You Be Trippin' - Ari Shaffir's Epic Journey: I'm Baaaack w/ Guest Host Tom Segura | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: March 23, 2026

The End is Ari's new storytelling show! It's almost here! Premieres April 16 on https://theend.ymhstudios.com/. Presale pricing starts TODAY, only available for a short time! You get 7 full, hour long episodes of completely unfiltered stories for $24.99. Follow Tom Segura on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/seguratom/ SPONSORS: - Same night out — way better morning with Cheers. For a limited time our listeners are getting 20% off their entire order by using code TRIPPIN at https://CheersHealth.com  #Cheers #ad On this week's episode of You Be Trippin', Ari Shaffir returns from his 7 month backpacking trip through Central and South America with insane stories and more hair. Tom Segura interviews Ari about his route from Mexico to Brazil. Along the way, Ari gets himself into a sketchy situation on Colombia, refused entry into Nicaragua, and cleansed of a curse in Peru. Tom and Ari also share a big announcement! Salud! You Be Trippin' Ep. 111 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:01:08 - Big Announcement! 00:07:19 - Ari's Back from His Big Trip 00:11:41 - Beaches and Baseball 00:28:39 - Ari's Route 00:36:06 - Medellin Sketchy Guy 00:43:14 - Peruvian Witch 00:57:26 - Packing & Carnaval 01:03:10 - Favorites 01:23:21 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Uh, where are my gloves? Come on, heat. Any day now? Winter is hard, but your groceries don't have to be. This winter, stay warm. Tap the banner to order your groceries online at voila.ca. Enjoy in-store prices without leaving your home. You'll find the same regular prices online as in-store.

Many promotions are available both in-store and online, though some may vary. Previously on UB Tripping, we're back. We're back. We're back. We're back. I'm planning this backpacking trip. B' boom! They're fucking up the whole forest service.

Get them. What of these is a squirting one and one is not? This makes me not want to have sex. They're so scared of trans people. So we don't really have the angry N-word. And I'm like, you're not black! Pussy's like pizza. It's a nighttime activity.

We'll give you, you know. Jesus Christ. Do it! Fucking do it! Do it! So that's my trip. And now for the exciting conclusion of U.B. Triven. Part two in a week or two or three.

About everybody. Yeah. All right. Should we roll? Yeah. Let's go for it. I'll have to try this twice. All right.

Where you've been and where you're going. This is our race travel show. Yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's you. All right, everybody. Welcome to the U.B. Tripping.

I am now back from my trip. I've got an episode here. First, me and my friend have an announcement. We have an announcement. We're going to talk a lot about your trip, actually. I'm going to be interviewed today. But at one point, you had a show on Comedy Central. And then you didn't have a show on Comedy Central.

But it was always like, it was so many comics' favorite thing was you had an authentic storytelling show, right? And everybody loved doing it because. it wasn't like a standard like, hey, come do a set. It was like, come tell a story about something. Yeah, going to something in a weird, cool way. Yeah, and like, you could see how the cool thing is that that concept would make people kind of go like, wait a minute, like, don't do my set? And you're like, no, don't.

Don't at all. Don't do your set. You can milk it. You can go longer. You can like. Just get up there and tell it. And the stories would be about any number of things. Like, it could be about a crazy ex-girlfriend, how you grew up.

up, a travel thing, a crime, a love to heartbreak. You did one at the improv, I think, about drugging yourself with GHB and winding up at the hospital. And then I was like, you need, we're going to be doing this on TV, you need to be doing that. Yeah. Or on YouTube. And it was just like, tell the story. Yeah.

That's what it was. Just tell it. And then I've adopted that philosophy for doing stand-up. I'm just going to tell a story. Yeah. Mostly stories. Yeah, yeah. But anyways, you did that and then, like I said,

then you didn't have your show, and everybody still always loved doing that show. And then you were like, I want to bring that concept back. And we talked about, you're like, I'm gonna, I want to actually shoot it. Yeah. And so. We were doing it again as a live show called Arjura's renamed storytelling show.

That's right. And that was, spite name. You would, you know, would do it in clubs and different. And then you were like, I want to actually do it as like a, shoot it and make the thing that people can watch again. So today we're letting people know

that your show, the end, is, it's ready to go. It's on pre-sales starting today, March 23rd, at YMH Studios. Seven episodes. Seven Eps. And then can you bring up that graphic for us? This is the lineup.

Look at your lineup. Do you want to just read who's on this? I mean, it's pretty great. It's Tom Segura. That was probably taken two weeks ago when you were 40 pounds heavier. I'm way fatter when we shot it. Yeah. You were still thinner than the dude.

I saw the old old ones and I'm like, what a piece of shit. This round piece of shit was. I know. Tom Segura, Shane Gillis, Dan Soder, Mark the Heat Norman, Nate Bargazzi, Tony Hinchcliff, Miss Pat. She's now Mrs. Pat. She's now Mrs. Pat. No, she's Miss Pat. Yeah.

Ali Sadeek, Big J. Roy Wood Jr., Joe List. Steph Tolev, Robert Kelly, Jordan Jensen, Steve Simone, hero from the show before, Jim Brewer, Colum Tirol, Sarah Tolomache, Sam Talent, Jessica Reed, Chris DeStefano and Duncan Truzzle. Bro. So this, that lineup, I know, I saw this graph, because I was obviously there

for the shoot for most of these sets, but I'm like, seeing it in one thing, I'm like, the lineup you pulled is. Everybody wanted to do it. It's not. I talked to Shane a long time ago. like a couple years ago and we did a live show I think at the Ryman and it was like oh yeah the audience is still here for this it was like a huge thing and then it was like we used to do it at like

hundred-seaters and it was like and Shane's like dude when I started comedy like I wanted to do this show yeah and then it went away and I was like fuck I guess I'll just do arenas instead but that's yeah but maybe things will work out in another way um but yeah the lineup is crazy the stories are amazing that's a full like so many different styles of telling stories, so many different topics. And it drops April 16th on YMAG Studios. Just before Hitler's birthday. Well, that was an arranged, and it is my birthday,

by the way. April 16th. April 16th, yeah. So it was like, we wanted to go like, Tom's birthday, Hitler's birthday, we wanted to be all together. You get a discount if you order the presale, right, for the full season.

Full season, generally is 2999, and then you could get individual episodes for $5.99. But for this, No individual episodes. But it's $24.99. 24.99. So it's $5 off if you got it on the presale. You get the whole season plus as a prelude.

A prologue. Prelude? I forget now. A prologue, bonus prologue that you get for free if you buy the season. Or if you buy any individual episode later except for Nate's episode because prologue is disgusting. And we can't do that to his fan base. You can't do that to his fan base. Yeah.

Yeah. But you get that if you order the pre-sale. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Get it right now at yMH studios.com. So here's the cool thing. From the time this show starting and going away till now, I've just been fucking off doing drugs.

Yeah. And you've been succeeding. The whole time. Building a fucking empire. And so as a habitual coattail writer. Yeah. I was like one of my many wealthy friends and I said, put your Rolex down for a second. and I got something to ask.

Yeah. Yeah. And you were like, yeah, let's do it. Let me take it off. Okay. Yeah, let's do it. I've got to share out this caviar diarrhea. And then absolutely.

Let's make it happen. Well, this was a fucking no-brainer, dude. We were so excited to do this. And seeing how it turned out, it turned out amazing, dude. Dude, it looks so fucking cool. It looks great. Everybody killed. The stories are fucking awesome.

Congratulations. Thank you. It was a legit hole in my heart for about seven years. I could tell. And then this was ending that. Now you made up. You made up with your ex. You guys are going to have kids.

That's great. I got to fuck this show. If you want to, for bonus, you can get me fucking a DVD of this show. Okay. 2699. You can really. Now that that's out of the way. We are doing a little bit of trading places today, though.

Normally you sit and ask somebody about a travel trip that they've taken somewhere with stories. You are somebody that amongst your friends, we're always like this fucking lunatic is just like off the grid again right like one time you had like a special come out and then you're like we're like oh your special's out so now like you'll do press and kind of like drive up interest in your next tour and we're like so where are you you're like i'm in vietnam oh yeah okay and then like nobody could get a hold of you yeah i'm trying to off grid it you really off grid it is kind of cool you are like the hunter thompson of uh of our little world you know what i mean like you're the guy who's like nah i live at

adventures, man. And the rest of us are like, I don't understand how to do this. I try to get out there. Honestly, I'll tell you something. When I moved to New York, you were like, I wish I could do that. Yeah. And I was like, you can. But you're like, no, no, I got a wife and I got, I have to okay with her. Her family's there. Yeah. And I'm like, I can't. And so I decided I was like, I'm going to be this like single guy, but I can't just be playing Xbox all day. Yeah. I got to be living my life to make Tom Seguora jealous. Yeah, yeah, you do. Yeah. Okay, cool. I mean, this, this, this, this, This thing is also, I'm full of jealousy of what you just did.

So you pick different parts of the world and you've explored. You did do Asia. Southeast Asia for four or five months in 2017. It's the duration that always makes us go like, what? Because, you know, for me, I'm like, three weeks would be crazy to do it. And then when you're like, this one, I'm like, wait, how long did you go? You go seven months. Yeah.

You just been gone for seven months. Dude, this comes something to your freedom level after about 14 days, 10 to 14 days, 12 days, maybe where you're like, I'm not even, I don't have an anchor in the old world. Yeah. Now it's like, I'm really. Yeah. I always notice that like when I go on vacation, my basically my big, like real vacations are like the, you know, the winter, the Christmas, New Year's time and then summer.

Like I try to do a longer one. A longer one. And I noticed about personally about vacation is that, you know, I know, I'm, you know, I'm If I'm on vacation, that first week does not count as vacation. It really just feels like you're still, your nervous system hasn't gone into like that down shift into like, oh, I noticed it starts to happen into week two where you're like, oh, okay. Where I can now get relaxed.

Get relaxed. And it doesn't happen for the first week. It really doesn't. It's still coming from like, I gotta do, I gotta do all this stuff. I think Fran Leibowitz, Andy Leibowitz, what's the photographer. So, Americans, Germans, and Japanese take hell of pictures

when they travel because they are like, I have to accomplish something. So I'll be the one who like gets everything down so I can prepare it for later. And then other people like, I'm just here. What are you going to take pictures for all the time? Yeah, I know. Document this. Too many pictures is unnerving. It's because

phones became so easy to do it with. Like I like taking, I bring a camera with me and actually take photos. But like that The lensy thing? It's a lensy thing. I bring a 35 and a 50. And, you know, I just kind of, no, I just like, I feel like you, I don't know,

you put like a little more thought into it than when you're just like, you know, especially if you bring your film camera because then you're just like. I had someone on the pod, one of the first guests, Jasmine Schatz, did the, she's a photographer. Yeah. She did the Carretero-Austral. No, not the Carretero-Austral. What's the France to Spain?

I don't know. It's like a 30-day hike. A 30-day hike. From France through Spain to like, yeah, whatever. But she's a photographer and she's like, I'm not taking my digital camera. I'm making film and I'm like, this one has to count. That's cool.

Yeah. I like that. Yeah. So seven months, as a, let's start broadly. Okay. Where did you go? Pick South America, Latin America. So you're like, I want to explore Latin America.

Yeah. Which is weird because, I mean, these are the two continents, right? Right, you can see it. But really, their continent starts up here when the language changes. Right. So that's what I did. I didn't want to skip straight to fucking Venezuela. So you started in Mexico?

Southern Mexico. And I took my, Rolf Potts, this is a travel writer. He probably has a book up here somewhere. He has a thing that, like, when you're doing long-term travel, he says, get thee to a beach. Change your like, whatever. I usually prefer the other way. Like, get to a big city where I know what big cities are. like yeah but then it's it's like rangoon it's like a different but at least I know what a big

city is on street lights and whatever so this time I did that though went to a beach and I said I'm not leaving here until I feel disconnected I just kept re-upping at the place I was staying until about 10 days and I was like yeah I feel relaxed now I stopped checking even sports scores you just were like I'm in yeah I was checking Yankee scores I'm like this is pulling me back to America so I was like I'll clock back in about a week before the playoff see if I was just saying that to someone that whenever you go abroad, you don't have to go that far. When you leave the country

and you realize how quickly you're like, oh yeah, I lost track of sports scores, news, like all the things that, because you realize other countries are like, yeah, that's not important to us. What's important to us is this fucking cricket match. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then our local news that's affecting us.

And it is a great way, if you're actually looking to unplug, if you can leave the country, it's a total game changer. Like I, when I've did like... I think people could do it. I think even couples were like, well, I have to like,

get a fucking burner phone. Yeah. So you and your chick can like talk or whatever and then just do that. But leave everyone else away. It's kind of great. I just did Julian Edelman's podcast, you know,

the page of the Patriot. One of our greatest. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. Sandy Kofax to Julian. Oh, me. And no one in between.

He's on your Mount Rushmore for sure. Yeah. As a non-owner of a team? Oh, my God. He's doing it. It's really doing it. Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

Salute. Oh, yeah, that's one of these. But we were talking and we did this thing where we were talking, we picked a game to talk about. So we talked about the... A game you'd seen? Well, we talked about a national championship game, FSU of Virginia Tech back in 99, 2000. No, it was January 2000 or February 2000. Okay.

No, January. Where did he play? He went to like a small school at Kent State or something. But we just talked about one, that's his podcast. about one game okay we were talking about that game oh I know what I was I realized that I was like oh I put it together that I was home and then I went to study abroad that that year it was January 2000 when I went abroad and I was telling him how like I remember I watched that game at home and that I was in Madrid right I went to Madrid and it was the first time in my life at that point

where at one point it must have been end of January beginning of February that it was It was like a Monday morning and I'm going to class talking to somebody and they're like, oh, you see the Super Bowl? And I was like, when was the Super Bowl? And they were like, yesterday was the Super Bowl? You weren't even made aware of it. And I was like, I've never missed the Super Bowl, you know? And I was like, how was it?

They're like, it was fucking amazing. I was like, oh, really? I was like, open it was a bad one too. Because I was like, you know, there was no like promos about it. Yeah. Nobody was talking about it. It's not on your purview. It just goes away.

Bro, can I just tell you right now? I do not know who was in or what. won the Super Bowl this year. Really? Yeah. It was the antlers. I remember who the teams were in the whole league. Okay, all right.

Yeah. You would have been, it would have been fun to have you chime in on the halftime in the halftime Super Bowl as you were in Latin America. Because that's all anybody was talking about. Bad Bunny? Oh, yeah, yeah. It was incredible. I did hear Bad Bunny did it.

Oh, dude, they love Bad Bunny down there. Every time they were like, hey, you should learn Spanish better. and I was like, how'd you learn English so well? Like music. And I was like, okay, I'll listen to like bad buddy. Like, no, you get bad words from that. Yeah, yeah. He's foul-mouthed.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Also, you'd learn to talk like a fucking Puerto Rican from the outskirts. That's not what you want. People would be like, where the fuck did you learn Spanish, dude? Welcome to the end, everybody. It's a storytelling show, me and my comedian friends. We're all telling true and really terrible stories.

Into a toddler's face. Wild face sometimes. Regretful. Every STD. Horrible. I'm gonna fuck you up. And amazing stories. We just got started.

I'm gonna stop the terrace. You're in trouble, Mr. reality, huh? This is gonna be a good night. It's gonna kill us all. I'm about to be fucked. You should be in jail. Hey man, are you okay?

I actually do well. You don't fucking talk to me. Okay? I am a disciple of the Lord. That you missed the spot. How did I get here? How did this happen? That's a good question.

You guys ready to sign the show? That was the cool thing too. So Southeast Asia, it's a new language everywhere you go. So you're starting over. You learn your 10 words. Please thank you. Hello. Bathroom food.

You know, what, one, two, three. But you went into this because you've always liked Spanish. No, I took it. Right before I met you guys for a sober October with Rogan, I came back from Columbia. That's right. And I had zero Spanish, went there for two weeks, came back with a touch.

Yeah, and then. But since then, haven't you? Yeah, I've been trying to do a lingo. I've taken some trips. But how did this seven months affect it? I was pretty good. I mean, I was going to like doctors in Spanish. Wow.

I wasn't, I couldn't probably get a car repaired in Spanish, but like, you know enough where you're like, you can say this, Esacosa, you know, and it's like, that's not quite right, but close enough. Yeah. It's man, you're managing. Managing, yeah. So it's like, you know, you say dente, but it's like, no, it's diente. No, it's diente. I'm like, whatever.

You know what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying, yeah. Yeah. You're like an Italian guy there. They're like, I get it. Yeah. Yeah, and it was like country to country. It didn't start over.

How many countries did you visit in the seven months? Ten. Ten. Yeah, started in southern Mexico. Okay. So then when I finally got relaxed, I went into Oaxaca. I got another thing to tell you in between, off air. But went into Oaxaca.

By the way, I was like, oh, Mexican baseball, the Guerrero's. I have a game, but I looked and I'm like, their season just ended. Fuck. Oh, shit, they're in the playoffs. So I was missing the Yankees and I just adopted the Guerrero's as my team. That was just your squad. Yeah.

How was it? It was great. It was so fun. First of all, torrential rain. So everyone just buries themselves into like downstairs and they're all singing and singing their fucking rally songs. And then it comes out. I was like, I'm not going to eat because I want to get a hot dog.

And then they were like, we don't have hot. We have burritos. We have Mondongo, we have fucking all these crazy things. 12 year olds go to beer, beer? And I'm like, lady, you're fucking a child. And she's like, I'm on beer run. And they go run, get you a beer. They must look at you like, look at this fucking fugitive, dude.

Yeah. No way this fucking Epstein's cousin over here. I didn't have it. I shaved it all. You did? So on the flight down, I stopped in, I got upgraded. I'm trying to think when do you look juie or with or without that full beard? The beard helps.

It does? Yeah. If I could get these. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah, bro. You have a white background there. Wow.

Let me tell you about Epstein. Oh, what's Epstein Island? It's not a country, but it's right. You went there. Okay. Anyway, Adopted the Guerrero's game. I had with me, I brought a lot of shit. I was like, I'm not bringing this back.

I'm going to accept that this will probably not come home with me. So nothing dear. Okay. You know, and one of them was a nasty nester Yankees giveaway shirt. He's no longer in the Yankees. So I'm like it's a cool shirt. It's just got his mustache, but I'm like, whatever. I'll wear it to the baseball game.

This kid started sending me beers. And he was like, and I was like, oh, thanks. I was like, and then I was like, send him a beer. And he goes, no, no, no. And then I was like, then he sent me another beer. And I was like, and then I went over to him. I was like, what? And I was like, first of the kid's 16, but he looked like a fucking 40.

They live grizzled down there. Yeah. He goes, I'm a huge Yankee fan. I see that nasty nestor shirt. I just want to, and he's there with his mom. I thought he was a hot lady. She was, but like his mom. He sent me like two more beers.

I'm loaded. And at some point I'm like, buddy, this shirt's yours. And I just like took it off and gave it to him. And he was like, no fucking way. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't find a better home for it than that.

Yeah, yeah, that's cool. And then I just, we all left after a win, a playoff win. And I'm just shirtless. Yeah. Fucking missing bird. Passing by dead dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So wait, what happened?

You say something in Mahaka? Well, haka was great. Food is so-so. Wasn't loving it. Went to some place Heather told me about in Oaxaca. That was really good. Mexico has the best food. You love their food.

They do it right. Yeah. I went to see a movie, Hour of Disappearance. But that witch lady, I think they called it something different here. Were you talking about weapons? Weapons. Yes. By the way, they called it Hour of Disappearance in Mexico.

That's a better name. Hour of Disappearance? The Hour of Disappearance. For that movie, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, bro Yeah. Bird, if you're watching.

Their concession game is so far beyond ours. Really? At the theater? Okay, first of all, popcorn, multiple flavors, which you can get a divider. Great already. What do you got? Doritos popcorn.

It's Doritos flavored popcorn with Doritos crumpled up Doritos in it. You can do the same with Cheetos, kettle corn, butter, cheese. And then they had this thing like, we went with a whole group of people and we went to,

Oh boy. Is that the whole thing going to fall on them? No, no, no, no, no. I just wanted to, you know, when you, when you, when you're talking about Mexico. Yeah. And like three days ago, I'm just scrolling and I see this. And I laugh. So I watch this thing 45 to 50 times.

Okay. I sent it to every Spanish speaking relative and friend of mine. It had me crying. And it's, it's in Mexico. And I think you should be able to follow. Can you, will it play with San Francisco? Okay. Okay.

You're a lot of frioles, Pinch a perr, well, vendemone, Valentina, I'm, you know, that's very so,

what, what, your, man, yeah, get to do you, but,

but, you're saying, Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, you're,

that man. Yeah, well, you're, that's about, I'm gonna me a lot to a Pinchie bio, Pendejo, no? He's done with it. Bro.

There's so much for... Manliness in Mexico. Dude, so I sent this to one of my cousins. What did you just say? I think I got that right. And when he gets the knife, it's just like, oh yeah, I was translating that correctly. He was telling me, he was like, my cousin,

so my cousin is from Lima, but he moved to Mexico. Yeah. And he was, we were, I was setting, I sent this video and he was like, holy shit. Like, we were laughing. He was like,

that guy, the guy filming, he's like, is so crazy. He's like, because down here, people will fuck you up. And there will be, like, in the right neighborhood, he's like, there's no repercussions. Like, hey, that guy could kill him. It's like, why, whatever they call them?

If you play it again, we'll just talk it for people listening. This is like, I'll press pause as we go along. So, so right there, he's like, he's like, give me a, one of those beans right there. He calls him a pince perro, which is like, you fucking dog.

Dog. Right. So the guy's like, huh? Right. He's like, he puts it down, right? And then he goes, maybe he's talking to someone. He's like, he's like, the one. The next one, he's like, and then he goes, he, play it for me. Okay. Okay. Now he's got the stir face. Sell me the Valentina, I'm, Hilo de Tupéra Madre, which is like, like, like. son of a bitch like son of your of your bitch mother bitch my yeah right and that's what the that's he turns like hey we're about done with that guy's getting it still and he's like what's my job he's like I own this business right did you just say right so then he goes okay

yeah okay so then he's like what the fuck man it's a little it's a little that was him talking just now right now the guy who put down the counter says it's like but what's like he's telling him like that's a little much right he's like what the fuck man like why are you why are you talking like that like it literally says a little accelerated right but so then the guy's like what okay so then he goes right there he goes why iqa puttah madre which is son of your whore mother yeah right and now the guy's like looking for his knife right he's no longer looking for can's like hold up he's gonna he's gonna grab it he's gonna grab it oh mammy yeah yeah yeah yeah He looks around and he's like, hold on.

Oh, there's my knife. Hot sauce in this shot is so perfect too. He's like, no mamis, yeah. Then now he's like, what the fuck, man? Like, for real, why are you talking like that? And the best is that the guy filming goes, but what am I saying? He's acting like, what am I doing wrong?

Press play. But what do you say? Well, what I'm saying? Well, yeah, I'm going to. What I do? Okay. Now he goes, But what are you getting so mad at?

What are you getting so mad at it? What are they doing? So he's totally gaslighting him. And then he goes, okay, like, now I'm going to speak nice to you, right? Because the guy's like, no, for real. Like, what the fuck? And then he tells him, like,

barre that mama, like, put that shit away. Is what he's telling him for the knife right after this? But guard that mama. He's like, what else you want, fucker? Vendem one lat, you're a t'em'em a lot, you're a pincerego, pendejo, no? So he asked for one last thing, and he calls him an old fuck, right? And then he'd grab the knife.

He grabbed something, and he's like, I'm coming around. I think he was grabbing what he asked for, and then as, because he was like, and then he's like, binched a vehicle. So he's going to come around with that knife. This made me laugh. So goddamn heart. Okay, we can take it down. But yeah, it's a fun thing about languages, right?

Yeah. You're like, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then some people would, like, show you shit like this. Yeah. They'd be like, like, what are you laughing at? And I try to keep up with like what they're saying. Yeah.

But they'd be like, yeah, we got a different algorithm. Yeah. Yeah, mine has, I have a lot of this stuff. A lot of that. That's what a max of your language and your disgusting displays of humanity. Yeah, yeah. It's a nice mix, right? Hey, guys, today's episode of UB Trippininin is brought to you by Cheers.

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Yeah, it's the old Ari. You thought you could bury me? I bury you. I bury you. Same night out. Way, budded morning with you. Cheers. For a limited time, my listeners are getting 20% off their entire order by using code tripping at CheersHealth.com. Just head to cheershealth.com and use code tripping for 20% off. After you purchase,

they're going to ask you where you heard about them. Please support my show and tell them that you'd be tripping sent you. Guys, the reality is this. It cheers is an aid for if you're drinking, you're going to feel 50% better or they're giving you your money back. That's the bottom line. All that stuff about Joe de Rosa, while true, he is a pig, doesn't really affect the ad rate. It just helps you get back on your feet. better the next day. There's a whole bunch of reasons for it, but that's the bottom line. So use a performance enhance so like that. Okay, back to the episode about my crazy trip. At Desjardin, our business is helping yours. We are here to support your business through every stage of growth, from your first pitch to your first acquisition. Whether it's improving cash flow

or exploring investment banking solutions, with Desjardin business, it's all under one roof. So join the more than 400,000 Canadian entrepreneurs who already count on us and contact Desjardin today. We'd love to talk. Business. Okay. So I want to get to, can you tell me broadly first the 10 countries? Yeah, Mexico, mostly land borders, Mexico into Guatemala. And then we're like got to cross over near like the ruins and stuff over there.

with Guatemala, like here. Mm-hmm. You get like a, like, hey, do you have transport, which I think that's going to be like a bus that's going to Guatemala. And it's just some guy who picks you up and you're in the back of his car for like five hours.

They get to the Guatemala border. Somebody else takes you from there to the town and it's like $30. Crazy. Yeah. How much cash do you bring on a trip like this? I brought, I think probably $10,000. In cash?

No. No. Into an account. Oh, into an account. Can I show you the best picture I saw at the Guatemala-Mexico border? Yeah. Do you guys have this? How far back do we have to go?

Oh, way, way back. This was hanging out on the border of Mexico. Wait, tell me something first. What? What's the full list? Mexico, Guatemala. Guatemala, El Salvador. Nicaragua got turned away.

Had to take the boat back to El Salvador, two and a half hours. That was a mess. And then rolled with it, went to Medellín. Columbia. Uh-huh. Colombia. Then Peru. Peru then bused to Bolivia over Ticaca.

Into Chile. Quick jump over to Sao Paulo and Rio to go see Oasis. Back to Chile to go to Patagonia. To Argentina. Right? That's the intention. Chile. No, it starts in Chile. It's probably going to go. No, I know, but I mean. Yeah, and then in Argentina, back to Chile, and then into Argentina to go to the tip-tip.

And then back to Chile, because of the tip-tip, it's even further is Porto Williams. It's like the southernmost town of the world. Okay. And then, no, and then Uruguay. Oh, that's 11. Really? Yeah. And then Brazil.

Oh, we did Brazil already. Yeah, back to Brazil. 11? Oh, yeah, I'm not counting Nicaragua. I was there for hours. Okay. Why did you get turned away? They bring me into an office.

So at first they go everybody, you stamp out. This captain's boat captain in Nicaragua and El Salvador told me some dark stories about the gangs. Like really dark in Nicaragua? Yeah. No, in El Salvador. Oh, yeah. He goes, everybody I met in El Salvador was like this idea you have about like, oh, they're just arresting anyone with a tattoo. It's like that's great who it's not a tattoo. It's a tattoo of every cop I've killed

I get their badge number tattooed on me every loved one I've raped I get there I get their name tattooed It was like beyond it's a it's not a we need to crack down on crime It's like we've lost our country so they all love that leader They love that guy fuck yeah so everybody would turn I remember in Guatemala were sitting there like well we were Trump They were always like what about Trump and I didn't want to talk about it yeah and I go all you know How's your guy? And they go, my guy sucks! He's the fucking worst!

He doesn't do shit on Christ! And then they just turn it on them. But in El Salvador, they love their guy. They love him. So this guy told me that in this border town... He's new, right? Yeah. Young, isn't he kind of young?

Doesn't take a salary? And they're like, he could be a tyrant. It could turn it. And they're like, who cares? Wasn't he the one who just a few weeks ago was like, man, Mexico, they don't fucking regulate. They've lost their territories. It's insane. Isn't that him, the guy who did that speech?

It's possible. His speeches are great. He called a meeting at Congress one day. He goes, I want to like balance the books to tell him what you've done with, you know, bring your books and we're going to show what you've done like, like, pulling road, shit like that. And then he goes, open up your books further. I want to see if you took any money from gangs. And if you did, you went to jail that day.

Congressmen and senators. Right there. Left Congress in handcuffs to jail. Wow. Anyway, actually, I'm not going to tell you this story. It's too dark. Okay. Great.

Yeah. But anyway, so get to Nicaragua. They cut one by one. They stamp everybody. They go, Ari Shafir, they're like, all right, come with me. And then I'm like, did anybody go into the building? And I was just playing with a street dog. Yeah.

I got a lot of streets and I would just fuck with street dogs. Yeah. I loved it. And then I go close the door behind you. And I was like, okay. What? They start asking me questions. Well, you sure have a lot of Instagram followers.

And I was like, really? Tom says I don't have enough. I got to buckle down. And then they go, yeah, what's going on? What do you do? Are you a journalist? I'm like, no. Like, do you take any journalism classes in college?

I'm like, no. Hilarious. No drones allowed, no journalists allowed in Nicaragua. And I guess they just... No journalists are allowed? People get turned away if they have even a journalism class on like their LinkedIn or anything or used to be. But is that why they got you?

No, it just registered weird. They kept calling Monaguan. well like what's going on with this guy asked me a question where did you tell them i'm a comedian yeah how many people do you play for what do you charge for tickets real questions what are you doing here wait where which cigar plantation were you like well my new thing the end is coming out on ym h studios april 16th they just kept researching me and i honestly i guess if you look long enough like i've been on cnn and msmbsmbc yeah oh right and they're like that's enough yeah rogan's like kind of a journalist they'd be like you know so they go eventually like you can't come today i'm

really sorry you got to turn back wow yeah how would you would you ever even look at emails or anything or never okay I started a new email address yeah I dropped my phone number I said end that and I got that's why I got a text from a number I'm like who is this phone oh right okay um bounce back whatever I just got a new email just just talked to niana pretty much so give me the ads with a pod that's the only thing I want to be in contact you just record them like in a tent yeah really I mean kind of beautiful scenery. If I found a beautiful scenery, I'll like, I'll do it here. Hey, I'm gonna come here tomorrow without like

a bunch of like Spotify and like, how would you send them? Would you send them WhatsApp or? Google Drive. Google Drive. Did it on my iPhone. I had an iPhone just for the camera for this. No shit. Yeah. First of all, also, I got to say, and not just because it's in front of you, those guys

help me, the YMH crew to help me live this dream. Really? Taking care of everything. And I'm like, from the ad team to Niana to Chris and Alan. It was like, I know this is going to be harder for you guys. This is not normal. Roll with me on this because I really want to get lost.

And they all, they were like, sure. That's awesome. Yeah. They're great. You guys are great. Speak. Tell you what, I'll just put it in. Okay.

So this I saw at the border. At the border to Mexico. You got to like look at what his shirt says. It's just sleeping. We'll put it up. Yeah. He's half in the bag for sure. Half in the back for sure.

Sleeping Mexican with that Trump 2824 shirt on. That's hilarious. Yeah. 45 and 47 letting people know two terms. That's crazy. Yeah. So it was just place to place to place. Yeah.

Medellin was, got in a little trouble Medellin. What kind of trouble? Some, I was telling them, some drug dealer got too, like, gangy on me. Gangy on you? Kind of fucked with my, like, psyche a little bit. it this was like hold on let me go this is somebody you're buying drugs from yeah okay and medehen got safe 15 years ago okay and then now like communa 13 went from like the most dangerous place where like carol g is from they had like 4 p.m. curfews kids had to sprint home from school

before the shooting started and now it's Vegas it's like crazy it's so different but what happened with this particular guy so now the gangs are kind of like well people aren't on guard let's like make money now all these guys so anyone who interested into their world, meaning prostitution or drugs, they're like, we can now do whatever. I went to a touristy part of town. Somebody's like weed. I was like, yes, actually, I do, you can get weed. It's mota or boata, whatever.

It's generally easy to find. You find somebody making jewelry and just ask him. You know, those guys selling the shit they make. At worst, they could be like, hold up here. I'll find the guy. Anyway, so he was like 500 and I was like zero. That's a crazy price you just hit me with. I was like 200, but right, it should have been like 80 and I should have led with 50.

Yeah. So he's like 200. Out of my mouth, I was like, fuck. And the guy's like 400. I'm like, 200. I'm like, literally I already went too high. And he goes, fine. And then he like gives it to me.

I'm going back to my buddy's got the cash. I didn't have cash on me. I was like, give me 200. And some other little fucking guy, 400 more. And I was like, no, what? Who are you? He's like, pretty much that guy's boss. He goes, 400 more.

I was like, no, it's 200. We had a deal. He was, bro, 400 more. 400 more yeah I was like no way zero chance like I had a deal and he's like it's 400 more don't fuck with me that's the fucking price just like a tough little kid kind of like fitzimmons if he was a fucking Mexican gang a member and then I was like then take it back I don't want it goes that's not possible and he goes and I'm like dude no and so I don't know if you know rock in a hard place or jew in a fucking bargain but like those are those are two forces that aren't going to give

Yeah. And so he's like, yeah, 400 more. I was like, no way. And I was like, dude, no, we had a deal. And he goes, this is Medellin. This is drugs, dude. I'm going to follow you home and your friends. And I'm going to do terrible shit to you.

Don't fuck with me. And I'm still the fucking, I could feel my grandfather's saying, don't get more money. And then eventually one of the guys from the group starts fucking cursing at him in Spanish. This is like a small chick. She's like, fuck you, piece of shit. Badejo, fucking whatever. And he was like, eventually he's like, I've never really been yelled. And he's like, fine, 50.

And then we're like, I was like, it's good enough. And I was like, fine, fine. But it fucked with me for the next few weeks. That 50 is still hitting with you though. You're just like, my God. I just got kind of scared for the next few weeks. It was like PTSD. I'm not as safe as I thought I was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the threat doesn't feel good. Yeah. The rest of the night was all fucked. Did I tell you one time, this has nothing to do with this. But it reminds me one time a friend of mine. Also, one of your true. tribe.

Yeah. Abe. Nice. Sounds like it. He was driving, I feel like he, I forget if he was in L.A. Or another part of the country. But anyway, he was driving a car with like a banged up door. And he said a guy was like, hey man, I can fix that for you.

Right. And he was like, really? He's like smooth it out, buff it out, make it like good as new. Armenian. Right? And he wasn't now, not an armist. It was one of mine? No, no, no.

Abe was one of yours. Okay. But the guy was like, yeah, dude, like it'll look like... I've had that. Brand new. Yeah. And so Abe's like, yeah, all right. So he goes, you know, the guy works on it for like, whatever.

They got the truth right in the trunk. Yeah. And of course, the guy had offered to do it for like 50 bucks, right? Yeah. So anyways, he goes, he goes and he looks at it. He's like, man, that looks like shit. Like, that's not like that's not good. He's like, I'm not paying for that.

And the guy's like, well, you know, I did the best I could. He goes, yeah, that's not what. That wasn't the arrangement, right? And the guy goes, either you're going to give me 50 bucks or I'm going to take it from you. And the guy was, and Abe's a small guy, was like, really? He's like, I don't want to have to, but I will. And he was like, all right, he just gave him the 50 bucks.

And he was like, yeah, I was like, yeah, dude, people don't fix your door for 50 bucks. He's like, well. Yeah. But it's scary. He got scared. Well, now you're just robbing me. He got scared. This isn't a bargain that you beat me on.

Yours is a little different because it involved drugs. But mine also was like, you already got me good. I'm paying $200 for $50. Like, it's already pretty. How much weed was it? It was like five grand. And those five grams in Latin America always ends up being about three and a half. They don't measure in front of you.

That's how you when I bought weed in Lima. No. So I was down there. I was a little bit of my cousin of mine. and I had a friend, American friend with me, and I was like, we want to get some weed. He was like, all right, so we go to the campus. We go to one of the university campuses.

He's like, I know a guy. And so I was like, yeah, I just want to get like a little bit of weed, you know. Like me and my friend are going to smoke a joint, so whatever. So my cousin's like, talks to the guy and the guy was like, you have like 20 bucks? I was like, 20 bucks. Yeah. What's that going to get me, you know? Yeah.

Here's 20. Guy gives me a bag like this. It's the L.A. prices. You can use the L.A. prices. I was like, this is $20. And I fucking take that. And I was like, bro, I was telling my cousin, I was like, do, this is a crazy amount to get for $20.

He was like, really? What country was this? Yeah, in Lima, in Peru. Wow. And I was like, okay, but the weed looked weird. You know, it didn't look like. But it was fake wheat, yeah. Bro, I smoked that.

And like, I got the chills. and I'm like hearing things and I'm like fucking is it are the, do you hear those trains? And like my cousin's like

huh? I was like bro I'm fucking blitzing. I don't know what I smoked. I have no idea what it was. Bro, I got the same shit in Ecuador when I went to Ecuador

not this before. We couldn't find weed it was right after COVID too so it was like nobody wanted to talk to you if you said people smoking they didn't want to like hey don't come up

like hard COVID time. But when we found something they're like yeah 30 grams. for $30 and I was like what? And I was like well it's got to be shit and I was seeing lines. Oh my God. I was like this is not I'm not this is not a weed high right now.

Yeah. Somebody said like they just piss on it if it's that kind of weed. You smoke piss and weed. Really? Yeah. I'm like do it more. Do it more. It worked.

Yeah. And the funny thing is my friend he was like not having the same experience as me. And then the second night he smoked again and it was he was. And he got it. He was like, fucking like, what is happening right now? Yeah. It's supposed to be dirtweed. Yeah.

It was non-GMOs in Peru. It was melting us, dude. So rules so much. You're like, what happened to you in Peru? So went through, let's see, started in northern Peru, surfed where the fucking surfing started on these like old fishing boats. Yeah, they have these weird fishing boats where they'd surf in and that's kind of like the birthplace of surfing. Is it really?

Yeah. I didn't know that. With like these tips and stuff. The Burke Crusher Dillens by Free Waters. Wherever you go, they go with you. Get them? Actually don't know. As Bert.

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Have it all with 3-1 Disney Plus. And they just kind of worked my way down and then got to Lima and we were going to do one splurge. I was going to eat this like, I had a friend who's like, I'll get you. My aunt is like a foodie.

She's like, there's a high-level Michelin restaurant there. Central. Yes. Yeah. I'm going to get you reservations and you're going to go to that. Yeah. I went two years ago.

I mean, you spend like seven hours there. It's crazy. They take you on a tour of the kitchen. It won number one in the world. Yeah. So here's a three-day period. So I went to Gamara Market. So you go to Lima a lot?

A lot? No, I used to go a lot. Okay. The last time I went was in 23, I think, 22 or 23. And Peru is very, it's the beginning of the upscale Latino. Chile and Argentina is the most. That's what you desperately want to be. And then Chile and then Brazil and Uruguay are like different things completely.

Orogyz a lot of whites. Uruguay is like Argentina. Yeah. Argentina light. It's like Austria, Germany. And then Brazil really is his own country. Yeah, for sure. The continent, really.

But Peru starts it. So you have like that, you have like Central and you have like the super cool high level coffee shops of the couple neighborhoods right over that bridge. And then you have these markets, like the Gamara market where I heard there was a witch market. So you know how the markets are all like bustling and crazy and they have these like areas.

Well, like this is all plumbing stuff. 20 straight stores of plumbing and then 20 straight stores of raw meat and then 20 straight stores of, they don't separate it. Terrible businessmen. But like, so they had a witch market that I heard about and I wanted to go see it. And so we, a bunch of people from the hostel went down there and the chicks all wanted to get their tarot red. Yeah. And it's people with like dry newt hanging up and all the fucking tarot cards and everything.

And I was like, I got to do some promo stuff for you be tripping. I got to be like, this week, Tom Rhodes is on the episode. This week, Tom for Instagram. So I went off. came back like 20 minutes later found everybody else and they go, we got a story for you and I go what? They go, we were getting

our taros read. The guy stops in the middle of the reading looked at one of the girls who I had fucked like three days before but she was cool and she wasn't like whatever. Who you had? Yes. And she goes and he goes hey there's a man

that you had sex with that you've been with he has a curse on him. and he needs to get a black cooey treatment to lift the curse. Okay, anything you're thinking now I've thought of. I was not with them when they went into the taro place. I had left them before. There was no signs of this happening.

And there's like 50 witches and witch stores. They went in, I met them decent part away, back where the food is. And the guy said he kept, and they're like, okay, yeah, I was with a guy a few days ago and he is around. Like, yeah. He's cursed. Black heart. He wasn't trying, yeah?

He wasn't trying to sell them on anything. He was saying there's this got, find him. He needs this treatment. He's got to curse on him. And then they kept doing the tarot. And then he stopped again. He was like, hey, I got to be serious again. That guy needs help.

So I found them. And they told me. And I was like, that's hilarious. Okay. And they were walking. I was like, you know what? I want to do one. I saw some other witch like reading.

You went to a different one. A different one? That's probably a 10 minute walk away. Okay. And I was like, I'm gonna get my coca leaves red. Yeah, yeah. $4. This is fun, you know?

And I was like, hey, can I get my coca leaves red? And they were like, yeah, you want terror? I'm like, no, let's do coca leaves. This is fun, you know? And she starts, like, throwing down like coca leaves and like looking at it and it's like throwing it down. And then she's like, hey, she goes, hey, what do you want to know? I didn't know was even that. And I thought about the end.

And I was like, well, I've got this big project coming. How's it going to, is that going to work out? And she goes, it's not going to go like you think it will, but it's going to be very successful. So I'm like, okay. And then she goes, and, hey, buddy, you got a curse on you. Really? And I was like, what? She goes, yeah, it's a bad one.

And you need a black Kui treatment. Kui is guinea pig. It's like an Andean dish. That's amazing. But like, she goes, you need to get that done. and I was like it's beyond a coincidence now yeah

so I'm like all right but now it's like 50 bucks instead of four because it's like we gotta kill a fucking guinea pig for this yeah which

and so I was like let me think about it but then I was like you know just for the experience I'm on a budget because it's long term and I gave up all work so

yeah I was like let me think and I went to go eat inside the Gamar market you are safe outside and I've been a couple times Cab drivers won't let you out unless you're right by the entrance of the door.

They're like it's too dangerous out here for locals and whatever alike. Wow But I was like it's fine as daytime went out came back on the way back the market kind of pushes out and it keeps going It's bustling all these markets are bustling in Latin America and some old lady stopped in front of me like to do something and I was like oh shit It's all and I was like people are now behind me pushing and I was like they're gonna run me over and I'm like wait I'm not running over a fucking old lady and then I'm like fuck fuck and then eventually they get tired of waiting and they just kind of push past me and I barely move past the old lady. I was like, oh, it's stupid. So then back into the Gamara market, I was like, I'm going to do it.

And so she's like, okay, let's do it. And she gives you this, this guinea pig, this alive guinea pig. And she goes, I'm going to put it in your bosom. We don't have the stuff, right? I'll show you later. I'm going to put stuff in pictures. And it's inside that she takes this like kind of a shawl or something with like Andy in like art and she goes and she goes make it like a swath like you're holding a baby

and hold that inside your chest so this guinea pig clawing at my chest inside and she goes you got to pet it you got to pet it to calm it down I've got scratch marks all over everywhere so I'm holding this guinea pig inside me and right then some guy comes up from the street it goes hey hey hey hey I saw what happened out there with um with that bustling whatever she goes that you were robbed and I was like what they go yeah that that was a team I saw that happen. That old lady, that guy who pushed behind you, if you had anything in your back pocket,

it's gone. And I was like, and I only had stuff in my front pocket. And I was like, whoa. It was just the thing. They saw, they clocked me from a block. They're like,

do the thing. And then they just went for you. Yeah, they pushed them. They were like pushing at my pocket. Luckily I had, it's not like I don't keep them stuff in my back pocket, but I just didn't that day.

So I'm holding this in there. And she goes, okay, here's what we got to do now. after about two or three hours of holding it in. Two or three hours? Yeah. Yeah.

And she's talking to me and I'm like, where did you learn witchcraft from my mom, me and my sister? Anna Luz and I don't lose too. And we learned it from my mom. We're Bolivians. We're refugees from Bolivia. And I was like, more than Machu Picchu. And she's like, I've been.

We've been many times. We crossed over Machupeche to get here. And she was like, okay. And so then after it, she goes, okay. So now take out this guinea pig and it's like, And she puts this like juice on me that's like this like stuff and she like put in your hands smell it. And then she does all this stuff. She takes like these like leaves, bunch of leaves puts a juice on there and she says, I thought she said like keep this with you like but she

was saying my Spanish was so so by that. She was she was pretty much saying take it. And then she starts whipping me, whipping my bare chest with this fucking juice on on these like branches. Yeah, I was like take this and I was like yeah, I can take it with me. They were just like no take it And then just I was like ah fuck fuck fuck she had all these weird fucking symbols two two swords that she would go like that on my chest my back She would like what's your name what's your last name what's your father's name? Open your hands when I say that she repeated my dad's name over and over again And then she rubbed the she was like so this guinea big depending on how bad the curse is Will live or not but it's gonna take your curse from you if it's not that powerful it'll be fine

and she starts squealing she's rubbing it on my head she's going all over and then and then it's just dead it just died yeah she was rubbing it on me and it died this is a bad curse she goes this curse is bad and I said did this happen in late January of 2019 right around when a beloved Laker died because I think I know when I got this curse And she said, no, I don't know when you got it, but she said this curse was not meant for you. You stepped in it.

It seems like a very Ari thing. What? To be cursed. To step into a curse. Yes. Yeah. Holy shit. So anyway, so she goes, okay, that's bad. No meat today, no coffee tomorrow. You got to come back tomorrow. We got to do another one.

She goes, this one's, it was a tough. It's a big one. And my sister's going to be here tomorrow and we can do this together. I thought about it and I said, yeah, she goes, you need another Kui treatment and you need a frog treatment and you need to read your egg. So she goes, I can do the egg right now. Let's see. And she cracked an egg and water. All these like tendrils come out. She goes, these are jealous eyes on you. These and these.

First of all, real or not, it was so fucking cool. Yeah, it's cool. So I was like, okay, she goes, no meat tomorrow, no meat today. You can't have meat tomorrow. And I was like, hey, I have reservations at a really expensive restaurant and there's going to be meat. And this is a once in a trip thing to eat at this restaurant, a top restaurant in the world. Can we do this in two days? And she goes, yeah, absolutely.

Go eat your meat. Come back in two days. Came back in two days. A frog in a bag in my chest, another black antipag, a much bigger one. Does the whole same thing. Frog died pretty quick. Jesus Christ. But that was because it was in a plastic bag.

Okay. What about the guinea pig? Guinea pig stayed alive. It was much calmer. It was a big one. I knew how to swath it and like calm it and stuff. The first one tried to get out through my arm. You know, I had this like Median jersey, which was, I was fine as shit in my pocket, like little guinea pig pellets.

Like it was just pooping and shit. Yeah. Anyway, so then this one, whatever, she goes, okay, we got it. She goes, let's discover more. And she did my egg reading. She got the frog, said something about the frog, chucks it in the fucking garbage. unceremoniously. Then she's like,

let's find this. It does the same thing with the swords, with the bead and stuff and like hits me with a take it. I'm like, all right, or right,

hold on. And then, dude, it was fucking wild. And then she said, let's rub it. Let's find out where this was. And she's rubbing it in this big,

big, like, and then she goes to my left leg and it starts really fucking freaking out. And she goes weird. And then she goes to my right leg and it just goes, dead

and she goes that's where you're stepped in it your right leg Jesus yeah and then she cuts it open with the razor cuts the skin of the guinea pig

open with the razor and this thing pops out where the belly button with just skin like peeled away skin where now it's just like in between skin and like flesh just pops out like that

she goes that's there it took it it took it you're good and she goes I can give you some charms I want you to keep these with you for about a year they'll protect you and I'm going to take a picture of you

and me and my sister are going to pray over it on our table because you seem cool. You have to, do you believe all this? I don't know. No? I mean, maybe, no, I don't know. But it's like, but she goes, you're good now. The curse is left.

It wasn't meant for you. Don't worry about it, but. I mean, if anything, it's a cool. It's worth just the, let's go. I mean, I would look at someone else doing it. I watched two guinea pigs die. It was awesome. And I was like, can't eat those?

She's like, you can't eat this one, no way. And then, yeah, no coffee, no, no, no. So you did it, you followed the instructions. Yeah, yeah, for a day. I was like, sure, okay. That's wild. Let me ask you, I had this question, even in the lobby. How do you think about packing for something, like a trip like this?

That's an excellent question. That's a legit question that anyone going for more than whatever. Everything's got to be multipurposed. Explain that. What does multi-purpose mean? These shoes, I had these before, I'm like, these won't work. So I left them here in America and I just picked them up again. I need shoes that could be good for hiking, but dark enough color where I could wear it to a restaurant.

Okay. You know what I mean? If I went out somewhere nice. Same with like the pants. Yeah. So it's like you can't, jeans are too heavy. So I can have one pair of jeans because I don't mind jeans. I like them, but not too, they're too heavy.

You're going to be, this was different. The Southeast Asia was one climate. This was many. And he's gets cold. Yeah, yeah. And then I was chasing the sun. It was a solstice to solstice trip. So I went to Barrow, Alaska for the summer solstice, 24 hours of sunlight.

You did? June 21st, yeah. Six, saw a wild polar bear. And then I was at the tip of, so I was here, June 21st, here December 21st. How was being at the tip at the bottom there? Warmer. No, actually that was warmer. Not 24 hours of sunlight, because that's higher up than this is low.

Yeah. It was very cool. Very cool. Yeah. And I took some rocks from the ocean here and I planned. How was Patagonia? Is that amazing? I sent pictures to Niana. She was like, what's going on?

I was like here, just as I'm driving. I got a camper van and just drove around the camper van. I would just take a picture through the windshield. That's a magazine cover. Yeah. It's gorgeous. And then you get to the Argentine side and it's hell. And then back into Palaz-

Because it's all desert and high winds. The driving is crazy. You also did, did you go to Carnival? I finished a carnival. How was that? It's so fun. Is it, it's a party, right? It's just like a party.

What I found out was, well, I'll get back to packing in a second. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. When I found out was when I was like, I'm thinking because I'm kind of come back around now, going to launch my show, the end, available right now at YMH Studios.com, $25, help me realize my dream, also get something amazing. I was like, I'll come back, I think February, second, third. I was like, oh, it's been six months. I feel good.

It's time to get back. But I was like, fuck, I'm here just out of Uruguay. And Carnival's in like two weeks. I'm like, I got to stay for this. celebrate this trip. So in Uruguay, I met a Brazilian lady. It was like, we think I'm going to Rio. She goes, fuck Rio.

That's not the one to go to. That's commercial. That's all VIP areas and fucking upsells. Yeah, yeah. There's five other carnivals that are amazing. She goes, Salvador is number one. Hesifé number two. Hesifio Linda is like the real like local block parties with like these puppets and like

crazy. So that's one I picked. It's just partying. Everyone's in a good mood. Everyone's part. Learn how to dance frievo. Dancing. Yeah.

Following these bands around and everyone's just, people are making out, like you pass by, you just keep going. Really? Yeah. Pass a gay area. And they are wild. I mean, full talk,

like you're talking with your friend, like, blah, blah, blah, somebody passes by and they just go like, grab your nipple. Anyway, so then we're going to like that. And then the guys just take, they fucking live. Brazil's the gayest country I've ever been to.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. The gays are the gayest. The gays are the gayest. There's too many of them. Not too many. I should repeat that. So many of them.

You know, people say that about your kind too. So, okay. Wait, wait, wait. So for packing, we get multipurpose. Cubs are your friend. Cube. Yeah, cubes are amazing. They shrink stuff down.

Yes. So you go like this. put them in the thing and then there's another zipper and it just compacts everything so it got everything heavier but you could fit stuff in okay you can't buy anything there's no space every time i had a pack to move it was like a fucking 40 minute process of getting everything i know the puzzle here the big packing coupons at the bottom then my shoes this way with my bert flip flops opposite yeah pushed that way and then like and then like the toilet trees are right at the top it's just like it's a mess every time it's a mess but if you buy a shirt you got to dump a shirt

There's just no space. So it's two pairs of shoes and flip flops. And then you bring cables, chargers, things like that. So because this was a bit different than Southeast Asia, I brought some stuff if I needed to film, if I met somebody and I wanted to film a podcast with them. Do you bring an iPad or a laptop too? No laptop.

Did all my editing for the end before I left, finished it and said, I'm leaving this here. And I was like, worked really hard, did not have to bring that laptop. Yeah. Weight alone, but also connection. So I just brought, so Eni was like, we talked about it.

He got me the coolest fucking, I'm telling you, you have hired some great people. He was like, all right, you want to go remote? We got a thing that feeds right into an iPhone. And we talked about it. And he was like, you don't want to do a three camera thing, not out there. You don't want to carry around two more iPhones.

Do one. Everyone will understand. You're in the middle of nowhere. You're getting just a double. Yeah. You know, like, okay, fine. So I had one phone camera that I didn't use as a phone until I dropped this in real diarrhea water. Real.

It was like, there's a moment where you drop your phone into something gross. And this was the worst. And I'm like, I got to get it. It was like, no. Fuck. Yeah. And then stopped working pretty fast. Yeah, yeah.

The diarrhea will do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I only brought that and like a charger for it. Do you look back on this trip and have a like favorite place? Is there a favorite place? It was like favorite place per country.

Yeah, yeah. So I did a walking tour of Santa Marta or somewhere in El Salvador with this guy who had left and come back. And he was like, I can show you the sides, whatever. And he stopped. He goes, hey, you guys, I can show you. all the sites I'm supposed to show you or you can ask me real questions. We go to a coffee shop where I know nobody listens. You can ask me real shit and we're all like yeah the real shit one.

Yeah. Yeah and it was so interesting. He was like look around. There's no men between 20 and 40 here. I was sent to Guatemala and came back. All my friends are in jail or dead. I left at 12. They're all gone. Wow. He goes there's no men but we're the lost generation. And I was like, how is that for you? He goes, I fuck constantly now. I'm the only one. It's good perspective. Oh, great perspective. Did you have a most dangerous place of all this? El Salvador is super safe. Medellin, getting stories later of a lot of people at hostels getting robbed or their friends getting robbed. In Medellin, I realized like I got lucky.

Got lucky with that guy. Yeah. Did you have a best meal? Central was up there. Yeah. But the Mexico food you loved, you said. There's a guy in Lima who runs like an Airbnb who used to work. at a at maybe central and somewhere else he goes i don't want to do that anymore it just likes to

travel and he's like but i want to have communal meals here and he would make these like super high end no sorry kusko that was kusko yeah um meals and it was so cool and you meet other travelers there's a hostel in guatemala where they have communal dinners and so it's like right this table go this table go and everyone just talks about places you've been and everyone meets meets meets up on the idea of travel and then people were at that place in Guatemala they're like Bolivia's the spot. When you meet people like that

do people ever go like, oh, you're Ari Shafir? Okay. Yeah. Okay. A couple things. Once in a while, yes. And what a weapon that was for social. Really?

I ran those places. Oh, once they were like... Once they realized that. A couple of them and then they would tell the rest. It'd be like, let's go, pussies, we're drinking. Oh. And it was all cool. Cool people. They're all out traveling for a while. It's not somebody bothering me when I'm having dinner with my dad, you know? Yeah, yeah. It's like all doing the same stuff. We're in

We're in, fuck, whatever that town is in Peru where it's all like it's like a desert and then it's like an oasis Maybe doesn't matter. I'll bleak that out anyway And these Australians are there and one guy from New Zealand recognized me and he goes, what's your name? Like you know what the fuck my name is? You piece of shit. He goes, what are you doing here? I'm like I heard there are Pahs and you're one. He was like come, come train me. with us and I'm like yeah and so Australians are also a weapon at a hostel yeah you find an Australian hang and so I saw these two and they're from I think Brisbane and they were like you've ever been and was like and I just know certain references like um like a state of origin

I was like yeah maroons rule blues drool and they're like what a fucking cartoon character uh-huh you go big les you go state of origin and blue and then it's like you're in and then every time I saw them get up to leave and I was like I know what you fucking Australians are doing and then I followed them in and I just kicked the door open and they're like what I'm like you give me some with that blow right now they're like let's go so we're doing fucking rails in the desert Jesus Christ these guys hiked up this desert and they're doing rails the whole way up these fucking Australians rule so hard so that was a weapon here's the other cool thing yeah it was like I got to um this Louis cats like that's my favorite there were a couple

Simonson told me about a place because that's my favorite city in the world and then Louis Castle told me that's my favorite city in the world. Blip out the name of that. And then and then So I get there and then one guy recognized me this kid Ben, Vegas and he goes, I put my shit down. I'm always like nervous socially around strangers And he goes, oh hey, what are you doing here? But cool enough. He goes, well, we're all going out to this outdoor concert. You want to come? I was like, yes. And I'm out socializing within 25 minutes. We're out watching the fucking Beyonce of Brazil. So it's like a good like It's a lubricant. It's a lubricant.

Yeah. It's like a lubricant. So there's that But then there's also these times where people who don't know you at all and it comes up like what do you do What do you do in New York? And I try to avoid it usually. I'm like I hang out with friends, I see movies, get high, walk around They'll usually drop up and then sometimes people persist Yeah. Like but no, what do you do for work? And so like I'm a stand-up comedian

Bro You know, sometimes you're just like, oh, what am I doing? This is like tough. The reaction you get from a stranger who doesn't know you at all. They're like, what? What do you mean? That's a hobby? I'm like, no, it's my job.

And they're like, what? That's the coolest thing I've ever heard. And you just do that in New York. I'm like, and all over the country and the world. You make a living, how long? And they pull you up. They look at you. Sometimes they will.

And they're like, no, you actually do this. Yeah. And I'm like, yeah. And it just, I can reinvigorates you. I'm like, yeah, we have the coolest job in the fucking world. Can you, I don't know if I can, I wanted to show you this. I forgot to send this to you. I was flying home.

Yeah. Oh, here we go. I don't know if you can see it. This is the guy sitting next to me. Yeah. And that's what's on his. No way. He's watching my special.

Yeah. That's crazy. But also notice. He's dead asleep. He's asleep. He couldn't just let that go. I was like, that's a good moment. You're like, that's not what I showed you.

I took that photo and then he would come up and then he would like I'd watch him and he go That's cool and he finished yours then he put on Jordans Jensen's yeah wow nice I was like hey look at me man Most of his stories check out mostly stories first it's a it's a it's a five special arc start now So favorite place is tough because it's like there were so many cool places the town that Simonson told me about was like, I went there for two days, stayed for 10. Yeah. The town that Louis Castling about

went for like three days, stayed for two weeks. Did you go to an Uruguay? Did you go to Punta del Este? Or did you go to Montevideo? Montevideo first. Cool town, but it was kind of deserted because it was summer and everyone was at the beach. Yeah, it was at the beach, yeah.

They have the story of Che Guevara talking to the leader of, and Castro talking to the leader of Uruguay, saying we want to start a revolution And there's a beloved leader who actually died while I was there, I think. Oh. Or maybe it was his day, I don't remember exactly.

An old leader. And then he goes, I don't know if revolution will work here or not, but I will tell you it won't work in the summer because everyone's at the beach. That's hilarious. Yeah. And it was kind of deserted. And then I went to this.

So I started a list of recommendations that anyone I met, any lifty from Argentina at a ski lift, I was like, what's a cool spot? And they go like, oh, Buenos Aires. I'm like, no, no, what's a cool bar that you know about? Yeah. And they're like, oh, okay, or a hike or something. And I would mark it on Google Maps.

Some Lyfti from fucking Sugar Bowl told me about this place, some whatever. The very first one I got was outside the cella, this is your Uruguay guy. He goes, I know a beach where there's no electricity. And you just go there and just decompress. And I was like, okay, it was the first recommendation I got. It was so fucking cool. That's cool. Sea lions everywhere.

and just like, hippie. Oh, man, that place ruled. Okay, I'm going to ask you this. Don't think. Just give me your first response. Okay. Hotest chicks. Brazil.

Okay. The butts. The butts aren't even shaped the same way. I think bathing suits that you get here wouldn't work there. Too many asses. And then they're playing soccer. You know that soccer game where everyone's in a circle keeping it up? They're fucking nines.

Yeah. And they're just chest in it and popping it up doing it like, oh no, it's over your shoulder. Like, no, that's intentional. Just kicking it back perfectly. Yeah. And like, ha ha ha ha ha. I'm just trying to fucking jerk up front of them. Oh, my God.

All right. I got to run. Oh, fuck. Okay. But this is probably a two-parter. You should do another. Yeah, maybe. Yeah.

There's a lot to learn from here. It ruled, though. It was such a good way to get lost. I do. Listen, I am jealous. I got sick, I was supposed to go today, I'll go in two days. Yeah, the pace with which you can do that. I think that would make anybody kind of jealous, to be honest, the way that you've done this

and continue to do it. Do you, have you marked where the next adventure will be? Like, if you're going to do a multi-month thing? I mean, Asia's been calling me again for so long. To go back. But the stands actually are kind of interesting. The good and the bad. Yeah.

And then, like, Julia Gallerati, the comic, travels all these. Afghanistan, all these places and really gets his hands dirty and then finds out it's not as bad as you think. I'm not trying that, but like Tajikistan, shit like that, might be cool. Mongolia, Rhodes is always telling me to go. But there are also some places here

that were like, what, they have a festival, they throw fireballs at each other? You gotta go to that. I miss that. So then I was like, I started a calendar list. Prue's got that fighting one too where it's like, it's, I forget, it's in one of the Andes somewhere.

Yeah. One of the smaller places where it's like the way they start the new year is you have to leave your grievances from last year behind, so you hand-to-hand combat the person who you have a problem with. They just fight. And then they're like, all right, and then it's like a celebration. In Ecuador, they have something similar, but they burn an effigy or something.

In real clothes, they stick your, I've done it since then every year for five, six years. You stick your, I want to forgive this person or get them out of my brain, you put them in that pocket, you light up the effigy. And then it just goes. Did it outside Sal's place once, and I got really stuffed it with straw and stuff. And I was like, you guys want to go do this? I was like, no. And I was like, so I went out there myself

and you got to jump over it at midnight three times. But it's a five foot two doll that we lit on fire in Staten Island. And the cops came pretty quickly. The calls were like they're burning someone alive. Yeah, yeah. And then the cops were like, what the fuck? I'm like, I know, I saw some guys

and kind of chased them away. Yeah. And then like, cool. All right, cool. Let's put that out. All right, I'll do another part of this, guys. in a little bit. I'll get someone else

because O'Neill came to visit me, Ryan O'Neill, and we went to Machu Picchu together. Do you like it? Yeah. It's incredible. Che Guevara, we listened in Patagonia.

I listened to like the motorcycle libraries. And the cool thing was he was naming cities that have now been to. Yeah. Abankai, Peru. No one would have been there.

I stopped there for a night to like get used to the altitude. And I'm like, really get, I know all these places he's referencing. And he talked about Kusco as like the gem of the Latin America. It's amazing. Much Pichu's mind-blowing.

You've been? Three times. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think every time you go, you're like, why? Yeah, and you're up there. You can't believe that it's built in the mountain. You're like, what do you mean?

How do they do that? All the things, too, when they go, here's how they did it. Like, oh, do you talk to someone? Like, it's all you're guessing, dude. Yeah, the Inca architecture, it was like, so Che Guevara talked about it, where he's like, there'd be an earthquake, all the Christian shit they put on top of it fell, the Inca shit remained. And then they'd be like, rebuild the Christian shit on top, earthquake.

That's all false. The Inca shit stays. So me and O'Neill do a whole episode about Machu Picchu down the road because we got into some adventures too. But first of all, when I'm coming back some things that have hit me. One is that, I mean, is like the level of capitalism I didn't realize was like, oh my God, it's hitting me. And then the certain joys of like not having to be. like press my lips down in the shower to close them all right for fear of a drop getting in there yes I mean brushing with sink water is like what I mean I remember the emphasis they used to tell me was

like when I would go down to spend like I used to spend my summers in Lima and I'd be like you know 13 14 they're like remember no ice no ice yeah seen yellow see yellow yeah me and bobby kelly went to Cuba. Yeah. There's the only phrase I taught him. Seen yellow porpo-vo. Not on this trip. No.

How was Cuba? Awesome. But we had a hurricane that knocked out power for three days in the whole island. Yeah, that'll fuck up a trip. But also fun. When the power came back on,

it was a good time. Dancing. Yeah, yeah. But coming back and trying to re-emiliorate myself into like certain things are just like the mothership green room. I'm like, there's too much political talk in this room.

I can't handle this. It's not even, I agree or disagree. I'm like, I don't like the subject. Yeah, yeah. It's too much. Um, but just like, did you write standup thoughts down? Unfortunately and sadly, I didn't think about stand up after about a week. Is that sad?

All sort of, but also I've done it in Southeast Asia. I realized the first time and I'd be like, it's gonna happen again here. If I'm not around clubs, I don't think about it. But now you're back into it. And so now I'm taking all this stuff. Instead of trying to like transpose it instantly, I'm like, let it simmer. Yeah, simmer. And now it's like, let it come out.

I'm not even back on stage it. I'm like, let me figure out what I want to talk about. Um, but, but, also I'm I'm I'm I'm I don't know what I'm into until I realized so like honestly this is gonna sound so gay just seeing your face like it was like there's a level of joy that I'm like that's a friend that I just haven't seen that's good to see you too but yeah and I'm my part of me was like where's the rest of them yeah and then like you just like yeah you see certain people and you're like oh it's fun it's fun to see your friends dude and all the the emails I

to return that shit is all gone and it's all fresh and you just get to your emotions you know bart lost like a thousand pounds no zero chance he did he's been yeah doing the shots yeah let me ask you a question how does it feel to do this and get full sentences out it's a blast wow cool it's really fun cool you mean you mean to not do therapy sessions as a podcast and how are you feeling today I'll get right back to it we just got to give a pat of paper like if you have a thought just write down the time with Timmy

and then listen oh yeah yeah yeah oh because you know when I did travel channel because I want to get back to you I want to get to your thing in a second when I was in I was in

Brazil and you're like I thought I did this trip I'll do a second part of this with Ari Maddie and maybe Tony too but like Tony's all the other show one more time on the show first of all thank you very much Tom your special came and went you're one of the few emails I found because I knew them and I was like

I don't know what I was looking up maybe I put out your episode or something and I was like oh no I looked at like if you've played here at all or if you were in Latin America I think that's what it was I was looking if you were in Latin America I was like, maybe I'll meet up with you. Yeah, yeah. And then it was like, I'm taping a special next week.

I was like, what? So I got your email and I was like, hey, good luck. That's right. Yeah, thanks, brother. Yeah. But gone. The special came and went and now we're. Oh, yeah.

What's your name of your special? Teacher. Yes. Please watch that on Netflix. Please, thank you. And then bad thoughts. Season two. It's coming?

It's coming out. I can say that. We wrapped and we're in post. It's coming out soon. When? Yeah, in a couple months. Yeah, it comes in. Season one was so fucking funny

and I was talking someone about it and it was like, this is Tom Segora's happy place. This kind of humor is exactly you. It's not making jokes at a sponsorie. That's fine too. But like this is exactly like as dark and retarded as you want to get. Yeah, yeah.

It's unheld back. And I think this new season is a step up. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why? You're comfortable now? I think you know your show after one. This, by the way, is I wanted to show you.

I do play an Argentine guy in this, in one of them. That's an Argentine guy? Yeah, yeah. That's a gaucho? Yeah, yeah. Oh, Argentina. That's, I have the whole, yeah, look going. And that's, yeah, and that's his Cuban...

Wife? A chick, yeah. From beating each other up? Yeah, yeah. I did pick up this with Vargen and I can't let it go. I could tell. I cannot let it go. I haven't had coffee in a month and a half.

Yeah, that's good. You had somebody something like, ooh, okay. Just strangers. Nice. All right. The end. The end. Is pre-sale now.

Tell your friends. It's out of April 16th, but pre-sailed now. Own it for a year, I think. Yeah. Stream it for a year for 2499. lineup is fucking crazy. Thank you for doing it. Thank you for putting it together. I'm so happy to do it. I legitimately could not have done this without you. Oh, dude, I'm so happy that what we got to do this. I think you have an amazing people to do it. The product, like what it is

is incredible. And one thing I love too from when I used to do this not happening is eventually it was my guys. It was every year as my guys. I got them all mushrooms one year. I bought like pounds of mushrooms and divvied them up. And the safety person was I was like, hey, do you do much? He goes, I know what you're doing, you can't do this in front of me. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, fair. Yeah.

But having all the YMH guys do stuff was like, it really was a family thing. It's a family thing, yeah. Which I just like making stuff with people better, but everybody fucking killed. They killed. The stories, people like really tried hard and it was like, it was so cool. So you got a great. Episode one is called Notorious. It's you, me, and Colum Terrell.

Yeah. You guys are going to love Column Story. there's there's there yeah they're all just like yeah samtown stories all just all of them jordan's incredible yeah incredible lineup like i said it looks amazing the stories are great and we're going direct to you guys to the to the fans like we went around around all of it i told ducky what we were doing goes the new model yeah he's right it's going to be by the way you're going to see more of this in tv film everything just the new model like let's just go straight to the guys and and then there's no notes there's no

And not a single, no, when we started this not happening on YouTube, there was a, it was a Kingsley was the, the guy person in charge, but the YouTube was like, do what you want. Yeah. And so she goes, these have stories have to be about two minutes. And we're like, no, 20. Yeah. And she was like, well, I don't know. Like beat it Kingsley. And she's like, all right.

You know. And luckily, she didn't put her foot down. Yeah. And this has. Same thing. We did it our way. Stories that the people just tell us the way they want to tell. Some of it's like bad things.

Yeah. It's exciting. You your story was illegal. Yeah. I almost got in a lot of trouble. Yeah. So, yeah, anyway, the end, get it right now at a discount and get the whole season, 24. Wait, 17, 14, 20.

Yeah, that's fucking, all right, that might be too much of a discount, actually. Oh, boy. You know how these guys get. We might have to, wait, 25, that's seven. And now you guys get to be the guy meditating and go like, you already fucking said. Yeah. It's 350 an episode. That's kind of retarded.

All right. All right. All right. Whatever. It is what it is, man. It's out there now. Congratulations. Thank you.

Welcome back. Thank you. America, baby. America. Yeah, you're back. But I love you. Say hi to their wife. I love you too.

Yeah. Because you're dead.