You Are Being Unreasonable - Bonus - In which we prepare for doomsday

Episode Date: May 2, 2019

This week, we briefly discuss the Mumsnet Preppers board to prepare for the apocalypse. What gifts do preppers give? Where should they live post-doomsday? What meals can preppers prepare?

It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it It's the end of the world as we know it Hello Welcome to You Are Being Unreasonable A podcast about people being unreasonable On Mumsnet.com Just a short one this week, a special episode

Yeah, we're putting out a special Based on the Preppers Board Mumsnet has a whole board dedicated to prepping. We watched the latest Game of Thrones and got very concerned about zombies on the end of the world, so we want to know how to prepare. Yeah, so we're going to just

cover a couple of topics from this board. What does the preppers board cover officially? It doesn't seem to come with a description. I feel like if you don't know, you don't know. But like, I can go through some of the titles of Throats we're not doing if that helps. Yeah. So just to add a bit of

Context, you get threads like Dehydrateer machine, anyone stockpiling drinking water, recommendations for lanterns, wholesale order, what to buy, what to do, a question about oxygen absorbers. This sort of thing.

Great, good tips. Doomsday preppers. But there's enough of them on Mum's Net that it warrants a whole board. Jesus, this whole board's being under me. reasonable. Yeah, it is. Let's do the first thread. Has prepping influenced any gift giving for you? I'm buying most of the family things like rechargeable lanterns, radios, etc. Useful and gadgety. I'm hoping there'll be a success as well as possibly stimulating thought.

We'll see. We'll see. When will we see when the apocalypse comes? When the dooms I would hate to ever appear ungrateful, but if the apocalypse came and someone expected me to be able to dig out the dynamo lantern, they got me one Christmas, I don't know that I would be able to see. I think I might be like, oh, I gave it to the Sue Ryder shop. Oh, sorry. You gave me all those weird, prepper gifts, and it's just, I was so concerned about you that I got rid of them because it was making me sad to look at them. It really didn't seem like the doomsday was coming. Oh, we'll see. I got rid of the wind-up radio.

You wouldn't want a wind-up radio after the apocalypse, right? Because there's no radio. Yeah. Useless. Torch is good, though. I assume the wind-up radio is for, like, emergency broadcasts and not for the news quiz. So you might want a wind-up radio for that.

What about a wind-up walkie-talkie? That only acts if someone else has got a wind-up walkie-talkie, right? Yeah, you don't. have to find someone else who will wind up walkie-talkie within rain. This is like 30 metres. Yeah, so... Probably don't want to pick up anyone. Yeah.

See, if I was prepping for the Doomsday, maybe this is me being selfish, but my first thought would not be of gift-giving. Well, this is the thing. They do say, as well as possibly stimulating thoughts, so I think they're trying to gently encourage their loved ones to also become Doomsday Preppers. Yeah.

And maybe they've, like, been banging on about it, and that hasn't worked. So they thought, I'll kill them with kindness. I'll get them a dynamo-powered radio, and then that'll stimulate thought. Yeah, by the same logic, that's why I got your parents, that framed picture of the moon landing photos. Look at the shadows, people. Look at the shadows. You can clearly see that that's blowing in the wind, people.

Should you hear it from the board? Yeah. Let's see what other people on the board have given us gifts. Yes, first aid gift for DH's car a few years ago when I started prepping. That seems perfectly normal. A first aid kit for a car is normal. That's not prepping. That's not prepping.

That's fine. That's not prepping for Doomsday. That's prepping for like someone cutting their finger open on a Coke can. Oh, the ring pulled came off and, oh. Having an accident in the car. Yeah. All likely scenarios. Various key ring attachments for DH and my mum.

But what sort of, why are they keeping it? What kind of Doomsday key ring attachments? Why won't they tell us what they are? Like a ball opener? Well, I guess come... We've got to be more elaborate than that. Little torch. A can opener to eat your cans of beans.

Yeah, that's good. A lot of things come with ring pulls. If I was prepping, I definitely would splash out for the more expensive tins. Imagine if you prepped your entire bunker and then you didn't have a can open up there. Oh no, it's like the Twilight Zone. No. Oh, there was time now. My DD, age nine, asks for surprises,

so she's getting a wind-up radio torch and phone recharger. Why do you need a phone? She's also getting a sleeping bag. Yeah. I added some water purification tablets. Imagine getting your nine-year-old daughter water purification tablets. Yeah, like...

Surprise! Your mom has lost it. Wind-up radio, phone recharger, torch, sleeping bag. You can all say these are legit presents. For camping? Yeah, a bit weird, but legit presents, especially for a kid. Water cleansing tablets are another level of prepping. That's like proper prepping.

And then we'll just do one more from this one. I sometimes give out Swiss Army knives. They're nice and convenient to carry in your pocket, and they have multiple uses. Plus, people won't think you're a mad prepper, because they'll just see it as another cool accessory to carry about. I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to carry around, Swiss Army knives. Yeah, well, that sounds.

And who are you giving them to? I sometimes give out Swiss Army knives. What, like when you go to the station and they're giving out free samples of a new type of breakfast biscuit. There's just a woman there with those of Swiss Army knives. Not a mad prepper. It's a cool accessory. Oh, and my secret center is, oh, it's a Swiss Army knife.

I wonder who that was. Karen. Karen, he's got a backpack that doubles as a life jacket. and he's got a whistle and a torch on it. Karen came to the secret centre unwrapping ready to go at a moment's notice. Should we do another thread? Yeah.

Just to say, on the preppers board, shit hits the fan has its own acronym that I had to look up, not acronym, abbreviation. So it actually says, City or Country is the S-H-T-F. I was like, what's that? But they talk about it so much on this board

that they just know. Apparently that's just the thing that they all know. They're prepping for when the shit hits the fan. They are, and they know they will not have time Yeah, to say it every time It's a lot quicker to say shit hits the fan Than S-H-T-F Yeah, same number of syllables

Yeah, but one's the thing that's already in your mind Because of words Another's a string of letters Don't sure these preppers are anything good I don't think they're the best preppers I think they're the best preppers I think they're very good preppers Bad preppers

Lice-hearted, I hope this isn't a real risk If you hope it isn't a real risk Why are you prepping? I guess hope for the best plan for the worst. Hope for the best prep for the doomsday. That's what I always say. That's the spirit of the preppers board. I've been thinking about where I'd rather be

if there was a significant chance that the shit hit the fan. Say if there were riots because of no deal, would you prefer to be in a city with more people and rioting happening around you but in a defensible flat within walking distance to things like hospitals and places to get food?

Or a more rural location, but anything you might need, would require driving. At some point, potentially, your store cupboard might run out and your transport choices would be more limited. Assuming you don't have a moated castle to hide out in, would you rather take your chances in the city or the country? Country.

Really? Yeah, no doubt. You remember after Brexit, I said we should move out of London. I didn't think you meant to a rural bunker. I didn't mean to a rural location. I just meant in case there are riots. But I'd rather be in London with the people rioting because they're pissed off about Brexit

than in Shitsville countryside where people aren't writing because they're absolutely fucking over the moon at no deal because they've always hated all the people that aren't like them. Well, yeah. But still, in the event of Doomsday rather than No Deal, I'd rather be in the country. More spread out, less likely to be picked off by ravagers,

can grow your own food. I like the appeal of being able to walk to the hospital. She makes a convincing case there. Hospitals aren't going to be functioning. Not in the event of Doomsday. No point. That's true. He's got to go to the local medical centre in the town, grab as much as you can, and get out.

So you're like saying do a raid on a pharmacy? Yeah, I'm saying lute a pharmacy. Okay. Well, there are more pharmacies. No, this is ridiculous, because there are so many pharmacies within about five minutes of where we live now. But because I always think about where the nearest amenities are because I'm not a country girl. When we were on holiday, I was like, where the hell do you go if you need aspirin round here? It's like a 50 minute drive.

Nah. By the time you've driven your 50 minutes to loot that pharmacy, somebody who lives 10 minutes from that pharmacy in a town has already looted it. You've blown it, pal. We can't stay here. There's too many ravages. We can't defend this flat. We'd have to go to the country. This says that you're in a defensible flat. No flat is defensible. That's not true. This flat isn't defensible. No, the window's barely closing this flat. No one would ravage this flat because they'd be like, that place is shit. Yeah, we even need to get one of those luxury apartments on the Thames that no one actually lives in. I don't know how defensible that would be, but... You don't want ravages who come by boat, you don't want to be there warding them off at the waterfront.

I maintain the country, like on hunted. Your best bet in hunted is to get out of the city. I don't think I've given it enough thought, and I think I'm busy thinking about my life as I know it now. And so I'm working on the assumption that the pharmacies would still be there to loot. The hospital would still be there to loot. Oh, yeah. Now, if we're talking about Dunesday. All the cornershops are still there to loot.

Yeah. I'm like, where'd you go looting if you live in? But you've already prepped for it, I guess. There's more people looting around here. So it's going to clear out quicker. It's true. Well, as in the country, there's more chance of coming on a big supermarket that has only been partially looted.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess I've just always imagined that in the case of Doomsday, I've always imagined that I'd be someone who would be in a tube station, rather than someone who was locked inside a supermarket. In a tube station. That's like, that's my bunker. Oh, okay.

Rather than locking yourself in Tesco, whatever it's called. No, not, no. A tube station is full of rats and ravages will come in the dark. No, I'd rather be in a well-lit Tesco, thank you. Full of crisps. Well, you do make a good argument. Shall we hear from the thread? Yeah.

Country. Hospitals and shops aren't much good if you can't access them due to riots. shops will be bare if there's looting or rush buying too country we have an old well in the garden with clean water in it bully for you country we have access to water hens vegetable patch places to forage and far fewer people about okay everyone says country yeah this is unanimous and for that reason i am even more likely to stick to my guns

because if i go to the country it's going to be full of mumsnetters i'd rather be ravaged than have to hang out with mumsnet preppers The best way to prep is to know what the mums that preppers are doing and then not do that No Let's do the, well I do one more thread from preppers Brexit dinner

This was posted in February Then it still looked like Brexit was You know, round the corner But it keeps being further and further away So I hope they've got some good long shelf life on this I've been building up the usual staples But wanted to try some new things So tonight I made my first ever

Totally Store Covered freezer dinner To see how it went frozen onion and a tin of carrots mixed in with a tin of lean steak in gravy tinned potatoes roasted in the oven and some frozen green veg was all rather surprising tasty even DH who thinks it's all a bit mad

had to agree that it's the sauce of milk he'd happily eat regularly so now I'm after inspiration what other stock cupboard meals might have worked well especially those with meat can we dip it into your supply like this I don't know what's quite prepping if you're just going to start yeah feeding your husband tinned steak all the time I think it's fairly obvious how you make tin steak and onion

it's fine you don't have to test you on that what I'd like to know don't live like a prepper before the doomsay comes is my advice yeah live like a prepper afterwards has this woman never been poor or a student but it's the same sort of thing I know yeah has she she said that it was her first ever store cupboard or freezer only meal has she never ever just like taking a tin of tomatoes and some herbs and cook those for a bit and then dump them on some pasta dried from the cupboard. Yeah.

Has she really never made a meal that didn't involve fresh produce? Needs to think about it. I've got bad news about your freezer once the Doomsday comes. Also, surely in the case of Doomsday, you're going to want to be using that many different bits and bobs to make a full-on roast dinner, or are you going to just be, like, cracking into the can of carrots with a fork? Yeah, you're going to be subsisting on things that will give you the maximum calories

for, you know, the minimum effort. Yeah, making this whole palava. Yeah, you can't be having meals. Well, with that in mind, do you want to hear what the first suggestion for other meals is? Caviar and champagne. Wow, luxury prepping, glam prepping, glepping. Glepping.

Would caviar... Caviar, you can get caviar and tins. Oh, so you can have caviar and champagne. Yeah. I don't... Celebrate the first week of the... I don't know how well that's going to see you through. Celebrate the first week of having survived the apocalypse with a little glass of bubbly.

I guess the problem is, during the apocalypse, you don't want to save all your best stuff for a special occasion because you probably won't get to see ones of the apocalypse. Yeah. Maybe just celebrate the fact that you had the foresight to have champagne and caviar, the moment the apocalypse gets off, be like, we don't know how this is going to pan out. Yeah.

I'll open the shampers. You go raiding. and you find some caviar in a corner shop that you've roaded. Just have it then and there. Yeah. Just crack that bitch open. Totally. Save the shit stuff.

A store cupboard stapled in our house is Naze Goring. What's Naze Goring? Well, they go on to explain. Open a tin of tuna. Fried diced onion and add some sliced garlic or dried garlic granules. I often also add some frozen peas. Sounds quite elaborate for a prepping meal. The real store cupboard version would be adding whatever mix of veg is available from tins.

or the freezer or rehydrate it. Once the veggie cooked through enough, add some frozen prawns, if you have them. This is nonsense. And the tuna from the tin, you may need some salt. Then, add some already cooked rice, stir the whole lot together, and serve.

That's too much. That's far too elaborate. The apocalypse has come, and you're fanning around defrosting prawns when you've already got tuna in there. Surely, how much have you prepped that you can be putting prawns and tuna in the same thing? in the apocalypse.

Chill out, proper redrimand. Too elaborate. It's far too elaborate. There's too much effort. You're expending so much energy on it when you need to be thinking about fighting off Raiders. Another one, mushroom risotto, big, long explanation of how to do a mushroom risotto.

These are just recipes at this point. These aren't doomsay recipes. Someone said tinned clams in pasta. It does make me question. I always thought I was quite a good cook And I'm not hugely into food the way that some people are, but I like food and I like cooking. And now it turns out I've just been making doomsday recipes all this time.

But not even as elaborate as doomsday recipes. I've been making basic doomsday recipes. You're a closet prepper. I am. You didn't even realise. I've got another question. If all these preppers have got so many tins of potatoes, why aren't they making nocky?

Don't know. Nocky is great and you can make it with tinned potatoes and I would have assumed they weren't making yoke because they were busy with their doomsday but then I found out what they were actually up to now I think you're not even making the most delicious things you could be making yucky for every meal that's the doomsday way

well you're not getting nasty growing this roast out of me we regularly have a side of rice cooked with a veg stock cube great you don't need to live like this live like this after the doomsday maybe that's part of being prepared though It's like you need to know that...

You need to wean yourself onto it. Yeah. Because you're not going to have time to wean yourself once the doomsday hits. Yeah. But I mean, is that really a life to live? Spend your whole life living like the apocalypse is happening. Just in case. Live like your pre-apocalypse.

That's my life philosophy. Yeah. Like, I think it's safest to go through life just assuming the apocalypse won't turn up. Yeah. Because otherwise you'll just ruin whatever you... No. Gabosh. It's all garbage

Well I've learned a lot We have learned a lot You feel ready for the Doomsday now Elaborate meals Out in the country With elaborate gifts It just sounds like our last holiday

I was going to say If being out in the country With caviar and champagne And a wind up torch And a wind up torch And a wind up radio Is Doomsday That just sounds like going to a nice remote cottage

It does I hope there's a hot tub After the Doomstay Oh I'll be really down For the apocalypse but only lasts for one week, and then I can go back to my real life. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, yeah.

Well, good luck, everyone. I hope that we've given you some stimulus for thought. Why not get in touch with your prepping tips? Yeah. Don't get in touch with ours. Get in touch with the preppers board. We do not want to know. Just go on the preface board.

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