his hair has never once been going out ready. No.

Should we do one more thread? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable? Is it wanky to put my photo on my CV? I needed to quickly do a CV for a job interview that I've already... secured. So to prompt myself to include everything in some sort of order, I used a template from Word. I normally just do a plain document. Anyway, the document came together well and there was space for a photo. I take a terrible picture, so it's definitely not vanity, but the picture

shows me at work looking happy and it's very relevant to the post. Two questions. One, are they going to think I'm lazy using the template? I was a bit. And will I stand out for the wrong reasons? Two, I now have my CV written out, so it could effectively ping it out to other jobs I'm half interested. Do I leave the pick slash template, or do I go back to sober CV? You are being unreasonable equals wanker, you are not being unreasonable, it will stand out positively. Wanker.

Wanker. Wanker. Oh, you've got a photo on your CV. Yeah, you go to the hairdressers, you're like, I need a haircut ready to put on a CV. I need a haircut like this, and also, are you taking applications? Great at multitasking. Maybe you should have written that on the CV rather than aggressively showing us this CV with a picture of you on it. I'm imagining like a headshot, like the reverse of, you know, an actor's CV. Or four headshots. One where you're in a sailor suit.

That's what I imagine too. I don't want to do spoilers, but I've read further down the thread and that is not at all what it is. But a headshot is what you would imagine if someone were to include a picture on their CV. It doesn't strike me as a good idea. What are your thoughts? I think I'd be hard pushed to find a photo of myself at work, any photo of myself at work. Because you have simply never done a day's work in your life. How would there be photographic evidence? Exactly. Although having said that, like all my work now is done through a camera, mostly.

Yeah. So you should just be screenshoting it. Well, someone might be. Oh, is that a conspiracy theory? Yeah. My colleague is screenshoting all the photos of me. Yeah, and they're going to use them to blackmail you somehow. You're going to turn up when they finally reopen your own.

office in 2024. And they're going to have a big manila envelope full of screenshots of you. I'm like, what are you trying to prove with these? I haven't been to the hair dresser, so you'll flip it like a flipbook of my hair to get longer. Luscious locks. Then I should get you from various angles, so your hair is blowing in the wind. Simon is getting smaller. Look at this photo evidence. They've also got false evidence of someone's dog from a different video call. And that dog is the same size throughout. Yeah, so the CV is normally just a plain document, like a notepad like a text document, a dot TXT. Like when someone screenshots the notes app. Yeah. It's a screenshot of the notes app. It looks like a Twitter apology. It looks like an apology for some misdeed,

some Harvey Weinstein style apology. I don't think Harvey Weinstein even did a note sap apology. No, I don't think he did. He still could. He's still alive. The best notes app thing, obviously was not the apology, though. The best ever notes app was Rebecca Vardy's account. It was Rebecca Vardy's account. My favourite conspiracy theory, it wasn't Rebecca Vardy's account. She's lying. There never even were any stories that were hidden to everyone. Nope, it was at Pontifex. That's right, the Pope. You know what I find odd? The Pope is a Spanish speaker. So why is it that there's at Pontifex and then there's at Pontifex underscore ES?

Like, I think the main Pontifex one should be in Spanish. I think this is some colonialist nonsense, and then there should be at Pontifex underscore E.N. Is it in Latin? No, the Pope tweets in English and Spanish. Oh, yeah, this is some... I mean, there might be a Latin. Anthropocentric nonsense. Anglo-centric nonsense.

Yeah, anthroposan-centric. And we all know that the Pope is not a person. The Pope should be able to tweet in his native lizard language. The Pope represents all animals, all beings, regardless of, you know, mammalian. status or whatever. Yeah, to the best of my knowledge. Anyway, that all happened on Instagram. I don't know if the Pope has Instagram. Well, I don't know why the Pope wouldn't have Instagram. Pope, you've got to get on the ground. Francis, get on the ground. Do you think the Pope had a picture on his CV? I do not think you should put a picture on your

CV. I don't like it at all. I really don't like it. It also seems really odd that a lot of places have been consciously doing all they can to, like, blind CVs. Yeah. So they take off anything identifying that might give away, like, your age or your sex or, like, you know, taking names off because of people's, like, racist assumptions about names, all of that's going to be undone if you put a big picture of your moon face on it. Like, if I bit a picture of my 30-year-old white woman face on a CV, what is that saying? I work in the charity sector. That's saying, I'm one of you. Yeah. Hire me. I'm one of you. Especially if it's photo of you at work, Well, you're just, I don't know, in front of a monitor with a spreadsheet of personal details open.

A little post it on the side with your password on it, the company password. I think it's fine to use a template. Nothing wrong with a template. It's definitely better to use a template than the notes app. Yeah. Are they going to think I'm lazy for using the template? No, they don't care. Unless you've left on, that it's a template.

Yeah, I used a template for my CV, and then I've edited it to the point where it no longer looks like the template. But it's good to have the template to begin with. just so that you've got scaffolding for what you're putting in it. Yeah, if it's got a gap for a photo, just delete that. Yeah, to be honest, I'm worried about this person's MS office skills if they don't know how to delete the section for the photo and they think it didn't work without the photo. Hells, you've got to have MS office skills.

Everywhere asks for it. You've got to have MS office skills. And then, like, if you're writing a cover letter, do you have to put in evidence that you have MS office skills? Like, I have used word very effectively when writing strategy documents. Like, no one wants to read that. I usually just put, I have MS office skills. I don't think I even do that.

I think I'm like, look, I've managed to navigate writing you a cover letter, haven't I? Grow up. How extensive do you want these skills to be? Are you just talking the basics Word Excel PowerPoint, or are you getting into Vizio and publisher, these second and third-tier office programs? I remember telling an old manager of mine that I didn't really understand the value of publisher, and she, like, absolutely lost her rag at me about how publisher is really valuable. I am. She's his publisher for everything all the time. It was so weird. I don't understand why. We do basically the same job. It's just you do it at a higher level than me. And I've never had

any calls to use publisher. Why are you so angry? I think we can take it as read at this point that we all have office skills. Yeah. We all have Microsoft office skills. And if you don't, you can just Google what you want to do in Microsoft Office very quickly. Yeah, exactly. It's fine. Like, loads of people that I've worked with over the course of time, been like, oh, you're an Excel whiz. I'm like, no, I'm not. If you ask me right now how to do something, you're going to watch me Google it and read it back to you. Grow up. I suppose I am making assumptions about what this person does for work. They might not actually need MS office skills and so perhaps their inability to remove the photo box is not going to be a barrier to their work. No, they might need

headshots. Yeah, maybe they are a musical theatre actor and in that case, I don't know why you've never had a head shot before, but also it's not a great time to be looking for work if you're a musical theatre performer. I'm really sorry about your industry. Lots of people are saying don't include a photo. Someone said, but do include your LinkedIn profile address, which I assume does have a photo, which kind of undoes the don't include a photo thing. It don't include your LinkedIn address, I would say. People can look up your name on LinkedIn if they want to find you on LinkedIn. It seems odd. Yeah. Someone said, I'm interviewing and seeing a thousand CVs. Anything that looks remotely, see my picture, aren't I pretty and sexy? Don't you want to hire someone

pretty and sexy like me? It gets binned immediately. No, I don't. I don't want someone that thinks they're getting an advantage that way. That seems like a lot of internalised misogyny to me. Like, it might be that someone is ill-advised includes a picture, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they're trying to be sexy. If it's in a bikini, I would discount that. Yeah.

Again, it depends on the job, though. Yeah. Bikini model. I think please do include a bikini shot. Mm, beach volleyball player. If you're going for a job as a bikini model, don't wang on for three paragraphs about your outstanding publisher skills.

No, don't mention your office skills at all. Although I would definitely buy a cali. of people just making spreadsheets in bikinis. Spreadsheets where you can see identifiable information about people. Sensitive data and sexy ladies together at last. Yeah, the sexy GDPR breach is all been waiting for. I'm going this Halloween as sexy GDPR. Subject access requests, but make it sexy.

Someone said in mind, industry, a lot of recruitment's done through agencies that always adjust your CB to their standard format anyway, so templates are the norm, which is a good point. They'd probably prefer a text document. They probably would. So here is where we get the big reveal of what this picture looks like. Are you ready for this? Yeah.

It's beautiful. I don't have the job. I just have an interview. In the photo, I have a patch of piddle on my top, a triple chin, an unkempt hair. Definitely not a look at me, aren't I sexy photo? Bugger, I've sent it now. We'll remove pick for future seats. TVs, though, and change the format. Why did you send a picture of yourself dripping in piss?

Piddle. What are you doing? Does that mean, does that mean piss? That means piss. Why do you piss on your top? At work? She said the photo was at work. Yeah. So I'm guessing childcare or something with animals. It was on the top. Unkempt, stacked bob, just been to the hairdresser and it didn't turn out, right? It'll be some sort of care work, I'm guessing, or animal work. That's fine. But, like, that seems really weird. I shouldn't I sent it without waiting for the replies. Why did you even ask? Yeah.

Do you want that help or not? I guess they probably just wanted to hurry up and send it so they could change out of their wet top. Piss-stained top. They were getting chilly and it was starting to smell. So they were like, I'll just buy the CV off and then I'll go and have a shower and get changed. Then I'll see what Mumsnet says. Oh, no. Yeah.

Made a huge mistake. I don't think you're going to get the bikini model job now. No. I'm sure there is a market for this sort of photo, though. Yeah? It's a search term. Piddle top. Someone said, I guess if your photo shows something very specific to your work, a horse riding instructor, I don't know, something practical, then keep it.

But if someone was a horse riding instructor, I wouldn't be like Picks or it didn't happen. I think they might test that in ways that are not still photos. Yeah. Like, I've been on a horse. I could show you a picture of me on a horse. I couldn't teach people to ride horses. There's a picture of me from a previous job where I'm feeding a penguin. I couldn't be a penguin keeper.

No. This is nonsense. Yeah, people say it's very inappropriate to have a photo. It's particularly inappropriate though, isn't it? If that photo has got piss in it. The picture is very me, so if it puts them off, I won't fit in anyway. Pishy and unkempt. You might fit in just fine, but it will put them off

because it's not showing you in any meaningful way. It's quite literally a two-dimensional version of you at one fixed moment in time. Yeah, that's why you need to put a video on. your CV of your entire life, Truman's show style. Video of you riding through the fields on a horse, showing your hair going from a beautiful, ready-to-go-out look to becoming unkempt as you gallop through the countryside. And there's a horse pisses on you. I don't know how a horse will piss on you while you were on the horse. It'd have to be a

second horse but have to come along and piss on you. It must have been a second horse. This is a no one conspiracy here. It's a professional position, but the picture is relevant and relatable to others in the field. I need to know what this. person does for a living. Let's do one more speed round and then we will call it a day. Am I being unreasonable to think Mum's Net is pitching premium all wrong? There's a premium version of this. You pay £5 a month and I don't know what you get. I don't think they've ever made it clear. You get access to threads that you can't access, all the deleted friends. I think you get ad free

browsing, but like ad blockers. Also, they've said themselves that like they've done this because ad revenue is down. So, like, we know they're going to run out of ads to show anyway. It's just a waiting game. Exactly. Am I being unreasonable? Father-in-law says he's offended. Is he right? He knows his feelings better than you do. Am I being unreasonable? D.H. and computer games. Like the Sims. Sure. And am I being unreasonable to expect better customer service when shopping. No, they should give us a stacked bob as we go around. And it should be a nice stacked pub. You can go out. As I'm shopping, they're putting behind me on the trolley. Snip, snip, snip.

I'm sat in the trolley like a baby, and they are pushing me around and doing a haircut. Very, very good. And the trolley catches the hair. Okay, that's great. Supermarkets, hit me up. I can have a treatment ready in a day. Perfect. Should we call it a day?

Yeah. Thank you for listening. Thank you. Bye. but maybe when I think of how I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.