You Be Trippin' - Beirut, Lebanon w/ Tom Papa | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Follow Tom on Instagram here: http://instagram.com/tompapa/ SPONSORS: - Check out the new show from Ian Fidance "IAN DO: AN ODD GUY DOIN ODD JOBS" new episodes every other Tuesday! https://youtube.com/@UChygx8m9Drak7p_5zlX94fw - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at https://shopify.com/trippin On this week of You Be Trippin' Tom Papa takes Ari to Dubai! they explore strict airspace rules, hotel club scenes, and performing under censorship—plus some passport drama. In Beirut, Tom visits former battle zones and a car bomb memorial, diving into Lebanon’s complex history and vibrant nightlife. مع السلامة You Be Trippin' Ep. 106 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:09:21 - Dubai and Beirut 00:19:13 - Partying In Hotel Clubs 00:23:22 - Facing Censorship in Dubai 00:26:18 - Heading to Beirut 00:34:55 - Israel Not Existing On Dubai Flights 00:37:34 - Passport Chaos 00:40:49 - The History Of Beirut 00:49:03 - Visiting A Car Bomb Memorial 00:53:20 - The Cedars Of Lebanon 00:56:04 - The Happy People of Beirut 00:59:27 - Aftershow Parties 01:03:06 - Back At The Airport 01:06:45 - Where To Next? 01:08:42 - Tom's Travel Tips 01:13:20 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's funny, like shoe people, people who love shoes, they're just like, they notice them. They notice stuff right away. It's why I'm with boobs. Yeah. I'm like, oh, great. A connoisseur. What is that, a sea?

I get worried about. I'm appreciating. Where you've been and where you're going? This is our race travel show, yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's you. Hello, everybody. Welcome to UB Tripping.

The travel podcast. Every week a guest tells me about some place they've been that they really liked or they really hated or whatever. I don't know. I'm not great at intros, Tom. Tom Papa, a great stand-up comedian is the guest today. He's got a special on Netflix right now. He's third special on Netflix. Home-free.

Home-free? Fourth on Netflix, third on Netflix. Third on Netflix. Home-free. Yeah. Was Home fries even in the running? No. God.

Where were you six months ago? You ever get a name for a special? I'm like, oh, thank you. You're like, oh, that's good. Yeah. It's the thing we're worst at. Yeah, I didn't name this one. Really?

Yeah, a friend of mine gave me the name. Is it from the special? Yeah, somewhat. It was just thematic. Yeah, because all my kids are gone from my home, and I do have, like, this new freedom. Like, I can go back to being the time before this whole experiment for 20 years. Wow.

Yeah. They're all gone. They're all gone. That kid whose phone you look through? Yeah. Gone. Gone. That was a long time.

That kid was in that story was like 10? Yeah, about that. Yeah, 10? Yeah, exactly. Damn. Yeah. And now she's a woman, like with a job and an apartment and doing her thing. And it's great.

It's a very cool phase. But my house is, you know, you build it for this one thing. and then that those kids leave and you're like wait a minute we I say even in the special like I did this all for you where the fuck you're going you're going to go I should go you could have it all just give me a backpack with a I say in the special you can just give me a backpack with a van halen CD and some weed and I'll go back to the living life I was living before I met you that's so funny that's so funny and you're like I did this do Shane and O'Connor were at my apartment and we were barbecuing and they got into a friend fight such dumb fucking drunk shit

yeah and then o'connor stormed off shame was yelling about i'm like no no i just put shit on the grill work it out i just put food on the grill i'm not ending this now yeah yeah i'm not ending this i shopped i shopped i did all this i got the utensils out not mine i have the spatula Yeah, fix it. I have a fucking spatula. So it is this phase, and it's the whole special, isn't that, but it does kind of like, it kind of is in a way because it kind of, I do have this freedom now to go back to being myself.

And that's just kind of like freed me up to just live a little bit more like I did before. Yeah. Now that you are this, not to shoehorn it in, do you think about travel? I'm like somebody's parents just retired and they're like, what are you going to do? Yeah. I'm like, go to Japan, go to these places. I know. That, you know, it's funny you say that.

That's like Japan is the number one on my list. Yeah. I mean, I love Italy. I'll always go back to that. I mean, there's a ton of the world to see, but Japan, for some reason, it's so much on my mind over the last year. You got to go that.

That's the sign. Yeah. It's calling. Yeah. What about it? The mountains. Ski mountains? More than the city.

I just, whenever I see pictures of those trees and those flowers, and the peaceful mountains. I just something about the mountain. I don't even, I haven't even researched. I just have, in my head, I'm supposed to go the mountains of Japan.

Wow. Yeah. And then somebody, and then you, like, once you start, like, I mean, maybe it's because more people are traveling there too,

but you like know him from the comedy cellar was just there. He went? And he just loved, he couldn't believe just how together all was and how peaceful. And, geez, look at that.

Lovely. Yeah. Look at that. That would be fucking great. He went, he went. Wow. The funniest story he told me was that they have those, they have those amazing Japanese toilets,

those automatic toto toilets, like, in public restrooms in the city. Yeah. He's like, could you imagine having that in Washington Square Park? How long would that last before people were just destroying it? I mean, no way, no way. We destroy everything that's nice there. And he's like, that's the difference.

Like, we just lock up our plant. Like, you know those big elephineer plants? Yeah. And potters, they lock those up. Because they'll just get stolen every night. Yeah, it's ridiculous. God, it's a fucking trash dump of a town. I mean, really, it really is.

I love it so much. But man, is it is, we shouldn't be living like this. Can't we just be cool. I'm doing a joke about subway masturbators. And I'm like, who's seen one? It's always a few people who've seen one. I'm like, the answer should be none. A horror.

Subway masturbators. Oh, God. Everybody. And we still live here. And it's a bunch of you just casually have seen it and haven't moved. That should be like you should be going after you see that, you go back to your apartment and start packing. Just like, no, no way, I'm done. I mean, it is fantastic.

But it's really also horrible. Yeah. It really, you shouldn't live like this. I mean. Adrian's moving. She's like, I'm out. I can't handle it anymore. I got to do something.

Really? Whatever. You got to leave here. at some point. You did. I did. I want to come back and spend more time, but I don't think I would do it without an escape hatch. For years, I went back and forth between New York and L.A. And, you know, it was good to kind of split it up, like to completely shut down L.A. and come all in on New York all year. I don't know if I could do it. Yeah, I like where Ross does it, where he has two places, then I'll, like, go do a gig in Kansas city and they're like what's the weather like in each spot yeah i'll go back to there yeah he

really seems to have it all figured out damn except eyebrows he's fucking got it yeah i mean that maybe that was the sacrifice because everything else devil said i really dialed in it just dialed in such a great life he really has a great life everywhere i need you to squint all the time yeah you're not going to get those but you're going to get to go to all the parties you want sleep as late as you want every day as you want yeah it's just a casual fat for fucking decades that just hasn't gone to a beast right on the edge. Yeah, you're handling it. Yeah, friends with everybody.

It's really a marvel. All right, so where are we going today? What should we do? Let's get into it. Beirut. Well, yeah, Beirut. This is an interesting one because what a faraway place. It's not like a London or even Australia.

Yeah. And let me be clear. Yeah. I'm not a cool traveler. Okay, this is good to know. I'm like, I get nervous when I'm out of the country. I get like a little bit like going to customs. I always like want to be like the cool guy with a jean jacket and like a, just a backpack and a camera.

Yeah. And you just, you're cool with whatever kind of scary people you run into. And I'm not that. I get a little like, where are we going? Okay. Is that cool? Is this? I get a little nervous.

I'll adapt as the trip goes on. But I, there's definitely a little anxiety. as I'm going into a new place. How long does it take you to like, like chill? Like, okay, I think it's, once you get to a safe place that you thought might be dangerous. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Like Brazil took me like a day and a half. I'm like, oh, what did they tell me? This is fine. Yeah, you start to get the vibe and the rhythm. Yeah, about that, like a couple days. But this trip was, uh, I was never really that.

I got pretty comfortable. But the thing about, it was a stand-up trip. Okay. Okay. And Ahmed Ahmed, put together this tour. It was a two-stop tour in Dubai and Beirut. And this was like 2011 or so.

And forget all of the characters that were on it. Whitney Cummings was on it. True rules. Tommy Davidson was on one of them, I think. I'm spacing on his name It's a comic from Canada Mike Ward No

Grussel Peters No he does That's it We're at the end We got fresh in English That's it Jerry Jerry D

Jerry D Jerry D He was on it With a G So the first stop You're going to fly From New York to Dubai You've never been anywhere

At this point I've never, I've been to Europe and, you know, Jamaica and Mexico and Canada, those places. I've never been in anywhere in the Middle East. This had to be like 2010? Yeah, like 11, 12. Yeah, like in there. And. I'm sorry for Whitney to go on a group tour.

Like, where would that have been in her career? Yeah, exactly. We were both like, yeah, we weren't, we were still taking a gig like that. Yeah. And cool, by the way, for stand up to be able to get you to these, like, crazy places. So great. Whenever I'm in a situation like my wife and I have this thing, whenever we find ourselves like in a nice hotel or a new place,

at a certain point, one of us will go, thank you comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like our thanks, you know. Yeah, I mean, there's no way I'm booking a trip to Dubai and Beirut. Because as a kid, I... There's not one trip you would have planned.

Right, no, no, that's two trips. And why? Yeah, as a kid, what were? you're going to say as a kid i remember seeing like the Beirut bombing yeah and seeing that in the news and i'm not even sure if it was in real time or i just learned about it as i got a little older as a kid but uh just seeing those horrific when they bombed the embassy and there's just taking soldiers out of the rubble and like this was in my mind not just Beirut but all of the Middle East it was really scary place. Yeah. Middle East

kind of gets the Africa wrap where they just like put it as one country. Yes. No differences between governments or land or anything. It's just all lumped together. Yeah. The Middle East to a kid that grew up like hearing about the hostages or Beirut or any of that kind of stuff was you know, just a just in general a big scary place. Yeah, those

pictures, right? Yeah. Hi, everybody. Arjafir here. Breaking in and tell you a little bit about today's guest, Tom He's one of the all-time great dudes in comedy. He's everybody's best friend, and he should be. He's also kind of under the radar, one of the most prolific comics working. He's got seven stand-up comedy specials, the last three of which are on Netflix. I think one of the old ones is on Netflix, too.

Check out any of them. You're doing great, which is, I guess that's one who had most closely tied to the theme from my last special America Sweetheart, but kind of, guys, focus on the positives. What a day and live in New York City his last one. He's got books out. You're doing great. We're all on this together. Your dad stole my rake.

And his podcast, Breaking Bad, that I've been on, check him out at Tom Papa comedy on YouTube. Instagram at Tompapa and Tompapa.com where you can see all his tour dates starting tonight. February 16th, this is Hilton Head, North South Carolina. Then February 19th, he moves on to Fort Lauderdale, the Broward County Senate. for performing arts. What's Broward County?

That's where all the cops were filmed. He's pretty much only doing giant theater. So see him if there's tickets available. Stewart, Florida, Jacksonville, Florida, Nash, Kentucky, Connecticut, Salt Lake City, Evans, Utah, Hutchinson, Kansas, Pensacola, Florida, Orlando, Florida, Fort Myers, Florida, Dayton, Ohio, Cleveland, Columbus, Las Vegas, Bethlehem. Then in April, he's in Huntington at the Paramount for two shows. I played there.

Mike Vecchio, great shows. April 30th in Skokie, Illinois, the home of the Jews near Chicago. They don't live in Chicago. Why would they? No, this is better Jews than Skokie. Joliet Illinois, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, the Pabst Theater. Great theater. Tom, ask those guys about, about, who did Blister in the Sun?

I'm fucking lost out here. I can't remember anybody's names, anybody's. Come with a V, right? Anyway, ask them about them. They have stories galore. You'd love it. So probably the best green room in theaters. And Los Angeles at the Netflix

is a joke festival at the Wilshire Ebel Theater on May 5th and July 10th Atlantic City. July 18th, Great Barrington, Massachusetts. Get all tickets at tompapa.com. For myself, I'd just like you to follow me on Instagram at Ari Shafir or the podcast as well, which is a fun way to follow the podcast,

and you get extra pictures from the guests that might not be up there, a little clip or two here or there, and that's kind of it. At UB. ChippingPod, please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. UB Chippin'Pod on YouTube. Hit the like and subscribe button.

Smash. What does it say? Smash the like button. Smash subscribe. This guy is a looky loo for sure. See, I had to turn my back fully. He sees the mic, slows down completely, staring over there.

It's very embarrassing. I'm done with this. Let's get back to the episode. Buy some merch, please. Yeah, so the trip starts amazing. I'm in JFK by myself, and I get on an Arab Emirates flight, business class. Oh, they flew you like that.

God. You ever been on that? One time I got bumped up and they put me into a middle seat, but I was at the middle of throwing a shit fit, just being a real jerk. Like, I don't know. I want to be able to sleep so I could have a, I want it to a window seat. Yeah.

And like, sir, sir, look at the ticket. And it was like, oh, nice. Yeah. It was like full recline. I'm like, oh. Insane. God, it feels good. You just don't want the flight to end.

You don't. This had like these pods. And Emirates is like. Emirates is, I mean, no joke. Like, to fast forward to the end of the story when I came back. And after flying Emirates. and then in this your own pod there was one other guy there was one other guy it was like a double-decker thing and there was one other guy like way over there i like i looked up from my cubicle i was we were alone

and the staff of these flight attendants who were just gorgeous and in those beautiful uniforms the red things with a little like shawl coming down whatever that little that little veil and they were bored so they just were worried so they just were waiting on us. To pop your head up. They were just like waiting to serve you. Like there's two meals. There's like a dinner and then a breakfast and a, uh, uh, uh, cocktails.

I mean, it was like you had a harem. Wow. It was insane. And then after all of that experience going there and back, I landed in, in San Francisco and I had to connect on American Eagle. Oh, yeah. And it was like, oh, the carpets are all torn up. and the flight attendants are like 70 years old

and just pissed off at you. We're grandfathered in, shut up, sit down. I was like, whoa, all right, that was like a real wake-up call to like, just the airport, all of it was just like, oh, we're behind. I grew up thinking we're like ahead. We're so far behind. Did you have the thing when they get over like Arab airspace,

they go, okay, we're covering up her hair, take the alcohol at the tables? No, I didn't recognize that. They do that and then they do it the other way. Like if you land in like Doha or something, but it'll be like that and then like they take off and they're like, we're clean and they take the head off. Like, here he wants booze.

Wow, really. Yeah. Yeah, that is kind of the interesting part of it all. Like we land in Dubai and this one girl was really friendly. And there wasn't anything like hook up kind of friendly, but she was kind of like wanted to come to the show. and all that kind of stuff. And like on the plane, she was just like, you know, talking to an American.

And then when I saw her when we were performing, she was with her boyfriend. And she was completely in the, when we were on our way there, someone, a couple had gotten put in jail because they were holding hands on the street. wait what yeah in uaee Dubai Dubai Dubai's what country's that that's the country yeah oh okay yeah wait what yeah for hold I'm holding hands on the street a young couple so when I saw her she wasn't like the cool like flight attendant anymore it was like very stoic and just kind of watching what she was saying and it kind of Kirk Fox was on it Kirk Fox was on it Kirk Fox was on it Kirk Fox was on this on this because the two of us rented a car Dubai is UAE I was right I knew it was

something like that it's a city right Dubai and then what's the other one uh there's another big city there yeah uh Abu Dhabi Abu Dhabi yeah right where they have camel races uh really wait so wait god arrested for holding hands for holding hands not married that's a deal was that the problem yeah Are they still, wow. Yeah. 10 years ago, 12, 13 years ago. And no drinking, no alcohol, unless you go to the hotels.

And if you go to the hotels for some reason, they have nightclubs in the hotels. In the hotels for, I guess, expats. But it's just like a loophole. So everyone out in the city, you can't get alcohol. can't do anything. Everyone's very stoked. You can't even hold hands. Then they get into these hotels and they go into the club and it's bottle service and

everybody's doing everything. Wow. Did you drink then? I drank a little. You're not a club guy. I'm not a club guy. You would be a bar guy if anything. I could be like a mixed up.

My favorite bars, yeah, places that look like they should have closed down 15 years ago. Yeah. With one old guy at the thing. and a torn up mixed sorley's they have like old like wishbones for kids to come home from the from the Vietnam Wars I'm like that and like that's like meat though you shouldn't have that out this long yeah really real bad yeah this isn't there's no health code like they don't even inspect it anymore they just those are my places I like that yeah I'm not a club guy I've never been to a club in the US I don't think we don't do it well here uh Vegas he fucking

there it was annoying You know, the worst part for us, have you been to these, like the Just for Last Festival or any of that kind of stuff? We want to talk and hear each other and make each other laugh. And we love stories and we love each other. And you get into a place where they just bam that music. That's not, that's for people who can't carry on conversations.

Yeah, yeah. And they do this to the stand, the stand will do after parties and they'll blare it. And you're like, can we, can you have downstairs just for, like weed and like low level classic rock yeah exactly exactly it's so it's so the opposite of what we need it's for the four new faces who are like let's dance yeah no we need to be able to talk that's that's our that's our love the how many times you've been in a makeshift green room which is just really like like a hallway in some venue with like concrete slab yeah i'll pick up a slab here and

sit down and you're just talking to your buddy like this is great this is perfect yeah perfect Yeah, you don't even need food or drink. I don't even need broccoli. I know. Yeah, but those places. But it was kind of like you really quickly, and I remember being in the hotel watching this Saudi channel. And it was like, oh, that's cool. It was all men in a room dancing with each other.

Because there could be no women in the thing. And it was like, so like they have all of these rules, but they're all kind of like, they bend them, you know? Oh, yeah. Well, it's just for like outsider shit? Yeah, I guess. Like you guys, I guess they're weird. What's that? Weird.

I guess it's just like they're like, we're going to be touristy. We'll give you a thing. That's how we succeed. Yeah, but it's also for them. Like they also, they bend the rules. Yeah, it was them. That was the thing. It wasn't all like expats.

It was all of the kids from Dubai were there. And they could do it too. But they just have to be in the tourist areas? Yeah, you guys. got to go into these zones. And that's where we did our comedy was outdoor in the, it was called like the free zone or something. And it was a zone in the park where they were doing shows of all different kinds in like

a city park on a stage. And you were allowed to say things and present things that you couldn't outside of the free zone around the, in the rest of the city. Still, there were limits. It was like, don't. You can't talk about this or this? Yeah, there was, don't talk about this or that. I don't talk about the, uh, whatever the ruling family was.

No jokes about them. No jokes about, uh, no jokes about, the culture, the Arabs. You know, there was like, it was, it was clear like, and also, I don't know if it was, I think it was one of those, like, you could drop an F bomb, but not to. You know what I mean? Like that kind of a thing. Like, don't. it was, you know, pretty tight. It's got to be tough when you're in a place

to have to think about your words for the first time. Like you're kind of actually on the higher level of comedians who like well like you're pretty clean. Yeah. It's not 100% I don't know. Yeah, pretty clean.

But like, yeah. So, but like you barely think about like what can I see? You're just thinking like is this funny or not? Yeah. For the most part. For the most part. Because I don't really, yeah,

I don't really, swear a lot my life so I don't really bring it to the stage that much. But there are like when I do corporate gigs here in the States and when they're really strict and they're like no sex, like not even the words, but like no sex, no language, no religion, of course, that kind of stuff. When you're doing it, you know, when you're doing it, things pop up and you're like, oh, wait, that's, that, this one might be a problem. Oh, so you do have a chance with this. You know, I do this, this joke about finding out our family history through DNA tests.

And I'm like, we're German and Italian and French. Where did the French come from? And my mother goes, oh, secrets out. Your grandmother was a whore. Yeah. And, and that joke in a clean corporate. environment that's like a very innocuous joke that's like that's very light yeah it's not in a certain I did what corporate gig recently and it was like it really stood out wow that all

a sudden in that environment that joke that in a nightclub is just hilarious it's just funny according to the audience yeah and uh it just doesn't you wouldn't even think twice crazy right the environment completely changes how it's perceived completely And that's when I realized when I had done one, a college years ago, and they were like, hired me because I was clean. But then it was like, oh no, they mean clean at another level. Like, you don't even mention. Yeah.

Nate has his rules. He's like, you got to be Christian clean. He's like, I like everybody, do whatever. But like I made a deal with my audience. Yeah. It's going to be Christian clean. Yeah. Which means you don't even.

No innuendo. No innuendo. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And really, I don't even think you could do like, poop talk. Mm-hmm.

Like, you'd have to do it. I don't know, I'd have to ask him. I don't know what Christian Clean is. I know. So these countries, you're like, give me the, say it. Yeah. Say exactly what you mean.

Just tell me what you don't want. The most, the most strict one ever was when I did one for NASCAR. Yeah. And they gave you a printed list. A printed list of like 50 things that you do not say. And then do it like, you must be racist at least once. Just for flavor.

Let's go to Beirut though. So we're in Beirut and this is where you did the show you're talking about or that was Dubai? And we did the show in Dubai. Okay. And in that zone and my new friend from the airplane was there with her boyfriend and was like being very stoic. And after the set I like came by the fence and they were like that was enjoyable. Wait, they separated men and women? No, no, no.

They were together. They were there. No hand holding. But they were like a couple. And, you know, you stay in this beautiful hotel. Kirk Fox and I rented a car and just went for a drive on an afternoon just to see what this was. And when you called up that aerial thing, like that weird, it looks like a palm. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Like, they just built this. It's a Vegas. What the fuck is this? And Ari, when we were there, that was after there was like the financial crash. So they built a fucking Palm Island? Yeah. It's shaped like a, can you see it when you're not?

You can, we drove it. So you're kind of like driving. It's almost like when, if you ever been down to like southern Florida, like on the west, on the east coast, like Boka and all that kind of. Like kind of have like these little adjuncts. I kind of feel like that. So Kirk and I got in this car and we just drove. It was such a fun day. God, it's so fucking nuts.

Yeah. I mean, this is just, it's a, they. made an island that looks like a palm tree. Yeah. And then this one, you saw that one up here that looks like the whole fucking world? Yeah. They just made a bunch of- I think that's what we drove.

It was bizarre. And this was a time, there was a financial crash. And people were leaving cars at the airport and just vacating. All these businessmen, rather than stay and have to deal with your debt and stuff, they just would fly to the airport, leave the car, and just get out of the country. It was like this financial... Pretty cool. Yeah, it was kind of insane.

Wow. It was really a wild place. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race you. I'm Ian Fidance. Hey, how are you? And each week, I'm in different towns across the country doing stand-up comedy.

And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job. Ian do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com slash Ian Fidancecom. every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got to rip a fart too, bro.

Let it loose, toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you've been working here? Hey, guys. Today's episode of Yuba Chippin is brought to you by my favorite sponsor, Shopify.com, who I use, whom I use, sorry, to get all my everything. All my online sales are there.

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per month trial today at Shopify.com slash tripping. Go to Shopify.com slash tripping. That's Shopify.com slash trippin. Now, Alan's going to take this out and get you back to the episode. I don't even know how to do it.

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We've been the premier platform for sharing adventure for more than 10 years now. We help you get your adventure on. Look for the Adventure Sports Podcast wherever you find your podcasts. Get out there and have some fun. Oh, Sebastian was on it. What a time that was on it. That really takes you before 2014. Yeah.

For him to do that. Everybody was just like emerging. Yeah. And, yeah, Sebastian was on it, because he kept making fun of me. Because I, the sun is different there. The sun is enormous. It's, and it's hot, so hot. And we were all, like, hanging out at the pool.

You know, there was nothing to do there. Kirk and I went for a ride, and then it was just hang out at this pool on this rooftop. Yeah. And Sebastian kept making fun of me because I was reading my Kindle. I was reading a book on my Kindle. And Sebastian was like, what are you doing with that Kindle? And he was mocking me for that. And but I remember the sun looking so different.

What do you mean? At sunset, it was like, you know, you see like nice sunsets or whatever. This sun in the Middle East looks 10 times the size. I guess where you were at and the horizon just goes on forever, It just looked massive and hot. And if you felt like, oh, we're in the Middle East. This is desert. This is different.

Was it broiling there? Yeah. So hot. So hot. We would try and like hang at the pool for a while. And it was like Phoenix kind of, you know, when you get those. 15. Yeah.

Like that kind of thing. It doesn't make sense. Yeah. And it doesn't make sense. And 94 is too much. And then it's like 20 more degrees. And you're like, what? My doctor gave me Ambien.

It was the first time I took Ambien. Why? So you could like wake up in the line to reset the clock because the time difference was so different. Did you have any of the fun stuff? No. No. I just, uh, I just conked out. I didn't, I don't think I walked around.

That would be high risk. If I'll go outside and just start holding some girls hand. Just grab the hands. See how much you get away with it. I touch nine, no regrets. Mr. Papa, we have footage of you. I was asleep. That really is.

it makes everyone like Venom from Spider-Man. It's so funny telling the story and all these faces are coming back. Like what? Like Sebastian and Kirk and Whitney and... It's fun to talk about these things. Then you do remember as you go. Yeah, yeah.

Someone will say, what about that guy? Especially if you took a trip with somebody. Yeah. And they're like, oh, right, that guy. And then you remind them of some part of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because it's too much to keep in your head. So that was like the beginning of the trip.

And then we were going to go to Beirut and do the same thing, have a show over there. And this was like a small opening of when Beirut was at peace. Okay. And their long civil war was over, and they had like, they were opening up to the west, which is not commonplace. It was like this little blip of time where they were doing it. I do remember being on the flight from Dubai to Beirut.

and there was no Israel on the in-flight map. Wow. They were listing everything as you're flying over it and stuff. Like on the screen? Yeah, it was not listed. Wow. I was like, eh, okay. That's what it means.

Like, we don't recognize you as a country. Right? Yeah. It's 100%. Yeah, Arab Emirates. Wow, interesting. Interesting. And you land in Beirut.

Yeah. And, you know, nervous Tom is, I'm having a good time. I'm with all my friends. And we're doing all right. Yeah. And yeah, look at that. And we land at night. That's scary.

And as soon as you get, I hate landing at night. And as soon as you get to the airport, it's Ellis Island. Crowds of families greeting their loved ones coming to the airport. And the airport, all of a sudden. we went from Dubai, which is space age, in the future, Vegas, brand new, making your own islands. And now we're in like the, I would say like the 1960s architecture rundown that hasn't been painted. Yeah, it hasn't been painted or fixed.

Yeah. And it's all of these, just hordes of people and it's not. a huge airport by any means but it's very very uh foreign and they're all waiting for their loved one to come on the plane like you would have like in early earlier times when it's like a big it's such a big deal that someone's on a plane that the whole family goes to get them to get like wow welcome you know what i mean it's so great now i remember those days and now it's like get an uber i'll see right exactly yeah what would it take to go pick someone up at the airport yeah and uh and uh It was just packed and it was like nighttime.

So, you know, in every airport, by the time it's night, you've gone through the whole day, it's sweaty, it's hot, it's just, it's just chaos. People just marching to the end of the day. And we all get off the plane and get our stuff and we get into these, into a cab. And Whitney and I are in a cab with a couple other people and we're all kind of split up. and the guy and we're driving on these streets and it's all it's just that crazy driving you know we always think like oh it's nuts around here like if you're in l.A. or whatever and you're it's like people don't know how to drive it's like we got it pretty dialed in people are kind of following the rules like there it's like you know it's like whole family's on a moped and going the opposite direction

and they're cutting each other off and no one's upset that you're getting cut off where someone's coming right at you because that's just how you drive you know you just don't hit each other. It's just, you know, those places. And as we're driving, the guy who's driving us, I guess it wasn't a cab because this guy was driving when he was asking us, he said, I need your passports and I'll bring them back to you tomorrow. But we need your passports to get through the whatever permitting and business stuff we had to do to perform there. And Whitney was like, hell no. Why?

What's you worried about? I'm not giving my path. Do you look around us? Fair. We're just going to give them our, we're never going to go home again. Like how are we ever going to get out of here if something goes wrong? What do you mean? No effing way.

Am I giving you my passport? Kind of smart. And I'm like, that's kind of smart, but the guy says we got to give it to him. But he did ask for him, so I don't know what you do. Yeah. And I think Ahmed was probably. telling us it would be okay. And it took some time, but,

and I'm kind of watching, you know, Whitney's such a boss. I'm like, I'm going to do what she's going to do. Yeah. You know. I would love to see Ahmed Chhabibi Whitney into doing it. It's like the air of Ahmed really coming out.

Like, trust me, trust me, bro, bro. Come on, give me the best. It looks where we do a whole time. And Whitney just like, uh-uh. So she decided what, I guess we have to. do it but you know so we gave them our passport and they brought us to this hotel and again like older kind of like could have been something at one time yeah and uh we got our passports back in the

next day and that was all fine but now we're discovering Beirut you know and uh we had it we had a couple of days there i think like we had a full day and then the next day we did the show and what did you get into? how'd you find it? It was pretty wild. I mean, this place, you know, we were right on the beach. Like, there was, like, this area you could, like, go out to. We weren't on the beach, like, swimming and stuff,

but there's, like, this big concrete. It looked like a place that, like, when you see pictures of Cuba or these places where, for a minute, they were, like, booming. I mean, they call it the Paris of the Mediterranean, right? And it was, like, a gorgeous, gorgeous place. and my wife is Lebanese. Oh, really? Her father was Levanese.

And, you know, there's a, there was, there was a lot of, you know, I learned from the history of it, you know, what it was at one time. It was like. The place. The place. It was the Paris of the Middle East. It really was. All the academia was there.

Mm-hmm. And the arts. And it's beautiful right there on the sea and gorgeous. But whenever the shit went down, and it went down, they were in Civil War for a long time. And you walk around, Whitney and I had a day where we walked the city. And, you know, their older buildings, every building had bullet holes in it. Wow. Everyone.

Was just fighting on the streets and stuff? They were just, yeah. Wow. And it's, you know, the Arabs and the Christians in Beirut. And even when we were there, it was like, there was like the Christian part of it, which was seemed like a little more modern. And then there was the Arab streets, which was like martyrs, you know, like you got, it felt more ghettoized, you know. And it was like big banners across the street of the martyrs who had dedicated their life and all that kind of stuff. And it was like, wow.

to like promote a marty. The martyrs. Like they were all... What a different fucking time. Different. I mean, imagine that fucking... Sorry, I'm cursing so much, Roger. But that guy who went up at the MGM or whatever,

show all those people. Imagine having a plaque to him. Yeah. This was their struggle and they were seen as if you gave your life. And they were... It would look like, you know, here in New York, like Little Italy when you go to like Mott Street or you go to, you know, Mulberry.

And like they have those kind of like frilly things across the street, you know, and they just like Italian, whatever. It was like that, but with faces of the people who had given their life to the cause. And they're looking at you a little differently than when you're in the other section, you know. And it really just gave you this feeling, gave me this feeling that they're all cool right now. Like everything's okay, but they're not interacting. But they're kind of functioning. Yeah, there's like, there's like, it's definitely segmented off. And it felt like, all right, this is kind of all right.

But if anything goes wrong, like it's, I, for some reason, my head, because of the driving, I was thinking, if a Christian cab driver hit an Arab kid, like some kind of accident like that, I could see the place just going off. Wow. Like, everyone was kind of in there and, you know, they'd been each other. for years, decades, right? So it just kind of had that vibe to it. I was in Egypt it felt like, it's like, oh, it's about to get dangerous here. Like tourism had just plummeted from a few

terrorist attacks, and then they were like desperate for tourism. So when you were walking down, they were like, I'm fucking hungry, can you please take a boat ride? Whoa. And it was like, oh, this is about to get. It's just like, you can feel a powder keg sometimes. It sounds like that. Yeah, you feel like, you know,

can't really, it's a sense. Yeah. And as you're walking around, So then, you know, Whitney and I are walking through. She didn't feel unsafe being a chick? No. And Whitney was... Interesting. And she was...

She was dressed. She had her horse with her? She had big sunglasses. Yeah. And like a cool, like, headband. And her, like, a half shirt. Like, her middreft was out. She dressed as Patty Smith to go to Lebanon.

She really looked like, yeah, like a movie star. And she was just kind of like strutting around. And we were just. just half shirt that didn't matter we were pretty much new friends and you know we were just we were just friends and there was nothing my wife hates when I tell this story but uh there was nothing like flirtatious with us like we were just like really enjoying ourselves and you know I think yeah I was married and so there was no like thing uh as we're walking around the city and we went to a mosque and we walked into this mosque

and they stopped us and said she had to cover up and they put her in the garb from the floor up like just her eyes were out and one of those and she had to walk behind me she had to stay with me and be one step behind me as we're touring this beautiful what What a double what? Yeah, so you went from...

Do you have a picture of Whitney in that? I might. You got to set it to me. I might. I'll ask you for a little loud, but I got to put that up right now. Yeah, I might. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I'm sure I... Just the eyes coming out? Just her eyes. And walk behind you. And I'm telling you, I know this is... Wow. It was weird, but it's truthful. Like I said, we're spending this whole day

with this American movie star and there was no like sexual thing when she was my property walking around at one point I turned to her and I go we got to get out of here and get you out of that because all of a sudden it was like

what do you mean I have a woman at my I'm like this is not making sense I must have felt good like I like this yeah stay back then I was like Oh, is this part of why this is happening? Like, you know what I mean? Wow.

I mean, just to have a wear that is nuts. And then it would do the walk behind the man. But you're not even married. We're not even like, but we are equals. This isn't even like, like, she wasn't patrolled to me. But we're in a mosque. And I mean, that's as serious to the religious teachings that you're going to get. Do you take your shoes off when you go in there?

I believe so. There was like a carpet. It was gorgeous. It was like the most beautiful mosque in Beirut. it was really something. So then, so we got out of there and got back to normal and just went about our thing. And Whitney wanted to go get some like jewelry, some like beads and, you know, stuff. Chachkes.

Chachis. And we go walking down by this one like towards the water. Yeah. And we walked down. and there's this big shrine in the middle of like a like a circle like Columbus Circle kind of area. It's like a big flame kind of thing. And it was a memorial at that circle was where the Syrian, I think it was the Syrian leader got blown up in a car bomb. and not too long before like we were there like a couple of years before and yeah is that it

i don't know the mohammed al-a-a-mean mosque yeah it looks like it big one uh wait really so they had like a plaque to him no so a car bomb i killed this leader forgive me but i think it was Syria and lebanano like in bed sort of yeah like austria germany kind and there was somebody that was running i think maybe against Assad or I don't know. I don't really know, but they wanted him out. They had a car bomb and they killed him. He was an emerging leader.

Ari, the hotels around this little square that were still standing, but they were damaged from the car bombs. You could see through the hotel to the sea. It was Swiss cheese. There was nothing there. Like it was, I was like, this is from one car bomb, took all of these buildings and just obliterated them.

Forget what he did to the leader they were going after. I mean, what the fuck? They wanted to be sure, huh? So powerful, so scary that this would be from one car bomb. Wow. We walked into this little shop. Should just blow up that car. That's crazy.

It was so powerful. Terrifying. So we walk into this little shop right off that little circle. And there's like a little guy in there and he's got like, it's like a canal street filled with stuff, you know, beads and clothing and the little stuff. And we're buying stuff and Whitney's like shopping for her jewelry and whatever. And we start a conversation with the guy. And he's literally 50 feet from where this car bomb went off. And he asks us, where are you from?

And we said Los Angeles. And he goes, oh, I could never. live there too scary that's crazy earthquakes oh no way I could never do that oh my god he's two feet from where this car bomb went off they've been in a civil war forever

but it really put it in perspective and it put the whole trip in perspective because I went into the trip thinking the fear of the Middle East the boogeyman of all this stuff that I had learned yeah it's because it was unknowable to me. His, he's thinking the same thing about L.A.

Because he, one visit, he'd be cool with it. Right. Yeah, there must be earthquakes every day, mole people coming out of the ground. You just see news snippets. I mean, we even have it here, like when Portland was having trouble, everyone was like, it's a hellhole,

and I wouldn't perform there. And it was like, my daughter and I, yeah, it's like a couple blocks and people are losing it, and the rest of everyone's not fine. It's always the unknowable stuff. And I try and keep that in mind as the nervous traveler. It's like it's always the story that hits you when you're not there. Me and DeVito were in Kansas City.

And this cab driver or Uber driver, like young black kid. And we're like, all right, picture Kansas City, whatever. And he goes, like, where are you going? We had to go from way up where the improv was down to into the city. Yeah. Like, what should we do? And we're like, we're both sober right now, so we're not drinking. And he's like, okay, well.

He goes, yeah, me too. He goes, hey, we're passing my megachurch right now. This is where I go to church. Like, okay, so, like, this is a Christian, good person, like, 25-year-old. Like, you know. And then we're like, we don't drink. He's like, well, if you're looking for something fun, actually, if you're comfortable with your heterosexuality,

like the gay area is, like, really fun. You don't have to drink. Like, I wouldn't have expected a Kansas City Christian to say that's just a fun part of town. Uh-huh. But it's just, like, not the story I'm getting about them. And then some other crab driver was like, hey you guys from New York how is it there

was like a hell hole I'm like no what have you heard totally fine and I'm like we're getting bad stories about each other always I mean every time I go to Austin they're like oh LA what's going on over there I don't know a lot of sunblock

yeah it's same guys same same shit small incremental changes but when they're not when you're not around and also when you want it to be the story that's the thing too I have to tell all those guys like no the stores aren't great the comedy store's packed I don't know what you're talking about I keep going. It's packed.

They want it to be not as good. Turns out it's one of the top five most populated cities in America, so it can fill up a club. Yeah, every day. And we've got amazing comics here. And there's a thousand guys in show business that are showing up and doing the shows. Chicago shows are full. You think L.A. shows for Heme and Bobby Lee and Santino are not going to get full?

Of course. It's, yeah, and Ali Wong's just popping in. It's Sebastian. And, yeah, it's people always, the story. stories are inaccurate and you got to go to these places to really see what's what's what you're there also would you get like the food what were the toilets like what was the food like we we took a they want to see the cedars of Lebanon the cedars of Lebanon is a famous thing because they have these mountains that are cedar trees and they make a lot of things from the cedars

of Lebanon and you'll hear a lot of like middle eastern restaurants in the city will be called cedars of Lebanon and it's gorgeous and we went up there and then you took like this little tram they took you up into the you know there that's i think that's exactly where we were really yeah it's like a famous little park and they take you up and there's like these caves it looks like whitney on that trip and uh it was a really beautiful day like you got to see all of this but it again it was like it was kind of like the olympics had been there like 50 years ago is the feeling like If you go to the sea like Lake Placid, you know, it's like, oh, they still have some of the remnants of when the big thing happened here. It kind of like the tram's older.

You know what I mean? Like it feels like, you know, Shea Stadium in 1969 or something. Damn, it gets that cold? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. We weren't there when it was. Yeah, I guess. I mean, it's pretty high up.

Yeah, I guess so. Damn. Yeah. I don't picture. And they drove us up and we spent this really nice day just seeing it. It was gorgeous. Then they took us down. to the sea and this family I guess through Ahmed and the uh there was a promoter also with

Ahmed I think who was like from there who was like putting the show together that's far from the from the water Cedars 11th is way out there yeah that's interesting well it's not the place isn't all that big you know oh yeah good point uh so then they took us to this lunch on the water and man you really got it it was like a modern place seafood and we're just sitting out in the sun

the water's sparkling we're eating the best seafood I've had in my life they just keep bringing it out and they're just it's like oh man what this place could have been what this really

in peace this would be I mean the Amalfi Coast you know that's what they called it Paris on the Paris in the ocean

right, a Paris in the water? Paris of the Middle East. Yeah. But what was the vibe for when they eat? Was that the thing of like, we're just going to keep fucking feeding you, feeding you, feeding you? Yeah, but it was, it wasn't like a, it was like this was, this was where like the people who had money would go. You know what I mean?

This was a little fancier. This was, and they just kept bringing out course after course. I remember like these big prawns and just eating all this food. And it was, and then the other eating thing, we, we had at, at, you know, at, you know, at, night, one of the nights there, there's like this main square, like after our show and stuff, we went and there was just like all these restaurants and just tons of young people at long tables, just eating all this beautiful like pita and hummus like you've never had, you know, and just so great. And young people, I was with a kid from a Palestinian kid in Beirut,

and he was just like informing us about their life and all. And they were all so, At the show, here on the coast, they were so happy that we were there, and they wanted more people from the West to come. And they've been watching Seinfeld, like, that's their favorite TV show. You know, this Jewish Manhattan TV show, you know, that's their main thing. They're like, we just want to be a part of what we couldn't be a part of for all these years. tell your friends to come. This is a beautiful place, and it really, really was. And then within a couple years, it fell back.

And it went back into a dangerous spot. There's that great Bourdain, one of Bordain shows. He's there when the bombing starts. When there was there. Yeah. He was in a hotel in Beirut. And it's like, and that feeling that I had, like, you were talking about of like trouble could happen.

You watched it on. What's turned up? More Civil War? I don't remember who was bombing. Or was it an attack? I think maybe it was Hezbollah and Israel or something was, I think that's what it was. And it was when I was watching, it was like, oh, yeah. They couldn't leave the hotel.

Anthony looked concerned and they were kind of stuck there for five days. The airport was shut and you're like, I can't get out of here. Yeah. And it's a real shame. because the people were like the rich people at the sea and the young people at the square they were all just people and they just were like culture and they want more of the western culture and they wanted to us to enjoy what they had and just they're just people in these circumstances that prevent that all from happening it's terrible I love seeing a group like

what you're saying group of young people talking about world events or just ideas. Yeah. Like what type of government's best. And they're all 26 year olds. I know. Smoking their rolled cigarettes and drinking coffee or playing back out when they're like talking about it passionately.

Yeah. And it's just like they do it in Paris along the river. They do it there. They do it in like offshore along the river. It's just like, it's just like, damn, you guys are cool. I know. I know. And you're smart and you care and you feel like you can make a change.

You care about things. It's almost like a young Bob Dylan. and talking to the young, you know, whoever. I know. And they were all going to go to a nightclub. There was like a club on top of a thing where they all wanted to go. And I think some of our group went, but I went back to the hotel. I was like, eh.

I've done enough weekends with Rogan and Vegas. We're up just now like, oh, have fun, you guys. Like, I don't like it 50 straight times. Yeah. I don't have to experiment. I know what that is. It's all right. Guys, go have a great time.

I'm going to walk around. Yeah. I know. I used to tour with Live from here, which is Prairie Home Companion. And it was the first time I was touring with other people, like musicians and all these other people. And there would be a bit party after every show. And no one going too crazy. It wasn't like real big club stuff.

But you're up late and you're drinking. And everyone has a flight at seven. And I was like, you're, you know, you're wrecked. And I would watch a couple people were just like, no, I'm not going to go. Good night. I'm going to my room. I was like, you can do that? You can just go to bed?

I like to Irish shit. I like to just like, I don't want to make a thing. I know I'm leaving. I know. Someone's going to try to talk me out of it for no reason. You won't miss even if I'll go on. I know. We'll talk to me tomorrow.

I had the opposite of it. I went to Sarah Silverman had a party and she has with all comedians every year. And I was like, I got to say goodbye to Sarah. And instead of just slipping out. So I went to the host of the party and said, I'm leaving. And she was like so bummed out that I was like, I was like, I never should have. Why am I? Why am I announcing that I'm going home?

Yeah, that I'm done with this. I had a great time. It was wonderful. I got to see all these great people. And I blew it by being like, I'm going home before the lights go out. Yeah. Yeah, if you leave without saying anything, you're still in their minds. You're there for another 40 minutes.

They'd have no idea when you left. Everybody's like, I guess he's across the. Yeah, exactly. Across the room. Yeah. So what were the bathrooms like over here? Beirut, super much. It's cool that you went during this specific time.

Yoshi went to Kabul, I think a couple times during the occupation. And it's almost reminded me of what it would have been like in Germany, when Germany was occupying Paris. Whoa. To be a German soldier there must have been like, no, you get free croissants. Right.

You know, it's like, it's just a specific time and that city's gone now. It's not that city anymore. Yeah, it's not that anymore. And your Beirut doesn't sound like it's there. I don't think so. I'd be really curious to see, but you know, it's not there for us.

Yeah. Like we are going there now not like but my wife once my wife's never been and you know she had family there at one time and she'd like to go but I can't but we can't go but I don't know I mean you go to any of these places even when they're up against it you know like I just had a friend come back from Israel and you know those people they're living their life they're doing their thing they know they're you know there's trouble but they are they get on with it and they do it people are very resilient so at my is I bet those squares are still filled on a Saturday night with kids eating but the kids from

the West aren't there. Beirut is experiencing political instability. There are armed clashes in some areas in Beirut, not even in Lebanon and daily military action that could escalate quickly. That's the thing. There's a risk of unexploded landmines and or Jesus. Yeah. It's a shame.

Avoid crowds and large gatherings. That's exactly who you'd want to go up to. Like, what's his crowd all about? We went, you have to, like, fear that and run? We, there were guys with machine guns, just military, just hanging out on the streets. Just, like, just hanging out by themselves. And we walked up to one guy, Whitney and I, we asked for directions to something. And I don't know if he spoke English or didn't.

We just kind of, like, looked at us and it was, like, chewing something. And he just kind of, like, spit and glared at us. We just went on our way. You know what I mean? It was like, yeah. So at the end of the trip, I go back to the airport. And after, you know, seeing all the hope and the despair and the volatility and I was at the airport, nervous Tom comes back out.

And I'm like, what they could just stop me when I give them my passport to get on, to get through security to get to the gate. And I was like, that, it was fine. I got there early, you know, because I was nervous and just wanted to get through. And I was like, okay, this is cool. But it did have that feeling of like, you want to be able to get out of here.

Was that movie, was it Argo? Yeah, Argo. They're like, you got to get off. They're like, where's that plane? Like, take off, take off, take off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it was like, there was a little bit of a relief of like,

that I'd. Looking back on it, is that like a good feeling? to have had? Yeah. Which one? The feeling of, the feeling of unsafe and like this is out of my control now that you're safely gone. Yeah, yeah.

I think it was great. I mean, it all worked out. But I, but I, my instinct was correct. Like, this is a place that is not stable. And you feel the ground shifting a little bit. But there's a lot of beauty and a lot of really cool stuff about it. I'm glad that. somebody brought me there and i got to see it too you didn't just stay by the hotel yeah and you know

like to come back and tell my wife's family that i was there and oh did they love you for that yeah and saw like they're they have like a their name is like a like smith over and you know over there so it's like trucks you know with their name on it and stuff like that and it was a it was a cool thing and i hope to go back one day hopefully it'll be a another opportunity to be a peaceful place yeah damn i mean they're really saying like no. A lot of times when you go, State Department warnings, they go, do not travel, it's like you look into a little more,

and they're like, they just haven't lifted the ban yet because we don't do trade with them. Yeah. But it's fine. Uh-huh. This does not seem like that. No, this is not the time.

You can't even fly to Israel, right? Like, right now? I think you... I had a, my friend... If you go through somewhere? My, oh, maybe if you go through somewhere. My friend couldn't... I know people going.

Had a flight from L.A. to see his family in Israel, and the flight canceled. Lufthansa and canceled. was it until later date oh right it's weird too in some of these places where are like is it safe and you're like well what area are you talking about i know so like all the war that's happened in israel now is like not in jerusalem and like teliv from what i understand it's like in gaza right yeah or in the north of right so as much as people are like oh fuck yeah it's like a lot of day-to-day shit i think on both sides too like that's in that city we're here yeah i know that's always the

thing like living you hear the same thing you hear the story of like is it all like i'm like Yeah. It's like South Chicago. Right. It's like when you hear like a transformer or something blows up in New York and then my parents would call like, no, that's down on 14th Street. My mom, I used to have a joke about it, but there was that terrorist attack in Times Square. Yeah.

I drove over a bunch of people. Right. I hadn't heard about it. I don't, it wasn't on computer yet. My mom's frantically calling me like five times. I was like, actually you okay? Yeah. Like what, what?

I didn't even know about it. Yeah. And when she told me it was Times Square, it's like, oh, I'll never be there. Does it affect me in any way? Who? What? What do you think of me? It's like the one of Vermont.

Yeah, what are you talking about? Yeah. If you heard about it at the stand, all I call me, but like. Yeah. Yeah. But it was definitely. Sounds pretty epic. It was pretty epic.

It was really cool that you got to do it for sure. Yeah. What? So you got Japan on your horizon. I try to ask people like where they want to go. Yeah, I'd love to go to Japan. You just gigs there too. I also want to go to Other Arm.

Yeah. I mean, that just makes it, I don't know if you know this hack, you're smarter than I am. It's a tax deductible trip if you do a $100 gig. Right. The whole trip is a third off. Wow. So like get a bar show, you know. Amazing.

Thank you, comedy. Yeah, you got to me. You also want to get a where? I want to go to, like, Germany and Switzerland and those kind of places. It's around the holidays. What holidays? Like Christmas holidays, like a little snow on the ground. They do those Christmas villages right.

Yeah. They really do them right. Yeah. I've never done that. Me and Morrissey. You know Morrissey? Yeah. We went to, we made a deal, actually.

I forgot that connection we have. We went to Montrose, Switzerland in like mid-December for a festival. Oh, wow. Yeah, we made a deal there. We're like, let's go to two new countries every year. Wow. and challenge each other. Wow.

Not together, but like just to do it. Because we went from there to Amsterdam. And neither have been to Netherlands either. Oh, wow. And, um, but the other's Christmas villages are just like, yeah, really, everyone's walking up and down and just like, you get some bread with, like, bottomed out with cheese in it or like a hot wine. Yeah.

That's what I want to do. That would be really nice. That would be cool. I know. Way safer than Lebanon. Yeah, I know. Downtown Bay, Ruth. I know, exactly.

Did he do that joke there? If you're nervous, it's like... The Sebastian did you do the Kmart? It looks like downtown... He probably wrote it after that trip. Oh, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, bombed out, thing bombed out hotels.

It's like, oh, I know what the camera looks like. Yeah, really funny. Do you have any... This is the last other thing. You got any travel tips. You travel a lot. I've had everything from Pack Light to get a good toilet tree bag to put your mushrooms in,

in granola. Yeah. I don't know. A good thing to do is every once in a while when you get to a hotel, dump your bag. What do you mean? Like you always have your carry on and then you got your backpack or your briefcase

like that bag. And every once in a while I just did it last night, I just dump it all out on my bed and you just see like how much weight you're carrying of extra bad. Stuff you don't need. Bad hotel pen. Oh, right.

Like different assortments of like a lighter from some place that someone gave. Loansion from a rash from two years ago. Yeah, exactly. A lot of old expired Benadryl and yeah, go through all that and lighten the load. I always think of it like the Apollo. Remember the Tom Hanks movie, the Apollo 13 when they had to rescue them down and they had to make the thing as light as possible. I think they did in the Martian too.

And you're just stripping out everything from your little travel thing to make as light as possible. That's it. You do just a crew into pockets. You really do. Yeah, it's just amasses. Old, like, tickets from, like, airlines. Yeah, change, paper clips.

He's just like, I put it in there. Yeah, right, exactly. Old, like, protein bars and just a lot of garbage in there. And once in a while, just lighten your load. That's pretty good. Yeah. Do you remember baby being expensive or not expensive or no memory? I don't have much of a memory.

probably not very expensive at all. Yeah. I would imagine. It seems pretty fucking cool. It was very cool. I'm really glad that I saw it. It gave me real perspective. Is there anything you regret?

And it was really fun. There was a fun group of comics, you know. That's, dude, if you go with comics to a place. I know. Then you have a group of just friends. You can connect. I did a gig with, with, blank on the name, long COVID. Jake Johansson.

Yeah. And we were talking in the, green room with a DC improv. Not the green room, it was after hours. John X was there. So he was just like, guys, everybody drank, we're fine, we'll lock the doors.

Yeah. And he was talking about how he had his wife's friends in town that he had to go see and talk about gardening. And we were all talking about hookers and Tijuana. And he's like, look, I'm not that guy, but I'd rather be here with you comics,

Tomikin, than some wife's friend. Yeah. You know? I know. And it's just like, you're with comics. Even if you don't know them, you can just connect. Yeah, exactly.

There's a shorthand. You're observing a ton of stuff. You want to make sense of it. Yeah. Yeah, it's the best. It really is the best. Yeah, I was joking and like, let's go out. I'm like, okay.

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's so great. Is there anything you wish you would have done there that you didn't do? Like regret? Start a war. Yeah, maybe start a war. Maybe I should have gone to the club just to see what that kind of thing is like. And I don't really enjoy that.

Yeah. No, we kind of had done it all. Like, I didn't feel like, you know, and even like the Dubai part, like, Kirk and I getting in a car and, like, driving. It was like. How could you rent a car? It was easy? Yeah, it was easy.

Just went to the front desk of the hotel and he gave us a car. Rented through somebody and went out and did it. Front desk actually, I'm always like reticent, hesitant to, like, go up to them and like ask for anything, but they're like, that's who you go to. They're great. I want to do a diving trip. They help all the time. know that yeah i don't have to be like act like i know this place ask the concierge yeah that's their job

yeah it's their whole job is to tell you the good restaurant to eat at yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and when to go when it's not crowded i'll call someone for you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're right that's their job it's their whole job just yeah use them all right well papa buddy i appreciate this is great thank you so much guys check out tom pop also he's got a podcast i'll do an insert in the beginning anyway but um you're you're you're Your podcast radio show. Breaking bread. Breaking bread with Tom Papa is my podcast.

I've been on there. Start with my episode if you want, if you want to weigh in. Very cool. Yeah. And I love to have you back. Yeah, I got good bread for you.

Okay. And just Tompapa. Uh, usually like a sweet. Like a blueberry. I've done a blueberry. I've done a blueberry. I make a really good blueberry scone.

You don't do blueberry and a bread, huh? Doesn't seem to ever happen. Yeah, I don't know. Raisin bread, yeah. Yeah, why not blueberry? I'll get on it. I'll make it. Okay.

Thanks, sorry. Thanks, buddy. Everybody check out the special again. Also, it's called, hold on, not leaving home. Hold on, hold on, hold on, I'll get it. Home free. Home free. Yo! Take that weed!

Oh, free, thanks, Papa. Well, what are the odds this doesn't fall into the water? This is what a mistake this is. Thank you very much, Tom Popper, coming in today. I mean, it's for sure. If that hits the, all right, well, let's see. This could be the last podcast I do. By the way, long live my phone.

I dropped it in shit water. I dropped it in a fucking toilet of shit water and it wasn't good shit It wasn't good shit There's meat on a stick and and cheap beers Brahma and I think it's a piva Mistake on my part For sure Please check out Tom

Check him on his website at tompapa.com No tompapa dot dot htp tpah dot dot slash tompapa.com We check out all his tour dates running through them. It's Hilton Head South Carolina, Fort Lauderdale, Stewart, Florida, Jacksonville, Mashantuck, Connecticut, Salt Lake City, Irvine's. That's going.

Utah. Hutchinson, Kansas City, Pensacola, Orlando, Fort Myers, Dayton, Ohio, Cleveland, Columbus, Las Vegas, Bethlehem, Huntington, New York, Juliet, Illinois, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Los Angeles,

California, Atlantic City and Great Barrington, Massachusetts. Check him on on Instagram at Tom Papa, everybody. And on YouTube at Tom Papa Comedy. Check out his specials. He's one of the most prolific comments in the world. Seven fucking specials. You're doing great.

What a day. And live in New York City, the last three that are on Netflix. A bunch more on Hulu. That's good. It's short up now. His podcast, Breaking Bread, that I've been on, that I didn't mention the fucking intro. bumper, which you should watch.

Breaking Bread. I've been on there twice. It's a fun podcast. She's got a good fucking mindset, Tom Pop. He's always happy. Doesn't get involved in anything. Like all the drama. He just kind of, he's where we should be mentally. Tom Pop is the man. Tom Pop is the man.

His suit game could use some like flourishing up, if you ask me. It's pretty drab. That's just me. That's it. I think I said everything about him. Oh, he's got books. You're doing great. We're all on this together. Your dad stole my rake. He's got fucking books?

Who the fuck is this guy? What the fuck is this guy? That's it, guys. Wherever you're watching, listen, please subscribe. Hit the like button. Smash the subscribe. What do they? Smash that like button.

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Today's episode is edited by Alan Caffy. It's produced by your mom's house network. Oh, that's going to need some shoring up. That's about to come loose. That's going to need shoring up. Your mom's house network, please subscribe to the Instagram account that Caitlin runs and Heather runs.

At you be chipping pod. And that's it, everybody. Enjoy, get your passport. Get out there. Be rude. Who would have thought? Be you fucking root. I heard it used to be the most amazing,

like it's the home of like, you know, academia in the Middle East. And then, you know, it went bad. By the way, unrelated to that, happy Ramadan, everybody. Have a good fast, and I hope you're, hope you enjoy it. I'm on your side. Hey. All right.

Bye, everybody. Until next week.