You Be Trippin' - Christina P Goes To Kyrgyzstan | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: September 21, 2026

Follow Christina on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/thechristinap/ See her tour and buy her cosmetics here! https://christinap.com/ SPONSORS: -Get 10% off your first order by using code TRIPPIN at checkout, only at https://zpixtoothpicks.com. MUST be 21 or older to order. Warning: Nicotine is an addictive chemical. On this week's episode of You Be Trippin', Christina Pazsitzky takes Ari to Kyrgyzstan. Way back when Christina and her chick comic friends did stand up for marines in a war zone. Sound pretty epic? How about pooping in bags and burning it, eating MRE's, and sleeping in shipping containers? Christina seemed to have a good time actually. She also talks about her summers in Hungary growing up. кош бол! You Be Trippin' Ep. 137 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:16 - Christina Goes to Kyrgyzstan 00:12:38 - Stand Up in a Warzone 00:22:16 - Iraqi Soldiers 00:28:45 - Back to Kyrgyzstan 00:39:43 - Poopy Toilets & Beautiful Women 00:50:26 - Reintegration 00:56:07 - Holocaust Survivors 01:08:35 - Reminiscing on Pics 01:28:45 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, trippers. Welcome to a brand new episode of UB Tripping. Today, we have the main mommy herself, the high and tight lady, the one who reinvented what a camel toe is. Christina Pishti on the podcast today. Tell us about Kyrgyzstan. Man, bet it. Oh, let's get excited. For a brand new episode of U.B. Trippin with Kyrgyzstan, guys, please do me a favor. Wherever you're watching, listening, please subscribe. YouTube will just randomly unsubscribe you sometime. So do me favor, click the subscribe button again, leave a comment, and pretty much just, as always, reached out to the

guess and tell them you're having it now you're having a blast listening to them um i'm rjafir this is christina positzi kurgistan you be tripping starts now because you usually grow up in well in eastern europe the same apartment your ancestors grew up in is where you will fucking grow up in because you don't buy property in Budapest you nobody can afford that everybody's just you just stay in rental you stay yeah in some apartment that the russians owned and now and now you i don't know who the fuck owns but But my family there, they've all been in the same apartment in Budapest. So what is what does the credit system change it?

Because you can go, I want to buy a house. Cool, go to the bank, ask for a loan. Oh, yeah. You want to, you want here, we'll loan you whatever for your house. Can't do that shit anywhere else. Oh, there it is. Yeah, that's it. That's the exact.

Oh my God, I found it. Nice. Facebook comes in handy. Holy shit. So is Jody Miller. Oh, you want to Jody Miller? Oh, you're on, Judi Miller. Yeah.

Yeah, of course, Sarah Tiana, Jody Miller, myself. Okay, oh, I'm so excited. Are we rolling? Okay, we're rolling. But let's start. Where you've been and where you're going. This is our Reese's travel show. Yeah.

We're going to talk about travel today. It's you. Guys, welcome to you be trippin. It's a travel podcast. So if it's the first time tuning in, it's an informational podcast that is not related to correct information in any way. It's just about someone's trip that they went on. So we got a lot of shit wrong, but all we do is talk about what happened. I'm joined today by one of the Quad County, Austin's top leading hairdressers and goth enthusiasts,

Christina Pazitsky. Ari Shafir, I'm so happy to be here. I love you so much. I love you too, bud. Now, before we get into this, which I can't believe my pictures are still on Facebook, but it's great that that's how we dug this up. Yeah. It comes in handy.

I just want to say thank you because when my life exploded in London, you just happened to be on the way to this pub and I was hanging out with Francis Foster and I looked at my phone and TMZ had just blown out my shit and you walked in. I don't know if you remember that you said this, but you go, well, I'm getting a divorce, huh? And then you go, you know, Bert just called me and told me, shit, I wish I would have known that before I agreed to come here. That was probably the most sincere and, like, funniest thing. I wish I'd heard the next day. Like, I'm on the way to meet you. I'm like, oh, cool. Christina's here, Francis.

I'll hide some friends. I haven't had any friends there. And then on the way, they're like, this massive thing that you'll need a day to be able to fake this that you don't know. And I'm like, oh. And then I'm like, I, yeah, I heard. But also, what a bummer for you. Like, now you got to deal with this bitch whining about. I'm all in the tube going like, hell yeah.

And she's drinking. I heard you smoking sticks again. Woo! And they're like, it's gonna be party! And I'm like, you're gonna be a crying in a logger.

That's so good. But I'm so thankful for you being there. I really, like, just having you a familiar face was like everything. So I just want to tell you thank you for that

because that really was like a horrible day. Especially you're isolated. Yeah. In another country. I just have an old timer like there with you randomly. That was fucking,

so amazing that you just happened to have moved there like what two weeks no a month tops maybe less maybe like three or four weeks yeah just got there so I was also like sick I need I need a friend yeah you were too wild yeah anyway show is cool you always just like that it shows just like what a gothic queen yeah a dark lord yeah dude wow why don't you mean well I'll tell you something yeah I in my now that I've had cancer and face mortality and you know, I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm like, just do the thing. Just dress crazy.

Just have fun. Who cares? Yeah. Yeah, I want to dress like a gothic queen. And I fucking am and I will be. I'm undead, dude. I'm like Bella Ligosi. I fucking beat it.

And I'm gonna rip a dart now to celebrate. We did our 30 seconds, but you can't smoke in the first 30. We're good. I'll let them up. Are we not supposed to smoke in the first? Remember when you weren't supposed to curse in the first 30 seconds?

Oh, because you get pulled on. Yeah, so I'm like, I'm here with a friend. Don't mention. Crazy. Person. I know, especially because your mom's house, it's all opening clips of like butt fucking and... Yeah, murders, deaths. Bleed outs.

How many stab wounds is too many? Next, on your mom's house. Right now. Wait, so how do you even like living in England? Like, what have you felt so far? It's okay. It's just not a, is that a coo? Is that a black cooie?

Meos. Is that new? What's a black cooie? That? That one's mine. This? No, that's a black plague. Oh, that's a black plague.

Oh, cool. This set is killer, dude. Oh, I don't like that. That's horrible. Yeah, the set's killer. Dude, it's so good. The detail in this shit. Some of this is like my shit.

That's from a Tigris delisi game I went to. That's all Ecuadorian. Did I fucking pay for this? No, I pay for this one. But I'll tell you what, though, when they were like, it's going to cost this much money. I'm like, can they swing it? And I go, who do you think they is?

And I'm like, fuck, okay, let's do it. No, we'll get you lunch. Yeah, thank you. Worth every penny. Wait, what were we saying? Oh, it's been all right. But I want to get to this trip. I want to get to you in Kazakhstan.

Because I didn't know you were there. I thought we were going to get hungry. I'm like, what? You went to Kazakh. So what's his name? Borat is from Kazakhstan. Okay. Kyrgyzstan is a different shithole,

not unlike where Borat is from. in Kazakhstan. You need an ashtray or a lighter? I got one. So in, I think it was 2009. I didn't have children. Tom and I were newlyweds. And Sarah Tiana.

You live in the flop house and the church? We live, yeah. We lived. You had to go through an AA meeting to get to their home. So poor. So far.

I don't really go through like, I know I've also suffered. I was just. Anyway, hey guys. I'm here. That's so scary. The poorest years of my life. Yeah.

So when I got offered. So Sarah Tiana is very involved with, you know, veterans and doing service. Oh yeah, she's way into that. She's way into it. And as am I, because I very much love America. I am very pro-America. And I was like, I don't have kids.

Let me do this crazy trip, because Sarah was like, we're going to Afghanistan. Jody Miller, you and me, and it'll be the first, I think she said this, I don't know, the first all-female comedy tour to to tour Afghanistan. What a fun girls trip. That's crazy.

They usually go to like AC. That's a crazy girl trip. They come here. They come to Austin all the time. We're like, we're wearing our pink cowboy ass. We're going to leave them at the airport. I know, not me.

I'm like, let's go to Afghanistan. I want to see the shit. So it's an all chick. Yeah. So also too, like, I've never, have you done a war zone? No. Posey?

No. My people have created. one. This is true. Yeah. So, um, my dues go. Oh,

fuck, dude, that's Kandahar. Okay. Okay. So this trip changed my life in so many fucking, goddamn, dude. You guys are bringing me back to this. So Sarah's like, come on.

Okay, so we, oh, there's me and chewy. Bravo. Rest and peace. Oh, and Joe quiet. Okay. Anyway, now we're getting in Chelsea lately years. Okay, scroll up, please.

So that's us in Kevlar vests. So wait, first talk about it and then we'll reference a photo. I'm so sorry. Okay. So this happens when you go, oh, there I am. Okay. I know it's like, it's like 2000. Okay.

No kids. So I was like, fuck it. Let's just go to Afghanistan. And they fly you into Kyrgyzstan first, which is like, you know, 20 hours on a plane. And the military flies you in commercially. You're not, it's not a luxury thing. So, you know, we stopped in Amsterdam, got drunk, go to fly to Kyrgyzstan. On their dime.

Yeah. The military pays for it. But it's bare, it's not, you know. No, but when you're broke, too, it's like you're not looking for a first class thing. You're looking for a free flight. Stage time. Yeah, stage time. Oh, okay.

Because at the time, I was like, I don't think I was a feature act and I, A, I like America, B, I needed money and C, I wanted stage time. And I was like, if I can fucking do stand up in a war zone, I can do it anywhere. What are weird, specific audience? Yo, and you've not played. Oh, God, I'm going to cry. Okay. Like, they're one, one gig in Afghanistan.

Oh, we did a lot of marine bases. We were based in Camp Leatherneck. Leatherneck, yeah. And now the Helmand Province. And they would fly us out to fobs, forward operating bases every day. What are those? Make shift marine bases. Okay.

And they literally these Marines are so miraculous. They can put together a stage out of sticks in five minutes and break it down. Like, And these women are so fucking incredible. They should go to Burning Man. Oh, they should use those skills. Dude, Marines would crush Burning Man. But these fobs are makeshift bases.

So there's like, you see, they give you a tour of the base. And they're like, this is the water supply, which is like a huge bladder. Like they call it a, you know, a plastic bladder full of water out in the sun cooking. And then they hand you a wag bag if you have to go take a piss or a shit. So you have to go into the, I'm sure I have a photo of it somewhere. you know, the makeshift toilet, and then you shit and piss into a bag, and then you throw a bag into fire.

What? It was a fire pit. You burn your fire? Because in Vietnam, you burn your shit and piss, because in war zones, that's how they get rid of it. They don't have plumbing on a fog.

Right. So that's in Vietnam. They used to put it in. That's it. That's me throwing a bag in. So that's the fire pit. That's you with a bag full of shit and piss? Jody Miller.

And I think I think that's Jody throwing hers. Did she fill that up with poop? No, yeah. We all did. That's a lot of poop, even for me. Well, it's... Incredibly brown. You think those MREs are tasty?

They're not. What are you eating there? It's not good. So you shit and you piss into a wag bag. And instead of lighting it on fire like they did in Vietnam, like they stir drums, you just throw it in that. And then it's horrific. Sorry, that's my nanny.

Let me silence this. You still have a nanny? Of course. I'm a single mother. Oh, for your kids. Yeah. For me. Yeah

My nanny God I need one I wish I had a nanny Nann, Eat now How much would you love that Just to hire a mom To take care of you

I've never had one God You think they did that On Epstein Island And what? It can't be all kid fucking It can't be all kids That's not everyone's thing

There's must be some people Like I just want to drink breast milk Out of the source Of course So I need recently pregnant women Of course Are you?

Of course Right now there's somebody doing that. And they're like, it feels so good. Probably. Like whatever you can conceive of, it's happening right now on earth. Yeah.

Isn't that wild? Someone's doing it. Like the kankiest weirdest shit, some guy, most likely a guy is like, this is the best thing. I know. Champagne used to joke about it

where it's like, I come on so envy people that are like prudish because you can just get off on anything. Once you've got too much sex, like, okay, I got to get on the rope

by my neck and I'm swinging and fucking swinging And fucking. The bar gets so fucking high. Wait, but we're talking about stand up in a war zone. Okay, so the government. I need this usually.

Yeah, the government gives you guidelines. Oh, my fucking hair in my eye. The government gives you guidelines. You can't talk about politics. Okay. Can't talk about sex. So I'm like, so what am I going to talk about with these guys in a fucking war zone? Recipes for Apple Brown Betty, like they're not going to want to hear me talk about anything other than fucking.

Yeah. Home, whatever. So I disregard the rules. I don't fucking care. And I'm like, what are you going to do? Send me home.

I'm in Afghanistan. They'll put you in the brig. No, that's in Saudi. I did stand up in Saudi Arabia and you can't, you could not say that stuff. Anyway, okay,

so I'm in this one fob, the one, the wag bag one. It's so fucking depressing and sad. Ugh. And so these boys, I mean, they're boys that are out in these.

Like what age? 19, 20, hot. Oh shit, yeah, dog. Thank you. Beautiful. A demand of tower of Marlborough. That's so great. What a nice Christmas.

My divorce is sponsored by Marlboro lights and dominoes. Anyway. Okay. So they're like, okay. Picking out ashing a cigarette in a leftover slice. That's pretty much my life frame out, like Dave Atel when he was, Totally fucking, like I heard he would put cigarettes out on his floor. Oh.

Sarah Silverman said that was big dated. His place is wild. You've been there in the day when he was like. At night, but he's, yeah, he doesn't, I don't think he's, I think he sleeps with a day. It's like, it's like, son's coming up, kind of go to bed. It's a dream. Okay, so wait, let me tell the fucking story. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they're like, so you just stand, it's like a microphone and there's seldom a stage, but I had this one time. So the boys were out patrolling. Like, they send them out on patrols for like, oh. I don't know, a few days or whatever. So you have to like shit in holes and eat MREs. And your life is terrible when you're out patrolling. And they're like, these guys are coming in off patrol. And it's usually like 3 p.m.

You're not doing stand-up at night with military usually. There's no nightlife. Well, there's no nightlife in war zones. Right. Yeah. You want a party and Bangalore. I don't know. I don't remember the name Kandahar.

Anyway. Oh, hey guys. It's me again. To break in to tell you. you a little bit about the guest at that time where I promote the guest. It's Christina Posicki, everybody. She's on the road right now. You can get tickets to see her show at ChristinaP.com. She's going to be in Salt Lake City, Austin, multiple times. New Orleans at Mardi Gras rolled in November. Get tickets at Christina B. She also has her own line of cosmetics.

If you're ugly and you want to look not as ugly, look no further than ChristinaP.com to get your cosmetics to cover up how ugly you fucking are. You're a fucking ugly bitch, but you still want to get that pussy filled. Well, Christina P says there's no reason why you shouldn't. There's no reason why you shouldn't get that pussy filled. So go over to Christina P right now. Get some cosmetics to cover up the nasty bruises you got in that helicopter accident. She's also got two specials on Netflix right now called Mom Jeans and Mother Inferior.

And that's it. For myself, I guess I got nothing. Guys, I just want you to subscribe. wherever you're watching and listening. I'm sorry I still do have an announcement coming about the Patreon sending someone around, listen, I'm watching, I'm pretending I'm talking on the phone, pretending someone around the world. Really not around the world, it's really just on a trip for a year. It's really probably one region of the world. Maybe I'll do it or is around the world. We've narrowed it down to four at the UB Trippin Patreon account, which I'm telling you, don't subscribe

yet, but in the next couple weeks, trying to load up all the old skeptic tanks, I'll announce it later. For right now, just subscribe. A lot of you guys have been randomly unsubscribe from YouTube. So do me a favor. Go hit subscribe again. Go watch on Spotify. Wherever you're watching and listening, please tell a friend.

And as always, reach out to Christina P. On Instagram and any of the guests, and let him know you had a good time and then we're lucky to come back. I mean, legitimately, all of you, DM are. No fucking picks of a recently single lady. But like, DM are telling you had a good time. And now, let's get back to this. that good time.

Kyrgyzgerstad. Stan means land, I think. Let's get back to the episode. Okay. So I'm there and it's the middle of the day. You know, you've done those hell gigs, right? Where it's like, here, do you stand up in its daylight. And there's no alcohol in war zones.

So everybody's straight up sober. And not only that, straight up traumatized. So these boys came in with their rucksacks on. I'll never forget it. So you already have a Kevlar vest on, which you see. Sarah Tiana, you see her wearing one, as we all had to wear those Kevlar vests. Every time you basically step foot off of base,

you have to wear. Why? Because somebody might, there might be snipers? Yeah, and we got shot at. There I am, there's me and my Kevlar vest. That's you? Yeah. Damn. And so you land, and then, so the boys that are out patrolling

are wearing Kevlar vests, head to toe uniform like this, and it's hot as fucking Afghanistan. It's like 100 plus degrees. And then the rucksack, which weighs, I don't know, maybe another 30 pounds because you're carrying everything on you to patrol. And these boys come filing in and I'll never forget their faces, Ari, like, stunned.

Like, if you've ever seen people who had just seen the worst shit and their, like, their faces were just like, stunned. And they were filing in really, really slow. And they put their rucks down and they sat down on the floor next to their rucksacks. And it was like, all right, guys, we got a special treat for you today. all the way from America, three ladies. And they could, I mean, they were so stunned. And I just remember, like, thinking, like, how am I going to get these boys out of whatever they've just seen psychologically?

I mean, most comedy audiences, you're already stunned in civilian life. You've got the babysitter. If the babysitter showed up on time at your house, you have to get in the car, you have to get dressed, you have to park the car, you've got to go to the comedy club. Some waitress forces you to have. two drink, you know what I'm saying? Like in regular life, it's kind of stressful to be an audience member. And they were just looking at me, like, just totally dead-faced.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, those are the other, okay, that's the other team. Those are the Iraqis. The enemies? Yeah, no, the Iraqis that were helping. That guy's got his hand on his dick. Isn't that fucking hilarious? Where?

I just noticed that. Zoom. Oh, yeah. Right front-center. Damn. Oh, by the way, one time, I remember this gig. So I was entertaining Iraqis and Americans. Yeah.

And all of a sudden, this Iraqi guy walks up in the middle of the middle of the my set and I go everybody Saddam Hussein is here and they start they start laughing extra hard because apparently it was like the leader of the Iraqi military. I was like let's see. I hope to one day be Saddam Hussein. That's quite a compliment actually. Yeah but it was cool. It really taught me like that guy's literally grabbing his dick.

Were you married then? Yeah so Tom and I were newlyweds it was like 09. My next question goes out. Did anybody try to bang? Yeah. You want to hear some. I'll just, yo. So there was one gig that was,

this is the wildest gig I've ever done for the military. They flew us out, this is on a different trip. They flew me out and two other comics to an oil, an oil platform in the middle of the Persian Gulf, a one mile long oil platform. When I say that,

it's literally just a beige fucking platform. Yeah, where is it? In the middle of just, fucking nowhere, dude. Where the fuck is a Persian Gulf? I don't even know. I don't even know where I was.

I don't even know. Oh, it's Persia. Dude. Coup Catsby and C. There I am. So they flew us out on a helicopter, and we landed on, it's called, it was called A-Bot.

And I still keep in touch with the dudes that I met on A-Bot. They were so rad. And so A-Bot was a long beige, whatever, just a track. And it's an oil platform. that the U.S. is theoretically protecting and simultaneously teaching the Iraqis

how to protect their own oil. That was the thing against Iran or whatever. So you would be on the oil platform and you would see like Iranian spy ships pull up and I have a picture of one of the Iranian spy ships I was with this great marine. It's this picture of a ship and they literally blacked out Iran

like you could see and then paint it over it like, Not Iran, nothing to see here. It was so good. It's got to be there somewhere. Okay. So I'm on fucking A-Bot. That's Kandahar. That's the poo pond of Kandahar.

They have a Nathan's hot dog there. That was incredible. Kandahar was a really good base, actually. Is that Kurdishan? No, that's Afghanistan. It's Kandahar. And that's the poo pond. So all the poo from the soldiers go into that pond and then it churns.

And then you take scuba lessons there? No, that's a joke. Oh. But Sarah Tiana got meningitis from this trip because she got meningitis because they're like, were you anywhere you were inhaling like poo particles? And she was like, funny you mentioned. I was just in Canaanar and it was like in the air like the shit particles. Anyways, what's how about?

Okay. So I'm on ABOT. Okay. And we're doing a show at the ice cream social. Operation win hearts and minds. That's what they told us. Like what you do to win over the foreigners is you give them American treasures like Rocky Road ice cream. So they would.

So they turned to love it. would fly in Rocky Road ice cream was like the big night and that was the night of the show night meaning like 5 p.m. So I'm performing and all the Iraqis are standing and the Americans are sitting and being very normal like they're used to seeing a woman talk. Yeah. The Iraqis not so much. This is fucking nuts. So crazy. I forgot this story too.

So I'm performing and I don't think they understand what the fuck I'm saying. You think he's just a gay man? We can't tell. I don't maybe it must be there's no other explanation a woman talking so they were very I could see they were getting like kind of like what the fuck is this like this donkey talks you know this blonde donkey talks

and so afterwards the soldiers take pictures with you you know and I was like yeah dude cool and then the Iraqis start coming around and they really smell bad too by the way like these fucker stink and they want to put their arms around me and and take pictures with me so I kind of let one do it and I was like all right dude cool like you stink

And then the Americans, the Marines who were with me, like, who were guarding me were like, all right, dudes. Like, they're like, okay, Iraqis, chill the fuck out because they were starting to get excitable. Yeah, because, like, they haven't seen a woman. Yeah. Come on. I was cute. I was like 28. There may be 32 here.

They could tell you love anal. They know I love anal. And they love anal. Oh, right. They fucking, they said, I toured their barracks. And they were like, yeah, it's man love Thursday. You saw the mattresses. Wait, no.

I swear to God. It's horrible. Wait, no. Yeah, I swear to God. Man Love Thursday. I got pictures of the mattresses too if you fucking look on there. Yeah, dude. Wait, what?

I promise you, man love Thursday. What's Man Love Thursday? It's when they fuck each other on these dirty mattresses. I swear it there. Oh, I pissed out my ass. Yeah, that's from one of the places I peed in. I pissed out my ass. That's Kyrgyzstan.

That's a toilet in Kyrgyzstan where you have to squat and shit and piss in. It's horrendous. I mean, Kyrgyzstan sucks. It's even worse than Eastern Europe. That's what I want to talk about. But also like, hold on. So the Iraqis are getting super excitable. And I can tell that the Americans are getting nervous.

Yeah, it's okay. They're getting real nervous, okay? And I'm like, I kind of oblivious. I'm kind of like, that's being like some kind of that's not an Iraqi soldier. Anyway, they're getting real excitable. My Marine guy was like, okay, listen, we're gonna have to put you in your quarters right now.

And I was like, what? And your quarters on an oil rig on a platform are, what is it that Tanner lived in when he moved? A shipping container. So your bedroom and all the bedrooms are shipping containers that they've converted into livable spaces. So he's like, go to your shipping container. And I was like, okay, cool. Like he hurt like they usher me like these Marines, go to your shipping container and stay in here tonight. And I was like, wait, what?

Like I'm kind of still oblivious. And he's like, we're going to have two guards standing out in front of you. container tonight before and tomorrow morning will fly you out and I was like cool you know and then later they told me they're like yeah those guys were going to you so we had Marines in front of your shipping container all night and then I two because one could be overpower that's how strong the desire is I know and then I also had to spend a second night on ABOT because there was a sandstorm and I couldn't get off so it's two days and all the f***es like nice thank I prayed for the sandstorm to buy me one extra day.

Literally. So I had to walk around with like Marines every time I wanted to walk around on the platform because they were like they're going to you. They're totally going to rip you. I'm like, oh, cool. That was fun. That was wild, dude. Wow.

And then, oh, and then I had ice cream with them. Before they started to try to me, we were having ice cream. It was really fun. Were that chick soldiers? Not on the Iraqi side. Lots in the Marine Corps. Especially in Kyrgyzstan. In U.S.?

And Afghanistan. There's some. I was on marine bases, so primarily male. It was the gnarliest. Oh, there we are eating on a fob. So that's a kind of shit. Were they a good crowd? Yes. I love doing military because they're so,

and I've done like Korea, South Korea, of course. They're so grateful to just see like something familiar from home. And on the basis where they can drink. drink alcohol, it's even more fun, like non-active war zones. They get so fun. The Army's crazy. My favorite to entertain are Air Force and Marines, just because they're kind of more sophisticated in a way.

Or they're older maybe. Oh yeah, the Air Force guys are hot too. I remember like going on those bases. And then the French bases, this is the craziest. We went to Lash Karga, Lash Karga, I don't know how to say it. And it was a fucking French base. base and they have pornography in their PX like their like Americans aren't allowed to fuck each other on bases you can't fuck another soldier and they don't have

pornography like magazines or whatever but the French they had fucking tittyes in their PX you could buy Titty mags. French soldiers well like chicks you know and they could fuck each other freely so the French were like we're like we're not putting we're not giving that up no fucking way they were banging and they had the best food it was like an assortment of cheeses in there. I was like, this is wild. Yeah, dude, it was so good.

And wine, you could drink wine and lash cargo like the official, like there was a war base. But when you get off of duty, active duty, they fly you to Kuwait, I think, or Qatar, and they give you lobster. Like when you're on your, you get a break. Yeah. Wow. Which was really cool. Yeah. I remember the month after COVID when the show started going again?

Yeah. There was no, not a single person was like, make me laugh. They were just like so thankful to be out. It was like the best crowds, shitty like outdoor places, but we're like, I'm doing it again. That's exactly what it felt like. Okay. Because you're, there I am with, I don't even remember these boys,

but some Marines somewhere out in the middle of nowhere. And they just ran a train? Yeah, dude, I fucked everybody on this tour. It was gnarly. Okay, so what, so Kiergerstein. Tell me about this place. What a shit hole. Wow.

So. Can you show me that on a map too, where the fuck Kiergistan is? I don't even know, dude. They'll call it up. It's deep Eastern Europe. So I'm Hungarian. I grew up spending summers in Eastern Europe, right?

Okay. Which, by the way, is my, the one place I now want to explore. You've got to see Budapest. I have friends all like. It's Romania and Ljubljana and I'm like, oh, I got it. It's so different. Yeah, I want to go to Budapest. Get me some bricks.

For sure, dude. I'll have friends show you. It's right there. What a shit box. Okay. Kind of near China. Exactly. So now, this is what I finally.

understood about this region is that they're essentially whiter Asians right so you're right next to China Asians? Yeah wow and Eastern Europeans by the way great work on the Zoom and zoom back it's fucking solid that sounds sarcastic I wasn't being sarcastic solid context loved it yeah loved it wait I lost my lighter can I use your lighter yeah I'm getting retrometized just talking about this fucking okay so what I've learned and I didn't really put it together yes so that's Asia and then essentially as you go further further this way.

Yeah. West. It becomes Europe, Eastern Europe, Russia. So the Russians, Kyrgyzstan never had infrastructure, it looked like. Now, Hungary had the Austro-Hungarian Empire and had the Turkish and had like this great history. Kyrgyzstan, I don't know what the fuck was there before the Russians.

So all the Russians did was come and make like mini mall or like, you know how the Russians just block everything. Everything looks like shit and gray. That was that. And I got to go to a museum, a history museum. in Kyrgyzstan, which was really cool, because it was like the glory of Russia. It was like the other side of what we had been taught in the U.S.

It was like, the glorious empire came and myself saved you all from the Americans. It was so cool to see, like, oh, wow, this is just... They're probably all propaganda ones. Yeah, I woke up and I'm outside of school, and it makes me want to smoke again, and I'm trying to quit. You're not supposed to live with this. I didn't have children.

didn't have children. Today's episode of Yubin Shepin is brought to you by Z-Pix. Guys, if you find yourself living there's school and you want to quit smoking and you're having trouble, well, look no further than Z-Pix. They're nicotine toothpicks. Zip more, smoke less. Ziped more. Smoke that.

They have all these different brands. Sweet whiskey, peppermint, mocha, which I probably, that's a weird. It reminds me that crushed cigarettes in Guatemala. and Sweet Wood, which I'm having right now, which is pretty good. I need to quit. Guys, I'm having a real problem. It's hard to quit. I went to Austin.

That's the main problem with the Austin comedy scene. They all tell you the problems of the Austin comedy scene is this and that. But it's really it's because everyone there smokes, so it makes you want to smoke again. It's actually a great comedy scene. Why is if we get on them? Oh, it's a problem being one of the top four comedy scenes in the world? No offense, Amsterdam, but you're number five. Yeah, anyway, Z-Pex guys, it'll help me.

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We are the herigans. Don't know than it? And Google us. From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. Do you want to step up the ladder? I want combat dead. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan and Helen Mirren. Do I have to do everything myself? You want to want!

I'll give you a... Moblad. New season is now streaming on Paramount Plus. Yeah. They had down here the tip of whatever, Argentina, when you start getting there, and all the museums are run by the, made by the Christian missionaries. We're like, these were lost people who were saved by us. Coming there, the smallpox deaths were a small price to pay for them being in heaven. Isn't that wild?

But we do the same shit. Yeah. Like everybody's got. In Vietnam, there's the Vietnam War Remnant Museum. And they call it the American War. And I was like, well, not the Vietnam War. Like, no, we just have the French. war and now the America war.

We were just trying to get left alone. And then they're like really going to like, so then here's them just being a bunch of the good guys. The good guys. Because, yeah, all these like senators that came out later like, hey, I'm retiring because I've been holding this for a long time, but we just like burned an innocent village to the ground. And so they really lean into it.

You're like, well, that's a different take. That's quite a different take. It was taught of like, we tied. We tied. It's a tie. Everybody wins. So Kyrgyzstan. So Kyrgyzstan had nothing.

Okay. No infrastructure. I mean, from what I could deduce, like literally the Russians showed up and just created a shitty Russia. Because I am told parts of Russia are beautiful, like St. Petersburg. I have zero desire to go there because they destroyed my people. Fuck the Russians, okay. Not all of them, not the people, you know, just the government.

Yeah. So it was a real dump. I got to go to a Kyrgy Mall and see that. That was depressing. Just sad. Just shit. Like what what? No Spencer's.

It's worse than like, so communism ended in like 92, 93 and then we went back to Hungary then like I spent summers after communism fell and the Russians were. You were there before? No, you can't go there. I couldn't go there. We couldn't go back because my parents had escaped, right? And they're on a list. So if you try to go back, you're on the list.

They catch you, you're fucked. You're just thrown into some fucking gulag or whatever. So we had to wait for the end of the Cold War, which is 92, 93. And we went back, whatever, my parents with me, and my dad, I mean, and you're like, oh, this is a real shit box. Like, I was visiting my relatives on the outskirts of Budapest.

Like, they were just drinking Polinka and like pulling their teeth out with pliers, like that kind of shit. Like those gnarly videos you see. So I'm like, I'm pretty used to shittiness, like Eastern European realness. Yeah. No, Kazakhstan is a Kazakhstan.

Kyrgyzstan is like other level, dude. Oh, that's context, okay. There's people, bro, like we were at a restaurant, in fucking Kyrgyzstan like on a lake or whatever and you just see people like bathing like families bathing like you know like in India when you see that you're like

dude you guys are fucking poor like this sucks wow yeah wow not to shut on like it's not their fault were there big cities there no okay I mean yes like metropolis no yeah there's there's cities yes there's cities but it's

it's just like sad like you just feel the oppression of the Russians There's no cult, I didn't feel a cultural identity really. That Cold War like architecture. Oh God. It's like bombed out like concrete block housing. That's what it's like there. Wow.

And I visited an orphanage in Kyrgyzstan. I have like night. I still very clearly have nightmares of like, there was this one. I can't talk about it. I'll fucking throw up and cry. It was pretty gnarly, dude. We visited orphanages. I visited soldiers who had just gotten blown up by IEDs, like 20 year old boys who just

gotten blown up and they're like go the comedians are here and these poor men are just like leave me the fuck alone i just want a leg i know i mean you know yeah you feel like a dick kind of because you're like this poor kid just got his face blown off and here i am like there's thanksgiving on a base and they get a turkey you know and then they're like there's two legs and then it should go to the ones who lost one first they should be like i i think one guy's like i get the wing obviously you know like yeah you get the wing let me hold it for you that's where your brain goes yeah how did your brain go to thanksgiving i don't know talking about kids getting blown up um oh these are like local kids they just stepped so children so this is in afghanistan i saw a boy a little boy who

rolled into a fire he was like a fire burning in their house and he rolled into it accidentally in the night. I saw like soldiers like little 20 year olds just step on IED and there goes your fucking life dude. There goes your face. There goes everything. And the saddest part, the craziest part, is that these boys feel guilty when they're injured because they're like, I should be out with my patrol right now. Isn't that heavy? Fuck. They're they're not thinking, oh, I'm so glad I'm injured and out of the war zone. They're thinking like, I feel guilty because I'm not with my, my peeps is not sad what the fuck are you drinking is this this horse shit you had sent to my hotel room yeah okay tell them what your kids said it was cocaine yeah it's blocks of powder

already had this shit sent to my hotel in london i had no place to ship anything i was like what the fuck is this bring to the show just blocks of fucking powder my kids were like is this cocaine um what was care Kyrgy food like? I can't recall. I mean, kind of like Russian food, which is flavorless. Gassy. Stupid shit. No flaves, dude.

Hungarians have flavored. Yeah? Because we had the Turks we had. Oh, right. We're more like, yeah, dude. Whoa, that looks amazing. Yeah, it's okay. Bereka.

Damn. I ate some of this shit. I had diarrhea for sure. Really? Yeah, that's kind of the good part about doing all this military stuff. Wow, that looks good. No. when I was in South Korea

I would go eat in the dirty dirty, dirty malls you know and fortify my fucking stomach Wait wait Is that what they look like there? Yeah Like kind of rush

Asians yeah Yeah like white Asians kind of Wow Alright so what in the malls Sorry I don't know Oh yeah that's in Korea

I would just wander in the malls And then eat in the dirtiest places so that I would fortify my stomach And all the other girls on that tour Got diarrhea and I was like You guys are fucking week because you have meeting in Kyrgyzstan you have meeting in Afghanistan wow yeah I was way gnarlyer before I had kids before you shit out the front yeah um it's rad um what the toilet's like

in kyrgy that's it that's the kyrgy toilet see that hole in the ground let me see that have you shit in something like that yet where all over southeast Asia uh China um I mean when you have diarrhea I was at the emperor's Palace and whatever in China and Beijing and it's like crazy diarrhea it's like it's like go now there's not even like hey you're gonna have to like go now and you open the door you're like toilet's not here it must be under construction the next one also and you're like oh fuck and they don't have toilet paper you got to bring your own what was the advice I got there somebody gave me a little packet of tissues yes and he goes keep this like for what he goes you'll know and then I had in

In Myanmar, I had crazy food poisoning, and I had this shit and barf back and forth into one of those. You have to kneel right down next to it where all the piss is and you're like, whatever. I'll deal with it. Yeah, because that's a public one, bro. Like, you don't get your own hole in the ground. Like, that's every carey motherfucker in the region has shit and piss and barbed. The trash can is full of, like one person's poop smell is something, but when it connects with three or four or five others, it creates another. So you can't flush the toilet paper?

What? You can't flush? No, you don't flush. There's no plumbing. Oh, poor, sweet, innocent, me. You can't even flush in Mexico, bro. Like, you go on vacation and you're like, I gotta wipe my ass and put it in the... All the signs are like, badly written English because they're like, it's only for the English speaker.

It's like, no flush please in here. Wait, so you have food poisoning in China. You had to like get on all fours. Fucking Burma. It was awful. And I'm like, you go to shit. You're like, nope, wrong hole. And then you go.

Oh no, it was that actually. And then back and forth. Vile. Yeah. Where did you do? Like, do you remember the toilet? This was in rural Myanmar. It's a place we weren't allowed to stay.

We had to get a special dispensation from like the minister there. They were like, okay, you guys can stay, but they're doing you a favor. You're not allowed to stay. You're not a lot of stay. No foreigners in this town. So we'll let you stay because we're like, we're nice people. But like, so it's not, there's no tourism set up. No.

And it was like so bad. And I had to try to keep this fucking pill down to like get over it. But I'm like a little bit of water. I'm like, that's coming up. What did you eat? I narrowed it down. Either, too many quail eggs. Whatever they were cooking.

Those little fucking cigar, cigarettes thing they sell. And I'm like, I'll just have two. I'm like, it comes in packs of $300 and it's 90 cents. You can't get two. So then I smoked a lot more. So I couldn't narrow it down really. And then the food was so cheap that we'd get a full meal. And we're like, it was a dollar.

I guess I should get another full meal. What are you eating goat, snake? Yeah, it's like whatever. Like, whatever, rats, they're killing. Where is Burma? I don't even know. Myanmar, it's like right there, Burma. They renamed it because they had bad press because the military owned it.

It's like, we'll just call it a different thing. Yeah, the Gulf of America. Isn't that what it is? Rangoon became Yangon. They're like, there's no history of Yangon. So I wonder, I'm curious if Burma, is Asia crappiness worse than like Middle Eastern crappiness? Do you know what I'm saying? Like, where do you think is shittier, Kyrgyzstan or Burma?

It's such a toss-up. That's a toss-up. Yeah. That's a toss-up. Thankfully, there are no listeners in Kyrgyzstan or Burma. I hope not. I did. I made one with a small-brain-American.

I said, we said, I said, Burmese women are the ugliest in the world, which I stand by. But, man, the algorithm got to them, and they did not care for that. They did not care for that at all. But you know who the most beautiful women are? Yeah. A number one, Hungarians, clearly. There's a reason pornography originates in Hungary. Oh, yeah, they're all.

They're, fuck, Hungarian women, I think, are very stunning. Now, the most beautiful women I've ever seen, Ethiopia. Yeah. Ethiopia. Every fucking woman, the woman that works on the airport, the woman, da-da-da-da. They look like Iman, right? That model, she ain't shit compared to the girl working at the airport in Adiza Baba. I mean, they're like stunning statues, these Ethiopians.

It's a different shade of black. It's like a sort of smooth and like. Oh, gorgeous people. And I went to Djibouti on a tour. The Djiboutians are beautiful too. Really? Yeah. Dark, dark, dark and slender, that beautiful, like African.

It's like that in Sweden where you're like, you'll have like a nine, he's working at 7-Eleven. Yeah. Bro, get out of here where you're average. Go own America. I know. Get the fuck out of here. You can rule Kansas City.

I know. I know. But it's interesting. So I'm very obsessed with shitting in different parts of the world. So this version sucks. But then you go to like fancy Middle East. Oh, you can't do what we do there. What do you mean?

What you and I have a comment? There's no. Shit to shower? Shit to shower. Forget about it. Yeah. There's no need to if you go where there's a, a bidet.

Well, they have those guns there. I hate, but that's, the total is the washlet where it's all in one. You don't have to switch onto the other fucking unit. You know what I'm saying? Like, like Saudi, I went to there, they had the best bidet system. Beautiful. So, but why is it that, is it the further west you go, then you get to sit down and have a bidet?

Like, when does bidet start in the, in the west? Is that Middle Easter? France, I feel like started it. It sounds like a French word. It is, but they don't do it anymore. They don't? I talked to some Frenchies recently and they're like, that's old. Like my grandma has a bidet.

Interesting. And then Japan is hell into all that shit. Okay, I've never been there. So they're into that. So when does your asshole get cleaner in the world is what I'm saying? Interesting. Burma. It comes with culture.

It's definitely a privilege. To have an extra fucking faucet in fucking water hungry areas. Yeah. Because Hungarians, We don't. Did they? They do bidet. But you know what's gross about Hungarian toilets?

Have you ever shit on a toilet where in Hungary like you shit? It lands right under your ass. The porcelain is higher, right? And the shit rests like right under where you shit. And then the water comes out and pushes it down. Yeah. Have you shit on one of the vile? Because it's on no water.

Yeah. So no splashback is nice, but also like. It's just resting there and the water's got to clear and it's not like it doesn't. Yeah, yeah. And you're just sitting there smelling your own. It's like, get the, what are we doing? Americans have it right. Okay.

Wait, tell me more about Carrizzan. I mean, it's just a bummer, dude. So I visited an orphanage, their food's cool. I mean, they're nice people. Obviously, people are always, I don't think I've met an entire race of shitty people. Were they interested in you? You're so clearly not from there. I didn't get to talk to enough locals because the military kind of insulates.

They protect you when you go around. Okay. So some of these military before I've heard, some like you're just on a base. It's a war zone. You're on a base. Others are like if you do like entertain the German troops. You're like, yeah, now go out. Yes.

So like. That was fine. I got to do that in South Korea because Osan. Is that a person or an area? It's a base. Okay. Like around Oson. Yeah, they let you walk around.

They let you go out and have, fun. That was rad. I got to like really get to know Seoul Korea. That was the, have you been there? No, I'd love to. But you've done Japan, China. No, never Japan. Oh, I haven't been there. Yeah, that's probably top of that in Morocco, probably top. I want to go to Morocco. Yeah, let's go. Let's go. We can do that right now. Stay at a hostel with me. Nope. You, you travel like a real. We'll get a four-person dorm so it's only two other people could fuck us up. So I can get all night in Morocco. And I'll be like,

these earbuds are not working. You won't protect me. I'm like, I'm like, one of us needs to get sleep to deal with us tomorrow. I stayed in a hostel once in Paris in 1997.

Yeah. What did you like it? It was cool because Western Europe is safe. You're not going to get assaulted usually. The 90s were different, though. I think it was a little bit safer in Europe.

You could get around on the the Euro, what is it? The Eurorail? Yeah. So, you know, you've got your pass and you go around and my parents saw no problem with just like, yeah, go to Europe for the summer and Euro Rail. So cool. Because their concept of danger was like.

They hadn't had the news yet. So no one was fucking throwing like it's going to be bad down your throw all the time. Wait, what? Everywhere you go, they're like, it's, I heard it's dangerous. I heard it's dangerous. Before the social media and the news, you're just like, I don't know, I heard it's nice there. Yeah. don't get every horror story.

You don't get citizen-apt. Yeah. Where you're like, you know, oh my God, there's so much fucking problems here. No. And that's the thing is like, I mean, I don't advocate this, but like the summer of 1994, my friend Sean and I spent the summer in Budapest, you know, because that's what you fucking do. And the Russian mafia was running all of it.

The Iron Curtain had just fallen. Total government chaos. It was like the worst time for two white American blondes. to kick it in Hungary for like a month, but it was rad. We just stayed up and partied all night. We ate Pizza Hut every day. You're such garbage.

Such garbage. You're such garbage. Oh my God. Every day, deep dish. It's still there. I was in Chiang Mai and we were all like going to a night market and then there's these British guys and one American dude who's in a band in DC. And they passed a McDonald's.

Like, let's go in. I was like, guys, no. No. We're all here for a short amount of time. No. And I got overruled. But don't you? Like, once you live, like I lived in England for a year too.

Mm-hmm. There comes a point. And then in the 90s when there was- pizza or burger. Yeah. There was no flavor in the food in the 90s in England. It was horrible. I lived off of cigarettes and French fries and like beer.

So I ate McDonald's. The food now is amazing. No, it's fantastic. Because they have immigrants. They got flavor. Hold on. I got to take a piss. Okay.

How was the piss? Dude, so good. It was nice to piss on a Western toilet. Especially after watching that. Yeah, you're so grateful for... Here's a question. When you got home, where you like, what did you notice? What did you appreciate?

From Afghanistan and Kyrgyzstan? Yeah. Dude. Crazy, great question, by the way, Airy. Great question. Thank you. So, I had like... Okay.

It was... I think Afghanistan was my heart of dark. darkness. Whoa. Like, I think seeing all that chaos, keep in mind I'm 32 or 32. I haven't had therapy yet. And seeing war and seeing the destruction and seeing boys getting blown up and children on fire. Like I saw, I saw a fraction of what the soldiers saw, right? Because I'm an entertainer. I don't really get to see everything. But I got to when we'd land, you know, the helos would land in these fobs. And like the Afghan kids would flip us off the Americans, you know, like fuck you. And we tried to win them over so you throw candy at them and like shit like that that, you know, I saw. I got shot at. We got shot at in Afghanistan. That was wild.

We got mortared one night in Helmand Province when we were in Camp Leatherneck. That was that that's it. See that gunner? That's the day we got shot at. So that's the kind of plane. I feel so disrespectful. I don't know what this plane is called anymore. So the guy stands, that is a platform that's tilted, okay?

That boy is tethered to the plane and he's a gunman. So he holds the gun like this and that's over Afghanistan. And you're getting shot at every time you go up in one of these aircraft, it's a pretty sturdy aircraft. You're wearing your Kevlar vest, your helmet. And this guy, his job is to protect us from getting shot down from the Afghan. So if he sees someone shooting, he starts like just firing in the area. to get him to stop shooting? And he would do that every single time.

Wow. Because the Taliban was, you know, they, whatever, they're the enemy. Yeah. We're not fighting the Afghans. You're fighting the Taliban. That's whatever. That gets lost. So any hoodles, Taliban, they're, yeah, they blow kids up and stuff.

They're not cool. They're not great. Not good people. They don't have a good reputation, though, so it's not like you got to like, hey, I don't know if you guys know if you guys know the Taliban, but there's some negative parts. Mm-hmm. Yeah, let me see that. Wow, that's so fun.

That's so fun. It was, so I come back from this trip. I'll get back to that question later. Yeah. Yeah. I had like PTSD like a, like I said a fraction of what actual Marines and soldiers and people in the military have. Like I remember being in a grocery store and and it was I felt like fucking like Travis Bickle or something. You know where you're like, this is what you people care about.

You know? Like I really was like. Oh, civilian. life is someday a real rain's gonna come and wash away the scum yeah the scum the filth someday of real rain I swear I came back like Travis Bickle yes I love that you know that yeah all the animals come out at night the scum the filth someday a real rain I even memorized that because I was like warped and I think Afghanistan touched into like like a deep trauma that I hadn't explored in myself, like from my childhood, you know, like to see suffering out like that, to see it laid out.

It was like the beginning where I was like, oh, I think I should go into therapy. Because I came out. I came back and I was like, oh, I can just use this credit card to buy groceries. I can. Nobody's going to shoot at me today. Nothing. Civilian life is a joke. In America, people who fuck America.

Like, no, no, go check out. Go see some. Go to Burma. take a shit in Burma. Yeah, because you went to a war zone. You grew up like a poor country. Like, oh, we have a pretty good, actually. You went to like the worst of the pores.

Yeah. Like under conflict. Yeah. Like, and you have to remember, like, Afghan people, they're mostly tribal. They're guys like that are hurting goats and shit. I mean, we'd fly over these houses and the women are in the burkas. And they're fenced in.

And they're just doing laundry. And these are just like normal people. just trying to I mean there's all Bethmore Green I'm sorry this is all Bethmore Green in London There's the Bethmore Green is all that what's that tablecloth city oh yeah, I do I love the tablecloths here But they just want to live their lives and the Taliban's fucking everything up for them and then we're fucking everything up for them, you know Right to try to free them from it but it's like yeah it's such a disaster, but they're just tribal You know dude just trying to live setting up little like enclaves little like many villages of like there's like 10 families here like I remember flying over what's

the capital Afghanistan Kabul and oh this was so fucking cool dude so we're fucking flying dude and um the pilot was like do you want to come sit up front Saratiana and me and Jody and we're like yeah of course and I got to see um Kabul at night because there's not many places that have electricity at the time And it was like, this, everything's black, black, black, and then just a little bit lit up. And you're like, wow, this is far. Like, this is, people live, like, in the Stone Ages. Like, they're living, like, it's still primitive. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. It's hard to, it's cool that you're remembering it now to not lose sight of it, because eventually you do. Never. Yeah. Because I grew up with communist parents. So literally every day was like, what happened to you? That's hard. This is not hard.

I grew, once a year I had an orange or stood in line for toilet paper. Like, I'm constantly reminded of the suffering that my family came from. I imagine the Jews. Aren't you Jews into that? Yeah, I mean, there's some where it's like the remnants of like, definitely you don't leave food on your plate because, like, we didn't really have access to food. So, like, it don't take it if you're not going to finish it. Your family in particular didn't have access to food or generationally.

Yeah, well, my dad's side is all Holocaust survivors. Oh. It's not even like children of. I'm the child of. So him or her sister when I'd go visit her. She was like, if you're like, I'm done. Like, are you out of your mind? Why'd you take it then?

They're really mad. Yeah. And then that other thing of like, you know, whenever I go's parachuting? Oh, yeah. They have some guys strapped to your back. Yeah, I've done that. My dad was a paratrooper in the army.

And he was like, yeah, I didn't have fucking, you're not going to have Egyptians firing at you as you're doing it. That would make it more fun. I bet some rich asshole would pay double for that. If they just hit your parachute, just hit it, the whole thing's going to open up. and you just fall to your death. So it'd be like,

this seems like a pussy way to do it compared to you, so I just never did it. Yeah. Fuck, dude. Yeah. No, I'm constantly reminded of how lucky I am. And every morning I wake up and I'm like, I literally wake up and I thank God that,

you know, I made it in this business and that I'm wealthy and that I can just lay in bed and pet my cats and talk to my children every day. That's all I want to do. Because I've seen the horror that the world is. It's a fucking nightmare. I get taken with sometimes like the really,

go. Okay, I just had a memory. My nunna, my grandmother, she's a real cunt, but she's so mean. She would hit my dad and my uncle, you know? But I have this memory. I asked her about the Holocaust

because, you know, my... She did it. No, she's a Hungarian. They might have been the wrong side, but they didn't start it. No, the Hungarians killed more Jews then we were we were enthusiastically killing you guys just so you know we loved killing you guys so I asked my Nana one time

did you know what was happening at the time like did you know that they were burning Jews she's like yes of course everybody knew she's like you could smell it in the streets and I was like what we're drinking I never forget this I was like a teenager I'm drinking lemonade with her she's like of course everybody know that he was doing this bullshit.

I'm like, so you guys didn't like speak up. She's like, well, we would have been killed too. Is that? So, but. But the enthusiasm. The enthusiasm. Can you just, can you just tisk once before you have to go fucking burn a Jew? You go, oh.

Just a little bit. She didn't see her. She didn't seem too bummed about it. She was like, of course, everybody knew that they were killing the Jews. Dda, da, duh. But then I remember at a story of a relative who got rounded up in the ghetto. Yeah. And I think I'm a Jew.

My mother always told me, you were Jewish, but we had to change your last name, da, da, da, I'm like, I totally know I'm a Jew. I had a fucking relative. Turn to the side. What do you think? It's getting bigger, the older I get. Really? Yeah.

It's coming out. But I like money. Yeah. Yeah. Married out. I'm married out. Yeah. What's I going to say?

Oh, he escaped a train car. I have a relative that escaped a train to fucking wherever they're going to ship him off. managed to get out yeah like lifted up their whatever the floorboards and just fucking poop dipped out wow yeah my dad stories after after it ended his direct family got pretty lucky everyone extended family i'd be on one uncle survived everybody else was gone where did they get killed they were in eastern romania so it was a little bit late um his one of his sides is kind of from Hungary but the borders weren't like that set back then so you kind of would there was to the eastern so they came in like later if it was like further west the Nazis came in this

way it'd be over but like so but anyway afterwards they were like well let's go get our farm back good luck from who yeah well it was it's my farm and and i was removed from it let's get it back and so then the local policeman or somebody goes well who took it he goes one day the local sheriff and a priest showed up and he goes here they are here the jews And he goes, so what do you think they thought was going to happen to you? Well, they assume we'd be killed. It's like, right. So then they took your farm.

So what do you think they're going to do when you show up now? That's what I'm saying. You're like, all right, you got us. All right, Jews. Here's your shit back out. Dude, it's over. There's this new country. Move there.

You're done. Like all these treasures you see in museums of rich countries. Like, that shit was all stolen, dude. You guys fucking looted it. Yeah. And y'all got to keep it. Good for you. You look back at Indiana Jones now when he's like,

it belongs in a museum. I'm like, no, no, these are stolen artifacts. That's not, no, that's a bad take, actually. If you go, send him back to the country he came from. So imperialist. Oh, but the London Museum is beautiful. Just see who they took. All those treasures from India.

Treasures. All these places. Yeah, that's funny, dude. Were there differences between like Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Afghanistan, that you noticed? Yeah, Afghanistan was like the Middle Ages, literally, like people in, fucking just living like it was, you know, 1,500. Kyrgyzstan has some structure, infrastructure.

It has buildings. Buses. Oh, really? Okay. Yeah, like it had, it was a city. It was a proper place. It just wasn't inspiring because you could, all the buildings were those brutalist. You could hear that mulchat Doma song, you know?

Like, muzzal-da-va-da-da-da-da-da. Do you know that song? Oh, l-l-l-l-da-da-da-n't-sing it. But, um, I liked about Bucharest was that it was like... I was going to ask you that. I played Bucharest and...

You played Bucharest? Dude, it ruled. Bucharest and Club, Klobna Poko, Klujna Poka. Two cities of Romania. It ruled so, it's so hard. But the architecture was that, that Eastern European, like, communist block and then some modern glass building, like right next to it and then some bombed out other thing,

and then neogothical, and then another bombed out, then another glass beautiful thing, just all in it with squatters and then like, it was so cool. But in the show, I was doing jokes about the word retarded. And so I was like,

it's different than the N word and the F word. And I was just like saying the differences, whatever. And then I was done with the bit and some lady is like, and I was like, yeah? She goes, what's the F word? And I was like, what? She goes, you said the F word.

What does that mean? respectful and I was like, do you know what the end word is? She goes, yeah. And I was like, so that's like, effort was like that for gay people. She was like, faggot? I was like, yeah, she said, why don't you just say that? Yeah, like, in my culture,

you're not allowed to say it. She's like, wow, why, the differences. I know, I know, they're not as sensitive. But also, I think. You would love it. The underground scene there is post-posterone. punk. That's my favorite. It's not electronica. It's all like

Susie Sue and the band. It's all that era. That is your vibe. You would do some great late nights. You get back into drugs like you should have. Yep. I'm there. Really just obviously leave the kids at home and just find some fucking. Yeah. I love it. You should do a little tour for Romania. No, I'll do

The Booker's great. I will. I'm going to do Eastern Europe. I'll take my kids and do hungry. I want to go back to Berlin. Have you been to Berlin? It's my favorite city. It's my favorite city. It's my favorite city. Fuck right off. It's my favorite. I almost moved there.

That was like... I almost moved there. I want to teach English there for kids. Yeah. I love Berlin. It's the best. If I move there, stand-up's not as good. No.

Also, I would die. Why? Because you're a Jew? The drugs are really clean. Oh, yeah. And there's not much stigma to it. Yeah. Yeah.

And so I, there'd be no reason to not. Yeah. And it goes so late. So you finish your show at like 10.30 and it's like, oh, should we get out to a club? Like, well, let's get somebody eat first. Like, no rush. Yeah. And you get in there at like 1 a.m. and go to like 10 a.m.

And like all the clubs are, you know, this is a bank that we've converted into. That's so rad. They do reclaim shit out there. They don't waste a building. Oh, yeah. There's no room. I love that shit. That's what I do love about Eastern Europe is like that reclaiming of like these fucking spaces

that have been around for hundreds of years. And you're like, but this is what I like. Some warehouse has music. What's that? Yeah, it's so rad. That's what I like about Europe, though. When you go there, you're like, you have the gravity of history where you're like,

yeah, humanity is not, everybody thinks we're on this great progression. Maybe in some regards, yes, but it's the same shit different toilet. You know, we're only on this earth for 80 years, maybe, and we all want the same thing. to eat, fuck, drink, have a good life, raise your kids, blah, blah, blah. And there's some continuity to that.

Like, have you been to Rome? Well, that's, like, see, you see how they live. And you're like, there's no, what are you stressing out about? What the fuck are you? Why are you hurrying to? You get your job for what? You're going to die. Well, let's have a drink.

Fuck it. I love that ethos. It's also like I realizing that would you say, like the similarities are more than the non-similarities. Yeah. like oh people just like eating with friends it's just what type of place do you eat in yeah you know same shit yeah Berlin is it but you know what I liked it with Berlin too everyone was so forward and positive thinking yes and so it's like what are you into it's like well I do graffiti is like oh cool

what do you do it's like I build and it's not like I don't want to shit in America too much but it's a lot of like what are you against and that really wasn't there in the conversations I was definitely hanging out and like with the cooler people but like and then someone would come in, they're like, well, I'm non-binary, and all the trans are like, roll there. I was like, move past. Just, what are you into, dude? Yeah.

Oh, whoa. You're like, okay, this is cool. Yeah, there's like, I agree. There's something, too, about, like, just dropping the bullshit. Like, Hungarians especially, too. Like, they'll laugh at you if you're like, I'm non-binary. Like, go get the fuck out of you. Like, it's so dumb.

They see that it's not an identity. It's like, this is. Humans have been doing this. So you butt fuck. So do we. Who cares? Like what? Are you dressed up like a woman?

Big deal. Can I have another water, please? And also, have you toured concentration camps? No. I'm not sure I want to. Berlin's got some, you know, that's where Hittley had his headquarters. Really? Did you visit his headquarters?

Well, some of these in Eastern Europe, I think of Romania, it could have been Ljubljana. It was like Nazi headquarters. And now it's like, that's the stage you're playing. Isn't that rad? Yeah. So good. You see some gunshot holes sometimes in the buildings too. Oh yeah, dude.

Whenever if I go back to Hungary with my dad, you see this building here, gunshots here. I was 10 years old. The revolution broke out. Thank you, Annie. This is where I saw a soldier dying. He goes to Danube. I used to go and find the guns at the bottom of the Danube and grenades that had been dead.

Or whatever. Like, that's what he did for fun. After the revolution was go find like war artifacts and shit. What a wild. And that's just a kid playing. Yeah. That's just like a, oh, there's a path down by the creek. Let's go there.

Or like, yeah, let's go hunting for guns. Yeah. And he's like, I saw dead horses, people eating dead horses and the shit. And you're like, cool, dude. But that's why I'm so tough. I really. That's really cool you went. It's really cool.

You went. And with Tiana and Jody. Oh, so good. It's a really good crew. Are there any pictures in here that you're like, want to mention specifically? Let's start from the top. Okay. Oh, there's me and Clayton Peters in Amsterdam.

That's a different era. There's, I just think I admire Sarah Tiana so much. And she's really into it. She's- She's-old. She's-old, I mean, no one talks shit about her. No, she's fantastic. But no one hikes her up enough.

She's like one of the great hangs in comedy. She really is. So funny. Always that smile on her face too. So positive. You know she was... She's not great parties too. Oh.

You know what she was so good about? on this tour that I wasn't is she she would really wake up every morning and you know you wake up in these rough places you're not it's not the four seasons when you're on these tours and she would like wake up and curl her hair and look really pretty and she she wore perfume and I was a little dykeier and harsher and I was like fuck that I'm not getting you know like I'm more crazy and she's like Christina these men just want to smell a woman and see a woman wow yeah so see how she's dressed even girlier than me and Jody Miller too like Jody got that I didn't quite get that on this tour but I learned that from Sarah that was her her whole demeanor on the trip was so gracious

guidance counselor I know can you believe come on a war zone yeah oh that girl was a translator she would she spoke Pashtun Pashtun and she would go in Afghanistan door to door and talk to the women of the different villages and ask them things like have you ever had Advil no Okay, well, here's some Advil. Like, just the basic necessities of, like, pain relief these women didn't even have. Or pencils, would you like a pencil? And this girl, this young girl, she's like 20-something, spoke Pashtun. Wow.

And would ask them how they're doing and give them medicine. And, yeah, it was really crazy. It's cool to meet somebody who's like, oh, you're like a good person. Yeah. You're not as selfish. I just tip okay. And Jody was so nice to scroll down. Yeah, there's a.

on these different what is that oh my god that's that's that's when the shitting in the wag bag that's that's that's the shitter so that that's locked off and you just shit in there into into the bag yeah so what do you got to hold it on your butt no it's like a makeshift toilet and they put the bag in it so instead of a toilet you're shitting in the bag and you yeah so she's she had to go to the bathroom and that guy guards you as you go and then go to the next photo this is so funny this is in kyrgyzstan see that paint Where? Go down that.

Okay. Oh, it's a painting. Yeah. This was in Kyrgyzstan. If you can see what's happening. I think it's... The dog's killing a fox? Zoom in, zoom it.

This is the greatest painting I ever saw. One dog's so happy and he's like, I want to kill it too. And I was like, this is a masterpiece. I must own this. Wow. Look how stoked he is. Druling. He's like, really do it.

So I approached the Kyrgyz artist. And I was like, how much do you want for this treasure? And obviously, seeing that I'm American, asked for like way more than I, I mean, maybe she went like $200. I didn't have fucking $200. Three chickens in your hand in marriage. I know.

I was like, bitch, come on now. You know that shit ain't worth 200 bones. And she wouldn't go. Yeah. She was like, no, $200 or nothing? Yeah. And I still, to this day, I'm so fucking mad that I didn't get it. I'm gonna fly back tomorrow and fucking buy it now.

Like here go bitch. The dog is so happy. The first is brutal. The second one's so stoked and like cartoonish. Look how big the eyes are. That's what I liked about that. And the saliva, like he's ready to kill.

Such a good painting. The band has been seeing foxes on the streets, you know, when you're walking along and she'll smell him first. It's like because they're just out like a scavengers in like in London. They just pop out. And she's got the bloodlust for it. Yeah.

She's like, that ain't a dog. Of course. Um, scroll down, hold on. And then it goes into the Chelsea era. Go down, go down. I'm sorry, up and whatever. No, no. Other way. Other way. Other way. Meow, meow. Yeah. I wish I had the Iranian. No, other way. Yeah. The Iranian spy ship. It was so funny. And man love Thursdays. Maybe I had to take it down. Oh my God. This is such a good era of my life, all these funnies. God damn. Um, here's two questions before we take off. Sure, my love. One is, it's going to be like, if you

have any travel tips when you are traveling not on the road and another one is like where is calling you what what place do you like want to go oh i love this question we'll start with the i said i forgot your first question so let me start with your second um istanbul because i'm now friends with this turkish girl and i are become very close friends and every time she comes to stay with me in austin she just tells me about istanbul and how wonderful it is and like I'm dying to I'm gonna get in your head. Yeah when you get to know people

and she's and like especially because there's so much Islamophobia I hate saying that word. But I mean yeah I like those I kind of I've been to Muslim countries yeah but I kind of want to check out Istanbul because it's a nice blend of east and west it sounds

like. Have you been? Right off Greece I was there for a long layover when they were like are we having one hour layover I'm like that's gonna be tight and then they're like we can do it three hour later. I'm like, can you a 12 hour later? And they did. And it was like, so I just left my shit, ran into town, went to her mom, had a Turkish breakfast. But I mean, I really want to go back. David Cross went like all through Turkey. Really? Didn't do an acid with people. Oh. Yeah. David Cross got after it. Yeah. I bet he loved it. Because she's telling me all these

stories how nice people are and how beautiful. And she sends me pictures of like the sea and yeah. That'd be a cool one to go to. I'm doing it. And so. Would you go, you're playing it or you're just going? I'm doing it. No, I'm just going to take my kids. Great. And we're going to go to Istanbul and kick it with my friend there and they're going to take us around.

And I mean. It's going to be so well fucking travel. They are already because I think that is the essential thing is to, a passport is to me more valuable than like book learning. Like, let's go, dude. I take them everywhere. And they talk to everyone. They're not afraid of the world.

Wow. I hate that. Okay. Okay. Hot tips. Here's some good travel tips. Okay. Try not to check in a bag

If possible I got stranded in Djibouti Because my fucking bags got held up in Germany And I had to wear a velour a jumpsuit for three days That's cool though In this fucking Djibushin beat Try to do just a carry on if you can Always on your carry on

Or and if you can't On your carry on bring a full change of clothing If you're going overseas Why? I'll tell you why on the way to Africa I made the horrible mistake of eating tacos

in the layover Atlanta and I sharded somewhere on the way to Africa I sharded and man I got to tell you it was the smartest thing in the world

just on my carry on I happen to have an extra pair of chones. Yeah. And pants. What are chonies? Underware. Oh. Because had I ship, I mean, what, what are you going to do?

They don't sell underwear at the airport. No. They should. They should. They should. They should get a shirt, but like, I don't need a shirt right now. You know, you need socks and underwear. There's just really like.

So bring a change with you just in case. So on your carry on. Bring underwear in case you shart. Always bring a, like one outfit, especially if you're going very, very, very far. because you're probably going to get gross and sweaty and soiled. That's solid. That's a good one.

What do you think? What are your hot tips? There are so many. But, okay, so I guess I hinted on it before. When going to Asia or the Middle East, always bring with you a packet of tissue paper. Yes. Absolutely. They won't tell you in your land.

You need someone to tell you that. Just have, it's gonna take us a space in your pocket, just have it. Just have it. Yeah, so bring like 10 of them. Yeah. Oh, no, this is dicey, but always bring cash. One time I had to bribe a, a Djibuian government to get out of that country, out of Somalia. Yeah.

They were like, they wouldn't let me on the plane. And I was panicking because I don't speak their language and you didn't speak really English. And the guy just go to the side, go to the side. So I went at the side. I'm like, I have to get on this fucking plane and get out of this shitbox country, you know? And I was like panicking. And I didn't have a cell phone back then.

It was like pre that. And finally, the guy the official calls me in. And he just writes down like a dollar amount. And I was like, yep, here's double. Get me the fuck on this plane. Wow. What was the dollar amount? It was like $75.

Not crazy, but enough to where it's like, I don't want to pay that, but okay. Well, and the other comic I was with didn't want to pay it. She was like, I don't want to pay that. I'm like, pay the man the money and get the fuck on the plane. He just wants a bribe. So that's if you're going to somewhere dicey, bring cash.

For that, for that instance. It'll get you out of trouble. The cops and a lot of, like, Eastern Europe too. Mexico. Yeah, you got to, they just, they know you're American. Just give them the cash. Don't even sweat it. Who cares?

Yeah, that's a good one. Bring crisp bills too, put it in a book so it's crisp and just like have, like, you know. So it doesn't get like bent or anything. They want it flat and new. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Sure, sure.

I'll give one more, a specific one. If you're going to Ecuador or any Latin American country, this will probably work in Cambodia, too. Anywhere they use the dollar as their currency, bring twos. Really? It's magic. Twos. A two will light up someone's day. Yeah, they're so rare.

Yeah. If you have to give 12 instead of 10 and 2, 1, if you give it to like, what? It's worth like $8 or $9 to them emotionally. emotionally. Yeah. I know, it is so special. Yeah. I have a $2 bill in my wallet and it's like sacred.

I will never spend it. Yeah, so if you go to one of those places, go to the bank and get like 50 of them and just light up people's days. It's a good idea. Yeah. What else? I think, I mean, the obvious ones. Ask the locals where to eat.

That's good. That's a good one. Yeah, because if the locals aren't getting poisoned, you won't get, like, they're not going to poison the locals. I don't know it's good. Yeah. Like in Berlin, I was like, where do I get curry worst? Where's the spot? And then, you know, they tell you. Without that, you'll just go to the tourist ones.

Yeah. Don't go to the touristy fucking shit. Obviously. That's a good one. Ask the locals where to eat. Always ask the locals. And be nice. Yeah. I just be nice to people. That's huge. All right. All right. Thanks, Christina. Hey, can I ask you one more question?

Yeah. Where's the shittiest place you've been? What do you mean shittiest? Okay, well, toilet like Kyrgyzstan. Like here's my thing, is Africa. Africa's pretty bad, like Somalia was, I think, the worst. It's like kids playing soccer on garbage heaps, poor, bad. That's worse than Kyrgyzstan.

I've not really explored. I've never seen your teeth before. You have teeth. Yeah. It's the first time in 30 years I've ever seen your teeth. Alan, can you add it like a little like... Mm. Burmoh's up there, Myanmar.

because it was really not set up for tourism at all. So there was no infrastructure for that at all. El Salvador. Really? Went to the bathroom. I got a private in a hostel, opened the bathroom, and the whole door just fell.

And it's like, it's also just not, it's tourism so new that they're just like, they had no reason to make a good outside of like the capital. El Salvador. Fuck. Yeah, those are both pretty shit.

Salvador and Burma. But also, I have so much fun of those places. Yes. Because it's like you're really exploring. It's not like there's no like culture of like let's sieve money off whites. Yeah. It's just like, all right, here's a price.

It's cool you're here. What are you doing here? People want to ask you questions. Oh yeah. They were so kind in El Salvador. They were really like everywhere else in Latin America was like it was like either gringos go home or Yankees, Yankees get out of our politics. Yeah, but in El Salvador like, can you tell people about this place?

Tell them about where are you from? Like New York, what's that like? Are there buildings? I'm like, yeah, a lot. Yeah. How big? I'm like, someone. like 60 stories like no fucking way yeah in indonesia i had a 50 dollar bill and somebody's like can

i touch it and i was like yeah we're on transport and he's like wow this would change my like this actually doesn't go very far where i live that's like a lunch and he's like what that's amazing i got to get back to asia have you been to africa no just egypt south africa is great i've only been to south africa somalia Ethiopia Somalia is terrible and suppressing I have a standing invite to, what's the English-speaking country there? South Africa? No. I mean, yeah, I guess that too.

But the one where they sent all the blacks back, like free trip back to Africa. Monrovia is their capital because Monroe was the president there. And a lot of black people are like, I'll take that. I don't need to make this country good. I'll head back. I'll go back to Africa. And they sent them like, it was like their version of Israel. We're like, you're not from here, but we'll resettle you there.

Liberia. Oh, Liberia. So that just got safe. And my friend Jesse was like, I mean, he had to leave to college to get out of Charles Taylor, the fucking tyrant there to get away. But now he's like, it's safe again. And it's like cheap. We should go. I'm like, yeah, Jesse, I've got to take up on that.

But isn't that wild that like you're not safe from your own government? People don't. I mean, I know people. There's problems with America, obviously. But like the fact that I don't know. They're not going to come to your house and grab your sister. Literally. Or the Russians aren't going to come and take.

take your kid away because or your parents away. Yeah, they might like minimize your Instagram likes if you say the like thing, but you know, they're not gonna put you in a gulag. Exactly. The KGB is not gonna take you away in the middle of the night. Yeah, it's fun when you get to the perspective. I saw them marching in Montreal, one JFL

because they were raising the price of college. And they were all, it was nice to see, any time you see somebody protesting, like, this is good. You guys are like trying something. Yeah, it's cool. And it was like, what are they making it? They're like, it's going up from like 1100 at like 1150.

And I was like, fuck you guys. Fuck off. I know. Fuck right off, eh. All right. So, yeah,

next time you come back, we'll do like a full hungry one. That'll be rad, dude. I'll give you some hot tips. It's been a minute, but I've got some Intel. This is so cool.

The world is so cool. It's pretty rare, right? There's so many places to go. So many are safer than you think. I think that's the big thing what you just said. A lot of it, as propaganda or fear mongering.

I like to fuck with people. So when I got back from Southeast Asia, I was telling Joe's an alarmist, Rogan. He likes the alarmism. We went to Brazil once. He goes, there's a spider that'll eat your leg. I'm like, that's in Rio? He goes, no, it's in the jungle.

I'm like, oh, fucking thing, why are you worried about it? I know. But he was like, I was telling about East Timor, Timor Leste, and I was like, it was dangerous, I was like, there were 564 murders last year. He goes, what the fuck?

Why would you go to a place like that guy? I was like, oh, sorry, I'm thinking about Chicago. I know. You'll still play Chicago every year, though. I know. You said don't go to Indones there for the same reason that you will still play Yeah.

It's just perspective. Well, even I went to Tulum for my 50th birthday and people are like, you're going to Mexico? I'm like, dude. It's not the border. Yeah, I'm not going to where they're doing horseshit. Yeah, they sum up a whole country into one thing. Yeah.

It's like, no. Yeah. I've been going there, you know, since I was a kid, Mexico. Come on. I met two tortas in El Salvador. And, and, um, I'm sorry, what? Tortas, it's a derogatory for Lesbo. It's a Latin American derogatory for lesbian.

I love it. I love it too. Yeah, these couple of these Australian tortas and they were probably the coolest people I met on my trip. Yeah. I see them around different countries and then we started to have a long talk at a hostel in, um, in, um, some city in El Salvador. And they were like, our whole trip opened up, went their like long term, a year travel, whatever, when we stopped paying for rides.

Oh, how fun. So we would only hitchhike. And we met people, we would get invited to their houses, and they just got back from Honduras. And I was like, I heard Honduras was too dangerous. And they're like, no. Yeah, maybe the main capital. But she goes everywhere I went, it was so friendly at night.

There was no danger at all. That's, you could let them get in your head. And I want to be like, well, I've heard this and this, but I've realized I'm talking to two people who just got back from there for like two months there. So you guys are actually the experts. and you're telling me no and these are two solo women so like if anybody's gonna be like it's bad

yeah the two lesbos I know and it's fine how you meet people if you just let it happen like I was in London this last time the gay oh that gay ruled oh you met him I forgot we spent he's we're still bros

like I'm sitting on a just pick up local it's the best I'm smoking with the Scottish comic just sitting on the fucking stoop like a pig just ripping darts in front of a pub. The pub is closed. And this cute little gay boy walks by and he goes, you're lovely, you're beautiful.

And I was like, come over here, sit down with me, kid. And we start talking and lo and behold, we have a wonderful connection. And then he comes back to see my show. Came to the show, so I'm me, you and Francis. First show he's ever seen. It's going to be tough to beep. And he's like, oh, I think a lot extent of all right.

I've only seen it online. It's been so sad. Your English accent's getting very good. Yeah. So what I really want to do is next time I come back, anger everybody here by Dup Fully Medan. I can't wait. Oh yeah, yeah.

It's gonna be so fun in it. And you call everything. Does anyone know where the lift is? I gotta use the toilet. No. It's kind of the queue. Oh God, inceivable. And Lewis are like, no dude.

I'm just gonna. Yeah. Bobby Kelly was like, do not start talk with an accent. I'm like, bro, if you think that's gonna stop me from doing it and not drive me to do it, you're out of, you don't know me at all. Yeah, I made a little gay friend. All right, P. All right, I love you. I love you.

so fun. I'd love to come back and I can talk about the world with you forever. Yeah. I didn't realize you've been to so many cool places. Yeah. If you run out a place to talk about it, you don't feel like one, you can't interview me on one because I've been to places, but I can't interview myself. I'll interview you next time. Okay. Love that. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. This is super fun. Yeah. Give me a Venmo, and Venmo you have you of money. I'm sorry? It's 200 bucks. For. Cesting. Oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah. I have to pay you? No. You're going to pay me. What? Yeah, I'm going to pay you.

But I don't have any cash on me. All right. All right. All right. Christina Pisdickey. She's on the road. I'm sure I'll lay on do embers later when I find out your tour dates. No, just buy my makeup.

Oh, by your makeup. Christina p.com. Buy my cosmetics. Oh, I ate one of your lipsticks. You did? Yeah. Had a taste. Not great.

So, guys, if you're going to use it for your lips, fine. But if you're going to use it for your tongue, I would say, go back to, like, the research department and, like, work on that a little bit. On the flavor? It really was not an enjoyable experience. You're not supposed to eat it, ding-dong. Well, where's that in the label? A&R, get on it.

No, not A&R. What is it, the research or whatever? All right. Thanks, Chris. I love you. Love you too. Minute. Three.

Stay. Stay. Come. Well, that's the episode, everybody. I hope you had a good time. Thank you very much. Christina P. for coming in. What a fun episode.

Yeah, I never really took advantage of those U.S.O. shows. I really should have. I really should have, and I kind of wish I'd had. It would have been great. These monkeys are endemic to the Patagonia region of Chile. I don't know what they're doing here, but I kind of love it. It takes me back. Also, if you find these dead branches on the ground

and are making an illegal forest fire to clear land for Zionists, well, this lets right up. See how brittle it is? Nothing better, except maybe a Joshua tree. Monkey Puzzle tree. The second bird. best tree to light up to clear land for Zionist. Did you guys see that on Rogan?

I love every time you hear like a Zionist conspiracy theory, sometimes you're like, look, check that. And he's like, it was like three in a row. Like, that's not real. That's not real. That's not real. I'm like, bro. Your algorithm is nuts.

You ever see a friend's algorithm like in actually talking to them? And you could just like, the best one is Matt Edgar, where I saw him once and I go, what's uh what's a how are you doing well you know not great with everything going on it's like what's going on you haven't heard i'm like no he goes they're they're fucking they're breaking apart joshua tree i was like that's your algorithm national parks it's a pretty good one to have and they find a way to get you hate in that guys check out christina p.com for all our tour dates salt lake city austin multiple shows new orleans um uh las vegas las vegas world in new orleans forget Christina p.com will have all those for you she's also got two specials on the internet

right now on netflix.com fan it where's that mom jeans and mother inferior guys by the way oh whoa whoa whoa ready stay go I was not joking about if you saw that ad for Zippix about taking a fucking half used cigarette out of an ashtray of someone I didn't know yes it was a a lady cigarette. So more likely it's a lady. I don't know why that makes it less gross, more gross. I gotta get help. I'm trying to.

I mean, I gotta get one right now, actually. The Sweetwood. Let's try that one. It's the hardest thing to fucking... Everybody shits on the awesome comedy scene. It's like become the fashionable thing to do. What they do is they go to one show. They see like one open mic, my comic, two open my comics and they go oh here's what this whole fucking city does it's stupid it's

actually a really stupid way to analyze the city but um yeah it's nice it really does it's really fucking nice it's not part of the ad but gives you that buzz nice bandit where to go they say it's regressive they say it's uh whatever they say it's uh racist here's what i don't tell you about the awesome comedy scene try doing four days there without picking up smoking again Try it. See what happens. You'll fail. It's so readily available there. And there's smoke's in the air and you're like, give me one. Yeah, one. Good luck with that.

Where you're going? Anyway, that was interesting. Yeah, I never did any of those USO shows, but I kind of wish I had. You might be saying, is it not too late? It's not too late, but it's kind of too late. But I would like to go. I want to see the Middle East, and I don't want to get a fucking bunch of angry flamers from comedy coming at me. They did a Middle Eastern show. I don't know which runs are aggressive.

I'll be honest with you. I don't know which of the Middle Eastern countries are like you can't go to and which ones you can morally. I just haven't followed well enough. To me, all the sand people are trouble. Make sure to get Christina Peas cosmetic slime. I've eaten some of her lipstick for a sketch video at YMH. It's disgusting. It's not to be eaten.

Maybe it's an acquired taste like Mote. Guys, that's it. I would like to go to the stands. on my list. I'll tell you my first time I hearing about it was I was in a rooftop bar in Myanmar, Yangong, formerly known as Rangoon. Myanmar is good for rooftop bars and it was a travel there and she had not all who wanted her or lost tattooed back her neck. She was cool. It was my first travelers I met, my first city traveling by myself really backpacking, you know. She said one to the

stands. Maybe it was Kurt her shown. Safe, undiscovered wild. Gotta learn Russian, she said. I tried on Duo Linga for a while. Can I just tell you, you gotta try another app? Didn't really do much for me. Not nearly as much as just living in Cuba for two days.

Anyway, that's it, everybody. I hope you had a good time. Announcements coming as soon as I get everything ready for, we'll see. Stuff's going on. Trip around the world is coming. Nair and down for people. Contacted all of them.

moves are happening. I will let you know let's say next week with Michael Malice. Michael Malice next week on South Korea. He did North Korea. Next week, he's back for a South Korea episode. I did have a dream. I thought it was real that one of the episodes

I have coming was incredibly boring. We do have a lot of good episodes coming. So that's why you want to subscribe. So alert you. It does unsubscribe people. Please subscribe. Get me up to 200,000 followers. That'll be cool.

YouTube, Spotify, and leave a comment, do anything. Stay somewhere you've been. It'll be fun. That's it. Thank you very much. Oh, today's episode is edited by Alan Caffee, produced by your Mom's House Network, recorded at the Amops House Studios,

where Zolo jerks off in a corner. That's right. Not many people have seen this, but... Zolo jerks off in corners. And I'm not talking about Josh. I'm talking about his brother Jim. He comes into the office late night. Jerks off in corners.

I put up hidden camera stuff to find him. And I did. Jim Zolo. He's a habitual corner masturbator. Thank you very much for tuning in. Until next week. Das Vodanya.