You Be Trippin' - Belize w/ Andy Haynes | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: August 4, 2025

SPONSORS: - Get 10% Off your entire order & take advantage of Ridge’s Annual Sweepstakes by going to https://ridge.com/ARI #ridgepod - Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code TRIPPIN at https://mudwtr.com/TRIPPIN! #mudwtrpod On this week’s You Be Trippin’, Andy Haynes takes Ari on a wild trip through Belize—buying mushrooms that weren’t so magical (and left his friends puking for a day), pushing a buddy into shark-infested waters (he survived), meeting a Rasta named Kingsman who sold them good weed and smoked crack with the crew, and dealing with the crazy dreams caused by malaria meds. They also dive into South American revolutions. Ayó. Check out Andy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/imandyhaynes/ Listen to his travel podcast Around the World in Andy Haynes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@andyhaynes You Be Trippin' Ep. 78 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:08:39 - Going To Belize 00:24:20 - Getting "Mushrooms" 00:53:44 - The Malaria Dreams 01:16:42 - Revolutions 01:29:04 - The Blue Hole 01:31:53 - The Garifuna People 01:34:25 - Patrice O'Neal Look Alike 01:50:14 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I knew that you were not going to be one of my friends that was like going to want to meet my baby or any of that. I had to see Norman's and I was like, dude, I hadn't seen the place. I got to kind of see me in a new place. And he was like, yeah, how about this? And I was like, oh, I'm so excited. I'm like, and then I realized later and I broke up, I was like, oh, also your child. Yeah. I, I just can't fake it. Yeah. I did not expect that from you at all.

I was like, yeah, he doesn't care about kids. Or he doesn't want to meet kids or if anything, I wouldn't say disappointed in you. It's off putting to me. I'm like, ah, well, I got my friend has less availability now. I could tell. That's not helping my life. That's hurting my life. I could tell when I told you, cause we had like, it was like a new friendship kind of, and you were kind of like, ah, this won't last long. He were like, you won't be as available as.

Yeah, just not gonna be, it's not even, like I've been through it before. Yeah. Some friends have had it, they're just. And then you have friends that are bad at cancellations. That are just like, you're like, wow, you're available quite a bit. Still drink on a Wednesday?

Yeah, that's pretty cool. Really, isn't your wife like. Where's the baby? Currently wife. Yeah, exactly. You're like, oh right, okay. Yeah, there's a lot of that. You ever see one of those relationships, you wife like, where's the baby? Currently wife. Yeah. You're like, oh right. Okay. Yeah. There's a lot of that. You ever see one of those relationships where like,

Oh man, I can't believe how much freedom you have in this. And then two months later, they're like, we're getting divorced. Like, Oh, I thought you'd worked it out. Every, every single work it out. Every single open relationship is, is just a precursor to a divorce. Every time somebody's like, we're going open.

You're like, all right, well, in three months, you're time somebody's like we're going open. You're like, alright, well in three months You're gonna be divorced so going open. That's like getting a dog to save the marriage. Yeah, we're having a kid We're about to get divorced now. We're having kids like oh, so that kid will have split parents Yeah, that kid's gonna live in two places going. This is Ari's Travel Show. Yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin. Yeah. Welcome to UB Trippin everybody. It's a travel podcast every week. It's a different guest who's been somewhere. I was telling my guest today is Andy Haynes. He's got a new travel series out, which is cool. Called what around the world and Andy Haynes. Love a fucking Edinburgh punny title. Yeah. Thanks man. My favorites are,

um, there was Joe Lysette was it, whatever. And his title was, uh, that's the way, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Joe Lysette. I like that. That's one. So there's so many good ones around the world and Andy Haynes. You can find it available right now on YouTube There's pockets the only podcast that us Stanchly is against hot-dogging on the mountains both myself and Andy or avid skiers Yeah, Andy is I believe the best skier in comedy. I Possibly possibly. Yeah, there's a there's a competition from Lucas Selnick. He's good. He went to ski Academy

So so did you? No,'s good. He went to Ski Academy. So did you? No, I didn't. I went to ski camp. He went to like, he lived in Switzerland or something. Okay, well let's see it. Let's see it. But anyway, regardless, no hot-dogging everybody.

Have fun, stay in line, and leave the hot-dogging to the fuckin' pro songs. Take that shit to Cool Year's cool it or whatever it's called. Corbett's cool. Our school are. Yeah, that's, that's where hot dog belongs. Yeah, exactly. Keep it out of Colorado. Um, no, I, I have stuff marked for recommendations. Okay. So when I meet someone from an area or when I'm, um, or when I'm skiing, you know,

that's where you always meet the Argentinians and the Chileans. Yeah. And they go, give me a recommendation. They go Buenos Aires. I'm like, no, no, man, I know you're from there. Yeah. I'm saying tell me one specific restaurant or a nearby hike that you locals go to or swimming hole. Something cool that you guys go to. I wouldn't say come to New York. I'd be like, oh, hey, Joe's pizza on my net is, is my favorite if you're in the West Village. That's the version of that. So this guy told me about an Island in Honduras. That's the Bay islands. Yeah.

Those are the, it's the number one place in the world to see a whale shark. What more than the Philippines? Yeah. It's the number one. It's the number one whale shark location. Like I remember back in the day, who's the guy that owned the Seahawks that was a Microsoft? Paul, Paul Allen would park his yacht there every summer and then like helicopter in from Tegucigalpa or wherever. Wow. He probably flew private.

That's also, I think one of those islands is like now like one of those like creepy crypto, like Roatan or one of them is like. That's Roatan Island. Yeah. So I think one of those is like that's where I'll turn island. Yeah so I think one of those is really crypto like a community of crypto entrepreneurs like created like a Like a like a fake city on one of them that where that only operates on crypto Probably where everybody has their money in crypto, you know about Bitcoin Beach No, Salvador. Oh, well that yeah. Yeah, that a lot of Libertad right?

formally a lot of Libertad I Beach? No. El Salvador? Oh, well, that yeah, yeah, that La Liberdad, right? Formally La Liberdad. I think. Possibly. Yeah. Crypto Beach. Turner was telling me about it and then he went and investigated it because 60 Minutes like they only accept Bitcoin here and then Turner went. You know, Turner Sparks? No. Comics. You used to live in Shanghai. Uh I probably met him. Yeah. New York City, New York Comedy Club mostly. Um he goes, he goes there and goes, there's no internet. So they can't accept Bitcoin because they can't get on the internet.

It's his dream. It's so stupid. It's like saying jaywalking is illegal in New York. It's like a money laundering thing. Uh, yeah, I have, I've been kind of all around. You're actually a great traveler. I think people should know that you're one of, there's like probably, you know, five to 20 of us who actually go places and really get your hands dirty Yeah I don't want to go to like I had to go to the Dominican Republic for my brothers 40th couple years ago Yeah, and we went to the Hard Rock Resort. How many trans hookers did you fuck like 11?

Under 100 or over 100 11 okay 11 no but there was Punta Cana yeah and it was like I just got off the plane I went to the resort and then I never like I didn't see the Dominican Republic I just stayed and I hated it I don't understand how people travel like that yeah I went to Center Domingo yeah is that the name of the big city there? I think so. Yeah. And, uh, bad with, I don't know, long COVID or whatever, but like, uh, remembering names, but people are like, why don't you go to put the con on? I'm like, I don't know if I'm resort. Yeah. I'm, yeah.

Cigar stores and like fucking, fucking cock fights. And you want to find out what they told me to be careful by the Molly cone by the boardwalk. Be careful it's dangerous and I go okay and then somebody takes those advice and some of me goes I'm big every single time I go to Latin America or like previously because I was younger like when I went to Brazil when I went to like Bogota places like that when I went all over I I basically hitchhiked through Central America and everybody was always like you got to get security you got it you got to like stay away from this and

then you would go to the places and it was just like very obvious who was going to rob you if you fucked with them yeah it's like a guy that comes up and he's like what's up American cocaína and you're like yeah I'm not going down that's going alley yeah hey what's he can take me on a tour of the dark alleys? If it's down? Anyway, the locals were like, hey, be careful in the Malecon, that's where it's dangerous. You don't wanna go there.

And I'm like, okay, but there was one cigar place that was highly rated and that was the way to go and I didn't wanna walk all the way around the city and I was like, I'm going. And I'm going, it's dark, just say daytime when it's dark and I went and then all of a sudden running at me are all these trans hookers and I'm like oh that's what you meant that's what you meant okay careful you're gonna make a mistake that you can't come back from

they're running at you they're like hey what are you doing here you were like obviously looking for dude that's a really long gate that guy's that gal is physical yeah you're doing the wind resistant thing where you're going up this way and then down that way. Like, wow, you could be a sprinter. Yeah, I got pickpocketed on the Molly Cone in Havana. Really? Yeah, I was like 15 years old.

I was by myself, I was drunk, and a hooker came up and just talked to me, and that's all it took, you know? Once you got a boner, you can't really feel your pants. And I was drunk, I mean, I was like, I was stumbling around Havana like barely conscious. Me and Bobby's casa guy was like talking about crime, and he goes, they don't do it because it's like violent crime.

He goes, I got robbed. He goes, in fairness, they saw my phone I was drunk I shouldn't have been and then his wife goes that's right you were anyway it's like awesome it's not the first time I've heard this but you went to Belize when'd you go to Belize so when I was a junior in college I got no stamps in Belize. No, I can tell you some places to go. Okay. When I was a junior in college, I did my thesis in Central America.

I studied religion and I was doing my thesis on- All, oh, I guess be Amazonian and Christian? No Amazon. No, it's like basically like looking at Catholicism and Pentecostalism or Evangelicalism No, it's like basically like looking at Catholicism and and Pentecostalism or evangelicalism and comparing like Predominantly those religions and the success of popular revolutions So my my thesis was that Catholicism lended itself to more successful popular revolutions because it was a more community less

prophet driven and also Protestantism is millenarian and kind of Calvinistic and it, it preaches, uh, this is not funny, but it preaches, um, self sacrifice and like suffering, you know, like you will suffer. Like, that's like the Protestants of America and Western Europe. You suffer in this lifetime to go to eternal heaven. That's why, like, you know, when you look at like old school pilgrims and that shit, they were just like, yeah, this sucks. I fucking, I live in this swamp and I'm, you know, covered in lesions,

but this is all for God. I was fighting with Shane one fighting, but arguing about stuff, you know, both of us yelling about stuff we don't really understand. Yeah. And he was talking about the array and Ireland and how Christianity is, is, is great for, you know, look, look at England, look in Spain, look at all these countries are doing so well. Like they go, maybe one country where Christianity is religion where they're not doing great financially. I'm like, Guatemala, Columbia, Ecuador,

anywhere south of Mexico city is all bad. And all of, I mean, and all that. Yeah. Half of Africa. What are you talking about? There's like four countries that are doing well. There's fucking Christian. What are you talking about?

All these places are Christian. They it's just, there was like one group of guys that really set themselves up in like 1540 justice area is doing well. Yeah. It's got nothing to do with Christianity.40. Yeah, I mean we're not Christian we're fucking capitalists. Yeah. Hey guys, let me break into today's episode to tell you about Andy Haynes. He's a great comic, he's a good friend of mine, he's the best skier, he's has the second best skier now in stand-up comedy but also he's got a new travel show and that's what you guys should be concerned with here called Around the World at Andy Haynes the

first episode just dropped today it's about Guatemala he goes to these places it's not like this we just talked about he actually goes to him and he is actually a great traveler he's actually been to a ton of places and really like you know what they say like you're gonna go to a place and just talk to white people which I don't think is wrong I think it's like yeah I'm gonna meet Germans and stuff I mean other travelers I'm gonna meet somebody in Myanmar we never talked about Burmese person first of all yeah these chicks in the world yeah it's it's Burma it's Myanmar shortest people

in the world Guatemala and people go like they go out there and they go to these Mayan ruins and they go like what happened though what happened to the Mayans where they disappeared and they're no longer, like they had these beautiful, like built up ruins. You can see all this in Andy Haynes new travel show around the world. And Andy Haynes, it's available at, um, youtube.com slash at Andy Haynes, H A Y N E S everybody go subscribe to that right now. But you see these ruins, like what happened to the Mayans?

And then if you look to your left, there's some man who's five foot four wearing a t-shirt and he's going, Senor, I am Mayan. I am right here. Yeah, they didn't leave. They just put on t-shirts and built cities. They're actually still there. It's Mayans. It's Guatemalans.

They're Mayans. We were going to live them in the fucking grass skirt the whole, like their entire, with no electricity. They're Mayans. It's Guatemalans. They're Mayans. We were gonna live them at the fucking grass skirt the whole like their entire with no electricity. They're Mayans guys. They're not fucking weirdos. They want you know fans. So they do that. Andy Haynes is gonna be appearing on the road. You can get all of his tickets at punchup.live slash Andy Haynes at the end of August. Moncton, New Brunswick Halifax Nova Scotia Indianapolis Indiana Dayton Cleveland Ontario no Toronto Ontario Hamilton Ontario oh I get it Toronto and have always doing levity damn he's with a comedy bar in Toronto anyway get tickets right now at I know at punch up dot live slash Andy

Haynes but guys so here's the deal he's also got a patreon patreon.com slash I am Andy Haynes and he is crowd sourcing the next episode of around the world at Andy Haynes he's making it on his own so sign up for his patreon right now patreon.com slash I am Andy Haynes the you'd be tripping patreon has been shut down so now that you have extra time in your hands and extra money go support Andy and he actually is gonna go somewhere in the world with that with that money as a little video what if we can show that video maybe a piece of it maybe not but you're pretty much crowdsourcing his next trip that

he's gonna make a video for pretty It's pretty cool. And also at very minimum, go watch that first episode around the world. And Andy Haynes is a brand new travel blogger and he's hilarious. And you guys like, you know, watch it. I'm going to watch it. Um, he takes you there. It's one of those that takes you there. Anyway, that's it. Uh, let's get back to the episode. I personally have you be tripping shirts available on the website right now. Ubi Trippin stickers that are out. Six pack, two colors each, six total.

I want you to stick them on weird spots. I stuck one right there. You see it? Yup. Also got Archfriar cat shirts. Go for a hike shirts. Boom. Stay positive shirts.

That's me. It's my mom's favorite one. And what's this? We're still art selling the Shroomfest shirts for 2025. Great design by Lee and Gwyn. Gwyn. And they'll get there as soon as they can. But celebrate celebrate Shroomfest that's the last thing I had to promote September 6th 7th at 8th guys wherever you are make sure it takes some mushrooms it's a big

mushroom holiday everyone in the world or really around the world is gonna participate take mushrooms that's all you got to do participate find one that's a Saturday Sunday and Monday it's the longest day of moonlight on a weekend in the summer in the Northern Hemisphere. So join up, it's the best time. Walk around, go to Josh's retreat. Go somewhere and walk around in my moonlight. Anyway, that's it everybody.

Please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. Let's get back to the episode. Belize, this is a good one. So I went to Belize, yeah. Okay. So I had a, I went all over the Central America. I went to Guatemala. I went to El Salvador. I went to Nicaragua. If you want to show me whenever you want, but I, uh, here, I'll show you.

So, um, we won't put it in any home shit. It won't come up until you come up. But, uh, so I went all over this area. Wait, turn sideways. See if it does anything. Yeah. Way better. Okay, so.

X out the blees. Mainly lived in this Lake Atitlan. Wait, in Guatemala. Yeah. For sure. And that's where I spent most of my time, but we went on a trip to go, we had like, you know, no like set schedule.

I just had to kind of go to these places and interview people and kind of talk to, you know, different people about the revolutions or that kind of stuff. Interesting. But we took a bus up to, where's Tical? It's back here, yeah. So we took a bus up to here and we went to Tical and we,

you know, I was, How do you say it? Tical. Oh. Yeah, Tical, Tical, I don't know. I think it's probably Tical. But this is Flores and Flores is still Guatemala, but there's a little, Flores is actually awesome cause there's the whole town,

but then you really just chill that Island, that little Island. And it feels, it kind of feels like Europe. Like it's like, it's like all this colonial buildings and it's really like romantic and really. And, um, I remember that night we got super wasted and we went out to this club and I gave them a travelers check and they tore it and then they were like it's not acceptable and then we threw such a fit that they let us in for free cover and then just like fed us booze but in eastern Guatemala and Belize there's a ethnic group called the Garifuna. And the Garifuna are African slaves

that jumped off the ships and went into the jungle and survived. In Belize? Yeah. And they have their own culture. And they have this kind of music called Punta Rock. And we went to a Punta Rock concert there. And then we were like, Belize sounds kind of awesome.

So we spent a couple days in Tikal. What? Tikal was gnarly, dude. We went out in the middle of the night and saw like, you know, the most poisonous snake in the world, I forget what it's called, and like tarantulas and fucking, we were like wasted.

We were not supposed to. Like what happened to the mines? Like I can see. Yeah, exactly. We were not supposed to be there either at night. We like snuck in and we're like walking along this berm between these two swamps and we don't speak Spanish yet. Like we're, I, I hadn't learned Spanish yet. I wasn't fluent at least. And there's these signs and it's cuidado,

cocodrilo. And we keep on laughing. We're like, cocodrilo, what's a cocodrilo? It's a crocodile. We were just walking through crocodile swamps wasted out of our mind, uh, smoking the worst weed that you've ever come across. Well, the fun thing about weed is you're, you get reset pretty quick. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Wait, that Island. I remember looking to it. I couldn't get out there cause they only had like 10 days and I'm like, I didn't, I didn't realize they had a plane, but I'm like,

I'm not spending 10 hours to get out there and then 10 hours to get back yeah, most of the travel I did was on like basically like luxury kind of Greyhounds and It was nice I mean it was like a good way to travel but it took fucking forever and I also did the chicken buses a lot which are Like the American school bus. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna be a good host here. We gotta get to Belize Yeah, this is what happens a lot where especially on a double trip like this where you're like well, yeah, so we on a on a lark we go we're gonna go to Oh that shit's right on the lease. Okay, so we stop first in this place

We have we have to take like basically like local like here to here buses There's not like a through bus and we get off in this town called here San Ignacio. Okay. Which I think I saw it a second ago. It's right here. It's it's somewhere in here but it's like it's like here it is. It's it's like San Ignacio not there's no tourism here. It's, it's like not, there's no tourism here. It's just, it's just people living there on the edge of this giant jungle. There's a lot of Guatemalan Mayans. There's a lot of other kinds of ethnic groups. And then there's, um, you know, like Belize is predominantly black. Uh,

yeah, it's predominantly black, and they speak with a patois, it sounds like Jamaican English, like a Creole. And then they also have, it's part of the Commonwealth, the British Commonwealth, so there's a lot of Chinese, Indian. My favorite thing about Latin America is that you'll go into a Chinese store.

This is my very favorite thing,'ll go into a Chinese store. This is my very favorite thing. You go to a Chinese store and you'll think like, oh, like he's going to speak. You just don't know how he's going to speak. And like, then he'll go like this. He'll be like, come on. It's like the golden child in Spanish. It's fucking amazing. But this town was like, it felt like we were like in the old west. I mean, it was,

there's nothing there. There was just, I mean, I think there's probably like eco tourism around there, but the town itself was like not even really that scary. We had machetes on us the whole time. We, we traveled with machetes throughout central America just to kind of like be imposing. That's kind of the main drag. I actually, I think that last picture on the left is the hotel we stayed in right there. Yeah, that's the hotel we stayed in Wow This shit is breaking down as I'm packing up it's so perfect. Yeah, come on, bro. There you go

but We got some weed off this guy we found this guy and he tried to hustle us for like two days. It was so amazing to get to buy weed. Well, we got the weed, but then he kept on trying to like hustle us to try to get us to do more stuff. And he kept on like creating these like diversions where he'd be like, we got to go out here to get the weed. And also I need the money up front type of thing. I think my buddy Jake ended up buying him shoes as like, he was like, I don't have cash.

He was like, all right, just go buy me a pair of sneakers. And he had a big ass scar where he'd been chopped with a machete. And I think the impression I got was that like, he had been like a guy that had tried to be kind of a hustler in this town and he'd gotten his shit served by real gangsters. Um, so anyways we bought some bad weed and it worked. I mean it was,

it was, but that my friends, I'd never done mushrooms at this point. I was only like 22 or 23, but my friends were like, we want to do mushrooms. And so they go to this guy who bought us the, who sold us the weed, who was like essentially 22, 23. What junior college that is? I took years off to ski. It's so funny, they're like, the stupidity of like, I'll tell a criminal that I'm gonna be inebriated soon.

Yeah, yeah, totally. And also, in the middle of like, this is like, there's nothing here. Like this is like, it would be very easy for us to go missing. And Belize is a very lawless place. If you remember, this is where the guy from Norton, what's his name?

What the fuck can you say? The guy who like killed his neighbor, the famous, the famous, no, the creator of Norton. Oh yeah, the one who used to get people shit on him through a hammock. John, what's his name? What's that guy's name? I think he's dead now, maybe.

Peter Norton? No. Just look. It's not Norton. Look, Belize, oh, John McAfee, there it is. John McAfee. Yeah, so it's John McAfee. And so he lived in Belize for the last part of his life.

I think he got extradited probably, or like came back to the US and got arrested. Yeah, and for what? What were they extradited for? His neighbor, or he poisoned his neighbor's dog, or his neighbor poisoned his dog, and then he killed his neighbor maybe. But that's not why they extradited him

for like you're fucking with people through your programs, right? Yeah, yeah. You're allowing people to do stuff we don't like. And then he killed his neighbor, but that's not why the extra they extra them for like you're fucking with people through Through your programs right yeah, you're allowing people to do stuff We don't they were kind of looking for like anything to you know they just wanted to to get him because he was being too much of a nuisance and You know I think when rich people like that are like when a billionaire is going through a manic episode I think the CIA probably go like gotta he's actually trouble actually trouble oh yeah died by suicide in a Spanish prison yeah yeah suicide I bet anyways I'll get to that so my friends they go we want to buy mushrooms and the guy who like looks like a street person yeah goes yeah I'll get you some mushrooms and he goes into

the jungle and he picks a cap like this. And it's covered in mud, it's this size. And he gives it to them in a plastic bag and he goes, yeah, they're like different down here. So like, just, you know, just it's a mushroom. And so a couple of days later. What? Yeah, we take.

Picks a cap. It's this big, like out of a swamp. It looks like. Just for effect, this is plaster or something with some fancent. But like. The size of a. This would be a massive one. The size of a frisbee.

This would be a massive one. He was like, they just look different down here. Wow. But it wasn't, there's more to the story. This was not. Oh, okay. These were not hallucinogenic mushrooms. These were just poisonous mushrooms. He just sold them. Who gives a shit? We gave him $40. That's a lot of money to him.

So we take it. What? Yeah. We take a bus from San Ignacio to Belize City. Belize City is, Belize is beautiful. It's got some of those beautiful coral islands called Keys. If you go to Keykalker, Belize City is right next to Keykalker. So yeah.

Oh wow, it's right there. Yeah, we just take a bus. And we spend the night in Belize City. But Belize City, if you pull out a little bit, yeah, there's Keykalker right there. No, no, actually pull out a little bit. It's the one beyond it to the right. I think, is Keykalker?

No, no, Keykalker is, yeah, it's right there at the top is Key, no, no, Key Calcas, yeah, it's right there at the top of those, of that little chain, yeah, right there. Cave Calcas? Key. Key Calca, yeah. But Belize City is like hell on earth. It's like, they say you can't leave your apartment at night, you can't leave your hotel at night

because the gang violence is too bad. They had the Crips in the Bloods and literally all over Belize city, these little like bodega stores were selling t-shirts with either Tupac or Biggie on them. And that was the different gangs. No, what? Yeah. Cause they got B T so they, um, they got what? B T. Oh, the, the channel B E T. Um, the? The channel, B-E-T. Cause it's predominantly black. Like they relate to African American. So funny when you see that, when you see like in France,

like by the Seine and they're like rapping and stuff. Yeah. Break dancing. But it's like you're doing it in France. Like this is borrowed toughness. Well, I was talking to somebody about this cause I was in Amsterdam last week and there was like, I walked past like a black barbershop

and it was like the exact same aesthetic, like dudes being like, getting their hair cornrow, acting like they're like, in the middle of Queens kind of thing. And I was like, you're next to a canal where there's chocolate waffles. Like you're not, you're not a tough guy. Shut up, Pierre dog.

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get out of the way! But yeah anyways we yeah, anyways, we, we go to fucking, uh, key Cocker and, um, we had a lot of bad drug. And did you take the poisonous? We get to key. Cocker cut that. That's fine. No, no, we, you can keep it. Okay. Okay. Keep it. We get to key Cocker and my friends, this is the, I think it's our first night there, but by the way, Belize has the most delicious beer that's made by the Belizean government. It's called Bellican.

They have two kinds. They have an ale and a stout. The stout is one of the most delicious beers I've ever had. Yeah, it's the corrected spelling. Yeah. It's amazing. I absolutely loved it and I don't drink anymore, But if you do drink, you should definitely drink that. Belkin's stock.

They got a black and tan already in a bottle. Yeah, it's amazing. Cause it's a British Commonwealth. So they have a lot of the stuff from like the English, Irish. Oh look, they got the ruins on the cover. Yeah, cause there's a lot of Mayan ruins there too. I love the idea of people like what happened to the Mayans? And it's like, you see all these short Guatemalans,

like we're here We just wear t-shirts. Yeah, we're still here. Yeah, they're here We just all over the we left the stone structures. We live in apartments. We're fine. We're here. Yeah It's the same in I haven't been to like the part of the world where the Quechua live But like you've been there and they're yeah, they're like we're here, but they got mine. They disappeared one day. It's like, they just moved out of the no electricity. Yeah. They got out of the pyramids and they moved into like human head football. They're like, eh, let's go with it.

Like human head football that when they try to explain that sport, it's the most confusing ball sport. It's like you use your hips or something. But anyway, so we're on this beautiful beach. And it's the most like kind of, there's a coral reef like a hundred yards off of this beach. There's beautiful animals everywhere. We're eating amazing seafood. We're going snorkeling.

And my friends are like like we should take the mushrooms And so they I'm not gonna do this as my first mushrooms and this found mushrooms in the forest Which you still believe are magic mushrooms. They do. Yeah, I'm like well, I don't know anything But I'm not gonna make this my first mushroom experience. I Just I would have trusted the guy who got him. I know you would have. Yeah. But they took like big bite out of both. They were like, we don't know the dosage. Let's just take a bite, see what happens. And they threw up and shit for 24 hours straight

in our hotel room. And I kept on being like, guys, I think you're really sick. We gotta go to the hospital They're like no you can't we'll get arrested Don't do it. And so I just had to sit there watching them shit and barf and shit and barf and like roll around in their beds going like And I'm and but like you step outside the door and it's like you're in paradise It's also you know, like the weather outside today.

It's like a hundred and fucking two degrees and humid. Yeah, it was miserable. Mosquitoes? Oh yeah. Yeah. But that was our first of four nights and. Wow, that's so funny. They just ate poisonous mushrooms.

Yeah. Give it up for the fucking nerd for once winning. Yeah, it was like the one time that I've been like, I'm going to sit this out. I think usually people go, what if something bad? What if it's bad? What if it's bad? What if it's like, what if, and I go, no, no, the what if is, what if I don't take this and it would have been a great time? Yeah, that's the what if. Well that happened later on that trip where Kibbe,

one of the friends of mine that was on this trip who's been on all my trips basically, and also did, his whole life has been trips afterwards. He kind of set the precedent for himself to always, he got stabbed in the stomach in Chile with a seven inch blade and almost died. Like he's, he'd be a good guest. He's insane.

But he later on on that trip, we were in Nicaragua and these Italian anarchists were like, hey, we're gonna make mescaline these Italian anarchists were like, Hey, we're going to make mescaline. And they like cut down cactuses and made mescaline by shaving it. And I was like, I'm too scared to take it. And he took it and he said it was like one of the most magical experiences of his life. And I totally regret that because it would have been amazing.

He said he was like on the beach and he like reached up and he was touching the moon with like, you know, like physically touching the moon and I'm sitting there like jerking off in a tent Rhodes told me a story about about him and Hedberg used to hang out yeah and they would always talk about heroin and this before I had them had done it I don't think Rhodes ever did it yeah and then they talked about like I don't want to shoot up anything and they were like agreed that's junkie behavior. And then Hedberg was like, hey, I found some,

you smoke it. And he goes, oh, so we don't have to shoot up so we can do it. Now you know what it did to Hedberg. And Rhodes is like, I don't know, man, I'm reading a lot of rock documentaries, rock biographies, and heroin's always the beginning of the third act.

Yeah, yeah. You don't come back from that one. Yeah, but he said he was like, okay, well he goes, I'll be here with you while you take it. And he did, and he just goes, Tom, you gotta do this. It's the greatest. Yeah. Tom, you gotta join.

It's so nice. He just kept saying how wonderful it was. Yeah. Some of those drugs, if you're not on it, you're just like, damn, that looks nice. Yeah, I mean Harris talked about Yeah on the Pete Holmes podcast. He said the second that he plunged the into his vein He'd been smoking opioids for years. He said the second he plunged he knew he was gonna be addicted for the rest of his life

Wow, it was that good of a feeling Maybe when I like get terminal, you know, when I'm old. That's the thing is like people go when I'm old, I'll do it. But then you're like, no, you have to know how little time you have. Even when you're 75, you're like, I might still have 25 years left. Yeah. You can't become a junkie for your like grandkids. You have to know you got six months left.

Yeah. Yeah. And then you rock out. Rock out. Anyways, so we're on this island. We meet these guys who like operate out of this little, and by the way, right above it is Amber Guisquet, and that's where John McAfee did all of his trouble making. Amber Guisquet, San Pedro is kind of like more touristy.

It's like, yeah, there's resorts and stuff there. Keycawker's a little bit like tiny hotels. There's some stuff going on there, but it's like a little less developed. It's also these things are like four feet off of sea level. So if a storm comes through, everything gets blown over. Oh my God. Yeah, like they've multiple times

had to rebuild entire islands. Key caulker actually is split in half because a hurricane tore out half of the island in like a sandbar. Wow. You can see it right there. Oh, like right there? Yeah, in the middle. That used to be connected, but a hurricane came in. But anyways, these guys... Oh my God. What was the name of this? There was like a... I gotta get to the Lazy Lizard. I don't know. I think you take a stand-up paddleboard. No, I'm saying I gotta get there. Yeah. It's awesome. That's where our hotel was.

In the Lazy Lizards? It was like next door to it. We like were on that split. Whoa, oh there it is. There's a split. Yeah, we were right there. That's where those guys were barfing and shitting. Ha ha ha ha.

Like that was what I looked at while. Wow, another one. Yeah, there they are. Your friends still, I heard the barf still floats today. It's still, you can still smell it. But we met these guys and- Split, split the split, wow.

Oh yeah, because I think there's like a thing to like, if you swim across it fast enough, you get like a free beer or some shit like that. And there's like tons of sharks and shit. But we met these guys that like ran like this bar and they were like do you want to go on a day trip and so they took us out on their boat and we were just smoking they didn't care if we smoked pots we were just like smoking tons of pot. We bought pot from this really elderly rasta guy named the Kingsman and he was real sur. Like you'd go and he was like that.

Kingsman, I want you to smoke, you know, like just like, just like giving you shit the whole time. Yeah. But, so we got on the boat with them and the weirdest detail about this is it's all these young Belizean guys and there's just this girl on the boat who's like 15 and she doesn't speak English. She only speaks Spanish and she's like, I'm from Honduras. And by the end of the trip, like they made us lunch. We went snorkeling. We hung out all day. It was great.

But we realized that she was like a sex worker that they had like brought along on the boat just in case we wanted anybody needed any. Yeah. Like they just were, like, you guys need wine. We got it. If you need strange, we wanted one. Anybody need it, honey? Yeah. Like they just were like, yeah. If you guys need wine, we got it. If you need strange, we got it. Just. Obviously none of us imbibed, but it was very bizarre to just be like, oh, the child, there's a,

or also on our day cruise. They'd be that casual about it. Yeah. They didn't say it. They were just like, oh, this is, you know, Rosalita or whatever. But one fun thing about that day cruise. Hey, what's the deal with Rosalita? Well, let's go down here and we'll talk.

Come under the boat. One fun thing is. We were snorkeling and they brought you to this place where all the nurse sharks and the rays fed. And one of the guys was like, hey, just so you know, like the sharks can't bite you. They don't have like sharp teeth. They're like, they have like baleen or something.

They don't, the nurse sharks are just like, have like a vegetarian mouth. I don't know what you call it. Do you know what I mean? They don't have teeth. So he was like, just so you know, like if you want to scare your friend. Go in there.

So Kibbe, we're all stoned of our mind, but we just pushed him in. All these sharks are feeding. These sharks are just feeding and he's standing on the edge. Watch again. We just pushed him in and he was like, we were just dying laughing. It was like one of the best jokes to this day. I was getting put because you're looking at it. I'm like, it's so dangerous. Now I'm safely on this platform, this boat. I'm OK.

And then as you're going, it's just like, no. He was like, he thought we were, he was high. You killed me. He thought we were trying to kill him in his mind. That was his first thought, was that we had planned to kill him. Oh my god. And then, so anyways, we hung out with these guys a lot and

They were kind of our like our guides and we went out with them that day and then we would go back to their beach I think it was called the I&I the bar that they ran and it was kind of like an awesome bar because it was like Swiss Family Robinson like where I had like kind of a tree fort layout like where you like Climbed up the steps and walked across a rope bridge and there was like different like hangouts But the Kingsman hung out that that's where we met the Kingsman and the Kingsman Had sold us a really good bag of weed and then we smoked it all and then we were like Let's go get some more weed and we went and he got us like this really small bag And we were kind of like what's up like, you know, and he's like shut up boy

And we were kind of like what's up like, you know, and he's like shut up boy You ride bike like girl, you know, just like talking shit and what are we gonna do to this elderly Rasta on this? You know island like we're not gonna like hold him, you know, like demand our money back But anyways, we see him later at the bar and we go like came in like what was up with that? Like why'd you short us us? And he goes, you know what? The Kingsman gonna let you have some of the expensive smoke. And so he rolled a joint and we're like, thank God, let's finally get high. And I see my friend take a hit and I go, that's a weird face to make.

And then I took a hit and I realized there is no weed in this at all. I can tell there's tobacco, but the rest of the flavor is kind of like a marshmallow feel in my mouth. And I'm like, all right, whatever, what, maybe the weed's really bad. And then we do another rotation and I do it again

and I'm like, this is fucking bizarre. And I go, what is this? And he goes, that's when you cook the cocaine up into a rock. We were smoking crack. Yeah. And we were like in paradise smoking crack. And I remember going like, ugh, like I'd never done cocaine at this point in my life.

And right to crack. My first cocaine experience was crack. You skipped blow and went to crack? Skipped it all. Just right to crack. You blew past blow. Yeah. Past my nose, right in my crack. You blew past blow. Yeah.

Past my nose, right in my lungs. Not even free base, I went right to rock. I went right to rock. But we, my friends who had done a little bit of coke, I go, no thank you, and I go, are you guys gonna keep, and they go, we already smoked a little crack. You think the difference between a little crack and a lot of crack makes a big difference? It's like when you fuck somebody,

and then like when you were single, and then like, and then like, I don't know, the condom breaks, something like that. It's like, wow, we can just take it off now. Yeah. I'm already exposed to whatever you got. Exactly, I think I slept with somebody, and then like later on found out they had an STD, but like a lifelong STD, you know, the one. And I was like,

well, I've already played with the devil's abacus. You know how many times in the moment where I'm like, I'm just going to go really slow. I'm going to not have any chafing during this. That'll be my way. And it's like, are you out of your, but in sober moments, you're like, well, I'll just have a no STD rule without a condom. Yeah. You think you would hear that? I mean, cause most people won't tell you upfront,

but if somebody did tell you upfront, you'd go, oh, okay, well, I don't need to do that. But pussy always, it always wins. They don't tell you upfront of you're already making it out and stuff. They don't tell you upfront of you're already making out and stuff. Yeah. They don't tell you the day before when you actually have time to like take some

time to think about this. Yeah. When you're horny, they're like, Oh, just so you know. And then you're like, well, fuck, I'm like, I'm dead set on. So you have a great bit about, uh, about the decisions you make when you're like horned up. And so he goes, I want to see started a new campaign was jerk off first, then think about it. Yeah. Like get that clear head. And then we give all the examples. He goes, jerk off first, then think about it. All these things you do is because you just

didn't just jerk off. Your friend's ex is coming on to you, and you're like, oh, maybe I will. And it's like, oh, what am I doing? Yeah, insane. No way. I remember I used to drive to Costa Mesa from, from LA because this girl likes me. Yeah.

And I was like, oh yeah, that makes sense. I would drive like 90 miles and it was just like, what am I doing? If you just jerked off, it's like, I could have saved $45 in gas. Um, that was another crazy story. Her, her dad was like a Kazakhstan eat oil magnet or something her home had marble columns in it. It was really insane Anyways, so dude, I had a chick once in Nashville. Sorry get back to this. No, no go and and she was like I was like, hey, I had the talk. I was like, hey, do you have anything

that I should know about? I had chlamydia twice and I've had general warts, whatever you say. And then she goes, no. And I'm just, abortion talk, like, not that I'm trying to get you pregnant, but if you did, you would get rid of it. She goes, oh, I would never have an abortion.

And I was like, oh. I'm like, all right, I'll just go a couple. I was like so retarded. Yeah. I'm just going to go a couple strokes clean. Yeah. So dumb. She's told me, oh no, you will have a child with me

if any pre-com comes out and gets into my 23-year-old body, whatever it was. The most fertile. And I'm like, all right, I'll risk it. It's just like you got your answer answer and you're still like, damn, I mean, it's so funny because I ask, I had a joke that I never really figured out, but it was just basically like, we think everything we're doing is like cool and interesting,

but it's all our biology tricking us into sticking our dicks into, you know, it's like you like, I work out, I got cool clothes, I do this cool job, and then it's like, what's the payoff? And it's like that you get to have more sex and procreate. You know, I have all this money, I have this cool house, what do you do with it? You get pussy and you procreate. Anyways.

Anyway, so. So we smoke crack and my friends smoke a lot more crack than me. Uh, and, uh, they spend the night, this is two days after they've almost died from poisonous mushrooms. It's immediately to crack immediately to crack. Wow. Fatal poisonous mushrooms straight to crack. And then, um, they just chase street dogs for the whole night. They were so high on crack that they just ran up and down the island, like playing with street dogs. There was like street dogs everywhere.

And I'm like not that high. So I'm just like, all right, this is insane. We've, I've already coached you guys. They're going to attack you also. I'm just kind of, I'm a touch scared of street dogs. A woman died in Britain last week because a street dog scratched her and 12 weeks later the rabies set in. Did not bite her, scratched her and 12 weeks later the rabies took effect and she died. 12 weeks. Last week. Because I remember seeing there's no deaths from rabies for like almost 50 60 years years. And now there's one. Yeah, look up English rabies.

What, so she didn't get the shots? Nope. What? Died after puppy scratch. During a trip to Morocco. February the scratch died in early June. Wow. Isn't that terrifying?

Like right now. The need for car. So I mean, like I see street cars all the time. If you get a scratch, I thought it was just a bite. Yeah. I got, I was like read this. Slightly scratched by a stray puppy while on vacation in Morocco.

I was in, I heard this story last week and then the next day I was walking through Amsterdam and this woman had a puppy and I was like, hey puppy, and it scratched me and like gnawed on me a little bit and I was like, I'm going to fucking die. In 12 weeks I'm going to fucking die. That's the new ring. The puppies are the new ring. It's so insane. Oh yeah, it's a scratch.

I was just messing around. I wouldn't think, if I got bit by a wild kangaroo. You'd immediately go get the shot. Sure. It takes a bite. It's like, I got a, I got bit. Yeah. It makes me want to just get the vaccine.

Oh no, the vaccine, I just got it. You did? It buys you two days. That's it? That's it. Wow. It doesn't make you whatever. It buys you some extra time

to go get the 30 shots you gotta get. So that's the. Wow. It doesn't make you whatever. It buys you some extra time to go get the 30 shots you gotta get. So that's the other thing. It's not just like, well, I got bit by a dog. It's like, oh, I gotta be very invasive and get a shitload of. Is it 100% mortality rate? I think so.

I think it is too. She didn't initially seek treatment for the scratch. She began experiencing symptoms in early June, including a headache and progressed to losing her ability to walk, talk, sleep and swallow before her death on June 11th. So like in a week's time it went from first symptoms to death. Yeah. And she was fine. There's video. She was diagnosed with rabies later transferred to Royal homes,

her hot in Sheffield and died anyway. Yeah. They say there's no risk to the general public as there's no evidence of human to human transmission. However, close contacts are being assessed and offered vaccinations as a precaution. It's nearly always fatal when symptoms. I can't even it's the most terrifying shit in the world to think about that. I probably Ravens is very rare in the care but is nearly always fatal once

symptoms appear. Yeah. I ate days ago. I I in March I probably pet a street dog. I pet them all the time. Yeah. They're nice and friendly ones. Yeah. I didn't even think about it. And now it's like that was 12 weeks ago. That was March. I'm gonna die next week. Yeah, you're gonna because it can't help but scratch you. UK's first rabies case in a century. That's UK content 2025 a Michigan man died okay an organ transplant oh interesting what did he get the Oregon for 2024 California artisans died from rabies after a bat bite rabies fat by a bat I can see after

bats are the number one bats are the number one Really yeah, I always thought rabbit dogs Yeah, they they said bats are the number one carriers slash transmitter look at all these deaths are bat But they said here's what they said. They said If you bat bites are so Like small and almost like painless that you're in the night they said that if you wake up if you have a kid and the kid is in a room with a bat and and you like our and you don't you you haven't monitored them that you should just take them assume they've been bitten and that they are babies. So it's the rabies. Yeah. So,

yeah. Oh, he fucking terrified. That's crazy. What a crazy way to die. It's also weird that we haven't fucking figured that one out. There's a couple of those ones out there where it's like, Oh, it just kills you no matter what. I got the rabies vaccine when I went to Southeast Asia. Yeah. They're like, yeah. And then, and then my friends like, it doesn't really bother you much. I looked into it more and it does. It goes from like, you have like 24 or 48 hours. You have like,

you have like an extra two days and they go, listen, if you're deep in a jungle where it might be harder to go get somewhere with a rabies shot, that one extra day or two extra days is pretty vital. Yeah. But that's the only time it matters. Pretty much if you get bitten and you're near any major city. In fact, I was in the middle of nowhere Thailand and some chick got bitten by by some sort of monkey and she was right then down a dirt road hospital for a rabies shot.

Yeah. So they have them there. So that vaccine wouldn't have helped her in any way. Was there any side effects from that one? Like, did you feel sick? No, from your rabies vaccine. I can't separate them in my mind. All the different vaccines. I just got vaccinated for this trip I'm taking. What'd you take? Which, which vaccine? Dengue, I think. Malaria, maybe yellow

fever. I don't know. Do you guys not take? Chinga, chinga, chinga. Oh yeah, yeah. Do you not have to take a lariam anymore? The malaria medicine? Pills. Yeah. Yeah. Have you not have to take a lariam anymore the malaria medicine pills? Yeah. Yeah, have you done that? Yeah, the dreams are the dreams are so insane. They're so insane So the most vivid dreams in your story driven. Yeah, like long plot like you are the pilot of a and it's like a video Color. Yeah, no, like I'm floating. I guess I had feet. I don't know. It's like oh, I have all of it Yeah, yeah, and it's like it's like like a week-long dream Yeah, and you wake up and like oh You feel like venom over your body, you know that that's it's insane

I mean, there's like a bunch of stories about people like doing like sleepwalking like murders and shit like that on lariam It's been used as defense in like murder trials. Also when I take oh, that's interesting also what I've taken it It's been in conjunction with quitting weed like I'll smoke weed before I leave start taking the malaria stuff So it's the malaria eight days of no weed. Yeah on eight days when you get the dreams anyway, yeah And so you're just like wow. Yeah, it's intense. It's worth it. Oh Yeah, it's awesome. Oh, yeah so anyways we We are on this keycocker and when we smoke crack the next day we wake up and we like go like we got to

Get the fuck out of here like we're we're like playing with death here This is like on a little too real for us And we were supposed to go on like a kind of like a three-day trip with these guys like they were gonna take us to All these secret spots around mainland Belize. We just got on the boat. We took off and we went down Belize along the one road that goes like through the country. We stopped in Placencia for the night. Placencia is a city in Belize. Yeah. Placencia. The Gong to Ganga, something like that. It's okay. Just towns. Towns. Um, you know, still kind of having a good time,

but also kind of at this feeling of being on the run. But we get to the very south of Belize, which is called, um, it's Punta Gorda and, uh, which means go, which means fat pussy fat port. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. Oh, okay. And we have to take a boat across. Sugar port is Putucana? Yeah. Oh no, sugar point.

Cane point. Oh, right, right. Sugar cane point. But we have to take a boat back into Guatemala, into this place, Puerto Barrios. And Puerto Barrios, I can talk a little bit about. But Puerto Barrios is like zero, it's a port. It is nothing touristy.

There's not a Holiday Inn, there's not a coffee shop. It is just like Filipino tanker employees and like British guys who have like national front tattoos and things like that. And a lot of ****. But we go to Punta Gorda and we like that and a lot of but we go to Punta Gorda and we like we have to cross an international border we have all this weed on us still so we smoke it into Guatemala yeah from Belize so we smoked this giant joint to get rid of it yeah and we get on the boat and about halfway through the Guatemalan Navy stops our boat and I swear to God we're

high out of our minds they have a 50 cal pointed at us the entire time like a guy manning a 50 cal is pointing it at us while we sit on this boat like this high out of our minds yeah stoned and this woman has a giant bag of baby formula I'm talking like this kind of baby. And so they go and they go, what the fuck is this? And she's like, and then they like, you know, cut it open and test it. And the whole time we're high thinking, oh, we are dying now.

And then we go to Puerto Barrios, we get in and I get black out. They just let you go? Yeah. Yeah. So they search you go? Yeah. Yeah. Did they search your stuff? Yeah. And you don't have any of the drugs? Yeah, we didn't.

But I think later on we found a little bit of weed in one of the bags that they just had missed. It was very lucky. But. We were going over the border to Canada. We did a bus tour. Me, Colum, and Ryan O'Neill and Dylan Jacob whatever he's calling myself now the bus driver comes back goes hey so we're

going up we've done this long tour he goes hey so we're going over we got to stop we're gonna go to this minor one instead of the main border we're a minor one it's faster he goes and he comes up he, he goes, by the way guys, so just so you know, it's a border, so they might search, so, and we're like, so I'm glad there's no drugs in here, because there's a border, so I'm glad there's no drugs in here.

And we're like, yeah, give us a minute, that's what I was talking about. And we got rid of everything. And then they were like off the bus, they don't usually do this, whatever. And then they went on the bus and went around, we're like, oh fuck, whoa, thank God. That's when it's all there, fuck,

we shouldn't have got rid of that drugs, or thank God we got rid of it. When I went to China, I'm like, I didn't have to dump my fucking edibles. They just waved me right through. But, punishable by death, not worth it. Not worth it. But we're like, thank God we get rid of it.

And then Dylan's just like, I'm like, well I'm like, I mean, I didn't wanna waste the Coke. I'm like, idiot! And they're fucking, they're on the bus for a while, going through shit. And he hid Coke somewhere. Yeah, in the back. He goes, well I'm like, where is it?

And he goes, it's just kinda on my bed. And it's like, I put the baggie right there. Oh my bed. And it's like, I put the baggie right there. I. Oh my God. Yeah, that's like one time I we were in the south of Mexico, me and Kibbe, we had hitchhiked from Guatemala City to Mexico City. And we stopped in this place called Zipalite in the south. It's right by Puerto Escondido.

Yeah. And great town. Really like a must go if you're in Oaxaca. But we'd gone to buy pot and we go to the guy and we go, hey, like we'd like to buy some pot, here's 200 pesos. And he goes, okay. And then he comes back a couple minutes later and I stick out my hand and he goes, and he takes off my hat and just puts a bag

the size of my head in, into the hat. And we go, cause you gave me so much. I, yeah, I guess I mean it was $20, but it was like, that's how much weed we got, but we didn't want to throw it away. So we like kept it with us and uh, the whole fucking time, uh, we're coming back, we're getting searched cause this is like prime Narco Mexico. So we're getting searched all the time and we have all this weed in our bag and they never found it We are losing our minds. Oh my god, but we were just like we don't know if we'll be able to find weed and you know

How I love it's like you gotta get it. You gotta take the chance Cuz what if we can't find it if you smoke pot it is a pivotable part of your trip It is getting high walking around. Yeah I found weed in Neckler when I was there for six months during kovat first full winter of kovat and Like it was hard to find because you couldn't approach anybody. It was like get away from it Yeah, you know, so so you need to approach them to fight. Hey, where's the weed around here? So that time was like unapproachable to stranger and then you you finally found some and he goes, 30 grams for $30. And I'm like, that doesn't seem right, but okay. No, a dollar a gram if I'm doing the math right.

It was the strongest weed I've ever smoked in my life. And how big of a bag was it with your hands? Maybe like that. Yeah. But. For $30. Then later I found like another one for like way more flour, this This was dense and moist. Packed probably.

Yeah, for much more expensive and not nearly as strong. But that 30 grand, 30 dollars gave me some tracers and shit. I'm like, what the fuck is this? It's got that Ecuadorian mucking Mayan piss. I mean, that's how I've had that happen before. I remember I was in Rio for the World Cup and I Couldn't speak Portuguese a couple people had smoked me out in different cities because they had weed Everywhere I went in believe in Brazil by the way people just walked up to me and were like hey, what's up?

And I was like hey, and they're like you want to come to dinner And I was like yeah, and they're like you want to come to a party and every night in Brazil what I don't know If it was because it was the world cup, but I mean, every night I was in Brazil for a week, somebody took me under their wing. And you went for it? Yeah, cause it's like, why not? You know, like I, I'm never, I feel like I know.

You know, why not? Well, I know why not, but I feel like I always know when somebody's trying to grift me. I've never been wrong about somebody like. This idea that you shouldn't experience, that goes, what if they would have robbed you? What if they would have been planning something?

Well then I would have got robbed or killed, but I didn't, so what are we talking about? What do you think most, I think most people don't assume that people lead regular lives. Yeah, that's the thing. When you walk through, like when I was talking about those amazing racist videos,

like, I got killed, like, well, I found out that most blacks aren't murderers. Yeah. So that's what happens. It's so funny that if you do something like that, where you're making fun of racism, but by having to kind of like tickle the edge of being racist.

You get more racism. You get, the reaction is more racism. Like the people that are like offended. You think they just kill? Yeah. Because they're offended, they just kill? Yeah. What do you think they just kill? Yeah. Because they're offended, they just kill? Yeah. What do you think these people are?

Do you ever see that video of like, I don't know all the voting stuff, but like they talk about voting. It's hard in certain districts to get your license or whatever, so you need a license or whatever. And so there's like, all right, I'll go to the hood. Because the hood is like, hey, let me ask you a question. Do you know where to get a driver's license like I mean 14th and 8th?

Yeah, no, no what building like the DMV like oh white people don't think you know how to get that It's like I don't know what the DMV is. Yeah, it's like yeah, we don't think you know how to get that It's it's so fucking insane Like I remember there was these prank videos where these white kids would go into the hood and pants people I remember those and sometimes guns would fall out yeah and nobody ever shot them they might swing on them or be like get the fuck away from me but it's like that's the exact person that like the Fox News dad thinks is what is going to do that. And he's like, why are you being weird?

Oh, this is long. Hold on. I want to see a little, no, no, no, no, no. Here we go. Yeah, it's this guy. It's crazy. Are you nuts, bro?'s like setting it up. Oh he just did it already? He's not gonna make it. They're so mad at him. I didn't see him do it though. Okay, oh my god. I Didn't get that one

Yes, wasn't second I want to get one come on do one Okay, it doesn't look like the hood does not look like the hood All right, well fuck this this guy. Fuck Joey Salads. Yeah, anyway. 5.6 million subscribers. Wait, what were we talking about? We were talking about Belize. Oh, people being dangerous, yeah.

So in Rio, during the World Cup, they have these things called FanFests, which is like big TV, thousands of people watching a game. It's like really fun. But I don't have weed, I'm in Rio. Rio's like the most amazing city I think I still maybe have ever been to. And I see some people smoking some weed

and they happen to be like teenagers. They're like teenagers and they're clearly like, probably from the favelas, they look kind of like, they're just wearing like shorts with flip flops. There's nothing else. And I walk up and I'm like, desculpa no fel de bem portugues, but mota, dinero, you know, like, and they're like,

and I can see in their heads, they're like, do we rob this guy? Cause this is like pretty dumb. And then they just- Hi gents, Zara Batherman here. Yeah. Great, sorry about the loss today. And they're all like, put the knives down and like, all right. It was, I mean, it was like pretty bold,

but um, they just go, okay. So I give them 40 rails or whatever like that. And then, um, the girl just lifts her tit up and pulls out a, uh, like a clump of weed, not even in a bag. She just lifts her tit up, pulls out the weed, hands it to me, and then I'm like, can I hit yours? And I get really stoned. And then Brazil proceeds to lose 7-1 to Germany. And I'm a blonde guy in the middle of this.

And I luckily am wearing a Brazil jersey. And I had to run. They were throwing bottles into the crowd and attacking people. And I ran back to my hotel and I sat on the balcony kinda watching the melee and I smoked a joint. But it's nice from safety. Yeah, yeah, it was fun.

That's another road story. He lived right over where the Price is Right is filmed and yeah, you know that area Right by the farmers daughter It was that's where the cops were set up during the riots and he was up there on a balcony Smoking watching the riots watching the cops like get into the price right parking lot to regroup or whatever the head out He was just out there smoking all day. Just like kind of watching it all. Yeah, it was balcony that's what's higher fires and yeah. Um, I haven't been in a good riot since the WTO.

It's kind of a bummer. Dude, they had a wait, a couple of things I wanted to tell you. Oh, one time I was in Guatemala, some tiny town in Guatemala in the North. Yeah. World cup is going on. You know, everyone in Latin America is just, we're watching. Yeah. At a fucking, any store, a pharmacy. The one TV in town, yeah. Yeah, or even if it's not, every store has it,

every bar, and you're like, oh, it's two one whatever. It's like, come on in. Pharmacies and fucking electronics stores, like please, you know, we're watching. And so I was watching from a burrito place, and then across the street at the pharmacy, they were all watching, and everyone's rooting for Messi. So everyone's rooting for Argentina,

because it's Messi, because Guatemala didn't have a team. And then I'm watching, it's the Netherlands versus Guatemala, and they just keep looking at me, and then half time they come over, it's like, you're from the Netherlands? And I'm like, no, But you're rooting for the Netherlands. I'm like, no, I'm just watching. They're like, you're rooting for the Netherlands, obviously.

I'm like, buddy, I'm not. In fact, I'm definitely, if you guys are rooting for, I'm rooting for whatever you're rooting for. Yeah, then I'm in. Yeah, yeah. And they're like, and then they won in a shootout, and then we all just drank Quetzaltec, or whatever. Oh, dude, that Quetzaltec,

the worst hangover I've ever had in my life was after I was in a tiny little village and we drank that shit all night Quetzaltec a guardiente a coca-cola and it was like fucking like I had to be peeled out of my bed And I had it so strong and it's so Unrefined that you're just you've basically poisoned yourself. It's like drinking rubbing alcohol It's like a coca-cola and rubbing alcohol. They're flavored. Oh, dude, such a brutal hang. I woke up that night I did not wake up In my bed. I woke up on the floor of the jungle what? Yeah, we were in this mountain school and we lived in these little huts in the jungle and we went to the common house to all get wasted.

And I guess I had just stumbled out and I just fell asleep and I was covered in dirt and scratches and I was just in the middle of the jungle. It was awful. It was awful. And then I had to take like a seven hour bus to think it took seven hour bus to San Salvador. Can I say also the name of the city with the same name as the country is always the worst city. Yeah. Guatemala city, Belize city. These are always where people, San Salvador, this is where people go to get robbed. Yeah. The one

day I'll say that is a, uh, standout is Brasilia is nothing Brasilia is like Interesting, Brasilia is like Branson, Missouri. Really? It's like they built it Nobody lived there. They built it as a Yeah, Manaus is really in the middle of nowhere Have you ever seen the have you ever seen right in the jungle? Look at Manaus go to like Manaus on this Right in the jungle. Look at Manaus go to like Manaus on this M a n a u s or you just go down there Zoom all the way in it's a crazy city. It's right against the jungle really. Yes, I just right on the river That's how you get in and out. But if you do the do the satellite view This one know the other one opposite side, yeah that one

Okay zoom in sit side. Yeah, that one. Okay. Zoom in. Zoom in to like the edge over there, like at the top of where your map is. Wow. That's the jungle. The city stops on a wall. And they just beat it back every day. Yeah. They just beat it back. Yeah. Like they're constantly, if they left, the jungle would just be on them. You know, come right back on a wall. Is it an actual wall? Yeah, I Mean, that's the fucking jungle. There's like fucking Panthers and shit out there Wow

That looks kind of this is in Puyo. This is on all the places in in in the Ecuador, too It's like in the drug. It's just like hey, we're constantly pushing this shit out. It would just overtake us Yeah, and then like they're like, oh and like don't don't leave trash out because the Jaguars come at night. Like the what? Wow. I mean, you're gonna hike on that? Fuck that. That's crazy.

Do you know how many bodies are out in that fucking shit? They had a, there's a documentary that's actually really good about this guy that was, he was like a Jerry Springer type in Manao. Yeah We had a show about crime in the city and he was orchestrating the crime and Like having people killed and then being the first one on the scene so that he could be like the crime is crazy in the city What really? Yeah. Yeah, I forgot what it's called, but it's on Netflix. It's great tourist attractions deep in the city. What, really? Yeah, yeah, I forgot what it's called, but it's on Netflix, it's great. Tourist attractions deep in the jungle. Resort, hotel, in the jungle.

I do this all the time. You know what the best thing? I used to have a show called MapQuest. Yeah. Go to the middle of the city. Of what, Manaus? Yeah. Okay.

It's just so fun to open up and go, what's this spot, what's this spot? But go down, go deep into it. Let's find. Okay. Let's find a spot. No, no down, go, go deep into it. Let's find, okay, let's find off spot. No, no, just, yeah. Go deep into the city and find like a fast food chain. Okay. Um,

let's see what this is. Yeah, just go to that. The people, the pictures that people will post on these are so insane. Just snack bar. Yeah. Go to that. Go to the pictures, see photos. There's always weird pictures of food and then they'll just be This picture and then eventually they'll be like a picture of like a family. Yeah, like These are all just geo tagged yeah this one right there what a great picture who are they Yeah, who are they? I do these are lives. I do this for hours. I'm 17 is eight years ago. I do this all the time. At least two of those people are dead. At least two. Look at these guys. Look at Henry Rollins in the middle here. Just having a good time.

These are the beers they have on tap or for whatever. Here's some cat, here's some two dead kids, one's dead, one lives with it. Yeah. Wow, you just look at these. It is fun just to go, what's here? But like these people, they just post, sometimes you'll be like, it'll be like video from a child's birthday just inside the cafe at a gas station. It's so fun.

I do this all over. This was my show. It was like a, it was a live stream and people would suggest places and we would just walk around these cities looking at stuff and then we would find something and kind of go down like a chain of logic and we found some of the funniest shit

I've ever seen in my life. Oh, you're in New York now. But I guess that's what we did in, with the double, whatever. That restaurant right on the split. Yeah. Okay, here we go, Matuca's Bar and Grill. Yeah, what's happening in Matuca's?

What's happening, what's happening? First of all, Matuca's Bar and Grill is the best place to go for a prime fucking steak. That does look like a good steak. That looks great. They do grill really good in South America. They grill great. The Colombians, there's a restaurant outside of Bogota. There's one in Bogota too. It's called Andres Carnet Arreza.

It's the best time you'll ever have. It's like a steakhouse that's also a nightclub. Really? It's that kind of food. Wow. Where they just fucking... That looks great. Let's look. There's gotta be one that's just like... Just a sly picture of people for no reason. Let's look, there's gotta be one that's just like, just a slide picture of people for no reason. Let's see. This is the point. Yeah. Who are these people? What's up with all these guys?

Look at that guy on the right. Why, why is that so mad? How is he Brazilian? Why is he mad? You know, his grandfather, everyone else is smiling. His grandfather ran away from killing your grand. Yeah. He goes, you know, I can't be on film. That's the whole reason His grandfather ran away from killing your grandfather. Yeah, he goes, you know, I can't be on film. That's the whole reason I'm down here. The fuck, bro. I gotta follow you home and get that footage. That's so funny.

That's a good thing to do. What's this new, it's, hold on. Oh, there's a nice Pele mural in Matuca's. Wait, wait, wait. Andy Haynes. What's the name of the Wait, wait, wait. Andy Haynes. What's the name of the show? Around the World and Andy Haynes. Damn, Around the World and Andy Haynes.

Look at that dude. Which one? The guy with the very well-kept beard. He kinda looks like Brazilian Brendan Schaub. Yeah. See if he tries to hook up with his friend's chicks. Probably. You find out that dude's name is like Oh a sassy no skilled 75 people in Manaus isn't this the best

this really is fun oh there's a that that's probably a lot of band. Yeah. Let's hear it. Okay. The Matuca's will have, first of all, they serve Brahma, which is nice. They will have the occasional band playing. Here's two seconds of their song. That's not like Brazilian music. Yeah, I think it's probably Brazilians have like all these like weird, um, regional sounds and one of the biggest things. Yeah, that does. I'm vegetarian. I saw they like, they swirl cut it and fill it with shit. Oh,

Oh, date night. This is a lot of fun. Oh, those are those fucking things they always serve at your Oscarias. Croquetes. Croquetes. So let me ask you a question. When you were doing all this stuff about revolution down there,

did you come across any Ecuadorian things? Because they have a rich history of saying be the president. I don't know a ton about current. I know that right now they've kind of got a situation where like a not right now No, no right now. They've got a guy who is like basically like he's he's basically their version of Boo Kelly in San Salvador He's a young kind of like populist, but a little one. They just elected Yeah, but it was like a fucked election because he just kind of called it because of like danger to when I was there too

They had the same thing. Yeah, I think it's the same guy. I think he did it twice. What's his name? I don't know. Okay, but it was it would have been about the same time frame. I Think they just get dinner no boy. No, it's different. Yes. No boy is He's he's like a pro kind of like like American, pro-Western. But in the early 2000s, there was something happening in all of Latin America basically that was like led kind of with a first, the election of Hugo Chavez, which was kind of a popular revolution.

Neolibs. What? Neolibs is Neolibs. No, Neolibs is more the American pursuit of basically like capitalist, uh, capitalist empire with the idea that like liberal in the true sense of the word liberal, meaning like no laws, no borders and things like that. But there was, um, Ava Morales in Bolivia,

there was a guy named Correa in Ecuador. There was a guy. Yeah. Morales in Bolivia. There was a guy named Correa in Ecuador. There was a guy. Yeah. Lenin Moreno was there before. Okay. Okay. Correa. Yeah. But the most interesting one, if you guys want like a real good, easy spicy Latin American revolution, look up the shining path. Send their Illuminoso there. They were the Peruvian Marxist. They were, they were not a chill one. They, they came in and they just would slaughter a village old school style.

But there's a, um, movie that was actually John Malkovich is very first direct to Ariel debut starring Javier Bardem. It's called the dancer upstairs. And it's, it's a, it's an awesome movie and And it kind of shows you what these populist revolutions look like. So they were saying it's pretty much they're going the one in Ecuador, it wasn't Moreno's, it was the other guy you said, but it was like, Hey, fuck the debt. We're canceling that. Yeah. It's like liberal to, I don't quite understand it, but he's like,

but we're building like boardwalks in every town. Well, all these places, you know, I mean, quite understand it, but he's like, but we're building like boardwalks in every town. Well, all these places, you know, I mean, to their defense, cause I'm kind of a socialist or whatever. Yeah. All their resources are owned by these multinational corporations and everybody fucking lives in squalor. Right. And so when these guys come and get elected, which is pretty hard back in the day, back in the day, like every single one of these countries after colonialism would try to elect some nerd who would say something like,

you know what, we're going to nationalize bananas. And then a guy in Alexandria, Virginia would go, hey, I own all the bananas. This can't happen. And then the CIA would go down and kill him. So it's, it's, it's a pretty big. It's a pretty big swing to make it as far as actually becoming the president in these countries. If you have leftist kind of, it's real easy to kill you, you know, like who's going to investigate. Yeah. Um, but, uh, lasso what they do is they go, they come to power and they go,

why would we send all our money to fucking Switzerland? This is our cadmium. And then. All the chocolate in Switzerland, they get the Cogamines from Ecuador. So Ecuadorian chocolate's like always second in the world. But they're like, yeah, why did you guys get it? It's like, well, we own this.

Cause like, what do you mean own it? You made a deal with some fucking villagers. Like a hundred years ago. Yeah, like no. You don't own this shit. Yeah. So we come in there for fucking fuel and everything. So in, um, Trinidad, they just discovered oil and like Venezuelan stuff there or other, I dunno, or maybe around there and they go, Hey,

let us just help you learn how to refine this. We don't want anything, but we don't want other interests coming in. We want you guys being independent. Yeah. So the Trinidadians are like, let me show you how we know how to refine this. We don't want anything, but we don't want other interests coming in. We want you guys being independent. So the Trinidadians are like, let me show you, we know how to refine our own. Let us teach you so that it's, we can make like this whole region can flourish instead of letting Exxon do it and give you guys some shoes. There's a guy, I think in Ecuador, have you heard about this guy? He's, he's an American lawyer and Ecuador Shell or one of the major multinational gas corporations did like and like demolished a region through pollution and and he's an American lawyer and he actually got censured and sued by the corporation the oil corporation, and lost. He's like, his life has been ruined

by trying to go after this. He was on Chappo Trap House a couple times. It's pretty insane. So what they had in, so when I was there, so Lasso won, May 21, maybe one he didn't take over yet. No, I mean that was the election. He was running, right. When was I there? I guess I came back April of 21. The Creating Opportunities Party, I mean that was the election he was running right yeah when was I there I guess I came back April of the creating opportunities party I love that

so funny because he was a banker and I was like talking to a local guy and I was like why do they believe it was like same reason they believed Trump when he lies or or or Hillary Clinton when she lies like yeah they just lie to people who don't have as much information and he's this banker who goes I'm for the little man. Yeah. So what they do there is they have an election where they have 20 something parties. Yeah. They narrow it down to two who the top two top two, and then they do a runoff and they do a runoff and you go, won't number one win.

He goes, no, because number two could be like, Oh, I was going to vote for seven or two. I couldn't decide. And so if seven's out, I'm going to, so it's almost like you have all the liberals and all conservatives narrowing it down. So once you get those top two, that's big. So number three was this indigenous guy who grew up ponytail. They called him a phony cause he didn't used to have a ponytail, but then he had a ponytail with the fucking pretty much their version of dashikis. And he goes like, he deep in,

it's like renaming a Thiesman to Thiesman so we could win the Heisman. Yeah. Um, and so he came in second, Lassos was third, but Lassos was also on the election committee in, uh, Wyokil. And they go, well, it's actually so close when you do a revote, the revote will be in the Wyokil district because that's where the election committee is. And they go, well, I don't know. It goes, turns out I won barely at, we called it. Yeah. Yeah, and they go what it was so obviously fake Yeah, and and he was against mining the other guy that came in third. That's what Nebo just did

Yeah did the same thing where he I think he called off the recount or something or called off the runoff and just declared victory So they didn't get a new guy. I heard they just got a new guy. I guess not. It's Neboa. Wow. They must say like, no, we're not doing that. Yeah. So they overthrow their guys a lot. So Moreno lasted four years. Correa is the one. So he ran, then redid the, they redid the constitution. Yeah. So it goes, well, the constitution now starts over. So now I've only been in office one year instead of seven. Yeah. Um, he rocked. Yeah. Korea was there before. And now I think he's actually in jail.

Who? Korea. Korea. I think he might've been, he went to Belgium where his wife lived. Yeah. Yeah. That might be it. So what, what the guy running against Lasso, he said, I'm running with Korea as my vice president. And they go, he's not even in the country. He goes, I know by the way, full alert to everybody. I'm stepping down as soon as I'm elected. My vice president is taking over. I will pardon him first, then step down.

He'll take any almost one. So close. Yeah. He won the first vote. The day I went down to do he came in first. When I was in Guatemala on this trip that I was talking about this whole trip. Yeah, it was the presidential election and wait is Gustavo Nobo the father. Yeah, that's his dad. That's how they get you. So go ahead. Sorry. But they also have some huge, I forgot what they're maybe bananas, some kind of they were, I think they were agriculture billionaires. But this guy running and who almost won in Guatemala was Efrain Rios Mont who was widely known as the leader of the death squads who went out and

assassinated exterminated people but crime was so bad in Guatemala that people were like yeah he probably was related to the killing of my uncle, but It's really bad and we need somebody to step in. Like I would meet people all the time that were like, yeah, he probably did kill a bunch of people. He almost won. He lost by like 8%. I get it though, like he's not killing now.

Yeah, he's an old guy. Yeah, if he's killing now, we can't have men. I heard something about corruption. They go, talking about Cuomo, they go, if you have any sort of, or weaner too, if you have any sort of corruption, what you want as a citizen is sexual corruption. Yeah. Cause it won't affect their job. They cheer their wife a bunch. They're fucking seven year olds, whatever.

It doesn't affect how they run the city or the country. Yeah. You can't attack their record. Money corruption is going to affect you. They're going to like divert stuff to, like, you know, and change the laws to help them. But like just fucking too many seven year olds is like, it's bad, but it doesn't affect the people that are representing except that one seven year old. Yeah. Or, or if they're just cheating on their wife a lot, it's like, this has nothing to do with us. Who cares? Yeah. In Europe,

they don't give a shit. Every guy has a fucking. So Guatemala, punch out how are the bathrooms? Not Guatemala. Sorry. Belize. Belize. I don't remember, but my biggest problem with all of Latin America is the poop in the garbage. I don't, I- And the little trash cans that go like, spin. I understand it, but I don't, I hate the poop in the garbage can.

And I always accidentally flush toilet paper and feel horrible about it. I'm like, this is gonna fuck up everything. You know what I do? Listen, I'm someone who has shit on stage in public, but that's different, that's a... Performance. Performative.

I don't like my poop being where anyone I know, so if you and I are sharing a bathroom, if you and I are on a trip somewhere and we're renting Airbnb or something, and we're sharing the bathroom, bathroom or hotel. I don't want you around my poop. Yeah, of course. So I wrap, wrap, wrap, you know, wipe, you know, do whatever. Then I wrap it all in a lot of toilet paper and I take it with me and I throw it out outside. Really? Yeah. I will do this to this day

where if I know that I have a foul shit coming, I'll go downstairs, go somewhere else. Like if I'm on vacation with my wife, Hey, I'm going to go to the lobby cause this is not fair to anybody. You know, we have a, we have a janitor's bathroom in my building. I'll use it sometimes just cause it's like, yeah, why not? I used to have one of my old bill. I dated a chick in LA and passed out near Pasadena and she lived near a McDonald's and she had one of those bathrooms that like slide, but it doesn't quite close. You know, door comes like here. I'm like, no way. And I go,

I just go to the McDonald's. I forgot somebody, I think it was Todd Glass. Todd Glass had a joke about, um, toilet being too close to the kitchen and like being at a dinner party. And he said, the detail I love is like, the gap under the door was obvious that they used to have shag carpets. He's like, I can see shadows, you know? But yeah, it was, I only got sick once.

I kind of have an iron gut when it comes to, I don't do the like Montezuma's revenge. I've, I've been sick a couple of times, but, um, I ate street food this last time. I was in Guatemala two months ago and I ate street food and didn't get sick. I did in Guatemala. I mean, sometimes you just gotta get it. You gotta get sick like in your first three days. And I heard by the lake, if you dive in the lake or jump in the lake or do

anything, you will get sick. I jumped in the lake. I didn't get sick, but there is a, an algae bloom because of pollution and also sewage that if you were to see it and jump in, yeah, you'd get sick. So interesting Belize that's so fun. And you went to the ruins too. I went to the ruins in, uh, in Guatemala, but I did go to the blue hole. You did. Yeah. You scuba dive. No, I just went, I I did go to the blue hole. You did? Yeah. You scuba dived?

No, I just went. I didn't go in. What'd you do? Just swam. You saw from above. It's such a nothing. Every time I see it. No, no, no, the blue hole in Guatemala is in the middle,

or in Belize is in the ocean. Yeah, but it's such a nothing thing that it's like, what's even in there? And there's not even much in the way of like. It's an underwater river, so if you go deep, you can go into a different universe. All right, it's a fucking blue hole. It's crazy the way of like an underwater river. So if you go deep, you can go into a different universe. It's crazy the way it looks from the top. Yeah.

But diving in it is like, it's an underwater river. I guess like all of that, the entire, uh, Caribbean coast, including Florida is made up of a kind of a limestone that's very weak. And like, apparently Florida is just full of these underwater rivers and it's like that's why like you'll see these like sinkholes in Florida all the time where like a house will just disappear because it's just like it's just Swiss cheese under there and there's actually people that like now like who are like sports people that will go down in one and try to find another, you know, like they'll go like exploring in these underwater rivers, which never nuts, never.

I'm not even going to run out of time and either you're in or there's going to be a point where like we don't turn around now. We gotta go forward. Yeah. Or we die. Yeah. I'm not doing any of that. It's like when you're on a hike and you're like, does it go around or not? I don't know. But it's like, if we keep going, it's which further away. And it's some way like, but if I turn around now, what if I'm a right about to be at the end of the circle? So many of those. It just like from what I've heard diving in there, it's like not much coral like this.

No, it's I, it was, it was straight down dark and some sharks. Yeah, it was just dark. We didn't even like swim very long because it was kind of spooky. It's like this. What am I doing here? Yeah, that's it the shark right there. I Don't get that yeah, it's like I'd like to a great Barrier Reef was pretty fun. Did you see sharks? Oh, yeah See I I I'm leaving sharks alone like I mean, you know, you don't fucking insult them I I don't need to go like I follow this Instagram influencer that's like she does a lot of outdoor stuff, but she also wears like a thong a lot. And she's always like swimming in the South Pacific with.

What this is underground. That's so dope. The Grim Reaper? Oh my god. Stop. Prevent your death. Go no further unless cave trained. There's nothing in this cave worth dying for. Do not go beyond this point. What?

Because you're going to get lost? Yeah. Oh my god. That's in the ocean. Alright, let's wrap this up. Was there anything in Belize that surprised you that you were like, I would not have expected that and a lot of observations you make that aren't normal ones. I mean the,

the Bloods and Crips and kind of gang thing was, was really interesting to me that they just adapted. I think this happens a lot. You see it in Haiti where they'll adapt like a little piece of pop culture. You see it in the suburbs too. You see like a white kid who's like all of a sudden He's like I'm a crip and it's like oh you just saw like boys in the hood or whatever. But then I Was really intrigued by the Garifuna people. I thought that was so interesting that a group of people had jumped off slave ships and

retained their language and their, up, up, up, up, yeah, right there. So there's these like crazy coral reefs so the ships couldn't make it over the coral. So they jumped and swam to shore. And enough of them made it back that they were able to retain their African language. Their Garifuna, I think it's related to Garuba.

Because that's what they spoke. Yeah. They're still on the boats. Yeah. So there's another one like that, right around the north here. There was a crash, a slave ship crash. Yeah.

And these people came aboard, came ashore, excuse me, to northern Ecuador, where I think, they're like, well you're free, we don't own you. Yeah. You don't just get a slave. Yeah. So we don't believe in that. So they settled the north. So the north is where the black Ecuadorians are, also

where the violence is, but unrelated, because it's more from Colombia coming in. Yeah. Well, Cali is super dangerous. Yeah. But that north has a ton of black Ecuadorians from a crashed slave ship. It's weird.

I think that's one of the craziest thing that I don't think most people realize. It kinda stops at Bolivia and Paraguay, Argentina, Chile don't really have huge black populations. But Peru, Ecuador, Colombia, Venezuela, pretty black. Big black populations, just watch a World Cup match Yeah, you know come in this way, but like but like to get down here to get down here yeah, what you go around here as you run them through and the interesting thing is is that a lot of like the Spanish-speaking countries the the the East Coast the Caribbean side will have

black populations and they speak English because they're from the British Commonwealth like Panama. The entire coast of Panama is black. The northern coast of Panama is black, predominantly black, because Jamaican and Barbadian workers were sent over to build the canal. I swear to God, I swear to God, this is the hand of my heart. over to build the canal. I swear to God, I swear to God, this is the hand of my heart. I'm in Panama City, I take the train up to Colon, which is the other side of the is Smiths, and I get out and this town Colon

is like a not fuck around town. It's like you can get robbed in the middle of the day, no matter where you are. In Panama? Yeah, it is a no man's land. Okay. And I get out of the train station, and I'm like within a few feet of a cop so that I can kind of like be like, where's a cab that can take us to this East La Grande place. And the guy that pulls up in the cab looks beautiful. I'm not lying was identical to Patrice really looked identical like to the point where I, I was like about to be like, Hey, what are you doing here to him?

And he was Barbation and Patrice was Barbation. So I'm wondering, if he had just a common relative somewhere down there, it's really dangerous, huh? Yeah. That's kind of what it looks like right there. Are they got the chicken buses? Yeah. Did Belize have the chicken buses? Not really Belize kind of had these Do you remember the buses in Cuba? They were like kind of like more like rectangular like they almost looked like hotel shuttles

Okay That's the modern right there right there go down. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's what the buses looked like. Okay Interesting Right there, go down. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what the buses looked like. Okay. Interesting. That's so cool. It's a Soviet bus. And they all speak English, right? Belize? That's the English language? Yeah, I mean, they speak the Mayan dialect. They're Spanish speaking Guatemalans and other Latin Americans that have like just walked in. And they use US dollars or no? No, they use a Belizean, maybe peso or Belizean pound. It's the Commonwealth. So no, but El Salvador just American money Panama

Just American money Ecuador just American money Cambodia just American money accept the change Really? They're like the quarter and below Cuba was weird cuz Cuba had like four different currencies and one of them you weren't allowed to Have as an American they ended that that. Oh, they did. They, they made it one. Yeah. Cause it was like back in the day, like workers currency, if you got the workers currency, you could like, you could live like a fucking King. You could go to somebody and you could be like, Hey, I'll give you $20 American. Will you give me the workers currency?

And they gave it to you and you could go and you could buy like a pizza for a quarter. It was awesome. Oh, it's like a like a military Stipe our anything, you know Damn cologne looks crazy. Well, so if someone's going to believe what would you be like? Hey, let me give you some advice before you go. What would you tell them? I would say go to The water just don't mess with the interior unless you have some kind of like guide. There's a little town, see D'Angriga right there? It's up near the top. This one? Yeah. Francis Ford Coppola

has a resort there called Turtle Bay, which is supposed to be pretty nice. But I would say generally like the interior is kind of the part that's a little more like just when I was looking to yeah when I was looking to go from Guatemala I was like oh I'll just like take the bus I was thinking maybe and they go no no you really got to take the bus there and take a boat around there to get there yeah so you go to Puerto Barrios down there which is where I blacked out and Nick and Jake almost got killed by sailors because they danced with their prostitutes And then you take a boat up to Punta Gorda and then you take a bus up around there And there's no like road in here. No

There's I oh, you know another crazy thing that's also happening all along this coast Yeah Is the Colombians are taking like Boston whalers and they're running Colombians are taking like Boston whalers and they're running they're running their drugs up and down these coasts like just along the along the the barrier reef and These guys told me that they were like every once in a while a brand new boat with like the best engines you've ever seen just floats into town and

It's because they had the boat they had 400 million dollars worth of coke they dropped it off they all got off the boat fuck the boat they're even tied off they're just like who cares it's like those sheiks that go to the airport they go I'm gonna go in front with a Ferrari like so you can't park you're like it's not mine anymore yeah I don't it's just a Ferrari take. It's like a cab to me. Yeah. And so these guys would be like, yeah, we got a brand new fucking thing. I would say, not that it was on topic,

I would say definitely if you're in Floris, if you're going to Dachau, go to Floris, go to the little island city. The island is where I looked at, I was like, it looks so cool, like a resort in an island. It's not even a resort. It's like, it looks like Italy, like those little towns. How do you get their boat?

No, there's a, there's a little bridge. Yeah. Um, and then I would say in Belize just go to one of the keys and probably stick to like, um, a sailing tour or something like that. Did you, um, okay, well this is what I ask everybody. If they have any travel advice could be for there, could be anything, could be specific, could be like, I'd be like, like Tom Rhodes is what I ask everybody if they have any travel advice could be for there could be anything could be specific Could be like like like Tom Rhodes is what he always used to tell me was if you need to find weed You know where find it because there's just there's always a statue in the middle of town go to the statue and hang Yeah, and some rule that's very that's very very very good advice. Yeah

China I say people like bring a packet of tissue paper and just always have it on you and just don't ask what you're gonna know when you need it. Okay. Yeah. Other ones people are packed light. If you got to transport mushrooms, put it on a salad and whatever. But like any advice you would have general or specific. Um, like a coffee table book of all these. My best advice I would say is, um, all you need is your passport. I really, I believe that I think you can get everything you need wherever you go. So don't stress about what you're bringing. Always pack lighter. You can buy stuff when you're there.

You can get underwear. Yeah. You can be like, Oh shit, I didn't pack enough. I was like, Oh, I'll just get, they have supermarkets. They also have fucking toothpaste, like, uh, the express, you know, they have Uni clothes, they have things like that. You know, any major city, you can, you can find stuff if you need it. Um, but I would say the number one thing is I would say, um, you know, don't go to resorts, walk around, talk to people. Like the, like, don't be a idiot.

You're going to get robbed if you go, Hey, where do I buy cocaine? Somebody will help you get robbed. But is this enough money for coke? Yeah. You know, if you, every single story I hear about something getting robbed, they were like, I was just trying to buy a gun in the favela. Um, but you know, like I would say, like, try to just trying to buy a gun in the favela. Um, but you know, like I would say, like try to go where people are and you're going to have a

better experience, especially in these places that are, are different, you know, like Europe, whatever, fuck it. They're, it's not that different. It's not like you're going to go and there's going to be like a secret Bavarian restaurant where they serve food a different way, but you go to these places and you know, they'll take you to a little like barbecue on a beach where they play a certain kind of music and they'll take you on a boat the next day and you can go fishing and like people are very accessible in these smaller countries.

They want to show you about their country. They're very proud. Um, especially like the indigenous people, but people also are very normal. That's the biggest thing I would say is like people are normal. Like kids laugh whenever I see a child laughing and go, that's pretty universal. They're not taught anything yet. They're, they're having a good time. Six year olds. Yeah. And they're laughing. I'm like, well you could be anywhere in the world now being this kid hearing something that made you laugh. And it's just like, it's a natural reaction.

It's like Russian kids get that and Belizean kids get that and American kids get that. And it's just like, oh, everyone's kind of the same. I was in Guatemala two months ago and I'm watching these guys and it's nighttime and I see this flashlight in the lake. Like it's in the water and they're clearly like fishing for something. And then these two kids get out

and they're like teenagers. That's a weird hurts for rent a car. I don't think that's the right spot. That's awesome. It's just underwater. It's the SpongeBob SquarePants. Is this the island? No, it's down there.

It's what? It's right there. See Flores? That's the island right there. This thing? No, no, no. Down. See the little spit?

Oh, right, right. Yeah, that's it. Oh, that island is nothing. No wonder. Oh. You can zoom in, though, because it's really complex. Yeah. Yeah, it's like little streets. Oh. You can zoom in though, because it's really complex. Yeah. Look, yeah, it's like little streets and

Oh wow. There's a square and stuff. But, so these kids are like, they're like fishing, right? And they're, they're like using their flashlights to get like some kind of lake shrimp or something. And then they get out of the lake

and they're getting dressed, and they're getting dressed and they put on jeans and they put on t-shirts and then they have their cell phone and the kid starts playing Travis Scott and they roll a joint and they smoke a joint. And it's just in front of me and they're just like, Oh yeah, they're 15 year olds. They just, they have to fish a little cause they don't make money in a different way. You think I'm so different, but they're just not so different. They're just not all right. Influencer video. Nope. Nope.

Hostile on the, on the island. That rocks. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good advice. That is good advice. Just get out, talk to people, don't go to resorts and talk to people. That's how I learned about the Ecuadorian elections, the real shit, instead of just looking up, talking to people and go, yeah, yeah, that guy's corrupt. Here's how he's corrupt. Here's how he's corrupt. Yeah, just, you know, I don't, I haven't been to a lot of parts of the world. Like I haven't been to like sub-Saharan Africa. I haven't been to Asia. Um,

so I don't know about those, but I'm assuming. No, I'm kind of, this is going to be really embarrassing. I'm kind of this is gonna be really embarrassing I'm a I'm a bad flyer When I get to about 10 hours, oh, I'm like hey, I get me off this fucking thing But I'm gonna do Asia this year because if you fly from the East Coast to Japan Yeah You stay over land the whole time and I think I can stomach that even if it's 14 hours. Really? Yeah.

You can also do if you want to break it up. Hawaii. Yeah, I thought about that in the Wait on Australia. Maybe I'll just get a gig in Hawaii. Two days, it'll help with the jet lag and all that shit. That Blue Note in Honolulu is great. It rules. They have a great deal.

But we're supposed to take the baby to Bali next year. And it's like, it's fucking hard to travel with a toddler. Why are you taking it to Bali? Cause we have to go to a wedding. Oh, but what piece of shit is having a wedding in Australia? Still piece of shit. What are you a surfer? What are you a hostile Australian hostile? They are. They like shop at boohoo manager. God, but this is six hours from the West Coast. And then I believe Sydney is eight.

This map is not representative, but I think Sydney's eight. Okay. So, or some of these other ones, like I think Manila's 10 from Hawaii. So we're gonna do some like that. Okay. Yeah. Is there anywhere you really wanna go you've never been? I want to go

to this step. I want to go to um I really want to go to the the stand countries. I want to go to the to the caucuses in Mongolia. Mongolia has a comedy scene. Yeah no Tom Rhodes was on here. It'll be out already at this point but like it's it's cool. I followed. It comedy club. I followed their their Instagram account. It's the exact same thing. It's dudes clipping bits in in this weird fucking Russian Asiatic, I have a theory that um that um Andy Kaufman we thought was amazing as a troll and yeah, and just as a unique thinker Really was bad for stand-up comedy overall because all the Largo and the M-Bar and they're all trying to be this weird guy instead of, you know when they

show somebody painting like a white square or a black square and like I could do that and it's like well you didn't. And also it's not you doing it, it's a guy who can paint photorealistic if he wanted to choosing to paint a black square. There's a statement there. Well also I think like the weirdest guys are not trying to be weird. They just are. And some of the weirdest guys like,

you know, Rory Scoville is like one of my oldest friends in comedy. So unique. And he's so unique, but when you get Rory out of the comedy and out of the weirdness, he's the most normal dude. He grew up playing golf, he played d1 soccer. He likes a glass of milk At bed, that's weird. That's not a normal thing. No one else Yeah, I'll look at that dog they're all have rabies now

But but all those alt comics are trying to this weird thing they've ever proven they can do something regular and neither did a coffin I guess but Schultz same thing coffin. I love Schultz. I love to the effect was clip fishing all over the world. Yeah Now guys in Ulama tour instead of working on their acts like let me get a clip. Let me get big. Yeah, it's everywhere I mean, it's like literally every single country and you meet these people now Especially in New York because they all think New York is the be all end all it is which it is to some extent But you can live anywhere now if you have the chops you can ask you can do clips and you can tour There's a guy man in Berlin like a week ago. I didn't meet him but like we each other. He was like one rosebud shows, but he's got like 500,000 followers

He performs in English in Berlin. How how how do you how do you drag us? Yeah? He opened for me in Romania. Yeah, he has my buddy. Yeah, and like Victor Petraskin You know He's a Romanian that tour that Jogos has a ton of clips cause he always does. Cause Berlin is such a worldly city. It goes, where are you from? Oh, you're from Ireland. I have an Irish joke ready. Click boom.

Oh, you're from, so you know how he got fucking killed on all that shit though. Did one about China. Oh, they came after him. Tick tock's like, no one's seeing your shit anymore. Really? Well, I love, uh, no one's saying he goes, I'll take that one down. It's like, no one's seeing any of your shit. I love the CCCP and, uh, I also do. Yeah.

I think they're amazing. I think what Mao did was great. I think what all of it judging ping is doing is great. I think Hong Kong doesn't actually need to be a different place. Agreed. Mushu pork is the best pork. Guys, everybody go watch around the world. Andy Haynes. Um, if you're into travel, like you are, if you're watching this,

then he's, he's out there actually making stuff on location. Yeah. And if you guys want subscribe to the channel, but also come over to my Patreon, there's a Patreon. What do you, what do you offer there? Uh, early access, uh, voting on next trips. And we're trying to, we're trying to crowd fund the next trip. I think I'm going to go do, uh, wrestling in Senegal. Uh, we're going to do some investigative stuff about the Danes in Greenland. Can I suggest something to you? Yeah. Cause I want to do it on this page.

I never took off, had to close it. We are sending someone around the world with, with the money. Um, but I wanted to do this. I still reserve the right to do it, but you should do it for Patreon. Yeah. Livestream, dart, go. Yeah, great.

Dart, go. Yeah, I mean, I thought about doing an aspect of the show that was like telling a comic to meet me at the airport with their passport and I'll figure out the rest. So that might be some aspect of it too. Yeah, I need five days from you to have them there together. But I think it's even funnier because

Dakar is a seven hour flight from JFK. It's an overnight flight. So if you leave on Thursday, you have Friday and Saturday to explore Dakar and you can come back on Sunday evening. You've done Africa in a weekend, not Africa obviously, but like all this stuff is obtainable. You can fly around the world, you can fly around

the whole world in 36 hours. So like, you know. Yeah, anyway, try it. Around the world in any hands, go in there, go to his Patreon, support it, and fucking go live vicariously through this fucking. Asshole. Top two skier in comedy. Sorry, Des.

You can't walk anymore. Yeah. Um, buddy, thank you. Thanks, dude. Yeah. Come back again to another episode at another time, but in a year. Yeah, I'll do it in England. Oh yeah. Okay. Come to an England. Well, that is the episode. Thank you very much to YMH for producing this. Alan Caffey for editing it. Niana for sitting there while I read the ads, the bumpers, way to sit. Belize is interesting. I have not wanted to go before, but I will tell you after this episode, I kind of want to go. And maybe I will. Belize. Man, I don't really speak English. It kind of turns me off. You know, but Guatemala also sick. And you can hear more about Guatemala from Andy Haynes and his television show that's on YouTube

around the world and Andy Haynes grow up Around the world and it's guys, please check it out. It's on Andy Haynes YouTube Leave a comment. So you got here from you be trippin pod We will leave a comment you be trippin pod was gonna leave a comment on that video We will leave a comment. Yubi Chibinpata was gonna leave a comment on that video. Do the same. Follow suit.

But yeah, we want a new travel blogger. We need someone to actually do it and get out there in the world. I'm not gonna. From the comedy world. And that's where Andy Haynes comes in. Sign up for his Patreon. Patreon.com slash I am Andy Haynes. I am Andy Haynes.

Support him and all his travels and he's making cool shit so be a part of it. He's also going to be in on the road go to punchup.live slash Andy Haynes in New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Indianapolis Indiana, Dayton Kentucky, Toronto Ontario, Hamilton Ontario and that's it for now. Ladies and gentlemen, I think, I think that's the episode. Next week we have, hold on, I know this. Is it Jordan? Nope. No new special. Hold on. Who's next next week? Chad wall in YMH, former YMH employee, Chad Wallen. If you know anything about when we use the word Ari file, um, that gets replaced with Chad, he lives in infamy and he helps cover and protect Ari from around the world.

And, uh, next week we're going to Ghana good episode really good episode went down there and did some fucking wild wild stuff so click on the link subscribe wherever you're watching listening next week John Rollin until next week everybody goodbye that's how they say it in in Belizean goodbye I do want to go to that island where that where they're it's kind of unconnected with a bar I do want to go to that island where they're... it's kind of unconnected with a bar. I would like to go see that to be honest. Maybe I'll go to Belize. Well, I'll try it. Anyway, bye everybody!