You Be Trippin' - Australia w/ Mark Normand | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: March 21, 2024

SPONSORS: Visit https://TheFreezePipe.com and use code: TRIPPIN for 10% off your entire order plus free shipping. Go to https://Sheath.com and use code: ARI to get twenty percent off your order. Welcome aboard You Be Trippin' hosted by Ari Shaffir! This week Ari is joined by comedian Mark Normand on a trip to Australia and they talk about cultural differences there and how great the surf is. Mark shares photos from his trip and he and Ari discuss the seldom known tourist spots in Perth. They also talk about touching koalas, doing shoey's on stage, the Aussie drinking culture, plus some useful travel tips for food and much more. Strap in and get ready to trip! https://www.instagram.com/jamielynnsigler https://www.instagram.com/nottodaypalshow https://store.ymhstudios.com You Be Trippin Ep. 02 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shalom B'Aich, you know what that is? Uh-uh. It's a Jewish term. It means a piece in the house. Oh, I thought it meant bitch. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, Shalom B'Aich.

Shalom B'Aich. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin', yeah. Hey, everybody. Welcome to UB trippin', yeah. Hey everybody, welcome to You'll Be Trippin', the only travel podcast that's ever been made. I'm Ari Shaffir, your host, and every week we have a new guest, usually a friend of mine, telling us about a beautiful place, and today is no different.

We have my friend Mark Norman. He's a great traveler, he's an amazing comedian, he has a new special out right now called Soup to Nuts. It's available on Netflix. Mark, where are we going today? We're going to Australia. Oh, go, go, go. Oi, oi, oi. Down under.

Have you ever been surfing before? Never. That was the first time. Wow. So I had to do the dumb gay lesson. The lesson's tough. Pop up. But I needed it.

I was clueless. But also, it is cool. Yeah. When you get even on the sand, you go like that. Yes! It feels like you're surfing. It totally does. Of course, our guy was super hot. He was a hot, hunky surfer guy from New Zealand.

That's tough. I learned a lot. He taught us about the waves and the current and the riptide and all that crap. How do you paddle with a hard-on? It wasn't easy. That was a third fin. Like a scale ofon? It wasn't easy. That was a third fin. You're like a scale of justice. Wait, where did you do it? Which beach?

Which city? Not Adelaide. Oh, shit. We did Perth, Adelaide, Sydney, Brisbane. Brisbane. Brisbane. That's what we did. Oh, there's Bogan, dude.

Yeah. Bogan's. That's their white trash. That's their white trash that's their white trash yeah um it's very specific it was so fun and when you get it man i i understand it now you see these uh these queefs out there who smoke weed all day and wake up at six in the morning on a wetsuit by the way the wetsuit's amazing it really does warm you it does warm you yeah a water was freezing and i was fine and pissing it of course of course how could you not you're out there and you gotta piss yeah and you can't take it off and it stays a little bit you feel it even though you're in the water yeah feel the piss

around you yeah well it's like a leather couch it pools in the suit yep um so yeah great time and how long like yeah when you get that wave oh Oh, it's four seconds, but, boy, is it great. It's four seconds. Because you get up and you fall. You get up and you fall. And you finally get one. Yeah. And it's just like, oh, oh, oh.

God, it's fucking, it's like heaven. It's great, too, because it's one of the things where you can't think about it too much. You know, if you start thinking about it, you're like, ah, you just got to feel it, baby. Yeah. In your bones. Did you see any great surfers out there? Of course, yeah. Where they're like, yeah. They were just ripping, and you're like, why can't to feel it, baby. Yeah. In your bones. Did you see any great surfers out there? Of course, yeah. They were just ripping, and you're like, why can't I do that?

That's wild. I'm barely able to stand up, and you see them flipping in the air. I know, I know. Doing ollies and shit. And you know what? It feels like a stick shift. You have to learn a stick shift, but eventually you just feel it, and you just know it. You don't even think about it.

That's what surfing felt like. The last hour, you're like, all right, I just feel it now. God, how much did that cost? I was like, I don't know think about it. That's what surfing felt like. The last hour, you're like, all right, I just feel it now. God, how much did that cost? I was like, I don't know, $150? True or false? In Australia, because you use different money, it feels like fake money, but it's almost exactly the same. So you're whipping through cash that you feel like is monopoly money. Whipping through cash.

But it was way better. The dollar was way stronger. It was about $0.60. Oh, was way better. The dollar was way stronger. It was about 60 cents. Oh, really? Yeah. So everything was almost half off. Oh. So that changed a lot.

The last time I was there, it was like 95 cents to the dollar. And you're like, ah, fuck this stupid money. And you're like, wait, I just spent five grand in the last two days. No, it was way cheaper.

Oh, that's cool. And no tipping. So you're a millionaire. So you're spending less money on the meals and not tipping. How great does that feel when you don't even see the line? Oh, it's weird. You feel guilty. Yeah. You do feel, tipping so you're a millionaire so you're spending less money on the meals and not tipping how great did that feel when you don't even see the line it's weird you feel guilty yeah you do feel i had a lady in somewhere i got a kangaroo burger or a kangaroo burger yeah what'd you think i thought

it was good yeah very flavorful and i tipped her you know a normal someone who used to work in service industry amount which is higher than a regular person even yeah and she comes back she goes are you sure and i mean then no i wasn't sure anymore but you can't yeah i'll be like not give you twelve dollars back they do the uh hey everybody here makes a living wage don't worry about it you're like wow okay get it that's what she told me i was like what makes you work hard then if you're not getting tips like we were just talking and she goes well i gotta pay 25 bucks an hour i'm like yeah but with no tips why would you like work hard she goes because i don't want to lose a job that pays me 25 bucks an hour see what how to like anyone with a salary job work hard that's a great

point i'm making tips well we're so fucking entitled here that we're like you have to give me extra shit just for me to do a medium default job. Yeah. What cultural – this is interesting now because you're a student of all this, and Australia is an English-speaking country. Yep. What cultural differences did you see, did you notice, if any? I thought I heard somebody coming in. It's Banda. Oh, okay.

Fuck him. That's his Mexican caged helper he has. What cultural differences? Well, I saw saw a lot so buckle up okay i have a whole theory about australia just from being there for three weeks oh three weeks is a great time too it's not a quick top pop in and out i'll just i'll jizz it out real quick i'll do my full load and then we'll get to the little things. Spray me down, bro. So Australia, it's better than us in a lot of ways. Way less homeless. Way less crime. Way less opioid addiction.

No shootings. So they got all, no tipping. Living wage. They have health care. They got us on everything. But. Chicks, hot chicks. Super hot chicks.

Everybody's free. They don't have like, there's not a lot of like toxic mail. No, they're just living. They're not worried about all that bullshit, you yeah we have that here we go we should i feel bad i'm an asshole i'm a cisgendered white cunt you know yeah they don't really have that uh they do have some aboriginal guilt they have some history but it's not bad yeah not like i didn't do it the ones now didn't do it exactly so uh i would say that australia it's great in a lot of ways but it's like this it's all very regular there's not a lot of highs and lows what do you mean highs and lows meaning

the people like here we've got the opioid addicted fentanyl snorting crackhead blowing a guy under an overpass who's got dementia and he's mentally retarded and then we got elvis we got steve jobs we got lebron james we've got well he lot of muscles are from here but he came here he came here we got all that but we got the downs syndrome right they have they just have this wow so we're we're uh we're worse but we're better too over here it's like cosby he's a brilliant comedian pull your pants up but he's also a serial yeah you know like they're they're very still and and running smoothly but we have this going on but at least we get the highs too i like that okay so what'd you get into okay let's see well we start in perth yeah uh nobody goes to

perth nobody comedy wise nobody goes i loved it i loved it too and it was hell though because they we went there first so you fly to san francisco you change then you fly to sydney and you're like i did it i made it to australia that flight was hell one more to perth five hours five hours it's a you're like australia it's you we, in America, we feel like everything is small. But Australia is about the same size as the United States. Right, right. And you're going from here to there. Yes, exactly.

And I said, why did you do that to me, manager? I mean, what else are you going to do? Go the other way? That's what they said. They said you got to get it over with. You got to get it over with. I mean, you could go Hong Kong, somewhere around here, and then down. Oh, yeah. But also, you got to get it over with you got to get it over with i mean you could go hong kong somewhere around here and then down oh yeah but like also you gotta go samson's it doesn't matter samson's go to there samson's go to there you're still going yeah yeah exactly so

we just suck it up and do it it was hell because you're like i made it oh wait now you gotta go to la that it's a full cross country that that trip is one of the wildest because it's Southern Hemisphere and, I don't know, Eastern Hemisphere. I don't know. Yeah, where is England? England's. Because they sent their. England's over here. So they went all the way.

They must have cut through Africa. Yeah. Yeah, and they went all the way there just to get rid of their prisoners. Oh, right. I think they went around the Cape of Good Hope. Oh, man, that's a long one, too. That's a long one. I think if they lost people, they were like, it's fine. Yeah, they're pedophiles. Yeah, right. I think they went around the Cape of Good Hope. Oh, man. That's a long one, too. That's a long one. I think if they lost people, they were like, it's fine.

Yeah, they're pedophiles. Yeah, right? They didn't ship them there by plane. No, no. This is the, whatever, 14. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, if it sinks, it sinks. Yeah.

But they made it. Did you go to the prison out there in Perth? No. Oh, no. I missed the prison. It's okay. Damn. It's like a haunted prison tour night it's pretty

cool oh that is cool yeah um so what'd you get into there well perth was just the first stop so we're like okay yeah that trip is fucking hell hell it's like a day it's a day but i went with the wife and i sprung for both of us to have first class. She never had to lay down. Idiot. What? I know. How much? My whole profit margin. You got to tell me how much. Or wait, wait. Take 10 seconds and think if you can tell me the real number.

Because if you're going to make up a number, then don't tell me. I'm actually not positive of the number. But they fly me out. You're HIV positive. So they fly me out. They fly you out of first class? Yeah. But that's coming out of your take.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, they guarantee you'll be lower. But I couldn't put her in the back with the stoolies. God, that'd be so ballsy, though. I did it with London. You did? Yeah, but I would go give her snacks every now and then, like I was feeding the poor.

Remember when you and Shane, I was stupid. I was like, I got my own row in the back. I don't need first class. They could have me in my own row. And then the lady was like, I'll bring you a first class meal. Yeah, you see? It's great. And she never laid down before. That was the highlight of the trip bring you a first class meal yeah you see it's great and she never laid down before that was the highlight of the trip was that that first class flight i watched movies i

ate like a king it's it's when you land you see everybody from i call it steerage and they're like oh no yeah and then you're like refreshed it's really not a hellish flight at all not at all no it was better than a new york apartment do they give you those like pajama socks pajama And then you're refreshed. It's really not a hellish flight at all. Not at all. No, it was better than a New York apartment. Did they give you those pajama socks? Pajama socks. You got the slip-on thing. You got the shoes.

I got the full headphone. I got an eye mask. They give you a toothbrush and toothpaste. It's great. Okay, so Perth was whatever. Okay, Perth was whatever, but I liked it. Everybody's like, it's so sleepy and boring, but I thought it was pretty and clean, and no one goes there, so they're very like, thank you. Oh, right.

Yeah, the crowds must have been wild there. Crowds were wild. We did three shows at a theater, and then I said, what do I do here? They go, you got to go see the Kwakas. Fuck, I'm so sorry I missed that. Really? Yeah. Fuck, I'm so sorry I missed that. Really?

Yeah. I had limited time, and I went up north hiking, and then I saw a lot of dead kangaroos on the side of the road. Oh, no. Just so many. That's like they're deer. Yeah, but way more than I've ever seen deer. Whoa. It's like every seven miles, there's a fucking rotted out carcass.

That is wild. I pulled over for some and took pictures. Yeah. I'll try to find those but after the fourth one you're like all right i got it but the quokkas i really really wanted to see and i went to the the haunted uh cook's cook's prison or whatever it was wish i'd done that yeah so but you went to the island for the quokkas and here's where we get crazy so we go to the island and we go well you can take a two and a half hour ferry. Okay. Or the only other option is a helicopter.

And I go, who am I? Fucking Kanye? Yeah. Kobe? Yeah. I'm not going to take a helicopter. It's a bad history of that. And it's just so much money.

And I start going, you know what? Fuck it. I'm never going to be back here, probably. I bet I can convince. We're drunk at a bar. We're going there tomorrow. I'm like, I bet I can convince the Live're drunk at a bar. We're going there tomorrow. I'm like, I bet I can convince the Live Nation guy to spring for it,

and we'll put it on some kind of artist tab or whatever. So we start talking. We start doing shots, and I go, hey, Peter. He's this cool guy. He's grizzled. He used to work with, like, NoFX and all this shit. Oh, that's cool.

And he's hanging out with us. Thank God our tour people were cool. Yeah. They were fun. They were drunks. You get who they assign you. Exactly. But this guy's like, I listen to all the pods.

He'll probably hear this. Oh, great. But he's like, I love all your stuff. So he wanted to go on. So he got it. And I go, hey, we're thinking about going to the Rotnest Island for the Kwakas. Rotnest, yeah. And he goes, oh, that's going to be awesome.

And I go, the other day, Santa's a helicopter because the boat takes two and a half. Then we've got to take two and a half back. The helicopter takes 30 minutes. Yeah. So just for timing wise. And he goes, I got it. No. I'll pay for it.

We took a helicopter. Oh. It was awesome. I have photos of that. This is like there's one of the owners of a club I work at a lot. I don't want to say specifically. But when he's coked up, man, you get that top shelf scotch. Yeah.

People are like, hey, let's call him Jimmy. Jimmy, how come you never treat me right? Right. Give me the high up there where you need a ladder. Well, they have these weird budgets where they're like, all right, fuck it. They do have a weird budget. And also, they're paying it for like the killers. You know what I mean?

So our money that we're getting, our nice expensive meal, it's nothing. They never get looked at. Exactly. And all you got to do is make sure you're the guy who gets that weird budget, you know, because they'll give it to someone else if you don't put your foot down. Right, right, right, right. So you went. So we went and we fed them and they were cute and little and weird.

You got pictures of that? I got a lot of pictures of that. And here. What is a quokka? Some people don't know. It's basically like a little marsupial. See there? I gave him a chip

Right in the middle there This one? Hold on Look at that I just put the camera right in his face And they eat anything You get ice cream And we got yelled at for giving him ice cream

Really? Like fucking Americans Oh wow Watch out for a dick pic That's fine I've seen it before Wow you're right there with him Oh yeah

They pose with you Oh that's the helicopter That's the helicopter wow you're right there with them oh yeah they pose with you oh that's a helicopter that's the helicopter we're in it yeah there's young blood oh wow you brought young blood to he sat in coach that's true okay i was like yeah i assume yeah and uh yeah we just had a great time and it's a cute little island we had a couple beers on the on the water really yeah and uh what was the weather like? It was perfect. Okay, I got another question for you. Oh, yeah.

So then that was another day. We went to the Australian Football League. Fun. Super fun. Rowdy. Big beers. Meat pies. Great time.

What's a meat pie? A meat pie is basically a chicken pot pie, but it's way worse for you, and it's beefy and mushroomy and salty. It's when you're drunk. It's glorious. Oh, it's great, but you have a miscarriage. You're going to shit blood, and your stomach hurts, but man, are they good.

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7-Eleven. That is the Australian authentic meat pie. Oh, yeah. They don't frown on them there. Yeah. It's like a Big Mac. Yeah. You get one when you're drunk.

Yeah. And they're open on the way home. They'll warm them up for you. Aussie football was cool. What I remembered from they took me in Melbourne was all the food and shit was cheap. Like you're getting in as tough and then everything's cheap. Yeah, I agree. The food is cheap.

The beer is cheaper. The drinks were way cheaper. They do the damn pour there. That's one thing I don't like about Australia is they do that weird shot glass pour. The exact amount. Yeah, I'm like, come on. You want to go? I kept saying, this is America.

What are you doing? And they go, it's not America. But that's how I feel. Like, poor the fucking thing. Do you feel like, OK, Australia and England and Canada, they feel in some way, not completely, in some ways, like, just little America? A little bit, in some ways. Yeah, like, if you're in downtown Sydney, you see a Zara.

Yes. And everyone's speaking English with an accent. But, like, everyone's speaking English, and the signs are all in english yeah i feel like i haven't really gone to a new place a little bit but the roads are you know you have to look the other way you're crossing the street that's a little weird the shot glass thing is a little weird everything closes early ask for a double shot i ask for doubles for everything and so that's what you have to do yeah instead of flirting with them you just be like just give me two yeah all right so just give me a couple shots to start off the night and then i'll just nurse this you know jack and coke how are they with drinking they go at it but

they stop at two o'clock that's it i thought they have these like lock-ins or something maybe it's changed covid changed a lot of shit but okay i heard they used to have it where it was like instead of letting everyone out of the bars at two, that's where all the fights and stabbings were. Yeah, yeah. Because everyone's out together and they're disappointed

they're not drinking. Instead they go, we're shutting the doors one way only, only out, but not in, at whatever time. So if you're there,

you can keep drinking. So then it's a steady stream of people leaving slowly. Yeah. Because now it's 2.20 and I'm like, I think I'm done. Right.

I'm leaving, but you might be 2.40. The next guy might be 215 interesting somebody else by 140 but there's no like quick and also that's like it's down a bunch of shots yeah because we won't get the chance chance anymore that's true that's out but they do drink earlier there like they're out at seven pounding beers where we go out at 10 that's cool uh But we went to an open mic the first night we got there. Out of boredom. In Perth. Packed to the gills. Wow.

Super nice. All the comics were really warm and like, you're here, this is crazy. I watched you on Bobby Lee's pod and now you're here. And they gave us time and everybody had a good set. Is this your first time there? In Perth, yeah. But not Australia?

Only Melbourne. I did the festival, which kind of sucked. So long road. It's a long road for a 15-minute spot every night, and then I would just get blackout drunk out of boredom. Dude, I came. This will be in my episode, I guess. But I did the Melbourne festival, but it was part of a whole tour,

but I only did it for like a week. And I got there, and Kinane and Sean Patton had already been there for three weeks. I'm like, hey, guys, I'm here. And they're like, Ari, shut up. You're too loud. Yeah. It was just like, oh, man, you guys look bad. Oh, yeah.

It does a number on you. Yeah. Because you're trying to adjust the time and you're drinking more to compensate. It's not good. And also it's a party. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Daniel Sloss shows up and you're like, oh, here we go.

But yeah, so Perth was awesome. Did the open mic. Then we went to the comedy club one night. We were just up and at them in Perth. We do the theater and then they're like, there's a comedy club thing and let's go over there. You get to see the other part of town. You get to see other people and meet people and go drink it with them. Something I see

when I'm on the road, probably even America, anywhere, it's like you think you know what Denver is, but really you know the shitty downtown part of Denver. Actually, this is why it's cool away from there. You know, the people who come here in New York and go to Times Square, you're like, that's not what New York is. Yes. Go to Bushwick.

Go to Bushwick. Go try some different places. It's nice when they take you to another part of town. It's nice because, you know, the wife's like, another show? What are we doing? And I'm like, it's not that. It's just something new. Oh, right.

And otherwise you've got to go, let me Google doing? And I'm like, it's not that. It's just something new. And otherwise, you gotta go, let me Google Perth Fun... I don't want to do that. And then also you're following what the blogs tell you. Yeah, exactly. Which they wouldn't tell you. I always relate it to here. The blogs wouldn't tell you about the spots I know about. Yeah. You know? They're gonna tell you about the Cronut.

Yeah, exactly. Or like, this is the oldest bar in the... whatever. And instead of like, oh, this is actually cool, yeah whatever this is whatever and instead of like oh this is actually cool but i gotta go they gotta play 90s music right you know right there's cheap dumpling here yeah there's a place near the stand actually and they play every time it passed in it's like 90s rock and i love it i was trying to make out our new patties and it just didn't catch on what what's the bar it's down it's it's down a block and then over like on that street i know the exact spot you're talking kind of off irving plaza a little bit yeah yeah yeah i know that spot and it's just like oh

this always got room yeah but yeah we couldn't get it going patties i love it but it's like we're gonna lose people along the way yeah it's two blocks it's two blocks yeah you're right it was just better when it's next door of Of course, of course, yeah. That place is still open, by the way. What? That old stand spot. Paddy's? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I love it.

Great spot. It's so funny, too. You don't go in there for a year and a half like, Ari, how you been? It's just like a real bar. That's what New York used to be, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, oh, here's what I was going to say, though.

When you have comics, we have a cheat code to help us find the places that are in blogs. Yes, yes. Because you get in and there's some of the only people i can relate to is other comedians and i can relate to them anywhere yeah as long as they're not kissing up right i can relate to them anywhere what's the scene like here how the shows how the hecklers you know um and then they'll be like hey this is cool play oh cool let's go we start doing drinks and everyone's equal so that's cool hong kong all the points took me out wow um it's so true you have a it's almost like a same language yeah the barriers get broken down in no time yes with like a norm it's like it takes a while longer especially a fan for

the to get broken down of course the small talk how was your flight all that you got you can just get to it with the comics um so that's cool yeah super fun we tried to milk as much out of it because we're so excited to be there so you want to just you don't want to sit in the hotel you don't want to sit in the hotel and i gotta hand it to these uh whatever live it wasn't live nation i think it was esg or one of these places but they hooked up they they're like we're gonna get you the good hotel not like the four season but like the cool hotel that's in a great spot with a rooftop bar and it's uh it's like the one the comics like because they've done this so many times i don't always need that but

it's nice when it's there it's nice when i'm like oh in in glasgow i was like oh shit i went to made a friend and i'm like oh this bar closed early she's like fuck i'm like there is a bar in my hotel yes exactly it was like oh this is nice and we just had a few it's like certain things it's like yeah i might not take it but it's nice. Yeah and the wife likes it too. It's good for her because it's comfortable. It's what do you call it? Trendy.

Shalom Bait. It's a Jewish term. It means peace in the house. It means you gotta do stuff to keep your fucking bitch from getting bitchy. What's it called? Shalom Bait. Bait means house. Oh i thought it meant bitch oh yeah okay yeah shalom bites

you gotta do that one in israel okay but yeah then we otherwise it's shalom bites that's great that's a great T-shirt. Yeah. Shalom, Bych. So then we fly out of there. We go straight to Adelaide. Yeah. Adelaide is, they call it the Austin of Australia.

What did you see there? What was cool there? There's a big strip. I forget the name. It was kind of a market street type thing. It looks like Bourbon Street. It's got balconies and bars galore, titty bars, massage parlors, all that shit, liquor stores and vape shit.

And it's just full of hot young people puking, fucking, fighting. It's super cool. There's a street like that everywhere. Yes, yes. But it's like 6th Street. It's a doozy. Yeah.

And we went to all... We're with our rep guy, Peter, and he's just showing us all these cool spots. He's like, this is an underground place. This is where Bill Murray drinks when he comes, and this is his scene. Oh, nice. He knew all the spots. He's been doing this run for decades. And I will say the show sucked.

It did. Interesting. We did it in a convention center kind of place. Sometimes they put you like, well, this place has more seats. And you get there and you're like, oh, I should have done less seats. This is stupid. That's what it was. This is for dignitaries.

Yes. This is dumb. Or that sounds like a fucking self-help seminar. Yes. It felt like the high ceiling was like an airplane hangar with folding chairs. In Berlin, they put me out of town. In the Turkish part of out of town. And people are like, why are you here?

I'm like, I don't know. I came to the coolest city in the world for a reason. Right. Let me play fucking Kreutzberg or somewhere. Fucking anyway, whatever. Sorry. The only good thing about that show was we had an opener there.

Cause I was like, give me an Australia, give me some Australian comics so they can open the show. Just so I can see them and beat them. Yeah. And this guy, James McCann, I don't know if you heard of him.

He ripped it. He was great. Great material. Super funny guy Good hang and I said Let's get him on the whole tour So he came to Sydney with us He came to Melbourne

He was all over the place You got a picture of him? I don't actually Look him up, he opened for Gillis too out there So he's been picked So I got to an interesting discussion I think in Adelaide. It wasn't Brisbane.

I said, I'm coming from Australia. James Donald McCann. That's him. Yeah, I know that guy. Crazy voice. You know, crazy like, hello, I'm Australian. Australian. Yeah, I think I've met him.

Nah, probably younger back then. He had a great, you know great whole Kanye chunk about Jews, and he was like, they compare hip-hop. They were calling Kanye West a Nazi, and he's like, well, rappers and Nazis are kind of similar. They both like to run trains. They're all from the ghetto. That's good. And something with their band. I can't remember.

He had some great stuff. That's good. I'd gotten to a discussion in Adelaide. Somebody was talking to, fuck, I can't remember. Damien Powers was there, and then he he left he was like the best one there and then this guy i'm sorry i can't remember his name opened and he was great you know and um i was talking outside we were smoking weed outside and and two of the young comics were like to this guy uh they're like you're the best one in adelaide he's like oh thanks and they're like and the guy got serious like no no for real though you know that right you're the best you're the best one in adelaide he's like oh thanks and they're like and the guy got serious like no no for real though you know that right you're the best comic in this

town yeah and he did know you could tell from the reaction he did oh nice we got into a long discussion about whether it's better to be a big fish in a small pond or a small fish in a big pond interesting and i have my theory but i want to. Well, what we talked about then is mentally. There is you got one life and forget about your your accolades and stuff like that. And it's just like how much joy you have in your life. A 72 degree sunny day is better than a fucking 50 degrees day and raining. Yeah. You can't have all the time all because of the crops will die.

But like on that day, it's nicer for you to have 72 and sunny because when you go around town and everyone's like, hey, you're so funny. You're that funny guy. Because it's just better for you mentally than being in New York or London or somewhere. Whenever it's like, excuse me, get out of the way. Where you're a nobody. Aha. That makes sense. But when you're the nobody, you can work your way up, which I think is even more satisfying than being a big fish. You can work your way up, which I think is even more satisfying than being the big fish.

So a lot of people have in their mind when they say small fish in a big pond that they're going to be the big fish in a big pond. But that's not it. I see. It's Sean Patton. Forever. Yeah. Oh, forever. Okay.

Yeah, that's tough. Sean Patton here or Sean Patton in New Orleans. Right. I don't know. I feel like the small fish has more, even if you never make it, you still have more opportunity, and you get to watch these greats. You get to watch your David Tells. And you get a lot better. I think you start with this, and you get to that, and you're like, I've tripled in size.

You're still a small fish, but you're so much better than you would have been. Exactly. I would go there, and I think it's good to push the ball. What is that old Louie thing where he said, I got too big. I was up on Mount Everest, but you're alone up there. Wow. And the air is thin. You can't live up there. You want to be the guy

walking up the mountain. Wow, interesting. He's a smart guy. He's a smart guy. Whatever happened to him? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Guys, I've got to break in to give you my dates. I'm a stand-up comic. If you're just finding out about this through the travel route, you might not know that, but I'm a stand-up comic. It's the only thing I've ever loved doing in my life. And I'm on the

road. First and foremost, I'm recording my new stand-up comedy special. April 26th and 27th in Washington, D.C. at the Capitol Turnaround. Get tickets right now at arieshafeer.com. April 27th is almost gone. Hurry up and get April 26th. Or if you can get April 27th, get that if there's still

anything available. My new stand-up comedy special. The Jew stuff is done. And I've moved on. And let's wrap up. Oh, also, there's a pre-sale right now for Australia. Friday at noon. March 22nd at noon.

Melbourne, Adelaide, Canberra, Brisbane, Sydney. Starting on May 17th, ending June 1st. Just in time for a little thing called State of Origin, one of the greatest sporting events ever. I made my whole tour around that. And then here's where I'm going to be with Colm Terrell and Ryan O'Neill and one other person I don't know. Starting March 21st at the Raleigh Improv. First show sold out.

Second show still got tickets. Asheville sold out March 22nd. Charlotte, I'll just run through them. Charleston, Birmingham, Nashville sold out March 26th. Hun, I'll just run through them. Charleston, Birmingham, Nashville sold out March 26th. Huntsville, both shows, sorry. Huntsville, Knoxville, Memphis, Lexington, Cleveland, both shows sold out on March 31st. Cincinnati, first show sold out.

I'm adding a show in Cleveland on April 2nd. Guess what? Hurry up. Maybe I'll do two shows there. Hurry up, April 2nd. Columbus, first show sold out April 3rd. Guess what? Hurry up. Maybe I'll do two shows there. Hurry up. April 2nd. Columbus, first show sold out April 3rd. Added a second one.

Grand Rapids, Detroit, and Toronto, making my triumphal return. First time in five years at the Queen Elizabeth Theater on April 6th. First show sold out. Second show's added. Oh, and then I got more I just announced. Halifax, first time ever there. On April 11th at the Lighthouse Arts Center.

April 12th at the Bronson Center in Ottawa. 13th in Rutland, Vermont at the Paramount. 14th in Huntington, New York at the Paramount. April 20th, 420 in Austin, Texas at the Paramount. Three Paramounts in a row. And then April 26th, my special. April 26th and 27th in Washington, D.C. at the Capitol Turnout.

It's going to be a riot. A riot in the Capitol. A Capitol riot. And then also I'll be at the Netflix is a Joke Festival doing my storytelling show May 9th and 10th. It's a good stopover on the way to Australia. Also, Mark Norman is a, tickets are all available at arieshafeer.com slash tour.

Hurry up and get them. They're reasonably priced. I saved $20 tickets, 50 for every show at a theater for all you poor people out there. And the clubs, it's like 35 because there's no service charges. So I can charge you a normal amount. Here's where Mark's going to be. You can get these at marknormandcomedy.com. He's also one of the best comics in the country, thereby the world right now we're the number one country. Let me just run through his dates. Starting March 22nd.

It might be too late. El Paso, Albuquerque, Memphis. These are all theaters. Little Rock, Bristol, Knoxville, Chattanooga, Syracuse, Buffalo, Minneapolis. Two shows on April 19th at the State Theater. Madison, two shows. Bloomington, Evansville, Los Angeles for the Netflix's A Joke Festival. Damn, he won't be around for my storytelling show.

Well, he won't be on it. He's there May 3rd. Victoria, Canada. Oh, I'm jealous of that one. Damn, he won't be around for my storytelling show. Well, he won't be on it. He's there May 3rd. Victoria, Canada. Oh, I'm jealous of that one. Vancouver, Canada. Royal Oak, Michigan. Fort Wayne, West Palm, Fort Myers, New Haven, Connecticut. Boston, Massachusetts.

Two different places. The Boche Center? No, no, Schubert Theater, both times. June 8th. Philadelphia, Munn Hall, Pennsylvania. Seattle, Washington. Spokane, Washington. Finishes June 8th. Philadelphia, Munn Hall, Pennsylvania, Seattle, Washington, Spokane, Washington.

Finishes June 22nd. Get tickets for him at marknormancomedy.com. Now you know we're both stand-up comics. It's all we love doing. Come see us. Also check out

Mark Norman's podcast We Might Be Drunk that I'm on this week with Dan St. Germain for St. Patrick's Day. I'm on his latest episode. Go check it out. And also

the Tuesdays with Stories podcast. Now you know. Now let's get back to the episode uh and then we left adelaide we did two days there in and out and then we went straight to brisbane you went up to brisbane first wait no sydney sydney went straight to sydney and sydney might have been the highlight it whisked us off our feet yes sydney's amazing amazing yeah they kept saying it's the la but i felt more chicago big buildings with the with the river right there you know it felt uh la in that in that they call toronto la no they call toronto new york new york but it's the la of stand-up because it's the place where they shoot stuff oh i didn't know so maybe it's they meant like that maybe maybe the river right there? What do you mean?

Well, they have the big ocean. They have the opera house, and I shouldn't have said river, but you go to Bondi Beach. Did you? I did. 15 minutes away, they have the Arctic polar bear plunge. We did that. What do you mean, that pool? The giant pool.

I have photos of that. Let me see. All right, all right. The pool where just the waves come and wash over you? Yes, yes. Whoa. It was incredible. I was above that on the cliff walk.

Oh, really? And I see that, and I stayed for like an hour just watching. You're swimming, and then a fucking massive wave collapses over you. Man, it's freezing. I mean, it's ice, ice cold, but boy, does it wake you up. Wow. Oh, there's McCann. That's him.

We're in the bottom of a bar in the middle of Sydney. Hold on. There's Bondi. There's the pool. There's the pool. Wow. Oh, hold on. That's us in front's the pool. There's the pool. Wow. Oh, hold on. That's us in front of the pool.

That's me outside the pool. That's, oh. Stand-up picture sucks. There it is. Wow. So you can just get in, and there's the ocean right there. It's so pretty. And that's the way, that's the lap right there?

That's the lap pool. That's the wave pool. Wow. And we had dinner up there. You had dinner up there? Yeah, on the balcony. Interesting. I got to send you these, because this is bad pod.

No, no, you'll send me. Okay. We'll put them over the video all right all right yeah uh incredible and freezing and uh we you know we didn't have bathing suits we just went up there like let's go see it and we just got in our underwear and went in and then had lunch and had a couple beers you got the fucking waves crashing and uh really really pretty really cool that i know it's off oh yeah there you go we'll just get it later oh yeah i'm on a airplane yeah messages like an airdrop yeah but why not just like let me send it and don't all right there we go but why do you have to anyway you gotta go to settings get out of airdrop or just flip the do the swipe thing on the top there There you go.

But I'm saying, like, why would it just let me send it and then just say it couldn't go through? Oh, to download. He's got to download it. All right. My phone's got zero storage. There you go. Now it's cooking. Give it three seconds.

It's going. What a fucking mistake on my part. I'll just get all these later. Yeah, we'll do that later. I'll send them all to you. Back to AirPlay. There you go. That's cool. What'd you get into'll send them all to you. Back to Airplay. There you go. That's cool. What'd you get into there? What'd you eat?

We had calamari. We tried to keep it seafood-y. Totally first world, right? Australia? Oh, yeah. Unbelievable. Keep it seafood-y. That's smart. Great time, and it's 15 minutes away. And then again, you go through Bondi, and you're like, look at all these shops. I want to come back here with all these thrift stores and bars and restaurants it was fish tacos everywhere

and she went thrift store shopping oh really yeah and uh i hung out there with well first time i ever really met and talked to uh ryan hamilton they were they did jfl there and i was just there on tour myself oh wow we're all going to bondi you want to come tomorrow and i was like yeah okay and it was like it was it, it's a giant beach. Huge beach with hot people. There's no garbage. There's no shit. There's guys walking by with surfboards across the crosswalk.

It's a good vibe out there. You know what I loved? And it was closer to Bondi than downtown, but still even downtown. The chicks with jean shorts and bikini tops. Oh, that's hot. They'd wear bikinis as a bra yes because they might at any time exactly exactly and then they fold the the jeans down short oh that's hot with the white sneakers get out of here only sydney and san diego yeah that's true it's a good look at the brown tan skin yeah brown because you're out in the sun all day. And the hair's kind of messy from the sand.

Yeah. Even when they're fat, it's still a smooth fat. Yes, like a seal. Yeah. So Bondi was cool. And I love when it's close, you know? You can just go do stuff. So it doesn't take a day to get out there.

Exactly. You lose all the time with travel. One day we took a ferry to Manly. Okay. Manly's an island. It's basically like a governor's island or something like that. And it's just people live there. It's almost like Montauk. It's a 30-minute ferry.

It's five bucks. You go there. We had lunch there. And we sat on the beach and had lunch. And then you go up on a balcony. You have a mojito. You look at the whole city. And then you go back. Ferries, I'm starting to to realize are an underrated mode of travel oh the best because

you you're you're sightseeing while they're fun on their own it's only a little short boat trip that you also like this is fun and there's a there's a bar on there you get a soda yeah it's very nice get some sun in your face so we went to manly manly was cool then you go back and you realize well wow people live here people write books on manly they just come here to live yeah it's like a hemingway thing damn damn first of all can i just say that you do you do road especially in places like that really well i try yeah you get out there you're hung over but you push you're hung over and probably jet lagged and i'm sure the incentive is to be like, I just want to go to bed. Of course.

But it's like, when are you going back there? Exactly. And when you look back on the trip, you're not thinking about the hangover. You're thinking about, oh, we saw Bondi. Yes. You know? So you just push through. Red Band called me.

Him and Tony went to Australia. And he was like, any tips? They're all going to a koala sanctuary. Any tips? I'm really tired, but I should get over this jet lag. And I told him, I was like, hey dude,

you're going to look back on this in 10 years and you're not going to remember the sleep. Yes. You will be tired and cranky, but you'll never get a chance to touch a koala again.

Yeah. So I would say suck it up. Don't even nap for a minute. Just suck it up and be cranky. Realize you're cranky and then try not to be a dick to anybody,

but you want to be out there. Yeah. Great advice. Great advice. Great advice. Took a nap anyway and missed the koala thing. So he has no memory of it. But you do. You got that right. And I got the photo.

But now with CGI he can just put a koala in instead of his girlfriend. Yeah. So I still think you should do it and suck it up. How'd you do it? I'm always afraid they're going to fucking try to gouge. What do you mean? Just like rip my guts out.'m always afraid they're going to fucking try to gouge like. What do you mean? Just like rip my guts out. Well, the koala thing is weird because you go to this little sanctuary or

whatever zoo thing, petting zoo, and they go, who wants to take a picture of the koala? It's 20 bucks. And then they wheel out this koala and it's almost like a donkey show or a hooker where they're feeding it eucalyptus just so it doesn't spaz out.

Yeah. And then they take a photo of it. They go, don't look it in the eyes. Don't touch it. It's like a stripper. And then they wheel it back. And he's, like, missing patches of fur and stuff. You really feel horrible for the koala.

And then kids are, like, grabbing at it and stuff and jumping on it. Oh, it was brutal. It's like the fly koala. Yeah. They look at it in its captivity. Exactly. And he's like, kill me. But they are fucking cute.

And they eat that eucalyptus and they get a little high so they chill out. But beautiful. We fed the kangaroos. Where was this? This is in Sydney. In Sydney. Yeah. Did it go to the zoo?

It was its own thing. It was like a petting zoo, kind of little zoo. Wow. Super fun. Super hands on. You fed kangaroos. Oh, yeah. We got photos of that, too. zoo, kind of little zoo. Wow. Super fun. Super hands-on. You fed kangaroos. Oh, yeah. We got photos of that, too.

Yeah, let me see that. That's so cool. Yeah, it was fun. Fed the kangaroo. Dude, you're dangerous now that you got money. I know, right? Because before, you wanted to do stuff, but you were cheap, so it's like you'd find a ride somewhere, find whatever.

But now with money where it's like, oh, you can pay $100 or $20 for a picture or whatever. Yeah. Now you're a fucking threat. $20 for a picture or whatever. Yeah. Now you're a fucking threat. Swipe through that a little bit. Wow. The kangaroos. I love you touching them. Oh, yeah, very friendly.

They eat right out of your hand. Yeah, they give you pellets, and they let you hold a koala. I saw a dingo. I saw, that's a goat. It was a goat there. I said, fuck it, Let me give the goat some love Nobody was touching the goats Wow

You're touching the koala Yeah I got a little butt touch They weren't crazy about that You can see I'm wicked hungover Because of the Sorry my phone's got It's okay That's a light show in Sydney

With the drones Oh Super cool So we landed in Sydney At like five And I said what are we doing tonight And they said there's a light show Five minute walk from your hotel

At seven I said put the bags down We'll get dinner And said, there's a light show, five minute walk from your hotel at seven. I said, put the bags down, we'll get dinner and we'll go do that. What a great tip. It's like, oh, in two hours, enough time to like chill? Yeah. In 10 minutes, like, I need to brush my teeth. That's true.

Oh, that's perfect. And so you went to it. They did that here with the dragons. Exactly. But you were up close. We were up close right on the water and you got the bridge there and all the buildings are lit up.

They have projected weird designs on the buildings. So we had dinner outside. That's so funny. So hungover there. Really? That's why I'm wearing the sunglasses. And, yeah, so the city like whisked us off our feet immediately. That's the bridge.

That's the harbor. I took a shit on that bridge. Oh, really? My pants. You're allowed to climb. That's the La. That's the harbor. I took a shit on that bridge. Oh, really? My pants. You're allowed to climb. That's the La Palais Theater in Melbourne, right on the ocean. That's me with a bunch of drunk guys. They drink so fucking hard.

Did you do any cocaine in Australia? I've never done it. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Did you see people going for cocaine? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's so interesting, the cocaine use of Australia.

They love it. We found a bag on the ground, and my buddy James was like, you should sell that because it was probably like a 50 bag or 100 bag. You can sell it for $600 there. So we were like, all right. So we sold it to some guy for $400. $100? Yeah.

So we made $350. What do you mean? Because it was probably a 50 bag in America, but there it was. I guess we made four. It was free. Yeah, good point. Good point. Just like on my Jewish side, I was like, no, no, no.

Your margins are off. You got to do the math better. Good point. Good point. Yeah, they love Coke, and they always go do it all the time, and it's shitty. It's bad Coke. Yeah, oh, yeah. Well, they did a bunch of it, and the guy goes, this is K.

And we were like, oh, sorry. We didn didn't know but we were what you get bro yeah so uh love ketamine too a lot of drinking too we really over drank really every night because you know you're just like ah keep it going i'm in australia fuck it there's no rules so you told me this once where you're like then you start like consistently headlining you go back to i'll just say tulsa but anywhere really um and they're like are we going partying again last time you're here three years ago we partied are you like oh i only had eight weeks on the road then so i'm in the middle of a nine week run i'm actually just gonna like work on some clips yeah and they're like come on but in australia it's like you're on vacation you're on the other side of the world you got all the podcasts are banked.

Yeah. You're just doing this. It was fun. Yeah. How did you deal with like work for a month getting out of it? It wasn't easy, but that's where the drinking comes in. You know, you're sick of the suitcase. You're sick of the hotel.

You're sick of the flight. So you kind of drink to therapeuticize. That's not what I mean. Oh. I mean like every comic I talk to where I'm like, hey, you got it. You're getting stressed. You need to get out of town for a month. You need to go on vacation. Like I can't. I got this podcast I talk to where I'm like, hey, you're getting stressed. You need to get out of town for a month. You need to go on vacation.

I can't. I got this podcast I got to do. I'm saying, how did you work it where you could free yourself up for a month? I did a good thing, which I never do. I hate confrontation. I hate all that. So I said-

For sure, that is you. June, we went to Australia. So in March, I told Joe and Sam, hey, I'm going to be gone in June. And we got ahead of it. And that was the best thing I ever did. Great. Smart.

Yeah, but it wasn't easy. Yeah. Because it's easy to just go, oh, I'm leaving tomorrow. Sorry. We'll figure it out. Yeah, and then you have to zoom in from Australia to wake up at 4 a.m. Yeah. Zoom and forget it.

And then they hate you. They're like, why didn't you tell us? Yeah. I'm scared of that initial moment where they go, oh, geez. I remember I was taking from the old stand to stand up New York, taking a cab, and you were on at five. I'm almost there. I'm like, don't tell them you're almost there, Mark. Don't tell them to get another comic because you're 28 minutes away.

There's literally no chance. You're so right. They're on the street looking for you. You're avoiding that one moment. But it's going to come. And it's going to be worse later. It's going to be worse. You're right.

Oh, put on maybe even two comics. I am nowhere close. It's like that trip to Salt Lake to Wise Guys from Park City. And Keith called and he goes, you guys closed? And I was like, no, but it's only 7.15. He goes, yeah, show starts at 7. Yeah. Keith, I got to be honest with you, man.

We're probably 40 minutes away. And that was the right thing to do. Yeah. And Keith is so cool. He's the best I gotta be honest with you man we're probably 40 minutes away and that was the right thing to do Keith is so cool he was cool with you missing before he was like that's alright we'll just give some refunds and it's like oh alright and it's so cool because that's all over at the time that's the biggest problem in your life you'd give your left nut to just

fix that but it's all done nobody in Park City knows the fucking effort he made he shouldn't have missed his flight but once he did miss it to get there for those last two shows there you go it's monumental all right i'll take it hang for the fucking at least a day or two of skiing of course yeah i there's people who miss that like of course you all have that initial i don't want to do anything i don't want to think and plan and get out of bed but once you're there i was like i'm on the top of that mountain with the ski in my face and the snow in my ass. And I go, I'm glad I'm here.

Yeah. Yeah. So. So. OK. So Sydney seems fun as shit. Sydney was beautiful. And it was a real city, you know, where you go to Perth, which is almost a town in Adelaide, which is just kind of a college town.

And then Sydney was like a city. And we needed that. We needed a nice restaurant. We needed the nice restaurants we needed the bars we needed the the trolley going down we took the tram every day oh really yeah so that was really nice and the stuff to do the light show the ferry the manly the bondi there's so much i went to nope sorry it was melbourne oh yeah i went to the um the – Kylie took me to a promoter. Great advice once. She was like, there's one secret to – I can't do the accent.

I can't either. To be in good comedy. And I was like, what is it? She goes, do bad rooms. Just do bad rooms. That's the only answer. Do bad rooms. That's good advice.

It is good advice. I was like, no, wait, because it was so simple. And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's it. Don't have it easy. Yeah. Do bad rooms and you'll get better ah shit i did that last i did a gig in uh montauk last night really yeah i just drove back last night i got home at two in the morning but it was a weird room but where was it the the magazine guys no no it's called the clubhouse okay and the hamptons boy you forget you drive out there like this this is amazing. This is right here. Three hours away. What was I going to say about Sydney?

Fuck. The problem with Sydney was we stayed too long. Interesting. We stayed five days because they're like, you're going to want to see Sydney. You're going to want to do stuff. And we sold a bunch of tickets there. So they kept adding nights. Yeah.

And we went to Melbourne and only had a day and a half. And Melbourne's amazing, too. Melbourne, I went to the David Bow had a day and a half. And Melbourne's amazing too. Melbourne, I went to the David Bowie exhibit. That's it. I was going to say, Kylie took me there. Worth it? So worth it. And then I saw it here in the Brooklyn Museum, I think.

And they took out stuff. Oh, interesting. They had a giant display in Melbourne. Because a lot of these places, it's shocking how they don't shy away from their counterculture. So in Christiania, in Copenhagen, there's cross-field trips to little kids where they sell weed. Yeah. Red Light District of Amsterdam,

little kids know about that. They don't shy away. It's like part of their city. So they're just cooler with stuff. They had a giant display of, this was before he died too, of Dave, I think so, Dave Bowie's Coke Spoons.

Oh, wow. Yeah, they didn't have that one here. Why would you hide that? Why would you hide it? We know he was a drug addict. He was so into it. Yeah. That's silly.

Yeah, but I like Melbourne a lot because it seemed more artsy. Yeah. That's where all the murals were and the fucking graffiti and like, I don't know. Yeah. It's tough.

I like Melbourne too. It feels almost more European there. It felt very French. It's like the Palais Theater and it's right on the ocean and it's so clean. And I remember I had a moment. This is where I get cheesy and gay. Okay. We land.

I go to the theater. I'd done the festival there years ago. And to come from the festival as a nobody and then come out and sell. Yeah, 2015. No, no. doing 15 minutes doing 15 minutes nobody bombing a lot you know whatever getting drunk trying to get out of the shows nobody would have me to coming back a couple years later eight years later whatever yeah and doing two shows at this big, beautiful theater on the ocean. So before the show started, the show was at 7. I got there at 6.30.

I go, you guys go in. I'm going to walk around. I walk to the ocean. I see a guy playing guitar alone. There's no one on the boardwalk. I'm looking at the ocean. It's beautiful. I look at the theater.

I go, I can't believe this. And then some guy goes, you're on a bike. I was like, all right, we made it. Not a fan. And then some guy goes, you're a fag. I want a bike. I was like, all right, we made it. Not a fan. Just a regular guy. Just saw the shorts you were wearing. And I went in, and we had a hot set. And there's a big chandelier.

The theater is ornate. And they're like, Charlie Chaplin played here. What the hell? And all that. So it was pretty great. That's cool, because it's like in the same city. You can see the jump. Yes.

It's like when you haven't seen a kid in like seven years. Right. What the fuck? Yes. Yeah. And it's like when you haven't seen a kid in like seven years right what the fuck yes yeah and it's so gradual i compared to the notches on the wall when you grow up with your dad uh-huh making it the height notches you don't really feel taller but then you go holy shit i'm here now i used to be here yeah that's real that's huge that's awesome man so it's all downhill that's awesome my point but uh we're uh we're at chapelle's movie you were just there for the after for the free food.

Oh, yeah. And one of the promoter guys was talking to you. I don't know if you remember this. It just hit me right now. And he was like, oh, dude, they're about to start wooing you. This is a year and a half ago? Wooing you? They're like, you're going to make them a lot of money at theaters soon.

Oh, oh, I see. So he's kissing up to you. Oh, yeah. And you're like, you think? I'm like, yeah. And now it's already happened. i don't remember that at all oh um but good eye yeah he didn't even ask me to say hi all right so mark what'd you think of the movie i was like yeah they see you as a fucking fish soon the low self-esteem kicks in where you don't ever believe anyone would do that to you yeah um um what do you wish you had known about australia before you went and then what uh would you tell

someone else to avoid or to like make sure to do oh good question good question you know because there's a lot of what it doesn't have to be the only thing but just like like so like when when people tell me they're going to perth i'm'm like, check out the fucking, it's dumb, but if you have an extra night, check out the tour, the haunted tour of the Perth. Yeah. I would say. Quokka's for sure. Pretty much what you said is you do the dumb hacky shit. I know it's silly, but just do it.

You're never going to do it again. Get it over with. And I would say check out something you'd never heard of. Like, whatever they, talked to the locals because we would say we're going to go to a bar where should we go and instead of googling it i would ask the comics and they go there's a bar it's the oldest bar in sydney it's underground it's in a big barrel you know then you have to go in and then check out the back room uh right that that stuff like that exactly you get the real advice where it's like, nice. So we took the baggie of Coke.

We're at this old bar. And we took, and they go, there's a liquor cell, a cellar downstairs. Do you want to go see it? It's got all the oldest liquors and the million dollar shot, you know, whatever. So we go and we get a tour of that. And I bring out the bag of Coke. And the guy giving the tour did a bump. And I was like, this is a great moment.

And that's that picture of James McCann and May, my wife. And they're like, because he took a bump and i was like this is a great moment and that's that picture of james mccann and may my wife and they're like because he took a bump and all and you know they're just like all still didn't do any i couldn't do it i'll be honest well good point i wouldn't do it in australia i would i would wait till you're in london next yeah london or somewhere in europe europe okay it's just better there and you know you got to kind of keep your wits about you. You're like, all right, if we go to bed in an hour, we'll get four hours. Actually, don't even ever do it. Okay. It's stupid.

Yeah, we've got to go to bed soon. Yeah, yeah. We're kind of on a schedule, which sucked because you want to just chill. The sucky thing about traveling for stand-up is that you do have to be somewhere at some point. Yes, yes. If you were just going to australia at any moment you and may could have been like hey you know what i'm done a day early i know we paid for this hotel but fuck you want to just go to melbourne anyway yeah and just get on the

earlier flight and you'd be like yeah i'm done here let's go right um and you can't do that like no i have a show tonight or i have a show tomorrow or like i'm in the middle of having fun it's five o'clock drink like shit guys in two hours i gotta be somewhere yeah yeah it gets in the way it does get in the way but yeah i think you need a little of both yeah i mean it does but also gets you out there would you have gone anyway exactly definitely not so then we left there we did melbourne for like a day and a half we were in we were out that sucked yeah and then we went straight to uh brisbane and so the lady left she was like it's already been two weeks she was like i gotta go so we went straight to Brisbane. And so the lady left. She was like, it's already been two weeks. She was like, I got to go.

So we went to Brisbane. Brisbane's a cool town. Brisbane's also extremely hot. It's up. No, I don't think it's up there, is it? Brisbane right here. There you go. Coastal city.

It felt more like. Alligators here. Yeah. Can't go in the water. No. Although we did. You can go Great Barrier Reef. Oh, okay. Which is like out there. No, no. I'm go in the water. No. Although we did. You can go Great Barrier Reef. Oh, okay.

Which is like out there. No, no. I'm thinking of somewhere else. I'm thinking of up here. Oh, okay. Timor. Oh, Papua New Guinea. Why did I think that they had a boardwalk that it's like no beach?

It's just like over the... Because they're like, oh, it's crocodile shit. They do have that. They did. That was there. But you have to go out to get to the ocean. Right. Which we did. Oh, okay. It was like a 20 minute drive uh because we wanted to go surfing right and of

course we were hung over and me and youngblo were like fuck it i can't do it uh and he's kind of fat so he was like i can't surf anyway yeah and we just said god damn it screw it we're going and we went and we had so much fun and it woke us up and it was rejuvenating and great. And then we did shows that night. It is like just get out there and go and you'll just be going. Yeah. Even if it's a dumb thing. I call them statues, like seeing the statues.

Because like, listen, when I'm in, I don't even know where. Any city. New York. You know, it's like, well, I'm visiting New York for the first time. I've got to see the Empire State Building. Okay, sure. But mostly it's going to bars and going to music shows and Broadway and doing shit. But the statues might get you out a little bit.

And then the fourth time you're in New York, you're like, I've already seen the Empire State Building and the Statue of Liberty. Yes. Now I'm just here for a good time. But the statues, meaning also the beach, the quokkas or whatever, get you moving. Totally get you moving. And it's just somewhere to go. Because you sit there going, should we do this? No, I don'tkas or whatever. Get you moving. Totally get you moving. And it's just somewhere to go. Because you sit there going, should we do this? No, I don't know about that.

How about that? And you can't decide on anything. But if you just have to go, you go. And that's what I would say don't do. What? I think a big part of our fuck up on the tour was like, where are we going to eat? Now we're spending 45 minutes going, Thai, I don't know. And you're like, we could have been to Wendy's and done with it.

We all know what a bon meat tastes like. It's not going to taste different in Australia. I get if you're going to get kangaroo. But we sat there for hours. We wasted hours trying to find the 4.8 place instead of the 4.6. Yes, exactly. Dude, I finally just got free to this. I live in New York City, and it's one of the best food scenes in the world, definitely of the country.

And if I'm going to Montauk, I don't have to go to the best restaurant. Just give me some fish and chips. Get me back to the fucking beach. That's it. It's going to be worse food. Yes. Granted, you're in Mexico City, get some tacos. All right.

If you're in Vietnam, get some banh mi's. But if you're not in a place that's a food place, if you're in Austin, for sure, go to get some barbecue once. But once you've gotten that, every meal doesn't have to be an experience because we live in a better city than that. Exactly. So, yeah, get in and out. Oh, got a sandwich at this deli? Get it and go. Right, right.

Pad Thai. You guys want Pad Thai? I don't know. I'm not really feeling it. I kind of want a burrito. Oh, let me look at the burrito. Hour away, hour later. And then you've got to find the right one.

And then you go, all right, well, we've got to get an Uber. Then it's going to be a 20-minute drive. Then you've got to get back in the Uber after. It's brutal. It's brutal. Your whole day is gone. Yeah. Make some reservations if it's like London or Mexico City or a high-level place at the

fine restaurants you want to go at before you even get off the plane. Yes. Make them last week. Yeah. So it's like, hey, Tuesday we have reservations at Pujol or whatever. Right. Sweet. We'll go to that.

We had a mall next to us in Sydney. Just go to Bite & Go. Just let me get a baguette. I watched them start looking at food places, and I went to the mall, ate at the food court, and came back, and I still hadn't figured it out. That's why I love Paris. It really was like, I'll pass a baguettorio or whatever they're called. Yeah, yeah.

And I'll just get that, a couple croissants, and we'll go. There you go. We can walk and eat. That's it. Yeah. It's such I'll just get that, a couple croissants, and we'll go. There you go. We can walk and eat. That's it. Yeah. It's such a waste of time and a waste of money. Australia is not known. The meat pies would be the only thing I would say,

get that while you're there. Yeah, but that's two seconds. That's 7-Eleven. 7-Eleven, in and out. But it's not known for food. No, it's not. And they have good Asian food. There was a ton of Asians in that area.

Sure, OK. But it's like, if you've never had Asian food, it's not because you live in this city. know i mean you can find it here too right right look if you're there for a month and you feel like i feel like chinese today then go get some yeah but yeah good that's good good tip don't get caught up with food don't get caught up because you but no one can make a decision and the best place is not the best place it's just like it's all google It's all Google. It's all just a four star, five star.

I mean, you told me this once about a place, a sandwich place, I think in Paris. Or maybe Italy. Yes. Just an amazing sandwich. It was just like, let's just get one. And the guy handmade it for you. That was it. Yeah.

Where was that? That was in the Amalfi Coast. Amalfi Coast. We went to a bodega. She was like, I can't even go find a restaurant. I'm so hungry. I'm just going to go in here. And I was like, all right.

And the guy took a half hour to make a tuna sandwich. It was the best sandwich I've ever had in my life. What an experience. Yes. And by the way, those are everywhere. They're just not highly rated, but they're everywhere. It's nice to get lucky. It's nice to get lucky. And you lose sometimes too. You go, that was the worst pizza I've ever had in my life. But who cares? Hunger comes

and goes. You'll have another hunger. You'll have another appetite. The shitty meals. Don't intentionally get a shitty meal, but it makes the better meals more special. Yeah. You'll have another hunger. You'll have another appetite. And it'll make the shitty meals. Don't intentionally get a shitty meal, but it makes the better meals more special. Yeah. And they're not every single fucking meal. Yeah. So Brisbane was awesome.

Surfing was so cool. And it's such a cool sport. I get it now. I used to be like, why do people do that every 6 a.m.? I'm not getting up at 6 a.m. Now I get it. It's amazing these potheads can wake up early and get it done. That's how alluring it is. Yeah.

Something about the water and the standing on water. It's very these potheads can wake up early and get it done. That's how alluring it is. Yeah. Something about the water and the standing on water. It's very primal. And your girlfriend wasn't there, then? No, she was gone. So you didn't have to tell her to paddle away if any male was nearby. Yeah, exactly. You told young blood, hey, if any other commas come by, you got to paddle. Damn, that's great.

So you surfed. Fuck, that's so cool So you served. Fuck. That's so cool. The shows were great there not to get too into comedy, but it was a 400 seater, but you do two a night instead of one big theater a night. And it was way more fun because it was like a club. Dude,

you're in the, you're in this stage right now where they're going to lie to you and tell you that the bigger rooms are better. I know for a fact that a 230 seat room is way better. So it's like, it's a, it's a trade off for the money or the thing. I know. And you know for a fact that a 230-seat room is way better. So it's a trade-off for the money or the thing. Yeah. And yeah, it's smaller. It's like that. Yeah, give me four nights in the small room

and add up to the big theater. And that's just as good to me. That's what I wanted to do in Seattle. I was like, all the venues there charge so much for Ticketmaster. And the same companies own all three of them, every level. So it's going to be 40% on top of the tickets. And I was like, I hate it so much for Ticketmaster and the same companies own all three of them, every level. So like it's going to be 40% on top of the tickets. And I was like, I hate it so much. 40%.

I get so mad. So I'm like, I'll just do the Crocodile. The old Crocodile. It was a rock room for Nirvana. I played there. And they were like, yeah, but it's 180 seats, dude. Wow. You don't want to be there for a week?

And then it hit me. I'm like, yes, I do actually. Yes, yes. I'd love to be in Seattle for a week. And you get so much work done. And you can see more of the city. And you can relax more. And I'm not traveling all the time. Yeah. I did six nights in Denver. It week. And you get so much work done. And you can see more of the city. And you can relax more. And I traveled all the time.

Yeah. I did six nights in Denver. It was so fun. Wow. Good for you. Instead of in and out. The works? The works, yes.

Yeah. Six nights. Great club. I don't know. I'm here. We've got a great condo. Yeah. I'm fucking here.

Me and Simpson. Oh, Brian? Yeah, it was great. Oh, hell yeah. Yeah. That's great. And he's so chill. He's so laid back.

What did we do today? Yeah. Okay. So yeah. Brisbane was cool. That's great. And he's so chill. He's so laid back. What did we do today? Okay, so. So yeah, Brisbane was cool. Also, you lose the lady, which you miss the lady, but you can also kind of sleep in a little more. You don't have to worry about lunch. You don't have to worry about getting in the right place to impress them. With Youngblood, it's like you're on equal footing. You're just like, I don't want this.

It's good enough. You don't feel like you have to impress at all times. Even though I know you're married, it's still like you're on equal footing yeah it's like i don't want this yeah it's like just good enough you don't feel like you have to impress at all times even though i know you're married it's still like you're constantly taking care of them yeah you can shit with the door open you can rub one out all that good stuff you're hung over you're just like i'm gonna just lay here yeah you know she's like we should get breakfast you know which is great but it was it was a nice nice mix yeah and then uh we had the great time at the shows we're working on material we could fuck around a little bit. We're getting clips. I did a shooey eventually.

You did a shooey. Because they keep yelling shooey at every show. But that's not something they do. I got it every single show. No, no, no. But I mean like. Oh, oh. If you were living there, you wouldn't see a shooey at a bar.

No. Would you? Maybe at a UFC fight. That's a novelty thing. Total novelty. But they kept yelling it. So we came up with a plan. What was the plan?

Because I kept turning them down. They go, boo, do a shooie. And I was like, I'm not doing a shooie. It's disgusting. And they kept booing. Even a brand new shoe. Glasses are great for this. Yes.

So this is the last night in Brisbane, which is the last night in Australia because you go to New Zealand. Oh, you went, okay. So I go, here's my idea. We'll do a shooie at the last show at the last night. But I'm like, I'm not doing a shoeie because Bert did one and got laryngitis. Because you get all that jizz from the shoe. You get all the goo and dirt.

I'm sure it wasn't staying up all night drinking. Bert loves to blame things on one thing. It's not real. So we went out and bought a shoe at Walmart for eight bucks. And we set it up where the promoter guy went Do a shoe you cunt And I was like I'm not doing a shoe And I said fuck it and the crowd goes wild And then Youngblood threw me a shoe

I caught it That shoe? The Walmart shoe I pour a beer in and I do it The place goes apeshit Especially after you said no Exactly I did that somewhere once

When somebody threw me an edible. I'm like, no, God, I don't know what, it's a fucking handmade. I don't know, I need, and they all just, it's so funny. They're like, boo.

I'm like, okay. You eat the whole thing. Instantly, you're like, I'll make mistakes. They go nuts. I don't know what's in here. It's an experience. They'll tell that story for a year.

The shoo-ee, yeah. Yeah. That's so funny. And once you're down a whole beer, you just guzz. But you're not a guzzler, though. I'm not a guzzler but you you make it happen sip out of one yeah pinky out drink it out of those little like shoelace holes yeah put a straw in there right um yeah so we do the shoe we leave we have a great we go hit the bars that's where i got that drunk photo we went to a strip club that was awesome yeah the strippers there my god they're like 11s you're like what are you doing here you

could you could make it on in dubai it's a long trip dude australia chicks are very hot hot slutty yeah yeah too bad you were there with you brought sand to the beach but like uh i know but i'm saying like every everybody i knew who went to Australia in high school and college and stuff like, oh, they must have loved my American accent. I got laid so much. And then I had Israeli friends like they love the Israeli accent. I got laid. Icelandic friend, oh, they love the Icelandic accent. I'm like, no, they're just sluts.

That's a bit. That's great. It's nothing to do with your accent. That's so true. It's fun. They're just casual about it. I think it might be the least religious country in the world. I think it was a 17% belief rate the last time I looked.

I think you're right. I think you're right. So it's like you take that out and like, yeah, you're cool. Let's fuck. Yeah, why the guilt? Why the guilt? No guilt. Jewish women have less sexual guilt, I find.

Interesting. It's like a Christian. Interesting. Yeah, maybe. Either way, so like I went to catholic school and you'd fuck girls in the ass because they called it god's hole great love it yeah i'll comply i will comply yeah i'm you know doing this in their ass but uh other other um so great what a fun trip so fun then you go of course you go down to new zealand That's a whole different world. New Zealand's another episode.

Okay, good. I don't know anyone who's been there, and I want to go. I want to go back, but I want to go for a month. You would love it. The nature beats Australia. That's why I want to go get a car or a van and go out there. As we wrap up, let me just say again, watch the special. It's on Netflix right now.

It's called Soup to Nuts. Soup to Nuts. Mark's one of the best comics working. You'll love him. It's hilarious, as always. I've seen, I assume, I've seen, I haven't watched it yet, but I assume it's the shit I've seen you do

on stage live over the last year or two. Yeah, pretty much. Then it's great. Oh, thanks. Well, I appreciate it. Yeah, you're a crusher, so that's awesome. Soup to Nuts is on Netflix right now. If you have a computer, go to Netflix.com,

and you can find a way to log in and register for an account. Yeah, steal the password, whatever you got to do. Steal the password, dude. Just watch it. I just want people to see it. I was still using Big J's Netflix login when I was watching my own special. He eventually changed his account. Apparently, they're cracking down on that now.

They're cracking down,'re cracked down yeah who cares um i've already i mean usually i'll do this in this episode show too where i ask like a tip but you already said like get out there yeah fuck the lunch fuck this this precious lunch just get out there and do it yeah um does anyone else when you say dream plays anyone over like tallahassee like have you had that guy yet uh no all right good i have not i have not but uh but it's like you know certain places are calling you yeah sounds like that like you're like oh i'm looking forward to go to berlin but like israel's calling me call it because you know the lady wants to go to japan and tokyo and all that stuff which i don't really some places you don't care. Schloss came in and was talking about Russia, and I'm like, I've never cared at all. No thought about Russia.

But Morocco is just in me. I can't shake it. You would love Morocco. I've been to Rabat, Fez, Morocco, and the Medina, as they call them, which is their market. They're built in a mountain. So you walk through,

and there's a donkey passing by you, and there's spices over here. There's rugs over here. There's a fat lady with produce. Then there's a lady who does the henna tattoo. There's a snake charmer guy. It's so much for the senses. In a mountain, there's little cracks of sunlight coming in.

You're like, oh, let me get this old book that's leather-bound. Me and my dad went. He bought like two rugs. They shipped them home. We had to haggle with them turbines the whole thing wild wow you would love it oh gotta go to morocco all right well damn i don't want to go so bad yeah yeah um mark norman again soup to nuts uh check out his multiple, well, not multiple, two podcasts, Tuesdays with Stories with Joe List and We Might Be Drunk with Sam Murill. I've been a guest on both the podcasts. I will say my appearances on We Might Be Drunk are far better because Tuesdays with Stories is not for guests.

It's not for guests, but you did well and you actually brought in higher numbers than we have normally. So that's a feather in your dick. We might be drunk and feel like I'm not letting you down. Well, that's a hang-up. Well, Joe's a tough nut to crack. But I've cracked him. That's true. That excuse is gone. That was very Jewish.

But I've cracked him. Alright, guys, thank you very much. If there's a Patreon by now, check out the Patreon and we'll talk about that later. Yeah. Just trying to quit this pod like you quit all the other ones. You'd be tripping. Yeah, no.

This one I'm interested in. All right. That helps. Yeah. No one else is, but at least you're into it. Okay. Bye, everybody. Thank you.

Well, that's the episode, everybody, and it was a good one. Thank you, Mark Norman, for coming in. That was very interesting. You could feel the love he had for a new place. Mark's getting to travel. I can feel it. He's gone since then to a few places. Berlin, he really loved.

Mexico City. Oh, he's got to come back and talk about that. Maybe we'll just do one together about that. I love Mexico City. But he's got the bug now. He never did. He always took a full focus on stand-up. Now he's got the bug now. He never did. He always took off like a full focus on stand-up.

Never could. Now he's taking like a week here or there. It's great. Maybe I'll get him to do Paris next time for the next one. He went there too.

Anyway, that's the episode. Everybody go to follow him on Instagram.com slash Mark Norman. You can follow me at Instagram.com

slash Ari Shafir. You can also follow the me at Instagram.com slash Ari Shafir. You can also follow the podcast at Instagram.com slash YouBeTrippinPod. And please subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts at YouBeTrippin. And if you want to follow it on YouTube, it's YouTube.com slash

at YouBeTrippinPod. And that's it, everybody. That's the episode. I'll see you next, not even next week, in four days' time on Monday for Mr. Dan Soder to talk about his trip to Iceland. This has been You Be Trippin' Episode 2. They're pretty fun. But, wait, wait.

How do you say goodbye in Australia? Hooroo? No fucking way. I've never heard that before in my life. It's not hooroo. There's no fucking way. That's wrong? No fucking way. I've never heard that before in my life. It's not hooroo. That's, there's no fucking way. That's, that's, that's wrong. That's wrong. The only way I'll accept is a bogan way of just getting drunk and passing out and then going to 7-Eleven for a nice meat pie. Until next week, hooroo everyone.