You Are Being Unreasonable - 097 - Forced perspective counterfeit furniture and mentors stealing our jobs

Episode Date: April 1, 2021

"Pizza. Cheese on toast. Magnums." Like the mighty Ever Given, we are refloated and are making our way safely down the Suez Canal of Mumsnet. This week, we ask: Is it unreasonable for an enterprising mentor to get a job that their mentee went for? Should you email the company that a scam artist works for? What three foods would you eat for the rest of your life? And we discover Mumsnet's surprising response to discussions of the role of the police.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now.

Hello, hello, welcome to your being. Unreasonable, the podcast about people being unreasonable on Mumsnet.com with me, Hells. And me, Simon. And we're back like the mighty ever given. We have been refloated to float back down the Suez Canal of Mumsnet. Yeah. I mean, we're recording this on Monday, so by the time it comes out, we don't know what's going to have happened to that boat.

It certainly made it to the lake halfway down the Suez Canal. Maybe it'll sink. Unless it gets stuck in the other half of the canal. Maybe it's the new Titanic. But rather than the jewel of the ocean. it's just like 300 feet's worth of shipping containers. What's in? Do we know what's in the boat? No, but I know the boat behind it has a lot of bunnies on it.

Yeah, I heard that. So many bunnies. Hungry bunnies. Yeah. And with that, let's just do a speed round, really. Am I being unreasonable to cut them out? No, cut them out. Am I being unreasonable to have not got over this?

How can I move on? You can't. It's impossible to. Am I being unreasonable to be annoyed at Loud Neighbour, infrequent. Oh, it's not so bad, as long as it's infrequent. And am I being unreasonable to buy used leggings? Yeah, got to save a book, save some money. I would look for savings somewhere other than leggings.

I think I'd prefer to buy no leggings than used leggings, but it's the speed round, as I always tell you, so let's move on. Yeah, on this podcast, we look at Mum's Net, the horrible site, and we pick out the delicious chunks of freds, of funny freds. We're buying time here. Like picking delicious sausages out of a pasta. Yeah, like truffle hunting pigs. We're buying time because Leon keeps stepping all over the keyboard,

so we're trying to fill time before he ruins the whole podcast. Like picking little Vienna sausages. Yeah, that's a very specific meal. Simon had some little Vienna sausages in a velvita shells and cheese. It doesn't work because the pasta is also delicious, and the mum's net pasta is not delicious. No, the pasta of mums there is, to be honest, bad. Bad pasta.

It's overcooked, it's mulch, and it's in a sauce of just tin tomatoes. Yeah. It's everything I ate as a student. Let's do a thread. Am I being unreasonable? Friend got a job she knew I wanted. It may be my own stupid fault, lesson learned, but anyway, I have an industry mentor. Mentors were being offered to people in my field about two years ago,

and I put myself forward as a means to. so widen my network, find out about new opportunities, etc., especially as I wasn't happy where I was at the time. I got assigned a woman called Debbie. We had a few Zoom calls, emails, etc., where she gave me some tips and advice about how to move into employers like her own. For the record, I am more qualified and experienced than Debbie, but wanted a mentor to help me into that kind of employer. Debbie told me to keep her posted on my job hunting, offered to help me with my CV and interview skills if I needed it. Well, I got made redundant in COVID.

Debbie's still working where she is. Then my dream job came up. I excitedly told Debbie, telling her it's my dream job. I did the application and asked Debbie what she thought. Was there anything missing? She told me it was perfect and good luck. Well, I didn't get the job. They said they might recruit later in the year and they'll let me know.

I've now heard that Debbie got the job. It feels like a real kick in the stuff. She was my mentor. She knew this was my dream job. And jobs like this don't come up often. In fact, really rarely. She knew I was unemployed while she was still working. Plus, this job is asking for a particular skill, which I do not believe she has. DH and my DM are telling me I'm a fucking idiot for speaking to her. I am, aren't I? I probably gave her all the answers too. I am so upset. Betrayal, subterfuge. By your mentor who is less skilled than you. are who you showed all of your details to. This thread works best if you picture Debbie as Debbie from Adam's Family Values.

Who is that, John Cusack? Yeah. Stealing my job. I respect that. But Debbie, pastels. This is how you get revenge. That's it. Just go around to a house and say that line.

You're done. Iconic. That only works with Debbie. gets the reference, which I think she will, because I think Debbie's cool. Yeah, I think Debbie will get it. I don't think O.P. would get the reference. I don't think O.P. is cool? No. I shake my hand early there, but I think O.P. sucks. You think OPES sucks? Let's go back to the title of the thread for a minute. Am I being unreasonable? Friend got a job she knew I wanted. It's not a friend, is it? It's a mentor, mentee relationship.

It's your mentor who is less skilled and experienced than you. Would you call Liz Lemon and Alec Baldwin's character friends. No, mentor and mentee. That was only work if the mentor in that situation were Liz Lemon. Yeah, I don't know why you took on a mentor who is less skilled than you. But who stole this job. Yeah. But if anyone wants a mentor in film criticism and wants to tell me about jobs in that area,

I'd be happy to take you on. You can't see it, but I'm stroking a cat villainously. You are, you truly are. And that cat is in turn your mentor. You're not my mentor He's going to steal the jobs that you steal No No

I don't understand how any of this work Two years ago she met Debbie To widen her network And find out about new opportunities Debbie's been playing a long game It's a long con What did she think was in it for Debbie as a mentor If not to widen her own network

And find out about new opportunities Yeah what's Did she go into this entirely cynically Thinking this will be good for me For my career And I will meet a true altruist Debbie's got to wet her beak I will meet Jesus himself

What are you on about, mate? What if she put down Debbie as a reference and then when they contacted Debbie for a reference Debbie just nailed it. She nailed the reference and she was so attractive to them. I have read further. Is that what she did?

Is that what happened? Incredible. We have no evidence at all that that is what happened but the OPE suspects that that might be what happened and that Debbie somehow used the fact that she was the mentor of the OP to make herself seem more important than the OP, as if

one might suspect that a mentor may be more experienced than their mentee. Imagine your referee using the reference process. That's what the OP thinks has happened. Most people think, no. Probably not. I like to think that's what happened. I mean, Debbie's a badass.

I'm on Team Debbie. I'm on Team Debbie so much. In addition, I just want to raise this now. Someone's set their username to Team Debbie versus saw losers. Oh no. And the O.P. said, I have reported your username. This is bullying. Oh, no. The O.P. reminds me quite a lot of a girl that I went to school with. He used to go to the head teacher or the school nurse or really anyone all the time to say she was being bullied every time someone wasn't her mate. Like, not actively not her mate. Just every time someone

carried on with their life and she wasn't in it, she'd be like, I'm being bullied. I'm being victimized. And I feel like that's the O.P. here. Yeah, that would explain a calling Debbie a friend in the title of the post. Yeah, when Debbie is like, I don't know, it's a woman. A professional relationship. Debbie's kept that distance. Debbie hasn't engaged with this parasocial relationship. No, Debbie's like, there's this weird smog woman.

She's very superior, even though I'm her mentor. I don't know, I'm just trying to stay out of it best I can. And that's my reference. As for me, I'm just having an evening being fully proficient at the Microsoft Office suite. I don't know why. My own bias showing here, obviously, but I can only assume that the industry in which they both work is marketing. They're definitely marketing people.

Debbie seems like a marketing person. And this woman seems like someone who got into marketing because she heard that it was, I don't know, stylish. Yeah, that lavish sex in the city. 100% marketers in my mind. This is a bit like when I went off on a tirade about how I can't bear comms people, even though I am, to all intents and purposes, a comms person. I'm not far off being a marketer, but I'm not Debbie, and I'm not the O.P.

Maybe you should get a mentor. Debbie? Or better yet, take on a mentee, and steal their identity. I like my job, though. I only want to take on the OPE as a mentee when I'm looking to steal a job from them. I'm not in a hurry to move on, and therefore there's nothing to gain by being the mentee for the O.P. No, no, apart from the good feeling of being a mentor. I don't want that.

I just want to take opportunities for under their nose and make them post on mumsnet about me. Mm-hmm. Should we hear from the thread? Yeah. You may have the skill that you mentioned, but interviewers obviously still felt she was the stronger candidate. Try and move on. Or email the recruiters to say,

actually, Debbie doesn't have those skills, and she's a bitch, and she's mean, and I don't like her. Well, that also comes up. Wow. Yeah. I'm really good at predicting the mind of this. It's almost like this is a piss tape post, but I just don't believe it is.

Now I come to think of it, the mentoring was kind of mutual actually as she asked me a lot about my job and qualifications over the years and I gave her lots of useful links so she probably learned a lot from me and she could have used that in her application, not just my application itself. Anyway, I've spoken to two other trusted people in our field about this who haven't seen any of the

applications, Loll, who reckon she's broken our industry code of conduct around confidentiality and ethics. Again, I can't say too much about the industry or the code of conduct. What, you're going to call the cops on her? Report her to the industry buddy. Pathetic.

Professional buddy. A Chartered Institute of Marketers. Yeah, I was going to say it. Hello. Is that Sim? It's about Debbie. I'm sure you know about Debbie already. It's a real piece of work. Was the O.P. in that last post suggesting that Debbie had taken her application verbatim? Yes.

Wow. The O.P. is absolutely convinced that Debbie is such a badass. That Debbie has just used the things that she sent as a mentor. And she's been like, this is perfect. Good luck. And obviously, Debbie said, oh, perfect good luck because she didn't want to give constructive advice because she was going for the same job which in itself is like a bit iffy it'd be good to say I'm going to go for that opportunity too I recuse myself but she said perfect good luck probably thinking there's errors in this

whatever not perfect I shall use it word for word I love Debbie so very much I hope she's not wearing pastels the OPE comes back a lot and the more the OPE comes back and more everyone's like it just sounds like you hate Debbie I just Leave it, mate. Why are you so smug, though? Why did you have a mentor you think you're so much better than? I'm really glad Debbie's got this great job. Also, if I would Debbie, I cut you out.

And then the OPEC comes back right at the end. And it's like, actually, I got a new job, and it's a temp contract. And there's an internal training thing, and they had to put it on Eventbrite anyway. And so Debbie has signed up to come to it. And I'm going to tell HR she doesn't even work it. It's like, oh my God, it's so mean, girls. She doesn't even go here. And with that, I think, yeah.

It's time to move on. The issue there, like my grand theory of, quote-unquote, canceling is it's not the bad take that kills you, it's the doubling down on it. Yeah, it is. Yeah, let's move on. Yeah. Am I being unreasonable to get this person into trouble? Debbie. Sorry, it's a bit of a narc-heavy one, but that's because there's not a lot going on on mums there other than narcs and actual parenting issues, which we don't touch because that's inappropriate.

I'm being unreasonable to get this person in trouble. I was purchasing some furniture a couple of weeks ago through Instagram. I put a deposit down through PayPal and then the person blocked me. I pay through friends and family, therefore no payment protection. Very annoyed with myself, but I learnt from the incident. Logged into PayPal last night and saw the person is still in my contacts. They have now updated their email address to their work email. Think name.surname at big company.com.

I'm tempted to contact their place of work, seeing as I've linked an account that scams people to their work address. Am I being unreasonable? Should I just leave it? Tricky. Is it? No, you probably shouldn't email, email their work address. Don't email at big company and say name.companied me,

because they'll just be like, who are you? My immediate thought is that the scammers have probably just put a fake email address in there. They could have put anyone's email address in there. Like my friend at work, my mentee. Scammer.comer.mete at work. place.org. No, some scammers were buying loads of IT equipment on sort of one of our purchase codes. And the scammers used my friend's email address as their email address to do this.

And so, yeah, the scammers probably just put a fake email address because they're on the next grift. They're grifting from big company.com. Yeah, that does make a lot of sense. So I think you'll email them and actually it might alert them to the fact that they're being scammed. So on that basis, yeah. But not to be a knock.

This is where the intention is important. It really is. I just don't think you should go to people's employees all the time and be like, rah, ra, rah, rah, I use Mumsnet and your employee is not very kind. Hashtag be kind. No, I hate it. I absolutely hate it. Don't go running to everyone's boss all the time.

No. Not okay. No. What they do outside work hours is none of the boss's business. I used to work somewhere where we were told explicitly that we had to take our landyards off the moment that we left our offices. because basically they were absolutely sick of getting reports from people in the local area that the staff have been out drinking or saying things or having opinions

or not getting up for pregnant women on tubes, anything at all. They were absolutely fed up with people just reporting us all the time. Oh yeah, that would go around on Twitter. Yeah, so it was an actual rule that by the time you were out of the staircase that came out from your office building, you had to have your land yard off, otherwise you were in trouble. And that was purely because of people like OP. Yeah, now that's snitching for no reason.

And that's, people just love to snitch on this website. It's like the only thing that they have going on. Why would the company care? I mean, would they investigate it? Well, let's hear from the thread. Someone said the company won't investigate as it's not their business. That's exactly that I said. And then the OEP has said, the only thing that makes me think that they wouldn't take this view

is they're using a PayPal account with their work email. therefore it does look at the company even in a small way. I'd also like to think it would give him a scare to not do it to other people. No one's company business is giving their employees a scare because of something they did to a mumsneter. Give them a little scare. Like, imagine if you got called in by your boss and you were like, have I done something wrong?

And they're like, well, a mumsnettor is not very happy with you. So I've been told to give you a scare. Have you been selling counterfeit furniture over Instagram? What is counterfeit furniture? furniture. It looks like a lovely sofa, but when you sit on it, you realise it's made of polystyrene beans. It's actually just a 2D picture of a sofa

drawn on the ground in that clever way that some chalk mirrors are. No, if they've gone to the hassle of making it work in the picture on gum tree and then delivering it to you, and it's only once they've left. The forced perspective

of them outside your door drawing it getting exactly right from your door frame and your eye level that's quite the grip what if you and someone you live with come to the door

so they've got to account for two eye levels and slightly different perspectives yeah one person's like you know what I'd pay you to see that show I'd be upset that I didn't have a chair but then I'd just buy a chair from somewhere reputable

I'd be like okay well that sucks I'll just go on the Argos website and buy a chair now sucks at my chair but turned out to be a forced perspective check drawing the ground but there we are we had a good time getting there it was a journey still going to report them to a place the opes come back again no one asked but they've said the original email address was scott dot smith 82 at not their real email address but now i've looked again they've updated it to scott dot smith at big company it is a legit company and the email format is

the same yes it could be fake but the fact they've had the same name both times I'm guessing they must either be the person or know the person they're pretending to be. That's garbage, isn't it? Because I could be like, oh, all right, I'm Helen Bowie at email address.com. And I'd be like, oh, shit, I'm a scammer. I would just look up other Helen Bowies and be like, great. I can be Helen Bowie at McKinsey.com because there's some bitchy consultant called Helen Bowie. I wouldn't even go that for.

I'd just put Helen.com at random company name. Helen.bowey at Tesla.com. And she'd email. Hello, is that Elon Musk? Yeah. It's about the chairs. And she'd call Elon and Elon would say, there's no Helen Bowie here.

I think Elon answers his own phones. Yeah. Oh no. No, I don't think so. Grimes. Grimes. Gensle of the phone. And now everyone's saying,

why don't you call the police? Well, because what are you going to tell the police? Hello, a man, change his email address. What are they going to do? They're going to email him. Oh, yeah. might turn up at your house and get you with a kosh but like that's just what the cops do bit it's not gonna help with this email thing yeah and then someone said why don't you send an email to his company address

and cc in the customer service or whatever team and then just say oh showing the attached image i paid a deposit for this chair but i didn't get it here's the PayPal account it's not a great idea and then a mom's there said best idea ever i don't think you've ever worked behind the customer service email address but i have and honestly We would just mark that as closed because we were only on the CC and there's so many emails coming through. Again, if you're CCing, I don't know if he still is involved with PayPal, but if you're seeing PayPal's customer service,

CC Elon Muskin. No, this isn't PayPal customer service, this is the company customer service. Oh, that makes even less sense. Yeah, if I were working in the company customer service, it's been a while since I worked in one of those roles, but we definitely would be like, we're on the CC, it's not our problem. The PayPal fraud team or whatever. No, no.

Let's move on. This is gabbage. Am I being unreasonable? Is anyone else sick of anti-police slash some of the younger generation in general? I'm 29, so by no means old, but I don't know what's happened the past couple of years. I was bought up to respect police, not break the law.

Obviously I have, underage drinking, etc. Guess I've never been in trouble with the police. Twitter is full of 17 to 20-year-olds slacking off the police for breaking up protest. etc. Hello, we're in a pandemic and I'd really like to be out of lockdown soon, was also brought up not to judge anyone by their skin colour, religion, sexual orientation, etc. I have friends who are gay, black, white, Muslim, Jewish. Get none of them understand this whole she, her, announce your pronoun stuff. They all just respect each other's preferences, views, religions, self-identification. Is anyone else feeling sick of this or am I alone? Toy! What are you on about? This person seems like classic toy.

What connection do they perceive between their point about the young ones who are on Twitter about the police and they're friends of suspiciously many backgrounds not liking pronouns? But not trans. They don't have trans friends. Well, they probably do, but they probably don't believe that they are a real category of person. No, they're just talking to their gay, black, white, Muslim, Jewish. friend. Yeah, who says, I don't understand pronouns either. I don't get this pronouns off here. What links it is culture war bullshit. So in their right-wing

newspaper reading head, they've been led to believe that this is all part of the culture war of the woke against the anti-woke or whatever. Right, so the woker the ones who hate the police and announce their pronouns. Yeah, exactly. That's what groups them in their mind. And this person's 29 and disagrees. Yeah, because they were raised to respect the police. They weren't raised to, they were bought up to. And yet you weren't brought up to use words properly. And ordinarily, I would be like, no, I recognise my literacy privilege, I'm not punching down,

they might speak into a second language, they might have other reasons, it might be dialect. But this person's being such a complete cock and bulls. I need to point out that it's brought up, not bought up. I'm sure you were brought up to respect the police, but you're a grown-up now and that might mean re-examining some of the things that you were brought up to believe and thinking about how these things are rooted in, say, systematic oppression and the sort of drive of capital to stay in power. I can only imagine, though, that if you try to interact with this person on that level, while you're being very patient and very reasonable, they would probably look you square in the

eye and either say beard or pronouns in bio or wokeery or any of the catchphrases they say, that they think make them right and everyone else wrong. Yeah, because examining the role of the police in maintaining capital and maintaining power is wokeery. It's nonsense wokeery. I mean, yeah, this is nonsense. It kind of breaks my little heart. There are 29-year-olds out there who think like this,

and it shouldn't do because I've met these people who are my age or younger who have terrible opinions because they've never stopped to examine where those opinions came from and whether those opinions are fit for modern life. I've met those people. I know they exist, but every time I see it, it just makes me die inside.

There is a noticeable lack of, a sort of gender identity discussed in this. Apart from the pronoun stuff, they just talk about the skin colour religion and sexual orientation. Yeah. Because they don't seem to be recognising gender identity as a,

not protected characteristic as such, but, you know, an identity. They do at least recognise race, and actually, again, today is Monday, there's been a report out from the government racial advisory board saying not to use BAME, which lots of people have been saying for a very, very, very long time anyway. And then David Lammy said, yeah, well, I identify as black rather than as BAME. And then someone said, why do you identify as black? That's so divisive.

So at least this person isn't from that school at all, because that's the thing that I find the most, like, what are you on about? So they're getting there, but they still absolutely suck balls. And I just want to know, why are you following all these teenagers? Like, what are you doing? Like, if you've got a whole group that's just people who are in, like, sixth-form college. Weird. See all these teens. Your Twitter is just lists of various six-formers and their opinions about cops. Hey, fellow kids.

However, part of why I chose this thread is that I think we need to hear from the thread because we have a lot of things that we perceive about mums there. And actually, this thread has challenged a lot of them. So, from the thread, you don't seem to understand the situation here, O.P. You're being unreasonable, I'm 30, and I'm glad that people are no longer deference the police and interference of power. Blind respect is a huge mistake. If you've never been on the wrong side of police, discrimination, racism, misogyny, you won't empathise with those who have. I'm not sick of it. At this point, I feel like we're living in a Kafka play. I hope people continue to rail against it. Where do you live, O.P., police in the UK, police by consent. Many people are not consenting to draconian, hastily made laws, sexism, racism and general hatred of women.

Wow, sounds So moms that have come together Progressive Yeah And you know I mostly get my internet stuff off Twitter Yeah So you worry that you're in a Twitter bubble

With regards to the sort of anti-police sentiments That have gone around over the last few weeks But it's heartening to hear That people are actually recognising The draconian role of the police Over the last few weeks Yeah And maybe we'll see a broader social movement

To defund the police Yeah So, and then someone came along and said, so basically anarchy, nice, sounds like a safe future for us all. And then people have just rounded on that person who's not even the OP to say, oh, you think a police state, it's a safer future, nice. Or democracy, it's not just a choice between fascism and anarchy, that's just lazy. Like, people have just turned on the tourries here. People coming in with recommendations of Emma Goldman and Bakunin and Chomsky, here, read some well-known anarchists. Yeah, it's the most heartening thing I've seen all month.

I included Chomsky there, but don't mean Chomsky. He's a rubbish sauce on anarchy. I wouldn't bother with Chomsky. Anachism, rather. Some people are old white dudes, and that's okay, but don't waste energy. Chomsky's baby's first, anarchism. Emma Goldman is the place to go. Okay, that's good to know.

So I had a thread I was going to do that was a proper substantive thread, but I feel like it's a bit long, we've got a little bit heavy, So we're just going to do this one instead. And by being unreasonable, if you choose three foods to eat for the rest of your life, what would they be? Mine would be pasta, pizza, cereal, drinks too, water, tea, orange juice. I'm a carb fiend. I was going to say, they've got carbs coloured, but you need other stuff as well. They've picked such big categories, haven't they?

They've picked huge categories. Those are huge categories. You can't pick cereal because that's a whole range of things. You can't pick pasta because that's a whole range of things. If you've got pasta, that's so broad that they'll go pick a sauce because otherwise you're just like to dry pasta. Unless you mean all the different pastas with all the different sauces, and then that's not the spirit of the game, is it?

I do think on mine, Spaghetti Carbonara would be up there. But I'm talking spaghetti carbonara, not just pasta. I so rarely see you have a spaghetti cart. I guess I don't eat it, and so we wouldn't have it as like a household thing. You don't eat pork. Yeah. and I can't make it. As in, I can make a spaghetti in a cheesy sauce.

That's not the same. But it's not a proper carbonara, which uses egg. Yeah. And I think mushrooms, but I don't want those. So a spaghetti carburetsohn's mushrooms. I was going to say, if you could have spaghetti carbonara for the rest of your life, but it had mushrooms in it, would you pick around them or would you just be like, no, forget it.

No, I'm not going to pick around every meal. Come on. That makes a stressful endeavour. Okay, so spaghetti carbonara without mushrooms. What's your next two? Well, I want to talk about what other food. groups. We've got protein, carbohydrates. No, but you're not allowed to just pick three food groups. I don't want to make sure they're all covered because I don't want to die of scurvy

or whatever. Let's look up a little table of how much of each food group you're supposed to have as well. Yeah, Helsey's pulling up like a primary school chart. A charter would be on the wall at a private school and that's exactly what I want. Fruits and vegetables and starchy foods are like the two big groups and then the next ones are proteins and then sort of fats and then this one says foods and drinks. This is too

practical. Let's go to another one. So another one suggests that mostly vegetables and grains and then protein, bit of fruits, bit of dairy. So I can't have sandwiches. It's too broad. No, but you could have a particular type of sandwich. Have you got a favourite sandwich?

Like a ham and cheese sandwich. Is that your favourite sandwich? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I'm on the spot. Well, no, like, I know what my favourite sandwich is. My favourite sandwich is hummus avocado and sundried tomato on brown seeded bread, toasted. And so would that be your, would that be in your list? Yeah, I think it would because it's easy.

Mm-hmm. And then I'd probably pick, like, a sort of middling one and then, like, a luxury, I think. But equally, maybe I would just be like, oh, but tinned pineapple keeps. I don't know if I have to be prepared for all eventualities. I like crisps. Like, those cheesy crisps. Those cheesy crisps. Those cheesy crisps.

Watsits. But I don't want to pick Watsits. You don't have... Because then I'm just surrounded by Watsits. Ham and cheese sandwich with Watsits and, what, a little yog? You're having a primary school back lunch forever. Exactly. I think the drink is easier. Yeah, what are your three drinks? Water. I don't know why about having to single out water. I feel like water should be a given. It falls from the sky.

Also, your tea is herbal tea, whereas I like tea with... Mostly water. Yeah, I like a black tea with a... of some variety. Yeah. Does that mean that I have to say, like, oh, I want oat milk and I want breakfast tea? Or...

One particular tea recipe forever. I mean, I'd probably say forget the tea and I would go with oat milk and coffee and then I suppose water and I'll just never have a sweet drink again, thanks. Can you put sugar in your drinks? Did I have sugar water? We don't know.

If I picked sugar is one of my foods. Sugar gum, simple syrup. Simple syrup so that you can sweeten your tea and your whiskey But your cocktail can't have other stuff in it Because you haven't got any lemons or No, I can't quite make a cocktail No, you could have eggs If you pick eggs as one of your foods, you could have eggs

But you only like your eggs to be quite luxurious Like just eggs by themselves wouldn't be your thing No, am I allowed just eggs? Because you can serve eggs lots of ways Well yeah, I think eggs is fine But it depends on whether you have to Time All right steak, because you could choose, you could cook steak in a number of ways. Yeah, but then could you have, like, chips with it.

Boil it, mash it, stick it in a stew. Boiled steak. I might be sick. No, it's, well, this is the thing. Is it three meals that you have for the rest of your life, or is it like three baseline component parts for future activities that you have the rest of your life? Because that changes things. That's the pizza and cereal would suggest the latter. Okay, well, so I want cauliflower for sure, because I like collie rice, I like roasted cauliflower in sandwiches.

I like popcorn cauliflower. In that case, I'm going to take potato because it's so versatile. Yeah. So I have collie, you have potato. Also, are we allowed to combine? If we have three things each, we live together. Like, are we allowed to... No, if we share the police come and knock down our door.

Oh, so you can take... So it can be like you have pasta and I have rice. I mean, no. No, I mean, this dystopian food police future is the future Kirstama once. No, I'm getting frightened. and I'm like, oh no, I'm going to do something terrible and be like, okay, I'll have almond butter then, and then next thing I know, I'm like, well, this isn't actually as best style as I first thought. Yeah. It's handy for curries, and it's nice on toast,

and you can dip an apple in it, but I didn't pick curries or bread or an apple, so now I've just got almond butter. It's depleting the rainforest. What do other people suggest? Pasta, chicken and crisps. Lamb chops, cauliflower cheese and sprouts. So you've got pasta, and you can stir the chicken through that, but otherwise your chicken is unseasoned. Yeah, and, and your pasta has no sauce on it. It just has unseasoned chicken on it. Or you could crumble up those crisps and make a crispy, you know, skin for the chicken. Yeah, I mean, like, crispy coating. Crumbling crisps over the top of mac and cheese is a thing that I know

plenty of people do, but they have the cheese for their mac. I've seen a recipe that uses like cheesy Doritos and chicken. Yeah, but in this variant, you wouldn't have any sauce. You We just have dry pasta, dry chicken, and then crumbled dry... Oh, my... Yeah, I can see where people are saying they want water. You need to be certain that you get water. Someone said avocado, egg and sourdough, and they've thought it's true. They're having brunch forever.

And I respect that. Yeah, they're having one recipe forever. I respect that. Someone else has said, really salted crisps, cottage pie and trout. You'd be gutted on trout day, didn't you? Trout seems like a reasonable thing to suggest till you realize you don't have any sort of So, so heavy to have cottage pie or trout every dinner. Trout is quite light.

Fish is light. Yeah. It's just, you don't have... Well, look, with a cottage pie side. Oh, yeah, you don't have any veg to go with it, so. Rice, pasta and chocolate. Again, rice and pasta are very broad. Yeah, and then they've said they would like milk tea and ribina or a malbec that I like.

No, no, it's not four drinks, it's three drinks. Pick one. Pick one, you coward. um yeah some one of fish chips and cheese i can be persuaded by fish and chips i couldn't i don't think i'd have the cheese last because i think you need something sweet but in this version that you're going for

you're not giving yourself any room for cheese oh no dusty maiden has come in with the most dusty maiden tedious dry sounding selection bread butter and cheese No, this is a fantasy, it's not the plague. What are you about medieval hardships? This is your ideal three things to eat. Pastor with my sauce. What is your...

Exciting. What's your thought? The secret sauce. Jizzy pasta. Bone broth soup and one type of chicken strips. Name them. One type. My sauce.

They know what they mean. If you say one type, though, you probably have a particular type in mind. Because you've said one type, you're just going to get any type, and that's the only type you get, because you aren't clear. You're going to get from who? Who's reading these? Is it like a genie situation? Yes. Yeah, I mean, mostly this is ridiculous, but I just want to tell you about my favourite one. Pizza, cheese on toast, and magnums. Pizza and cheese on toast are the same. What a waste, what a waste of a wish. So close. That's such a waste. Your only safe free food are pizza and cheese on toast.

Pizza, cheese on toast, tomato ketchup You have absolutely blown it You could not have blown this harder And with that Should we do one more speed round Pizza, cheese and toast Oh One more speed round

And then we'll call it a day Am I being unreasonable To ask what is your biggest regret in life Jeez, yeah, I don't know who you are Amma being unreasonable, do I go for this job or not? Or do they not want me to? Debbie? Debbie?

Is that you? Debbie would never question whether they want her to. No, this is the other person questioning it. Yeah. Amma being unreasonable to want my kids to go to bed. No, go to bed. And Amma being unreasonable, Pierce Morgan related. What is wrong with people?

What is wrong with peers? Should we call it a day? Yeah, thank you for listening. Yeah, thank you for listening. I feel like this has been a bit of a silly one. Very silly. Oh, no. Very silly.

Do people not like that? I have no idea what people like. I haven't had access to our Twitter feed for like six months. What? You need access? I can't hold that up on my own. I don't know what people want. Yeah, no, thank you for listening.

The BFI Flair LGBTQ Plus festival is over, but my reviews of the films should be coming out shortly. So go to take one cinema.net and look for Simon Bowie's reviews. Great. Great. Well, thank you for. listening, I'm going to go and have some pizza, some cheese on toast, and some magnums. All together.

All together. Thank you. Bye.