You Are Being Unreasonable - 105 - The Last Will and Testament of Simon Bowie

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

"It would be hard to patronise a bear." Diving once again into the most horrid spaces on the British internet as we explore what people are talking about this week. We get into British people describing food as 'Moorish', banging around the word 'lush' too much these days, repeating people's names to sound patronising, odd quirks (mostly related to eating frozen food), defining 'family' in order to pass on jewellery and Ikea furniture, and we meet someone shitted off at people saying their name in a private hospital in Australia. Note that this podcast episode also doubles as Simon's will and by listening to it, you are witnessing it for him. This is legal and real.

Hello, driving on drugs feels better when their prescription. All I know, the world looks beautiful. The world looks so damn beautiful. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now, except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic. And I never felt as good as how I do right now,

except for maybe when I think about I felt that day, when I felt the way that I do right now, Hello, welcome to your being unreasonable, the podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com with me, Howells. And me, Simon. And Leon's here. And we're also proud to welcome the newest member of our little family, our little bundle of joy, the wood pigeon. The wood pigeon. Who started appearing at our balcony because we put a bird feeder out.

All day, every day, getting through a whole bird feeder worth of seeds every two days. A big fat wood pigeon. Yeah, at this point we are putting out enough seeds for the wood pigeon that we have to accept some responsibility. for it. I think it is part of the family. It's part of our family. So if you hear any cooing in the background, the wood pigeons come to join in. Please send in names for the wood pigeon.

Yeah. If you want to draw any pictures of a wood pigeon, we can do a special section like Blue Peter. Yeah. And the children's art section. Yeah, exactly. Or any drawings of Leon, because he's obviously come to make himself part of the podcast because he feels jealous and threatened by the wood pigeon. Well, Leon and the wood pigeon.

Best friend. Best friends, like Snoopy and Woodstock, except not. Should we do a speed round? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable, what is this thing under my eye? The nose. I'm being unreasonable to ask what the Tinder flame? No, it's good to know about flames and Tinder.

And maybe the question is like, what the Tinder flame? What the Tinder flame is this? Am I being unreasonable, where to get something printed off in London? Ooh, good question. I think they're at the top of the shard of the printer. Yeah And Emma being unreasonable To be amazed

A well-behaved child No, it is amazing in this day and age Simply amazing kids these days And their kids go on tick-tuck And eat from bird feeders Yeah, I mean The woodpigeon isn't a child We can't pretend to be parents

Just because we put a bird feeder out It's not the same, is it Should we do a thread? Yeah We got some mum's net threads We've got some Ask QK threads Let's start with a classic mum's neck. Let's start with a classic mum's neck.

Am I being unreasonable to hate how the word lush is bandied around these days? It makes me shudder. To me, it means verdant, luxuriant greenery, or someone who likes the drink a little too much. It just gives me the rage when it's you to subscribe pretty average stuff. Verdant. Is that you doing the poster? Verdant.

Verdant. It was me doing the poster. Good. I assume that the poster speaks like this. Verdant, luxuriant, greenery. Yeah. Ant and deck. Although I will say that there is no shame in having read more words than you've heard.

It's true, it's true. Yeah. So they've capitalised the word lush here. Yeah, like the shop. Like the shop. Yeah. So I thought this was about the shop. Just bandying itself around everywhere.

You can't move with bath bombs. Good advertising. And this is free advertising for lush. Didn't mum's neck get angry? at Lush because Lush did something that was, I don't know, trans-inclusive and then mum's net were like, oh, never shop at Lush again. Yeah, but didn't Lush also do Spy Cops? Yeah, they did, well, they did an anti-spy copse campaign, and then they did like a pro-spy

campaign. But they did the anti-spycops campaign because of the spy cops. Yeah, and then they did that thing where their lush little pots of money were given to, like, a load of turfy causes, so maybe Mums that are back on Lush's side. But not this, not this mum's now, because she hates. bandied around. It's bandied around these days. I mean, I can see that it means verdant, luxuriant greenery.

Yeah. I can see that it also means someone who likes a drink a little too much and all lush with their big red nose, broken capillaries in the cheeks. Yeah. Which makes me wonder why this poster can't accept that sometimes words have multiple meanings. Yes. Because I wouldn't say that like a lovely forest and a drunk Frenchman have much. in common. And yet. And yet, indeed.

They're the same word. So I don't understand. They're talking about the use of the word lush to describe. I don't know, a bowl of crisps. All these crisps are just lush. Yeah, I've never heard someone say it like that, but I love it. You managed to make that sound really pervy. Oh, these are lush. Rubbing your thighs as you, oh no. What would it describe in your mind?

Lush. It's just a nice, positive way to describe things, isn't it? Like a dessert? I want a dessert, a sticky toffee pudding be lush Yeah, okay, I could see some, oh, this is lush Yeah, or like an outfit, like, oh yeah, you look lush Ah, the people are... No, someone being a lush is very different to someone being lush No, I'm not saying a lush. People can be lush.

Yeah, people can be lush. Of course, now we've said lush so often that it means absolutely nothing. Now we have bandied it around these days too much. Yeah, these days being the last three minutes. That's another thing, I'd like to know what the AP means by these days because for as long as I can remember, people have used Lush in this way. It seems new to me. Maybe you need to listen.

And then since moving down to the south, really. Oh, okay, fair enough. I don't think I heard it as much in the north, but I'll take on your advice to listen. Which is odd because it seems to me like my northern friends use it more than... I associate it with the West country more than anything. But then after that, I would say the Northwest. I think the West Country is honorary north.

I don't think they would appreciate that. I think if anything, the North can be honorary West Country. I think that all the places that are good can be their own places. They don't need to be honorary something else because that's how you end up being like Middle England. You can be honorary us as long as you're just like us. Be more like us, please. Well, Dictionary.com defines lush as an adjective.

Right. That can apply to vegetation, plants and grasses, to mean luxuriant, succulent, tender and juicy. Yep. Or it can describe vegetation. That seems the same. Yeah. Like a lush valley.

Or it can be mean characterized by luxuriousness and opulence, etc. Yeah. So that's the meaning that this person is concerned about. Yeah. Although I do suppose people use it about stuff that probably is not opulent. Like a sickie toffee pudding. Yeah. Like, I think I described the cover of my poetry book as like, oh, look at this.

Isn't this lush? I meant like, it's cool. It's pretty. It's nice. I like it. It's fancy. It's good. I don't know. I don't understand why the OPE is so bothered, but should we hear what people on the thread think? Yeah. But while we're on Dictionary.com, let's do a quick quiz about blue synonyms. Go on then. Which of the following words describe sky blue? Navy, beryl or jure? Sorry, is beryl are word for blue?

Yeah. What's beryl blue? I'm looking up beryl blue. Who that is beryl? Who that is beryl? Who that is beryl. of colour. Beryl blue? Okay, beryl blue looks like sky blue. I'll give you that, which makes sense because navy is not sky blue and azure I would picture

more like the sea. It seems like you've looked this up, but it's not. It's a joke. Oh, but I'd never heard of beryl, is it? Hmm. I don't know about that. I really think that Azur is more like sea coloured. It seems to, when I googled it, I got every possible shade of blue, including one that is just

fully sequins. What Dictionary.com presupposes is that the sky is always the same kind of blue, which I vehemently disagree with. Vemently. At the top, at the lapis lazuli dome of the sky, it's Azure or lapis lazuli. Okay. Near the bottom, it's barrel. The bottom is barrel.

Barrel, right. Okay, barrel is a bottom. Well done. Power bottom. Beryl. Oh, where were we? Let's hear from the thread I have far less issue with Lush

than I do with SIC as a positive term Oh sick All right Language changes We get that you're old And boring But you know

Some people are cool and sick Yeah we don't need to Re-litigate Prescriptivism in language No There's lots of people Say it's from the South West Or the West Country

Or the Welsh borders Or Losh that This person said It really started to bug me In the last five years or so Imagine bottling this up For five years And then something was the tipping point.

It's been five years of pen up raid. Five long years. I can't. I just have to start a mum's net thread. Oh! The issue I think is that I'm in the home counties. That is an issue. I can only apologise to you for that.

Granted. And then somebody who said, don't move to Wales. I don't know that's about lush or just because this person seems tedious. They don't want them in Wales. Oh, I think it was on Gowan and Stacey a lot. Oh. I think, what's the name? Rebecca Jones.

I don't know. I never watched it. It's got James Gordon in it. And that was enough for me to say, I'll pass, thanks. James Corden's partner in that. Great. Did it a lot, said it a lot. And then someone has, someone's complaining about Tom Carriage saying Lush.

Tom Carriage is from the West Country, isn't he? Yeah, he's allowed to say it. The West Country and Wales we've established. And someone has said, I dislike, gives me the rage. So I guess we all have our idiosyncrasies. Burn. Sick burn. They dislike how lush gives them the rage.

Yeah. How sick it is that Lush gives them the rage. It does just seem like you just use the words you like and don't use the ones you don't. When words come into common parlance and they sound wrong coming out of my mouth, I just don't say them. Yeah, they don't become part of your vocabulary.

Yeah, it's fine. Like, I'm sure there are slang words that teenagers 10 years from now will be using and I will be a woman in my 40s as I seem this person here is. And I simply will not say them because I will sound very silly. Should we do another thread?

Yeah, on the subject of language. and changing language. Yeah. Let's go to Ask UK. Go on. Why do UK foods say food is Moorish when it clearly isn't? Moorish spelled M-O-O-R-I-S-H, like the Moorish people. Like North African?

I like to watch a lot of cooking stuff. I've seen Gordon Ramsey say this. I've seen Ebers from Sortit say it and a few others. It seems to be exclusive to the UK. They'll take a bite and say they taste Moorish. If I looked up Moorish cuisine, and none of the stuff I found looks anything like what they were eating on their show. So what's the deal?

Oh, you've just misunderstood. It just makes you want to eat more. You've spelt it wrong because you've heard it. And it's okay to hear more words than you've read. Yeah, edit. It's the inverse of what I said earlier. Edit, that was simple. Thanks, y'all.

There's a simple question simply answered. There's a company that's like a British company that make falafel and shit, and they're called Moorish because it's a fun play on words. That's nice. I like that. Yeah, this is a simple misunderstanding. It's not referring to the Moors, people from North Africa and the Amirian Peninsula. They are expanded to include Arabs.

Moorish, as in I want some more. Please, sir, can I have some more? And then presented with people from the North African Peninsula. That's not what I ever wanted. Is that what the people from the North African Peninsula wanted? Is that what anyone wanted? Oh, I'm sorry, the person who's put face-palmed giff, I hope this is satire. Come on.

This person obviously isn't even throwing. from the UK. Miss heard it. Yeah. It's not even mishearing because they sound the same. People are so mean. Why are people so mean, Simon?

I don't know. I don't know. Well, should we do another thread? Yeah. Am I being unreasonable to find people that use your name repeatedly are being patronising?

And then, I'd like to read you the original post, but it's been deleted by Mums and HQ with a link to their talk guidelines. But the thread stands. So all we have is a title. title and then nothing and then what could have been so offensive about 42 responses what could have been so offensive in that post that it was deleted by mum's net HQ but the

thread was left to stand I picked this partly because it is an enigma wrapped in a riddle encased in a mystery it is do you think they were being racist in the original post like but that would have nothing to do with the question surely hells I don't know I am fascinated by this post It's fascinating, Hells. I've never seen this in all my years of doing this podcast. I've never seen this before. In all of your years, Hells, you've never seen this done. This is a first.

Hells, it is our first. I feel like, Neve, every episode of Catfish, he's like, we've never seen this before. Like, you have, someone's catfishing. Hells, you're right. It's a new phenomenon that we've never seen, Helst. So, the plot thickens because this was posted in March 2015, but it was on the front page of Mum's Net Today because someone has revived this zombie thread that has no content in the message.

What's going on? Unusual. It is unusual. Unusual health. But let's take what we have available to us. And Simon, tell me, do you find it patronising when someone repeatedly uses your name? What do you think, Simon?

Hells, I don't think it's patronising health. I think it's regular. Regular? I think it's regular, a regular thing to do. I think it's something that people learn in sales school. I was going to say, you're taught to do it in sales, in marketing, in interviews you're supposed to do it? Are you?

Yeah, you're supposed to repeat people's names back to them when they're asked you a question. Oh, I've never done that. And also, I spent a whole day interviewing last week, and none of the people that I interviewed did that and they were all very good candidates. Were they? Well, yeah.

Yeah, they didn't say the names. I would have found it. Hells, that's a great question. And I'd like to answer with another question. What are your sales goals? What? It isn't a sales job, and it's very informal to call me Hells, in an interview situation.

I don't like it. I find it very odd. I find it the same as overly aggressive eye contact. Like, eye contact is good, but you know, people who make eye contact at the point of staring. That's another sales technique. Yeah, exactly.

I think I just don't like being sold to. I am a big fan of shopping. Like, trust me, I'll buy it regardless. I'm more likely to buy it if you leave me alone than if you come over and you're like, Helen, listen, Helen. Have I got a deal for you, Helen? And they're mirroring your body language. body language mirrory.

Yeah, but my body language and people start doing that is very like curled right up into myself in a terrified ball. I can't do that. That doesn't show power. That's not what Alphers do. They need to make themselves big

like they're talking to a bear. That's what Alphas do. The best sales technique is that act like you're talking to a bear. Bear, listen to me. I want to sell you a place of shit in the woods. Now, you look like

a pretty discerning bear. Right, bear? You look smarter than the average bear, bear bear. It would be hard to patronise a bear because I don't think that bears have the same, like, social etiquette as us. It would be hard to patronise a bear. But I'm going to give it a go. If anyone can do it, I think I can.

Now listen, bear, you have to hibernate for winter. You have to go to sleep. Why have you picked a battle that is almost impossible to win with a simple child to do with a bear? Go to sleep, bear. Goodness me. So, we don't know what the OP says, but looking at the thread, the consensus seems to be that they are not being unreasonable. Yeah, which makes it even weird that the post was deleted. Yeah, so it wasn't unreasonable, but it was deleted.

Do you think they hit a slur in there? Do you think it was an acrostic at the start of every sentence, spelled out some kind of transphobic slur? Why would they go to that level of hassle to hide it when Mum's Net is very openly a fan of the big transphobia? I don't know. Maybe they wrote something transphobic. inclusive in it. Maybe they use the word cis, which is banned on Monsnet, because it is a slur. And as we learned from Sarah Dittam this week, trans folk only really became a thing in 2016, and this is from 2050.

Well, exactly. Exactly. Thanks Sarah Dittam for clarifying that. You idiot. I'll use Sarah Dissom's name a lot to patronise her. Sarah Dittam? Yeah. Listen, Sarah Ditton. Hey, Sarah Dittam. You don't know Terry Pratchett. Better than her daughter, Sarah Dittam. Sit down. Sarah Sitem. Did you just say her daughter? you're really revising the Terry Pratchett's story. Maybe you are now appropriating Terry Pratchett's legacy.

Terry Pratchett was not only a trans supporter. He was trans. I don't think that you can make that claim. I don't want to sound like Sarah Dissom on this. And I don't because all I'm saying is, no, that's not what his daughter said. Yeah, so someone said it makes me feel like I'm at school again, like an attempt to make me follow direction, which, yeah. I can see that actually.

I guess. Yeah. Yeah. It's really hard to say without knowing the context of the original post. Yeah, it really is. Yeah, I'm obsessed with it. Repeated use is annoying, but apparently someone using your name once or twice in a conversation has been proved to have a positive effect,

because you feel that you're getting a personal touch and feel valued. Yeah, sales nonsense. I've had a distant acquaintance who worked in HR who always used this trick. One weird old trick. One weird trick to get people to like HR. Let's scroll down to the bottom and see why this thread was reviled, reviled, revised, revived. Reviled. I would like to know why it was reviled.

Oh, the OP came back at some point and that also got deleted. Weird. Did the OPE get banned? If you get banned, does it happen to all your posts? Does this happen to all your posts? Oh, yeah, possibly. So it's just one post this morning that happened to be at almost the exact time that I was looking this up, I guess. I know my name and I know they know mine.

Almost every member of staff at John Flynn Private Hospital kept repeating my name at the end of every sentence. It really shitted me off. They were talking down to me. They kept calling me Shawnee instead of Sean. I hate being called Shawnee, is it felt childlike. Shawnee, you've given us way to information. We know that your name is Sean and you're at John Flynn Private Hospital recently

and for some reason you searched the back catalogue of Mum's Net to complain about it because it shitted you off. Yeah, there's a lot. that's strange in this, in this reply, six years after, six years after the Fred was relevant. Yeah. John Flynn Private Hospital does not sound real, because that sounds like the actor, Johnny Flynn. John Flynn Private Hospital is in Queensland, Australia. Right, right.

Momsnet is primarily a UK board. It is, but there are people everywhere. Yeah. The mum's net are a global problem. Right. It's a pandemic at this point. Okay, but being Australian maybe explains shitted me off because I have not encountered that before, but okay, I'll put that down to Australia.

Yeah, sure. Why did you tell us your name? What are you doing, Shawnee? Yeah, Shawnee, you don't have to tell us this. Yeah, if you don't make people using your name, don't tell everyone your name. The best way to do it would be to make, like, Rumpel-Stiltskin. People weren't repeating Rumpel-Stiltskin's name over and over that. are they? Quite the opposite. Exactly. The only person repeating his name was him, which was

led to his downfall. I'd be pretty shitted off if I had to spend time at hospital. It's not a nice place to me. And almost every member of staff kept calling you simony. Sassim. Come on, come on simony. Sassim, yeah. Sassim being the name that I accidentally gave a Polish coach company when I was trying to explain how to spell Simon, but because of the way that the alphabet is said, it all got very messed up. And Simon tried to board. And they were like, oh, yes, Sassim Bartum. Okay. I just said, yeah, I am Sassum.

It seems easier. Yes, Dem, Sasson. So, with that, Sassum, do you feel patronising people use your name? Yeah. Are you shitted off? No, I am shitted off, though. Okay, should we do another thread? Yeah.

Great. Just a quick ask you, Craig, question. Okay. What odd quirks do you have that shock your partner or family? My wife is appalled that I eat beans cold. I think it goes quite well with steaming hot cottage pie. Oh! The contrast between the flavours and the temperatures really brings out, brings out flavour.

Oh, that hurts me on such a sensory level. Ice cold beans, meat in steaming hot cottage pie. Yeah, just tipping out an ice cube tray full of beans. Numb, num, num, numb, numb. Somehow cold beans didn't seem like that much from a fron until I found out they were going on a steaming hot cottage pie, and now I'm upset. No, oh no. My big quirks of the place is my family is how much I like to be alone. My favourite way to spend my free time is on my own.

I even go on holiday alone. It sounds fine. That doesn't sound shocking to partners and family. Well, no, it sounds fine unless they've got kids and there's a partner stuck at home with the kids for two weeks because this prick likes to be alone. Yeah. If they refer to family as wife and kids, that's different.

Yeah. I will eat frozen chips straight out of the freezer. I call it a potato pop. Oh, wouldn't that make your tummy hurt? I feel like that made your tummy hurt. As a young child, way before I became vegetarian, I'd eat frozen sausages. Again, tommies! I'd literally scrape the skin off with my teeth and nibble at it.

My sister did the same. No, I've come to the conclusion that the person who leaves their partner and kids at home for two weeks is actually the least disgusting person on this thread. They're, oh my God, no. I switch off all the plugs in the house, even though it does fuck all in terms of safety. I do that. That's not shocking, is it? No, I'm not shocks. I've never looked at you switching off a plug-socking on.

Sometimes you leave a plug socket on and I'll put it off Yeah It's my annoying quirk that sometimes I leave a plug socket on Really? No? Sometimes I like to shove a frozen chip into the plug socket to heat it up My wife brushes her teeth with hot water Oh no

You said the other day that you'd never noticed That I wet the toothbrush before I put the toothpaste on it Yeah Until like a week ago Which I thought it was normal I don't know I use the dry toothbrush It makes the toothpaste more easy to move around your mouth. But surely it makes it less pasty. I don't know. It doesn't seem to matter. Is someone just

written prison? My old quirk is prison. Now they're applying to someone who, when offered sauce for their full English, wanted mayonnaise for the sausages. And this person's replied, prison. I mean, I wouldn't be having a full English with sausages, but mayonnaise is always the best sauce option. Unless it's like a sweet thing, obviously, if it's like a sticky toffee pudding, I wouldn't say, hold the sticky toffee. I want mayo. I only sleep with a duvet cover. I haven't an actual duvet in years. I would do that in the summer, given a chance. Amazing, someone says. I'm slowly moving the wife to this. We're currently on a free tog duvet year round. I'm slowly moving the wife to this. Slowly sneaking in and of a lower tug of duvet every week.

I would do that to you if it were the fact that that seems like a terrible breach of trust. You shivering. So eventually you've just got a thin slice of onion skin paper. Yeah. My bed set up would probably surprise most, mainly because I have a sheet, thin blanket, thicker blanket, thin duvet, and heavy duvet, available at all times at the foot of the bed. And what I go to sleep with is not necessarily what I will wake up with. Right.

That doesn't seem... They've got all styles of blanket and duvet at the foot of the bed. Yeah, but if they're all... But I'm picturing a trunk at the foot of the bed that's got all the bedding in, and that sounds like a very sensible way to do things. I'm not... But I've just read the next bit and it says, I want my mum to have an active sleeper, which I think I am very much.

But you don't change blankets, rearrange pillows and switch to sleep at the other end. I do rearrange pillows in my sleep. That's true. But yeah, I don't do the other things. I freeze Jaffa cakes before I eat them. Great. I mean, I'm going to try it. I don't know what that would do to the cakey bit, but whatever.

This is a really broad selection of stuff. Oh, yeah, it's a broad question. But it's almost all about food. I wonder if that's because the example given at the top was food. I wonder if the example at the top had been this weird. sleeper. Yeah. Someone here has specific t-shirts that they wear only for haircuts. Okay, I like that. I've got quite a lot of time for that. I have specific t-shirts that I wear when I dye my hair. This person dries themselves with the hair dryer after a shower. No. That must take so long.

This person put crisps in the freezer so they're nice and cold to eat. No. I think people who don't have any quirks are now just pretending to freeze stuff. I have a t-shirt that I only wear once it's been in the freezer, that seems like the sort of thing people are saying, this is garbage. Yeah, these also don't seem that shocking. No, the weird sleeper I thought was going to be the person who made the nest. Do you remember the Reddit? Am I the asshole where the guy had a nest? No. Oh, she was like, oh, my boyfriend sleeps in a nest. He doesn't have a bed. He only has a nest made out of like socks and shit. And he thinks that it's really bad that I won't sleep in his nest. Yeah, a lot of these are to do with freezing food or eating frozen food without cooking it.

Just because you're boring doesn't mean you can freeze away your boringness. You're just freezing it in, you're locking in the dungness. Am I being unreasonable to think that family heirlooms should stay in the family? My husband's family were historically middle class. Think merchants and lawyers, etc. As such, there used to be a fair amount of expensive 18th and 19th century silver and fine jewelry. Think multiple rings worth upwards of 5K a pop. My husband has one sister

And she has been given all of the family jewellery She lives abroad and has one son When she got married she changed her surname to her husband Who is very well to do Her son, my nephew, is about to get married And D, sis-in-law, has announced That any family jewellery would go to the new member of the family As a gift. What if they?

Divorce! Am I being unreasonable to think the family heirloom should stay in the direct line of family, rather than start branching out. My daughter has kept her surname when she got married and knows that if she and her husband ever divorced, that his family furniture would go back with him. So there's some rings here.

Aye. That are being passed down through the family. Yeah. And it's being passed to this person who has changed their surname. Yeah. But that is still family. Yes. Like all of this is still family.

Unless your family tree is a single line because of incest. incest and incest and incest and incest and incest and incest. If you drew that, it would look like if you look at platted hair, it would just look like a line going in and then in and then in, but it would form one straight line. Yeah, beautiful. You're never going to get around the fact that it's going to have to branch because family trees branch.

Yeah, I'm not sure what they're referring to is the direct line of the family. Yeah. So I worked with someone who was an heir to, oh fuck it, I'll just say, the heir to the grant whiskey family. Wow. Why didn't you get me free whiskey? Because there's loads of airs, because that's what happens when you've got one thing, and then there's siblings, and then they have multiple children, and then they have multiple children, and then they have multiple children.

And so you end up with everyone getting a tinier and tinier and tinier slice of the whiskey pie. But she was always like, I would never change my surname when I get married because I am a grant from the Grant Whiskey family. And it's like, fine, whatever. But maybe now, maybe if she had changed her surname, that would have meant that she wouldn't get any of that sweet, sweet whiskey. Perhaps that's why, because it seems like the surname matters when I can't think of anything less important. No.

It seems like this jury follows down the, like through the women in the family. Yeah. And so because it's ended up with this woman, but she only has a son, she's passing it to her daughter-in-law. But women traditionally change their names. So if it would pass through the women of the family, when they got married, they traditionally would change their surnames. Socially, this has always happened. That's true. Since the 18th century.

That is true, yeah. I think this person just sounds like a grabby, like. little bitch. But she doesn't say anything about any sentimental value to me. She doesn't say anything about the meaning or the family history or the people who've owned them before or feeling connected. All she says is 5K a pop. You can't define a family by a surname. A family connection is about more than that. It's about emotional connection and relationships. Not just about the surname. Yeah, I mean... We both changed our surnames when we got married. And now no one's going to let me have a ring that's worth 5K a pop.

The problems that rich people make for themselves. Who cares? What's wrong with you? Yeah, this doesn't seem like a problem. Just pass it down to, who is it? Your nephew, your niece. Yeah, your nephew's partner. Your nephew's partner.

This is also smacks of people who've married in aren't real family. But you've said already that this is your husband's family heirloom. So by that logic, you're not real family. So you should have no say in what happens here. Yeah. Yeah, so if you don't believe that getting married creates family bonds, then why would you, oh, I don't, it just winds me up. I think people who think that family only comes down to people who are blood relations are, as a wise woman said to me recently, simply looking for live organ donors. If you're not blood related, you're not family, okay, yeah, if you get into a horrendous crash, I might not be able to help you with an organ.

But I could offer you some emotional support because of love. is a much broader term than I think this person understands that can cover friends, found family, yeah, partners, polyamorous relationships, cats, wood pigeons. Exactly. Come to your balcony, seeking sustenance. Exactly. If anything happens to me, I would like my heirlooms to go to the wood pigeons. And I have no heirlooms. So just take a look at anything of mine that looks a bit old. I'd be like, oh, let the wood pigeons have it.

They can make nests out of my vintage dresses. Yeah, it took a while that I managed to get the, uh, get hells his ring on a bit of string around the wood pigeons neck and he flew off it was meant to stay in the family oh goodness me um yeah this is a load of garbage should we hear a little bit from what the thread has to say please not really your business is it it's just stuff old stuff um the sense of entitlement to other people's money and belongings never ceases to amaze me what an awful way to live it is still family if when the couple have children they will inherit it it. By your reckoning, by marrying into the family, they're not yours either, so I'd really

keep my nose out. That's what you said. Yeah. But if you're married into the family, it's not your stuff. Lots of people saying if you're married in and this is the way that you view it, whatever. We also just go back and, like, her daughter has kept their surname, presumably because she's raised her daughter to be like, if you have the right surname, all of these riches will be yours. You can have all this furniture. You could win this wooden cabinet, this speedboat. Yeah, her husband has family furniture. Now, I did not grow up. in the sort of family where we have family furniture. But the idea that you have to live in a house surrounded by other people's furniture

out of anything other than necessity due to, you know, like financial reasons or something just seems a bit depressing. I like our furniture. I like having our furniture in our home. The idea that you have to live with all this stuffy old shit that's been knocking around for ages just so people know that your family historically were middle class. Think merchants and lawyers. That's why I am going to make this part.

podcast, a living will, and I'm going to pledge to give our blue IKEA filing cabinet to our niece. Does our niece want that? Which niece? It doesn't matter if she wants it. Which needs? And I'm not going to specify to create legal troubles down the line. But they have to take it because I specified it on this, my will, this podcast episode. Right. Are you witnesses? No. Well, people listen to it. You need two witnesses anyway. No, it doesn't. But I don't take leave, please don't legal advice from Simon. I'm going to leave it to my niece. Which niece? They will assume that it meant a lot to me and bicker over it fiercely. I don't think they will. Um, I think sentimental value lies in the fact it's been in the family for generations. It has history. Monetary value would be

irrelevant to me. Yeah, also lots of people saying, if you care so much about it staying in the family, what does it matter what its monetary value is? And then someone said, what's a direct line and what isn't, well, yeah. Yeah. You can't say. No one can say. And being unreasonable to think the RSPB shouldn't say if you don't want to see naked men stay away from the woods and public footpaths. Two years ago, I visited Sherwood Forest and was by myself in the forest when I came across three naked men, which was a little unsettling for a woman by herself. It was a quieter part of the forest so that nobody else would be about, and I hadn't seen the one for a while. I was on a public footpath. I spoke to some clothed men about

sit further along the path, and they said it's a common occurrence, and the police are frequently getting called and tell them to get dressed. It's in the news currently, as larger groups of naked men have been seen again. Seems the main areas they stick to are managed by the RSPB, who seem to be encouraging it. The land may be managed by the RSPB, but they're public footpaths, not a pay as you enter nature reserve. The bit I actually saw the men in wasn't the RSPB bit, but there's no fence or demarcation between them. The RSPB say that if you don't want to see naked men, then stay away. For fuck sake. Why is it that naked men get to ruin things for other people? The police say it's illegal if someone is offended. Okay. It sounds a bit of a dog whistle

around sex-based rights, but taking them on their word that this is what happened, why did they call the RSPB and then later say they weren't actually on the RSPB bit? And why did they say the RSPB's party line is that men can be naked? It doesn't seem like. And then they talk about the law, like the RSPB, don't make their own laws. I feel like... They're not tiny fiefdoms where if you're on RSPB reserved,

the laws don't apply. I feel like this is a mumsnet who might use the word males and they're talking about men. I think if you called the RSPB talking about naked males, I think you were talking about male birds who are perfectly entitled to be naked.

Yeah, little mums that are going around trying to put 20 pairs of trousers on all with the male birds. So that nobody's... is offended. The problem with our little wood pigeon is that he's not wearing pants. I'm going to put some pants on him later. Please, please make sure that you get me to come and have a look when you're putting pants on the little wood pigeon. I can't wait to see this. The wood pigeon touched your hair the other day and you looked horrified for a full hour afterwards. I don't think that

you putting pants on a little wood pigeon is going to go, well, do we mean trousers or do we mean like kecks? I mean briefs. Briefs. Breaks. Like wire fronts. I'm going to put wide fronts on the pigeon. Oh, yeah, I definitely want to come and see that while it happens. Yeah, so for non-UK listeners, the RSPB is the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds. Yeah, not... They look after various areas of woodland where birds are being protected. Yeah, they're not the Royal Society for the Protection of Bums.

No, and it sounds like these... I presume naturists, nudists, were just outside the ISPB, but... Doing natureism. Because they don't want their bits pecked by the birds. Royal Society for the Protection of Bits Royal Society for the Protection of Bonds Royal Society for the Protection of Bones Yeah someone said

I have no issue with nakedness It's the way we were born to be fair The Richardson is so Victorian about it And someone's come along and said Oh well if you don't have a problem It's obviously fine I often go walking by myself And I would feel very unsettled

If I came across a group of naked men And it's telling that it's men Not women who are doing this And being prioritised We should say that the Hughes specifically has a transphobic username. Yes, they do. They say this is another example of how public space is actually male space, which is just nonsense. Right. Like, oh, well, someone read Caroline Cradio Perez's book because they were looking for confirmation

bias and they didn't want to think about anything other than what they already think about. Someone said it's men and women. I've been walking there for decades. The RSPB referred to tolerating natureism in certain very quiet areas of the forest, so I don't think they're actively encouraging it. You should be allowed to go out into the woods and get your Yeah. That's just a part of communion with nature. If you're a man or a woman or intersex on non-b, someone has said here, just be fair to the RSPB, natureists aren't all men, and then their peers come back and said, it was certainly all men who I encountered them, three of them. Three of the buggers. Oh yes, there's three naturists in the world. Oh, so anyone who wants

to walk naked down the town high street, what are you on about? It's a different cultural context. Yeah, I don't think they'd want to walk naked down the town high street. I think it's about communing with nature. It's not that communing with W.H. Smith. No. Putting your bum on a ring binder. You were right. I thought this was a funny thread about someone misunderstanding what the RSPB did,

but now people keep talking about adolescent girls being exposed to penises. Oh, yeah, no. We're well into sex-based rights territory. What's fucking spectral penises everywhere you go. You can't go for a day's bird watching without the spectra of a penis. Well, exactly health. No. That's what they say.

That's what's the service of me. says the specter of the imagined penis the most prevalent penis of all is the penis in the mind of the gender critical woman spectral penis envy I'm really not jealous of the people

you cannot go about their day without imagining a penis like you know that thing they say like oh Ben think about sex every three minutes you can imagine how lucky a gender critical person would be to go three whole minutes without thinking about dick

all they think about is dick. And like, not even in a fun way. No. Maybe we should have talked about the Maltese factory. Yeah, maybe. They wanted access to the balls that don't make the cut. They're all in the woods. One more comment from this thread. Someone has said, oh, imagine where the ticks would bite you. I think that's all we need to know. On the balls. Oh no, hang on. Sorry, this is the last one. Do they wear shoes? Yes, and hats and rock sacks. They're not naked. They're not naked. They're not naked.

Shoes, hats and rock sacks on? Yeah. There's plenty. Yeah. Just don't look at the other bits. That's not what naked is. Is that how this person showers? They put on their shoes.

They put on their hat. They put on their rock sack. Time for a shower. Do you imagine how friendly these three natureists men probably work? I imagine them saying, hello. Like, cheerfully greeting them like Chris Packham. Yeah. Although we're not saying that Chris Packham is a naturist.

No. No. Although it's fine if he is. Yeah. He's not doing anything wrong. No. You're allowed to be a natureist in that bit of the ISPB, but just outside the,

The RSPB said that they tolerate it. They didn't say they encourage it. They didn't say, come here and get your kit off. Come here. Get your... Get your dick out for the birds. That's not what they said. Well, then.

Speed round. Speed round. Am I being unreasonable? Unfriendly groups. Unfriendly groups are naturessists with hats. Am I being unreasonable to ask everyone to stop releasing balloons? No, that's a real environmental. danger. Speaking of birds, birds can choke and discarding balloons. Oh no. Am I being unreasonable?

At what age would you say someone becomes an adult? Legally, it's like 18, isn't it? And Am I Being Unreasonable? What's the most seemingly uncontroversial opinion you can think of that will still spark a fight on Am I Being Unreasonable? I don't think anything won't spark a fight. I don't know I being unreasonable. People come here explicitly for a fight. For fights. Thank you for listening. Thank you for coming, hell. I was talking to our listeners. All four of them. Active listening.

But thank you as well, Simon. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for participating in this crazy podcast we call Life. Thank you all for witnessing my Living Will podcast episodes. You're all witnesses. Please don't take legal advice from Simon. I was at the Beyond Life and Death Twin Peaks conference.

And I think a recording of my presentation will be up at some point soon. I also discovered that an article I sent to Malon, the Journal of the Tolkien Society, 11 years ago, actually got published and they never told me about it. So you can read my article on The Magick of Fantasy in the 2010 issue of the Journal of the Tolkien Society. Fantastic.

That was quite the day when you called me in here, you were like, hell, something really weird. happened. I definitely wrote this line, but did I write this one? What's going on? Yeah, I couldn't quite remember that I'd written the whole thing when I found it under my name in the journal of the talk, under my old name, in the journal of the Talking Society. So I was a bit perturbed. Also, didn't they get your name slightly wrong? Was it like Simon Barrow? My name was wrong on the contents page, but right on the article. Yeah, very odd. My book is still out. It's still called word slash play. It's still with Bear Buwer Press.

And you can get it from Bearbeer Press.com or you can find it on my Twitter at Helen Seelis. Yeah, buy it. How much is it? It's $8.29. There we go. A bargain. Print on demand, so it's priced in dollars, but I think it works out at about seven quid. An absolute bargain.

An absolute bargain. For all these puzzles, poems and an epigraph. Yes, great. Thank you for listening. Thank you. Bye. I do right now, except for maybe when I think of how I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now, right now, right now.