You Be Trippin' - Alaska w/ Katherine Blanford | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

Follow Katherine on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/itskatherineblanford/ SPONSORS: -Don’t sleep on @‌ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code TRIPPIN at https://takeultra.com ! #UltraPouches #ad -Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at https://shopify.com/trippin On this week's episode of You Be Trippin', Katherine Blanford tells Ari Shaffir about her expedition through the Alaskan wilderness. While visiting her brother, she camped in the wet coldness amongst the grizzly bears. She shared a few stories of the...interesting Alaskan folk. Weird stuff happens in the isolation. Although Katherine's pictures of the nature might have you booking a flight. Stay wild, Alaska! You Be Trippin' Ep. 125 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:41 - Katherine Goes to Alaska 00:11:03 - Living Among Bears 00:25:05 - Crazy Alaskan People 00:55:33 - Juno (not the movie) 01:06:51 - Much Isolation 01:21:45 - Hiking Bucket List 01:39:28 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Wayfair, every style, every home. So, uh, the artwork, the craziest thing is there's artwork. I'm, like, there's artwork in every stairwell, right? And then in all the hallways, there's artwork up and down. And it's all different, right? Yeah. artwork leading into your room, and then we go once a month, and you go the next month, and they've, it's different, it's different art.

Do you, like, that's a, that's a, that's a level of. Yeah, that's high level. You know what I mean? They haven't changed our towels once at the holiday in Brooklyn. Sometimes you see, like, guys, at least up your towel game. This is clearly stained or, like, holes in it. It's, it's dope. And then, like, every room is different.

because we've been in different ones, different shapes, you know. And then the, like, like, little... That's cool. Sometimes there's photographs, and you'll see, like, Dolly sitting next to, like, Leonard Cohen. Really? Yeah. And, like, and you could see where they are. You could be like, oh, that is this floor.

That's right there. Yeah. Wow. Crazy stuff. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I guess, yeah, the guys like that would come visit the artists here. I think Leonard Cohen lived there a little bit. Yeah.

All these guys live there. Yeah, and there's just so many, like, I guess I've lived in, I've stayed in too many commercial hotels, but just like these little, like, boutique. Like, I don't know why I'm so obsessed with bullet hole curtains. Do you know what that is? No. Okay, so it's the sheer curtain, right? There's the bit.

You're on it, Jorge. Yeah. Okay. There's the major curtain, and then the sheer curtain behind it, it's like, Somebody's going, and shot it, so there's different holes everywhere. But when the sun comes through, you're like, I'm in Tuscany. I'm on, I'm on a, you pray love. Where you've been and where you're going?

This is our East Travel show, yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's you'll be tripping yet. It doesn't even really describe it there. No, it doesn't do anything. Oh, I see it. You see what I mean? It's like that.

Yes. That's the room over there. Oh, that is cool. So it's all twinkly. And you don't know there's fucking meth heads right outside. Oh, it's even shining on the table. Wait, this is the same room.

I think that's the room we were in. That is. Quite creepy, actually. Whoa, it's got the chairs. Yeah. Where's the fucking fruit? You didn't get the fruit. It's in there.

They give you a free bottle of wine every night. Every night. Every night, they give you free bottle of wine. They give you, like, all the, I was just obsess. I imagine, who's the chick who's saying Mercedes. ladies Ben's Janice Joplin. I imagine her fucking

Jimmy Hendricks in that hotel. I imagine them fighting. Fighting and fucking yeah. Yeah, imagine like,

yeah, fighting in between fucking. Yeah. She must have had the smelliest pussy in all of music.

Yeah. And then dealt it around too. Nice. I like that guy. Yeah, you wanted a little

Yeah, you wanted. You're like, all right. No, I mean, that must have been fucking stinky,

though. But she still worked it. I know. She, I love it. 27? She was probably the 27 club?

Really? Wow, she seems so much older. Yeah, I think she is. Yeah, for sure. Isn't that so crazy? Yeah. 27 and they did all that. How old are you passed or before?

What? You passed that? Hell yeah. Oh, you're fucked up. You'll never be a legend. That's fine. That's a feel. How does it feel knowing you'll never be loved like that?

I'll go. I'll enjoy my lame life. All right, Catherine, where are we going today? We're going to Alaska. A nice, uh, What a strange place. What a wild strange place? Yeah, it's also, so I didn't realize this.

My brother lives in Juneau, which is southeast. It's a rainforest. It's actually classified as a rainforest. It's cold, but it's like the, however the... Because the water dumps right on the... Yeah, I guess. Over the mountains. I guess, yeah, I don't know how over the ecosystem works.

Yeah, yeah. But not as bad as that. Yeah, I mean, it's right above it. Yeah. And so I've been, so he lives there. He's, you know, friends with a bunch of, I told you before the podcast started, people that don't really, they don't hold life very preciously. Yeah, it's a pull outlaws and weirdos. Yeah, like he's got a friend who, I think he's an engineer, but he just, he goes fine, because there's a bunch of old abandoned mines around there.

And so he's figured out his own pulley system. So he will pulle himself down. down into the mines, find crazy, crazy shit. What, like artifacts, relics of, like, workers? His apartment is, I mean, it's a lot of, like, old dynamite sticks. And, uh, yeah, uh, like, it's a lot of, like, signs, helmets, you know, not the craziest of shit, but really it's just about him going down there and then pulls himself back up. Yeah, weirdo.

But at any minute, he's not going to make it back up. At one point, they went on like a ice, you know, they went into like, I don't even know how you say all this shit. They went into caves. They had to, you know, climb into ice and shit. And they, it was going to be a six-hour excursion. They brought like a few cliff bars. And they came back three days later.

No way. They got lost. What? Yeah. Like they just, it's very. So I have to keep that in mind when I go out with him because he's like, I got this cool thing playing. And then I go, he's not.

a train tour guide. He's just a forever 17-year-old boy. What a cool guy. That's always, it seemed like that's what Alaska is. It's the people there either escaping the wall or they fuck somebody they shouldn't have fucked and they're running from another man.

And it was like, like the rate of percentage of men to women was like super high men, super low women. Yeah, because it's miserable sometimes. And it's dark. And it's dark and there's like, hardcore work to be had. Yeah, like, also. Women don't run away as much.

No, my, my now sister-in-law, her friend worked at a a hospital that was close to a, what do I think, what are the, land from Native Americans?

Res? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, they're coming in there. I got there. They're coming in there, colorful. Yeah. The summer

meths. Yeah. They look like their faces have been face-banted. When you get 20 grand or whatever it is from the government and then a place to live

while it's cold, when it's warm, you're like, I'm just going to smoke, crack, by the river. Yeah. And drink. Yeah. And don't piss me off.

Oh, they get rowdy. Yeah. So it's like Like, uh... Also, the food sucks. You don't go there if you love food because you can't. Like, especially Juno is a, um... You cannot get to it by road.

Only boat or plane. Oh, really? Glaciers block off. On the thing. Yeah. Relatiers block off all the roads, but you also can't have fresh produce because how would you grow it? So it's all flown in.

So that's why you get all these people that are foragers, you know, that's stuff. Yeah. Just try and pretend like they're excited to eat mushrooms. that they found in dirt. No, Juno. There you go. Wait, it's really landlocked like that? Mm-hmm.

Where is it? Oh, there. Oh, wow. Oh, damn. It's all the... And that's further south? Yeah, it's the most south-east. Okay.

Oh, yeah, that little tip thing there. Yeah. Anchorage is so far north from that. I know. And there's just straight up, like... Half the country. No man's land. Well, those, hold on, go down and left.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, my lefter. That's called, on Alaska is out there. Wait, lower, out, out, out. Okay, now, now, okay, all those islands. What are those called? That's not on Alaska. Low, low, low, low.

That's on Alaska. That's not Alaska? It's called un-alaska. What do you mean? Alaska. Right, if you zoom it, is it on Alaska? What? Allusions.

The allusions. What do you mean? What's un-alaska? What does that mean? An Alaska is, I thought it's out there. Those are like the islands out there is what they're called. Yeah, they're closer to like Russia than they are to like mainland Alaska. Yeah.

Un-alaska is a city. In Alaska. It's a city? Yeah, let me see. That's all right. What do you know of it? I don't know. We're going out there.

We're going out there to camp. Yeah, with Brooks for his 40th birthday. Wow. And a little tut. Okay. The place that I'm going to tell you, it's called Admiralty, Admiralty Island. Admirality. All right.

So you would have to fly your boat there off of Juneau. It's another one of these. I mean, it's an island, but again, there's no roads that lead to. Yeah. And, okay, so bears are protected there. The grizzly bears are protected. This is one of these bears. Did you watch a documentary about that?

Grizzly man? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So this is these kind of people right here. So you get there, it's a protected, land protected by the government. You can't have the island grizzly bears protected. So when you land, there's these scouts, right, that live on the island for 10 days at a time.

There's no cell phone service when you get there. There's no plumbing. There's no electricity. It's completely, you know. What bears? Grisleys, brown bears. And so it's funny because they live, they have to set up their tents not on the island.

They have to canoe over from the next island. The bears? The scouts. So my brother knew a girl that was one of the scouts, but she's crazy. I mean, now she's putting pee pee in her eyes, and, you know, she's white with dreads. Like, she's a wacko. But you got to be to, because think about it,

a boat drops you off on this island. You're in a tent for 10 days, no cell phone, no books at a time. She's telling me, she's like, I woke up in my, my, uh, my sleeping bag was completely soaked. It rained through my bag. She's just out there like that for 10 days. There is no, no one's coming to rescue you.

It's your job to be out there that you just live like that. To do what? Why? So, so the scouts, okay, so every day they, they canoe over to Admiralty Island, or whatever how you say it. And the island, they only allow 10 tourists there a day. No fucking way. And when you get there, as soon as you get there, you're greeted by scout.

They immediately, whatever your bags that you have with you, you put them in a bear box. Yeah. And the whole point is that you get, they take you to parts of the island and you just sit there. And these bears are used to, these wild grizzly bears are used to human beings being in these parts of the island. So they don't really mess with you. But you get to live amongst grizzlies without barriers, fences. anything. It's nuts. And they don't attack? No, because they've grown up on the island,

and they've been doing this for so long, they're used to, you know, humans being, but you kind of sign up for... Wait, what? Were they just know, like, actresses have no meat on them? So there's no point. I think, probably. I mean, I think that they're just... That's so cool. The scouts are there to be like, because, okay, so I'll show you in these pictures. Like, at one point a mother bear came up and had two cubs, and the cubs were really curious. So they were kind of coming up to us.

And she was like, at some point, like, kind of made noises and shoot them away because they were like, they don't want them to actually come into contact with the humans. Because then, you know, see, these bears are that close to us. Those are cubs. Wow. Aren't the cubs the scariest? Because then the mom gets, like, what the fuck? I was going to go with my kids. Yeah.

So that was the craziest thing, though. That was the fun thing. So we're just sitting on a log right here, by the way. But is there another picture of us? I think my brother's standing out there, and there's like four grizzly bears pretty close in the distance to him. What? What did your brother do? Why did your brother get there?

Wow. Do you see how close those bears are right there? Wow. I mean, you know, and it's a cell phone picture, but there's five of them. One, two, three, four, five. So. Is that you? That's your brother?

It's got a long hair? Was he a hippie? Yeah. I mean, he's living in Alaska. There's any kids. Okay. Wow. But yes, so...

And they don't fuck with you. They're just used to... I mean, most of those bears were cubs coming around to this cove and having humans be there. But that was the best part. The scouts, you know, they're there all summer long, so they get to know the bears and they name them.

And they'll be like, okay, so this... mom that's coming up, she's one of the oldest females on the island. She's like, don't get attached to her cubs. They usually die. She's sick of having children. What? You know, she's like still getting like rammed by a male every year, but she's, you know, probably like equivalent to a 60-year-old woman and doesn't really care about her cubs anymore. And she's like, they usually die. Just like the women in Alaska. Yeah. Like I've done a lot of meth. I keep getting knocked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're on your own at four. I was, I did it when I was your age.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go catch your own fish. But it was like they told us some crazy stories. Oh, hey guys. It's Ari Shafir. Break in today's episode to let you know a little bit about the guest, Catherine Blanford. She's a hilarious stand-up comic. She's got a special right now on YouTube

called Catholic Cowgirl. It's on 800-pound gorilla. She also got her own Instagram and YouTube account. She puts up hilarious clips all the time. following both at It's Catherine Blandford, Catherine with a K. She also got a podcast with Shane Torres,

who I got to get on this podcast, called Coastal Idiots. Please subscribe and listen to that. She's also on the road. Got all our tour dates at catherineblanford.com, Kansas City, San Antonio, Houston, Dania Beach, Indianapolis, and Charlotte. That's it.

Please subscribe wherever you're watching to listen. Spotify, YouTube. This is more of a YouTube podcast, but I think Spotify now has video as well, so that's kind of a cool video follow it as well. I myself have nothing to do. I have a special on YouTube called Jew. You can see it at Ari Shafir.

YouTube.com slash at Ari Shafir. It's also on Netflix, but it's an acquisition, so it's probably not going to come across your feed, but on YouTube will. So go ahead and check out my best special I've ever had. It's on YouTube right now. I have three specials on Netflix. You can check any of those out.

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Please get one right now. Support really great stand-up. That's it. Let's get back to Alaska and Catherine Blandford. Okay, so the one lady that was kind of not loving us being there because our plan was to, we packed a lot of bags because we were, because my brother, the other scout was his friend. She was this young girl, right?

So she was like, you guys should canoe over to the other side of the island and camp out that night. So we had like tons of food. We had sleeping bags. We had tents in our bags. And this older lady scout was not having. She was mad at it. Why?

Because it's not allowed? This is a woman that was so obsessed with bears. She would, I believe, would have sex with one if she could. I mean, she would, she would give her hand to a bear. That's got a... You know, you know, these kind of people. Hey, can you show me, like, a bear dick? Like, with something next near it so I can see how big it is.

How big are they? Have you seen them? Can you see them? No. Do they go into the folds of the fur? I don't think I feel like I've never seen one. Yeah, it's got to be like one of those. things you can't really

um this is going to be really gross but I've always been like if you have stuff on your vagina you always just want to have a bush because it really hides the um what stuff you know if you have a

no that's a human dick uh that's a little off that's a little pistol that's that's not girthy so that's like a that's like a lipstick thing like a dog that's coming out yeah that's It seems like it wouldn't make it all the way into a female hole. Yeah.

Are bears, the Asians of the animal world? Maybe they have to mate, yeah. What a tiny dick on that fucking giant beast. Well, you know, they really only eat berries and fish. Oh, right. So they're kind of. They're kind of homos. Yeah.

And that's a female's vagina. Are they poking that out? Yeah, they're opening it up like at a strip club. Yeah, they're like, it's like one of those fidgets things. They're popping it out. You always like... Okay, is that it? Wait, what's the one showing it?

That, is that the dicks? So it's going to come out of that. Oh, that makes more sense. And then it pops out from there. It's like an alien that another alien's head pops out. Look how cute it still is. It's still pretty cute. It's actually its whole peepee right there is pretty cute.

Is that its tail? That's its tail. Oh. I was like, God, that's really cute dick. Yeah, it might be his tail. That was a cute dick. It would, it'd be smoother coming out than going in. Yeah, because then the fur gets all messy.

You ever seen an elephant's dick? No. You've never seen an elephant's dick? I have, actually. Those are massive. I would, I nannied for 10 years. Elephants, please? Yep.

Wow, not that. I mean, they're on the ground. Yeah. It's funny because elephants are a lot around where Asians are. But I guess Africa too, right? The elephants in Africa? Yeah. Okay, so that makes sense.

What if the Asian elephants are significantly smaller? Yeah. But if you think about it, I mean, that makes sense for the passage. Yeah, because how are you going to get in there? Right. Wow, look that guy's grabbing it on the top left. It does look like a small fifth leg. What?

No fucking way. That's got to be an Asian one. It's much smaller. What's he doing to it? Maybe. Wild to go under there. While it's all saddled up. Yeah.

Yeah. I always, do you ever wonder that? You're like, how does a tortoise mate? I've seen him. A tortoise? Yeah, it's just, oh, like a big one? Because you're like, there's a shell. There's a whole roof.

Yeah, they get up. The one tortoise, like, so the female tortoises head is here, her tail is there, and then he gets up like this, it kind of goes higher and goes, you ever seen that? Turtles fucking. I've seen turtles making that noise. Yeah, they're fucking. That's them blowing loads. Yeah, that.

I've seen one doing it to like a lawnmower before. Yeah, they got to really get in. There's a got. Oh, whoa, is that it? the orange thing? Is it? Did they color it? It's so what to think that they just don't,

they just are like, I do this because I have an urge, but I don't, like, do you think a girl even, the girls don't like it? I wonder if they even get anything out of it, sexually. I've heard it's just us and dolphins, right? That, they do it for fun. Louis used to have a joke about it,

how if like the animals saw humans, and then like one was fucking and then pulled out, they'd be like, what? You were right there. What are you doing? You had a breeding. Right, right. You blew it.

No, no, no. We'll do it next weekend. Yeah. We need to go to another bar and find another maid. But she'll do it again with you tomorrow. Why don't you call her back? At least tell you how to get a good time. We'll do it again next week.

They're like, my brother. Giant turtles mating very loudly. Play it. I love that they're quiet besides this. Yeah. It's the only time. Is that it? That's that noise.

Oh, his little feet. That's like a real guy. He looks like an elephant. Wait. Is that his balls? It's his head. Look how much smaller she is. Is he making out with her?

Yeah, what a gentlemanly thing to do for an animal. Yeah. Doggy style, but still make out with her. Oh, they're like licking. They're going like, wait. Oh, no, that's their heads. That's their heads.

It looks like a dick. Oh, he's letting her know, he's interested. He's taking a long time. His legs go up. His legs go up. It's so funny. He's really letting it go. That's so cute.

Okay, all right. He's so much bigger than her, and she was just, she had her little head inside a brown shell, waiting for it to be over. She was not enjoying it. She was like, listen, I've got to be a woman before college. Let's just get this out of the way.

Also, like, what is it? Can you tell a turtle is pregnant? Oh, yeah. No, they lay eggs. Do they lay eggs? That makes sense? Yeah, turtle eggs. I think that's true.

And then they don't care about their mom at all? I hope I'd come back as like a female egg layer, and I don't have to worry about raising any children. She had to get to water. Yeah, right, no grief. Just, like, be gone. I don't know. Most of them will get to the water.

If tourists don't step on them. Yeah. And also, there's so many of us anyways. It's probably best. Not all of you make it. There's not a lot of food in this cove. Yeah. I have a bit.

I used to do a bit about fishing in Juneau. And I caught a salmon. Yeah. And when I caught it, it, like, came all of my. leg all like all down it and like there's a picture of me like holding it and it's like and it there's just like yeah you know white pollocked all over my leg and my brother was like this is actually really sad I was like what do you mean he goes well they you know they swim back up stream right they almost die yeah they make it all the way back salmon only they only come one time

that's it yeah they come one time and then after it's called turning after they come Blimpies, what are they called? Spotted. No, sorry, go ahead. They go from silver to like, I think silver is the last color, but it's because they've stopped eating and they just wait until they decay and die. Damn. So my brother was like, dude, he made it all the way back and then he wasted it on you. You're like, I didn't even fuck it.

I know, he got scared. I scared it out of him. Okay, okay. But Admiralty Island Okay So my favorite And so they take you What are the stars like there?

That's the best part is You're literally Does there a part when we're walking Through the rainforest? I mean there's they take you So there's like a whole open meadow And then at some point you kind of go through Truly like

This It's like Look at that's on the coast There's nobody else around See that rainbow? Yeah, I see the rainbow. Obviously see the rainbow. It's hidden the water.

Yeah. I think it went all the way around too. But yeah, it's just the most beautiful scenery. This is where the rainbow is. It's hitting the water. It's not going back behind the horizon. It's in front of the land. It's hidden the water.

You can kind of see a little bit of its reflection in the water. We saw the other end too. Oh. See? Yeah, but it's in front of the... It's crazy. I've seen this once before in my life. It's just like anything is possible there

because there's no other light pollution. There's nothing. There's nothing else in the air. There's no cell phone towers. Wow. It's... How many people a day get to go? Ten.

Ten people. When it's open too, and it's only really open two months out of the year. Yeah. So like then they take you to a little... Actually, it's the scariest part is when you're moving between the different designated spots to sit. because you're kind of vulnerable then.

Yeah. And you're walking through like a trail in the rainforest, and you're watching, you're seeing bear droppings, and you're like, okay, let's pick it up. And they take you like a tree house, and you sit up there, and then just these bears start coming out along this river eating and stuff.

And like the old lady scout, the one that was really intense told us, like one time there was this bear that she's just known forever. She recognizes her. She's known her since she was a cub. And she had two baby cubs. And she was like, I was really freaked out.

I was up, I was on the island by myself. And she was coming really close towards me. And I was like trying to make noise, but she was not afraid of me. And then I looked above her and there was a male bear coming after her. And I realized what was going on. She had two cubs. And a male will kill the cubs. So he can mate.

So she stops nursing. Yeah. And he can mate with her. Fuck again. Mm-hmm. So she goes, I realized what she was doing, she ran behind me with her cubs and sat there. And then the male eventually, like, gave up and walked away because he was afraid of the human. She was using the human as a shield.

Oh. Yeah, like she would, I mean, I mean, this lady is, I think that's, yeah, see that sailboat right there? She was Hamashing you? He, yeah. She was hoping the male Israeli wouldn't attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm asking you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She goes, stay right here, stay right here, it's fine. Just don't second guess anything. She lived on that sailboat with her husband. Wow. What a life. So, yeah, like, it is. Crazy lunatic. Yeah, I mean, you think she literally, I mean, she obviously was very intense about stuff and, like, was a cuckoo.

Yeah. But then you're like, I mean, she's living as basic as a human being can live now. She doesn't, there's no, she doesn't have a cell phone. You know, she doesn't have, like, plumbing or electricity. She's literally living off of salmon and mushrooms. We took a kayak. And she catches her salmon every day to eat it? Well, she gets mad if you...

I mean, this lady was real intense about the bears. Again, I think she would have... This is the scout lady. The older scout lady. To mix Karen with wildness of Alaska is like a nutty... It's very specific. It's the Bowser level of Karen. Yeah.

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After you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. Please support my show and tell them Yubutrippin sent you. Hi, guys, today's episode of Ubi Chippin is brought to you by my favorite ad sponsor, Shopify. The one I use and have been using this as well before they were giving me money to talk about. about them. They want me now to talk about something that happened before I started my business, which is stand-up comedy. Talk about the doubt that sank in. Yeah, I didn't know what I was doing, guys. I'll be honest with you. Yeah, I had no idea. I was going to a stand-up comedy. It wasn't a thing you could do back then. It wasn't popular. It's been popularized by the hot people. Yeah, it was all for

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There's no gee in that, by the way. T-R-I-P-I-N. Let's get back to the episode. And we know it's kind of crazy when you live in Alaska. you know that if bears actually come in contact with human food, they have to go kill that bear. Because they'll always come back for it. No.

That's why they're like, don't feed them, never feed them. Don't let them into your trash cans or, you know, don't leave food out for them because... They're serious about those bear traps, not traps, whatever they're called, food traps. What are they called? Bear boxes? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because they'll just keep coming back and then it'll ruin. this whole thing. God damn. Dude, but we, yeah, that night, we, uh, we canude over to that other island and, like, set up camp. And again, it's one of those things where you're out with my brother, his friends, like, you're like, oh, there is no, I'm just going to be wet and cold for three days. You just, there's no, like.

You hit you and you're like, all right, we're not going back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's just no longing for comfortability for a while. Just get used to it. get there when you're there? You're okay in a t-shirt for like three hours of the day. Okay. When there's sunshine.

But then I'm such a, like I'm cold-blooded. I'm such a puss. Yeah. But I think, I do like going to visit my brother here, my older brother lives in Alaska. My other one lives in Utah. I like going to visit them because I, it forces me to be. I can't be a pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I learned that I'm going to be okay. You ever get a place where you're like, it's embarrassing to have the demands I'm having right now? And you're like, yeah. That sounds, like, looking around you're like, this sounds really lame. Yeah, yeah, and just like, I,

my, like, my sleeping bag isn't puffy enough. I can feel the rocks underneath me. And then this, like, lady in a sailboats, you know, she's like, I've, I've been puking for three days straight. Yeah. I was taking Spanish classes in Colombia, and we were, like, talking about dogs.

And one of them was like, so, like, where's your dogs now? And one of them was, like, with her sister. Another one was like, it's like a dog hotel. But he was saying in Spanish, and she was like, I don't, I think you said that wrong. Oh, like, she didn't even understand. She was a Venezuelan refugee in Colombia. And she was like, no, you mean like a, like a, what do you mean?

And he's like, it's like a dog, like hotel. She was like, what? What? Yeah, and they're like, yeah, we just pay for, she was like, it was like an embarrassing thing to say to something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, you just should keep that quiet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And meanwhile, their dogs are like, our country dogs where you're like, well, they're the dog that kept coming back because we fed it. Yeah. It's not the dog that comes a lot. That sleeps inside. Yeah. When I do, we live, when I was growing up in Kentucky, we live next door to a family from India. Yeah.

And their grandma moved from India. to live with him and we had a track by our house, the walking track. I just was obsessed with their grandma. She was this old Indian woman that I loved and she would, we'd walk the track together as I was a little kid and my golden retriever would follow us sometimes.

Yeah. And she would point to it and tell me a story about how a leopard, was it a leopard, killed their dog. India sucks. We knew because we saw the bloody pall prince walking away from our home. So my

Dad tracked it down for three days and killed it and brought it home to bury our dog properly. Inside the leopard. What? Yeah, and then my golden retrievers walking behind. India sucks. Never go there. I never actually been. Never go there.

Why? It's because of this shit. And there's piss puddles everywhere. Every story I've heard of India definitely has diarrhea in it and stepping in diarrhea. It's crazy, though. To say the same thing, though, you go, it's still the most. populated country in the world? Is that China?

Is it per square? Yeah. Most crowded. So you're like, most of them can survive having a little bit of diarrhea every day. And I'm sitting on the subway being like, well, I wore these pants on the subway once. Got to throw them in the wash before I ever wear them again. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So India did overtake China for most populous and overcrowded. Well, China did something about it. In the areas where there's people. Wow. Dude, I gave a girl toxic Sox syndrome once because I figured her after we got back. From what? I think I was holding on the subway bar.

And I didn't like wash my hands. Because we were both positive. I gave her some disease. And then I was like, oh my God. We had to take her to the hospital. And then I got tested. And they're like, you have nothing. I'm like, what?

And then the doctor. Because you touch the pole. Because I was touching where it's the most disgusting thing. Now I wash my hands whenever I come in. You know. Yeah. Yeah, I would hope so. There was just like a gross guy like...

It like blew up her pussy. Performing on the pole. Yeah, there's that... Right before that. Doing like the spinnies with a scratch on the pole. It's so many disgusting people coughing into their hands. I do that. This country is too obsessed with fucking stopping like brown immigration and it should be yellow immigration.

That's the real issue, just from China. You can sit this one out. We need Trump. It's not about the fucking Mexicans or the Hondurans or the Guatemalan. It's the Chinese. They're ruining everything. Why? They suck.

When you're like, the subway doors open and you want to get out, who's pushing on? A Chinese. Oh, oh, what a beautiful sunset. I hope someone can block it with a fucking iPad. A Chinese? A Chinese. I get that from Simone's father. That's the old, that's an old style, like racism.

He's Chinese. Stay on your tip of toes. You can see above Chinese. Bring a stool everywhere. Oh, they're always coughing. They're always fucking taking overhead in the plane, a fucking raw turkey. You'll find turkey there, you Chinese.

Yeah, I'm not. I've never seen one of them taking turkey into a plane. It's always like leaking. There's like boxes that are like leaking. What are you doing? You can find food. Anyway, the point is, leave these Mexicans alone. I will say I love sitting next to a Chinese.

Yeah. I mean, I'm in so in trouble. It's fun. On the plane, though, because... They also don't care. They don't care. They are... I'm such a grouch on planes and traveling that when I walk into an airport, it's a force field.

I'm a... I'm so mad. I'm there. I'm a bitch. And if I sit next to like an old, just Asian couple, and you know, they do that thing where they're like... They just kind of just smile at you no matter what. And I'm such a bitch. I will death stare them.

And they are... relentlessly continue to smile no matter what. I could be such a bitch to them. I could be like, don't, you're over, you're touching me, move over. And she would be like, okay, sorry. And she's always smiling, no matter what. She's the older ones, they're just happy, like,

Mao's not making their sister disappear in the middle of the night because their dad said something wrong. They're just like, this is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a water fountain here. Yeah, yeah. You're such a fun little. But you got mean that kill us.

but I don't there was nothing oh dude I'm just that island you know we like went over

and camped on the other side afterwards and just if you see like is there like that canoe picture my

at night we knew yeah I mean that's that's one of them at night when you uh flip through these a little uh

they have the whole wow yeah That's just hiking. God damn. It's just hiking. God damn. And no one's there?

No one's there. You go to the beaches to, you know, go fishing. Is it rock beaches or sand? Like pebbly? It's all pebbles. Yeah, it's all pebbles. That must be the best skipping areas. There's nothing there.

And then at night, when it gets dark and you go out on the water, it's all the bioluminescent. You put your hand in the water and it's all glowing. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know they had it up there that cold. It's a freaking, it's rainforest up there. And just, you've never been, like, I've never been somewhere, where you're like, oh, this hasn't been touched by humans yet.

Right. Like this. Yeah, for sure. That looks like one of the best spots. You know what it actually is, it's all clams. Oh. Like the whole, you almost feel bad walking on it because you're like. You're like, crunching?

Yeah, you're every step, you're stepping on clams. That's how many clams. Not on this island, just another place on Juno. You can walk to the beaches. And bald eagles are like crows or ravens. They're in the hundreds around you. Damn. Just everywhere on the beach.

You've been to Alaska and been around the bald eagles. In Anchorage, yeah. You see them. It's like, whoa. Yeah. They're just like pretty cash. They're like pigeons up there. I mean, they're everywhere.

But it's That's fucking gorgeous And that's the canoe That looks like it's a remnant from the Yeah That was the one That was like the one that You know

The scouts hurt Like my brother's friend took us too I mean So nobody's even there Go back to the hiking one Look at that Yeah That's just

That was not even That was us Just taking a walk that day That wasn't even a planned hike I mean we would go like God damn, yeah Like we took a ferry over to Skagway

And What was that city? It's just like one of these little port towns Like the Cruise lines drops you off But again my brother So my brother works on the fairies That take the miners

Over and like They have to breathalize them every time What? Miners to Epstein Island Yeah To all them Yeah they're going They're so cold

in their little bikinis. They all have all boots on now. They just want the warmth. They do. And so he's just like made friends of all these weird ass dudes that work on these boats. We,

on Skagway, you can rent these little, it's all these like real, these like little windy roads up to the top of mountain tops. And we rented these motor scooters, right? And we're going up this mountainside. It's gorgeous. There's nothing else around and you get up to the top. There's this little house that has kind of like a speakeasy bar in it. I mean, it's just an old woman that would like to

drink with anybody who makes it up to the top. And if you know about it, you know about it. She'll let you come in, but she will get you shit-faced. Where does she get her booth? People just bring? I mean, she's like, she's like the Miss Mucket of Skagway, Alaska. That's so, what's the bar like? It's a how. I mean, it's truly like, you know, you're grandma's curtains. It's like that. You walk in and you're like, this is, this is someone's grandma who couldn't make it back down.

Like it's just, it's just this house at the top of his mountain. That's so fucking cool. It's fucking, but it's like, it's so cool to live to have somebody that knows people because it's all these weird, funky shit and these abandoned little, or like, you know, isolated places of North

where, you know, you have these, like, weird experiences. says we, on the way down, we were shit-faced. She won't let you leave until your shit-faced. What do you drink? What does she have? I think gasoline. If we were taking shots of just, yeah, moonshine, on the way down, we,

the guy, my brother's friends we were with, I mean, he was like, you know, he's going like this on his motor scooter on the way down the mountain, gets clipped by a car, flies, falls off. Not, doesn't move for a while, an ambulance comes. He refuses to go into ambulance because he's Alaskan and doesn't want to pay for it. His head's bleeding. you definitely has a concussion you know gets back on the bike and keeps going down and that's an Alaska person

they're unfazed by shit but it's just it is if you can like be okay with you'd have to the problem is most people want that and like a five star hotel or a four star yeah yeah you have to know that you're gonna be cold

and what half the time too but when you get to your destination it makes it worth Also, like, dude, you know, we'd be kayaking around and just dolphins, otters. We took a seaplane back from Skagway and multiple times just above, you know, just a huge stretch of sea. You would see three whales jumping, orca whales. Like, it is, and there's nothing around, you know. Watching whales jump in a seaplane that three people are in.

Yeah, they're like, we're not even. close to anything human. They're just like, oh, I guess there's one up there. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not in a, you're not in one of these, like, dinky boats where they've, you know. Take tourists. Yeah, this is like, yeah, this is the real shit.

Everyone's pushing to try to like. Yeah, move. And you're like, these aren't real whales. These are fucking robots. It's so cool. You've also got this thing I like to call boots on the ground for travel where you're like, you can read about what to do, but if you actually know someone who lives there. Yeah.

So, like, I'm living. New York if you wanted to like, if you wanted to visit, like, what's a cool bar? Like, let me show, like, let me show you. And they're like, I heard this part. Like, that part sucks now as a line. Yeah. They got new ownership. They blow.

Let me show you the cool one. Like, you would just know, you need someone there to actually. I figured that out. That's like, like, we went to, uh, we went to Europe, like, last year and we knew somebody in Mont, France. Yeah. And we went to, like, we were in, uh, Lisbon before and, and Paris, you know, bookends of the trip, but we were not in the middle of it, and we knew somebody there.

She lived there for 10 years. That was the best part of the two weeks because she knew people. Like, she was taking us to her friend's cafes. And they were like, come downstairs, you know, and like. Yeah, extra access. Yeah, and you're just like going to real shit and like talking to human beings without it just being a bartender that's sick of another tourist. Or they're trying to fleece you for money.

Like everybody that comes in, they're just like fish to the, them. Yeah. And this is like, oh, cool, you're from America. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We, uh, oh, we went, my roommate and I hiked Mount Whitney two years ago. Damn. And before we went up to the mountain, yeah. You ever to this place called Darwin? Yeah, in Alaska. I mean, Australia. No, in California. No. Okay, Mount Whitney's in Upper California, right? Yeah. I truly wish I knew. I know where it was. That's where the Dharma Bums went. Yeah, the Darwin Bums. Darma bums. Darma? Yeah. Isn't that what they did? Did they count Mount Wendy?

Isn't that like Darmabums? Who's a Dharma bum? D.H. Nice. You got it. I figure, I'm like picturing the cartoon girl. It's Jack Kerouac. Was it, was it, um, Mount Whitney?

Anyway. Dude, this might be where these people ended up. Boom. What is it? Matterhorn Peak in, not Mount Whitney. Not Mount Whitney. Ah, fuck. Boom in my face.

What is it? Hey, Jorge. When I get something clearly wrong like that, you can rub it in. You're right to get on the mic there. I feel like it looks like you're celebrating there already. You're actually wrong. I feel like you're too nice, Jorge.

I feel like you're rubbing it and it's like you were closer than you thought. He's usually dealing with a boss that would beat him if he oversteps. That is true. Yeah, I'm not that kind of boss. Jorge gets on and goes, I guess the internet was wrong again. Sorry, I used the wrong Google. Yeah, yeah. Oh, use ass geez.

I'll be writing a letter to Google. Remember when Jonah, Jonah Ray did a, he did a whole, like, campaign for, like, Bing or Ask Jeeves? I've been doing a bit about Ask Jeeves. We forgot about Asked. And he did a bit about it. He goes, this number one search engine. It was like, Jonah, you're a nerd. You do not use As Jeeves or Bing to look up anything.

Is he still using it? It was that. And then there was one where Tim Dillon was talking about, like, the green juice, whatever. The AG1? Yeah. And I was like watching him reading. this ad and I'm just like, what? I'm like, you know what? You don't fucking eat that?

He's like, you're huge. What are you talking about? He's got a Big Mac underneath the table going, I get all my greens before 8 a.m. He's got Big Matt sauce in his fingernails. I love when they're going to. I love seeing somebody like promote something. Like, no

way. No, literally no way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, ring camera is great for when I, I want to watch my porch flowers grow. Bobby Lee talking about like Hello Fresh. I'm like, bro, you know where your kitchen is. Shut up. This is great for someone to make me food with.

Yeah. Oh, Darwin is, I think these are the same. Okay, we knew somebody whose dad lived in Darwin and we went there before we camped Mount Whitney. Dude, this town is. Unincorporated community. So crazy. Okay.

So they don't have. They have no departments. They don't have quote-unquote government. I mean, I'm sure if somebody got murdered, police would make their way out there. But there is no, there is, again, no water department, hospital, you know, any, the mail comes once a week,

and it just gets dropped off of this post office and you have to walk there. We knew somebody's dad that lived there. He made his own well and pumped it. and a bunch of, like, you know, artists and shit live out there, but they build their own homes. Yeah, and they... Like, let's make some songs.

Yes. Or, like, let's build some weird, like, sculptures. That there's so many... You guys are sculptures, like, made out of this? Yeah. A man lives there. Yeah. And the drama's so dope because they're like,

well, this guy lives in a school bus, you know, and he keeps... He stole this other guy's tires. And you're getting, like, real... You're getting to... Wow. to bum drama out there but it's so funky weird

because it's people that want to live off the grid but are also artists and then also some of them are just Outlaws Yeah It's such a Crazy place to walk around I mean

So dude I was in I was in I was in Barrow And by the way Speaking of like Australian Cairns So I got to Alaska I was headed there And it was like You gotta say

Uckvi Agbek What is it? Oh Is that the welcome word? What? Is that the welcome word? No, that's what they call this city. Oh, okay.

They went back to the indigenous name. And it was hard to pronounce because it spelled so weird. I was like, Bukaviyak. And they're like, Bukviyovic, get it. I was like, okay. Bukvig. Yeah. And then I finally was like, all right,

and everyone would get kind of pissy mad because I don't know what Juno is, but Anchorage is kind of lezzy. So it's a little more woke. I got in trouble at doing a show in a universe in Juneau. Yeah. Juneau seems like the number one lesbian city

maybe Portland It's like fucking White kids that go to university Southeast Alaska and like Pretend They're the saviors of the Native Americans Up there pretty much Yeah, that's what it is

So they got mad, they're like, it's Ucviagvik And I'm like, okay, I mean, who gives a fuck? I'm going, and it was Barrow up until like 10 years ago Anyway, then I took a tour And one of the indigenous people were like showing us the town and he was like, hello, welcome, it's Ucviagvik. You can also, it's also some people say Barrow. We say Barrow, because that's what we grew up with.

But you can say whatever you want. And I'm like, these fucking white bitches are mad at me. And then the indigenous people are like, it's Barrow. I grew up with Barrow. What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, the people that are fighting for Uchfjavik grew up in Seattle. Yeah, exactly.

You know, I'm like. Anyway, but they did say that whenever there's like in that, town whenever there's like a fight like we got to settle this now because we're too small a community and too isolated to have any drama yeah that's the fucking best yeah when you do get there and you find out some when you're sitting in somebody's front porch in a small town like that and somebody walks by and they're like they fuck it yeah yeah they're like their dog fuck somebody else's dog the other day and got him pregnant and we're real pissed It's like dumb, silly.

Drama, the whole town's wrapped around. I love it. Yeah, but it's like that, I mean, dude, I... The comedy shows 50th anniversary, all those old people showed up, and they still had... This was like seven years ago, within the last seven or eight years, maybe even less, I don't know. But you can hear people going, oh, it's so-and-so, I'm like, I don't know you, I don't know them, but I'm listening. That's all you want to know. And then as it's coming out of their mouth, the reason they're still mad, like 30 years later, they have to face how dumb it sounds.

It was like, oh, he bought me and he said he had to go and then he was still there when I got off. Anyway, this was 1991. You're like, okay. You're like, you should fight him. Don't you all have grandkids now? Yeah, yeah. They should fight them already. Should you fight them right here, right now?

Or do you like, my favorite is when they're like, well, they stole this bit from me and you hear the bit and it's, you're like. So, bro. Yeah, you're like, first of all, you should let them have it. It sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like generic as shit. on the wrong end of those. Thinking I'm like defending myself

and then later like, damn, that fucking sucks. Yeah, you hear them do it. Some five-year comic going, this is genius. Very much. Wait, let's go back to Alaska. I'm trying to think of my favorite. So what's, wait, what's the city of Juno like? Okay, Juneau, it is the capital.

That's another place just hiking about Juno. That was actually funny. Show me all these pictures. These are fucking glorious. I mean, that's just a, Is that a fjord? Yeah. It's a fjord? Yeah.

Uh. Can you swim in that? Yeah. Have you? Mm-hmm. We swam around. I mean, yeah, you can like, it is the no man's land. You could do truly whatever you want.

Yeah, but you can do whatever you want. But I was in Anchorage during like a thaw and it said like, don't go out on the mud. It's like frozen mud for like half a mile. And it was like, be careful. Why? Because it's thawing. So you walk out on it. In January, you're fine.

And then in like, I guess it was like April, you're less fine or May. Is that quicksand? No, it just kind of collapses. And I walked out there for a while. And then a big chunk collapsed behind me and went in. I was like, fuck. I can't even get back that way. And I'm like, I'm just dead if it falls.

So I'd like slowly walk around. You can do whatever you want. Yes. But like, are you, should you do? Like, can you swim in there? Sure, sure, yeah, yeah. I mean, again, that's what you, if you live out there,

you could die in any day. Right. So go out there and have some adventures. But, you know what I mean? This one, I remember actually on this hike, we flew back from Skagway and can't take your bear spray on a seaplane because

if it goes off, you're in such a tight space, it's in the pilot's eyes and you're dead. So we had to throw a bear spray away and forgot about it, and we're on this hike. and we're going up a little narrow way and just you hear droppings you heard being dropped drops drops my brother's like there's a bear up in that tree eating something it's dropping on the ground and he's like we gotta go quick we i just remember i don't have my bear spray we had to get rid of it so we just again it's just Alaska you don't there's no there's no alerting authorities you just go hey walk you walk briskly and then hope that they're not there when you get back Damn. And it's just like, it's just that, it's that constantly, but also this is, I go up in June, July and August.

Yeah. Those are the most beautiful months of the year. And then the rest of the year is darkness. It's bleak. You know, but when you're up there in July, the sun's out till 1 a.m. I love it. It's. And Barrow didn't set.

in the solstice, but it's like three months. Yeah. And then in Anchorage, yeah, it's like 11 or 12 or 1. Yeah, they play, they'll play a, like, you know, a neighborhood pickup game, like a baseball game at 11 p.m. It's so nuts. It's so nutty. It changes how people live. Yeah.

It seems like they'd also be like, hey, this isn't going to last. Let's really enjoy it. Yeah. But they do. I mean, they do. In Ukviyagwick, all the kids at 2 a.m., 3 a.m., they were taking dirt bikes, just like going for it. Yeah, yeah. It's like I mean, yeah,

it's like they just I don't like they don't like also but they're not phased by like they all have boats do you know what I'm saying they make life even harder than it needs to be being in Alaska. Like they go and live on boats and

like it's cold. Do you know what I'm saying? Like they don't even have a home they could live on a home but it's below zero degrees in the middle of January and they choose to still live on a boat no matter what. Or it's drafty and like, yeah. Like you're on the water?

You want to be in somewhat? Yeah, exactly. And like, so in the summertime, when it's sunshine, sometimes they're just like, yeah, it's hot. And you're like, it's 62 degrees. It's not, it's, this is still freezing cold to me. Yeah. I live in Atlanta, Georgia.

Yeah. Is that where you live? I did for 10 years. I'm in L.A. now. I think I, what was my other? Wait, flip through some more of these next. I guess my other really favorite. I can't think of my...

God, it's so cool, too, because you're not gonna... Hikes like this, this seems like could be Yosemite on a cloudy day, a part of it, but, like... Yeah. But you're just not going to run into any fucking fat Americans. Yeah, we were the only people on the island that day. Keep going. Again, a bear could run up. I mean, those are just...

A bear could run up to us. Have you ever had a bear spray one? I've never had to spray it. us at the top of the mountain. I've never had to spray it. You know what they say though? Wow. God damn, the sun must set forever up there. It is dope. It's also one of these towns where you drink for survival.

Really? Yeah. Look at the, look at all the mountains above. The clouds? The clouds. Did you see that documentary of that a young kid who was like the next prodigy of climbing but snowy not solo

I mean he was doing like the mountaineering where it was like this the snowy mountains and stuff he died in Juneau yeah they finally found his body a few years later a helicopter going up and down the mountain

and found two bodies dead bodies abandoned but yeah like I I'm obviously obsessed with it but I do think, I mean, my brother's only been up there like five years. Why did he go?

Okay, so he, when he graduated college, he started dating a girl, got a travel nursing, travel nursing, you know, like job. And they decided to live in a different place out west for a year. And so I think they lived in seven different states. And Alaska was going to be the last stop before they settled in Montana. And they got to Alaska and they were like, we're good, we love it. But like you can see. It does seem like Montana's like a lower level.

Yeah, for sure. It's like you're at Atlantic City. Like, this is really cool. Let me show you another city. Yeah. And it's like much cooler than this. Oh, wow. You think it could get better in Missoula.

Yeah. But it is beautiful. Yeah, they love it. It's pretty awesome. What is that? Is that just people messing around? It's all right. We would do like, do, when he lived to live,

Billings, Montana. We would just put in in a kayak in Wyoming and kayak for a couple days till we got out in Montana. And like sometimes it would be getting dusk and he'd be like, all the shoreline has been overflooded. We might have to canoe through the night. And I love going to hang out with him because I'm like, all right, I take that lead. I get pissed off when, you know, I get bumped for a spot. And then I go out into the wilderness with them and I go, well, sometimes you just have to canoe through the night because there's nowhere to stop and just drink and be okay with it. And it makes me stop being such an uptight bitch. Yeah. Yeah, especially too, and there's no choice. We're just doing it. Yeah. And you want to be like,

well, why? It's like, it's happening. Right, right, right. Yeah. And you just like, you suck it up. And yeah, it's like I went mountain biking with my little brother in Utah last weekend. Yeah. And I like, hate. Have you ever mountain biked? Like mountain bike? No, my friend Nick Kapper does it all the time in Australia, but he says I gotta start doing it. It's hell on your body. It's so, I mean, I was tasting blood.

Really? Yeah, but. No, I don't have to do that at all. It's so dope. Have you ever heard mountain bike before? Oh my God. It's so fun, but I just am constantly like telling myself, I'm dead. I'm dead.

I want to die. Half these hikes I go with my brothers. I want to die. It's a four-hour hike and they're mountain goats and they're skipping up it. and I'm just lying to myself about how much fun I'm having because my body's screaming. Like, stop. Yeah, every bone in my body's aching.

But I'm going like, this is just a fucking Tuesday for them. And I learned not be such a puss-puss. They also, my brothers are like, I'm done. You're like, well, we're hours away. Yeah, I'm out. So you can die here if you want. Yeah. Get up.

That's what it is. Dude, my brother's girlfriend hiked Mount Winnie like last year. was going to ski down, you know? Oh, really? Yeah, but she was with a group and like, they decided to go down this, this really sketchy part that had been iced over, and she was like, I'm not doing it, and went down a path that, and she got lost

and found this couple who was hiking up Mount Whitney and was lost too and were scared and did not pack a tent or anything for the night because they were planning on doing it in a day. So she was like, we just huddled behind a boulder in the middle of a snow patch. Wow. And I just met these people that, you know, they're strangers to me. But we all just like spooned for body warmth through the night. And they're crying and wailing.

And she's like, you just shut up. You shut up. We're out here. This is our only choice. Huddled together for warmth and we'll figure it out in the morning. And then she's like, and then we woke up and the sun came out. And I was like, see you. And I left him and skied the rest the way down.

But I was like, these are these people, these people I got to hang out with every now and then to not be. They don't give a shit about comedy. Yeah, it takes you out of your comfort zone enough to where you're like, okay, maybe I'm complaining about the wrong things. Yes. Like, it's still pretty good. It's good. You know what I love? I love when I've been around comics or Hollywood people too much and everybody's name dropping.

And it's all like a bunch of bullshit art talk, right? And then I go visit my brothers out west and they're like, I don't know who the fuck you're talking about. I don't care about any of that. This man climbed out of a mountain with, we had. you know, salt his arm off and survived it. And that's all they talk about. And I go, okay, okay, this is badass. Yeah, someone who actually did something and not just like,

I don't know how you live in L.A. I'm sorry, I don't know how you live in Hollywood. I do dig it. Really? I dig, we're moving to a place on a cliff with a view. Okay. Yeah, yeah. You're in New York and then you're going to London.

Yeah. That's like. Come on, Vanda. See, there's something about me. She doesn't like it because I want her attention. Don't cross your legs. Bannett. Up up.

She thinks she can tell her to put any deodorant on. Bandidat. Come on, Banda. Up on. Oh my God. It's because I want it too much. I don't care at all. She doesn't like the fucking jujitsu is going on upstairs.

Yeah, there's a bunch of going on it. Okay, wait. What's Juno like? Well, let's see some of these pictures, too. Look, through some of these, because this is the folks' most glorious nature. like ever see on this podcast. There's a ton of a homeless in downtown Juneau.

Anchorage, too. Don't you want to look at these people and go, hey, you can be homeless anywhere? Yeah. Why are you picking Alaska? Just, I guess, get on a ferry and all you have to do is get down to Washington. Yeah, there we go. It's Juneau. I have so many more I could send.

Yeah, send me later. We'll put a minute. But isn't it like when you see homeless and. in Chicago. Even Chicago. It's like, can't you just save up for one plane ticket? I know, I know your homeless because you don't, you didn't make the best life decisions,

but all you have to do is make one more decision. Like one good decision? Get to California. Get to California. Santa Monica, out by Tray's house. Right. All the homeless are out by Trayshouse. Right.

But you're like, also you, but you look at those people and you, how are you so alive? Yeah, how do you survive that winter? You're not to die off. I don't know. You know how they say ticks or worse? because of global warming

that it's making, they don't get frozen off during the, as much during the winter because it doesn't last as long. Yeah. So they start more, the rats here too.

I didn't think about that. Don't have a die-off period that's too long. Yeah, I don't know what the homeless do. So like, shouldn't you guys be eviscerated? Are you guys new? How do you last more than two winters? I don't know it,

because it puts my mind because I go, I like, because I guess, what that NASCAR guy just die at 40 because a septet or whatever septic or whatever it makes me sepsis? Cepsis? What is that? I keep on it septic. It's got to be the

same thing right? It's like it's a it's dirt inside your organs and I go there's no way he died from somebody fingering him no after touching a dirty steering wheel and then and yet there's homeless people that survive that what the fuck? How was the same thing?

Dang. Cepsis. Every time somebody dies young in comedy, me and Rogan always like, how was Diaz still alive? He only did Coke. He was up until recently. He was so fat. And it was like, he would climb one flight of stairs of the comedy store, come to the phone room. But it used to be the phone room outside the belly room.

And it just, it was like 63 degrees. And I put the AC on. It's so fucking hot in here. And you're like, how did you make it to 60? Yeah. It's crazy. And these other guys. just passing.

Yeah, and like, you ever, you're, like, you're, like, tired? You know, you've had a full day, and you're like, fuck, I got to go do a set. Yeah. You know? And then you watch these people that are so unhealthy. I mean, out of their mind, and they're just, they're doing five sets a night, and you're like, I'm tired. Yeah, drinking.

Joe DeRosa, number one pig in America, but he's like, dude, all you do is drink every night. And you're not, like, huge. You're not huge. You come up with material. Yeah. You have a good set. Yeah. But also, like, your body should be, like, way worse than anyone's.

It's not great, but, like, it's fine. He looks, he looks like an average 40-year-old guy. He has the body of a man who has five children. Yeah, right. He's giving up a little, like, I'm not going to be obese, but I'm definitely not getting a tone. Right, yeah. He does look like he, does he still have that food truck in Austin? I don't know, does he?

I didn't know he had one. Yeah, he had one. We had one here, like a bar, like sandwich place. Did it, did it? No, it's still around. Is it really? Essex, I think. Or off Essex?

Damn, that's... Yeah, it's not far from here. Good sandwiches. Joy Roses. But like, one time we were all in Montauk and we were at a pool house for like a week. And I was getting into the pool, and he was in the pool. And he goes, Ari, stop. And I'm like, what?

He goes, stop doing that. I'm like, I don't know. What do you mean? Like, I was just about to jump in the pool. I was stop doing that with your stomach. And I was like, what? He goes, you're sucking it in. And I was like, oh, dude, you're just fat.

This is just my normal stomach. Why would I suck in my stomach for 20 straight minutes? Yeah, yeah, in front of your friends. Yeah, like, what are you talking about? You're much fatter friends. What are you talking about, dude? He was like, damn. I'm not a senior on spring break in Panama City Beach.

He's staring at your. your stomach as you're walking across the pool. That guy sucks. Where else have you been in? So when I was there last, I knew these, like, radio people and they would do stories about the Aleutians. What's the Aleutian? The Aleutian Islands, all that, on Alaska, the ones that go out like this.

And they go, they're so isolated. And this one guy was like, I haven't been able to get home for over a week. I've been sleeping on couches because the flights keep getting canceled because of the weather. He goes, I got halfway out one time ago. We got a turn. Came all the way back to Anchorage. because you're just isolated out there. They use stories on like fishing villages

that are like not even like thousands of years old. Some of them are like 150 years old, but they're kind of going away because anyone knew it was like, I'm not living here. Yeah. It is hard to with the internet. Yeah.

To justify staying out there. It's like Alaskan kids are like Amish kids. They're like, well, I'm going to go to Seattle for a year to see if this is better life. See you probably never. So to see if I want to eat something other than fresh elk every day. You ever heard reindeer dogs? No.

Oh. No. They're not dogs you eat. No reindeer hot dogs. Oh, reindeer dogs. I did. I did Fairbanks and I did the North Pole show. Did you ever done that?

Uh-uh. There's a... In Fairbanks, if you go a little bit above Fairbanks, it's called like North Pole something. And there's like a... like little Santa's house and a little workshop but there's this bar I mean they are I think they have a show there once a month in the summertime that they bring a comic up for and it is it's their entertainment for the year and they are so pumped to have you there I I am a ham but I think I did an hour and a half on stage and could have kept going because they're so into it so fun but I had a

reindeer dog up there. And yeah, remember it was good. I mean, it's like Alaska crowds are so fucking good. They're so fun because they're they're, I mean, they're starved for, even if they don't, like, because there's a lot of pretty red people up there. And I don't, I don't do that much political stuff, but even if

you, I like slide in little snide comments here and there, but they're just so happy to have entertainment, even if you're not there a cup of tea. They're just like happy to be out watching somebody perform for them. It's so fun. Yeah. They're always still, and I was growing up, I realized I've been more times than I realized. They're twice before I any sort of draw, this place called the Woodshed in Anchorage is now some other bar, but I went by there.

I'm like, this is it. They put us upstairs. Used to be a whorehouse, and for a while it was an abortion clinic, an illegal abortion clinic. But we would stay there, do the shows downstairs, try to get someone to come up and have sex and fail. and then, and then, like, but they're so into it. And then the bar,

the shows downstairs, bars on the ground floor, and everyone's just party. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, they're so pomp. I mean, they were telling me,

come to my man there. You know what's so fun? Is it's like, you know what Alaska is? Alaska, oh, come on, please stay, please stay in my lap.

I'll hold you and it'll be okay. I'm so happy. Good girl, Bannett? I'm so happy. It's like when my aunt I hate, I have to go, like,

have a conversation with her. Yeah. I don't want to have it, but I'm just like, putting in my time, so I don't have to do this anymore. She doesn't want to be here. She's like, all right, I'll pay attention to you. Oh, my God, I'm obsessed with it. That's the jam.

That's the jam. She's so soft. Fuck, I love it so much. If you would have slept with that woman at that bar, just knows she slept with every single one of your other friends. Yeah. Yeah. You know?

There's not that many of them there. They all know each other. other. Alaska is 40 years behind everywhere else. What do you mean? Yeah. In like a

like a what's in kind of thing. Interesting. You know? Yeah. Yeah, I remember the first time I went they had, some guy was smoking weed in the street. Every time you mention weed

you're like, these things don't make sense anymore. Weed was illegal. like pretty much everywhere. To me it still is. I don't know. I just... Really? I mean, that's how life was like for 30 years.

Yeah. Yeah. So this guy was just smoking in the streets. This old man. And they were like, no, they just made it illegal in Alaska, like in the 70s. And that guy was like, I'm not doing that.

I'm still smoking. And they were like... This is what I'm saying. Like, they... Do the best part is... Even in... I was in Fairbanks. And they were like telling me how...

When Greg Fitzgerald was up there, Fixedgerald. Greg's Fix Simmons. Who's Fitzgerald? F. Scott Fitzgerald? Yeah. Greg Fitzgerald's up there. They were like, our sheriff played a prank on him. Our sheriff pulled him over, and they got him out of the car, and they tore him. He had to go to jail.

And he was like, man, he filmed the whole thing. We were laughing. I go, the cop played, the sheriff played a prank on the visiting comic. I go, is this a Dukes of Hazard TV show? You know, it's like, it's a huge town in Alaska, but it's still that small where the fucking, you know, the sheriff is going and like, you know, pulling illegal pranks, filming it and putting it on the internet. Because it's still like the wild, wild west and nothing matters. Pull the city populations of Alaska, like the top five cities. I think it's, I think it's got to be under a million.

Okay, here we go. Anchorage, most. Doesn't they say the numbers? Boom. Boom. What the fuck? Okay, there we go. Anchorage.

How many people? 291,000, 300,000. Wow. And then Fairbanks is next with 32,000. I don't know this is neat. That's a tiny town. Wait, what's number one? Anchorage has, how many?

Almost 300,000. Three hundred thousand and... Juno and Fairbanks. Air Banks around 32,000. And then it drops at 9,000. Number four, Wissila. 9,000? Sometimes you do a stadium show for 20,000 people.

Wow. Go find, hey, find, um, I mean, I've been to seeing them. Wait, find a Barrow or Uqviagvik. Oh, there, Uqvah, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. There, Uqviogv, 45,000 people. Uxviogvik. That's about right. That place ruled

That place ruled Yeah there's fucking whale bones everywhere Anyway Yeah It's so fucking nuts there and wild That's so cool You get to go up there It is really cool

I mean I want to I like to go up there more I mean But then there's parts Like you go to like Fairbanks And you're like Oh this is an actual town

Yeah Also it's not even Canadian At all It is America They don't have any accents Up there Really? Yeah for sure

But like, I mean, but what do they say about, is it Anchorage? They go, Anchorage, it's 20 miles to Alaska, anywhere from Anchorage. Like, they don't even consider it. It's too big city for them. They don't even want to claim it. Yeah, that's the allusions. They're like, we're a completely different country. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're not even, like, at all Alaska. Yeah, for sure. They're so isolated. Yeah, they're the people that are bunkering, you know, there's people that bunker for preparation. They're bunkering now. Yeah. Right, right, yeah. They just are the bonkers.

Yeah. Yeah. It's dope. I did, I mean, like, it's a shit that I like to, I think they, because I don't know, I go hang out with people up here all the time, and then I get really annoyed with, when I go back to Hollywood, and I'm around a bunch of people that think that their stupid little artsy world is the center of the universe, and I'm like, you're fucking losers. I do love, I don't know, I kind of, I lived in London for us,

summer. Yeah. And when I was in college, I was an intern for the Olympics. And I lived in, it was very, we worked with the cleaning company. And we lived in, you know, like those trailers that you see on construction sites? You know what I'm talking about? We lived 10 to one to one of those. Like some of the, we had cleaners from Hungary and we had other interns from Leeds met.

But it was like shitty. I mean, like some people, like, there was a daily mail article about. how horrible our living conditions were. Yeah. But I look back on that time and I go, that shit was so fun, but I wouldn't have been able to do this now that I live a comfortable life.

That's a problem. You built up like luxuries and then you just can't take it. Yeah. We went to Bonnaroo and they put us up in a hotel for comedy. They don't do comedy anymore. But we were like looking at all the tents

and people like, can you imagine staying here for four days? And it was like, yeah, I mean, yeah, 80,000 people are doing it. Right. What do you mean? These aren't refugees. These are people willingly getting a tent and enjoying themselves.

Yeah. Remember when a Burning Man like a few years ago, they were like, it's a dust storm. They're stuck out there. And they go, so you're saying that these, they have to hunker down for a day? Their RVs. Yeah.

Yeah. Our shower and our RV isn't working. We're going to die. Yeah, one day. You're fine. You're totally fine. Yeah. It is nice.

Yeah, LA, the problem with that, is like they really do the artsy thing. It's like they think it's the center of the world. And they'll mention some TV show. I'm like, oh, what is that? Like, what, you don't know about that? I won it this award. I hate that.

I hate that. I hate that. It gross this much. Yeah, I always get that like, I don't watch that much. Fine, whatever. But people are like, I can't believe you haven't seen this, this and this and this. I go, I don't, I'm going to die at some point. When I die on my deathbed, I'd rather be like, oh, I saw the top of these 19

mountains. I don't care that I finished the last season of hacks. Yeah, yeah. And then you get the comics who are like, you didn't watch my special and it's like, bro, you know there's so many specials, right? You're aware that it's like four a week. Yeah, right. Like, what do you talk? No. I don't ever get mad at comics watching specials.

I can't even, I think I could be watching your live hour. Yeah, there's that too. I've actually seen a lot of stand-up. It's always much better than a special. For sure. Even when I, I think my brain just disassociates, I could be staring at you for an hour on stage and you get off and I'd be like, there was 15 minutes that I, I went away. I was thinking about stuff. I was somewhere else. I don't, I don't care.

I want to do, I either want to do the base camp of Everest next. Everest is in Alaska? No. Where? Yeah, base camp. No. No. That's Washington.

Everest. Where's Everest? Everest. Everest in, it's side of them. Paul and Everest. And then I want to do... Theo did that. Theo Hakeda Base Camp.

He did? Uh-huh. Asked about it. I actually... And then I want to do Kilimanjaro soon. My dad did that. Uh, you did? My dad.

You dad. Eighty-three. Really? Yeah, he was the eighth oldest man to do it at the time. Did he train? Sort of. He just walked around his flat neighbor with rocks in his backpack. Yes.

He's like, he's like a survivor. Yeah. He's wild. That's all I, that's the shit. That's all I want to do is. go do that stuff. Yeah. We're doing eight days in Yosemite over the 4th of July.

Cool. I just want to, yeah, I want to climb. You can do a half dome? I already did it last year. Have you done it? No. Dude, okay, so you know what? I was going without realizing how, like, I've done Angels Landing, and I'm like, oh, this is, but then half to him is like, dude, that's, it gets started early.

It's all day. It's fine. It's so easy. Yeah. I mean, the going down is the only, any mountain, the going down is the only part that sucks. On your knees. Yeah, it's so much worse. But you know about the climbing, the very tip top, the last.

So the half dome, the last, like, push is, can you look up a picture of it? It's, what do you call them? They're a, you have to hold onto a cable and it's so steep that, yeah, it's called the cables. Okay. Right? Do you see how steep it is? like, so you're, if you let go of those cables, you'll die. Wow.

You know what I'm saying? It's like, but it can get kind of crowded if you wait. Yeah, to the end of the day. But you just have. Oh, the fucking no. Yeah, it's nuts. Make that bigger. What the fuck?

No. That's how, that's how Kilimanjaro gets. Yeah, it's crazy. That's how Everest gets where you see these people in a line waiting to take their fucking picture and then turn around. And then the crazy thing is you see people like I'm dying by the time I get up there. I mean, and I'm pretty damn fit. I could do most things I think.

But I am out of breath. I want to get to the top. I'm exhausted. And you turn around and there's some girl on a pilgrim skirt and like 20 year old sketchers. And you're like, how are you up here right now? How did you make it up here? Or sometimes I'm, you know, visiting my brother in Alaska and we climb up to a top of a mountain. And I look behind me.

And there was two obese people behind me making out. And I go, did you pay somebody to wheel you up here? How did you get up here? And it's mean of me to say that. But I'm upset because I'm dying. I'm physically in shape. And I'm dying. And I'm pissed off that you've made it up here as well.

We weren't up the hard way and run in once. We were like, let's go the hard way. And that was with Bernie Stevens. He's not around much anymore. But like, we were like, this is too steep. We've got to turn back. We can't. We can't.

We can't. It's like way too steep. This is like not cool. And then we like turn around and there was a child of like five behind us doing it. And we're like, all right, guys, we really should be able to do this. Also when the kids are like flipping and doing jumping jacks all around and you're like, I'll kill you. I'll kill you. This is me.

This is, I think I'm like midway on the cables right there. Damn. Look at your free hat. Taking the, I know, I know. I climbed that to, to, I think it's the porous. This guy sent that to me afterwards. But, yeah, it's, that one's, that's the dopest part about that. So at least in Angels Landing, there's that cabally part two.

And it's like really, I have to glow around people. And so if they get pushy, especially, let me bring it back, these fucking Chinese, they have no spatial awareness. So they're just like, move up, like, wait, wait, this is fucking day, literally up. Somebody dies once every month there. Because, chill. Somebody just died there. Yeah, it happens all the time.

It's because they're used to crowds, so it doesn't phase them. You're like air to them. You are air. What's personal space? What does that mean? There's 20 million in my city. What does that mean personal space? Words don't go together.

But then once you get up there, at least it's like wide open and you can like sit and have your lunch and like kind of be alone. Yeah. It feels good. Yeah. When it gets kind of like my older brother did a canyon. He did a 21 day trip, rafting in the canyon. and this is going to be fucked up to say, but a woman did die on their trip.

Nice. Yeah. And it does kind of make you, you kind of want something bad to happen on your trip. Not to anybody you know, but somebody adjacent to you to be like, yeah, what I did was hard and scary.

I don't, it doesn't make me feel good when there's Amish people skipping up this with me. And I'm, I want somebody to get injured so I can tell people. It's not. We climbed Fuego in Guatemala, and there was like a volcano just goes off every five minutes, and you're up the mountain right next to it.

So once you get up there, it's like, it's hard to get up there. It actually gets thin. But then when you're already just camp and you're just seeing these explosions over and over again. And then people like, is it dangerous? And you're like, no, the wind just goes one way. And then like two days after I went, like the wind changed. They had to evacuate everybody like instantly. You're like, oh, it does make you feel better.

Yeah. Is it so funny when you do do those trips though? And you're like, I was so trusting. Yeah. This person is a professional. They know what they're doing. And then two days later, you're like, everyone died? Are there any parts of Alaska you're still like itching to get to?

I'm really excited to go to these, the islands. The Homer, there's, I guess, I guess that's the little island we're going to. There's like a smaller island off a Homer that we're boating to and camping out there for a few days. and then I would really like to get to I've recently done Anchorage and Fairbanks I would like to get up to Donali I also don't like I've done like shows and shit

I don't I don't care to go do any more shows I like doing shows but I would rather just go up there and live the life I'd rather like The shows make it tax deductible Yeah for sure But I don't know.

I'd rather not pack makeup. Oh. You know what I'm saying? I'd rather not put any, like, show effort into it. And I'd like to just go up there and, I don't know, I want to get up to, I would like to go live a week or two weeks, too, way up where they, you know what I'm saying, where they have to go kill their food to eat that day. I would like to have to kill something to eat it to survive. Are you, when you're out in these, are you packing food or are you fishing? Uh, we're, like Admiral.

I mean, we're packing food, uh, oh, we're packing food if we need it, but we're fishing and cooking the fish. God damn. Damn. Yeah. So fucking cool. Also, sometimes though, like, we caught a lot of those salmon. Yeah.

Those salmon can turn. And even if you cook them, they're not. I mean, they're, because they're actively dying. Right. They're not good. What they call them blimpies and something else? There's like two words for them. Bumpies.

Bumpies feels right? Yeah. I don't know. And it's like they just looked at, there's like swimming downstream or upstream or if they get to the ocean or if they don't or the sound. If they get to the ocean,

they've got to be young. They're going out to college. Then the ones that are going back up. The ones are coming back up are to, they're planning to fuck and die. You're right. They're coming home from college. Their life is over.

It's so funny, they just storm the gates and these bears are like, who's jumping up? Yeah. Try to get one. A fuel get by. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit it with numbers.

It is what a sad, sad life. You go all the way back there and some bears just eating you. Just eats you and you're full of cum. It's blowing loads. It's like those, you know, those juicy gummies with a little squirt on the inside. Yeah, the gushers. Yeah, that's out for the gushers. Oh, that was a good texture one.

The bears don't realize what they like. I love what's in that. Somebody's like, I don't want to tell you. No, tell me. It's a gusher. Like, bro, they jizz in your mouth. Oh, God. Fuck.

It's disgusting. Yeah. But imagine being so horny that you're swimming upstream and then you get killed. Maybe you don't even feel it. Maybe you're so horny you don't feel pain. Yeah, maybe that's it. You just jizzing her way. Yeah.

Right before, if you're getting tortured, right before they kill you, you're like, let me get hard or let me rub one out. You and David Taylor went fishing because of the woodshed. They were like, we can't really pay you much, even though at the time was $500 and a flight and a place to stay, which is like awesome. Yeah, you're like, oh, so you're paying for my way to Alaska. Yeah. Cool. But they were like, we feel bad.

It's all we can afford. But like we'll take you either on a glacier thing on a boat, I mean on a plane or take you fishing on the sound. We're like fishing. Yeah, that's awesome. And he's like hit him and then cut some open and you see like eggs. I'm like, this was pregnant. And my friend David Taylor was like, is that caviar?

And he's like, yeah. He's like, can you eat it? He goes, yeah. And he'd take a spoon, just eat him right out of that. And then David just kept eating every time he found it pregnant, we just fill up on it and then got the worst sea sickness of ever seen. You can't fill up on fresh raw caviar on a boat and fill up on it. He's supposed to put a little on a cracker. It's so, did he like it?

Did he say tasting good? I don't think caviar tastes good. I think it's like it's rare and expensive. you're supposed to like it. But then you're, that's the best part when you're out there and you're like,

this isn't that rare. We're having a shit ton of it. Yeah. So when you find out that lobster is actually, it was like prison food for back in the day. Oh, really?

Yeah, you never heard of them about lobsters? Because it was like bottom dwellers? Yeah, lobsters were, they called them the roaches of the sea. Ugh. They were like, they were, you know,

you could catch a shit ton of them at a time and they're not, you can catch easily, easily catch them. And so they became prison food. And then whatever reason, some kind of campaign or something made them seem like they were some fancy, sought-after expensive. Wow. Mm-hmm.

So you did with kale. It's just a garnish. Yeah. I went to a garden the other day and was like, that's how my kale looks. Hey, so let's wrap this up. This is what I ask everybody. What's somewhere you want to go that you haven't been yet? That's kind of calling you.

And do you have any travel tips? general or specific Yeah, I think I want to go skiing in Japan Yeah, me too There was some year where they were like The base was like a hundred and something

It was like what? And they're like, that's pretty typical. Yeah, and there's like Seven different resorts You can kind of easily pop To. I kind of an epic both have Japanese Like sister passes

Yeah I think if you have an icon pass, you can use it there. Yeah, there's like a few mountains out there. You can get Europe too. Yeah. Yeah. Is that true? I want to, I want to go skiing in Japan.

I want to, I want to go to the base of Everest. I mean, I'd like to go all the way to the top. I just feel like, you know, if I'm doing Uncle Vinny's in New Jersey, I don't have time to train for Everest. Yeah. But, uh... I hate snow hiking. Just give me a nice warm day. I don't know.

I kind of dig it. Okay. When you're like hot, though, and there's snow around you. It's dope. And then, but I also just would want to walk around Nepal. I've never been to that part of the country or the world. Yeah. Travel tip.

Just buy underwear and throw it away. I like that one. Yeah. Instead of trying to wash it, just buy a couple packs. Just be like, these are like wet wipes. Treat underwear like wet wipes. Just toss them. Get new ones.

Don't try. They're pretty cheap. I did that in Thailand. Me and my friend went and it was like, I'm buying a 12-pack or two six-packs of T-shirts and two six-packs of socks, two six-packs of underwear. And it was like, we're not, I don't even know how to find a launch of them out there. Yeah. Oh, what are you going to do?

Lug-around dirty skid marks? Yeah. If you're going for two weeks. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's a good tip. Good new ones. Yeah.

New underwear. All right. I dig it. Catherine, I'll put in all their shit when I put this out. I'll send you some more. pictures of some... Yeah, send me more. I know I feel like I have so much...

Tone... All the nature pictures. Yeah. Some other ones do that salmon jizzing on your leg. Dude, my... I don't even know if... This is such a random thing. I just thought about it in Nant France.

Just being like, we know people walking around. She... The woman we knew was from Texas, though. And I love when you find other Americans that have left America and live somewhere else. This is my favorite. Her best friend she lived with and not... Nantes France. left America because she was tired of being royalty where she was from.

She grew up in Missouri, and everybody knew her because her dad wrote the jingle for O, oh, oh, oh, O Riley's auto parts. And everybody in her town recognized their family because they were the most famous people in this part of Missouri for her dad's jingle. And she said, I'm sick and tired. So she went to go be a nobody? And non-France. Wow.

That's kind of like a travel Nobody to recognize me. Yeah. They found out of a comic, like, that's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you make money at that? I'm like, yeah, a lot.

Like, what? Like, enough to, like, eat? I'm like, yeah, and then more. You wouldn't believe it. Are you going to get up in London a lot? Yeah, I'm going to take over the scene. Is it the same kind of? Humor?

Yeah. Yeah, it's a little different. It's more like San Francisco-y. What's that mean? They're, they're, millennials are more activated than our millennials? I still don't know what that means.

They get a little angry at dark stuff. So like I've been yelled out a few times to move on, which I really love push-sec. I love friction. And then like the late-night shows, the late-night shows here are the coolest shows. Like if you're on at 1.30 a.m. on a Tuesday,

the only people in the audience are very cool. Yeah. So you can make a joke about ketamine. You don't have to explain what ketamine is. They're all like, yeah, I don't do it anymore, but like I get it. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah. So their late night vibes are like, are like super cool because people are all drug addicts and like in the best way. But then the earlier shows are like, stop this. Really? This is wrong what you're saying. And you're like, I haven't gotten to the bad parts yet. So like, yeah, our sensibilities.

Like we're just all cowboys to them, I think. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. The stand up there comes from theater. It comes out of theater. And here it comes to borrow a term comes from the soil. From bars.

Yeah, it comes from the ground up, and there comes from theater down. So they're all trying to do some version of theater and change it into stand-up, where we just started around like Campfire Storytelling. Right. And then went up to stand-up. That makes sense, because Fringe is there, and it's very much like stand-up is a light play. Yeah, and that also is, like, festival comedy, which is more elevated even. Yeah.

I'm correct in saying they love a sound effect Maybe, yeah, a long act out They do love act outs Yeah French too French are all act outs A lot of booboooo peopos We were watching some French comedy at Montreal at the festival And he was like, well he goes, fucking French

It's like they blow up a giant balloon Step inside of it and go, al-vo? Al-a-join? And then you're like, and everyone claps You're like, what the fuck is this? All right, all right. Hey, good job. I'll put in all your stuff

and your tour dates once I put this out. Who knows when it'll be? Okay, cool. Great. That's perfect time for Alaska shit. Yeah, yeah, exactly. He'll be back by that.

Hopefully you die up there by a bear attack. Then I'll put this out in like two years. I'll save it. Make it black and white. I'll save it, hello. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put my picture, my dead body picture up after the bear pussy.

Okay. Yeah, like, look at me, jizz. And I'm like, here she is now. Yeah. All torn up. All right. Well, that's the episode everybody i hope you enjoyed it um katherine good job

man alaska is the most wild place in the fucking world well at least it's the most wild place in the united states no offense to hawaii or new orleans um or the homeless streets of san francisco man what i really want to go is those fucking islands i forget what they're called we can covered in the episode i heard that was just just legitimately wild like fishing villages that are like speak more Russian than English. All have Russian accents, some level of Inuit and fucking all that jazz. Check out, Catherine.

It's Catherine Blanford on Instagram and YouTube. You can see everything she does there. She's got a special out called Catholic Cowgirl. It's available right now at 800 pound gorilla. 500 pound gorilla? I forget. This is a cool cemetery. What was it going to say?

What was it called? the, ah, something with an A, all those islands. But I mean, like, I talked to reporters who were, like, stranded who couldn't get, couldn't get there for, like, days at a time because the weather. One flew halfway there and then, and then had to turn back because of weather. It's a wild, wild place. Thank you, Catherine. Make sure to check out a tour dates at, where is she? Check out of all our shows on catherineblanford.com.

Kansas City, San Antonio, Houston, Dania Beach, Indianapolis, and Charlotte. And she's also got her podcast that she does with Shane Torres called Coastal Idiots. I have not been on there.

Oh, how's that? Walking into this dark. Please subscribe wherever you're watching and listening. Guys, give it up one of the time for your mom's house network for producing this podcast. Efferlessly and great edited by Alan Caffey,

produced by you. YMH. Next week, Jeff R. Curry is coming on the podcast to talk about cruise ships. What an interesting way to travel. I think one of my least favorite cruise ship travel. Ooh, I'll walk through there. I've been to Alaska a few times, and it rules. Man, the nature is crazy. The last time I went into a car to go up for a sunset somewhere, one of those tour-ro cars. And on the way, it's like, just there's just a giant moose blocking the road. And man, the driver's like, What? I took a tour of a nature tour in Costa Rica. And the guy was like, I was like, do you ever get sick of showing off like sloths and monkeys? He's like, yeah, a little bit. I don't

really care about it. But what I really want to see is a deer. That's dark. This is darker. Okay, well, that's it. I'm trying to think, oh, listen to that echo. Whoa, can you hear this echo? Is that a real thing? Oh, I do every once in a while. I like to say something good about the world. and I'll say back rooms was fucking good. Eerie for the first hour. Joe Herrera says like, yeah, first hour, eerie, and then it got kind of like stupid when they tried to explain the whole, like,

the whole lore of it and explain it all. So fair, fair, totally. But I still loved it. I still got to see obsession. Maybe I'll see it this week. Horror's back, guys. Horror and comedy. Please, speaking of comedy, get my, get my,

oh, sorry, I got a lookie-loo. get my storytelling show. Any one of those storytelling show episodes. Start with the Shane one since everybody likes Shane. Nate Bargotsie's on there. Krista Stefano episode was really good with Ms. Pat and Justin Reed. It's just like, you know, a love passion for me. To finish off my storytelling show, right, you might know it is this not happening.

It's now called the end because of contract stuff with a company that's out of business. They just get a settlement from Comedy Central. Wow. Class action lawsuit. I didn't know anything about it. I don't even go to class, let alone a class action. Anyway, Jeff R. Curry next week, guys, if you know anybody you think should be on this podcast, please leave a comment and tell me who you think it should be.

I'll reach out to those people, especially if you know anyone in the UK. Yeah, I'm going to start doing a recommendation for the week at the end of these episodes. So this week, well, as always, it's a Lily Allen album, West End Girl. And then, yeah, this week, back rooms. solid good movie i heard they're doing a sequel i will see that um and that jackass man i cannot wait i was saying no spoilers but what spoilers are there going to be for jackass it's just ridiculous talk to it's a we man about it and he was like dude it's us again it's all us and then i'm inferring what he meant was it's always supposed to have been us we're the ones he didn't say this but i'm

taking it as fuck the new generation guys they're fine they're great but it's our show so i'm fucking stoked on that the final jackass I assume. Those guys are all going to start dying soon of natural causes. There is also a VIP package at the end. You can get a limited edition poster. I think there's like 50 left. It's got everyone's picture on there.

And I think as a comedy fan myself, one of the great things to do would be to get everyone to get on and sign that picture. Take them to shows and say, I have the end poster. You know, even Shane is like, this has got to be a way to get to him and say, I need you to sign this poster because I'm trying to get everyone's signature.

And do it fast. because, again, a lot of those guys also are going to be dead soon. That's it. Now, let me show you what happens when you walk against the sun and how shitty it is. Look at this. All in shape. This is called bad shots. So when I shoot outside, it's not just finding a location.

I've also got to find a location that's cool for the sun. You know, if I'm at one end of the park and it's like this, all this, I can't shoot like this. I can't do an interview like this. We've got to stare directly into the sun. I don't think you guys give quite enough credit for what I'm doing here. Anyway, thank you, Catherine Blanford, for coming in. Everybody watch her special, and that's it.

I've got nothing to promote besides the end. Legitimately nothing. I'll start touring again in probably January, probably the new year. I'm not sure if we're going to do Europe or the United States. It might be until 2028 where I'm back in the States. Oh! Somebody found one of my stickers I put up, a U.B. Chippin' Sticker, which you can get right now at the bottom of the screen or at rheshafear.com.

You've got tons of merch there. There's a vinyl of Jew. my, I guess my best special. Top two specials for me. In order. Top all my special. I'll rank them all. Jew number one.

I don't think anybody's going to argue with that. America sweetheart number two. My last one. That's on Netflix right now. It'll be on YouTube in January. And then maybe, maybe, Revenge for the Holocaust, my first one. I did just see someone illegally uploaded on YouTube, but I'm not that mad. At that.

And then, don't upload anything. I do not keep your permission, but it does remind me. I should probably put up Revenge for the Holocaust over there. Then double negative, my first Netflix special, which got the most on Netflix, been the heyday, 2017 of Netflix. Look at this. Look at the difference here. Full light, you can see me.

No, you cannot. Then double negative, then the one I did on chill.com, passive-aggressive. I think those are the order of them. Anyway, guys, thank you for tuning in. I'll see you next week with Jeff R. Curry, talking about cruise ships. It's actually a fucking really good episode. Oh, wow, look at that.

Now, all in the sun in the shade, and it's cool again. So maybe I got a tape in the shade. Yeah, this doesn't really matter at all, does it? All right, guys. Until next week. Asa Vista. Do you know, Uckviagvik? Took me forever to learn that.

Uckviagvik. Did I tell you a story about that? I bet I've told this before. I'll tell this, and then we'll go. So I was, uh, oops, looky, Lou. Um, I was in Anchorage on my way to Uchviagvik for the solstice, 24 hours of sunlight. Um,

the next solstice, the winter solstice. I was in the south tip of, Argentina, actually over the border into Chile, at the southernmost town in the world. Ushwaya is the southernmost city in the world. So I did those two sultuses and then this week I was in London for the solstice. Sunset at 921 p.m. where I was having a nice beer. You know there's no fucking good English beers? You'd think there'd be tons. Tenets? Scottish. Anyway, I was in Anchorage getting ready to go to Ucriyagvik and it was used to be called Barrow. And if you look at on the map,

It's Barrow. It's a northernmost city in the world. Or maybe the eastern hemisphere, I'm not sure. Town of about 5,000. How do they get northernmost city? It's a small town. And then the one in Chile, Ushawa, the Argentina is like, that doesn't count. It's not enough people. By the way, side note, big plans for Chile to fucking supplant to make that city much bigger and supplant, can I get through here? and supplant Argentina with the southernmost city in the world. Get all the cruise ships to go through there. You'll see it in the future. It's going to one of those two things is going to happen.

So anyway, I'm in Anchorage, and I'm telling somebody, I think I was buying weed. I was telling somebody, hey, I'm going to, legal weed there. I'm going to head up to Ucabiyak. I couldn't pronounce it. Ucabayak. Couldn't really pronounce it. And I was like, whatever, barrel. Anyway, made a, I'm not going to use a W word in you.

anymore. But I'm going to say uptight. Some people get uptight about things. It's not always the W word. Sometimes it's like, you know, this is actually from Canada and not America. That's not the W word. That's just uptight. Crowds sometimes get uptight about whatever the previous decisions are. Anyway, so I talked to an uptight person. She was like, it's Ukviagvik, say it. You got to say it right. I'm like, well, it's hard to fucking pronounce. It's spelled Ucaviyaggge. Anyway, so I went up there. I learned it. Ukwkviagvig. Ukwkwjavik, it was fucking great. Went to a whale hunting, a successful whale hunter

ceremony. Shout out Little Kupak crew for successfully capturing and killing a whale and feeding the entire village. I gotta get one of those little Kupak sweatshirts or t-shirts. Anyone from the little Kupak crew? Kupa Ak.

Send me a T-shirt, bro. I don't even think you can find them online. I would love one of those. Anyway, I took a tour. We're up at the top of the world hotel. this guy's the brother of the lady running it was giving us a tour and he goes hi welcome to this tour this is uh ukriagia we're going to show you and they show me like the ace hardware um the little stores they had what used to be a theater now is a storage facility man everything's all the tires are gone 24 hours of sunlight it was weird all the fucking kids are dirt biking at 3 a m it's a

it's a really fun cool place and the best kimpshi have ever had in my life um damn i wish i the name of that place. It's the Korean place. They have Korean and Chinese food. By far the best kimchi. People come from far and wide to get the kimchi there. So he's telling us about all that. And he goes, you know, it's Ucviagvig. Some people call it Barrow. Traditionally, it's Uchweig.ovic. He goes, we all here, and this is an indigenous guy, he goes, we all here, call it Barrow, because that's where we were raised. But you guys can say whatever you want. So you get this uptight white lady saying, angrily, you've got to say it right.

And then you get the people from there going, I don't know what you're talking about. I did the same thing in my special double negative where I mentioned the lady boys in Thailand. People go, it's trans, say it right. I'm like, well, I'm taking a cue from them and they call themselves lady boys. So it's not quite the same thing.

It's a little different. And we have an American sensibility of like, we know it all. How dare you? I did a podcast on my old, rest in peace, skeptic thing. What do you guys think? I might put all those up on a Patreon for you be tripping.

Damn, this cemetery. He's beautiful. Not as beautiful as one I recorded my Guatemala episode from with Bobby Kelly. Or was it... No. Sorry. It was one with Ethan McKenzie. We talked about Guatemala.

Jesus. Yeah, that one was great in a town near a lake. Beautiful cemetery. Check out the bumpers for that. I think the front bumper anyway. Maybe the back bumper. It doesn't matter. You'll see it.

I did it like this. just kind of walking around. So the point is, I don't know, man, chill out. Look at this. That's a cool shot. All right, guys, until next week. I'll see you later. Next week, Jeff R. Curry, that's it. Please subscribe. Guys, leave a comment. Please help me out here. Every week. Just leave some comment about anything. Either who you'd like to see, which I definitely see, or anything. Oh, I mentioned this. I should mention this. I meant to mention this earlier. World Cup is going on right now. By the way, I was in England, they deposed their leader.

Leader resigned. That means that's four countries where they got a new leader or deposed one while I was there. Peru, Bolivia, now UK, there was another one. Maybe Argentina, Guatemala, I forget now what the last one was. World Cups going on. I have been to 24 of the 48 countries that are doing it. If you want two free tickets to any of my shows in my next tour, 27 or 28, if you can name, you only get one try, you get two tries.

Name them all. Name them all and I'll give you two free tickets to a show. And next week or the week after, I'll also say the guy who found one of my stickers, one of my UB tripping stickers that were hung up in a, or posted in a, actually my favorite hostel in Guatemala, my hero hostel in the world really. but it's in Guatemala. He found it. I'll reach out and I'll give him the two free tickets.

Fuck it, four. So you only want your own, you'll be tripping stickers. Go ahead and get a six-pack right now at Arijafir.com. They're not very much money. I think like 10 bucks and you get six of them. And I'm gonna make new stickers as well, bigger ones. Those are big enough for your passport, but yeah, I'll make all sorts. And get a Jew vinyl.

Oh, that's what I meant to say. Arishafir Jew on vinyl, double vinyl, deluxe with a beautiful portrait in the front and I really spared no expense. to make them. I signed them all. So if you want, well most of them if you want, get assignment right now and have it added to your vinyl collection. That's it. I'm Arie Shapir. Until next week. Bye everybody.