You Be Trippin' - Ari Shaffir Goes To Cuba w/ Robert Kelly | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

Follow Bobby on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ SPONSORS: -Go to https://Shipskis.com and use the code ARI to get 20% off your first shipment and save yourself the hassle this ski season. -Head over to https://unboundmerino.com where new customers can use our code TRIPPIN for 10% off of their order! -Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/trippin , all lowercase On this episode, Robert and Ari take the best, worst trip of their lives and fight like a gay couple while enduring power outages and surviving a hurricane in Havana, Cuba. Shot while on location, the two argue about $2 bills and discuss their time smoking cigars, illegally buying records, and dancing with strangers while seeing Buena Vista Social Club live in the embargoed country. Other topics include: the election, drag night Friday, and a day trip to the beach. ¡Viva la Cuba!   You Be Trippin' Ep. 45 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With Uber Reserve, you can book your Uber ride in advance. 90 days in advance. Perfect for all you forward thinkers and planning gurus. Reserve your Uber ride up to 90 days in advance. Uber Reserve. See Uber app for details. We're going to have you on board today. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today.

It's you be trippin', yeah. Please. Do you chop these or not? Not yet. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah, we set this up. Nice.

Dude, the lights just hitting that, that, that, uh... Yeah. The, uh, fucking... Church? Bank? No, that, that's... Should I make you? No, it's... The Casa Dia?

Casa? Hi, everybody, welcome to Ubi Trippin'. That's it, I'm with you. What, what, what, what? One, one, one, one, one, one, nothing, one, one, nothing, one, nothing, one, nothing, one, nothing. Oh my God. Cut all that out, please.

I just gave you a non-verbal. I got you on a, I waited for this one all weekend to do this, ready? Non-verbal. I got you on a, cause you're so used to the verb, verbals, just trying to get you, and I went like this. And you got so intense. Damn, it's recording.

Yeah, I got you. Fuck. I got it. On the heels of me trying to get you. On the heels of you trying to get me, and then I used my special superhero. You are special. Yeah, you are special.

Yeah, okay, get angry. It's fine with me. Hey everybody, welcome to You Be Trippin'. This is your new host Robert Kelly because Ari. All right, settle down down there. Get your fucking chica du mar, JJ. Uh, my guest today is Ari Shafir. Or they like to call him here, huh?

Oh, where are you from? You know they have the same letters as we do, right? Yeah, I do. Okay. Uh, hola. You look good, buddy. You look... Okay. You look like Fidel's retarded son that he never showed the public.

No, do not put Adi in front of camera. We will never win revolution. I like when you try to use Spanish, but all you do is put English with like a, kind of like a Mongoloid drawl. I do accents. Which is what you should have been. Show me one. Show me one. Show me one. Show me one. Show me one. with like a, like kind of a like, like a Mongoloid drawl.

I do accents. Which is what you should have been. Listen, since I'm here. Show me one, show me Southern. How you doing? Not bad. Now show me Boston. The fuck, kid?

What are we fucking doing out here? It's fucking six in the morning. Try Cleaner. Cleaner. You want a fucking cleaner? Cleaner. Cleaner? PG. Oh, you want a cleaner? Listen, kid, here's the morning. Try cleaner. Cleaner. You want a fucking cleaner? Cleaner. Cleaner? PG.

Oh, you want a cleaner? Listen, kid, here's the thing. I'm out here at 6.30 in the morning, and I gotta, I should be in bed. Done. Birds. All right, I said done, cut. Show me.

Yeah. Show me Down Syndrome. God, dude, how's this trip been so far? Okay. Now I've done some crazy trips. This one was the best, worst trip I've ever been on. Best worst trip. But in the best way. I mean, this trip had everything trip I've ever been on. Best worst trip. But in the best way. Yeah. I mean this trip had everything we didn't want it to have.

That would have, this trip had everything that we wouldn't have came. If we knew what was gonna happen, we would be like, we can't go. We can't go. Well, power went out in Cuba. Not, not some, they had power outages. The power went out in Cuba, about two weeks before we came.

In the country. And then Val was like, hey, you can't, guys can't go, power's out. We're like, oh, I'm sure I'll get it back. And I'm like, how much? And she's like, look it up. And it was like, between 80 and 100%. And it was like, oh, not like rolling blackouts.

Like, what's the difference between rolling? What's the opposite? Like and steady black steady blackout sustained blackout when I heard about Cuba, but it's so funny because I know we were meant to go on this trip because I Came up to you. I was looking for you at the seller I found you and you looked at me you go They don't have power and I go what are we gonna do and you go we got at me, you go, they don't have power. And I go, what are we gonna do? And you go, we're gonna pivot. And I go, check.

Pivot, pivot. Where are we narrowed down to? Nicaragua. Nicaragua? Nicaragua. Yeah, and we only said Nicaragua because of the way you like to pronounce it with that drawl.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You were really adamant about that. It's easy, easy. You're like, I've been, I've just felt a lack for the last few years of not being able to say this. But if we go to Nicaragua then we can do it. I remember you saying that over and I was like Bob, come on, Sherrod's right in the room. That is nuts. Keith's here. You said Keith can't chase me, that

doesn't matter. Dude, my Boston accent makes everything sound racist. Keith can't chase me. He can chase me. He just wouldn't catch me. You said Sherrod's a problem. You said Keith is not a problem. You said Gerard would mind it less. But he'd be more of a problem on foot. Keith wouldn't mind it, but he hangs out with the crew that minds it. Right, right. He had to show safe face in front of Reggie. Dude, here's the thing. You checked right away and you said, it's back on. Panama, Nicaragua. We said Haiti is a joke.

Are you said Haiti is a joke? Cause you make those jokes. I don't make those jokes. You wouldn't even make that joke. You would just go? Day? I wouldn't go to Haiti. Oh, right, right.

If Dawn's life depended on us. You know, no way. Yeah. But then we're like, all right, let's see what it is. But cause then Val was also like, it's soon. I was like, no, it's like a while from now. And she's like, you're leaving in five days. I'm like, all right, let's see what it is. But because then Val was also like, it's soon. I was like, no, it's like a while from now. And she's like, you're leaving in five days. I'm like, oh.

And she goes, they currently don't have power. No, it was Tuesday. We were leaving, yeah, we were leaving Monday, yeah. Sunday. We were leaving Sunday, but yeah. We went to Miami, we stopped in Miami. But you checked right there at the seller and it was like, it's back on.

Yeah, it's back on. And we go, well good. Sweet, repivot. Here's the thing. Repivot. Most people would have been like, it's back on. And we go, well good. Not even. Here's the thing, most people would have been like, should we think about it? Because they did just lose power, which means for four days, that means there's no food, the meat is gone, there's gonna be supply demands,

it's gonna be chaos there. Here's what they were saying too, they're like, no, no, but they were saying, the whole system's fucked. And I said, no, no, but they were saying the whole system's fucked. And I said, no, no, but the system's been fucked. They go, it's 40 years out of date. I'm like, all right, but it didn't just break, it's been breaking.

So they'll tape it up and they'll be fine. What I found out, because I've been watching so many videos here, I haven't watched any bullshit, except for Deadpool 2, during the blackout. During the blackout. So we did not actually, but we'll get there. We'll get there. Bullshit except for Deadpool 2 During the blackout during the blackout We did not actually but we'll get there. We'll get there. The thing is

They they constantly deal with this. They blackout this city all the time They shut the lights off on certain sections or things go wrong all the time It's like being in New York and having to go the L train train is out. Right? And they're like, yeah, yeah, that happens. Or more like the seven. Sorry, Brooklyn. Yeah, it happens all the time here. These people deal with it all the time. All the time. Yeah.

They just don't have electricity for a couple days. Yeah. And that's it. But you know who does? Who? The hotels. The hotels always have electricity. Well, they have generators.

They have generators, but they also... Let's back up. Yeah. Let's back up. Oh, we'll back up. Yeah. Let's start with... Hang on, hang on.

Hang on. Do you hear it? Do you hear it? Bob, Bob. Come on. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. All right, we're backed up. You gotta take that to Glassman's podcast, bro.

That has no place here on this podcast. Take it to Glassman. You'll find. He'll appreciate it. I mean, it's the same face. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, up. You gotta take that to Glassman's podcast, bro. That has no place here on this podcast. Take it to Glassman, you'll find, he'll appreciate it. I mean, it's the same face. Hey, guys, editors out there, would you mind shipping that off to Glassman? Let him do something with it?

Maybe he can use it, thanks. I'd like to not anything go to waste. You do not. Camera two, camera one. You don't have your shoes on, so it is kind of like Glassman's project. What are the fuck is it called, podcast? Yeah, take your shoes off. Welcome to UB of like Glasses Project. What are the fuck is called? Podcast? Yeah, take your shoes off.

Welcome to UB Trippin' everybody. It's a travel podcast. Every week me and my guests go to another location, a beautiful place around the world. They take me to a place they've been and occasionally, rarely, it's a place that I've been with the guests. And that's today. We go to Cuba. Robert has a special out on YouTube yet? It's on PunchUp.live. You ever gonna put it on YouTube? Yes, when I do my next special,

I'm gonna put that on PunchUp, and then I'm gonna put my other specials, I'm gonna try to get two specials and put it on YouTube. Okay. I should put it on YouTube, huh? Yeah, it's time. I'm not, can I be honest with you? Yeah.

The Live from the Village Underground was my favorite special that I've done. Who owns that? This last one, I am so fat in it. Fat. I mean, not fat. Like, I was fat in Live from the Village Underground, but not obese.

It was like I was heavy. You were pre-fat, you were pre-abese. This one, I was at my heaviest. I can't look at it. Do you think you were as fat as Bert is now? Pfft. No, I wasn't that fat. No, no, no.

No, I was heavy. I was heavy. So I get that. You can't look at it. You don't have to look at it. You just let the people look at it. Yep, you're right. It is funny though, we did a show in Miami. You see people like, wait.

It's just like, that's not, I haven't, you're bigger. Like I just saw a clip of you yesterday and you were massive. How, what's this? So we came in in the morning, which I think is a good idea. yesterday and you were massive. How, what's this? So, we came in in the morning, which I think is a good idea, Guba, Havana. We spent the night, instead of coming here straight from New York, like New York, whatever, whatever,

we were like, no, let's go, let's spend the night on Sunday, go Monday morning, we'll get in here. Well, we had to come to Miami first, anyways. We could've just laid over and then gotten here like 7 p.m. Sunset is at 6.30 right now. Fuck it. Here's a podcast called You Know What, Dude? And also a podcast called The Regs, which is being solely destroyed by Luis Gomez.

I have a podcast called Bone to Pick. He's got a podcast called Bone to Pick. With your favorite dude you love, Paul Verzi. Yeah, I do like Paul Verzi. What'd you say like that? I didn't say it like that. I said your favorite dude that you love, Paul Verzi. No, you said it with some sort of other sort of. No, I do like Paul Verzi. What'd you say like that? I said, I didn't say it like that. I said, your favorite dude that you love, Paul Verzi. No, you said it with some sort of other sort of...

No, that's your own insecurities. You're gonna have to own that one. No. Why would I say... I don't know. I didn't. I said, dude, you love Paul Verzi. We talked about you love Paul Verzi.

I don't know how that's gonna be. Like this. Well, fucking... Don't do that. Put it in your other hand. I mean, like that. I'll do it too. Okay.

Just fucking make a direct toil of fucking choice. So we came in Monday morning. No. And bonfire. Breeze. Don't forget bonfire with Big Jay Oakeson. I will forget it. Why? I choose to.

I choose not to. We come in, do security, through, sorry, customs, there's a breeze. Customs was amazing. Literally no problem at all, and we're in and out in seven and a half minutes, ten tops. Yeah, customs was amazing. And then it looked like,

like a Jewish deli in a hurricane. Can I give another one? Yeah. It looked like Disney World if it was in the projects. Okay, I got one. It looked like downtown China at one of those waving cat conventions. I got one ready. Okay, yeah.

It looked like Cuba. That'll do. That'll do. That'll do, that'll do. That'll do, pig. Yeah, it was crazy, no line. Just like, come on, just come, it just kind of moved. The way that we were, I scoped it out

because it went up, around, back and in. I was like, no, no, bypass, get to this line. I counted it was six lines going into one. And at some point you just had to push. Can I say something though about these people? Yeah, if that was New York there would have been fights arguments Nobody fought because they know they'd be in jail people do right people just let people in people cut you off You just took it. Yeah, you went the next you got to kind of muscle your way in Yeah, they if even if that it was all these lines going into one, and nobody talking to you, nobody directing anybody,

these people worked it out. Yeah. They worked it out. They did work it out. Yeah. Which was pretty amazing. If that was in New York, people would be, she was in front of you, I was in front of you.

Yeah. The fuck, what do you cut me off? It would have been a, some Yenta would have been like, I'm not, why would you, Henry, he cut me. None of that shit. Yeah, none of it. Yeah. I mean, they could have been okay some yent they would be like I'm not why would you Henry he cut me none of that shit none of it yeah I mean they could have been saying that I didn't understand anybody hey guys I'm back in the studio away from Havana this is a good one this is a good one on location this is our first one now we had another one Zane Jureski was in locate on location but never on location in the place we're talking about and that's

Havana fucking fucking cool so before I go any further, I got to tell you about Bobby Kelly. He's one of the funniest comics working. He crushes. He is a super hard follow. And he had a special called Killbox that was released on luisck.com for only $10, which means none of you saw it. And I have convinced Bobby because of my listeners here you be trippin to release his special for free on YouTube everybody go right now to youtube.com slash at Robert Kelly comedy

and you can watch killbox for free on YouTube subscribe right there also subscribe here where you're watching this or listening to it. You be trippin'. I'm almost at 100,000 subscribers. But right now I'm talking about Bobby Kelly. Right now I'm talking about Bobby Kelly. Guys, you gotta go see Killbox. Go watch it right now.

Get it in the algorithm. Leave a comment for him. Do that here too, but definitely leave a comment for Bobby Kelly. Let's get that to a million views for a hilarious special, Killbox. It was one of his those fat too. So by all means, I know we won't like this, make as many fat jokes as you want in the

comments. I am allowing it because that's not even who he is anymore. He's way thinner now. He's also appearing in a... here's a quick tour schedule. Kansas City, Batavia, Illinois, Levittown, Philadelphia, Uncasville. The fuck does he play? Seattle, Tampa Bay, Charlotte, San Diego. Myself, well I got two announcements. One, I got this sweet ass mask in Havana on the last day at an arts, uh, an art, um, commune, what are they called artists? I don't know what a bunch of artists hang out. I got a mask, my whites wall. I got a mask, my white wall.

I got a mask, my white wall. I got a mask, my white wall. I got a mask, my white wall. I got a mask, my white wall. I got a mask, my white wall. I got a mask, my white wall. I got a mask, my white wall. I got a mask, my white wall. I got a mask, my white wall. I got a mask, my white wall. an art commune what are they called artists I don't know what bunch of artists hang out I got a mask my whites wall so we're gonna put it up gonna put it up in the whites wall everybody if you don't know what the whites wall is

I've been over it's what white women do when they want to fetishize other countries and other nations and I am cool cool how does that look? Not bad at all. Hell yes. Got it from Cuba. Check out my podcast UB Trippin every Monday sometimes Tuesday at UB Trippin Pod. I've also got a special coming out on Netflix January 14th. You guys are gonna love it. It's called America's Sweetheart. Set your calendars in your phones right now. Go press play and let it play. That's how their algorithm works on Netflix. You gotta watch it all the way through. Just let it play on January 14th. I've also got a tour

date. My farewell tour. I'm the only tour of 2025 and the last of 2024. And then nothing else till 2027. So if it's one of these cities I'm about to mention, I will not be coming back to your town till like 2028 or 9. Except for Denver and Austin. Austin, that's sold out. Lake Tahoe, December 21st in Lake Tahoe, Nevada. Then Pittsburgh, Providence, Salt Lake City, Brea, Nashville, San Antonio, Tampa, Denver. That's the best of week. That's why I'm coming back. I'll do my next hour next time.

Schaumburg, Illinois, Atlanta, Georgia at the Tabernacle with Agent Apoluchi opening and Portland. I think that show is almost sold out if it's not sold out already in Portland. San Jose, Orlando, Dania Beach, which is Fort Lauderdale Seattle Vancouver Calgary Edmonton and finishing that's in April those last ones finishing off an anchorage in June and that's it for me farewell I'm gonna go somewhere to help sabotage my career as always all tickets are at rechefier.com. That's it guys. I'm excited for my special. Excited for this whites wall. Stay tuned for the exit. I have for my money wall. I got some Cuban money that I smuggled out of there.

Well, I'll talk to you later about the smuggling out of the cigars and let's get back to the episode. What a fun one. Havana with Bobby Kelly. Returns now. Oh, okay. And one more thing guys I gotta delete a lot from this episode. The laws are wild I'll mention something in outro, but people have been arrested for 15 years just for talking to YouTube bloggers about Being a prostitute or whatever. I don't know all the laws there So I don't risk it generally. I don all like delete names of places and just because like to protect, like to protect against tourism. But like this one I'm,

I'm deleting, just get ready for it. A lot as many names as I can find and any like places that I think are doing anything even possibly not by the letter of the law in Cuba. So if you're like gonna get annoyed just letting you know it's so people don't do 15 years in jail for you know doing something seemingly normal to me. So that's it. Back to the episode of Havana. So we got picked up luckily we had our so they had these casas right? Which means house. Particular. Casa particular. Casa particular. Yeah, you found those.

I did. Just a way to support the people? Yeah. You stay with a family inside of the city, where we are right now. It's an Airbnb-ish. It's Airbnbs, it's just Airbnb. But it's, there's nice ones.

It's kinda like B&B. What? Kinda like a bed and breakfast. You're not really renting it out. I guess there's some that are just, it's on Airbnb, but it's just more like they cook and breakfast. You're not really renting it out. I guess there's some that are just like, it's on Airbnb, but it's just more like they cook you breakfast if you want. You see them and their family. Yeah, it is a B&B, yeah.

You're right. Airbnb's really killed bed and breakfasts, that little... Bed and breakfasts are uncomfortable in the States. You're sitting there with some fucking middle-aged family that are weird, they don't have to socialize, you gotta eat ham with them. Fucking weird. You only do it with, in like Vermont and New Hampshire.

It's disgusting. I hate it, and then you gotta share a bathroom and a hallway. Unless somebody gets married too, and they're like, we're all gonna stay at a B&B. Right. Yeah, you can't come in, they have a curfew. Yeah, because you can't wake other people up. Margaret wants to go to sleep.

Yeah. The airbnb, bed and breakfast is in the state, fucking blow. Those like in the 1800s, those were good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lincoln loved B&Bs. Loved it, loved cock too. Yeah, that was like the singer last night.

The hair, his hairline was weird, it was gray. Let's stay focused. Yeah, you have fucking crack energy right now. What we were first, like let's just talk, I don't know. Okay, we get here. Let's go over it. I just want to say something, we get here, flawless, except for that little line,

but we, not even bad, not even bad. 20 minutes maybe, 25. No check bag. No check bags, because I- You brought stuff to throw out, right? Yeah. I did. I'm throwing everything out. How are you gonna throw it out here

without them knowing we're throwing out valuable clothes? I'm giving it to them. You're giving it to them. I'm giving them everything. You said hey, I'm leaving all this. These valuable clothes are worthless to me Would you like it? I'm not gonna say it that way. I'm gonna choose another way. I'm gonna be like hey Do you want these? Yeah, yeah, you don't have to do the... Sometimes you don't have to say... Play it out in their head. Yeah, you don't have to do that. Yeah. Yeah, you can just,

-"Hey, look." Yeah, I'll do that, too. Socks, underwear, too? I don't want to go like this. I want to go like this. Socks and underwear? I'm giving everything. Why don't we give it to these kids who are always bugging us? Like, you actually want some fucking clothes?

Uh, mine won't fit. No. Your words will not. That is true. Um, you don't get this view, but it's sun is just slowly coming down that old classic building. The building's here, bro. Well, you're getting ahead of yourself. Okay.

Let's slow down. You got a ride? We get the ride. Okay. Everything's perfect. We get here, perfect. The guy's waiting for us. Yeah.

Yes, Ari? As true names as possible. In fact, cut out any name we say. I just said guy. I know, I was just like, I was thinking of his name. I'm just like moving forward. It's okay, you can say it. Guys, just cut out every name I say.

I don't know anybody's name. Okay. I don't even know your name. If I do, but it's Ari, it's three letters, that's about it. Hoi to you. Now we know hoi too. Hoi.

Nobody else would know Hoi's name. Yep, nice talking to you. But then, we got, I mean, everything. Now we know Jorge too. Jorge. Nobody else in the Jorge thing. Yep, nice talking to you. But then, we got, I mean everything, we got in here, left our bags. Here's the thing we did that was crazy. We left our bags and we just hit the streets. Went out into the city. Not knowing anything.

I was quite nervous coming in, didn't know what to expect. There's also very little information about Cuba online when you rely on everything online There's nothing you know why the people here can't do interviews about Cuba being dangerous or Say anything like that because they're gonna rest and go to jail for 10 years if they say anything about the but all the yeah But all the right that's what we're bleeping out names all the the vloggers the travel vloggers Yeah, they all peddle and fear How about how much it sucks out the one lady was pretty good, but she was telling a story about she got robbed

Pickpocketed yeah, but what made me feel good. It was I didn't get any reports of violent crime, and that's more what I'm worried I'll lose my money. It's okay. 2000, I watched a video, 2000? Yeah. You wouldn't even be robbed here. You just be hassled a little bit for some money. In the year 2000? That's it, 2000. In the last three years, it's gotten robberies and stuff

because they're desperate, they need money. They see you walking around with your fucking camera, your $3000 camera. They see you walking around with your fucking camera, your $3,000 camera. They see you walking around with your phone, and they'll take the risk to get it, to sell it, to make some cash. They also can't import anything. It's very difficult, so they fix everything.

Oh, my God, they fix everything. They just can't get it in. This embargo's nuts. I don't know anything about it. I don't know enough about it to comment on it. All I know is, it's keeping people not great. I know a lot about it. You watched the video.

I've watched so many videos on it. Yeah. Yeah. It's basically, it's one guy back in the day, it's rich people going, what the fuck? One poor guy taking rich people's stuff, and they're like, he took our stuff, man. Go fucking kill him. And they tried 600 assassination attempts on Fidel.

And he actually went to the bigger bully, and was like, you know what, protect me, and he did, which is Russia. Which is Russia. And Russia's not really that stable. They fell. Yeah. And then-

Keep the rundown. I'm gonna get coffee. So basically, back in the day, we had, this place was gonna be the New Vegas. It was going to be rich. It was rich. There was billions of American dollars coming in and these people were making so much.

It was one of the wealthiest countries in the world, Cuba. And then what happened was, Fidel came in, took over everything from the people, took over all the sugarcane fields, all the coffee, tobacco, and said, this is mine now. When it was owned by American interests, they were like, fuck you. They said to the president,

they tried to get them to come in here and take over and kill him. He did a little tiny, the Bay of Pigs. They kind of tried to do it without us getting involved. It didn't work. It screwed us. And then Fidel was like, I need somebody. He went to Russia.

They became best pals, considered Fidel like a son, and you know, which was our enemy, the Cold War, and then there was the Cuban Missile Crisis, which happened, and they started, you know, we had all kinds of nukes in Turkey, aiming right at Russia. Russia was like, we need a place to put stuff, 13 miles off the coast of America,

he put his missiles here, and then some dude in a sub, they were, you know, fucking, they worked it out with a letter and Russia and America and Thank you. And then You know since then it's all that out, please. Thank you. What? Yeah, I don't want any I can't do it Coffee sugar, ah, but for grassy Yeah, I don't want any of that. I can't do it. Damn it. Want coffee? Want sugar? Ah, por favor. Gracias.

Uno. Uno more. That's not... Por favor. He just said one more. Yeah. All right. That's good.

You could use it. Bobby's been really using close to the right word quite a lot here. Quite a lot. Anyway, I was scared, but then I wasn't scared walking around the streets even though it's Quite a lot here. Quite a lot. Anyway, I was scared, but then I wasn't scared. Walking around the streets, even though it's dingy, that smell is shit, dude. They smell and look of shit. That's not smell.

And actual. It's actual shit. Smell and view and actual of shit. We hit the ground though the first day, can I be honest with you? Terrified. I was terrified the whole time. We walked into, I don't know what the neighborhood's here.

Outside of, if you look at a map of Cuba, there's yellow areas, which are tourist areas. Outside of that is where they live, the people here live, and it looks terrifying, but it's not. It's every other building too will be this beautiful baroque. I don't know what that word means, but it feels about right. I know what it means. Baroque. They don't look like they have money. No, baroque.

Oh, I thought you said baroque. It's Jewish. Baroque, Thai, Amelia, Alamea, Colom. Dude, your Hebrew is like legitimately identical to your Spanish, where you have a couple syllables correct. I don't see that. If you know what you're trying to say, you do know what you mean, but if you don't, you're like, what? Oh, shit.

Oh, boy. Well, that's all right. Don't worry about it. Yeah, it was terrible. It's a beautiful building. And that one is crazy, governmental buildings. Right next to some, it looked like a bomb went on Yeah, you can see the stairwells. You know how it should go into the building

Yeah, it's now you can just see through it and people live there people live there people live there Yeah, I wanted to stare in more but then I didn't feel It's like this seems wrong guys if you're like me and you love to ski and break your ankle or wrist Guys if you're like me and you love to ski and break your ankle or wrist knee really mess yourself up the hardest part about that is not getting down the mountain with a broken ankle which I did and everyone called me weak I won't say it because it's an ad read but P and then I pull off and then like oh no it's broken it's broken I didize thank you that guy Jonathan for apologizing. It was broken also. Maybe it's my fault from hitting a jump I couldn't hit the hardest part. No

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Which we've done how many times now? One? Just this? One, no, we've done this but we've gone to other places and even walking around New York City, you're not not you're looking around you're interested in every nook you're looking for something that's

people walk by and when you come to this place I knew you I was gonna have that Spanish fiend looks like a kind of Spanish right there back behind you she's actually gonna walk you you'll see her. You have this energy. You have ADHD to the highest level. Don't do that, don't do that. Just ash it. You're gonna ash on some fucking poor old Cuban ladies head going to work. I see nobody's there.

Now they're there. He's about to ash on somebody's fucking head. You have ADHD, dude. You don't focus. What? Exactly, well nothing. So you wanna go in, you're looking in this hallway of death. Okay, they told me it's safe.

And you're looking in like, what's in here? They told me it's safe. They said no one's gonna hurt you, so it's just the money on your pocket, that's Karen Fian, that's Spanish Fian, that's her. See, you wanna let the, nobody cares about it. Nobody can see it. And you can, I'm telling you, now you missed it. Oh my God, it is Karen Fian, that's Spanish Fian, that's her. See, you want to let the Karen, nobody cares about it. Nobody can see it. You can, I'm telling you.

Now you missed it. Oh my God, it is Karen Fian. Yeah. She's just, she's just in yoga, everything hot pink. Yeah. She walks like Karen too, like she just got off a horse. That's the black guy she dates. That's the black guy she dates. Look, I'm going to say this.

It's not dangerous until it is. You can't... We can get robbed. That's what I would say is you can get robbed, but nothing's going to really bad happen. Because the punishments are so bad that you're taking such a risk. If you rob somebody, it's 20 years. I was thinking about it yesterday, it was like somebody was robbing me,

I was walking down a shitty street, and I was like, oh, if they rob me, I'm like, well, then I'll, they wouldn't run the risk of 15 years in jail. But they'd be like, oh, you guys should blind me so I can't identify you. We should put pins in each eye. Because it's not worth it, not to. Yeah. No, don't give people ideas.

What if that becomes the thing? All robbers have needles on them now. Let's back up. Guys, can you play that part where he backs up again and then put, this is stolen from Rick Glassman at the bottom of the screen? Come on. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Thank you. Ha ha. But you have to, I really want to stress this. When you're walking around outside the Taurus. Excuse me? Stress me? Ha, you stress me. Damn, bro.

That's kinda hot. That's kinda hot with a policia for two. You saw a hot chick with a policia. The colors of people here are wild. They're, how do you say this? Como se dice? Como se dice? Como se dice darker?

It's a range. Like this dude's like on the light end of it that chick was black. There's a lot I mean Afro Cuban is a thing. Afro Cubans. I thought they all looked like Ricky Cruz you know like blonde highlights and yeah just it's a it's pretty crazy. All right. The the the let me just say this where we walked the first day looks like you will be murdered in five seconds. True, true. Every, and we walked for hours,

hours into the fucking depths of the city. Yeah, well. Nothing happened. Odd though, we did show up just by chance on a holiday. We get there, bro. This guy's like, hey, do you want to ride around? We're in the tourist district. So this guy's like, hey, do you wanna ride around? We're in the tourist district. So this guy's like, do you wanna ride around?

Do you wanna ride around? I'm like, no, I'll take you around the city. I'm like, that actually does sound cool. You know, with a little guided tour around the city. He goes, one hour. I'm like, yeah, actually, that would be pretty bomb in one of those classic cars. Because the cars, because they can't import anything,

they can't get new cars. There are some new cars. That's like, wrong. But they said can't get new cars. There are some new cars. That's like wrong. But they said there's no new cars. We saw brand new. Newish cars. Yeah, we saw some brand new cars too. Yeah.

When we asked how they get those in, they're like, they got money. Yeah. It's pretty rare. Whenever they left, they assumed they'd be back in two weeks when Fidel was done. So they took their keys with them.

So they say a lot of people have to like screwdriver start their car all the time. All the rich people when they left were like, we're taking our keys, we'll be back. When America deals with this, we'll be back. America never dealt with it. And they had all these old cars with no keys. And these people took them.

But I had learned too, the government, the taxis helped restore the cars. The taxis? The taxis. The old cars, those are taxis that's, they. The taxi service does. Taxis, the taxi service restores those. Yeah, some of them were like bomb.

I was wondering how like. Gorgeous. How new condition. The one we took to the beach was pretty decrepit. Dude, that car, when he pushed the brakes and the car would go that way, he'd have to pull the wheel this way. Someone was crossing the highway, two lane highway,

two lane each way, and he goes, oh shit. So he started to just slow down. Enough time. It went, mm-mm. The fear on that, the guy crossed his eyes where he was like, first he went from like, I should go like, oh, I won't go, to like, oh, I'm in the dangers,

this guy's coming now at me. That was crazy, that was crazy. It was this, it was this, he was like, eh. But here's the thing, we hit the street, guy hits us up, we're like, no, no, no, no, we're trying to be nice, We don't want to be rude. We get away from that guy. We got away from him.

And then we're on another corner. We went to right by the cigar place and you're like, let's buy him here. I'm like, no, let's go to Partagas. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll give us an excuse to get through the city. Here's the thing, he took us in. This guy off the street, everybody's in on everything.

Cause he took us in this fancy cigar place in the mall, right in, nobody questioned him, took him in, talked to the guy, and was like, here's the cigars, blah, blah, blah, and took us out. And left. And left, because we pushed him away, we were like, ah, maybe later.

It's almost like, it's like, in the old cop movies, like, I'm telling them, it's like, they made me. movies, I'm tailing them, they made me. I gotta walk off. You get him from here. I let him on Broadway and Lafayette. He made me. And so you gotta leave. We were standing on a corner and all of a sudden

this lady went, hey, and scared the shit out of me. And was like, yeah, I saw you at the airport. Which, they have really good. Did you guys get here today? They have really good first lines. Where you from? Where you from? from is the standard, but that's almost hacky at this point

because now I've been here over two days, you guys all leave with that. Some don't even try, they go, where you're from? Like, nothing. They walk away. Yeah. But this lady's was the best. She said she saw us at the airport.

I was picking up my sister. Picking up my sister, I saw you at the airport. And I was like, really? How are you liking it? I was like, wow, that's interesting. It's pretty cool how long you're here for. It looks like, you guys got a good spirit. You're gonna enjoy this.

I'll see you later. Hey, actually, but they do it very well. I can't even mimic it right. They go like this, hey, I saw you at the airport. How are you? I'm picking up my aunt. It's nice, right? How are you liking it picking up my aunt, it's nice, right? How you liking it so far? Oh, it's good, yeah.

Yeah, where you from? Oh, I have a sister, yeah, that's nice there. How's it going good, yeah? Oh yeah, it's crazy. What are you doing here? Yeah, she was like, you going to Chick-Gas and stuff? You go, what are you gonna try? And I'm like, no, no, Bobby's got a family.

But they don't walk away. They are committed to staying with you until they have to. Because it forces your hand to go, hey, I just want to be with my friend right now. Yeah. Because I do want to get into a conversation with people and talk about life and stuff. Yeah.

In other countries, in non-tourist areas, you can get that. My friend Rolf, a travel writer guy I talk about a lot, he said he was in Namibia, I think, and he was in some place where they shined rocks and like, sell them to tourists. But he was a backpacker at the time,

so he didn't have any money for that, and he was waiting for his boat to come, and it was gonna be like nine hours. So they tried to sell him for like, you know, 45 minutes an hour, then all the other tourists left, he's still there, they try to sell him again, and after two hours they're like, well we're not getting anything out of this guy,

and then they're like, what are you doing here man? Then there was like, after that, then you can get into that conversation that you want to get into. I think you, I saw a video. If you just give them 500 pesos, which is what? $1.50. They'll talk to you. They're done.

They just want, they just want. That should have been the thing. Here's 500 pesos. Can you tell me some history of the place? Yep. Yeah. They just need a little money. It's 500 pesos. Can you tell me some history of the place? Yep. Yeah. They just need a little money. Their job- It's tough,

because it's such a big bill, and a thousand is like, fuck, I'm not giving away a thousand. It's $3.40. When you figure out the math, you have this stack of money, and you're like, this is, I'm rich. But also you're like, I'm going through it all.

And you're like, yeah, we only changed 100. I know we're going through it all. But then she took us to get to ours. She gave me some recs. First she gave me some recs. She took La Gorita, where Obama went. She goes, Obama went there. And I'm like, that could be cool.

We already went in going, hey, it's not a food place. Everything we said, said the food sucks. I don't think it sucks. It's just not outstanding. So it's like, don't be like going around waiting for the exact right... I have not had... Look at this.

Yeah. Thank you. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! I shouldn't have shown that. Hey, can you put in that backup thing again? And then also credit, this is stolen from Greg Glassman. Come on. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Buddy, she took us. This is the craziest part is that I didn't even talk to her. You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, beep, beep. Buddy, she took us, this is the craziest part, is that I didn't even talk to her. You, you, you do now, but the first couple days

did not have the ability to shut the fuck up. You, you. It's a big no. You did not have, you were talking and asking questions. I'm just trying to walk my friend, I'm just trying to walk my friend. I'm just trying to walk my friend. They just don't take it as a no. Buddy, I fucking didn't even say a word to her.

Your fear would have come in handy if I had some of that. My fear, you have no fear. All of a sudden we're in a street off the main drag. No fear? You can't steal second without taking a foot off first. No fear. Remember no Fear shirts? Yeah.

They were big, they had little sayings. I remember them. That's the only one I remember. I remember them. I remember them. You should never wear one. Dude. Somebody's gotta locate me in No Fear shot.

I gotta do that. I gotta find one. I can't take it for that. And Big Johnson, what was it? Big... Johnson's? It was something like Big Johnson. It was a rooster. It was a fucking big old date. Dude, all of a sudden we wind up in some dude's house.

She goes, it's a holiday today. She's, no, she did, no, he did. She said, she did. No, the other guy did too. He said, it's festival. It's a festival. It's a festival. It's the first Monday of the month. First Monday of the month. God festival. It's a festival. It's the first Monday of the month.

First Monday of the month. God, they got you on that because it was the first Monday of the month. Yeah. So the government. Well, you know what they say though? They say it's the first Tuesday of the month too. Yeah.

Or they say it's the second Tuesday of the month. Also, we got here in November. They say any day it is, they go, this is the day. We were here November 4th. Yeah. And that means the third and second Friday was the first, it wasn't the first day of the month, yeah. So listen, look at my finger.

Look at my finger. Follow my finger. Stay right here. So anyways, we wind up in this guy's house. Who's that actor that goes like this all the time? I mean, you're nuts. There's a fucking moped in his house, his bed. And then you're talking to this guy, he's clearly ripping you off.

She said, the government gives you half the money today. They just, they like, finance it a little bit. It's a lie. So everything's half price. It's a lie. But only today. They're not Cubans. And we're like, oh, but only today. They're not like no, it's okay They're not cubans. Well, they're they're cubans with a shit. It's you pilot ball garbage garbage and fucking found tobacco leaf and

You're negotiating with this guy for Canadian money, which nobody wants nobody wants Canadian. No who does the come on? It's crazy cuz I'm like no no the current exchange rate when I left this point seven one Canadian. I was the US dollar So I'm like, no, no, the current exchange rate when I left is 0.71. Canadian dollars to US dollars. So I'm like, all right, whatever the exchange rate is, US to Cuban, 0.71 of that. Like, no, it's going to be about 0.55. It's terrible. And then we'll turn back a crumpley bill, which you've

had a bunch of times. They can't have any ripped money. What else do you got? The government won't take it. But here's the thing. So we're sitting there. I look over in the corner and there's a full

major league voodoo set up in the corner with burnt animal parts, a doll of some sort that's black from ash. You're looking at that as I'm looking at these frayed cigars with no labels on them. He's yelling at me in like

a deep Spanish about some deal. And I'm just like, oh, I just wanted one right now. The guy's like, no, you get a box of 40. And I'm like, no, no, I'd like one. And then I go, like two or four, that's all I want. Just one each to smoke. All right, fine, here's, put five in, we'll call it this. I'm like, wait, what's the math on that?

He goes, all right, tell you what, put five more. We'll just like. I went outside. I left you in the place. What the fuck, look to just like... I went outside. I left you in the place. Get the fuck, dude, you gotta help me on that. You're the fucking cigar expert, Bob. You gotta be like, no, these are wrong. I showed you hoping you'd be like, no.

Dude, I'm not getting fucking beheaded. There was a voodoo doll in the corner of the room. What are you gonna lose out on? It was JoBoo. It was straight Jo jobu, bro. You're gonna fucking lose maybe 100 bucks or we both get murdered? I'm not fucking doing that.

Well, with the exchange rate is 140. With what I could have changed it in for, which is what I would have done, I lost about 110. You lost $110. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was pretty epic.

My mistake was bringing, I had this Canadian bills left over from Merch in Toronto where I sold out two shows. And put the Glassman thing in there, back up and take that out. And give him credit. Rick Glassman. Stolen from Rick Glassman. Yeah. Stolen from Rick Glassman. Yeah, stolen. Come on. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

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Reserve your ride as soon as you book your flights. To all the planners, now you can reserve your Uber ride up to 90 days in advance. See Uber app for details. Here's the thing though, every single day we were here, even that day was full of insanely, not one bad day. Not one bad day? Not one fucking bad day here.

So that night, so we went from the restaurant. Yeah. I said the cab driver didn't rob us. I was expecting 30 bucks to get to that Obama restaurant. I was ready to fight. 10 bucks. Now I'm finally ready to fight. The first guy didn't get me, I wasn't ready to fight.

I mean she walked me in and was like, no it's right there, you should go. It's like, whatever, okay, I'll show you. I'm not doing anything today. Dude, and was like, no, it's right there, you should go. It's like, whatever, I don't know, okay, I'll show you. I'm not doing anything today. I'll show you. Dude, it was like Goodfellas. She was like, no, in there, down over there. We're like, what?

And we're such fucking pieces of shit. We're such people pleasers. We went in to a guy's house. No shirt on. In the middle of nowhere. It was dirty. Just a concrete slab room. With a moped in it.

Russian dissidents are treated better than this guy lives. With a moped in it. And Jobu. Straight. It was still smoking. It was smoldering. That's even worse than smoking. I love his little-

Smoldering. He had his little presentation though. He had all these shitty boxes, these crappy boxes on the table, presenting his storefront. But in hindsight, that's what they do. Everybody has like storefronts. They sell cookies or cheese or queso.

He's showing it to us as if it's like, look a store and we're like, none of these are stores. Yeah. It's like when I moved to New York and the guy was trying to sell me weed in Washington Square Park and he did the old switcheroo behind his back. But he goes, no, a store. And we're like, none of these are stores. It's like when I moved to New York, and the guy was trying to sell me weed in Washington Square Park, and he did the old switch room behind his back. But he goes, no, I got good weed, here, smell it.

I smelled it, and then he was like, see, it's pretty good. I saw him go behind the back, and I was like, hey, just so you know, before you switched out, it also wasn't good. Like, you switched out bad for worse. I already wasn't gonna buy. Yeah, the storefronts, it's just in their apartments. Some put concrete slabs up in the doorway

up to like about here so you can sit behind it. And they sit, they have bars in the window and they have a window. But you're sitting like, oh my God, you never buy. But by the end of the week, it's like, oh, we're gonna need rice. Just walk up to the window. You got, you got.

Do it. You got this. You got it, you know the Spanish on this. Re, re, re, re, re, re, rijos. Frijoles. Frijoles. Beans. Frijoles.

Mmm, y frijoles. Or mmm, con frijoles. Re, say? Confrijoles? Arroz. Dude, next time we come here, and we should come here again, after you're done with your quest, I will know more Spanish. So I didn't have my guard up to fucking... I was now ready to fight, to argue, to get my way.

I'm not paying 30 bucks, I'm talking to under 20. The guy's like, Tim? Like, oh. Yeah, sure. I love when you're ready to fight, argue, whatever, and then somebody is like not even trying, you're like, oh. One time I was at the comedy store, I was working the door.

And I was working, Duncan Trussell was the talent coordinator, and I was the assistant talent coordinator. I also worked the door. Duncan stopped working downstairs at that point. So I was the, Duncan was on vacation, so I was the standing talent coordinator for a week or two. And I was working the door and somebody pointed at me

and then pointed at this black dude who came into the main room in like a tracksuit. Meaning like, chuck this guy. And then the black dude started coming over to me, walking over to me and I'm ready and I'm like, what I should do is let him come through that front door towards the lobby of the main room. You know the Comedy Store at all?

Yeah, I do. So if I can get him out, I can pull the curtain behind him and now he's out of the room. So now he's not, I'm not gonna argue while the show's going on. Joey Diaz is on stage. So he comes out, I pull the clothes behind me, and it's like, and then it's Chris Rock.

And I'm like, I'm ready to chuck a fucking homeless guy that came in off the street, and it's Chris Rock. And I'm like, oh, oh. Yeah, and he goes, can I go up? And I'm like, oh, wait, I'm about to fight you. And I realize, not only is it not just a guy who's going to disrupt the show, it's a legend. And I'm the talent coordinator. It's not that I'm a door guy now.

It's that they pointed, hey, Ari's the acting talent coordinator. And he goes, can I go up? And I go, oh. So I have to reframe the whole thing, from anger to, oh, Ari's the acting talent coordinator. And he goes, can I go up? And I go, oh. So I have to reframe the whole thing from anger to deal with this. And I go, it's the first time he's ever been there when I was there.

I've been there for six months, he hasn't come yet. So it's like, what? I'm meeting Chris Rock. And he goes, can I go up? And I go, oh yeah. Well, usually people jump on in the original room, and this is the main room, the ORs where people pop in. And he goes, yeah, but I saw Joey Diaz

the last one on the lineup here in the main room, and they still got like five more comics in the OR. So you're not even thinking right. So I figured, don't bump anybody. And I was like, oh. That makes sense. As a talent coordinator, so basically he became the talent coordinator.

Yeah, he usurped me. Yeah. I was usurped. And, yeah, I was like, sure, yeah, absolutely. Dude, that guy, he did one hour, could've gone whatever, at 1.55, he goes, ah, shit, the wait staff gets off in five minutes, so I'm gonna wrap it up. Cool. Cool. Yeah.

Yeah, so that was that guy with the cap. Drove us to the restaurant, pretty good. He was a great guy. Restaurant was beautiful. First of all, if you come in here, this is what I say, if you have no expectations, you'll have everything you need. We came here with no expectations.

That's not bad. We just were gonna see this place, experience it, that's it. So when we went to that restaurant, first of all, it's in the middle of, looks like, you know, it doesn't look good. The neighborhood's fucking nuts. Like as compared to what we're used to.

Even in New York's bad neighborhoods, they're still not this bad. But all of a sudden you go through a door, there's a guy sitting in a chair, and it's the most epic. You go up, it's almost like the bottom is bombed out. The bottom's bombed out. There's graffiti, and you go up the stairs,

and all of a sudden you're in this ornate, beautiful 19. It's in 1918, 1913 I think. It's fucking beautiful. Beautiful, the roof deck is beautiful. You can see the kitchen, which I love. There's a roof deck. I looked over the roof deck and beautiful. You can see the kitchen, which I love. There's a roof deck. I looked over the roof deck and what I saw,

piles of feces. Yeah. Yeah, it was like we're in a little. It's literally just shit and beauty running parallel. Pretty good, pretty good meal. Dude. Got a Cooper Libre. It was so much better than I thought it was gonna be.

It was fucking, the ravioli was good, fine. The pork, you had fish. The ambiance. Was that the fried fish? No, that was somewhere else. No, it was the regular fish. It was great. For what I thought it was gonna be, it was awesome.

Solid, and they were like pretty expensive though. I'm like, yeah, it really was. And then it was like, oh, no, 50 bucks. 50 bucks each, that is included. Everything. And I got two alcoholic drinks. Yeah. And a bottle of water.

You got. Coca. Coca-Cola, coffee, and a big bottle of water. Yeah. Meal each, two sides, and split an appetizer for, so I guess like 40 plus tip is the 50. 99 something, it was like 100 bucks. two sides and split an appetizer for, so I guess like 40 plus tip is a good thing. Like 99 something, that was like 100 bucks. Tried to tip her two, did not notice.

This is the thing, let me just say this. Before we came, this fucking asshole, you gotta get two, two dollar bills. I'm like, what? I asked you 20 times. I mean, every day he obsesses about these two dollar bills. I would say, you would say I asked you too many times. I mean, every day he obsesses about these $2 bills. You would say I asked you too many times. Yeah.

That's what I thought. So hey, make a thing that goes off in the middle of that. Just go, poof, and make it like a Cuba flag. And then say, we also stole this from Rick Glassman. Oh, shit. Thank you. So I'm like, darn, you gotta go to the bank. You gotta give me two. she's like, why?

I go, there's a thing with twos, if you give people twos, shut up, it's worth seven. I said it's worth about seven dollars. It's about worth seven dollars, so if you give them a two, it's really giving them seven. Because of the value. So I'm like, all right, I get all these fucking twos. Dawn comes back with twos, I have all these stupid twos.

And it was a, it means nothing. Nobody. Well, the lady at the restaurant didn't notice it at all. She goes, thanks. Yeah. And I was like, I'm expecting this. Oh, hey. I was too.

I was expecting the chef to come out. You think I wasn't disability? Some old Cuban lady. The chef to come out. Her to pull wasn't disability? Some old Cuban idiot. The chef to come out. Her to pull out her old two she got from Kennedy. There's nothing. Nobody gave a fuck. You know what a two is here?

It's two. You know what you would like better than a two? A five. A five. Fucking $2 bills. I got so many fucking $2 bills. We got one reaction. We had to ask a guy at the buffet, the day of the hurricane, the morning of the reaction. We had to ask a guy at the buffet

the day of the hurricane, the morning of the hurricane. We had to ask a guy, I was like, is this something? And he goes, oh. Yeah, it's like, it's like look. And you kept going like this. Yeah, milk it, milk it. We got such an argument going down the boardwalk.

But anyway, we'll do that, we'll go back to where we went the first night. But dude, we got such an argument about the value of it. I was like, I didn't say it was the equal value, I said the overall value. You said you can't trade it for that. I said no, the emotional value. People don't know that when comics get into arguments,

it has to be court. It has to be a court case. It has to be a judge. And we have- Objects. There can be a judge. And we have- Objects. There can be a judge. Go on. Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. It's only about, feel we were calling witnesses. Dude, no, no, fuck, dude, dude, come on. Ha ha ha. I'm the judge. Don't ever object me again.

When I run my court, I run like Sheriff Arpaio. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I'm gonna be so happy it was still hot. It was still hot, but not so hot. It was hot enough that it was growing, but then I was like, in my mind I was like, it could keep growing with heat.

It just went to there and stopped. Buddy, we fought for 48 minutes. I was ready to push you into the fucking ocean. If that cop hadn't stopped us from crossing the ocean you'd be in it we're burying the lead man we just got we just got we just having literally a full-fledged argument about two dollar bills and we were told by a full-bird general to get the fuck back to our casa you guys came to the most dangerous point in the city, along the seawall.

Let's go. Go down there. You know what they say to city's angry that day? They mean this day. Yeah, they mean this day. This is the me, dude. We had, the first night was such a great, I mean, it felt like we were here a week.

We did so much. We went from there. Yeah. When we went to, the first day we went to, we went to Potagus, we walked through, I mean, the ghetto, the hood. It's a better word. Not the ghetto, the hood.

We walked through the hood, all the way to Potagus, closed. Then we went to H. H. Upman. H. Upman. And smoked. Open. Open? Coolest fucking lounge.

Here's how scared I was. We got pictures of that. Some guy grabs me and goes, no, no, no, no. And I'm like, oh fuck, another house with Voodoo. Takes us, points us to the door, open it up. It's this insane, beautiful cigar lounge. It is weird. It's all, it's like, this is what I'm reading.

It's half between a scamming you and half like, actually we all need you guys to leave money here, so let me help you leave money here. They're just helping you with anything they can to get a dog. If I don't get it, someone else will get it, we'll all be better off. You have to understand when you come here,

they just need money. If you give them a little money, but the fear of Americans that it's gonna be like pigeons, you throw a piece of, and it's gonna be crazy, it it's not it's not you can give hey dude here you go thank you so much and they'll be like cool they're just trying to get some money to eat food that's it to have money that's it and you have money yeah that's it he helped me in hey I'm gonna usually do tips at the very end I'm gonna tips as I think about it. I do travel tips

Yeah, so like could be for here could be for there. Our travel to peers. Don't change your American money It's paying pay an American No, you change it and then pay with Cuban. It's not as good They're like the prices are in American dollars. Yeah, but I say, I'm gonna disagree with you. Your pro tip, I say, if you give them 500 pesos, a thousand pesos, they're fine. No, no, that's for the tips.

Because they can't. Yeah, that's for the tips. What I'm saying is, for purchasing, all you're doing is changing it to Cuban, and then they're changing it back. You're losing money. So if you buy, the cigars were like 1790 in American dollars

Yeah could have changed that to get the value up But then they do right there calculating the same or slightly off price just pay him 20 bucks and get changed Was that a tip in a tip? Tip in a tip. Yeah, I'd tip about a tip So your tip is keep five hundreds, maybe separate pocket, four tips. So if some dude's like, hey, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, they're like, hey, thanks, man, appreciate it, here you go. And he'll walk away.

Here's another tip. When traveling to Cuba, don't experiment with the twos because it doesn't do anything. It does in Ecuador. It does in Ecuador. In one fucking place, it's her magic. I've heard other places too. I want to experiment and see what it does here. You did.

75 times. I did. 75 fucking two's you gave. Okay, so we went to H. And you got nothing. Let's move on past this. We're not gonna resolve this. Nobody gives a fuck about a two.

Nobody gives a fuck about a two. I get it. If you get two ones, they'd be just as happy. Here's what you said. What if they don't care? What if they don't care? I'm like, then they still work as two, which they did. But you could have gave a one.

I could've, what if, what if. You could've done a one. What if. You could've done a one. No, because I gave two and you topped it off with a one, so you wanna give three. You're a fucking. Some of these you wanna give three.

You know what you are? You're a two. I am. One of my favorite lines I ever said was, my Adam Eaget was fucking head of three, so. I love Adam Eaget. He rules, but this was a fatty get. Yeah. Yeah.

Faddam. He's called Faddam. Dad, he loved donuts. It was a donut place there in Hollywood. Every time we leave the store, he goes, donuts? We're like, no, bro, we're all going to go do blow and fucking have a good time. But we should stop for donuts first.

These big donuts with a cookie on top. I gotta say, I'm on Adam's side. Oh, yeah. on Adam's side. Oh yeah. Ha ha ha. So, it's okay, he's talking to himself. And he goes, where you from? He's practicing, where you from? Where you from?

And he was like, I was like, dude, those girls are hot. He goes, yeah, but two fives, make it 10. And I go, yeah, but two threes make it six. Ha ha ha. Yeah, dude, we went in there, here's how great this place is. Went in, coffee, water, we smoked a cigar. Your cigar wasn't good, it wasn't real good. You got another one, it's still,

the box was bad, which happens. I got a, what'd I get, a Trinit Lead? You got a HP Upman. I got an H Upman, from H Upman. H Upman, yep. I didn't smoke a single Trinit Lead here. They're too much, they. From H Upman? H Upman, H Upman, yep. I didn't smoke a single trigger lead here. They're too much, they're too expensive here. But you got one, didn't work.

They gave you another one, didn't work. I was like, these aren't pulling. They go, show me, like, switch it. I'm like, oh, really? I've never had, they're like, it's okay, switch. And you switched, it didn't work? And then you were a little nervous? He just came over with a brand new cigar,

another cigar similar to that, and gave it to you, and it smoked great. We smoked there. I had some rum. Yeah. I was like, I'll get a rum. It felt right. And it was good, right?

I started with a seven year. I was like, let me build up to the 15. It was great. Yeah. Little dippy dip. Dippy dip? I like the dippy dip. Yeah.

Made me want a dippy dip. Flavors it a little bit. Try it with Coke one day or something. No, I'm good. Yeah. Maybe want a dippy dip. Flavors a little bit. Try it with Coke one day or something. No, I'm good. Yeah. Thanks. Um, the coolest thing happened though when we left. Like, all right, let's settle up.

She went, hmm. What do you mean? No, it's okay. We were smoking there, all these tourists came in, they saw us smoking and drinking, and they started drinking and smoking. I think it maybe was that. I think it was your cigar was bad. You had two bad cigars.

You had a bad experience. To them... We talked a little too. We talked a little bit to the guy. I mean, I'm gonna say this about... Where you guys are from. She wasn't trying to sell us or anything because we're already buying.

Yeah, she was nice. She's like, oh cool. The women here are friendly. The guys, a little machismo. Tienes mucho machismo. Yeah, a little... T. Mean-faced. Tienes, mucho machismo. Yeah, a little little. Tienen, tienen? A little little machismo.

Is it tienen or tienen? Tienen. Tienen. Yeah, they're not big on small talk with Americans. I think it's because of the, they don't understand and we're not, we're not speaking. You were a little bit. Also, suffering, consistent suffering makes your smile go away.

You were like... Yeah, that was crazy though. It was like, and you were like, no, no. And I was like, okay, well, no, Fabio, we'll be back, we'll be back. Did we pay for the coffee? We did pay for the coffee and the rums. I paid for the stuff, yeah.

I paid for the stuff, I was like, how much was the cigar? We had to pay him, we had to pay the bartender. What did you have to do? The whole number three. We had to pay the bartender for the drinks, and he's like, you pay over there for the cigars, and she said, cigars are on the house. Tips number two.

Yeah. Nothing. Zero reaction. Zero, nothing. I mean, garbage. Garbage, yo. Like, I offended them. It was nothing. I mean, some of them I was like, hoping,

I was like, I don't think they looked at it, like, oh thanks. Because I told you in Ecuador, they would like, they would like take the check. You don't always look at every bill. They would take the check and then walk, and then I'd see them go like, oh! But he looked, didn't, no, nothing. God damn, it sucked. Nobody cared.

I was so hoping. Nothing. I was so hoping. Anyway, they let us go, we walked back far, 40 minutes back. We walked a lot, 40 minutes back. We walked a lot. We walked in the middle of... And that walk back, we walked down like a main drag and then off into the side.

Because you are very... I want to go down alleys. You go, let's go down here. And I made a promise to myself, I'm going to do as much as I can. With me? With you. On my terms? On your terms. Interesting, that's a good promise. I said I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna,

when he wants to go soon I'm gonna go, okay, whatever you wanna do. That's my motto, whatever you wanna do. If you wanna do it, I'll fucking do it. Let's do it. Let's go. That's great. And I was terrified.

Terrified. That's great. I mean was terrified. Terrified. That's great. I mean, it's fucking terrifying. But here's the problem. You did it. Every guy you walk by, every male you walk by, looks like he is going to murder you. Yeah.

There's no hellos, there's no smiles. They all look like. If they smile, they're about to try to scam you. And you're walking by like a bunch of young guys, tattoos and flip-flops, and they're like this. You'd think they'd be happier being that it's a festival today. But it's not a festival.

I don't know if you've heard that. So the next day, as we were getting robbed on that, as I was getting robbed on that, you were outside enjoying the sun. I haven't robbed yet. You gave that girl gum, she's like, ah, it's so good, you got any money for me? Like, oh, it's like, you're getting the kickback, enough.

But she's like, you don't know that yet. There was no point in that, by the way, that I thought I was getting real underground cigars. I was just being bullied. They didn't scam me, they just bullied me. They bullied you, and all you had to do was this, no. And he was like, well I don't have that money right now. And he goes, no it's cool, tell me your casa

and I'll go and pick up the money later. The one thing that these vloggers do, the travel vloggers they do, they are very, no. And they walk the fuck out and they don't care. They walk out. By yesterday I was like, fully ignoring. They were like, hey, how you doing? I was just talking to you. They're like, hey, excuse me, excuse me.

I just wouldn't even look at them. I was just German today. But the first day, god damn it, did you really want to people please? I did get into a few cool conversations. The morning, so, we gotta get back to, we gotta, fuck. It's hard because The morning, so, we gotta get back, we gotta, fuck. It's hard because we've done so,

we've done, every single day, we've done something. Like a lot of shit. We're gonna back up to the music. Back up. Dave. Was that the first night? That was the first night. Music was the first night.

Holy shit. All right, let's do the music. So we went from the Obama restaurant. Oh God. Straight, let's do the music. So we went from the Obama restaurant. Oh God. Straight to this place. And our driver was out front waiting for us. We said, maybe about, he was out front waiting for us. He goes, yeah, I'll drive you there.

It is the best place, it's almost like the perfect Uber. Where it's like, if you could say to your Uber guy, dude, can you come back in an hour? Yeah. This guy came back out can you come back in an hour? Yeah. This guy came back out front, got us in the car, nobody bothered us, and we were off to the next place. It was also like, well, I don't know how long we're going to be eating for. It was like, well, I'll tell you what, let's do it at hour 15.

They might not sit us right away. And if it is over in an hour, let's walk around the block a few times. Yeah. Work it off while we wait for him. Which would have been terrifying. Which would have been terrifying. If we had to walk around the block a few times, I would have shat my pants.

And we asked the Casa guy, we're like, hey, we can walk from the Obama restaurant down to the, what's it called, right? And he was like, No, I wouldn't do that. I'm like, oh, okay. He goes, yeah, see this yellow zone on the map? It's kind of like green zone for nature.

See this yellow zone? You kind of want to stay in there after dark. And it was way out of there. Yeah, and then, but the music place was just outside. I'm like, we can walk from here back there. And he goes, uh, should be okay. But I don't know if I'd risk it. And we're like, yeah, we should be okay.

He goes, uh, I mean, I just got robbed there. We're like, why? He goes, no, I was stupid. I was drunk. And we're like, oh. And they're like, oh, all right, fair. I was so happy that he was here to kind of guide us on where not to There's a lighter over there ah shit sorry didn't see it. I'll put this one back.

There it is. There's something wrong with you. Oh, it's out of fuel. Oh, no, it works. It works. He was there ready to take us and blow. Yeah, you took... He picked us up, took us to the Buena Vista. It's where Buena Vista Social Club, the remnants is playing. What I understand about them, I don't know. Do you remember when they hit Big in America?

There was an album. At least Navidad. I don't think I was on there. Wait, what is that song though that they sing? Because now they sing it everywhere. Oh, eh oh. No. It wasn't Hey Macarena.

We heard that last night. It, hey, oh, no. It wasn't Hey Macarena. We heard that last night. It was a by Lama. No. Damn, what is that song? It's going to come to us. I got it. I got it. Joke coming. I got it. No. Okay, do it. Fucking with the young man because I'm brown.

No, no, no. Joke was coming. I love when you can see a comic's face when they're like pretending to say something serious, like, not real answer, and then fuck. Tony does that sometimes. I had it, but I lost it because I went, oh, hey, yo. I did that. Tony does that sometimes, he goes,

hey, you know what, I'm like, what joke answer, what? And he's like, fuck, fuck, fuck. There is a song that is the Buena Vista. They open with flat. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck., they take us 35. 35 bucks. 35 bucks for three drinks. Three drinks. Yeah. Cause we're not there for dinner. And then they take us to this room and you're bummed out immediately.

Cause this is this. This is my room, this is more like a hall. There's three, there's four old middle-aged women playing like do dee do dee do. Like it's like amateur night. No, I'm here for the jazz. You're standing up and you're walking, you're trying to, and you go back out,

you come back in. I look in the other room and I was like, you're trying to, and you go back out, you come back in. I look in the other room and I was like, there's nothing in here. I'm like, we have like this and there, right? And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then all of a sudden, cute little girls with little smushed up cowboy hats, I don't know what that is.

No, it's like at nine. And now it's nine ten, they're still fucking there. Well, most of the performers are 92. Dude those guys in that little waiting room with these old beautiful hats, suits that don't fit them because they've lost so much weight because of poverty and like, but they're instruments and these old cool black Cuban.

They have a green room with a glass you could see inside of it where they're all hanging out. And then when they started that show though, let me tell you something. One of the best nights I've had in a long time and it's all due to you and you have no inhibitions. I don't know if it's alcohol, you're drunk, I don't know if that's who you are.

I know you do crazy shit, but they started playing and it was fucking F-U-N. Upscale, fucking bop bop bop. It's a salsa or samba. I don't know what it is even. I don't even know the genre. It's Cuban music. I remember in college, Buena Vista Social Club had a album out that charted. Yeah. And it was like, what is this? And I think they were all the ones who went to Miami and it was just the sound of Cuba. Yeah.

Salsa, which I heard salsa music, do you know where that comes from? No. It's a salsa, like a spread, which is onions, tomatoes, whatever. I know what salsa is. It's a mixture of all these musics into one, and they call that salsa music. Okay, that's interesting.

Yeah. That's a fun fact. Fun fact. Oh, we gotta start some fun facts on this podcast. Yeah, Larsen, fucking Kathy, We gotta start some fucking fun facts. Chad, right? We have all the tips. We gotta do fun facts.

Okay. And then, dude, they come out into the crowd and they came over, they were dancing with people, they came over to you. It's like an eight, nine piece band. But they exchange singers every song. And then they show video behind them of them in their youth

singing on this massive stage. They got this old Cuban woman coming out, fucking killed it. Some guy comes out, two guys come out. So they have the stars, they have the band, and then they have the stars coming in, almost like a comedy set where just comics are coming out doing sets. These guys are doing sets.

And then they have a host who comes out. It was almost like comedy where they set it up. And then they came down. Dude, when you... I have video of this. Well, he's asking people where they're from. Somebody said Czechoslovakia, which I was like, that hasn't existed since I was in high school. You didn't have to yell it out.

I was like, that's not a country. I was a little tuned up. Dude, that first drink was so strong. That drink was in high school. You didn't have to yell it out. I was like, that's not a country. I was a little tuned up. Dude, that first drink was so strong. That drink was so fucking strong. You were buzzing. And then- This theater has been guarded day and night. And I've never seen anyone go in there.

Give a little context before you do that. You're just going off on tangents. Yeah, okay. I mean, you're really a fucking- Let's stay in the social club. You can't fucking stand there. I'm staying in the social club. You're now tantring. You're tantring off on tangents. Yeah, okay. I mean, you're really a fucking, you can't fucking stay at the, I'm staying in the social club. You're now tangenting. You're tangenting.

You're tangenting. You're tangenting. You're tangenting. You're tangenting. You're tangenting. Dude, I'm back in the social club. But they can't see the theater. But they can't see the theater.

That tree over there has been green. Bro, people listen. People, yeah, exactly, context. They need to know what that theater is. Bro, I'm in the music club. You're now tangenting. On what? Can you not tangent?

Nothing. Pfft. Anyways. Yeah. So what? Can you not tangent? Nothing. Anyways. Yeah. So he's asking me where they're from. Can I just back up, just give a little context on the what? I have a game I play for 20 years. I play with Max all the time.

Yeah. Where you have to get somebody to say the word, time out, what? Mm-hmm, time in. And if you get them to say the word time out, what? You go one. That's the last time out. No more time outs are allowed, go.

Oh man, you really are a dictator. You should have that hat all the time. So if you get them to say that word, you say one nothing. And it's not like you add the points up. It's always one nothing. It's just one nothing. One nothing, one nothing. I didn't know if you were gonna be into it. I was one nothing. It's just one nothing, one nothing, one nothing.

I got you into, I didn't know if you were gonna be into it, I was hoping you would be. Day one. Day one I got you into it. And we've been playing this game all day long, all night long. Trying to get somebody, where you try to do something as a mumble and try to go like this.

There's so many techniques. But then you see that coming, it's so emasculating when you're making a real attempt to get somebody to say it and then they catch you, they're like, uh-huh, you're like, damn it. Do you remember what you did? Nice try. That was a good one.

I thought it, I was on the cusp. If someone's on the cusp at least, you're like, that was worth it, it was worth the emasculation. But at the beginning when he said the word four times in a row, when I went one, nothing, one, that's what this joke is. So. It's gonna be, it's gonna drown out my single. Well, those guys go to two shots.

That's all right. So all of a sudden. So he starts asking where they're from, who's from, and then they play music, something to do with that country. They have a flag up on the screen. And they put up a flag. Put a flag up on the screen behind them. That country, they get the flag, it's waving, it's great.

And for some reason, because of embargo or whatever, I assumed they would have gotten to a lot of Estados Unidos by then, but they hadn't, and the guy looked at me. The chicks in front of us had something. Yeah. The chicks right there, it was one of their birthdays. Yeah.

I was like, happy birthday. She's like, thank you. Lot of Spaniards, lot of, I think, Mexicans, lot of everything. Yeah. And they said, where are we from? You yelled out. Astaros Anitos.

Astaros Anitos. And they brought the flag up, and they came over, and this smoker, this beautiful in red dress out of a movie. A fucking dime. Came up to you and. Bro, three pesos and 20. Buddy, you started dancing like you've lived here

your whole life. She was like, I was like, I'm in. That first drink was so fucking strong. I had to water it down with the Aubergean drink. And then still I was like, whoa. Before I even got my second drink, I was tuned up. It was one of the most epic. Dude, you're a good dancer.

You know when you do an impression of the shower and you nail it and you try to do it again, it's gone? That was that. I'm not a good dancer. In a moment, I was crushing it. Do me a favor, cut the video of him dancing in. And then I cut, I literally pulled back on the American flag waving. It's one of the best moments of my life. I'm dead, I was fucking twisting her. Dude, I went dipper and you went boom on the one of the best moments of my life. I was fucking twisting her. Dude, I went deeper and you went boom on the end of the song and I panned to the American flag.

First night. Dude, when I twirled her, the smile on her face, it was almost like, let's go. Oh, all right, let's go. It was great. Oh my god, wild. That was the first night, insane. Cause I even told the guy when he dropped us off,

it's like, all right, the show ends at 11. I'll be here at 11. But we got dropped off at nine or 8.45. And I was like, hey, we might only be here for an hour. So don't come back. Cause I don't know, the range here is too wide. The other place we're having dinner, this is the range is massive.

So I don't know. And he goes, it's all right,'ll come out of the lab. He kind of bullied us. We didn't, we wouldn't have even thought to leave before the end. It was so fun. 11.15. We left, as soon as it ended, we came out with everybody like a movie. And the place poured out like in fucking Godfather when they left the Cuban Hotel Nacional. And then we came out, he's waiting for us, we get in the car, he drops us back off where he picked us up at the San Francisco dock.

And you, you were like, let's not go back. We wound up walking around. So yeah, he dropped us off right there. Which was another moment where I was like. But we're back in the yellow zone. We're in the yellow zone, but we're on the edge of the yellow zone. And also, let's just do circles, so we're close.

We did a bunch of circles, but at night, the yellow zone becomes the dark zone in your brain. It registers as dark. It registers as dark. But it's not. Yeah. It's not, but it does. God, that was so fucking fun.

So that's day one. Day one. Day two. I don't remember day two. I do. Because I'm like, let's go to Vinales. Possibly Vinales. It's where all the nature is. We can go to a cigar plantation.

Get the non-banded these that we end up getting. But the non-banded cigars that you really want, which are just. Cheaper, same cigar. Tell me if I'm wrong. It's the guy who works, the roller that works at the cigar real place, Monte Cristo or Hoyo or wherever,

taking tobacco from the place. So it's the actual roller, it's the actual tobacco, and he's just doing it at home instead of there. So really no difference in the thing and sell it to you for a quarter of the price. I'm pretty sure that's bullshit. I mean, I've heard it, every blah, blah, blah. The guy will take you to a room.

So what are these then? I think these are just unbanded cigars. They're not in the factory. So no markup yet? You ever go to Tampa and they're rolling cigars, Cuban cigars? It's that. These are delicious. They're fantastic. Tobacco from here,ars, it's that. These are delicious, they're fantastic.

Tobacco from here, yeah. It's tobacco. Well rolled. Well rolled by a professional guy who knows how to blend, but it's not aged, it's rolled and sold. Like when you get a box of cigars, that was aged for a certain time, the boxes were put away for a little while. That thing was made months ago, maybe years ago.

You know what I mean? So it's a different smoke. Cigars, like wine, you have to age them. You know what I'm saying? These are rolled. See how mushy it is? Rolled. Rolled and sold.

A good cigar, you got me into it. You're the cigar guy. Should say this too. A good cigar is tight and as it gets in, it gets mushy. It starts to get soft. It heats up. The moisture, the heat. Yeah.

But the cigars you bought. Oh. Were. Yeah, we smoked them. Well you did, yeah, you smoked, I mean. Well, it became a necessity because of day two. Day two. So we wake up, day two we're like,

hey, we wanna go to Vinales. We don't wanna just go for the, they have these day trips. Wake up at seven, go there, come back by six. And I're like, hey, we wanna go to Vinales. We don't wanna just go for the, they have these day trips. Wake up at seven, go there, come back by six, and I was like, hey, we wanna go hiking, we wanna do some nature, we don't wanna stay in Havana for six days. It's too long. It's nothing to do, nothing exciting.

So like, let's leave for a night. So like, hey, why don't we go there, get a hotel there for the night, come back, do more hiking, come back the next day. I don't wanna do the zip line, I will do the tour of the cigar plantation. Show me how they roll. Take lessons in rolling. Yeah. Some nature walks. Yeah. All that cool. Yeah. The jungle a little bit. Yeah. And then, oh, just so you guys know,

there's a hurricane coming. No. Just so you know, there's a tropical storm coming. Tropical storm coming. You might not want to do it. It's going to hit Vinales. It's going to go right over Vinales. What is it? Vinales. Vinales.

It's going over there, so you might want to go. Ah, fuck. We'll be like, eh. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah, well, maybe we'll still go. And then it goes, hey, it's been upgraded. To a hurricane.

To a Force One hurricane. And we're like, oh. And then. And right here, we're going to pause. We're going to go upstairs. Let's go upstairs. It's too loud out here. OK.

And it's blown out. OK. So OK. It's too loud out here, and it's blown out. Okay, so... Okay, so you know what we're doing now? Hurricane. No, the other one. I gotta get that up there. Two tries, two fails.

Okay, he goes, I'm like, oh well why don't we just go? The hurricane's hitting tonight. Yeah. Why don't we go to Vinales? Yeah. It's coming overnight. Yeah. So we'll just sleep out the hurricane. He goes, type one hurricane's nothing. Like first of all, we come from a place where there's no hurricanes. Type one hurricane is something. Yeah. It's going to be muddy. It's going to be very muddy. No, no, no. That's when we wanted to go afterwards.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, type 1 hurricane. And I was like, oh, OK, well, why don't we go there all day? And yeah, skank fest. And just sleep it out. Yeah. And in the morning, great. He goes, oh, those are wooden houses.

Because we got a sturdy, like, stone home here. You don't want to be there. And I'm like, ah, fuck. Okay, all right, so I'll tell you what, and then we still had hope. It was like, Wednesday morning, the hurricane's gonna hit Tuesday night. Wednesday morning, if it's done early enough,

let's get up and go. We got the whole afternoon of Vinalis, come back Thursday afternoon, we'll be fine. Well don't forget Tuesday, we had to run around and get supplies. Well, cause, right, cause he goes, hey, we're going to lose power. There's no chance we don't.

Yeah. It's moved up to force three, which actually is worrisome. I don't know if it's force three, cause that sounds like an Avengers team. It does like force three it's Category three. Mm-hmm. Not force three not to correct you on your own podcast. It's category three category one category two and

Then category three and then when it goes to a five, it's force five It is a force five I'm gonna force field her on our friendship. I'm gonna force feed you my cock. Damn, that was quick. That was quick. Damn, I hated that. Dude, but here's the thing.

We were getting supplies. We had to go. We're like, let's get some bread, some cheese. There's no store. There's no grocery store that I know of. Turns out, when you want bread before a hurricane, you're not the only one with that idea. Dude.

We got these little loaves of little tiny mini buns. You're like, nah, I want the lighter ones. I'm like, dude, let's get bigger. He's like, nah, let's get lighter. I'm like, okay, I don't want to fight you. Let's just go. We go one, there's no bread. Like, let's go.

He says, let's look for cookies and stuff. Like, Bob, later, let's just go. We go one, there's no bread, like let's go. Well, he says, let's look for cookies and stuff. Bob, later. It's running out. Yeah, we didn't get, we got, you came back with literally half a block of cheese, right? You had a half a block of cheese. Yeah. And then you had, I was getting queso,

and you're like, I got it you you come in cheers you come in Hey, I was like case. Oh, no, I want to say you come in Yeah, you come in. Oh, but one more one more. No, no, it's great. Yeah, you come in. Yeah and get You like you don't need it. I got but I did get ham screw-up my my my Dude, that's a great my great my, my fatness. Dude, the ham was a great, a great purchase. Buddy, I got ham steaks. We're in this little tiny store.

I had a- Ham steaks? I was like, where did you get upscale stuff? Dude, we had a, I had a wait in line. So I'm waiting in line outside the store. Everybody's waiting in line. When I go in, it's my shot. You're nowhere to be found.

No. I know queso. I don't even know him. So I'm pointing at shit. I said, I said, I'll look in here, you go to the corner, because the second I said his corner, but I'm like, there might be someone here. I was like, ah, nah.

I was like, and he's like, what, what, what, and I'm like, can I see Queso? And he goes, yeah, I'm like, yes, fucking sweet. And I'm like, cut me off, and he goes, it's this much per whatever. I was like, all right, half his block. And he cut it, and then it was like, he gave me the price, and it was like 3,400.

I'm like, oh no, no, no, no, no, I didn't want that much. And then, like, all right, $11, yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I actually, yeah. Fuck, that's right. Buddy, we went around.

I went down the street looking for you, I was like, you're not in the corner. I was like, where the fuck is Bobby? I went in the corner so I could look that way, that way, that way, and back that way. I'm like, I can't find Bob. And I'm like, you can't contact him. I have no cell reception.

Nothing. So I don't even know how to say, and we're in the midst of needing groceries badly. And I'm like, fuck, fuck. I walk back to, I see you in a store buying a block of cheese that I just found. I was like, no, no. The guys are like, hey, one at a time, because they don't want to run.

And I knock and I was like, it's my friend, it's my friend. And I was like, no, no, we got cheese. And you go, no, I'll get more. I'm like, bro, you have no idea how much I got. Black it off. I did buy a little piece of cheese. I bought ham, cheese, what else did I get? I got something else.

You got something else in there. I forget what else I got. It wasn't bread. No, it wasn't cheese. I bought ham, cheese, what else did I get? I got something else. You got something else in there. I forget what else I got. It wasn't bread. No, it wasn't bread. We just bought cookies. You got peppers.

I got peppers. We got cookies, 30 cents. $1.50, $2.50. It was something else. I should have bought the sausage. That looked good too. But anyways, we were going around all day for supplies. Getting supplies for this force field three that was coming.

It's a good way for psychogeography is needing supplies for a disaster. Yeah. For an impending disaster. Oh yeah. It is a good way to force you to look around the city. Force you to actually figure shit out. Because there was nothing.

Because we went to one bakery and we're like, they don't have it. And we're like, where's the nearest bakery? Well, it's 15 minute walk. Like, well, let's walk it, because we gotta go. There's no like, do it later. Yeah. And it forced us to, all of a sudden we were looking around

and found a bunch of other shit around. Hey guys, do me a favor, cut out him in the background and anything, not because of, just because people get in trouble. Right. But anyways, we found it, got back here. Found it. We found a bunch of shit.

We had to get candles, couldn't find candles. Vettis, Linda worked for that. Vettis. Now in there. Vettis? Found the candles. We found... If that was a dog that was gonna join us, you don't have to cut him out.

We had to find all this shit. And we got all our supplies and we came back. What's about, and you know what's cool too, cause when we were leaving, the guy who owns a, a d*** owns the casa. He was like, listen, if you... The guy who owns the concert. I got it, I believe it.

Was like, hey, can you please, if you see this, please get me candles, we need candles. Yeah, I was like, what can we get you? Also, Bobby, you're like, hey, can you... I mean, he's bastioning up the forest. He's bringing, all this stuff had to be brought in. It's like, there's a hurricane. This whole thing was gone.

He built up this beautiful thing two weeks ago. Because we gotta get it. He's like, okay, we gotta bash it. We gotta get the blocks for the door. We gotta like, everything. And you're like, hey, can you see if we can, like what's the, I need, you're just asking for shit. Asking for hotel shit.

And I'm like, bro, bro, bro, he's trying to save his family. Yeah, now, first of all, they go through this all the time. Second of all, he's like, yeah, this is what we do. This is what we do. That's your panicky mode. And second of all, third of all- No, no, no, we're not asking for fucking, where do we get bread? You're going, hey, lady, do you think you can arrange

a tour for us? I need a massage. Can we get a massage later? And I'm like, bro, bro, leave him alone. So I was like, hey, we're going out, where can we get, can we find anything? You didn't say that, I said that. You didn't say that.

No, I said what do you need? Don't make yourself the fucking hero. No, I said what do you need? I said what do you need? You did not. I said what you need. He told me candles. I'm the one who said we gotta get him candles.

You didn't think about it. Show him the tape. And now do another Glassman thing where you just show Bobby, I don't know, doing something stupid. Find something him doing something stupid. Oh, fuck, I just got caught in the chair. See, you didn't do it at all.

I apologize. No, this is a Glassman thing. But I have Glassman on, I'll do this more. Don't do any of that. Yeah, but look at this. Anyway, so we got candles. You're combining two situations, by the way. One hurricane, two situations.

No, you're combining two situations. We needed. One hurricane, two situations. No, you're combining two situations. We needed like toilet paper or water or something. And you know what we got? Damn it. You're combining toilet paper, we needed something for the house. It wasn't the massage. And I was like, we should get the, and you're like, he's busy. I'm like, dude, we just, we need it.

And you're like, here's your problem. We don't need it. You're aggressive. You're like, aggressive with going into places you shouldn't go. But when you need, but when you're in your thing. It's like, go ask him for this thing. I'm like, can you just put this kid right now?

When you need like, toothpaste or something, or you need like, toilet paper. He's with this kid. It's like, dude, just knock on the door. And get what you need. He's bathing his infant, I'm not gonna bug him. And you're like, trust, just knock on the door and get what you need. He's baiting his infant, so I'm not going to bug him. And you're like, trust me, as a father, he hates his kid the way I hate my kid.

This guy would bug us. Bug him? He would not bug him. He would just take care of it. Man law. Anyway, and he's like, forced it. He's like, thank god you didn't go to Vinales. Well, no, you're going past everything.

Cause it was going right over Vinales. And here's the thing. Yeah. Nice. Here's the thing. Yeah. Fucking... It's like everything's held together by the end days.

What happened the next day, we woke up the next day and we were walking around, nothing. No rain, cloudy, spurts of rain. We're sitting there like- Wait, I thought it'd be passed by now. We didn't understand what was happening. I didn't understand the- we had no radio. Which day did it hit? We had no communication, internet's gone.

Cause you spent one whole night when it was about to come. It came Wednesday night. It came Wednesday. Came Wednesday night. Day though, when it came it was daytime, cause we could see it, we could see that roof almost blow off, I have a video of the thing pulling. It came in the morning.

That roof will be gone. That 50-50. Pulling it came though in the morning Pull that video on the morning Wednesday morning Tuesday night. We thought it was hidden That's what I like if it's Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday day. We were walking around getting supplies. We were in the courtyard going going Shit, we say what let's no no, but before it's like it's gonna start any minute and Like let's get the umbrella out and kiss starts pouring Yeah before that full hurricane comes and then we just sat there outside smoking cigars and having a good time, talking to the Romanian lady. Also staying here.

We were walking around. Like it's not, this is nothing. Oh yeah, it was that night. It was that night that we thought it was. We had food, she came out, the lady, the other lady standing in the cut, she came out, we had cheese, she brought salami. Oh, we had a whole party.

We had a whole party. We had a whole party out on the on the USA charcuterie in Spanish Charcuterie. Yeah, he's on a toki. Mommy is among the best in the world. I get I get American Yes, because you eat over processed, shikky food in America. Yes, that's true. Thank you. So, we had a party Tuesday night. Out here on the, downstairs on the...

You loved that? Yes. You loved that night? Buddy, here's why I loved that night. Drank some beers? Because everybody was forced to be friends. That's the part I love. That you, bad things are coming.

It's like when you're, I remember being, when the iPhones first came out, and you had to wait in line for the iPhone. I always loved it. I woke up at five in the morning in San Francisco to get an iPhone 3, because you're waiting in line with everybody else, it's dark out, and you become friends.

Because you're just there. And as soon as you get your iPhone, you're like fuck, I can see, I'll never talk to you again. But that night, that's what happened. We all came out, she came out, everybody brought a little something. All the restaurants were closed. We're like, let's go to that one restaurant,

let's stay around here. Let's go to the other place one night, because the next night, we're not gonna be able to get back in time, but let's stay around here in case it starts pouring immediately, we one night because the next night we're not gonna be able to get back in time, but let's stay around here in case it starts pouring immediately. We're gonna need to run home. So the place we were suggested.

Everything closed. They shut the door in our face. You're forgetting this. What? Did we say? One nothing. Nope. Oh shit. You're forgetting this is that we were like,

it's not even really that bad. Let's go walk to the water. Let's walk to the water. So we walked all down to the Amada Con. The morning of. This is Wednesday morning. The morning of. Tuesday night we hung out here. We went out walked around went to a hotel for breakfast because it was the only place open. It all shut down the night before I was like nothing will be open the day of. One hotel, the hotels had breakfast. You're like you can't go in there. I go yeah you can't you need a hotel. Walked in in you stay in here nope want breakfast got

a conversation with a guy on the way there that was trying to hustle me you walked off he goes I walk off this is the thing with him man your friends angry huh yeah that's what he said yeah I'm not angry I just don't want to fucking I told them I can't communicate I know I'm like we're just trying to walk around you're right I can't communicate so it's gonna be it's gonna be if I could speak Spanish I would talk to him I'm like no we're just trying to walk around. You're right. You're right. I can't communicate. So it's gonna be, if I could speak Spanish, I would talk to him. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. And then I start turning to Mexican.

No, no, no, no, si, no. Gracias. Por favor, no. So I just walk away. I got into a great discussion with him. I was like, hey, we're just trying to walk today. He told me about a place, a forest place that we could go. He goes, they have bars.

I'm like, nah, we're just really just trying to walk. We're not trying to go anywhere. He goes, all right. I was in the hotel restaurant getting coffee. Before that even. You were just throwing around. Before that, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we saw the archeological site

of where the old seawall was, all coral. Yeah. We're gonna do a great discussion about Yankees. The guy was over here from, he's like, Yankees? I'm like, yeah, he's like, I like the Yankees too. Remember El Duque? I'm like, yeah, dude, El Duque was great because he's's from here in English or Spanish. I don't know. I don't remember I think it was Spanish. It might have been probably was just having I'm just saying I'm not trying to say you were fucked up

Yeah, I'm just trying to say I got a nice discussion with you did we talked about Levon Hernandez I'll do get it. They were like brothers and then he told me goes the sucky thing is I just when you do that Yeah, and you're talking, I feel like the fat chick. I'm just like this. See, I don't know shit. You know what, that's a good... One nothing.

No, it was late. No it wasn't. That's a good before you said one nothing. Okay, alright, I'll give it to you. Don't give it to me, I got it. Alright, whatever. It's not whatever, you cheated. It should be on you, the way you act.

He said, everybody who's successful here leaves. It's not whatever, you cheated. It should be on you, the way you act. He said, everybody who's successful here leaves. And I was like, well, they're baseball players, they can't, he goes, no, no, no. Cause I was like, you have baseball players so much. He goes, no, doctors leave, academics leave. And he goes, that's why we're fucked. Cause the best of us who would help us whole country, they take off.

Yeah, it's like Buffalo. We don't lose any of the poor ones. Nothing on that. I mean, you're not even listening. That was a good one. How's it off. Yeah, it's like Buffalo. We don't lose any of the poor ones. Nothing on that. I mean, you're not even listening. That was a good one. How's it like Buffalo? Everybody who's good leaves. All out.

That was pretty good. It was pretty good. So anyways, after that, you're like, let's go walk up the seawall, the boardwalk, they call it. Back it up. We tipped the fucking guy at the buffet and he's the one who told us, yeah, I mean, yeah, it's luck. I guess.

Yeah. Then we got a full discussion fight. Because you coerced him. I don't think coercion is saying look at it. I gave him the two and he took it. And you were like. What about that one? What about that? And he's like, yeah. Oh, it's luck. No, he didn't say took it. And you were like. What about that one? What about that?

And he's like. Oh, suck. No, he didn't say good luck. He went, yeah. And then you're like, no, these are two dollar bills? No, he said luck. He said, it's worth it. Not after that.

And he's like, you were like, these are two dollar bills, right? And he went, it's good luck. It wasn't a coerce. It was a coerce. I just made him notice. 100% coerce. It wasn't a coerce. I just made him notice. Making% coerce. It wasn't a coerce, I just made him notice.

Making somebody do something. I said, look at that. As coercion. But if you would tuck in a hundred in there, and he just took it like a one. He would have lost his mind. I'm just saying this. If there was a one, a hundred, and a one,

and he couldn't see the hundred, to point out the hundred, is that coercion? Yep. Then we have a different version of coercion. Well, you're cool. My version is actually English major coercion, and your is some made-up thing that it come from a Boston My mind straight street coercion So we're walking along the seawall

It's pretty it's pretty it's pretty no one's out there The Molly Kong it's cloudy a little windy not can see some of the waves hitting the fucking thing. Not even bad. There's a sea wall along the Malecon. We were walking to the hotel that The Godfather was filmed in, which is a far walk. Hotel Nacional. Hotel Nacional. That one I don't mind fucking playing because everyone's going to go there if you come here.

We were walking there. That was our goal. Let's walk down to that, check it out. Along the sea wall, 35, 40 meters. It's on its way. It's not here yet and That's when we saw what I could only say is a general in the army with a bunch of guys a Bunch of army guys and then a regular guy And he literally looked at us

Whispered something angry to a guy in plain clothes, and then that guy comes over and said, what, I forget what, I'm not, can't get me. That guy said. He said, in Spanish, something about the notice for the cyclone, they don't call it a herd, it's a clona, and I thought he meant, you didn't get the notice, There's a cyclone coming. Yeah.

And I was like, okay, we'll go to the house. He goes, yeah, go to the house. And then we walked inland. It was illegal. I thought we were getting arrested. It was illegal to be on the beach. Like, oh, that's why no one's here. Nobody's there.

It is illegal to be by the beach at that point. We saw that Medusa statue. Yep. That was cool. And that Medusa statue? Yep. That was cool. That was a general. We just got pulled by a fucking, a guy with literally fruit salad on his chest. He goes, you didn't get the notice?

I'm probably the way, broken spanner from my farm. I mean. So, you didn't get the notice? I'm like, what? I thought he was trying to shake me down for money. All right, good. He goes, are you crazy?

Get off the boardwalk. There's a cyclone. Yeah. And then, Little cars. And then, There weren't? Get off the boardwalk. There's a cyclone. Yeah. And then, uh. Little cars. And then, uh. There weren't even cars coming.

We had to take a left. So we took a left back into the, the hood. Into the hood. Ready to go to the hood. And then we were walking through the hood. We're going home and Ari wants to walk through the ghetto. Right? Yes.

I mean, the depths of it yeah it's crazy here the way there's Mercedes Benz's around and no crime how could you do this what we see on the ground oh god I mean we saw a lot of things on the ground here. A lot of trash, a lot of shit. And then we saw, I believe, a devil head. It wasn't quite a goat, but it also wasn't quite not a goat. It was a goat head with horns. The horns is what fucked you up. Look like a little devil.

Just the head. Just the head. On the street. You're like the gutter. Oh, a goat head? What is it? Is it a goat? Wow. Just the head. On the street. The gutter. Go ahead, where's the baby goat? Well, there you go. That's the last people that walk through this fucking neighborhood, Ari.

We're done. Unsettling, I would say, seeing that. Unsettling. Dogs weren't even eating it. Dogs are everywhere, by the way, in Cuba. Little ones. Little ones. And then we found this bar.

So you like cigar bar. And we went in, we sat down, we got a couple little mini ones, we got a box of minis. Quince, only for quince. Quince? I thought it was gonna be 15 each. And I was like, these are 15.

And then he's like. 15 for the box. Great. Little tiny cigarette box. Little minis. This is? Monte Cristo's. No, Cohiba.

Cohiba's. Cohiba's, little minis. Those are great. And then we lit up right there on the restaurant. He's, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cohibas, little minis. Those are great. And then we lit up right there in the restaurant. He's, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're like, oh, sweet. He was cleaning ashtrays right there. I pulled one over.

Yeah. He goes, whoa, what are you doing? I was like, a cigar bar. Yeah, he goes, no, no, no. We're like, can we smoke? And he's like, they took a minute, like, all right. And they go, bring them upstairs. There's a cigar lounge upstairs,

like a private, insane cigar lounge upstairs. And you told us? We can smoke up there. We format upstairs. Yeah. And we go up there. First of all, we had to walk through a sauna. Out of that hallway was 170.

It was like, you start pouring, it's like, we're in it for a minute to get up, not a minute, get another minute 15 seconds Yeah, I was soaked and then we get up there It's just me and you in the cigar lounge that like like rich dudes are at assumption It was a weird little cool spot and the Fidel everywhere and Fidel che Everybody so we sat down we smoked they brought us coffee. They brought us agua I mean he was waiting on us. It was fucking awesome

It was awesome just me and you and this little inside of a thing in the hood That's why like it was so that was the day where I was like, you know what? No tourists were in there. There was a family downstairs Some were you at the restaurant in the sauna? It was a bar restaurant and then upstairs in the back, way in the back was the cigar lounge. That you would even never know it was there. I wouldn't be able to find it.

You could tell me where it is and I wouldn't be able to find it. In fact, when I went to the bathroom, I got lost way back. I was like, I wouldn't. Gave him a two. Gave him a two? No, nothing. Zip. Lugats. Nothing.

And then, and then we walked back. Through the houses, I wanted to stay in Badando and you were like, it's not a good idea. And then when we got here, it goes, no, that's too authentic. You'd get, it wouldn't be great. Oh yeah, that was where it was. And we were halfway to Badando there.

It would have sucked over there. This is where you stay. You stay in Havana, stay at a casa. I would stay at this casa every time. This is the best. This little block. I would say if you want the feel walk from

Oldtown But on this side not on the fort side on the other side of the of it stay there walk to Hotel Nacional. Yeah along the mother cone. Yeah, we did walk back through the hood Well, I'm going through the back through the hood. Daytime. Daytime, do not do nighttime. So you're headed back towards good. They don't really bug you until you get past the American theater. Once you get into the touristy part,

where the hotels are, that's when they start hitting you. More annoyance, less danger. Yeah, see, see. And then, then we went back to the, here, and it was time to batten down the hatches, cause it was coming. And when it's, I mean, when it started to come, bro, that's when they said, you know,

you can't be on the streets. Yeah, he goes, yeah, as soon as we got back in here, Yeah. the guy was like, oh, they just gave an order. Yeah, order. Actually, you're not allowed to be on the streets. Can't be on the streets. So we had a, we had a hunker down here, electricity was gone, AC gone. Yeah, at some point the electricity goes, ooh. Yeah. Order. You're not allowed to be on the streets. Can't be on the streets. So we had a hunkered down here, electricity was gone, AC gone. At some point the electricity

goes, ooo. Done. And I was like, did they shut that off or did it go off? It went off. Because the wind was already kicking. I think they shut it off. He said, at first he goes, I think they shut it off. And then later radio report, because Wi-Fi went off, but he saw data for a bit, and the data went off. Then he couldn't access his phone. And he goes, we just turned on the radio on batteries. It turned into the 1950s like that. Bro, coming up these steps and being up here,

the wind up here was fucking kicking. I was scared. We had to tie up that water thing, because that might come down, that rope we put up there Yeah, that roof That was ripped. We're seeing pictures of a car. I'm like that ain't gonna be here It was pretty bad. Oh, yeah

That guy's gone. Those ones in the corner have a chance. These up ones don't. That one's gone. Look out. Watch out. in the corner have a chance these up ones don't that one's gone look out watch out i mean okay we're in the eye of the hurricane right now sorry holy shit nobody's out nobody's out because it Because the hat can't be. All right. Whoa. And then we didn't have electricity. They were like, be careful because something's going to fly. If that roof went up, it would start flipping and cut your head off.

Cut your head right off. If that water tank hit you, gone. Explosion of brain. This whole thing was empty. Everything was tied down. Downstairs in the little... Go a little of the steps and... Courtyard, everything's gone.

There's a car. There's a car. There's a car. There's a car. There's a car. There's a car. There's a car. There's a car. There's a car. There's a car. There you, gone. Explosion of brain. This whole thing was empty. Everything was tied down. Downstairs in the...

Go a little of the steps and... Courtyard, everything's gone. Everything's gone. Oh, but everything moved out, yeah. Yeah. And then we kind of spent the night in like the little alley back there. With the rain in. There's something about this particular house that guarded it from the worst of the storm. If you were closer to the ocean, because he was calling when he saw data,

he goes, how is it there? They go, it's real bad here. 15, a kilometer and a half. Kilometers, yeah. Closer to the thing, they're like, it's real bad. Here was like not so bad. And in the courtyard, it was guarded from the wind. He left his door open.

I mean, they boarded our, in our room, they boarded my, we had water coming in your room. Water coming in. Water coming in my room through the AC. I had to put socks in the outside. On the outside. Yeah, I did. It was getting.

Just make shit, and you're like, why don't you ask him for tape? I'm like, dude, fuck, shut, you're sitting there smoking one of those Monte Cristo's or those Coibas. Go, ask him for tape, go on, just get tape. And I'm like, it's getting so annoyed because it's one thing I love,

is when you're doing something and someone who's not doing it is telling you how you're doing it wrong. One thing I hate is when you watch somebody doing something wrong. And they can just do two seconds, go, you got tape, yeah, see, and then tape it, and then you set it.

It's raining, pouring rain on me, I'm trying to fucking sop it up. Tape would've worked. Now I get, phew, phew, phew, p rain on me. I'm trying to fucking stop it up. Tape would've worked. Now I get, good tape, bro. Tape would've worked. This worked. He had tape, you could've just got the tape. This worked.

It worked okay. Tape, it worked completely well. Stopped the leak. Ha ha ha ha ha. And the plastic bag. And the plastic bag also. Tape would've worked great. It would've pulled off

because tape doesn't cool great in water. No, it would've stayed have stayed stayed on wood and dirt. It wasn't dirt is it's disagree Hard disagree. I'm sorry nailed it. So I agree to disagree nailed it. You didn't nail it. It stopped it stopped It stopped it the rain went harder and the leak went lower. So did my attempts Assist in the stopping of the leak? You're a fucking leak. You're Brett Leak, dead comedian with cerebral palsy. Not cerebral palsy, what did he have, Brett Leak? He had muscular dystrophy. He had a great joke, he goes,

I have muscular dystrophy, and somebody goes, I have, oh, he goes, I have MS. And like, oh, muscular, no, no. Oh, he goes, I have a muscular dystrophy. He's like, oh, MS, like dystrophy. Duh. You had another one too. That had nothing to do with that.

He spoke about it for like four minutes, and then like, because he came out like all this, and he goes, they want, I gotta say something. It was like my first MC gig was with him. And he goes, they gotta say four minutes and then move on to your observational stuff from before you got this degenerative disease. But he goes, the other one was,

I saw a Goodwill van go by. And he looked at this Goodwill van and he goes, I gave a pair of pants. Who gave a van? I did a show with a kid. He was the middle. It was a black room that was trying to get other comedians to come in.

I forget where the fuck it was, somewhere in the South. I show up, there's maybe 15 people there. All white people, all white kids, guys, coming to see me, and then a black couple that fucked up. And then the middleer, he had MS, and the host was this old black guy who just, he would be like, getting him to chant shit.

Oh, I forgot you do this in the middle of fucking conversations. I know, but I forget when you do a podcast with you, you always get up and check. Well, because it's a rocking chair and it rocked. Yeah. So it's not just. It's a metal rocking chair.

To get that to rock, you'd have to sit in it. It weighs 500 pounds. No, I saw it move. Oh, okay. Hey, can you play back now now the part where it definitely moved? The touristy part where the hotels are? Ah, hola. Hey, come to the...

What's up, buddy? What's up, smelly dog? So the host goes up. I saw him in the street. He comes running. I was like, that's the fucking dog. Can I finish my fucking story without you fucking sidetracking? The dog came, bro. It's true. You gotta get it. Right, here's a dog. So bro. It's true. He got a cat. Yeah, right, he's a dog.

So the black guy goes up, he's hosting, whatever, the kid goes up, his mom is in the front row to watch him, he's like, uh, I have, all that shit, right? The host goes back up and he goes, my impression, he says his name is Josh, he goes, my impression of Josh, uh, uh. He had to his mom. His mom is right there, she's like,

I'm on the floor, I'm like, I can't believe this fucking guy's doing that. So dude, that night, the hurricane night, no, you can't, I know everybody's worried about me. Dawn is fucking, I can't get in touch with her. There's nothing, there's nothing. There's no way to touch with her. There's nothing there's nothing There's no way to talk to anybody There's no internet. There's no you can't tell no electricity and you know, the only news reports are getting is there was a force three

Hurricane in the place where your friends are right and it wiped out the power Yeah, which is not a good sign not like I'm sure they're fine. We don't have power for two days, right? Two days, yeah. Two days no power, so we're in the complete darkness. The next night, the next day. Luckily, it was started daytime. So we had about four hours of no power, and heavy rain, and full hurricane. With at least some light, we had a sunroof in our place.

So it's like, all right, we can see some stuff. You were able to cook some things. Cooked, we cooked food. The gas was still on. Yep, we cooked a little food, we had our shit going on, but the next day. Hola, buenos dias. So the next day is when it got a little scary to me,

because water was running low, food was running low, we didn't. At some point the water just goes off, the running water. The running water's done, because it's water just goes off. The running water. The running water's done, because it's all in these tanks. Yeah. And this chick next door is talking, relax! Go ahead.

She's washing her dishes all day. She's taking full baths. I, chill out! She's taking full baths. Chill out! Go ahead. He said, you should be okay, because you have 12,000 BTUs or whatever the fuck. And he goes, it's just the three of you using it.

So you know, you should be fine for a few days. Just don't take crazy showers or anything. Just go rinse. I'm like, yeah, rinse and be done. That day! It's just like nothing. What? She's having water fights?

Still on balloons? She's washing dishes all day and all night. She did her dishes like five times. It's like, nah, it's not clean enough. She got her fucking, she's got germaphobia suddenly in the middle of this. She's taking baths. You look in her place.

She doesn't have a shower, she's not looking. She has a bath. I mean. Put enough water to drown in if you're drunk, and that's it. We had nothing. No water, no nothing. Our food was running low.

We're in, I mean, when, dude, when it gets dark here, it was, it was like the forest. Pitch black, plus cloudy because of the hurricane. It was, no moon, no night, complete darkness. We couldn't go out, we had to stay here. It was crazy, crazy, crazy. We're getting updates from the radio, here or there. Interesting how he said, how they handled it.

Because when we walked around, we're like, hey, these people aren't going to, like we're in a very fort-like place. There's water in the plants. Oh, I thought it was pissing. I thought it was pissing. I'm like, oh, you have a... I'm like, these guys have no chance. And he explained how it works with the evacuations.

He was evacuating, I'm like, to where? The theater across, the theater nearby. Yeah, they come in mandatory take people. Yeah, he goes, there's a Red Cross truck that slowly goes in the streets. He goes, they already have, they already know the addresses of stuff that has to be evacuated. And they go, you come, you come, and people get in there.

And I go, what if they don't? He goes, that's not the way to do it. And they go, you come, you come, and people get in there. And I go, what if they don't? He goes, that's not permitted because it's a police state. You just do. And he goes, also, you wouldn't wanna stay. You don't want a light drizzle, fucks up your home. A hurricane, you're like, help me.

Get me to a gymnasium. And a lot of these roofs are old, they leak. And some of them are open air. Yeah, there's just no window. Yeah, there's no wall on one side. Yeah. So it was interesting him going like, so how do you guys do it?

If you want to stay, you can stay. Why would you stay? I'm like, redneck. I don't know, I don't know. Because he didn't hit the last three times. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's American freedom. But it goes, if you say you won't,

it goes, and then a cop takes you. And I ask, do you have time to get your stuff? They go, oh yeah, yeah, it's very friendly. Yeah. Like grab some things, you know, let's get in the van, I'll take you to a nice safe place. They stored, they actually put people in the theater next door. So they do reports on deaths and stuff. One pregnant woman had to be rushed to the hospital and two old people were old people were injured. No deaths. No deaths. Zero deaths.

Zero deaths. As it hit this decrepit fucking crumbling city. So this is the wild part. The next day with no power was getting a little hairy. And then that night, it was another night, couldn't go out. But the storm had passed. The storm passed, but when the sun went down, and I said, I go, we were going to go walk around.

He's like, I wouldn't do that. Don't do that. He goes, when the sun went down and I said, I go, can we, we were gonna go walk around. He's like, I wouldn't do that. Don't do that. He goes, maybe the end of the block. Cause there was a building near here. There's a church down here that had electricity, a government building down here and a church up here. And they always have generators.

And during storms, they will, for money, let you charge your phone. They start selling their power. They start selling their power. It's kind of shitty, but also like, if they couldn't make money off it, why would they get the generator? So our plan, we're up here.

It's dark out. Me and him are up here. You're downstairs. We're looking out that way. At a, usually lights everywhere. I mean, we're on a roof. We're really above, we're at the highest level. I'm not there, but like, yeah, but just black.

It was black and we're sitting there all of a sudden, way out in the distance. It lit up orange, white, blue, green, just shot up into the air. Like an explosion? You heard this. Where he got so freaked out he would left. He came down and goes, I saw some crazy thing.

He goes, I don't feel right. Like that's unsettling. Crazy. I mean, I've never seen anything like it. It looked like somebody was shooting guns into the air at something or something blew up. And then we went on the map and we found out the electricity place, electrical, is that way.

Wow. And then we're all sitting here and we're like, we had this feeling, lights are gonna come on. We kept saying it. I feel like the lights are gonna come on. The lights are coming on. And then this building, lights went on the roof. There was one light on the roof

and then the whole top floor lit up. And then there was guys on the roof. There was one light on the roof and then the whole top floor lit up I didn't know those guys on the roof doing shit and then the whole top floor went off And it went back on and then went back on so light over here went on and you're like wait Did they have power like knows that one not that one? Yeah, and like oh, but then the horizon kind of lit up Like like Sun was coming up in a few hours. It was so weird in an hour was sitting here We're like I feel like it's coming back on. I've never felt something like that in my life where gratitude, it was like this,

all of a sudden the lights shot back on on this whole, all the lights came on. It was like, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba, on. It's, you ever have a turbulent flight? Yeah. And you land and people do clap? That was that sound. The city lit up. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, You got video of that? I got video of that. You saw it coming on. You were already taping darkness. I don't know if I got it coming on. I got it like a sec, like literally half a second after it came on. It was fucking wild.

We jumped up, got dressed. Yo, let's go, let's go. I wasn't even trying to do Spanish. We would just let, we ran to the street to go hang out. Oh, God. And we went down, down here, we took a right. Over here, we took a right, the thing wasn't open. We followed these people,

they were all heading in one direction. We came to the big courtyard over here. Plaza, Plaza Diego, I think. Plaza, yep, we come in there, it's lit up. There's a restaurant on the corner playing music. There's an Italian restaurant. Let's go celebrate with the city. Let's go. Let's go. We're all in this together now. And you're like, I'm like, this is great. Let's sit here. We'll listen to the music. You go, You're doing this. This is what you do.

Now it's not the vibe. It's not the vibe. It's not the vibe. They're playing like, like club music. Same vibe you had at the Buena Vista club when we came in and they were playing that music. You were like, this is not what I'm looking for. And you'd be like, what are you looking for? I can't explain it right, this ain't it. And then you were like, let's just go walk, we'll see. But we didn't realize that there was only this part of the city had lights. They do it by importance.

Yes. Of who gets back what. And this is the historical part of the city. And there's buildings here that are government owned. CNN is over there. So this part got electricity first. And then we're walking up the streets in complete darkness trying to head to, what's the place?

The Margarita place? La Florida Bar. You wanted to go to La Florida Bar. You wanted- I was like, if they're partying, that's where we want to be. The vibe is that, Cuban music. We need Cuban music.

I don't want disco, I want this vibe. And I'm like, and I made that thing. Okay, I'm going with you. I'm not leaving you hanging. I'm not making you do corny shit. Let's go. It was fucking terrifying. You couldn't see the hand in front of your face.

You couldn't see the hand in front of your face. You definitely couldn't see the poop on the ground. No. Which generally, you have to, you gotta walk down. There's puddles and there's poop. Generally, you have to walk down. There's puddles and there's poop. And you've got to walk with your face down. And goat heads.

And occasional goat heads. It's shit everywhere. I mean, you can't just walk. You have to veer around shit. People. I mean, it was terrifying. We'd pass an occasional group of people at tables outside, listening to music or something,

but in the dark or just kinda talking, but you didn't see them until you were about as close as I am to you right now. And then you're like, ah shit. Nobody fucked with us. Well, but here's the thing. No, one person fucked with me. I'm in my brain and he's like,

you don't wanna be out there. It's a rare place for you to be. You don't wanna be there at night. You don't wanna be out there. But that's when he said when there was blackout. We were in the fucking blackout. Then we did walk into the blackout. We walked into the darkness.

We walked into the blackout. Cause you were like, what's over here? At some point. And the walk from there to La Forita, Foradita. And we went the wrong way. Is fucking not a short walk. You know where we're going? I'm like, yeah, we're good then.

We didn't. We got there. I got us there. Yeah, we went around. Well, I got us there from where we were. Yeah. We didn't come back here. At some point, I realized, oh, actually, you're right.

We're going deeper into the darkness. I misunderstood what you said. All right, let's turn around. Here's what happens with me. When I get into dangerous situations, old Boston Bob comes out where I'm just like, fucking, I wanna fight, I'm gonna kill somebody. I'm not dying here, you ain't taking me.

Fuck this, fuck this. And you're still like, and we're kinda like, what the fuck, I'm getting annoyed. You're getting annoyed at my annoyance. Yeah, cause I was like, let's turn around, you getting annoyed. You're getting annoyed at my annoyance. Yeah, because I was like, let's turn around. You're right, this is actually bad, let's turn around. And then two minutes later, you're like,

this is fucking annoying, I can't fucking deal with this. And I'm like, no, bro, you had your chance. I said, let's turn around. No, no, no, hang on one second. You said, you're right, let's go. I said, no, I said we're too far towards the light. The light is that way, not that way. That's too far. Let's too far towards the light. The light is that way. Not that way, that's too far.

Let's just go to the light. Which would be this place that you said would be open. I assumed every place was open. Right, so I'm like, let's just get there. We're closer to there. I knew where we were, generally, that we'd go up here. But then we get to a park which was, during the day it's beautiful.

At night it's fucking, night of the living dead. And I'm like, fuck, and that's when I started, and then we started bickering a little bit, then it got tense. And then when we walked up to the square, this guy walks up to you, and I'm like, can you, I just left. By the way, it's not raining now.

It's not raining, there's no lights, which is worse. I'd rather have rain. I'd rather have a hurricane. Like it was dangerous and nothing happened, by the way. I'd rather have a zone five hurricane than complete darkness in a city like this, right? So. So you're screaming, I tried to get you like,

hey buddy, when I said we could turn around, that's your last chance to complain. And when you said no, that means we're in this together now. Yeah, but your tone, here's the thing. I have aggressive. Am I a c***? I have aggressive. Am I a c***?

Yes. Okay, man. This is what bugs me about passive aggressive people. Uh-huh. It's still aggressive. Yeah. It's worse. It's the best kind of aggressive. It's the worst.

It's a very unique kind of aggressive. It's good, but I'm not passive aggressive. You know the worst kind of aggressive? Patent aggressive, when Patton Oswald comes at you. Because he's not strong. No. And he doesn't know how to fight. No, he's very smart.

Patent aggressive. He's almost like a female. It's like, why would you do this, dude? This isn't your zone. Why would you stay aggressive, Patton? Worst type of a. Patent aggressive? Worst is patent aggressive. Why would you stay aggressive, Patent? Worst type of a... Patent aggressive? Worst is patent aggressive.

Second worst is passive aggressive. I said third is Sean Patent. That aggression is... Sean Patent in general. That's passive and aggressive. Mixed. No, Sean Patent aggressive is like, come on, just do a shot. I'm like, I'm already drunk.

Just do a triple shot of Jameson. So I'm already drunk, just do a triple shot of Jameson. So, I'm fucking like, we're so far away, and I know in my head we have to walk back through the darkness. So we find a hotel that is lit up, because they do have power. We go in the hotel, we're bickering, we're fighting. Like everyone assumed we were gay.

I didn't think of that until right now. You're trying to play it cool, and you're screaming at me. You're making them triangulate our location by your fucking bickers. Well, at one point you were like, dude, fuck it, we'll just go, we're done. This isn't fun. No, you walked in, this is what you said,

this really made me angry, is you walked in, you went, this isn't the vibe. Oh, because we walked in, there's a cigar bar upstairs. It was like, oh, a nice, beautiful lounge lobby. We were at the fucking place. We were there. And now we were in danger. It was sweltering heat.

We're in danger because of you. You came up with a great movie idea. We did. We have this fight in this cigar lounge that had no AC. We're sweating, you kept going, this isn't the vibe. It was like, Bob, I know you're mad at me right now. And I know this is going to be the last thing you want to hear. This is not great.

It's we're pouring sweat and we're sitting down. And then we started arguing, but the thing with you, you have that gene in you where you whatever, even if you're wrong, you'll apologize later, but you're gonna try to win the argument. Because you're, anytime, if you can, I'll let you win an argument, but if you say anything incorrect, I'm like, I gotta stop you right there.

Well, you didn't understand the situation when I was going through. You're like, it was dangerous? I'm like, what danger? We got here and nobody even tried anything on us. I don't know this. I don't know, I've know, here's the thing. They tell you in a regular night to be careful. Not in a blackout.

But we're in the zone. Of course, of course, of course. I didn't know, you're like, nothing was gonna be open. I'm like, how did you know that? Cause I know. I'm like, wait, you've been to Cube before during a blackout and knowing that there's only partial turn-ons and not more turn-ons?

He said that. He told us. He said they sometimes, he said this, two things. He said, they usually turn this part on first, right? And it's gonna go back out again. Guaranteed it'll flicker on and off. When we were at that. He did say that.

And so now all this information's in my head. All the, right? So now we're sitting there, and then at one point, you said, I go, I, you said, all right, you gotta calm down, buddy, or we can't do this. So I said, all right, and then you were arguing your point again, and I went, listen, if you want me to calm down, I just gotta sit

for a couple minutes. Without fighting. Without fighting, I can't argue your point, because I'm the same as you, You're arguing, I wanna argue back. It's escalating. I go, let me just sit for five minutes. You go, you went like this. Okay.

And we just sat. Well, a few times. You're like, let's just sit. And I was like, and I snipe. You snipe, you snipe. Yeah, but then eventually though. Because if you see a weakness. I snipe.

You snipe. So I was like, Ari. So we chilled and then literally under five minutes. Weakness. Yeah, when you think you're. No, no, no, weakness. I'm saying weakness. What?

One nothing. Ha ha ha ha. Self esteem. Yeah, you went after my self-esteem and you made me angry. The whole time you're playing, you're always on guard. Well, we played. How can I play? Thank you.

How can I play? I can either mumble, I can ask something. You did a lot of like, all right, all right, all right, all right. And I'm like, I bet you I'm like- That's fucking great. That was good. You know what it reminds me of? Huh?

Then you start going, excuse me. So listen So then we calm down everything's done. Wait, there's one thing I love about me and you Over like that. It's all you're like, hey, I'm used to danger. I've been beaten up before Yeah, I saw dangerous situation like my mind doesn't work. I go to a different mode Yeah, I said it's the same thing going like when I was in in Spain I told you this in Spain in, in Barcelona, looking for weed. We're on the touristy, also a little bit pickpockety area. I think Shane got robbed there actually

when he was there years before. Some guys are like, want marijuana? But he came up so fast, I was like, no, no, no. And then I'm like, fuck, I actually desperately need marijuana. But he scared me. Luckily, three minutes later, someone was like, want marijuana?

I was like, yes. I love it. The one thing that you have in an argument, when it's over, you'll have a good analogy to actually say, I understand what you're going through. And then we went downstairs, I bought beautiful cigars, these little cigars, and then we had to, we're like, all right, let's go. We're walking back to the car.

Before that, we were like, let's hop, hop, hop, don't leave the door yet. Let's plan it out, because I think it's this way, let's look again, we get through the door, and then I go to the car. I was like, stop, stop, stop, don't leave the door yet. Let's plan it out, because I think it's this way. Let's look again, we get through the door. And then I go, is the floor DT bar open? And the guy goes, they got power, but no. No, they wouldn't be open. I'm like, ah, fuck.

We walk to it. I'm like, how are you doing? He goes, I'm really tired, man. I'm like, oh, shit, I thought he was gonna be like, I feel great, we got power back. He's like, this ain't the first time. So we had to walk. But I said, hey, we're gonna go,

but if we see a light way, let's go the light way. The only light way we saw was the end of. Yeah, like, it's down there. It's this little yellow light. It's like you're looking through a pee hole. And we were walking and we just had to make it to the light. It seemed like forever. It was like a horror movie.

We had to make it to the light. Came up with a great movie idea. We won't say that because we want someone to steal it. Yeah. Copyright. Copyright. Copyright. And then we went, we went back to the original spot. And now, that a live band playing. Much like the first night. Yeah. That a live band playing.

So sometimes it's bad, but it might be good. Japanese analogy. Sometimes it's, is it bad or is it good? I don't know son, we have to wait and see. And if we had waited for five minutes, the vibe you wanted. I kind of hated that bar anyway, because it was like when I walked by before, before the blackout, before anything,

it was like, oh this is super touristy. Yeah, but it wasn't that night. It wasn't, it was anyone out, like something's open, let's go there and drink. And they had a... And then he just had to call the guy, like, hey, get down here. We're making money. So we'll play the radio until then. We'll play the Neptunes or some dumb whatever, some Bad Bunny.

And then it wasn't even Bad Bunny. It was like American like club music. What was that? Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit. What? What? What? The bird just got caught up on that wire. It was trying to fly off, and it was one nothing, one not.

Three? Wow. Did you hire a bird guy to have a bird do that? That's fucking nuts. I hope that bird dies now. Oh my God, it got caught around there, it was trying to fly, it was like, I had to go save it.

Whatever. See how fast I almost jumped up? Did you see that? Yeah, then we got there, I'm I'm like oh this is the vibe. This is the vibe. As soon as we got there you went this is the vibe. This is the vibe. Right? This is the vibe. Do you remember, I just remember one thing that we saw before we went because at the very end of that first block was it was pitch black. I was like let me just go to the block. And you're like, I don't want to go into the darkness.

This is before we went off into the fucking, into the warriors. I didn't want to go into the darkness. Yeah, and I'm like, I just want to go to the corner, like literally two doors down from where I get stuck, and just look both ways. And I did, but while I was going down there, saw a guy with an own dog, real husky,

and said, you know, Pachicho, come, come. The dog starts to walk, goes to one lady who's sitting there, lifts his leg, and just pisses all over her fucking leg. The whole rush went, no, no, no, no, no. And then this alpha dog just walked up to a lady and pissed right on her, and his owner didn't say shit. And then walked quarter block and then the dog attacked another dog

and then kept going, Jesus. But we stayed there. Some nice old lady. She was like 70. She took it too. She didn't even get, she just took it. And then we got fries, we had drinks, we smoked cigars. It was fucking exactly what we wanted to do.

We met A, which will take us into one of the last parts. A German guy goes, hey, are you guys staying here for a minute? Do you speak English? Yeah. And I was like, yeah. He goes, can you watch my drink? I'm pretty sure I went to C. I think I did too. And I was like, I don't want to admit I do speak English,

I want to practice Spanish. And he goes, I'm going to my casa. It's right here Can you watch my beer poured a beer? Can you watch it? Yeah for a second? Sure And he comes back. He was like, thank you. Appreciate it. He showed me the cigar. He got from vinyales Yeah, we couldn't end up going. Yeah, this is so well done only ten bucks We'll be 40 or 50 where I'm from where you from Oh near cologne. Okay, cool I was like, you know, you've been to Germany, yeah, Munich and Berlin, it's great, love it. And he goes, and you know, I'm like, America,

he goes, did you vote? I was like, dude, I'm not talking about the election, right, no, no, no, but, politics, no, no religion. I'm like, yeah, but I'm saying, me and my friend have now, at this point, three days after the election, when was this? Thursday night. Don't know.

We're trying to actively stay away. Still don't know. Still don't know. We don't know who won the election. It is Saturday. It's Saturday. And what helped was no way of communicating with the outside world.

The hurricane helped us. The hurricane helped us. The hurricane helped us. And he goes, yeah, what do you, I'm like, and he goes, well, I just don't do it. And we had to do it so many times, we were like, that's my most commonly used Spanish word. Yeah, that was a great night. The guy with the fucking wheels that thin

on the fucking 1974, I forgot the name of the car, they drove us to the beach. That guy, he was like, I don't know. I even said I'm from Canada. And then we went back to the Casa. I think we had cheese and crackers again. We had a little candlelight, no, we had lights that we had. Candlelight was the night before. You went to sleep eventually, and I came back,

like, drank another beer, came back. You went out? Oh, you went out again? No, no, no, the night, the hurricane ended during the blackout. And then we came back, I woke you up. It was a blackout. Hurricane just passed, we're like,

okay, it's getting lighter now. The eye of the hurricane passed just to the left of the front. They don't need to know this. Yeah, they do. They do. And you're like, I'm gonna go read. I'm like need to know this. Yeah, they do. They do. And you're like, I'm gonna go read. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have another beer with the owner. You know, I don't wanna like take off immediately.

No. Another beer, I get back. I did go read. Great, congratulations buddy. So we're in a blackout for, the last blackout was four days and it wasn't caused by a hurricane. No.

He was telling us, he goes, hey, the power went out, it's still raining, they actually can't even start the process of it. This one might be, and it's coming on the heels of the other one, this might be really bad. And I forgot to charge my power brick. Didn't charge your power, so that was a zero. Two of the power bricks out of three were not charged.

Very limited power. Very limited. I come back, you said, hey, when you leave, you had this little light that was slowly dimming and you get the light. I was like, okay, got that. I come back, you're asleep in bed with your phone, asleep in bed, your phone playing out loud

and with full brightness, Deadpool versus Wolverine. Two? Deadpool two. Was it two or three? I don't know, Bob, because I just wanted to shut it down. I'm not looking to see the fucking plot line at that point. I'm like, are you out of your mind? You're watching movies?

Bro, we need every ounce of it we can get. And you're watching films. I had hope. Not even original sequels. And I'm like, are you, what the? And I just turn it off. And you're like, what are you doing? I'm like, what are you doing?

What are you doing? He goes, well what are you doing? What are you doing? He goes, well, I didn't know I was gonna fall asleep. He's gonna fall asleep! I need things in the background to make me fall asleep. You and the chick, we come down, she's doing words with friends. Are you fucking out of your mind? There's no place to plug anything in.

She's taking baths, you're watching fucking Deadpool. It was a mistake. I turned my phone on for seven seconds to put it on low power mode and then turned it back off. Yeah, it was a mistake. It was a mistake. But then, the next day... Power's on now. You gotta give me credit. You gotta give me credit. You gotta give me credit for this.

You underpack, I overpack. I brought light. I brought freeze-dried survival food that with mac and cheese we ate. Oh god, that was great, because the gas did work. The gas worked. I brought, dude, I had everything

you could possibly want I had. We cooked the lobster that first day before it came because he was like, hey, the freezer's gonna go. Yep. You wanna cook it? Yeah. Bobby's like, I mean, I grew up in Massachusetts. I cook it, they're like sick.

Literally, the chick is a chef. Yeah. She goes, well, he grew up in Massachusetts. Yeah. Four lobster tails. She goes, I don't eat food. Okay, fine, so four between three of us. The host is just kind of like touching at it.

And you're not gonna eat it? He goes, I get sick for overcooked seafood. I overcooked it. He goes, no offense. No offense. But when someone says that, offense is coming. I overcooked it, here's why. And he goes, why didn't you say you wanna cook that way?

He goes, the guy said he's from Massachusetts and he grew up around lobster. I wanna be rude. You're supposed to cook it very short one goes, the guy said he's from Massachusetts and he grew up around lobster. I want to be rude. Double check. You're supposed to cook it very short, one sec, but here's the thing, I didn't want to, I wanted to, whatever was in it, I wanted us to not.

Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha. Ah ha ha ha. Where you going? See if that's on. Um, I wanted to, I didn't want to get sick. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You know what I mean? But, so yeah, the next day. Thursday. No, Friday, we already went through Thursday.

Thursday was the fight. Right. Friday, beach day. Beach day, gorgeous beach. We, dude, that was probably, every single day of this trip, we've done something epic. $40 round trip, which included, the round trip included, he left,

he told us what time, 3.30, okay, included the guarantee that he will come back. Pick us up. It's 2020. Yeah. And he goes, it's 15 if you just wanna go. If I gotta come back, and it's 40. You tell this guy to come,

that's the greatest part, transportation here. See? Bro, the... Okay. Today, a girl came, another girl came, at the exit, at noon. Bro, the... One hour? No, no, at noon. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. At noon. That's how the man comes in, at the right time. Yes.

What is it? Okay. What? One hour? One hour, we'll take out the suitcases. No, at noon, at 12, check out, and I keep the suitcases and they come and take the suitcases out. At the time my luggage. And he comes and takes it. And the luggage is gone. At the time he wants.

Ready. Now two, three. We gotta take our stuff out. At twelve. Oh, twelve. Ok, see. Thank you. We need a transportation to the airport.

Dude, he doesn't... No, they do it. Yeah, but he doesn't understand what you're saying. We'll get it. We'll get it later. We got it. Ok. Airport? No, saying. We'll get it, we'll get it. We'll get it later. We got it, okay. Airport? No, buddy, we'll do it later.

Drive to the airport? Si, un taxi aero puerto. Si. What time? 11. No. No, what time, two? No, one.

A la una. Una y media. Una y media. One. Not one. 115. Una y media. What's that? Una y media. What's that? 130. One, a media. Not one. One and fifteen. One and a media.

What's that? One and a media. What's that? One thirty. One? Si. One thirty. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Gracias. Gracias. I got there. You did. You do this fun thing where you learn one word and then you just scream it out to them. You're just like, whatever it is, you want to be like, hey, where can I hang up my hat? And you just go hat, hat, hat, hat, hat, hat.

And they're like, I don't, yeah, you have a hat. I talk to all foreign people like they're deaf. I'm like this. You actually got that one. So the beach was great. 15 bucks for the whole day. Such a, dude, the water here is like Aruba. It better, the sand was better.

15 bucks for the whole day for the guy who set up two lounge chairs, two chair chairs, an umbrella, whole day, 15 bucks. Coconut. But the guy who set up two lounge chairs, two chair chairs, an umbrella. Yep. Whole day, 15 bucks. Coconut. But the guys who come by with coconut, Con Ron, or not Con Ron. Yep. And then we got a...

This is the way Ron Bennington is named after an alcoholic Spanish drink. Con Ron? Ron. Ron. Mmm, maybe. It's rum. Maybe, yeah. Yeah.

He's doomed. He's from Tampa. He's really doomed. And he is Spanish. Yeah. Food. He ruled. And he goes,. Yeah. Food. He ruled, and he goes, let me know. I'll put it in your order.

Then I got a lobster. You got chicken, rice. He said, and vegetables? I'm like, no, no, don't take it. Put the vegetables. Yeah. Don't eat salad. Chip.

Don't eat any raw vegetables because it's been washed with the local water, which is the bacteria. And no fria. Fre, free, freon. No freon? Free. Don't eat freon? Don't eat ice.

Yellow. Yellow. No yellow. That was the first term I taught you, sin yellow por favor. Sin yellow por favor. God, that beach was fucking awesome. Dude, it was, I mean,

I could, if I came here with Donna Max, I would just go there every day. Yeah. Be on the beach, food, people. We were talking about capitalism too. And here's the thing, the people that come by, like usually at like Bahamas, they're aggressive. I heard Vedando beaches like that. Oh, well this beach was great.

They were not that aggressive. Occasional. Occasional. The guy with the hat came over. Some guys started playing music, a bongo and a guitarist. And I was like, no, no, I just want tranquila. And they came over. They played.

Yeah, they played. And then you escaped. I looked over at Bob. I was pretending to be asleep. But pretending so hard that I was like, he's there. I mean, as close as we are. So at some point, I was like, I'm actually worried. Because this is beyond reasonable act out.

I thought they were leaving and I looked up and you had them right in front of me playing to me. I mean screaming in my face their song. I put my hat on my table, my chair. He starts looking at it. He said something about the hat. I was like, oh, it's a hat. He's wearing one of those DC hats or whatever. DG. DG, yeah. And he keeps saying something about the hat. And I thought he was joking. I couldn't quite understand it.

And then it hit me like, oh, you want a chain? You want a Cambio? Right. And he goes, yeah, I'm like, oh, you just like gray? I had a Foundation Cigars hat. Yeah. I don't wear hats. I have my Yankees hat.

That's the only one I need. So I brought a lot of stuff here to throw out. Right. Gift of goodwill and whatever. And I was like, all right, yeah, sure. I mean, this is the only day I was gonna use it. I didn't use it the whole time anyway. I was like, sure.

You changed hats with it, too. Combio. It's great. He was putting it on, his hat, so fucking sweaty. He loved his new hat. He loved his new hat, bro. He loved it. Yeah, the water. I was like, yeah, I'll change with you.

The water was great. I mean, it was such a great... They put a table right in front of us. They come out with the table. Fork and knife, yeah. Almost like a four-star restaurant. Yeah, when the food came. Even though the table was a half a star. The table wasn't great. It was dirty. It's a dirty table. Yeah, but fuck all that. It was fantastic.

We were talking about the idea of capitalism, too, that would ruin this ruin this then turn it into Verdano or turn it into a ruba like hotels Everywhere and nothing if they take the sanctions off America is gonna come in here Full force and that beach ruin the Marriott's More accessible to more people but less valuable to a smaller amount of people the ones that go there I just don't know I think it would still be good for the people here because they would make more money. But- They would make money. You ruin a natural place for the sake of more money for some. Every person over here or over there-

Only- No, it'd be outside investors making the money. Yeah, no, but there would be jobs. There'd be jobs. And they'd be making dollars. There'd be jobs. There'd be dollars. Yeah, they'd be getting tips. They'd be getting paid a lot of money. Maids, chefs. I heard Veradondo Beach is like non-stop hawkers. Yeah. Non-stop buggers. Yeah, this was not bad. I mean, there was a lot of money maids Chefs I heard very dondo beaches like non-stop hawkers. Yeah, not stop buggers. Yeah, this was not bad

I mean there was a lot of them but not yeah, they wouldn't they know and they just keep moving and I was like How much for the room? Yes, you called the guy back he was offered you fake cigars a fix shitty for his cars and Be like I might get these like you already have these are fake ones and. And you're like, how much was it? You're like, 10 pesos. I'm like, oh, 10 pesos. Because I bought a 20 peso hand rolled, like a bodega cigar. I was like, oh, for 20 pesos, let me try it. I got nervous, same thing, I got nervous.

I was like, I saw 20 and I kept walking. You were like walking back from the Hotel Nacional, whatever, and I saw it, I wanted to stop. You're going, I'm like, wait, and I, oh, hold on a second, I think I want to get those. Because it was in the house of a woman. And it was only 20, I'm like, wait, Bob, hold on a second, I think I wanna get those. Because it was in the house of a woman. And it was only 20, I'm like, that's cents, it's only cents.

30's a dollar, so we're talking about like 70 cents, I think. No, $300, so it was like 15 cents, whatever it is. And I was like, yeah, let me get one. And then, but I had to stop, walk, and come back again. And those were 20. These are 10? And I was like, you know, like, yeah, it's 10 pesos. I go, 10 pesos? That's like six cents.

And you're like, oh, who cares if they're fake? Like, here's a 10. And the guy's like, $10. What the fuck are you doing? It's 10 bucks. And you're like, oh, I thought it was pesos. He goes, how could you think it's pesos? You can't buy a bottle cap for a fucking 10 pesos. And you're like, oh, well, I don't want it.

Here's how you get rid of them, though. But he wasn't like to. If you don't want the cigar guys bugging you on the beach, just have a cigar. Because they know you got them. You already bought them from somebody else, or you have them, you're not going to buy them. Yeah.

God, that day ruled, drove back, almost hit a few people. Oh, that car. It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah god that day ruled drove back almost hit a few people. Oh that car It's crazy. Yeah. Yeah, we got back we went Got a little Little food a little coffee. I want bond bond Coffee bonbons are great. Happy bonbon is my new favorite coffee, by the way anywhere that has it We did not enjoy this place. We did that and then we went back got dressed. I bolted to try I was like, I want to find a case of those. How happy were you to not be, to be alone? Oh great, because I made a hard line.

I was going fast because I was like, it's going to get dark in about an hour and a half. I got to get there and get back and I don't know if it's, and it's in the shitty part of town. And I had, by the way, because I might have stopped back for souvenirs. So I had probably $150 worth of pesos on me. That's a lot.

Yeah, like strapped like this. It's probably that much. I mean, I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get there. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get there. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to get there. I'm not sure if I'm going to back for souvenirs, so I had probably $150 worth of pesos on me. That's a lot. Yeah, like strapped like this. It's probably that much. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so I was like, I'm not slowing down. I went to the place, couldn't find it, walked up and down, tried to find an up and place to buy you a couple of Hoyo 3s, went to the wrong spot, came back, didn't find it. Anyway, but I got back. Yeah, you got back. I was on the balcony went to the wrong spot, came back, didn't find it. Anyway, but I got back. Yeah, you got back. I was on the balcony listening to the Cuban music,

smoking a bat, having coffee. You greeted me in Spanish. Oh. You gave me an hola. Hola. I was like, hola senor. Yeah, it was like, you were going there, I'm like, let him just go do his thing.

You need some travel tip. We're traveling with a partner, have some alone time. You need some travel tip. We're traveling with a partner. Have some alone time. You need some alone time. Cause what you do and what I do are two different things. I loved, I got up, I called Max and Dawn, I went on the balcony, I made coffee, I got a fat fucking cigar. You don't want somebody going,

hey, hey, come on, come on, come on. I was playing Cuban music, the sun was going down, dude. I was in my, I could sit on that balcony all week long, by the way. Love it. And you went, quit with the fucking cord. She's so, the cord never was here. This is her spot.

All of a sudden they put a fucking cord up. I mean, it's not her fault. You know, it's like somebody putting a fence up around your house, you'd be like, what the fuck is this? What would that be? Let's try. Look at that. Nice.

See that? Yeah, she picked up a dove, like a fucking dove in Noah's Ark. Wild. She's going, she's going, she's, it's mating season. She's getting that to like trade for pussy? No, she's making a nest for eggs. Mm.

I'm thinking of a different kind of mating. And then last night, we had the night we were trying to have, the night we were trying to have, the night we got into the fight, we had last night. Florida. We went to Florida, and then- Did a little research, they were like, there's a lot of locals that go there. It's not, it's some tourists, but it's mostly locals. It was awesome.

Yeah. It was awesome. We saw some fucking weird kid pick his nose. Some guy came in so fucking stoked. He was, he had the wrong vibe. But the right vibe for us. Cause we were staring at him. Even the Mexican girls, those hot fucking big booty Mexican girls,

they started filming the music and they just turned and started filming this guy. I mean, he was in the singer's face. Like, like you're singing, ba la la mo. And he's just like, and then sometimes he'd get in his head and he's just like and then sometimes you get in his head he just go he started to sulk for some reason he was sulking we saw cool old people dancing I saw a lot of old people here

that I want to be yeah you know when people get so drunk that they go through emotions it just goes there I'm fucking free. And then they're like. Yeah, he likes me. Yes, exactly. I'm fat. I mean, he picked a little bit. And then I really zoomed, because he kept staring at this chick's ass. Yeah. I thought he was, I don't think he was actually.

And then eventually, eventually dog in. This is the second nose pick we've had, since Harlan told me that a great nose pick in India. So, so far up, he got up to here. What did you say happened to him? He turned his eyeball popped out. To make room. And then he picked it and then he flicked it.

I love we got the flick. The flick. Oh man, that was great. That bar was great. I mean, and the service kind of sucked a little bit but. Yeah, I was like, well we want a virgin daiquiri. It's where the daiquiri was invented. Hemingway hung out there all the time. of sucked a little bit, but. Yeah, I was like, well, we want a virgin daiquiri. It's where the daiquiri was invented. Hemingway hung out there all the time. There's a picture from 1951.

Statue. Pre-Bea pigs. Statue of him in the corner where Muriel Hemingway, there's a picture of her sitting by the statue. It must've been his spot. That was his spot. He knew the owner. The owner was a mixologist. Yeah.

Came up with the daiquiri, that kind of daiquiri. Started sweeping floors. He was a floor sweeper, knew how to make mixed drinks. Came up with the daiquiri that kind of daiquiri. Started sweeping floors. He was a floor sweeper Knew how to make mixed drinks Came up with the daiquiri. He was friends with Hemingway. And then he opened up that place then there was a hotel that Florida Florida Florida opened up this Floredito is Little Florida and they came up with that. That's how they got their name and

Man so we asked for a virgin, whatever for you, and a bottle of water. Bottle of water came, my mojito came. I had all the mojito, cubalibre, daiquiri, I had all the fucking drinks they should have here. And then we just kept, I wanted to cheers, and I'm waiting for this virgin daiquiri. And then eventually I'm like,

hey, the daiquiri goes, yeah, yeah. And then eventually again, I'm like, the virgin daiquiri. He didn't like you, dude. Then he comes back and I was like, hey, the daiquiri. He goes, yeah. And then eventually again, I'm like, hey, the Virgin Daiquiri. He didn't like you, dude. Then he comes back and I was like, hey, the Daiquiri goes, ooh. He goes, ooh. He goes, like that, you know.

And then it comes. Yeah, he didn't like me. But then, he might have been a great guy. He was a gang member. Did he explain to you the whole history of Florida? I asked him the history of the Florida Dita. He told us the whole history, very nice. He had a hair lip.

He had a hair lip. He had a hair lip. I think he was cut in the gangs. And then he had a Joaquin Phoenix. Hi, bird. And then- That was the gayest thing I've ever heard you do. Hi, bird.

The way you said it and the words too. The reason why she's getting caught up in the wire, she's trying to take the wire for her nest. Oh my God, you're right. Yeah, she wants that wire for her nest. Oh, fuck. And then we went to, I mean, we passed Drag Night sign the night before.

Yeah. Let's come here tomorrow, Drag Night Friday. Fuck, okay, if you remember. But where was that, like, oh, we didn't mark it down. Same as the coffee shop we never found again. We had one amazing cup of coffee. Actually the guy here made us another great one. Those are the two highlights of coffee.

And the bonbon, three. Yeah. And we were like, oh we didn't write it down. Or even mark it in our calendar. We're like, well that's a mistake. But we found it, you found it. I'm good. Yeah, you found it.

I'm good with map. Once I get the map in my head, I know where the fuck it is. Bro, that was the vibe. That was the best vibe. I think the best vibe so far. It was a trans lady, not trans, a drag queen. Drag queen, 100% drag queen.

Singing, but not even trying to raise her voice high, just singing karaoke. Singing like a dude. And then she passed the mic to regular people. It really was just like a drag lady was running the night. The reason why it was cool, they took over the whole street. The whole street, the one clean street, the one clean block in this whole fucking town.

Clean block. They had tables on each side. The whole block was blocked off with people singing, dancing. Dancing. They had a samba line that passed by us. That was fucking great. It was great. It was great.

We got some tostonis, guacamole. The waitress was awesome. She spoke English. She was cool. She was cool as shit. I was like, you have a papas fritas? She says, no. She goes, hey, we have tostonis and guacamole. The waitress was awesome. She spoke English. She was cool. She was cool as shit. I was like, you have a Papa's Fritos? She says, no. I love Papa's.

And she goes, hey, we have toasotos with guacamole. And I'm like, OK. It's great. It's great. I mean, great vibe. She had a massive drink. It was huge. Yeah, it was ma- I mean, everything was great.

And then the last day, we're like, we're like, you're going to get the mojito with the ice? Because the day before, I was like, no ice in my mojito. Not the first day. And I was like, yeah, it's the last day, let's test it. It's not gonna ruin my vacation. Fine, I'm fine, I didn't get shit today. No, I haven't got sick once.

We did good, we did good. And ending it off last night, beach of... Smoke to cigar out there by the... Smoke to cigar with the... By the Drag Knight. Drag Knight. I sang along with it. You thought I was singing the Spanish song by heart.

I was reading it. I have video of it. I was like, he knows Spanish. He's doing it. And then I was excited to hear about speaking fluently. And I'm like, he's singing the song. And you're like, how the fuck? And then you're like, look at the,

I'm like, 10 minutes later, you're like, oh. You're just reading Spanish. Yeah, that was awesome. Last night was great. Good cap off to this trip. Listen, when you're planning a vacation, let's wrap this up. When you're planning a vacation, there's things that are going to get in the way. None less than a third degree hurricane.

Third degree, okay. Passing six kilometers away from you. Yeah. But we rolled with it. Yeah. It actually became more, we didn't get to go to Vinales, which just changed our plans. We didn't get to go to Finca de Hemingway, which that, yeah, that sucks. We should have done that day one. Go back. I'll be back. Be back. Yeah, I really wanted to do that. And also, but we did, the next day, the owner of this casa was like, oh, go out, this will be very interesting for pictures

but to see the destruction, you're gonna go see the day. I'm like, that was interesting to me. It was wild. At nine a.m. to go out, see the morning after, you see people sweeping water out of their homes. Yeah, the tree is all down. Tree is all down.

Even at the hotel, the huge tree came down at the hotel in Nacional. Yeah. Yeah, it was... Museum de Revolucion I wanted to do. That was closed the day before the hurricane. It's been closed every day. Yeah, but I think a tip that you would give...

Dude. She's not getting stuck. She's just trying to take it. Stomp with the bird. She had it on her leg. She's not gonna, she's be fine. Okay. I got it, I hope it dies now. I do too. I hope it dies in with the bird. She had it on her leg. She's not gonna, she's be fine. Okay. Oh God, I hope it dies now.

I do too. I hope it dies in front of you. I hope it wraps around its neck. Wraps around your neck. We'll throw it down, somebody will eat it. Someone will eat it. I can see somebody's telling those. Holding it by the legs.

I tell you this though, the videos I watched all helped. Helped a lot. Do a little research. Do a little research. This is not, it is not a dangerous city. You will be, you, I call you'll be bugged. You'll be bugged. People will bug you. They don't have luxuries here.

So just go hey, say no, and just keep walking. Say no, please. Oh, here's a tip, what he told us to say. Vivoki. Vivoki, would you, you live here? You gotta say it with a slightly better accent than that, but yes. Vivoki, vivoki. than that, but yes. Vivo aki, vivo aki.

Vivo aki, vivo aki. Here's the problem with me is I turn, I go, vivo aki. Yeah. Vivo aki. What's vivo aki? Vivo aki. Vivo aki. You say it too fast.

This is your problem with you. When you teach me words, you say it the way it's supposed to be said. Instead of going, you gotta talk to me, vivo aki, like I can't hear. Vivo aki. Vivo aki. Vivo aki. V Vivoci. You're right. I'll work on that. Thanks. Yeah, give up on the idea of luxuries. Bring dollars. Bring dollars. Bring dollars. Bring your expectations way down. Fuck food. Oh. We forgot something.

So we go. Oh, I forgot something too. We go. I forgot something too. We go, we get back from the beach. I was like, maybe you should drop us off near where the little rolled cigars are. Like the local cigars. And those were good, you could just chew on them like Clint Eastwood. I really like those. They're like Italian cigars. She goes, do you want a whole box?

I thought she meant do you want a box to hold us in? I was like, don't waste it. But I realized later, you got a whole box for 200 or 400 pesos, like a dollar. I just, oh. Stupid. Anyway, we're like, no, let's get a coffee. You're like, I'll do either one. And I was like, yeah, you're tired, it's fine. I was like, I'll go walk out there.

But we got a bonbon near the square, and I mean, little kids were touching us, going, give me some French fries. Hey, give me a dollar. And the guy there was like, beat it, beat it, beat it. Love that guy. So a woman comes over, like, where are you from? And I was like, and she just turned there was like, speed it, beat it, beat it. Love that guy. So a woman comes over, like, where are you from? And it was like, she just turned, walked away.

Beat it, beat it, beat it. You go into pay. Is this what you forgot? I forgot. Okay. You go into pay. Yeah. I'm out there, waiting. Yeah. I see. Okay. You go in to pay. Yeah. I'm out there, waiting.

Yeah. I see a woman, excitedly, I mean there's got to be a word for more than excitedly. Shit. Running out, staring at a bill, at a unit of currency, I couldn't see what it was. A smile that was like, like the first time you fell in love. And the chick's like, I love you too. I like you too. It's seventh grade, even thing.

Turning it over, and I'm like, wait. B-line's for a guy who's standing with another guy. He takes it, he's looking at it. Some other guy's staring over his shoulder. He's smiling. I'm like, that's what I'm gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. I walk out.

They turn back, they all look over where it might have come from. I walk out and you immediately go. You gave me the dude, didn't you? You gave me that dude, didn't you? And you're like, how do you know that? I'm like, bro? I handed that hot chick a two, she lit up.

She lit up, she went like, oh! And then the lady that works there, the manager went like this. Give me that. Give it to me. You work for me now. And she took like, oh! And then the lady that works there, the manager went like this. Give me that. And she took it, put her glasses on, she went, looked it up and down like it was a rare archeological find, and then ran out of the building.

And I was like, I was like fog. They were all talking now, that everything's coming up in the world. Just think, two days ago we had a blackout, maybe our home was gonna be destroyed, and now we're sitting here with the two. I was like, you were out like, I got some, I'm like, I already know, I already know.

Yeah, the two worked. And he was like, how much did you get? Bobby goes, how much they traded for? I'm like, $7. Which is not true. Well, this was a great trip. A great trip. I mean, I'm so glad I held it.

I was gonna go two, three years ago. I had 10 days, 12 days off, and I was gonna go straight from there. And I was like, hey, you wanna go? I remember calling you, I was in lockdown from COVID in Tampa, in Lakeland. Had COVID and I was like planning it. And I was like, do you wanna go?

And you're like, I can't go on 10 days notice. Nah, I do. And you're such a cigar guy. You really are the number one, first cigar guy in comedy. Not Milton. Not Milton Berltase, but in my generation-ish of comedy. You're the cigar guy. Everyone else got into it now, but you've always been into it. You got me into it.

And so I was like, no, I'll save it to go with you. And I'm so glad I did. Me too, dude. This has been a fucking, this is one of the best trips of my life. What a pleasure. People were like, Bobby's not going. I was like, why not? He goes, trust me, he's not gonna come. I'm like, why?. Me too, dude. This has been a fucking, this is one of the best trips of my life. What a blast. People were like, Bobby's not going. I was like, why not?

He goes, he's not, trust me, he's not gonna come. Like, why? He's got a family. I'm like, yeah, they'll be there. They'll be there when he's back. Yeah. It wasn't even like, can you go? Man, what a fucking blast that was.

And we still don't know. It's Saturday morning. We still don't know the president. And I'm hoping to not know. I wanna know till. I know as long as I can, but we're already five days is great. Hopefully we've passed by all the anger. and I'm hoping to not know. I want to know too. I know as long as I can, but already five days is great. Hopefully we've passed by all the anger,

all the screaming at everybody. Hopefully somebody got picked. It's your fault. So I did this in Ecuador, and I'm like, I'm not gonna find out. I talked to Jay like a week later, Big Jay, I was like a week and a half later, I was like, I'm not finding out who won the president,

I still don't know, he goes, neither do we. And I was like, what? He goes, oh yeah, yeah, they're doing recounts, it's not gonna be a while.'" I'm like, "'Oh my God, okay.'" I'm gonna try to find out on the Bonfire Monday at five o'clock.

Tell them before you come in, just say, "'Hey, I don't know yet. "'I still don't know.'" Don't say a word, no spoilers, not even hints. Jay's bad at that.

He'll be like, "'Well, let me just tell you one thing.'" Exactly. And, I hate what somebody's like,, let me just say one thing, no spoilers, I'm gonna watch the show you just did. And it's been great to miss it all, because so much anger, so much anger. And last time was three months of it,

this time was just about two weeks, but it's gonna be the next week. You did it. Not only missed it all, no social media. No social media. No bullshit, no nothing. I feel clean, clear, I got one text from, to your phone that needed me and it just made me in a foul mood for a day.

You had to take care of that though. I had to take care of it. You took care of it. Yeah, put me in a foul mood, the rest of that day I was fucked, I was like, I need to get clean. I need to get clear and then I did a back to vacation Ahri, which is the best Ahri. By the way, little tip, if you notice,

when I think clearly like this, it's when I say something I shouldn't say. This next week on podcast, I might fuck up. I gotta remember that. Don't fuck up this time. Yeah, please don't fuck up. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a great trip, great place to visit. Definitely come here if you can. Definitely come here. Hopefully the embargo ends at some point, but Democrat and Republican senators have not because it has not changed it back So dangerous not dangerous. I mean you you might get robbed Worse you'll lose money, but it won't be a lot

You're gonna be walking around with that most 50 bucks with a pesos on you something like that And remember that that wad of pesos is fucking 10 bucks. They don't get American credit cards Yeah, no American credit cards and your cell phone ain't gonna work So I download Google Maps offline? Google Maps and translate. Google translate. Google translate and download Spanish and Google Maps. That saved me.

The Google Maps offline was epic. Just having that. But this was a fucking great trip. This was a great trip. Where do you want to go next, anywhere? Not with me, but anywhere in general? I think I want to go to Rome with the family. Wow, that'd be great.

Yeah. You never been? I've been. Yeah. Yeah, I've been all over Europe, but she's never been, so I think Rome. Yeah, this was a fucking sick. I'm thinking Amsterdam, go to Paris, and then go to Rome. I got a tip for you for Amsterdam. Yeah. There's a museum there,

a modern museum. It was like not a big tourist spot. I gotta find the name of it, but I would recommend that. Yeah. Bro, this was great. Yeah. Yeah, this was great. And it makes me want to come back so I can go to Vinalis, I can go to Hemingway Finca. Yeah, well if you come back I'll go with you. I can go to more music, I can go to LMA, and go to Pac and Reggaeton. We should come back, stay here, or stay in Vinalis. Vinalis, yeah. Vinalis. Couple days. And bring somebody else with us. Yeah, and here's one last tip.

Bring some stuff to give away. Since they can't get anything, it's not about the money. Yes. It's about like- Ask them first. Ask them, do you need anything? They might go light bulbs.

Yeah. Like it won't be a major thing and they'll pay you back. Or it might be a super minor thing. Yeah. Your little bottle opener carabiner is like, ugh. Yeah. And he goes, you can't, and he goes, I just couldn't find, there's no REI here. So you're like, you keep it.

So for that, for seven dollars. I'm gonna charge him for that. Oh yeah, charge him. Yeah, bring some stuff for them. And man, what a fucking blast. Last trip. Also you could see this, you said this over and over again. You can imagine these places before the crumble,

and this could have been like Paris. This could have been... I mean, better. The most epic, coolest spot. It would have been better than Europe, because there's the beach. It's in the Caribbean. You would have amazing coffee,

you would have amazing tobacco, you would have amazing sugar cane, you would have five-star hotels, music everywhere all the time. Caribbean water, it really is the perfect place. Great fuckin' trip, great fuckin' trip. All right, brother. Yeah, all right, let's buy some souvenirs and go home.

Sounds good. All right, bye guys. Peace. Thank you, please subscribe. Yeah, subscribe. And check out Bobby's, I'll do wrap-ups, but check out Bobby's Castle, you know what, dude? The regs, bone to pick, and bonfire. Damn, bro.

How do you have a family? That's crazy what I just said. That was a long thing, and I didn't even get to your dates. Go to punchup.live slash Robert Kelly. Come see me live. Yeah, see him live. He's one of the best comics working. Crushing.

Crusher. I mean, I told the emcee when we did a show in Miami to pay for it, by the way. They're still on the arm. I know. Because we didn't want to come in at night. Thank you Improv. Thank you Justin. Thank you Matt. Capcito comedy. Oh, I told the emcee it was like he was like should I bring it right up? I was like no. Do four minutes. Give me a chance bro. First of all dude, I think right now,

in the game, watching you on Sunday night, I know when a guy is the best, you went up and just, I mean, murdered. Fucking murdered. You can go up after anybody, anywhere, anytime, and it takes two seconds, and all of a sudden they're in your vibe, and there's no looking back. I mean, you're murdered. Fucking murdered. You can go up after anybody, anywhere, anytime, and it takes two seconds, and all of a sudden they're in your vibe, and there's no looking back.

I mean, you're murdered. Fucking murdered. You're one of the funny. Comedy's in a great place. One of the funniest fucking guys out there right now, I think. Thanks, brother. I really do, man. I really do.

You're fucking unique, funny, and you can tell by your fan base. Your fans are fucking great. There's a group of us, and I tried to do this early on. I was like, I'm gonna give you a new hour every year, I won't come back unless I have a new hour, or if I have to, if I'm getting ready for a special,

I'm gonna very well publicize, this is the one you saw a year ago. This is a lot of that same stuff, but generally a new hour, but what I want is, you're not in this thing of like, I'm gonna fill up a massive place with just my fans. You're taking a chance on me, you're not like, I got to see so-and-so. Sometimes there's shitty comics,

but they're very well known for like TV or podcasts or whatever. You just want to say I saw them. What we're offering is a great night out. And you're always gonna have, and I always try to have, like you bring a date on this, I'm not gonna waste your money. You're gonna be like, we had a lot of laughs with a date

and that was a fucking good time for a reasonable price. I'm not overcharging to neither are you. Yeah. And that's what we've been doing for a long time. There's a group of comics now who just do that. Yeah. It's cool. It's a good place. It's a really good place. Yeah it is great. All right. All right. Hey oh I'm not doing it. Fuck. Oh fuck I just got caught in the chair, too. One nothing, one nothing. Ah! It's on the record, it's on the record, it's on the record, it's on the...

Ooh! Doom-pah-boom-pah, boom-pah-da-boom-boom-pah, doom-pah-doom-pah-boom-boom. What the fuck is that, bro? I got your kid. It was so funny when I got your kid. I was like, Max Max. He said it, and I was like... And I go, kid. I was like, Max Max, he said it and I was like, and I go one nothing, goes, put my father on the phone.

He was so mad. All right, shutty shut. Okay, addendum. Addendum? Yeah, addendum. Why? Oh, sorry. I got nabbed. You got nabbed.

You got nabbed? I lost all my Churchill's from the hotel. There is an embargo. There's an embargo. Yeah, I mean you are an American citizen. Damn. Unbanded. They were all unbanded. All you had to do was go, uh...

Thank you. Sorry. I needed this advice beforehand. I gave it to you. I did give it to you. I said, take the bands off. The bands were off. And I said, tell them they're Nicaraguan, at the house.

I don't hear that. I didn't hear that. I said that. I told you that was what I was doing. When did you say that? What's your memory of saying that? When we were leaving, when we were leaving and I said, I'm taking this... When we were leaving what?

I said, I'm taking this... I'm taking this... I'm taking this... I'm taking this... I'm taking this... I'm taking this... I'm taking this... I'm taking this... I told you that it was what I was doing. When did you say that? What's your memory of saying that? When we were leaving and I said, I'm taking this... When we were leaving what? Leaving the casa.

One nothing. Foul! Sorry. Shouldn't have done that. I should have let you have that one. Where were we when we were leaving the casa? Where was this? Kitchen.

In the kitchen? We talked about it a couple times. We've philosophized about this whole thing over and over. Taking the band off. Taking the band off. Taking the band off. I wasn't made clear. From Nicaragua.

I didn't remember that. They're not gonna analyze it. So you have to have the band off, that's all I remember. You just have to have the band off. Have the band off and say. There was no like, there was nothing, there was no teaching on what to do if you're stopped. Just you have the band off.

Well, I did say you can say they're from Nicaragua. Cause they can't, what are they gonna do? Anyway. Tests, it sucks. One thing they did not take were these records that I got. We gotta talk about this. You got yours, that's okay. It's all right, it's 175 plus plus plus, it's $120. It's not that, it's the smokes.

They were dog shit. What, what's $120. It's not that, it's the smokes. They were dog shit. What? What's dog shit? One nothing. Me. You, the ones you were bringing back. The ones you got suckered for? No, the two five packs from the hotel, that's you know. Oh, those are good.

The Churchills. Five Churchills, five of the smaller ones. Yeah. Fuck. Those. Fuck. Those were delicious. I mean delicious. Yeah. So good.

We smoked one. I smoked one. All right. I'm just like just going through it right now. But anyway, these records we got. I'm probably going to get mine whacked too. It won't make me feel better. If they get whacked?

Yeah. Yeah. That'll make me feel none better. I have one. I gotacked too. It won't make me feel better. If they get whacked? Yeah. Yeah. That'll make me feel none better. I have one. I got mine through. Do you want? Okay.

Yeah. You want? No? Let's talk about this. Yeah. This is sad. People have now tuned out for the addendum. This is so sad.

Say that from Nicaragua. Where were you? I was in Cuba. All right, search. You can't have these. There's no like, where are these from? Those are my personal ones from Nicaragua, sir. What? Okay, go ahead.

This is what it would have been. Do it to me. I'll be the guy. What are these? Not what are these. You never said what are these. You can't have these. Can't have these. I'm the guy. You're you. Can't have these. Why don't... You're telling me what to do, but you're being the guy, you're you. Can't have these. Why don't you, you're telling me what to do with you being the guy?

Yeah, I'm gonna be the guy, watch, just try it. And say, then take a round. You didn't even meet the guy. You can't have this. I should've seen the lady, she was such a bitch. She was like, sign here, before she was searched. There's no city on here, sir. How am I gonna know where to mail this?

OK. The other guy, we're commiserating. He was born in Cuba. It was great. Oh, Benimura. Oh, I love him. Just do the thing. Fucking sidetracked.

Can't have these. They're from Nicaragua. Go ahead. Go ahead. I swear to God that's what would happen. It's not even that bad. It's $120 worth. No. Dude, if you bought three boxes of two box, you'd be bumming.

If you had two boxes of Hoyos, you'd be killing yourself. Yeah. But talk about this, this was a great thing. So, I wanted to find a record. I like finding records in places. And, you know, we saw that certain kind of music, and I wanted to get some, maybe, so we're like, there's two record shops. Let's go on a trip, let's go just walk,

talk about a battle story. There was two. One was later closed, and they were all laughing at us and marking us for death. Yep. And then one was like, it should be right here. You're going, you don't know where it is. You don't know where it is, dude.

I don't like that you make me. I'm just repeating. But I was not there. You don't know where it is, do you? I'm like, it's one block up here. There's a difference between, you don't know where it is. You do, yeah.

Okay, you do you. You do you. All right, right? Dude, you don't know where it is, do you? I do, it's a block, it's up here. Good, all right. No, you, just admit it. Just admit you don't know where it is. All right, then do it again, do it again. You don't know where it is, do you? I do, it's a block up. Just up here. Good. All right. Just no, you know, you just admit it. Just admit it. Do it again. Do it again.

You don't know where it is there. I do. It's a block. Just admit it. You don't know. It's all right. I mean, that's better than it's better. Here's what you did. You know, like a Mickey from Rocky. You know where it is, kid.

I didn't do that playback. So we found a place. It was past. It was like, I don't know where it is. Some guy, another guy, like where you're from. And I don't know. It goes, they have, another guy's like, where you from? And I'm like, I don't know, he goes. They have these people that will, But we're in a shady neighborhood, too. We're not even in the hawker neighborhood.

I got whacked today. You know those flip flops I bought? Yeah. I didn't wanna buy them. They whacked you on those flip flops. I was looking in the window of a store. First mistake. Guy goes, well you need, you need, you need to come with me, he grabbed my hand,

he goes, come on, no, no, no, brought me in the store. This guy's nervous, he's nervous. Then he goes, come on, no, no, no, brought me in the store. Then he took my sock off. He's like, no, try it on, and I go, no, no, no, I put it on the bottom, he took, dude, he looks like from The Incredibles. Did I say it too loud? Yeah. Did he hear it?

I don't know. Wow. I think he heard it, but he didn't know you were referring to him. What? That guy's never seen The Incredibles, he's never been on a date or had a friend in his life.

Because he looks like he's from the Incredibles. I disagree, I think he has a lot of dates. It's just not with regular chicks. He looks like, he has dates the way Dahmer had dates. Yeah, exactly. He's had plenty of dates. Dude, this guy took me in,

took me by the arm, took me in, took my shot, picked my foot up. I go, I got it. Wow, wow. And then he took the flip, because he wanted me to try the flip-flop. I put him on, then I go, I paid 20 bucks for those flip-flops. I just wanted to get out.

I'm like, here, I just wanted, I had to go. Then he goes, okay, buddy. 20 bucks for the flip-flops? For novelty Cuba flip-flops? All right, yes. Does this... 20 bucks for the flip flops? For novelty Cuba flip flops? All right, yes. Does this make you feel better about your cigars? No! No, I'm not that kind of guy. I was that kind of guy.

I'm not that kind of guy anymore. Well, I'm not... It's just sad. No, I'm not that guy anymore. Oh, yeah. No, okay, you left that in Cuba. Oh, you left your guy in Cuba, too. You took my headphones. You threw them back in the bucket today. On the plane. You're still that guy.

Oh, yeah. So Bobby takes some headphones. It's a 45-minute flight. And so I go, we're at the Miami Airport lounge, and I said I didn't want it, and I go, I picked mine up to give back to the guy, but I accidentally picked up two. I realized I just put it back in. Played perfectly. Seven minutes later, he's like, where are my headphones? I'm like, they're in the bin. And you're like, what bin? I'm like, the guy had a bin.

You're like, no, no, I took one. I'm like, yeah. To see it realize, you're like, no, I. You are. Yeah. But we've. So this guy, I got us, he goes, oh, you have pachikos, pachikos.

You want music? I'm like, yeah. He goes, oh, you have pachigos, pachigos, you want music? I'm like, yeah. He goes, come this way. Pachigos. It was upstairs in a hovel. But I'm like, no, no, no, this isn't it. There was no markings on the outside at all. Halfway up the stairs, there are some records on the wall,

like records that say pachigos. Yeah, records like they're scamming you up there. And then we walked. I could feel you going, this isn't right, and I wasn't disagreeing with my feeling. I'm like, this seems, once I saw the records on the wall, it was like novelty records just on the wall for decoration. I was like, oh, maybe this is it.

It's on Google Maps. We walked up in through somebody's kitchen with a young man that looked like he was gonna murder us. They walked through this kitchen in a weird living room with more records on the wall and then into a back room. Sweltering hot. Sweltering hot. And you're sitting there going through records like you were at Strawberry.

It was wild. But you were like Strawberry's records back in the day just going through them There was no order or anything just shelf after shelf of these records. I'm like, I don't even know what to look for I'm not even into the record thing. I don't have that I like record but not like you and then I heard a noise come from the corner of the room and it went I was engrossed. You were on the ground going through fucking... We were talking, I was trying to...

It was Spanish, like, wait, I wanted to... When I was at a social club, she goes... And she explained, I think, she goes, no, no, that's just a group that's been going on for generations. Those people who play there. It's not an existing... It's just like a club.

And I was standing in the corner, and I... And what was that? I I shit my pants? I'm like, there's somebody something in the corner in the room and then I look and there was a secret room And I didn't go around I put my phone around first And I saw a full-grown hog in their house grown hog in their house. Dude, dude, dude, I wanted to go pig. There's a pig.

So bad. Dude, you just go, hey, go look. And I was like, what? I thought, at first I thought, more records. Because you were in a record store. I know it's converted. It's a record house. It's a record store. I know it's converted into a record house. It's a record house.

And I mean, okay, first thought was records. Second thought was no records. And then no weren't on my list of possibilities. It was a full grown hog? Yeah, I mean, it was this big, just looking at me all cute. He's got me dead by now. Buddy, he is lunch. He is in a sandwich.

He, they had a little side room. Play the video. For the pig. And the pig looked, he had the. You got video of it. Buddy, I got video. He had eyes. He looked up and he was like,

dude, get me out of here. Your video is, is you seeing this pig. Please sir, please. It just goes like this, then comes back to the room and I'm just like, oh, it's Maura. Oh, okay. She's playing me records. Dude, she had a record player, she had a like, please. It just goes like this, then comes back to the room, and I'm just like, oh, it's Maura. Oh, okay. She's playing me records. Dude, she had a record player.

She had a like, it wouldn't start. She had a like, spin and then go. And then put the record on. You were so into this thing. And I'm sitting there going, there's a fucking pig. I'm like, dude, she's a little chubby. That wants out of his eyes. Dude, if you see his eyes, they just went white,

like, please get me the fuck out of this. Please, sir. Please, sir. It was nuts. It was nuts. It was nuts. It was crazy. It was fucking wild.

Number one, that the record store is in somebody's house. I thought they were gonna grab these. I thought I wasn't allowed to have these either. These never should have seen the light of day outside of. This is from, all of them are made in Cuba. Yeah, because they know you bought them there. People don't travel with old records. Yeah, but I didn't know what's embargoed and what's not.

Everything. But it's from the 60s. I didn't even have a date on this, before dates. You know what it is? I think those are from the people. One, two, three, four. That's it. One, two, three, four. Are there dates on this? Are there dates? You know what it is? I think those are from the people. Wanda na meta. That's it. Wanda na meta.

And then the Wanda na meta. Those are from the people and the cigars are from the, go to the government. The money goes to the, so cigars. They even took my cigar that I got the little 20, 20, 20 peso one. Yeah, but the ones you had wrapped up, government. So they don't want you supporting the Cuban government.

Yeah. That is just people shit, so they don't mind that probably as much. Right, right, right. They looked at the painting too. They did? What'd they say, nice? He was like, he like molded over.

Beautiful. Take it or not. Oh really? Yeah, it was the last night Bobby got me a painting. Right the next day we went today. The last night? Some guy was painting that exact block. We went to a drag show the last night.

Guys, remind me, I'll take a picture, I'll upload it for you. We went to this, the last night, last spot, drag show, they took over the whole block. We got that though, right? I don't know. I think we did, didn't we? You sing along with it, you thought I knew Spanish.

A little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well anyways, that, I went there today, Guy was watercolor painting that exact scene. Take a picture, you can insert. And I bought it for you today. And you put in Spanish. Yeah. Thank you for waiting.

Thank you for waiting, yeah. Yeah. And every time you look at that you remember the last night and you know I should have got you one of like security. Should have got me just a paint that says say it's from Nicaragua. But the record store was probably one of the highlights of this trip. God damn that record store. I can't believe we forgot it. When I was packing, I was like, oh, we didn't even tell them about the record store. That was wild. It was wild. And we were commiserating about music.

I'm like, okay, these are good. And she was almost like, before you leave, I want to play you more. I'm not selling them to you. You should know about some more music. Yeah, she was great. On an old Vitrola, she ruled. The place ruled. She was so cool.

We took a picture of her. I brought up, I got that picture too. I got praying hands. You got the praying hands. She was like, and she wasn't even trying her. I brought up, I got that picture too. I got praying hands. You got the praying hands. She was like, and she wasn't even trying to hustle because she goes, this might not be silver. She offered that. She goes, this might not be silver.

I don't know, there's usually markings, so it might just be like metal. Yeah, that's pretty honest. I think it's just metal. But it was- 20, 20, oh sorry, 10, 10, five, five. And I was like, how about 20 for all? She goes, no, you just, you talked her down. I did.

You bargained. I did. You got one from a bente to a dia. Yeah, I did. I mean, I knew she needed money. There's a pig in her house. She needs money to feed that pig. Yeah.

Dude, could you imagine living on the second, was that the second floor or third floor? Second floor? It was up there. I think third floor, maybe. I think it was third floor. That means they had to... Walk the pig up there. It wasn't born there. That means in the middle of the night, her neighbors are like...

You'd be sleeping, you'd be like... I wonder if it has a name. Yeah. Um, Amorza. Con Sannawena. That was the song we were trying to remember before. That's the song, yeah. The name is Amorza. Or maybe Senna.

Senna. Well, there you go. All right, well that's it. I have a bad feeling right now because I just got my, I got nabbed. I was so confident going through it too. I'll give you, I'm gonna give you... It's not that. We'll smoke them at your place.

I was gonna give you... We'll smoke them one day. No, I'm not giving you any cigars. I was gonna give you a hug. Oh. Fuck. We'll smoke them. We'll smoke them.

I'll save those for you, dude. I got these... No, I didn't get anything through. You got nothing through? I mean, it's on air. It doesn't matter. Oh, we didn, I didn't get anything through. You got nothing through? I mean, it's on air. Doesn't matter. Oh, we didn't get, nobody got anything. Nobody got anything through.

Well, no one got nothing through. Damn. Except for those records. Except for those records. Guys, until next week, this has been Yubi Trippin. Yubi Trippin. From Habana, Cuba. I mean, what a nap.

What a time. What a time, buddy, what a time. What a fucking time. Fuck Rick Glassman. Well, you guys, that's the episode. And what a good one. I am legitimately forlorn to have to have returned. I spent the week I got back in America

just like at least three days. Like legitimately sad. I'm like, I't want to be here I came back to the election but that's not really what it was it's just like man I gotta get out of here I'm sitting on the other wall right now because I'm gonna add to the money I got I got a bluey as the guy who confiscated all my he was cool that fucking bitch lady next to him wasn't that cool he called it a bluey I don't know who that is. It's 20 pesos. It's 20 pesos. Who was that? Camilo sin Fuegos. There's the back.

I've already got tape on it. Anyway. Yeah. The guy up, but he was like, I haven't seen one of these in forever. He was Cuban. He said he was born there. He seemed like he didn't really want to confiscate my shit, but he had to putting this up. I think that's a perfect spot for it. Oh Cuba bro we got this wall growing. You guys all these places we've been in this podcast you'd be tripping. Have you subscribed? I have two episodes left for the year and if if I don't get to 100,000 subscribers, I'm gonna do something drastic.

I'm gonna end this podcast. That's not true. But let's pretend it is. I'm gonna end this podcast. I'm gonna take down every old episode. Let's get to 100,000 subscribers. I'm at 99. I mean, I'm right there.

Can you guys just go hit subscribe so I can get over 100,000 subscribers? I know it shouldn't mean anything. It something to me I was so close I was ramp ramp ramp and then I stopped next week is who Ronnie Chang a good one talking about going to Europe for the first time he's ever been there did a bunch of gigs I can't believe he's never been there. I met him in Melbourne, Australia, um, Malaysia. He's been, he's been everywhere. Singapore held me back. Didn't like doing podcasts, but he liked doing this one. Um, but man, Bobby,

what a, what a trip that was. What a fun trip. Get my hat for this. I mean, I just really felt, you know what? I'll get this hat. This is the one I traded the guy. This is the one I traded the guy at the beach. I gave him my foundation cigars hat. He was like, let's Cambio. And I was like, okay. Did we talk about this in the podcast?

Yeah, he traded me this one. And I was like, okay, well now it's like a souvenir. No offense, Nick Raguel, but I was never going to really wear that. I brought it to Cuba to leave there because I already have one baseball cap and that's all I need. Thank you for including that in the package of cigars you sent me, but didn't need it. But it came in handy, made for a good story. God, that place ruled.

It was cheap. Obviously, this is some stuff I would have done differently. I would have gone to Vinales. We had a hurricane. I would have gone to Vinales. And if I knew the hurricane was coming, I would have run to Vinales right away. I would have gone to Hemingway's Finca right away.

Never got to that. That was right in the city. There's things I would have done. But I kinda wanna go back now. I wanna go back. Don't forget to watch Killbox right in the city. There's things I would have done, but I kind of want to go back now. I will, I want to go back. Don't forget to watch Killbox right now on YouTube. It's just out now. Leave a comment there. Subscribe to Bobby's. I convinced him to fucking put up something just for a stand-up. It's youtube.com slash Robert Kelly comedy. He's gonna be appearing. Go to his website robertkellylive.com. He's gonna be in Kansas in Kansas City Batavia this is all in January and then onwards Leviton

Philadelphia Uncasville Seattle Tampa Bay Charlotte San Diego my special comes out but go see his special right now youtube.com slash Robert Kelly comic subscribe here first and then go and if you're on Spotify do all those raps those were fun seeing how many people like this podcast. Let it result in a subscribe. My special is coming out January 14th. Set a reminder in your counters and the farewell tour is on sale now at AriShafeer.com Lake Tahoe, Nevada this weekend. Yeah, this Saturday. It's Friday 21st and then next year with Adrian, Pittsburgh

Providence, um, without Adrian, Salt Lake City, Brea with Adrian, Nashville without Adrian, San Antonio, Tampa, Denver with Adrian, Schomburg, Illinois, Atlanta, Portland, and then San Jose, Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, and then in April, Seattle, Vancouver's almost sold out, Calgary's almost sold out, Edmonton's almost sold out, and then Anchorage in June, and then the farewell Ferrari tour. We're all that still have to come down. Cuba ruled, I really liked it. I really liked it would recommend do I have a travel tip?

I don't know if you did travel tips there bring us dollars We did that bring us crisp dollars and some goods for them if they need we did I'm remembering that we did that now and Have a better game plan first for lying to them at customs about where you got your cigars. Here's what you didn't tell me, you want unbanded cigars for the reason that you can then say these are not from Cuba. I fucked up. It still bothers me. I wish it didn't. It does. I got a ton of cigars to get through before I leave for my sabbatical so I don't even need those but I wanted them. Today's episode is edited by your mom's house produced by our mom's house network it's

edited by Alan Caffe. Ton of pictures in that one so I'm hoping you guys had some appreciation in the comments for him because this one was a hard one they also had to take out any mention of anybody I guess I should have told you that in the bumper in the in the dates, but yeah, this was gonna be heavy with deletions because It's illegal. There's so I don't know what all the legalities are and Kurt cause Went down there and filmed some some hookers just talking to them man on the street stuff cool Those those I've heard those hookers are doing 15 years in prison it's just like damn so they had to do a cafe had to do like a real hard job removing any mention of

anyone any any place I don't know what's allowed what's are you allowed to sell records are you not I don't know you're allowed to have a pig in your house I don't know they did a good job of getting rid of all that. So thank you very much, Kathy. And that's it guys. Next week, go through Europe with, um, with, uh, with, uh, uh, uh, Ronnie Chang. Then the final week of the year is going to be just a wrap up. Please submit your awards in the comment section of YouTube, the awards best, um best episode, best guest, best trip.

Definitely, Harlow Williams could be best trip and best guest. Some guys great guest, not that great a trip. Some guys great trip, boring. And any other awards you have, we'll just name them. If you have an award and you're the only one who nominates somebody, they might win an award which is like furthest away person. Trip I'd least want to do myself.

Oh, that's a good one. It may be Duncan for India. No, it might be Louis Katz for India. Duncan seemed like he had a good time. Somalia. It might be Somalia with Tommy Tiernan. Anyway, the Trippie Awards are coming. Get your nominations in and maybe for the last episode we'll do that. But it's also gonna be a wrap-up of all the of all the episodes. So and everything we did. So thank you very much everybody. Until next week. Um,

I know this one. Hasta luego. No, no, it's Cuban. Hasta luego. They do it so fast. They speak so fucking fast. I miss it. This trip was so cool because it like six days, right? But it was eventful and in one city only. So we really explored that i got got lost on my own and stuff but like just it gave me the freedom because i was with bobby and i was kind of the leader in spanish and stuff it kind of gave me the feeling of that freedom and i can't wait for can't wait for the end of this tour. And my special, January 14th, America's Sweetheart on Netflix! Back on Netflix! All I had to do was prove it with 7 million hits and the comedy special, top 10 comedy

special of the last 20 years. And then they were like, maybe. Anyway, you guys, until next week, hasta luego. Europe, then that. Oh, and then next year we got a ton coming Jim Gaffigan who is on the Hall of Fame traveling comedians Burke Chrysler Tucker Carlson, hopefully Tom Segura Dude we got a shit ton and yeah subscribe Bye. Music