You are the Universe! - E26: Stop SHOULDING all over Yourself!

Episode Date: October 10, 2024

Hey there, beautiful souls! Welcome back to another episode of the You are the Universe podcast, where we dive into topics that help you step into your best, most vibrant, and aligned self. I’m your host, Victoria Haffer, and today we’re talking about something that I know you’ve struggled with — something I used to struggle with myself. It’s that nagging voice in your head that’s constantly telling you, "I *should* be doing this," or "I *should* be doing that." You know what I’m talking about, right? We’re talking about "shoulding" all over yourself. And let me tell you, it’s a trap that keeps so many of us stuck in guilt, overwhelm, and self-criticism. Let me know what you think about the episode. www.VictoriaHaffer.com

Welcome to the You or the Universe podcast. I'm your host, Victoria Haffer, intuitive healer and holistic life and body coach with over 20 years of facilitating massive transformation for people and animals. And I'm so flipping glad you're here. Today's topic is stop shooting all over yourself. Hey there, beautiful souls. Welcome back to an other episode of the You or the Universe podcast where we dive into topics that help you step into your best, most vibrant aligned self. I'm your host, Victoria Haffer. And today we're talking about something that I know you've probably struggled with, something I used to struggle with myself. It's that nagging voice in your head that constantly is telling you, I should be doing this or I should be doing that. You know what I'm talking about, right? We're talking about shooting all over yourself. And let me tell you, it sure is a trap that keeps so many of us stuck in guilt, overwhelm, and self-criticism, the cycle. In today's episode, we're going to break that down. We'll look at all the things you think you should be doing, like meditating, working out,

eating clean, sleeping well and taking time for yourself. And why the constant pressure to should yourself into action is holding you back from actually creating the reality you desire. Sounds like a plan. All right, cool. Let's dive in. So the endless should list. Let's get real. How many of you start your day with a mental checklist of all the things you should be doing? You wake up and think, I should meditate for 20 minutes. Then you think I should drink lemon water. I should work out. I should journal. I have and have a perfectly balanced healthy breakfast. Yeah. You start off with good intentions, don't you? Yeah, been there, done that.

But what happens when you don't get all those things done? And you feel bad. You feel guilty. And then that cycle of shooting continues over and over and over again. Here's the thing, my friend. When we're constantly saying, I should do this or I should do that, we're actually operating from a place of lack. It's like telling ourselves, I'm not,

good enough as I am, so I need to do these things to be better. But how often does that approach actually lead to lasting change? Question mark, question mark, question mark. Really, because it's built on pressure and self-judgment, not self-love. Now, let's flip this on its head. What if instead of shooting on yourself, you actually made a conscious choice. Instead of, I should, meditate, try saying, I choose to meditate because it helps me feel grounded and peaceful. Or I choose to eat healthy because I love how energized and vibrant it makes me feel. When we shift from should to choose, we're no longer acting out of guilt or obligation or acting out of love, intention, and empowerment. It's a completely different energy. And it's one that makes it so much easier to actually use. do the things that nourish you. So instead of making that endless should list, I invite you to pause and ask yourself, what do I choose to do today? What will help me feel more aligned, more alive, and more in tune with my highest self? I'll say that again. What do I choose to do today?

what will help me feel more aligned, more alive, and more in tune with my highest self. Okay, let's discuss the things you think you should be doing and how to approach them differently. Let's talk about some of the things we should ourselves over the most and how we can shift our approach. Okay, meditation. I do, as you know, if you do follow me, you know that I talk a lot about meditation and how powerful it is and how it's helped me. me overcome a lot of addictions and, you know, non-serving habits, and that there is a meditation and style for everybody, right? If you haven't already listened to my episode on meditation for people who suck at meditating, I would highly recommend you listen to that. So, yeah, so we know

meditation is important. There's tons of neuroscience and research all about it, that it really, and, you know, all the top successful, quote-unquote people in the world choose to meditate every day. Right? So most of us feel like we should meditate every day. And when we don't, we feel like we're failing. But instead of seeing meditation as an obligation, what if you approach it as an opportunity? A gift you give yourself to start your day with intention and calm. Even five minutes of conscious breathing can make a difference. The key is to embrace it as something you want to do because it nourishes your soul. Number two, working out. Exercise. exercise, moving your body. We all know, again, nobody can disagree or argue that working out and moving our body on a daily basis is not something we should be doing, right? We know that. Exercising. The fitness industry has conditioned us to believe that we should work out for a certain number of hours each week, you know, no pain, no gain, or we're somehow falling short. But movement is meant to feel good. So choose to move in a way that lights you up, whether that's dancing in

your living room, walking your dog, or hitting the gym. Yoga, Pilates, you know, Zumba, there's all, there's many options for everybody. Just start where you're at and allow for yourself to enjoy it. Make it about joy and vitality and not a punishment. And also, think about this. What if you just moved your body for the joy of it instead of because, you know, your doctor told you to do it or you're looking to lose weight. And so it's about this attachment to the outcome. So what if you just worked out just for the joy of it? And everything that is, will you delete destroy and uncreat? Anything that brings up for you, right? Sometimes there's some resistance that sits there in the back end, something that sits in the subconscious mind,

maybe something that occurred to you when you were a child. And, you know, you hated gym class and you had a bad experience, and then from then on, you made it, you know, you just had a negative connotation with exercise and moving your body. Number three, eating healthy, nutrition, the food that we eat. Food is a big source of shoulding. I should eat salads. I should cut out sugar. But let's flip that narrative. What if you chose foods that make you feel vibrant, alive, and nourished? Eating healthy isn't about restriction. It's about loving your body enough to fuel it in a way that supports your best self. You may have heard in the past, some of the past podcasts I spoke about that I had an eating disorder. I had an unhealthy relationship with food.

And, you know, especially as women, we can definitely have that poor body image, even though to other people, I looked, you know, fairly fit. It was just not good enough for me. So I had to dig, dig deep and reframe and restructure and take a good hard look at my relationship with food. So again, I have another podcast on that. So a whole other podcast, if this is something that's hitting home for you, then I encourage that you listen to that. It could be helpful. Number four, getting enough sleep. So absolutely, sleep, sleep, sleep.

And truly, it's about quality of sleep over quantity of sleep. Many of us are being challenged, maybe you're menopausal or you have, you know, Hashimoto's or an autoimmune. And so we know that sleep, the purpose of sleep is for healing and restoration, right? So going into that space of allowing for our mind to completely shut off and then allow for us to, you know, bring us back to that space of balance and homeostasis. But unfortunately, we are a sleep-deprived society for most of us. And we wind up, you know, that constant cycle of not getting enough sleep.

And then what happens when you do that, you crave caffeine and sugar. So it just keeps going over and over and over again. And those are all things that can also affect your quality of sleep. So we know that we should get more sleep only to stay up late scrolling on our phones. Instead of seeing sleep as something you're failing at, choose to honor your body's need for rest. your body does so much for you throughout the day sleep is how it recharges and heals so choose rest as an act of self-love number five taking time for yourself right if you're a giver that you know that's actually a form of it's definitely a behavior of typically something from unresolved from your childhood when you're when you're

constantly putting other people's needs ahead of you. So that's a whole other story. So everything that is will you delete destroy and uncreate, right, across all time space and reality? So why are you not putting yourself first? Why do you not see that yourself is important? I mean, if you're not full, you can't, you know, self-care is not selfish. You know, that's one of those belief systems that we may have, has been passed down to us from generations and generations. So here's the thing. When we take time for ourselves, we're actually filling up our cup so we can show up more fully for others. For your friends, your family, your children, your parents, you know, your lover.

Yes. So what would it take for you to choose to prioritize yourself knowing that you're worth it? Yes, you are worth it. And that you'll have so much more to give when you're fully charged. Yeah. Let that sink in. So I know what you're thinking. So Victoria, how do I break the cycle of shitting all over myself? Well, again, there could be some deep-rooted reasons for the avoidance. But let's just talk about a few tips that I can give you, some practical tips. So number one and foremost for any change. that you're looking to cultivate in your life is the big A word, awareness. So the first step is to catch yourself in the act.

I mean, it's great to realize you did it after the fact, but truly where the transformation sits is in the present moment. So whenever you notice yourself thinking, I should do this, stop, take a breath or two, and ask yourself, Is this something I truly want to do? Or am I acting out of guilt or obligation?

So I'm going to say that again. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, is this something I truly want to do? Or am I acting out of guilt or obligation? Okay. Number two, reframe your language, right? Words have power. That's why they call it spelling, right?

Like words put a spell on you. replace should with choose or I get to. This simple shift can change the entire energy of your actions. Remember, I choose or I get to instead of I have to. Yeah. Number three, practice self-compassion. We're not aiming for perfection here. And we all know truly that perfection is a damn illusion, right?

So the truth is, it's okay if you don't do all the things all the time. Life is about balance. And every day, in fact, every moment is a new opportunity to make choices that align with your higher self. And then lastly, celebrate small wins. Instead of focusing on what you didn't do today, celebrate what you did do. Maybe you can start journaling. And you don't have to journal for days. my goodness, sometimes my journal, you know, is just when I'm journaling, it's a few sentences.

Like today, my win was, you know, or you put in, you know, day two of meditation. Maybe you didn't meditate for 20 minutes, but you took five mindful breaths. Or perhaps you were more mindful throughout the day. And in that process, you were able to begin to identify some of your mindset habits. some of your negative self-talk. Because again, if you're moving so fast, you know, we're just, everything is so fast, right? I mean, just response time. People are walking fast, talking fast, driving fast, eating fast, right? If you just gave yourself permission to just slow down and, and take, find the pause in your day, find the pauses in your day, right? That could be a win.

So choose one thing. That's the other thing. We often feel, get overwhelmed because there's so many things that we think we should be doing. And the truth is, in order to cultivate true change in your life, when you choose too many things, you will not be successful, I assure you. So choose one thing, one thing to do every single day for at least 40 days. I know you thought it was 20 days or 30 days, but it's actually 40 days. that we start to begin to cultivate a habit. And the truth is, it takes 90 days to solidify a habit.

So choose one thing to do and then commit to it. You get to. So all that being said, sometimes we really do need to look at our resistance, our resistance to the thing, especially if it's just the one thing. And especially, let's say, for example, you are not happy with your body fat

or your body and general. roll. You don't feel love for it. And sometimes we can, you know, not do the things that are good for us because underlying, we're self-loathing. Right. So a lot of this stuff sits in the subconscious mind. Remember, 95% of what runs the show for us on the day-to-day sits below the surface. Right. Think of the glacier below the surface of the water. So the conscious mind is only 5% of what we know. and then everything else since it's in that subconscious mind. So often this resistance sits in the shadow parts of us, right? Sometimes there can be deep-rooted trauma connected to why you're not doing.

The one thing that you know could change your entire reality. And that's when it may be helpful to seek outside counsel. Like someone like me. This is the work that I do, right? I'm here to support you. Feel free to reach out. if you feel like if it feels light for you to perhaps, you know, do some coaching with me or healing work, right? So, you know, working with someone who can support you and getting to the root

cause of your ultimate self-sabotage. So to wrap things up here, at the end of the day, life is not about shooting yourself into a box. It's about living with intention, choosing what feels good and aligning with your true self. Wouldn't you agree? When we stop shooting all over ourselves, we free up space for joy, play, and abundance. Remember, you are not your to-do list. You are a multi-dimensional being deserving of love, care, and compassion, and most especially from yourself. So remember the next time you catch yourself saying, I should do this. stop, breathe, and ask yourself, what do I choose to do?

That small shift will change everything. I'm so grateful for you tuning in today. And if this episode resonated with you, I would love to hear your thoughts. And perhaps you could share it with a friend who might need a little reminder to stop shooting all over themselves too. So until next time, stay radiant. Stay joyful and keep choosing love. And remember to be and see the magic in everyday life.