You Be Trippin' - Brazil w/ Jim Norton | You Be Trippin with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: June 16, 2025

Follow Jim on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/jimnorton/ SPONSORS: -Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @‌Ridge with code ARI at https://www.Ridge.com/ARI #Ridgepod -Protect your online privacy TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/TRIPPIN On this week's episode of You Be Trippin', Jim Norton takes Ari to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. It was a phenomenal trip Jim took with all his best friends, but also....it was a hooker trip. Jim recounts his fondest memories with Patrice O'Neal going to the local brothels. The women were beautiful and nice, the steakhouses were delicious, and the streets were dangerous. It's everything you want to hear about a hooker trip with your boys and more. Jim tells Ari about the time they got shaken down by some Brazilian cops. Listen to the end to hear another Ari pooping his pants story. Go check out Jim's new special on YouTube, Domesticated Animal! Tchau! You Be Trippin' Ep. 71 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:32 - Jim Goes to Brazil 00:03:54 - Hooker Trip 00:16:47 - Patrice O'Neal 00:22:14 - Brazilian Food & Dirty Cops 00:32:41 - New York Radio and Hookers 00:41:00 - Generous Patrice & other Great Comics 00:49:39 - Jim's Next Adventure 00:55:32 - Bill Cosby & Pooping Your Pants Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi everybody. Welcome to you be tripping. It's a travel podcast. It's a me and a guest go to some, some place across the globe. It's a never taken a single dollar from ISIS. We are on the record with that. The guest today is a new special out domesticated animal Jim Norton. Hi, Ari. We're going to Brazil. You're going to tell me about Brazil? I would love to discuss.

That's what I want to hear. Buddy, when I was a two year comic and I read this blog that you guys wrote after or you wrote after you got back, I was just like, what is it? I think I might stick in this. It was great, I went with Patrice, I went with Keith Robinson, Bobby Kelly, Voss went once, Jason Steinberg and his brother. And we went down there, because I was,

tough crowd, I think just ended, so, or we were in between seasons, so I was a little depressed. And man, it was a trip just to try to meet girls and we're going Celebrating I wouldn't say celebrating It was more to see like just to do something different I had never traveled like that before and go what my friends was then you say you go with your fucking idiot friends Yeah, there was one dude we went with whose name I can't say cuz he still doesn't want people to know he was there

Say because he still doesn't want people to know he was there The problem with hooker stories. Yeah, yeah, yeah, someone I'm with will never be okay with just talk around it Yeah, he's black. He's from Philadelphia. He had a stroke No, Keith doesn't care Yeah, this trip is not a lot of walkers left It was another guy and he made out with every fucking girl he met it was so crazy that we would see him and he would be deeply Passionately kissing girls in the brothel girls that he met outside Every time you saw him he was deeply in love, and I mean really kissing somebody So I that's kind of my best memory of that trip so gross to kiss a hooker. It was I've done it, too

I've done it. I've all done it but like it's just like it seems wrong He was doing it in the street like just girls that he would talk to that liked him because he was American was crazy It really was a little bizarre What it so you went there for that? It's funny that you went there with also like It's funny, but straight-edge Bobby Kelly who's never gonna fucking partake of with any of that I'm not sure what Bobby Kelly you're talking about Bobby Kelly I know fucking ran through those brothels with his fucking-

Wait, really? Was it before? Oh yes, this is 2003. Oh. Yeah, at least I think he did. I don't know if he was really his girl this. Wow. Well, we'll call to make sure when we gotta cut out of what we don't.

Maybe he was well behaved. Hey, Bobby, I need a timeline real quick. God damn it. Anyway, this happened in 1997 apparently. Yeah, yeah, yeah, in the late 80s we went, it was great. How'd you hear about it? Who led the trip? Jason Steinberg booked everything,

and I remember we played coach and then I was trying to upgrade to fly first, and then we flew through São Paulo and into Brazil. And Jason booked everything. Steinberg was very good, because as you know, Jason Steinberg really likes to, he likes to make a dollar go far. He's known for that.

He's very, very good. But he's good with coupons, and he's good with figuring out the best deal. So Jason made it all work. He hooked up the hotels. He did everything. How was the hotels? How were they?

We stayed in the Rio Otho Palace, which was on. You went in Rio? In Rio de Janeiro, yeah. Okay. São Paulo was just where we landed. I went in Rio? In Rio de Janeiro, yeah. Okay. São Paulo was just where we landed. I actually wanna go back there. Yeah, me too. Thank God I wasn't, like I liked trans girls back then,

but I wasn't really hooking up regularly. And man, would I have been in deep trouble if I was in Brazil. Do they have? Oh my God, are you kidding me? It's the fucking, thank God a lot of them can't get into the US, because I would be in deep, deep trouble.

I would be in deep trouble Fucking I'd be fucking mainlining prep Okay, so tell me about hook I don't know how do you even get them and also was this a hooker trip Or is it like a trip with hookers? It was it was kind. You want to go down there, yeah, we're gonna get laid. But it was also just to hang with my friends. That was the fun part of it, was hanging with those guys. Me and Keith were going to the fucking, to the pharmacy and buying 100 milligram Viagras every night and just doing 100 milligram Viagras

and then just like you fucking three and four girls, you're not coming, you have a headache, your face is flush. Hey, you got that pounding right here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah the blue streets But it was fun just to go out to eat with those guys and like and you'd be careful because it was kind of dangerous Like there's certain there's one night. We were coming back and it's one of the three trips We were there was a we were staying at the Rio Otho and Palace for the first two trips and right next to it across The street was a club named Help,

and that was where a lot of working girls hung out, but it was just like a dance club, and it was maybe a 35 or 40 second walk, but between that and the one block you had to walk, it's Rio at night, and it was actually nerve wracking to walk that one block. Like you gotta be really careful down there. Cause there's a lot of little kids trying to ask for money

and you gotta watch it with jewelry. But they're being watched by older kids. So like if you're a dick to one of them, like this one little kid can't take a wallet out. I bet they'd be like, Oh, you gotta be very careful. Yeah. But you don't carry your phone. You don't carry a good watch. I had like a fucking cheap watch on like you don't wear good stuff down there and

There's this one little kid What was his name? Arjun I forget his name, but we Patrice took a liking to him He would always give him money the kid would come around to this This this little cafe we would eat out every day Which was between the the dance club in the hotel And so Patrice kind of looked out for me felt bad for this kid. He was poor. We would give him money, you know, and then Patrice saw him given the an older kid the money and Patrice goes

Oh this fucking guy is just working me to get money for this older kid the older kids So the next time he comes Patrice is like no, no, I'm not giving you. And he pointed the guy, he's like, I'm not giving that guy. So the guy confronted us outside the club one night. It was really bizarre and he was speaking Portuguese and he wanted to shake our hands and he spit in his hand and tried to shake Patrice's hand. And Patrice is like, no, fuck that,

I'm not shaking your hand. And the guy started to call people over. But there was a security guy outside who was a guy from Rio who I think knew the lay of the land and he made sure that we got back across the streets of the hotel. But it was one of those weird moments where you're like, yeah, things could go really bad here,

even in this small space that we have to go. I'll never forget him spinning in his hand. What was that, a sign, like to demean you or was that like a brotherhood thing? No, it wasn't a good thing. It was like he was just saying fuck you to Patrice He didn't like him because Patrice called you know Patrice called out people who spoke English and Portuguese You know how he was he didn't give a shit. He was a cunt to everybody

He really was. He really did not. But he was kind of right about this guy because he was such a he had a he was like a Big you know like a really like for small animals and kids like he was a sucker for shit like that So him giving money to this kid, he felt really bad for this kid, and he really liked this kid, and was so sad for the kid was in poverty. It is disgusting there. When you see some kid, you're just like, ugh.

Yeah. You feel like I never had to deal with that. I never had to deal with that. And I felt, I didn't even really wanna fuck that much. I'm a fall in love guy. Me and Keith had a big- With hookers? Anybody. Yeah, I didn't even really wanna fuck that much. Like I'm a fall in love guy. Like, and this is me and Keith at it. With hookers? Anybody. Yeah, I always loved hookers.

Like I never wanted to treat hookers badly. Like I never treat them like abuse. Like I'm the fall in love idiot. I'm a punch and run. Are you really? Yeah, punch once and leave, don't even fuck. Yeah man, I like to exchange information. I only wanted a girl who spoke English.

And I didn't, oh the one girl, Fabiana. You remember their names? Oh yeah, Fabiana was her name. It was one of the trips. And I wound up spending the whole week with her. And I didn't fuck her. Because I'm such a pervert, for me it's sex and love are separate.

So I just. So once you liked her? Yeah, I just kind of fell in love with her and I was hoping to move her back to the States. Like, I was an idiot And she's probably like what is she fleecing you? No, she didn't I mean she would have fucked me I mean it wasn't like she wouldn't have but she was just kind of following my lead. Yeah And I've tried I've had a lot of sex where I wasn't in the mood to have sex

But I thought you're supposed to have sex so you do it But then we go. Yeah, to the brothels at night. It's called a thermos, I think. The Monte Carlo is the big one. I just found a picture of me, Jason, I think Patrice outside the Monte Carlo, and that's where you would go. Oh, you gotta send me that picture.

Yeah, I might have it. I have a picture, I put it in my book. It was in the, Patrice did bring a big bag of glass dildos. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. We gotta get to that. But I wanna hold my gun immediately to it, or I wanna be like, how much of these hookers? Can we just talk about price tag and stuff

and how it works? You walk in, what is it? What's the situation? You know, I forget that, I hear you walk in. This is like when you talk to porn stars and like, my long distance squirt record was this, you're like, hey, you're so far past. Yeah long distance squirt chant like record was this you're like hey You're so far past. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're correct. I

You walk in and it's been many many years But you walk in and you could pay with a credit card There's no money exchanged in the actual brothel like this side you'd like you see you know all the girls are 18 You know what I mean all the girls it's it's like an establishment that they work in, the local cops go there, like, and you leave a credit card and they give you like a bracelet, it's like a spa, where there's a downstairs locker room,

the second, a locker room to put your stuff, the second floor was like a dance club, where you could buy drinks and they would, you know, like they would swipe your number or whatever. No money. So you don't have to have, why don't you have your credit card on you? Nah, it's all in the locker.

I think it's for safety. It's for the safety. I think it's for the brothel owners to make sure that everything's getting paid for. And it's also, I think, just to keep it all cleaner. They charge a credit card at the end. Are you in regular clothes or are you in a robe or something? Oh, you change in the locker room into a robe.

They give you a robe. It's like a spa, a robe and slippers. And you go up to this dance club. It's nice. Do you get to keep slippers? You didn't. You might have been able to if you asked, but I got rid of them fast.

And that's not a floor that you want wanna bring back with you. And it's. You don't wanna pick up your gum off that floor. Where's this bed? Like, you don't wanna know. So you change into, and you go up to the second floor, which is the dance club, they're playing dance music, and there's the beautiful girls, they all work at the club.

And you can hang out and talk to them, and we would hang out and talk, and they would come up, like a strip club almost, where you could can hang out and talk to them, and we would hang out and talk, and they would come up, like a strip club almost. Or you could just hang out and talk to your friends and drink a Diet Coke. I think there was no liquor. Are they bugging you, like a strip club? Nah.

Or they'd constantly come up? No. No, but there was plenty of them. And after a few trips, you start to recognize them, and go, oh yeah, I'm gonna fuck her tomorrow if I can. Wow. And it was, and then you'd go up to the third floor and have sex, and they would just take the band number

and write it down, and that's how you got charged at the end. No cash exchanged, unless you paid cash at the very end. And by the way, I did come back from the States, and I found out that on my credit card, I got charged $1,500 in Brazilian lumber. So I guess that they abused the credit card. Oh really?

Is that it right there? I don't remember. It looks like it. If that's the inside of the Terminus Monte Carlo, yeah, I guess that's it. It's been over 20 years since I've been in there. But yeah, you would just sit there and you would talk at the bar.

I thought you'd sit at the chairs and the girls would dance. So the girls would just come up here and just talk to you? Yeah, and sit there. I have a vague memory of it on the inside. No pictures. What is it before cell phones?

Pictures, cameras, right? Yeah, this was 2003 and four. Patrice went back with Vaughn many times. He went like 10 times with his group. He loved it. Oh yeah. They would have like threesomes down there and pick up girls together and hang out. Like he, Patrice loved it down there. But I just see the moment of my face when some females elevated, that's just Vaughn, it was like,

whatever that look was was more respectful. Oh yeah, 100%, yeah, she was a trooper. Wow. Guys, let me break in to tell you about Jim Norton. He is one of the preeminent stand-up comics in this country for the last decade, and probably two decades. He's the first one to put me on television.

Put me on his show, Down and Dirty, with Jim Norton. I took my dick out, got everyone in trouble, and Jim stood up for me, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. They went home that night saying, you gotta leave your clothes here, you gotta change, you gotta come back, we gotta re-film because we couldn't cut around you

because you left your pants down on the exit. Which was on purpose, by the way, they thought it was an accident. And then overnight, Jim was fighting with him, I said, are you crazy? This is just evening the improv, you don't put that, our show is called Down and Dirty. It's a filth show. Of course, we're gonna leave that dick out

He fought for me. It's the first one ever fight for me for stand-up to be honest to be quite honest No, Norton Rogan took me on the road by that but he is the first one put me on television HBO never been back And he's got a new special out called unconceivableivable. It's on his YouTube page right now, at Jim Norton Comedy. Go there right now, there'll be a link at the bottom of this if you're watching this on YouTube or if you're listening on Spotify, there'll be a link to his special. Go to it and watch one of the preeminent comics

in the country. He's great, he's hilarious, and he's finally making his foray into the number one stand-up comedy platform in the world, YouTube.com. I'm excited for him. Also, if you're there on YouTube or on Spotify, click subscribe to this. And if you're on YouTube, click subscribe and hit that bell button to be notified of new episodes.

So everyone will come. This is a great one. He's a mensch. Jim Norton's a mensch. And I understand the irony of calling someone a mensch while they're doing a podcast about getting hookers in Rio with dead black men. He's also on the road he's gonna be in London at the O2 forum Manchester Birmingham Montreal Quebec Ottawa that's a hooker town Toronto Vegas. This is all the way through July. Las Vegas again at the wise guys. Nice. Magoobies in outside Baltimore. Dallas, Fort Worth, Asheville, North Carolina, Charlotte, North Carolina, Duluth, Georgia, Fargo, North Dakota, Bakersfield, California, San Diego, Rochester, New York

and much much more. To Denver, the Comedy Works, October. Go to JimNorton.com slash tour for all his tour dates. I will be in Alaska and Anchorage. I think there's like 40 tickets left. They will not be a show at it. I'm just there for vacation and doing a show on June

18th and then I'm in Charlestown, West Virginia June July 12th and that's it. Let's get back to the episode. Also, we have a new Playlist that you guys will love it is organized organized on youtube.com slash at ubchippenpod. It's organized by country. So if you wanna go and find out,

if you're about to go vacation, see if we covered in the country, it's organized by country. Go there, subscribe to that playlist. So you can, or just look at it, I guess. Either way, subscribe to the page, but I guess you don't have to subscribe to the playlist. And then you can look, it's all in alphabetical order.

It starts with Harlow Williams all around the world, and it goes through china This one will be brazil i guess this will be before that anyway go to all those i'm maurice chafir Got tons of merch stickers coming next week and that's it let's get back to the episode bye And i remember one one of my favorite memories is i was in me and patrice are standing And I remember one of my favorite memories is I was in me and Patrice are standing up in the up in that area right there. And I was I had a raging fucking viagra rod.

And it was just it was tenting in my robe and we're sitting there drinking diet cokes. And we both looked down at the front of my robe and you could just see my fucking tent. And we both just started laughing like the ridiculousness of the moment hit us. Like, oh my God, look where we are, what we're doing. We're in fucking robes, we have slippers on. Drinking Diet Cokes. Drinking Diet Cokes, and I just, we just looked at my fucking, my rod bump, and just had a grand old time laughing.

But there was some fun memories there, man. How much were the chicks? I don't remember. It was probably 100 bucks. I just, I have no memory of that. It's been so many years. Okay. And I did fuck twice without a condom in that brothel.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, girl goes, you special, you special. You mean you gotta believe them? I do to this day believe I was special. Why not? She wanted a rapidly blinking nobody from New York in a 9-Eleven t-shirt. So, okay, so let's talk about Patrice and the fucking craziness.

Yeah. He's always been that guy? Yeah, but he's also, like, Patrice was also a sucker. Like, he liked girls, like, he, for all the shit he talked, he wanted the women to have a good time Like he wasn't someone that was in a community someone like a piece of shit like he he brought in dildos because he wanted them To have an orgasm if they could like it he felt that he wouldn't be on fuck. Well enough To get them off so he would I

We watched him get them off. I really want to get them off. I watched him do it We were in a hotel and I have a picture of that too. There was a girl who he had seen before and he was very Lovingly working a dildo on her and she squirted. He got her to squirt. We were in awe like I Guess it wasn't taken as seriously like Like it was kind of a fun vibe. Like you would hang out and you would see these women at the, again, I forget the name of the little cafe we ate at, between the Rio Othon Palace and Help, which Help is no longer there, I don't think.

I think it was, oh fuck, I can't remember it. But you would see them the next day, milling about and hanging in the, that was just the area they worked. So you kind of got to know people, especially by your second and your third trip down. It was the same people a lot of times. So you know, one of them who you've been talking to for, if you know, there was one time you wouldn't hook up with somebody and you'd see them on the next trip and go, oh, hey, and

then come back to the hotel. But you could only have one girl a night in the hotel and- So bring them back. Yes. Those are the hotel's rules? and. So bring them back. Yes. Those are the hotel's rules? Yes, and they had to have ID. So this way you know the age is appropriate and you know that who they really are.

And so they fuck some shit up, you'd be like, hey. Yeah, and it's also, I'm sure it might be for their safety too. So you're allowed to bring the girls back to the hotel. But one a night, and she has to leave in the morning, I think. And you get it from the brothel, Like hey, can I, is it like, food signing? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, you couldn't do it from there.

These are women that you'd meet out and about. Everybody's a hooker? No, but you'd, in that place they were. Like in the club they were, and they'd approach you. There's plenty that weren't, but the ones that were, anyone who walks up to me and starts talking to me is a hooker. That's how, that's how my rule for Vegas hookers,

where it's like, first of all, if they're dressed for prom, Yeah. on a Tuesday in Vegas, and if you go high, if they go high back, that's a hooker. That's how my rule for Vegas hookers, where it's like, first of all, if they're dressed for prom on a Tuesday in Vegas, and if you go high, if they go high back, that's a hooker. That's the exact, that's the test. I smile, if she doesn't fucking blow a snot rocket, she's a prostitute. So we would, oh, you give the, the girl would give the ID.

And the guy would hold the ID ID and it was to protect a Hotel guest from getting robbed, but I liked it Even though I unless you registered her then she could stay with you Like if you've you registered her there, she could stay with you as a guest Yeah, but I think that if she was just coming in as a guest I'm not pre registered or not registered you brought chicks back you Fabiana I kept my brother back every day, but she had a kid. So I think she had to go home all the time, like the next morning.

Um, but yeah, I think there's a couple I brought back, but I can't have the Brazilian hooker mom. Yeah. I mean, Hey, I didn't care. I would have married her at that point. I'm glad it didn't happen because she spoke perfect English. I think I have a picture of her too. Um, I'll try to find a couple of them and show you I have one of me and Patrice

Which I put in my book because I call them dr. Dildo because of the way he worked the dildo and I have a picture of he and I in the In the the brothel together and we both just look like we've been fucking like Patrice is like He's like put doing something tying a shoe and I think I'm wearing a robe We're just kind of I got my hand on his shoulder. We're obviously in a locker room of a whorehouse is like, he's like doing something, tying a shoe, and I think I'm wearing a robe, or just kind of, I got my hand on his shoulder, we're obviously in a locker room of a whorehouse. It was fun, it was fun.

But hanging with those guys was the most fun. That was the fun part of it. Did you have like, did you challenge each other, like which ones to go after, or were you like, what do you think of that one, I'm going for that one? I think Bobby fell in love with one girl, he was like buying a girl, like he bought a girl panties and was being, and Keith is such a piece of shit

that Keith, when Bobby went up to the room to get something, Keith took the girl and he goes, come with me. And he made her fuck in the panties that Bobby bought her. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's so rude. He's such a piece of shit. That's so rude, you could have anyone. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And we didn't, everyone didn't come every time. But me, Patrice, and Keith were every time. And we stayed at the Sherritt,

and it was right under the hills where the favelas were. And we were arguing because I would fall, like I said, fall in love, and I would like these girls. And Keith got so annoyed, and we were just arguing about it. And Patrice was a good argument mediator. Like, they just- Patrice was? Patrice was, yeah, surprisingly.

He'd start them all the time. What's that? Which is funny? He was he was the worst guy to argue with but if you were arguing with somebody he was always a good point That's a good point. Hold on. I'll let him speak. Yeah No, but what he's doing it like and he was pointing out the Keith like we all have our own fantasy down here Your fantasy is to be a guy that they fuck Norton's fantasy is to find love Like everyone has their thing and you're breaking, you're ruining their matrix or whatever you wanna call it by kind of calling it out.

But yeah, he was a good mediator in arguments despite being a very argumentative person. Darn. What'd you eat when you were there? I had a lot of grilled chicken while I was down there. The food was great. The food is good there, huh? But I got sick one time coming back. I started to feel it the morning

We were flying back and they call it the crud you get like the crud again I did do some kissing while I was there, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't eat. What's the crud? It's like a bad flu And I felt like I was gonna pass out or vomit on the line to get through customs coming back And I go fuck. I hope I make the flight. I was feeling really lousy. I'm like, yeah, that's the crud. You gotta take penicillin.

I don't know if I got anything or not. I didn't feel like, my dick didn't hurt, but I just felt like they said the flu or something. It's because we were kissing chicks who had blown 40 dudes that day. Yeah, I mean, that's the way you could look at it. That way, sure. At the moment, you're thinking of that.

You're thinking, like, well, I'm special. But yeah, you could look at it that way, sure. At the moment, you're not, that's what I'm thinking of that. You're thinking like, well, I'm special. But yeah, you could look at it like, she just blew 30 guys. But everyone gets it down there, because you're in a brothel and everyone's interacting and there's so much. It's in the air. It's in the air, yeah.

And you know, again, I like. When you took these girls upstairs, did they stay for like a second one? In the hotel or in the brothel? The brothel. I mean, not with me, I'm not a fuck twice guy. I did it once and it was like, I did it, I don't know if this was my memory of it anyway.

She brought me upstairs and then it was like, okay, hang out for a minute and then she left and came back with a different lingerie. Ah. Like her fuck outfit and then we fucked, came quick, Bobbie Lee's advice, don't try to last long with a hooker. Right. And then she just kind of hung around.

And I was like, what's going on? And talking in broken English for like 30 minutes and then eventually she's like, all right, we'll see ya. And then the driver was like, did you get a second pop? And I'm like, oh no, I don't do that. But she went away in case you. Brazilian guys, I guess, go immediately, fucking come back and go again.

Yeah, not me. Get the full hour. Not me, I'm like, get on one and let. Yeah, I'll try to convince you to come back I was so pathetic when I came back to the States Fabiana had asked me for certain DVD so sending her like spider-man DVDs and unlike these movie DVDs I was mailing to fucking Brazil. I really liked her. Yeah, she's very cute. She had like a little I want to say a little like stud or type of tiny earring piercing here or here.

It was very cute. She was very cute, very attractive. And I didn't meet her kid, and I don't know if she had, but I imagine she had a boyfriend. I mean, I guess girls show you what they want you to see. They wanna keep it in the realm of work. Did you guys do anything like daytime,

like above board shit? Went to malls, stores, a lot of Brazilian steak houses. And there was one place we walked to from the hotel, because like I said, Jason was never big on, let's spring for this. And it was so many- You need that guy around. He makes the trip more affordable,

but then also hold it back. Well, we're walking to this restaurant, and we're in fucking Rio at night. What are we doing? So we made sure we took a cab back. But I realize how treacherous that can be if you're trying to save money all the time by walking. And we met this one guy there who was a guy, he had been going for years. He was an older guy, back then he was in his late 50s. He was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy

who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who was a guy who guy there, who was a guy who was a, he had been going for years. He was an older guy, back then he was in his late 50s. And he would always, I kinda hated him, because he was just talking about getting value. And like, getting, you know, like with the girls, and getting bigger portions. I just hated the way he talked in the restaurant, so you get big portions.

And I just remember this guy fucking, I kinda hated him. Big portions of women? No, food. Food, oh. Like going to this one because he gets good value in big portions. I just hated how he said portions.

And it felt bad for anyone that fucked him because he had a very wet mouth, I remember. One of those guys that would talk and you could just hear the soup going around in his mouth. Yeah, it was fucking disgusting. Those people at a casino, they'd sit there and they're like, scan my card for overall points that you can get a free buffet after two years.

Yeah, it's hateable. And it's hateable. It's hateable. They're like, we're working. I forget his name. I think we saw him a couple times when we were down there, but he actually would get a place. I was never, I mean, I didn't speak any Portuguese,

so I was, I didn't feel confident. Yeah, how could you get by in English? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, again, you speak any Portuguese, so I didn't feel confident. Yeah, how could you get by in English? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, again, you're negotiating sex, so. One time I was playing poker at Commerce Casino, and this old man, the professor they called him, I think he was a professor, told me, hey, you sit in your fat wallet like that?

And I was like, yeah, all the time. He goes, hey, it can give you really bad back pain if you do that for a while. I was like, okay. And he leaned in real careful, and he goes, hey, I don't think I understand. I sat on my wallet like that, and I'm an incredible back pain all the time now It got through to me search my wallet right there, but that thick wallet

I couldn't fit it on my front pocket and that's where ridge wallet comes in Yeah, they got over 50 colors and styles to choose from Sleek slim Modern design that holds up to 12 cards plus cash. Losing your wallet's the worst, but with Ridge Wallet AirTag attachment, you'll always know exactly where it is before panic boats kicks in. Ridge isn't just about wallets that create premium everyday carry essentials like key cases, suitcases, and rings, all built with the same sleek, durable design.

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screamed and they were terrified one time i took a dump on stage where there was no bathroom at Skankfest Las Vegas. I'm not like you. I've given up my privacy for this industry. You want your privacy and that's where ExpressVPN comes in. All of your traffic on the internet can legally be sold to advertisers. They know every single website you visit. They can do whatever you want. ExpressVPN reroutes 100% of your traffic through secure encrypted servers so your internet service provider

can't see your browsing history. It hides your IP address, it's easy to use, it works on all devices. Comes with Identity Defender. It's rated number one by tech reviewers like CNET and The Verge. I also go to foreign countries where some of the places I visit are illegal.

Fine and normal in our culture, but highly illegal in places like repressive cultures. Like, well I'm not gonna say, because I wanna go back there. And they will be tracking this. Protect your online privacy today by visiting expressv ExpressVPN.com slash Trippin. That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N dot com slash Trippin. You can get an extra

four months free ExpressVPN.com slash Trippin. Let's get back to the episode. There was one time we got pulled over. This is we were staying at the Sheraton which was a further ride from help, that club. Okay. The real Oton Palace you'd walk to. We got a cab, and getting a cab was like fucking, it was like the Saigon clearing out. Everybody trying to jump onto a helicopter.

Like you're trying to get into a cab and there's fucking kids all over. As money, money, money. They're all asking for money. It was hard to get to a taxi. Like there was a crowd of kids because they knew that's where the tourists would go to get into taxis.

So we were going and there was a police blockade and they yanked all of us out of the car. What? Me, we were in cabs. And they said never take a cab with the girl. Always make her take a separate cab because they had things worked out with local cops where they would throw drugs on the floor

and then shake you down. Wait, wait, the girls would throw drugs on the? Yeah, like they would have, you know, the local cops or whatever. Like if you were with one of the girls and she either had drugs, maybe you'd get busted too. She'd put it on there. Or she'd put it on the floor.

Then the cops could shake down you and her. They'd let her off. Yeah, because they knew. Or if she had them and got in trouble, you'd get in trouble with her. So they always said, take separate taxis back. Yeah. So they pulled us over.

And I remember Patrice. You were with one? No, different cab. Patrice, Bobby, me. And I think the three of us were in a cab, and then the girls were in another cab. And the cop is speaking in Portuguese Searching us drugs drugs drugs kept saying drugs

And Bobby was trying to speak some kind of Portuguese and I was so it was just so funny. I remember she was laughing I'm gonna shut the fuck up stop laughing, but he was laughing at Bobby No, like trying to sound like he was from Rio and I was being the indignant American like no no drugs like being almost belligerently incensed Like just how dare you in that way, but not just because like oh, this is not a guy Who has anything or who's gonna be shaken down like you know again? You don't want to see you're gonna take on a role when that's happening either Retarded or or like that like angry like I want recompense Yeah, yeah, yeah, no no no drugs like but it was more like that this way

They know you really don't have drugs They're not gonna get you to go to your room and get take money out and give it to them Like you're not an easy shakedown because you don't have any drugs, right? They're looking for guys. I mean so many guys down there something, so they're looking for a guy who's got something or who might have something on, you know what I mean? If you're like. Keeps going in his pocket like. Yeah, like you might have a fucking,

I coke on you or whatever, but I didn't, so they let us go, they won't let us go, but it is scary when you're stopped in a foreign country by the police and you know that they don't have the best reputation. And right, they're shakedown people. Bobby told me something about one of them getting in a cab with a hooker.

Maybe he was in a cab, I don't remember. And getting mad at Patrice or something, because it's like I told you not to do this. Oh, it might, yeah. Or vice versa. Oh, and you got us pulled over. Oh yeah, maybe that was the reason too, is that if the cops saw you and the girl

they'd pull you over and try to bust you and get shaken down for that. That might have been it too. But yeah, if Bobby remembers, he would know. I don't remember. What a trip too. It was fun, yeah. It was fun just to hang with the guys more than,

because the sex, I don't like when there's a language barrier, it doesn't turn me on as much, because to me, I'm such a pervert mentally. Like, I like the dirty communication, I like the lead up, even more than the sex. Like the woman being perverted. Like many times, I was ritualistic. I used to circle all night and look for hookers

here in New York, but a lot of times I wouldn't even pick anybody up. I just liked. You would just look for them? I just looked, yeah, and I would get caught up in the ritual and the dopamine would come. Like you'd see somebody, am look for them? I just look, yeah, and I would get caught up in the ritual and the dopamine would come. Like you'd see somebody, am I going to?

No, I'm not, and then you would just. Where do you get them here? I don't know, and this is going back to when ONA got kicked off the air, which was 2002. I was in such a depression, I couldn't listen to any. Oh, so the church? Church, yeah. So I would ride around from like,

I would do spots at the cell cellar be done by 11 or 12 Ride around till 5 in the morning pissing into a plastic cup and throwing it out down by the meatpacking district Picking up once in a while so you'd go like to the typical movie like this is the block where they're at and say hey How much I would just ride around yeah a lot of times I wouldn't I was very again they had to approach on the right side of my car I had to make sure there were no cops around sometimes. I would just chat with them for a minute Sometimes I'd be like not into it. Yeah, I would just go like no the drug for me was just saying hello Sometimes I would just tip the girl like they would want

30 or 40 bucks and then sometimes I wouldn't even hook up with them I would just give them 20 and just go and we talked for a minute that'd be it like I was you know I was always feeling it out. I was so fucking paranoid about getting busted. Yeah. I just didn't wanna get busted. So I was really, and the whole ritual of riding around kind of kept the night going. And I would listen to Joe Beningo on sports radio

or Art Bell. Art Bell. Do you remember Art Bell? Art Bell ruled. I loved Art Bell. He died, right? He's dead now. He lived in Pahrumpf, Nevada, I think.

He did that show for so long. Coast to coast, yeah. And it was all about, like, aliens and stuff? And he was... there's nobody ever better. And that's how I first heard of Michio Kaku, is he was one of his best guests, and he would call in. Art Bell could do a phoner like nobody alive.

He kept you hanging on. There was Richard C. Hoagland, who was the guy who thought there was a face on Mars. There was this other guy who is this is how long ago this was. This is even before we got fired. Because I remember that the big talk for a long time was the computers flipping at the Millennium. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I remember that. So this is actually before even ONA, this was in the late 90s I was doing that

because I would ride around all night listening to him talking to this guy who was saying the computers are gonna reset and it's gonna be a disaster. I liked Art Bell because he was willing to listen out there and he wasn't like, you're a cook, he'd be like, tell me about this. He talked to everyone.

But he would keep you holding on through commercials, coming back we're gonna talk. He was a fucking master Art Bell. And that was the only person I ever heard him not like was the amazing Kreskin because Kreskin like was promising some kind of an alien sighting and got like a bunch of our bells listeners somewhere. And the whole thing was a bust and like a Kreskin work. And Art Bell was a man.

He's like, you're fucking like you do this. Fuck them. Yeah. Don't do this to me on my show. Like so he was kind of had a falling out with Kreskin work and Art Bell was mad. He's like, you're fucking, like you're doing this to me. Yeah, don't do this to me on my show. So he was kind of had a falling out with Kreskin, but I loved Art Bell, man. That got me, and Joe Beningo, sports radio, because I could listen to it and not think of Opie and Anthony. Like I was so depressed, we got kicked off the air. I couldn't listen to Starr, I couldn't listen to I Miss,

none of that shit. So it would just be Joe Beningo complaining about the Jets for four hours sports radio was so great They go to that minutiae of every little type of train signing or like or like that one three years ago I remember a game where they did this Michael dirt and five the defense isn't doing it You know, I love when a radio guy like was correct to call her. They were like, well, no if he threw a short out He would never have gotten the first down Wow, I mean that's just They'd be like, well no, if he threw a short out, he would never have gotten the first down. I'm like, well.

I mean, that's just. So you just go, how much are they here? How much were they here? Way more, yeah, it's been a few years, man. It's one reason I've gotten fat is I fucking stopped acting out the way I was acting out, and I put on weight because you're on the road, and it's very difficult to not do,

you need dopamine, right? So I'm not getting it from that, I'm not getting it from that knock at the door, that fucking knock at the door was everything when someone comes over. When you would call one and come over. Oh my God. The high was in the waiting and the knock at the door

and the talking and the, but that's gone. I mean that's like for Chinese delivery, I can't imagine. Yeah, same thing, sometimes the same thing. So she would knock at the door and that would be the rush. Like, but again without that, so I just wound up eating when I'm on the road, pretzels and fucking, I'm trying to drop away, I'm so mad at myself.

Anyway, they were here I guess anywhere from like three, 500, 400, in that range I guess. Oh yeah, were you fat then? At times I was, at times I wasn't. I've always fluctuated, I was way worse. No you went big loss. I was, I did, I was too skinny at one point. Like I need to drop 15 or 20 now at least.

Yeah maybe 25. Yeah if it's possible I would take a 25. Yeah. I mean you don't keep that between us you know. Take a 25. Regular guy, Josh. I would. And and I know, by the way, I'm not even going to tell you some of the some of the like the lines I have to promote the special because I know you're not gonna like them, but I have a couple of good

Tell me I'm gonna put it in the bumper anyway about no Like a three-minute piece no no no no, but I mean you're not gonna like the lines. I have about the cornball lines They're not cornball at all They're very good Jimmy cornballs is one of that my least favorite and most favorite guys I was this one. I think would be a great way to sell the special. Strap in, cause the laughs are plentiful. I've been thinking about that since yesterday. That's who you came up with? Strap in, cause the laughs are plentiful.

Don't you hate the word plentiful? I sure do. And then strap in. Strap in is bad too. And also, why would they make you strap in? They wouldn't. And plentiful reminds me of my friend who grew up across the street from me and would always say

the singular for pants. He would always go the pant. It's a nice pant. Like he just learned the singular. It just reminds me of something he would say. So hookers are like, again, when I was. Do you ever get them in other countries? Like when you were with Yosh?

No, because I was dating, I mean, my wife, I was actually dating, we had broken up at one point, but I worked, I'm working in London and Manchester with Florentine actually coming up, we're going to see Sabbath. Oh, that last show? They're doing one final show with Ozzy Gieser, Bill and Tony.

So I'm like- In what, Liverpool or something? It's in Birmingham. Birmingham, wow. They're from Birmingham. And so I'm like, let's, me and Florentine are gonna go, I'm like, let's just do a few gigs, like just to pay for the trip.

Sure. So we'll do London and Manchester and Birmingham. But the first time I was in London, I was with Nikki. So she wasn't there, but I was dating her. So she wasn't there but I was dating her so I didn't get any hookers there which I really wanted to. Yeah. In Canada, have I in Canada?

Yeah a couple in Canada. God I remember texting somebody once and I didn't want to get in any trouble. Like hey how do you get hookers here? I've already done my show so I've been here a week. And did they tell you? They were like it's kind of out of town. Really?

Yeah that's what they said. They were like the brothel like strip clubs are like it's like Yeah, that's what they said. They were like, the brothel, like strip clubs, it's like a 30 minute drive, which I didn't have the money for that. Yeah, I did it in Montreal. Yeah. And I think I did it in Toronto. I may have, oh, Vancouver too, in 1990.

I went to Seattle for a sober convention, and then one of the things we did was go to, I mean, I mean I was- Relapse immediately. 88. Yeah. We said, I was like 22. I just started standup.

It was like, this was like April of 1990, I started standup. So I was probably in a standup like six months. And we wound up staying in Seattle, going up to Vancouver, seeing British Columbia. And me and this other sober guy got two hookers in an alley. And I remember I had my last $80. I was so broke back then. And I gave one girl 60 to blow me and the other girl goes, you want to pat my bum? And I said, yes, I do.

So she let me rub her ass while the other girl blew me standing up in an alley. That's nice. It was great. Yeah. But again, years ago. So prices were different. At Desjardins insurance, we know that when you were a building contractor, 35 years ago so prices were different. So we put our heart into making sure it's protected. Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at Desjardins.com slash business coverage. Did you ever take two girls at once in here, in Rio? Did Patrice? I think Patrice did. He must have.

Yeah, he was a hardy man. I think he did, he was a hardy. Two hands working it. Did he even fuck him or did you just dildo him all he might have done? I you know what I'm sure he did fuck but I bet he did more dildoing Because I think that a part of it for him Was the whole experience of being with a pretty girl and making her feel good like I don't think he wasn't just you know Like Keith I think was more like getting in there

and fucking, like Keith wanted to get in there. Keith is Philly true. He's Philly true, he wouldn't have cared if she was just doing a 20 minute stopover from chemo. He would have fucked her and sent her back. You know, stupid, me and Patrice. He's got his cane now, he could have totally used it. How did he get, is that a check bag

or is that a carry on? I don't remember, but I remember the chinkalink of them. And I, used it. How did he get, is that a check bag or is that a carry on? I don't remember, but I remember the chinkalink of them. And then, of the glass, yeah. What's in there? You gotta wrap those in socks. I imagine he checked it. Or no, he might have carried it on. And I remember, I think in the picture,

one of the pictures you can see the bag. You can't see the dildos, but you have clothes and stuff in it, can't see the dildos but you have clothes and stuff in it but also some glass dildos. So he'd bring those to the to the brothel? Yeah it's a big bag. It's called it's pure sex addiction. Yeah and I remember he would have to go from the top floor all the way down to the basement to get his magic bag because I think you weren't allowed to have it in the dance floor area. So then it's like hey I'd like to see you hold on I gotta

grab something. I believe so yeah I believe so So then it's like, hey, I'd like to see you, hold on, I gotta grab something. I believe so, yeah, I believe so. And again, my memory there is spotty. But I remember that he would have to go downstairs and bring it up the stairs to bring it to the gals. Is that when he was, now is this the Patrice when he was dressed as a child or when he was dressed as a McDonald's character? That's a great question too,

because he did go through phases. Matching Philadelphia Eagles, sports hats, fucking pimp. Pimp, he went pimp for a while. He would go through his little phases. I would have to look at the pictures. I believe this was Starter Cap and Athletic Jersey. I believe it was like starter cap.

I'd have to find the photos. After we're done talking, I'll look through them because I might even have them. Yeah, send me some. I'm going to put them into the episode. Oh, okay. As we're talking about it. There's certain things to bleep out their faces and stuff.

Sure. Oh yeah, yeah, we always do that. They'll be like, as we're showing them, people are like, oh, that guy can't be in this. Like, all right, at least not in it. Yeah, that'll be big trouble. I told this story once about getting a hooker with a friend of mine, and he was like,

hey, my chick's never gonna understand that. I know it was 25 years ago. You can't ever say that again. Oh, you said the name. Yeah, but it was like 10 years before you met your chick. Yeah, I know, I know. And he was like, I know, then she's just hardline on hookers.

I'm so happy that I never have to worry. I got her open. With my wife either, she doesn't care. She doesn't want me doing it now. But I mean, about my past, she doesn't give a fuck. She's not possessed. So much easier not to have to keep track of when you were what.

I couldn't, dude, I couldn't do, I couldn't date somebody or be with somebody who had such an issue with that. And I have dated someone like that. With it, just for them it was hard, you know? So my past was always a point of shame. And like, now I just don't care at all. You know, like my wife now will laugh at me,

like you're such a fuckin', you're such a fuckin' pervert. Ever read that John Ronson book? John Ronson, who's, is that the, oh, I think I interviewed him. So you've been publicly shamed? So you've been publicly shamed, yeah, I interviewed him for that. Oh really? On a pilot for vice and advice for a IFC which did not get picked up. We're still waiting This is probably a 2008. I did this

Fingers crossed. Yeah, I had him on here. It's not out yet, but he's coming on But I remember from that book it was like if you don't feel shame they can't get you. Oh, yeah He was yeah, so you see you've been probably the only way to not if you don't feel shame, they can't get you. Oh yeah, so you've been publicly shamed. That's the only way to not, if you don't feel like you did anything wrong, they can't do anything to you. And if you talk about, as long as it's something you don't need to be like, like you know what I mean,

if it's just sexual stuff with consenting adults, go fuck yourself. That's how important I was, like what are you talking about? Yeah, to tie women up so much. They wanted to be tied, it's like what are we talking about there? It's it's almost like there are people in the world who are victims and then there's a lot of people who just are open and dirty

And want to like I've known women who like would do stuff sexually on the side for money And I knew what their real life was yeah one woman I know came from a good amount of money or family had money like she's like doing it She like fucking having her own life. She didn't want to work or anything. Some people just have their own way of doing it. So yeah, if you talk about it and if you're not afraid of people being,

I don't care if people are mad about it, go fuck yourself, what do I care? Married and I got my own way of getting me fired from my podcast. That's a great thing too. That's a great thing too. There's no more serious filing for whatever. Serious was pretty good

Like I you know first of all until the end when they decided not to negotiate look that's their right, but no That's not the end. I meant what's that? I meant they taking pictures on the street and take pictures of the street the end of the main show oh And a oh god yeah, I was Anthony. Yes. Yes. I did just, funny, Anthony's on ABC now. I just did his show. I've done it twice, whenever he's in New York. It's on ABC? ABC radio, 770 AM. And it was so much fun, man.

It was so much fun. Because it was 8 to 11 on Sunday night. I think they're just kind of getting him in there and seeing how it goes. But he's already syndicated. Oh really? And I've done it, the two times he's been to New York for it, I've gone into goes. But he's already syndicated. Oh really? And I've done it, the two times he's been to New York for, I've gone into the studio, it's so much fun.

He's such a radio guy. He's amazing. He's so on it with timing and with like, he's just so on it. He can talk about anything. Patrice I think said that about him. He was talking about Anthony, and he said Anthony can access funny

faster than anybody he's ever met like and he can just grab it he like I'm not a great storyteller like I tell short like Louie's a great storyteller Louie could tell you a two-hour story Jim Brewer is one of the greatest storytellers of all time yeah Anthony can talk about a carburetor or installing air conditioning and I'm fucking fixated and listening and then he's being funny and he's bringing it to life. There's a real gift to that, I'm not good at it. Yeah.

Fucking, Jim Brewer's doing my storytelling show again. Did another one about playing with Billy Joel, getting called up to play with him. Oh really? Yeah, and everyone's thinking it's Springsteen. And he goes, we got a special guest. It was like so, he's so good at telling it. He starts bobbing like Regan, it's just like, ugh.

Jim is very underrated. I just saw him too, he's down in Florida, so it was nice to have lunch when I saw him down there. My first time meeting him. I didn't even recognize him when I saw him. In the green room, for sure I know he's coming in for. I'm like, hi, how you doing? He was like, oh!

Yeah, hi, Jim. He's such a man. Yeah, he's an adult. I met him in the early, early 90s. It was me, him, and Keith Robinson doing a gig. I was dating a woman who went to William Patterson College at the time, I was in my 20s, and it was a place called KCO Tools,

which was a really awful bar, and I went up and bombed, and Keith middled and bombed, and then Brewer went on and fucking leveled the place. There's nothing worse than when you bomb and the other guy bombs and the headliner kills and you're like, yep, it was us. It was fucking us. It was like one time we did-

This crowd sucks raw. Yeah, this crowd is on. They were just waiting for someone who's actually good at his job We did we did just for laughs years ago and everyone bombed on the fucking on this just for laughs It was like a film And then John Panetta went on at the end and fucking almost got a standing ovation Such a pro such a master and he was clean and he hammered and we're like, yep

You know, it doesn't have gluten bullets and that fucking went crazy and the rest of us are like, yeah We suck when I first saw pin at one of the only times he was I was at the improv and at Hollywood And I didn't know him and I saw this big fat piece of shit who I saw that this morning in the mirror Come on Ari, I'm kidding cut that up Come on, Ari, I'm kidding, cut that up. Make that a clip and post. Yeah, but everyone's like, you look great. Oh my God, you've lost weight, you look great. And I was just like, it was the first like fake Hollywood

that I remember where I'm like, what are you talking, this guy's clearly gonna die from what he looks like. And you're all saying it looks, I mean, was he 800 pounds yesterday? He was giant at one point. He was giant, and then he had lost a lot the last time I saw him. Maybe that's what it was.

If you go from six to four, that's plenty. Yeah, he dropped a significant amount of weight, but he was still a big boy. Yeah. Is there anywhere you wanna go? You wanna travel to? Sure. I wanna go to Tokyo. I wanna go. You've never been?

Never been, man. Yeah, me neither. I wanna go so bad. I wanna go to that place and have sushi. Yuro? What is it, with the trains? Jiro, he's in a subway station. They say it's probably the best sushi place in the world. It's a three Michelin star place.

Oh yeah. The documentary was a little boring, Jiro Dreams of Sushi, I think it was called. Jiro, yeah. But the place. In the sub, I mean, the subways are nicer. You can see this, look how nice that is. I was thinking of, I was the Astor Playstop

Impossible to get in really. Yeah, that's what they say. You have to make it reservations like in months and months in advance But I want to see Tokyo Clean their subway. Look, it's immaculate. What? That's nutty. I would love to go to China too. There's a couple of cities in China. What and why? I forget. There's one that I see on Instagram a lot where they have like, it might be Macau. That looks kind of like a cool place to go.

Yeah. Hawaii I want to go to. I've never been to Hawaii. You've never been to Hawaii? No. Are you going to start going out of your hotel when you travel? A little bit more now. When I'm with Nicky, I do more.

But yeah, I don't do a whole lot. I will in England, of course. I'll go see Buckingham Palace and I'll be with Jim. It'll be fun. So you'll do stuff, do stuff. Yeah, but again, my sleep is so bad. That's what all Yoshi said. He was like, it's like gig, hotel, leave,

gig, hotel, leave, and he's like, I'll see you later, I gotta see Copenhagen. Yeah, that's what he does I mean I travel overnight and Again, I don't sleep. I'm a bad sleeper. So like for me like I get up and I'm always tired I have apnea so whatever I do want to see more though as I'm gonna want to see in China that City that Macabre there's so many cool buildings and just it just seems like and I can't put my finger on what I liked About it, but on Instagram, I've seen it a lot. I'm like that's a place. I would love to go Australia Australia. I've been to um There was a girl I met there who I regret not fucking we talked dirty for a long time yeah, they're the dirtiest

She had such a hairy vagina and hairy pits, and she turned me on so much. She was so raw and sexy But we didn't we made out a little bit, but we didn't actually hook up, and I regretted it greatly and Harry Pitts and she turned me on so much. She was so raw and sexy. But we made out a little bit, but we didn't actually hook up and I regretted it greatly. It's one of my great regrets. Oh, you're kissing, I can't even do it. What? You're a good kisser. I don't know, I'm trying to do an Australian accent. Oh yeah, oh yeah.

It's one of the worst accents in the world. It really is an unpleasant and I always mix it in. Hello, Jim. I always mix it up with New Zealand. He's from New Zealand. Oh no, he's from Australia. No, I'm a Maori. Oh, um, um, those are cool places to go. China rules. I mean, look at the most. I'm putting on weight, just looking at it. It looks so good. So you can't get in. It's very, but yeah, Obama's eating there.

Like it's one of those courses. He has Obama. Listen, he's a fun life for all the fucking embezzlement drone strikes. He didn't wait on a line. Everybody knows. No, everybody has waiting line just like everybody. Obama doesn't. He went to Franklin's. He didn't fucking wait in that line. No, no. How about getting in there? He didn't make it. He didn't want on the phone calling in. Pay your fair share of time. How about that? Hey, Obama. That's cool. Do you have any tips for travel when you do?

You know plan something before you go like I'm I'm very bad. I was that that's surprising I'm just get there and then wonder what to do and I get overwhelmed that I don't do anything So like I would suggest Having things to do but I have to I would love to go to Dubai But I'm just you know for me to patronize a place that wants to throw my wife off a roof. So I have to think about her when I wanna travel. I would love to see Dubai, I would love to see Qatar.

I wanna fly Emirates, I wanna fly. Emirates is awesome. I wanna fly Emirates and I wanna fly, what's the other one? Lufthansa? No. I have flown Lufthansa, but they were great. No, there's another one.

There's another Arabic one, right? Yeah, not Emirates, it another Arabic one, right? Yeah. It's Emirates. It's, oh, not Qatar Air. It might be Qatar Airways is one. And there's another one. Embassy, not embassy, no. Emirates, Etihad. Etihad.

Etihad, yeah. Yeah. I want to fly one of those. I would love to get in the first class of one of those. But I got bumped up into one of them once. Dude, it's a business. First class. A business?

Such a luxury. I've heard those first class are one of those. But I got bumped up into one of them once. Dude, it's a business. First class? It was such a luxury. I've heard those first class were like with showers in them. Yeah, but it's like 30 or 40 thousand round trip. But that's for guys who have that money. It doesn't mean anything. That's like when you have a 12 million dollar apartment as your second apartment. Right.

You have money you don't give a fuck. I did that, I did that, Delta One. You know what that is? Is that, I mean I fly Delta a lot. Is that just there? It's like I traded in every mile I had for some some fun thing in my family. And it was like you don't even check in where everybody checks in like that way. And you go to the first class like further.

And there's some door you've never seen, like a fucking Harry Potter entrance. And then it's separate TSA. It's like a three course meal, just like that where they serve you with wine, showers, such a lounge like you want to get there hours and hours early. I might have done that once. It's funny. I'm flying United business to England and back it was that what's that for that for the for the miles and it's costly all my miles But I'm like what I'm not flying girls anymore So what else am I gonna use them for fly my wife wife somewhere? If you do a gig while you're there,

the whole trip is tax deductible. I guess so, yeah, I'm doing three while I'm there, but I mean, I'll make almost no money. I don't know if any tickets are sold. But I'm saying the tickets for Ozzie's tax deductible, the hotels are tax deductible. I have, I'm doing some gigs with a friend of mine, supposedly coming up, and early next year, we're doing, I think I'm gonna some gigs with a friend of mine, supposedly coming up, and early next year,

we're doing, I think I'm gonna be in India, I'm gonna see Tokyo, Thailand, a few places I've never been. You're gonna? I think so, yeah, a buddy of mine's gonna do it. That's so cool. But we'll probably be in and out in two days. Why? Why not go for an extra two days?

I just think that's the way that he's got the schedule. I mean, it's a... Who, your agent? No, no, no, my buddy, I'm working on somebody. He hasn't announced his gig yet. I'll tell you after, it's not a big deal, but I'm not gonna announce his... Cosby?

What's that? What? Cosby? No, no, no, no, no. But I do like to go to his hotel with girls. Let's tell you, I met him and he was fucking... I met him a couple times, it's serious. And I one time went to Atlantic City. He was performing, you know, just my girlfriend Jen at the time and So the after the show I'm like, hey, can I meet Bill Cosby?

I'm a comedian and I've I had met him before and I took a picture with a fellow in the side So he goes, uh, the guy goes, let me check and he was alright. Mr. Cosby will see you So me and my girlfriend go back. And it's just Bill in his dressing room. And we're just chatting. And I'm asking him questions about audiences and talking about his set. Cause you know, this is before all this shit came out.

And we were chatting and people were coming in and he would see them and he'd go, all right, I'm sorry, I don't wanna take any more of your time. And he'd go, no, no, stay, stay. So he wanted me and my girlfriend just to stay while he greeted other people and Then we're leaving a little while later and I go. Can we take a photo is it cool? He goes yeah, I got Kathy a picture of you and my girlfriend and he goes yeah

But as long as she's my girlfriend he goes she's my girlfriend now And it was before anything came out, but I remember that being such an odd moment, and I didn't feel threatened by it I didn't feel like she was in day, but it remember that being such an odd moment. And I didn't feel threatened by it. I didn't feel like she was in, but it just felt so bizarre. Like, you know how something stands out to you as, huh. And you can't quite put your finger on it, but you're just like, because he wasn't being mean. He took the pictures. You didn't groper. It was nothing like that, but he's like, she's my girlfriend now.

And it was just such an odd phrasing because she was attractive instead of like yeah sure like in yeah anyone yeah she's my so funny it was so odd oh now makes sense now it makes sense he's a little possessive about gals but again it wasn't nothing happened that made me go feel always trying to fuck her you have a coffee while you're back there was that you didn't have a coffee while you were back There no coffee. Yeah, I'll even to drink. Yeah, no, no, no, but she had a few drinks And then he sent me to get pudding so I was gone for two hours She was different yeah

Fat Albert had on with her fucking lips hanging up below But I would like to also we're all like, India, I'll go to, I don't really care that much about it, but it doesn't suck. That's all I see is that everyone's like, it stinks. There's diarrhea everywhere. Oh, I'm like, I'm just like, not sure that and Dubai. I'm like, no, Dubai. I want to see, just because I want to see the Burj Khalifa,

but I'm afraid of heights and I want to see the tower. You go to the top. I would go, I would go for that reason. And my friend lives there and could make sure I had see the tower. You'd go to the top? I would go, I would go for that reason. And my friend lives there and could make sure I had a good experience. I wanna go, I've been to Norway, of course, because my wife is from there, been there a bunch. That's a nice country, just friendly white people.

What, Norway? Yeah. Where's she from in Norway? Not too far from Oslo, it's a small town, not too far from Oslo. That's really, yeah, I wanna go to the top of that. There's a Calvin Klein Hotel in there that I would love to stay at.

Have you seen the Versace building here? Yes, that's on, oh no, I'm thinking of. Not Versace. The one that's shaped like suitcases. Oh, the Jenga building, you mean? Is it down in Soho? No, it's like midtown near, I think near the park. Near Grand Central, right? I dontown near, I think near the park. Near Grand Central, right?

I'm just guessing places. Central Liberty? Fucking idiot. Louis Vuitton building. Yes, it's got, they have glass at the top of it, is there a glass display? Come on, get out of here. This, it looks like fucking suitcases.

Oh no, I've never seen that. Isn't that wild? Yeah, or if I've seen it, I didn't make note of it. It's just shaped like suitcases. I like it. I can't get over it. Oh yeah, I wouldn't have noticed that if you didn't say it. I just would have said that's an ugly building.

Yeah, I get it. No, I'm thinking about the Vanderbilt on 42nd. What is that? The Vanderbilt, I wanna go to the top because they have those glass Displays at the top where you're like in this giant glass room and you can go out there Yeah, you go out there, but at the top they have like a glass elevator that goes up higher Even though you're not on the side of the building in the glass elevator. I think it's the Vanderbilt building on

42nd Street You're not not hotel Vanderbilt building. Yeah, I think I think that's the Vanderbilt building on 42nd Street. Not hotel, Vanderbilt building, yeah. I think that's the name of it. Yeah, 42nd and Vanderbilt, there you go. That might be it right there. Where at the top of it you can see the, yeah there's like a really- One Vanderbilt. Yeah, there's a cool observation deck.

So you go up that thing? I don't know if it's that high or if it's on the lower level there Yeah, but it looks like it's you see all those giant black windows at the top Oh, that's like this like this giant these glass and I go out there you just look out. I think so Yeah, that's so cool. Yeah, I don't like height so I kind of do so want to challenge yourself Yeah, I've gotten bad with flying to like really fucking panicky and nervous So I want I would try to make myself do shit like that

Yeah Australia was nice. We did the my matters. I did the Australian the Sydney Harbor Bridgewalk. I did that and I'm terrified of heights So I had the there's one point we're all walking and you know, you're tethered and you're tethered and you're strapped in so you can't Like you can't move past each other. No. So we get to the top in between the two spans, there's that little thin walkway,

and we're like as high as you can be. And the guy over the speaker headphones is going, well, we're a little ahead of schedule, so we can just kind of hang out here and look at the view unless anybody's uncomfortable. And I was like, I'm uncomfortable, we have to go. We have to go, I'm uncomfortable. So I had the whole fucking line had to get away

from that amazing view because I was fucking paralyzed. You couldn't just go. I couldn't just go, I felt bad, but fuck those people, I was terrified. I um. Horrifying. I shit my pants on it. Did you really? I had diarrhea. Out of fear or out of just.

Just diarrhea. Oh, trying to get a guess. I had it early, like on the walk, it was pretty early, I was like, oh, and then like towards, like right towards the top, it just, like all came out. Wow, and they give you something to wear. Yeah.

A blue thing to wear. A onesie. And did you shit the onesie? Yeah. And they were like, all right, so drop your onesie in there, you can all take them off here, because I don't know, I just like had to go privately and like take all the poop and just like put it into a off here because I had to go privately and take all the poop

and just put it into a bin. But I had to walk all the way down just full of poop pants. Did people see you, Bob? Do you think you stunk? One guy knew, one Scottish guy knew. He was right behind me. Did he say anything? Yeah.

You've made a mess in your trousers. He said it fully. He just asked me if I shit myself. Did you shit yourself? You've made a mess in your trousers. It was so horrifying. For the love of Jesus. I was there with Rogan for a UFC,

he goes, you wanna go to the UFC? And it wasn't a great card, it was like BJ Penn was the biggest name and he wasn't even like, he wasn't a champ anymore. And I was like, dude, I've been to UFC's, I wanna like go out and, I'm never gonna get back to Sydney, no way. I may have, but I didn't know.

And then he was like, how was it? The UFC fights were great. I'm like, I should have gone. I should have gone with you. Yeah, you would have had a better time than shitting your pants over a fucking covered roadway. That's funny that the guy knew and he asked. And the worst is having to find a private place

to take your shit, because once you take your clothes off, you're naked, because you have to throw your underwear out too. I had to throw it all, yeah. So you basically just threw the shit that you threw in the garbage or you threw it in the bin? The bin, but I had to get it in there without anybody seeing.

And then just walked underwear-less back to the hotel and then tried to scrub my pants in the sink. Oh, there was a little doo-doo in them. Did you run into the fuck, did you eat food? Did you have food poisoning? I think it was just like, I think I ate kangaroo. And my body was like, I don't know what this is. Yeah, let's just get rid of this immediately.

On the bridge. All right, Jim, that was great. Oh, thank you, that was fun, man. This special's called Domesticated Animal. So on YouTube right now, youtube.com, at Jim Norton. No, at Jim Norton Comedy. Oh, was Jim Norton taken? I think it was, yeah, I don't know by whom.

I'd love to get my hands on him, you know Remember strap in because the laughs are that was that's the only one you're settled on that. Yeah, I think so the laughs are plentiful Get a ROI for investing laughter Nice laughter nice Former heroin addict yeah, I'm great. I line who had lost his arm really yeah, he was a guy called in with lost heroin Yeah, I believe so Shit I was rich was the most barbaric line what that was Voss's right there. That was Voss That father used to say why don't you use your my first?

What too much teeth? I mean Kyle right there goes wow that shocked even us I mean it was so that was godless There's a punch in the stomach Just you're a disgrace Yeah boss is a He is a mean little animal funny bastard It's funny when you like jab at him. I'll lose look at you where you're like. No, I'm sorry

I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. Please please I don't want revenge if I was is great too because he gets greedy Vos always gets greedy like he'll over tag which he leaves his chin out the infinite a fucking hook But he's also really good at countering like when he's covered up and you think you got him You'll leave one opening and he's a fucking monster. So he's always Vos is always dangerous All right guys check out also check out Jim's new podcast called, what's it called? Jim Norton Can't Save You. Jim Norton Can't Save You.

We do phone calls, yeah. I'll be on there soon. Hope so. Hitchcliff was on last week. Podswap? I hate you so much. I legitimately wake up in the middle of the night going, fuck that guy.

Podswap is, yeah me too. All right, bye, thanks Jim. Yeah bye yeah bye thank you well that's the episode everybody thank you very much Jim Norton for coming in his new special unconceivable on a Jim Norton comedy is that right Jim Norton comedy YouTube page check it out leave a comment saying thank you for bringing Patrice back to life in the form of hooker exploits however you want to do that but support Jim Norton he's a great comic and a great guy unconceivable playing right now he's also gonna be all over the road you can get tickets at Jim Norton comm London Manchester Birmingham Montreal this is now into July, Ottawa, Toronto, Las Vegas, Baltimore, Timonium,

Dallas, Fort Worth, Asheville, Fargo, North Dakota, Duluth, Georgia, Duluth, Georgia? Isn't that Duluth, North Dakota? Bakersfield, San Diego, Denver Comedy Works, Rochester, and Bataviaavia all right guys Portland Oregon around of him Eugene Huntington Herman Maine Morgan Hill event center and Boston Massachusetts of the Wilbur in December get tickets at JimNorton.com slash tour subscribe wherever you're listening everybody next week if not

right now right at the bottom of the screen that you're watching you you can get all these merch. We have stickers, passport stickers, and the Shroomfest shirts are coming. The pre-sale is happening, starting hopefully next week. Shroomfest is this year, September... where is it? If you don't know what Shroomfest is, it's an international holiday celebrating the usage of mushrooms. year. It's October 5th Sorry, September 6 7th and 8th the second latest it could possibly be Here's how you celebrate Shroom Fest wherever you are take shrooms You can join together with your friends take it as an excuse whatever but it's Saturday Sunday and Monday It's the longest weekend of moonlight in the northern hemisphere in the summer months And that's it and they will be every year.'s a shrimp fish shirt I don't make any of

the profits off that but they are cool I will get a free shirt out of it and you should get one the pre-sale starts next week and that's it today's episode is produced by the YMH Network edited by Alan Caffey, helped along by Niana. That's it. I went to Brazil, I got a hooker and it was awesome. I also loved the beaches there. Should do an episode. I guess I didn't do enough to do a full episode about it. But man, that hooker was the hottest

of any of the ones I've gotten. Tijuana, she was good. But man, that hooker was the hottest of any of the ones I've gotten. Tijuana, she was good. Thailand, she was disgusting. So my friend ran in and got the hot one, and I'm like, okay, and I finally got up like, ah, I'm gonna do it.

And then I went in there and was like, ugh, you got the only hot one. I didn't hear her fucking scream, scream riding my buddy Pete, while I was like, ugh, just kind of trying to get a boner in a hot room. Hookers, I'm up and down on them. But if you can like let go, same with strip clubs.

If you can let go and just like get into it and ignore the fact there's dudes all around you, it'd be great. People say, well, it's victimizing women. Like, yeah, that's part of the fun. Ah, Norton rules. The churrasquerias in Brazil also were great. It's like authentic, like crazy, you know, those like Brazilian steak houses in Rio.

Me and Rogan went, it was fucking wild. And then we went home and then I ditched him. He was like, what are you doing? I'm like, oh, I'm just probably gonna sleep. He goes, all right, I'm gonna quickly read something and then I ditched him. He was like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm just probably go to sleep He was alright. I'm gonna read something and then I'll go to sleep too. I went right in the hotel. I went right back out Went right to a whorehouse with one of the UFC fighters not gonna say which one And we got one Sorry, we each got one

and It was nutty and too expensive. They charge, I think they charged me like 500 bucks. They might've just gringoed me to be honest now that I'm thinking about it. They for sure could have. The beaches also in Rio were fucking wild. I've never seen more confident fat chicks

than I've seen at the Rio beaches. I mean, letting it all hang out and it was sexy and I'm not into fat chicks. I pretty much have a standard rule no fat chicks Jesus This is making the wall like legitimately hot. I think I fucked up something by shoving something in the socket I'm kind of worried about it. If this place burns down you heard it here first Next week on the episode we have

Um, next week on the episode we have, um, it'll be a Tuesday episode with Steph Tollef covering Scotland and our wild dance competition. Um, that'd be great. We got Joe DeRosa coming. Uh, we got a bunch coming. Um, thank you very much for watching everybody. Please subscribe, leave a comment, tell everybody about this podcast. It's fun. We go to a different place every week also leave comments about who I should interview times almost up so I've pretty much

reached out to everyone I can there's Robert Kelly I'm gonna start with him Guatemala bye everybody next next week go check out that's that playlist that has all the fucking what's it called on there all right Bob that was all the fucking by country all right Bob