You Are Being Unreasonable - 090 - Christmas Hell-dimensions and shoeboxes full of Fabergé eggs

Episode Date: December 24, 2020

"I agree. But not with a lot of passion." A Christmas Eve spectactular! Join us as we dive into Christmas Mumsnet and discuss the lack of realism of flying reindeers, paying Dr. Christmas to decorate your house for the holidays and the 2018 masterpiece, CHRISTMAS MADE TO ORDER, Christmas "virtue signalling" and propping up charities through shoeboxes, putting Christmas jammies into a Christmas Room 101 Hell-dimension, and our holiday gift guide for 30 year-old vegan hipster men.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do.

Hello, hello, welcome to you are being unreasonable. the podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com with me, Hells. And me, Simon. Happy Christmas, Simon. Happy Christmas, Halas. Zah. Hey, happy Christmas time, Christmas time, Christmas time is here. So I was listening to a song on the radio.

A Christmas song. Very good. Before you ask. Okay. Said, And we're going to ask if reindeer really know how to fly. And I was like, hmm, this isn't for children. None of this is for children, but especially not this part.

Okay. But when they were making up the whole Santa thing, I don't know who, John Santa, the Coca-Cola Corporation, whoever. Why reindeer? Why not, like, albatrosses? Because albatrosses can fly. Because reindeer... It's more believable. But reindeer are snowy and beautiful, and you see them in places where Santa lives.

But so are eagles, and they can fly. There's nothing more terrifying than a band of eagles pulling a man through the sky. Kaka! Kaka! Like the end of Lord of the Rings. Don't forget to leave Carrying for the Eagles. No, no, it has to be cute. It would be like the end of Lord of the Rings.

Big giant eagle swooping in with Santa on their back, like Gandalf. Like Gandalf. I don't know anything about Lord of the Rings. Maybe during the next series of lockdowns we can do a special where you ask me questions about Lord of the Rings. Sure, plenty of questions. It won't be like the Harry Potter special though, because I'm not exasperated by Lord of the Rings. rings. I don't have any strong feelings about it. Anyway, I would have chosen a more realistic animal to fly is all I'll say. I just think it would be strange for it to be partially realistic.

I think you've got to go all in on the magic. Well then we should go all in, all in. Like, Santa should be a reindeer. No, why is that more all in? A reindeer who leads a band of flying birded men. That's not any more all in. No, you're just being a contrarian. Maybe. A Christmas contrarian. Speaking of Christmas contrarians, should we do the speed round? Yeah.

Am I being unreasonable, crochet advent calendar, rip off or expecting too much? You are expecting too much, sorry to say. Am I being unreasonable to think Christmas cards will die out? No, no. I think that's a reasonable assumption. Am I being unreasonable? D.H. says I'm being unreasonable. unreasonable.

D.H. might be right then. And am I being unreasonable to see him for Christmas or not? Not. Very good. Because of COVID. Don't do it. For all we know, the him in question might also be a prick. Yeah, it might be Santa.

Must be Santa. It might be Santa. And he might be a prick. Yeah. Well, fair enough. Am I being unreasonable? Anyone else dislike Christmas virtue signalling? It reminds me of that fast show sketch.

I don't like to talk about my charity work, etc, and then proceed to boast about their efforts. Examples I've seen this week include staged photos of charity shoe boxes, please for funds to top up and in reality actually fund some boxes for animals and someone saying they wanted to do something but just needing X, Y and Z, which in effect meant they supplied the empty box and the wrapping paper with everyone else supplying the contents. Lots of people have fallen for these pleas. I'm not going to rattle up everything I've done for charity this year

because that would be hugely hypocritical. I just get an ugh feeling when I see the virtue signalling on social media. Really having to combat years of behavioural conditioning to pay attention to everything after the phrase virtue signalling. Because usually I'd switch right off. That wouldn't be the end of the world if you had switched. right off here. We'd have to talk about something else. Yeah. But, yeah, now I paid attention. So, yeah, this person's seeing a lot of charity shoeboxes and pleas for funds, for charity,

all this great things for charity. And this person hates it. They all seem to pertain to shoe boxes. I work, well, right now I don't work for a charity. It's incredible. I've got a gap between jobs. So right now, no bosses, no masters. No gods, no masters, no shoeboxes. But in the charity that I did work for, and I would guess the charity that I'm going to, shoeboxes aren't a big feature of the work. I think this person's overestimated how much virtue there is to shoe boxes. I feel like charity shoeboxes are more like a fun craft project for the people involved. I'm not saying that to minimise the value of them. I just think it's probably not virtue signaling. They're

probably at their wits end because they're, you know, running out. of ideas. They can't go out. It's all been a bit weird. And they're like, should we just put some shoeboxes together for the kids or the animals or the elderly? I'm going to guess. And you correct me if I'm wrong because you're working the sector. Worked in the sector. And we'll work in the sector again. But right now. No God's name. Masters. You work in the charity sector. So correct me if I'm wrong. But I don't think charity shoebox donations are the biggest source of incomes for charities, are they? Unless you line the shoebox. with money.

A shoebox full of fably J eggs. Yeah. A shoebox full of gold cougarons. It's like a heavy shoebox. I don't think they're supposed to be a money-making venture. They're sort of done by the type of people that think that giving money to a charity is somehow feeding fat cats with their big salaries. It's very gauche of money.

Very gauche. Yeah. They're the people who think that charity chief executives earn too much and the charities are all just skimming off from the poor. So they just send shoeboxes full of absolute shite instead and expect it to go direct to beneficiaries. But it's just like, no beneficiary, once your dirty old shit wrapped in a shoebox wrapped in paper.

Yeah, it's all for these charity fat cats and the politicians skimming off the top. And it's an unpopular opinion, but how much do Captain Tom make from all that? Didn't they launch a line of gin? See you, Captain Tom. I'm not really sure what the point you're trying to make is. I think when the point of your post, when you boil it down to a sentence, is

I've seen too many people giving to charity, and I don't like that. That makes you sound like a dick. I've seen people giving to charity and trying to turn it into some sort of community thing, those assholes. Yeah, trying to encourage others to give to charity as well. It's not virtually signaling to put your crap into a bum. box. Well, who cares about virtue singling it anyway? Like, what's wrong with being virtuous? Yeah, I think your point is important, but I'm still hung up on the bit where they put the crap into a box. No one said iconopop were virtue signalling when they said, put your shit into a bag

and threw it down the stairs. Virtue signaling. And it's no different to that, really, is it? Just a load of stuff that they don't want. Yeah, people who have fallen for these, They haven't fallen for it. It's not a con. No one said it was virtue signalling when I Kona Pop said, I don't care. I love it. That's the opposite of Virtually. Maybe this person is Icoma Pop.

Anyone who tells you, or in the case of celebrities, leaks it to the press, of any charitable donations or acts they do, really put my back up. Just donate or do the charitable act and keep schum. Why? Yeah. Oh.

It doesn't, it does not impact you if I say I've done something nice. It's also really helpful for the charities involved. If people do make it like a normal thing that they talk about, normalise it, promote the charities. It really winds me up when they do celebrity episodes of things like pointless, where the charity prize is going to be negligible because it's pointless and it's almost impossible to win £1,000. And then they won't even let them name the charity. So the charity don't even get a free plug.

If someone's just like, oh, it's just a local air ambulance. Like, just say which one. Come on. I'm begging people to just interrogate their feelings when they feel guilt or shame. Like, if you feel guilty that someone else has given to charity, maybe it's not the problem of the person who has given to charity. Interrogate that a little further and think that maybe you could give to charity to feel less guilty. You don't have to put it in a shoebox.

If you don't want to do the shoebox thing, that's fine. But just stop, reflect, and then maybe be quiet. Someone has said, I get annoyed with people offering items that their children no longer used at a family and need. cue lots of, that's such a generous gesture, hon, messages. Why not just take the items to a charity shop, you can distribute them? Yeah, I can see that. Boles have been lockdown and charity shops are closed. Well, that's where I was going to go with that, yeah.

And, you know, if people want to say that, and then other people say that's a generous gesture, hun, there's clearly a community that enjoy this sort of thing. They're not your people. Here's a little tip. I just left Facebook, so I don't see any of this. It's fine. The only charitable stuff I see is work,

where they pay me in shoeboxes That's why I had to move on Get a shoebox full of cash every mum No, just a shoebox full of people's old shit A shobox full of iconopop I don't care Let's do a different thread I love it

Let's lighten the mood No, that's what the thread is called Am I being unreasonable? Let's lighten the mood What would go into your Christmas Room 101 For me Family Pajama Pictures You know the ones where mum, dad,

and baby wear the same PJs. You'll look like pillocks and or like you're part of a cult. Mummy marchers, women. And sorry, it is women, and yes, I know there's bigger expectations around them at Christmas. Clanging pans around the kitchen from 7am to 6pm on Christmas Day, making far too much food that nobody especially asked for, refusing to let anybody help but complaining that they're doing it all on their own. Just shut the fuck up and order a takeaway if you're going to have a nervous breakdown over sprouts.

most Christmas specials except the first Gavin and Stacey one where Nessa gave everyone a celebration chocolate although I do have high hopes for the Motherland Christmas special This does lighten the mood The mood has never been lighter The mood is floating above the air I don't know why they think lightening the mood

By talking about things that they hate is a good plan But their username is Glummy McLumerson So I don't know that they're best place to lighten the mood At least they're hating something Not based on gender identity That's very true and not based on shoeboxes full of stuff. Let's lighten the mood.

What would go into your Christmas Room 101 that's not trans people or charities? Well, I don't know, because the only thing that I had to say was Mermaids. Yeah. I like the idea of having a Christmas Room 101. It's very festive. Yeah?

Because I also feel like a lot of this is so subjective that you could go to someone else's Christmas Room 101, and it would be bliss. It would be pure joy. Yeah, I'm sure. be great. Someone's put in, you know, Muppet Christmas Carol. I can just watch that on a loop. I'm interested in these family pyjama pictures where everyone wears the same pyjamas and they look like pillocks or part of the cult. What pyjamas are people wearing at Christmas that make

them look like part of a cult? You know those all white pyjamas that go right up to the neck? Jump suits, they're jumpsuits. Oh, I was going to say, I think what you're thinking of is the polyphonic spree. Yes, that's right. That's not Christmas pyjamas, that's the polyphonic. Spree, my friend. Put the polyphonic spree in Christmas Room 101. Uh-huh. Get in the 101. I like the Polyphonic Spree.

I think they're joyous. They should do a Christmas album. Yeah, that would be joyous. And then it can get in Room 101. What a burn. Oh, I think you should make a Christmas album so I can put it in Room 101. Burn. Yeah, I'm interested in that.

That makes me think a little bit of, you remember a few years ago there was that Christmas jammies song where that Smug family talked about their achievements in their Christmas jammies and everyone hated them for it. No. Oh, it was quite a catchy song. It was to the tune of going to Miami. And it was in our Christmas jammies. And the youngest daughter had learned to count to a hundred in Chinese was one of the achievements.

That was the tone of the whole song. It's passed me by. Good for her. Yeah. Good for her. Other than that, I've never seen an example of this. I wonder if this person's just bent out of shape about a six-year-old YouTube video or the polyphonic spree. But I suppose if you do know a lot of people who do that Maybe you can find the energy to be annoyed by it

Yeah, yeah I suppose the Mrs Brown's Boys Christmas special But I've never seen it I've never seen it I assume I wouldn't like it I'm not going to throw it in one more than one or one Some people enjoy it What was it we were talking about earlier

Where you said I don't have a strong opinion about that And I said you should always have strong opinions About everything I do I've just realised that's not true I don't have strong opinions about Mrs Brown's boys Christmas pyjamas No.

Mommy martyrs. I mean, I would be annoyed if someone was banging pans around from 7am until 6pm on Christmas Day, but that's just because I find people dawdling and being inefficient, very stressful. That does seem inefficient. That's a lot of time to be spending cooking. I'd be worried as well that they were cooking vegetables for those full 11 hours, and then I'd be expected to eat them, and they would be... Krispy.

Oh, yeah, crispy would be the better outcome. If they were being boiled... Watery. Yeah, like, oh, good mulch, thank you. Festive mulch. I'll sling this into a box and give it to a needy family. Some mulch is going in Room 101, War Criminal Tony Blair at Christmas. No, but Tony Blair's Christmas card.

Oh yeah, I remember that. Yeah, we all remember that, and that is, that's the best thing that Tony Blair ever did. It's true. Tony Blair's Christmas card. Yeah, most Christmas specials, I just don't watch Christmas specials. There's some of this stuff. Well, I don't. Things like you can just ignore it,

and you don't have to cast it into some abstract hell dimension. But it's nice to have the option. I've put in the, in my room 101 hell dimension, I'd put the cenobites from Hellraiser, because I think they'd really like it. Oh, that's kind. I love it, isn't there? Okay, yeah, fair enough.

A lot of this is stuff where I don't know if it's that I'm out of step with the cultural phenomenon, or if it really is just an overblown, exaggeration that this is what everybody does. Because do people really sit down to watch all the Christmas specials? I know I'm not great at Christmas traditions. I'm not the most traditional Christmas person. But I feel like sitting down to watch the Christmas specials

is something a very particular subset of people do. And most other people just put on a film that they would enjoy or read a book or go for a walk or whatever. You don't have to watch the Christmas specials unless you're on Gogglebox. In which case, I think you get paid for it. Yeah. It's kind of your job if you're on Google Box. Yeah, and, you know, it's a shame you have to work Christmas, but you're a key worker if you're on Gogglebox, I guess.

Gogglebox are keyworkers. They've been working all the way through this from home, but they always did. Yeah, they were actually ahead of their time. Gogglebox are leaders in employment rights. Here's to the Goggleboxes. Let's see what other people say. Elf on the shelf. Oh, I would, yeah, elf on the shelf is a normalising of the surveillance state for children, and I don't like it. Yeah. That can go in, I can go in the room 101 bin. Someone else has said, elf on the shelf, or whatever the horrible little critter is called.

Something I would put in the room 101 bin is when someone knows what something's called and then pretends not to, because they think it gives them some sort of, like, social cachet. Yeah, you've just said what it's called. Elp on the shelf or whatever that horrible little critter's called. It's called elf on the shelf, my friend. You know that. Unless you're thinking of Gizmo the Mogwai from Gremlin's. Yeah, I mean, in that case, it's not called elf on the shelf. He wasn't an elf.

He just had big ears. What's he on a shelf? In some shots, yes. Okay. I can give an exhaustive categorization. I'll watch Gremlin's tomorrow and note how many times. Is he on her shelf? Gizmo is on a shelf.

More often than not? I doubt, no. Well, then. I think he's got to be positioned on the floor. Yeah. And he's not an elf. That's crucial. That's in the first scene.

This is fundamental. Yeah. That's in the first scene, the old Chinese man says so. Someone has said Christmas Eve boxes, and someone else said, our sister-in-law gave us one a couple of years ago, but I put the already-owned Christmas PJs in it, along with the already-owned copy of a Christmas carol to watch, and reindeer food I make myself.

I don't know what this is. A Christmas Eve box. Oh, I actually think a Christmas Eve box would be really lovely. Like, I would make myself a Christmas Eve box because it just seems like a really fun bit of Christmas, where on Christmas Eve, you get a box, and it's got like a film to watch that night and some lovely fresh jammies and some little snacks.

I think that sounds nice. It seems weird that you've put a film in a box because, like, just stream it. Whatever. But other than that, you open the box. It's the modem. It's the Netflix password. We hadn't on a post it?

Yeah, but you're already logged in, aren't you? Because who logs out of Netflix? Like, roll credits and log out. Oh, Princess Dairn is sad at the end of this one And log out That seems like something mum's nettie, actually I don't know why, but I can picture these people logging out At the end of their Netflix session

In case D.H did something they didn't like Yeah Someone said ordinary daytime shows Which appear on Christmas Day Like the news I think they probably mean more like Homes Under the Hammer Oh, well, you know, they got to fill the schedule

They've been doing some great Christmas specials A Bargain Hunt Yeah I would watch a Christmas specials special of homes under the hammer where they put a big Santa hat on the homes that are being auctioned and then people buy homes that have got like no roofs because oh festive that is part of it the sound like that is load bearing and you know how on homes under the hammer i mean most of you probably don't because you've probably been working a lot harder than i have for the last couple of

weeks or do not live in the UK well there's that too on homes under the hammer they have someone who picks the music who's just having the best time of their life picking really inappropriate songs, the background. So there was one where, you know, the house had clearly had a house fire and the background music as a man was going around talking about structural issues was burning down the house. So I think in the Christmas special, each house has got a big Santa hat on and then they go and they're like, oh, the roof is shit, but there was a hat on it so we didn't know. And then the background music is, you can leave your hat on. It's awesome. Yeah, sexy Christmas homes under the hammer. That's what I want.

Someone has said blue lights that are so blue that I can't look at them. Christmas isn't a time for blue lights. Blue lights are for cops. Wow. Strong opinions. And who's a cop? The elf on the shelf. The elf on the shelf.

He's a cop. Yeah. So Santa. Then someone said crackers, cards and workplace secret Santa. So everything. A lot of things, yeah. And then someone said there's a film with Danny DeVito about a competitive Christmas lights competition with neighbours,

which I don't know which film this is, but can we watch it after this? Sure. It sounds great. And then someone said that. Aussie East 17 song, which, no, that's the most joyless take of all. Not a Christmas song. It is, it was Christmas number one, and they were wearing furry white robes. It has to mean the text of the song, though.

Song is an audio medium. But the context. Context is important. No, text. Context. Text. Hoo, let's do another thread. By that logic, the Star Wars, the latest Star Wars films are Christmas films,

because they came out around Christmas. That's different. Don't ask me how. I'm busy. Am I being unreasonable to think it's a little sad to pay someone to decorate your Christmas tree? And house for Christmas. A colleague of DHS was telling everyone how they pay a company to Christmas their house, including buying and decorating the tree and buying and wrapping all the presents. The kids come home from school to find it's all done.

I know everyone does things differently, but that would take all the fun out of it for me. So it is a job. It is a job. The 2018 Christmas film, Christmas Made to Order. And in Christmas Made to Order, a woman wanted to give up her full-time year-round career. To become a holiday decorator, which involved going round to mostly corporate places, but she got hired by an individual man to holiday-decorate their house, to Christmasify it. And we were like, obviously this was set around Christmas, it was a Christmas movie,

but we were like, don't give up your job to do full-time holiday decorating around. January. Well, yeah. She was... Then what? You're going to wait until Valentine's Day, maybe? I guess that gives you time to do some promotion. For much-needed admin to get the business started. Yeah. To sort out tax stuff. But yeah, you're still... It's going to be a fallow period until Valentine's. And then, and then I don't know what the demand is for decorations around then. Yeah. Compared to Christmas. But yeah, in the movie, this was like, this was a hefty position because the man had her around to decorate the house and get a tree

and entertain his whole family. And it was a lot of work. It was like a two-week job where she had to basically be the living Christmas nanny. She looked after Christmas the way a nanny would look after a child. But the child here was Christmas. Whereas I think if you were cracking on, you could decorate the house in an hour maybe. Yeah, if it was your job, you'd think you'd be a lot more swift than a lay person. Yeah, an initial meeting to have a look at the space and think,

about what would work, talk about themes and stuff. No, not even that. Just go wild. Just whatever. Here's a key to the house. Here's some money. Doesn't they have to match, you know, gold tinsel and a blue tree, whatever. Sounds lovely. Just crack on. Go crazy. Someone has said, I didn't know this was a thing. I despise decorating and I love decorations. I love this idea. And someone else has said, it sounds like a great idea.

And then someone said, I agree, but not with a lot of passion. Great. It's a tagline for the show. Yeah. I would want, like, my deal breaker is one of those things on the lawn. Like, you'd get a car pot, like a car lot. The Wavy Man. The Wavy Man. But Santa.

Or Rudolph. Yeah. What was I listening to when they were talking about the wavy man? I was listening to something and they were talking about getting a wavy man for Christmas. Damn. That's American Life. No, there's one episode of Judge John Hodgman that Simon didn't listen to. And refused to listen to.

And like every single one of the things on it pertains to things Simon. has since spoken about. And the wavyman was yet another bit of that. Yeah, I was like, do you think we should turn the heating down a degree? And you were like, hey, mention that on Judge John Hodge, what they said. The judge said this. Exactly, but you refused. You refuseled.

Have I enough podcasts? It's got a lot of my podcast to play. It's a busy time of year for podcasts. Why are you saying this to people who are halfway through an average episode? Everyone's just turning off. It's more a podcast you could be listening to. Oh, goodness me. So somebody said, it's what a lot of men folk do anyway.

Outsource it all to their wife. If you don't want it outsource to you, just don't fucking do it. There we go. That's not outsourcing. Insourcing. They're in-house staff. They're in-house staff. Simon, on wives.

That's not outsourcing. They're in-house. We've got permanent contracts, clear terms. Yeah. This is why you went on. strike last year to be brought in house and here you are in the house yeah lots of people are just saying that they go for it um someone said that they've done this and then everyone's like oh do they let you choose things like colour schemes no i would have so much admiration for a company that

wouldn't let you have any saying it at all so let you choose the color schemes oh lord no no i tried to make some suggestions but they put their fingers in there it's and hummed jingle bells Are you an expert? Didn't think so. Did you go to LSE Christmas decorating school? I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to do your job. I'm actually an expert in this, right? I have a PhD in holiday decorating.

So I will tell you what colour tinsal you're having. If someone had a PhD in holiday decorating, how would you feel about that person using the title Doctor? Is that allowed? Yeah, they've got a PhD. That's Doctor Christmas. Doctor Christmas. Father Christmas has got his PhD. Nice. Congratulations, Doctor.

Someone has said, I would pay £500 for someone to come and do mine right now. Wow. This seems like a viable business for £500. It does, but... I can do that. But £500 would have to cover all the stuff and the time and the labour. Very short notice, I've said right now, I don't know if this is actually that viable. Oh, yeah. By the time you bought like a tree.

Trees are so expensive. And under these new Tier 4 regulations I can't go around You can for essential work You can travel for work Seems pretty essential Yeah Yeah I mean

Basically the OPE came along to try and start a snotty thread Saying I can't believe how sad this is And the entire thread is like Love it, how can I get this I want it? Oh my God, amazing It's a bit in future armour Where they have spray on Christmas lights and spray on tinsel That sounds good

Yeah The one thing that does seem a little sad is that so many of these people are saying that they'd outsource it because they don't want their stuff to look naf or tacky. That's the point of Christmas. Yeah, I think it's more sad. Camp as Christmas, is the phrase. It's more sad to be fretting about making sure that it looks perfect and pristine.

It's Christmas. Yeah. If it looks joyous, fine, that's all it needs to be. People that I used to work with, we're talking about what they do for their Christmas trees and, like, whether you should let the kids decorate it or if the kids will just muss it up with their little hands. They will muss it up.

All they'll do in the front, but not the back. Yeah. And it has to be well balanced. Well, yeah, that's the sort of stuff they were saying, but they were saying that after I'd shared a picture of our plastic rainbow tree that only has decorations on the front. Yeah, you did most of the decorations on the tree this year. We didn't have enough decorations because this tree's two foot taller than our previous tree.

Yeah, exactly. So it is unbalanced, but I'm deciding not to let it get to me. We just shove it in a corner. You can't see the other bits. It's fine. If there were decorations you couldn't see, then it would be hard. to see if Leon was trying to eat them. If Leon had eaten them.

This is a matter of cat supervision. Let's do one more thread, shall we? Am I being unreasonable? What can I buy a man for 20 pounds? 30, hipstery type, vegan, arty, 20 pound budget. What are you buying your millennial men? I need some inspiration.

Is it me or a gift for men harder on a budget? I can think of loads of small things I would buy a woman, but with men, my mind gets stuck on book. Forty Fredos. Forty Fredos. That would make a Fredo 50p. Is that the going right for a Fredo at the moment? Or are you pocketing the change? I'm pocketing the change. I don't know. I was guessing. How much is a Fredo? I don't know, like 30p.

Oh, just over. Just over 40 Fredos. Just maths are going to want to do Fredos. Exactly. I'll just hand it to the clerk and let them do the maths. You are, sir. Yeah? How many Fredos can I get with this? I don't think that's the job of the shop worker. Like, this is a horrible time of year to.

work in retail, please don't go into a shop and just put a pile of money down and then insist they tell you how many Fredos it is. Walk up to the counter, light a cigarette, keep the Fredos coming until the money runs out. You're not allowed to smoke indoors. This is terrible behaviour. No, you don't. It's a respiratory pandemic. Anyone who's still smoking during a respiratory pandemic is hard as nails. What are you doing? So Fredos are out. I don't know that Fredo's a vegan anyway. No. So,

soap, like men's soap? Men's soap. Yeah, you know, men's soap with names like gear and lightning. Excelsior. Action. Sports. Puma. Sports.

I saw some Marmite-scented links the other day. Yeah, that kind of stuff. Which, I mean, that's quite the gift, isn't it? But this man is 30, so you probably wouldn't get him. lynx. If you were 14, maybe I'd get him links. Yeah, I got a lot of lynx africas when I was a teenager and maybe people, in hindsight, maybe people were trying to send me a message about personal hygiene. But I didn't pick up on that at the time. It's a hard one though, because links Africa is such a safe gift for a teenage boy. Well, exactly. I assume that was it. One who smells or one

who doesn't. Yeah, maybe I did smell. And even one who uses links Africa smells because links Africa smells. Well, yeah, you smell of links Africa now. Yeah. Links Africa. and body odor. Yeah, because it's... The perfume of high schools. It's not an antiperspirant. No. It's just covering it up.

No. So, anti-persebrants. No. Don't get a 30-year-old man, an antiperspirant. Hipster type. Hipster type. Skinny Jarvis cockatars. This is the thing.

I want to know what Mums Neters think a hipster type is. Exactly. That's going to make a big difference. Avercados have got quite a short shelf. Like that little vine of the little boy I'm having an avocado Look it up on YouTube An avocado

Thanks A 20 pound budget though could get you A bad bottle of whiskey Yeah or a good bottle of wine A good bottle of wine You have to be careful that your wine was vegan Or a lot of Tic Tacs Now we're talking

A Tic Tacs vegan Oh I don't know Hopefully I haven't had a Tic Tac in years. Tic Tacs are the illicit playground suite. Oh, you're not allowed sweets at school, but someone's got Tic Tacs. It looked like pills, which is fun. Yeah. Because you can pretend you're doing ecstasy.

Especially if you draw an E on them in Biro. And then you get high off of that sweet, sweet ink. Part of why I chose this was, firstly, thank you to Dr. Sarah Bates for sharing this thread with me. Thank you, Dr. Sarah. And part of why I chose it was because the suggestions are just a perfect example of no one on mums don't know what a 30-year-old hipster is. So let's do some of the ones from the thread. An Apple watchstrap or charging dock, if he has one. Yeah, that's a good start.

A vegan cookbook, genuinely, there's some amazing ones. Try Amazon. Little shop called. Try searching Amazon for the word vegan. It's a place to start. Vegan or hipster? You can't really go wrong with a good gift card either. Selfridges so he can put it towards something special.

He has his eye on or his favourite retailer. John Lewis is a safe bet. Don't get a 20-pound John Lewis gift card for a vegan hipster? So I was a massive pain in the ass. And when I was leaving, I asked not to have an Amazon voucher as my leaving gift from work. It was part of a long-running vendetta against the work approach to Amazon. and really I was being a hypocrite and a nuisance just because I could. But then my friend, who I asked to relay this message, was like,

yeah, I made a suggestion of my own, don't worry, knowing me, it's boring, but it's practical. And I assumed it was John Lewis. And it turns out it's not John Lewis, but a John Lewis voucher, like, yeah, that's handy. You can get some nice cookware. Yeah. But if I was explicitly just given the brief vegan hipster, 30, I don't know that I'd leave to John Lewis. I don't know that mine would go to John Lewis. An Apple watch strap, a charging dock, is so specific.

You have to have such a specific piece of technology for that to work. If you've got an Apple watch, you've probably got a strap. I hope so, unless. He's just carrying it around like a pocket watch. Carrying it around his neck, like Frodo in the Lord of the Rings. Oh, I was picturing more like, you know, the nerdy kids who used to have the stopwatch in PE? In his little waistcoat. He's got a little Apple watch like it's a stopwatch.

on a lanyard Or around his neck Like, what's his name? Flavor Flav. I have to get a secret Santa gift for Flavor Flav. All I know about him is he likes clocks. He likes clocks.

He likes big clocks and he doesn't lie. I know that's a different artist, but you know what I mean. I know what you mean. Somebody has said, how about a gift card for IKEA? Why? We're going to get for 20 pounds from IKEA. Yeah, some little cactuses. Yeah, you're going to get loads of shit from the market hall at the end.

And you'll have to go through the whole place to get there. Yeah, and you'll just be looking at kitchen units you can't afford because you've only got a gift card for £20. Yeah, I'm looking at these answers and these are like, these are like the answers in one of those joke books by the till at Waterstones. You know, a cheap comedy book about hipsters. Yeah. So there's a box of lentils, a gin making kit, a beanie hat with Bluetooth.

Yeah, so when me and Sarah talked about this, we found the beanie hat with Bluetooth particularly funny because I was saying that's the sort of gift that you get like a dweeb, a dwee before seeing year old would love a Bluetooth hat. But no, a 30-year-old hipster probably has a decent pair of headphones and does not want a Bluetooth-enabled hat.

I've got the same company that make the Bluetooth-enabled hats make sleep headphones and I've got sleep headphones and the sound quality on them is really not good. but for the purposes of being able to fall asleep and have like a little headband works fine I just think you'd be unlikely to see a hipster

wearing a Bluetooth enabled hat that's a gift for a child someone has said a decent power bank good moisturiser slash vegan brand vinyl Sainsbury's doing classic vinyl for 20 to 22 pounds don't get random vinyl from Sainsbury's I got you rumours by Fleetwood Mac on vinyl

Why? It was there at Sainsbury's. Someone has said A long cotton scarf V hipster. Depends on the scarf. It really does. You get a yellow one with

Mr. Blobby poker dots on it. That could be quite a hipster. The 90s are back. Is Mr. Blobby? Yeah. Mr. Blobby's back. He's back, bitches. This time, he's a hipster.

So this goes on and on and on. It just, it never. stops and no one knows what it means but it also really highlights that the definition of a hipster has changed quite a lot like so a lot of people talk about beard oil we talked about hipsters doing a master's degree and the kind of cultural connotations of the term and the kind of otherness that it's to also represent it's just an otherness to the mainstream yeah it's essentially a meaningless signifier now it's so nebulous and depends on so much context of who you're

talking to. Yeah. So as to mean nothing. Yeah. It's, it's, it's either someone steeped in irony or steeped in sincerity. It's, it's nothing. Yeah, it is nothing. Yeah. And I think by a lot of people's accounts, people who I work with, normies, people who I work with would probably say that I'm a bit of a hipster, but I don't want any of this shite. And I mostly wear, like, black and sequins. I don't want a long cotton scarf. And then someone later on this thread says, a spare waistcoat because their idea of a hipster is the sort of person who in 2007 would have doff to capped you and said milady a spare waistcoat that's not a hipster doffter for do you oh goodness me so it's just a load of garbage and then here's my favorite one how about some

vegan hot chocolate bombs and a travel mug no because it's a 30 year old hipster it's not your basic elderly aunt a bamboo toothbrush now that makes lynx africa look very kind and normal cards against humanity expansion deck they don't have the main ones though so they're not a hipster a bamboo tooth brush like firstly that's not 20 pounds you can get a bamboo toothbrush for like 199 and secondly that's such a rude gift it's such a rude gift got you a toothbrush brush up I had a teacher at school who is like you know the young fun teachers so you can have a laugh with and he had a sort of running tension banter with one of the guys in my class and when it was this teacher's 30th birthday someone got him a gift and

said i got you the thing you want most in the world and the thing you need most in the world and got him 20 mile red and a toothbrush oh no it's like that's that's when you cross the line with your teachers yeah um so yeah if you're gonna get this guy a bamboo toothbrush at least get a packet of fags. Packet of sigs. In case we've got any American listeners who are like, why are you just randomly throwing slurs at this man? Hemp cigarettes, because he's a hipster.

Do you mean Marijuana? I do. Name a star, buy him a tree, a selection of essential oils. I assume this is a secret Santa, and these are all way too intimate. If one of my colleagues named a star after me and gave me a selection of essential oils, I would think they were trying to seduce me. I'd go to HR.

One of those big crackling candles that sounds like a log fire. It's big seduction energy. That sounds great, though, a big candle. Yeah? A book called Entangled Life, How Fungy Shapes Our World. Ooh. I got you a toothbrush and a book about fungi. Happy Christmas.

I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed that my husband has gone to work on his day off. A little, yeah. You shouldn't have gone to work. This is day off. Am I being unreasonable to want to be a little. a better person? Yes. Amma being unreasonable to want to tell her to stop fucking moaning?

Yes. Am I being unreasonable to ask about things you believed as a child that aren't so... Hmm. Hmm. Like Santa. Hey, what if there's kids listening? I told them to stop at the start. You told them to stop at the start.

You told them to stop at the start. At the start of the show, I told them to stop until they should be away. Yeah. Well, if those naughty children have listened. Then they're getting called. From... Santa. Who?

exist. Very good. Thank you for listening. Have a lovely Christmas or if you don't celebrate Christmas, have a lovely late December period. Yeah. Have a wonderful holiday, whether you celebrate it or not. Have some time. Have some time. Think about what you've done. Think about whether you really want to go into the New Year still being a fan of being unreasonable. That's not what our podcast is called. Think about whether you want to go into the New Year, still listening to it, you are being unreasonable. Hey, of course you do. Of course you do. And this year, why not gift someone going into their phone

and putting your being reasonable on their podcast subscriptions? Santa's been, but they can't make out what that means until this episode turns up. Yeah. Spend weeks thinking that you didn't get them a gift and then they're walking around Audi and their podcast has ended and then this one starts. Or another gift idea, you could rip them a CD of your favourite bit.

from you were being unreasonable. You could put it in their Christmas Eve box. Yeah. You'd have to be pretty quick off the mark, though. This one's coming out on Christmas Eve. It has to be very quick. Yeah. If only we'd thought of this,

we could have started doing merch. Yeah? We could have put out CDs. Could have put out simple mini-discs. Each CD has a personalized message from Hells and Simon, the host of you being unreasonable. One lucky winner has a CD

that's just a personalized message from Leon. It's just strabbling and mewing. Thank you for listening. Thank you for all the nice things people have said to us and about this podcast over the course of this weird year. Thanks for sticking with us. We hope that it's brought some joy to you. I hope not joy, at least actively not distressed you. Yeah, we hope it's brought at least more joy than distress.

Yeah. Not much more, just marginally more. We hope on balance you're okay. Yeah. And Merry Christmas. Happy holidays to one and all. Yeah. Thank you for listening. Bye.