You Be Trippin' - Fiji w/ Brendan Sagalow | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: March 9, 2026

Follow & See More from Brendan Sagalow:Live Shows: https://brendansagalow.com/#liveshows Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendansagalow Website: https://brendansagalow.com/ SPONSORS: -Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/7chyhxwm #CashAppPod. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement . Discounts and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. On this episode of You Be Trippin’, host Ari Shaffir sits down with comedian Brendan Sagalow to break down his trip to Fiji to visit his girlfriend. Brendan talks about the long flight anxiety, beach clubs, jetskiing out to snorkel, and discovering what Fiji is actually like once you get there. Along the way Ari and Brendan go off the rails about stereotypes, planes, whether Rob Lowe is actually cool, relapsing on St. Patty’s, and even arguing during a fire show.Moce! You Be Trippin' Ep. 109 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:05:03 - Ari's New Racist Stereotype 00:07:35 - We All Need A Little Black Lady In Us 00:17:34 - Is Rob Lowe Cool? 00:26:03 - Stop Jerking Off So Much, Brendan 00:28:49 - Asians Are Good On Planes 00:33:51 - Fear Of Planes 00:40:03 - Indians Live In Fiji?? 00:46:01 - Relapsing On St. Patty's 00:49:37 - Arriving At The Hotel 01:00:56 - Brendan's Fiji Routine 01:08:22 - Don't Ask About Danger In Fijij 01:18:16 - Going On A Jetski To Go Snorkeling 01:25:38 - Ari Might Have A Tick 01:29:47 - The Mala Mala Beach Club 01:33:26 - Arguing During A Fire Show 01:45:32 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ula. That's what they say as hello. Bula. I think that's right. Bula, welcome to Fiji. Wait, oh, you want this one? Is this one on? Yeah, you check.

They're both on. They're both on. They're both on. They're both on. They're both on. Oh, my God. Okay, hey. Hi.

Hi, how's that windscreen treating you? Pretty good, pretty good. I like it. You know what? I have to avoid... What? The letter after O and... and the letter after S.

Whereas you can just, just say... Oh, I can go... Damn, must be nice. Yeah, that feels nice. It feels nice to be free. You had me fucking doing the alphabet. I was like, ABC, D, E, F, J, J, J, J, K, L.P. What, um...

Yeah. Here we are. At Fiji. Here we are. Where are we going today? We're in Fiji right now. Bula, everyone. Welcome to you be tripping.

everybody. It's a travel podcast. Every week we go to a different place. It's with a guy who's been there. And once in a while if I want less downloads, a girl has been there. That's great. Do you find that? Do you find that if you have a woman on the podcast? Is that like a true statement that there will be less downloads? It's YouTube as a male site. I don't know. I don't know if it's any deviousness to it. YouTube is a male site. That's what I think. Well, there just really aren't any female comedians that people want

watch. Like, even at the highest, like, who is the highest female comedian right now? Amy Schumer is the highest grossing

of all time. Yeah, which is insane. You know, emphasis on gross. But, like, it's also insane that, like, there aren't any.

There aren't any. Michelle was on top for a while. Kirsten is, like, on top. Yeah, but she's not like a household name. Yeah, she's like underground on top. It's not like Chappelle, Rock, even the short one.

Ellen, maybe, but like, she's not a stand-up anymore. No, but I love the way. There was an episode of her show before she got outed for being a legitimate boss. Yeah, a boss. No, I don't talk to my underlings. Yeah. No, get out of the way. I'm worth millions for me getting to my office faster helps you get paid.

Yeah, yeah. It's almost like, it's almost better if we just talked about the talk show hosts that aren't assholes. like that which there's only really one Conan maybe yeah maybe Conan maybe Conan but all the rest of them they're running shows every single day it's crazy they have to run a show every single day you don't think they're going to be like a little on edge it's crazy but my favorite one was she had a who's a chick she was in one of the Disney girls she and then she became a star but she was like more adult than Britney Spears who Christina Aguilera yes and she came in and she was wearing this kind of lockech shirt and she was she had just had a baby so she had

breast milk pushing it out. Yeah. And she comes in and sits down and just really, if you could find it, guys, find it. And she just, so let's say you be Christina Allegra. And Ellen sits and she goes, so you're a mom. That rules. It rules. Was it for the gag or was she actually like, wow, those gazongers.

And I like, I like gash. Yeah. Christina Aguilera has been, is still hot, I think, too. Yeah. Because she seems obtainable now to me. Like, I feel like I could. She's just gone down some. Yeah.

I also feel like we're the same age. It's like that Louis joker, he's talking about Britney Spears. He's like, when I was, he's like when I was 30, Britney Spears was 18 and now we're both 40 years old. That's it. That's kind of like what it feels like with Christina Aguilera. Brandon, I got to be honest with this is a mistake doing this in Fiji. Yeah, let's fly back.

Let's fly back. Let's cut this. Let's go out and have some fresh, I don't know, boy. Lolo Lolo Fish Lolo Okay And then we'll do the rest of this at home

Once we've been When we've returned And I'm actually I'm not feeling I'm going to a hotel I'm going to experience nothing So you can tell me all of it Okay great

All right Fuck this Where you've been and where you're going This is our race travel show Yeah We're going to talk about travel today It's you'll be Yeah

I mean this is like It's still very like, like, I still remember it. Like, it was three weeks ago. Perfect. Yeah. So tell me about it. Why'd you go?

Tell me all about it, and then I'll ask questions. So my girlfriend writes for Love Island. Okay. Right. We won't say much about it. Please welcome Brendan. No, not the first thing. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay, yeah. Which I'm terrible at. Hi, everybody, welcome to you be tripping. It's a travel podcast. Hey, I have a new racist stereotype. Don't hear it? Yeah. Okay.

Then we'll get into it. Yes. And we'll go to Fiji. when you know you're in your restaurant and it's just like the noise level is too loud and you can't hear the person you're on a date with like music or people? People talking.

Okay. So the cafeteria is sometimes. Remember in high school? People like shh. Right. And everyone starts talking over each other. Yeah. The one you're talking over is Asians.

Really? Start noticing. That's interesting. It's not that they're screaming. It's that their vocal range is of a shrill. It just hits where everyone has to talk over them. And then when they leave, everyone goes back down luck. Right.

It's a regular conversation. There is something that's, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm going to definitely notice that more, but I have been noticing, and I love Asians as much as the next guy. Sure. But I've also noticed, I think they might be the most annoying of the races. And we're all annoying in our own way. Sure, sure. But I think they're a little bit more.

They're the most annoying. We're all annoying. But I think they are the most annoying. Just in ways where you're like, you know when you're sitting on the subway and there's just a tiny little spot next to you and a person that could fit a person. But I think most people are like, I'm not even going to bother sitting there. I'm just going to, I'll just stand. Asians will sit there. They will squeeze right in.

And they won't even say excuse me. They won't say excuse me. They will just get in. It's never been another type of person. All right. Let me ask you another question. Who is the least like? to move over for you.

To, like, you're, you know, this is the line of the subway, but you're like here. When you're alone, you can be as wise you want. And then you see it's kind of packed. Asians will move over. Sure. I think Indians will move over. You know what the answer is. I know the answer is.

I'm just getting. I'm getting to it. Okay. And what gender specifically of? I think a black woman. I think black woman. Would never move over for you. And if you're like, excuse, like, you've got 35 people standing.

And that's only see. It will be a problem. Excuse me. like, it will be a problem. Yes, yes. Which I understand, too. Sometimes you ever look at somebody? Sure, I was never a slave like they were in 2025.

So of course don't get up the seat for even an Asian person. I do. Sometimes. Who definitely didn't own slaves here and neither did his forefathers. Sometimes I will look at, I'll look at somebody doing something that annoys me and go, would I do that? Do I get that? And that I do get. Because when someone sits down next to me and, like, squeezes in, I have that, like, I'll roll my eyes and be like, I wish I could say something right now.

And a black woman would. She'd be like, excuse me. We all need a little Patrice in us. Yeah, I wish I had that. Patrice was an amazing black woman. Oh, fuck, you know what you're doing? Yeah, it's funny of tits like a black woman, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, sometimes I wish I just had that, like, like the, just the blackness of saying, something. Yeah, that would be nice. It's really great. Do you ever do this where you like get mad at somebody and realize, oh, I do the same shit? I got a mushroom thought of like, oh my God, yes. I mean, I'm the king of that. I, if somebody holds a, if I hold a door for someone and they don't say thank you, I go, what a piece of shit. I just held a door for you. But on the other end of that, if someone holds a door for me and I don't say thank you and they get that feeling, I go, you held a door. Yeah, relax. You don't own me.

Yeah, you held a door. Thank you. I could have opened this door myself. Yeah, I was actually looking forward to it to be honest. Yeah, you took that away from me. The dexterity of the door, you stole it for me. Yeah, you stole this away from me, and now I have to keep going or I'll be late. Yeah. I had one where somebody was coming to the wrong where I was driving.

Someone was coming on a bike lane on Avenue B, C. So it's both ways, there's bike lanes. Yeah. And I'm driving. He's coming this way, and I'm looking behind me in the river to see if there's bike's coming. Yeah. And I start to go, and I'm like, fuck, dude. Yeah. And then he was, he went, I was like, oh, go.

And then he was like kind of blocking. I'm like, this motherfucker was going the wrong way. I felt like hitting him. Yeah. I felt like I'm just going to hit you. Oh, yeah. And whatever. And then my friend was like, have you ever done that?

I'm like, no, no, here's a deal. I've done it for a couple blocks. This guy did it for two full blocks. That's crazy, dude. That's crazy. I mean, I'm this way with everything, I think. I mean, if I was on the bike, I would be like, relax. I'm on a bike.

Yeah, relax. You can kill me. I saw you. But if I was in the car, it's literally everything. If I'm in a car and someone speeds by me, I'm like, look at this fucking asshole where do you have to go you asshole but then if I'm behind someone who's moving too slow I'm like come on I got places to be what we got to do is get an Asian woman and uh no I'm sorry black woman and an Asian man with just under one seat and let let the inevitable happen that's like the new Roman Coliseum you just let them in and you go figure this motherfucker you stop Asian hate because I'm high on it right now I can't I just went to like Southern Bell no no really I thought that was good. Okay, thank you.

I did see once on a subway. This was months and months ago, but it happened this year where, like, kind of that situation where an Asian guy tried to, there was a group of black women. Okay. So it was like. What would you call that? You know how they have like, it's like a murder of crows, like a gaggle or murder of crows or whatever, yeah. I don't know, I guess a, I don't know, a, mm-hmm of ladies or something like that. I don't know.

It was an open mic. What would you call it? But he said when you get four or five, like 38 to 48-year-old white women together, that's a chardonnay of women. That's great. I love calling. When I see two women talking, that I know, I'll walk up to them and I go, what are you hens clucking about?

It's the best thing. It's so funny. They're like, what? Because that's exactly what they're doing. They're two fucking hens going, but I did see on the train a, uh, an Asian guy. I squeezed in next to a murder of black women. Yeah.

And, uh, stand off of black women. Yeah. And they, they were like, they were just, they were going to beat the shit out of this guy. They were like,

how did you? Like, shit like that. And he was just like, put his little headphones in. And nobody was going to save him. I wouldn't have. Yeah. I feel that way, though,

sometimes. I'm like, should I say something? Should I be like, guys, come on. We're all just trying to, yeah.

We're just trying to get a walk. That's how you get fucking shot. That's how the guy's how the end of, of a stand by me, spoiler. Oh, really? Yeah, he broke up a fight. And they got, they were like, I need to stab around you, but you're in the way. Oh, my God. They didn't show it. Hey, everybody. I'm breaking this day's episode to let you know a little bit about the guest, Brendan Sagalow. He's an all-timer. You guys, he's a great. He's one of the fucking true joys of New York City's comedy. He's running into Brenda in a club and saying,

remember we used to drink? Good times and plenty of bad ones. Brendan Sagalow has a podcast that you should all listen to called Sag Daddy to Pod. I'm episode 18. That's Chai. Chai is a magical Jewish number that means life. No, 18, yeah. Brendan also is a touring comedian. You can catch all his dates at punchup.com live slash Brendan Sagalow. Catch his special thin lips on YouTube at Brendan Sagglo and his Instagram at Brendan Sagalow as well and his website. www. www. www. h.b. dot dot dot dot slash www. Brendan Sagalow.com.

He's going to be torn. Oh, I should fucking say his dates. Indianapolis, Atlanta. Damn, I got to find them all, actually. In the meantime, while I go up and look, I fucking hate these long shorts. Why don't you subscribe right now? Wherever you're watching the listening, hit the like button. Hit the like button, everybody.

It'll help me get new subscribers and just overall bring you a better product. More subscribers, more reviews, means better guests. Let me get Brandon's his fucking dates. Also buy a t-shirt, you've been tripping t-shirt right at the bottom of the screen on YouTube or on Spotify, wherever you're watching or listening. Catch yourself a UBee Tripping T-shirt.

Okay. Brandon Saga-Lah, Instagram, Breddie de POD. Oh, he's also on Fark Carnival, a new podcast. with Mike Cannon old and fat is what they should call it because one looks old and one looks fat

I never let up Indianapolis this weekend March 12th through 14th at helium this weekend everybody get tickets at punchup dot live

slash Brendan Sagalow good nights in Raleigh May 7th to the 9th the counterweight brewing company joke there I'm not gonna make it

May 15th and Helium Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia, May 22nd. Oh, it's a helium in Atlanta now. Finally, they need to be a club there. They need to be a club there. Ever since the punchline, shut down. Everybody in Atlanta, go support that fucking club.

Go support Brendan. May 22nd to the 24th. I'm already Shafir. I'm in Fiji. Just exploring to see if what he was saying is true or not. And so far, I've seen almost no lies from Brendan Sagalow. Hey, he might have thin lips. Oh, wait, that's what...

Who's the guy from the... Bucking ears? quarterback and goes he's got big lips big lips means you lie a lot and then everyone's like I mean it's a black guy you're talking about and he's like I mean he does have big lips but that's not what I'm that's not what I mean do you say a big nose I might have said a big nose

but he wasn't talking about Jews so I don't know I don't know guys let's get back to Fiji so my girlfriend works on Levi's episode is about Fiji The guest today is a notable podcaster, rapper, and comedian. Brandon Saggola, everybody, from the Sagdadi, the pod. I would have said comedian, podcaster, and rapper. I should have said rapper, rapper, well-known rapper. Well, you said podcaster, and I went, oh, man, am I doing something wrong?

I got to be a comic first. Let me do it again. Today's episode is, today's guest is a well-known rapper. No. Plus a great stand-up comedian and podcaster sometimes. Brickens Sago I know You know what the thing is

About podcasting Which is so funny It's like sometimes It's gonna suck Like we do it so many times That you're like I don't feel it today And I don't care

And I don't care And it's gonna suck This is not my dream But today's not that day Today's not that day It's been fun It's okay Why'd you go to Fiji

So my girlfriend writes on Love Island That's cool Yeah she works with that dude He's Ian Sterling who you know He's Has he done one of these?

Yeah Okay Has he done Fiji? No, Denmark, Copenhagen. Oh. Let's look behind the curtain. It has come out by now.

Yeah, dude, you have 54 that are in the chamber. It's like, you don't know who's come out yet. It's the best way when the publicist hits up and they go, hey, can they go on and they want to promote the thing? I'm like, no. Yeah. I've got the next six weeks book. Yeah, you go. I got Chey Duranes has a special item.

Six weeks. I mean, you have 54 weeks already. I have openings and stuff. If someone's got a special, you get first dibs on the week. And then if they were like, they're like, want a Roblo to come in? They're like, can you guarantee he's on next week? Yeah. It's Roblo.

What if it's a bad episode? It's Roblo, though. You know what you can do, though? Just say, yep. And then if it's not good, just bury it. Yeah, and bury it. And also if their, if his PR team or his publicist is like, hey, you said that was going to come out that week. You go, yeah, but I lied.

Yeah, I loved. I lied. It sucked. Sorry. I had a technical... Summi. Sue me. Remember Sue me?

Remember when people would say, Sue me? Sumi. Is this recording? I want to bring that back. Check that one, too, make sure. I want to bring back Summi. Nice. Sumi would be good.

Sue me. So Sue. Oh, yeah. What are you kind of some of these retro ones? Was Roblo cool? I saw him doing a couple of hot. So fucking cool. He seems cool.

You get it. Yeah. You get why he's as big as he is. Did he come in with anybody? You know, some people come in. And with like... A couple of his guys. But he was like, hey, do you mind if I change in your...

I mean... Change. In the other room. And it was like, disgusting back there. Not an inkling of like judgment. Yeah. So fucking down to earth. Yeah.

And I was like, he's like, I actually love traveling. It's one of the funest things I do. Yeah. This is going to be one I'm doing just for press. Wow. So he was just like, that, and that was like the first day you guys met? Full attention. And I was like, I told his people.

I was like, hey, just so you know, I don't know if he's done these before. Yeah. If there's anything he says he doesn't like, it's not like a trap-me-thing. If there's anything, this is to come up that he wants out, we'll just cut it. There's no, like, you don't have to worry about that. They go, well, he's just a tiger belly.

So, don't worry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, oh, okay, great. Great, great, you're cool. He was talking about how much better podcasts are than late-night shows. Yes. Some of these guys, though, like, they're putting their foot into, they're dipping their toes into our podcast world,

which there are our podcast worlds that are very close to the late night where they're like, they're not going to say some fucked up shit just for a laugh. They're not going to like try to go you into shit and all the like stuff. But then once you start getting into the stand up scene podcast world, it almost feels like

are you sure? Like, not to be like, not like I'm like, we're so dangerous, but it's just like, we're going to rank race and gender based on who you want to sit next to on the subway. You can sit there quietly while we do it. But you really should join it. Right. This is not going to be on fucking Colbert.

Yeah, exactly. This is some like career ruining shit. You might sweat a little bit. Was he like that at all? Was he like, did you, but you must have been kind of censoring yourself a little bit. You're like, a little where he's like. I'm with Roblo, I'm not with Sagalow. Yeah, a guy I grew up with, but also I'd make some jokes.

Yeah. We both talked about how stupid it was to fucking care about politics, how it doesn't change your life at all. Right. Right. To pretend he's an L.A. guy. Right. Also, he did all the Coke in Los Angeles. Right.

There was no coke left for two years because Rob Lowe. Is that true? or you're making a joke. Is that true? Oh, okay. But he did it all. He fucked everybody. Yeah.

He fucked every starlet and you want to be like, oh, you're like this adult. But he's like, no, he was in the Bradpack. Yeah, you almost forget he was this like badass dude because he's such a straight-laced sober guy now. Yeah. Same as Brennan Sagalow, well-known rapper and podcaster comedian Brendan Sagalow who went to fucking Fijian. Let's get back to it. I'm sorry for the distraction. No, no, no, no.

It's great. I mean, is this like your old podcast where this could go on as long as we won? Are you trying to like, okay, okay. So my girlfriend writes for Love Island. Biggest show in the world right now. Is it really? Biggest show in the world right now. Everybody is talking.

I mean, whenever this comes out, maybe next year, who knows? Fiji could not even exist next year, right? I love you to talk to someone too into Trump. Like, this could all be gone. Yeah, yeah, that's so funny. Yeah, that is a Trump could turn Fiji into his own personal Chuckie cheese or something. But which is not. I don't really.

Okay. Yeah. You go, okay. It's probably going to be fine, though. Yeah. I'm sure the 400 islands of Fiji are going to survive. They'll be taken first. Donald Trump, yeah.

So she writes for Love Island. So she has to go there. It kind of sucks, to be honest. Like, I wouldn't want to do that. So Love Island is, if this is Australia, right? So Fiji is, it's around Australia. It's got to be in between, right? Oh, here it is, Fiji.

Fiji. Fiji Islands. Yeah, the Fiji Islands. Or Fiji's. Fiji Islands. Yeah. Viti, Levo. This is old.

Fiji Islands. Vanoa Lavo. Lavuka. Where'd you go? I went to, I have no idea to be honest. So here is on a half. I do not remember. I just remember being in Fiji.

Look how nowhere at it. It is nowhere, dude. It's the farthest I've ever gone. So she, she was, she's there for two months, right? And it is kind of boring. You know, the food is kind of awful. there's not much to do. Try spending two months at a resort,

which sounds nice, but you're like, how many times can you go to the beach? That's the problem. Let's look to where this is on a fucking map. It's nowhere. It's nowhere. It's in the middle of fucking nowhere.

Yeah. You know what I think, okay, go ahead. I'll talk about it later. So we're talking, and she was like, would you want to come visit me? Which is like, yes,

I would definitely want to come visit you. but also I am This sounds like when you're I know you're already a girlfriend and boyfriend But this sounds like She's gonna want to fuck Yeah you go Yeah of course

Yes And you go if she doesn't fuck me after this This is crazy But yeah we've been together for a year at this point And it's not like she was pressuring me But it's like What a bonus Can I just pause to say

Kudos to you Because it's a long trip And I know it's like That means you want to make for a hotel room I assume No I She's already got it So it's like

But a lot of people will go I don't know. It's far. It's so far. And they just wouldn't do it. I got spots. You know a lot of comics wouldn't do it. Yes. But so I'm as far as spots go, it's the longest I've ever taken

off in probably like six years, seven years. Like I've taken time off. Like, you know, I'll have not have a spot for a day and I'll just take the day off. But as far as 10 days, I was like, I don't have any, I'm not doing any comedy for 10 fucking days.

Yeah. And there is a weird feeling, like, I mean, I'm pretty secure. No, that's a lot. And all that stuff. But there is a feeling of like, they're going to forget about me, you know, which I, you know, I couldn't, I express to her like an idiot. And she was like, because she's a stand-up too. And she's like, yeah, I'm gone for two months. You know, like, what are you talking about?

And it's the best when you complain to someone who's got worse. Yeah. And I, that I'm the queen of that. I do that all the fucking time. I'm always complaining about something that someone has worse. That's somebody explaining me about privileges in a very not-judgy way. It's just like white college chick from Jacksonville. And she was like, it's when you complain about how it rained on your trip to Fiji or something like that to someone who can't afford to go there.

Yes. And it's not racial, right? Let's just say it's like whatever, monetary. And you realize as you're saying, it's like, oh, I'm not taking into account they could never go. Yeah. Yeah. And so you're like, just have to realize your privilege and check it a little bit. You're lacking empathy.

Yeah. Say how it was bad. Yeah. Don't. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I am like, I'll, I'll, I pad everything up with, like, I'm so lucky to go. I'm a lucky person. I got both my legs.

All my fingers are still here. You gotta say, like, but it rained, which sucks. But, you know, I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining. You got to do that a lot. So she was like, do you want to go? And I'm actually, like, as I'm getting older, I am starting to, like, be more afraid of things. Like, I've sworn.

off roller coasters. I'm never going on a roller coaster ever again. Unless it's like something small and whatever. I don't enjoy them anymore. Hate them. I hate them now. I almost pass out. Yes.

I almost pass out. You look at these videos of those guys doing like the what's that thing called where you like get in a thing and then it like shoots you off and you go like they have all those videos of the camera right there. Some of those videos are kind of hot too because the girls will be wearing like nothing and then their tits are coming out or whatever. The tits get smashed down. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's like a way, like people jerk off to that. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, not me, but. Can we, I probably can't end it around that. Okay, go ahead. Not me. But I'll, like, you watch roller coasters.

No, I never do it. You, you, which actually I am kind of slowing down on jerking off, too. I'm like, it's all just becoming old. I'm just becoming like. I read a thing about jerking off, about porn. Yeah. They go, it takes away your imagination in a way that you're not even sexualized by it. You're like, give me the.

input I need to do this. Yes. And there's nothing. Yes. When you hook up with a new chick, you're like, I don't know exactly what this tits are going to look like. I don't know exactly what the pussy's going to look like with the stomach. You don't know what you're going to sound like.

The belly button, exactly. And then when you uncover, it's just like, oh, you got like a little pop out. Yeah. You have a flat nip or whatever. Yeah. And it's like you're discovering now it's just this is what you need to fucking brave new world it. Right. You can look up exactly what you want.

Yeah. And it's not that it's easy. It's just that there's not even sexual. It does. It takes it out of you. I mean, like, you know, like, I, yeah, because I'll, I find myself, if I'm jerking off too much, I'm like, I'm like, eh, you know, I'm not like, I'm not like, yeah, I'm not like sexting my girlfriend or anything as much. You know what I mean? I'm like, I got to stop doing this. And my therapist is always, I never even like, I did a joke about this, but I'm like, he's always like, you got to stop jerking off. And I'm like, yeah, I'm like, I'm like, I never came to you about jerking off. Like, I don't know why you keep. thinking that I'm jerking off. Bro, stop thinking about me jerking off. But he's kind of right. He's like nailing it on the head.

But so, but I am scared. So I'm, I'm like, I am getting scared of planes. I've never been like a, really? I've never been like a scared of planes guy. Scared of planes? About going down? Yeah, of crashing. Yeah, pretty much the only thing you could be afraid of with a plane.

Or I guess, yes, sitting next to somebody. Yeah, yeah, I'm like, oh, terrified. Can you move your bag off my seat? She goes, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not a subway. This is my seat. Yeah, although, yeah, like... I'm so sorry, I'll just stand.

I will. I'll just stand in the cockpit. Hey, guys, today's episode of Yuba Trippin is brought to by Cash App. Guys, if you get your phone stolen, where I am, in these countries I'm visiting, you're going to lose your shirt. Do you get it? Do you get the metaphor? Lose your shirt?

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Getting ready for a game means being ready for anything. Like packing a spare stick. I like to be prepared. That's why I remember, 988, Canada's suicide crisis hubline. It's good to know, just in case. Anyone can call or text for free confidential support from a train responder anytime. suicide crisis helpline is funded by the government in Canada. I will say this about Asians, though. On planes, they're very aware of surroundings and annoying people, I think. They're a little bit better on that. Interesting.

Which I don't understand. They wear the mask, which is nice. You're not going to cough on me. Yes, yes. You're not going to cough on me. You're not going to clip your toenails on me. On the way back from Fiji, there was a guy next to me that was like, and I was like, oh, fuck.

this guy's getting me sick. Yeah. But anyway, but he didn't, thank God. So, but I go, but I go, yes, of course. And we split the ticket, actually. It was like a $1,200 ticket, yeah. And we just split it. We were like, because she was like, you're coming from, you know, you're coming to visit me.

I need it. She's like, I need company. She needs company. Who is she there with at this time? Like, what's her writing staff like? So it's three people. It's her, this guy, Steve and then Ian. But Steve is there?

Ian is in, he's not even there. No. He's, him and Steve are working remote from different places. Oh. So she's the only one. She's in this like little office. Oh, so it's just her. It's just her in Fiji.

I mean, they have about 400 staff members that are there. But she's like, you know, she's not really hanging out much with them. Like she's just kind of like wakes up. She's bored. She's bored. Yeah. So it's like, we'll go there. We'll, whatever.

We'll have fun. So she was like, I'll pay for half of it. And I'm like, okay. Okay. That's great. Yeah. So, but leading up to it Would you mind if I drink a beer while you do this?

No, of course. That's not triggering for me at all. You keep talking about this. Do you have any NAs? Yeah, let me check. Let's get an N.A. Come in. Nice.

I had some for sure. Or a water, at least. I don't know if I threw it out. Hopefully I didn't. Yeah, I got an N. Yes. The best, actually. You're on Beck, so you want a Klaus Taller, dry hopped.

Dealer's choice. I'm going to let you do a taste test. I'll take both of them. Yeah, I'm going to let you do both. There's also a, oh, okay. I'm going to do two as well. Polaner and a... Oh, yeah, buddy.

Oh, yeah. We got some fucking... Let me see. Yeah. This rules. That's a Bex. That's a Klausthalach. I've heard that is the best one.

Oh, really? Yeah, I'll try to get a bottle opener, right? No way, that's a twist off. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Or, well, let me see. Yeah, get a bottle of it.

But the problem is... Actually, I have one on my keys. My keys might be out there. Okay. By your stove, possibly. Yep. Oh, hell yeah, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Very few guests come with this level of helpmanship that you have achieved right now. Enjoy that klaus. I'm going to have a polaner, and I might get to this clue, but I actually might be drinking one right now in Ecuador. Hell yeah. This looks awesome. Well, you know, like, even my fear with everything started coming, like, after I stopped drinking. Because I was like, I don't want to, I want to get healthy.

I want to, I just want to be like, oh, that's nice, dude. That's great. You're in a hot day. I know. Not January day. I know. Dude, yes. January day, whenever this comes out, yeah. But one of those hot February days, ma'am. Merry Christmas. I'm so glad we got away from the heat, away from the cold and went to Fijing.

Yeah, I can't. believe Trump killed J.D. Vance. Dude, can I tell you what I overheard on the way here, walking back from the... Is this real or is it not real? Okay, real. Older man, 65 to 75. Harvard hat, go on the phone, holding it. That's crazy because literally it just talked to... That's crazy because literally I just talked to Mike Pence this morning.

Whoa. That's crazy. Imagine he's like, oh shit, that's Ari Shafir. You're not going to talk about this. Yeah, I got to be cool. Bro, I literally just talked to Hillary Clinton. He goes, yeah, he's like, he says someone that doesn't exist. I literally just talk to Rocky Balboa today. Oh, that's really cool, little, little, little pouchy.

Pouch. You can hold it too, yeah. Yeah, but I'm like, so I'm like, that's why, you know, I'm not really doing any hallucinogens anymore. I'm like, I'm just kind of trying to like. You're getting older and fearful. Yeah. It's not weird that happens to a lot of people. They start getting upset about kids out doing this stuff that they were doing 10 years earlier.

I have that thing that's like, what's that called? It's like, I always want to say mesophiliaoma, but it's not that. It's like that thing where like. Fagatry? Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly. Oh, yes. Oh, that is correct.

That's what it is. I have suck dick a dickalus. No, I have like a thing where when there sounds, it irritates me like so fucking bad. So I totally get it. things are my ears are becoming more sensitive yeah anyway so I have like so you know so you know I have a fear of planes you don't like I have a fear of planes now I mean not too bad he's still got to ride them but like yeah also just not even the fear of it going down but like you're on it for so the trip to Fiji is uh I had to take a three or like a three hour 40

minute flight to Dallas and then from Dallas that already is like kind of annoying it's so annoying you're like you've done nothing you're like you've done Like four hours? Yeah, I've done nothing. I was like, this isn't even the beginning of the trip. We're like, and on those flights, they barely give you food and water. They're just like, and I was in the back row. So my seat couldn't go back and I was just like, it was brutal.

Then from Dallas, I flew to, it was a 13-hour flight. That's tough. 13 hours. Overnight, gotta be. Or 16. one of the Yeah It doesn't matter

At that point You just go like crazy Yeah you don't need Yeah you don't need Yeah it does not That's why I don't take Edibles on On flights anymore

Because I took an edible Once and I woke up And I was just like How long have we been on this? I really flipped out The chairs are very tiny For me too So I'm like

I have to like sit like This and you know I'm like it was brutal No edibles No edibles No edibles I take melatonin To sleep

Yeah And even that Sure sure But I'm like I want to get Fucked up For a good five hours And that's going to pass a lot of the time.

I know. Maybe if I took like a 10 milligram or something, something small. But I just didn't even want to risk it. I didn't want to like. You don't want to get the sweats and spins? Yeah, because. Exactly. So like, best case.

Oh, that's my armrest. Yeah. Sorry. I'm sorry. I actually did sit next to a big black woman who was taking the armrest. She had like, she like fucking took it. And I was like, okay. Because I was in the aisle.

So I was just like, all right, I'll just be in the aisle. I don't care. but I did the aisle on purpose so that I could stand up and I could stretch and all that. But even like the fear of like, okay, if I take an edible, best case scenario, I feel great. You know, worst case scenario, I'm having a fucking nightmare. Full panic attack. You know, full panic attack. I'm vomiting on the plane or some shit.

Yeah. So I was like, I'm not even going to, I'm not even going to fuck with that. So I, but you know, have you taken a flight this long, right? Have you taken a 13 hour? Yeah. They got it all figured out. They got it all figured out. They lower the lights.

They lower the light. Slowly. So it's like a sunset. So it's like you're going to slowly feel. The problem is coming. They give you dinner before that too. I'm not ready to sleep yet. Yeah.

But then so like, can I turn my other thing on it? And they're like, bro. Yeah, you can't do that. Yeah. Yeah. There's actually. It's 10 p.m. I know.

I'm not going to sleep for five hours. I know. I know. There was actually a button on the chair ahead of me that you could turn your your light on. But it wouldn't. turn it back off. So you had to like reach over and turn it off. So like I

accidentally pressed that and went like, boom. And I had to like wake the person up. And be like, can you turn that off? It was embarrassing. But they give you dinner. Okay. And the dinner was pretty good actually. I forgot what I had. What did you fly? Fiji Airways. Nice.

Via American. So I couldn't even get any points on this by the way. Because my Yeah. So my. Yeah. And then there to there. Yeah. It's so fucking far. Yeah. Yeah, it is so fucking far. Why wouldn't they go from L.A.? They do.

I just didn't because I probably saved $3.40. Yeah. So, um. You're just like, when you're actually doing it, like, I actually pay the difference now? Yes. It's too late now. But in my mom state and where I'm rested, I'm like, no, I might spend an extra $100. From L.A., it's 10 hours, too.

So from Dallas, it's 13. From L.A. it's 10. But it's from New York to L.A. is five or six. So it's like, it doesn't really matter. And I wore compression socks. I took melatonin. So after the dinner, I took the melatonin. The lights went down.

I slept for like five hours. But like in a chair being like, you know, you're like half out on the aisle and all that stuff. Then they start raising it up, which I had an eye mask for too. Good for you. You raise it up. And then they give you breakfast and all that stuff. And going there was fine because I'm excited. I've never done this before.

I'm like, this went by. I don't even know what. this feeling is like you get out there and when you get into a place where you're so far from home there is this like thrill feeling where you're like wow this is i'm like smiling i was just smiling go the whole way i was like i can't believe this i got some of you've been in a new country six seven years ago i went to ireland wow um so get out there and you're in a spot yeah and i'm like feeling you're right and the fiji weather is amazing it's not too hot It's not, it's not, there's no like dry humidity like in New York where you're like, God damn it, this sucks.

In Fiji, it's like, this feels so good. It's like there's a wind too. So it's like there's a breeze on the, there's this hot breeze kind of thing going on. It was, it felt so good. And I got out at night too. So I'm like, I get there at like five in the morning and it's still nighttime and I'm like, oh, this is awesome. Dude, I love this. I got, I mean, the whole custom.

You got to watch the sun come up or sun like? Yeah, I watched the sun come up from the airport, which is like whatever. No, not. I mean, still, it's like, it's, yeah, it's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really cool. And the cat, I didn't even know they drive on the other side. They got the steering wheel on the other side.

Okay. The taxi cabs are very talkative. They're talking to you the entire way. And I'm like, I just got off a fucking flight, bro. I'm like, I don't want to talk. I'm from New York. Yeah. The politeness and the, I guess whatever, because they really rely on tourism.

Yeah. So, like, even to a point where I'm in the cab and I go, I go, I'm like, this is beautiful. It's my first time here, blah, blah, blah. I's talking. I mean, it's like not really that beautiful. It's like third world or third world where it's like doors are made of this like metal sheet. You know what I mean? It's cool to see.

You're like, wow, this is how these people. people live. It's crazy. Mostly Indians. It's like they're all Indians there. What do you mean India? They're all, uh, I mean, uh, dot Indian. Wow. Yeah. India. India. I don't mean Native Americans. It'll be great. I'm like, this is where you guys all went.

Um, yeah. He's like, I drives with car. Mostly Indians. Why? Mostly Indians. Yeah. It's, it's actually all Indians. There's not like, Was it an Indian colony? No, it was. What, like bees? Like a bee colony? What do you mean?

No, like, Mexico was a Spanish colony. Oh, yeah, I guess they did get colonized. Yeah, I thought they came from here. Like, are they? I don't know. But they're mostly Indians, yeah. Whether it's with your besties or date night,

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up to $60 for $5. So no matter what day of the week, Go's got you covered. Find out more at go-transit.com slash tickets. Like they're all, they're like wearing those like typical garb stuff, like, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's dogs everywhere and you cannot touch the dogs, although they walk up to you because they have a disease. They're most, they're diseased dogs. Mongrels. Is that what that's called?

They're mongrels. Yeah. And if they, if you touch them, you can get it. Yeah, you're a fucking mongrel. It's one of the vet.

Yeah, Mongrel. Yeah, that's another one. We got to use that on stage with some heckler. Yeah, you go, shut up, Mongrel.

And be like, actually, Jesus Christ. That's a napargasse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I would be like, like I'd be holding back slurs or something. I'd be like, I can't say this anymore, but I want to call you a bad name. Mongrel's good, though. Yeah, so there's dogs everywhere, and they're cute, and they walk up to you. And they like, there's literally a picture of me with, I was like, I was walking on the beach. And a dog came up to me. Yeah.

And they were like, he was just like chilling, and I wanted to pet him. So fucking bad. Hold on. They're so cute, especially when the puppyish. Wow. Yeah, walked right up. Yeah. Bad ass.

But you couldn't touch the dog at all. Because he's why? He's got fleas? Disease. They're mongrels. They tell you not to. They go, don't touch these dogs. And you're going to want to.

Yeah, you're going to want to. I'll send that to you. Yeah, I'll send that to you. Bad ass. Yeah, so I was like, I was like, oh, that's so. Yeah. You want to save them. Let me see that again.

Take a screenshot. Let me see that again. Yeah, I'll send this to you. Do you have your phone? Oh, you don't have your phone on me. Just take a screenshot. We'll just screenshots of each one. Okay.

Show me. Yeah. That's so pretty. I know. Look at you, bro. You leaned in. Mm-hmm. I went full fucking Fiji.

I wore the same, like, three shirts the entire time. And there were these, like, Hawaiian shirts and, like. Barefoot on this black sand beach? That beach sucked. So that beach was like by the resort Okay Yeah, I'll show you Is that a warship out there?

Yeah, I mean they're They had like Oh, I'm so sorry Jesus Christ Dude, you're a mongrel That's a mongrel behavior So I land I get in the cab

The cab is all talky I'm looking at these I mean they still look Burger King Which I was like Well, I didn't get any of it Because I was like if the Burger King here is awful, I was like, I can't imagine the meat they're using

for this Burger King, you know what I mean? Can I tell you something? Yeah, it's all the same meat. It's the opposite. What? Our FDA is so crooked. Really? First of all, there's this fun thing in KFCs, McDonald's,

Burger Kings, where they'll have different menu items they don't have. Like in Thailand, they'll have brown sticky rice. Oh, whoa. Yeah, in Canada, they'll have Putin. Damn, I'm feeling regret. Yeah, but also, the standards we have for our citizens is so far below what other countries will do to their citizens. So this idea, I know it's this American idea, like, if we're getting this, they must be worse. It's shocking.

It's the opposite. They really fucking put that in our heads. That we're number one in everything, and we're actually like the lowest on the totem pole for almost everything except for war. Yeah. And weapons. If you want to look at the positive, National Park Systems. Oh, okay, cool. Yeah.

Yeah, that's cool. Well, we're such a big country. Like, we have so many forests and parks and stuff, Redwoods. What are those, the Douglas firs? You like that? In Ecuador, there's two people. There's Klub people and there's Pilsner people. Okay.

And I'm a Pilsner guy. Aw. I haven't had a Klub in a long time. Klub. That's a horrible name. Looks good, though. It might be skunked. Damn.

See, that's the thing about NAs. You don't drink them fast because nothing's happening. There isn't, it's not like, you know, it's just a drink. Inundita got him in Kansas City. And I was like getting ready for a special. So I was like trying to get my skin looking good. I was not drinking. He was the same thing.

And I went to this cool jazz club. If you go to Kansas City, I'm telling you, let me know. There's a wreck. This is jazz club. Yeah, yeah. So we got N.A's. by the second one you can't tell. Yeah.

The first one you're like, this is not a real beer. Yeah. Midway through it, early second one, you're like, yeah. And you kind of do have this like, you know, like there's a fucking Pavlov's dog thing happening. Where if I have like five Heineken zeros, I start getting kind of like, whoa. Dude, soda chugs them. Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Soder's like, you can tell it. Like, well, I guess, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to stay on this path. I went right to die. Yeah, some people know I'm like, whatever. Although when I did relapse last year, I left on St. Patrick's Day,

two St. Patrick's days ago, like a hack. What a trash day to relapse. I know, but it was so fun. I know, so hacky. But I was like having the best time. It was the first time in a long time that I was looking at a group of people being like, look at us.

We're doing it. This is like, we're people, man. We're just trying our best. And I've felt that way about people in a long time. And then, you know, at the end of the night, I shit my pants. Did you really? Yeah, yeah. I had Wendy's, and as I was eating Wendy's, I went for a fart, and I just shit my pants.

So I was like, so it's kind of, it was like nice little reminder. That's the best reminder. Yeah, you go, you go. I hope you enjoyed this. And there's the kind of thing that happens. I don't like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I woke up with no hangover, though, which is like, I think is the devil saying to me, like, hey, no hangover, you didn't have a lot of fun.

Yeah, but one less pair of underpants. Yeah, God was like, Jesus was like, check out your trash can. You'll find out. Yeah, your trash can with your underwear in it. Dude, you're actually my example of not to drink or the pros and cons. It was at, I think your first year, got any pre-COVID, seller party. you remember this? Cellar party.

Was I drinking? No. Oh yeah, because it was pre-COVID. And everybody was tuned up. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody was fucked up. People get fucking.

And you were like, damn, you're sober. We're in the upstairs where the fat black not bar is pussycat. Yeah. Or Big Jay used to run the karaoke. Yeah. And we're up there and you're like, this is, I mean, everyone's having a really good time. This is when I actually miss drinking. Yeah.

And you said the next day, you could. called all your friends. And you're like, what are you doing? Let's hang out. Like, yeah, I'm so fucked. I'm so fucked. Yeah. This is why I don't drink.

Yeah. That is the biggest thing. Like, now I've been not drinking for a bit, so I don't really feel that urge to do it anymore. Yeah. But that was always the beacon of light, where I go, where I went, well, the next morning, I felt great. And I actually, and all the FOMO is gone because it happened. So it's like, it happened.

It happened. I'm not missing something that already. that just happened. So I'm like, what was that? Burp. Oh, that was a burp? I thought you were puking. I thought you were like,

I'm so glad I was like. Yeah, yeah. Two beers in and Ari's puking. Yeah, so Fiji. Maybe it started. Yeah, go ahead. I just got off the plane. I just got off the plane.

I get into the can. Can I say for someone who's been as successful in podcasting as I have? Yeah. I'm one of the worst hosts in history of podcasts. I don't think, I mean, I mean, it depends.

If you're trying to keep someone on a fucking, if you're trying to keep it to an hour, yes, you're horrible. But if you're like, but this is like, let's have a good time. It's all over the place. Yeah, like, people are watching dishes watching this. And they're like, yeah, yeah, go as long as you want. Yeah. So I get to the hotel. Well, so I'm driving to the hotel and I'm like, it's called the Crown Plaza.

And I'm going and I'm like, okay, it's the Crown Plaza. But as I'm driving there, as we're driving there, it's such a third world country that I'm like, how good could this Crown Plaza really be? You know, I'm like, looking around, I'm like, geez, this might be fucking weird. I might be like in this weird farm-ish kind of thing. And then I get to the, yeah, look up the Crown Plaza in Fiji. And I get to it. And it is amazing. No, really?

It's so fucking nice. Look at that thing. Yeah. Look at that thing. that. What's up? It's so nice. That's what we were.

Yeah. What is this? Oh my God. That's the front of the place. It looks like these pyramids behind you. Yeah. And you see how wide it is? That's the whole hotel.

So when you walk in, you go, you just see everything. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's really cool. Wow. The infinity pool up to the fucking. Yes. That's where they had the aerobics. Wow.

Yeah. So my room was on the right over there. Over there? Yeah, the room was over there in the right. That's a restaurant right there in the middle. Those are more rooms. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. It's pretty incredible. Oh, my God. Yeah, I mean, the room was bigger than that. They got a fucking alarm clock? You go, whoa, pillows? Pillows? You go, the beds have pillows there?

You each? Oh, my God. Some of the rooms that were better than the room that we were staying in have their own pools. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy. Did you see those places or do they have them where it's like it goes, it's like on a dock and it goes out in the water and then they have dropped down pools or like see-through glass

bottoms? Oh, no, but those are there. So like you could go there. It's just a whole day thing, you know? It's like you got it, but those are there. Is the restaurant? That's one of the restaurants, yeah. Can you smoke inside in Fiji?

No. You can't smoke any weed either. Like, there's a. Minimum. Oh, yeah, we researched it, right? Yeah, there's something like a minimum of three months in jail if you even have any kind of weed on you. I'm a little. Yeah, yeah.

With the tiki torches, they had those. Yeah, so it's six. So they're white power people. Yeah, yeah, they're a bunch of frat guys walk around and we found a job for him, you know? You know, that's what you're supposed to do. Yeah, so it's like, dude. Yeah, yeah. So this is where I stayed.

Wow. At 6 p.m. every night, a guy in a leut, like a teaky dress with no shirt on, he runs around with a torch and he lights all these torches that are around the hotel. And he's going, Bula! Bula! And after a while, like, there were kids that were just running with him. It was like, it was adorable. He looked like Peter Pan. He's running, and then all these little kids are, like, going, blah, boo!

And he's lighting all the torches and stuff. It was incredible. What's Bula? It means like hello or something. It means something. But they say it all the time. They say, Bula, it's on my shirt, right? By the way, this shirt is awful.

Like, I literally only wore it for this. I told you to wear it. It's tight. I was like, wear something that you got if you did get anything. It's horrible. So I was like, all right, whatever. I didn't have any money. I used a card the entire time.

Or, like, if you left anything you did on the resort, you put it to the room. Yeah. So I didn't really use. That's so dangerous because that's like, online poker where you're like, I guess I had a bad run. You're like, do you know how bad? Yes. Because you haven't opened your wallet.

I know. I know. Oh, and buddy, yeah, I definitely, I spent a lot of money. I actually owed my chick like $700. But she's going to be living with me for a little bit while when she comes back. So, yeah, and she's like, she was going to split the rent with me. Remember that Virgin Decorie? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So she's like, she's like, you could pay this now. or just take it out of the rent that I owe you. And I'm like, all right, yeah, let's do that. So, but the exchange rate. She's going to be staying with you for a little bit. Yeah, yeah, just while she looks for a place.

But can I just give you some, I wouldn't call it her advice. I would call it, what's it called you, read the future? Premonition. Maybe, um, yeah, a prediction. Prediction. She's not moving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love that.

That's honestly what I want. I would love to live with her. She's fucking awesome. Okay, I'll tell you what, when this comes, this will, this will already have happened by the time this comes out. We'll update them. This will be the next few months, right, yeah, yeah. Dude, put a, put like one of those, like, stand by me things right at the end where it's like, she ended up living with him for the rest of his life. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But she's never lived alone, so she wants that experience. Oh, that's why. Yeah, exactly. And I want her to have that experience. But that does, that would be awesome. I'll just move to a hotel for a little bit. Let her live in my place. So.

Yeah, this place is nice. Yeah, the food is dog shit, though. Yeah, it's really nice. And then, like, so there's a bunch of hotels just in a row there. And, uh... They have their own pool. This one has its own pool. Yeah, that one has its own pool.

And a little couch. That's a nice room. That's a nice room. Okay, so you stay there. So I get there. Yeah. She's at work already. So I, I, yeah, it was awesome.

But the beach sucked there. Is that called Nadi Bay? Yeah, yeah, N-A-D-I, right? No, I'm not even, I'm not even, I go, oh, oh, you're funny. Oh, that's so funny. Wow, I think you're right. I go, wow, you're so, you know, you're so smart. You're so well travel.

You don't just fake things for a living. You go, is this called you be tripping? No, yeah, it was Nottie Bay. And the beach was awful. I mean, you just, you, nobody was going in. You walk it. You like, why? It was just like black sand and shit.

I mean, that beach was bad, but the other beaches were great. Okay, so what did you do? You took day trips out, places? So when she was at work, I would walk on the beach. Like, we would wake up. We both woke up at 5 o'clock in the morning. She got ready for work because she had to be on the bus by like 6. And her job was like, I had a picture of like a war room.

like a presidential war room. Like, okay. So last night, these two fucked. Yes. That one fucked. Yes. So you have to know all that. We need stuff about it.

They're going to fight. So now his girlfriend's going to find out. Exactly. Be ready for this? Yes. Go. Yeah, exactly. And they look at the episodes as acts, too, which is surprising to me.

Because it just seems like when you watch it, it just seems like one long thing of gossip and people fucking and all that stuff. But it's like act one. Here's some jokes for that. So she'll, you know, they all just work together. She's got to go to work. She's got to go to work. because they want someone also there because Ian's not there

and the other guy Steve isn't there so they want somebody Yeah he writes but he's got a he has a voice thing in his apartment So it's literally like I saw A picture of it

He's got like his microphones right there So they're like okay this is a lie Can he do it? He's like In the villa they blah blah blah blah So he'll do it right there And then they're like Okay cool done.

That's so funny because he's actually like a good comic. Yeah. He's like a really good comic. Yeah, yeah. That's what I heard. You're just like the Greg Proops? Yeah. Like I guess it sounds like Rogan.

We're like, you're just going, eat this. I know. But like. But also, I mean, I was actually having this like debate with my girlfriend because I was like, is he, is he trapped under it? Like, is he like, oh, now he's Love Islands, Ian Sterling? No, because when he goes on stage, he'll mention, like, he'll do occasionally jokes about it. Yeah. The voice of whatever.

But, like, he just does jokes. He's just a really good comic. Yeah. I think if, no matter what. It's like, so today was YouTube and the fucking, you ever notice this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just go like, yeah, I'm there, I'm that guy and whatever. That's just a side job that pays a mind.

Exactly. If you're a good enough comic, you can be a good comic and not be stuck in this thing. I know a game show who's been on this game show. We did open mics with me. Yeah. And whatever. He came by the stand, he did a spot. He was like, yeah, I don't really go on the road anymore.

I've done this game show hosting for... Who, Ben Glebe or some shit? Not even going to get into it. I won't get many trouble. But, and he's made a lot of money. And he's like, I don't go to... I'm just like, listen, I'm an adult now. And it's like, the money's doing this game show

or this reality show, whatever. Right. And he goes, my only job, my only job is to stay the fuck off Twitter. Yeah, yeah. It will all go away if I can go on Twitter and start saying, Well, you guys are taking a little bit of the opposite side. Let me just weigh in here. It'll all go away.

So smart. What a smart guy. That's what I always said about Roseanne. She just needed a group chat. All these people, they just need group chats. Aaron Judge, whoever's coaching him at how to speak. When even if somebody gets a trader or if he's playing bad, they're going, no, I'm definitely in slumping.

They were right to boo me. Or like Soto. But what do you think? Like, I'll miss him for sure. Yeah. But I'll be looking forward to play against him. But he's great. We'll definitely miss him in the clubhouse.

Yeah. He's not playing well. He's like, listen, it's a team here. He just says the right. It's almost like he's being coached. But it's so right every time. Every NFL player should be like, hey, come meet with a Twitter guy. You can't do your own.

Yes. It's retarded. You might say that word. Yes, yes. You might say retarded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do anything. Stay off.

I mean, even now, I have panic attacks every once in a while because I'm like, I'm like, I fucked myself up. There's hours and hours and hours of podcasting of me saying, shit that I'm like, well, I can't apologize. Like, I'm not going to apologize. You know. Dude, you all do the search on Twitter. I did that. I deleted so much shit.

I mean, the N-word thing was an all-day delete. No, bitch, though. Bitch was a long delete. Oh, bitch. I haven't even thought about a racing bitch. You just don't know what's going to change around you where bitch is nothing. And I'm like, this actually could go. And also, who cares about a six-year-old tweet?

Just get him down. I know. No one's going to discover this tweet. be like, actually it's catching fire in a good way. Right, just get them down. Delete your whole Twitter. Just delete the whole thing. That loop sucks. It's definitely scones.

Keep going. I'm almost like, I'm jealous of guys like Conan O'Brien who just never even thought to be like, never dabbled in racy comedy or whatever. Like just knew like, oh, I want to go mainstream. So I'm just going to, you know. He's just not that guy. He's not that guy. Yeah. He's just not that guy.

That's what it is. Yeah, that's what it is. I get a bug light or a bug fest. Second time Conan's been mentioned. Yeah. He's on my mind. Conan, come on to this episode. Dude, that would be sick if Conan O'Brien...

God, wouldn't it be so fucking sick? He's the best, dude. Wouldn't it be so fucking sick? What is that wine? Oh, no. It ain't wine. What is that? What is it, dude?

Is that liquor? It's fortified wine made by monks. Whoa. That rules. Yeah, dude, get fucking hammered, bro. I'm not gonna, but I'm thinking about it. I want to have it here just in kiss. Get hammered, dude.

So, okay, so. What I would do during the days when she's working is we go and we go to the breakfast, which is a buffet, which was pretty good, actually. And they have stuff like fish low-low. All their fish stuff is like- Your pictures of all this stuff? No. No, I don't have pictures of food. Yeah, look up Fish Lolo.

and I guess You know But they had stuff like pancakes You know They had stuff for Yeah That means it's another They have a bunch of loloos

I think there's like chili lolo And shit like that Ooh interesting This I mean it looks like fucking awful It looks disgusting to me I don't like any kind of like soupy It's like this fish coke

Yeah that's exactly what it is Interesting Looks good though in that picture But not at the buffet No I mean It's like, I don't like any soupy kind of stuff. Fair. Yeah, that looks like...

Dude, can I say you're so unadventurous, it's cool you went? Yeah, that's what I was like, you gotta go. Like, when I was kind of afraid, I was like, dude, I was like, you gotta fucking have some, like, live some life, man. People go on their, like, honeymoon here. Like, you're not going anywhere. I'm not like you going to fucking Brazil or whatever. Like, you're going to a resort. Like, don't be such a pussy.

Like, I love it. Disney World and shit, but I'm like, you gotta do something else. I mean, literally, nothing beats Disney World to me. Even here, I was like, Disney World would have been better than this. List was talking about going to Brazil to his parents, and he goes, yeah, this Brazilian steakhouse so great. And then his parents, this is what happens. This is why this podcast is good, because I'm interested, because most people are just

are not, and they just shift. Yeah. And they go, Mark, didn't we have Brazilian steak on the Disney cruise? Like, oh, yeah, I think we did. Yeah, and then that guy was the entertainer. And Joe's just on the phone going like, yeah. Okay, guys. That's hilarious.

They don't even care. I mean, I would get along with his parents more than he probably does. Yeah, yeah. I love his parents. Yeah, I mean, it was like, and he loves his parents, yeah. I love his parents, I'm saying. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I've been to his house. I wonder if that's the house he grew up in, but I, like, went to his house. Yeah, we did that fire department show, and we like stayed at his house or something like that. Do you have a Super Beef Thruet? Oh, no. From the court? Corn, corn, beef place? No.

So if you got to say the boss-in- Oh, maybe. We got pizza. Superbeaf three-why. Yeah. What are you? Yeah. Sub-a-beaf-3-W.

Superbe-Bee. Yeah, I can't even do a boss-in-h-h-ne. You can't even do a boss in that. You're doing pretty good. Cepa. What do you want? Ah, get me a soup of a bay-threy-Y. Yeah, on Saturday.

We've got a beef th-threat. It's kind of Australian after a while. Yeah, so the food to me was like, so in the morning I would get, you know, pancakes and a fucking little thing and whatever and whatever. And. Just get started. Their coffee, which was dog shit. The coffee wasn't that good.

I mean, it was like fine. Like, actually kind of did the trick. Do they make it or they import it? You don't know. I think they make it. I think they make it. I don't know. Yeah, I guess I don't know.

Okay. That's also totally fine. I do not know. That's not about the right information. Yeah. I'm just about what you saw. I'm happy you said that because I think 90% of things that I say in that situation, I'm just saying it.

So, Duncan. I never say I don't know. We were talking about this when comics, this was maybe 10 years ago when comics started getting political. actively active. And they're like, they didn't even know they haven't done research. And Duncan figured it out. He goes, if you put a microphone in front of Kumail

Nangiani, I think that was the example he used, and said, just a random comic, and said, what's better, Chevy or Ford, he will start talking about what he thinks is better with no knowledge of it, and that's how comics

are, we start talking. And if you tell us what's better Republican or Democrat or this guy, this guy, Of course we haven't researched it. Yeah. And you know what's not a proper answer? I really couldn't say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not a successful answer. It's so boring. Because it's boring and we don't want to be boring. Like I think about that Bill Bird joke a lot where he's like, it was just kind of like a throwaway thing where he goes like, he's like, yeah, I'm getting to that age where it's like, people ask me stuff. I just start answering. And it's like, yes, that's exactly what comics do. No, it's just being a comedian. Yeah, it's just being like, I just started answering.

Yeah. I'm kidding you without an opinion. Yeah, just having an opinion for no fucking reason. Because it's like, I don't know. I mean, how badly would I be fucking trashed in the comments if I was just like, I don't know. I don't know. Over and over again, I don't know. Yeah, people would be like, okay, he doesn't know anything.

Great. So interesting. So the coffee sucks. Coffee does at some point, this is what I hate about mushrooms. People are like, it's the medicine. I'm like, fuck off, dude. We're having a good time. Shut up with your medicine.

But at some point, coffee is just. medicine where I'm like, it doesn't matter how bad it is. I know. I need this to get going. I need it. Just give it to me. I'll take a bodega coffee from the thing. It's okay.

That's why I don't even really fuck with cigarettes because I was always like, I can't get addicted to them. I'm addicted to this, but I can't get addicted to that. And for a while I was like, I'm not even addicted to coffee. And then I started drinking it every day. And now I'm fucking addicted. I can't go a day without having it. I'm the same.

And if I start with that, I know that I'll have him with cigarettes. It will. It's more chemically addicted. Yes. It's made to be addictive. So she'll go to work. Yeah. And I would...

And so you're free for the day. I'm free for the day. I got the whole day. She comes home at 2. By the way, there's 16 hours ahead of us right now. So they're 16 hours ahead. So she's... The time is right now in Fiji, it is 803 in the morning...

803 in the morning tomorrow. And we're 4 p.m. It's Saturday for them right now. Is that line? We're going to tell you where I want to go? Yeah. There's that line, the date line, right? So this is tomorrow and yesterday on this date line.

We'll see it when I pull out here, right here. And it goes up and around certain things, whatever. But this place that I have marked clearly, what is this here? What? Is that Fiji? I don't know. That's beautiful. Oh, French Polynesia.

Yeah, I've been there. So this place, Jarvis. Island. It is. It is. National Wildlife Refuge. Whoa. It is.

Look how small that is. It's nothing. It'd go way, way in. Oh, my God. It's where the day starts. What do you mean? It's the first place New Year hits. Whoa.

And you want to go there? I want to go there for New Year's. Dude, that would be sick. That would be so cool. If you're like, yep, got it before everyone. Yeah. I ended up going to French Polymager. That's the ultimate hip-sair thing.

It's like three trips, and I have like four days. Even French Polynesia was ridiculous to go because it was like for that long of the trip to go for four days is retarded. But I do two new countries every year, so I need to get one in. But it would be so cool to ring in the new year first. Yeah. That's, holy shit. It's so small. Look at it.

Where would you even stay? You set up a tent? Yeah, that's the problem. There's nothing there. Yeah. Wow, there's literally nothing there. Holy shit. It would be very hip-s.

kind of like cool of you to be like Oh what the new year? Yeah I like their old stuff better Like I heard about them before you guys Um Oh yeah and I was going to say this like They're so They're so reliant on

Tourism That and my girlfriend pointed this out She was like if you mention any kind of danger They say it doesn't exist So, like, I was in the taxi going to the hotel and I go, do you guys have volcanoes? And he was like, no, no volcanoes in Fiji, which could be true. But my chick was like, I don't think that's true. I think they just don't want any danger because she had said to a taxi once, she was like,

are there any, like, poisonous snakes here? And he goes, there are no snakes in Fiji. And then she Googled it and they're like, there's like 200 poisonous different kinds of. For real? Something like that. There's like so many different poisonous types of snakes in Fiji. So they're like, literally they're like, we don't have any animals that are bad and nothing bad ever happens. Yes, there are venomous snakes of Fiji. The most prominent one, which implies lots, is the Fiji snake.

The Fiji snake. I think it's called the Fiji snake. For sure you have it. Also known as the Bolo snake, which is the only venomous land snake on the islands. Land snake. Additionally, there's water snakes. Fiji has several species of sea snakes, including the highly venomous. Banned DECRate.

Oh, my God. Yellow-Lift and Blue-Liped subspecies. See, I'm glad I didn't even read that beforehand. Bites. While the venom is potent, the Fiji Snake is known to be more of a danger to smaller creatures, like earthworms and humans. Okay. Okay.

Sea snakes. These snakes are common. Okay, venom. The banded sea crates have a highly potent venom, but they are generally not aggressive towards humans. Okay. Generally. Yeah.

until you're scuba diving and you kick one in the head. They tend to stay away from people and are more likely to bite if roughly handled or feel threatened, which means you kick them in the head and they spas it out. That's crazy.

Wow. Okay. So, yeah, liars. So they're liars. They're just full of liars. And I saw it once too because we were both laughing about that together our separate times.

And then when we were in a taxi once and we passed over this bridge and she goes, oh, wow, are there any like, dangerous animals in that water. And he goes, no, no animals in that water. It was a huge, like, no animals in that water. He was saying there was no monkeys.

We were like, dude. Are there monkeys? There's got to be monkeys. I didn't see any, but there's got to be monkeys there. No, there are no monkeys in Fiji. Whoa, maybe he was right. In the traditional sense. Well, Fiji is home to the Vigian monkey face bat,

which is the type of flying fox. It is not a terrestrial monkey. I hate bats. So, yeah, I would just, like, I would just kind of... So, yeah, what would you do? I would walk on the beach. Yeah. This is a n-A. right?

Yeah, I would walk on the beach. Yeah, it is. It is. It is. I would walk on the beach. I would go to the pool. There were some days where I'm like, I'm going to the pool. I would go to the gym, but there was nothing there.

So it was, like, hard to, you know, I'd put into chat GPT. Like, how do I work out in a gym that has nothing? And it would give me like some There was barely anything there All the weights were just They were like they'd say 12 pounds And they were like definitely like 70 You know what I mean?

They were so heavy The machines were awful It was just like I think I only went twice Wow Yeah so Well so this is a certain type of travel Is relaxation travel I have a hard time doing that

I have a hard time relaxing It seems like that's what Fiji is There's no like adventures or like stuff to do At least the way you did it. Well, there are adventures and stuff like that. So like most of the days I would be trying to relax. I would go to the pool. I got a sunburn day one.

I got a horrible sunburn, yeah. I would go to the pool. I mean, they have like, you know, shit like that. I ended up, I brought my switch because I was playing just video games. And she had a balcony, so I'd play video games on the balcony with like the air and stuff. It was, you know, it's my kind of. It's a nicer way to play. Yeah, and when she would leave for work, I would walk on the beach and the sun would be going up.

So that was really nice. That was really nice. Me and my friend Pete, we're on an island in Thailand, Co-something, and we went to watch the Pacquiao Mayweather fight. And it was on at about 8 a.m. The bar was showing it. It's a beach bar. We're showing it. And then in between rounds, so you're like, oh, everybody was shared for Pacio.

Yeah. Because he's closer. Philippines is closer. And you're like, yeah, yeah. And then it's like, now you have one minute in between rounds. And you just turn and see, like, the water. And you're, like, looking out, like, wow. Yeah.

Ding, ding, ding. Like, okay. Yeah, yeah. That's awesome, dude. I'm playing switch with the balcony facing all that. Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Facing exactly what you were looking at, the water. I mean, people are, like, you know, running around and shit. Like, it was definitely, like, the only white people there were, like, an infestation. You know, they're like, blah. But the people that, like, worked there. they're all nice, but they all kind of look the same. Not to be racist, but they all kind of have the same haircut and everything. So you're like, there's like three different kinds, different types of them.

So it's like one with like a big puffy haircut, one with like, I don't know, like hair with like a little flower. And then the dudes all look the same. And India. And they're all Indian, yeah. Wow. And they all have gold teeth. Yeah. I told you this before.

Like, they had, they, they would go to the dentist and they can't afford, like, they don't have the, not that they can't afford it, but the whole country, like, doesn't have, you know. They're like, we can't say this. Yeah, it's like, it's like, it's, yeah, we want it in place. Yeah. Yeah. So they, no, just fix that one. Every single person had a gold tooth. It was like, you know, it was like a resort of pimps.

And they were like, they all had gold teeth. It was pretty cool. So she had two days off a week. So on the first day off. what did we do? I forgot. We went to oh, we went to this other resort. This one that was so much

nicer than even that one. And I forgot what it was called. So you took a vacation from Fiji to another place? To another vacation, yeah. We went to, we took a cab, which was really nice. It was about a 30-minute cab ride. And we're driving like inland and all this stuff. It was like really cool.

Okay. We would go to this other resort because we were going to go jet skiing and scuba diving. Or not scuba diving. snorkeling. Love snorkeling. It was my first time going. Really? Yeah.

Yeah. It was awesome. I mean, the jet skis wasn't my first time, but it was awesome. I like jet skis because I, you know, I have, when I'm driving, I have that suicidal thought of being like, just close your eyes and go. On a jet ski, you could actually do that. Like, I'm just in the middle of nowhere and I'm like, just going like that. And I'm like, oh, you get that feeling, that rush of not looking and driving at the same time.

They're so white trash. That it even comes with its own rat tail. I wish, dude. That thing that goes up in the back to the little spray of water. Yeah, that's so funny. Yeah, that's so true. So we went to inland. Or around, around?

We went around. We went around. We were like going through places. Like, you got to see a lot of it. And then we go to this other resort. This nature resort. I forgot what the fuck it was called. On the other side?

No, no, not on the other side. It was like, but they also, they have like, in the middle of Fiji, there's like all these towns and shit. It was like, what was the name of the fucking other place we went to? Bro, should go to Coriayantu National Park? No. Damn. Is that cool? I mean, it looks like it.

It looks like the fucking jungle. Oh, yeah, you know. It looks like the fucking jungle. We were thinking about going to a waterfall, but no, we ended up not going there. Okay. Wow. Yeah, that's incredible. That looks like where King Kong will come out of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like. Yeah, that does look like Kong Island. Yeah, you'd be like, R. Yeah, yeah, giant. Who's a virgin? Get them right now.

Yeah, get them. Get them. Get them. I'm like, I've had sex, you guys. They still given. Yeah. Even King Kong's like, I thought this. Yeah.

He's like, no way. Giant bugs. Okay, so you went up somewhere. So we went to it. I forgot what the name of the fucking resort was, but it was really nice. And we went, we went on these jet skis, you know, and they were really cool.

We drove so far out, and it was like just so amazing, you know what I mean? And it's like, it's so funny, too, because my chick is a comic. Never been, yeah. And I just kept, I like, would turn around. I'm like, did you see any world where you're on a jet ski with Brendan Sagalow in fucking Fiji? Right now? We're like, we're like, I cannot believe this is happening. We just went in the middle of this ocean.

We were going to go to a sand dune, but the water had taken over it. So it's like we couldn't stand on it. The water had risen already. So the guy was like, sorry. The guy who was like bringing us, he was like, sorry, we can't. But we'll scuba dive here. Those are cool. One or more of those, at least one, where it's like you can, some of them have a, you can walk out.

And then it's like, you get back. The bridge is going away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Like get right back on the jet ski. And then we, we snorkeled. And that was cool.

but even then my chick was like this isn't the best we're going to go to the best one in a couple of days but this is not that great she's like I know all of it She said everything up Boots on the ground Yeah boots on the ground

Mexicans wearing boots Whatever that is She was like I mean like it's not research you do online You're like I actually have been here And I can tell you Exactly You know so but it was still cool

In New York you're like here's the best pizza place Like buddy that place is done Right right right Come with me yeah yeah come with me Yeah, yeah, yeah, come with me. I never gone snorkeling before, so I was like, this is really cool. Like, you feel like you're just breathing underwater. You're like, this is awesome.

Was it, like, corals and stuff? And, like, colorful fish and stuff. Yeah, colorful fish. These, like, glowing fish and all that stuff. That's fucking awesome. It was so cool. You feel like you're in an aquarium. Yeah.

And you've stuck your head in any of this stuff. Yeah, and we got one of those disposable cameras with the plastic around it, like the plastic case. So we were taking pictures underwater and stuff. Yeah, I still got to get it. Your picture of yourself underwater, smile? Yeah, I'm like, you know, we took a selfie. I know I have to get them developed. Okay.

I guess I'll do that this weekend so I can take pictures and send them to you. But we took pictures of the fish and all that stuff. It was really cool, but we were like, and then we got back on the jet ski. This actually sucked. We get back on the jet ski. They're like, okay, we'll drive. You took a jet ski jumped off when snorkeling? Yeah, they were just like.

How did the jet ski not go away? They hooked it up by the guy who was, like, leading us. he had a rope and he hooked them all up in a row. So he was on the jet ski. He was keeping them. Yeah, he was keeping them. And you just put on these, the little flappy flips. The flippers, yeah.

The flippers. And you just little flappy flips. I think you might be right. I know, it might be called that. I had never worn flippers, too. You're so surprised, like, I was so surprised how good you can swim with those on. You're like, that's just a little extra foot. You're like, I know.

I know. I know. All I could think about were like platypip. I'm like they must be going just a few so and you just jump off you just go like boof and then you get in the water and you're you know so then we got back on the jet ski which was very hard it was hard to climb back on for me you know I'm like I'm like I'm weak I'm fat so I'm like I'm trying to get back on it was almost it was so embarrassing and then we we went to this random island because there's all these islands everywhere yeah I'm noticing that now it's like it's like these are even bigger but like these small ones ones are like everywhere. Yeah, they're everywhere. Yeah. We went to this island.

We ate like an apple there or something. Like we didn't just take one from a tree. Like they had them prepared at that island or some shit like that. Yeah. Serenity resort on this island. That's crazy. Oh, wait. No, that's not it.

I mean, what's the name told me to do? Andy Haynes. Yeah. Because you go to like Google Maps. You find some restaurant, whatever. And then you just like look for pictures until you see somebody having a a good time. Like, who are these people?

Yeah. Whoa. Their workers there. Whoa. Oh, imagine drinking Fiji in Fiji. Yeah. Well, you don't drink the water because it's like one of those, like, it's like Mexico. You can't drink the water.

So, like, even if you had a cup full of ice. Here we go. Who are these people? Yeah. You're like, don't eat the ice or anything like that, yeah. Yeah. Let me see. I think I might be able to find the name of the...

Doesn't really matter. I know, but to me it does. Usually, I'll tell you what, usually I try to delete names of places. Really? To not ruin them, but a resort all out because it's like, eh, it's already a resort. Yeah, it's a resort. Like if that best pizza place near the cellar, I would never say that name out loud. Look up V-D-L-E-V-U.

V-D-L-E-V-U. Because this is where, this is the, that's where we were when we were. I know the name of the place is like, sounds like the plaza or something. Yeah. So that's like where we went. Where is it though? I don't know.

Look up resort or something. It's an island. Yeah. It's all an island. It's a Kori Island for resort. Okay, hold that. So it's on the main land of Fiji. Yeah.

So you went north or south? This was the other place we went to. Like it's, you know. So on the way back from one of the islands, we get on our jet ski and we're just like, okay, let's go back. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. So, let me see. Yes, you know, you never know what you're going to find in there, buddy. Oh, fair. You never know. Fair. Resort. Fiji Marriott resort. Oh, maybe it's the Marriott. I don't know.

Yeah, we were like, she would buy like little souvenirs and stuff from the... But the Fijimariot has these sheds. Oh, yeah, that's cool. The over-the-water sheds. Yeah. On the way back, the jet ski that we had broke. And it was just like, it was going, the fastest it could go was 12 miles an hour. The two, the people ahead of us were going 50.

or something like that. And they were gone. They just ended up being gone. So we were like, oh shit, we're just like alone floating in the ocean right now. And the guy found us. Like he came back and found us. And he was like, what's going on? And we're like, this is like broken.

And he was like, okay, let's switch. So we had to jump on his. He took the slow one and just fucking fuck like he just fucked off. And then we knew where to go. He was like, go that way. And we're like, okay. So we just went back to the beach. And then we just hung out on the beach and I was like...

In this new resort. Yeah. Wow. And then we ended up, we went back and, you know, regularly scheduled program. You know, we like... Back to work? Yeah, shoot my back to work. I did my day, whatever.

We would go to a restaurant and what was annoying about... They're just so disorganized and they're so... They're so inconsistent. Nothing was consistent. You never knew what you were going to get. Like, we would order room... service and it would come one way and then the next day you'd order the same thing it would come differently so we we got like for a for service industry seemingly yeah country that's weird so like for

an example like we ordered ice cream one night to get to deliver to the room they gave us this bowl filled with ice cream like it was too much we were like this is crazy we're like this is a lot it was like nine scoops and we're like we're definitely getting this again yeah so the next night we go let's get that ice cream bowl again and we get it they give it three scoops and we're like what is this we're just laughing at it we're like this is so inconsistent with the restaurants they would every single restaurant was like this the food was awful but also i mean it was fine but it was like bad but it was like they would it's delayed it the the the the they had numbers on the table right so it's like standard you know whatever numbers on the

table they never use the numbers the waiters every waiter would come out and they would They would walk up to your table with food that wasn't yours and go, did you guys order this? And you go, no. And then they would, what are you picking your skin or something? No, I have this big bruise. You have a splinter? It might not be a scab. It might be an actual tick that was on that I just picked off.

Oh, my God. Look, I had a bruiser on it. Holy shit. And I'm thinking it was not a scab. It was a tick in general. How do you, would you, were you in like a... Did that be a tick? I don't know, dude.

It's all hairy and gross. It looks more like a scab to me. It looks like a scab, right? I think I'm okay. Were you in tall grass recently? No. I was not. Oh, my God.

I think I'm okay. Disgusting. Yeah. Okay, keep going. Sorry. So, um, so, yeah, so they would bring out food and they would be like, they would come up to your table and go, did you order this? And you'd go, no. And then you'd see them go around to every table.

Did you order this? Did you order this? What? And you're like, you have numbers on the table. Use the system. Use your system, bro. And the thing is, they're just so charming there. Like, they're like, oops.

Do you want to eat it? And we're like, ha, ha, ha, no. And then they'd be like, they'd walk away. Dude, you might have Lyme disease now. No, I know. Doxy. Just now? No, two days ago.

Because I was like, I think I... Bumped your knee or something. I mean, a bruise with a ring around. I mean, I should definitely show this, right? Yeah. Jesus. Ew. You might have to take a picture of that, though.

I don't think they'll be able to see that. On that one? Oh, maybe. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, it's weird. It's like a totally Lyme disease kind of bruise. Yeah. Damn, dude.

If you have to go to a fucking doctor before you leave. That sucks. I'll just forget how to brush my teeth while I'm in the middle of fucking the jungle. Yeah, you're like, uh-huh. I'd be like, what side to side? You're going to go out like Al Capone, dude. Like, you're going to die from some disease that you could have gone. onto a doctor or about.

Ricketts. Yeah, so that was kind of annoying. But then we went to this, because it was her birthday that week too. Oh, that's how we planned it. What a perfect time to go out. Exactly, yeah. So we went to this Italian place,

and it was so good. Like, that was the only time the food was good. And you missed the heat wave out here. Yeah, and we missed the heat wave. And except, although my cat was at home, and I'm like, oh, brother. I'm like, I hope I don't come home to this, like, dead cat, that's what.

My mom came by, and, I mean, I couldn't get any. anybody to look. And I'm like, I don't want my mom to have to come because she's got like, she's old. She's got two fucking, you know, hip replacements, two legs. Yeah. She had like two hip replacements and shit. Like if she like tripped on a bong or something and then like, and then my cat eats her and

it would just be a fucking mess. Yeah. Did you, did you rain a lot there at all? It never. Didn't do the torrential 20 minute. No. Okay. I wish.

I kind of wished. That's how Hawaii was. You're like, oh, fuck. We got to get in the 20 minutes there. It's gone. Rainbow, go on your day. Yeah, I wish. I was like, I kind of want it to rain and just, yeah.

And then I brought like an XLR cable. So at night we would watch. We were, we, before she went, we were on the last season of Better Call Saul. So we just finished it there and it was fucking awesome. Did they end up calling him or not? Oh, oh, they called. They called a good amount. So, wait, spoiler it.

Spoiler alert. They called. Yeah. No. So it was just fucking awesome And then it kind of just goes by Do you find that with like vacations? You're like, oh damn, it's already the last day.

Yeah, it's like first day you're like, ooh, I got a lot of time to kill, I got to make some plans. And then you're like right about the midday period, like sort of if it's 10 days, day five. Yeah. You know, that's day five out of nine is midday. And then you're like, ah, we're on the back stretch now. Yeah.

And then you're like, fuck, we only got a couple days left. I know, I know. Oh, we also, we went to a place you can look this up. It's called Mala Mala Beach. Club and we got our own cabana there cabana number 14 y'all and uh it was amazing that we yeah we snorkeled there what yeah wait that's on an island that's an island look how we went there we went there how jet ski uh no i wish we went there via like ferry what's this what's this bridge that's the beach yeah i have the exact but where's the bridge go to that actually might be

my photo. Oh, it's from the dock. Yeah. Oh, it's from the dock in. Okay. It's the dock in. You think that's your? I mean, I took that exact photo, dude.

I'll show you right now. I think you showed it to me. Yeah. Because I was like, wait, I've seen it before. That might be the exact photo that I took. Yeah, dude, this was the photo I took. So that's where we went. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And we got our own. Cabana. Like you can hang out. Yeah. Oh, no, no. Well, maybe. I can't even really see what you're

pointing to. Like this shit? No, even better. Even better. We had her like literally, I'll show you. I'll have pictures of it. Wow, look at that. It's a resort island. It's so small. It looks like a fucking, like a pancake. It was, it's awesome.

This is, we had our own little, like, just making sure there's no photos of us having sex or anything. Yeah. So it was like a little... Oh, that's where you were being so itchy. Yeah, yeah. Well, we had sex on that, too. I don't think I filmed it or anything, but we...

That means you didn't film that one. Well, we filmed ourselves. Yeah, okay. So, yeah. I love doing that. I love a little sex video. Give it to me. Yeah.

So we, and the water was amazing. The beach was amazing. Did you see that beat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We sat on that and swang from it. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

It was awesome So like Camanas like this? Yeah, there was a pool there And all that stuff The pool goes right into the water Yeah, it was sick By the time we went This is like, just so you know

I don't know if this is like an expensive trip for people Yeah Yeah, I mean I save so much money because You know I didn't have to pay for the fucking You know The hotel room or anything The coconuts

Do you get any coconuts when you're out there? I don't really like coconut water I was drinking and I was like, it's okay. It's like, I don't really like it. It reminds me of when you're younger and you drink something that you think is something else. And then you're like, ooh,

like you thought it was going to be like, exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. You think it's going to be water and it's seltzer and you're like, oh, what the hell? Yeah. That's what, but she got, she got like three coconuts every day. Really?

They were huge too. You know what's great about this kind of stuff too? It's like when you're done with it, it's that feeling you get when you were a kid and you had a big day and you're like, I can't wait to go to sleep tonight. I'm pooped. I'm going to sleep like a fucking baby.

Yeah. Yeah. And we did get into one little fight, and our mom got scared and sent me to blah, blah, blah, blah, but no, we got into a little argument, but of course, you know, it is what it is. We were at a fucking fire guy, too. She was like, you want to go to the fire guy?

Because I kept going, I want to go see a fire dance, thinking it was like Hawaii. I actually didn't like it. I was, this was before the argument, too, but I'm sitting there and I'm like, this sucks. I'm like, they're not doing much. The fire is weird, you know? It's low budget. Yeah, it was like low budget.

And then, and they're also screaming and they're going like, Bollah. I'm like, it's right in your fucking ear, you know what I mean? And I'm like, I'm just, you know. I love people being angry in paradise. I know, dude. And we were, it's so funny that we argued in paradise. And it was like, we're sitting there and we're sitting. And it was my fault because I should.

should have just asked, hey, is everything okay? Because I could, I'm just in, I'm in my head going like, oh, she's not having a good time. Why isn't she having a good time? It's all cooking, you know? And I should have just went, you're having a good time, right? And she was like, yeah, I would have been like, oh, okay, I'm just a fucking whatever. But so I was feeling that way. And then at one point, I'm like, I'm just watching the fire guy.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people try to tell you how to have fun. You know what I mean? Smile. Yeah. Yeah, like, come dance. And it's like, your fun isn't my fun. I want to watch you dance. I want to watch you dance.

Yes. So. I've got an answer to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm sitting there. The fire guy, he's got his fire on his thing. He goes, and we're shitting on the crowd. Like, the crowd was bad.

They were not a good crowd for this. Like, no one's going, woo, wow. You know, we're all, you know. So he takes the fire and he puts it on his hand. His whole hand lights up. And then he goes, ooh, like, it wasn't like, oh, it was just like, his hand's on fire. And then he, like, put it.

He put it back on the thing. It was cool. Wow, that is cool. It was cool. But I'm just watching it. And she goes, nobody even reacted to that. She's like, this is a lame crowd. You're like, fuck you, bitch.

Well, she goes, she goes, such a stiff crowd, even you. And I go, and that's when it got me. And I went, you hurt my feelings. Because it was at one point. Also you too, though. Right. Also you too. Yeah.

And even you. Yes. What are we talking about? It was like, it was like, but I felt like, Like, okay, it was us against this shitty crowd. We're making fun of the crowd. And then you threw me into the shitty crowd. Who the fuck are you, lady?

But I have a problem expressing my feelings. Yeah. So I had a problem expressing my feelings, and it came out in a way. And she knows me well enough now where, so. Hey, just real quick, can you suck my fucking dick? Essentially. I go, I go, so I'm feeling that, and I'm like, and then something happens, and the crowd like applause.

And I go, ooh. And I go, actually, you know. know what? Fuck you. I go, and I was just trying to do it. In my head, it was a joke. In my head, it was like, oh, I'm not glad. You're too ragey to sell the joke.

Yeah, she went, that fuck you was real. And I was like, no, it wasn't. And then we were getting into- But it could have been not real. It was, but I could, if I wasn't mad, I could have said, sold the fuck you there. Yes. And that's what I was baking on.

Yes. But I was mad. But I was mad. But I was mad. So the fuck you was real. We're good. But if it wasn't, like, I could see myself doing that exact joke and not feeling that way and being like,

You know what? I'm not gonna clap. Fuck you. But because, so she was like, that was a real fuck you. So now we're like arguing and I'm like, you know what? You hurt my feelings. Da-da-da-da-da. And while there's like fire going around and people are like, you know what I mean?

It was like, so I was just like, it was so awkward. It was so awkward. And then we got back to the room and we talked it all out and it was fine. Yeah, you got to do that. I was just like, damn, dude, you always got to end up getting into a fight. It's so crazy. with a girlfriend and we never argue. I'll do this thing where I'll go, hey,

go take a walk around. Yeah. Whatever you're upset about is not working, but it's like, you're in paradise? This is crazy. I have a core memory of the Maui Comedy Festival, and I saw some guy. It was so fun.

Norman fucked in a hot tub in the middle of everything. What? How do you get away with that? Norman. I mean, it was late night. He's crazy. He's crazy. this was like 15 years ago

okay yeah I mean it's been a while but like um but uh what was I gonna say oh I just saw some guy walking like ahead of his wife I assume and like two kids and he's like walking he's like come on yeah we're gonna miss the snorkeling it was like bro you're already there

the snorkeling is just something to do the water is not going away if they're strolling then they're strolling yeah let him stroll Then, like, what snorkeling? We actually missed the trip. Don't worry about it. Let's have another doctorate.

Like, you're thinking of the wrong thing. Yeah, yeah. It's almost, I was saying, I'm saying on stage, it's like perfect to get into a fight on vacation because I would just go into the water with a snorkel on, just start yelling at the fish or something like that. Yeah, you go, ah, yeah, it's like, it comes out like, like, yeah, I'm going,

this bitch. It's so funny to fight in paradise. It's the funniest thing in the world. Things are too easy, If it's an awful little, you're like, I don't have anyone I can take this out on. You have to be really mindful of like, hey, let's be us against the world here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is what actually hurt my feelings because it wasn't us against the world.

It was us against her. And then even you. Even me. Oh, now you're, I literally said to it. Literally, I sat for 13 hours next to a black person to come here. You think I like that? Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I was literally like, I literally said to her, I go, who's team are you on? I remember saying that. Like, even before she knew I was actually mad, I went, yeah, whose team are you on? Sue me. But you know what? Even your thing with the walk was great because when we got back to the hotel, she had to shower. Yeah. And I went out on the balcony.

Yeah, okay. And I went out on the balcony. Nice. You're nice, dude. Yes. That's fit. And I went out on the balcony and I just kind of. set and I

I was like why did I because I couldn't tell I wasn't like you hurt my feelings I was just like mad and I was like da da da da da da da and when I got on the balcony I was like oh she hurt my feelings like that's it I was able to be alone and go what made me so angry just now and it hit

and I was like oh fuck and then you feel like an idiot I'm literally laying there like we apologize and everything and I go I feel like such a jackass I'm like I can't believe I let that happen da da da my emotions took over it's like you You insult to me, whatever. It hurt my feelings more than it should of.

And then I reacted to it. Anyway, it was lame. Yeah, and we couldn't enjoy this horrible fire. It's funny. You're out on a balcony in Fiji. I mean, this is nowhere. So far away from the world. And you're mad.

And it's what a waste. What a waste. And that's not, don't say it's never going to happen. When it happens, you've got to end it fast. Yeah, you go, what am I doing? Why did I, why am I so mad? it's fine or maybe it's not fine wow so then but you worked it out for

we worked it out instantly I mean that's why she's great I mean every girlfriend I've ever had or every life would have been a week long argument but she we just we worked it out really quickly and went back to paradise it was awesome you happy you went very happy I went very happy 10 days total 10 days well eight days

eight days two of those are traveling Okay. And the travel back was brutal, dude. Well, it's just like, now I'm like, I want to go home. Like now, the minute you're like, I'm not excited. I want to go home. There's an expectation of going somewhere and excitement on the way back. I'm done.

Yeah. So I'm going to be home now. I know. And I had a headache. I bought a, because the exchange rate is so different that like I bought a, I bought a gold bracelet in the airport that was $98. but it's $40 American. So I was like, oh, that's a good deal. The thing doesn't even fit me.

Like, I don't know why I bought that. It was awful. And then, like, I had a headache the entire time. And being on a plane with a headache is the worst, dude. But it was fun. I would go again. You would? Yes.

That is pretty fucking badass. It's pretty cool to get there. It was the end of the world, really. Yeah. Fiji is kind of the end of the world. Yeah. And when you get there, you go, these guys have no idea

like none of America's problems are happening here you know it's like you're like these guys aren't worried about shit they're going to survive I mean every house has made a fucking cardboard and steel and like it's it's fucking third world dude and they're

they're still happy which is great they were all happy wow yeah it was it was crazy all right well it sounds like an awesome trip you should go I was kind of excited when you went yeah

to hear about it. Yeah, yeah. You should 100% go if you ever get the... You're not going to wait Australia, but I'm definitely going to fight from there to Australia. Well, yeah, that was also a part of it where I was like, damn, if I'm here, should I go to Australia? Because how often am I going to be here?

But I was like, no. That's how they fool you. Yeah. You go to Australia, they go, oh, while you're there, head to New Zealand. But that's another five-hour flight. That's not that place. Right.

And before you know what, I'm in fucking Japan. Exactly. Exactly. Oh, you're visiting Chicago? Go to Kansas City. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not there. I'm doing the trip already.

I'm already doing the fucking trip. Damn, dude. Yeah, I end up in fucking lacadives or madras. Yeah, exactly. Like, oh, Bangkok go to Sumatra. Oh, yeah, that's not. Yeah. And you're like, I have this many days like that state.

Don't go to too many places. No, no, no, no. Here's my question I ask everybody. Yeah. Travel tip, either general or specific. So, like, if it was for this, it'd be like, if you're going, I would definitely bring cash because you couldn't get ATMs there. Right.

Or whatever. Or in general, a lot of people go packlight or get an aisle seat, whatever. And then another one is what country is calling you? Like, where would you want to go next? You've never been. Oh, I love that. Travel tip for Fiji is... Could be Fiji or anywhere in the world, but you haven't been much places.

Yeah, I guess not much places. Bring melatonin for the flight. Okay. Pass the fuck out. Make yourself go out. Make yourself pass the fuck out. Yeah. Yeah, just pass the fuck out.

You know, I still watch three Harry Potter movies. So that's how long. long that was. And where would I go? Japan. I want to go to Tokyo. Yeah, me too.

I want to go to Tokyo so bad. I want to like see all that shit. Do you know about the thing where they push you into the train? I don't want to get pushed into a train. I want to go once just for one stop. Just get shoved in. That's so funny, dude.

Yeah. I've been crossing the road where so many people crossed the same time. Yeah. I want to see all the lights the time squares. Yeah. I want to see.

that. I want to like, yeah, yeah, that would be cool. Maybe like Korea, too. Like,

I really want to, like, be around a bunch of Asians. You know what I mean? Yeah. It kind of be a way to make it like a,

like a Tokyo comedy festival to bring like 30 guys out to Tokyo. That would be awesome. Break even. Just to be like, I know the flights are expensive, but flights in hotels and then like,

you know, 50 bucks a day to spend and then we'll all go and have it last. That would be Tokyo Comedy Festival would be fucking awesome. Hook it up. Someone who could do it, not us. Someone who isn't us.

Story of my fucking life, just being like, oh, I wish someone else would do this. Yeah. Well, that wasn't recording anything, was it? Oh, that sucks. Oh, it looks like it was. It does look like it was, but I wouldn't stop. No, maybe it was. Yeah.

Okay. Well, Brendan, thank you very much. Thanks for having me. Congratulations for having you. Yeah. Everybody check out Sack Daddy the Puzz. Yeah. I've been on now.

You can start with that episode if you want. Great episode. No, couldn't monetize it. Why? Too dark. I don't know. I think maybe you had your shirt off was part of it. I don't know.

I have no idea. Well, whatever, but who cares. Yeah, it was fun to do. You're a good conversationalist, but you're a great comic. You'll be on the road. I'm sure I'll put in bumpers for where you're going to be. Hell yeah. Let's grill.

Let's grill. Let's grill. I'm so hungry. Yeah, me too. Let's do it. Yeah. Well, everybody, that's the podcast. Thank you very much.

Brendan. Sagalow, Sagdadi for coming in. Probably the greatest rapper in stand-up comedy. I actually don't know, smoothiee. Little Dickie? He's not really in stand-up, though. He's definitely better than him. I'm going to change that.

Brendan Saggolo is a better rapper than Little Dickie. Brendan Sagglo doesn't have a gimmick. He just raps, hardcore, from the off-the-cly dome. Anyway, guys, that's the episode. I have a big announcement coming next week. Next week's episode will be with Ari Matty. Now that you've seen this week's episode with Brendan Sagalow, you realize that most recorded is a final after my studio was packed up.

We did it just in an abandoned room and then the roof, right? But this is the last one that I did before I left on my trip. So next week, with Ari Maddie, he's going to be the interviewer. Ari Matty. Baris, one mic, two mics actually. And we're going to go over what I planned to do on this crazy trip I took. I don't know if you realize if you're a listener or a watcher of this podcast that I left for a while. If you might have noticed a lot of my ads have been done in front of a lot more palm trees and other vegetation areas and just kind of cool cliffs and stuff than previously.

So I've been gone. I've been traveling all over Latin America. we're going to discover that next week when Ari Maddie hosts this and I, Ari Shafir, am the guest. It is produced as always by the Your Mom's House Network, edited by Alan Caffy. Please subscribe. Smash the like button.

Hit that bell or whatever. And leave a comment, guys. Leave a comment. Leave a comment calling out Little Dickie that he needs to fucking stake his claim as the number one rapper in comedy and that Brendan Sagelow is actually that man.

What Lil Dickie pretends to be, Brendan Sagalow is that. If you want to get yourself a T-shirt, support this podcast, can one of these stay positive shirts that they link that's right below the screen on Spotify or on YouTube. And subscribe on YouTube, guys. This, if you saw the pictures of Brendan put up, it's pretty good visually in terms of podcasts. It's not just shooting the shit. Brendan also has a podcast he does with Mike Cannon called Fart Carnival. And he's also got Sag Daddy to Pod.

been on Farc Carnival. I have been on Sag Daddy de Pott. It's a great episode. I think we talked about some stuff I did in Latin America, I think. He's also got a special called Thin Lips, and better than that, he's touring. It's the number one thing you want to see from stand-up comedy club. He's going to be at Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis and this coming weekend. Broadbury and Richmond, Virginia. Charlie Goodnights, Goodnights Comedy Club in Raleigh, North Carolina, in May, as well as the Connecticut at the counterweight brewing company in May, and finally in May, Helium Comedy Club in Atlanta, Georgia. Hell yes, Brendan, I love it.

Go to brendan sagolo.com for tickets. You can also follow him at Brendan Sanagelo on Instagram. There's Brendan's. He's not a brandon. He's a brandon. And another order of fries. It's a fat joke. Guys, that's it.

As I said, next week, I have a, could be the week after, a very, very big announcement for all my followers and fans and for everyone who just loves funny things. Tune in, subscribe, I'll do it up top if I do it next week with R.A. Maddie. And if not, it'll be the week after with either sabbatical Tommy or maybe Mark Norman. I'm not sure. But subscribe and you get all of them. That's it, guys.

Yeah, Fiji does seem like a five. fucking cool place to go to relax and i'm glad brandon who hates doing shit like that did it it's cool of him guys for real go buy yourself a stay positive shirt it's it will support me in my it helps him buy hats like this um yeah it seems cool fiji what a way to go too on your chicks dime yeah i'm jealous i went to uh french polynesia once so i don't know if you heard that a lot of these kids in this neighborhood I'm in, this country I'm in get trafficked to children. There's a direct route from a lot of these to an island owned by a guy named Heffrey. Hepstey-Epscheon. Heffrey Epstein, they call them. And yeah, so a lot of them scream.

They know what's happening to them and they don't want to go, but they're going. Yeah, I went to Polynesia once, French Polynesia, closest I got to Fiji. It seems like the same. It seems like all those places are the same. I don't want to be a curmudgeon. I actually love it. but it seems like all those places same go to someplace tropical eat the fucking fruit just lay out the beach and just this is what colonialism's all about have a fucking indigenous looking person wait on you hand and foot speaking to you in a language that they never should have even heard of it rules it rules it makes you think what it would have been like if you know we had never gotten rid of slavery or if we just didn't do it with black people and did it with the Polynesians instead

then it wouldn't have been such a problem am I wrong wrong in thinking that? Let me check. Let me call Lindy West and she if she's okay with that or I might still have a bit of a problem. Let's see. YouTube. Does Brendan have a YouTube? Oh, you should go to check out of his YouTube also. I got it here. YouTube.com slash at Brendan Sagalow. But really, guys, what you want to do is subscribe to you, YouTube.com slash at you be tripping pod. That's it for me. Guys, next week, R.A. Matt T. And we'll talk about everything I wanted to do and look forward to on this crazy trip I'm taking. Because it's nearing this sign that Brendan was on with no studio.

It's kind of the sign that it's got to come to a close at some point. Not yet. Not yet. There's still some shit I want to do. But Carnival was fucking sick in Brazil. It was a carnival and a north. northern town. It was just blocko after blocko, just chasing these bands with these giant puppets. I mean, it ruled. You just get the fucking frenzy.

It ruled. Buy a shirt. Keep me in business. Stay positive. I am worried about coming if I ever do come back and I don't get sex traffic myself of all the negativity here is going on in the United States and all the worry about the news and stuff. That has not affected me or plagued me at all for going on. eight months now. It'll be a bit of a learning curve to come back. But not yet. I'm still enjoying. Guys, get out there. Get your passports renewed. Go out there and find your own fucking Fiji. Something more adventurous or less. Doesn't matter. Dip your hand into slavery like Brendan did. Brendan Sagalow wants slavery back. And that is a fact.

All right, guys. Until next week. I don't say I don't say goodbye in Fijian, but you don't have to know because they lost. They got beaten by whoever the fuck country took them over. And now fucking guys like Brendan just go to visit their chick at work. Now that are my time, please. I love it. All right, bye.