You Are Being Unreasonable - 084 - In which we téléphone á la police

Episode Date: October 1, 2020

"Rule two: put terrorists... in the bin." Autumn's here! We can really start dressing and we can get into some more Mumsnet threads. This week: paying for things that are later made available for free and telephoning la police; teaching primary school children about 'cancelling' Woody Allen and Roman Polanski; The Fickle Spiteful Gran falling out with her grandchildren and throwing away all their presents; accidentally messaging ex-boyfriends and the WhatsApp Gif Challenge; and depositing hundreds of birds in the bank.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now.

Hello. Hello, welcome to your being on Reasonable. The podcast about people being unreasonable, with me, Hells. And me, Simon. Autumn's here. Autumn is here. I love autumn. As I had a tweet earlier to the effect of, it was from like the onion or one of those

onion-like satire sites. Yeah. Autumn man strolling down the street with a cup of coffee in a cardigan and a plaid shirt. You, you're Autumn man. I'm Autumn man. It's time. I can really start dressing. I am actually quite annoyed by the fact that even though I was really pissed off that my office

reopened, I'm now really, really annoyed that it's shut a good. game because it is time to really start dressing and I'm seeing a much smaller pool of people than normal. There aren't as many people who can tell me about how I'm really dressing. Now you're really dressing. I mean I say that every morning. Oh yeah. Hey Hells, now you're really dressing. No, you're really dressing while you're getting dressed. Oh yeah, literally yeah. Let's do the speed round. Some exasperating. Am I being unreasonable life after death? No. Am I being unreasonable to worry the bank will not like it if I switch to starling. If you switch to starling, no, I dare say they wouldn't like it, because it's sterling.

No, starling. That's not currency. This is hundreds of birds. Ma'am, this is a bank. We simply cannot deposit these birds. They will suffocate and die. They will die in our airtight safe. And we're being unreasonable. What's the worst job you have had? No, it's a good question. We've all had bad jobs. Yeah, mine was when I had to stuff a load of birds into a lot of.

a vault and am I being unreasonable to consider claiming tax relief for a property. I mean, that sounds eminently sensible, I don't know. Sure. Sounds very sensible for mum's now. Yeah, it does. Are you sure you're not wanting to want money-savingexpert.com? Well, are you sure you shouldn't be listening to the joke podcast about money-savingexpert.com? Does that exist?

Hopefully. If it doesn't, can we do it? Our parallel universe where we started a podcast about money-savingexpert.com instead of Mumsnet.com. Yeah, I can't imagine that money-saving expert is full of transphobes. Yeah, a better site, if anything. And we might have saved some money. Well, we might have done.

Instead of the money we sunk away on this. Endeavour. Let's start that one as well, just to break even. Let's do a full thread, shall we? And it's relevant to what you've just said. Am I being unreasonable? Is it illegal to charge for something, then make it available for free? I am a member of this industry body who've been doing a number of expert web,

that you sign up to for a fee. So fees for members and higher fees for non-members. I took part in one last week, which wasn't great, to be honest, stuff I could have found out myself from the internet. The industry body have now put all the webinar recordings on YouTube and anyone can see them without paying. Am I being unreasonable to be really pissed off that I paid an £80 fee for a webinar that was not only shit, but that I could have gotten for free? Is it illegal? What should I do? And who should I report it to? Should I let it go? 80 pounds is a lot of money for me.

I mean, this does need to be on money-savingexpert.com. Why would it be illegal? Why are you just there? Like, that image of Celine Dion calling the police. Is that Celine Dion? Yeah. Oh, I never knew that. Is your telephone Ella Police?

Yeah. I didn't know that was Celine Dion. I thought it was just a French woman. I guess a Quebec woman. I'm going to check now. goodness me it's absolutely Celine Dion

Wow meme history Yeah I was just a woman At a telephone She looks just like Celine Dion I don't know what Celine Dion looks like

Oh Well you know the meme So now you do Yeah I know the memes So now I do Yeah She looks like Hey it's her

She's the telephone She's the telephone of the police Exactly Yeah So you're Celine Dion I don't impress me much Oh Oh

Shania So I'm exasperated this episode No I'm not exasperated with me I'm not exasperated with you It's not illegal to be charged a kind of premium subscription Because what you've paid for is early access It doesn't matter that it was shit Yeah

So, so was Tenet, but I paid to see that Yeah, and then when that becomes available to watch on television You can't call the police Exactly Christopher Nolan has done a crime Should telephone with Christopher Nolan Hi, your film really needs more character And also, I resent having paid for it

As you've now made it available. For free. For free. So I can watch it backwards and forward. I enjoy the way that this person begins by saying, I'm a member of this industry body. Not an industry body. It's where they say this.

They already sound irritated by the body exists. I remember of this industry body. It sounds as if everyone should know what the industry body is. Because I'm the centre of the universe. You know, this industry body that I'm part of. What industry do you think it is? It's obviously not one to do with the law because, no. No, no grasp.

No, nail care. Nail care, okay. I assume they have an industry body. Yeah, probably. The nail technicians. Podcasting? Yeah. They're good at releasing content early for a price and then later for free.

Yeah, we aren't. No, we just release it for free. Yeah, and even that seems cheeky. And open access. Creative Commons licensed. You can do remixes of this should you want to. Yeah, I'm curious as to what industry body it is. I'm also curious about the fact that.

they've had to pay this money out personally. I appreciate some people are self-employed and all that, jazz, but I would never spend my personal money on my day job. Don't be ridiculous. I've paid for conferences and stuff in the past. Oh, I'm sorry that I made it sound like that was ridiculous. It's not. Back when I gave more of a shit about my job.

Yeah, I think that's the thing. I think I have a very finite idea of what my job means. And it's for bringing in money, not spending money. I'm not going to spend 80. pounds to learn about my job. They should give me 80 pounds to learn about my job. Yeah, I think that is entirely valid. Not everyone sees it like that. I know that. I think before jumping to the police in terms of the illegality of this illegal seminar, you should go to the industry body first, this industry body. Jumping to the police. I like that. It's just a step to the body and then jump to

the police. I think we all can all agree this seminar was entirely illegal. Oh yeah. Yeah. Illegal to charge for it. Illegal tips on an illegal platform over the dark web. It was an illegal seminar. Yeah. You need to report it to the industry body and then get Celine Dion to telephone of the police. Yeah. She might be busy. She seems to be living her best life. Even in lockdown? I don't know. I don't know what she's doing now, but for a while she seemed to be having a fabulous time of it. She suffered for a long time after she lost her partner, but then she sort of came back fabulous. And I like that. Yeah, good for her. It's a good story. If it was a webinar by Celine Dion about how to get your groove back, I would pay 80 pounds. Yeah, how Celine got her groove back.

Yeah, I'd pay 80 pounds for Celine Dion to give me tips about how to find inner piece and be fabulous. I think that would be worth getting in advance. And do you think work would pay for it? No. I think I'd be hard pushed to get anyone to pay for me to do the Celine Dion being fabulous webinar. Yeah, I just don't feel like I'm fabulous enough at work and maybe I could do more if I was more fabulous. So it's £80 and it's run by Celine Dion. Yeah, I think they would probably take some time to reflect on my request and then they would just never talk about it again. So we know that it's probably not illegal. Probably she shouldn't actually phone the police. You've said that she should probably contact the industry body. I don't mean she should even do that really, but if she

wants to do something, which she obviously does. Yeah, I mean, she says, what should I do? What do you think she should do? Nothing. Nothing. Just go and look at some pictures of Celine Dion. and think, you know what, it does get better. Yeah, go watch something more entertaining than the webinar. Take your chances on Tenet by Christopher Nolan. Sure, I mean, but if you have to go to the cinema. It's got to be more entertaining than the webinar, which you do. It will just start all over again, though.

We're going to get a loop when this comes out on Channel 4, where the same poster comes back. Yeah, I went to the cinema to see Tenet and found it completely devoid of character or narrative interest. Can I get my money back? Surely this was illegal. With that, shall we move on? Yeah.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is utterly abnormal? I know a lady who, if she falls out with anyone, will bin or return anything bought for that person, even if that person happens to be someone close, like their child or grandchild. Am I being unreasonable in thinking this is really abnormal, just needlessly spiteful? Who is falling out with so many people that this is a regular occurrence? Who is falling out with this many grandchildren? but this is a regular occurrence. I'm just putting it out there.

This person sounds utterly unreasonable, not because of the throwing out thing, but just because they have a system in place. If I got a big cash of birthday and Christmas presents from my grandma. Yeah. And it said, I don't want to talk to you again. Here's your presents that I've already bought.

I'd be put out. I'd be put out. Why, grandma? No, but these aren't from, like, she's not giving them to the people who she's fallen out with. She's just binning them. Oh, I thought she was just getting rid of them.

No, she's bidding them. She's binning them. No, that's even worse. Maybe that's what Cat Bin Lady was doing. Maybe she bought that cat for her grandchild, but her grandchild was a rude little girl. So she put the cat in the bin. It doesn't make Catbin Lady better.

No, no. Ascribing that motive doesn't make it better. It makes it worse. I'm sure there's motives you can ascribe that made Cat Bin Lady a hero. Like maybe the cat was in Alcaheda. Well, I mean, even then, I don't know. I think maybe you're bringing some prevent training lens to this that's problematic in itself. Yeah, that's what Prevent says put terrorists in the bin.

Rule one, don't talk about prevent. Rule two, put terrorists in the bin. I don't know how they think it's supposed to work. I don't know, isn't it? If someone's a bit different to you, just call the cops in case. If someone has brown skin, yeah. Call the cops. Okay. She's your telephone Ella police. The telephone Ella police. I do think, is it spiteful?

I don't think it's spiteful of the recipient never knew. I think it's just wasteful. And spiteful and weird. I don't know how spiteful it is. It depends. Like, if someone phoned you and they're like, oh, I've got you a lovely Christmas present and they phoned you back and they're like, you're a poisonous little witch and it's in the bin now.

Then, yeah, that would be spiteful. That's spiteful. But the act of throwing the item away, so no one gets any joy out of it, I can only think of being done out of it. of spite? What is it done out of if not spite? I suppose I'm more thinking of the end result. It feels like you've done something out of spite, but no spite was felt by the intended recipient of the spites. I think it's still out of spite. Yeah. Futile spite, no doubt. But still spite. Spite is futile, isn't it? If I set up a dartboard with like Boris Johnson's

face on it and start throwing darks at it, that's out of spite, he'll never know, but it's still spiteful. Yeah, I suppose, as I was just about to say, all spice is futile, really, isn't it? You don't much productive spite. You get a bit of productive spite, but it's not the most common outcome, is it? No, I don't. It doesn't seem productive. Forgive and forget, that's what I say. Yeah, but falling out with your own grandchildren and then throwing away the toys you put for them or whatever, the checks that you've written for them. How shifty must that look? Seems bad. Like, oh yeah, I was going to get my little grandson Timmy, one of those rugs that's got like the track for cars on it. getting a kid's playroom, and also just this sort of child-sized teddy bear.

But as I'm throwing them out, I'm just going to roll the teddy up in the rug, and I'm just going to stuff it in the big council bins. Like a mafia. Like a mafia dispose. Next thing you know, she's been arrested. They think she's some sort of murderer. But all it really is, is that Timmy had his elbows on the table, and she cannot abide that.

Well, I don't know. She's down at the salon, having, you know, her perm put back in. Yeah. And chatting away about, like, yeah, I was baking. with my granddaughter and she didn't help she couldn't help she was useless she didn't even know what folding the cheese meant no she just wanted to lick the beaters so i'm throwing away all their presents why are all the presents bought so far in advance as well why do you have these big maybe this grands are like yeah they're prepared yeah this grand this grand belongs on mum's net

this is not a grand's net grand no this is a spiteful grand yeah i mean it's not the spiteful grand herself posting, though. It's someone who knows the spiteful gran. It's an acquaintance of spiteful gran who is very troubled by spiteful grand's behaviour. Someone has said, does she fall out with people very often then? And the OPEs come back and said, yes, she does. Great. It sounds like she might have the problem. I think if you fall out with people a lot, then the problem's not with other people, it's with you. Yeah, I think that's true, isn't it? Especially if the people in question are children who you are related to. Three-year-olds who just wanted to lick the beaters.

Yeah, it seems very odd. Somebody else has said, oh, does she live in Sussex? So I assume they think they know her. Sussex is quite a big county, though. Yeah, expected a present that never came. Oh, apparently sometimes she falls out with her adult children so then she has to throw the grandchildren's presents out too. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's a kind of transit of spite. Yeah. That makes no sense. The grandchildren didn't do out. Do you think, I mean, based on these family relationships, do you think she's also got a solicitor on Speed Dial and she's forever updating her will? Timmy's back in. Sally's out.

Sally and Timmy are both in, but just cut it in half. Gives the rest of it to the cats. The cats are out. Please stop updating your will. Yeah, a big pile of codicils at the end of the will. Codicyles and caveats. Codicels and caveat sounds like an... emo album.

Or possibly an emo band. Oh, have you heard the new one from codicils and caveats, bin full of toys? Bad ass. And then the O.P. has come back one more time to say, yes, she is toxic. I think we gathered that. Great. And that's kind of where the thread ends. A lot of people said, is she toxic?

The O.P. said, yes, she is toxic. As you'll plead you refer to my first post where you'll see that, yes, she's toxic. She knows that she's toxic. Am I being unreasonable? Cancel culture, official department of education guidance. Seen a few threads about cancel culture on here. Thought the recently released official guidance might be of interest to the multiple mum's letters

who thought that cancel culture was a good thing and that people who say bad things deserve what they get. Bad things being whatever the listener decides they are. I'm feeling rather optimistic. having read this, anyone else, and then a link to the official guidance from Twitter.com forward slash volwriter. Hmm, hmm. Yeah, I did see this in the news, at the Department of Education, I've put out some kind

of curriculum on cancelled culture and kind of free speech. It's, yeah, great stuff. Can't wait for Little Timmy to have his primary school lesson on Roman Polanski. Do you think this is why Little Timmy's so rude and all of his presents are in the bin? Yeah. It's just my free speech, Grandma. I can say what I want. Don't cancel me, Grandma.

Gonna cut your head off, Grandma. This is just like what happened to Woody Allen. You're a bitch and you're worthless now that you have your baby's grandma. I'm actually now on Grandma's side. Yeah. Now I know that Timmy is Lawrence Foxx. The term has no meaning anymore. It's so nebulous to have lost all meaning.

But if we are talking about people who have been cancelled, like Woody Allen and Roman Polanski who are sexual abusers who are sexual abusers and sexual harassers of young women and well in one case convicted rapists then yeah maybe they should be cancelled in that they should not work in the film industry

I think that would be for the best wouldn't it I don't think that's a bad thing is that what the Department of Education is talking about or is it just a nebulous anyone who's been told shut up what you want about let's have a look at the official guidance that they linked through to on Twitter.com. They've highlighted a bit that says,

explain that seeking to get people cancelled, e.g. having them removed from their position of authority, simply because you disagree with them is a form of bullying and is not acceptable. But it's not that I disagree with Woody Allen or Roman Polanski. Oh, so you agree. Shocking revelations. I'm going to put all of your presents in the bin.

I know my present. Oh, no, my presents. No, it's not a matter of disagreement, so much as their sexual abuse. I can't believe that anyone is still having to say this, that it's not a matter of agreeing or disagreeing. Some people are hateful, or they've committed crimes. Yeah, even if we're talking about J.K. Rowling, who, you know, hasn't committed a crime, apart from arguably hate speech. No one's removing J.K. Rowling from her job. Like, no one stepped in to say, I will be the one

tweeting to say all of the things that are chronically Harry Potter that no one had mentioned before. She just put a book out. Yeah. Like, she's getting paid. Like, she's not being a move from her job. People said that Daniel Radcliffe had said that he wouldn't work on another Harry Potter film unless J.K. Rowling wasn't involved. But I think, why would there have been another Harry Potter film? There ain't no more Harry Potter films. Daniel. It's done.

Yeah. Unless they do one of Harry Potter and the cursed child. Which, I mean, he wouldn't have been in. No. He's busy. And, yeah. Well, it was very lucrative as a West End show. Yeah.

Because you had to go to two shows. You had to go to two shows. Not so lucrative anymore, unfortunately. No, never mind. Unfortunately for the West End, not unfortunately for J.K. Rattling. Yeah. There's a new game out, a new Harry Potter game, that she's getting royalties for.

She's getting paid. She's not lost her job. Woody Allen just had a film out. Who has lost her job? Who has lost her job from a cancel culture? No one. Maya four-statter, but that's because she did a crime. She went to court and lost.

Oh, God. Infuriating. I'm more shocked by the fact this person has said, I can't wait to share the official guidance and they've sent a simple tweet. Here's the official guidance. It's just a tweet, it's a screenshot in a tweet. Well, hell's not to go off, but official government guidance does seem to be coming out on Twitter now.

Yeah, but I mean, at least that's from a verified account. This is just some person. Like I could start a Mum's Net thread that links through to the You Are Being Unreasonable account. I could be like, oh, officially. This official podcast says that cancel culture is bullshit. Yeah. It barely exists. It's not the mum's that official podcast.

It didn't say it was. It's just officially a podcast. It's just an official podcast. Yeah. It's official. Oh, that annoys me. People saying it's official about stuff that's not official. You see it all the time.

It's official having a pizza. Like, what are you on about? Who officiated that? Like, no one. No one. The pizza police. People say, oh, it's officially winter. I think this might have come from living in Poland where they take

the Equinox dates and things extremely seriously, and if you say it's a season that it's not, they're like, no, it's not. But now when I say people say, it's officially winter, and just posting a picture of a glove, I'm like, it's not officially, it's not official. You don't need to say it's official. No, there's no one stamp in there. It's officially cancel culture, a simple tweet. That now deleted Lawrence Fox tweet where he said that Rebecca Front

was the worst cancellation he'd received. Oh, that's sad. There were friends. They were. They were friends. And then he posted their DMs. Yeah. Which is really the act of a friend.

Oh. Why is Twitter? Why are men? If I had been cancelled by Rebecca Frum and divorced by Billy Piper, I don't think I'd go outside again, let alone brag about any of this. Yeah, I mean, mortifying. Mortifying. Billy Piper was always way too good for him. Really Piper's too good for any man.

Wow. Okay, so let's move on, shall we? Oh, Chris Evans, Lawrence Fox. Well, no, Chris Evans, like, that was weird. She was 18 and he was very much not. Jerry Seinfeld. All a bit strange. Anyway, yeah, official cancelled culture guidance.

I wish it was more of a guide to how to cancel someone officially. If I put that on Twitter, that would make it official. I'm going to release a 10-point official guidance. Yeah, and then I'll boil it down to a three-word slogan like the government do with all the COVID guidance. Number one, telephone your industry body. Number two, je telephone at the police. Number three, talk about it on Twitter.

Yeah, I would have gone with... Sign an open letter. I think number one... Respond to their open letter saying they've been cancelled. Yes, that's good. And then obviously, step three, simply says, Celine. Yeah. Finally, step aside as they continue to rake in more money than before for allegedly being cancelled.

Yes, that is the end of... That's the final stage. The final evolution of the cancel culture Pokemon Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah Cancelon? Cancel on? Can I cancel them more? You're my best friend, but then you blocked me on tweets Cancel on Rebecca Front, cancel on

Am I being unreasonable, I just accidentally created a group on Messenger with my two ex-boyfriends panicked and left the group OMG. Please help me to feel better. I hate Facebook. I haven't actively used Facebook for years, but I have the messenger app as I do sometimes get the old message. Anyway, for some reason, I decided to open the messenger app and clicked on a conversation from my ex. We haven't spoken for about two years. Then, somehow, I managed to accidentally send a thumbs up. And then I panicked and somehow changed the conversation colour, which came up as Blanche has changed the conversation color and I was like abort, abort, abort, abort, and then God knows how I managed to create a group

with him and my other ex. Oh, the shame. I immediately left the group, but now, as I've left, I can't get back in to delete it. So now they're just in this sad little group together, wondering why on earth I've suddenly created it and then left. Bloody hell. Smash hit romantic comedy. Love it. She creates this group, gets the boyfriends together, they have a chat, they meet up, they fall in love. I love it. I think it's perfect. The meet-cute is the group chat. Yeah, I think that's great. And they fall in love, there's some complications, there's a second act complication.

The inevitable complication. Yeah, I don't know what it is. Maybe one of them sleeps with her again. Yeah, maybe. Who cares? But in the end, the ex-boyfriends end up together. Yeah, and the ex-boyfriends are Colin Firth and Stanley Tucci. I haven't seen the film, so I assume...

This sounds like Supernova, the soon-to-be-released film. Yeah, a gay Colin Firth and a gay Stanley Tucci. Yeah, which I assume is based on this. Maybe, maybe. No. London Film Festival's coming up. I'll try and see it and let you know. Okay, good. Very good.

This doesn't sound like a problem. If you haven't spoken to them in years, like, yeah, it's embarrassing, but it has no material impact on your life. I realistically don't think they're going to start chatting in that group. If I got added to a group with just, like, some rando knew that the only thing we had in common was that we had a mutual X, what would you say? Oh, hey! Are you still in touch with insignificant person from the past?

And then if they say yes, I'd be like, great. If they say, no, I'd be like, okay, cool. Cool. You like Animal Crossing? Yeah, I mean... I mean, I can come to your island. This said, the best woman, one of the best women at our wedding, is someone who I met when I was 14,

because the person I was going out with in a very 14-year-old way when I was 14, had a big old crush on her and thought it would be funny to introduce us to each other, but like we're still friends and she was the best woman at our wedding and that I think if that person who introduced us has had their way would have been like oh my two exes but she had the common sense never to go there yeah so I mean maybe maybe if you have a mutual ex it's a sign that you've got stuff in common but that stuff might just be trauma bonds yeah bring them together yeah hmm hmm yeah bring them together and make them fight like scout pilgrim yeah okay or or not because that seems cr I have a question. How innocently could you have been looking at a conversation with your ex from two years ago? It's weird. It is weird. Yeah, unless he shared like the pin to something that you still own. Yeah, like you've got a safe full of all of your ex's secrets and you want the pin to it for normal reasons. Yeah. Yeah. Unless it's that thing where people sort of have been ruminating because of you know the pandemic and maybe maybe she just was looking at messages from

the past and feeling wistful yeah she wants to but to try and make it sound entirely accidental like i don't know how i don't use this app but i somehow opened it and then clicked on messages from two years ago and then change the color what color did you change it to that also makes a difference if you change it to black that's it's like that's dark it's like you're dead to me What would be the most ominous colour that your ex could change the background of your Facebook messenger conversation to? Red, maybe. Red seems threatening. Yeah, it does seem threatening. Now it's turning into a horror film, like one of those modern horror films about, you know, stalking online.

Yeah, amber, because it's not quite threatening yet. It's more of a warning shot. I'm going to start changing all my group chats to green, amber, red, depending on how I feel the chat is going. Are you going to explain this? No. People in multiple groups might figure it out. Yeah? Yeah, because they can see different colours.

You know, like, sometimes when a group chat is clearly going south, everyone in it can tell. Yeah. So... This group chat's dying. This is on red. If a group chat's dying, do you mute it forever, or do you just leave, so everyone gets the notification that you left? We talked about this at my book club because we had to move our book club group chat to a different. chat because it was full of ex-members and only one of us was brave enough to leave.

And I was like, I'm just going to archive it and then I don't see it. And someone else was like, I'm just going to just never respond to it and leave it clogging up my messages. Yeah, I just leave it plugging up my messages. Oh. Eventually, it'll just go to the bottom of WhatsApp and I'm not scrolling all the way down there. Scroll all the way down, accidentally change the colour. Oh, no.

Send a thumbs up and then add an X to it and then leave. Send a gif of Kermit sipping tea. And then go. bounce. Sure. I, I, that's that, that should be the new kind of TikTok challenge. You scroll to the bottom of your WhatsApp. Yeah. The very bottom. The oldest chat you've got on your WhatsApp. You scroll in, you send one gif, just a random gift, the first gift that comes up. Yeah. Then you leave. Then you bounce. Oh, I'm tempted to do that. I wonder what the very last WhatsApp I've got is. I don't think I had WhatsApp before we met, so I shouldn't have any WhatsApp with

X's knocking about. If I do, that's a different problem for a different time. No. Oh, my God. It's an improv troupe. Obviously, it's an improv troupe. Oh, it's tempting. Is anyone left in it? Probably not. I feel like, though, the problem with doing that to an improv troupe is that's where you'll just get people who will roll with it. They'll love it. Yeah, they will. Yeah. Ideally, it needs to be an old work group from a previous workplace or something. One that you left under a cloud. Or one where you left on your own terms, but you really went scorched up. Yeah, yeah, your chat group with Roman Polanski, Woody Island and Prince Andrew, who you don't talk to anymore. Or potentially, your chat group with your grandmother who binned all your presents, who you're not in touch with anymore.

Your grand, who won't talk to you anymore. Yeah. Because of what you did. Oh, no. Because you didn't lick the beaters. I thought it was because you did. No, it's because you didn't lick the beaters. Oh, no.

Yeah, yeah. She's a fickle grand. Terrible. Fickle, spiteful grand. Fickle, spiteful grand sounds like the name of the kids' book that I want to write. The war against fickle, spiteful gran. I think kids need to know that some people out there are bad and they need to learn early in life

not to waste your energy on them and you don't get kids books about like, some people, like they're just fun sponges, they'll make you feel bad, they're toxic, don't let it become a thing, just walk away. We need more kids' books where people just bounce. Well, I mean, they're going to be taught all about cancelled culture. Cancel you, grand.

Grancel culture. Nice. I am very curious about this. Lots of people on the shred are saying that they're spitting out tea, they're laughing and waking the baby, was wine involved? Gosh, I just know. Even I didn't find it that funny and I'm ostensibly using it for a comedy podcast. I didn't spit out my tea.

Who would be the two worst people you could put in a chat together? They don't have to be exes. I'm just like, maybe I'll also make a group chat with just two people who really shouldn't be in a chat together and then leave. Gordon Brown and Jillian Duffy. I didn't know that you already had their details on the messenger. Oh, Gordon Brown, my mutual friend. Simon?

Oh, odd. Gillian, my mutual friend. Simon. Oh, interesting. I hope they've got a messenger group. Simon, have you got a messenger group? Oh, I left it. Oh, okay.

Left them to it. I'll reminisce about the old times. Yeah, sure. Baffling. Absolutely baffling. I think I enjoy this most because nothing about this sounds like it just naturally happened. Like, oh, it just happens to open it and change the colour and add something. Like, that's a lot of sticky thumbs, isn't it? Like, they've changed the setup of Twitter where it's now a lot easier to accidentally open your DMs and so potentially you could be more likely to like send someone a bot message in your DMs than you would have done previously. A butt message? Like butt dialing. Oh, I thought you meant like a picture of a bottom or something. Yeah, not like a dick pick. I mean like butt message. dialing. That wasn't clear. It shouldn't be easy to accidentally send someone a picture of your

ass. Yeah. That's harder to get than a dick pick. Well, yeah. Because sometimes your phone is just pointing at your dick. Okay. I didn't know you were an expert in Richard pictures. We'll leave it for my public apology at the end. Yeah. Okay. Great. I look forward to the notes up on that. No, I mean like it's easier now with the way they've changed the Twitter interface to accidentally send someone a DM. But only if there's someone that you've recently-ish DM'd anyway and they're in the top of your DMs. I might have to send some DMs to people who I know and trust, so at the top of my DMs is all people who won't mind if I accidentally send them a message where I sat on my phone. Or accidentally send a picture of my bum.

Rather than, for example, lit magazines. X's. Open the camera, open the album of bump photos. Can you think of anything more heartbreaking then if you've been submitting to lip magazines and you were getting rejections, but then your accidental bum photo got accepted? Thanks for your art No No, that's a bum, not a peach For some reason

There's a message on this thread That's been withdrawn At the poster's request I'd love to know what happened there They accidentally tagged their exes Oh If you've got a selection of exes Who are all on mum's net

Your dating history is checkered and sad Someone said I once sent this on WhatsApp Do you fancy this tonight, Oberjean, because it was shorthand for Musaka. It's obviously not shorthand for Musaka, is it? No, just like Musaka. And you'd sent it to a male co-worker by accident rather than your daughter. Like, it gets a likely story.

This is just a threadful of people's likely stories. Didn't happen at the year or what. Or it did happen, because you wanted to ask your male co-worker if he wanted to have sex with you. Do you like me, see if you want you to have... No, je telephone on the police. Oh, I tried to say my daughter Think about Misaka Someone said

Add everyone on your friend's list to the chat And then say it was a virus That's so time consuming Adding hundreds upon hundreds of people to the chat Just to style out that you added two exes Yeah And then everyone's going to talk about you I mean, you could just unfriend your exes

And pretend that they never existed Be in all the presents that you had stashed for your exes Leave Facebook Yeah, leave Twitter delete your email account, burn your credit cards. Get plastic surgery. Get plastic surgery. Face off. Yeah.

Go off the grid. It's the only option. Scorch stuff. But the earth you're scorching is your life. Should we do one more speed round? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable to say buy the worst house in the best area is not always the best advice? It doesn't sound like a great idea.

Why would you buy the worst house? Yeah. Like, oh, I could afford a perfectly good house, but I'll buy the worst house. I'll buy the shed with damp. Am I being unreasonable to not fancy my husband in his golf gear, which he wears a lot? Which he wears in the bedroom. Oh, am I being unreasonable, or is DH getting a much better deal? I know, it sounds like men often get a good deal, because of patriarchy.

And am I being unreasonable to think wanting to overthrow capitalism is not an extreme political stance. Yeah, yeah! That's related to the education guidance as well, because you're not allowed to talk about overthrowing capitalism in schools anymore. Oh, I thought it was related to money-saving expert. I thought a good way to save money is to overthrow capitalism. That is a good way to save money. That will be on our Money-Saving Expert podcast. Coming soon.

Yeah. Thanks for listening. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. If you're going to send us threads from the Am I Being Unreasonable Phone? Yeah.

If you want to send us threads from Money-Saving Expert, I would be open to doing a novelty week of money-saving expert to avoid this board full of people saying, there was just no pastor at the supermarket. I'm a tough. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah.

you for listening. Thank you. I'm going to go and eat some pasta because I've got some and I'm not a turf. Bye. Bye-bye.