You Be Trippin' - China w/ Joe DeRosa | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

Check out Joe's new special, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden, at https://www.youtube.com/@joederosacomedy/featured Follow Joe on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/joederosacomedy SPONSORS: -If you feel like getting lifted - go to https://CBDX.com, use code TRIPPIN for 20% off all orders and get edibles that still mean something. -Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/7chyhxwm   #CashAppPod. As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. -Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code ARI at https://hellotushy.com/ARI -Get started at https://http://factormeals.com/TRIPPIN50OFF and use code TRIPPIN50OFF to get 50 percent off plus FREE shipping on your first box. On this week's episode of You Be Trippin', Joe takes Ari along on his trip to China. This episode is one dumb decision after another. Who knows how many laws Joe broke while he was in China. He starts off with getting drunk and not knowing how to get back to his hotel. From there, the stories just get more debaucherous. They wrap the episode with the story of how Ari ruined a beautiful moment at Joe's special taping. 再见 ! You Be Trippin' Ep. 76 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:11 - Joe Goes to China 00:17:29 - First Dumb Decision 00:36:48 - Don't Do This in China 00:48:13 - Chinese Culture Shock 01:05:21 - DUMBEST Thing Joe Did in China 01:20:40 - China Travel Advice 01:26:50 - Ari Ruins Joe's Moment Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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And they didn't they didn't sue you for that No, because it was Starbucks and it was White Claw. Because you bought the cup. Yeah. For the proper channels. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show. Yeah, we're going to talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin'. Yeah.

Hello everybody. Welcome to UB Trippin'. It's a travel podcast. I'm the host Ari Shafir. I've been to a lot of places, but I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel.

I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. I'm going to be talking about travel. UB Trippin' Yeah. Hello everybody. Welcome to UB Trippin'. It's a travel podcast.

I'm the host Ari Shafir. I've been to a lot of places, but I really love hearing about other people and their trips. It's the only podcast that has every pronoun available on its bio. My guest today is none other than a sandwich shop owner and a notable,

hermaphrodite lover. Uh, Joe DeRosa. Hey man. Oh, we never get claps. Oh, I do my shit in New York. Well, no, there's nobody there, right? It's just you and I. Yeah, but now I'm missing. Maybe I'll fly you guys in for claps. Yeah, do a live feed just for the claps. Yeah. I'm glad we're finally doing this.

We've been trying for a little while at least. Yeah, where do you wanna go? Where are we going? China. China. I was gonna say Tokyo, but you're like, no bro, China's my way better story. Yeah, China, there was a lot more going on. And I was in Tokyo, Tokyo was awesome. And it's the place I most wanna go back to, but it was because I was only there for a lot more going on. And I was in Tokyo, Tokyo was awesome.

And it's the place I most wanna go back to, but it was because I was only there for a short period of time. Yeah. And so I had a couple of amazing meals and I went to the video game district, which was like a dream come true, but I just didn't have time to like,

it's so big, dude. Tokyo. It's crazy, it's crazy. The city is the size of like, like when I was there, they were like, you could be here for a month. You're not going to see all of it. Damn. That's like New York. It was what? Or different. Well, New York is like, New York actually isn't that big. It's just super concentrated. Mm-hmm. Whereas Tokyo is like, as far as I know, is like

sprawling city, dude. It was crazy how overwhelming it was but you know yep story checks out do you have in there the square mileage of Tokyo I'm curious now because New York is only what six miles long well I guess then there's all the boroughs but Manhattan is what ten or six miles long or something 287 square oh 47 square miles damn it's huge dude. It's huge. Well, we're not talking about Tokyo today No, I'm just saying yeah, that's why I don't have a great story. All right next episode. Yeah I didn't have time. Hopefully I'll be back by then. When'd you go to China and why I Went two times I went

when I was about three years into comedy, so, so in 2004 or five or something. You both times for gigs. And then I went again in 2018, like right. Let's go dodge it a bullet, dude. Just sneezing on people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what changed. And by the way, it was late 28th. It was like September or 2018. Wow. Um, so both times for gigs, both times for gigs. Beijing, Beijing, one time Shanghai, both times. It's wild that standup could bring you to China. It is.

Yeah. Outside of Hong Kong also. Wuxi? I forget the name of the province I was in, but it was right outside of Hong Kong. But anyway, yeah, it is crazy. It's crazy. First of all, it's crazy that they have stand-up there,

period. Because, dude, it's crazy that they have stand up their period because Because dude, it's it's government monitored. I mean it is not so so I was on stage one night and I had a joke at the time about Cocaine coke coke coke silly drug. It can make you go. I'm so drug. I'm gonna throw up. Oh my god Are we drinking? What are we doing? What do we you know, whatever it's coke jar and um And dude like during the joke the audience was like going literally And I was like what what they were like dude don't don't you could don't you could get and I was like

I'm gonna finish a joke. Oh, we're good. Right? Nobody's here. Right? They're like Somebody's there They told me they have a spy in almost every show. You just assume there's a spy. So yeah, and and after I left, I found out that the all the shows I did were in like makeshift venues. It was like, oh, it's a sports bar. But we're going to turn into comedy. Or that Yeah, that kind of shit. There was one actual comedy club I did in Shanghai. And that has since been shut down by the government. I don't know when or who got it shut down. But it did happen.

Was it Kung Fu? Kung Fu comedy? I don't think it was, no. It was a different group of guys. I can't remember the name. Even if you said it, I can't remember. Yeah, I did that club. It was like my favorite show of the whole year.

Really? Yeah, it was so fun. And they're so down for anything like Western. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, because it's like everybody in the show is either from the West originally, or somebody from there that desperately loves the West. Yeah.

You know? I met so many Chinese people that were like, Oh, Trump, we love Trump. They're so just like America, like whatever's going on, we're doing. I met somebody on the, on the, on the little like slalom thing down from Beijing. And he's like, or maybe somewhere else, but he goes, where are you from? And I was like, America, he's like Schwarzenegger. Oh, well he's not even American, okay, sure. That's amazing.

That's it with you, ah, Jackie Chan. You're like, yeah, well, that's why you guys are us, but sure. Yeah, that's wild. He looks nothing like us. It's like, oh, well, we can't tell. So the night, the same night as the, excuse me, the same night as the coke show, the joke where I did the coke, the show where I did the coke joke, um,

these other comics who will remain nameless. They weren't guys. Chinese comics. No, they weren't guys. They weren't the guys that brought me over. They were just guys I met there. Okay. Um.

Expat comics? Yeah. Okay. Basically. So one of them was like, he's like, dude, I want to take you to this bar. So I go, okay. That is the coolest thing about being there and some local comics go like, let me show you the fucking shit you're never going to see.

Yeah. He's like, let me take you to this bar. Yeah, that's your fucking. He goes, you're gonna love it. And I go, okay, why am I gonna love it? He goes, trust me, dude, I know your comedy, you like dives and all that. I go, yeah, he's like, trust me. He walks me, or a bunch of us, walks a bunch of us

to this bar, and the weird thing that was, and I don't know if this is a thing in Shanghai or not, but it was certainly a thing that I kept re-experiencing. Diarrhea. Diarrhea. Get that thing there for sure. Gonorrhea.

All the Rias. Yeah. Ria Perlman. Yeah, no, it was like this weird thing where like there I'd be being brought to an establishment, and my favorite of all the stories relates to this, but I want to wait to tell it to you. Okay, okay.

But I'd be being brought to an establishment, and you would start walking through like grass and trees where it was like, we're going into the woods right now. And then all of a sudden, there'd be like a clearing, and there'd be this structure, and there'd be this structure and You'd be like in the woods Sort of and but it was a business, but it was just the geography of that place, you know and Shanghai by the way For the most part very Western. I city looks like Blade Runner when you're going into Shanghai

You go across a bridge that spans the largest body of water I have ever taken a bridge across in my life Really? It's almost it's almost scary after a while because you're like we're we've been over water for so long if Anything happens we're fucked. Wow. It's one of these bridges see that. Oh, look at the one over in the right. He's Chinese It's it's it's one of those dude. I think it's that one. Look at that one. What about fuck? It's crazy It's crazy, dude, right? Where's that even going? What are they? It looks like a fucking ride or something. Oh my god, so the massive bridges, right? So But then you get it and the city you're approaching the city some from such a distance It literally looks like a scene from Blade Runner

you see all of these skyscrapers and they're all lit up and it's the dead of night and you're like, it feels like you're flying in on a spaceship. It's wild, it's fucking wild, dude, right? Yeah. Then you get into the city and again, for the most part, it's a very, very westernized city. Were you like worried at all, getting there?

Were you nervous? Oddly no. Yeah, I think I'm jumping too quickly into what happened. Maybe I should tell you about getting there and all that stuff first, but bring me back to the bar story unless you don't care. I'll bring you back to the bar story. Okay getting there was weird. So the first time I went me and Al Lu Bell went together. We were brought over together. Um, and, uh, to do co-headlining shows and, um, coke headlining, coke headlining shows. And, uh, we, we got on the first flight, dude, the first dude, like, when I tell you, like, we weren't really making any money, we were, I just did it because I

was like, I was so broke at the time, to me I was like, oh you're gonna pay me $1,000 to fly. A trip of a lifetime? Yeah, to fly coach to China. Like we flew coach, dude. It's a long flight. Yeah, but at the time I didn't care. I was like, this is great.

I got my little mini DVD player. I'm living like a king. So anyway, the first flight was fine cuz it was out of New York The second flight we had to get a connection dude, and we landed I forget what airport we were in and we had to connect to get to Shanghai dude. We got in this airport Nobody spoke fucking English. None of the announcements of course were in English Our flight was cancelled and rescheduled and how do you find that out I gotta tell you Ari I swear with a gun to my head I could not tell you how we figured out how the fuck to get to the flight we needed to get to

we just knew that the flight we're supposed to get to got canceled because we were able to follow stuff enough to like be pointed in the right direction and we got to like the gate or whatever. And then there was like this screen and there was all these people like, and then everybody went, Oh, that's a good guy. And we were like, what, where, we were like, the flight just got canceled. Obviously, obviously that, but like what, where do we go? It literally looked like the scene in plane trains and automobiles when they first land in the snowstorm. Yeah.

And John Candy's like, you got here, you called your wife. I called a hotel. You know what I mean? When they're like stranded and everybody's like sleeping on the ground. It looked like that, except in all Chinese. So we didn't know what was going on. I do not remember how we figured it

out. It was more Al figuring it out than me. Hi guys, you know usually I say I got to break into today's episode to tell you about the guest, but today I get to break into the episode to tell you about the guest. It's Joe DeRosa and he's got a new special out at Joe DeRosa Comedy on YouTube. I never promised you a rose garden. I was at the taping, I was at the premiere, and it is amazing. I'm not using that lightly. It's a hilarious non-stop laughter hour, hopeful in a hopeless way. I can't make you understand what that means until you've seen it. The editing choices were great, everything

about it was great. I was also at the taping in, I don't know, Bumfuck, fucking outside Philadelphia. I mean, not even close to Philadelphia. Bumfuck, Pennsylvania, where he lives, and he shot it. It was cool, cool old theater. It was great. He worked it out constantly, and it's amazing. It's a theme hour that lets you really pull together your feelings about everything going on terrible

in the world. And there was no better man in the world to do that than Joe DeRosa, the hopeless, chinless, shoulderless loser who makes sandwiches in his spare time. He was my one-time brief running mate for Legion of Skanks Vice President and today he has a special Joe DeRosa I never promised you a rose garden. It was one of my most prized possessions when he worked it out at the Crane Theatre in New York I saved it. It was one of my most prized possessions. When he worked it out at the Crane Theater in New York, I saved it.

It says, welcome to an hour of hopeless comedy. And that's exactly what it was. But I'm telling you, it's hopeful. And look at the special links, right there. Ari fucking Shafir. Ari fucking Shafir. Yeah. And then some fucking Chef Boyardee,

a fucking loser white, she looks like she owns slaves, another fucking chef boy RD and some chick, but Ari Shaffir on the special thanks. We talked about it in ad nauseam. Joe is fucking hilarious and you guys will love it. Go to youtube.com slash at Joe Drawers of Comedy, please leave a comment for the algorithm. Tell them that if you leave a post, a comment in the algorithm, I hope a little bit of that comment goes towards buying yourself shoulder implants, which he desperately needs and has needed for

quite some time. Legitimately guys, this is one to support. Go over there and watch it, enjoy it with your friends. Start it up right now. There's a link at the bottom of the screen or the Spotify, wherever you're watching or listening just hit it started right now it'll remind you to get back to it you should support this one it's really really good Joe's also on the road in Portland Maine let's see Nashville Providence Denver Austin at the mothership punchline in San San Francisco. Get tickets at jodorosa.com slash calendar. And that's it. For my own, guys, the Shroomfest shirt is selling well.

It's almost time to cut the pre-sale in order to get the shirt in time for Shroomfest holiday. That is September 6th, 7th, and 8th. If you don't know what Shroomfest is, it's a holiday to celebrate mushrooms. Wherever you are, all you've got to do is take mushrooms and we'll meet up on another plane of existence and party and laugh and cry together It's shroom fest and every year we make a different shirt to commemorate it This year's shirt was great as well always designed by at abracadabra Lee and Gwyn. It's pretty fucking sick But go ahead and order one that's at the bottom of the YouTube screen or there's stuff on Spotify Also, you be tripping shirts, which you should wear out at hostels or wherever you are on

the road. Wear it with pride and you be tripping stickers as well as Drew Vinyls and grinders and all that stuff and Ari Shaffir cat shirts and everything. But get that you be tripping sticker pack and stick them up in the wild. I want you to put them up on a pyramid on the fucking Louvre or whatever and post and tag a UV Trippin Pod. Let them know where it is and stuff like that. Like take a close one and take a far one so you see the context. And also there's a clear one for your passport stamp so you can put it on there and get your passport started the right way. I put one in mine, I just got

a new passport, I put it on there, I put it on upside down, I fucked up, don't fuck up like me. All right, that's it. Guys, go watch I Never Promised You a Rose Garden. It was legitimately really, really funny and just so dark, thematically dark. Anyway, all right, I said enough. Let's get back to the episode. Joe DeRosa, congratulations, buddy.

I am legitimately proud of you. Never tell them when I said that or I'll deny it till the end., we got him. We finally got this connecting flight. We get to the hotel Gig didn't pay. Well trip over was a nightmare You know blah blah blah they put us in the nicest fucking hotel I've ever seen in my life to this day I have never stayed at a hotel really to this day for nothing gig for nothing gig it was so weird it was so weird think it was fucking gorgeous right so I get there you get into the room you're like now

we're talking all right here we are we're in China, baby, right? Yeah, quickly set your porn algorithm to nation. This is pre, I don't even think I had a laptop. It wasn't pre laptops, but it was definitely before I traveled with one, you know? And I'm in the room for six minutes. Knock on the door, I'm like, yeah. I forget the kid's name, I think it was Dave. This kid comes in the door, I open the door. He's like, it's the door, I'm like, yeah. I forget the kid's name, I think it was Dave. This kid comes in the door, I open the door.

He's like, it's the producer, the kid that produces the shows. Now he's a Chinese kid, but he's from the States. But he speaks Chinese and he lives in China. So he was able to produce American comedy shows in China. And get it done, because he was a perfect bridge. Speak to both of them. Yeah.

So it was him, he was at my door, I'd never met him. He's like, dude, I'm Dave, I'm the guy that brought you up. I'm like, hey, nice to meet you. He goes, what are you doing? I go, well, I've been traveling for 17 fucking hours or something, I was like, I'm just gonna go to bed, I guess, it's quarter to midnight. He goes, you just got to China, you're gonna go to bed?

I go. What a gauntlet throw. Yeah, I know. What a fuck. Yeah. I'm sorry. I thought you were Joe DeRosa. So wow. That's a fuck. So I was like, um, all right. So yeah, let me get the day started tomorrow. Yeah. He's like, I'm like, yeah, what do you want to do? He's like, we're going to a bar. Okay, let's go. So we go down to this bar again dude unrelated to the previous story i started that and i've yet to finish we walk through like woods or something

my hand to god dude the first thing i am doing in china is going to this bar we're out in like thing I am doing in China is going to this bar. We're out in like wilderness to get to it. We cross, I swear to God, a curved bridge over a pond with like reeds sticking out. I'm like, China can't literally look like this. This is ridiculous. Come on guys. It's a pagoda bar.

Yeah, it's like, what are we at Epcot Center? This is ridiculous that it literally looks like this. You're like, is this put on for me? Yeah, it was so crazy. I guess that's why he brought me there because he was probably like, oh dude, you'll see like our super Chinese bar, right? We go into this bar.

It's tiny. It probably could only hold about 30 people. We get in there, I look over, I start, or sorry, I go to the bar with Dave and I start ordering. There's five other people in the bar. Two of them are Chinese people who are up this way. There's three other people. They hear me ordering. I hear this dude go, yo, yo, yo. I look up, it's this black dude, he's with this white chick and some other dude. And he goes, yo man, you from the States? I go, yeah.

And he's like, my man, what the fuck are you doing here? I was like, what the fuck are you doing here? What about you? Yeah, at least I'm white. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. He's like, you know, whatever his name was, he's like, my name's Chris, man, I'm from Detroit.

What's he doing there? He was there, he was like a transplant, that was there to work. Wow. He goes, where are you from, man? I go, I live in New York, dude, I came in from Queens, I'm here to do comedy shows. You should tell them that you were raised

in West Philadelphia, born and raised. Yeah, yeah, I wrapped that. Spent most time. And dude, he goes, this guy, this was so ridiculous. It was so perfect for my personality. Immediately, dude, the guys goes, well, we're doing shots right i knew it i knew it i knew it and you're like bro thank you for making me feel at home let's go baby for those of you don't know jota rosa is the king of killing a bar hang by introducing shots at 2 a.m.

2 a.m i start bringing them out at 9 30 the The beginning shots I'm okay with. Once we're all fucking toasted and feeling great and Joe's like, Sean's like, we're all going to throw up. Like, no, it'll be fine. Invariably, you're gone 11 minutes after that late shot. Yeah. You're just like, I can't seem to go home. It's a subconscious way of putting myself to bed. Come on, don't be a pussy.

We're partying. And then you're gone. It's my brain being like, why don't you go home before you do something? You really were knock yourself out So the guys like let's do shots and I'm like apps of fucking Lutely, what are we doing? I go I go let's do Jager bombs is back when I used to love doing Jager bombs back then he goes nah, dude No, he goes we're doing For Christ sakes what's the shit was He goes, we're doing, for Christ sakes, what's the shit? He goes, we're doing wasabi. That's the, wasabi, right?

The horseradish. He goes, we're doing wasabi bombs. Wasabi bombs. I go, what is that? What the fuck? He goes, it's, it might have been rice wine, I don't remember if it was sake or not, but I think it was vodka.

He goes, it's chilled vodka, and it's got a dollop of wasabi in it do we're in China it's real fucking wasabi it's not the green shit you get at the mall sushi place yeah if this shit dude they dumped this into the glass is it wasabi Japanese yeah yeah we're okay my point is we're over there yeah yeah that's like being like is it barbecue more Texas we're down here yeah they've got it it's Louisiana we're close enough they've got it so that's good thanks so um dude they threw this shit into the vodka. It looked like a fucking spore from a plant.

It like splintered out almost. And I was like, I looked at it, I go, bro, how bad is this? He's like, you're gonna love it, dude. We do these shots, dude, that's the worst fucking shot. It was so fucking horrible. It burned so bad. But like we put him down and I was like, God damn it. The guy's like, welcome to motherfucking China, man. Let's go.

So dude, we, we, we start getting fucked up. Me and this dude, eventually the David kids like, uh, I gotta go, dude. Like it was your idea to come out, man. And he's like, I gotta go dude. Like it was your idea to come out man. He's like, I gotta go. I'm like, bye. The guy who was like running it. Yeah. I was like, I'm good man. I'll figure it out. Not thinking. Dude, what a freeing moment too where you're like, I think I'm settled. Yeah.

I'm solid. Go ahead. I don't need a handhold anymore. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But you do. Not even thinking. Not even thinking. There's not a single English street sign, right? No nothing dude not forget single English any Letter or character you could ever recognize It's insane. Yeah, you're on another planet. What is upside down Bush mean?

You're on another fucking planet. It's the most foreign place I've ever been to. So, he leaves. Eventually this guy's friend, oh, forget this, I don't forget this, we went to toast at one point and I dropped my glass and I went to catch it and as I caught the glass it was hitting the bar top and when it hit the bar top it shattered as I caught the glass it was hitting the bar top and when it hit the bar top it shattered as I caught it and I sliced my whole hand open on the glass and this girl he was with picked glass out of my hand with her bare hands and like

tended to my wound got like my own blood on her hand and shit I was I was never more welcomed anywhere in my life by strangers. Fucking nice. Yeah, Americans welcoming me into China. Anyway. I thought you were gonna be like, I drop a glass and they're like, you have to commit suicide now. Yeah, yeah, you have to scream.

That's how Japan is. Japan is like, you spoke in public. I have decided this bar, I'm so so sure. Be my second. So they leave and just me now and the Chris, the Detroit dude are there. And he goes, he goes, uh, that's where he got, he goes, you like pussy, man?

What a loaded question. Cause you're like, yeah, but that you're asking is a. Well, I was like, you were already aces with the shots question. You're two for two on this one. I do love pussy. Yeah, but that you're asking is a, Well, I was like, you're already aces with the shots question. You're two for two on this one. I do love pussy.

I was like, bro, I just happen to love it. He goes, uh, he goes, you want to go to the, uh, to the massage parlor? I go, fuck yeah, dude, let's go. I was hammered. I was fucking hammered. That's your spot too. The massage parlor. Joe's also the king of calling a massage parlor and be like, and no one with questions to ask, like how many people working right now? Is it the good crew or not? I've called once in a while. Yeah.

So he called the gay one by accident. Yeah. He called the gay cause they don't really tell you on the thing and he goes, Hey, you know, a lot of girls work in the guy goes, you're calling the wrong place. All right. Trust me. Call another one. I forgot I was with you when I did that. You're always like, I should just go to sleep and you're like, yeah, you should. You go, yeah, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna follow that. I'm going to go part with some money. That's so funny, I remember that. The guy was like, ah, well, I'm working.

I was like, I'll see you later. That's not what I meant. All right, bye. Do do do do do do. So we go to this place. He took you somewhere else. He took me to a Rub and Tuggy. And we go, right? I go into the room with a girl. I get a massage. I get a handjob again

It any fucking oddic. I'm in fucking China, dude a place where They will hop out of a van and put a hood over your head and throw you in and put you in jail Nobody even knows you're in jail. You don't get like a phone call and shit. Fucking moronic. This is the first of several moronic things I did in China. Hey guys, remember the old days of edibles? Remember when you've got something that meant something? Meant something to put some care into it? For a while the banana bread was kicking around and if you got that banana bread you knew that guy who made that banana bread cared about what he put into your body.

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and discounts provided by Cash App, a block, ink, brand. Visit cashapp.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Dude, how was the place? Damn, if I could remember, it was fine. I mean, it was good enough. It's like asking how was the Burger King? Was it set up just like a regular Rub and Tug here?

Or is it like? I guess. Okay, okay. Yeah, it was beds and rooms and you get a massage and then the lady tugs you off and you leave. Yeah, Rub and Tug. Everybody was nice. They didn't speak English just like here.

So, I'll tell you the good thing about a massage parlor in China, no trafficking. They're there. They live there. No chance of the trafficking. I don't approve of trafficking. I'm not making light of it. Anyway, well, Chris. This podcast stands strong against sexual trafficking over international borders.

State to state, we have no, we're not weighing in on that, but international borders we're against. Uh, how about that Diddy? Anyway, so now, so we, we're, we're in there. I got a massage and hand job. And, uh, there's not really much to that part. It was what it was. I remember she did a thing. I remember she did a thing. She didn't blow me, but I remember she put a condom on my penis and she did a thing where after I was erect she put a condom on my penis and she would do a thing

where she took a sip of cold water and she would go like that on my penis and then she would take a sip of really warm water and do it again. And so you could feel the difference? Yeah, and then just till you were at the point of crazy arousal and then she took the condom off and just did a hand job.

It was pretty amazing. Wow. That was pretty amazing. I've never in my life encountered a woman that ever did that. Hear that American Rub and Tug ladies? Step it up. Or American wives.

Yeah, true. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. She went back and forth cold water hot water. It was pretty wild. It was pretty cool and to this day whenever I think of it I'm like how much water did she have in her mouth? Like what was the trick? Was it just that her mouth felt colder than hot or did she actually have water in her mouth? You know? Yeah. It was weird. Anyway, it was cool. Yeah. Well, research next time you go back. I leave the room, and I go into the lobby, and I go,

hi ladies, of course they barely speak English. I'm just looking for my friend. Yeah. They go, he left. They go, what? And they go, he left. They go, what? And they go, he left. And they go, no, no, no, you must be mistaken. That's my new friend from Detroit.

Yeah, my Detroit friend did not leave me. That doesn't sound very Detroiters. They go, no, no, he left. He left. At first I thought they were saying he laughed. Like he's laughing at you. And I was like, why was he laughing? Then I realized they were saying he left. And I was like why was he like that I was like Reza saying he left and I was like and I was like no no

no he's got to be back there somewhere and they're like mm-hmm you're fucked dude I wore even are you I don't know yeah you know I mean you were in your hotel for six minutes you don't even know where it is. No, I walk outside. Dude, I'm in a dark street in Shanghai. I think I'm still in Shanghai, right? I am having an almost full on panic attack. I'm like, this is it. I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die in the fucking street here. Somebody's gonna kill me. This is, I am a, this is it. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die in the fucking street here. Somebody's gonna kill me. This is, I am a, because by the way, dude, in China, you, in certain parts, like when I would stand on the corner, on the street corner, this was way less the second time I went. The first time I went, I would stand on a street corner

in Shanghai or in Beijing. Dude, they like would just stare at you because they were like, this guy looks like nobody here. Wow. You were like the odd one out, you know? That's cool. So I was like, I'm standing out here like a sore thumb. It's three o'clock in the morning, maybe even four. Dude, I'm just like, I do cabs even come through here? Dude, I don't know what to do.

What would you even tell a cab? Well, cabs start coming, I'm stopping them, they're like, and they just pull off. I'm like, oh my God. You're like, hi sir, thanks for stopping. Turn the meter on for this, and I'd like to go to the Radisson Inn. Dude, I am freaking out, freaking out

right so I eventually a guy stops I show him the card of where I'm staying. Yeah that's the secret. Right he can't read it because the fucking card is in English. They give you an English card if you're from America. So you can try to whatever, translate it. It does you no good. He can't read it, but this guy, this fucking saint, he goes, he goes, and he motions me to get in. He doesn't drive to my hotel. We pull up to a hotel, dude, I couldn't even remember, like when he pulled up, I was like,

is this the hotel? Cause I don't remember what the fuck it looked like. I was there for two seconds. Right. And, uh, he goes, he goes, no, no, no, no. And then he goes inside. To translate.

And he, cause he knew that they could translate at this one hotel. Wow. And the lady is like, and tells him where to go, and then he goes, come on, and he gets me back in the cab, and he takes me, and he brings me to the hotel. And he's like, I tipped him like, dude, I had no money, I was making no money, I think I, I'm not exaggerating, I think I tipped him a hundred American dollars. What?

Like whatever the equivalent of that was. What? That made me so mad? Because I was like, you just saved my life, dude. Like, I could've died. And then I went to bed, and that was my first night ever in China. What a fuck, that guy was right to get out of that. I can't believe I almost skipped that story

to go right to the other story. Yeah, it's the other one. This is first in order, and it's relevant to the other one. This is why we have writing classes. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Wow and so then okay wake up at 11. Now Jesus what a first night. There's another story on this trip that I I'll circle back. Okay. Let me now hop to the next trip. Okay. And I'll go back to the. Let me now hop to the next trip. Okay.

And I'll go back to the second dumbest thing I've ever done in China, which was after that show where the comic goes, so he goes, I got a bar you wanna check out. And this is after the show where I made the joke about cocaine. I go, great, why do you think I like it? He goes, you like dive bars, I know you're,

now at this point, this is only a few years ago, my. I know you're now at this point. I'm this is only a few years ago My people know you alcoholic reputation has preceded me at this point. He's like we know what you're So He takes me Again, dude, we're walking and all of a sudden you're getting like yeah Shanghai again And you're kind of in like weeds woods and shit and I'm like I Go to him by the way. There's like 15 of us walk into this fucking bar. I Go, bro. Where the fuck are we going right now? He goes dude. Trust me I got you dude truck and I didn't think he was misleading us

I just was like this is crazy like this is these are like houses and shit we turn the corner of this place and all of a sudden there's this opening and there's a fucking bar there that looks like an Austin style bar. Meaning it was a freestanding bar. It had a deck and stuff, looked kinda punk rocky. In the woods, this is a horror movie. Not like

hardcore woods, but just enough wilderness. And look, some of this is us living in New York for so long. You see two trees, you're like, what is going on? You know what I mean? That's our, the woods. Yeah. So we walk into the bar, it's this punk rock bar and it's all east coast new United states punk rock stuff And I go wow What is this? This is incredible. He goes dude, you're from philly, right? I go. Yeah, he goes the guy that owns this place is from philly. I go dude. I just got chills telling the story I go Shut the fuck up. He goes. Yeah, i'll introduce you. He introduced me to this guy. This guy's like, dude, this is awesome that you're out here. We start talking. He's a musician from Philly. I'm a musician from Philly.

We have friends in this. I play music. I'm not saying it like I'm fucking Stravinsky. Just sort of said it like that. I didn't look at punk rock barge. I guys see if we can find it. Is this it? If that, that could be it. It might be time out. No, no, that's the name of the newspaper. But I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. That kind of sounds like what it would be.

Okay. But go ahead. And I'm like, I don't know, like, I don't know. That kind of sounds like what it would be. What would it be called? Yeah. Um. Okay. But go ahead. Anyway. Yeah. We know, we have friends. You're both well-known musicians from Philadelphia.

We have friends in the same bands. Wow. We have mutual friends. What? In Shanghai. And we're talking and he's like, he's like, dude, I'm like, I'm like, he's like, he's like, you know, Flagged Democracy? I'm like, I know him, but I never met those guys.

Man, we used to, I used to run into one of these guys called Grady. He's like, I'm like, he's like, he's like, you know, flag and democracy. I'm like, I know him, but I never met those guys, man. We used to I used to run with these guys called Grady. He's like, I fucking know Grady. I'm like, you know, Wally, he's like, yeah, I'm like, Kit and Kevin. And those are some of my best friends. He's like, those guys are fucking great. I love those guys. I saw them play at Stalag 13. I'm like, fucking Stalag 13, like, dude, we're we're going. It's awesome, dude. Yeah, it's awesome, dude. Yeah.

It's awesome, dude. And he's got all American booze. We're drinking Miller Highlifes and doing shots of fucking Jack Daniels. I'm like, this is awesome. I'm having the time of my life. Then the kid that led us there comes up to me. Now keep in mind, keep in mind,

you have one app in China for everything. WeChat? I think it is WeChat. That's your ride share, texting, social media, like everything is. The government's like, we wanna just put it all in place so we can track it. Yeah, so we can monitor. Yeah, but it all works.

This is two hours after I was warned to, I even tell a cocaine joke on stage. Yeah. This kid goes, when I get some coke, I was like, one thousand percent. I want to immerse myself in the culture here. I was like, I'm in Philadelphia as far as I'm concerned right now. Let's go, dude. Wow. I go, do we need to worry?

Cause you said like, you know, the WeChat and all that is kind of dangerous. He's like, don't worry, dude. Let me, let me deal with it. I go, okay. He walks off. He comes back. He's like, we're good, dude. It's on the way.

This is the Brittany Griner story. She's like, nah, this should be fine. This shit shows up, I don't know who brought it, I didn't see it come in. And he's like, all right, and it's like 45 minutes later, he goes, wanna take a trip to the bathroom, dude? I'm like, yes, dude, let's go, dude. Dude, we start ripping shit. How was the coke? Fucking yes, dude, let's go, dude. We start ripping shit.

How was the Coke? Fucking great, dude. It was up until 9 a.m. Wow. It was up until 9 a.m. They have 24-hour bars in Shanghai. I was up until 9 a.m. We went to a new bar at 7 a.m. or something,

whenever this guy finally- The bar after daylight? Yeah, and I had shows at 7 p.m. I remember I was it was one of those nights where you're waking up for the show at 5 and you're like I want to kill myself right so tired what did I do yeah what did I do I guess if you know me and you know stand-up comedy you know I have the worst butt in stand-up comedy yeah my hemorrhoids are legendary legendarily bad the blood you've heard about is all true.

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What did you think I was gonna say something else? No. They're easy to install. I mean, quite easy. Even I could do it. Yeah, as terrible as my butt is, my handyman skills are even worse and I was able to install. I mean quite easy. Even I could do it. Yeah, as terrible as my butt is, my handyman skills are even worse and I was able to install a Tushy bidet with no problem at all. Why don't you get yours? Keep your

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It was fucking wild. I remember I stopped at a gas station at 930 in the morning on my way back to the hotel. This time I made sure I knew where I was staying, I knew how to get back because I learned my lesson from the first time. But yeah, I did. Dude, I was staying. I knew how to get back because I learned my lesson from the first time. But yeah, I did dude I did coke across Barroom bathrooms in Shanghai. I Mean so fucking cool. It's and he wasn't worried about getting arrested or anything. He was this kid was real flippant

He didn't give a fuck He was like, don't worry about it, dude. We're good they told me that they only care about the drugs that the Chinese are doing and so if white people want to kill themselves like we're not gonna They told me that they only care about the drugs that the Chinese are doing. And so if white people wanna kill themselves, they're like, we're not gonna crack down on those. Like don't bring them in, but like, we're not gonna crack down that hard.

Maybe that's the case. Opium though, be like, no, no tolerance. Oh, well, yeah. But I don't know, maybe that's the case. I don't know. That's crazy. But it was one of the, look, it's a memory of memories. It's like, I'm so happy I did it. I don't regret doing it when I look back

I'm like that was fucking moronic. No, but it wasn't moronic You can't point to a situation where everything worked out great as a bad thing well It no I agree but like, you know Keith Robinson and I were talking the other night and It was me and Keith and Naim, this kid Naim from Philly, comic. And we were talking and Naim goes, he goes, he goes, you're not truly straight

unless you've endangered yourself for pussy. And we were laughing and Keith goes, what's the dumbest shit you ever, I go, oh dude, I've taken my life into my own hands, easily. Like I don't mean like, I didn't use a condom and I should have, I mean like, I've walked into dangerous-

We're like, this seems like a trap. Yeah. If this was for food, you'd be like, let's go get something somewhere else. Yes, which is my last story about China, which I'll wait to- I somehow outdo these first two, but. Before that, do you remember?

I'm not going to tell it yet, but, but my point is, is like, I'm speaking to you saying you can't look back on something. You can look back at something and go, I'd say that was very dumb to do. It worked out. Thank God. Did you drink any of their booze? Um, yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm sure I had plenty of sake and, wait, is sake?

I thought sake was Japanese. Is that Japanese? Sorry, that was racist. What's they have, baijiu, is that it? Isn't baijiu, what is baijiu? I think I had Chinese whiskies. Oh, that's Japanese. I mean, I must have. There's no Chinese whiskey.

There must be. Maybe everything in China is westernized. Maybe there's counterfeit everything. Baiju, isn't that the drink, it's the most well-drunk booze in the world, Baiju, China's national liquor. You must have had. I'm sure. Being you. Yeah, I'm sure I drank.

There were so many expats there that not just were involved with the shows, but owned and operated There were so many expats there that that not just Were involved with the shows but owned and operated the venues So when I would get to the venues these guys were excited that I was there and then they were like welcome Dude, you got to try this. This is the first thing I drank when I got here, you know all that shit They took me to get Peking duck. I had real Peking duck. Like I had the actual thing. It was wild, you know? What I found was that all the expats were like, hey we did the Asian thing for like a month

and now we've been here for years. We just wanna eat pizza and burgers. And it, maybe understand what Chinatown is here. Where they're like, yeah we eat our own food that we grew up on. We all try to slice a pizza and then we're like back to fucking cat eyeballs. That's a great point.

That's a great point. That's a great point. It's weird because like, uh, fast food and stuff. I, I try to hit McDonald's in every country I go to. Such trash. Cause I want to see like what their deal is. I'm like, what is their McDonald's? It tastes different everywhere. It's weird. It tastes different. What do they have there? Did you ever go to Disney world and they have the Cokes from around the world at Epcot Center it's the same thing every Coke tastes different it's weird. They had

in Thailand they had like burger brown sticky rice. Yeah. They had fried chicken in China I didn't get it though because it was during bird flu the first time I went. Oh yeah. Second time I went they had a chicken sandwich it was awesome and then they had totally different off the menu thing. Like not, no, it was on menu. It was like a normal, not an American menu thing. No, I never saw fried chicken here. The second time I went, they had a chicken sandwich. It was awesome that we don't have here. And they had like fried dough,

like a fried dough thing that was fucking amazing. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Fried dough. Yeah. It was a good, it was like a Chinese dessert that they had at McDonald's. that was fucking amazing. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah fried dough Yeah, it was a good it was like a Chinese dessert that they had at McDonald's. It was really good Let's see what the best items are This guy's eating a 53 McDonald's. Let's see is he getting China Look at that dude. You don't want chicken ham pie from McDonald's. Yeah, you don't want that. I do Hokkaido burger look that is, a burger with rice on it. Wow.

You know they just have weird shit that we don't, oh no it's mashed potato. Oh that's cool. Yeah look at that. Teriyaki rice in Thailand. McDonald's. McDonald's chicken teriyaki rice. Yeah well they have poutine in Canada and Montreal.

Wow a fucking pineapple burger. McDonald's, step it up. Fuck the salads. Denmark has potato chips. This guy's committed his life to this. Yeah. Wait, so now let's, do you remember it being expensive, not expensive, anything?

No, I remember it being quite affordable. Did you have a bathroom problem there? China? No. Did you use regular shit to sit down in toilets? Did you have a bathroom problem there? China? No. Did you use regular shit to sit down toilets? Did you have to deal with the squats? You don't remember. No, I mean, because everywhere I shit was like,

it was like my hotel or something. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure like there were places in public where it might've been an issue. But no, it found it very affordable. The, you know, look, again, like a lot of it is, a lot of it's really westernized. So China also doesn't they don't really enforce like bootlegging laws and stuff. None. So you can get you buy shit and you're kind of like, I think this is real. I can't tell. But like they like PlayStations at this one place for like $100. I was like that they

must be knockoffs or something. You know,. I think that what they do is that the factory is like right there, they're like, you taught me how to make them, the factory next door just hires you. Well what they do is they're exactly the same. People take the blueprints and just make them, and then there's no way to enforce somebody doing that. They don't care.

Against somebody doing that, yeah. But I remember I went to get food. The second time I was there, the guy that I was with, he was taking me to the traditional food markets and stuff. You don't care for it? Well, some of it was awesome. I did go to a real, we went to a Chinese restaurant

and did like gelatin noodles and all that shit. And that was awesome. Because it was like, this is what real Chinese food is. This is what it is in a sit down restaurant here. But then you go to the markets where it's more like the food courts Whatever and that's where they had like the stinky fruit and all that shit and like the the

The toad the moldy tofu and all that shit I Couldn't I was like I was like take me I'm gonna try it and I couldn't it was so fucking grossed. It smelled so bad I couldn gonna try it and I couldn't it was so fucking gross dude smelled so bad. I couldn't do it It's it's interesting though Cuz like your fun time in in China is just doing the stuff that you would do so it's like it opens itself up to you You know like if you're a skateboarder like there had there has to be a good like skate park there for you to enjoy yourself Yeah, you're like you're a bar guy and like we have cool But it's like I always say like what if someone's visiting New York

We're like either you take them to the Empire State building and the fucking Statue of Liberty and fucking Wall Street or whatever to see it, or you'd be like, let me show you some cool bars to hang out in. And that's a more real New York experience. I went to the great, because the elevation of the memory and of the bond and of the human connection, when you're in that new setting, that foreign setting, it's, it's immeasurable.

I went to the great wall. I could have given two shits. I looked at it. I stood on it. I was like, yeah, I mean, there's no way to capture it with a camera. Nah. There's no way.

These guys all did great jobs, actually. You know. These are amazing photos, but. I was talking to a friend of ours. I was talking to a friend of ours, and you were there when we were having the discussion. And I said, when I make these trips, I don't try to capture, meaning on the phone, I don't try to capture

the god moments. Oh, right. And that person was like, what do you mean by the god moments? And I was like, the moments that are too big to do justice on film, if you go to the Grand Canyon, if you stop and look at a mountain range, if you visit the Great Wall, that's a god moment.

There is no way a picture is ever going to translate what you are looking at. A big moon. Yeah. A big, exactly. Like you're never gonna get it. You take pictures of the human moments so you remember here's the guy that I was with in the bar and I ran into, you know, and whatever. So my point is, is like. Was Weinstein. Huh? Me, you and Harvey Weinstein were hanging out. Was Harvey Weinstein? I remember he was like, that's really interesting. Yeah, yeah. He was jizzing into a plant. Come on, man.

Don't be aggressive. Yeah. I said, see, I wouldn't take a picture of this. This is a God moment. Yeah. So it'll do the picture of the justice. But. Yeah, you're right.

That's smart. So don't get wasted time and like trying to like capture it and change. Yeah. And with that said, and I mean this honestly, the God moments, they're nice man, I appreciate them, but I don't ever appreciate, I was on a road trip once, I was driving, when I bought my truck in LA

and I drove it back to the East Coast and I zigzagged everywhere, I didn't go straight across, it was amazing. And my favorite moments from that trip are not the amazing sunset I got to see in the mountains of Utah. That was awesome. My favorite moments were like,

I go to this steak place, I sit at the bar because I'm alone, I meet some dude next to me who starts telling me how he's a rock and roll journalist, and he starts telling me how he used to be on heroin and we go out drinking. And then I just have this night with this dude I just met. I had a fucking blast. That's the shit I remember.

That's the shit I really, because for whatever reason, that moment, cause it's the adventure. It's bigger than proving I saw this thing. It's an adventure. Yeah. It's the adventure. It's why I love New York. It's why I love Austin. These, there are cities It's an adventure. Yeah. It's the adventure. It's why I love New York.

It's why I love Austin. There are cities that offer an adventure. You can go out by yourself and stumble into something pretty easily. I met an Israeli lady in Myanmar and she was like, the tip she got was like, whenever you take a picture, put you and your friend in it. Don't take it of a thing. Right. But whoever you're traveling with, because you're going to forget them.

And then you're like, oh, that guy I met at the fucking zigzag. It's a smart thing. I need to be better about that. But so anyway, yeah, I just, I don't know. So in China, like those are the things I really remembered because it was like, that was where I had fun. It's reminding me of stuff. Seeing World Cup in the middle of nowhere.

I did. I love this. Go ahead. The second night, the night we were in the province outside of Hong Kong. Yeah. It was the night before the first show. That was the first place we touched down. The second visit, we went from there to Shanghai. Okay.

First time we went right to Shanghai. Second time we went. Landed in Hong Kong? We, I don't remember what airport we landed in, but we did something, I don't think it was an actual Hong Kong, but we did something outside of Hong Kong. And the producer of that show took me to a bar. We did something I don't think wasn't an actual hunger. We did something outside of Hong Kong and The producer that show took me to a bar we went to an Irish pub

We found an Irish pub in the middle of this Chinese province Yeah, we walked around all day and did Chinese province shit. Yeah You know and and all that and then we went to an Irish bars are the same everywhere. Yeah. It's insane. You know what you're getting. Yeah. They've nailed it. Well, check this out.

Yeah. There's two Irish guys in the fucking bar. They're the only two guys in the bar. They don't own the bar. They're just hanging out. Those guys were like, why don't do some coke, Lenny? And I was like, yeah, dude. And I got all fucked up with those guys.

And at the end of the night, dude, I remember I go, dude, I got a show tomorrow night at such and such, you guys are coming, right? And they go, fuck no, man. We don't want to go to your show. And I never saw them ever again. They just were like, no, we just wanted to party with you. I was like, but you don't even know who, like, it wasn't like you were like a fan. That was a guy with a big nose.

We just wanted to party with somebody. Oh, wow. Um, the, um, but, um, what do you got it? Why would people just assume we're going to do coke? I just look like it. Yeah. I look like a guy that likes pussy shots and drugs. Um, but, uh, uh, one more food thing. I look like a guy that likes pussy shots and drugs

But uh One more food thing I went to a I went to a place and I tried it was like a buffet style like they had hot This was in Shanghai. Yeah, they had hot What the fuck is that? Like that? Hot so when you when you go and you go I'll have some of this and some of this and you know booze food Oh You know what? I mean? You know when you go to like a like it's like going to like a Panda Express and they have no that's okay Go all the little this but I didn't know what anything was

Because it was all in sauce and it was all like written in Chinese Give me some of that some of that some of that overrides I was just making I just wanted to get what I was I wanted to know what I was getting and there was one Thing that I thought looked good and I go what is that and the lady goes whatever she said and I go I go I'm sorry I'm sorry no no no Chinese and she says it again did you say no Chinese in your version of a Chinese accent I was like hold on I put those yeah. Maybe you can understand this. I was like hold on I turned around I put buck teeth in. Turned back around. Both died. Do you know now? And uh yeah I go I'm sorry I don't understand what you're saying. I don't know I don't know what to do. And she says it again and I go I'm sorry I don't understand what you're saying. I don't know what to do. And she says it again and I go I'm sorry I don't. And she just goes like I swear

to God dude she got so mad and she leans over the counter she goes BOK BOK BOK BOK! Like that. I was like oh chicken. I'll help some of that. Okay then. I was so proud of myself I learned the word for beef so I can know I think it's I think it's Neo maybe it's a long time ago but anyway I was like okay I'm gonna order it give me what beef is give me what noodles are and I said beef noodles and the guy in China in Mandarin and the guy just turns around and looks at this giant menu board of food and he's like 30 of those god like fuck god damn it well you're you're in a lucky position because you

can eat really hot shit yeah and you're like you know so you don't you're not too limited if you get something by accident you're you'll deal with it yeah I'll still go for like my fear was like if it's too hot I'm not gonna be able to handle it yeah you know but like but um, spicy is what I mean. Right, right, right. You know? Yeah. But like, but um. Cheap enough you can just dump it. Yeah, but you know, the uh, yeah I learned um,

and I can't remember now how to say it, but I learned how to say thank you. Sure, sure. Cause I was like how do you say, you know, how do you say thank you, and the guy taught me and he goes, that's gonna go a long way. It's okay if you're like, sorry man, I don't speak Chinese.

But if then if you say thank you in their language. Lights them up. He's like, it shows that you're trying your best. And I was like, okay, I can remember at least thank you. And um. Is it sheshe? Is that what it is? Sheshe.

Say it. Sheshe, that's what it is. Yeah. Sheshe. I think that's what it is. Yeah. She she. I think that's what it is. Sure. Sure. But I mean, look at it written in English.

It looks insane. X I E with a thing. X I E with another thing. Sure. Sure. What are they? What are the things over the letters? We've never, they never showed us that.

It is such a hard language. By the way, there are hundreds of dialects within China. So you'll be in a province and then in that province there's dozens of dialects. That doesn't apply anymore. So you're speaking, you're trying, even if you know one of them, the person you're talking to might not know that one. It's wild. I don't know how people navigate this place. It's crazy. It's really, it's so massive. I mean this is not just scale, but it's like this gigantic area. It should have been like

20 countries. It is. Well, look how small Japan is compared to China. I mean, that's not accurate though. What do you mean? I mean, this boat's the size of fucking all of Europe. Yeah, there's a big turtle over here. Big turtle, that's not there anymore. What is this, like a globe of what they thought the world looked like?

Yeah, I think it's an early like depiction of, of the globe. This is where I like it though. Yeah. But like when, yeah, when guys would be like, we'll have to battle the great sea urchin if we're going to do passage to China. Yeah. Yes. Oh, I don't care.

Can you guys get us some shots glasses? You got to cut this. Oh wait, do we have any regular whiskey though? I don't really like rye. Yeah. We have regular whiskey. Oh wait, do we have any? You have regular whiskey though? I don't really like rye. Yeah, we have regular whiskey. Of course. Oh, Florida Cognia.

Wait, is piggyback part of whistle pig? Oh yeah. It says whistle pig. I'm a idiot. Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey. What's that gentlemen? Jerry Florida Cognia. No, this is a rum.

Yeah. How about that father time? Yeah. Okay. Proof. Proofs in the pudding. Is it over a hundred made in India What?

No, that's a sticker on there. I don't know show me you tell me I'm just making sure we don't need to dilute it. Sometimes with whiskey. It's like 110 proof Yeah, 92. That's not too Sure Let's see what we got there from the drink. Okay, but let's tell that other story. Oh shit. Sure. What was the other one? The other one is... You're going in the woods. There's gotta be a cup in here.

Oh, thank you. Not a professional podcast like the other ones. The other one is, like the other ones? Yeah. You mean Danny Brown? I mean like the other two. A guy who clearly still has residual LSD in his system. He's still working out the old LSD. I love Danny man. He's the fucking best. Did you ever do that show? It's fun. Yeah.

All the shows. You ever been to one of his music music shows No, but I've listened to him a lot told me too I was going for the first time and you were like you're like, oh that guy's so fucking independent and weird. He's great He's the best. Yeah, he does exactly with music what we all Tried to do or should try to do with comedy like it's like yeah like all indie like fuck you I'll put it out. Yeah on you know this label, and then I'll build the cult audience And then I heard Daniel Simonson is a huge man He told me like some of the lore of him Simonson loves it so I was when I met Simonson was like jealous That I was on Danny Brown's podcast. He was like not when I met him

I ran into him at a festival after I did it and Simonson was like oh my god Like I can't believe you're on that cut like he was like god damn it. Yeah. Yeah, sorry He goes he said he got an offer because he's a Detroit rapper. And Eminem took him under his wing and liked him. And then Eminem's manager was like, that's great. Let's get you signed to a label. And Danny Rowe's like, come on, sign with the label, dork. And he was like, what do you mean?

It's a bad opportunity. He's like, beat it, nerd. Yeah, it's wild. Yeah. He's real anti. I love that guy man I love him I yeah that's awesome wait let's talk about the this this third bar story well the third bar story well the third story yeah it's not only the

dumbest thing I've did in China it's also the dumbest thing I ever did for pussy. It's also arguably the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. It's a real it ticks all three boxes here. Yeah. So the first time I was in China, I told you I went massage probably first night. And I remember like on the second or third day I was there. That kid that brought me out not the Detroit kid, but the the Asian kid that brought me over there he was just giving us like a tour around he was showing his stuff and He took us into a bar. Okay

And it was so weird. We went into the bar. There were no dudes. It was all women They were all dressed in white sweaters and khakis. I Was like This is a weird bar No dudes. It was all women. They were all dressed in white sweaters and khakis. I was like This is a weird bar And we left It was back in the days when I could walk into a bar and not get a drink Just be like, oh, that's interesting. Just leave now. What day? I'd be like, wait, why are we leaving? This is 2001 trip or 2003, whatever the fuck it was.

So, so we walk out of the bar and I'm like, that's a weird place. And he's like, that was all prostitutes. And I was like, really? As you're just backing up without your knowledge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to head back in.

The kid literally is like, yeah, dude, fucking gross. And I was like, yeah, it's gross. Right? Hey, I'm going to go back. I'll catch up with you later. You know what? I forgot my watch back in the room. Think I left my boner back in the brothel.

No, wait. Fuck. This is the worst excuse to walk away. Yeah. I need some now and laters. I'll be right back. I got to brush my teeth. I need some now and laters. So, dude, it's just now it's in my head.

And I'm just like, oh, my God, that's so awesome. That's so awesome. That's so awesome. That's so awesome. And I'm just all. They're just hanging. I'm just so corned up from it, right? So it's it's cut to a day or two later, it's my last night there Now we're in Beijing that was in Shanghai now we're in Beijing Beijing is a different story from Shanghai Beijing still had dirt roads in places Beijing in places still looks like you're in like fucking you know Beverly Hills ninja

China you know what I mean the palace is there it still looks like you know like Daniel Sun fucking you know karate kid shit you know in Beijing's where the Great Walls yeah but this all the whole palace there. But yeah, I like that everywhere. The palace is there. Beijing's wild. Yeah, like you're like, there is a modern downtown ish area like that. And then like away from there that we were away from there with like palm leaves. Yeah, we were away from there. They're like street vendors like food vendors

had like scorpions on sticks and shit like that. You know, it was wild. So it's the last night. Do the show. I had a bad last show. It bombed really bad. It was good whiskey. And I'm all fucking revved up. Yeah.

You know? For a bad show. Well, no, because two days earlier I saw a bunch of women in a bar and I was like I couldn't stop thinking about it Such a pig So I Have this terrible show and after the show I'm like, Al, what are you doing? Wanna go out, get drinks? Al Lubell's not a guy that's gonna be like,

yeah, let's go get hammered. He's not a dog. He's a nice guy, but yeah, he's not gonna go out. So, I'm like, yeah, whatever. So I start walking around just by myself, trying to find something to do. This girl comes up to me on a bicycle. She goes, Hey, you American, you American. I go, huh? She goes, girls,

you want girls? I was like, yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I want. Yeah, that's exactly what I want. And she goes, Okay, you follow me, you follow me. I go, okay. So start walking with her. She rides by another guy. She's like, you want girls? Guy's like, yes. She goes, you follow me, you follow me.

So she like pied pipers you? Yeah. Just gets you in line? Yeah, she gets like three or four of us together. And she starts riding. And we're just following her. She's on a bike. Yes.

You guys are walking after. She's riding like extraordinarily slow. She might've even been just walking with the bike, but yeah, she's got a bike and, um, but she's going slow enough that we're able to follow. And she's leading you by your hard ons. She's yeah. Yeah.

She is leading us by our, yeah. You can see like the mist coming out of our dick holes. Yeah, that's like, yeah. And now this time, when I tell you the woods, I mean the fucking woods, bitch, we were going in the woods. You're just following some random hooker chick into the woods.

She's just going, she keeps keeps going just come on. Come on Dude, we walked for like I'm not kidding dude. We're like a mile We're like a mile in this road that cuts through the fucking woods And I at one point I'm like lady where are we going like what the fuck is going on here never thinking idiot You're probably about to get robbed. The minimum didn't even cross my mind. What an easy robbery to just go. Didn't even cross my mind, dude. I didn't even cross my mind. This reminds me of like to catch a predator when it's like what's the guy's name who runs that show? Chris Hansen. Yeah they see Chris Hansen there and like oh so bad but part of This reminds me of like to catch a predator when it's like, what's the guy's name who runs that show?

Chris Hansen. Yeah. And they see Chris Hansen there and like, oh, it's so bad. But part of them is still like, but where is this 14 year old? They're still hoping she's there. The guy's like, if I make a run for it, I might be able to finger out my way out the door. So. Dude, you keep walking, walking, walking, walking. And again, all of a sudden there's this place in the fucking woods.

But this time dude, this is like Hansel and Gretel dude. It looks like we found like the witch's little house where she like lures the kids. Like it was like, it was in the fucking woods dude and uh she's like okay okay and i'm like holy shit the record actually was a place like i guess you know answering grutter we walk in yeah so sorry i apologize we walk in and it's like it's like uh I apologize. We walk in and it's like, it's all done up inside. And the guy's like, okay, and he tells us to sit.

By the way, multiple people peeled off. I think only me and one other guy made it the whole way. Their clocks weren't strong enough. Yeah, it was like climbing Everest. He started losing people along the way. They didn't make it. We were just taking a nap. They didn't have the resolve.

Guys, this pussy's never coming. Yeah, we got to the summit. They didn't make it take a nap. They didn't have the resolve. Just pussy's never coming Yeah, we got to the summit We're in there Guy goes, okay You're the Everest of Chinese hookers. He lines up girls One is hotter than the next they're all fucking smoking He's like you want one you want to you know, I'm like I'll take two. I mean, do you ask for pricing here?

You know, he told me the price. I don't remember what it was, but it was very affordable. Wow. I was like, oh, well then, I will take two, sir. Yeah, multiple then, great. Yeah. And then we went in the room, and it was a karaoke room. Because that's the thing they do there,

where like, they have these karaoke bars, and go into the kid. I found this out later But anyway the karaoke bar is the Meeting room with the yeah is the is the meeting ground whatever she would see what you do is you? They have a bar downstairs. It's like what? Tijuana. Yeah. It's like a bar downstairs. Oh, whoa, inside Beijing's illegal karaoke sex club. No, there you go. I was in one.

That's you. That's Asian Joe, he put on fucking. KTV, that's what they were called, KTV bars. Wow. Cause yeah, karaoke television bars. So I was in one, and yeah, I went into the room. So what happens is, is they say, it's $15 per girl, but then you go into the room,

and then they're like, okay, now it's 75 for the room, you gotta buy them drinks, it's 50 for each drink, you know what I mean? And all of a sudden it's like, shit. And then what you're supposed to do It's 50 for each drink, you know what I mean? And all of a sudden it's like shit and then what you're supposed to do Is I guess strike up a deal to meet them later elsewhere I don't think you can do anything right there and I think that's the loophole of How they meet there to reach you somewhere? I believe so. That's what Tijuana was

It was like this bar area downstairs and some of the poor guys, the poor Mexicans, were just like, I just wanna dance with these girls. But then if you're like, you go how much for a room? That's what Bobby Lee taught me. And they go $71, $72. And then you go to a technically different establishment, it's a hotel right upstairs, but we're in a different place now.

So I'm in the fucking room. Wow, nice. And I'm there and then they start to hit me with all the whatever. You owe us this, you owe us this, you owe us this. And I was like, I don't have it. Oh no. I don't have it.

So now I'm, yeah, now I don't have the money to give them. They put two drinks down. I'm in the room. Nothing's happened, but I'm just... two drinks down, I'm in the room, nothing's happened, but I'm just... And that was the moment I was like, I think I fucked up. I think I really fucked up. I'm about to get robbed. Yeah, you're about to get karate chopped. And for whatever fucking reason, they were just like,

get the fuck out of here. Oh, right, it happens? They weren't, no, they weren't like, no worries buddy, they were definitely annoyed. I mean, Christ, they're sending a girl on a fucking 10 speed into town to lure people out here. You know, it's not a heavily foot trafficked area, you know what I mean? It's not next to a Starbucks. So they

weren't happy about it. But they did let me go. So you didn't fuck? No, there were two guys standing over me being like, you owe us this you owe us this you owe us not the right environment to get hard. No, no, no. Who me? Yeah, no. I think it hard like this. No, I know, dude. And they were like, you owe us, you owe us. And I was like, I don't have it, I don't have it, I don't have it, I don't have it. Every part of this was fucking moronic. I don't know what I was thinking that I could cruise down there with no money and it would be fine.

That like- Pussy. I would follow somebody for this far and it would be fine. That somehow I'd find an affordable sexual experience at the end of the... It was... every part of this was so fucking dumb. It was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life. It was the most danger theoretically I've ever put myself in. And they finally, they were just like, get the fuck out of here.

And I was like, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. And I was like, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. And I left. And yeah, bookending the trip perfectly. I am now standing outside of a place. Outside this brothel. A mile down a wooded fucking road and I don't remember how the fuck to get back to my hotel. A perfect, you thought, not only am I going to do it again. I'm going to follow you to, I'm sure nowhere. Not only am I going to do it again, I'm going to do it in yet another city that I did in the first

time and I'm going to put the woods into the mix this time. There's not even cabs coming by. And I just walked. No, I'm not going to do it again. I'm going to do it in another city. I'm going to do it in another city. I'm going to do it in another city. I'm going to do it in another city. I'm gonna put the woods into the mix this time. There's not even calves coming by. And I just walked. No, I just walked. I was like

I think this is the way. I mean it's a road. I got it. It's gotta be, you know, right? A mile back out. I just walked and walked and walked and walked and when I got back into town I just finally was like, I was like, I think it was this place? And I walked in and it was my hotel or whatever, but like, I was just fucking moronic. It was fucking moronic. The bigger moronic place is going in there. It's all of it.

I'm unprotected here. Every single part of it was the dumbest thing. Did you feel like they were gonna rob you when you were in there? Not even. Yeah, dude, when they started yelling at me, that's, that was the first time the notion occurred to me. You know, they might just rob you, right?

But you hadn't, you don't have the money anyway. I had some money. Yeah. I didn't have the money they needed to make the fun happen. Did you jerk off that night? Christ yes.

Absolutely fucking lutely. Yeah. I was still so horny. I was still horny that whole walk home. That never went away. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I got home. No. None of the horniness ever went away. I just was like

you know. But that's the dumbest thing I've ever done in my life Like it was the most dangerous position. I ever could have put myself in Then I flew him the next morning really There that was like I gotta get this before I go. Yeah, it was like last night. I didn't flew home like With no money Whatever I made I spent while I was there. It's all gone.

You know, flew home another, I was like, oh great, connecting flights now for another 20 hour trip or whatever. Like got back to New York broke. Went back to my apartment in Queens where I lived with Big Jay. Really? And his girlfriend at the time.

And Isabella, his daughter daughter who was like two. So went back to my tiny bedroom just like, ugh. I bet Jay also would have been like, oh, let me tell you about the trip. He goes, no, I got this new PlayStation game I should tell you about. I just figured out how to get to the sixers to the championship.

Yeah. Jay, can I tell you about my whole trip to China? No, but let me tell you a two hour story about how I went to South Orange in New Jersey. Jay is like, alright I'll sit down for this. Exact opposite of this kind of like vibe. Yeah that's fine, Bogart my China story to tell me about the rascals you played this weekend. Oh here it is, it's so big, it's like all the way here, it's like all this. Siberian Empire, all that. Oh, it's Russia.

Yeah. God damn, that's so cool. What, if someone's going to China tomorrow, I'm like hey, I'm going, what advice should you give them? Like bring this, don't bring that? Or anything. What would you, what did you wish you would have done? My number one piece of advice would be, do not follow a woman on a bicycle down a wooded

road in search of pussy. Don't do that. I'd say have the money for it. Don't do that. If you're gonna go, let me go to the ATM first. If we're leaving ATM area, give me a second. Let me get, let me cash up for this. I would say every single thing you heard me say I did, don't do any of it.

Go there, go see the sights. Don't drink, just go have a nice time. I did it, I did it all wrong, but had an amazing adventure and an amazing time and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But if I went back to China, dude, I would not do any of the shit I did on those two trips.

100% you would. No, now I would not. You would. I wouldn't even go back now with how tense Shit is you're not a fucking you're not a political guy Now you're right. Yeah, it would be fine. They still want your dollar. That's true. Okay, I'll go back as long You're not a dissident. You're fine. I'll go back Yeah, we you and I have talked about going to Tokyo that's trying to plan a trip for a while Well, my next question usually asked a lot of you like what's calling you like what what place I want to go to Tokyo. That's what I'm trying to plan a trip for a while. My next question I usually ask a lot of people like what's calling you? Like what

what places do you want to go? I want to go to Tokyo. You, three now of my really close friends have said separately of one another I want to go to Tokyo. We got to get a Tokyo and Fukushima gig and then just like and just like have like eight or nine days. Start in one, do a show, go wherever we want and then do another show. Dude, I'll go to Tokyo with you just on vacation. Just to go. I don't need gigs. You're right, that would be easier. Because that's the thing,

like when we keep trying to regulate it to gigs, it's like, it's gotta be during this season, it's gotta be at this time, whatever. Like, I'll go to Tokyo with you in the fucking summer just to go. We should just go. Yeah, we should. We should, I really wanna go back there.

That's in a, China was really amazing. Tokyo is a different ball game. Where have you never been that you want to go to? Is there anything in your mind? Spain. I've never been to Spain. I've never been to London. Dude, you would... I know. I can't believe it. You would love Spain. The drinking culture there. I think I would love it.

It's a casual buzz the whole day. Don't embarrass yourself. You'd have trouble with that. But, but just as casual drink, vermouth, fine vermouth, so you get a little just tipsy and then the little finger food. You would pass up a pinch and like, and top us. You'd be like, where's our KFC? No, no, wait, wait, vermouth. You, you drink vermouth. It's better vermouth. Just like this. Lourdes Cognac is likeya is like a higher end rum.

It's like just drinking rum, not mixing rum. Their vermouth is like higher end. I didn't know that you could drink just vermouth. I thought you had to mix it with stuff. I might be wrong. Spanish? Aromatized white wine with added herbs and flavors. Okay, so they, okay, that makes a little more sense.

Yeah, so it's like almost like it's like a classier version of a sangria or something. Watch me get in trouble. I'm just getting I'm just getting back from Spain and I want to tell everybody I'm a redneck. Guys you gotta try that one. Man you'd all love it. It's Casa Mario Vermouth and the Negri Yeah, no dude, I want to go that desperately want to go to Tokyo and I desperately want to go back to Italy I Really really want to go back to Italy Italy was pressing me a little more than Tokyo is at the moment

Why what are you looking forward to? It's just the best food. I went, I only went to Rome. There's so much more to see. The food is the hands down greatest food I've ever had in my life. However, Anthony Bourdain said. In the past. And I didn't know this.

I didn't know this. It was after I already said I wanna go back to Tokyo because the food in Tokyo is incredible. He said any chef on planet Earth, if you said where would you want to exist for the rest of your life. No, he said Tokyo. He said Tokyo is as high up that culinary ladder as we go. But I would say Italy, I'm assuming is a close up.

Lundatou, Noma opened up a pop-up in Tokyo. Tokyo food was dope, dude. Because they're, dude, especially fish, they're catching food, they're catching that, dude, it's so, it's amazing, it's amazing. So I would, those two places, Italy and Tokyo. Yeah, what about some travel advice, just general or specific advice to anyone traveling?

Know your ship before you land, man, because every country, including the United States, has their own scams and you got to watch out for it and that's the kind of shit you need to know. You need to know you know everybody focuses on some of the scams. Yeah look up yeah it's not a bad idea look up popular scams in yeah and then everybody focuses on the same shit. Oh my god we're going to France. Which restaurant should we go to? What museum should we go to? What are the shows we need to check out? That's all well and good guys. You know what questions you really need to be asking? What the fuck do we do when we get off

the airplane? Who's ripping you off at the airport? Right away. How do you get safely from your airport to your hotel I will look that up sometimes not until I land I'll get on the Wi-Fi the airport like how much is a cab supposed to be to down yes so when they hit you with 20 times that you go no no no that's exactly that's exactly that's the shit you need to know getting the white cabs not the yellow the yellows are robbers the white cabs are the real ones yeah I've been in other countries and they'll be like they'll be like just you know say I'm just gonna make up gibberish,

but you know, you'll be in some place where English is not the language. And they'll be like, when you meet a cab driver, say no bunny loo or whatever, and you're like, what does that mean? And they go, it means that no bullshit, you're not gonna do the scam, you'll pay this much. You have to say that every time. That's the kind of shit you need to know.

It's Egypt they told me that, Lashahran. It's like no thanks, and they go, oh he's learned enough, just don't bother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's my biggest travel tip. That's not bad. You know? This was awesome dude, thanks.

This was awesome Joe. Guys, it's out right now, I never promised you a rose garden. Yes. It's out right now. I never promised you a Rose Garden. Yes. It's out right now. Available here. I'm just staring there at it. I'll do it like this.

Check out, it's on YouTube.com slash Joe DeRosa or it's on Netflix right now. Yeah, one of those. Guys, go to Hulu right now to see it. I never promised you a Rose Garden by Joe DeRosa. Could be on Shane Gillis or Sal Vulcano's page, who knows? Go see it screened at those nearby Alamo draft house. Yeah, anyway, it's, yeah.

I was there and it was fucking great. Thank you, buddy. It was so much more hopeful than the rest of your stuff. I'm so shocked that you're saying, because I started by saying it's hopeless. I know, but it's not. You're finding joy in these things, you were always a complainer

and a great one. Everyone is like, oh, Europe's the best, Europe's the best. Yeah, I got what we don't have. You know what they say, we don't have ruins. Yeah. That was a nod to Europe. Yeah, it's like Europe sucks, everything sucks, but then it was like.

No, no, that was saying Europe is great for the ruins. Oh really? That was me saying like they learn from their mistakes. They keep them around. We have no ruins in America. So everybody's a fucking idiot. Anyway, but I, I can't disagree with your premise. It was so fun, but it was like, it's like everything starts to like almost like do another thing. I mean, that's what I know. It was funny, dude, cause the final, I was saying to my manager Emilio like we got to that final taping and during that second show which was the one you were at I was halfway through it I was

like oh this is the way I should have been doing this the whole time like sometimes you have that the cameras go on and so all of a sudden that something clicks and you realize the final piece of the puzzle that you never realized where you just go, oh my God, I'm like having fun with this in a new way and I never did it this way before. And it's making it this whole new thing and like that happened on that final taping was weird.

The best was Joe was trying to uh, I have a heartfelt moment afterwards He was like he was like guys. That's it. It's the last time he's ever gonna do his material He's been doing for a year. So it's like he knows like I'm done with it now so it's like an emotional moment for a comedian just like it's it's you Toss us stuff into the wind and let it like fly on its own and he goes Steve Byrne came down here out of his Own bank like he just said said you need an opener, I'll fly down here for free, you're gonna have to pay me.

And then Steve Byrne's in the back, he's already drunk. And he goes, we never agreed on no payment. Whoa, who told you that? It was just fun. But then you're like, is Ari here? And you called me up and you're trying to have this heartfelt moment. And imagine Joe's there and I'm here

and the crowd is over that way. Well, and let me explain the hardtow moment too. So so I call Ari up. Switch seats switch seats so they can see what we're gonna say. Okay. Because this is the crowd will be where the camera is. So yeah. Excuse me.

So Ari um. What's it called? Fear. Yeah Ari. Ari Spears. One time I got an email from the improv saying we want you to come down to Commie Juice and they said, hey Aries, we want you to come down

to the Commie, and I was like, oh I'd love to, we got an extra spot open, and I was like, I'd love to, but I think you might have been sending this to Aries and it might have auto filled, like oh we do, it was like, but you have an extra spot though, right? Like no, it's full. Yeah dude, when I was first starting out, I got booked to headline in South Jersey at some, you know, one of those like hotel

makeshift comedy clubs. Yeah. And I got there. I was doing it long enough that when they saw me, they were like, hey. But then they were like, what are you doing here? And I was like, what do you mean? I'm like, I'm here to do the show.

And they're like, no, we booked Joe DeVito. And I'm like, no you didn't, you booked me. And they're like, oh shit, well I guess just do the show I guess. And that was, you know. Anyway, but the, oh, oh, so I was trying to have a heartfelt moment with Ari because Ari was the guy that during COVID, But um the oh, oh so I was trying to have a heartfelt moment with Ari because

Ari was the guy that during COVID when I said I'm not gonna do comedy anymore or whatever. He said it's too hard I'm not fucking headlining. What's the point of getting canceled for everything on a joke? That's not even bring me because if I'm Segura taking a chance, there's millions in it He goes, what am I doing it for a fucking 40 bucks? It was my whole career. It was miserable Yeah, I think I doing it for fucking 40 bucks? Risking my whole career? It was miserable. Yeah. I think I actually did say that stuff. Yeah. I didn't use SIGOR as an example.

But like, if you're making a ton of money, it's worth the risk. No, that's what my, I think what I was saying, yeah, I think what I said, actually I think I remember, I think what I was saying was like, guys like Tom or like Bert, if some, I'm not saying like there's no consequence of a bad thing happening.

It sucks for anybody. I don't mean it flippantly. I just mean, I was like, if something bad happens to them, there's a security blanket at least of a certain amount of success. And I was like, I just feel like I'm at this place where it's just not fun anymore because if something does happen,

I'm like, I don't know what I would do. I would go work at Walmart. No Walriding jobs, no nothing. Like whatever. And I was like, it's so much, things had become so intense and so crazy, and I was like, this just isn't fun anymore. Now also too. Calm down.

None of us were thinking extraordinarily clearly, it was COVID, it was a very weird time. So I was like, I'm not gonna do it anymore, I don't like this, I don't enjoy it, I'm not doing fucking, also another part of it too was, everybody was doing Zoom shows, and I was like, I'm not doing this. I don't enjoy it. I'm not doing fucking also another part of it too was Everybody was doing zoom shows and I was like I'm not doing this man If this is what comedy is going to be none of us know if it's going to come back It was fucking crazy. It was weird. So anyway, um

Ari called me and was like You should be doing sets. You should be doing spots. Come on, dude Like when they started opening things back up again, I was kinda half-assedly doing it. He was like, no, no, no, you should be doing this, man. Come on, man, push me, push me. I didn't really know why, to be honest. It just, it meant something to me on some, thank you dude, but it meant something to me on some level

that you were pushing me. Whoa. And then, when I did, and when I was gonna and then I was back doing it and then I was gonna just shoot the hour as it was at that time which was completely different than what is a mistake. Yeah. Would have been a huge mistake and you said to me you're like do not shoot it yet it's not ready. Dude I had it set up. I had hired McKeever. McKeever was going to direct it. And then he couldn't direct it because he had to do Gilly and Keeve shit. And he called

me and he was like, dude, I can't do that gig because I have to do Gilly and Keeve shit. And he goes, we can't do it another day. And I'm contractually obligated. I have to do it. And I was like, well, I guess we're not shooting it. But I remember when I told you I was going to shoot it, you said, there's no way it's ready. And I go, you haven't seen it, dude. It's ready. Uh, I don't need three years or whatever. And you went, you went, yeah, cause you're the one. You're the one that doesn't need

to. You're the one guy who just gets it immediately. Yeah. I was like, son of a bitch. I was so mad and I'm mad, but I was like fucking Ari being fucking Ari. And was so mad, not mad, but I was like fucking Ari, being fucking Ari. And then when I saw, and I remember you were doing Jew. Yeah. And you, it was like, I went and saw the taping, and I knew how many years you worked on that.

And I went and saw the taping, and I remember this, dude. I remember so, every conversation I ever had with you about like The amount of money you're putting into the special the amount of time you're putting in the special all of that Anytime I disagreed with you. I went into Jew and I saw what you did from the Backdrop to the to the to the staging to the material every part of it. I was like This is what Ari meant like it was like very it. I was like, this is what Ari meant. Like it was like very obvious.

I was like, this is what he meant. This is so fucking good. This is what he meant, man. And I was like, that was like, I was like, I'm looking, this is a piece of art. This is work. This is a piece of work. This is like watching a band put out a great album.

You know? It was just like, it was not just a live show. It's something, you know, it was just like it was just a live show Yeah, something. Yeah, and that was another part of comedy. I never promised your Rose Garden was thank you. Thank you, dude But that was another part of comedy that I'd become so disenchanted about where I was like I was like all of it is just put the camera up and it's it's an hour of jokes and went and blah blah blah blah Oh, yeah, anyone could direct a special. It's like no get Eric Abrams to do it and actually make it something so I saw that and I was like It was this light bulb moment. So then that's so then when I did the residency

I did a small residency in New York and I made these brochure whatever the fuck they're called playbills and The only person I thanked in the playbill was you. Cause I was like, I never, oh, that's cool, man. Um, I was like, I just wouldn't have happened without Ari. I just know it wouldn't have. So anyway, all of this culminates in snowballs and it all means so much to me.

And then we finally, we shoot the special. You're there. First show happens. It goes great. My family is all at the first show. Yeah. The ones that gave you up for adoption? No, the fake family.

Okay. Fake fam. Bogus family's at the first show. I do the, um, I do the show. I'm thanking people at the end. I'm starting to get like a little choky. Cause like you said, it's kind of emotional. Then we do the second show.

Second show is even better than the first show. And I'm like, okay, now I really have to thank everybody because I was like, this is it. There's no more of this. So I start going through everybody and I start getting really emotional. And I see that you're standing over in the corner and I'm like, I don't wanna say I'm gonna bring him up,

I wanna surprise him by bringing him up. But I was like, but I did. But I was like, fuck, I don't want him to leave. And I'm so trying to get through it, like thanking everybody, whatever. And then I see you and I'm like, oh, you're still there. And I'm like, great. And I go, Ari, is Ari still here?

Ari. And by the way, everybody, this is what a good fucking, not good, great friend, amazing friend Ari is, to so many comedians, and it's one of the reasons I really feel blessed to be able to say you're one of my best friends, man, is like, you will, you support, dude. Like, you go.

Like, I'll be shooting a special in like, Utah, and you're like, let me get on a plane, I wanna come. You know what I mean? Yeah, I've flown for a few. Yeah. It's a big moment. It's really so funny. Shane's like, uh, Joe's trying to get me to a special and I'm like, I'm just going. You didn't even ask me. I'm just going to go. What do you mean? Aren't you 30 minutes away from where he's taping us? By the way, every invite to Shane, I go, I go, dude, if you're around and you can come great. I just want to party.

Like I'm not pressuring you. And then he still translates that as I'm being pressured to do a thing. I'm like, I'm driving four hours to get there. Yeah. Sorry, Shane, that you weren't the 1000% boss of this entire situation. He got to my after party and he goes, we got to go

to a different bar where they're, where they're showing UFC. I go, we gotta go to a different bar where they're showing UFC. I go, we're not going anywhere, Shana. I paid for this place. Anyway, I love you, Shay. Anyway, so anyway, Ari supports. So I look up, I see him and I'm like, I gotta do this last and I'm like, Ari, come to the stage.

So Ari walks up on stage. Crowd's there. Yeah, they're there. Crowd's out there. Yes. Yeah. You walk like that. Yeah.

You just stay like that. They're just sitting in this. Yeah. And I start telling the entire story I just told, and I start almost crying, because I'm getting emotional. I go, god damn it, I'm stopping. And the crowd, by the way,

I got excited that when you walked on as a surprise And the crowd, by the way, I got excited that when you walked on as a surprise, the place was like, yeah, like that was awesome. Yeah, that was cool. That was awesome. And then I start telling the story and I start almost crying. And I'm getting so emotional and I'm like,

God damn it, and now I'm saying to the crowd, I'm trying not to fucking cry. And they're cheering, because I'm starting to almost cry and they're being like, come on dude. And I'm in my head laughing so hard that the crowd has no idea what's coming. Cause I'm just, here I am, regular Ari with regular beard. Yeah. And then like at the peak of emotion, you just go. I'm tearing up with laughter.

Yeah, at the peak of emotion, you just do the, you do the. I go, yeah, it's all all it's all really good to hear Joe Thank you very much and they're just like Fuck I just know it's in my pocket whenever I want and I think I even turn the other way where it's more sharper I'm like To let you cry it was awesome everyone went crazy I refused to let you cry. It was awesome, everyone went crazy. It got the mushiness out of me.

I just was like, ah, you dick. And we hugged each other. Everyone was looking at the monitor, you're fucking grin, Ari, about ruining his emotional moment. It was like, no crying, fuck off, it's comedy. I'm glad we told that story. I wanna release that clip eventually.

That's a really funny clip. That's a great, weird little clip to release buddy. I'm excited for you guys everybody go see Go see so I never promised you a rose garden So I never promised you I just I never promised you a rose garden and then also Tour dates at jodarosa.com I'm out there right now touring the new hour of material. I already saw your dates earlier on Oh, never mind,mind. And then lastly, oh Joey Roses, please go to Joey Roses.

Oh yeah, get a sandwich. I like the Fat Boy, I just heard they said that's a joke sandwich, but that's my favorite one. It's not a joke, no, Fat Kid. Fat Kid. Why is it a joke sandwich? It's not a joke sandwich. I don't think so.

No, it's peanut butter and jelly triple decker with potato chips, what's fucking funny about that? The way you said it serious was funny. Well, I'm just wait I've never heard someone say peanut butter and jelly is that that serious at home? I get annoying when dichotomy is fun people say like things that aren't true. It's one of your chefs Chefs Which artist it is a great sandwich and a cool bar for sure cool hangout bar. It's fun man yeah come by JoeyRoses.com seven days a week but thanks for having me dude

this was awesome. You're welcome thank you everybody thanks booth boys I can't see you anymore because you put up this fucking thing. You got it. All right till next week wait wait wait how do you say goodbye in Chinese in Mandarin? Oh., you know Look it up. No, she no she she's thank you Shoe size shoe size seven or below. Goodbye

What I can there's no T in it. By tan, there's Z A shit, I A shit. That woman is 100% saying a T. She's saying zhai tian. Alright, zai tian. Alright, zai tian everybody. Well everybody, that's the episode. Thank you very much Joe Drosso for coming in.

That was really cool. I have a good episode, for real. Certain ones really put you there and that one put me there. Yeah, it's a wild place. I want him to get back and come talk about Tokyo because he went to this whole theme area.'t know like theme area all video games which is perfect for him. Next week's episode I think is gonna be Paul Verzi talking about Italy. Paul Verzi is probably one of the best guys to talk about Italy because he's one of those fucking chef boyardees. It might be someone else but I think it's gonna be Paul Verzi. Yeah, he went to Italy the Italian way.

Listen guys, I've had my problems over the years with Italians. It's not because of Paul Verzi, it's just because of their overall vibe. I like them sometimes though. I do like them sometimes. They're great to have with you at a tailgate. Go watch Jodorowska's special right now. If you haven't already clicked on it, like I told you to before, click on the link right now below on the YouTube. If you're watching, you should subscribe by the way. Or Spotify, down at

the bottom there'll be a link to it. Just click on it right now, you can get back to it later. Just click on it right now and it will remind you later. Leave a comment later when you do watch it or you can watch it right now. I'm telling you, it's one of the best specials of the year. It's on the best platform for stand-up comedy in the world, youtube.com. It's youtube.com slash at Joe DeRosa comedy. Leave a comment, tell him that every comment is going, will put $2 towards getting him those much needed shoulder implants. I never promised you a rose garden. I was at the taping, I was at the premiere.

It is funny and it is dark in a way that I'm not dark. I'm dark, not like that. It's like hopeless. But he does put you back together at the end. Go see him in Nashville, Portland, Maine, Denver, Austin. Forget where else. There's a couple of other cities. Oh, and Tampa and Providence. That's it. Guaranteed great time. Granted great date.. All tickets are at jodrewoadso.com. Guys, for myself, I'd like you to subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. Also, if you want to get a Shroomfest shirt, now's the time.

It's almost done. I love when they don't move at the double park. I mean, the guy's still just like washing his car. They're honking at him, like, get out of the way so they can do the street sweeping, and the guy's just washing his car. They're honking at him, like get out of the way so they can do the street sweeping and the guy's just washing his car. Sometimes they get out of the car they just leave it to all the parks in front of your car and you have to move and you start honking and they go oh sorry like oh they don't even say I'm sorry they just get in there and like and you're like honking and say you

can't leave you can double park but you got gotta sit in it or be nearby. Ooh, he's mad. Thankless job, sweet sweet bird. Also, it really doesn't do anything. The Ubi Trippin shirts are available right now on the YouTube page right below. Also, the Ubi Trippin stickers. If it don't make it clear, it's a six pack of stickers. It's three colors, tan, blue, and clear.

The clear ones are for whatever you wanna do. But I like to see you put them in your passport. They look like a passport stamp on purpose. The guy who made the Schoenfest shirts that are available right now, hurry up and get them if you want to get them before the Schoenfest holiday. We'll keep selling, but if you want to guarantee and get them before the Schoenfest holiday in your mailbox, you want to order them right now. At least by the end of the week. They're really high quality and they look really, really cool.

But the same guy made those, made the UB Trippin' shirts, the stamp, wear them at your hostels, wear them on the road, it's a fun place to take them on the road, take a picture, send it to at UB Trippin' pod and follow that. There's always extra pictures that they put up, extra details on the episodes, fun clips, follow at UB Trippin' Pod and go say hi to Heather

while you're there. But yeah, put those stickers up in crazy places, like at Anne Frank's house. Maybe not. All sorts of places, from the Louvre, and anything. Put up a UB Trippin' sticker and let them know that you were there, or in your water bottle or whatever. But it's a cool thing to put up a Ubi Trippin sticker, let them know that you were there. Or in your water bottle or whatever.

But it's a cool thing to put up somewhere in the world. Ah, nice. That's the episode everybody. I hope you enjoyed. Thank you. Today's episode was edited by Alan Caffee, it was produced by Your Mom's House Network. The number one comedy network in the world. New podcasts all the time.

Look no further than UB Trippin. I mean, sorry, the YMH for all your podcast quality needs. And go see Tom's, what's it called, TV show. It was really good, bad thoughts. Some of them were really funny. I like, I'm not gonna ruin it, but I like the, I'm not gonna ruin it, but I like the, I'm not gonna ruin the part, but the, the Gun For Hire guy was great.

The old age, I don't wanna get into it. That's the episode everybody, till next week. Sure, sure, everyone, goodbye. Go watch a DeRosa special, I'm telling you it's great. I never promised you a Rose Garden. It's really, really, really good. I'm not joking. Go see it right now.

Go see it right now. Ah, sunburn.