You Are Being Unreasonable - 088 - A Christmas fight club, jizz on a mirror, and closely guarded secret supermarket buys

Episode Date: November 26, 2020

"I think the workers should seize the means of production: the office kettle." Secrets abound this week as we share our exciting and closely guarded secret supermarket buys. Why not share your closely guarded secret supermarket buys with us on Twitter? Lord knows there's nothing else to do. We also determine whose kimchi is whose and becoming the best wife in the world, look at the intelligence-measuring properties of quiz shows and changing the IQ test to a Frasier-based test, examine the yawning gap between labour and capital as expressed through the prism of the office kitchen, and we think about the radio call-in energy of mindless questions about closely guarded secret supermarket buys.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when they're prescription. All I know is the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now. Hello. Hello. Welcome to you.

Being Unreasonable, the podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com with me, Hells. And me, Simon. Recording by Candlelight. Yeah, as... We've got a fancy cocktail. Yeah, you've got a fancy cocktail. I've got one of the last of those Yorkshire tea toast and jam tea bags, which is

surprisingly hard to come by. Artificial scarcity in tea bags is the worst. Toast and jam, though. So rare a hard flavour. Yeah, I'm a connoisseur. Yeah, and I'm having a cocktail because Hale's got me a cocktail set for my birthday. I wanted to try it out. Yeah, good on you.

And we're recording by candlelight, because we've been doing everything by candlelight. We're really burning through candles. Pro tip, if you're working from home, crack a candle on. Honestly. If you're in the office, maybe crack a candle off. I don't know why we've not been having candles all this time. I think if you try and light a candle in the office, the fire marshals will come around and shout at you. They'll put their little high biz on and tell you that you're bad.

Yeah. But working from home, like one extra advantage is you can crack a candle on. Yeah, it's very soothing. You can't get a prayer at lunch, but you can crack a candle on. So two good things. Let's do a speed round. Am I being unreasonable, flu camp? Flu is camp.

Amma being unreasonable? Facebook seller, delightful home decoration or jizz on a mirror. Jizz on a mirror. Unreasonable. Just uttering the phrase makes you unreasonable. Ew. You said jizz on a mirror, like it was an exclamation. She's on a mirror.

Amma being unreasonable, recommend me a washing machine. Uh, Hoover. And am I being unreasonable? Why are so many people struggling with life? The fucking pandemic. There's a pandemic at the moment. These weaklings. These simple weaklings.

Pandemic, everyone's struggling. Somebody who's watched the crowd and really identified with Thatcher. Why don't they just pull themselves up by their bootstraps? Like my father. My father lived for a... My father. Right. Daddy issues.

Daddy issues, Thatcher. We've been watching the Crown just because we love seeing Margaret Fatscher relentlessly clowned. Yeah. Just relentlessly humiliated. They're not painting the Royals in a particularly positive light. I saw a tweet earlier asking if it was all propaganda by big guillotine. Yeah, why did no one tell us the crown holds the royal family and the institution of monarchy in such contempt? Right, I missed three whole seasons of this, thinking that it was just some sycophantic royalist bollocks, but it's so far from that.

I thought it was profoundly toy, but it's not. It hates Margaret Fatcher, the Uber toy. Oh, goodness me. Should we do a thread? Am I being unreasonable? Settle a disagreement. Whose food was this? Tonight we ordered a takeaway online, which D.H. collected. His meal came with a side of kimchi. Mine didn't, but I wanted kimchi, so I added it on as an extra. D.H. collected the food and, when we unpacked the bag, there was only one kimchi. It was a fairly small, single-serving tub. Light-hearted and we came to a very reasonable agreement where we shared it. But D.H. is of the opinion that as kimchi came with his meal, the tub we received was for him. And therefore,

he did me a favour by sharing it. I feel that we should have checked the bag and therefore any error is on him and I'm the best wife in the world because I shared my kimchi with him. You're being unreasonable equals kimchi was rightfully DHS. You are not being unreasonable equals

kimchi was rightfully mine. We'll get into this in a minute but we've had a few of these where at the end they define what you are being unreasonable means in the context of the question and what you are not being a reasonable means. Yeah.

And I think it shows a certain slackness in the mum's netters that they're not framing them as you are being unreasonable questions, as am I being unreasonable questions? Yeah, I think... The answer should be unreasonable or not unreasonable. And it should be clear what that means. Am I being unreasonable to think I am the best wife in the world and this was my kimchi? Right. Or am I being unreasonable to think that DH should have shared his kimchi? Yeah, just give it a rewrite, so it's framed as an AIBU question, like the name of the fore.

In the last episode, I said, I'm not here to copy edit Mumsnet, but I'm starting to feel like... We are here to copy-it. That is what we've become. Yeah. We've become, you know, those people who point out movie goofs? Yeah, the best people. We just started pointing out post goofs. That was a goof in the post. Look, we've done probably hundreds of threads at this point.

Yeah, easily. Yeah, four weeks. This is episode, what, 88? Yeah. Loads. Absolutely. Maths that you can't be bothered to do by the sound of it. An impossible number of maths.

An impossible number of maths. An impossible number of maths to be done. Solomon's Maths Goofs podcast. But yeah, are you the best wife in the world? No. No. I mean, that's setting the bar low, isn't it? The best wife in the world, oh wow, what did she do?

She shared some kimchi. Right. Anything else? No, then she went on the internet for praise about it. Oh. Oh, needed the validation, eh? Okay. The kimchi itself was not enough.

The kimchi and the loving smile of her husband as he ate some kimchi. But of course the kimchi itself was not enough. It was only half of a fairly small single serving tub. Hmm. The main thing I'm taking from this is I would love some kimchi right about now. I'm going to see if we've got any takeaways nearby that will deliver kimchi or not, as the case may be. Yeah, you're really setting yourself up for this scenario. Yeah.

You'd share kimchi with me, right? I'd very much share. a kimchi with you, in that you could have 100%. Oh, the best husband. Always marry someone who doesn't like kimchi. Pro tip. Should we get into the ins and outs of...

D.H. ordered a meal that comes to her side of kimchi. Yes. She ordered a meal that didn't come to her side of kimchi. Yes. But added it as an extra. Yes. There was one single served tub of kimchi. Yes. The inference that I'm coming to is, this was the extra kimchi. This was not the side of kimchi. And tell me why you've reached that,

conclusion. Because I think the side of kimchi would be in with the container with the big meal. The big meal. That's probably what I would have imagined as well. I think if you've ordered an extra, it's likely to come in a little single served tub. It is. If it's a side as part of a main meal, you just mix it in there. Why not? I do also wonder though if this is just somewhere that's really stingy. Like, you know, if we go out and it's usually pubs where you order a meal and then they'll say, oh, do you want these sauces with that? And they mean ketchup. They always mean ketchup and then we'll have a bottle of that and then I say oh could I have some mayo please and you say yeah me too and then they put down the smallest ramekin of mayonnaise I have ever seen

and expect us to share it yeah so stingy so maybe this place is just stingy maybe it was there for sharing and they just need to find a better Korean takeaway yeah when I say me too I want an extra ramekin two ramekins two people yeah mayonnaise our local that's what you said say next time do want a eight sauces for the table. Mayanase. No, our local does vegan mayo, which is a good way to make sure we get two separate mayoes. I would like a vegan mayo and he would like a different mayo. I would like a meaty mayo. Yeah, I reckon that this is just a really stingy restaurant and they're completely overthinking it, but they know their local Korean takeaway better than I do.

Yes. It sounds like they came to a reasonable agreement. So coming here is just dredging up the past for no reason, dredging up secrets that should stay buried. Well, that's what I would have thought as well. From this thread, I would have let him have all of it. You only ordered it as an extra item, whereas it was part of his meal. If he'd ordered a battered sausage and chips, and you had ordered fish and chips and also an extra battered sausage, and there was only one battered sausage when it arrived,

would you have had the battered sausage and the fish and chips and left him with just the chips? I don't think this person knows what kimchi is But I think their logic's unassailable Do you? Yeah They ordered it as an extra item So it's not part of their main meal

I agree with that I think it makes a significant difference That they're talking about kimchi Which even when it comes as part of a main meal Is a size dish Yeah This is more like Yeah, I don't think no analogy works

If you got fish chips and mushy peas And the mushy peas came when you ordered fish And if you got sausage and chips You had to order mushy peas separately This is like the mushy peas here It's not like the sausage Yeah She's not gobbling up a whole sausage and leaving him with nout but chips.

No, agreed. I'm not on board with their analogy. I think that's bad, and it's undermined their argument. But I do think they're right that it is an extra item and his was part of a meal. I think I'd need to know more about what the whole meals were. And by need to, I mean, I don't really need to. I think the compromise they reached is still the best. Yeah.

But I agree that it was an extra. Somebody has described it as Schroding as kimchi Unless they call the takeaway and interrogate them Don't do that No Where's the kimchi Someone has said If it was paid for as an extra

Then it was yours Okay but that means that like The cost of the kimchi was included With the DH's meal So he's also paid for it He's also paid for it It was just included Also as they are a married couple

I don't imagine that they've had to divide up the bill Item by item on their takeaway No, that's another issue. Yeah. That's another issue in their marriage. I mean, if it is, then they need to, like, she needs to monzo him some money for the kimchi. They came to a reasonable agreement, which is to share the kimchi.

So I don't know why we litigating. There are 157 messages about this. Someone has said you should have ordered garlic bread instead. I don't think they understand. For a Korean meal. This sounds like someone who thinks they're salt of the fucking earth, but they're not salt of the earth. They're a bigger. Maybe you should have just gone to the food?

Fish and chip shop. Oh, they've come back and said what they had. Oh. So he had Korean chicken with Jasmine Rice, which comes with kimchi and peanut slough, whereas she had Akoniyaki, Scali and Pancake, Sumi, and Jasmine Rice. Yeah, he needs the kimchi more. He does. He is in much greater need of the kimchi.

His meal sounds boring without it. The kimchi's part of the meal there. It goes with the peanut slough. Yeah. Yeah, you've lost everyone. I was on the side of sharing it, but his meal sounds. sounds really rubbish. Truly abysmal without the kimchi.

I'm not sure it's abysmal. Sounds quite nice. And then someone has said, sounds like you had quite a lot already. And the OPs come back and said, do fuck off and stop trying to shame women for eating their dinner. You have no idea what quantity of food I ate, which is a very good point.

This is fine. No food shaming. Am I being unreasonable to have a different set of rules for myself and employees? I run a seasonal business, for example, making soap gift sets, very similar but not because what I do is niche and outing. I run this with my partner and we've just got to the point for the first time of hiring after running this for three years. In order to hire, my partner and I will have to take a big pay cut to the point where we will live on the bare minimum and all our employees packing the soaps will be unsignificantly more than us. My partner and I will work for the next

four weeks, 120 hours a week. Due to COVID, we have been recommended to close the office kitchen so the microwave toaster and fridge will be out of use. In usual times, we'd be happy for everyone to be using this, but due to COVID, we want to reduce cross-contamination. We want to rule where the office kitchen is closed to employees, but my partner and I will still want to use these. Is this being unreasonable? My one treat a day is to buy a takeaway coffee. I can leave at any point during the day to get this, but I can't give my employees the same flexibility. I also can't afford to ask them if they would like a coffee. They will have breaks to do as they wish, but they can't just leave whatever to get a takeaway coffee. Is this being unreasonable? Employees are all around 25 hours a week.

They will still have access to the kettle. I am the ruling class, and I want to subjugate the working class. Is this allowed? Am I part of a system of global exploitation? I don't think this person is the business mind they believe themselves to be, if their business depends on them, paying their employees more than they are earning, working 120 hours a week for four weeks. And bringing people into the office, despite there being a global pandemic. Look, this is essential work. They simply cannot pack the soaps from home, and the soaps must be packed. If the soaps are not packed, why is this woman spent 120 hours a week making them? It's not soap, though. What it is, would be outing.

What is she making? Is this like fight club? Tyler Durdon needs to use the microwave. A Christmas fight club. We'll come and beat you up as Santa or an elf or one of the burglars from home alone. I would watch the shit out of this film. We want to invite cross-contamination in the office we share. But not when we're beating your face to a pulp.

No. We will wear gloves when we do that. You can wear a mask. So immediately you've got. a lot of, what's the word? Overheads. You've got a lot of overheads on this office and paying for this office kitchen that only two of you are using.

So I think maybe you should adopt different cleaning techniques so that more people can use the office and it's not such a colossal waste of money. Alternatively, I would simply fold the business and do something better. This sounds truly awful. Yeah, the problem here is that you're exploiting your workers. because you're the ruling class and that's what the ruling class do. That's what the owning class do. Yeah. In Marxist terms, you are the capital and they are the workers. They're the labour. In addition.

Exploitation is part of that system and it looks like you're slightly self-aware enough to recognise the hypocrisy and the exploitation there, but not self-aware enough to say maybe capitalism is bad and I'm contributing to it. Yeah. The other thing that I think is relevant is they making out they're being such a martyr like, oh, we're not even going to be earning as much as our employees. And if your business is in any way not a complete waste of time for you as well as everyone else involved, I assume that you will recoup that money though. Yeah, in the long term, you will. Because you will get the profits from your not soaps, your secret outing fight club. So don't act like you're being such a masser now. Yeah, in the short term, you're making less than the employees. But you're going to make any profit

that comes from this terrible festive business of yours. This terrible festive fight club. And why do you seem to have loads of employees? It sounds like you've got like a whole staff here. Why have you gone from just the pair of you to having some sort of, I don't know, sweat shop? See, the owner of Lush. Oh no! No! I can't tell you. I'm the owner of a seasonal business. I won't say what it is, but let's say it rhymes with hush. Is there a woman in your life who you don't know very well? Maybe she wants some

shit in her bar. I meant to Lush around Christmas time last year or the year, before and I was buying the same exfoliator that I use all the time and there were loads of panicked men in Lush and I just had this little bit of exfoliator in my hand and nothing else and a man in the queue behind me because at that point you queue close to each other

and speak to each other said oh what's that I'm looking for a gift is that good and I was like no this is to exfoliate dead skin off your face and he looked like he was going to be sick look don't step to me in my environment and be horrified by what you find it

It's true. This is what this does. I come here all year round. It's taken me four times longer than it normally would to buy my exfoliator. My skin is falling apart as we speak because of you, the panicked men, who have failed to learn a damn thing about your girlfriend, so you're just buying bath bombs. This is for

my skin, not my wife's. Goodness. That's my rant about lush. I think the workers should seize the means of production. I wonder if this... The office kettle. The only thing they have access to. That sentence on the end is almost if the OP has convinced herself that she is the very best employer because they still have access to a kettle. Why can't these people come and go and say please to get a coffee?

If you say, and at some point in the day, I prefer if you only went out once, you know, outside of break times, but do feel free? Why does it matter if one of them steps away from the production line? Is it because she doesn't have time to come and unshackle them outside of break times? If one of them steps outside, they might see the sun and might start talking about uniational. unionisation. Now there's been some seditious talk around the microwave, so I'm taking it away. I have worked in a lot of environments where it's not the dumb thing to step away from your desk or have any joy or interact with other humans. I've worked in a lot of offices, as they're often

called. But even in those, you can usually get up and go and get a coffee and it's not the end of the world and there's no one clock watching. I don't understand where the OP is allowed to go and get a coffee, but she can't afford the same flexibility to her employees. She even describes it as, I can't give my employees the same flexibility. What, of being able to just leave to get a coffee? You absolutely can. I don't understand your business model at all. It sounds abysmal. This person wouldn't allow their workers to have candles on their desks. For one thing, and melt the soap. Maybe they're making candles. Yeah, maybe. It's very outing. No one else makes candles at Christmas time. The very first comment from the thread,

It's illegal. Yeah. As an employer, you have a legal obligation to provide welfare facilities for employees, including access to make a hot drink, prepare hot food, sit and rest during their breaks, at a table, on a seat, with a backrest, etc. And yes, it's criminal law. And they've included a link to the appropriate UK government website. They have, yeah.

Yeah, very good. Someone has said, I think if you're going to be on the bare minimum, the takeaway coffee might have to go. There's another point that someone else has raised in that the employees, will see you use in the kitchen. And how is that going to make them feel? No. They'll just riot. No, the employees have to work in an entirely pitch-black room.

There are no windows. It's a mandatory 15 minutes of darkness now for no reason. So if you hear it sounds like the microwave in your imagination. No, during the 15 minutes of darkness, they play a rousing tune in very loudly, so you cannot hear the microwave. Yeah, the international art. this person's responded to the original like the first post that said what the law was saying my employees will be able to sit and they will be able to make a hot drink we're leaving the kettle

they will have drinking water and somewhere to rest and eat meals yeah but what about the bit about being able to heat up their food yeah you've missed a lot of the point giving them drinking water isn't isn't the cue you think it's the problem is that our employees are only here for 25 hours a week, and we are here for 120. All we will be eating is toast. This is on you. So it's not much of a kitchen, so much as a toaster and a kettle. This is on you.

I also want to say that we have a lovely work environment. You can want to say that all you like, but I'm not buying it. It doesn't sound like it. This is terrible. At least they have access to drinking water. No, you're being unreasonable, and I think your workers should refer to my friends, Marks and Engel. Very good.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for your closely guarded secret supermarket buys? I figured it can't hurt to share here rather than local Facebook groups. Mine are Sainsbury's, mini-bredded camemberts, bloody hell they're good. Audi, Troyloco red wine and extra special cauliflower cheese. M&S, Dolce de Letcho Truffles, all very healthy as you can see. I love this because it has the tone of a radio calling show. Oh yeah, this is Lisa Tarbook radio calling on Saturday even. evening to a tea. There's no purpose to it. Like those questions that you'd get, just on an

evening, maybe drive time where kids are calling in. What's your closely guarded supermarket buyers? We also want to hear from anyone called Steve about what they're doing today. And have you been gardening during the pandemic? Have you been to a park today? We want to hear your park stores. Were you eating a cupcake in the park? We want to hear about it. It's exactly like that. I would definitely listen to a calling that was. just people who've been eating a cupcake in the pub, just one after the other, saying what a lovely day they'd had. That would be so soothing.

Can someone make that as one of those bedtime podcasts? On this week's show, we're talking about your macaron memories. We weren't all your memories of eating a macaron. Hi, yeah, I had a macaron actually just earlier today. Oh, wow, that's great. And it says her, your name is Steve. Oh, I think you've got the lines mixed up. Sorry, no, I'm Sally.

Oh. Okay. Going a song. Yeah, can you, like, call me owl for, um, owl, my owl. Yeah, can I have WAP? Non-radio edit, please. Oh, goodness. Your closely guarded secret supermarket buyers.

Tweet at UAB and, YAB unreasonable with your supermarket buyers. I just don't understand whose life is so dull that they have closely guarded secret supermarket buyers. But there's something I like at the supermarket. I talk to you about it, and even then I'm aware that it's boring. But we've been locked in together for the last eight months. Yeah, and I make no bones about it being boring. Through my face, through my gestures, through the words I say, tells this is boring. But I wouldn't be worried about other people.

I mean, I would be worried if other people thought I was a person who had closely guarded supermarket secrets. I don't want people to believe that that's the sort of person I am. am, i.e. a very dull one. But if people knew what I like to buy at the supermarket, here's one, you can have this one. They do cauliflower sausages at Audi. They're delicious. Great. They've got garum masala in them. I just want to know the logic pretend closely guarded secret. Is it the same thing where, if I find a restaurant that I really like, or a little takeaway, I give it three stars, because I don't want too many people to go there, so it gets busy, but I don't want it to close

down. Under the current circumstances, that is villainous behaviour. We are lucky to have any restaurants. Yeah, not now, not during the current circumstances, under the old normal. Yeah, okay. Is this the same? Like, you don't want... Because I don't see how it works with a supermarket.

So, if there's suddenly a rush on mini-bredded camemberts, since weas'll stock more mini-bredded camembert. It's not the same supply and demand logic. Well, what do you mean then? So you think the O.P., when they're talking to their friends, describes all of their favourite things. apropos of nothing, but then talks about how mediocre they are. Like, I'll have the mini bread and breaded camemberts from Sainsbury's the other day, just all right.

Yeah, and their friends are like, why is she bringing this up? Mm-hmm, once on first half. I like the roll, you know, the smoked cheese that comes in a roll that looks like a sausage. Yeah, I feel like that is, that is not a finite resource. There will be unlimited quantities of that. I like a nice bloomer loaf. Yeah, the things you're listing are just like really standard, they're always being stuck. Buddy's a secret supermarket bias.

I like bachelor's pasta and sorts. Like U.H.T. milk. You are painting yourself to be such a sad little man. Do you think if the O.P. sees someone she knows in the supermarket. She leaps over her trolley, like body slams it. hide what's in there. So Doreen from number six can't say, oh, what have you got? Oh, you know what? I've not tried the Toro Loco red wine. No! Don't look at my little pine nut pasta salad. It's mine. Well, the Toro Loco, I'm actually only buying the Toro Loco to make a recipe with. It's not even

good for drinking. It's not good for drinking. No, so I wouldn't, if I were you. Just throw most of it away, to be honest. It turns to vinegar. It's as if it's not already vinegar. And then she rams into Doreen with her trolling. Oh, the AP posted twice in a row, and the second one is even more radio calling. Oh, and the Aldi Ham. The Alty Ham mushroom and masquiponi pizza also deserves a special shout-out. Big shout out to the mushroom pizza. That's better when I thought she was talking about the Aldi Ham.

All of this stuff as well is from discount supermarkets. So people are saying Audi garlic mayo, Aldi Moses. a Roth chocolate. So are we supposed to be surprised that Aldi and Lil stuff is good? Yeah, so they seem to think that it's 2008 and that the cloying middle classes are secretly shopping at the bargain supermarkets because their banking jobs have disappeared. No one cares. We all know that the cheap supermarkets sell nice things. This is... Yeah, there's a kind of red wine I get at local German shop near me. It's really good. Trying to make it sound fancy when you're talking about a red wine for a German.

Oh, it's called German Red, I see. Well, enjoy that. Yeah, it's just everyone's talking about the Mazur Roth chocolate. Little Twix, much nicer than real Twix. Unearthed Spanish Omelet. What is On Earthed Spanish Omelet? I don't know. I don't know.

If only your Grandad was still with us to tell us. Yeah, my grandad is a real connoisseur of the Spanish Omlet. He'd know what an unearthed Spanish Omelette was. By which, I mean, he used to go to places. and order the Spanish omelet exclusively so that he could then say that it wasn't a real Spanish omelet because it had something in it that shouldn't be there.

I assume he'd had one good Spanish omelet at least in his life. I think... And was looking for that high again. I think he had good Spanish omelets that either he or my grandmother have made or that he'd had in Spain and then he was disappointed

when a greasy spoon by a East Croydon station could not replicate the experience. Always on the lookout for that next Spanish on the lookout indeed little prawns both the cocktail and the tail-on versions nothing like them anywhere and cheaper than their poor imitations it's don't seem like secrets oh i'm glad that someone's turned up to be like no fucking own it you know what waitrose waitrose frozen vegetable

gozo and waitrose woch oil yeah yeah good and other than that it is just terrible people Terrible people who are very posh and think that they're the only ones who go to Little or Aldi even though every year at Christmas time some posho gets a TV show or a supplement mag thing in one of the Sunday papers saying you'll never guess what I got a candle from Aldi and it smelled fine It wasn't burning manure

It was a bit like Joe Malones But it wasn't £60, it was £4 £1. All right, we don't care. One more thread? I'm being unreasonable to think general knowledge quiz shows do not give a measure of intelligence, just of memorization skills. I'm totally rubbish at all quiz shows, trying to play along on the couch, and I never know anything. But I don't understand why my family say I'm not that smart, because I don't know some obscure fact about the TV show, Frasier, which I have never seen. Has anyone else been shamed because of this?

What was the name of the title character in the TV show, Frazier? I've never seen it. I've never seen it, and you're shaming me. This is Frasier shaming. Oh, I'm sorry, it wasn't Fraser shaming. It was Frasier crane. The construction of the post makes it sound like they're asking as anyone else been shamed because they have never watched the TV show Frasier. There were dozens of us.

Dozens? Reddit slash R slash Frasier Shaming. You never take a sick day. Just put Channel 4 on when you take a sick day. And from the end of their breakfast programming until about 11, it's just Frasier back to back. So her family don't sound very calm. Yeah, who said it was a measure of intelligence? Her family.

Her family say she's not smart because she's not good at TV quizzes, which is not very kind. That's not very kind or accurate. Like, it's not a measure of intelligence. It is just memorization. Like those university challenge teams spend, like, a whole term, just like memorizing things. Yeah. Encyclopedias and, you know, books. From books.

Nards. Where do you get the best? cauliflower cheese. Aldi. I don't want to sound pathetic, but intelligence in and of itself is such a weird concept. Oh yeah, like the hidden premise here is that you can measure intelligence. Yeah, no.

You can't. You just can't. It's all like any measure that you use is going to be a flawed measure that doesn't take everything into account. And then people start trying to differentiate different types of intelligence. But that's the same thing. You're just measuring something and then giving it a different description. Yeah. Even saying, like, I have very high emotional intelligence, you're still just measuring intelligence when it comes to it.

If somebody told me they had high emotional intelligence, I think I would smile and nod, but I would be thinking a likely story. That's something a white manager would say after they've been on a training course where they had to do a five-minute test to measure their emotional intelligence. Which they were sent on by HR because they've got a spiraling number of complaints about their behaviour. Yeah. Pretty Patel, actually. has a very high emotional intelligence. The PowerPoint she watched told her so. A colleague of mine once had to go on some training course, and I'm not entirely sure what the training course was on.

But when she came back, she had this little tag around her lanyard, like an evacuees tack. But her tag just said, think of others. And I was like, what is that? She was like, I went on a course. Why is it around here? Because I have to remember it. It's like, okay.

Did you not remember that before? Okay. This seems like shaming. Why did the course make you wear this where we can all see? It seems like if it's on your land yard and it's a reminder to others, not yourself. It's how often are you looking down at your land yard? Yeah, that's a good point. I guess when you have to go through doors, every time you pick your purse up to go through a door, you're like, oh, others.

He's also not very nice. He's Jeremy Paxman. He can be so rude and dismissive when they don't know, you know, it was the marquee of Cornwall. or whoever. Yeah. That's just the name of a part in my mind. I don't think I'm very smart. You know, he's like,

you don't even know that. Smarky of Corn Wallace. Yeah, and also he's not pretty good at pacing the show, is he? Because early on he lets them take as long as they want, and then towards the end, he's like, hurry up. It's like, you, as the chair of this meeting, should have paced this more effectively. You shouldn't have let this person over here

spend five minutes deliberating, so that now at the end you finish speaking and the moment you finish speaking, you're barking at them. Yeah. This is your problem. I think you get a lot better measure of their capacity for research and finding things

if it was an open book exam. Yeah. Or better yet, coursework that they could take their time on. It's like... Send them the list of questions and then they come in and read the answers out and we see who's best that way. Yeah.

Like her family saying that this is how you measure intelligence like some sort of pop culture Michael Gove, aren't they? It's just tests, test, test, test. Test, test, course work, bad. Someone here has said, I don't agree, O.P. My DH is one of those trivial whiz types, and he's also the smartest person I've ever met. He just knows everything and can recall obscure facts instantly. He absorbs and retains new information, like I absorb pasta.

You absorb pasta. Okay, he might be the cleverest person you know, but you have got a skill there that could be a big moneymaker. People would spend good money to watch a woman absorb pasta. What are you talking about? It's a real shame. As soon as you get it onto your tongue, it's just absorbed into your tongue. You can't even taste it.

It's like a King Midas type traction. As soon as you touch pasta, it is absorbed. So you can't cook it because as soon as you get it out of the pack and put your hand in it, it's just absorbed into your hand. No. A real tragedy. And it doesn't sound like your husband's very smart. It just sounds like he's good with facts.

Yeah, it does. Someone has said, I don't agree. Granted, people who remember lots of stuff can do well, but the really good quizzes are those who use lateral thinking to solve complex questions. For example, when I was a kid, I watched black at it. No, I'm moving on. No, no, no, no. We're still talking about quizzes, as if quizzes are the smartest people in society.

And I don't think it's true. Well, tell that to the eggheads, because someone needs to wipe those small. smug smiles off of their faces. I hate the eggheads. Didn't one of the egg heads kill a man? I think one of the egg heads did kill a man. One of the eggheads wrote in his biography that he killed a man. But then it turns out he didn't.

Yes. It's like when Jess Phillips said that she told Diane Abbott to fuck up and then it turned out that that never happened, except it's much bigger. It's a lot bigger. Telling weird lies for clout, but... You shouldn't write that you'd killed a man. That, to me, doesn't seem like an intelligent... thing to do. An intelligent person wouldn't lie about killing a man. Lots of people are saying,

oh, actually, I think that quizzes are the best way to measure intelligence. I think questions about Fraser are the best way to measure intelligence. What was the question about Frazier OP? I can predict some answers. Daphne, Eddie, Fraser Crane Day. No, you're just listing. This is just free associating from Frasier. That is a quiz show I would watch. The person who can free associate off Frazier for the longest before they have to pause. They are the most intelligent person. What if the IQ test was just questions about Frasier? Or if you get in there and it's like, what's the award that Fraser was up for every year but never won? I mean, it would be no more or less valid than the existing racist IQ tests that we have. Yeah, exactly. It would benefit white people

because white people like Frasier. And it would benefit men because there were more men in Frasier than women. Yeah. It would disadvantage Generation Z. And so all in all, I think this might be the new government policy. I think this is how we measure intelligence. Frazier was very intelligent. Let's put all the exams on hold next year because of COVID. And instead, we will just do a BuzzFeed quiz about Frasier. And that is how we will decide which people get which things.

Very articulate hell is well done. So we do another speed round? You're a real nose. A horrible thing to say. Am I Being Unreasonable? Note taking interesting things. No, good idea to make note of any interesting things you say. Am I being unreasonable to take this further? No, take it all the way to the top.

Am I being unreasonable, 2021? I mean, it's coming. Gotta prepare. Gotta prepare. Got to be ready. And Am I Being Unreasonable, Hancock gives me the creeps. The superhero film with Will Smith a few years ago. Yeah, creepy.

Creepy as anything. I think that's probably all for now. I think that I'll do for now. Thank you for listening. If you've got anything to plug? I do not. Great. I've got some writing stuff that you can find on my link tree.

Link tree, which, irritatingly, is L-I-N-K-T-R dot E-E forward slash Helen Suvis Bowie. Like the mobile phone company. Yeah, I guess so. That's how you can remember it. Yeah. Think of link tree and then think, no, hang on, there's a dot somewhere in the middle of this. So linktrip.e. slash Helen Suitless Bowro. That's the one.

To check out your many very good poems. Yeah, there's also my anti-Jamey Oliver article up there. Oh yeah, you wrote an article for you to London about Jamie Oliver and Marcus Rashford. Yeah, I did. Fighting it to the death. No, not fighting it to the death. And it wasn't anti-Jame Oliver either. But, you know, it makes people happy to think that I'm vilifying someone who doesn't care or know that I exist.

So read that if you want. Tell me I'm a terrible person. I dare you. Yeah. Great. Do it. Thanks for listening. Thank you.

Bye.