You Be Trippin' - Ari Goes To China w/ Colum Tyrrell | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

SPONSORS: -Your summer wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off at Chubbies with the code TRIPPIN at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/trippin Get your VPNs ready because on this special episode of You Be Trippin��, guest host Colum Tyrrell asks Ari about his time in China, where he discovers gardens, spies, propaganda, and gutter oil. The two also discuss work visas, the legal system, and the world’s worst mass murderer. Other topics include: fake Apple stores, freedom, and pooping in public. Finally, Ari rides an incredibly dangerous toboggan down The Great Wall of China. Xiǎngshòu! https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com You Be Trippin Ep. 14 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, thanks. What was your name again? Tanner. Tanner, Ari. This is Colin. How you doing? It's funny that, like, the long sleeve under the t-shirt is back, you know, and that was like... Dude, every... In the 90s, that was... Everything's coming back now. They're back up to 90s.

And the aughts are coming soon. Some people are wearing wide boot jeans, like, Tommy Pope wears, like, bell-bottom jeans now. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin', yeah. the only podcast knighted by the queen before she died um if you don't know it's me and a guest every week uh every episode we go to a different place we just talk about a fun place we've been or a horrific place um and today i'm gonna be the guest yes i'm gonna do some of these my guest host it's your show today yeah it's has this ever happened before would you bring on a guest to be the host no all right it's a takeover okay great column tyrell uh what's up

hello tyrell tyrell tyrell yeah tyrell you can say tyrell yeah who's uh on tour with me right now yes um we're somewhere in the middle of the country. Hell yeah. It's going great. Yeah, it's going great. On the bus. It's great. Band dog. Did you mention the death of a royal family member specifically to cheer me up? No, well, I'm trying. It's a nice way just to start the show.

I thought that'll make you happier, though. It does. Yeah, a little. It's so funny when Americans don't know, like, I'm sorry about the queen. They're like, I was rooting for her death. Yeah, yeah. Scottish. Yeah. it's so funny when americans don't know like i'm sorry about the queen they're like i was rooting for her death yeah yeah scottish yeah it's look it is rooted in like you know post-colonial irony but there is a little part of you it's like it feels like a win even though she was 98 she lived pretty fucking long the best life ever yeah she really really that's what you get she dominated you guys there was no come up and she lived longer than almost any normal person yeah

yeah yeah she crushed it you know about pol pot not a lot about him he's the cambodian tyrant yeah i think he killed 20 of the population yeah he went nuts he's like he was the glasses guy didn't get it at the end he lived in northern cambodia for another 30 years yeah he lived till it was like late 70s he was and you want to be like well he got hung no he just lived there what happened they just grew yeah beat it yeah that's Pol Pot

yeah they all go out you should put the Mows all those people they get theirs Mow got it yeah Mussolini first of all let me just give it up for the Booth Boys whoever made this bouquet of fucking this is great I mean this is all going to be a studio First of all, let me just give it up for the booth boys. Whoever made this bouquet of fucking... This is great.

I mean, this is all going to be a studio. But they had the Diablo Juma mask, the fucking Lucha Libre mask. You know this one. What is that? It's the Clydesdale Bank, Scotland. You guys, it's your... That's Scotland?

Five pounds sterling. It might not be Scotland. I don't know what it is. That's the British. Money's all different in different places. Ecuadorian bag. You got the Lonely Planet books. Lonely, yeah.

They're a fucking lifesaver when you're traveling. The problem with the books was, though, they would tell you the best places that are secret. And then within a year, that's... They find a hostel. They have a hostel that's cheap. Then it goes through the roof. Yeah.

100%. That's why this podcast is not that at cheap. Then it goes through the roof. Yeah. 100%. That's why this podcast is not that at all. It's just like, tell me what actually you did instead of the places you're supposed to go. Yes. Tell me what you actually ended up doing. Yeah. So you're the host. What do you want to hear about?

All right. So I got to ask you. Makes sense. You gave me a list of loads of places, but I want to know about China. China. Nice. Nice. But China, I don't think many people know a lot about it.

Like, it's the big... They don't have a good propaganda wing. Or they have a great propaganda wing. They actually have the best propaganda wing. Great. There you go. Yeah. So when did you go, first of all?

It was actually the trip that got me into traveling, really. It was... I don't know know i told my agent that i was like i kind of want to see the world it was 2012 buddy either come up or don't but we're not doing that doggy um it was 2012 yeah yeah this is the problem with pets on the pod because they are more interesting. Yeah, they're way more interesting than anything I'm going to say

or build my life. Come on, dude. You can make this junk. Hold on. Let's get it. Oh, teasing. Yeah, I said I want to go places. And he goes,

well, if you want, I got a 17-day trip to China. It doesn't pay very much. Oh, like he coordinated with comedy for you. Andy Curtain, Turner Sparks. There was a few other people. Do you know Turner? No. pay very much oh like he coordinated with comedy for you um andy kurtain turner sparks um there was a few other people do you know turner no he's in new york now okay uh he's running the sujo scene oh oh okay yeah yeah yeah outside of outside of um shanghai andy went on to run Live Nation Asia. Oh, wow.

Dude, it's fucking wild there. And anyway, I've never... Okay, so I get picked up at the airport by one of them. I'm like, sure, let's go to China. Well, first of all, I had to get my passport or whatever, and I went... And I've been used to going to Canada.

Yeah. Where the gigs are either, it's Saskatoon, where you don't tell them you're fucking going for work. You're just going to say visit a friend. Yeah. All right. And then I got in trouble once where I was like, I'm just going to visit a friend wherever. They're like, you sure?

Nothing, no work? I'm like, no, just visiting a friend. And then, or I was going to Edmonton to house of comedy uh and then uh and then they turn the screen around like so this flyer with your your your show literally tomorrow is a coincidence it's your name and picture and i'm like it's good the irish affair doesn't have friends in canada yeah and the guy's like you know they did the paperwork yeah you actually didn't have to lie about this one. And I was like, oh. Yeah. Because am I in trouble?

No, you're just an idiot. Yeah. They did the paperwork. Yeah. It's like hiding a spliff beside a cop or something. And they're like, that's legal here. You don't need to do that. Oh, right.

Yeah. Like swallowing it. Like, unless you're into that. You flush out. But anyway, I went to the consulate to get my to get my visa in la and i was like yeah i'm here i'm going to you know to work or whatever because i've already been more like legit in canada at that point and then they go where's your letter of invitation from the government where's your this and i was like i don't know i have no idea it was a few nobody could fly

afford to fly out so it was a few different scenes the beijing scene the shanghai scene and the hong kong scene all teamed up for the flight. Okay. And then I called them and I was like, hey, they said I don't have a letter of invitation. I need all this stuff.

And they're like, no, don't tell them you're coming for work. And I'm like, ah, fuck. And I'm like, well, what do I do now? They're like,

go back in line and tell them you're not there for work. And I'm like, but I was just there. And he goes, I think it was Turner, he goes, so you know how you can't tell asians apart it's a two-way street yes for sure he goes try not to go to the same the same booth put your cap on but it doesn't matter they just see a blank

white face all gray yeah that's so funny yeah and i got to the same lady and she's what are you doing here for i'm like i'm going for vacation and she goes okay and i'm staring at they're waiting nothing god racism is awesome amazing yeah and so it is much easier for americans to get in there because chinese it's tough for them to get over here i believe to get over here, I believe. To get over here? Yeah. Well, also they have to jump up on these high chairs. That's the hardest part. Those plane seats are so high for them. But did you know anything about China? So if you go like, they said Justin Bieber, when he played, it's 50 grand to like play there.

Yeah. So no low level person can play there. Yeah. Officially. Okay. No, I didn't know about china yeah because i i just feel like it's it's such a thing that's in the news but no one really truly knows on it it's the most foreign place i've ever been to that's exactly how to describe it so you arrived

there you get off the plane walking down an alley i think it was turner who picked me up it was and walking down when i got back from Southeast Asia and everybody wanted to do a podcast, like tell me what it was like, I was like, I'm doing Turner's podcast. Okay. Because he's the one who got me into all this. But like, so we're walking to our car or whatever,

we get out of the airport in Shanghai, we're walking down the car and we see a beggar up there. And he goes, don't look at that. And I'm like, okay. And then like we get closer, he's like, for real, don't. And I'm like okay and then like we get close for real don't and I'm like okay I'm for sure gonna look though that absolutely it was um just on this like here a big oval circle of like a yellowish with an inner circle of purplish and then an inner circle of that of exposed bone. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Just out bone. Just bone out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A hundred percent. That guy's dead now.

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. A hundred percent. That was 2012. And I was like, I wish I hadn't looked at it. Yeah. I told you not to. Yeah.

But you got to look at that. You got to look. But it's like, you know, do you ever see that video of in China where it's like some little, some little toddler gets hit by a car and then everyone just walks around past the toddler? It's like for two hours, it's just like a dead kid on the ground. I found out their legal system. If you help, that's kind of a proof that you had something to do with it. Oh, my God.

That's them proving who else would help. He must have hit her. Oh, wow. So they think an act of kindness means you're guilty. It's their version of he who smelt it dealt it. It's their legal version of he who smelt it dealt it. You're doing life for it. So I just let a little kid die.

Because I didn't deal it. I didn't deal it. I didn't smelt it, for sure. Yeah, that's so funny. So that's the type of stuff where you show up and you go, that's like a jarring, when you go to these foreign countries, sometimes it's like truly jarring. It's foreign.

So Ireland, so you came here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It ain't that much different. There's a little bit in New York where it's kind of, wow, like the hustle and bustle. But you know, Europe is like, you've seen the kind of thing. Language is the same. Yeah. They got hamburgers

yeah right it's not like what is this food it's all TV we all have the internet it's all I was eating

so this is what they told me they said that they had flown out a few different comedians Jimmy Schubert had gone there stuff like that I don't generally talk

about the shows the shows were great yeah but it's not about that expats 100% expats okay and then Hong Kong was part of it almost all people who live in not about that expats are 100 expats okay and then hong kong is part of it

almost all people who live in hong kong okay not expats so they told me it was safe they were like hey you can walk around here and no one will fucking touch you is that for everyone or just for whites everyone okay they said the crime the punishments for uh violent crime are so severe that like who would try it and they also have this thing of like family shame is like a real thing nice so if you get caught shoplifting it's like it's a shame to your you lose face yeah it's like a shame to your family so it's like it ain't gonna happen they said drunk girls pass out with like their phones under their wallet they're still unrobed and I'm like what a foreign concept oh my god it's right there

for the picking yeah you know yeah yeah how could you do I mean I wouldn't be in Dublin you'd get

you'd get messed with yeah you'd get robbed for sure for sure I mean I would do it now if I saw somebody passed out with their fucking I've done it

I've stolen handbags in the past why not yeah why not when you're young we remember we were like

at a nightclub and then some girl came over with her handbag and just like left it in where we were all dancing. She like thought it would be safe there

and we just all went and we dived in it. We were like train spotting? We dived in there like animals and we're straight up to the bar. Hey, gentlemen,

where's the restroom in here? You're like, yeah, you're like, yeah. Yeah, you're like, me first. We were young. We were foolish. I apologize. I'm not that guy anymore.

Bandit. And these are destroying something. He's digging. He does the digging. It's so stupid. He digs to, like, get in there. Bandit. It's so funny.

Okay, good. You got it. Anyway, once they told me that, I was like i'm good i'm going exploring yeah so you were left on your own just walk around yeah i got food there hey everybody rh fear here from melbourne australia my first foreign trip since the ubi tripping podcast began to tell you about a couple exciting things yeah i'll be in melbourne for a full fucking week oh fuck love it out here a lot of nature a lot of cool art a lot of everything i haven't been here in six years this whole country of australia melbourne after this i go to adelaide might stop in tasmania or

somewhere weird for a few days then canberra brisbane sydney going to the gold coast for a few days in between there going to the state of origin i have fun but that's not what i want to tell you about tickets are available for all those shows at rushafir.com second show added in sydney uh third and fourth show added in melbourne no i'm here to tell you about a couple things my merch first shroom fest shirts are here first shroom fest july 20th 21st and 22nd for 2024 20th 21st and 22nd of july and we have shroom fest shirts by abracadabra last year we didn't do it. This year we are. If you get them right now during the pre-order, they'll all ship out in July, let's say, 8th or 10th.

They'll be in to you by the time Shroomfest begins so you can celebrate. And the way you celebrate is find a friend or be alone. Find some fun guy, because you're a fun guy, and you just chow down. One day, or all, do whatever the fuck you want. July 20th, 21st, and 22nd, 2024. You can get those shirts at rhraffier.com. You can also find my vinyl for Jew. The pre-order is available right now.

If you pre-order, you'll get a signed copy. They all ship out in June as soon as I'm home from this fucking lovely country. They're beautiful. Double album, crazy cool artwork. Just a really fucking cool thing. And if you do the pre-order you get them signed if you don't you still get fucking record you can take it to a live show and i'll sign them there uh i got grinders on my merch site also and the big thing for the ubi trippin family another patreon yeah i'm doing it patreon.com slash ubi trippin guys i want to do one but i want your involvement i want you to send me postcards from around the world i want you to send me dollar bills that i can hang up from what fucking weird currencies i want you to uh uh send me about your travels tales we're

gonna have a call-in thing we can leave messages and tell them about your stuff we'll screen them get some good ones and then read them out a la stavi and he gave me permission um what else do i want to do with it everybody who signs up gets a five pack of stickers that look like a ubi trip and stamp passport stamp that i want you to stick up everywhere you can stick them on your passport book one of them but i also want you to stick them in weird places maybe on a pyramid in egypt maybe in anne frank's house maybe in a moscow prison if you're i don't know pussy riot and you want to well they probably won't let you get it in with that but if you get it in take a picture who's going to get in stickers and a phone when

you've been arrested by the fucking russian police doubtful but if you get there i'll fucking post about it um and i want to do this this is the big one when i get to 2 000 subscribers i want to take one of you i don't want to send you around the world yeah it's a you be tripping podcast patreon i want you to send you around the world you'd be tripping style staying hostile stay in south america uh uh southeast asia the stands somewhere interesting somewhere fucking eastern europe africa maybe yeah and i don't want you to weigh in and maybe it's a grappier kid maybe it's a adult who's fucking done with their job we'll figure out somebody to go and i don't want you to weigh in and be a correspondent have to take pictures for me no i want you to fucking disappear and i want you to maybe weigh in every month or so i want you to weigh in and be a correspondent and have to take pictures for me. No, I want you to fucking disappear. And I want you to maybe weigh in every month or so. I want you to find a

hostile computer and I want you to get in there and register a new account and send me, I'll give you a fucking address and send me what you've been up to so I can read it to everybody else. Also, at some point I'm going to do a live one where I'm going to take a dart and fucking throw it at a fucking globe or a map. And I'm just going to get on a plane and go. And I'll tell you about it. I'll take you there with me. You'll be tripping. Patreon.

Sign up right now. Be one of the first. Wow. Let's do some fun shit. I don't want to just do it basically. We'll also have a new episode every week, but I want to do some fun, weird shit, guys. Let's fucking do it.

Any suggestions you have, I'm open to it. That's it. Don't forget to subscribe. Don't forget to get tickets to those shows in Australia, and then I'm done for the whole fucking year. Guys, until next week. Hi, guys. Today's episode of You Be Trippin' is brought to you by chubbyshorts.com. I'm going to be incredibly close for this podcast for you to let you know that you'll be incredibly close to cool if you get chubby shorts. They have weird designs. I got a pair for myself of American flag swimsuit that I'm going to wear my barbecue on

July 4th. Feel like an American. It's weird clothes, everybody. They're stylish and they're comfortable. They have different length shorts for those of you who have disgusting thighs, fine thighs, and great thighs. What is it? Five, five, five and a half, seven inch and four. What is it? Five and a half, seven, four. I try to remember. Four inch, five and a half inch and seven inch. That's got to be it. Yeah. Chubby Shorts has all sizes. Maybe you're Sam Talent. Well, I definitely get the seven inch, even though he wears like the four inch. Maybe you're someone like me and I'll get the seven inch just because, you know, I don't want my fucking giant balls to hang below the surface. ChubbyShorts.com, everybody. They're amazing. And right now, whether you're getting dressed for your workday or a workout for a weekend getaway, Chubbies has you covered.

For a limited time, Chubbies is giving my listeners 20% off all their orders with code TRIPPIN at ChubbiesShorts.com. Yeah, this code TRIPPIN at ChubbiesShorts.com. Support my show and tell them that I sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Don't blend in with the crowd at all. Stand out with chubbies now get back to the episode so what was the first area you wrote what was the city or whatever in shanghai shanghai yeah is that their biggest city no beijing is beijing i think was 24 million

shanghai was 20 then we did a gig in suzhou which was like their sleepy town. Okay. And it was 10 million people. Wow. And they're like, well, we're just a small town. Yeah, just a sure number of people out there. Yeah. And so you arrive, you're like just wandering down alleyways and stuff. Yeah. You know what I realize now is that I have pictures of this that I should show you.

Yeah. As we go. So there's these guards. I don't even know where to start. Let's describe the smell. Is it a smelly place or not? Because in Thailand, you arrive in Bangkok, it kind of stinks. Thailand stinks, right?

Yeah. Well, it can, yeah. But it's a stinky city. I think my right to Suzhou, and I think that's what they told me, that the government could do whatever the fuck they want. They're not elected. They're appointed by the government. So they wanted to build a business center in sujo they're like build it and construction started the next day there was no red tape

there's no nothing and then they just had a across the river just a business center um and and it just ruled so they had these crazy cool gardens and everything all pagodas everywhere no it didn't smell. Everything's clean. They put people to work. Old people are like sweeping, you know, with like those palm leaves. Yeah.

Well, yeah, they were good work ethic people, right? I guess. Yeah, it's capitalist, but it's not like. But again, China's so big, it's hard to just describe them all with the same, you can't just paint them all with the same brush, right? Exactly. Yeah, it's all different whatevers. Here we go.

I've got to fucking start marking these. These are the fucking brooms that they had everybody sweeping up with. Oh, look how young you are. God, right? Look how young. This is 2014. Young and happy before you've been canceled four times.

I saw that shirt. Before the stress and the death threats that you received. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I'm going to put all these through a fucking album. Yeah. Nice. Wait, China.

There we go. I forgot I do have pictures. Yeah, it's just fucking beautiful, actually. The pagodas are really cool. I got warned about one thing, about gutter oil. Oh, you gotta look this up. So they have street noodles. Okay.

And Turner warned me about gutter oil, which is they just lower a bucket into a gutter, pull up fucking sewage, and then render it down until it's oil. Look at them. Chinese street vendors use gutter oil. And then they fry your food with that? And they fry your food with that. And they said around 25% of the street noodles are made with that.

And is that unhealthy? I would say yes. So the locals don't eat that? The locals do eat it! So they've grown immune to it, or they're just- Or they just die, they don't notice, even when they die themselves, they're like, I don't know, are they gone?

There's so many of us. That's so Chinese. Is that my grandpa? Did he just move? It sounds racist when you say that, but it's like the Chinese are animals. They'll deep fry that stuff. But then does it taste better? I mean, it tasted great.

Everything I ate there was great. Yeah. And also it was so cheap. It was the UN or whatever. The Y-U-E-N was the currency. Yeah. You would get like a skewer. Point to it, whatever.

I didn't know anything. I didn't even know how to say one, two, three or please. Yeah. It was just barely New Traveler. Point to to something they're like one you went it was like 15 cents skewer and i'm like one of each of those and you're like oh it's so good the next one's like disgusting you just chuck it it's 15 cents just throw it in the ground and then some old guy with a palm leaf quickly pops up sweeps it up and runs back into the boat and it was it was so fucking cool and just walking around and what was your first memory particularly of going oh this rules and then you know i love

traveling was there a specific on this is just well okay good question. Excellent question. I'm kind of an introvert. Yeah, so For the first few days, I'm uncomfortable on for new people. Yeah, I make friends Edinburgh where we met it's like a good example that takes me a few days But then it's like but then you're still with those people so you'll be for so I Really started to become friends with the Beijing scene because that was like eight nine days in yeah And then I was like, then I started feeling lonely. You know, after being by myself, walking around by myself for a while, then I'm like, hey, actually now I'm lonely.

Now I'm open, like, how do you guys like it here? Then I could be like open a little more. So Beijing, I mean, I'm trying to think how to start with like, so we did gigs outside. We went to Suzhou, stayed there for a few days. Turner's like chick had like the gardens the sujo gardens you got to look those up they're so fucking pretty and you just walk around all day looking at them they have these districts there too so it'll be like the plumbing district um

sujo china yeah the guard yeah um it's a unes site. Interesting. Yeah. Look at this. Oh, that was right behind the hotel. They're just to give you free access. That's almost like it. It's just like a botanical garden. Yeah. But it's their version with pagodas and fucking, you know, those koi ponds and wow. Yeah.

I'll see, I'll see people with like a camera. And I was like, I was like, do you want me to take a picture? Like me take picture of you? And they're like, sure. And then I'm like, take picture of me. And then they would. And then I'd see another couple. I'd be, do you want me to take a picture of you? And they're like, sure. And then I'm like, take a picture of me, and then they would. And then I'd see another couple. I'd be like, do you want me to take a picture of you? They're like, we're the same couple you just asked us. There was a...

Sorry. This joke's going to get old, but let's just keep doing it. It was so pretty, and he had this hookup there. So it was Beijing to these places on the on the bullet bus bullet train i haven't thought about that in a while just the fastest trains in the world the shows were great they had a great comedy club down that has been shut down oh the government eventually said you're done to to we learned everything we needed to about capitalism beat it oh because people make a joke at the expense of the government or something oh were you warned

about this stuff yes Yes. Okay. Hard. And they were like, no, seriously. Well, you know, everywhere you go, they're like, hey, don't be dirty. Don't do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And in your comic brain, what do you do? It's right there, big red button, right?

Yeah, exactly. I'm not going to not do it. They're like, don't make fun of the Chinese government. I was like... But then they go, listen to me. I already know what's going through your head. I'm also a comedian. Yes.

We will be shut down. 50-50, you'll be put in prison. So do they have spies? Yes. What is it? They have spies? They have spies at every show. So just in a sea of white faces, just one Asian guy with a newspaper,

a hole's cut out. I love New York shirt. Like Apu when he's trying to get a citizenship. Yeah, New York Yankees hat. The New York Yankee balkers are doing quite well this year. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now they said

it's a spy in every show. Wow. Yeah, you just assume there is one. And they had to sell tickets. They couldn't sell tickets. They had to sell tickets at a place next door

for this place. It'd be like the fucking Cactus Cantina selling tickets for Rogan's Club. Okay. Okay.

Because it was like... Unrelated. Hey, we're just selling, it's, yeah, the government's a different thing there. Also, they run the propaganda. So I was on the train once just going to downtown Shanghai

and they have TVs on the trains and they're showing propaganda of against the Uyghurs. Yeah. So they're showing like a Uyghur uprising at a Mahjong game. Okay. This won't,

there's no way this will be there. But it was just a bunch of people playing Mahjong, old people. And then some people standing behind them and then just pulling out machetes. You just can't get a gun there. Pulling out machetes from underneath them and just hacking people. Wow. And the screen blurs as the machete's this far from their head. It goes blur.

And there's fucking children on the train. Yeah. And they're like, they want everybody to be like, you better hate these Uyghurs. And what are they, Christians? Who are the Uyghurs? Which ones?

I tried to research. The ethnic minority. They're only in a certain region, I think. You know? Yeah, well, it was funny when the stuff happened with- Uyghurs are Turkic. Turkic? It was funny when this stuff happened with- Readers are Turkic. Turkic? It was funny when stuff happened

with your people and the Palestinians was that everyone was like, well, why aren't you mentioning these type of atrocities? And I was like, well, I don't know anything about them. Yeah. I've never heard a single thing about these people.

Well, that's right, because they have such a great- They're Sunni, interesting. Is that what it is? Sunni Islam is an important aspect of the Uyghur identity. Hey, guys, here's how every single person reads stuff that you put up on podcasts.

Correct me if I'm wrong. Uyghurs are a Turkish ethnic group native to Xinjiang. They are a Turkish ethnic group native to Xinjiang. Okay, Uyghurs are a second, yeah. And here's how you should read it. Uyghurs are a Turkic ethnic group

native to Xinjiang. They are distinct from the Han Chinese, the predominant, no one knows how to should read it. Uyghurs are a Turkic ethnic group, natives of Xinjiang. They are distinct from the Han Chinese, the predominant... No one knows how to fucking read on a podcast. All right, so... Anyway, so they're like... So you witnessed that in... Because that's a kind of cool thing to see.

Yeah, and then they were all trying to find them. Then they showed people with bats trying to chase them down everywhere. But all they're trying to do is show the public these people are a problem. Yes. It was... Of course. Yeah, to see the hand of propaganda was pretty interesting. they're trying to do is show the public these people are a problem yes it was of course yeah to see the hand of propaganda was pretty interesting and do people love the government

out there well there's pictures of mao everywhere okay and mao killed i believe 60 million people yeah 60 million chinese people like did he what type of killing was he he starved them out or did he actually have like death camps? Well, I didn't fuck him to death. I tell you, I didn't give him that deep dicking. Yeah, maybe they. Yeah, what's his death count? What's Mao's death count?

I love the way they just round off too. It's like anywhere between 40 to 60. No, I think all these tyrants stop at an even. Look, 40 to 80 million. That's how many. Wow. They just round off between 40. That's how many. Wow. They just round off between 40 million, give or take. Wow.

Give or take, yeah. Starvation. That's an insane bracket. Persecution, prison labor, and mass executions. The mass executions is the real... But they love him, Uncle Mal. They love him? Yeah. Because he was killing the enemies

or he was killing their same people? I don't know. I think it might be like... I don't know. That's a good question? Yeah. Because he was killing the enemies or he was killing their same people? I don't know. I think it might be like, I don't know. That's a good question. Yeah. But they're like, I did make one joke

because I was shitting on their marriage. I was really going through like a rebellious phase against the government in Mike's comedy. Yeah. And then I said like, we need a Mao to come in

and fucking clean out our fucking government. And everyone's like, dude. And I'm like, no, no, it's pro Mao. And they're like, dude, move on. It was like, stop.

This isn't worth anything. I was like, all right. Okay, can you name the greatest mass murder of the 20th century? No, it wasn't Hitler or Stalin. It was Mao Zedong. Well, he's the greatest. He was the greatest.

The stats don't lie. The stats don't lie. But also it's like- I liked Hitler's flavor though. Well, he's the greatest. He was the greatest. The stats don't lie. The stats don't lie. But also, it's like... I liked Hitler's flavor, though. Yeah, exactly. Hitler was more my type of a mass murderer. The outfits.

Mao had the stats, but, you know. I'll tell you, I got... Could he have done it in Europe? I don't know. I don't think so. People would have noticed people miss him.

Yeah. I bought his little red book. Matt's little red book of like quotations. There's some interesting, he's a smart one. Yeah. He's smart. Did you tell me about? The dumbest was Ceausescu of all those like communist era.

He was like illiterate Romanian. Matt was smart. Matt was a smart one. Was he the one you told me was like he would, when he killed the enemy, he would also kill all the enemy's family. Cause he was like, I can't have that that was paul pot yeah his great quote yeah look at that little red book i have it in i'm i'm currently building a studio in new york and uh

yeah that's in the back of the shelf nice and is there any pol pot enemy i used to do this in a yoga like trying to do like a a great quote and i would do tyrants, but he was better to kill a friend by mistake than despair an enemy by mistake. Yeah. Wow. I get it. This guy got it done. It's like the mob and rats, right?

Yeah. You know, the mafia would just kill you. If they thought you were an informant, they would just kill you because they were like, it's not worth the risk. Yeah. Yeah.

Incredible. So did he have any though like um fascists like stuff in those quotes or was he just a dictator yeah he was a dictator no but he had like he thought of communism as a way i think as a way to like get ahead oh i do have all this shit from the from the sujo gardens damn so, how do you feel that stuff influenced China? You know, the vibe of the place. Yeah, I got into it in Beijing.

So in Beijing, I hung out more with the comedy scene. I was only there for two days. Met Des Bishop there. He was beginning the Chinese comedy scene.

Before that, it was like a 2,000-year-old back-and-forth Oliver and Hardy thing. Slapstick. Some guy stands on a rake and smacks him in the face. It's pretty much just Sklar Brothers.

But they're like, we don't look alike. I'm like, I don't know, man. Seems like Sklar Brothers to me. Then he goes, no, just do monology. Just do Chris Rock, Seinfeld, do whatever. Then they had a real problem because they have no copyright laws. So they had a real problem because they have no they have no copyright laws so they had a real problem with like oh i'll just

steal i'll just translate chris rock stuff yeah and des had to be like do i tell these guys not to do that make them lose interest or or do i say yeah just yeah sure just do your version yeah so so turner was starting a mr softy um you know that the ice cream yeah his uncle owned like 15 trucks okay and he goes can i get this started in shanghai and he goes sure i'll give you some money try to get it going there and he did started to get some heat and then other people because there's no copyright laws just painted their trucks up exactly the same sold the exact same menu just took pictures and copied the menu and parked right next to him yeah and he would go to the government he's like

can you do something about this and they're like did they hit you like no they're copying me and they're like I don't understand what's the issue

yeah yeah guys I heard about that that someone had created an entire fake Apple store didn't they like from from every single part of it

they had a fake geniuses they had everything it broke it broke yeah you know those glass stairs in the Apple store okay yeah that go upstairs from every single part of it. They had a fake geniuses. They had everything. It broke. It broke. Yeah, you know those glass stairs in the Apple store? Okay, yeah. They go upstairs.

That just shattered and then somebody sued Apple and Apple's like, that's not our store. We'd have nothing to do with that. Like, yes it is. Like, no. So when you're traveling there,

did you have to be kind of, when you're about to go into Starbucks, did you have to stop and go, wait, is this a Starbucks or is this not a Starbucks? I didn't go to a fucking Starbucks. Even then I wasn't trashed like that. No fucking way am I going to a goddamn Starbucks in China.

I wasn't drinking coffee at the time. Look how dumb I am just taking a picture of a random turtle. Whoa, it's a Chinese turtle. How did he survive? Yeah, I was just impressed. You know that feeling you get when you're just like in a new place and you're just like in front of a pagoda and you're like that's so fucking cool yeah this is the issue

whenever we have these conversations is i get that itch of having to travel this is the issue with this podcast and everybody listening to this podcast it's like suddenly they're like fuck i gotta go out i gotta go see these things yeah i gotta do things yeah and china's when you got that china's when you got there. China's when I got it. So then I was like, and then I met somebody in Hong Kong who told me about the full moon party.

And that's how I got to Thailand. Yes. But hold on. So I'm in Beijing. Okay. Talked to Des a little bit. He told me how to go to the, I gotta tell you about the fucking,

the wall. But the Beijing comedy scene does so much blow. Wow. Drugs are punishable by death there. So they were like, don't fuck around, don't fuck around. And then you get there, and then everyone in the Shanghai scene is smoking weed. And I was like, aren't you worried?

They're like, it's so illegal here, not a single cop knows what that smell is they just think it's shitty cigarettes so you can smoke in front of them and I'm like that's not

it's punishment by death and then they told me like they actually don't care about anything that only the whites are doing okay they only care about

what the Asians are doing what the Chinese are doing that's fair so like if it's opium they're gonna get mad and they're so backwards there with computers. They said one lady got caught in the Beijing scene with Coke.

They kicked her out of the country, stamped her passport, you may never return. She got home, steamed out that stamp, and went directly back. Wow. And they're like, welcome to China for the first time. So there's so much Coke in Beijing, and's felt so cool to do it it does feel good and it's good stuff i don't know i was not really that in a coke before yeah of course yeah the weed the weed they said the hash is up to 17 shoe polish

okay which was too high that's just too high a percentage for me. Shoe polish, yeah. I like 10%. 10% shoe polish. That's expected. That's not bad. Yeah, 17. Come on, Nigerians.

And by the way, they're like, who sells it? They're like, look at the tall black man. He's like, that's the Nigerians everywhere. They just run the markets.

It's crazy. Yes. So yeah, you're doing drugs, you're partying. Yeah, they have these things called the Hutongs, which they have in, I think It's crazy. Yes. So yeah, you're doing drugs, you're partying. Yeah, they have these things called the Hutongs

which they have in, I think also in Vietnam but it's just these alleyways that, oh, look at that. They have a restaurant called, it's just alleyways

that aren't quite parallel so you can just get lost in them and that I would, I would tell anybody to go down there. Go to coffee shops, go to coffee shops go to bars in there it's so fucking weird and cool you can't see over them so you think you're going east and all of a sudden you're going like north it's just they slightly alter yeah they're not

like even lines and so yeah you're stumbling around you're checking things out what for food like that too it was like just you just random good question random restaurants you're a better host than i am um yeah so i got some food in shanghai and i'm eating it with like chopsticks right and and and like real quick obviously america every country has their own version of chinese food like in ireland it's just it's curry sauce and french fries right you know here it's chicken wings and general t-sauce which they general sales yeah yeah general sales my faith yeah uh is that really your go-to? You ever see a documentary searching for General Sows?

I saw the trailer, so I figured it out. The sum of it is when the Chinese came to build the railroads, they brought their food with them, and the cowboys were like, ew, no fucking way am I eating a fucking crawfish with the eyeball still in it. And then they go, eventually the Chinese are like, well, we'll eat it. And it's like, hey, you can just put some sugar in it these fucking cowboys will eat it yeah and that's our chinese

food chinese food american it is you grow to like every chinese food that the search has a nice thing but then you but over here then you have all right you got the american chinese food and then you got to a place where they go no this is authentic chinese food now is that authentic chinese food even close to what they're eating over there? It's close. It's closer? It's close. It's close.

More sugar in the sauce here, I'd say for sure. But like sweeter. Here's the biggest problem. You go pick up a piece of chicken. Yeah. You know, you get it in your chopsticks. I'm not an idiot. I eat it.

I'm like, oh, there's a bone in this one. Get the next one. Bone. They just cleaver it and leave the bones in. And I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, they can be as, you know. They don't waste any of it beak it's eat it lob it in yeah and then i was like looking at him like what the fuck and they was like i so here sir and they brought me a fork and i'm like that's not my issue that was not my issue at all they thought it was the chopsticks

was you're getting yeah is it all chopsticks? Yeah, chopsticks everywhere But then it's also different regions I didn't get to any of the western China Where there's less and less cities on a map Where it's getting even more rural Yeah, that's where Dez went And learned how to do He lived there for like a year

Dez rules He went to just like, I'm going to learn Mandarin And be able to do stand-up in Mandarin Yeah, Dez has a crazy brain like that For just learning stuff Yeah. He went to just like, I'm going to learn Mandarin and be able to do standup in Mandarin. Yeah. Des has a crazy brain like that for just learning stuff. People that don't know, he's an Irish American comedian and he learned Chinese.

He learned Chinese to do China. And he was doing, now he wasn't just translating his bits. He was doing bits about the Chinese alphabet and about their language. Yeah. Well, he learned Irish in his thirties. What, Gaelic?

Gaelic, yeah. That's how he started. He learned that in his thirties and then he was like, Gaelic? Gaelic, yeah. Really? That's how he started. He learned that in his 30s, and then he was like, oh, I guess I'll learn Chinese too. Really? Yeah. And then he learned drums

because he taught beats where everyone could understand that. Something like that. He did some crazy drum. Oh, really? That's a universal language? Something like that. He taught music

was the universal language or something, yeah. So Des is out there because, you know, I think people's perception of China, like you just, you have no idea. thought music was the universal language or something yeah um so des out there because you know people i think people's perception of china like you just you've no idea like is it did they kill a lot of okay so remember the one child rule one child rule ended yes how long was that around and this is a good question because this is what it also gave birth to the one child rule because of that it made this thing called the the little prince or the little tyrant because you had one kid you didn't want to beat him okay so they acted up every kid

thought they were special that oh yeah because they were the only kid and then they never no one grew up with siblings so they that might have created a whole generation of almost bad communicating or you can do it now yeah 2015 they ended it um millions of women being forced contraception forced sterilization and forced abortion where was that when i needed it thank god god came in the last second and fucking handled it for me see that so they they that that's so progressive that they even abortions on the the uh the government's dime. That's not a bad thing.

That's what they want over here. So I went to the Imperial Palace in Beijing. Yeah, okay. Tiananmen Square. Walked right through it, and I'm like, where the fuck is Tiananmen Square? It's that. But I'm like, hey, where is Tiananmen Square?

And then some guy was like, it's over that way. And I walked back through it. I'm like, where the fuck? Can't find it. And I'm like hey where's Tiananmen Square and then some guy was like it's over that way and I walked back through it and I'm like where the fuck can't find it and I'm like where is it and then some guy's like that's it and I'm like oh it's just the parking lot there's no plaque there's no anything there's no mention if you're 30 years or below and you've never left China you've never

heard of it they would give you no way to understand it ever happened yeah you would have to have remembered it so the government isn't elected they just they've just decided we're in charge and then they just keep their own people yeah is there a royal family still or anything like that oh good question i don't know i think the last emperor i think i saw that movie and he was he got ousted after he chucked a fucking mouse into a wall I remember the movie right

no one's gonna remember that reference I barely do this is also fun tons of fucking we'll lay these in this is Johnny Depp yeah we should say what it is it's Johnny Depp in these Chinese ads and is he even advertising this or did they just go is. It's Johnny Depp in these Chinese ads. And is he even advertising this?

Or did they just go, let's just use Johnny Depp? I think he did. I think their agents told him, no one's ever going to see this. It was kind of pre-internet where everything could be everywhere. We'll give you $40 million. Just do a fucking Chinese ad for anything. Who knows what this is for? Is there any water there that I could get, by the way?

Yeah, we'll get you water. Please. If there's any those liquid deaths around thank you appreciate it god that trip fucking ruled yes so you're seeing stuff yeah so then we're all out is there a broken english anywhere like it signs like that dude a couple tourist spots that reminds me of this going to a restaurant and going okay i i called they gave me a phone the other guy who ran one of the scenes gave me a phone and was like he Was like use this phone while you're there. Thank you can get on camera. It's okay

And you can use the phone while you're there, so I just asked was like hey, what's the word for beef? And I think it's if I remember it's like Rio Rio or something like that Neo Something like that. So I just said beef. And then the guy like pointed a sign with like 20 different options for beef. And I'm like, fuck.

And I'm like, all right, number five. And it's like, all right, for $3, I'm just going to chance it. Yeah, you have to. And he was like, whatever he said, I'm like, uh-huh, which is probably like combo or just like whatever.

Yes. And you just dive in. And live it. Because some people never do that in their whole life because they've never had to. You've been forced to do that. So that's the type of stuff that I think that changes you on the travel

because you have to take these chances. And then you start doing it with more stuff in life. And then your only regret is, hey, I wish I wrote that down. I want to find that again. Yeah, yeah. Or I want to avoid that at all costs. Yeah.

One or the other. Because I'm like that. I'll be more like that in restaurants. If I go to a place where I've never eaten before, I'm always just like, give me something random. Well, Bangkok was like that. Where you go to these markets and you're like. Yeah, I guess I'll give you.

Give me that. And you're like, wow, this is awesome. Yeah. What the fuck was that? Or you get something and you're like. Fuck, too much gutter oil. Minimize. Don't make the whole thing gutter oil.

Kuchumot. We're walking around with the Beijing comedy scene. They knew English. One of them was a translator, this Jewish chick from New York that I hung out with a few times after that. She was so cool. I forget her name now. But she knew Mandarin, I mean, so well. But we're walking around after the show.

We're getting drunk. We stopped in 3.30 a.m. to a bodega. We got Heineken's. There's a guy just sitting there in his bodega in his shorts and shitty tank top, shitty shirt.

Oh, they have this thing called the Chinese bikini. Which is, hold on, let me do it. Sounds like a wrestling move or something. Yeah, yeah. How far up and down

do you get here? Oh, no. I see the frame. He's about to hit him with the Chinese bikini. So it's like, if this is your T-shirt, wrestling move or something. Yeah, yeah. How far up and down do you get here? Oh, no. I see the frame. It's better hidden with the Chinese bikini. So it's like, if this is your T-shirt, they just,

they go like this. And then they just, well, imagine it's a T-shirt. Yeah, yeah. And they just tuck it up and under. Yeah.

And they all, that's their Chinese, that's the man. It just stands like this. And then they, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen,

I've seen, you see them do it. Yeah, yeah. Oh. I've seen, I've seen, you see them do it. Yeah, yeah. Oh man, there's so much there. Anyway, so we're out. So there's a guy with a Chinese bikini in a bodega at 3.30 a.m. sweating. It was so fucking hot. It was June.

So fucking hot. And I'm like, what's he doing here? It's like, he can't sleep. And so he's just, may as well sell stuff. And I'm like, wait, we can buy beer at 3.30 in the morning? They're like, yeah, you're incredibly free here. And I told all my friends when I got back, I was like, you can buy beer at 3.

And they go, I'm like, it's crazy. As long as you don't skull anybody with it. You know, that's the only issue. Yeah, it's the problem with whites. Yeah, exactly. We like to skull people at 3 o'clock in the morning. And if we just didn't do that. If we just didn't do that.

Yes. Well, that's what they say. The problem with, especially in Ireland, because of all the fights, they have all these. But the problem is, well, we drink till closing. No one leaves early in Ireland, you know? No one does that. It's like someone at two o'clock in the morning goes, I'm heading home. That's, what?

So at four o'clock when that happens happens everyone just gets pushed down to the street and next thing you know you're all fighting you're in a kebab shop punching the head off a stranger yeah that's my fried bars yeah exactly

it should be none of yours no I'll stand by the fried food in Britain that's your only son you're getting is by the fryer but anyway

so I told them all my friends I'm like you can buy a beer at 3.30 in the morning and walk around the streets with it just drinking we were all just drinking it

no threat of if cops saw you they'd be like hello put that away and I was like it's so free and then my buddy goes

can you go on Google I'm like no you cannot you need a VPN to get on Google yeah oh yeah

so how did give us is there any more examples of that? Or just like, you're like, what? Yeah. How, do they have search engines? Do they have their own version? Their version of it. So they had WeChat, which was monitored by the government.

That's their WhatsApp. Okay. Everything monitored by the government. You cannot assume anything you write on WeChat is not monitored by the government. Yes. So you just, you just watch your mouth a little bit. But actually, we've kind of caught up to that here now with everyone on their phones.

You've got to assume you're going to be recorded almost always. Yeah. People are on a better behavior now. Just not government-related behavior. Yeah. Okay. You mean like in a group chat,

you're afraid to make a joke and then just leave? You'll never say anything bad about the government. But they did have this thing where the president just said, hey, at the time, hey uh hey i'm gonna put bugs in every computer that's made right now so we can track every keystroke you make and the people got really mad about it they're like no because we also we want to be on porn yes you know i mean we want to see like unblurred penetration uh unpixelated. It's wild and new there. But they were really mad.

And they're like, no, no. And the general consensus of the people were like, we all really hate this. And then the government goes, okay, we're actually not going to do it. At the same exact time, Obama was just letting that happen in America. Yeah. And he just, they never said a word about it. Yeah. So it's one of those things that kind of like makes you,

you know where you're like, you see another country, like, oh, they do it wrong or whatever. It makes you realize how we do it's also kind of fucked. Yeah, well, yeah. It's like you hear about other countries and their governments and they're killing journalists and stuff like that. And you go, oh, you don't think things like that are happening here, you know? Yeah, so you can't Google.

So how do you search? Oh, you use a VPN. Yeah, you go to Switzerland or whatever. Yes. And they were like, everyone had a, expat had a VPN.

Is the VPNs how people watch porn in Texas? Because they got rid of porn. Wait, what? There's no porn in Texas. You have to sign in. There's no gambling here. There's no porn? Texas. You have to sign in. There's no gambling here. There's no porn?

There's porn, but you have to make an account. I don't know. You can't be in Texas to get on porn? You've got to prove your age. You've got to prove your identity so kids can't be watching porn. Yeah, you porn and... I'm telling you, hotels are pretty lonely.

I'm not rushing back to austin anytime soon oh my god yeah so there's access to texas users but there's always a way like we gotta get out of new york totalitarian there i'm like how's your weed shops here bro you can't get on a porn site what are you even talking about i know i know use the sears catalog these kids didn't even make any more What are we even talking about? I know. I know. Use a Sears catalog, these kids. They don't even make any more. Yeah.

You find a way. There's ways to find your way. There's always a way. I've tried to get rid of porn, and then I'll find a way. I'll find a YouTube video that does enough. Just enough. What about imagination? Like, shut your mouth.

No way. Yeah, so there's enough just enough what about imagination like shut your mouth no way um and yeah so there's things like that you're using your vpns yeah so here's the suggestion yeah it's like that but it's like they're like they all just deal with it i did know the this was instructive the the expat scene they're like we don't eat chinese food anymore we did it for like a week or two even a month it's it says like they all just hang out at the hot dog shops the burger shops and the pizza shops oh wow yeah and it made me realize that's why chinatown all eat at their places and they're like yeah i tried a burger yes of course back to squid eyeballs yeah that is a nice thing i remember when i traveled around thailand and we came across after like,

we did all the rural stuff and then we came across a McDonald's after like a week or two weeks and we were like, oh my God, it was globalization, I love you. It was the best. It was like water in the desert, man. It was incredible.

I did see some wild also that reminds me of T-shirts. I saw like a New York Knicks world champion 1994 and i'm like no absolutely not people just wearing like like just such copyright infringed and just wrong stuff like that's not that's no they weren't even that was the ewing years they never made it to the finals that's so funny yeah and yeah so is there a big is there what's their views on america americans is there like a glamorization do they love do they it's a good question i didn't talk to any i didn't talk to any locals they don't most of them probably don't have a word of english right yeah they said one of the big things for some of the white chicks in China was for the first time,

because if Shanghai's a 20 million person city, they're in a smaller city of 50,000, the expat city. Okay. They're ignored. A few are like inquisitive about them, but almost all they're ignored. And all these pretty blonde chicks, I've never been not even looked twice at by that many people in a row and they go through this thing of like come on am i not pretty wow i'm not even glanceable a little self-esteem issue out there wow so you were single on your trip were you oh yeah oh yeah so dip your toe in the as fever? No. No. Well, yeah, once. Yeah.

A local? Yeah, a local. Yeah. Yeah. Forgot about that. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah.

I went over there. It was the World Cup was on. Not a lady of the night though, right? Not a lady of the night. They had no pimps there. Pimps were illegal. So you could have hookers. Pimps are also illegal here, I believe.

But hookers were legal. Yeah, good point. But they only illegalized pimping. Sorry? They only illegalized pimping. So you could be a hooker, just make your own business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which makes sense, I think.

Right? Yeah, I hooked up with some young chick. So is there a big sex tourism or anything like that going on there? No? Not like Thailand. Not like Thailand. Okay. And Cambodian shit.

Yeah. So you hooked up with this chick, whatever. I hooked up with somebody after the World Cup, some white chick also, just like, this was in Wuxi maybe, just over the Hong Kong border. I gotta tell you about the Great Wall of China too. But like, made out for a while, just out you know maybe some finger blasting i don't know maybe some light finger blasting it was so fucking it's nuts there and uh and then i had to get back to my place and i forgot they tell you to like take the business card from your hotel because

the cab drivers don't speak any english especially in these smaller towns there's no tourism yeah so i didn't torrential rain. Flag down on the couch. I'm like, get me to the Hyatt. And they're like, I mean, I may as well be going. And I'm like, the Hyatt Hotel? So no. So I'm like, all right. I got out.

Pouring rain still. Then another guy, the Hyatt, nothing. Then the third guy, I remember, was near the train station. So I was like, chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chug-a. Woo-woo. And the guy Hyatt, nothing. Then the third guy, I remember, was near the train station. So I was like, chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, whoo, whoo, whoo. And the guy's like, okay. And then he starts driving.

Could you imagine? You pick up this most Jewish man you've ever seen. And you just go, chugga, chugga, chugga. Like a dancer's with wolves. Katunga, katunga. Yeah, he gets me nearby till I see the Hyatt sign I was like yes

audible audible Hyatt nice and what's that currency just little bags of magic powder yeah they have MSG it was they all got so into the World Cup

they weren't in it but it was 4am and the bars all filled up. That was pretty bomb. Yeah. It was great. They were all out there watching, smoking, watching. The younger generation, they liked everyone else.

They're just young. They're drinking, they're partying. I met more cool Chinese people in Thailand, in Pai and places like that, than I met there. Okay. But Hong Kong was both, and spoke camp Cambodia. No not Cambodia What is it man? Mandarin and Cantonese Cantonese. Yeah, but they all speak English in Hong Kong. Okay, so it's way easy the

Great Wall of China. First of all fucking so fucking cool. It's like legit like real It's the great fucking wall Sick. Yeah, it goes on forever so the whole thing des hooked it up for me and he no i walked a lot of it took my shirt off i loved it they also have these apps there with the um dude i'm remembering all this shit now it's been a while so i've thought about any of this but they have these apps for um pollution air pollution okay and if it gets too much you just you have to wear a mask. That's from like the factories and stuff?

They were so bad on what's it called? On air quality and shit. So like we're doing all this stuff, like separating our fucking plastics and everything. Chuck it out the window. Chuck it out the window. so there's me giving my allegiance to the fucking chinese flag the nice red flag yes yeah you could they also had they're like hey they're gonna try to rob you on prices like everywhere um and they said like a coca-cola should cost their version of one dollar you know

let's say it's a hundred yuan you got white guy tax exactly and they're gonna they're gonna try to go through just go no and they taught me you know turner and andy and whatever they taught me how to say no it's this much money seems exhausting just every time you want a pepsi it's like just i'm just come on just give me the fucking price just save me yeah but i did that on the great wall and the guy was spoke a little english i was like no it's not 300 it's 100 and the guy goes i lugged it up here it's up a fucking mountain and i'm like it's fair okay i will pay you the full 20 cents then it's still fucking so cheap yeah yeah um god that great wall is fucking just hike the whole thing to where it got like broken down and where they

don't like fix it up and like trees are growing out of it you can go inside outside when you see it you realize like no one's imagine marching through the fucking mountains and woods with an army. We're going to invade China. And then you just come across a wall that doesn't end to the left or right for hundreds of miles. Incredible. You're fucked. You're going home. Yeah.

Little openings to shoot arrows out where they can't get them back in. How long did it take them to build that do you remember over 50 years i don't know i don't have no idea um at the end they have a uh a toboggan on the way down oh wow yeah so dash was like hooked up a hooker. What's it called? Oh, here's me with a microphone. I was doing an intro on my old podcast there. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was recording intros.

Hell yeah. Yeah. Des hooked it up with a driver. He goes, hey, it's 600. It was like $50. He goes,

you own him for the day. Okay. He's full slave. Yeah, it ruled. And I'm like, yeah, but I'm going to be up there for like a couple hours at least goes go as long as you Want he's not working normally. I'm like, what's the tip because don't tip Okay, fuck and this guy's just waiting for me for so fucking long. I hope I have the picture of this toboggan I'll see if I have it later. But like so at the end of it your height, whatever. There's just a Wild maybe look that up this toboggan down the fucking I'll see if I have it later. So at the end of it, there's just a wild,

maybe look that up, this toboggan down the fucking Great Wall of China. I doubt I have any pictures of it. Oh, here's the, how long did it take to build the Great Wall of China? 2,500 years.

Who put that into play? Yeah, that was like a... There it is. Dude, so you finish. You finish. I didn't know it was like a... There it is. That was like a... Dude, so you finish. No, you don't. You finish. I didn't know it was like this. There's two ways to steer this.

Fast, not fast. You got to lean left or right. Did you go on it? Were you there? I did. How much is a rule? It was awesome. It's so fucking good.

I was like, what am I doing right now? I'm going down this slide off the great wall. It's crazy. Uh-huh. Here, here, here. here here read this this is the the notice to visitors at the top it's just it's not even like a sponsored government thing read it out loud and notice to visitors toboggan is a dangerous sport you must follow the notice of the toboggan tow drive if you don't follow the rules it will be at your own risk our company is not responsible yeah it's just some company that set up a toboggan from the top of the but that was the advice they go they also said this and anyone who goes here's my advice oh i need to do this more like any advice i forgot that's for other ones do you have any advice for anyone going okay

i gotta start asking more people that talk to the guy running the toboggan for as long as you can because you need the guy ahead of you to get far away because these Chinese are risk averse and they go fucking slow the whole way down and enjoy the scenery and you want to fucking you want to rip it yeah you just want to read the toboggan tell the guy where you're from ask some questions about China just delay they're all polite they're not gonna say go! They're not gonna do it. And you want a lot of space. Look at this, it's like, you just gotta lean in, it goes so fucking fast.

Just zipping back and forth, and like no track. Have there been any deaths on this thing? Died at the Great Wall of China, what a great way to go. Your grandfather died at the Great Wall of China and What a great way to go. Your grandfather died at the Great Wall of China in a toboggan accident. Oh, mate. Smashed his face into the back of some Chinese girl's head. Yeah.

Dude, I saw a video of a toboggan, and one guy was wearing all his Arab gear with the hijab and everything, and then somebody else coming from behind him, but too fast to get it crashed. And then just somebody superimposes, Allah Akbar! And slams it to him. but too fast to get a crash and just somebody superimposes hello Akbar and slams it to him

so you're you're so you just it's so fucking fun but then eventually I did catch up to somebody and you had to like go

and be like come on while you're out there what you were because it was a business like a work trip it was all hotels and stuff it wasn't hostels

and backpacking no hostels no nothing they hooked that up but I met people there that told me about the joy especially in hong kong about the joys of the hostel i don't about the full moon party in thailand really opened up my eyes i remember my friend sarah who was like a great fucking inspiration to me about travel yeah talking about the full moon party yeah found some nice acid there in china in china yeah and and uh they grow great mushrooms in hong kong wow i mean there's so much to fucking do and whatever there's tons of temples and shit if you want to like see stuff but yeah it was so hong kong was kind of like the hong kong

school hong kong also had tell me long kway fong is that the street it's a center street it's there what's the dublin version where all the tourists go temple bar temple bar yeah it's that it's outside um it's a so they have all these bars they also have 7-eleven which you can just go buy beer and go outside and be in the patio areas of people with bars they're trying to get it shut down but someone was like we don't care where they go. There was a torrential rainstorm when I was there. Everything got slippery because of that. And it's on a hill.

And everyone was just falling and sliding down this fucking street. It was so fun. They put me in the south in Hong Kong. Away like through the jungle. Long Kui Fong. Yeah, it fucking rules. It fucking rules.

Great bars there. Definitely go hang out there. and all the expats and also a lot of marines show up there and also locals that's where everybody kind of mingles in so this is definitely one of the places you say you've gone to china you gotta go to the great wall you don't okay so i have one saying in terms of travel don't just don't be an asshole if you're near enough to the great wall of china yeah don't be like oh is it typical just go fucking see it yeah yeah yeah you know yeah if you're a fucking block away from the eiffel tower go take a look don't be a fucking asshole yeah you know i get not doing the typical thing but like if it's on a wonders list yeah just fucking

do it this is not if it's like the rule one of two famous walls yeah go see the what's the other one the berlin wall yes nice hell yeah um yeah because like when people go to ireland they're always like i'm always like get out of dublin dublin do both though you know because dublin's like a regular city it's a real fun place and then i'm like go to the west go see the fucking the rolling hills go to those little villages. And would China have been like that similar? Where you're like- No, no, I didn't go to,

I mean, the cities are so big and vast and they have these districts, like I said, where it's like, it's all plumbing stores, 30 plumbing stores together. And then another district will be like all shoe stores and you want to be like, hey guys- Swap them up. Shoe store, you could do a lot better

if you just went to the plumbing district. They go, no. You're all selling the exact same stuff at the exact same prices and then and you try to explain that they go but then you wouldn't be in the you wouldn't be in the shoe district you crazy americans radical ideas yeah i i don't understand it it's it's crazy i'm like none of you guys are stepping out um yeah hong Kong rule too. That scene was really cool because everybody spoke English in Hong Kong. So it was a lot of fun. A lot of boozing.

A lot of boozing. And weed. Great weed. Great. American weed. They just smuggle it in. It's awesome. Was there any organized crime

over there or anything? They never got brought up? They never said anything? Because sometimes you go places where it's like, you know, the mob rooms and everything. Yeah, probably Yakuza. Is that them or crime over there? They never got brought up. They never said anything. Because sometimes you go places where it's like the mob rooms. Yeah, Prop Yakuza. Is that them or is that Japan? Yeah, that's Japan. I can't even remember the Chinese.

Triads, is it? Oh. So here's the best thing. Okay. See this kid? I'm forgetting about all this stuff. So these kids have, they shit and piss just everywhere that's just the standard the kids just shit and piss everybody does everybody pisses the kids

shit and piss i saw one kid like looking and he looked back at his mom because he's about to piss and he's looking at his mom and he's like like maybe i shouldn't you know like looking back like and she's like yeah yeah he's like yeah And he's trying to be a fucking human. She goes, no, no, be one of us. So they just shit. And they shit so much in public that they're like, build special shorts for them. So it's like a skirt. And when you stand up, it kind of, is this on?

Yeah. It kind of comes together. And when you crouch, it automatically goes like that. So it just allows you to crouch, and it separates enough for you to take a dump, and then it seals back up again. And is everyone just standing in shit then? Are you all just stepping in shit? Or is there like, are they politely?

Nope, this kid's shitting right on the wall. He's in the process of shitting on a wall. And then you just leave the shit there? Yeah. It's even a dog you would pick it up. It's insane. Even a fucking. Do they have special, like like because you know the stoops in new york the reason they have stoops was because the roads used to be full of shit they invent the stoops in new york because so that was so that

your house was elevated off of the uh of the shit right wow the architecture no it's not that bad okay but any little rivers or streams in this it's like just poops flying everywhere bandit stop buddy you're being annoying um damn that was it this next trip is fucking somewhere else that was it that was the china it ruled and everything after that i was like i just got to get back to these places not knowing languages languages. Yeah. Just make and do. You've done it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I did it. It was a fluke. My friend was like, we got to go to Thailand. And I was like, I don't know. And then once you do it and then afterwards you go,

oh, that's changed. Just wanting to see what things are is just, it's, you get it. You got to be there. You got to see it. Yeah.

Also just knowing like, I can do it. I can get by. It's sad. Yeah, but my girl's not like she'll never she'll never do that of my girl my fiance

no she won't go to like just have no plan go to a hostel and just figure shit out she has to be like no we have a restaurant

we're staying in a hotel so it is sad that I fell in love and won't be happy again but my friend stayed the one who told me

about hostels that does suck he had a room that was like one of those tiny rooms i mean this size you open the door a bit until it smacks the bed bring your way in then close it and then like hot plate just like that's just like normal living there yeah yeah do you any plans to go back to china i almost moved there during the pandemic when I was like, where can I do standup? You know, when that, that like two weeks.

So during the pandemic, you moved to China. You were thinking of going into the belly of the beast. The club was open. The Wuhan Comedy Club. The club was open. Yeah. They were like, hey, we'll disappear you for a minute. If you get, if you get a fever,

you'll come back with a better appreciation for the government but no the club was open i was like hey it's stand-ups dead new york remember that yeah it was like this is never coming back here yeah we're very on top of each other yeah and i was thinking moving here to austin i was thinking of moving to hong kong and then the fucking the only problem was the fucking revolution oh that was going on. I didn't even know about that. It doesn't seem as fun. That's how oblivious I am to anything going on.

There was a revolution. Yeah. Against the government? The government, they were trying to appoint their governor in Hong Kong. Said, well, we'll give you two choices. You can vote for us. No, we want all our choices. And they're like, never going to happen.

And they outlawed they outlawed this is how fucking ball of the chinese government is so they were saying we want to be able to extradite criminals back into mainland china and then the hong kong is like no fucking way that's bad news that's bad news try us here let us do prison here where we're kind of no keep tabs like no they go well no more um protest signs they're illegal and so then the hong kong people started just holding up blank signs. Yeah. So like, well, we all know what this means.

And then the Chinese government was like, we also know what it means. We'll just arrest you for that. You can't just get over on us. We're not going to court on this. We're just going to beat you and arrest you. It ruled. It ruled so fucking hard. And when I got back, it was just was just like damn i want to do more stuff

immediately immediately google another stuff i went straight away full moon party was on your well my friend sarah told me about that she goes you really i was so so the the hong kong scene rented a junk boat and all the comics went out there some dj went out there i think she od'd actually since then but like um but i had that one hit acid not enough to share yeah or i would have yeah but somebody gave me some and so i'm out there floating there's jellyfish coming up like oh fuck but i'm just floating and looking up and sarah's like what do you want and i'm like a little acid she was like i think it's like a full moon party yes um and she just told she's like it was one of the funnest times I've ever had in my life you would love it she met up with me there

with a couple other people but it was just like okay what else is there yeah that'll be another episode for another time but like

what full moon party full moon party yeah but did you go to that yeah did we talk about it

yeah maybe when did we do that podcast that was such a long time it's coming out soon yeah well whatever yeah so you go back to china would you go see different places i know yeah i want to go to more rural china rural china yeah i want to go to some other cities yeah and see what it's like in the smaller towns because those sleepy towns were all so interesting

and now that i'm a better traveler i think i get around a little better yeah but i want to see that those crazy the um all the warriors there's those statues of like a hundred warriors oh is that a stone statues terracotta warriors terracotta where you seen him i didn't see them but i would like to damn yeah i think danny paula shook sign so um oh did he yeah i'd like to see those too some of that shit my feeling is like the statues will get you places and then you can move from there yeah you know like what statue do you have to see more or less what statue or ocean or whatever yeah that they just found them all buried incredible thousands of fucking statues of warriors and what did you did anyone ever tell

you was there like is there like any cultural difference between like like Mandarin speaking and Cantonese like do they consider themselves almost different probably different types

I wish I knew more yeah it wasn't my experience at all and has since you've since you've been have when people talk about China

like in the news and stuff have you gotten it's crazy because there's a few of us who have been there my friend Lian who made the backdrop here yeah

wait did he go I think he went it's just like i had a blast yeah and they're like well you can't go anymore fuck them like i wasn't i wasn't there to fucking overthrow the government i was there to eat some food i didn't understand you know i was there to smoke some shoe polish sorry i have to use so it's like i had a fucking great time and i would definitely go back yes it fucking i'm not a dissident yeah it rules as long as you're not a fucking dissident yeah just get a vpn dude you're doing blow and and then drinking beer walking the streets at 3 30 a.m it's cheap as hell right it's so fucking cheap it's so it's so fucking cheap yes oh my god yeah china is i gotta get back actually so we so you hear people talk about china and you go that's not what it is that's not it at all yeah

that's not it at all that's not my experience at all that's how when you hear them talking about new york how what a war zone it is and you're like sure guys yeah yeah okay yes it's not at all it's so safe it's like i don't know somebody got pushed to the subway that's been happening for decades of course that's new york it's new york why not the percentages someone gets pushed in front of the train and yeah get a pizza slice yeah exactly no it's not my experience at all with them so i'm like okay well you're missing out because it's great yeah well when like people like um you know trump or someone talks about it in the news is there ever you sort

of go that's not that's just that's just that doesn't affect me yeah he's talking about like yeah like rules for like tick tock and i'm like yeah that's not my that's not my part of that's not my part of it you know that's not my china did you try to learn just the fun did you try to learn any of the language at all no i i got that way later i was in indonesia i met an italian girl and she was like actively trying to learn bahasa and um and i was like oh damn you're like you're really going for this so then in the next country i went to east timor i was like let me do some homework first but usually i'll do like one through ten please thank you bathroom food i forget i

have a little list of like words to get some sex some sex yeah yeah you can point this everywhere drain yeah this drain oh did they have any did you ever find out did they have hooks i went to a hooker bar actually a hooker bar yeah there was like a lot of hookers that i didn't get any but i was like oh that's hookers okay cool okay hook't get any, but I was like, oh, that's hookers. Okay, cool. Okay, Hooker Bar. What were you going to ask? Did you ever hear of any slurs against whiteies that they have? Did they call us round eyes?

What do they... Good question. They do in Thailand. They do call us round eyes? Farang. Farang? Yeah. Oh, nice. How many times would you have to hear that before you start to get insulted by it?

You know what I mean? In Indonesia, by the end, I think Bulai, I was in a shuttle to East Timor, and everybody picked up, like, oh, Bulai, Bulai. And I was like, after a while, I was like, Bulai, Bulai, I hear you guys. I hear you say it. And I know it's derogatory.

I can feel it enough. I know, but isn't it funny how that works? Because at first, you're just like, oh, cool. You can learn to hate a slur eventually. Yeah. It's like you're not saying it with like, oh, what the,

if you said it like that, it'd be fine. Yeah. Well, you could do it. There was a hate in their hearts. Yeah. Yeah.

Great. Yeah. Anyway, that's my trip to China. Was there anything else then that we didn't cover that you can think of? I don't know. I'm remembering things.

I was forgetting, as you brought it up, I'm forgetting about the Great Wall of China, one of the most iconic places in the world. I forgot about Lai Kwai Fong till i thought about it yeah um yeah they love soccer they love it's there was some homelessness in beijing but almost nowhere else except for that one guy in shanghai that's dead okay but almost nowhere they just clean it up they're just like we'll get your job we'll get you out of here or they just execute them i don't really know i don't care doesn't matter it doesn't bother me um i don't see it yeah yeah i guess how long were

you there i was there for like a week a week so not too long you probably have the experience where this happened to me a couple times where you would book a hotel or a hostel or something and then the cab driver would take you to a different place and they would just check you in as if you were meant to be there. And then you don't realize until a few hours later, you're like, this is not my hotel. No, only because the comedy scene got me all the spots and they drive me to the hotels and check me in. Yeah. So that's like a scam they do. They go, oh, yeah.

And they bring you to their cousin's hotel. Yeah, that happened to me a couple times. In Bangkok, it was like from the airport to the hotel, they stop at a suit store. I'm like, no, I don't want. They're like, no, I just need a refill gas. And they just tell you, I'm like, can I get out of here? I don't want a suit. I have a fucking backpack on.

Where am I going to fucking pack a suit? And they get mad. I'm like, fine. I never said I wanted to buy. I will say this. When you have locals on the ground, like boots on the ground, telling you, like someone who lives there,

but from your place, an American who lives there, it's a great way to see a place. Because they'll tell you the restaurants to go to. It's like when your friends from Ireland come to visit New York, like, let me show you the cool bars. Instead of like going to a lonely planet, you know?

These do their job. There's something to these lonely planets. They will guide you a bit, but then it is like, it's going to be all touristic. They're good for letting you know some of the- How to take the buses, how to take the trains. Google Maps works there for the train system. Okay.

Works great. Gets you around because you can't read any of the fucking signage. But yeah, if you have people there showing you the cool places to go, Beer Bay. Okay. Oh, yeah. So there's a bay that you go from to the island of Hong Kong Island or something where the hippies live. Okay. And there's where all the boats go off to the island of Hong Kong Island or something where the hippies live. Okay. And there's where all the boats go off from, all the ferries go.

And it's just beer bay. You can get cheap beer and drink outside and all the expats just meet up. I mean, that's what they called it. Let's see if it's there. And traveling from city to city was, you said, they were bullet trains overnight or no? No, they're fast. The beer bay. Central Pier 4, Hong Kong. Yes.

Yes. Yeah, and you could just go buy whatever beer, then sit out in these steps outside. You see them on the steps, the top right. Top, top, top left, right. Yeah, yeah, we'd sit on those steps. You'd buy beer there for fucking eight cents, and you'd go up there and sit,

and everyone would get fucking drunk And it was all the whites. It was great Some of those guys lived there for like ten years didn't speak a lick of Mandarin or Cantonese just nothing Wow, that was so it was so fun Everybody there expat wise was on just a vacation of a year'slong vacation. Yeah. You're just retired. You're just essentially retired. Yeah. You're just doing a little mid-retire.

Well, you're there for a short amount of time, but it's like, let's say you work in the banking world. And so Shanghai's a big banking district. Hong Kong's a big banking district. Okay, but you could be in London or New York. Why are you accepting the gig in Hong Kong? Because you're adventurous.

You're wild. Yeah. You know? And so the people there are like, and everybody's on a two to five year contract, so all the relationships they told me were temporary. No one's committing fully. They're just not doing it.

Sorry, Dougie. Yeah, chill, buddy. You know this by now. So everybody's like, if we're dating, it's gonna break up in eight months when your contract's over. You're gonna go on to the next country. Yeah.

You know? So that was like really, really cool. Nice, buddy. Nice try. And that part made everybody just fucking drink. There was like summer camp. It was pretend land. Yeah.

There's that vibe of when you meet these people who are traveling and there's no, I'm we talked about this in my practice but there's no like responsibility of like there's no time for it like it's not like you have to do a thing at a certain time it's like what are we doing today we're gonna do nothing and we don't have any responsibility and you'd have like a guy you'd have a guy like his wife got a got a banking job'll wrap this up soon. And then he's like, well, I got to go with my wife. It's a, it's a high level job.

So, but I got to do something. So I'm like, I'm teaching English now. Yeah. And I don't care. It's not my career. I'm just like doing something.

Yeah. It's interesting. And let's get drunk. It's fucking Tuesday. Let's get drunk. Yeah. Pass on the street. They don't care.

They just go, ugh, whites. And, uh, it fucking rules there's so many great ways

to live and you know usually the cities in America might not be it it might not be it it might not be it

even if you go down to like Key West where you're just having a pina colada on a Tuesday morning yeah shout out to Key West Comedy Club

yeah Dustin's the man I want to move down there I love that place yeah you can't because it's just so nice it's a Wednesday morning you're getting steamed Yeah, Dustin's the man. I want to move down there. I love that place. I think I does. You can't. Yeah, you can't. Because it's just so nice.

It's a Wednesday morning. You're getting steamed. No reason not to drink. You can't do that in New York. You have an issue. You have a problem. Yeah, I really want to get back to China now. Or Asia in general.

Asia's just so... Yeah, like you said, that foreignness is so stimulating to everything. Nothing embodies that word like Asia. Yeah, foreign. And you go, what the? You can't even. So if you're in Paris, okay, you don't speak French. You can read enough of a street sign to like Rue de Saint-Denis.

Yeah. And they'd be like, Rue de Saint-Denis. But you know what I'm saying. Yes. And I can read it. In China, it's like bush upside down tree uh okay and some guy looks like he's waving fingers oh yeah that with the language do you recognize any of those things you never even came close to nothing okay you start to like

look at symbols on signs yeah and then you just get lost a lot great you got to take that card with you from a hotel you're getting a lot are you getting longing for this as we're talking about it yeah i definitely got to go back yeah sure yeah it gives you these this itches fucking this is a frustrating thing as i've said it to you in the past about these podcasts and i remember listening then afterwards you just go what am i fucking what am i doing here what am i doing here let me just break all these fucking let me break all tom's cameras and just fucking run yeah yeah all right now you probably have a bigger fan base out there too so it'd be more more likely to go back that shanghai show was what it was definitely my favorite show of that year it's one of my top 20 shows of all time. Great. They don't get much.

Yeah. And it was on fire in a small, compact room. Yeah. But they're all gone now. Some of the Hong Kong people are still there, but everybody else, Tambi Chan and fucking Garen Chu and some of the scene guys out there.

But also they're getting billed $2 million for making a fucking squirrel joke about the government, about the army or something. And now it's like, ugh, it's just weird. But just don't be a dissident. That's my advice. That's my advice today. Here's my trial advice.

Don't be a dissident wherever you go. Get that going across the screen. Yeah, I want to do chyrons. Is that the word? Nice. You should do this whole episode in Chinese subtitles, actually, too. I should have some Chinese subtitles

guys in the booth you're welcome you can go do that maybe over all the racial slurs that we've done all the fucking just do China

like oh Mao was great no you just say it no say it we love the Chinese government the whole time say like

it's all pro stuff yeah anytime you bring it up like this means tongue in cheek, which is not a food here. That was great. Yeah, guys, please subscribe.

You Be Trippin' Pod on YouTube if you want to watch these wherever you're listening. It's You Be Trippin'. And also, You Be Trippin' Pod on Instagram. I have no way of getting the conversation going, but if you've been to China, leave some fucking comments on the YouTube

or on the YouBeTrippinPod whatever's Instagram page or TikTok or whatever, and tell me where you've been and let people know what shit there is to do if you're there. Yeah. This is great. Yeah.

Column, you have a special on Gas Digital? It's on YouTube, yeah. It's on YouTube. It's on my channel. Go check that out. What's your channel? YouTube slash Column, you have a special on Gas Digital? It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. It's on my channel. Go check that out. What's your channel? YouTube slash Column Tyrell. So just search my-

One L and then two L's. Yeah. C-O-L-U-M-T-Y-R-R-E-L-L. Column Tyrell. Two R's in there, Tyrell? Two R's in there. Yeah, sneaky. Everyone always gets me.

Yeah, it gets me too. Yeah. But yeah, come see me on the road if you can i'm traveling now i'm finally headlining and for the chinese people who are watching uh when we say two l's in there oh how do we describe this um it's really just a continuation of ours i guess it's just it's definitely pronounced r yeah tyrol must be a tough one for those guys i love high school humor grade school um yeah colin's a great comic he's on the road with me now and uh and uh i don't know fucking yeah what's the name of the special it's just 30

minutes with colin turtle gas digital presents or something like that follow him on instagram and everything and tell him that you appreciate how we ran this fucking podcast oh yeah thanks yeah dude let's do it again. Yeah. All right, guys. I don't know how to say goodbye in Chinese. Mandarin. Just guess. Sayonara. Kujing.

Kujing. Damn it. All right. Kujing. Yeah. Fair enough. All right. Bye.

Thank you. Thanks, guys. Well, that's the podcast, everybody. Hope you enjoyed it. Yeah. That trip was, that was my first great trip abroad, not counting, I guess, Israel, when I was something. But, man, it was a fun time. God, you look like shit.

What are you talking about over here? How fucking great I was at the Tom Brady roast? What are you? What are you? Nice shirt. What are you, Dirt Kreischer? Not bad. Not bad.

Hi, everybody. Hey, guys. It's the world. It's Tony Hinchcliffe. God bless America. Make sure you go buy the replay of the live streams from Los Angeles Forum and the YouTube Theater. Kill Tony Live, the new number one live podcast and number two audio podcast in the world.

And there might be a cameo from somebody who we love. Well, buddy, you're about to jump to number, still number two, but yeah, higher up in number two. It's good to be friends with number one, though. Yeah, it is. Thank you, Joe. How was that? It was great.

All right, thanks, buddy. Guys, that's the episode yeah watch Tony's the replay of the forum show there might be a cameo like you said that's the episode everybody China god damn what a fun time did I not talk enough about the bathrooms

that's what I was most hit me the most those fucking bathrooms that I was just not prepared for. I did a bit about it and this is not happening. They don't prepare. They just tell you to carry around toilet paper, but they don't really tell you why until,

until you need it. There's no shit. I should have done this in the episode. I'll mention it somewhere else, I guess. Um, well, I mean,

here, here's what, when I got there, there was just some bartender at the show. I was, the Hong Kong comedy, or Kung Fu comedy in Shanghai. He goes, hey, you're new here. He gave me a travel pack of tissue paper. And he goes, you'll need this. And I go, why?

Why will I need it? He goes, you'll know. And then I just carried it around. I thought it was to wipe my hands for food. No. And then I just carried her around. I thought it was to wipe my hands for food. No.

It was when you're fucking faced with a shit squat toilet, a complete shit squat toilet, and there's no toilet paper. The locals know. You've got to be ready. The foreigners don't. They should do it at customs when you get in there. Do you have any drugs?

No. Here's your thing of toilet paper. When will I need this? You'll know. And I did know. I think it might have been at Tiananmen Square bathroom. No, it wasn't there. It was somewhere else, but it was disgusting.

That's the episode. Please subscribe. Don't forget to pre-order my Jew vinyl. Let's start with the Patreon. Travel plugs is going to be the main thing I do where I take a picture. Just like the ones you see here and I fucking go over them. Tell you how I got there and tell you just a weird story about, you know, shit like that. Yeah, I'm excited about it.

That's it, everybody. Subscribe. YouBeTrippinPod on Instagram. Wherever you're listening or watching, hit the subscribe button. Let's get those followers up. And thanks for commenting for the algorithm and stuff like that. This guy keeps going up and down looking at me. They make me very self-conscious and I hate it. He's wearing short shorts.

I believe he's from Germany. He's wearing tight jean short shorts and he's got a backpack. It's a German look. I wish I could show it to you guys. Sure, sure, for listening. Bye, everybody. Oh, today's episode is

produced by your mom's house network I almost forgot yeah edited by a man named Alan he has no last name and that's it these people are also looking at me too it's very annoying

yeah nothing else to say okay goodbye and that's it these people are also looking at me too it's very annoying yeah nothing else to say okay goodbye