You Are Being Unreasonable - Best of You Are Being Unreasonable - In which we look back at our best bits

Episode Date: July 25, 2019

We're celebrating 50 episodes with a bonus clip show! This is 50 minutes of the best bits from 50 episodes of the You Are Being Unreasonable podcast.  Featuring clips from: 003 - In which pantsuits are considered and the greatest wizard is discovered 006 - In which fresh milk is opened and Hugh Jackman puffs himself up 009 - In which we scream in the Sistine Chapel 014 - In which the Stink Judge decides when we can eat 026 - In which we attend the worst dinner party in history 030 - In which we investigate the ancient art of tyromancy 032 - In which we invent the outbound phonesex line 033 - In which we get possessed by haunted hand-driers 035 - In which we pay Coca-Cola to raise children as a job creation scheme 039 - In which we start a new centrist podcast 047 - In which a dentist tells us raisins are bad for teeth YABU Live 13th December 2018 - In which we do a festive live podcast recording

I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now except for maybe when I think about I felt that day when I felt the way that I do right now, right now. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now except for maybe when I think about I felt that day when I felt the way that I do like. Welcome to You Are Being Unreasonable, a podcast about people being unreasonable on mumsnet.com.

Am I being unreasonable to want an explanation if someone can't attend something? or is I can't come a complete sentence It is a complete sentence But it's not a nice way to say that you're not going to something If all of the O.P's friends are responding to all of her invitations with I can't come She might need to reflect on some of her recent behaviour Because you'd only do that if you're pissed at someone, surely

If all of your friends are just constantly like, I can't come It's better than I won't come I shan't We mustn't No full stop What if she's just sending can you come And they're sending back, I can't come? That's a like-for-like response then

Yeah By your logic, that would be Will you come? I can't come Imagine if you got a phone call from a friend It's just Will you come? What the hell?

Will you come? Are you working on a sex like that? I don't think you're supposed to make outgoing calls. Terrible things. line. Imagine an outbound phone sex live. They're just calling you off.

I'm stating very seriously. Will you come? I can't come. Yes, I will come. Thank you for the call. No, but then if you say I can't come, the person on the outbound call center phone sex live wants to know all the details as to Why?

I can't come. Please elaborate. Oh, wow. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now. Yes. I was very concerned with, because we're moving out of our living room and doing this in a wider space, that people would see how shambolic the recording is, and I wanted to look like audio professionals. So I've made us some festive-themed jingles, if you wouldn't mind.

that seems very reasonable all right excellent so we'll have interstitial jingles as we go between things like a proper broadcast saying that like you're really teaching me a lesson like a proper broadcast

so it's Merry Christmas Mom's netting. That was good. I really enjoyed that, thank you. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now. Am I being unreasonable? Visitor ordering only for themselves. Invited friends round for drinks and dinner. Things were a bit delayed because I was sorting out kids, etc.

Served dinner, heard a knock at the door, my male friend had ordered a takeaway for one and was incensed when we pulled him up on it. Am I being unreasonable? Oh, man, the gall of this person. Imagine, I'm not even saying, look, this is... This looks like it's pretty stressful, I can see you've got these kids to sort out.

How about we order a takeaway? What was your plan? What was your escape vector for when the takeaway arrives? Because then you have to explain yourself. And then you have to eat it. a takeaway with a room full of angry people. Yeah, I can see not telling them that you were doing it, because that's an awkward conversation, but it's going to be an awkward conversation anyway, because the takeaway's going to turn up. Yeah. This is poor planning. Sorry, I've just looked

again, served dinner, heard a knock at the door, so dinner was on the table when the takeaway arrived, which makes it even more uncomfortable. Yeah, presumably they'd ordered it before then to turn up. Do you think they just made a mistake? Was it just, I A comic misunderstanding, like in Frasier, like in the show Frasier. Would you go ahead and order a takeaway to someone else's house without clarifying what the situation was? I think it might just be a Frasier-esque misunderstanding. Like, they thought it was bring your own dinner? As a rule, that tends to be more like a potluck situation where you bring something to share.

You don't just order a don't a kebab. What happens next? Well, somebody said, what do you mean, pulled him up on it? But you're not just too gobsmacked to say anything. This social situation is untenable. I think they can never see one another again. There's no way out of this. Oh, it gets much weirder.

So somebody said how late was dinner, had you put any snacks out? The OP has come back and said, dinner was served at nine. He was given bread and oven chips in between. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're right.

The O.P. has violated social convention. And so the other person thought, oh, it's okay for me to order a takeaway, because this is anarchy, this social anarchy. Oh, there was some bread at a half past six, and then at eight a tray of oven chips came out, I'm imagining them still on the baking tray. Nope, nonsense, nonsense, nonsense. I went to a friend yesterday, and he laid on snacks for us,

and they were like little cocktail sausages and sausage rolls and crisps and dip. That's nice. There wasn't a plate of oven chips. And no one ordered a takeaway for one? Nonsense. what bread and oven chips and then at nine o'clock a meal and then shortly after nine a takeaway arrived

bread bread and butter surely maybe you could make a chip sandwich it sounds like they came out at different times oh my god which is why if the bread came out first and you knew there'd be oven chips later you could save some bread

this is awful I hadn't realised how much blame is on both sides I'm lost maybe it's like a dipping bread Like a nice baguette and some things for dipping. Do you think someone who serves... Nice bread and balsamic vinegar, then at a later point in the evening, serves oven chips as a snack?

Maybe dinner would have been quicker if they hadn't used the oven to make these chips. And takeaway takes time, so what point was it where he ordered the takeaway? Yeah, this is what I'm thinking, while he was making the small talk in their living room. Did he do it before he even got there? No, surely not. It's all very odd.

I'm reading through the other posts and it's mostly people saying how odd? Why did you serve oven chips? Yeah. Someone said I have no idea what is normal anymore after reading Mum's Day. I don't know who is being unreasonable now because everyone is.

What? Someone's asked if dinner was a handful of macaroni cheese. No, the OP doesn't understand. He ate the bread and the oven chips. He ordered, this is the order the OP has said what he ordered, he ordered Popadom's, rice, chicken bolty and an arn bread.

Open with chicken bolting, surely. Yeah, that's the main. It's like, she's gone through it, the order would be brought out if you were at a restaurant. Right, well that's a big meal, especially after the bread and oven chips. That's a full meal.

And you can't order a full meal when you've gone around to someone's fiddle. dinner. There's no way out of this social situation. Someone suggested something. They've said it would have been less passive-aggressive if they had to take a phone call. Yeah. And then they made up something and just left so they could

eat. Yeah. I really want to go to this person's house for dinner. Everyone has fucked up here. And so I think the two transgressions cancel one another out and they can just ignore it and carry on. The original paste to put it on mum's net while the guests were still there. Oh my God.

And then they've come back to say, agreed. Posting on mumsnet when we have guests isn't good form. I was so shocked I couldn't help it. You can always help it. No one... What is this dinner party? Where everyone's on their phones and one's ordered to take away. And one's complaining about the person ordering to take away.

And mumsnap. There are things that you don't do at a dinner party that you can't help. You know, like if you really need to sneeze, that's not ideal at the table, but you need to sneeze. But like, oh, I couldn't help it. I just had to start a new thread on. Am I being unreasonable about you? Occasionally checking Twitter is cool. I'm checking your emails,

but not posting on a forum. Someone's just posted a picture of a mint arrow saying O.P. is clearly too busy eating her after dinner, mint. Imagine if you made cheese out of milkshake for half the milk and then you'd have like strawberry cheese. I'm just reading about Tyromancey, which is the practice of divination by cheese.

Wow! And I think if you bit into a strawberry-flavored cheese to divine the future, your future's looking pretty bleak because you've just eaten a strawberry cheese. Your future may contain sick. Yeah. One method of tiromancy is to write possible answers to a question on pieces of cheese and place them in a cage along with a hungry mouse.

Whichever piece the mouth ain't first will be the answer to your probing. life question. This is also a form of Myromancey, which is deonation by mice. I think it's worth trying. Should I report this person to the police? And you write it on a bit of cheddar and a bit of guda, stick a mouse in there. I really want to do some sort of performance where my stage name is Tyra Mansi. Nice. And it's just me using cheese to divine the future. Yeah. Yeah. Note to self. At this point I'm just using this podcast to keep my notes to myself. I hope that's okay. Note to self. Tyra Mancy. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now. Am I being unreasonable to say

something about religious nativity play? The DC gave to a private day nursery. It doesn't have a religious affiliation. It was their Christmas play today. They did a loose version of the nativity and then at the end there was a bit of a recitation and that baby Jesus grew up to do amazing miracles. He died to save all the people in the world. Christians believe he came back from the dead and everyone who finds Jesus will be happy. D.D., who is under four, is now asking, what does it mean Jesus died and should we go and look for Jesus? And we're being unreasonable to mention to the nursery management that this has resulted in some awkward conversations and maybe next year they could choose something non-religious, bearing in mind that many of the families

that use the nursery aren't believe in Christians. I really like the question, should we go look for Jesus? This kid's going to go out with a little bindle on their back and search the land. Do a pilgrimage and find Jesus somewhere out there. I like the kid's literal and detailed understanding of language. Anyone who finds Jesus, they're like, got to catch them all. Like, follows Jesus. I think that's advanced for a kid.

who's under four. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now. Am I being unreasonable? Postman trying to open my front door. Postman just tried to open my front door

when an item wouldn't fit in the letter box. He hadn't even knocked. I could see this happening from inside and I opened the door. I asked him if he was trying to open my door and he said he was only going

to leave the item inside the door. I said I didn't think he should be trying to open people's doors and he got a bit shirty. Is this a thing? I don't know him and he is not a regular posting. In fact, the postman in this area changed frequently. It just made me uncomfortable.

Does your postman slash woman do this? I'll start by saying that this person, the O.P, has more social confidence than I think I will ever have. So I think if the postman were trying to open my door, I wouldn't open it and confront them. I'd hide. I would, yeah. I'd hide in the other real. room and wait for them to go away. That is exactly what I would do as well.

I'd see them through the kind of, I imagine, frosted glass of this house, and I'd stand stock still, so it doesn't, well, that's not going to work, because the door's going to open. This is the worst situation imaginable. So, yeah, I don't... I can just meekly say, excuse me. What I'm picturing is that this is, this must be a porch door, right? Because if it's not a porch door, who there? hell tries to open a door but the other thing I have noticed is she seems to be someone who

knows who the postman is like she knows that she doesn't recognise him and that they change frequently so maybe it is somewhere very small and very insular and very scary where everyone knows everyone's damn business and maybe in that sort of community the postman would think well she'll probably want me to break into her house to leave her post here well because you know I don't think it's breaking in to just open a door, is it? I don't know, if someone just opened our door and came in and put stuff down, then left quietly. I think I would consider that a breaking.

That's the opposite of a breaking, because you've gained stuff. You've gained the knowledge that someone has been in your living space when you weren't there, or when you were there but you were hiding behind a table or something. Yeah, and the post. Hmm. That's the opposite of a burglar. Anyway. Someone came in and festooned the living room with glorious lights.

No, I've not. That would be creepy. As a millennial, I would never knock on someone's door. Wow. I would text them and say, I'm here. Someone was expecting me or would knock on their damn door? No, I think even so. But what if because they're expecting you, they've put their phone down somewhere? Because... They've got their podcast playing in the kitchen, but then they're wondering about... Because of the aforementioned social anxiety, I think whenever I go to someone's house,

no matter how many times I've been there, there's always lingering fear that I'm actually at the wrong house and I'm knocking on the wrong door and the person who opens the door won't be my friend, it'll be someone else and I'll have to explain why I'm knocking on their door. It's just a friend you haven't met yet. Am I being unreasonable not to get my baby anything for Christmas this year?

So I'm due December 1st and I'm debating whether I'm not to get my new boy. on baby some presents for Christmas this year. The youngest he or she would possibly be is two weeks old roughly. I'm telling myself that I should save the money and baby will have all sorts of new things and gifts from the baby shower. But one half of me is saying buy it a personalised dressing gown or my first Christmas gifts. It is baby's first Christmas and obviously I'll never be able to buy anything with first Christmas on it again and I don't want to miss out on the magic, albeit baby won't know what's going on. And I'd

don't want my little one to miss out. I was thinking of getting the following. Personalised dressing gown. My first Christmas Eve box, soft toy pyjamas. That's where I've got to. What do you think? I was pretty much on the side of it's, you're having your baby in December, you're going to be busy looking after a newborn. Don't, I wouldn't bother with the baby stuff this year. Just chill out until they said they wanted to get a personalized dressing gown for a baby and yes yes a thousand times yes get that get it embossed with their initials it's a red velvet dressing gown and it's tiny and it's for a baby and it's perfect and you have that baby wear that dressing gown all the time I want the baby to have a monogram smoking jacket that's what we're imagining

Absolutely get the baby a dressing gown The OP mentions the personalised dressing gown twice Yeah I am so here for the personalised dressing gown Absolutely Having a newborn baby sounds really tough And I think you've got to do anything that makes you Feel happiest and most comfortable

And if you're into the magic of Christmas Go for it But please, please, whatever you do Make sure they get the personalised dressing gown buy your baby, a dressing gown, a personalised dressing gown. That's the problem with the dressing gowns on this, on this site, I found. None of them are high-class enough and none of them look like smoking jackets. They're not sophisticated enough.

I want the baby to look like Hugh Hefner, otherwise what's the point? Exactly. Always get a personalised dressing gown for a baby. Absolutely. Especially a one-month-old, because that's going to be a tiny wee dressing gown. Yeah. It's going to be such a small dressing gone. And later you can put it on your ditsy dog.

Yes. And that'll look good too. Just make sure your dog and the baby have the same initials. That's her monogram. Or, oh, better yet, have the monogram, but then also, like, somewhere on the inside, maybe. Have the baby's full name with titles of everything. like Master

Joe Baby Esquire You know Babies don't have the last name Baby I'm just giving an example It's not like John Snow Where he gets a bastard

surname And the bastard surname is just baby I feel fantastic And I never felt as good as how I do right now Am I being unreasonable to absolutely loathe Pokemon and think it is horrendously unethical. D.C.s are currently obsessed with Pokemon,

aged four and six. As are all of their school friends. Card trading, etc. is actively encouraged at school and supported as a playtime activity. The cards I had less of an issue with. But when I watch this on TV with them, it seems little more than glorified dog fighting. In essence, on this show,

they catch wild creatures, store them in a ball, bring them out to fight whenever they were, wish, normally because the trainer's ego has been dented, until one of the Pokemon gets seriously hurt, then they pop them back into a ball until the next battle. The creature has no choice in any of it as far as I can tell. I'm probably overthinking this, but nothing about it seems appropriate for primary age children to me. This is back to Moms Neck classic.

Pokemon's big, you know, it's back. It's because they add like 150 new Pokemon every year. There's like thousands of Pokemon now. I remember when there was 151. It was relatively easy to catch them all. Now there's thousands. Just another way that the younger generation are being dicked over. The gulpose keep moving. We only had to catch 151.

They've got to catch thousands. Yeah, thousands of Pokemon. There's a new game that came out recently. It's called Detective Pikachu. And it features a Pikachu who can talk and wears a little Sherlock Holmes hat and solve crimes. he's a detective. This is adorable.

Yeah, but he's quite different from other Pikachu in that... He doesn't live in a bull and doesn't have to go dog fighting. Yeah, you know, Pikachu is normally just to say their own name. Pikachu, Pikachu, but this one can talk and enjoys coffee. Oh, what a suave sophisticate? So I can't help but feel this changes the whole Pokemon landscape because evidently Pokemon have the capacity for human level intelligence, Sherlock Holmes level intelligence. It's no less.

Are you on the OP's side? Yeah, pretty much. There's a system of slavery and subjugating Pokemon to your will. Wow. Right, so card trading is actively encouraged at school. That seems weird. I don't think that's true. What sort of school is this?

Pokemon cards aren't cheap. I mean, they're not massively expensive, but... Yeah, but if the head is trying to get their hands on some Pokemon cards. He's trying to build their collection. They would actively encourage it. They're after that golden cherry's art. And then she's talking about how they only have battles because the trainer's ego has been dented. Which, I don't know, it just seems like a really... No, that's true as well. Like, Pokemon trainers, you know, just want to be the, from memory Pokemon masters, got all the badges. They want to be the very best. They want to be the very best.

Yeah. Got to catch them all. And why? Just to gain glory, to gain kudos. They're not gathering the Pokemon to take them to some kind of farm where they can live out their days in peace. That's just a euphemism for euthanasia. You do know that, right? Okay. And there are dedicated poker hospitals where you take your Pokemon in

and get them healed. Like, these are all over the place. It is like dogfighting. I just don't know that I... It's like dogfighting except with little... electric mice. And squirtle. Manky was my favourite. This is a monkey. A pig monkey.

Yeah, I mean, if we look at some of these Pokemon, like some of them are basically human, like Mr. Mime. He even has a title. That's true. Most primary school-age children don't use a title. Ditto is the one that's able to mimic someone else. That could mimic a person and just live a human life. You really brought me around to your way of thinking? Yeah, I think needs are more intelligent,

especially detective Pikachu. I might have gone into this with a sort of reactionary older person view of, oh, it never did me any harm, and everyone can see that it's fine for primary school-age children. No. The majority probably have perfectly acceptable views, but I know that's not true. We always had dogfighting when I was a kid.

No, you're not allowed. Political correct has gone mad. I suppose they are monsters, though. They are pocket monsters. So it would be like setting a werewolf on another werewolf. Yeah. But that also seems unethical. Yeah, just because they're monsters.

More than 50% of the time. Oh, let's leave it with this one, which is quite the opinion. Yep, they're total cunts. They should be banned. Replace everything with pepper pig. Replace everything with pepper pig. Everything. This table, pepper pig.

Your jumper, pepper pig. The podcast, pepper pig. I've been watching Fargo I don't want to watch Pepper Pig Well you're not from able to watch anything Because the TV's going And we're going to replace it With a plushy pepper pig

Can I force The Pepper Pigs to fight? No Pepper Pig, I choose you We'll be replacing your ability to think with Pepper Pig Pepper Pig 's not a detective

Detective's Pepper Pig I feel fantastic And I never felt as good buy him a goat from Oxfam a kid like that will appreciate it look at the joy in his dear we face as he gets it I can't say if that's sarcastic or not look at the joy in his dear we face as he gets it because he gets a photo of a goat I already have a photo of a goat so he frames photo of a goat this is Gerald

Gerald is my goat I used to teach English as a language in Poland and I had this student and she was really really sweet but like she was too sweet to ever really stand up for herself ever it was obvious and I was talking to her at Christmas time and I was like oh like you know what do you do at Christmas what sort of presents do you get she was like when I was little I really liked horses and now every year someone gets me a painting of a horse and I was like every year that's cool Kasha aren't you my age I was 203 at the time and Kasha was like I'm older than you and I was like Kasha how many paintings of horses do you have and Kasha was like I don't know

Kasha, why don't you just say you don't want pictures of horses And she's like, I did, and everyone thought it was a joke Yeah, and this is the living room, this is the bathroom And this is the gallery of horse paintings It's just a bed with Kasha Lai Gat looking really sad around it Gaze upon my 28 horse paintings Yeah, maybe she could start doing that for this kit Like every year, just get him a goat, get him a goat.

Oh, if he's going to say, I've already got this, you should just get the same thing every year anyway. Like, yeah, no. I feel fantastic, and I never felt as good as how I do right now. Am I being unreasonable to think that Hugh Jackman is the perfect man? Can we just look at what this poster thinks makes someone the perfect man? He can sing? That's great.

I wouldn't care either way if someone couldn't sing, but okay. He can dance. Again, great. He's faithful to his wife. That seems like setting a low bar. He's a father. It doesn't say he's a good father, just that he is a father. He has managed to reproduce.

Yeah, so I don't know how that feeds into being the perfect man, but apparently just having a kid. Sure, great. He's confident. Well, we don't know that. Yeah, we don't know Hugh Jackman personally. Maybe he has crippling self-doubt. A lot of famous people do

Yeah, that he can only get rid of by being a song and dance man A song and dance man So he is, so he is He's fit I seem they mean physically fit Not like a hottie Maybe they mean he's a hottie He's both

Yeah sure Is there any chance that this is Hugh Jackman Trying to drum up support for his film The Greatest Showman It sounds a lot like something that Hugh Jackman would post on mum's net, am I being unreasonable? I didn't know that Hugh Jackman was like that.

Well, allegedly he's confident, so why would he need to puff himself up like that? Maybe all of the posters on that entire thread of Hugh Jackman. What if all the posts that we've been dealing with are Hugh Jackman? Anyway, you've been listening to You are being Hugh Jackman.

Do we want a speed round? Yes. Am I being unreasonable to love the greatest showman? See? He's here. He's haunting them. boards like the ghost at the feast. Am I being unreasonable to love all the songs from the greatest showman? This is self-marketing for the greatest showman. It's like, open your eyes, sheeple. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now. Am I being unreasonable to

think free family slash grandparent child care should be banned? This is a topic I keep seeing pop up and I can see both sides so wanted to throw it up for discussion. Reasons I agree. Reasons I It's a huge and unfair financial advantage to those of us who have unpaid free childcare over those who don't. It's basically luck of the draw over whether you get to avoid £700 to £900 full-time nursery fees per child. In every other area of life, it seems society is making it less acceptable to discriminate due to family financial status, uni funding, blind interviews, but unpaid internships and free

childcare are two big remaining issues. It takes away jobs and is detrimental to the economy. If all children currently being looked after by family were in nursery, more money would be spent, contributing to the economy and more staff would be needed, creating jobs. But equally, as someone who does have free grandparent childcare lined up, of course I want to save huge amounts of cash, and I trust my parents implicitly. No one would care for my kids better. Why should I give my children to strangers, even professionally, trained ones, or fork out money I don't need to. The topic of childcare came up at work the other day and there was a definite bloody alright for some attitude from those colleagues paying for childcare. It seems to be a subject that divides people very strongly. Yeah, I'll say. Why don't we

follow this logic through? Because this one makes me furious. We should ban free childcare from families because it takes away jobs from people who could otherwise be paid to look after the children. Yes. What about the periods when your looking after the children and not getting paid for it. By that logic, children should be handed over to the state. No, corporations, 24-7, which we pay to raise the children, because it creates jobs, it contributes to the economy, and it doesn't mean that labour is being done for free.

God forbid, heaven forbid. Yeah, let's just pay corporations to look after our children all the time, from birth onwards. Because that's the logical endpoint of your discussion. If no one should be doing anything for free, then, yeah, we'll pay Coca-Cola to raise the kids. Who got your kids? Oh, I sold mine to McDonald's. Not sold, because you don't get the money, you're paying for it.

Oh, I'm paying McDonald's to raise my children. Oh, that's good. I'm paying Jacobs, the ones who make the crackers. Oh, that's local. I'll pay it. British baby farms for British babies. Yeah, support your local British. baby thuds? I don't know. Are you really so blinkered by capitalism that you would rather

you would rather everyone pay a company to let care of their kids than for any semblance of community to come together to raise children? What they also seem to be saying here is if you can't have someone else look after your child for free and everyone has to put their kids in nursery, that will create jobs. That will create the lowest paid jobs though because everyone who's working will have no option but to put their kids in these childcare facilities. and so they'll set that so that those are staffed by people being paid less than the minimum wage probably

so that minimum wage workers can still afford to send their kids there. So all you're really doing is creating an underclass which almost certainly would end up being women and it would be women who were from less privileged positions. You're creating a situation whereby they are being exploited in the name of productivity

which is actually just the situation we've got already but you're saying let's grow it and ship the babies off there. Yeah let's use our babies to grow their That's what babies are for. That's why you have a baby. To keep the capitalist economy running. To keep the cogs are churning. That would be such... Turn them into a productive member of society. Such a great new baby card. I'm going to make a line of new baby cards that are all about the economic benefits of having a baby.

Congratulations. You've made another cog in the machine. I won't be looking after it. I won't be babysitting it. Not for free. I want some scratch. No, but that makes it sound like you're doing it for selfish but you can't make it sound selfish because not selfish. No, I'm doing it as a job creation scheme. Exactly.

For me. I would love to take care of your baby but what you are doing is destroying our country. The very fabric of the economy is at stake, so no. And yeah, I think the OPE says, what about stay at home parents? Someone says, what about stay at home parents? That's a good point.

So if you're like, no, no, I don't want to send my kid to the baby farm. And I wouldn't have a job that would make it worth me doing this anyway and also the baby farm sounds horrible. I think I'm just going to stay at home with my baby. What happens then? Do they come and take you away and force you to work at the baby farm? They're like, if you want to hang out with your baby so much,

you can go and be a Coca-Cola baby care worker and your baby can be in the Coca-Cola baby care scheme. Yeah, you can get paid. But also you have to pay your employer. That's just slavery, where you have to pay your employer back for the opportunity to work, to look after your baby at the Coca-Cola baby farm.

I love this thread. It's baffling. It's an even worse take than that woman who wanted kids to have four hours of allocated annual leave from school each year because of the economy. Yeah. Kids should not be part of the capitalist economy. But at least of all the kids, it doesn't take a village to raise a child. It takes a corporation. I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now.

Let's hear more of you jingles. Let's. The spirit song We're here tonight And that's enough Stay behind A reasonable Christmas time

A reasonable Christmas time Good I liked that one a lot Like professional broadcasters These are incredible That's what we're aiming for I feel fantastic and I never felt as good as how I do right now

and by being unreasonable to be freaked out by friends' weird behaviour have name changed as circumstances quite specific basically I went out for a drink with a group of friends I said I needed a toilet and one of the friends said they did too

so they came with me I had a wee, washed my hands and went to dry them she did all this at approximately the same time I finished drying my hands and looked at her she just smiled and carried on drying her hands

I thought, fair enough, and told her I'd see her back in the bar. Ten minutes later, we noticed she still hasn't come back, and we're talking about moving on. I go to see if she's still in there, and she's still stood in the same position drying her hands. I tell her we're thinking of moving on soon, so she says, okay, and still stands there with her hands under the dryer. I go back to the group and tell them friend A is still drying her hands.

We have a bit of a laugh over it, and then talk about something else. Ten minutes later, we're all done with drinks and ready to move on. Friend B says she needs the toilet So we'll tell Friend A to get a move on at the same time Bear in mind she's been there for over 20 minutes by now Drying her hands Ten minutes later Neither friend has returned

Getting a bit impatient now I go in and tell them we're moving on And see them both stood there drying their hands Not talking or anything Just stood in silence with their hands onto the dryer We left without them in the end Have spoken since and they're both pissed off That we left without them

Other friends thought it was beyond weird at the same time, but I can't get over it. It was so bloody weird. Am I overreacting? What is this? Is this some kind of colt? How dry will your hands get after 20 minutes? Cracked? This is like 30 minutes, yeah. The skin will be cracked. It'll be burned from the force of the wind. It's very strange behaviour. Those dryers never get your hands completely dry. No, you just get them mostly dry and then wipe them on your coat, don't you? That's what genes are for? Yeah. But I ventures. to say that 30 minutes under a dryer would have them pretty clean.

I mean, 30 minutes, not under a dryer. If you just held your hand down, we'll let them air dry. It is weird. I don't think the OPE is overreacting at all. Just staring into, no, just staring into the air as you dry your hands. Now, I would have hazard that the first hand dryer that the friend was using was in some way haunted and they've been possessed. But then the second friend went in, and I reckon at that point that must have been,

be the hand dry of the op used. The op was immune to this haunting. They didn't get sucked in. Hmm. So we're thinking about a ghost who, I don't know, died of drowning and he's desperately trying to get dry. Yeah. Yeah, drowned in the bathroom and now can't get dry. It's perpetually wet. Drowning in the bathroom of a bar. How do you even do that? It was like full face first into the toilet. I really desperately want to believe that they were just in on this and like they plan this whole night out like yeah it's like a flash mob oh my god do you think if they hadn't moved on

yeah hundreds of people all drying their hands simultaneously going for the record I'm going to Google hundreds of people drying hands in bathroom after we finished recording did the person ask what are you doing are you still drying your hands that is a question from the thread is did you not ask what they were doing yeah um

and someone has said in quotes like why are you still drying your hands after 20 minutes they can't still be wet that would have got you a better answer than randoms on the internet could proffer. But I mean if everyone just did the logical thing there wouldn't be anything on mum's net because everyone would just have conversations and that would be better for the

world in the long run but we'd be out of the podcast. Someone said it was probably nice and warm. I'm sure it was nice and warm. It's a warmer isn't it? Cheaper than putting the heating on at home. Just going out going down the pub rather than put the heating on. Oh nice and warm. You hear

stories about people going down the pub rather than putting the heating on because for the cost buying one drink at a pub versus putting your heating on all evening, it's cheaper. But I thought that was about going to a place that was already heated and buying the cheapest possible drink, not about just going to the hand dryers. Yeah, hanging out under the hand dryers is not the way to go. So the AP does come back. When I went in the last time, I said, what are you both doing?

Friend A, you've been in here for 40 minutes drying your hands. She looked at me and smiled. I thought maybe they were having a private conversation, but that doesn't explain why A was in there for so long on her own. plus they were stood in silence when I walked in not even looking at each other this is like a really bad horror film I would watch this horror film on streaming

I would not go to the cinema but I would watch this horror film on streaming by two women become possessed and just stand under a hand dryer smiling we've always been here we've always been by the hand dryer apparently oh so then she said it was weird

and then friend B is now denying it and saying it was two minutes maybe they were high none of the other friends want to talk about it anymore that's weird This is always strange I think with my friends If that had happened

People would still be up for talking about how weird it was They might be like This can't be the only thing we talk about forever more But occasionally they would be like That was a weird thing Remember that it was weird Slow zoom in on a photo of New Year's Eve 1930 in the bathroom

And the two of them Smiling Smiling from the photo I feel fantastic And I never felt as good as how I do right now Got there on the Sunday night and the soup was gone. Bang! And the soup is gone.

Did you know that that was a character? Barry Scott wasn't a person. That was a character that a marketing company came up with. Shouty Barry Scott. It's effective. Well, yeah, we're still talking about it years later. But imagine pitching that. Imagine being the agent trying to explain to your client that you got them an audition.

Yeah, it's the part of Barry Scott. Sorry, who is Barry Scott? Who is Barry Scott? Do you think that was how Barry Scott was meant to be played? Or do you think that actor came in and they were like, the marriage of this weird character and this weird actor is going to be something beautiful, believe me. Or do you think Barry Scott was supposed to be like...

Hi, I'm Steve Briggs, I'm here to play for the role of Barry Scott. She think Barry Scott was supposed to be a suave sophisticate, but that actor came in and they were like, This is better, actually. This is better. Hello, I'm Barry Scott. Bang, and the dirt's gone. Oh, it's creepy. Oh, it's creepy.

Oh, no. That's a reboot of Barry Scott. The sexy reboot. The smoothed jazz, Barry Scott. Yeah. That's the reboot I'm going to get funding for to play at the Venice Film Festival. I don't know why you think you're going to get to do any of these things at the Venice

Film Festival, but I really admire your ambition and self-belief. maybe the Catford Film Festival to begin with you can focus purely on your art purely on my art Barry Scott holding mobile phone we zoom in on the phone it's Barry Scott we zoom out

he's outside of McDonald's what he calls his wife but who's on the other end of the line it's Barry Scott Is it smooth jazz Barry Scott or is it shouty Barry Scott Are you afraid

That was early Leon being afraid because I shouted so then he headbutted the mic sorry for any audio disturbance Am I being unreasonable D.H. embarrassed by my sensitivity. I get very moved by certain types of art and

music, so much so that I occasionally cry. Last year we went to the Louvre and I ended up silently weeping at a number of artworks. When we got out of the gallery D.H admitted that he finds it all a bit over the top and unnecessary, as if I do it on purpose. Anyway, we've just got back from Rome.

I became a little overwhelmed in the Coliseum when I thought about the violence and death that had taken place there. D.H. said I was the only one in the entire place crying, and he was fed up with it. I explained that I don't do it on purpose. It just gets to me. We went to the Sistine Chapel the day after, and I ended up screaming at the Michelangelo.

A number of tourists tried to console me, but D.H. just walked off, muttering for fuck's sake. I felt so stupid. When we got out, D.H. had a massive rant at me about how I spoil everything for him, and he often wishes he was with someone normal who could visit places without making a scene. He also declared that he no longer enjoys travelling with me. I'm gutted because travel is the main thing we do together. Am I being unreasonable to think I can't change your own? am, or should I?

Why, why are you so beautiful? I didn't you to do it. You woke up both the cats. I was on the O.P.'s Side, to some extent. Should we go through it? And you can tell me the point where she lost you? Yeah, so...

Last year they went to the leave and she weaked silently at a number of artworks. Yeah. At that point, her... husband says it's all a bit over the top. Good. So I'm on her side at this point. Okay. They've just got back from Rome. She was overwhelmed at the Coliseum and she thought about the violence and death that had taken place. Again. She was the only one in the entire place crying and her husband was fed up. Again, that's fine. They went to the Sistine Chapel. Now, here we get. And she ended up screaming. A number of tourists had to console her.

the word screaming. I'm picturing a blood-curdling scream from Hammer Horror. Yeah. Balling or weeping or crying, I think, will all work. Balling's a little extreme, but screaming is too much. I can't think of any time where it's appropriate to scream. You remember when I saw that Rothko that I liked? I didn't scream.

As I said, I like this rough- which is odd. A lot of people don't care for Rothko. I don't care for Rothko. I liked that roughco. And I screamed. Blue murder. Yep. When we saw Voizek with John Boyega, I had a very strong emotional reaction to that. Yeah, they had to ask you to leave. Screaming the place down. John Boyega, you're a very good actor. Didn't actually scream. Didn't shout anything at John Boyega. No.

Didn't want to ruin it. Also, it never occurred to me to scream. It wasn't like I had to suppress a scream. Yeah. So this is the point at which I am no longer sympathising with the OPE. Because screaming in the middle of the Sistine Chapel, which is a place of worship, is not really appropriate emotional reaction. You know, it's not for me to say what is an appropriate emotional reaction, but this isn't. Can we also reflect on the fact that a number of tourists tried to console her?

Tried. In vain. How many is a lot? a number of tourists? Is it just one nice couple who came over and said, are you okay, or people flocking from across the chapel to offer tissues or smelling salts? Pope Francis came down. Gave her a quick blessing.

I can see your screen and I see the word screaming coming up a lot in people's comments. Should we just run through a few of the... Because it's the screaming where she loses people. If she ended her post before that last paragraph... someone has said surely you can help screaming yeah it's the screaming yeah it's the screaming to be honest I'd be really embarrassed by someone screaming yeah it's the screaming

oh my god I couldn't go anywhere with you you screamed blimey I would be embarrassed if my d-8 just started screaming at a painting or something why how did you scream I can understand crying at musicals or the ballet screaming is a new one though Yeah, if I'd have screamed during Hamilton When we went to see that People would not have been happy

No, no You can't go around screaming at things You can't go around screaming at anything really People don't like it Ah, Elizabeth Scarlett just loves him so much Again, that isn't quite screaming though It's not piercing enough It's not blood curdling

I also cry and scream at my children's violin recitals You're poor children I just... Timmy! Imagine if your mother turned up to your violin recital and screamed. I have a sensitive DD. When I brought her to the Salvador Dali Museum in Spain when she was five, she gave the finger to every painting and said,

Fuck you. That was embarrassing. Wow, maybe art really does bring out these different reactions in people. I suppose that's a measure of the success of the art. Surely a five-year-old didn't really go around the Salvador Dali Museum going, fuck you to every painting. And with that, shall we wrap it up? Shall we fade out with another festive jingle?

I played a bit of this when he came in. Mom's netters. Come on. Mom's netters. Mons netters. Natural. Really natural. Mum's netters. Oh, Oh,

I got seven, not the way for a Yeah, and the lamb's Thank you for coming. Thank you

to come That's how I got the weed spots That's how I got the weed spot I shot bread in the head took the bread and the lamb spread

Little body got a shoddy to your body So don't resist Or you might miss Christmas I took guns, I make number runs I make number runs, I give emcees the runs dripping When I put my clip in the AK I slaved from far away

Everybody hit the DECK My slow flows remarkable He's too Mateo Now we smoke weed like point my time to slip the yo That's crazy blunts, mad elves My voice excels from the avenue to jail cells Oh my god, I'm driving shit like a pigeon I hope you're listening

Smacking babies at the christening So you better grab your pistol Cause if you sit still I'm gonna make your fucking shit fill And I'm fucking out buckets Why did I have to do it? Saddak said, fuck it, you gotta come as I bust it, cause I got no shots to pop your big popper, breaking your own something proper. Sounding off is the hardcore black singer, aka black slinger, bring it anytime.

Mums netters. Come on. Come on. Mums netters. Come on. Come on. Come on. Mum's netters.

Come on. Mums netters. Thank you.