You Are Being Unreasonable - 099 - Thicc hobbits on the beach and opening crisp packets upside-down

Episode Date: April 29, 2021

"Big jeans for Tik Tok teens." As we hurtle towards our 100th episode, a moment of reflection with some corrections to previous episodes. We also discuss: How does one go to the beach? How does one do beach? And what would a hobbit wear at the beach? What happens when you open a crisp packet upside-down? Is opening crisp packets the best way to come out as LGBT? Are there any women out there without imposter syndrome? And what to do with old pound coins that aren't LEGAL TENDER.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful, the world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day. Hello.

Hello, welcome to Your Being Unreasonable, the podcast about People Being Unreasonable on mumsnet.com with me, Howells? And me, Simon. What's new, Simon? Well, I think we're 99 episodes in. It's time to issue a few corrections. Go on. Was it last episode, we talked about makeup as a form of catfishing?

Yes. And it turns out the makers of catfish UK think it is. They think that everything is catfishing. They said that everyone is a catfish. Everyone's a catfish because some people use filters on their pictures and some people don't. I don't know what they're on about. I'm not looking forward to catfish. UK. The other was, we talked a few weeks ago about buying jeans and we're joking that I can't

get jeans in my size. They don't do them in my size. And I need to make an apology. I was joking. I was joking. I said, no, they do make them in your size. So you just can't be bothered to look. But then Simon looked. Yeah, now that non-essential shops are open again, I went to look and re-remembered and Hells discovered that they don't make jeans in my size. I know my size and they don't have them. They're not in the shop. There's only two pairs of them in the world and they've both got holes in the bum. So that was, that was what it was. It was nice while it lasted. And now big jeans again. But now I've worn, I've sat down so much this look down. I've worn holes in the bum. All my good jeans. But big jeans are what the TikTok teens were. Big jeans for TikTok

teens. Big jeans for TikTok teens. So maybe people will just think you're a TikTok teen. Should we do the speed round? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable to ask how many of you have had cosmetic surgery? Yeah, it's not your business. Also, no one's going to be able to answer. They can't say, oh, yeah, it's 3,000 of us on mum's there. Am I being unreasonable, poo in my skip? It doesn't sound great, but it's better there than somewhere else. Yeah, I mean, unless they mean, am I being unreasonable to poo in my skip, then don't poo in a skip. Oh yeah, if it's poo as a verb. Yeah. Don't do that. Am I being unreasonable to ask a super quick question, please? No, go for it. Go for it. We get time. Come on, you're wasting our time.

That's the question. And am I being unreasonable? Please tell me I am not unreasonable. This seems like a wild gaming of the formula. Oh, well, shall we do a full thread? Yes. Perfect. Am I being unreasonable to not know how to go to the beach?

And to ask for help. I live in North Hampshire and I'm desperate to take my kids to the beach tomorrow. We've hardly been anywhere for 12 months, so I just don't know the procedures. I guess I can go almost anywhere, as most places will be a drive of at least. least an hour. Do I have to book anything, like parking? Am I allowed to go? One boy is also celiac, which doesn't help. If I can get fish and chips on the beach, that would be awesome, but it's not essential. I just don't know how to go about all this anymore. Non-essential fish and chips. When are the non-essential fish and chips shop? The essential ones have been open this

whole time because they sell food. We need the non-essential ones. We need the non-essential fish. What's a non-essential fish? Scamping. Oh, I was thinking maybe it's one that sells like goldfish in little bags like you get at the fun fair and chips like you'd use at the casino. Yes, yes, that is. That would be the worst fish and chip shop to go to. I'm picturing the arcades, I think, which you also get at the beach. Yeah. I call the arcades non-essential fish and chip shop.

Why, it's very confusing. It's really amazing. I wish you wouldn't. Really bad. But yeah, we've all been in lockdown a long time at this point, apart from New Zealanders. And we've forgotten how to do things. Yeah. We don't know what's going on.

How do you go to the beach? How do you socialise? How do you meet people? And because of the shape of New Zealand, I think New Zealanders already had the edge on us with going to the beach. Yeah, with regards to beach going. Yeah. I mean, we're a little island as well.

It's just our beaches are cold. It should have been more scenes in Lord of the Rings filmed on the New Zealand beaches. That would have given us... Beach is not a big feature of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Yeah. That would have given us a better idea of how to go to the beach because we could simply refer back to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. You set aside a day, you watch all the films,

and then you've learned everything there is to know about the beach. But as it stands, they didn't prepare us. They didn't prepare us. Hobbits do not wear footwear. They have big hairy feet. But would they wear jellies at the beach so that the stones in the sea don't nip their little toes? Yeah, I think that would be nice for them.

I don't want them to be uncomfortable. Would hobbits wear jellies at the beach? The greatest thread in history. Do they make jellies in hobbit sizes, or is it like jeans for you? No, because a hobbits. Hobbit could just buy a normal man's size, and because of their small stature. Oh, of course. That their feet would be proportionate to a normal man's feet.

Of course, I didn't think this threw at all. Yeah. But I've not often seen the beach selling men's jellies, adult men's jellies. Usually they have them for little children. This is it, man. Don't go all the way to Mount Doom. Just go to the beach and loddle don't go into the sea. It's cool.

Someone's not going to go into the sea. And then you can go to the arcades. Yeah. Job done. The non-essential fish and chip shop. Sorted. Tolkien, we have some notes. I think I've just realised that the word I'm thinking of that you use at the casino is actually chit.

Let's get to the question. I live in North Hampshire and I'm desperate to take my kids to the beach tomorrow. We've hardly been anywhere for 12 months, so I don't know the procedures. Don't know the beach procedures. And there's never a beach warden, is there? There's never the beach marshal to tell you what the procedures are. You don't get an induction. When you arrive at the seaside town, there's not someone there waiting to do the procedures list with you.

No, there's not the little mayor from the town in Jaws. Ready to tell you that the beach is perfectly safe. Thank you. And we're opening this summer. And I tell you where to get a towel. Although I suspect that if there were that, that might be enough to tell you to get back in the car and go back to North Hampshire. No one knows what to do.

No one knows what to do with regards to beach. Well, people live by the sea. The people who live by the sea have been surviving just fine. They haven't been staring out of their seafront windows panicking. What are the procedures? What are the procedures? Do you have to book anything, like parking? How would you...

I don't think you book parking anywhere, do you? Maybe at a hotel. If you're going to a hotel, you want to book into the car park. Yeah, maybe. But not at the beach. Not for a day trip, surely. Well, it seems odd, although... You can't pre-book your parking.

Maybe it'd be better if you could, though, because it is very annoying when you get somewhere and there's nowhere to park, and then you have to drive around for hours, and you want to be at the beach, and you see the beach occasionally, but mostly you're on the back roads. It's also annoying if you're...

you pre-booked your parking and the booker doesn't turn up and you're just driving around, you can't park in those spaces because they're booked, but they're there. And the mayor of the town is saying, no, they're booked. No. Shoo! Off. Go around the block. Like pub tables where if the booker is 15 minutes late, then they free it up.

So you have to drive around the block for 15 minutes. Yeah. The serious point here is that the sort of rules, at least in the UK, around traffic. travel and short-range travel. I've been quite rubbish. There's no definition of... I don't think that's very fair on the rest of the UK. I think that's an England problem.

I was thinking as I said it. Wales and Scotland seem to have had pretty clear-cut rules. I don't know about Northern Ireland. Yeah, you can't go within five miles. I don't know about Northern Ireland. No, you can't go beyond five miles. You can't go within five miles. It would be an amazing coup.

You can leave your house, but you must go out with five miles. Yeah, Northern Ireland may have had some. something similar. I know the Republic did. Yeah. That was like five kilometres or something. Yeah, they had checkpoints set up. Checkpoints, checkpoints, even. Yeah. But England, England, as always, has let the side down with really vague travel restrictions.

Yeah, they had travel restrictions during the bit last summer where we weren't in lockdown, but they said that you shouldn't travel outside your immediate area where I was trying to go to a park that was a single train journey away, and I honestly had no idea if it was legal. Yeah, down then. genuinely thought that I might get on the train and be arrested. Please try and stay at home. Well, yeah, but what does that mean in practice? Well, if you can't stay at home, then obviously don't.

What? But can we or not? Stay in your local area? Well, that depends on what you perceive your local area to be. Yeah. So are we allowed to go to the beach? I don't know. Yeah, it's actually quite a sweet question.

I'm laughing at it a bit because it's very silly, but it is quite sweet. It's like, this person just wants a nice day out, and they want to do it within the rules. They're looking out for their family and for the rest of society with regards to COVID. I do feel a bit mean for picking it, but also, am I being unreasonable to not know how to go to the beach? It's just the most mum's letty thing.

I don't know how to beach. Adalting fail. Beaching is hard. No, that's like that time that guy trolled you because you were like, oh, washing machine's broken. That's annoying. And then some guy, like, quote tweets, you saying, adulting is harsh. Like, what?

I wasn't saying adulting is hard. I was saying my washing machine is broken. It's a pain. I don't know how to go to the beach. I have to engage with it. Beaching is hard. Beaching's not hard, though, because whales do that. And whales are pretty thick. Yeah, but it's actually bad for Wales. When whales get beach, that's not like, they're not hanging out, having a cocktail with their guns. No, I wouldn't say it they were.

They're not under a big umbrella having a mehito. No. But they do beach, and it is easy to do. Yeah, it's true. Although, also, you said whales are pretty thick, and I hope you mean with two seas, because that, yes, but they're very intelligent as far as intelligence is a thing worth measuring. Wales hobbits at the beach, all thick with two seas. Let's hear from the thread. You just go, like pre-to-COVID times.

Take a pat lunch, you'll queue for ages for fish and chips and they'll likely make him ill. Right, but this is what we're saying. Maybe we have too much sympathy for the OPE, because that's what they're asking. pre-COVID times? What was it like in pre-COVID times? We do not know. We don't not remember. So much has happened this year. I think it's a bit mean as well to turn up and tell a parent of a child with celiac that they shouldn't do something because it'll make their kid ill as if they haven't thought that's through. That's why they mentioned it. They're mentioning it because, oh, you can go anywhere now. Have fun. Wow, you can go anywhere. I don't think you can't go

anywhere now. No, I was reading about that Norwegian man who went up Everest with COVID. He was Like, I had to go up Everest with COVID because I hadn't climbed Everest, but I'd done the other six big summits. The first person to climb it with COVID is quite a kin. No, no, being the first, highlighting someone the first of something as an achievement, is a thing usually used for marginalised people as a way to, I don't know, make it seem like progress has happened when structural barriers haven't been removed. But this is even worse. This is being the biggest prick on Everest. When they've already said, can you all stop climbing Everest? I'm sure they've already asked people to stop climbing Everest.

But to this commenter's point, you can't go anywhere. You can't go to India. It's tragic what's happening in India. It really is. You can't and should not go there. Someone has said, did you do this pre-COVID? Oh, imagine if it was your first trip to the beach ever. If you were like, no, I'm going to seize the day.

If there's one thing I've learned from lockdowns, it's like I'm a grown-up with children. I've never visited the beach. You never know when your last trip to the beach might be. You remember when your first trip to the beach might be. Treating a trip to the beach as if it's your last. That sounds really bleak. stare out at the sea walk into the sea

let the water consume you consider your regrets make your peace with those you've wronged forgive those who've wronged you let the salt water cleanse us in yeah I think treating each trip to the beach if it's your last is fine as long as you're

Meryl Streep in a film that just sounds like a Meryl Streep film to me someone said why don't you get up early arrive for breakfast and then you can make your own bacon sandwiches take your own

gluten-free bread and a flask again the parent of a child with celiac understands about gluten-free food you don't need it's not like this is

their first trip to the beach and the first day they've given a shit if their son gets sick oh he's been really ill this whole time actually but now we're planning a trip to the beach

but we just discovered his celia what does that mean am I being unreasonable to think there are no women without imposter syndrome I suffer terribly with imposter syndrome. I am an experienced professional, and I work in a high-performing environment.

I'm in a constant state of anxiety. I feel like a fraud, and I'm very hard on myself for the smallest error. I always reflect on what I've said in meetings and feel like a complete fool. Everyone around me seems highly competent and more in favour with the boss. I'm exhausted with it all and think daily about resigning, because I'm just not good enough, and I can't take the pressure anymore. On the other hand, I earn well And I feel fortunate to have the position I have

I've heard that this is very common in women Anyone out there not feel like they're failing every day That they are good at their job? How do you do it? I'd love to learn some more coping mechanisms And generally, how do I give myself a break? I'm also thinking daily that because this job makes me miserable I should just give up and leave.

It's a very alpha and competitive culture. But then, I'd probably beat myself up for that too. Any advice, welcome. So this woman feels normal the way that we all feel every day. This woman thinks that all women have imposter syndrome rather than thinking that all societal structures are set up in favour of the patriarchy

and that imposter syndrome is a way to put blame back on to individuals rather than address structural problems. That's the high horse I have when I chose this thread. I've got nothing more to add. There must be some women without imposter syndrome. Oh, they come along later. We'll hear from them. We'll hear from them in good time. Yeah, I'm thinking of Melania Trump, Theresa May.

That woman who wrote Lean In You're thinking of terrible people Yeah Margaret Thatcher It wouldn't surprise me if Theresa May Self-identified as someone with imposter syndrome It wouldn't surprise me if Theresa May was one of the introverts either If Theresa May is now on mum's at saying

I'm an introvert And that means that I can't abide anything or anyone Jacinda Ardem I don't think so I think she's got a head struton straight Yeah And you know I think it probably helps If you are a woman running a country

I think that gives you a degree of power over the structural issues that mean that women think that it's imposter syndrome rather than society. So, you know, the generalisation that all women have imposter syndrome is just really upsetting to me. Because it really feels like you've internalised a lot of blame for things that make you feel bad. And I don't like that. Again, I'm really like, I don't want to laugh at the OP. I just think the OP is raising some serious questions about how we live now. Yeah. Your problem is capitalism. Your problem's capitalist patriarchy.

It is. As always. That is the crux of 99 episodes. Dismantle that and maybe you won't feel this way. Yeah. I was, while I was up in the middle of the night, just browsing the whole of the internet, I was looking at people responding to a tweet with an extract from a CBT book that said, like, good thinking, my boss shouted at me, my boss must be having a bad day, no depression, maladaptive thinking my boss shouted at me it's my fault depression and it's like that's that's

garbage yeah that's absolutely garbage that's about the power structures of working environment that makes that acceptable and yeah it's that it's not and also it feels like you're doing women a disservice by saying all women are just running around feeling like they don't know what they're doing come on should we hear from the people who don't have imposter syndrome and they are desperate to tell us yeah yeah Me, I'm quite senior at work in a global corporation and I've never felt like an imposter. I always feel like I'm good at my job because I am. I can't teach you any tricks, but if you're good at your job and delivering, you know it.

That sounds like the clip you get when they're showing the upcoming candidates on The Apprentice. It sounds like part of the sort of voiceover narration of American Psycho. Every morning I get up and Trayvon, Giovanni, number 12, face cream. I'm good at my job and I know it. someone's responded to that saying funny you say that because i find it's equally common to see overconfident people who think they're great being terrible performers at work and then someone else has said not me sorry i've worked hard and continue to i'm good at my job and i deserve to be there like also that's not addressing imposter syndrome isn't some people who shit at their jobs and other people

are good saying i feel like an imposter doesn't mean i'm terrible at my job are you You know, it's having a modicum of self-awareness, self-doubt. Just ridiculous. Thinking about yourself as a vulnerable person. I've never thought about myself as a vulnerable person. I'm not aware, and I have no doubts. I'm great. I'm so busy all the time with all my emails.

I never have a moment to think. I'm at the top of my game. There are only 10,000 of us in this industry in the world. I own my own company, have a six-figure income, and I'm fully respected in the industry. Oh, right, whatever. A small industry. Big fish in a small pond.

Yeah, exactly. Maybe you should join a proper industry that does something that people need. Because there's only 10,000 of you worldwide. Maybe your industry's nothing. Yeah, maybe your industry is too niche. Two niche. Vine stars. Can't be that many left in the world.

No platform left. Oh, I mean, yeah. I'm the biggest live streamer of opening packets of biscuits. I'm good at it. I get the subs. If you could make six figures doing that, though, like you'd have every right to be a bit of an arrogant prick. I think one person can make six figures doing that.

I don't think it's an industry that would hold a lot of people. I think you'd need the novelty value of being the only person in the world who does it. I think if there were 10,000 people, then that would be... It would be too much. It would dilute the brand. Yeah, and actually having said 10,000 is too small industry to sound valuable. 10,000 if it's opening biscuits on YouTube is too big. big an industry to sound viable. Yeah.

Can't sustain it. Am I being unreasonable? Opening crisp packets upside down. D-H just opened a packet of Walker's Marmite Crisps upside down and I told him that's what psychopaths do. He disagrees. Am I being unreasonable? No.

But the bigger question here is what are Walker's Marmite crisps? Well, their Walker's crisps flavoured like marmite. Oh, like twiglets. I guess so, yeah. Yeah. I think they sound delicious. Could go either way. I...

Could go either way. I would eat the Marmite crisps. Not a huge marmite head. like twiglets. Oh, that's marmite heads. Yeah, I'm not eating marmite on stream. That's not my niche. A-S-M-R in me eating marmite.

Oh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, and people will pay for it. I make six figures. I'm powerful in the ASMR Marmite industry. So when I was growing up, in't north. Inth North. Opening up Chris Packets upside down was bad luck. It did not make you a psychopath. Unless, I guess if you wanted bad look, that's a weird pathology.

I don't think that's what a psychopathic. I think psychopath as a term is hugely overused, particularly here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're only using it because ZOP used it. Yeah. But it's unlucky. I don't think it's a sign of mental illness. Is it in the DSM?

I mean, the DSM sucks. Maybe it is. Oh, yeah? DSM 6, opening criss packets upside down. Yeah. Disorder. Syndrome. If only that were how kids teased each other.

What you're doing is in the DSM, which is problematic. What you're doing is in the DSM 4, now overridden by the DSM 5. If we ever have a kid, I'm going to teach them that as the insults you use in the playground. Do it. And then they'll be in a lot of trouble at school. But it will make me laugh when I get called in to explain it. So I would never a packet of cruise upside down intentionally. I've done it by an accident.

And what do you do when you do it on accident? Do you just put them in the bin and start again and pretend it never happened? smash a mirror and walk under a ladder. Oh. No, that would be double bad luck. That would be triple bad luck. Triple bad luck. And then you put new shoes on the table.

Never heard that one. New shoes on the table really confuses me because, like, is it bad luck or is it just pointless? Why are you putting your shoes on the table? Better new shoes than old shoes, I guess. But when does that end? This is like the gremlin's feeding at midnight question. I suppose.

When does the shoe stop being new? Once you've worn them out, but worn them outside, not once you've worn them out and they're flapping. What about if you need to relase them? because shoes that you buy come weirdly laced and you put them on the table to do so. You're going straight to jail. Bad luck, Jail. I don't know, but I have actually got a pair of trainers

that I've only worn out once and I do need to relase them because they were flapping about because they were laced up badly so I'd just sit on the floor to do it. We've only got one table and many surfaces. We've got a little coffee table too. Oh, yeah. Two tables. Yeah.

But many surfaces. Three tables, including the end table. Yeah. So... Three whole tables for two people. So greedy. Bourgeois. Completely bourgeois.

But yeah, I wouldn't open a crisp packet upside down. I can't think of any reason you would. I'm not details focused. I'd do it. Was it unlucky where you grew up? It used to make a down I went to school with scream. Oh, now. But she was very annoying.

But if she saw it, she'd go, no! She'd also scream if anyone ever spilled a bit of a fizzy drink. Like, you know, if you open it and it fizzes up, and then you're like, ah! hold it away from you so it fizzes somewhere else. She'd scream at that because she thought it was wasteful. I was like, well, it's just as wasteful if it goes all over my sleeve. But then also I've got a mucky sleeve.

Her brother just goes on the floor over here. Unless he's opening the crisp packets upside down, as in the Chris packet is oriented the correct way, but he's opening it at the bottom. So all the crisps spill out cascade onto the floor. He holds it about his head. He holds it a lot. He opens his mouth. Tips his head back.

He opens his mouth. Release the Chris. Yeah, I don't want to call things psychopathic, but that's more psychopathic. Yeah, yeah, is that in the DSM? No, again, no. No, no. But that would be the worst way to open crisps. But if he had a bowl underneath, because he intended to put them in a little bowl for picking at,

like if he was having a few people over, he was going to put them in a bowl for a spread, if he opened them from the bottom there, held them at the top. He's just saved himself the work of upending the bag. This is efficient. This is just... efficient. When the world opens again and we go to a party where you have to bring something. I want to bring some Pringles, turn those Pringles can upside down and open it from the bottom

while staring everyone in the eyes. Oh. What a power move? The bottom is metal. What are you going to do? He's a tin opener. I am. It's you produce from your pocket.

An inside pocket in a fancy jacket. I'll handle the Pringles, lads. The AP has come back after a few people have said They agree that it's wrong to open the bag upside down And said surely they just wouldn't taste the same If they're being eaten upside down What, because all the flavour is in the first bit And then people are saying, yeah, you'll get all the little bits

All the little bits would be first But they wouldn't because the little bits fall between the gravity There's no difference qualitatively to eating the crisp upside down It's just bad look It's just aesthetics someone later on says when I was at school eating the crisps upside down was considered gay

I did it by accident a few weeks ago and thought this would be a funny way to come out which I quite like I love the idea of someone who's been like wondering how to come out for a long time and they've been thinking about it since school and they're like school of course they've sat down with their family

they're in the little pub beer garden they're meeting up after a while they open the crisps upside down looking everyone in the eye Yeah, I've done it. I've done it. I've done it. And then someone's like, you psychopath. You're like, oh my God, homophobia. Yeah, they feel like they've come out through this expansive gesture of the crisps.

And then the next family here is the invitation to the wedding. Like, what? The crisps? I told you. A day in the book. Now someone said, oh, I bet he bites through all four fingers in a kick-cat in one go, too. Which is, how would you do that? They're really wide.

Like, there's no comfortable way you could get all four fingers of a kickat in your mouth to bite into. No, I don't think I have the biting power, but I've seen it done. I've seen photos of it on Twitter.com. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. I think they need to set up a test where they open one, a blind test. They open one packet of Chris the right way around and one other upside down, put them in bowls and have them taste test it.

I can't super test it. But have the bag's been held so that one has just cascaded down and one's been upended? Because that would redistribute some of the flavour. the stuff, or have they both been opened with the opening at the top and then upended, or both been opened with the opening at the bowl end at the bottom? We're going to need a lot of bowls to test all these. Okay. How many variations would you get?

I think just four, actually. I think just the four. Okay. We'll do. Well, no. If we're going to do it, we're going to do it right. We've built at jobs. Yeah, but we work from home.

Think about all the commuting time that we're saving. Come on. And then someone has said, it is bad luck. He's damned. So, we'll move on. Jeez. Damned for eternity. Village of the Damned, but it's just people eating crisps the wrong way,

and they don't feel damned at all. They're quite happy. You get to hell, and they tell you what you did, and you're like, what? I didn't know. I didn't know. But then you find out that the only punishment is that in this... You've lived a virtuous life.

You've worked for charities. You've worked overseas. You've helped volunteer with sick children. You've given your life to worthy causes. Yeah. But then you die and you go to hell, and they say, you open a crisp packet upside down. You're damned, mate.

You're in the book, you're on the list, you're damned. You're coming in. One more. Am I being unreasonable, Facebook purchase, illegal tender. I've just sold an item on Facebook for a fiverer, left it outside for the person to collect, and says, just stick the money through the letter box. She's done that, cash is in an envelope.

But one of the coins is an old one pound, so it's not legal tender. I'm being unreasonable to be a bit annoyed. It's only a quid. It doesn't matter really, but I think it's a bit bloody cheeky. Is there anyone, apart from the English? Apart from the British, who use the phrase legal tender as much as we do. It's the English, isn't it?

It's the English. I said English, and then I was thinking of Scottish notes and how they're legal tender. Yeah, but I think it's English people who talk about that. I think there was a very annoying Michael McIntyre bit where he bounced about with his hair. That's legal tender, and I think most Scottish people are just like, I write fuck off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think the English think the Scots care about. Yeah, English people go to Scotland, they come back with one of the jaunty five-pound notes with a little mouse on it or Jack Nicklaus or something, then they go to the shop and say, that's legal tender. And the shop, I don't give a fuck, mate.

It's only the English you talk about legal tender. I genuinely can't imagine Scottish people caring enough. I also found out from someone who was studying law in Scotland, and who is now practising lawyer, Scots law, that legal tender isn't like a thing. Like, Scottish money is not legal tender in England. I thought that was the case. I think it's a misunderstanding. I was just looking up, actually, to see if it is, if this is a real thing. It is funny. It's funny that they've said illegal tender rather than old coin.

Like, trying to criminalise this money. It's fine. It's just an old coin. No banknotes are legal tender in Scotland. Scottish banknotes are legal currency. However, they are not legal tender anywhere in the UK. Well then. There we go.

Michael McIntyre. Check your facts. Life's too short of fact-checked Michael McIntyre. Redo your stand-up. Oh, no. Don't redo your stand-up. It's fine. Honestly, don't worry about it.

Michael McIntyre's one of those people, isn't he? Where you mentioned that you like comedy. And people are like, oh, let me recite a Michael McIntyre bit that wasn't that funny when Michael McIntyre did it. I'm going to butcher it and you're going to laugh. Oh, heavens. Peter Kay, a lot of people have heard of girls. bread. A lot of people have had garlic bread. It's not a revelatory as you're making out

in your 2001 stand-up. Yeah, I think the bigger problem is people who still quote that now. You know that more stand-up has come out since then. There wasn't just one stand-up. Newer stand-up. Stand-up about COVID. Yeah, I mean, there's all sorts of stand-up. But that doesn't get to the crux of the matter here. The crux of the matter is this criminal pound coin has been put through this person's letterbox against their will. Yeah, I mean, this may seem like a small letter, but you really do need to call the police. You've only received 80% of what you thought. Yeah, you really do need to have the local constabulary look into this and do a fur investigation,

because this is, this is against the law, and cops need to be involved. And, I mean, effectively, it was £5, they've only paid you £4, but they've taken the goods, so they've actually stolen from you. They've actually stolen that, and theft is real. property is a real and important thing that should exist. Yeah. So you need to call the police to protect that property. Yes.

Because that's what the police are for. Absolutely. The protection of property. Yes. And then they should put this person in prison, another system which should exist. Yeah. Is good and should exist. Yeah.

Great. Someone said, just think yourself lucky they gave you the money. In that scenario, they could have walked away with the item and not paid anything. Which I feel is a bit like me saying in a previous episode that if someone broke into your house and used your head, try, you should just be, please, and they showed the initiative. They're good on them. They saw a loophole and they exploited it. I didn't think it through.

Someone has said legal tender has nothing to do with it, which, yeah. We've already discussed. And someone said, our corner shop still takes them and they just bank them, because obviously they can't give them out as change. Maybe try asking at smaller local retailers, if anyone will take them for your purchase. Don't go to little independent shops that have been through quite enough and say, oh, I've got this pound. Can I spend my pound here?

I'm the pettiest one alive and here's a pound. What do you think the shops are doing? They're taking them to the bank. Why don't you go to the bank? This is just a pound. No, I don't know. Donate it to charity or something. Would a charity want this?

Or would it be too much faft to convert it? It depends. People on mums that are so funny about, I only support little local charities that would probably one that was too much faft to convert. I imagine that big charities that have got hordes and hordes of collection boxes probably get them in a big enough quantity that it's not a problem. a big charity you'll have the infrastructure to handle that already in place.

But I think the same sort of person who says, oh, it's illegal tender for a thing like someone on Facebook is the sort of person who would only donate to a cat sanctuary run by their neighbour Betsy. Just burn it. Just fucking burn it. It's only a pound. Yeah, lots of people have said, don't they still fit in trolleys? Just use it as a trolley token.

You'd pay a pound for a trolley token, wouldn't you? Yeah. So, yeah, I really hope that the thing that she sold was a trolley token. Yeah, I just had a look at the... OP again, and I had it in my head that it was a note. So I was thinking, it's super old. Yeah, sell it. It's really old. No, no, it's just a round pound. That's why I said burn it. Oh. You can't burn a regular pound. You can, but I mean, it costs you more than the pound to get the level of heat and energy. Yeah. Quite literally burning money. Yeah, casting it into

Mount Doom. Just throw it in the sea, babe. Just give it to this other person. Someone's not going to look in the sea. Yeah, use it for the parking meter at the beach. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know why I had the thought that it was a pound note, sorry. But if it was a pound note, yeah, you could sell that to a collector for a pound. I was looking at those limited edition Peter Rabbit 50p pieces the other day, and for a set of five of them, it was £15 plus postage in packaging. Like, mate, that's £18.50 for literally £2.50.

They have the value on them. Yeah. They literally represent value. That's all they do. They are a token of a specific value. Yeah. None of this exchange value is real. But as far as non-real things go,

that's pretty clear that it's got the value printed on it. That is as clear as the chips you get at the casino, at the non-essential fish and chips. This limited edition Beatrix Potter coin, this limited edition Beatrix potter 50p, is worth 50p, by definition. It's the sort of thing that people buy for small children, and they say, this is a collector's item, it's will be worth a lot of money one day,

and then the kids lose it or at some point they just crack into it to go and buy themselves some sweeties should we see one more speed round yeah one more round one more round am a being unreasonable neighbours exercise noise

oh yeah always exercise grunting and like they're playing tennis oh amma being unreasonable would you rather would you rather find a pound coin or get lost at the beach and am I being unreasonable Am I not important enough

No And am I being unreasonable Name one thing that is the bane of your life One pound Old £1 coin Round pounds Round pounds Round pounds

Things will be great when we're Round pounds Thank you for listening Thank you 100 next The big one zero Do you get a letter from the queen I don't think that's true

And every podcast gets a lot letter from the queen, right? It's 100 episodes. God, she'd be so busy, wouldn't she? Everyone's got a podcast. From the queen of podcasts, Sarah Koenig. Found her in the first podcast. Oh, I'm going to put together a fake letter from Sarah Kainig to send to you for our 100th podcast. A special gift, a gift of love. Well, speaking of podcasts, I was on the Cynotopia podcast talking about the Oscars. Talking about the Oscar short films, talking about promising young woman, black bear, and sound of metal, and not nomad land, because they didn't send me a screener. Rude.

But listen to that, to listen to me, talk about those films. Great. I've had some poems out there on lynxra.com. Read those. Yeah, read those. Or don't. It's fine, really, isn't it? Read those, feel something?

Yeah, or don't. So poems work. Yeah, great. Great. Thank you for listening. Bye. Except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.