You Be Trippin' - Afghanistan w/ Saad Mohseni | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir
Episode Date: December 9, 2024Follow Saad on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/saadmohseni/ Saad's book Radio Free Afghanistan is also out now! Buy it on Amazon here! SPONSORS: -Head over to https://unboundmerino.com wh...ere new customers can use our code TRIPPIN for 10% off of their order! -Get $20 off a Skylight Frame at https://SkylightFrame.com/TRIPPIN -Pretty Litter’s amazing! You have to try it. Go to https://PrettyLitter.com/trippin to save twenty percent on your FIRST order and get a free cat toy. On this episode of You Be Trippin, Saad Mohseni builds a news network in Afghanistan where he faces indictments, suicide bombings, the Taliban, and a staff who would look at too much porn. On the show, he and Ari discuss corruption, religious groups, the myth of America, and not having sex outside of marriage. They also talk about population growth, refugees, hash, and why America invaded. Other topics include: David Cho, women, sanctions, Osama bin Laden, the effect of the Internet, and LASIK eye surgery. Ari also learns about a crazy sport that involves horses and used to be played with the decapitated heads of enemies. Salam alaikum! You Be Trippin' Ep. 44 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I'm gonna whip this around. You've done these before right? Yep. Podcasts, plenty of stuff. You're the first media mogul I've had on here.
No, I'm far from it. I mean it's like, talk about big fish in a travel show. Yeah, we're gonna talk about travel today
Hello everybody, welcome to you be trippin it's a travel podcast every week me and the guests go to some
Far off place in the world where they've been to tell me about their experiences there. It's the only
podcast that has never played a part in the assassination of any British writer.
Guest today is Sadh Mulsani. He just wrote this book, Radio Free Afghanistan. Pretty cool to write
a book. Is this your first one? Probably first and last. I had help, of course, as you can see.
Yeah, Jenna Kujawski. Yes. Is that hard having a woman help you in
Afghanistan? Well, she helped me outside. No, it's not.
Okay. Really? Yeah. Alright. Well, okay. So, the first time I
heard about you was through Yoshi. Yes. Our buddy. Our mutual
friend. Yeah. One of the wildest guys on the planet. Um we we
can do an entire episode about Yoshi. Just Yoshi. Yeah. It's
Yoshi. Episodes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. But he told me,
when I went to Kabul, he was like, dude, you'd love it there. It's this,
it's this occupied area. They were like, please bring, he's like,
what can I bring? Goes, bring two bottles of Jack Daniel's.
We got to have a bar. And he goes, there's this guy, Saad, who's like,
he runs a newspaper there and he's always coming under attack of everybody local
and he's just the coolest guy.
He'll put you up in his house.
You should have.
Yeah, I know. You still can.
So how is it now compared to how it was in occupation?
Because once they were like, they pulled out,
Kabul's gone within like a minute.
Yeah.
I was like, ah, shit, I guess that trip's over.
No, actually, Kabul fell before the Americans had pulled out.
Oh really?
So the Americans had pledged in April of 2021
to leave by the end of August, so four months.
And then by mid August, the government collapsed.
The Americans are still in Kabul.
And there was this uneasy peace
between the Taliban and the Americans.
What do you mean the Americans?
You're not talking about the military.
The military.
The military.
So the military had a presence at the airport.
So everyone rushed to the airport,
including embassy staff and Afghans
who'd worked for the Americans,
members of civil society who feared
that they would be attacked.
So the Taliban took over the city.
The Americans had tens of thousands of troops
at the airport trying to protect it.
And the Taliban allowed them to evacuate all these people
over a two week period.
So literally a couple hundred thousand people
flew out of Kabul in those two weeks.
And then at the end of August, the Americans left for good.
And then how was it?
And then it's you were there before you're Afghani. I'm Afghan. Yes, I was I was
Born outside of Afghanistan because my father was an Afghan diplomat. Okay, so I was born in London
58 years ago and but I went back to Kabul when I was three. We were back and forth.
And then when the Russians invaded,
we decided not to go back.
We were living in Japan at the time.
Oh right, I don't even think about the Russians.
Yes, so the Russians invaded in late 79.
We were based in Tokyo.
And then from Japan, we moved to Australia.
And as such, I'm a dual Afghan,
Australian national.
Really?
This is a long history of like higher ups and leaders
in all sorts of fields getting educated in Great Britain
or the US.
Yes.
Like taking that education and going back.
Yeah.
I think even although like the communists
and like the Latin American countries,
a lot of the smart ones were learned here
and then took that thinking and changed it for them.
Yeah, it's ironic because if you look at
the pre-Russian, Soviet invasion of Afghanistan,
Afghans never felt compelled,
they never felt the need to leave the country.
So people are very comfortable living
in their own countries.
And I think this is, I mean this whole issue of immigration
which is such an important issue today in the US,
in Europe, thank you,
is, it was sort of non-existent in those days,
especially in the Middle East and Central Asia.
This issue of what? This issue of immigration. All right, right. I mean, it's you know governments are basically
Parties are losing power and Europe even in the US
I mean immigration is a very very important issue to to to your voters protecting our way of life
It's pretty funny to know, you know show a otani
Baseball player fall base course. Yeah. Yeah, so this guy's Steven A Smith was I don't like it protecting our way of life. It's pretty funny too, you know, Shoei Otani,
baseball player, you follow baseball?
Of course, yeah, yeah.
So this guy, Stephen A. Smith,
was, I don't like it, I don't like that he's here
because it's like this non-English speaker,
it's kind of ruining things.
And everybody goes, you know the Dominicans
are like half our league.
Yes.
And they're learning as they come,
like, what are you talking about?
And he goes, oh yeah, I guess you're right.
And when I was young, living in Japan,
there were a lot of Americans playing baseball in Japan.
Oh really?
Who didn't speak Japanese.
Yeah, exactly, figure it out.
Pitch is coming, you don't have to.
And a lot of sumo wrestlers are now foreign.
They're Polynesians, or you know.
I remember that white guy, and everyone in Japan
was like, no fucking way, you can't be a champ.
I remember Jesse, I can't remember his full name,
but Jesse was, I think he was the first American
from Hawaii who became a champion.
I don't think he was a grand champion,
he was a champion, so second category champion.
Really?
But I remember him well because his son went to our school.
If you look up Jesse.
This guy?
Yeah. Jesse Sumo Super Jesse. This guy? Yeah.
Jesse, sumo superstar.
Okay, at least he looks the part.
Well, they all do, you have to.
Yeah.
No, I mean the eyes.
Not the fat.
Obviously the fat.
Well, he's Hawaiian.
Yeah.
He may be indigenous Hawaiian.
So we're gonna talk about Afghanistan today.
Please, yeah.
What is this book about, about starting this?
So, we were living in Australia, and when the Americans invaded,
and the Taliban.
Why did the Americans invade?
Sorry, I'm gonna ask questions and interrupt,
it's way too much.
Well, like, so Russia's gone.
Well, 9-11, Russia, so Russia,
Soviet Union invades Afghanistan with 128,000 troops.
They stay for 10 years, almost 10 years.
Can't take it.
Can't take it, huge, obviously, reputational damage.
They lost a lot of troops.
And then Gorbachev decides it's too expensive,
it's too costly for us in terms of,
so Afghanistan's there, right?
So the Soviet Union invades.
Were they always big there?
Were they already, did they have all this?
Yeah, they were all the way up there, yeah.
All of Central Asia.
So Gorbachev decides it's too much for us,
reputational, dollar-wise,
so they decide to leave in 1989.
A civil war, so the groups which were supported
by the Americans, for the Americans it was convenient
to have the Islamists fight the Soviets.
To keep them occupied.
To keep them occupied, they fought well,
they were committed to it, they were driven by ideology.
So the Americans and the Saudis and others
pumped billions of dollars into the country
and they helped these Islamists.
And that in a lot of ways radicalized the entire region
because people indoctrinated in this sort of extreme
fundamentalist views of Islam
were attracted to this holy war.
And then of course, when the Soviets left,
the Americans said, well, well done.
You know, we're outta here basically,
and they completely disengaged.
Then these groups which had fought the Russians
started fighting each other.
For 12 years?
Well, for three years.
Okay. Right?
From 1989 to 19. Well, sorry.
They initially fought the Afghan communist regime, which basically...
These are all groups fighting separately against the Russians?
So the Russians leave, but the government, which was supported by the Russians, a communist
regime, managed to hold on for another three years.
Okay.
Right? for another three years. Eventually, that government also fell.
Then these Islamists, these different Islamic groups,
religious groups that had fought the Russians
and the Soviets, they took power in 1992.
And then for the next three years, they fought each other.
Completely destroyed the city of Kabul, 50,000 dead,
hundreds of thousands injured,
perhaps hundreds of thousands of people
had to flee the city.
And then in 1995, this group called the Taliban,
religious students, marched right through Afghanistan,
take over the country, pretty much almost unopposed.
Like Pol Pot almost?
Well, I mean, there was, they, they, they.
In terms of the march. In terms of the march.
In terms of the march, well, I'm not that familiar
with Pol Pot and Cambodia, but they,
they came pretty much unopposed,
because I think there was fatigue in terms of fighting.
And also they represented something new,
because they said, listen, enough of the fighting,
enough of the cruelty that we've witnessed
over the last few years.
This is the Taliban?
This is the Taliban. So they came,'ve witnessed over the last few years. This is the Taliban? This is the Taliban.
So they came, they took over the city,
and with the exception of the northeast of the country,
pretty much the rest of the country fell to the Taliban.
Okay.
But they also attracted a lot of these other
non-Afghan individuals and groups,
including Osama Bin Laden.
What was he?
Well, he was living in Afghanistan,
but I think that he became sort of a lot more active
during the Taliban reign in the mid-90s.
Okay.
You know, forces loyal to him
or his supporters attacked embassies in Africa.
U.S. Naval ship was attacked.
Why, because the radicalism extended beyond
the Afghan borders?
Well, I think Bin Laden basically was on the same side
as the Americans, because he went into Afghanistan
to fight the Soviets.
Okay.
With the support, of course, of the Americans,
maybe not directly, but they were all on the same side.
I think Bin Laden's issue with the Americans
was the invasion of Iraq in 1991.
Okay.
Right, so bin Laden felt as a Saudi
that the Americans should not be on Saudi soil
because the Americans had to base themselves from,
you know, and the large operation was conducted
from Saudi Arabia, if you recall,
to liberate Kuwait in 1991.
I remember that one. I remember the attack overnight and was like what? Yes over there.
So and then you're on Kuwait there we go okay yeah. So then Bin Laden turns
against the Americans and in the mid 90s, if you recall, embassies were attacked
in Africa.
That was Bin Laden?
That was Bin Laden's group, al-Qaeda.
And I think a naval ship was attacked in Yemen and so forth.
So the Americans, he became sort of enemy number one.
And then 9-11 happened and was traced back to Bin Laden.
And then the Americans gave the Taliban an ultimatum to give him up
And the Taliban refused to do so they said well, he's our guest and as long as he's here we cannot
We don't condone his actions, but at the same time so we're not gonna give him up
So Taliban is like the greater government the Taliban is the government government. Is the government, and then Al Qaeda is just some group?
They're, you know, like, quote unquote guests.
Right.
They have fighters, they do training.
So this would be like if, let's say,
I had a cyber attack on Cambodia.
And then Cambodia's like, we want to arrest him.
America's like, no, we're not sending him to Cambodia.
That's a US citizen.
Well, you're a citizen.
But the Northern was not an Afghan citizen.
OK. But they refused to give him up. setting him to Cambodia. That's a US citizen. Well, you're a citizen, but the Northern was not an Afghan citizen. Okay.
But they refused to give him up.
And then the Americans, I think the Americans
were looking, reaching for a fight anyway.
So they invade Afghanistan.
And when you look at Vietnam, they were like,
the French left, and the Americans like,
give us a few years, we're going in.
If you're gone, there's always these power struggles.
And like, once one group comes out,
like who's gonna get it?
Yes.
You know, when East Timor, when the Portuguese pulled out,
Indonesia waited like 10 minutes and they're like, it's ours.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, that's because I think people don't think
through these operations, the assumption is it's gonna be
over within a year or two years.
But you look at the Russians couldn't take it forever.
And the Brits.
And the Brits. Prior to that. It's every time I see a pizza place open in a year or two years. But you look at the Russians couldn't take it forever. And the Brits. And the Brits.
Prior to that.
It's every time I see a pizza place open
in a place where a closed pizza place was,
and I'm like, are you out of your mind?
The model doesn't work in this building.
How are you gonna do it differently?
Yes.
Open a bookstore.
It was Einstein who said the definition of stupid
is doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting a different result. Yeah guys
I went I interrupt for a second. I gotta tell you about SAD's book
Radio a free Afghanistan. This is gotta be the first guest I've had
That has a book. No Russell Peters wrote a book
but
It wasn't out right now. It wasn't like new radio free Afghanistan. It's all about his journey
It wasn't out right now, it wasn't like new. Radio Free Afghanistan, it's all about his journey,
trying to start this media company in a country
that where he's coming under constant attacks.
Some of his employees were killed.
I shouldn't take that lightly, but it's crazy.
I'm just saying that's probably not what's
in Russell Peters' book.
Probably different story is what I'm saying.
From Russell Peters having a great time in the road to Saad Mosaini who had employees killed. Radio
Free Afghani Center. It's available right now wherever you buy books and
there'll be a link for it at the bottom of the Spotify page or the YouTube page
wherever you're watching or listening. There there only two places? Are there other places? Guys my farewell tour. Well first and foremost I
gotta tell you once again get ready and set your calendars for January 14th my
new special America's Sweetheart. We'll be premiering on Netflix.com. Set your
Tivo's and record it right there at Netflix.com. If you're still on the dropship
subscription where they send you CDs I would get in the queue now because it
might it might kind of build up once January 14th happens. You want to get it
ahead of them. I don't know how that works. I don't know if they'll send it on
the 12th and so you get it on the 14th or they'll send on the 14th you get it
afterwards. I'm not sure but what I'm talking
about doesn't exist anymore so let's be done with this joke. My farewell tour is on sale
right now at recheffere.com as well as my merchandise, t-shirts, vinyls, grinders, stuff
you want. Tahoe, Pittsburgh, I'm just going to do it by memory. Tahoe want Tahoe Pittsburgh, I'm just gonna do it by memory Tahoe Pittsburgh Pittsburgh
Some of these will be with Adrian Appaloochee. They should all be marked on there at our issue. We're calm Pittsburgh Providence sold out
Austin sold out. Sorry also
Tahoe's December 21st in Lake Tahoe, Nevada first time there
Providence Tampa Denver, Denver, San Antonio, San Jose,
Schomburg, Illinois. I think that's it for clubs. I know I'm missing one. And then the big theaters.
Atlanta, the Tabernacle in March. Um, April, and then Portland. Both of those will be the agent of
apology. Portland, uh, and then Seattle, Vancouver,
Calgary, Edmonton, tickets are low and all those.
Hurry up and get tickets at RGTVR.com.
Also Fort Lauderdale and Orlando.
I think Orlando sold out.
We already had a second show.
I think it sold out.
There will be no more shows added.
No room for it.
And I think that's it.
Go to RGTVR.com for tickets.
I know I'm leaving something out.
Nashville, Adrian Apoluch who will be
there too. Guys, let's get back to the episode. Thank you, Saad, for coming in. At the end
of the episode, I just got some new, oh, Cambodia. I got some new postcards that I'll be reading
on the air. Stay tuned for the outro. That's it. Let's get back to the episode. So the Taliban were toppled by this huge military,
let's call it exercise, the international community
sort of supported this operation.
You're there for this?
No, I wasn't there in 2001.
I went for the first time in 2002.
I had not been back since 1978.
So we went back, the Taliban basically dispersed,
they went to the countryside or they went
to neighboring countries, in particular Pakistan.
And then the Americans initially were reluctant
to go beyond Kabul.
They thought, well, this is a success.
And then these things creep up on you right so
then they deploy troops outside the country you know we have to destroy
al-qaeda they're chasing bin Laden and all of a sudden and then all of a sudden
they're you know very very involved in security and subsidizing the Afghan economy,
trying to rebuild this nation.
Nation building is a tough exercise,
especially in the 21st century.
So then 20 years on, having lost thousands of troops,
a trillion dollars.
So many dead soldiers.
And I think both present. So many dead soldiers and I think both dead
civilians to a lot of Afghans died in that period cities were destroyed
Towns were destroyed people's lives destroyed. Well by both sides. I mean it wasn't just
Just the Americans, but the other side also
was quite brutal
And then the Americans decide to leave,
which is understandable after 20,
it's America's longest war.
So Trump wanted that and Biden also wanted that,
and the Americans are gone.
And the Taliban take over.
Okay, we saw it here, it's massive,
like what the fuck, I know people that were in the military,
like I gotta talk to all my brothers
and say, we fought for nothing and don't feel bad.
But like, yeah, what, and none,
it seemed like such a waste.
I mean, immediately the Taliban took over.
But we viewed them as not this like government group,
we viewed them as this evil.
They were almost synonymous with Al-Qaeda and ISIS.
The Taliban was used interchangeably here.
Yeah, well.
To someone like me, to a non-expert.
I mean, I don't know who it was who said that,
it's just the way you, a terrorist is sometimes
a freedom fighter and vice versa, right?
So we just have to wait for the history books.
Yeah, the word insurgent's so interesting.
Insurgent, like what do you mean?
Like he killed an American troop,
like why are we even at his house?
It's just like, just don't be there.
I mean listen, we were cheerleaders
for the international intervention
because we felt well well, this is evil government,
needs to be toppled.
But, you know, looking back now,
reflecting on what we saw over the 20 year period,
you know, we see things differently.
I see things differently.
So you come in and then you just,
what do you do, what are you going there for?
Well I listen I you know a lot of us Afghans you know we my father was a diplomat we never sort of
we never for example a lot of people immigrate to a country right and then you understand your
Italian heritage but you become an American you want your kids to become Americans and you don't
you never think about going back but for for us, it was very different.
We were not sort of the traditional,
the immigrant experience that most people have
in terms of abandoning their past.
That for us was not really the thing
because we always felt that we had to go back
to Afghanistan.
We sort of never gave up on the idea
of returning to the country.
So all these years living in Australia
and I lived in London and worked in different places,
I always felt that if there's an opportunity,
I would like to go back.
It's my country, it's my people.
So when the Americans invaded
and then we had the opportunity to go back,
which we did in 2002, We went and had a look,
and the idea was to invest in a few businesses.
I can invest a sort of detached, passive investing
in a number of sectors.
And there was this opportunity
to set up this radio station, which we did.
It's called Armand FM.
Yeah.
And then...
I got a paperback copy. I knew I had it. And then we set up this radio station, which was hugely popular, and then we set up our
second radio network and then television network and second television.
So we established a whole bunch of businesses inside of Afghanistan and eventually outside of the
country as well.
Yeah. So how, how, what was the process like getting in there
and starting a radio? Because that's, I mean, getting the
word out is a massive thing for governments.
Well, there was a radio, there was a radio network, which was
the state radio net, like, like, you know, NPR, for example. But
we, so we set up this very commercial radio
network with music and chit chat and banter
and some music.
Do you have any problems with like chicks singing?
No, nothing.
Okay.
It was completely, we were completely free.
And they didn't bug you?
No one bug, well they gave us a hard time
because although the Taliban were not there,
but people are basically conservative in that country
or were in those days.
So it was controversial, but we had some obstacles,
but we could really develop that business.
And it took off because people like those things.
People like music, people like laughter and banter,
and a fun, you have your own FM that works in this country.
We had our morning shows, the
afternoon shows, we had people with dial-in
with their problems.
Um, really?
We have our own version of, you know, Dr.
Ruth.
Just regular radio.
Just regular radio, regular music.
So it was hugely successful in it.
We got sucked into the business because we
realized we had to be involved in running
this business.
We couldn't just delegate to someone else.
Um, and it was fun.
I mean, uh, it was a 20 year exercise.
I mean, the business still exists.
Yeah.
All the businesses still operate, but with a lot
more restrictions today.
Was, so the government left you alone for the
most part.
For the most part. Well, we, we always had issues. We had issues with parliament. We had issues with the government left you alone, for the most part?
For the most part.
Well, we always had issues.
We had issues with parliament,
we had issues with the government,
we had indictments, we had court cases.
What kind of indictments?
You know, this show is against Afghan values and culture
and then some guy would file a case against us
and those sorts of things.
And because we also gave the government a hard time
because we had a news network.
Yeah, would you attack the government?
All the time, on corruption, on nepotism,
on all sorts of things like that.
The corruption and nepotism, that's one of those things
where it's like, I'm not talking about the Islam religion,
I'm just saying, why are you hiring that guy
when this guy's a better for the position?
Absolutely, but there was also a lot of corruption.
When you flood a country with billions of dollars
and that country doesn't have the capacity
to absorb that aid, it leads to corruption
and mismanagement.
So we, our news network, which is called Toulon News,
was very aggressive in terms of pursuing
these sorts of stories.
So the government would find ways to give us a hard time.
Who'd you hang out with then?
Like who was your crew?
Well we had, I mean Afghanistan's a fun place.
We had, I'll give you the other one if you want.
Okay, you know that means you're a little bit
better on the shot.
Yeah, tell me about the place itself and like...
Well, Afghanistan is a very, very... it's a friendly place.
Really?
Yoshi's probably told you this as well.
Yeah, but he told me really a version of the, like the, what do they call it, the workers
that work for the government, that aren't in the government,
the US government.
Contractors. Contractors, yeah.
That's the crew he was telling me about.
Yeah, because I think he wasn't really exposed
to a lot of Afghans.
But Afghans generally are a very warm people.
Oh, cool. And very hospitable.
You'll hopefully see it for yourself
when you travel there.
Bro, I wanna go look really bad.
People who've been exposed to Afghanistan
can never let go of the country.
I'm talking about non-Afghans.
There's the food, the mountains,
people's hospitality.
There's something just very, I don't think it's sort of,
words are enough to describe what you would feel.
How are they with Jews?
They don't care.
They don't care.
That seems like that's most of the Middle East.
It's the conflation of Israel and the Jews
where it's like, oh, no, you're just a Jew.
You're from New York, who gives a fuck?
People don't care.
Wow, that's nice.
Because there's always that second level of like,
is it safe?
Like, yeah, is it safe for this nose?
And they go, oh no.
That's a very Afghan nose.
You could easily be an Afghan.
Really?
All right.
No, Afghans are very accepting actually.
Now, if you're there proselyzing
and trying to convert people to Christianity,
and of course that's against the law
and that's a totally different thing
and people would be suspicious of that.
Yeah, it's when I tell people about China,
they're like, well the government does this and this
and they'll arrest you if you speak out against them.
I'm like, I'm not speaking out about the Chinese government,
I'm just trying to get street food.
Yes.
Like, that's not my issue.
No, I think Afghans you'll discover, I mean, I put this in the Chinese government, just trying to get street food. Yes. Like that's not my issue. No, I think Afghans you'll discover,
I mean I put this in the book actually,
there's a very well known war correspondent,
John Lee Anderson.
And so I asked him, I said John,
you've been to this country many, many times.
What is it about Afghanistan?
That keeps him coming back.
And he said, the sky is so high high and there's something just wonderful about this guy is so high
I'm interesting so I mean if you can visit most of Afghanistan is like I
don't know how many feet it is like 2,000 meters above sea you're dealing
with a very mountainous country.
Damn. I don't know if that's Afghanistan, but.
It says Afghanistan, I don't know.
Oh, it says Bamyan, yeah, that's Bamyan, sorry.
Is that Afghanistan?
Yeah.
Oh, well, Jesus, it's pretty.
So it's all mountainous.
So it's very mountainous, it's rugged.
Yeah.
But there's, you know, and the people,
I think the people really make the country.
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Now back to the episode.
What are the meals like? Food. Not just the food, see site for details. Now back to the episode. What are the meals like?
Food.
Not just the food, but also the meals.
Like there's this thing in, maybe Cambodia or nearby there,
where there's this like King syndrome
where like you don't pour your beer, I pour your beer,
you're a king, you pour my beer, cause I'm a king.
Let me get you food.
No one gets their own food.
And it's just like long meals with small bites.
It gets everybody talking for like two hours.
Like you'll be hungry, then you'll be less hungry,
then you'll be okay, then you'll be full.
I think by the time you leave Afghanistan,
you would have put on like 10 pounds.
Really?
Yes.
Okay.
So the food is interesting too,
because it's sort of, so we're nestled between China
and the Middle East and Central Asia.
So we have, we have noodles, we have dumplings,
but we also have rice and stews, lots of bread.
What's your favorite dishes?
You know, because I don't want to put on weight,
I try to avoid Afghan food, but they're all very delicious.
A lot of pitas or is that just more Middle Eastern?
A lot of pitas?
Yeah.
No, we have like clay ovens,
and we have longbread called naan.
Okay.
But the Afghan bread is like superior
to any other bread you'd have.
I mean, I'm sort of unbiased, but.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I'm biased slightly,
but I can be objective,
because I like different types of cuisines.
And you put stuff on it?
You can, but you tend to...
Just eat it fresh?
Just eat it fresh or eat it with meat or with rice.
Yeah.
And you have it fresh while it's hot.
Yep, oh really?
Yeah.
Yeah, steaming.
It's like steaming hot.
So we have soups and we have, you know,
like very,
different parts of the country have different,
obviously they have their own specialities.
Yeah.
But I think most people like our rice.
Okay.
Well, we, the most famous one is the one with raisins
and carrots and chicken, for example, or meat,
with steamed rice.
So it's called, like that, yeah.
Damn, that's good.
That's fantastic.
That's fantastic.
There's actually.
With raisins, so it's savory and sweet at the same time?
Yeah, yes.
That's cool.
There's apparently a really good Afghan.
Pulau.
There's a really good Afghan restaurant
in Brooklyn somewhere.
Really?
And I read a really good review in the New York Times,
I think it was, in the New York.
What's it called, do you remember?
Or both.
You should check it out.
Okay.
Yeah, I'll try some Afghani food.
Or dumplings, you know, put mantu.
So is it similar to Nepalese food or nothing even close?
No.
I'm not familiar with Nepalese food, but.
Afghan mantu, wow.
Damn, that looks good, what's in that?
Well, you can have meat or vegetables,
it could be vegetarian or not.
And then you have a meat sauce with yogurt on top.
Yogurt and garlic basically.
Okay.
And mint, dried mint.
How are the meals?
Are they like, do they go full hog or is it just like.
I mean, again, people are very hospitable.
I mean, if they have one goat or cow, they'll kill it for you and they'll feed you.
It's very important to ensure your guests are happy and satisfied.
And you need to have, you know, they keep on like forcing you to eat more food.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like Israeli for sure.
Yeah. And until you can't move. But I, you know, people walk around and because of the
altitude it's, you know, we don't have a lot of overweight people, but I think a lot of
Western people
when they go there, because they're always driving around,
they tend to put on weight.
Yeah, yeah, I was in Vietnam and they were like,
there's no, was it Vietnam?
No, it was China, I forget.
In Vietnam, they're like, there's no fat Vietnamese people.
And I'm like, that one's fat, and the guy's like,
that's Korean, he's a fucking American Korean visiting.
I'm like, oh yeah, all right.
Do they have like regular Western food as well?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, you can get pizza, you can get burgers,
you can get all sorts of things.
People are interested and curious,
especially in the cities.
So many Afghans have traveled outside.
So they have, you know, you can get almost anything.
And is that what people eat?
Well, most people eat Afghan food.
Okay.
They feel more comfortable eating local dishes,
but a lot of younger people go out
and they have bigger cafes or they get takeaway.
So.
I was in Austria and my friend took us out to,
she was like, this is the cool new spot.
We were like, oh, we're gonna get some Austrian food.
This will be great.
And she took us to a burrito place.
And she's like, well, this is what
everyone is eating right now. Yeah. I'm like, oh, okay, this would be great. And she took us to a burrito place. And she's like, well this is what everyone is eating right now.
I'm like, oh okay, this is the authentic,
this is the real one, I guess.
But nothing is ever constant.
Things are, you know, people's, what they eat
in any country, in any culture, always evolves, right?
It's influenced by things from the outside.
Right.
You have the banh mi with the baguette. Yeah. Yeah, the banh mi. Right?
With the baguette.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's not.
So, but anyway, Afghan food is, you know,
I think what was one of the highlights of visiting the
place, but you, you would also know,
I'm sure if you go to Brooklyn, to this place in Brooklyn,
you will also enjoy that meal.
You know the name of it?
No, but I can look it up.
Yeah, all right, tell me later.
In New York or New York Times.
Yeah, I'll find it later.
I think it's a review, yeah.
So, you saw Lone Survivor, the movie?
No.
Okay, well it's this, it's one guy in a troop,
he's trying to attack a Taliban, whatever,
and it's supposed to be based on a true story.
I think it's Marky Mark.
And they're chasing him and everyone else gets killed,
and then he chases him, they chase him down to this village
and somebody's like, oh, we'll protect you.
Cause they're like, we have an obligation
to protect a visitor.
Is that like a real vibe?
Yeah, Afghans are very stubborn, but very loyal.
So, and you know, a guest, looking after a guest
and protecting a guest and feeding a guest,
all those things are very important culturally to most Afghans, even if it means loss of life.
Wow, so if you're walking around, not you,
but if you're walking around, you'd get invited over
or people would talk to you?
Yeah, I mean I think-
A white guy like this, you know?
Yeah, I think people are gonna be very curious about you
and ask you, and I mean you could look Afghans,
there are Afghans who have blue eyes and they're fair.
Oh really?
Yeah, yeah.
Interesting.
And look it up.
Yeah.
But especially if you're an American,
I think people would be curious and ask you questions.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, I remember her.
Who's she?
She appeared on the cover of National Geographic
in like 1980 or 81.
There it is, yeah, she became a big.
And then they had to find her, and there was this program
where they attempted to see where she was
and they eventually found her again.
Really?
Yeah.
So the one on the, that's her on the right, yeah.
Is her nose blown off?
No, that's another, that's another person.
Oh, okay.
How cheap is it?
It's very cheap.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Okay, that's good.
You want, well, I don't think,
I think people are gonna take care of you.
Yeah.
I don't think you'll be spending too much money.
Okay, but I mean like not many listeners
if they wanna go.
Yeah, well I think it's quite cheap.
It's quite cheap, yeah.
Relative to the region it's very cheap, yeah.
Oh, even there?
Yes.
Damn, interesting.
Okay, how about bathrooms?
You know, you better get used to a hole in the ground.
It's a hole?
Well, they do have Western bathrooms,
and guest rooms, and hotels, and so forth.
But a lot of, you know, if you're in the countryside,
it's either behind the bushes or in a, you know.
Outside?
Well, yes, or in a traditional outhouse.
Okay, what do you got in your house?
Well, we have, most people have Western bathrooms. Do you have one of each?
You know how they have a bathroom? It's like a toilet and then,
and then a urinal. I could see them going like, here's a hole.
If you want it, here's a sit. If you want it.
No, we have a traditional bathroom. Okay.
We'll organize one for you. Yeah. Okay. That's something that bothers you.
No, I mean, I, I, I hate using them, the squats when I have to.
It's better for you.
Whatever. I guess, but I'm just not raised with it. You know, so processed
foods aren't good for you.
But I've heard of people, uh, not being able to squat properly and then slipping
and falling into one, not fully falling into one, but a foot inside.
I mean, if your ass touches the top of that, you got to cut your ass off.
Well, worst things in that have happened to people. So who'd you hang out
with there? What's your crew there in Kabul? Well, I mean, Afghanistan is a
place you make friends very easily. So you know we had our staff members,
we had people in the government, we had people in the opposition, other journalists,
foreign diplomats, visiting journalists.
I mean, we were always busy meeting people
and talking to people.
I don't know, it's a place, you have to be very social.
Yeah. Or sociable.
It was fun, it's still fun.
I have not been back for three years.
Why?
Well, because of what's going on,
I just thought, because if I do go back,
it's just the optics, I have to meet with the government
and I just, I'm not sure how this government's
gonna be viewed
in 10 years time, it's better for me to keep a lower profile.
But we still have 400, 500 people working there.
Do you ever get physically attacked?
Not outside, inside the country no,
but it's in the book, we've been targets,
we were targets for 20 odd years.
We lost 12 staff members because of suicide bombers.
Hitting the radio?
One of our buses was attacked in 2016.
Killed seven of our employees, injured another 15.
And then subsequent to that attack,
there were a number of other smaller attacks
and we lost another five journalists.
Specifically about your company?
The bus that was attacked the first time,
we were specifically targeted.
Over what?
Because of stories we had done
and they view this as being biased and anti-Taliban.
Killed seven people.
Yes.
And now is that like a national scandal
or is it just, is it normalized?
It was a national, well, it was a big story
because we were a major TV network
and as such it was a, you know, it was big news.
Yeah.
But then for most ordinary Afghans,
it was a daily occurrence.
There were attacks and people were getting killed.
So we were not the only ones.
I mean, we went through what probably most other Afghans
had to also go through over that period.
I mean, Afghanistan has been sort of mired in conflict
since late 1979 when the Soviets invaded.
Yeah.
I mean, today, relatively speaking, there's no fighting.
So 79, that means anyone in their 40s
has never seen much of a peaceful place.
Except now maybe, ironically.
Wow.
Who's in charge now of the Taliban?
Yes.
With no like Al-Qaeda or ISIS involvement or?
ISIS is active but obviously it's not a daily thing.
They attack from time to time.
For now at least, it seems that they're not a major threat
to the Taliban.
So it's just like a regional group,
kind of like the, I don't know,
like a gang in the Bronx would be.
They're not gonna attack by night at all.
But they've struck against targets in different parts
of the country, in the north, in the middle, in Kabul.
But it's not a daily thing.
Whereas before it was a daily thing.
It would be an attack somewhere.
And other groups exist,
but it's hard to say how active they are.
But nonetheless, an ordinary Afghan can travel freely.
Because before-
With no one pushing them around.
Yeah, and it doesn't have to fear for safety.
Whereas before, if they had to go from city to city,
they're always afraid because of the fighting
that they would be targeted or attacked.
But now I think people don't have that fear.
So people feel safer today than they have for many decades.
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Now back to the episode.
Wow, so the mood, the mood's gotta be way better now
than it was then.
Yes and no.
I mean, I think the international engagement
was very important for the economy.
You know, when you have this many troops
and the government was getting a lot of help.
Outside money coming in.
And although the money went to the contractors and others,
but filtered down to the ordinary Afghans as well,
but today that's gone.
So economically, people are in a, they're worse off.
But the other thing is, because of the sanctions,
you know, the Taliban were a sanctioned movement,
it's individual sanctioned.
So when they took power,
the country is indirectly sanctioned,
which means that a lot of companies
are afraid to invest in the country.
It's a bad word, Taliban.
You're like, Taliban businessman.
You're like, what, a partner in here?
You're like, what are you, crazy?
An American company wouldn't risk it
because they may get sanctioned by the US Treasury.
But also the other problem is that humanitarian assistance,
whereas before would be channeled through the government,
like for example, the government has thousands of clinics
through which you can help kids.
All of a sudden, you can't do that through the government.
So you have to do it through the government so you have
to do it through the NGO community through the UN which is a very expensive
because these institutions are very inept perhaps even corrupt. So the
assistance that need to reach people don't reach them so the humanitarian
crisis is very very serious. You know half the population doesn't have food
security like a third of the population,
they don't have proper housing that's insulated,
that can protect them against the elements.
You have, like,
And that's, wow.
Like you have three and a half million kids
who are suffering from malnutrition.
And hundreds of thousands of kids
will have development issues as they get older. They don't get enough vitamins and minerals.
So the country is not, it's in a good place in some ways, but it's not in a good place
in a lot of other ways.
And in a weird way, it's the Americans and Europeans and others
who continue to litigate against the Taliban
in the process hurting the Afghan population.
Which happens, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, my friend went to Michelle Wolf, she's a comedian,
she went to maybe UAE, I don't know,
one of those countries where women are just like not really equal.
And everyone got on her, she went to perform.
And it was like, how dare you, why did you go there?
And she goes, maybe it's something cool to show them
like a strong independent woman.
Why don't we show them a version of womanhood
instead of just saying like, I'll never go there.
Like you're not actually helping by not going there.
How are women there in Afghanistan?
Well, I mean, obviously in this environment
with these new decrees,
and I don't know if you've seen these new decrees
which have been issued in terms of women
not showing their faces or raising their voices
and so forth.
I like that.
Like a man, if we could have that here
where they can't raise their voices, I'd be down.
Not showing their faces, I do not respect that.
Well, but in practice, of course, women are active.
They go out and about, they drive.
They do drive, fine.
No one looks in the way.
I don't think a lot of women wanna drive,
but the ones who do have a car and wanna drive,
they can drive.
Everyone wears hijabs or not really?
No, you have to cover your head, but not face.
In the cities.
In the cities.
It all depends in terms of how strictly they impose their rules by the local authorities.
And you know the Taliban like you know like say the Republican Party is going to be different
in New York to California to somewhere in the deep south, right? So some Taliban officials in some parts of the country
have a more liberal approach to things
and some are more conservative.
And so it depends on local implementation
of these decrees and rules.
Oh yeah, good point.
I remember after COVID, I met, nearby here I met a rabbi
who was very beginning, it was still before the shutdowns.
Yeah.
I met a rabbi and he was like, hey come by, you know, he knew me from whatever, from comedy.
And he said, come by sometime when we open back up again.
I was like, you're closed?
It was like right before the shutdowns.
He goes, yeah.
And I'm like, why?
I thought religious exemption.
And he was like, well disease doesn't care.
I'm not putting any old men at risk here. But across town, they were like, oh, we're staying open.
I don't care how bad it gets.
And they suffered, right?
Maybe, I really don't know.
But the idea is like, Jews do this, like no, no,
this Jew says we're shutting down, go pray at home.
This Jew says, no, you still have to come.
So it's not like one, it sounds like it's there too.
Yeah, but you know, with any situation,
it's never that black and white.
Right.
There's a lot of nuance.
Yeah.
And it's easier to paint a black and white picture
of any, you know, all Muslims are bad,
or all, you know, Christians are aggressive,
or you know, whatever.
But even with the Taliban, you know,
I think there's, it is not that black and white.
And there are people who are more pragmatic
within the Taliban movement,
and there are ones who are much more conservative.
Right.
Can you get laid in Afghanistan?
If you're married, you can.
Or if you're a westerner.
Yeah.
Do people have relationships outside marriage? I'm sure it would be less.
And if you're not in the wholesale, but I mean like if, if, if,
if someone's like, Hey, I came to visit, uh, yeah,
I had sex the first day and the ninth day, just some random,
is that like what, or is that like, Oh cool, whatever.
If you get laid in New York, that's not that notable.
Well, technically it's against the law.
Okay.
But I think that if you're caught being friendly
with a Western woman.
Western woman.
Yeah, they would leave you alone.
But Afghani women's aren't?
No, I think that would be a bit of an issue.
Okay.
That would caution you to not try.
Not try.
I have no game anyway, so what's the issue?
To resist for a week.
Do they have a problem with like,
some places are like, if let's say you have a girlfriend
and you're staying somewhere, they're like,
hey, just say you're married because they don't want
a boyfriend girlfriend staying in the same hotel room.
Well, I would think it's like the US military,
well in the old days, you know,
they won't ask and you don't tell,
but I think with Westerners, they understand that,
you know, people have long-term relationships
and people can tend to leave you alone.
And that's like, you guys do it, it's fine too.
Yeah, they'll probably volunteer to watch.
Did I get porn and stuff now?
Is there any influx of like,
cool parts of Western culture?
I think that that's probably one of the reasons
a lot of Afghans get the internet.
For porn.
It's a phenomena that's, you know,
it's consistent throughout the world, right?
Sure that's true.
We had to create all sorts of filters
because our own staff members would, you know,
download things they shouldn't, you know, and...
What do you mean?
I mean, they would go on all sorts of different sites
and we had to like block them.
What do you say all sorts of different sites?
You just mean porn or you mean like crazy?
Gambling, porn, things like that.
They'd block them what?
Because you couldn't trust them to do their work
or because it was evil to look at it?
No, because of work and also you shouldn't be looking
at those sorts of things.
I'm not saying majority,
when I'm saying there were instances with, you know,
young men would download things they shouldn't.
Did you hear that Elon Musk thing?
He went on Contact Ethical Tribe somewhere
on the Amazon or something.
Yeah.
He goes, I'm gonna get you guys internet,
I'm gonna get you guys what you need.
Yeah.
Out of the goodness of his heart.
Yeah.
And then immediately they're all watching porn
19 hours a day.
Well, I had a really interesting, we had,
so we do a lot of work in terms of polio eradication.
Polio eradication, okay.
And Bill Gates is a big funder of that.
God, he's huge with that and the,
what's the one the mosquitoes give you?
Malaria. Malaria, yeah.
There's no funding for malaria research,
if not for Bill Gates.
He's like 98% of it.
Yeah, and it's, you know, I mean, he's, to his credit,
he wants to do it, but he also wants to be the person
who eradicates polio forever, and he got very close to it.
So anyway, I was invited to a dinner,
says Bill Gates and a whole bunch of people,
like prominent Middle Eastern ministers
and the head of McKinsey's, and you know,
and they go around the table table and no one's drinking wine
except Bill Gates and he's putting down these wines and they go around the table and everyone is like
how did you know let's go around the table and discuss how the internet's impacted you
and one guy says we know well it's about education sir and they're all making these comments you know
standard comments to impress Bill Gates so and I'm probably the last person to say something.
So it comes to me, he said,
what do you think of the internet
and how it's impacted people in Afghanistan?
I said, I'll tell you a story.
One day, our head of finance,
this gentleman probably in his 50s comes in,
he looks around, closes the door, sits down,
he said, sir, what's a she-male?
Because he'd looked it up on the internet.
So, you know, for a lot of people in these countries,
the internet is all about that.
Joe Rogan would love that.
And he couldn't even pronounce it properly.
And it took me a while to figure out what he was trying to say.
And it took me a while to figure out what he was trying to say.
But.
That's a Himalayan.
Yeah.
So, yeah, I think, you know, it's,
it's, you know, the internet's not, you know,
we all thought, you know, 30 years ago,
the internet was gonna change the world
in a very positive way.
Yeah.
But even without the social, you know,
these social media companies, I mean,
I think, you know, a lot of.
Is there Afghan social media?
Well, they're on Instagram and TikTok and so forth, yeah.
I wonder how that's changing this fucking very traditional
world to like, hey, you're part of the world now.
Yeah, kicking and screaming.
Yeah, it's like you can see it all, so you're in it.
Yeah.
Such a massive quick change.
But Afghans and others suffer from the same things.
You've got fake news.
Yeah.
You know, the Russians and the Chinese and others
are obviously amplifying all sorts of anti-Western stories.
There's a lot of like.
Interesting, and they're reading those.
There's a lot of like,
there's a lot of hatred along ethnic or religious lines
that's amplified by these social media companies.
I mean, the algorithms affect the Afghans
as much as they affect you guys.
So this fragmentation of this world
is not just the Western world,
it's also impacting people in our neck of the woods.
Wow.
Damn, so people turning against each other.
Yeah, I mean I think the good thing is
that internet penetration is still pretty small.
Do most people have it or not really?
Well, either 42 million people,
something like eight million people have it.
42 million people in Afghanistan?
Yes.
It's population. It's huge.
It's population doubled from 2001 to until now.
It's got, it's annual growth rates, 3%.
It'll be at a hundred million people by like 2060, 2070.
Annual growth rate, God damn.
It'll be a hundred million, Jesus.
Well, so they predict.
There's no space for that.
Well, it's the size of Texas.
Yeah.
So it's not that small, but it's not that big either.
Yeah, Texas doesn't have 100 million people.
So much of that is like that nothing land.
It's all this shit.
So where's everybody going to go?
Yeah.
Well, I think that's what a lot of people are afraid of.
Yeah.
We have Afghan refugees in Europe is a major concern. People leave because
they're like it's I can't make any money here. Well if you look at if you look at
the map, we're literally two countries away from Europe. Iran, Turkey and then
you see Europe. Yeah. So for the Europeans any sort of conflict in this
region is a huge concern. I mean the any European government, any European government today,
their biggest concern is immigration. Because it will ensure that that government's toppled
if they're not managing it well enough. Why? Because of this hysteria about immigrants coming in,
taking their jobs, or causing crime.
You see that London thing?
All these riots of one guy stabbing somebody,
and it's like, every time they get you riled up,
it's like you're looking at it in a vacuum.
It's like somebody stabs you.
I'm like, well, what's the national average
of stabbings per person?
Like, is that lower or higher?
But we're so geared on stories.
You must do this in your shows too.
Where it's like the story goes so much further than statistics.
They tell you LASIK eye surgery is so safe.
It's it's it's got a failure rate of one out of a hundred thousand.
You're like, no, my uncle went blind.
That's the one out of a hundred thousand.
Have you had LASIK?
Yeah, I've had it too.
It's great.
I got to do it again.
I think it's just starting to wear out. It's been about eight years. Oh really? Yeah. I've had it too. It's great, I gotta do it again I think. It's just starting to wear off, it's been about eight years.
Oh really?
Yeah, it's tearing my phone too much.
Mine's still 2020 actually.
Really?
It's been 10 years, yeah.
But they said that the lens is thick enough
that I can have a second one.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Oh, maybe I can't have a second one.
You can have a second one, yeah.
I gotta look at it, see how thick my lens is.
Yes.
What a manly way to put it.
It's funny because I told my friend,
he said, listen, I had this doctor who did it for me,
and I said, I'm one guy who's experienced.
So, and then he said, the guy's done 6,000 operations.
So I went to see him.
The thing I forgot was, if you've done 6,000 operations,
you're pretty old.
You're 78 years old.
So the guy's hands were shaking.
Like, nope. No, I did it I did it. Put your last 10.
But yeah but immigration is is is is an important issue because it's about loss of identity.
Right if your country is all of a sudden you know full of people from a different culture,
different religion what happens to our, what happens to our culture,
what happens to our religion.
I'm not saying it's justified,
but these concerns need to be addressed.
So it's also the case in the United States.
I think what does it mean to be an American, right?
Okay.
It breaks that down, what does it mean?
So it's like, hey, well, this guy's coming from here.
It's like, it's weird, they're like,
well, Mexicans should be
conservative, they should love Mexicans.
They're Catholic, family members, strong family units,
you know, it's like, that's who they should want.
But it's also, so the question, what I don't get is that
if you look at the economy, if you look at everything,
life expectancy, the economy, education levels levels it's never been this good, right? But why are people so unhappy?
God the maddest they've ever been everything's the best it's ever been and yet the lowest black unemployment rate in history
Black people are madder than yeah
Jews have it more equal than we've ever had it. Sorry. I'm afraid everywhere I go. Yeah
have it more equal than we've ever had it. It's like, I'm afraid everywhere I go.
Yeah.
But the question is why?
But I think it's because we tend to not look at today.
We always look forward.
Because most Americans see things not improving
for the next generation, for their kids.
And they think they're on top of the hill
and they're going downhill from now on. So I think it's that there's nothing to look forward to, it seems.
And if you look at the Midwest and if you look at, you know, middle America,
probably pass for the first time. You know, the next generation will be worse off. And I think it's
that mentality. And the other thing is, of course, of course we you know we tend to worship this idea of America
You know Americans do at least is that their ideal America?
which probably was never that perfect to start off with given your history with slavery and everything else and
Inequality, but this idea this myth of America. There's a mismatch in terms of what people see today
and what they see in the future.
Interesting.
I talked to a conservative family member.
She goes, you know, say whatever you want,
but this is the only country we can show up
with 10 bucks in your pocket and you become a millionaire,
which I had heard since I was a kid.
And then for the first time,
I heard it again for the first time, like 20 years,
and I was like, break that down for me.
You show up, you have $10.
You get a slice of pizza for a dollar,
and you find some free water.
So you have about one day to find a job
where you're homeless and unable to get out
of that fucking basket.
What's this idea of 10 bucks in your pocket?
That's crazy.
You can have $1,000 in your pocket and you're crazy. You can have a thousand dollars in your pocket
and you're gonna fail.
Yeah, but Ari, let me ask you a question.
Why do you have to become a millionaire to be happy?
That's a great idea.
Right?
What happened to family, what happened to friendships?
What happened to neighborhood camaraderie?
Bro, this is what I fight with all my rich comedian friends.
Generosity towards, you know, when you're on your deathbed and you reflect on your life,
what do you think about?
And despite the obsession with longevity and living to 300 and whatever, but the disappearance
of ours is very brief.
And we just don't enjoy the things we should enjoy.
We don't care for our parents.
We neglect them.
We kick our kids out at sort of 18 or 19.
We're not particularly friendly with our neighbors.
We don't even know. No.
Right?
In the West, I'm saying.
Yeah.
And I mean, and you know, this is me looking back,
you know, with these ideas of modernizing Afghanistan
and things like that.
And I ask myself, what right did I have to tell people
they should drive a car if they're happier to, you know,
to ride a donkey and get there in three hours,
while they're on the back of the donkey,
they can think about life
and they can think about their kids,
they can relax.
This idea of everything on speed.
You know that fisherman, uh, fable, which one is an old man runs a fishing
boat and he fishes all day and then makes money and they're like,
why don't you ever like hire someone else to help you fish? You know, this one,
no, 10 minutes. And then the guy goes, well, then what it goes, well,
then you could like catch more fish.
He goes, and then what?
He goes, then you could afford another boat.
He goes, and then what?
He goes, then you could catch even more fish
with a second boat and keep going and get a fleet of ships.
Yeah.
He goes, and then what?
He goes, then you could retire.
He goes, okay then what?
He goes, then you could do whatever you want.
He goes, I just want to fish.
It's about doing that.
It's so true.
Yeah.
No, I think the material, well, materialism,
which is a form of religion, this obsession with wealth
and accumulation of wealth, of assets,
it's one of the things that is so destructive.
You look at Instagram.
I mean, I talked today with my friend.
Yeah.
He was like, I'm not happy and I'm rich
and I don't know how to give up a podcast
and just like settle on my family and my life.
And like, what's important?
I was like, buddy, you gotta write down what's important.
What's not getting you there.
Listen, if you get a contractor job for three days
lifting concrete and they pay you $20 million, sure, do it.
But if it's a nine to five for 28 grand a year forever,
don't do that one.
So where are you in the middle of those two things?
Listen, people borrow whether to go to university
or to buy a house, and then you become slaves
to your ambitions, to your greed.
But most people are not like that.
But they're brainwashed that you need to have three degrees.
You need to have three degrees.
You need to have two houses. You have to, and if you don't, you're a failure.
You have to go to Aspen Skiing,
or you have to go to the south of France.
I mean, everyone has his own ambitions,
depending on their environments,
but people are becoming slaves to this.
This American dream is one that's imposed on people in a lot of ways. But people are becoming slaves to this, you know,
this American dream is one that's imposed on people in a lot of ways.
It's a rat race that you're forced into
and you can't get off.
Yeah, now they advertise, they're like,
they just push these ideas to you,
like you're falling behind if you're not.
On Instagram, you see all your friends taking vacations
every single day.
That's all they show is their best pictures. I need that life.
But that's only 5% of their existence. They're showing you.
They never show you pictures.
The people who have kids see their friends with kids only in their best days.
They don't see their oldest son kicking their youngest son and them going,
shut, stop it. And spilling milk. And you know,
they don't ever show those pictures. It's always them with their hair brushed and like.
So I think a lot of people in Western societies
are not happy.
That's why, I mean, how many people take
medication for depression in this country, for example?
So how's the Afghani happiness?
You know what, so years ago I went to Pakistan
and there were a lot of Afghan refugees
including members of our family.
We're talking about the mid 1990s.
And I remember asking someone,
I said, you know, exactly your question.
Depression, you know, the experience,
people with depression and how do you deal with them?
He said most people are too busy surviving to get depressed.
And if you look at depression rates in places like Australia
where I grew up, or Sweden, they're very high,
because in a lot of ways life is easy.
Yeah.
You know, some of the, I always tell my friends.
Life is too easy to start, yeah, go ahead.
I always tell my friends, I mean,
the greatest gift you can give your children is the opportunity to struggle.
There's a fable in Judaism
that God loves his creatures, right?
Yeah.
He doesn't want them to suffer.
You have kids?
Yeah.
Okay, so your kid's like having trouble with something.
You're like, let me help you with that.
Yeah.
You know, they can't reach something on the top shelf.
You're like, I'm taller than you, let me help you.
I don't want you to like, in pain. So God loves all his children. So he's like, let me make it with that. You know, they can't reach something on the top shelf. You're like, I'm taller than you, let me help you. I don't want you to like, in pain.
So God loves all his children.
So he's like, let me make it easy for you.
And he just made crops grow easily.
He made plenty of cattle.
He goes, don't worry, you never have to toil
and sow the fields,
because I'm just gonna give you the crops.
And they were like, this is awesome.
And then within a short time, they're like,
let's murder that tribe over there.
And it was all just war.
And he goes, oh, I need you guys to suffer a little bit.
Yeah. Yeah. I think we, a lot of us deserve some stuff.
Some form of suffering.
So what should people let's, let's kind of, I know you got to go.
This is interesting though. And it does make me want to go to Afghanistan.
What would you tell people? All right. I'm headed out next week.
What do I got to pack? What do I got to prepare for? Well, if you're going now,
it's going to start to get cold. Okay. Um, it's mountain. So it's freezing.
It can get freezing, but it's nice during the day, especially when the sun is out.
Okay. Um, I think, you know, I think just go as you are, you know,
it's funny. Uh, uh, David Cho, you know him, right?
I just wrote a millennial. So I wanted to go. So he came to Carvel. Really? It's funny, David Cho, you know him, right?
I just wrote a millennium, so I wanted to be on. So he came to Carvel.
Really?
I took him for three days, but the only clothing
he took with him were shorts, flip flops,
and a couple of singlets.
What I meant to be had a robe on
and a red line down his head.
Yeah, ask him about it.
Who are you?
So he was there, he did graffiti.
Oh really?
No, no, but this is the funny thing.
So the mayor's office, because I knew the mayor,
I rang him up, I said, this very famous graffiti artist
is gonna come and do some work.
And so he did this thing on the side of the wall.
Obviously, some people would say
it's a valuable piece of work.
Mayor, the next day, just repainted the whole thing.
So it was so ugly.
I said, yeah, but that's graffiti, you know, it's anyway, so
David was was there for for three or four days
he traveled he went to panchayr and traveled around but wearing his flip-flops and his and his shorts and
I had you know, just told him, you know, don't try this hug
The women women and you know be well, which he was, he was quite well behaved.
And he was good.
He got some local clothing and ordered some local stuff.
Can you look people in the eye?
Is that, are there any problems like that?
Like social dynamics you wouldn't know?
No, no, you can look at people.
Okay.
People are very accepting.
They're very open and they can,
they don't judge you too quickly,
especially if you're a foreigner.
Yeah, what sports do you guys play?
Well, the Afghan national game is called Bouskashi.
It's dragging a sand-filled calf from one circle
into another circle.
What?
A sand- filled calf?
It weighs about 80 kilograms, which is about a couple
of hundred pounds.
And as you're lifting it and putting it in the circle,
the other side attempts to stop you from doing it.
It's like scoring a goal.
It's like US football.
Yeah, you get whipped and you and, and, you know,
you have to be very strong to be able to hold it and pull it up.
And you would launch into this hole. No, it's a circle. Okay. It's a circle.
But, um, yeah, like this picture. Yeah. This is the national sport.
This is the national sport. Everybody plays this growing up.
I don't think everyone can play it cause it's a, you've got to be good rider.
You've got to be very strong, but they play football as in soccer they play cricket volleyball basketball
okay but this is the national game wow that's fucking cool damn they seem tough
yeah it's a did you vote but did you watch Rambo yeah oh he played it in
there yeah yeah was that Afghanistan yeah Yeah, Rambo, was it two? I think, yeah. Interesting.
Yeah, oh wait, YouTube, there's a video of it.
Yeah, get a video.
Watch.
Muskashi.
A famous Central Asian game. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Oh wow. The horses ever get hurt?
Must. Yeah.
What?
But these are amateurs, these guys playing.
So you gotta find a video that has... I'll send one to you.
But apparently they say that it's a leftover from the, from a Genghis Khan.
That makes sense. And they used to do it with a,
with the bodies of their enemies. No. Yeah.
Damn that's bad. And then play sports with it. Yeah.
What a fucking baller move. What a, not just did we defeat you,
where our kids are going gonna eat popcorn. Oh wow
Yeah, I gotta get the dude fucking fell right off his horse. Yeah, this is I think this may be this may be in Central Asia
well, oh
So it's all over the region. Yeah, but an Afghanistan it's huge. Yeah, and I think the afghans are probably Jesus
Afghans are probably. Oh Jesus! Afghans are the best at it.
God damn, they hit each other or they just.
Yeah, in Afghanistan you can whip each other too.
It's so manly, it's so manly.
They don't give a fuck, they get,
wow you gotta look at it right off your horse to pick it up.
Yeah, it's heavy.
This, I'm sure this is in Uzbekistan or somewhere,
but the Afghan one is very heavy, and we use real calves.
They fill it up with sand, they soak it overnight in water.
To get it heavier.
To get it heavier.
So it's probably a couple hundred pounds.
You jump off your horse and throw it in.
But the Afghan one only has a circle like this, right?
In the middle, okay, on the sand.
Yeah.
God damn.
So you gotta be very acrobatic to, you know.
They must get hit, like trampled,
in their heads, or leaning all the way down to the ground.
So it's a winter sport, so if you come in winter,
you can watch this, and you can ski.
You can ski in Afghanistan?
Well, you have to walk up,
but in central Afghanistan, in Bombayon, it's fantastic.
Do you ski?
Yeah, I love it.
So it's like,
So you hike up and then hike and then ski down?
So a friend of mine, a Swiss guy,
who helped develop skiing in Afghanistan said to me,
it's probably as good as Sapporo in Japan.
In terms of the quality of the snow,
the powder you get is phenomenal.
Wow.
It's really high.
On touch, probably.
On touch, yeah.
You gotta walk up for like a couple hours.
Or, you know, probably can, you know,
people can arrange heli skiing.
But no lifts?
No lifts.
Damn.
No thanks.
I'm not walking up two hours, we got one run.
One run, yeah.
But I'm sure we can figure something out.
Where you smoke weed on the,
you get on the lift, you smoke some weed,
then you ski down, then repeat.
Well, that's another reason a lot of people
go to Afghanistan.
Oh, fuck, how did I forget about this?
The weed and the poppy, the heroin?
Well, there's obviously opium's banned now,
but obviously Afghanistan supplied
like 80% of the world's opium and heroin.
But hashish, Afghan black hash.
How is it? Well, they say it's the best on the park off.
They say you've never tried hash. No, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,
it's Afghanistan is known for its hash. God, I gotta get some of that.
The, you know, it's readily available. It's readily available. Gold standard.
Coffee shops, they give it to you. Or where do you get it?
Anywhere. I think they can get a big block and someone will give you a brick.
God damn.
Hash is the best.
People just like pull off a little bit,
you roll it thin, put it in a spliff.
Yes.
Oh, it's great.
People just break off a little piece.
Not here because I think a lot of, you know,
especially.
Nobody smokes hash here.
No, because that marijuana that people smoke
is so strong, right?
Yeah.
Hash has just been designed to smoke, you know,
for the entire evening and it gets you into a right? Yeah. Hashish has been designed to smoke, you know, for the entire evening.
And it gets you into a zone. Yeah. Yeah.
That has that contributes to one's happiness. Right.
That's what you gotta get. I suspect that you would may go there just for that
reason. Yeah. We'll just sit down at a guy's place. So would they,
would the locals spoke to? Yes. Wow.
So we just sit and get high with the locals. Yes. And just shoot the shit.
How's their, how's the English?
A lot of people speak English. Yeah. Yeah. In just the major cities.
I think everywhere because of the international community,
Afghans are very multilingual. Every Afghan speaks like two, three languages.
So they pick up, you know, because you have your local language, you have, uh,
the lingua franca of the country is Persian, our own dialect of Persian.
So everyone speaks Persian, but they also speak local languages like Pashto and
Uzbek and so forth. Um, but a lot of people speak English nowadays.
Damn. That's great. Yeah. Oh, you're selling me on it. Yeah. Yeah.
Go talk to some fucking local Afghanis smokes a hella weed.
Eat some, eat some of that non. Eat some of the non. That's some of that rice.
Watch one of the Boscashi game. Yeah. That's your itinerary for the, for,
for the week. Okay.
What should people avoid when they're there touching women or something like
that, but like anything like, Hey, don't. Okay. Yeah.
I think be respectful when, you know, when, hey, don't. Be respectful. Okay. Yeah, I think be respectful when you know,
don't lecture people.
It's everywhere.
Yeah, don't talk politics.
Booze?
It's illegal.
But as a foreigner, I think that, you know,
I think foreigners, the UN and other places
are allowed to drink and, but you will not be able to,
I don't think you'll
be able to find it in the I don't know it's just what to expect yeah I would be
fine getting crazy hashed up yes you will especially with no peer pressure to
drink no no and you sleep better yeah and oh yeah so you're going back when
are you gonna go back maybe I'll go back with you. Yeah. Okay. Dude. Yeah. Get me settled.
I always get so nervous when I go to a new place for a day or two.
And then I'm like, okay, I think I'm ready. Thank you. Yeah. I'm off.
You'd fly by Dubai. Okay. Or Turkey. Okay.
So you've flight Emirates to Kabul to Dubai.
You stay in Dubai for a couple of days or one day
and then you fly into Kabul.
And then just go from there?
Yeah, it's two hours away from Dubai.
Where's Dubai?
Dubai's in UAE, yeah.
So it's 14 hours from New York to Dubai.
Hang for the night.
24 hours rest and then you go into Kabul.
Yeah, I'm going.
And Yoshi will come too.
Yeah, Yoshi will come too for sure.
Oh, that makes me so happy that I just thought it was like
my opportunity to go has been,
it's over now that the US left,
but that's been someone's-
No, I think it's easier for you now
because you'll be able to travel more.
Whereas previously it would have been,
you know, it would have been a security issue
for you to travel-
Because I would be a target before
Like oh, here's yes American. Let's fuck with them. So we can work with them
Yeah, and now it's just like you're not in Taliban or al-qaeda or I said the guys the guys were gonna get you
Before are now in charge and they will welcome you
Damn
All right, well this is books available everywhere now it is
Radio free Afghanistan or 20-year od year Odyssey for an independent voice in Kabul.
Sadam Ossani with some chick.
It's Jenna Krojewski helping him write Jenna. That's what I would need to.
Damn, this is crazy. And you don't fear for your safety or you do.
Well, not outside.
Well, you have a you have a walled guard?
In Kabul? Yeah.
Well in Kabul we used to have a lot of security.
But the most
the best way to remain secure
is to, you know,
to not be that obvious.
To, you know, not have too many bodyguards.
To be very just low key. Yeah.
You know the more security you have the more
attention you draw to yourself. just low key. You know, the more security you have, the more attention you draw to yourself.
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
So, okay, I wouldn't go outside with a lot of money
and flashiness, not that I do anyway.
Buddy, this was great, this was very interesting.
Thank you, thanks Ari.
Yeah, congratulations on the book,
that's fucking massive feat.
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, letting us DJ run your radio show is way different than actually writing the book. That's fucking massive feat. Thank you. Yeah, yeah.
Letting us DJ run your radio show is way different
than actually writing a book.
It seems way harder.
Well, it's a story of what we built.
The fighter turned media chief took one look at me,
declared me a waste of time, and kicked me out of his office.
It's a random sentence I just turned to.
The fighter turned media chief.
This is gonna be a fun read.
I'll read this.
I get so sick of reading, like,
trying to catch up on all the books
I didn't read in high school,
and they're so boring.
I'm trying to get caught up on, like,
Fitzgerald and stuff.
But there's also an audio version if you're lazy.
An earlier version?
An audio version.
Audio version, yeah.
Fuck that.
I can't get into that.
No, I mean, guys, you should.
But I wanna turn a page.
I wanna do the thing where you read seven pages
and you're like, oh, I've tuned out.
And you have to back up and actually read them.
Yeah.
I know the feeling.
Yeah.
You're like, what have I been thinking about?
So, thank you very much.
Thank you.
Yeah, it's a pleasure.
I've heard about you for years now.
Thanks.
Cool to meet you.
I didn't know what to expect. And you too.
Well, you guys, that's the episode.
Thank you very much.
Saad Moseni for coming in and telling me
how I figured it out.
It's actually pretty cool, he wants to bring me there.
And I wanna go with Yoshi.
I mean, listen, I talk about this sometimes,
we're talking about boots on the ground.
And man, that's what you got.
And I don't mean in terms of soldiers,
I mean in terms of showing you around.
When I went to Hong Kong or to Shanghai
I met the comedy scene Beijing the comedy scenes and so I boots on the ground
They told me the cool places to go not the lonely planet. No offense on the planet. I am looking for sponsorship, but I mean
I mean to tell you what's actually cool. What's the cool restaurant that just opened up last week?
What's the cool bar? Where can you go to get the cheapest hookers? Where do you go get robbed? If you're not Amsterdam, they tell you don't go to that one. That's a tourist one.
The bull bar? The bull coffee shop? I forget.
And you should forget too because it's the tourist one with shittier weed. Copenhagen is the best weed in Europe, and I'm not counting Spain.
Damn. Radio Free
Afghanistan is available wherever you buy books. Also I'll tell you this my special
is coming out January 14th. Go ahead and open up your calendar in your
phone and set a reminder so it goes and then you can go on Netflix and
set okay watch later.
Also, if you're watching, by the way, anyone special,
just let it play till the end.
If you gotta get back to it, just let it play.
Leave the house and let it play.
Even if you're done with it,
just let it play and do whatever.
Because then their dumb fucking algorithm
only registers if it goes like a full watch.
I mean, all the way through the credits.
Just fix your fucking everybody.
YouTube, everybody. Fix your program. Don't ask the art, the artists to cater to the
program. Make the program cater to the artists. Do what you want. I'm doing
pretty well. My tour is on sale now. Lake Tahoe, Nevada, Austin, this coming weekend sold out. Sorry.
You can get standby tickets. Um, Lake Tahoe and then, uh,
that's December 21st and then January 1st week starts with Pittsburgh,
Providence, Nashville, Schomburg, San Antonio, San Jose, Atlanta, Portland,
uh, Fort Lauderdale, Orlando.
I know I'm missing one. Seattle, Vancouver, Edmonton, Calgary.
Edmonton and Calgary almost sold out, so hurry up.
Portland's almost sold out too.
Adrian will be there with me for Portland, the Dark Queen.
Also watch that, by the way, if you haven't yet.
Watch the Dark Queen, guys.
There's no bad reviews for it. It's just great if you're looking for a special to watch and if you've ever been like maybe I'm misogynist
But I want to face. I just haven't found women funny. This is the one to clear your name
So fucking good, and it's not even long mine is too long
I'm gonna not
You know the algorithm is not gonna be kind to me. Anyway, very
interesting about Afghanistan. I do want to go there. I do want to go there badly
and here's gonna take me. I don't know when I'll have time. I'm on the road till
like early April. I definitely don't have time before that. And then I got like
stuff planned. Maybe 2026. Maybe that's what I'll do when I'm taking off the road
By the way, no more dates at it
So if I'm in this city if I'm in one of your cities, I won't be there till I mean at least 2028 except Denver Denver
I'll come back as never I'm doing a greatest hit show. It's not new material. It's the greatest hit show
We're gonna write down all the bits and collect them and then I'll do all these the best hits I've had over the years
whatever you remember fun we did it once before fun Debra I'll come back also
come back the rest your SOL stupid Orlando lover let's read a postcard by
the way Saad did not bring me any Afghani money Saad send me some Afghani
money from my wall my money money wall. Next week I got
Bobby Kelly on a remote podcast episode from Havana, Cuba. It's gonna be pretty
cool and I brought some Cuban money back and I'll put those up in the episode and
I brought a mask for my whites wall that you can't see. God that was a fun trip
but we did it from Havana. One of the first, it's gotta be the second one right?
No, Zach, Zane Jureski was the first trip. But we did it from Havana, one of the first, it's gotta be the second one, right? No, Zach, Zane Jurecki was the first one.
We did it about Morocco.
We did it from a hostel in Paris.
That was a good episode.
Have you guys voted for this Trippie Awards?
Best guest, best trip, worst trip, let's add that.
I'm just culling these.
The final one for the episode for the year
will be a wrap-up episode.
Just me speaking alone about everything. And maybe we'll do the trippy Awards then
But yeah, maybe but maybe the week after
The next year I got a bunch of them because I have to promote my special
So I got a bunch of fucking big ones Gaffigan's coming Ronnie Chang in a couple weeks
Bert maybe finally Adm admitting that he never went
to Russia, never even been there.
Never even been to fucking Romania to be honest.
Obviously that's a lie.
Let's read a postcard.
So on my Patreon, patreon.com slash ubtrippin,
people send in postcards, I don't wanna show you
the postcard wall now, but it's crazy.
They send me postcards from around the world
and I read them on air and then I put them up
and I'm lining my wall.
The same way I'm lining out White's wall,
I'm also lining the, what's it called,
the background over there.
So it's gonna like fill up.
Don't forget to get his book.
I mean, a 20 year odyssey for an independent voice
in Kabul.
All these fucking bitch comics who are just like
bitching about how things aren't going their way
and stand up.
Fucking, you know what I mean?
And I mean, not even their way.
It's rich kids bitching about how it's not done perfectly.
This guy's fucking risking his life.
To bring an actual independent voice to journalism.
And Jake Hammerhand too, Popular Front,
another independent voice.
Okay, here's one from Machu Picchu.
We've been there.
Joe List took us there, Peru.
And I got another Peru one coming.
But Ayahuasca, it's a good one.
You've been trippin', 151 first Avenue number 49 don't write this down New York, New York
1003 whoa
Cool, they've got the fucking stamp on it check that fucking stamp with a llama
Fucking badass fucking badass
this is a very good postcard
look at that, fucking cool
get a little closer, I wish I could see insertion
am I going to be demonetized for this? look at him, he's having a blast. Look at that guy's face. He's having a good old time. Okay, it says llamas en machu picchu and then the translation
llamas en machu picchu and the translation is llamas jamas en machu picchu. One letter off.
The average llama's dick is 15 inches long and sex lasts around 45 minutes.
At 11,000 feet, lasting that long is quite impressive
and the dick size is decent too.
OE?
DE?
Could be OE, I don't know, is that like a XOXO?
Danny Cox, well Danny, thank you very much for the postcard.
This is going up on the Patreon wall,
patreon.com slash you be trippin
I'm gonna start doing with calm Tiro and do them together
Oh
You be trippin 151 first Avenue number 49 New York, New York
1003 he sent this one from there to
Another fucking stamp some guys send it when they get home because you can't risk it, but I like the stamps.
I say risk it.
Look at that.
That's fucking bad ass, dude.
We got a light.
And it's got Cambodia and these people are there.
I never saw that lady.
I definitely didn't have sex with her.
If you say I have sex with her, you're wrong. Unless she's never had a baby, and then you're right, I did have sex with her if you say I have sex with her you're wrong unless she's never had a baby then you're right I did have sex with her it
was fucking great we took that hat off we took that hat off if you know what I
mean see him reap Cambodia been there traditional a pass up a Psaro dancers Apas, Apasara Dancers. Oh.
Photo 2006, okay.
Hey Ari, love the new podcast. I'm out here in Phnom Penh
living a chill life on the cheap.
God damn it, that makes me jealous.
In Phnom Penh.
So I was in Phnom Penh once
and I, my slippers, my slides
that I brought out Southeast Asia my whole trip.
Guys, remember Ari Schreiber's Skeptic Tank and and I did these long long intros and they were cool and then a fucking
20,000 podcast started and then they're like hey just get to the fucking episode and we kind of missed those and I can't delay the fucking
Episode in order to give you this fucking rant, but I can do it at the end
I have fun some of you have fun the ones that don't don't have to tune in the ones that do will tune in
win win I'm out here living oh so anyway I had these slides is Michael
Jordan slides that I got in Portland where I'll be in March with a John
Appaloochee tickets on Sanliver.org for comm at the Nike outlet store I got
access to cheapest shit Nikes so I took him to I rarely wear slides I was like, let me take these to Southeast Asia.
I'll need flip flops.
And I never liked the ones with the fucking thing
in the middle until I got Bert Kreischer's actually,
because his leather, the plastic ones always cut.
It's like here, they always cut.
And then Bert's, but I got a similar pair of Bert's
with the leather in Guatemala.
And then I got another one in Montauk.
The leather one's the way to go.
But I got those Burt Kreischer Free Waters.
Burt, I am your number one fan.
I've brought your shoe to Trinidad and Tobago.
I've brought your shoe to Ecuador.
I've brought your shoe to Hawaii.
I've brought your shoe to Australia. I've brought your shoe to Australia.
I've brought your shoe to a ton of places.
But one place I did not bring it
was Phnom Penh, Cambodia, because I didn't have them yet.
And I had these slides, these Jordan slides.
And so I brought, wore them all through Myanmar.
I flew to Thailand, wore them all through Thailand.
Met a chick in Bali.
We had sex and it was great, a bunch of times.
And found some private beaches.
Oh, that chick ruled.
She had a guy, she knew a guy
who was like a local Jakarta person.
And so like her friend was trying to like
hook up with that guy so I just got freebies, bro.
Hostel, hostel, hostel, nice fucking villa. It was
great. What a great time and the sex was good.
Cambodia and then I went to I think I went from Thailand to Bali and then and
then to Phnom Penh. I think I flew from from oh no I no, I went to, I went to Bali later.
I went to Bali later,
because I went from Bali all the way through the islands.
This trip, I gotta do a full, this is not a happening story,
R.G.V. story telling show story about my trip from,
damn, from Bali to Lombok, all the way through there.
God damn, that sucked.
And then I went from Flores and Nde,
down to Kupang and then East Timor.
Yeah, I took the land border,
so I would not have gone back there.
Yeah, so, okay, Thailand, then Cambodia,
and from Cambodia I went to Vietnam,
got sick of white people, went to South Vietnam,
then took a boat up back to Phnom Penh.
One of those trips to Phnom Penh,
I realized that my shoes smelled so bad
and it could not be saved.
I soaked them in a bucket of soap.
I mean, it was just like,
the worst cabs you ever smelled,
imagine them ass fucking each other.
And I was trying to wash them, wouldn't work,
and I was like, okay, whatever, I'm in a decent hotel.
No, it was the one night stayover,
because I was in a decent hotel.
I never got to a decent hotel.
I know what it was.
It was after Vietnam, I took the boat back up,
and I was like, it's fucked.
I mean, it's fucked.
No wonder I couldn't get laid in Vietnam.
I didn't get laid a lot, but I kind of fell in love
in Vietnam one night, one day.
But my shoe stunk so bad, so of course
how is she gonna fuck me?
Also I think she was like seven.
So I'm in there and then I'm like, didn't work to wash them
and then I try to soak them, didn't work,
and then I'm like, well I gotta find new flip flops.
I gotta find new flip flops.
And so I went around and they were like,
oh, I'm like, I'm thinking I'm a 45, European sizes,
and they go, so let's say that's 11 and a half,
and they go, well we have a 10.
And I'm like, well that won't do,
and they go, it'll stretch, it'll stretch.
I'm like, no, not a size and a half.
You can't stretch a size and a half.
You can stretch a little bit.
And that's also just shoes.
Not flip flops, the base is what you want.
The base is the thing, not even the things.
Anyway, I found a Quicksilver store,
which I later found to be Knockoff store.
Bought some flip fl flops finally found my size
because no one had my size in any of the markets and it was like an all-day process found them
realized it was a knockoff when I got to Komodo Island in Indonesia that guy who's trying
to hook up with a friend of the chick I fucked he was like you going to see Komodo dragons
I was like where's that he goes near here and I was like I you going to see Komodo Dragons? I was like, where's that? He goes, near here. And I was like, I've always wanted to.
Where is it?
He goes, near, a couple islands over.
So I went.
The bottom flap of my flip-flop started coming off
and I was about to chuck him.
Right in Komodo Island.
And then I'm like, oh no, it took me a fucking full day
to find my size.
I can't fix him.
I gotta fix him.
I can't chuck him.
I'll never find him again
So I found super glue and I taped him I glued him did it a few times
They served me for the rest of the trip took him to East Timor took him everywhere. What a good memory
Dustin buddy. Thanks for fucking reminding me of that living in a life on the cheap
Heading to Chiang Mai, then Pai tonight.
Dude, enjoy the boomers in Pai. Via overnight bus and train.
Wow, you're going from Phnom Penh.
Overnight bus and train.
Wow, because Chiang Mai is way up there.
And Pai, I I think is further,
further west than that. What a way to get there. God damn, that's exciting.
The overnight buses in Southeast Asia are crazy.
I had some gay mishaps on those.
Going to be good to hit the road again.
Enjoy your future travels.
Dustin Taylor, Dustin buddy.
This is going up on the wall, the Patreon wall.
I got a Machu Picchu one and I got a Cambodia one.
God, that's exciting.
Um, all right.
Uh, should I show you the wall?
Now you'll see if you're on the Patreon.
Next week, Bobby Kelly is on the podcast talking about Cuba with me. Me and Bobby Kelly. It's a joint episode. I have another one of
these coming about Guatemala with somebody I was there with. We did that in
Gold Coast, Australia. But that's not coming up for a while. Today's episode
is produced by Your Mom's House Network. It's edited by Alan Caffey. Well done I
think. Don't forget guys guys, Radio Free Afghanistan,
Saad Mossehni's book, get it right now.
If you're a reader at all.
It's available everywhere.
I assume it's available on audiobook too, but possibly.
And Saad, first of all, send me some Afghani money
for my wall, please, anything.
Doesn't have to be major.
In fact, it should not be major.
If you guys are in a faraway place,
of a place we've been
please send it as well. Here's what I got so far. You figure out who I need. This is China during the fucking lockdowns. They put out special money. They put out special money with everybody in
fucking hazmat suits. Kenya did Monroe Martin., best trip, I would say.
Thailand, okay, as we were headed.
Egypt, think of Scotland, Romania, Hungary.
Where is, is that Mongolia?
What the fuck is that?
Japan, Mexico, Canada.
Don't remember, some of these Soviet ones,
they really don't try.
I don't remember. Some of these Soviet ones, I really don't try.
I don't remember where that one is.
Costa Rica, have we been there yet?
And Desert Kuna, what is that?
What about that?
Desets Kuna.
I don't know, and the US.
What do I got?
I got more.
I got more to put up, but I haven't put up.
Next week I'll put up my Cuba one.
All right everybody,
until next week from Bobby Kelly, have a good day. Wait, where did we go? Oh, Asalaamu Alaikum. I'm guessing.