You are the Universe! - E24: 7 Ways to Love your Body and Heal Body Shame

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Join Victoria for a powerful episode in loving your body and healing body shame. #bodyshame #bodylove #selflove #selflovepractice #healyourbody Work with Victoria. www.VictoriaHaffer.com

Welcome to the You or the Universe podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Hafer, intuitive healer and holistic life and body coach, with over 20 years of facilitating massive transformation for women and animals. And I'm so flipping glad you're here. Today's topic is seven ways to love your body and heal body shame. So this is a really important topic for me. Actually, I would say probably many of my, most of the stuff that I talk about are things that I've experienced myself. So, but body shaming and not totally loving our bodies is a huge, we know there's an epidemic of this out there, especially for women and young girls.

However, you know, it's, it really affects so many aspects of our life. And, you know, body love and healing body shame is crucial for, for, for, for. truly for women's empowerment and and sovereignty, stepping into their personal power, your personal power. Right? So when you don't love and respect yourself, it affects all aspects of your life, including your love life, your sex life,

your bank account, your parenting, as well as how you show up in your business, right? In the board room. So really, all aspects of our life are affected by this underlying, feeling that we don't love, appreciate, and adore our own vessel, our body, right? And then sometimes the shame that can be connected to that, you know, maybe from childhood or even as we got a little bit older. So I do want to share with you. I'm going to get a little personal and a little

vulnerable here, but, you know, some of you might know this already, but I have actually healed myself from an eating disorder. So when I was younger, I remember, you know, being in my, I mean, it probably started when I was a teeth. It always starts at a young age, but what, what I can recall as a teenager and often, you know, comparing my body to other young girls, right, and other women. I always had this obsession with breasts. And, you know, it was kind of interesting because I, I didn't bloom that at a very young age, and I never really fully, fully bloomed. I always had a small breast. And so I would always be kind of like just obsessed a little bit about other women's breasts

in that way when I was younger and wish I had something that I didn't. And I just never really felt good about my body, you know, the different parts of my body that, you know, my breasts were too small and my thighs were too big. and any anyways if any of you can relate to that and so in my late teens early 20s I started taking part in an often daily ritual of eating compulsively so mindlessly eating and of course it's always foods you know processed foods cereal and potato chips and ice cream and candy Yeah, I know. For those of you who know me now and know how, you know, how, you know, how I really covet and, you know, what I put into my body. But, you know, I wasn't a health coach at that

time. I was actually into fitness, but I wasn't as aware of how what we ate, you know, affected every aspect of our lives. So I would pretty much be very obsessive and mindlessly eat large amounts of food. And then after that, I would take part of the way. in what we call compulsive over exercising. So you would call that bulimia, right? So I basically took part in bulimic, you know, the characteristics of what bulimia would be, which is basically an obsessive cycle of overeating,

eating incredible amounts of food, binging, as we would call it, and then purging. Now purging, I never took, stuck my finger down my throat or use a spoon or anything, but the way I purged was through exercise. So there's different ways of purging in that space. And so it took, it took me a little bit of time, but eventually I did heal myself, fully heal myself from that very toxic behavior. And it started with many of the things that I'm going to share with you today in this,

in this podcast. Yeah. So let's get started. So seven ways to love your body and heal body shame. And, you know, so I put together all and all my tools and techniques and all the things that I've done over the course of many years to heal myself and to support. and to support in healing my clients as well. I've worked with a number of hundreds and hundreds of women to heal, teach them how to

to truly love their body and heal their body shame. So number one, shift your mindset around this idea of what true beauty is. You know, when I remember when I was younger, it was, you know, where did we get to see the beautiful people? At least what we thought were beautiful. You know, it was the magazines and it was, I mean, you know, there wasn't social media when I was younger. I'm going to date myself here. But mainly it would be TV, the TV, movies, and definitely magazines. I was a big magazine person.

So, you know, the societal standards. of what beauty was. And I didn't even know about, you know, airbrushing and, you know, photoshopping in those days. So, and really how this creates unrealistic expectations of how, you know, just looking at the, the normal, healthy, average, beautiful body, right? Like someone like Marilyn Monroe as opposed to Twiggy, right? So, you know, some of the actresses in the models. And, you know, I didn't find out until later that many of those women, young women, how they got to that was from starving themselves, right? It wasn't a normal expectation that we would have on the, you know, that your typical standard, healthy, beautiful, right, woman's body.

And so really encouraging, I encourage you to redefine beauty, you know, in your, in your own, your own personal terms and how beauty is unique and diverse, really in the eyes of the beholder, right? And within ourselves. So yes. So each step, each tool, each mindset, factor that I'm going to speak today about in the podcast is going to also be followed by a self-love practice that I'm going to recommend for you. So, you know if you're driving listen to it maybe later you can listen to this again and then maybe take some notes about some things that you may want to um ponder on or journal on or anything like that so in this first one on shifting your mindset around beauty i invite you in self-love practice number

one to create daily affirmations or journal about what you love most about your self. Unfortunately, you know, we have this critical mind, right, that's always looking for what's wrong in things. It's supposed to keep us out of danger and keep us safe, you know, blah, blah, blah, all that stuff. And I understand, you know, the mind very powerfully. However, you know, that's why we call this a practice because it's just like whether it be a meditation practice or a yoga practice or, you know, a self-pleasure practice. It's practicing. It's not a perfect. So every day of tempting and working on retraining your brain.

So for however many years, you have had a specific mindset about what a beautiful woman is. And so now it's time we've got to retrain the brain, retrain the mind. And in order to do that, you have to dedicate consistently on a ideally on a daily basis, in order to create a new way of being, especially around your body. So what do you just even if you're driving now, you don't have to write it down, but what what do you love about yourself? Because again, that critical mind is trained to see what we don't love about ourselves, right?

The focusing on the thing like you're, you know, you think your nose is too big or, you know, your thought, again, like, you know, sharing where I was with my breast, were too small and my thighs were too big. So what's the thing? What is, choose one thing about yourself that you're like, you know what? That's pretty cool. Maybe you get a nice butt, right? Nice, ass or, you know, maybe you really love your hair. People constantly comment on your hair. It's nice and thick and long and curly or something. So what if you were to just start there, right? It may be a big, huge leap to just turn around and suddenly be like, oh, I love my body, you know. And I would encourage you to, if this isn't, if this is something, and I know this is

where it started for me is to, you know, take your clothes off and stand in front of a mirror. You know, make sure you can do this with privacy, you know, shut, lock the door or whatever, do it with nobody's home. And just really look at yourself. Wow. It's like, look how far you've come. It's amazing. And even if you do feel like you're a little rounder in certain places, right, what part of you can you express, right, the gratitude for?

And that actually brings us into the second aspect, the second topic of healing your body shame and really beginning to love yourself. And that is to practice body gratitude. So that's really important. the importance of appreciating your body for what it does rather than how it looks. And some ways to build body gratitude is to really focus on, you know, your strength, your health, and the functions of the body. So even starting with, I mean, just think about this. Like our bodies, it's crazy to think about this, but you were born.

you were born as a baby and you're you were so tiny right whatever however many pounds you were eight pounds 10 pounds 14 pounds at birth and now you weigh whatever you weigh now and like we've grown and we've stretched and we've changed right and we've transmuted all of these things so just being able to be in that space of what your body does for you on a regular basis instead of thinking like, oh, I wish I could, you know, run faster or move or stretch deeper, you know, any of these things or hold that pose longer, instead of just being grateful, because this is the deal with overall the practice of gratitude, a gratitude practice. The universe, spirit, source, God, goddess will not bring you more of something if you're not

grateful for what you have already. So this is the deal, right? So imagine, you know, maybe you're making excuses of why you're not moving your body on a daily basis. But, you know, what if you're so grateful for your body? You're like, yeah, I get to. Like, this is my body, right? And start speaking kinder to it. So just imagine that.

Your body is an entity of you. And if you're constantly speaking negative about it or complaining about it, being unkind about certain parts of your body, right? How do you think that makes your body feel? Your body is made up of two-thirds water, right? And words and thoughts are energy, and they affect how your body functions. Maybe you have health issues.

And maybe what if by changing your point of view around how you see your body actually, increases the efficiency of your health and starts to change things. I work with a lot of clients who have chronic issues, right? Chronic autoimmune and various things, thyroid issues and, you know, and the emotional aspect is a huge part of us healing our body. So for our number two self-love practice, doing a body scan or really any kind of a meditation, a guided meditation to connect and express gratitude for each part of your body. So really simple.

I'm just going to take you through very, very quickly because I really do think that this is something that should be savored and not really rushed through. but, you know, if you have the time, again, if you're not dry, even if you're driving, just keep your eyes open and just take a moment and thank every part of your body. And just you say something like this. I am so grateful for repeat after me, my feet. Oh my goodness, my feet every day they get to take me from point A to point B. I'm so grateful for my legs. Right. So again, Remember, the energy around, let's say you really, you don't like your legs, the shape of them, or maybe they're a little thicker than you'd like, right? So, but guess what?

They get you from point A to point B. Can you be grateful for having legs that actually move that can allow you to dance and, you know, exercise, do fitness, walk the dog, all of those things? So remember, when you send mixed messages to your body, it will, it will, it will, start to show up in a way that is not in full, you know, love and abundance for your actual physical vessel. So I am so grateful for, go ahead, repeat after me, whatever the thing is. But, you know, an easy way to do this, a quick body scan is you can go from head to toe or from toe to head, toes to head, and just say, for my feet, for my legs, for my buttocks,

right, my inner thighs, especially the parts of you that you don't. quite love yet. I am so grateful for my belly, especially if you've given birth, my pelvic bowl, my vagina, right? For, and again, if you are a man and you're listening, right, you're lingam. So all of these things, it's really important. I'm so grateful for my breasts. I'm so grateful for my throat, my arms. You could even get into, you know, your organs and your vessels and your glands as well, especially if you have dis-ease in your body in a very specific part of your body. And that will connect to chakras, the chakras, the energy centers, right?

There are seven major chakras in the body. And each chakra runs from, you know, root to crown, your root chakra, your sacral, your solar plexus, your heart chakra, your throat chakra, your third eye, as well as your crown chakra. And again, those are just the major chakras in the body. But each chakra represents a different aspect of us, a different part of our body. So notice if there's a part of your body that you're not grateful for that you don't think you love, that you don't practice appreciation for. And if you have an illness or if you're out of balance in that gland or organ,

that body, right? Just notice. So this practice can shift body perception. Absolutely over time. You will see that if you commit to doing that on a regular basis. Number two, right, as we move into number three, nourish your body with compassion. So I'm going to talk a little bit about your relationship with food here. How eating can either be an act of punishment slash violence, or self-care. What are you feeding your body? Are you feeding your body nourishing, right, nutrients, organic, whole foods, or are you feeding it a bunch of crap, processed, right, lots of bread, pasta,

and again, there's definitely, if you make your own bread, and if you know that it's organic and hasn't been sprayed with a whole bunch of chemicals, bread can be okay but for the most part things like that are all processed processed processed bleached enriched right all those things so what are you feeding your body are you listening to your body are you practicing intuitive eating right and listening to your body's needs letting go of guilt and shame around food again if you ever or have experienced experience in eating disorder, right? Anorexia, bulimia, or just a plain food addiction.

So ideally, in a perfect world, food is nutrition, right? Food is nourishment. Now, I have done, check out one of my podcasts. It's really powerful. It's called mindful eating, heal your relationship with food. So I encourage if you haven't listened to that already, that you listen to that, especially if you're resonating with this point, this key point here.

And you need more support around nourishing your body with compassion. So creating a positive. So self-love practice number three, create a positive relationship with food by asking, how will this fuel and nourish my body, whatever you're putting into it, whether it be, you know, the latte from Starbucks, you know, the donuts, whatever.

I don't know what your diet is like. but think about, you know, how often is it nourishing your body? Without judgment, that's really important. Remember, all of this is about uncovering information and creating awareness around something that's been hidden in the shadows. Right? No judgment. Don't do that.

No judgey. Number four. Surround yourself with positive influences. The impact of social media, TV, if you still watch TV, anything with ads, and even just the underlying messages that come through in series and movies, as well as our friendships and coworkers can play a huge role on body image. So perhaps detoxing yourself from social media, right? follow body positive and empowering accounts if you are on the socials. Build a support network of people who uplift and respect your journey. Yeah, the sad story sometimes is this.

Sometimes you do need to step away from relationships that are not serving you. If you don't feel even your family, I hate to say that, but sometimes it's true. Sometimes you need to set really good boundaries with your mother, with your sister, with your grandmother, and say, listen, you know what? This has got to stop. People that are joking and go, ha ha, just kidding, right? The sarcasm, I grew up with that a lot growing up. I understand.

And I got to a point where, you know, it wasn't serving me anymore. And I needed to speak up. And I shared that with my family. So whatever it takes to step into your personal power and activate your sovereign divinity so that you can heal you. Right. So again, self-love practice number four, set boundaries with those who perpetrate body shame, friends, family, and even your partner.

Number five. engage in joyful conscious movement exercise right exercise you don't have to do it you get to do it remember your beautiful body that you're so grateful for at least you're you know we're going to work on that is not like a car that you can trade in for a newer model it doesn't work that way And eventually it's going to start to break down if you don't move it. If you don't move it, you lose it. The strength, right, the flexibility, the muscle, it's our ability to function. And actually, an exercise, not just the fact that it keeps you fit and trim, right, so you can look and feel better.

But it's really about when you move your body in a conscious way, you actually produce all the feel good hormones. serotonin, dopamine, maybe even oxytocin, right? They can keep us happy and joyful. So exercise, right, we want to shift our mindset around exercise from punishment to pleasure. Right? You don't have to kick your ass like in a class for you to be fit. You know, people often say to me, oh my God, you're so fit. You're so, you know, you look so young.

You're so tiny. And I don't kick my, you know, I have worked out hard. I work hard. I work out smart. I do push myself, but not to the point of that it's painful and not to the point of where I'm going to injure myself. And because my body has what we call muscle memory, right, and I focus on strength and flexibility, right, the yin and the yang, the stability and mobility. And I know how to work out because I was, you know, I was a. personal trainer and used to certify personal trainers for many years. So I know how to work smarter

and not always harder, but it is more efficient. Right. So it's important to understand that, that you exercise choosing something on a daily basis, right? Emphasizing movement that feels good to you. And don't focus so much on the changing of your appearance, but more on focusing, you. creating a stronger, more resilient body. And change your affirmation from I have to to, to I get to, right? I get to move my body today. Thank God. You have two legs and you have two arms, maybe, and you get to move your body. What about people who are in a wheelchair or bedridden? And they literally can't move their body. Yeah. So connect into that space. So self-love practice number five try some different forms of movement dance yoga Pilates chigong mindful brisk walking that feel joyful to

you right reframing exercise as a way to celebrate what your body can do not a punishment all right moving on to And number six, get to the root cause of body of the body shaming. This is, you know, I was going to put it number one, but I didn't want to scare you away. You know, most people aren't looking to get to the root cause of anything. But I will tell you this, that this is the most important one, getting to the root cause of your lack of self-love for your body. Body shame can often stem from childhood experiences, societal conditioning, and or past trauma. especially sexual trauma. Family dynamics, media exposure, and or harmful comments can shape one's self-image, especially

as a child. It's important to address underlying emotional wounds, trauma, and or limiting beliefs related to body image. This is the work that I do. Powerful, powerful work. Self-love practice, number six. Consider therapy or working with a trauma-informed. coach like myself or somebody else. Energy work I have found to be very, very healing, journaling

to uncover and heal from these past traumas. There's lots of different ways, right? Notice what you're drawn to, what you're attracted to. Maybe find a book that has to do with body shaming and start by reading that. Healing trauma. And again, it doesn't have to be major trauma. It doesn't have to be sexual trauma. Could be micro traumas when you were a kid. Or maybe, you know, you had a family member that constantly teased you about your body. And maybe it wasn't even that you were overweight. It was just you feeling uncomfortable as you started to come into, you know, the age, right, as a teenager or maybe even younger.

As you started to, your body started to change and you weren't comfortable about it. and maybe you didn't have somebody to talk to about it, depending on how conscious your parents were, especially your mother. So healing trauma can open the door to a deeper level of self-acceptance and self-love. Number seven, the final one. Create a body-loving ritual,

building routines that reinforce body love and pleasure every day, such as using organic skin care, you know, essential oil, self-massage or even dressing in clothes that make you feel good how do they feel on your body silk or satin organic cotton the power of small consistent acts of self-love on a daily basis will support you in shifting long-held negative beliefs about yourself and your beloved body self-love practice number seven So I invite you to set aside time for a body appreciation ritual.

Each day, yes, each day, weekly may be a longer body appreciation ritual to connect with your body and affirm your gratitude for it and its beauty. Daily routines can anchor and will, will anchor self-love, and become a supportive healing practice for you. Remember the thing that we do every single day, the things that we do every single day are what drive our reality. So whether they're conscious or subconscious, right? So in conclusion to this powerful episode, I invite you to create a daily self-love routine. Yes, daily, even if it's just five or 10 minutes. It's about bringing awareness to the space of you, acknowledging your gratitude

for yourself. You can create a weekly ritual that is longer, and I would encourage that you do that as well, at least 20 to 30 minutes weekly. So take a look again, take a listen again to this podcast. I highly recommend that you listen to it again. And then as you do that, take notes, you know, have a journal. Invite you to have a journal all about your self-love journey, self-love practices that you can do. And write all of them down and maybe put a star next to one or two of them that you might want to start doing on a daily basis. Or, you know, take a whole bunch of them, put them into a ritual.

So this is a part of the work that I do. The really powerful work I do with women is I support you in creating a, personalized blueprint, right, a daily ritual that supports you in your healing and your opening up your intuition, right, activating your third eye, stepping and teaching you how to step into your badass personal power and sovereignty so that, so that what? So that you can map. manifest a sexy, joyful life, right? What does that even look like? What would that look like for you? If you were to take the time every day, commit to a daily self-love practice ritual for yourself, I promise you, I guarantee you, right, that things will start to change in your world.

Whatever aspect of your life, whether it's your health or your wealth or your personal purpose. Like, what is your purpose in life really stepping into that? Your relationships will change, right? When you change and transform the relationship with yourself, that changes everything in your world for the better. Yeah, sometimes people and things and habits will start to fall away, but that's only so that you can create more space for all the things that you ever dreamed of, that you never thought you could have, right? So I want you to commit right now to me, to you. It's actually to you, not to me,

but maybe you might want to say it out loud that you're committing to doing this daily self-love practice. The more you prioritize you and your body, the quicker you can manifest everything that you ever dreamed of that you never thought you could. And that is my promise. to you. I am so grateful for you for showing up and for obviously listening. If you haven't already, I ask that you follow, subscribe to my channel, whether you're on Spotify or Apple or you're

listening on YouTube. And maybe you share it with your friends and your loved ones. If you got something out of it, I'd love to hear from you. And if you are interested in working with me on a private level. And I work with clients all over the world, many galaxies and dimensions as well, and even on the astral plane. But if you are interested in finding out more about how you might be able to work with me, please feel free to reach out. My website is victoriahafer.com. And we can set up a complimentary discovery call to see how exciting it might be for us to play and explore together. So once again, I love you. I'm so grateful for you.

And be and see the magic in everyday life. Victoria Hafer signing off.