You Are Being Unreasonable - 083 - In which we dress as a sexy bao bun

Episode Date: September 17, 2020

"About once a month, they talk about Gordon Brown and some bigoted woman and no-one knows why." We're taking Alan Sugar's advice this week and getting back to the office. Fortunately our workplace is this podcast and, unlike every other podcast, it's not excruciatingly dull. This week: we take a sweeping look at the limits of the podcast as a medium; we don't tell our colleagues about our lives, our involvement in fight clubs and studying at The Secret University; we dress up for the postman and expose the Obvious Boob; we dress up for Lord Sugar and expose the writing team behind his terrible puns on The Apprentice.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I'm doing.

Hello. Hello, welcome to You Are Being Unreasonable, the podcast. about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com with me hells and me Simon how's it going Simon not too bad concerned that it's getting hotter in September rather than cooler which is the dream the norm and the ideal it's not often that I would agree that the norm is best in this case the norm is best the arrival of autumn is one norm that I can get on board with 30 degrees in London and Monday that's sickening Monday is the first time in six months I have to do a rush hour commute, not really a rush hour commute, but I have to commute to work. And I don't want to do that

in 30 degrees. Yeah, you're heading back into the office, like a lot of the UK. Yeah, I mean, the office has got aircon, so in some ways, it's a blessing. It is a blessing. Should we do a speed round? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable to give neither child an onsuit? No, kids don't need onsuits. Am I being unreasonable to want coronavirus to just run its course now and get back to normal? Well, there's an idea. Why hasn't it just, right? It just ruined its course. Has nobody tried to reason with it? Why don't you? Why isn't it like a 24 hour cold? 24 hours for the whole world? Yeah. Like flying ant day.

I'd have one day in lockdown. Fine, easy. One day in lockdown is called Sunday. Yeah, exactly. A day and we all stay in. And it's okay. Yeah. If the government announced one day of lockdown, I'd be very pleased. Great. Am I being unreasonable, frightening with spiders? Yeah, I don't like spiders. So a spider while you're out yesterday. Oh no. What did you do? Normally I get the Spydies.

I close the door. It's a spider's room now. I've been in every room today. I could have got it for you. I've been in the spider's room. Okay. I like that it's frightening with spiders, like this woman and a gang of spiders

are going around spooking people. Come on, spider friends. Like the Jets. Yeah. Except they're clicking with eight legs. Too much. Too frantic. Am I being unreasonable?

What's your work? colleagues not know about your life. Mine know that I like fitness slash gym time, but they don't know just how much of a huge part of my life it is. They don't know I was bullied out of my previous position. They don't know I have been home studying to further my career. I mean, the better question for me is what do your work colleagues know about your life? Yeah. Which is that I'm a solution's architect. I'm married and I live in London. I must say this woman's life doesn't sound very interesting and I think it's a blessing that she's not troubling her colleagues with the details of it

how much for a huge part of my life it is I really enjoy exercise and I would say over the last six months particularly it has been a real lifesaver I don't tell my colleagues about that because I think that's a fairly common response to the world that we live in at the moment is everyone is just parading around going for a little run, doing what they can. But yeah, of all the things to hide from your colleagues,

fitness slash gym time seems like an easy one not to, because it's not particularly involving as a conversation. It's not political, particularly. Yeah, it doesn't particularly reveal anything about yourself politically or whatever. And when your colleagues say, what did you do this weekend, I went for a run. Unless, of course, by fitness, she means that she's in a fight club. Yeah, yeah, if she's in a fight club. That would be a huge part of it.

of your life. That is an all-contuming thing. Yeah. I need to be beaten to a pope to feel alive. Yeah. It's quite the personal thing to say to a colleague. I wouldn't share that with a colleague. And if a colleague shared that with me, I would chuckle politely and then I would say I had to go and make a cup of tea. I've joined this great club. You should come and join with me. I mean, I've invited a colleague to join my book club in the past, and that felt too intimate. Too intimate. So... The first rule of book club. The first rule of book club is read the book. And as a group, we don't do well at that. We simply do not.

Yeah, the other things, bullied out of previous position. Yeah, I mean, that's quite an intimate thing to share. They don't know I have been home studying to further my career. Again, lucky them, you sound very boring. My colleagues know that I don't see my career as in any way integral to my, you know, sense of self. And that in the long term, I would like to just make live art and write poems. and not be troubled with something as grubby as a day job.

But that's not the world we find ourselves in. And I think that's probably something you shouldn't share with your colleagues. But it's important to me that I do so that when they're talking to me about their careers, they know that I frankly do not care. Your colleagues know you do a podcast? Yeah, I mean... Again, I do not. My current job is a lot better than my previous jobs.

Like, there's a lot more of a culture of people being friends with each other. Well, no, there's more of a culture of me being friends with people. The last two places I worked before that, there was a real clique that I just didn't want involvement with. So no one knew a damn thing about me at all. But in this place, like, I like my colleagues, so they do know things about me. But they still don't know anything particularly meaningful about me, I wouldn't say. And that's fine. That's fine.

But, yeah, this woman, she sounds extremely dull. I think she's doing everyone a favour by keeping her cards close to her chest. Just touch your cards away. Put me in a pocket. Yeah. Let's not have loose cards all over the office. You've been home studying. Just say studying, surely. What is home studying? Open university, I assume. Don't know.

Everyone's at home all the time at the moment. It would be more of a big reveal if you had somehow found somewhere to do some not home studying. Tell me more about that one. Yeah, if you're in the secret university that's been open all this time. You have to fight your way into it, though. It's the opposite of the open university. Shall we hear from the thread? So someone has said that I have absolutely no idea what I'm I'm doing? Well, I hope they don't know that. I like that. That's a good response. No one knows what they're doing. No. And if you do know what you're doing, it's because you've been in the job too long and it's

time to move on. When you get to the point where you feel fully competent, surely it's boring. That's when you need to join a fight club. Yeah, it's true. To feel incompetent at something. Fighting for your life. Yeah, you get beaten so badly that you don't have to go back to your boring job because you are in the ICU. I feel like colleagues would know if you're in a fight club if you're doing it properly because you'd have scars and wells and stuff you could just ask you know like I'm sure that a respectable fight club would be people with respectable jobs and they wouldn't do anything on the face the facial region someone said lots of things really although in a recent team meeting everyone was reflecting on how working from home has meant that we've all by

necessity as much as anything being much more open with each other about our personal and home lives things that we struggle with and so on and it's been really good like that's nice it is nice Yeah, by all means be friends with your colleagues if you want to, but you don't have to. Yeah, and also you can be friends in that sort of outer circle of friends way, where perhaps, like, maybe they know that you've struggled in lockdown, maybe they don't know if you've gone and got a diagnosis and a prescription, you know? There's levels, there's levels. I mean, a lot of this is just like, people have been through a lot of stuff, and I wouldn't expect that they would feel that they want to share it with their colleagues. Someone said that my sex life is BDSM. great don't share that with your colleagues that's don't share that with your colleagues that's don't share that

with your colleague yeah your colleagues uncomfortable exactly not because there's anything against BDSM but because they don't want to hear about your vanilla sex life I was because I actually would prefer if someone told me about their sex life because they were involved in BDSM and someone told me I'm just very vanilla I like it missionary on a Saturday in the evening 9.30 missionary and then straight to sleep like that would actually make me more uncomfortable because I'd be like this isn't even a story and you're going to miss a lot of prime time TV. Like, there's not a lockdown at the moment.

You could go out at that time. Yeah. Yeah, I'd rather someone tell me about their weird kinky sex life and someone tell me about their very boring sex life. That's just me. Someone has said that I've had sex in the meeting room with another colleague on a number of occasions. They wiped down the surfaces afterwards, though. Great. Again, I don't want to know. Yeah. So, go for it.

Unless you can supplies with an additional meeting room, I don't want to sit there every time someone's talking about the KPIs and think, is that where your bum was? What's that? Is that jizz? No, they worked it down. So what is that? I don't want to know. It makes me think that I am very close off with my colleagues, as they know nothing about me. And I've never had sex with any of them in the meeting room. No, I haven't. And if I did, I wouldn't tell anyone. Someone has said about the sex in the meeting room, that's vile, certainly nothing to be proud of than a sceptical face. Now everyone's just talking about whether or not it's vile or simply sackable to have sex in the meeting room.

It's a very different, turned into a very different conversation. Yeah, someone's tried to get it back on track. I feel like that answer is also not in the spirit of the question, because it felt like what things about your personal life. I mean, sex in the meeting room is personal, but it also is professional because it was in a meeting room. Don't mix business with pleasure. I'd like you to join my professional network.

Oh. By having sex in this meeting room. Sexy LinkedIn. That's my Halloween costume. I've come as sexy. LinkedIn. No. Look, autumn's coming and it's time to plan your Halloween costumes. No, the spirit of the question is, what things do you do at home as a hobby?

Yeah. And sex in a meeting room with a colleague, it's not a hobby. So where I work, they ask us to put together these little bios about ourselves because people who joined the company during lockdown and so they weren't going to meet people face to face and it was a good way that we could all get to know each other a bit. So it's just a really short bio. It says what your job is and what that actually means because job titles are meaningless. And then something about you personally and a picture of your face. And I would say, of a company of 26 people, I think 20 of us said that we like to go running.

And then people are like, oh, isn't it interesting that we all run? Like, no, running is so innocuous. Loads of people run. We've all said running because it makes us seem relatable. But also, you don't have to know anything about us. This is a document saved on the shared drive. I don't want written evidence saved on the shared drive of any of my real hobbies. Everyone runs. That's not a particularly interesting fact. When I put in my flexible working request, I did say it was because I wanted to focus on my creative pursuits. But imagine if I've been like, sorry, I need to compress my hours so I can have one day a week just to really get some running done. We currently live between sort of two parks.

And I can throw a snow and out the window and hit a runner. Any time. Anytime. Because everyone runs. I was walking back at about midnight last night and there were people running. genuinely there were people running. Midnight runners. Dexie's Midnight runners. None of my colleagues know that I am in Dexie's midnight runners.

That would be a big one. Shall we do another thread? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable? What's the messiest you've looked for postmen? I'm waiting for postman to come and he's one stop away and I am a real mess. In my PJs with a long cardigan, no makeup and messy hair stuffed in a bun. I have nowhere to go today.

Just having a lazy day. but the poor guy is going to be greeted by a horror. Why do you care? Why are you monitoring the postman so closely? The postman's still one stop away, and you care that much. I'm sure you could smear a bit of foundation on or brush your hair. How do you know? You've been looking out for him?

Do you mean the postman, or do you mean like a delivery driver where you get the tracking thing? Looking down the road for the postman. Oh, there he is. All the time that you could have just been put in clothes on. You could have... You've been watching the tracking get closer and closer. Run a damn comb for you. Yeah, while you're...

For once in your life. Well, the postman, are you... Do people think about this stuff? You're trying to sleep with the postman? I mean, if you try to sleep with the postman... If you're trying to sleep with the postman, then you could put some effort in. I mean, you could, but also, you don't feel like you have to change for someone. If the postman doesn't accept you as you are, the postman needs to accept...

The real you. Yeah. Hashtag no makeup. Exactly. Yeah. If the postman can't handle you at your worst, then the postman, sure as hell, doesn't deserve you at your best. Right. Fuck off, Postman.

Are your high standards? One stop away. You think you're too good being one stop away. The postman needs to come to you. Don't change and go to the postman. I mean, the postman does need to come to you. That's how the postman works. Yeah, there's one stop away.

But then if you're not there when the postman comes, you do have to go to the postman. There is give and take in the posty relationship. Maybe you should get a post box installed on your door, so you don't have to meet the postman. Yeah. Except for bigger parcels. Yeah.

I don't think the postman is ever going to think about what you looked like again. I think this is a problem that only exists in your mind, and it's okay to be insecure, but I don't think you need to worry that they're all going back to the depot and comparing notes on who they saw looking messy today. No, this is some big main character syndrome. Yeah. The postman doesn't care. Number 42, messy hair stuffed in a bun.

Also, you put your hair in a bun. If you say you have messy hair and it's stuffed in a bun, that sounds like you've got like a bowel bun, just like you've got rubbish hair, and then you've wrapped it in, just a little steamed bun. Put a little bit of kimchi. on it. Lovely. And that'll be the thing the postman might talk about back at the depot. Even the long cardigan is part of the PJs. Because that's a bold new step in bedtime, fashion. Long cardigan? I think it's probably more like in lieu of a dressing gown. To the floor.

Yeah? Wafting around it. At one of those 70s ones that's like slightly sheer. It's crocheted, but it's also got like a big faux fur trim that goes all the way around the neck right down the size and round to the floor. See, that seems quite glamour. Yeah, but then the PJs say ginspiration. Oh, I thought like lingerie. And obviously she's got a little steamed bun on her head and some kins cheese. Still steaming. So it is a messy look.

Yeah, sort of. Maybe that's my Halloween costume. Soy sauce leaking into her hair. My Halloween costume is sexy bowel bun. Yeah. That would be so good. Sexy bowel bun? Yeah.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, big and soft. Yeah, squishy, full of delicious pickles. Mmm, fermented foods. I didn't follow the pickle metaphor. but sure. That's not a metaphor. Oh, you're literally full of delicious pickles.

It's just me eating delicious pickles. Oh, it's not a metaphor. I ate five pickles before we caught. I love pickles. It's how I get the right mouth texture from the audio. It's true. It's a real palate cleanser. Somebody has said,

oh gosh, you sound suitably dressed to me. I only wear makeup for special occasions. No way am I wasting it on the postman. I don't, you all think the postman cares about you way more. And some postmen are women. And some postmen are non-binary. Mm-hmm. Post people.

Posty. I like to say posting. Mm-hmm. But yeah, like, you're not wasting makeup on the posting. That's not a waste of makeup. The whole phrase of waste of makeup, I think, is sad anyway. Like, if you put makeup on because you are glad to have makeup on, it's never wasted. If you do something that makes you happy, that's not wasted.

Yeah. Do you want make you happy? not the postman. I suppose if you weren't planning to put makeup on, but you have put it on explicitly because you're worried about what the postman will think that could potentially be a waste of makeup.

I don't know. Someone has said, the obvious boob out while feeding a baby. I mean, I assume you mean breastfeeding, but that sounds more like you're feeding a baby and incidentally, you've got a boob out. What's the obvious boob? The obvious boob sounds like the name of like a really bad,

like, beach fiction book like the airport. Pro-O in the case of the obvious boob. Someone says, I always answered the drawing my bonzie. I've never dressed until I go out. That sounds like you get dressed out. Like, you must, there must be a stage between. This is something I discussed with former colleagues. We discussed what you do on the weekend and what you were.

Because a lot of my colleagues were of the opinion that you don't get out your pajamas on the weekend. I've had this conversation, well... Which isn't what I do. I say I've had this conversation. I listened to this conversation disdainfully at a place I worked where I didn't like my colleagues. Well, someone was like, no, I don't get out my pyjama. I'm like, don't you feel grubby? I'd feel good.

I need to get dressed by about 12 at the latest, I reckon. I've had lunch in my pyjamas on a weekend. I don't like that. I'm happy for people who do like that, but I don't feel right about that. Oh yeah, these are exceptional. Like I am hungover or ill or something. Yeah. Otherwise, I'm putting clothes on.

Yeah. Not to judge anyone who doesn't, but it's not how I choose to live my life. Even if I were ill or hungover, I think I'd want to change into my daytime jammies. I would change into a different lounging outfit. A different pair of jammies. different lounging outfit, one that was just about passable as maybe being dayclothes. Like, that's where I put on some harrim pants and a vest top. But, I mean, I am someone who wears a full face of makeup just to potter around the house.

For the posty. No, the other day I put on a full face of makeup, including eye shadow and lipstick and all sorts of things, just because I had time on my hand, so why not? And then I had to join a work meeting at 8.30. So I'd done all this before 8.30. So in the 8.30 meeting with like a smoky eye, I could see everyone was looking at me, like, what is going on? Have you found an all-night party to go to somehow under the current circumstances? Why if you got a smoky eye? Like, for me? And I'm the same, like, people

who've gone on about lockdown, like, oh, haven't worn my jeans for six months. Like, this is the first time in five years that I have worn jeans. Jeans are my lounging clothes. What are you all wearing? Not jeans. We're all different. Long cardigans. But all I know is that I would not be ashamed to receive the post. Now everyone's just talking about post people and a lot of people have answered the door breastfeeding so good I don't think breastfeeding is messy yeah if you're breastfeeding in your own home don't describe that as messy you don't need to internalise that

if you're breastfeeding out of the home well exactly breastfeed wherever you want as well as I'm concerned yeah go ahead please do yeah use the obvious boo or the less obvious boob no judgment here I've always said we're not here to judge people's parenting and I'm not here to judge which boob is obvious and which boob is not I don't know how breastfeeding works do you have to alternate mobs so they stay the same size? I have no idea. I have absolutely no idea how breastfeeding

works. We'll have to ask a friend of ours with a baby. Yeah, should we do that live on air? Phone them. Yeah. Let's move on. Am I being unreasonable? Alan Sugar says put a suit on, put a dress on, put your makeup on, do your hair and get back into work. All from the comfort of his own home, mind blown. Lord Alan is of course just worried about all these office blocks that he owns and rents out through am's hold and ams prop in places like mayfair being empty and the losses he will now incur due to fact that we have found a better way to live and work the world is changing either adapt or disappear p s we are working alan just not in your offices because we can do it well from home lord allen's the opposite of the last poster he's he's

definitely putting a suit on and putting a dress on and putting makeup on for the postman A suit and a dress. Lord Alan's looking out the curtains, seeing where the postman is, but he's already dressed. We're wearing layer after layer of formal wear. Starts with just jeans and a t-shirt, then moves on to sort of like a casual shirt and some chinos over the jeans and t-shirt. Then a full seat, then a tux. Then the long cardigan. Then a dress.

Then a cocktail gown, then a wedding dress. And a full load of makeup. And full makeup and hair done. You have delivered my post. You're hired. This task is all about layers. I don't know how anyone's got the energy to get worked off about what Alan Sugar says, unless this person works for Alan Sugar or in one of Alan Sugar's buildings.

It's all in the post. Just ignore it. Yeah. He's one of the biggest landlords in London because he made a bit of money doing market trading and invested it in properties in the 80s when it was relatively cheap to buy a central London property. And now this is how he makes his millions. Not through trading or weird tasks You didn't have to do any weird tasks

To become the apprentice of some eccentric millionaire Smell what sells Well that's not what you do is it Your shit doesn't sell at all You just got lucky that you bought up half of Mayfair Yeah, you tried to sell video phones At a time when no one wanted video phones If you were living purely on the profits

From the Amstrad emailer plus You would be the one applying for an apprenticeship my friend Do you know what I remember really vividly from one of the times we went to Eureka in Halifax. Tell me. Was they had, one of the exhibits was an Amstrad video phone. Okay. And it was like, this is the future.

We'll all be video phoning from like next year on. This was like in 1991 or whatever. The only place I ever remember seeing an Amstrad email, a plus in the wild, was the chippy next to my skull. And they had it behind the counter, like real pride of place. So, you know, when you go to a chippy or a tiny, and they've got like the big cat with the arm and they've got like a calendar

that they've made themselves and there's sort of some standard stuff that you see at takeaways. Yeah. Their pride of place item was an Amstrad emailer plus. It was very odd. Did they get orders through on it? Because who would have been contacting them?

It feels as weird as faxing your order through. It feels like it belongs at such a specific moment. But we are now living in an age where we're expected to video call rather than just normal phone call for all things. maybe we'll go back to a time when the takeaway will only accept your order of you video call. And they need to see your face. Yeah.

And then they take... You need to be wearing a full set of makeup. A full face of makeup. So that you can get your chips and curry sauce. Yeah. Holding your phone in front of it. Hi. I could really go a chippy right now.

Well, there's a chippy down the road. I'll video call them. Anyway, no, the only time I've seen an Amsterdam email at Plus in the wild was at the chippy. And the only time I've seen Alan Sugar doing a day's work ever is never. But yeah, he's a landlord. He's a parasitic landlord and he's concerned about his bottom line. Yeah.

So, fuck him. Don't take it to heart, O.P. Is he in the office? No. No, exactly. The O.P. says. Is he just sitting lonely in the wardroom waiting for, you know, Claude to come back?

He's a receptionist who just puts one call through once a week to say that... Lord Trigger says you can go through now. You could do that remotely, definitely. Absolutely. You do that on the Amsterdam email applause. Absolutely. Lots of people are angry. I don't understand why they're all angry.

I mean, the news has been saying there's a rise in cases in the UK. Yeah. And there's been like no mention that this correlates with the schools going back and universities reopening and workplaces being encouraged to bring people back. Oh yeah. Like what do you think the cause is here? So it's not that we stopped eating out to help out. It doesn't make any sense. Can you please just go and get a 10-pound lobster because otherwise you'll get COVID?

What are you on about the government? A 10-pound lobster at our local was a good deal, though. 10-pound for lobster. I mean, that does read like an obituary, doesn't it? Thanks, Rishi. Rishie paid for half our lobster. Rishie's our lobster. Rishie's a billionaire.

Rishie makes Alan Sugar look like some sort of pauper, probably. I don't know how well-off Alan Sugar is. He can go and work for Rishi then. how it works. You go work for someone who has more money. Yeah, but, I mean, like, Rishi's been spending a lot of his time doing bizarrely progressive policies for a billionaire Tory Chancellor and going to Nando's and serving food. For non-UK. people, we're talking about Rishi Sunak, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, who gave us all money to go out and eat lobster. Dishy Rishi. Yeah, he encouraged us all

to go for lobster so that he could relate to us better. Oh, they've had lobster now, so I feel like I understand the people. And then he cancelled the furlough scheme, even though no one else in Europe has. So, on balance, not actually a good egg. Not great. Still a billionaire Tory. Still dishy. I don't think he is dishy.

He's not... It just rhymes with wishing. It's like if there was a Tory Chancellor called Utiful. They call him Beautiful, Yutiful. Yutiful sounds like the name of a Tory. I'm Yutiful Jones. The Tory for Maidstone. Someone's described Alan Sugar as a greedy gobshite, which is spot on.

True. Someone said, I'm paraphrasing, but it was on TV the other day saying something like, now they're all working from home. They don't want to go back because they're enjoying it. God forbid people should enjoy themselves while working, eh, Alan? God forbid people should have enjoyable lives. Yeah. And that's really all that's going on.

Just lots of people getting annoyed. And I understand why they're annoyed and I agree, but I really don't know why you've taken the time to worry about what Alan Sugar thinks. All Alan Sugar does right now is point at people and say they're fired. And they didn't work for him to begin with. He's deluded. He has to write the puns too. I was about to say I don't think he does. But actually, yeah, if they're paying a real TV writer to write those puns, that's troubling, isn't it? Alan Bennett. Alan Bennett writes the puns. That's the job retention scheme. The real job retention scheme is writing the puns for the apprentice. Get a writer's room with Alan Bennett and

Firm Brady. Knocking out puns. That's a weird team. That's a really weird team. Alan Bennett and Firm Brady. I mean, great. I like them both in different ways. Sure.

I don't think Firm Brady would agree to do that job. No, probably not. She seems very principled. I like her for that. I think he's saying that more structure in our life brings rewards. If he doesn't meet people who are genuinely happier working from home, then fair enough. The structure I want in my life is well. in which Alan Sugar is firmly blocked out of the structure.

I'm just building up a wall around myself where Alan Sugar doesn't participate in anything I do. Let's do one final thread, shall we? Am I being unreasonable to find podcasts excruciatingly dull? Just that, really? Am I just listening to the wrong ones? I've tried podcasts about stuff I'm interested in, books, fashion, popular culture.

But within minutes, I'm thinking, why am I listening to these people? I'm not learning anything here. What's the point? I don't think I have a terrible attention. I have to listen to people for a living, or is that part of my problem? Full disclosure, there may be an element of class prejudice in some of my reactions. I've just tried an apparently popular podcast by two writers whose essays I generally enjoy, but there's something about

their effortless assurance that people want to listen to their commentaries that I just find really off-putting. I should just move on and accept that podcasts are not for me, right? Wow, personal, wow. As two writers whose essays people generally enjoy, I haven't written an essay in 10 years. To say you don't like podcasts is... Podcasts is a broad medium. It would be like someone who said they didn't like music or didn't like films. I would be suspicious of... I think it's a broad enough medium that there's surely something out there for you. Yeah, it's not like saying I don't like EDM or I don't like the ballet. In fact,

even the ballet is too broad. Yeah. If you don't like three white men talking about... Talking over each other. Three white men talking over each other. Three white men talking over each Yeah, we're talking about pop culture. Talking about pop culture. Talking over one another. Then, yeah, there's a lot of podcasts that are not for you. But there's lots of podcasts that are not free white men talking over each other. Yeah.

There are some really good podcasts that are storytelling. Maybe you'd like those. Yeah. I think we need to narrow down on what you want. Do you want fiction or nonfiction? It's as broad as books. Because let's say you find books. But there are people who say that.

We all have someone left on our Facebook from back in some point in the past where under the section books they've written don't read long we all know that person maybe the problem is they're looking for podcasts talking about things they enjoy and if they're just people talking about things they enjoy and this person wants to learn they're not going to learn because it's their area of existing expertise so maybe that's part of the problem if you like books and you're just listening to people talk about books maybe that's not going to appeal because you already have your opinions and you find their self-assurance that people want to talk about, want to listen to them is the problem. Yeah, I think if I listen to podcasts about

what I do for a living, I would find it excruciatingly dull. Or if the people from work put together a podcast and made me listen to it, I think I'd find that quite dull. Yeah, there are a lot of professional podcasts out there for the sector that I work in, and I don't listen to a damn one of them. Not a damn one. I had a CPD catch-up the other day and on the list of things that you could do as development, podcast was one of them. I was like, no, no. Maybe they'd be better looking for podcasts that are more like general interest. Yeah, I, like to say, learn about something you don't already know about. Yeah, I never listen to podcasts related to work. No. Not for me. And I listen to a lot of podcasts. I'm like that tweet, I have to be listening to podcasts because not listening to a podcast

while I'm doing something is lava. I have to hop from podcast to podcast. Yeah, that's how I am. Thoughts, never in, original thought, never intrudes. Exactly. I think they need to really broaden their horizons. Maybe they could listen to a comedy podcast about something that they are interested in,

like mumsnet.com. Yeah, there's loads of comedy podcasts about mumsnet.com. I can think of one by Ashley's story. She's got one. Sure. There's the official Mumsnet podcast. Yeah. Which is for dweeps.

Dweeps and not. Nerds. They ripped off our format. Get out. out on the mainstream guys. And then Mumsnet HQ posted about how someone has already made this podcast and hadn't even asked their permission. We don't need to ask your permission, Mumsnet HQ. We know that you know we exist. We got under your skin. We're the winners. Maybe I'm too self-assured. Maybe. Why would anyone want to listen to this?

Just me talking about how excellent I am. I'm great and Mumsnet's bad. It's that for 40 minutes every fortnight. Then they talked about how they put clothes on at the weekend. They kept describing stuff as weirdly intimate while sharing things that were more intimate, to be honest. They made some jokes about some British reality TV show that I don't get because I'm not British, and I don't think it's that popular even in Britain. About once a month, they talk about Gordon Brown and some bigoted woman, and no one knows why. She was a bigoted woman. What did she say? Everything. She was self-assured.

She believed that people wanted to hear what she had to say, and what did she have to say? everything. If Gillian Duffy had a podcast, I would be subscribing so quickly I would break my phone screen. Jillian Duffy's baffling U-turned podcast. We're at the start of the podcast, she talks about why she's never voting Labor. And at the end of the podcast, someone said, how do you vote Jillian? And she says, oh, Labor. Yeah. Next time there's an election, I really want Gillian Duffy to do the companion podcast to the election. I want all political commentary to come from Gillian Duffy. That bigoted woman,

spliced by Squarespace. It started as a joke, but once again, we're just talking about Jillian Duffy. Why does anyone listen to this? I would switch to long-form documentary podcast

like Dolly Parton's America. I think, if in doubt, recommend Dolly Parton, for sure. On the first podcast, serial. The first podcast. Someone has pointed out that's like saying that telly is boring,

cinema is dull, books are boring. Podcasts of the method of information, sharing not the content. Spot on. Yeah, someone said, I love podcasts when I'm driving or cleaning or cooking or baking. I'd rather read otherwise.

Yeah. Absolutely fair. We're not saying that you must always be listening to a podcast. Someone said, I'm just starting podcasts as if they believe they'll be able to complete podcasts. You'll never complete podcasts. They're releasing new ones every week. Starting podcasts. There's too many.

Someone has said, I think of them like books so I can give it a shot. And if I'm not keen, I'll listen for a bit longer and see. And I can turn it off and try something new, which, yeah. Yeah, give it 10 million. You're not being unreasonable. They tend to be extremely self-indulgence. And someone says, you've clearly only listened to a number of similar ones. There are podcasts about pretty much anything. How could a factual series on, for example, ancient Rome be self-indulgent?

It's no different to watching the same thing on TV or in a linear weekly series on live radio. Yeah. I don't think someone's sharing what they find interesting is necessarily a self-indulgence. I think, as again, people don't believe in community. People think everyone should just exist in their own personal bubble. You don't have to listen to people sharing what they find interesting or talking about stuff that entertains them but you might enjoy it and that's nice and if you don't, that's fine too.

You might enjoy it, they probably enjoy producing it and if you don't enjoy it, you can not listen and not complain. A friend asked me earlier how the podcast was going and I was like, I've got no idea, I don't look at the stats or anything, she said, oh, a more man are you still enjoying doing it? I was like, oh yeah, yeah. Like that's the attitude. Keeping our marriage together.

Well, no. Because I'm leaving. We'll be recording over Zoom from now on. Oh, but we're still doing the podcast. I'll be in my Bachelor, Pat. The marriage is over, but the podcast remains. That's going to be fun. Think of the listeners.

I would totally listen to a life, like a marriage breaking down in real time on ostensibly a comedy podcast. I'm messy enough that I would love that. Yeah, it would be a bold narrative conceit to do this after 83 episodes. Yeah? To suddenly reveal it's an interactive fiction

podcast playing the long game without a marriage book show. Do you think we would lose listeners or gang listeners? I mean we'd gain them if we get an article on the AV club or something. Yeah, we might lose the original listeners. And I like them best. They're a good bunch. Yeah, yeah, the few listeners we have are a great week of unity. Yeah, I'd like to just apologise at this point to the person who suggested a thread,

which was gold, by the way, but it's not from the Am I Being on Reasonable Board. and I just feel morally dubious about picking people apart who have gone to a part of mum's net that they don't perceive to be a nest of Vipers but thank you someone has said it depends what the podcast is I'm not very techno-savvy

techno, techno, techno, techno, a podcast in which you learn all about techno-music for the people who are not yet techno-savvy I'm here for it. Great, Lemmy makes it, I'm well in. Yeah, and then someone has said why not listen to Case File? Great.

I mean, if you are looking to do podcasts then, yeah, true crime is really where podcasts. It's a burgeoning genre at the moment. Yeah. Maybe oversaturated. Well, potentially, but there are some very good true crime ones out there. There are some very bad ones. Yeah, you're a true crime fan.

No, I'm not. I'm a fan of one true crime podcast because I like the chacks. It's two comedians. And then all the other ones irritate me, and they seem exploitative and inappropriate. But, like, done right, they can be good. And I don't begrudge anyone else the joy of true crime. but I'm very much in all-kill-mo filler for the filler, not the killer. I like improv comedy podcasts.

We're men talk over each other. Exactly. But the rest feel exploitative. Am I being unreasonable to insist on swap? Swap. Swap. Yeah, I'll swap. What if you get?

I'm willing to swap. I've got a beanbag. That's hell of his beanbag, really. Am I being unreasonable? Is it normal to fart in your sleep? I think so. Yeah? I mean, you'd be asleep, wouldn't you?

You wouldn't know. While you were out, I watched the romance. But I guess film, The Lighthouse, in which Willem DeFoe, farts in his sleep. Great. But that's, I mean, that's a not, that's not a normal situation. It's not a normal film, is it? They're going slowly mad. Because of...

And their toxic masculinity is really coming to the surface. Yeah. Because of The Lighthouse. Yeah. Am I being unreasonable? Why did Netflix allow this film? I wonder what film that's about. Oh, yawn first.

And Am I being unreasonable, friend beat me to a business idea. Oh, no. Oh, Alan Sugar bought up all the property in Mayfair. You had a great idea to buy up all the property in Mayfair and turn it into offices. Yeah, but you were 20 years too late, and the value was not where it was in the 80s. The 80s was 40 years ago. 1980 was 40 years ago. Goodness me.

And on that bombshell. Impossible. Shall we call it a day? Yeah. Great. Have you got anything you want to plug? Yeah, if you want to read a fair, balanced and interesting review of cuties, a Netflix film. then I would suggest going to take one

and seeing Jim Ross's review. Great. That's actually a really good shout because that is obviously the film that this person's referring to, I think, and... There's been a lot of discourse about it. There has. I also like the idea that Netflix can allow or disallow films. They're not referees. It's just a platform.

Thank you. Bye. Right now!