You Be Trippin' - Ari Matti Goes To Barcelona, Spain | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: September 14, 2026

Follow Ari on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/arimatticomedy/ SPONSORS: -If you or someone you know experienced serious mental health struggles as a result of social media use, you may be entitled to a potential recovery of over $1,000. Visit https://morganmorganpa.sjv.io/c/7729588/3841482/23429?sharedid=you-be-trippin to submit a claim now. -Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @‌MUDWTR with code TRIPPIN at https://mudwtr.com/TRIPPIN ! #mudwtrpod On this week's episode of You Be Trippin', Ari Matti is BACK! This time around Ari and Ari talked about the time Matti was spent his covid quarantine in Spain. This episode is exactly what you think it's going to be. As Matti put it their ADHD's don't line up. It's pure chaos, but there are some great stories mixed in there. Ari on his bike suffering through the hills on the Spanish coast. His infamous turd story is the peak. Buckle up and try your best to follow along. Hasta luego! You Be Trippin' Ep. 136 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:09:09 - Boat Travel 00:17:53 - Estonian Festival 00:25:53 - Stuck in Spain 00:39:09 - Nepal 00:44:33 - Traveling by Bike 00:50:56 - Horsing Around 00:56:45 - The Infamous Turd 01:07:45 - Comedy & Animal Tourism 01:19:26 - Ari in London 01:29:30 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Good morning, Trippers. Welcome to a brand new episode of UB Trippa, and the sun is as light as my spirits. A bit cloudy. Today we got Ari Matty back on today's episode. He is probably maybe the most returning guests of this podcast. He's a great traveler. In stand-up comedy, he's one of the best in terms of travel.

He's also absolutely hilarious. Today, he's going to be talking about Barcelona. Guys, if you want to support the show, there's no better way to do it, then click subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. If you're on Spotify, hit the subscribe button right now, so you'll be notified of new episodes coming out all the time. And if you're on YouTube, do the same thing, click the like button, leave a comment. It's the best way to support this show and it's the best way for you to be notified when new episodes come out. But right now, look no further than Ari Mati, Barcelona.

Let's start. That is an Eastern European or like poor country, like Cuba. I saw like a just a thrown out like baby stroller. Some guys like fixing the wheels. It's like, well, you can't get a new baby stroller. I'll just make this one work. Yeah. That straw.

We're like, no, no, I'll figure it out. Where you've been and where you're going? This is our race travel show. Yeah. We're going to talk about travel today.

It's you. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, let's talk about all that stuff. This is a good idea. It's a good one for it because it's like a setup of a time. I do like types of travel. Uh-huh.

Some is just like, like Melania, Vintraub. She did like, And who's the big Irish comic, older? Colin, Tommy. Tommy Tirenin. Tommy Tiren.

So those two went for like aid work stuff, which is like a type of travel too. Yeah. Oh. You know, sometimes it's like, or musical travel. Like I'm going to go see Queens of Stone Age in Sweden. Mm-hmm. So like it's a reason to go do something. And then one of them is you just get and get the last flight back after COVID.

Yeah. Oh, I mean, yeah. Yeah. I have stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And so that's where you're set. I've heard all these stories and you've heard all these stories.

Yeah, uh-huh. And then we can get to you. But like my favorite couple was, one was like this guy missed the last flight out of Vietnam. Uh-huh. He just didn't get there. And he's like, fuck. Well, they were like, hey, we got about three days left to get back if you're going to get back. And it's like one day left.

And then he just didn't get it. And he goes, fuck, what the fuck am I going to do? And then it hit him. It was like, oh, I'm in Vietnam. I'm going to live on $12 a day in Vietnam. I have already rented my motorcycle. Yeah. He's like, oh my God, this is the best possible place to be.

So funny, dude. Yeah. One of Burt's employees got stuck in Turks and Caicos? Whoa. No tourists. Yeah? Just him? Uh-huh.

This chick and another chick and they start having threesomes every night. And like, free diving in a place that should be overrun a tourist because it's so beautiful. And he's like, it's just ours for two months. Are we already recording? Yeah, I think so. Should we? Yeah. They're running.

Please, everyone's eating in the booth. What about you? What have you heard about? Well, like a great one like that. Oh, so, oh. Well, I had a dear friend, Andrew Packer. He's a Canadian comedian. He was with his...

Fudge Packer. Got him. Okay. He was in Indonesia, on one of the islands. And you know, Indonesia ran like a crazy dictator. So he was on the island. and he proposed to his girlfriend on the island. Okay.

And then COVID came full lockdown. He was on an island for eight months because they shut it down so much that they were like, you ain't going nowhere. And same thing. First week, panic sets in, what the fuck? You're calling your panic. We can't get home. And then you realize I'm on this.

And all the tourists are gone. So every time I, you know, I'm going to know people. And at the time, I'm in Estonia. I'm not going back to Canada. Stand up is dying. and I'm stressed, everyone's stressed, you know. We can't even record podcast, no live events. And then I check in with him and he's like, yeah, I learned how to get a coconut, you know.

Like I took a class, how to find the tree, get a coconut. Wow. And it's a real crazy way to test your relationship, too. You're on this fucking island. But same thing, free diving every day. And then at some point, he started doing like open mics with the same, because there were like 18 other foreigners. And he goes, let me entertain you? Yeah.

So like he started doing like a weekly open mic. where he recaps, what the fuck is going on with COVID. Oh, what a way to get like some like some sets. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, some crazy rests. The same comedic way. Yeah. And then other people who try.

What he got for us today? Yeah. Yeah. And it was crazy. Yeah, during COVID, it was like crazy how yeah, some people got stuck. Yeah, yeah. Some people like you said before recording move back with their parents. Yeah, I moved back with my parents.

I love that. And it was like, we're talking about it. It's not, it's not a COVID thing. It's just COVID set it to this place where you can be like, what was it like as an adult living with my parents for three months. And we're actually really getting to know them as an adult. Forget why I got there. Yeah.

You know what I mean? If I decided to do that right now, it'd still be the same experience. And we'd go on walks every day because you couldn't go to anything. It was all perfect. And then there was the time. I remember when the things slowly started opening up, you started hearing stories about what's happening. Then all the backpacker communities start talking, you know, where to go. Because, yeah, Indonesia, Thailand, they were so strict with the kids.

You know, in Thailand, they were like caning people off the street. Whoa. You know, so that's like too much, you know. Yeah. But people found their little pockets. And in Europe, I don't know about you, but as soon as I heard, you can get a vaccine to travel again, I was like first in line. Because I knew, as soon as I saw it, not a lot of people doing it, I was like, oh, fuck. Now it's exclusive.

Give me on that plane. Yeah. Remember the traveling? No one at the airport is great. Middle seat? Forget it. It's wide open. Your whole, dude, I would fly in empty airplanes for a bit.

It was the best. It was the best, yeah, because it's funny how as soon as something like money can do that too, you know, when you make enough money, it's not, it's like, it's like in Texas. There's Barton Springs, you know. Yeah, I love it. I love it. Yeah, I live right next to it. There's the paid side and there's the free side.

Uh-huh. I go to the paid side just to have a filter and there's a little more space. Yeah. They tell people to put their blue two. It's five bucks, too. Exactly. It's only five bucks. And they act a little more human.

Just a little. Yeah. And I love that. Just to show you what a better. life it is if you keep on Mexicans. Yeah, and as soon it... It's true. I mean, the other side, the free side, they're with their dogs.

The dogs. Oh, the dogs are in the water. They're taking a shit. They're all getting the algae poisoning. Yeah. But then sometimes you'll be on the paid side. You look over the fence. Yeah.

Sometimes it is a little more fun. They're having fun. They're having a good time. Yeah. You look over the fence and you're like, maybe I should go over there. Like, nah. Yeah. You could just go over there.

You're like, nah. Yeah. it's a French comedian used to have a joke about how it was such a funny joke about like climbing a mountain how he goes When you climb a mountain The whole time you're at the bottom

You're like man I wish I was up there And then when you get up there You look down and you're like man It's so beautiful down there Nice Pretty fucking deep dude Yeah it's a very deep like I like that And it's like just like everything is like that

You know when you get to a point And you always look back And you're like man It was beautiful back there Welcome to you be tripping everybody It's a travel podcast We might be traveling We might be traveling

We might be traveling We might be drunk on this On the episode here We talk about stuff But every week we go to different trip People talk So if you've listened before You know what it is

It's not a What's the word Where everything's correct Punctual Nah Anyway But wait wait We talk about a place now

And my guest today is the Estonian assassin. You're beginning to look more and more like a shaman every day. It's crazy. You're like this? You're almost totally complete. Handmade that shirt. Handmade. Misha, designer.

Fucking made it for me. He went into a manic depressive state and I came out with a free shirt. I love how some people go into manic depressive state. They make a nice shirt and some people drown their kids. Isn't this wild hand-painted? It's so fucking crazy. It's so specific in my. I told you can't compare jeans like this too and I'm like I can't pull it.

Danny could pull those off. Danny Brown could pull those off. We met through Danny. Oh yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Please subscribe wherever you're watching and listening. Get my those numbers up so you get reminded also of new episodes coming out.

But today Ari Matty, a comedian in Austin that I met before anyone probably in America. Yeah. In America. Definitely in the Austin scene. Definitely. in not panampan c m rippe seam reap a city most people haven't heard of in cambodia um is the guest day what's up bari what's up um so what are we going to talk about today the spain and how you got locked in there yeah i was thinking well we were talking before about that how uh like covid you know it created

like a new parameter for traveling you know yeah it's like um like i thought about this you know if If like seven 9-11s happened around the world, like a coordinated attack, and air commercial air travel had to be taken down for like a year just to revamp the whole system because it's so dangerous now. And they would have to like close down airspace. You know how they did with that volcano in Iceland? In Europe, that was like, it was like three weeks. I was in a high school though.

So it didn't really bother my life. But I always, I think my next step in traveling is I want to take a boat. Boat travel. Because you know that would disappear with if you can't fly you got to do the boat What's wrong? This is lukewarm. Hey niana you can help me out what needs to be hot dude You're such a shaman. It's crazy. Yeah, this is not hot yeah take another sip get it hotter Thank you thank you. That seemed rude get it hotter It did um boat travel would be cool yeah I mean that's like I met an

Italian joke you know how you meet these certain travelers when you're out and you're like, you're doing it way better than me, and I'm looking up to you right now. That's what I've, well, I have a few friends of mine who've done the full, I think it takes about 13 months

to the full around the world. There's a certain... If you hit lots of, yeah. Yeah, there's a certain place that there's certain ports that they go through. It's like a known thing that the community does. And the way you experience the world, you know, because air travel is such a new thing for us

as a culture. When you land, you don't feel like you're in the country yet. No, 100% not. Because every airport's about the same. And it's like magic, you know, it's like a portal. You don't feel connected to the land you're traveling through. Commercial and health travel has been around like... There's going to be Mrs. Fields, even if you're Medellin.

Species-wise? I think we're literally like the second generation to commercially, comfortably, constantly travel or for work. Maybe third generation, maybe, right? Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For work, yeah. Yeah. Maybe third, probably second.

So it's such a new thing. But when you're on a boat and you're reaching a shore after weeks on the ocean, that's a feeling that's in our DNA for thousands of years. Discovering. That's the Odyssey, right? And you're using the elements to go around the world, the globe. You're on the globe. You're not using this magical bullshit.

I'm just now getting this memory of being in Indonesia and going to an island, Flores, I think. And it's an overnight, whatever, and you got to sleep with your head on this backpack. Because you're like, I don't want anybody to steal it. On the fishing boat or whatever. It's a ferry, but it's like, whatever. It's like they're going to steal it and like trying to get overnight. And then you're in the morning, you're talking to the backpackers and whatever. And then you see the land finally.

And that's just a one day. But you're like, it's coming. We're about to be on Flores Island. Yeah. And you have to use wind, all that shit. And you're so disconnect. And also, you know, it's not like. It's a magic traveling with a backpack and all that.

But imagine if you have a base with all your drugs, all your shit, like on the boat. Oh, wow. Yeah. So you have your own base all the time, you know? You have your little space. Yeah, a bottle of whiskey. And you're so secluded. There could be a fucking volcano 9-11, canceled, COVID.

You're on the boat. Yeah, there was another one I heard about where people were like sailing. Say, oh, yeah. And when COVID happened, and they get back four weeks later and was like, can't dock yet. Like, oh, why? Yeah. Well, the outbreak. Like, outbreak of what?

And you're like, oh, you just didn't get any of the anger. The way you experience a city when you, like, let's say you're on the boat and you get to fucking... You come to a port. You come to a port. You just step off. And I love the ocean. You get your bag and you walk into the city. I love that trains and buses too.

You're like in the city and now like, here I am. So this Italian girl, she was, she was on a boat later. That's where I met her at on Flores Island. Just took a trip to Komodo and stuff. And she was learning Bahasa. She was trying to get words. And I was like, what do you do? She goes, yeah, I'm trying to learn the language here.

I'm like, Bahasa? Yeah. That's great. You don't speak it anywhere else. Thank you, dear. And like, she's like, yeah, everywhere I go, I learned some language. So she got on a inner transatlantic boat. She's like, I'll volunteer for food.

And then I get to sail across the Atlantic. Uh-huh. Help this guy. It was like eight people. on the boat and it was like yeah I'll just like cook meals. Sailing right? Yeah sailing now that's awesome and you have to be a part you know to do those trips because during COVID

of course I started looking into it there's they've commercialized it too you know you don't need to I can't be the guy like my friends they have boats they know that shit I don't know that much so I can't go so you can do these packages but you still have to be part of the crew and be trained that's cool that's really cool mm-hmm yeah that's awesome

I just think that's but so why we bring that up what we I sidetracked We were talking about how traveling, how something happens in the world and you need to adapt. You know, so that be a good. How did this get to Barcelona? Was there a connection there? That I went to Barcelona during COVID. You did?

From where? From Estonia. From Estonia. So you were in Estonia for how long then? I think I was like maybe like eight months of the first COVID. And then I went to Barcelona and then I went back when Estonia started opening up and you could do shows again. Oh, hey guys. This is the point in the podcast where I break in to let you know about what the guests is doing.

And he's on the road. Ari Maddie's in the road. You should check him out at Ari Maddie.com. Providence, Houston, Sacramento, the Comedy Store in Los Angeles, Eugene, St. Louis, Tulsa, Wichita, Kansas City, Indianapolis. And now here's two big shows. Minneapolis to the Pantages and Chicago with the Vic. Those are called tester shows, whereas agents, his Jews, are testing to see if he's big enough to support a theater run. So go get tickets right now to Minneapolis to the Pantages.

or Chicago with a Vic for Ari Matty. I hope he fails because I hope he's back in clubs. It's the best way to watch stand-up comedy is at clubs. That's where I'll be doing when I go tour. Also check him out on Instagram at Ari Matty Comedy on Instagram. For myself, I've got nothing to promote except this, guys. I did a test. I did a four-week test where I de-monetized myself on YouTube

because I heard your complaints. I heard you guys saying that there's too many ads that YouTube was putting in. So I said, okay, I'm demonetizing. Let's test it. Let's see if you guys can throw in a couple bucks and it can make up close to you. the amount that I was making on YouTube revenue. I didn't.

First of all, those of you who donated, I made over $350 in four weeks. Thank you very much. I appreciate your support. And YouTube lost revenue. I lost over $4,000. It was around $4,500. So that's over a year.

That's one-fifth of my salary. So, fuck off. The ads are going back in. Dude, I even went in there. YouTube goes, okay, you're demonetizing. We'll throw ads back in anyway. You can't go around it. We had to painstakingly go in a week.

Chris had to painstakingly go in there, remove every single one that they put back in. And still, I lost $4,500 in a month. So, yeah, they're going back in. But, guys, if you're looking for a way to watch this podcast that's seamless and that's ad-free, Spotify, that's what I figured out. It's not YouTube. YouTube's fine. The best way to watch it is Spotify.

You can watch it home, and you get in your car, and it instantly just keeps playing. You can watch it work, go back to work. Then it starts playing on video again. Spotify's the way to watch this podcast. It's the best, most seamless way. Click right there, subscribe, and it'll alert you when I have new episodes, which is every week.

I watch the Tottenham podcasts every week, and it tells me there's a new one. I get it, and I listen to it. This is video. You can watch video on there. It's Spotify, guys. But right now it's Barcelona. On Spotify or YouTube.

It's your choice. But if you want to hear ads that YouTube puts in, go to YouTube. And if you don't, go to Spotify. It's up to you. All right, Ari Maddie, Barcelona. Let's go. By the way, side track,

now that I'm living in London closer with time, I want to head over to Estonia. Dude. Either give me some tips or come with. Bro, bro, bro, bro. I was there two months this summer. I bought this shirt for $1. Wow, what a fight.

That's a $50 shirt here. More. 100%. I'm a fashionista. It's cocktail time. And I went to this, you know what I want to get back into, too, is festivals.

somehow with comedy and all that, the grind and all that, it just faded away from me. Get back into it. Get back into it. Oh, bro, I went to this one, Island Sound in Estonia.

It's the most magical. It's around midsummer. So it's like. Light till 10 p.m. 11? No, it's all light. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.

At midsummer in July, that week, the sun don't go down for us. Wow. Yeah. Oh, really? You're that high up? Mm-hmm.

And you can go to these motherfucking parties all night. And then I went to see a festival, Island Sound, and it's such a beautiful festival. It's on a little island in Estonia. It's pictures, yeah. And it's called Oris Sara or Island Sound. But you need to say Island Sound, not Island. You need to say, island sound.

I know, it's all fucked up. Okay. It's the rapist, therapist. It's like that. It's a little joke. Helping people. And it's open. And what I hate what festivals used to.

to be a little traumatized by festivals because a lot of festivals they do this thing where I look at it, look at it, look at it, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Yeah, cool. Look at it. Look at it. Look at this like sound.

And then we burn, you see that big thing burning. Every year they burn a big fucking, next year is 10 year anniversary of the festival, by the way. It's one of the, look at us. And every year they burn something. But you see that statue for four days. So you like watch it. It's like a beautiful thing.

And then the last day we burn it now. What kind of music is here? Bam, bum, bum. okay and it's like eight different stages it's crazy you know bush tof no what's bushdorf bushdush is uh you get out into the bush it's an australian term for festivals and you go doof doof doof so it's so yeah bush doves now see men kissing on the dance floor you see that what men kissing no he's like you betrayed me i'll never forgive you oh maybe he's back he's yeah he's he's like i'm gonna kill it's just mom's dead i'm gonna get you on a fishing boat and lute and you um

And you see, it's by the water too, and there's saunas, there's rituals, there's yoga, there's stretching, there's food, there's everything. What time of year is this? Like, oh, it's mid-July, 21st, right around. It's absolutely incredible. Oh, I'm going. You have to go. I'm going. No, no, it's literally like the best festival you've ever been at.

I swear to God. Really? And I've been to a lot. And this one, the vibes that that guy hit, that guy who runs it pop, he's a full-on lunatic of vibes. the things he'll do to create vibes is like, oh, it's crazy. Niana, go online and get two, find Zolo's credit card and get two tickets, right?

Actually, get the whole staff. Get the whole staff. Yeah. Someone distract Zolo and then the other person get in there, get his. Yeah, you all have to get VIP tickets. It's part of the divorce settlement. Yeah. It's part of the settlement.

We're just trying to recover. Everybody has to go and do ketamine on an island. Just so we can move forward as a studio. We have to get a full reset. By the way, ketamine now? Yeah. I'm not a snorting guy. I've never been.

I hate that visual. I hate how it looks. I hate how it feels. I hate all that. I've never done it so I don't know how it feels, but I just don't like. But now they do ketamine with a nose spray, bro. Spree.

Beow! Interesting. Is my life normal or do I want to make it Rick and Morty? Quuck, coo! He never talked like this before. Dude, I love it. Cook, cook. And we're in a cartoon, my friends.

You're a snort Molly by mistake. You just think everyone's doing blow. Yeah. Like, oh, so I'm like, ow. Like, what the fuck are you doing? Who snorts Molly? I'm like, I don't know. It looked browner than I thought.

Damn. And it's an open area, which I know Burning Man gets a bad rap, but I'm also interested in going one year just to experience it fully. And I know it gets a bad rap, but who gives a fuck? And I love that, yeah, Duncan. I know Harlan is a huge. I almost run with Duncan once. I was in his camp, but then I was the guy to go.

and yeah man um and uh i land sound a lot of festivals what they do is they close you with these little fucking borders down you know like these little calendar yeah these little gates yeah you feel like you're sheep and herd you know you feel like you're heard you know but over there because it's so open you always have a place to go there's a forest that's so cool on the pier you can wander off have your own experience like i'm on mushrooms i don't want to be around the cocker Dude, on day three, we still kept finding new stages to go to in the woods that Bob had eaten. Oh, fuck. Anyway, you found new stages.

Yeah, the exploring of some of these is so fun. So fun. I know, it's so literally beautiful. And then the burn, yeah, fire is a big thing for Estonian, so we burn a lot of shit down. Why? It just feels so good. It feels like you're leaving something in the past. One time when, you know about Ecuadorian.

New Year's one of the traditions tell me you get you take a mannequin pretty much it's like whatever put clothes on them stuff with hey you take your regrets or i've got a research guy or people you want to forgive that you don't want to like because it's bothering you now huh you write their names down or the stuff you want to forgive yourself sure that's allowed okay you stuff that in a pocket and you burn it you burn it and then jump over it at midnight three times we jump over the fire too Jumping over fire is a big fucking thing. Man, but I really like that. You know what?

I might tell the organizer Bob this idea, and we might do that. Yeah. That's a great idea. And we can throw that in the... How about we throw that in the fire? Because the new year also, Mids Somar kind of is the new year.

July 22nd is for the fucking, you know, spirits and shit. That's when it starts. Day starts getting shorter now. Wow. Dude, I did it once at Sal's here at the New Year's party and I did it with Sal. really like made with myself.

And then I was like, nobody wanted to go. So I'm out there with myself jumping it, doing it. And then I'm like watching it for a second. And then the police showed up. Like, we got a call. Someone's being burned alive. And I was like, oh.

Yeah, we saw them. They ran away. It's a ritual. Yeah. It's me in the past. You fucking pig. You fucking pick. Now I'm just you with your shirt.

They're like, relax. It's me. It's you. Get down. Get down. Fuck you. Hey, it's a new year. Tonight's the actual new year. If you think about the spirit. Yeah. I like that a lot. Yeah. Yeah, we're very like with fire too. I got to go to Estonia. You really put it in my head. Yeah, it's so beautiful. And you take a sauna every

day. There's a big communal sauna that fits 90 people there. And then there's a small one. Wow. And you can swim like everywhere. At any point in the party, you can jump into the water and it's totally acceptable. There's so many points to swim. You can just get a little refresh. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Can you look up a dude full penetration on another dude? It's my comfort channel.

No thanks. Okay. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Tell you what, side note after I get back from Estonia, if you don't go with me or even if you do, interview me about Estonia. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, we have to. Maybe we can do that episode there. Yes. Yeah, we should do that. Yeah. You should come. We should take you to all the Estonian traditions into the bog.

The bog. The bog? The bog. Love it. That's a place to get rid of an ex-girlfriend. Exactly. Yeah. Nothing's from the bog.

All right. So you're in, you're in Estonia, whatever. What we do as a tradition is we go to the bog and you dress your ex-girlfriend while she's knocked the fuck out. You dress her in your clothes and you put a little note in her pocket and you forgive yourself and you let her. It's not a real thing. It's a real thing.

It's not a real thing. You let your ex-girlfriend die in the bog. And you jump over three times. Stomp on her, get her down there. Yeah. It's like tradition. So you headed to Spain in the middle of it. You're like, fuck it.

Yeah, so that's where places were opening up slowly, slowly, and people were moving towards that Barcelona. And then there was that, what's that other fucking? I'm blanking. Madrid. Yeah, I was blanking out. That's a big one. And in Spain, even when the regulations took place,

like they had to close the bars at 10 p.m. Then you were like... In Spain, that's when they open. Yeah, I know. So they would always say, we're closing, we're closing, we're closing, you know, and then it's like 955, then it's like 9.58, we're closing, we're closing. And then what they do is they live everybody inside. They close the doors for five minutes, so it looks closed outside and then they open them up again. And even the police would come there. They'd be like, ah, what are we doing?

And then my first, just when I went there for a few months, I was there maybe all together, like maybe eight months or something. The first weekend, I went out. I was at a bar. And there you know it was 50% capacity so you have to keep what what how many feet don't ever do that again i saw spark i saw specs flying onto the microphone this is a pizza last night yeah uh so there was like what was it in america 16 feet or how was the distance yeah yeah six feet six feet yeah so it was one meter one meter one meter is one meter is way better and don't ever disrespect again i agree yeah meters make sense and your country is broken. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real sign of that we couldn't get the metric was the most easy thing to wrap your head around and they're like now. Yeah. I love when people

say no no no no you guys rule with the feet and inches and fucking who says that everybody says that everybody says kilometers are stupid so why do you say a car goes zero to 60 and we say zero to the round 100 because of the king because everything makes sense yeah anyway this is this is one of the worst podcast that I've done. I agree with you. It's embarrassing. Me and you have an ADHD. I fully set my temperature.

I'm like, I'm doing Celsius. I'm learning it. Fuck off. Yeah. I'm learning what it actually feels like to be 22 outside. You know when it's boiling in Celsius? 100.

Babau. Do you know what it's like to be freezing? Zero. Yeah. Zero. Babao. What is it, Fahrenheit? 17.7.

32? Oh, yeah. Sure. Eat a dick. Yeah. Zero. It's dramatic. Death occurs.

Hide your toes. You lose them under zero. It's 31. That's not effective. It's 31! It sounds a lot. 31's a hot day in London. Sorry.

I heard did hear also Madrid was like, we're not doing any of the regulations and they became the party capital of Europe. Well, yeah. So both Barcelona and Madrid were slowly, that's what was happening. But party capital during that time Half the hippies didn't want to get shot

That's a great thing about hippie community They didn't want to get the vaccine shot I'm conservative To be a hippie What do you mean? If I can be free Yeah fire me up Put the chip in

So I can be a hippie But they also got to the point where like We don't have to worry about the virus there And they go Really? Any virus? Like oh no AIDS you have to worry about way more Because you guys are all fucking Yeah

It's COVID Fuck the con on them. So then my first weekend there was in a bar in Barcelona and these eight chicks come in. I've never seen this happen. They're all hot Spanish chicks. I've never seen this happen that they immediately, because I'm the only foreigner at the bar during COVID.

So everyone's already intrigued. What the fuck's happening? And with that Muppet accent you have, you must have been king. Your accent is also like kind of foolish. That's not true. Dude in London when people go, I'll have to go to the thing. I'm like, oh, have to go to this? You sound so fucking stupid.

Oh my god, you didn't know what you sound like? British people always have to sound so British. They don't always to fuck out of me. Like me and my friend Saunders, we were in London one time and we heard this lady go by, she was on her phone and she goes, well, I haven't heard from Jason in a woyle. She literally said, you know, whoa, yo. Like I know what you're doing. You're being extra British right now.

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t r i p p p i n that's the code let's get back to the episode so anyway go ahead so these eight chicks they come up to me they're like oh la la ola ola come as tas come as tas come as tas and i use the phone to talk you know because they speak no english so then i find out they work at the local hospital yeah and because of covid it's so over bodies are wherever they're flying these old bodies you know spanish people they're like Italian, they all live together. COVID is the worst virus you can get because I'm kissing grandma three times a day. Those people, yeah.

In Estonia, COVID did nothing because I don't even want to see my grandma. I haven't seen her for two years. I won't now. As soon as COVID was like, don't come and see me. I'm like, perfect. Didn't implant them. You're a fucking bitterer-groomed anyway.

Yeah, we're not close with our grandma. Our grandmas were like, nobody got infected. But in Italy, I kiss every grandma three times. So in Spain, same thing. they're all, tell them, try to tell a Spanish person one meter distance. They're literally like, I might as well move to another country.

I'm going to be near you. You're going to breathe on me. I need it. I need another man's breath on my body. That's Spanish. Yeah. So then during the day, it was all bodies.

Everyone's grandpa and grandpa. They would use gymnasiums for the bodies, you know, because there's so many fucking bodies. And they're working in that. So, as we're working in that. So, as we're,

were saying the party culture start and spain started also thinking like spanish people like they had enough they're like i'm i can't siesta all day every day i'm not holding back yeah and those eight chicks they work working as nurses 23 hour days all that they quit on the spot on that day from the hospital and then their friends the ambulance driver the guys came to the party it ended up being 40 people from the same hospital they all quit that day they said Keep the money, fuck the money, we're out. That rules. And they said, how do they feel like?

They said literally like you're Denzel, Washington, and you throw a match behind your back. Wow. And they need you now. Like, let them deal with it. When the thing in the hospital, and you jump in the car, that's how they felt. Wow.

Because they said, fuck you, we're out. That's cool. Did you smash? No, not even close. Super awkward. I'm trying to ring back. Did you smash? I hate that.

I don't know Did you smash? Somebody asked any If I'm allowed to bring that back I'm trying to bring back Did you taste the flour Oh Bro, that sounds like a billionaire

Epstein Island Did you taste the innocent flower She just got it She didn't get it at first Like what flower? Your pussy is a beautiful flower Is what I'm trying to say I'm not going to smash your flour

Yeah, we got that It's disgusting I fuck dirty bitches So I'm like You want to smash Did that taco need hot sauce My dear God. I had a chick one time tell me she has Chlamydia by sending me a koala emoji.

You know how much of a whore you have to be that you're making STDs funny with emojis? She really said, big trouble, you should get yourself checked out. Turns out I caught a case of and then three koalas. Koalas. Yeah. Chlamydia really is like the I'll let you off with a warning of SDDs Oh, Clemedia is like an SMS

Yeah I'm gonna write your number down But you'd go out of here Like when you get When you turn positive at Clemedia Even the hospital They don't even call you They just send you a text like yo yo

Come in whenever you want Yeah Yeah If you're not fucking tonight Don't worry about it But sometime this week We should see you It's like Americans

You call Conorrhea The Clap right It's crazy How slutgy of a culture you have to be that you're hyphenating STDs. I say it too much. We don't want to say gonorrhea. It's like too much.

Garnaria sounds like a medieval, like I lose a foot. But the clap, dude, that's fucking. Baby girl. Who doesn't? Oh, no, stress. What did you get into in Barcelona? So, I mean, imagine one of the biggest metropoles in the world,

all empty. Bicycles. These bike rent guys, they would literally tell me a dollar a day, please just take a fucking bicycle I'm starving over here because there's a huge tourist destinations these crazy hotels crazy the apartment I got super nice you rent an apartment yeah fully like stayed maybe I did like a month in hotels and then I even I almost bought enough because I didn't know what's going to have in COVID I was literally bought an apartment it's so cheap in Barcelona it still is wow Barcelona is still pretty cheap but during that time

I mean oh my God so then I started I started getting into road by road cycling I bought like a road bicycle. And just what went around all day? Yeah, yeah and then you can take trains in Spain so I went to all around I went to Girona. It's like one of the most beautiful places to ride your bike. Where's Girona? What's there? It's near a salmage deli museum? Yes, I think so, yes. And it's near, I can't remember the big city that it's close to. Yeah, but it's beautiful architecture and Genoa? Genoa? No, something else. Yeah. But not far from Barcelona. Yeah. It's like maybe two hours or something.

So, and then I started riding my bicycle there. It was funny, yeah, running into other travels that during COVID, like, we're looking at shit to do. What is it? What is it? What is it? Yeah, I guess it's near Barcelona. Nearest to Barcelona. Where's Madrid way over left, huh?

Okay, so it is Barcelona. Oh, yeah. And I wrote the bike from Barcelona to Tarragona. No way. That's as far as fuck. Maybe, but I slept. on the way, I can't remember where I slept somewhere on the way.

Did you have money at this point? Like enough to get by or were you like backpacker money? There I was bawling out but like it was so cheap during that time. Yeah. But yeah so my friends, one of my friends got stuck in Ireland. One of my friends got stuck in Nepal.

What? You were just in Nepal during COVID. And they didn't need it that. What's that big walk in Nepal? The big one. There's one in Spain too, you know that one. The community to Santiago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That one. But then there's a one in Nepal? What is that one? Like a multi-day hike? Like a week or something. And my friend Joseph Green is a comedian. Very funny from Australia. He was there.

And he had a, our ADHDs don't match up. Like it's really bad. One of us needs to drive the car. We're both in the back seat. It's wild. Booth, we might have to lean on you here. Try to keep us focused. My little flower.

The Great Himalaya Trail. It takes three to five months to complete full route oh so he did maybe like oh anapurna what's anapurna it's it wasn't this he didn't the anapurna circuit he did this one a lot of people you do like a week of it exactly you know you do the whole thing maybe a month i might be disrespect him he might have actually he's a crazy motherfucker he might have actually done this but i remember him mentioning that on a porn and he had a point there he needs to like maybe he's a great guest to have one time yeah he had an experience there where he was uh of course i mean there's no reset he didn't see people for

four days. So not to talk about reception, you know. And he had a point where he was like crossing the mountain. He was like on the mountain side. And they warned him that when he's on that side on the mountain, that time of the year, when the sun goes down below zero. You're like, it's over below 32 Fahrenheit, you know. It's big, big trouble. Wow. If you don't make it, wow. So he reaches a place where there are people and they tell him you should stay. overnight, you know? And he's like, he looks at the map. He's like, it's a six hour hike

to the next spot. Yeah. I got it. Three hours in, he realizes. Oh boy. You know, when you see the sun moving a lot quicker. Because when the sun starts going down, you know how quickly it moves? And when you're hiking, you see the sun, you're like, you start going from having a good time, I'm lost to

shit, we've got to find our way out of here. Exactly. So he's walking, so he's walking, he's walking. And he realizes too far to go back. ahead is four hours okay and he sees the sun and then your toes get into the shade because the sun starts setting

and he said he literally when the shadow got to his ankles he felt his toes freeze and he was steaming hot before in the open sun and he's starting to panic so sun goes down

he has a little light and it's pitch black only the stars are off that's the only light he has It's some illumination from the stars. And it gets so cold. And it keeps getting colder and colder. And he starts crying.

And literally, because he's realizing, I'm going to die. Because it's so far. And he sees like a light in a tent. And he reaches the tent. And when the tent opens up, it's like four Americans or something who are also like hikers. And he falls on his knees and he like cries for an hour. Because he thought he's going to die. And they're all like, what the fuck are you doing?

They were settling for the night. Yeah, they were like, what the fuck are you doing? And he just stays the night with them. And then he ended up traveling with them for a few days just to hold together. Wow, did he fudge pack with him? That's Andrew Packer. He's Joseph Green. It's a different guy.

Hey, dude. I'm a judge. Yeah. So I don't even know what the point of the story was. Oh, so he got stuck in Nepal during COVID. So it was. Yeah. It was fun that how all these people, yeah, all the backpackers like they found their little stuck out or they're like, hey, it's coming back. Let me go to do something. I went to Ecuador six months. I was

like, I don't want to go to the airport. I have to tell them to turn them around because Arizona shut down. I'm like I just want to skip all this. Yeah. And it's interesting, you know, to like even for me, it's going to Estonia for this trip. I, uh, you know, in comedy, it's like the grind is so constant that you totally forget who you are as a person sometimes like who you are outside of comedy yeah so I went to Estone I was there for two months and I didn't even think of stand-up and that was really hard for me you know you get those thoughts I'm sure when you went on this trip you had those thoughts right the business is moving forward and whatever well everybody went on YouTube and started getting becoming millionaires I was having a blast I was in the Amazon and I got back and I definitely fell way behind it's crazy yeah wow yeah but it's like

Yeah, then I got to tell myself, like, you're doing it right, but you can't compare yourself. You are doing it right. I started muting all my friends. As they're playing theaters and arenas, I started, I can't see this every day. I made a decision, I'm happy with it, but this is also cool.

I know, right. So I just like, I don't want to unfollow you, but I can't be seeing you brag. And they're at the mountaintop, feeling how lucky they are to be there, but they're looking down at the bottom at you, being like, remember how nice it was to be there. Yeah, well, me and Tom Sigourius always have this.

This guy used to own this studio. where he would be like jealous of moving to New York and I'd be jealous of him for having specials done. Yeah. But yeah, it's like either the... Barcelona, yeah, yeah. So yeah, what'd you get into then?

What'd you do? What all'd you do? So... Thank you. Remember how we were talking about like sailing, how you feel connected to the elements and the earth and the ground through traveling like that?

Now, the land version of that, of course, which is huge in Spain. I'm sure in Mexico, I'm sure in California, rich people do that, but in Spain, there's a whole community

of backpackers that get it by a horse. What? Yeah. Yeah. What? Backpackers? No, well, actually,

I just know two guys, but they've told me stories that there are other people. They rented or bought a fucking horse? I think now there's, you can also get the luxury, just like with sailing. You didn't get a package.

that they that they uh donkeys are actually great with heat too so that is an investment all right so then uh they do like horses you know yeah and uh me with my bicycle i still felt when i was when i was on the road with my bicycle you're fusing your body like when you see a hill you see a hill uh when you cross it with a motorcycle with a car by using gas. Same thing with the plane. It's teleporting. Yeah. You see the RPOs go up. That's about it. But when you see a hill ahead of you, a big mountain with a bicycle, not an e-bike, full on bicycle, and you use your body. Sometimes the bicycle breaks down. You have to change a chain. You have to change the tire. You're on the side of the road in the heat. But when you can get through that, you earn that view. I spent 4,000 calories and

so much energy and to get to the top. To get to the, I earn this view. And the way the view hits you then, and you know what the reward is? The view and the going down. Now you're doing 60 miles an hour on this bicycle, no helmet, shirtless with a backpack. If I fuck up, I don't have health insurance,

I'm in Barcelona, my friends don't even know I'm on this hill. Reception is bad, and I don't even have a SIM card at the time. I didn't even get that. The Wi-Fi is at the hotel. fuck it if I crash it's over for me I'll just believe to death on this I haven't seen a car and nobody's going by and nobody's going by and even if they are

it'll be hours fun you're right it's the earning something you're hiking to a to a like a temple or something it's not just seeing it's like getting over that hill to get to it you earned that's how hiking and climbing mountains works of course too but it was too slow for me hiking was too slow the bicycle is the perfect

balance and you're like and you know you're literally you're burning the calories and you're, because if you stop halfway through, it kills you, so you're fucking sweating in the sun and then you get through the top. And you don't look at the map. Some guys put them on the fancy bicycle,

they put the map. I didn't like that. I used that for a little, because then you stop missing turns and all that. But I don't like that because, again, I stop using my brain. Yeah, you look down too much instead of up and like, oh, there's a turn.

And I love the mystery of how long is this going? And then you take another turn and you're like, still keeps going and sometimes there's a car going next to a little fiat that's that's on gear one and it's revving and they look at you like holy shit you're because they they want to tell you bro it's a long way still i don't think you know this dude yeah but then you go and you're like how fucking far and then you eventually you reach the top and now you have options where to go down you know what's the other girl or it just evens out enough and then you're like okay

That even's out enough. And then finally, you might see the ocean coastline. So that's beautiful. And I just love that way of traveling. It was like so. I saw people in Patagonia. I rented a camper van and I'm going and sometimes just raining and you see these people on bicycles.

And you're like, God damn, dude, skip the day. And everybody talks about e-bikes and motorcycles and all that. But bicycle, if it breaks, every part that could break down, I had a solution in my backpack. You can fix it? Yeah, of course. I mean, you have to learn. so many things will happen. So many,

you'll blow out so many tires. The chains will break. The fucking gears will break. There's so much shit. And in a backpack, in about an extra two kilograms, you can actually have a whole thing to fix it. If you have an e-bike motor,

if you have anything that's motoric, electronic, as I told you before, I was on an e-bike. I took an e-bike in Barcelona because my legs were shot. So one day I rented an e-bike. I went on top of this mountain.

And they told me that battery is good for 100 kilometers, 20 kilometers down. I mean, I'm 230 pounds of shit. Maybe for them, it's 100 kilometers. For me, it was 30. And the battery started to run out, and then it rained. And something, something sizzled? Something happened. And now I have a 50-pound bicycle.

It took me four hours to get back. And my legs were shot. Yeah, this slop of shit. and I was like never again. Did you stop when you were in Bart, when you were biking around Spain? Did you stop and get like local foods? Wine, wine.

Because after the climb, I mean, I look at the map. Of course, I open Google Macs sometimes just to conserve my energy and maybe I need to sleep somewhere. So I would look at Google Maps and when I discovered that all the hills have been climbed today, a little avino. Yeah, four or five glasses of red wine, pasta.

You can eat all the cars. By the way, during when you're traveling by bicycle, you can literally eat seven Snickers bars and a pasta you'll feel all the energy you want because you're using all of that. Your body's burning so many calories so you can eat and drink whatever the fuck you want.

You can have eight beers and you're feeling more replenished than ever. Damn. And then you go down the hill all fucked up maybe a little spray dude maybe we're in a little cartoon. Dude that when I was doing the Austrian one of the eight days on the Austrian hike

the Austrian, Italy border, and it was like, you finally find your hoot, and you get in there, and you're like, beer, please. And it hits you, the wheat in there hits you so good. Yeah. In another country. Do you make any friends in Spain when you were there? And that's what I love about the culture, too. They're super, super.

I mean, oh, actually, can I also have one? I didn't know you smoke. I didn't even see that. Yeah, I started last time here, and then I got pouches. Hey, well, you can get what's left in there. There's some weed in there. I know we're like all over the place But so so when I got

When I was little riding with my bicycles I met these guys They had a horse They literally It was in Girona I think It was like a restaurant In the middle of a fucking road And these two guys

They pull up with a fucking With two horses But they look like young Like me They have backpack in the back They have the ospreys They got the shit You're just horsing around

Horsing around And then Then they start telling me about like, you know, we start, I start talking about how, yeah, how good it felt. Because we both came over, like one of the mountains there. It was so beautiful. And I said, yeah, I came over with my bicycle. It was so hard, you know, but I earned it. Same conversation we had.

Yeah. And then they're like, yeah, but, and then they start telling me, imagine traveling with a horse. We, as we were talking about, plane travel has been around 60 years. Horse. horses, when you get on a horse, that DNA connection you have with that animal that goes back till fucking whatever time.

And the longer you're on the road with this horse, the more his moods line up with your moods. I mean, it's a full connection that you have to the ground, to the earth, and you have to feed this animal and yourself with food. The fuel is the same. There's no gasoline, you need to feed this animal and you need to use him to feed you as well.

So it's a full symbiosis of fucking evolution and shit. And you're just like putting a stable for the night? Well, yeah, and there's, of course, issues. They might fucking run away and shit. There's different characters with horses. And then they recommended me this book. In the old West, there was a death penalty person on someone's horse. Because you're like, you're killing them.

If you take their horse, you're killing them. Of course. Do you know that's how Mongolia, I read this book, it was a book about fucking camels, but there was a chapter about horses. Did you know that's how the Mongolians ruled the world, right? What, how? Horses.

Because they could fire on the arrows on the side. That was also part of it, but just by using a stable of horses, you can literally run the world. And in that book, it also described that, imagine if Apocalypse comes. Yeah. whatever people say my apocalypse car the vehicle with the spikes and I got the gun on top the gun needs bullets the car needs fuel the tires need changing the motor needs maintenance this is all things that are gonna run out you know these are all things that are like but if you have a stable of horses and a stable where you can reproduce and shit yeah yeah it could be zombies yeah yeah few whatever that's a new

generations of cars. Cars are making cars. Cars are making cars. Transportation is making, and the stable grows. You can grow it. You can sell the horses. You can use the way.

You can rent the horses. You're running the world. Yeah. If you live in Seattle, you get fucked by one. Absolutely. I mean, their pussy is, I've heard, you know?

No, they fuck you. You can get that too. That's that Mr. Hans got. Mr. Hans. Yeah, Mr. Hans.

Remember when he was coming, he, in that video, he, when the, when the horse cock like penetrated his lungs and like,

separated his heart from his fucking body because it was so big and it like ruptured his ribs. Yeah. When he was, that sound, he must have came. I mean, he must have, you literally come into a kaleidoscope is how happy he was. If you love horse cock and a horse cock kills you by splitting you in half, the feeling of exhilaration. Hey guys in the booth, can you don't put it on here? Yeah, Barcelona, but can you guys watch the Mr.

Hands video just for yourselves? So Barcelona, yeah, tell us more about Spain. So, so the Mongolians, you know, they could rule the world because they could get reinforcements at any distance, like within days.

And they would ride the horses. They would ride them so crazy that they would because they didn't want to stop. They would slit with a knife, they would slit an artery on the horse and suck that blood for nutrition, the rider. And just keep fucking riding your fucking arrow, you're sucking this artery. These Mongolians are crazy, dude. And in that book also, did you know that there's this one specific part of the desert? I wish I could say Sahara, or the name of the desert, that to this day, no wheel, no wheel,

technology can cross except this certain camel whose legs move in a certain way that it can hold weight on the sand and whatever other technology has been invented it can unless a plane of course yeah but whatever is on the on the land it can't cross uh unless you have this camel and in that book that guy he went to research that one camel i think it's called a mongolian sand camel or something and it's still like it was uh in the threat of extinction maybe like 20 years ago. Yeah. And all these like villagers

would be so fuck because they literally can't cross any other way. All right, Spain. Spain. What'd you get into? Who'd you were there? Did you get laid at all?

Yes. Nice. Nice. Who? Where'd you meet them? Them. Where'd you meet them? I met the girl in Estonia.

I met the girl in Estonia. And she came out to meet you? She's a Spanish girl, but she moved back. Oh, cool. up there and we did it for a while. I don't know why we broke up, but I have a suspicion. Because you fucked your sister?

Your brother. That's real. That's Rick. I don't know if I can get over this. We were staying in an apartment in Barcelona. It was like a short-term two-week apartment. It had one of those bathrooms that was the sliding door. You know the sliding door? Mm-hmm.

And it's glass. So you can see the silhouette of me. taking a shit. And you know, that's what I always hate about. You know, in the fancy hotels. That's not... And also his little sliver of open.

The smell gets out. The sound. Everything. It was horror. And for two weeks. So he kept shitting downstairs at the McDonald's. Yeah. Been there.

Because I told her, I just want to smoke a cigarette outside. I just kept going, taking dumps in the McDonald's. But then one morning, it was real bad. We ate tapas all night and salami and shit. So it's a big dump.

And I can feel the shit near my hole already. You know, it's like, ready. Turtling. And I've been, and I've been carrying the shit around for like eight hours at least, plus sleep, you know. Like, I felt the shit coming previous night, but then I banged her and fell asleep with the turd already ready in my ass. I've been, I've been transporting this little third. This little third is doing the Tour de France. On the bike, and we, oh yeah, and we rode the e-bikes. And we were sitting on the e-bikes, and we were sitting on the bicycle when the asshole is a little exposed. I could feel almost a turd on my bike seat, but I didn't find an appropriate place to shit. So I had this turd in my ass. So I bang her.

And the whole time I'm banging her. I'm trying not to like move too much because and I fall asleep and I need to go to the bathroom as soon as possible and I try not to wake her. So I go in the bathroom because the new turd from my belly is already pressing that the next train is coming in and the previous one hasn't departed so we need to get it moving the conductor is stressing the fuck out this is a great metaphor for israel moving to Palestine so I go behind the gay shot or this fucking yeah yeah and I close the light and whatever so my silhouette doesn't you can you can't tell I'm taking a shit I was thinking about actually being near the sink and maybe shitting in my hand and throwing it in the bowl just so I can make a play like I'm just washing my hands for a long time.

So I'm on the as soon as I come out of the toilet, you have the time you're flush too because I hear her waking up. So at the time of flush. So what I do is as soon as the turd lands in the water, pah, I flush it on. But now there's more shit and the paper is there too. There's more shit coming. The big log has been dissipated But the smell is leaking out

So I put in a piece of paper first To make my third to catch it So the splash isn't so vocal Like a blanket, the turd It's like a burn victim from a house Put that down in the water Yeah, you put it so it catches it Bafo! Soft landing

It's like a what in the house? A what? Burn victim? Like you know when a burn victim exists a house and they put the blanket over him? Oh yeah, okay Yeah Okay, great

blah blah blah shit shit more shit and then it's like a few logs and then the diarrhea it's like different consistencies the diarrhea was the next one in line but the previous third was a nice one but the top of salami diarrhea is coming and i'm like and you know when you're spreading your ass cheeks by the way the design of a toilet bowl needs to be revan how it's a subwoofer who designed it into a subwoofer Because it's literally, it needs to be the opposite. It needs to go like this so it fucking holds the sound. It's a subwoofer. And pow, pow, bow, power, diarrhea, diarrhea, diarrhea.

And I lean forward and I hold my balls because I'm trying to make it quietly. But then the shit, the diarrhea hits the, you know where it hits the VIP balcony? Like the part where the water doesn't even go. Does it go? Yeah. What the fuck? You got to wipe that off by hand. I know, yeah.

Oh, fuck. So I go to the sink now after I do my all my dirty business. I close the lid to keep the smell. I close the lid. I go and wash my hands. I need to wait for the secondary flush. I try to act as if I go back to pee or something. So the flush makes sense because I already used my flush.

So the secret is out. I am maybe taking a shit. But I hear her waking up. Now I hear her like walking around. So I wash my hands. Go back to bed, lady. I know. Go to the fuck.

Puta! So I wash my hands and I hear her walking around. When I hear her walking around, I opened the door, I slide it open. She wants to take a pee immediately. Oh no. She goes into the bathroom and as the door locks, I remember. I forgot the second place. It's all with the VIP balcony spray.

It's all there. And I hear her open up the bowl. and it's like silent because she sees what happened and she flushes it she needs to flush it twice and I hear her cleaning my shit off the VIP balcony and then taking a pee. And girls can't pee it down. So the relationship.

Men have the privilege to pee that off there. So and we were so new into dating each other that we didn't really address it either. So it was an awkward morning and then we go for breakfast and man and I could see her. thinking man this guy's kind of like an animal huh so then the diarrhea still continues throughout the day and i have to throughout the day when we go to this cafes i go to the bathroom a lot i'm having

full-blown i need to be like at home like shivering that that sort of diarrhea i'm having so then we eat pizza bad move yeah bad move but get some rice i'm hoping no no but i'm hoping is gluten will make a nice turd again a nice solid a third. I need to work through this diarrhea. The next log is prepared for departure, but we're on a beach watching the sun go down. It's like romantic. But I feel I need to take a shit. The bathroom is so far. We're on a beach. What are you thinking about right now?

I know. Literally, it counts like we're to drop this log, bitch. How specialist is with you? How specialist is with you? So I'm like, aqu, aqua, oh, my amor. And I tell her, let's take a swim. Dude, no. So I can drop the log in the water, right? I mean, literally, there's no bathroom inside.

ETA three minutes. You know when your asshole tells you, you have 90 seconds, maybe, I can't promise. And you know when your sphincter muscle is cramping. Because you've been whole, all day I've been working my sphincter. all day I'm holding in diarrhea and shit so it's like getting lactic acid is building up in my sphincter muscle because I've been working it out so hard

and it's starting to cramp you ever have a cramp you know it's like oh my god so we so we go in the water and this bitch keeps on trying to kiss me and like be lovely in the water and I'm trying to push her into the waves that need to take you away

so I go so far into the ocean where I feel an undercurrent dragging me into the open water because I'm so far from her. And what I realized is I can't take a shit with my feet not touching. So I need to go close to the shore. And I'm gassing the fuck out. And I'm dropping a few logs as I'm swimming. Like a few. Blap, blap, blop. And I took my pants down so my asshole is showing. So I'm like swimming and the logs are dropping. But she's like behind the waves. She's in the shallow end. But when you shit in water, the logs, They keep touching my body. No, no, literally.

I don't know if you ever shed in water. It literally. So then I touch my feet and I take the big log. And the big lock comes to the front, touches my balls. And it comes right up near me like dances with me. And she's right at the shallow end. And the turds keep on going toward.

And she wants to kiss me and I'm like kicking her away. The third is like right here. She's like maybe one meter. and I'm like trying to kick her away like I'm trying to make jokes like stay away stay away and then I see one of my logs

like maybe one of the four like a tiny little pebble I see right like right near her to this day after that day we still DM it's been here

after that day we've never seen each other again and I don't know if she's saw that log that was floating near her or not. But I have suspicions. And the morning was rough. That whole day was rough for our relationship. And she's such a lovely Spanish girl and she was like so romantic. And I think it was like too much. What what a crazy answer to did you smash? But yeah, I remember the feeling. The log is like my own log like just hits. You got your own gravity. Yeah. And then I'm like trying to wash.

case I have shit all over me because it's like it's like Mr. Hankey you know from Southport leaving stuff so I that's my only Spanish girlfriend of Han she's an angel but her the way she looked at me changed throughout the day I'm not sure if she saw the log or not maybe she was just offended her I kept kicking her away I could see that too I'm trying to be romantic you're kicking me for no reason like there is a reason Yeah. Hold on. I need a second.

Okay. When did you decide to leave and go back to Estonia? When Estonia was opening up, I could do stand up again. And you went back to that. Because stand up in Spain, Spanish people don't get it. Have you ever watched Spanish stand-up? No. I would go to these gigs in Barcelona and all these Spanish people that speak English

that have been in the crowd. And then after the gig, they're all like, why are you so angry? because stand-up you know especially in America it comes from the underground the rebellion the you know Lenny Bruce Richard Prior they talk about shit that they're angry about

Louis CK all these comedians all the comedians we love they always talk about the shit they hate and it's like the crowd we're against the system we're against the fucking normality all that but Spanish people Spanish stand up is all like

I made a beautiful a lady and we kissed and then they're like oh my god it's such a beautiful day they don't do you know they know therapy either they don't do any of that shit wow it's probably too much bravado where i can't also be self-deprecating i don't really know and they're like what like i would talk shit about spain on stage trying to be funny and they'd be like it's a beautiful uh place i met a Romanian guy in umsterdam we were talking at a bar and he was came up them a comedian He's like, okay, he goes, and then he was talking about the Romanian, which is not true, but the Romanian stance on standup.

He goes, it's like, no, I don't like it because people go like, you know, hey, I'll fuck your mother. That's what you guys do. You go, I'll fuck your mother. No, I fuck your mother. I've never said that to an audience member. Second of all, what the fuck he's talking about? It's me watching Joey Diaz the whole time.

Dog, I fuck your mother. Yeah, it was a different culture. So it was really hard to do stand-up, Daria, to, like, relate to that audience. Yeah, it's tough to relate sometimes to the whole vibes going in. And that whole, yeah, so then I needed to go back to my fucking depression. I've seen it. I've been in London for two months. I've seen six American comics while I've been there.

Uh-huh. Five have done trans jokes. I've seen 70 to 90 London comics. Yeah. Zero have done trans jokes. And you're like, they don't. They don't care about the stuff we care about. I've also never seen an American do a joke about Pakistanis,

and they're ripe with it. Yeah, oh, yeah, you got to bring up Pakistanis. You got to bring it up. It's an elephant in the room. Yeah. It's a camel in the room. Yeah, but also British stand-up, don't you find it's like, how many clever quips can I take?

All right. All right, isn't it? I don't know. I haven't done enough sets to know. Let's do another clever quip. Yeah. Tell me about how you used to want to fuck your sister back in the day. Like that's what I wanted.

That's American stand up. Yeah. Like dark. What else do we not to know about Spain while you were there? It's the worst Spanish. I mean, it's pretty. It's the worst side on Spain. It's the worst podcast of my life 100%.

I mean, you know, it's beautiful beaches while you're shitting in it. But that's always like as a backpacker. What was the culture like there? Oh my God. I mean, they just party. They're ass of nobody. When the cafe opens at 8 a.m. That don't mean jack shit.

Julio is coming at 1 if he wants to. Oh. But also closing time, same thing. You could be there at 9.15 and the sign says closes at 7. But the owners aren't a vibe. It's a vibe. Yeah, Google Maps says hours. I'm like, those are estimations.

It's a vibe. It's a vibe. Ciesta? Ciesta all day, every day. Oh, yeah. Just like we don't. But if you want to get shit done, like you need to sign a document or something, forget about it

that ain't never happening that ain't never happening I talked to a guy in Myanmar who's he was working in Spain and he goes yeah we had a English guy come run the department

and he was so taken with the idea of siesta that he's like yeah no we gotta take off from one to three every day and everyone else like can we just get our work done and get out here at five I don't want to yeah

I don't want to get here at 745 because you had to do what you think Spanish culture is yeah every meeting doesn't have to be like so do you see any like flamenco or any of that dance shit yeah and then the bull uh the music did the bull stuff yeah uh the running of the bull uh then there's the festival

wait you did it you went to it well what did you do it wasn't on the way of the bull i was on the balcony drinking coffee watching it from afar what did it look like it's crazy and i think it's like i don't think they do that anymore i might have said like one of the last ones no they still do the running of the bull they might not do bull fighting yeah oh bull fighting Their last arena is in Madrid. I did want to see that one too. How was it? I mean, yeah, they killed the bull.

How was the feeling? Really good. I went to some dog fights somewhere in New Orleans, actually. Not intentionally. They were just doing it. Black people? And it was like, no. Black people love that dog fights.

He was black people. Yeah, they love that. And I just saw some cock fighting in East Timor. Oh. And that was fun until... Thai people love cofitting. And at some point you're like, actually this has hit me wrong now. But for the most part, it was like this is fine.

Bull fighting. I don't know if I'd feel really bad. or if I'd just be like, it's sport. It's a little traumatic, but, uh, I mean, it's just to see part of that culture. Are kids there? Yeah. Wow, cool. They don't go.

Interesting. Those are Spanish kids. But yeah, but Spanish people, they're on a, one time I was in a bar and, uh, it was, uh, it's an island near Tenerife. It's like, so anyway, uh, my flight from the airport that was on the coast was leaving the next day and I missed the last ferry and I'm getting fucked up at this bar just trying to be like okay whatever the fuck and I bring up the fact to a random guy bring it up that I missed my boat he stands up in the bar he goes in Spanish you know I don't know what the fuck he's saying but I can

only kind of understand that he's yelling like he's like hey anybody he's like anybody got a boat and then one guy one guy in the back like raises his hand and he's like I got a little boat he goes he needs to get to the coast. It's like a 40 minute boat ride or something. Then with this random guy, I step on his boat and we drink Cervessa and he just drops me off and he waves and he's by. What? It's like a vibe.

Just like you're cool or whatever. Yeah, you gotta go. You gotta go. Damn. And he's like, I wanted to ride my boat anyway. And the guy spoke English that helped me. But the guy with the boat, he didn't speak anything. So he was just, and he was talking to me in Spanish for 40 minutes and I don't.

Just nodding at him. Yeah, yeah, just not, city. Is that the best when you're somehow like, I am connecting a bit. I know you don't understand me and understand you. And it's a riff language. It's a riff language. I don't know how to say complicated,

but if I say complicated, it's about to go down. You know what I'm saying, you know? Yeah. So it's like, you can kind of like have fun with it, you know. I like can do occasional words to like, Compecato or Interesante.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got that one pretty early. Yeah. I love saying. Interesante. You know, like, do you even understand what it means? No. What they hate is when you go,

Don't this is Biblioteca, you know, that's like a hacky because everybody says that they're like, well, I don't want it. Yeah,

I don't really want it. Yeah. I'm sorry, is there anything you wish you would have done in Spain that you'd never got to? Let me think, let me think,

let me think, let me think. Well, I would like to do that fucking the hike, the long one. Yeah, me too. Commit to Santiago. Yeah,

because it's all about wine and shit and it's all about fun. And there's a lot of people you can meet on the road. So we did an episode, an early episode of this with Jasmine Shaw, this photographer, she did it. And she met tons of people, drank, did everything. And then you know in Spain there's huge hippie communities like in the mountains, like huge hippie communities. I wish I could name them, but it's like ginormous.

What I mean hippie communities? Where literally they grow weed, they sleep in tents and old houses and fucking. Wow. And there's like thousands of people in those small hillside communities. And they get taken over because it's like national national park. whatever, you're not even supposed to live there. But the community is so big that the cops are all corrupt because they get

they just come down like once a week and they call ahead. They call ahead. They're like, tomorrow we're going to come in the radio so just so you know. Get rid of the weed. But leave us a little weed. Leave us just because we want a little weed too. So they come down and they raid you. There's like three big communities there

that people go and there's like lots of strict rules in some of them. One of them is like strictly no internet, no phone, no calls, no nothing. You go down to the town and you call the fucking wow that would be fun yeah it would be like really rejuvenated and they really uh like shine during covid like those communities because you already set up for it yeah you already set up damn nice what is it running the bull's like so you're just on a balcony just looking at it all yeah i was looking at it what happens is people running first then then all the bull like well tourists

get there too yeah yeah and they shave i know they say they shave down the horn and whatever who gives a fuck it's a horn coming at my face Yeah, people will fly So one guy got to get hit bad It was crazy You ever see, what's his name? Who's lost his friend from Newcastle? Kai Humphreys

Did you ever see the picture of him? You got to look up Kai Humphreys Running of the Bulls He, he We did an old skeptic tank, RIP about it But

The one you cried The one I cried You cried on it Many times I listened to an episode Of you crying in Nusa Beach in Australia Or how you were crying

About getting passed At the Comedy Store Oh yeah That's where Mitzie died. I did like all over Australia talking about Mitzie. Kai Humphreys. There, look at him. You cried so much.

That's him? Yeah, so he trained with this other guy. Not Elliot, I forget who. And then he goes, okay, I'll get ready. He goes, we just got a good night's sleep. Spent all night drinking. And he goes, as soon as they start, like, let's run. He goes, we got to get real close to them though.

He goes, okay, I don't know if there's a good idea. Okay, he goes, they start running. He goes immediately, my legs just turned to jelly, and I just fell. Yeah. And my buddy looks back like, like, what the fuck? What fuck are you doing? And he goes, that? Oh, God.

That's him? Yeah. Bro, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if the horns are shaved down. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Trampled. What's he holding his hand? Yeah, that's the one I went to.

That's in my trees, right? Bamblona. Yeah, yeah, that's the one I went to. He was on the cover of the local newspaper, pretty much saying in Spanish, idiot tourist almost does. Damn. And the horn, the bulls chuff missed him. Like, it was like great.

his ear. The one I saw what they did, they told me that they did differently too. Sometimes they released multiple bulls like that. But one in one, my one was like one, then another, then another. Oh, interesting. So there's like different runnings. Oh, like carnivals. All right. Well, this was cool. One of the worst podcasts I've ever done in my life. Probably a top seven of worst. It's literally one of the worst ones. It definitely wasn't focused. It's still funny though. I know it's so crazy. Yeah. I get a great sex story from Spain. It's like every time I do this podcast with you, there's so much stuff that I want to talk about that when you just say Barcelona it's like such a big chapter that from shitting in the water with a third floating around my sweet carolina's face

to the bulls to the drinking to the cycling there's so much you know but i'm happy that you by the way i'm so happy that you went to london to do i know you did the legion of skanks for a bit When did it start to turn again? What do I mean? Like during the podcast when you were doing Legion, then you started having thoughts of going again? Oh, that was always a work. Okay. I asked Lewis Gomez, I was like, because he was like, Dave left.

They were about to do the first episode. Bobby Kelly started a rumor because he took over for Big Sodor on Bonfire. So he goes, I'm taking over for that just to make the audience really angry. Wow. And I texted Lewis, I was like, hey, let me sit in the, because there's rumors like who's going to take over. over and I know they were talking about me a lot. I was like, let me sit in the chair for the first episode. It was, it should be me or Bobby.

Because he was like, did the control and get everybody worried. Yeah. And me, they think might. So let and Lewis is like, when are you leaving for London? I'm like like 10 weeks. He goes, sit in all 10 weeks. And everyone thought it was a scam. Like, we just acted like it was always like,

Big Jay was like, hi, Big Joe, because welcome to Legion X X. As always, am I right? As always, my right. Yeah, three for life. And then, and then, and then they were like, no, this is fake. And by about week four or five, we're like, well, I mean, he sure seems like he's there every week.

I had to lie to everyone in Austin because they all got big mouths. So they're like, you're not moving to London anymore? I got, well, I got new creative opportunity. I kind of have to explore that I didn't expect, you know. And then, and then, I mean, Edgar was like, you lied to my face though. It wasn't even on stage. I'm like, I don't know, you might have yapped. I like that.

And then week like 10, I was like, guys, I'm sorry, I got an announcement to make. I'm going, I have to go to London. I'm moving. So you've been there for two months. You're doing stand-up already, top secret? Starting, yeah, pretty much just up secret. What part of the town did you move to? Hackney.

He's trying to get Dawson. Yes, that's what I was saying, yeah, Hackney. That's the, the hackney market. The market rule, Dawson. Dalson is the best. Yeah, and then the craziest. Are you near the ferry? Not the ferry, but the boats, the boats, the long boats.

The canals? The canals. Yeah, the canals are great. Have you opened up a dam yet? You know, you can do that yourself. Really? Because you know, there's no dam. Not the dams, but the elevators.

Yeah. You know, you can... You know, you can... You can just chill. I do want to get like a floater, like a kayak and just kind of go down and do that or like a tube like they do in Missouri and just like...

No, it's only the long big boats are allowed there. But I mean the dam. You can open it up for somebody. You can help. That's cool. And then you can ask for lifts there. I've done that so many times.

All day, I just get high and then I open up the dam for like a lady, only a lady. And then I step onto the boat of the lady. That's cool. She takes me down the... Yeah, no, Dalston is the best part of Hackney, and Hackney's the best part of London.

Yeah. It's the most like the East Village. I was getting off the bus once late night, and Dawson's still open late, everywhere else kind of closed early. And I'm off and somebody goes, looks at me, he's like, hey, you have a podcast?

And I was like, yeah. And they go, oh, I think I've listened to it. It's really good. I was like, oh, thanks. And they go, hey, the pronouns like you. And I was like, what? She goes, the pronouns dig you.

And I was like... Thanks. Yeah. Felt nice. Yeah. I think they do, yeah. Yeah. You have that shaman thing about you.

That's right. The pronouns like me too, I think so, at least, because I'm gay. Yeah, that's right. Hey, I don't care if you got a pussy or dick as long as you shave it. You like shaving? No, I don't know. I really like shaving. I'm not going to send anything back.

It's hard to tell an American girl sometimes. What do you mean? Because I know feminism and all that. I'm dating this girl with hairy legs right now. She's like a hardcore feminist. Yeah. But the sex is amazing because she hates Joe Rogan. And I talk about Joe Rogan every time I'm with her.

So she's like, rage fucks me. I bring up Elon Musk all time. She has a t-shirt, Elon Musk fucking sucks. But she works for Tesla. Very ironic. Wow, they all do. Of course they do. They have no morals.

I'd rather Elon Musk than your Musk. But liberal pussy is the best. Liberal pussy is the best when you're like associated with a conservative. Like conservative, I think conservative dick is the best. But also they can't believe they're with you. Exactly. I don't know. And nobody fucks them like, she's like half lesbian too.

So she's always been with purple hair, lesbians. And they're all like talking about feelings and they light up a candle and they eat each other pussy. They don't really eat the pussy. They're just like, they just like taste. Blow on it. They just yeah, yeah, they little, they don't want to be too crude. And then all the liberal guys that she's fucks, they're all like, oh, you need a pillow. But, you know.

She wants to get guerrilled. Exactly. She wants to be face down because she's actually, you know, liberal girl still needs to get fucked every once in a while. And there's nothing like a conservative guy, bang, well, supposedly. Every trans woman I know is like, I want to get manhandled. Yes. Yeah.

She's like, I don't want to feel like anything other than a light, dainty woman. But a conservative woman is also not the best combination because she wants to talk too much about her rights and shit. Get harder. Yeah, yeah. It's too scary. Jesus, lady. And they want to be on top and they're like, good boy. And then once you, it's like, hey, it's too much.

Yeah. I go for a non-political woman. But she has hairy legs and I'm trying to like wean her off it. Yeah, but it's like hard, you know, because then I talk about her rights and all that and like, oh, do, do, you know. It's really empowering to women to just have shaved legs.

But last time we went out, I kind of told her like, listen, this needs to go. Like, we need, like. Listen, if you don't shave your legs, I get the shit on your chest. I need one of those. I don't think I'm like in. It's bargaining. Let me tell you as a Jew had a bargain.

ask for more than what you want so they can work you down. Oh, I like that. Yeah. To get to the shame and legs. Hey, please don't. I'm going to share something with you. Please don't think that would be your thing. I want to shit in your chest.

And she's like, what? Okay, I can say, how about we just shave your legs, I guess. I like that. Yeah. And I like the word kingshaming, like I'm putting it on you. Yeah, right. Turn it on, turn the table on her. My friend, I have a friend comedian.

He likes really young girls, and I mean really young girls. Yeah. And then he always goes, don't kink shame me. And I'm like, that's a kink. But he always goes, don't kink shame me. I'm like, yo, bro. That's why I should do my friends who love bad chicks.

Anyway, Ari, two questions. Travel Tip. I think you had one. We've had some. Also, there's one episode that hasn't been released. You know that? No. Yes, there is one episode of mine that hasn't been released.

Get on it. My flower. Which, about what? We did one about visas. We've done three. One isn't released. No fucking way. Yes.

You guys really fucked this up. Don't tell me it's gone because that was I think the only one that we did something good. Did visas, we did some country, maybe Thailand or something. This is our fourth. No, we always do good ones.

It does sound familiar that this isn't our third. This does seem like our fourth. It is our fourth. There's one missing. I think you might have just missed it and we put it up. No.

I know. Oh, no, no. And then when I got back, when I was about to go to It's Latin America. That came out. Yes. One before that.

Visas? No, there's one before that that's missing. Thailand. China. Nope, that was column. Something's missing, guys. You really fucked up. It was our only good one where a conversation was linear.

Oh. Well. Well. Chris, you're going to have to embarrass somebody with the editing on this one. All right. Oh, wait, wait, wait, but okay, what question? Oh, what place do you want to go? you haven't been. Same as I told you last time where you went now, South America. You need to

give me like good recommendations. Bro, I'll give it all to you. But let's do Estonia together. Okay. Let's do like something like that. Okay. We need to like focus. I'm going to set in, yeah, I'm going to set in England until at least the end of the year and then in like maybe late winter, early spring or something like that. We're still cold up there. Yeah. Or that festival. Maybe we'd go in the summertime. We got to go to that. Yeah. But the, but. Don't let up. I got to go. You got to do another one. Well, you can light up. Do whatever you want. Yeah. I can do it out. What about like the boat and the horse? Does that inspire you at all or no?

Boating for sure. Horse thing seems like actually more work. A lot, yeah. It scares me too. Yeah. It's just exciting to know that people do that. Yeah, yeah. A lot of horse riding in Latin America,

just like people casually riding horses to work. I love that. Yeah. Those Latin American cowboys. God. On like cobblestone streets too. They go from dirt to the streets and they're you have a ride a horse?

It feels incredible, doesn't it? Yeah. It's like crazy. You play musical chairs on horse when you go to horse camp as an upper middle class Jew, do it circles, do some musical stops, you have to get off, lead your horse to one less chair than there are people. And then if you cry because you got let out, they just, they go, ugh, and they put another chair in for you. Jews. Ari, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. I really, I'm proud of your doing it. When I find a place, I'm going to have a second bedroom so come visit me in London. We'll do spots. 100%. And I love that you're doing like, you're like my only beacon of like people doing

things differently or not. Oh yeah. Because I know it's tough to go to like London for fucking just to. So funny, a lot of the comics here are like, I don't get it. I mean, I can keep explaining it to you but I don't know. I don't think you're ever going to get it. They'll get it at the end of the road.

Yeah, maybe. When they're fucking all divorced and plastic sergeant out. Yeah. With this London thing, they're all like giving me these reasons. And I hit me. I'm like, hey, these are all the same reasons you gave me not to move to New York. Exactly. All right.

Guys, thank you very much. Please subscribe. Ari and Maddie. I'll list this tour dates right now. Okay. Thank you. Thanks, guys. I guess this is it.

You're still eating. Holy shit. Oh, my God. What a pig. It's been like an hour and 20 minutes, girl. What the fuck? Well, that's the episode, everybody. Do you enjoy it?

I did. It is so hard to wrangle Ari Maddie into a specific... Thank you, by the way, for everybody in the booth for trying to get him back to Barcelona. We, I mean, cover the trip, sort of, but it's so hard to wrangle that guy. He's the number one Ari in comedy, and I'm willing to pass that buck. It's the only buck I'm willing to pass. Speaking to that, please subscribe wherever you're watching and listening. Help me make some more money on YouTube.

By the way, if you don't know, I did do an experiment where I mentioned this last week, where I oh buddy that's cool let me see wow that's so cool all right bro so proud of himself sorry out in the wild I did the experiment where I took all the ads off my YouTube to see if it's worth it if people did donations like super thanks to the bottom of the page and I lost in the end I figured it out finally over four thousand dollars so that's never gonna happen again so if you're on YouTube premium you'll

see no difference whatsoever if you're on Spotify watching that no difference whatsoever if you're on YouTube and not a premium subscriber you're gonna see ads come back in because I'm not giving up fucking 20% 15 to 20% of my income so you guys don't have to see ads so enjoy those ads what else what else I have to tell you by the way can I let you know this I do have to cover this I have to cover this about Ari Maddie what he said about another episode. But first, if you found a box of Tim Tams on top of a trash can in a park like this, in fact this park, and they were unopened, unopened timetams, would you eat them?

Follow-up question. Would you judge me that I did eat them? Okay, because they were found out on a garbage can, they were unopened. There's no way to test it. You couldn't test to see like a bag of chips. We can actually to see if they're like, you know, still got the vacuum seal. Tim Thames, you can't do that. But Tim Timms are so good, and they were the chocolate minty kind. I put them in the freezer for two days to kill off any germs. I did eat them, and they were delicious. I'm sorry, I am who I am.

Today's episode was produced by Your Mom's House Network. It was edited by Alan Caffy. I should say this. I'll get to it now. Ari Maddie was right. There was an episode that I misplaced about Thailand. It's actually a great episode. It's actually a great episode.

So I'm going to wait like for six weeks maybe. Six weeks. I'll put it out November 2nd. We got a bunch of new ones coming. So you want to subscribe. Small-brained Americans coming back in October. Krasina Pizzitsky on Kyrgyzstan. Michael Malice.

Got a country music star. Just a ton of good ones. God, those Tim Tams are good. number one export. Now that fucking the crocodile hunter's dead. I'd say number one export. Also, I got to tell you, all the submissions are in for the trip around the world by the UBtrip and Patreon.

If you want to subscribe to it, maybe we'll do another one. I think we should do another one. Another trip around the world. But first, we'll do this one. I've narrowed down to four people. I'll tell you next week, kind of why I chose them. Well, I'll tell you right now. They were all able to, I'm doing this careful because I don't want to create any fucking influencers.

They're all able to take off. They all have a love of travel and they all want the free trip. So they're kind of exactly me. No job, no fucking boss. Want to get out there and be seen and willing to stay in shitty hostels. Live like a Jew. Send them on the phone for just this one. Don't forget to go see Ari Maddie on the road.

Check them out. By the way, tell them you heard them on the podcast. more likely to come back. He's already likely to come back. He fucking rules. That guy's a good one. Good egg. He's going to be in Providence, Houston, Sacramento, Los Angeles of the Comedy Store, Eugene St. Louis, the two theater tester gigs, Minneapolis, of the Pantages, Chicago with the Vic. Some of those myself. They worked out pretty well. Did a bunch of theaters. It depends what I'm doing. What I like theaters. I like both. R.E. does too. Tulsa, Wichita, Kansas City, Indianapolis, go to all of his tour dates. Oh, look at that check. She's going to get right in there.

She's looking at it. She's looking at it. She wants to. Keep walking. Keep walking. Mind your business lady. Oh, she wanted to steal that. Go to dance.

All of us reach out to my Instagram, Ari Maddie comedy. All of us tour dates at Ari Maddie. Guys, that's it. Until next week, I believe, what should we do next week? Let me tell you who I have coming up. Files. Nope.

Nope. Drive. Drive. Here's what we got coming up. You'll be tripping. Ooh, we got good. Okay. Christina P. Michael Malice.

Got one on Israel. Parker McCollum on Switzerland. O'Neill and me, dude, that's a one year. Okay. One about me, about Egypt, Somaliland, El Salvador. Oh, we got a bunch of good ones. You want to subscribe? Okay, that's it.

Until next week. Adios. No, that's the only say that in like Argentina. No, they may be say in Spain. Until then. Until then.