You are the Universe! - E23: Overcoming Self Sabotage - Is it your Inner Teen?

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

E23: Overcoming Self Sabotage - Is it your Inner Teen? what is your inner teen? and how might this part of you be contributing to self sabotage, resistance or even addiction. Learn 3 powerful steps to take to bring more balance, joy and healing into your life! www.VictoriaHaffer.com #Healing #Relationships #healingyourmoneystory

Welcome to the You are the Universe podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Hafer, intuitive healer and holistic life and body coach, with over 20 years of facilitating massive transformation for people and animals. And I'm so flipping glad you're here. Today's topic is overcoming self-sabotage. Is it your inner teen? Oh my goodness. I had so much fun putting this together.

Chances are you've had lots of run-ins with your inner teen, and you didn't even know it. Your inner teen can play many roles in your life, and one of them being the inner saboteur. So what is your inner teen? It's basically that part of you when you were a teen that didn't get your needs met. Maybe you weren't seen, heard, or supported

during that time of your life. This part of you can show up in present time in many ways, but typically it shows up as self-sabotage or resistance. You get me? You get me on this feeling. Do you know what I'm talking about? Well, let me continue. You might know it as the I don't want to mentality.

Have you done that recently when it was something that you knew was going to be good for you and you just didn't want to do it? This part of you may act out and be counterproductive in many ways and show up in your life in many ways. It can also show up as rebel-like behavior like you can't make me or don't tell me what to do. I know this all too well. I'll tell you a funny little story. And this is actually when I was younger.

This is actually before I was a teenager. And I was in kindergarten. in and I actually got kicked out of kindergarten. Yeah. For those of you who know me, you will laugh. It's very funny. We were told to stand up and pledge of allegiance to the flag. Now, I don't know what the problem was and why I couldn't do it, but I just didn't want to. And the teacher wound up hitting me with a ruler and I told my mom about it and she took me out of that school. So anyways, there it is. Kindergarten and I definitely know that feeling of you can't tell me what to do, right? So back to you.

Let's talk about how your inner teen may show up in different aspects of your life. Okay. So how your inner teen may be showing up in relationships. So your inner teen can get attached very quickly, especially in relationships, romantic or even platonic friendships. It may show up as not having healthy boundaries with people. and jumping into relationships too quickly, even when you see the red flags. I definitely took part in this when I was younger.

I would meet a guy and I was like, thought he was the cat's meow and amazing. And suddenly we were like in love with him after one date or something. So anyways, just kind of think about that, how that might show up for you in your relationships. In other way your inner teen shows up, it can be in your money. In your money. It may show up in your life as compulsive spending, impulse shopping, and credit card debt, basically not having a healthy, practical relationship with your money. So basically not caring about the consequences because you want it now.

Might you relate to that? And once again, I did and do, right? Credit card counseling, bankruptcy. I experienced it all. So again, there's nothing here that I don't teach that I haven't myself experienced, which is why I can be here to help you and support you through some of these challenges, right? And other aspect, an other way your inner team may show up is in your lifestyle, your wellness program, right? How many times have you joined the gym or, you know, started something like an exercise program or quote unquote a diet?

Now, you all know I'm not a fan of diets per se. I'm all about just choosing healthy nutrient dense foods because food is medicine. Anyways, how is your relationship with food? How is your relationship with your body? How is your relationship with moving your body? Right? The lifestyle, wellness, how is your overall wellness lifestyle? Do you sometimes binge eat or try to eat healthy?

only to sabotage yourself by the end of the day, right? So your inner teen doesn't like discipline or commitment, unfortunately. Okay, and other area of where your inner teen might show up is in this essence and feeling and this energy of the emotion of resentment. Your inner teen tends to hold grudges way longer than. your adult self. Think about your expectations of people in your life at work, with your friends, with your partner, your family. Are you very sensitive? Do you have high expectations of people? Do you think people should be able to read your mind to get your needs met? Maybe even cut people

out of your life compulsively and very quickly? Hmm. Again, no judgment here. Just observe and notice. That is all very childlike behavior. I am not saying you should let people walk all over you. Absolutely not. But you should and you should set healthy boundaries in your relationships. But healthy boundaries are being able to speak your truth in a loving, respectful manner and let people know, I'm sorry, that is not acceptable, right? So, anyway. That's a lot. There's a lot of things. I could probably take each one of those topics and just do a whole podcast on each thing.

And I may do that. Let me know if you might be interested in one of those specific topics, right? Maybe it's only one area of your life that your inner teen is mostly affecting you. So I do have good news though. The good news is you can shift and change these patterns with a lot of unconditional love and patience for you, for that part of you. Yeah. All right, so let's go through.

So I created, I created this method. The Victoria's Secret method, no, it's not called that. It's actually the triple A method, which is kind of cool when I wind up doing all the steps, the three steps, and then the acronym was triple A. So if you think about when you're in trouble, right, what do you do? You know, your car breaks down, your battery that can't start.

You're in trouble and you need help, Triple A. So here it is, the Victoria's Secret AAA method. Okay. So step one. You ready? You might want to write this down. If you're driving, of course, just, you know, listen to it again later on. Step one. Awareness. You must be in the awareness. Awareness is the key to transformation and change in our world. Right. And, but just remember that awareness doesn't always equal transformation. I'm sure there's many things, patterns, habits, maybe even belief systems that you're aware of in your life, and you don't choose to change anything. Yeah? Let me know. Raise your hand. Give me a nod. You know it's true. Okay. So notice when you are taking part in any of these behaviors without judgment for yourself. This is so important to not get angry or irritated or frustrated

with yourself, right? They say that judgment is the greatest act of violence we can commit against ourselves, making yourself wrong, beating yourself up. And this is how we get off that negative cycle, kind of like, you know, I like to say the hamster wheel, how we get off of it and stop and break the cycle, right, without judgment for yourself. So it's very important that you're practicing and compassionate reflection in the moment. If you don't know about the power of presence, I have a much earlier podcast. If you haven't listened to it,

I highly recommend that you do. It'll be very beneficial for you. So becoming objective and impartial, aka stepping into your neutral mind. Okay, again, this, you could take a whole lifetime to work on this, right? So again, just be patient with yourself. It is a practice. We call it a presence practice for a reason. And it's just a practice that I continually practice every single day. All right. So the step one was awareness. Step two is acknowledge your inner teen. Just acknowledge. Oh, oh, there you are. And you may even want, did you have a nickname when you were a teenager? So that could be good. A shorter name or a nickname and just literally.

say that to yourself. So if you can, when this shows up, place both hands over your heart center and say to your inner teen, you know, whatever, whatever that, you know, nickname is, I'm here, I see you, I hear you, and I'm here for you. You don't have to be alone. And notice just in that moment if the charge or the trigger has decreased or even diminished. Yeah. And so, again, if you don't have a lot of time in that moment, that could be enough for the moment, but make sure you do return and do step number three. And, you know, if you can do it in the moment, it's even better.

Step number three, so again, step number one is awareness. Step number two is acknowledging your inner team. Step number three, ask what your inner teen needs. This is so important. So simple yet not so easy at times, A? So what does this part of you need ask, right? And ask what it's afraid of? What is it afraid of?

These are really powerful questions to ask. And you may not get answers right away. You have, you know, this is the deal. You have been, quote, unquote, ignoring your inner teen for how long? You know, maybe since, you know, forever, 20 years, 30 years. So it might not quite, quite this part of you may not trust you right now. So this is important that you do this consistently. Again, you know, it could take all of about 30 seconds to go through all three steps.

Automatic writing could be helpful going out into nature and unplugging or step away from your phone. your computer, electronics, or even meditating, right? Maybe a guided meditation, and you could go into your meditation with the intention of being open to receiving and perceiving information from your inner teenager. This can be so helpful. You could think of things you used to love to do when you were a teenager and do those things on a more regular basis. So perhaps art.

And even if you don't, you're not a great drawer, who cares, right? Color, I love, I have a, I have like a nature coloring book that I'll pull out in color. Horseback riding, hiking, or even watching a TV show that you loved as a teen. Like one of my favorite shows when I was younger, it was called Gossip Girl, right? I mean, now I wouldn't, I wouldn't love that so much. But, you know, and binge watches. just for if that's what your inner teen wants, right? So basically have fun and find your joy factor.

So the truth is, there are many aspects of us that show up in our life throughout our day. The inner teenager is just one part of that. The key is to be present to what and who is showing up in your life at any given moment, especially when you're triggered, right? when you're triggered, when you're irritated, annoyed, frustrated, angry. You know, that was my go-to as a kid, and sometimes it still is, that anger factor, right? Because I was hurt, you know, I had so much hurt and sadness and grief from not really being seen or heard, you know, or, you know, supported as a child, a lot.

Not ever, but just a lot. You know, I had grown up very quickly and had two young. younger sisters and I, you know, I often had to take care of them energetically. And so anyways, it's, you know, again, we all have our story and just know that the great news is, right, you can transform it. You are the master of your destiny, the queen of your queendom. Right. Remember that we create our reality through our thoughts, our words, our actions, and our belief systems. So I hope you enjoyed today's episode.

So just to review again, the three steps are step one is awareness. Step two is acknowledging your inner teen. And then step three is ask what your inner team needs. And just commit to doing this, right, on a regular basis until you start to see whatever aspect of your life, whether it's showing up in, you know, as resent, whether it's showing up as self-sabotage in your life's your health and wellness lifestyle, in your money relationships, or even in your friendships or romantic relationships. So as always, I would love to hear from you.

Please feel free to reach out if you're interested in working with me privately on any of these things. This is what I do. This is why I wake up in the morning and just know that I adore you. holding space for you. So on that note, right, remember to be and see the joy in everyday life.