You Be Trippin' - India w/ Adam Rowe | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: March 10, 2025

Check out Adam's pod Have A Word Podcast at https://www.patreon.com/haveawordpod SPONSORS: - Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/trippin , ALL LOWERCASE. - Get up to 40% Off at https://Ridge.com/ARI. On this episode of You Be Trippin, Adam Rowe takes a bicycle charity ride across India, where he gets asked for money, eats nothing but curry, and plays the “boner” game at the Taj Mahal. He and Ari also talk about wealth disparity, a tiger park scam, and finding happiness in nothing. Other topics include: country music, cold beers, baby hospices, British sports rivalries, and developing your stand up. Also, his friend got really bad food poisoning twice and Adam almost shit himself. Ram ram! You Be Trippin' Ep. 57 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com YouTube Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:15 - British Sports Drama 00:09:33 - India, Baby Hospice, & A Charity Bicycle Ride 00:18:47 - The Taj Mahal 00:21:10 - Piss Puddles, White People, & Accidental Disrespect 00:25:21 - Kyle Legacy & Adapting Your Accent 00:31:47 - Beggars, A Bike Challenge, & Michael Jackson 00:37:17 - The Bike Ride 00:39:41 - Curry & Food Poisoning 00:48:22 - 5-Star Hotel & Wealth Disparity 00:57:29 - SA 01:01:39 - Asia, The Middle East, & A Gay Proposition 01:08:47 - A Tiger Park Scam & Monkeys 01:14:37 - Car Horns, Injuries, & Getting Annoyed 01:17:55 - The End of the Ride & A Long Bus Ride 01:21:54 - Played the Boner Game at the Taj & Revenge Stories 01:27:45 - No Toilets & Pooping 01:37:38 - His Special & Developing Your Stand Up 01:45:46 - Australia Sucks & Brazil's Carnival 01:49:52 - Travel Tips 01:54:32 - Country Music & Cold Beers Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, hi guys. It's Ari Shaffir, just working stuff out. I told you there'd be a big announcement and that's what's happening. Ah, this is heavy. I would like to announce that I am working out on my loose ends. I did one already. I recorded Ari Shaffir Jew. It got canceled and taken away from me and I finally tied up the loose end and I recorded

it. Perhaps you've seen it. And now, the final thing I had to wrap up in my life. Ari Shaffir's Renamed Storytelling Show. I'm recording a new season. Let that sink in, motherfuckers. A new season of Ari Shaffir's Renamed Storytelling Show, recording April 20th, 21st, and 22nd in New York City.

Tickets go on sale Tuesday at noon. The pre-sale, promo code Ari, get tickets there. The general on sale will happen either Friday or Monday. I forget. Tickets are AriShafeer.com only April 20th, 21st, 22nd in New York City. Guys, it's a funeral of sorts, and it's a celebration of sorts.

Dressed up if you want this the venue is upscale So you'll match wear a suit if you want wear jeans and a t-shirt too, but that's fine Only come to one show per night if you want to come to a second show That's fine. But Not in the same night because crowds get tired out and I want everybody excited for this It'll be some of the people you know from before with with some new people, some people you've never heard of, but they will all be great. If you've never been to one of these

RE Schaffer's Rename Storytelling shows, oh, you're in for a treat. I'm fucking stoked on this, guys. I'm trying to hide my excitement, but I can't be more excited. It's my final loose end I gotta clear up. April 20th, 21st, 22nd, New York City. Also no scalpers, so if you need to get a ticket,

you need to have that ID matching The name that you purchase ticket under otherwise you will not be admitted So don't try to resell them That's it guys. I'm fucking stoked Get tickets right now That's right doing a final season of the show and then I'm retiring it forever It'll be done So if you want if you ever been in one of the shows you wanted to go to

another one this is your final chance all right let's start the episode that's my announcement fucking legitimately happy about this legitimately happy about this all the lineups are secret you don't know who's on but I'm letting you know we're going out with the bang. All right, let's start the episode. Adam Rowe, take us to India. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today. It's You'll Be Trippin', yeah. Hi everybody.

Welcome to You'll Be Trippin', it's a travel podcast. I don't know if you know about it. It's, well you're tuning in, so thanks. It's me, I'm a comedian. Ari Shaffer and every week it's a different guest. Almost always comedians or Rob Lowe. It's the only podcast that talks about six baby. Let's talk about you and me. The first Liverpoolian comic ever to be on. UB Trippin. Do you know what I'm talking about? Is that the Juergen Klopp reference? Yeah. That's so good. I'm so impressed that you knew that. How do you know that?

What? Are you a Liverpool fan? No, I'm a, I don't really want to talk about it, Tottenham. Okay, cool. That makes sense. Yeah. Right. Dude, I was given a team one year at Edinburgh.

I was hanging out with these guys after the show. They were just like, you want Mandy? I'm like, what's Mandy? I don't know. And they do it in a way I don't know. It's just like the tissue paper rolled up, little droplets of tissue paper. I was hanging out with these people. It's like four guys and four girls, anyway.

And then one of them was like, we gotta get you a league team. I was like, okay. And one of them was like, you should like Arsenal. I was like, okay, sure, I'm down. Okay, you're giving me a team. And then one other guy gets back in the bathroom. He's like, we should like Arsenal. It's like, okay, sure, I'm down. Okay, you're giving me a team. And then one of the guy gets back in the bathroom, he's like, we gave him Arsenal.

He goes, no, why not? Like Tottenham, and they were like, yeah, yeah. You were wrong, you were wrong, it's Tottenham. It absolutely is Tottenham as well. That was such a perfect correction from that guy. And actually the worst team they could have given you is Arsenal. Really?

Because they're like the biggest rivals. Interesting. So they're now being a self-hater. Yeah, and also like the worst factions of Arsenal fans will sing anti-Semitic shit at Tottenham. That's so funny, because they don't have any Jewish players. I would have to join in. I'd be like, guys, I'm sorry, it's for sports.

Do they really sing anti-Semitic stuff? That's so great. The players are like, I'm from Nimbabwe. So there's a lot of stuff in, there's a lot of like real awful shit said British sports at the other teams. And there's huge campaigns now to like stop it, to stop like, just stop saying the worst stuff. Like, you can still say that they're all whatever, but just the worst thing about each team, just don't have. That's also their fan base you're making fun of.

So then they're just like, I'm not even a player. I'm just, you're just talking about, it's because the Jewish neighborhood. Yeah, but they're not singing at the players, they're singing at the fans in the opposite end. Right, right. You know what I mean? And also because we have segregation in sports, like you can't, there's an away.

Blacks and whites can't be in the same locker room? Totally, yeah, yeah. Blacks, it's the car park and the whites, they get the mansion at the back of the pitch. You guys don't really race against blacks. You race against people from India. Yeah, it's like Pakistanis and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's interesting.

It's gonna take some getting used to. Go ahead, what are you gonna say? So because of segregation, what? So like, there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's interesting. It's good. I'm getting used to because of segregation. What? So like there's no, like you'll never sat next to an opposition fan, right? They're in their own pen at the bottom of the, it's so cool. Yeah. It's like, with the smoke bombs and stuff. Yeah. Like before the gate, like if it's like the FA cup final, that is, so the finals played at Wembley, which is a neutral stadium in London. And what they do before the game, let's say it's Liverpool against Chelsea.

And it was a few years ago. And they will allocate each team, like 10 pubs each near the stadium. And they're like, but if you're a Liverpool fan, and you've got like red stuff on, you will be turned away from the Chelsea pubs. Oh good.

By police. It's like there's police there. That's a bad idea. Yeah, go to, you've got one of the Liverpool pubs, go to one of those. That's so smart. And also so aware, there used to be this billboard campaign in Newark, New Jersey saying,

please stop shooting teachers. And I'm like, how bad would it have gotten where you need a billboard for that? You know? And they just must, the cops like, no, no, no, we know what this is gonna do. No, absolutely not. I also love the idea that like there's a guy

on his way into a school with a gun and seeing that sign, I was like, ah. You know what? I'm gonna put this away. I didn't know it was hacky. I thought it was original. Yeah, how do they know not to, like when you buy tickets to a Yankee game,

you just buy, if you're an Astros fan going to, you just like buy a ticket. There'd be so much nicer, like this is the away, don't sit anywhere else or you will get beat up and won't protect you. So normally. Scalp a ticket, you have to be in that. Yeah, well, so if you buy a home ticket or an away ticket

and to buy a ticket for your team, you normally have to be a member of the club. And like if there's a, you've got to be like an official Liverpool football club member to buy a ticket for any Liverpool game. So if you wanted to be like a Tottenham fan getting a ticket for the Liverpool game

at the Liverpool fan's end, you'd have to sign up as a member for the club and then buy a ticket. And then also they might look at your postcode and be like, you're a fucking Tottenham fan. You live in Tottenham. You know? Interesting.

Like there's ways that they get around it. And also like you don't wanna be the only Tottenham fan in the world. It won't be fun for you. Yeah. No. My brother goes to, he supports a Swiss team. And so him and his son go. Basel? I think FCZ. Okay. I don't know.

Zurich. Yeah. But they went to an away game and it was like he was showing video and then it was just like you can't see because of the smoke, it's so cool. It's so much better than a home game. They go nuts and then kids are like I can't see and my brother's like because of the smoke, right? And then son's like yeah dad, what?

Yeah right, that's what I was saying. What are you doing? But then somebody goes hey man, turn the phone off. Like it's half the music, why? He But then somebody goes, Hey man, turn the phone off. Like it's half the music. Why is it? We're doing illegal shit. Turn the phone off. And it was like, okay, sorry. So like going to an away game, you're surrounded by the funds that most are most committed because they want to be at like every game they they're willing to travel for it. And yeah. And all like at gate, like if you go to a Liverpool home, Liverpool's a very touristy club now.

So there's a lot of- Because they won so much. They won so much and because we're seeing us having the best atmosphere, people are like, oh, I wanna go and be at the best atmosphere. But then they don't contribute to it. They'll just stand there with their phone filming it. But if you're in a Liverpool away game

and you're being like, people will be like, put your fucking phone away,ads. That's good. Like put it away. That's good. Yeah. There's more, maybe I'm wrong, but there's more of like, put your phone away in Europe than in America. Definitely more in like Germany and like nightclubs with like, I don't know where it starts where

people are just filming everything. Yeah. I'm bad for like, I take pictures of me fucking dinner and everything. I'm like, yeah, I'm a loser with stuff like that. I'm always, I go back to those times where you're just taking pictures of your dinner. At least you're not infringing on people's privacy. It's just like someone's passed out. Don't film that. They're just walking the streets. Or taking a picture of your dinner. That'd be fucking crazy in a restaurant. If you were

just like, Someone else's. What do you call it? What's your name? Make sure credit's right. I'm going to tag you. Yeah. Um, um, uh, what was I going all right? I'm going to tag you. Yeah. What was I going to say? I had a Tottenham Jersey with Shafir on the back I got for Christmas one year.

I should have brought it. I didn't realize we were going to do this. All right, where are we going today? We're going to India. Going back to India. Nice, the dark continent. Yeah. No, it's Africa.

It's Africa. I mean, it's pretty dark. It's pretty dark. Yeah. And you know, there's different casts over there and that's how they decide who's worthy of respect and stuff. Yeah, what brought you there and when did you go? So I went in November of 2024. Oh, nice, okay.

So, yeah, a friend of mine works for a baby hospice, comedy podcast. A baby hospice? Hold on, I thought I knew what hospice meant. What do you think hospice means? It's where they see you out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the waiting room for heaven.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But for babies. That's the cutest sad I've ever heard of. It's babies who are born either, like already into palliative care, like they're dying, or they've got really severe life needs, whether educationally or physically or mentally or whatever. And they were threatened with closure,

so they had to find food. So what, are the babies going to die in the street? No, like literally. And guess who was kicking them out? Guess who their landlord was? Klopp. Nuns. Oh really?

And they were like, you're not paying your rent. Catholic nuns. We're like, we gave you a year's notice, you haven't moved, like now you need to just get out. So they needed a new place. And as part of the fundraising efforts for, it's called Zoe's Place. As part of the fundraising efforts,

they arranged a charity bike ride from New Delhi to Jaipur well actually from Agra to Jaipur but we flew into New Delhi How do you spell it? Jaipur? Jaipur is J-A-I-P-U-R It's in Rwanda stuff? Yeah So where? So that was the end point.

The start point was Agra, A-G-R-A. So the total kilometers was 450. Really? And we did it in six days. But like. I have no reference to know how much that would be. Do you need it in miles? I need it in miles, but also like biking,

I don't really know how long it would take to bike a mile. So it's 300 miles. Okay. And. 300 miles, you could do, and you did it in four days? So six. Six days. So it's 50 a day.

50 miles a day. But there was like, there was a couple of days that were a lot longer, a couple of days that were shorter, because like obviously India, like, although a lot of it is flat, some of it, when it's not flat, it's fucking vertical. So you're going like, you might as well be base jumping. It was tough, there was proper tough. Are you a biker?

No. Oh. No. Yeah. We've met. Yeah. I love that second, like, no. Oh wait, what are you talking about? You're not just wrong. You're wait, where would you even get that?

So, I signed up for this a year in advance. Yeah. So this is what happened. Did you do the thing where like, I'll get in shape by then, and I'll just not this weekend. Absolutely. But also, and also by the time it came around,

I was like a full, do you do stones or kilograms or pounds? Pounds, pounds of kilos. I was a full like 20 pounds heavier than when I signed up for it. Okay. I just went totally in the wrong direction. Oh my God. And when I signed up for it,

so here's what, a friend of mine works there, her name's Gina. And I was on tour and I was in a hotel room on my own and I'd had like, I don't know, 10 beers after the show. And I'm just talking to her and she goes, hey, do you want to come and do this fucking insane charity challenge next year in November? And I was like, no. And then an hour later, she'd like talked me into it.

Like, it'd be great for the charity, it'd be great for you, like everything's gonna be great. And I was like, okay, cool, I'll do it. And she goes, well, if you're gonna, and she knew I was drunk. So she was like, pay the deposit now. Like you have to pay a 500 pound deposit now, and then you're in.

And I was like, okay, cool. So I paid it. I woke up the next morning, and you know when you wake up and you're like, what did I do last night? When you wake up and you're like, did I sign up to go to India and have a fucking bike in a year? It's not even in your neighborhood.

No. And then I go into our podcast studio and as you know, cause you've done the show. Have a word. Yeah. Have a word. There's a big group of us and I went in and my angle with it was boys, I've signed up for this I need your help in getting me out of it and they all went no we'll do it with you and we'll film it we'll make a film while we're out there that's the way to trap a comedian yeah and look I'm so glad we went but like the anxiety building up to it and like train it like I'm cycling doing like laps of my house

Like to get ready for this fucking thing. How the bike paths in Liverpool, huh? How the bike lanes in Liverpool? I mean, there's no bike lanes. It's just like every month Industrial there what a weird town there's no bike lanes in India We're cycling through what can barely be called roads. Oh my God. It was genuinely like the most life changing week of me life. And I'm so glad I went and I've got absolutely

zero intention of ever going back. Hi everybody. I gotta break in real quick to today's UB Trippin' episode to tell you about our guest, Adam Rowe. zero intention of ever going back. also a host of a oh this is a mistake popular maybe the most popular comedy podcast in England it's based out of Liverpool the new London yeah it's open later night at London is paling now in comparison Liverpool it's a cooler city it's a hot take it's called have a word I've been on there start with my episode move to anybody else I think Schultz has been on there maybe Shane maybe Shane anyway it's great

Adams also on the road. He's a quality stand-up comedian. He's in Liverpool March 12th and 13th at hot water then Manchester Chester Birmingham Stourbridge Liverpool Belfast London Dublin Glasgow South Shields Newcastle And Edinburgh a lot of these sound like made up cities. All tickets are at adamroad.co.uk. Slash shows. Myself, I'm on the road as well. Oh, by the way, I've got a new t-shirt.

Take a hike shirt, available at rechefair.com. You like it? Let's take a hike, no matter what the weather is. It's always available, let's take a hike. This is what Shane makes fun of me for. I do think it's always available to take a hike. This is what Shane makes fun of me for. I do think it's fun to go outside and get in nature, take a hike. I don't see what the problem with that is. I'm on the road. This week I'm in Atlanta at the Tabernacle Theater on Saturday night

with Adrian Apolucci and Sean Patton is now jumping on the show as well. And then over to Portland, Oregon, also with Adrian Turner sparks from the old skeptic thing. Podcasts will be on that show too. First shows pretty much sold out. It was like individual seats left and then late show added then San Jose, California Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, both of those shows added. Fort Lauderdale. I know there's more. Damn I'm really bad at my own dates. Fort Lauderdale. Oh and then Seattle at the Moore Theatre. The huge end of the farewell tour tour. Seattle at the Moore

followed by Vancouver. Second show added at all these next three all through Canada Canada has always been good to me Vancouver Calgary and Edmonton all Second shows have been added so get tickets right now before they're gone, and then I'm done anchorage Alaska and Don't forget This nope this nope Ari Shafir's reading story telling show is coming for the final six fucking shows everybody the final six fucking shows I'm so goddamn excited. I can't wait to show you the lineup. It's all the best comics. It's all the ones you love It's all the classics. I can't I'm not gonna tell you the lineup. It's just gonna be great I'm just gonna tell you it's great get tickets. The deal is get tickets for Good tickets for a show if you want to come to more than show, do not come to more than one show in a night.

Crowds get tired, so I don't want you being worn out. This is gonna be a fucking party. Dress up if you want, it's up to you. Don't dress up in a costume, but dress up in something nice. The Box is one of the coolest spots in the world, and I'm excited to show it to you. That's it. Let's get back to the show.

Take a hikeshirt at arieschiffer.com, as. Let's get back to the show. Get a take a hike shirt at roshifre.com as well as signed finals, signed grinders, t-shirts, psychedelic playing cards where I am the king of mushrooms and much much more. Let's get back to the episode. I think that's it. Subscribe! Why don't you subscribe wherever you are. Alright, that's it. Bye. Check out Adam Rowe. Oh the India thing is gonna be fucking sick, guys. It looks crazy, go get it. Agra, what did you do when you got there?

So Agra's really quite beautiful because that's where the Taj Mahal is. Oh, really, I thought that was New Delhi. No, so you would fly into New Delhi to go to it. How far is it? I think on the train it was like three or four hours from New Delhi. Did you meet any of these people?

All of them. Oh cool. It was either them or someone who looks an awful lot like them. We met a guy there. I sent you one of the pictures I sent you. I think it was the first one and he just looks like an Indian Bill Murray and it really stuck with me how much this guy an Indian Bill Murray. And it really stuck with me how much this guy looked like Bill Murray.

So I got him to take a photo with Carl, my best mate. Is that him? That's him, yeah, on the left. Yeah. But like, if you look at him there, you can't really see it, but look how miserable he looks. And then I went, I just said, smile, Bill. And if you skip to the next photo,

you will see a man go from, look how miserable he looks. And then I went, I just said, smile, Bill. And if you skip to the next photo, you will see a man go from, look how happy. Look at that. Have you seen a man go from so miserable to so- Carl is exactly the same. Carl has no change on his face at all. Oh my God. Also, he's smiling upward somehow.

It's crazy, isn't it? It comes like, it's usually, you lower the bottom of your lip. This one, it moves up. He's so upset at his life. Oh, there's a Taj Mahal barely behind you. Is it smoggy as fuck over there? Oh, oh my God. Like it is so polluted.

Like the whole, like, especially when you're like- How different it is than this shot. Yeah, that looks like, especially when you're like. It's different than this shot. Yeah, that looks like, that might have been like the one clear day. Yeah. When you get like this close to it, it does sort of look like that. But like, try to see any sort of distance.

Wow, you can barely see it. Hey! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! I also look at his teeth. Great teeth. Yeah. Great teeth. It looks like he's collected them

from like several different people. Who is he? Is he a guide or something? He was just one of the guys who works at the Taj Mahal. Yeah. Oh. But because like we all thought he looked like an Asian Bill Murray. And the more I look at him, the less I'm confident in that.

That moment. That's why we asked him for the photograph. He was great. That's solid. The people out there. Have you ever been there before? Have you ever been to any of them? No.

I'll never go back. Why? Interesting. Like it's an incredible place and the poverty you see and the perspective, it sounds all like fucking, but the perspective you get on life and how, people who are literally, we were cycling through puddles in places that it hadn't rained for a month. So.

What does that mean? It's piss and shit. I was hoping not to know what it meant. What I was asking, part of me was going, should I even ask this? I follow a band, band reels on Instagram, I forget what it was called, but it's just like stuff that's banned.

And then the one I saw today, usually it's like somebody falling off a cliff or something like that. And this one was just like a guy's close up. And every once in a while it's like an OnlyFans thing. And I'm like, please let him be getting fucked, and then you see somebody's hand on his head and a knife come out and just slices it.

No, no, no. Yeah, and then I'm like, why did I watch this? Yeah, there's something deeply wrong. What was I hoping for? I was hoping for a Diddy party. Hoping. I was hoping not to know those fucking piss and shit puddles. But like, this sounds like awful,

but like you're cycling through these villages and children are like running out of their houses, but like houses is a generous term. And they're covered in what can best be described as mud. And it's probably their own piss and shit. But they're like so happy. They're so happy. So like they're coming and waiting.

Namaste, namaste, hello. They're so, like when you cycle through, they're like oh my god, like it's like the coolest thing they've ever seen. Small towns? Yeah, like towns and villages and. Wow, what do you think they're not used to seeing whiteies? They're not used to seeing white people. You, they're not used to seeing white people.

You might be the first white person they've ever seen. What does namaste mean? Peace? Hello? Hello. But I said... You might be the first white guy they've ever seen. It's possible. Wow. Yeah, right, they're kids.

Yeah, and they're so young. And who would go to a small village? Like, who? Right. Like, no, but like, so as well as like the charity group that were all from the UK, we had some local guys who were like guiding us and like leading the cycles and stuff.

And one of them says to me one day, he go, cause I become like friends with them, like I'm trying to talk to these guys, find out more from the local guys than the like white saviors that like flew us out there. I was like, I want these guys to tell me. So one of them, he goes, instead of saying namaste, he's like, the reason all the kids are saying namaste

and hello is that they think that's what you know. But what I would say is ram ram, like ram ram. He's like, so if you shout ram ram, they will be like mind blown. So then for a few days, I'm cycling through these villages and I'm shouting Ram Ram. About 70% of them are like, oh my, yeah, Ram Ram. What the fuck?

But like about a third of the time, people are just like, and then one of the other guys, the other like local cycle guys, he pulls me to the side, he goes, just so you know, Adam, like, you know there's a lot of racism in India and like between the communities of like Muslims and Hindus, like, there's like a, you know, you're only speaking to two thirds of the people.

Because the other third doesn't even speak. The other third, no, they know what it is, but they think you're being disrespectful to them. By using someone else's word? Yeah, it's like you're being like in support of their sort of rivals. Really? Rivals makes them sound like they're fucking football teams.

Yeah. So like, he was like, you should say namaste because namaste is for everybody. But Ram Ram is for just one community. What does that mean? What does it mean? Hello. Oh, just hello.

But just, okay. Damn, that's funny. There's nothing like a kid coming out in a small town and you make their day with your presence. Yeah, they're fucking delighted. We stopped at a school. Yeah? And I was teaching them like, scouse. school and I was teaching them like Scouse.

I was teaching them like Scouse. I just got done hanging out with Kyle Legacy. He seems like the most Scouse of anyone I know. Oh, that is so wrong. Really? Interesting. What's Scouse then? Then what's Scouse mean?

So Scouse is like, Scouse I mean, a Scouser, a Scouser is a person from Liverpool. Okay. Right? And Kyle is, he is a person from Liverpool. But the most Scousers, where I can't let that happen. So Kyle moved to Australia. When? Kyle lived in Australia for years.

What? I think. And I love Kyle. Yeah, he's a lunatic. So a few years ago when I first saw Kyle, he was so hit and miss on stage, like so hit and miss. He doesn't give a fuck anymore. No, but like he's hit this like purple patch with riffing.

And he's like starting to do real well in- What's he call himself? The riff king or something like that. But his accent is so like, bastardized. Yeah, oh really? The way he speaks, like sometimes I'm like, like do you know the one? When I'm trying to remember like what's a Liverpool accent,

I think of Kyle, I'm like an offshoot of that. But he's the ultimate, like he's the He's actually insane, sometimes I don't even understand them. Like the way he says the word lighter, you know like for a cigarette, like a lighter, every time he says it, cause he goes, latter? Are you gonna latter? I'm like, what? That's not Australian, it's not American,

and it's not Scouse, and you need to just pick one. You can't have this amalgamation of them all. Now I'm one of the worst people on the planet for going somewhere and my accent turning a bit like theirs because I have this need for everyone to understand me. So like when I'm on stage or even on a podcast over here, I soften my accent so much. Like I went on a couple of other shows already out here

and my followers are sending me like clips from the show going, why are you talking like a fucking idiot? I'm like, I'm trying to get Chris DeStefano to understand what I'm saying. He's already looking at me like I'm speaking parcel tongue. I've got to do something, you know what I mean? Yeah. I was hanging out with him once.

I was, I found some acid and rough. I forgot who gave it to me. Somebody was like going to my show. I was like, yeah. And he was like, hey, I can pay you in money or acid, I was like, I guess acid then. Sure, it was like 60 pounds, I was like, yeah. So it was four hits, sloss wouldn't do it,

de rosa wouldn't do it, but did sloss do it? I think Kai did it. Kai, I wasn't there, Kai did it. Kai did it, okay, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Elliot Steele did it, and I forget who else. Like some people were like, no, it's two, it's 11 p.m. Other people were like, the difference in like, sure, yeah. Think Elliot Steel did it, and I forget who else. Like some people were like, no, it's two, it's 11 p.m. Other people were like, the difference in like, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, I got a savory crepe from those fairs there, whatever, I was like so hungry, and then when you're on drugs like that, I took one bite of it, and I'm done. Like that's all I needed. Kyle took the rest, which was fine. He was like broke broke back then. Anyway, I'm off on a golf course, sun's rising.

I'm on a golf course, still up. And then I'm like, oh, I got a joint. I'm so happy. And I went and I'm like, where's my lighter? And it's like fucking Kyle took my lighter. All I wanted was that joint. He took my lala. He took my fucking lala.

And then when I passed, I wanted to ask, but I couldn't let a joint in front of him. Oh, I'm still mad about it. Still mad about it. All right, let's get back to India. Fuck Kyle legacy. He's Lebron James of stealing lot lot of us. Oh, hi guys. Today's episode of you be trippin is brought to you by Ridge wallet. Guys, are you Jewish? Are you so full of money and shekels that your wallet is literally bursting at

the seams? Yeah, do your friends make fun of you? Did Tom Segura constantly call you a Jew for having too much money in your wallet at all times? And maybe you're a hoarder like me and you collect old movie tickets and stuff and just put them in your wallet until it's getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Well now there's a solution. It's Ridge Wallet.

Look at this sleek design. Ooh, it's nice. For a limited time Ridge Wallet is having a crazy sale. Get up to 40% off your order by going to ridge.com slash ari. That's ridge.com slash ari for up to 40% off. Ridge has a free shipping, 99-day risk-free trial, and a lifetime warranty on all products. Guys, no more sitting on a bulky wallet, messing up your pelvis, making it harder for you to fuck hard. Yeah, do you want to fuck hard is your wallet the thing that you think is getting you laid actually standing in the way of you fucking?

So hard ridge wallet has your answer look at this sleek small design, and it's got a little area for for your money Credit cards right there. Oh, yeah, that's a silver one. You know that means something not everybody gets that right now We're just having their once Once a year anniversary sale get up to 40% off at ridge.com slash Ari Just head to ridge.com slash Ari to see their biggest sale of the year after you purchase They will ask you where you heard about them. Please support my show And tell them I sent you guys no more fucking not hard Ridge Wallet will get you fucking right Ridge Wallet

Tell them I sent you. Okay, let's get back to the episode This is me fake working out by the way, I don't really work out I do all sorts of things like this for ads Thanks Ridge Wallet for making me get my exercise for the year. Hi guys, it's your old pal Ari Shafir here breaking in to tell you that today's episode of UB Trippin is brought to you by Shopify.com. Shopify.com will help you set up your online platform from the just getting started phase to making a million dollar phase. Whatever you're selling, Shopify will help you connect with your customers.

Myself, I sell memorabilia for when you lost everything. Guys, if you lost everything and you want to like remember it somehow, look no further than Shopify to help you buy whatever you need. That's right, Shopify.com. I remember a long time ago, beloved Laker died and I didn't have the proper respect for it and I lost everything. Shopify will help you remember. If you upgrade your business right now and get the same checkout we use at Spotify, I mean at Shopify, sign up for a one dollar per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Trippin, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash Trippin to upgrade your selling

today. Remember that? Remember when I thought I could make a joke and everybody be cool with it? Oh, wild times. The internet is lovely. Shopify. Now let's get back to the episode. So, okay. So, so where'd you stay in these things? So we, we flew into New Delhi, right? Yeah. And they took us to a place called the bloom rooms as the first place. I don't think I said the bloom. Yeah. Like, yeah, that's close enough. Um, and I've never seen anything like this area that it's in.

Like it was like, we still, we went and dropped our bags into the hotel and then came out. Cause we were going to do some like extracurricular filming for the podcast. And like, you know, like when you sort of, if you stand on a street corner for long enough in like, you know like when you sort of, if you stand on a street corner for long enough and like, you know, yeah, that's it, but it doesn't look like that from the outside. These are very selective photographs.

Okay, okay, okay. Like that's AI. And like. You're like AI, make this look not dingy. Yeah, that's more like it. Okay. That's not, it's the inside. Yeah, go ahead.

Sorry, I don't want to distract you. So, you know if you stand on a street corner for long enough in New York, like if you're in, I don't know, the finance district or whatever, like if you stand there for long enough, a guy's gonna come up to you and be like, have you got any money?

Can I have some money for whatever? We were stood outside that hotel for, I wanna say, three minutes, waiting for an Uber or a Tuk Tuk, and in that three minutes, I think, between 30 and 40 different people asked for money. Really? Yeah. Wow. And, cause they can money. Really? Yeah. Wow.

And, and, cause they can't. Really? Yeah, yeah. And they can't speak English, so that's what they do. They come to you and they go, and you go, no. And they know, no. But then they go, mm.

And they don't move. And eventually you just have a crowd of locals just asking you. And they are the most, you've never, I don't know where you've been, but I've never seen anything like it. And they are, they fucking stink. Like they stink.

And they're dirty. Do you have actually given money sometimes? Do you not? No, so I made a mistake. They're never gonna stop if you give them money. So this is the thing. We went to the little market one day, because while we were out there,

we're doing this charity bike ride stuff, but we're also like filming a special for our Patreon for our show. Okay, have a word, it's on Spotify right now, and Patreon, patreon.com slash have a word. It's everywhere, and thank you for the plug. Start with my episode. Yeah, it was a good episode.

Speaking of plugs, I might be going to Turkey soon. Yeah, go ahead. We, so we'll do like check. It was a good episode. Speaking of plugs, I might be going to Turkey soon. It was a good episode? It was a great episode. Okay. I never know when I come to a new one. Sometimes I was like, that was fun. Like, what? No, it was good. It was really good. We loved it. And so when we did the Patreon specials, we were like film like challenges and stuff. So one of our friends says it's a challenge to buy him a souvenir from the market and gave us like a price budget. So we all got given like money. In India?

Yeah. But then the second part of the challenge was something else. So like, and I won't spoil off for anyone who's gonna go and watch this stuff. But. Wait, tell me, just bleep it out. So that whatever we bought him,

we had to attach to our bikes for the rest of the challenge. So I bought them like a boom box speaker and it was like, I've got to attach this thing to. That's funny. Like Carl bought them a mannequin. Do you know what the second part of the challenge is before you do the first one? No.

So that you do the first part and they're like, and now here's why. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. And it was, it was fun, but we're in this. It'd be like, say hi to someone on the street. And they're like, okay, I did it. It's like, fuck. And it was fun, but we're in this. Maybe like say hi to someone on the street, and they're like, okay, I did it.

Like, now fuck them. They're like, ah, I would have chosen more selectively. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're in this little market, and then there's like these four children, and they come up and they're like, can I have some money? And I just did, I think maybe I'd had like a. In hand motion or?

Yeah, like money, money, money. But like these ones spoke a little English.? Yeah, like money, money, money. But like these ones spoke a little English. It's like money, money, money. And I'm like, oh, I just, I think I drank a little too much than I before. So I'm like a little hungover and feeling fucking a lot more guilty and whatever. So I was like, do you know what?

So like I take out what is the equivalent of, I don't know about five or $10. And in my head I'm like, this just doesn't matter. Like they'll be really happy with it and whatever. And I gave this kids this money. And then five minutes later, uh, about 20 adults catch wind that there's a white guy nearby giving money out. The Fisher biting today. And we're now trying to get into, they're called tuck tucks. I don't know whether you know what they are. They're like a little sort of- Same as in Southeast Asia?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So they're like, they're taxis over there. It's a bike or a moped attached to like a chariot. Yeah. We're trying to get into them, but these adults who, obviously one of their children has just come home with five pounds or whatever.

And Intel. And he's coming over going, lot of sick people here, lot of sick people here, more, more, more, more, more. And we just had to get out of there because they're like, these people have got money and we need to go and get off them now. You know what this reminds me of?

This is it. It's Michael Jackson at the Western Wall and everyone just mobbing him. He's unable to get out of his car. I didn't see it there, but like, unable to get out and everyone just, he's a god. Anyway. Yeah, so that happened. They might not even know he's a god. Anyway. Remind me of that.

Yeah, so, they might not even know that's Michael Jackson, they just think that's a white guy. They're just excited that it's a white guy. Like when we were cycling, if we, so every sort of, like we do like a day that's like, I don't know, so we were working in kilometers, but like the longest day was 120 kilometers. So that's like 80 miles.

That was the longest day. Okay. But every... Is kilometers to miles the same as pounds to dollars? 1.6. 1.6 kilometers is a mile. Similar. Every sort of 25 kilometers.

Now the chumps back, it's about to be one to one, motherfuckers. Every like 25, 30 kilometers, we'd stop and have like a snack break. But every 10 kilometers, they would stop and let the group regroup, because there's like 40 of us. And if you're the fastest, you're so much quicker than the slowest,

and they want to keep it sort of relatively together. If we stopped, and we would be on the side of a fucking mountain, like going up a main road or whatever, or on a dirt path. If we stopped for five minutes, there's just a shitload of mopeds and cars and tuk-tuks who would just stop, and they're just looking at us. They're just stood there just like,

and they're getting their phones out and just, like they're not asking, can I take a photo? They're just coming up and just like filming you and being like, look at these white guys. What the fuck? Look at these white guys on their bikes. Cause that's not even a tourist spot. No.

So there's not any real reason besides this thing. And also they think we're all fucking stupid for riding bikes because of like their class system over there, they're like, here's how the poverty ladder goes. It's like, if you have enough money for a car, you have a car. If you don't have quite enough money for a car, you'd have a moped.

If you don't have quite enough money for a moped, you would get the bus. If you don't have quite enough money to get the bus, you would get a bike. And if you don't have quite enough money for a moped, you would get the bus. If you don't have quite enough money to get the bus, you would get a bike. And if you don't have quite enough money for a bike, you would walk everywhere. And that's the system. So for them, they're like, right,

there's white people here from another country. They've obviously got money. And they're on a fucking bike? Like what are they doing? It'd be like the real New York City experience. And you're like, I'll sleep on the back of the street sleeping back in the street. That's, that's not the real experience. I'll shit myself on the subway. So Dan, that's so funny. This, uh, this is to do with the food.

This next photo. So, okay. Yeah., I was gonna say, what'd you eat? How were the bathrooms? What'd you shit while you were going on this? Did you have to be careful in the small towns? Because I know in tourist towns, like you go to Thailand, right? Where you've been. I've never been, no.

Where do you guys go? Where do the Liverpoolians go? On holiday? Yeah. Like Spain, Tenerife, and Greece. Oh, okay, so you're saying. They're like, they're common ones, yeah. Okay, the more Australians go to Thailand, I guess.

But it's like a known thing, like you don't eat salad, nothing that gets washed with water. We were told, avoid all meat. Avoid all meat? Avoid all meat, because you don't know how long it's been dead. You don't know how it's been cleaned.

You don't know like how it was raised, any of it. Wow. So we did. And so here's how our days went. We'd get up, we would start cycling really early in the morning. Get a breakfast? Yeah.

Okay. And breakfast, straight out on the bike, finish the cycle normally about five p.m. Regardless of how long we would cycle on that day, they'd either fill the rest of the bike, finish the cycle, normally about five p.m., regardless of how long we would cycle on that day, they'd either fill the rest of the day, like during the cycle, one of the stops would be, and we're going to a school for an hour, or we're going to this store for an hour,

or whatever. See something. Yeah, so every day, pretty much finished around five. Was it hot? It was warm, it was like. Give me a Celsius. Sort of like between 24 and 35 Celsius. 35? That was the hottest day.

That's hot as shit. That's over 100. Yeah. Yeah. It's right there. Yeah. That's right about 100, yeah. That was the hottest day.

So every day pretty much we finish around five and then they go, right, if you wanna go and get a shower, you've got an hour, we're gonna have dinner at six or seven o'clock, depending on exactly what time we finish. Everything they eat, everything they eat is curry. That's how you can tell when you get one of their cabs, you're like.

Everything they eat is curry. So for breakfast, it's eggs and curry. And for lunch, it's paneer curry. So there's cheese in it. And then for dinner, you could have the paneer curry again. Or you could have the chicken curry. And a couple of people early on were like, ah, fuck it, I've been traveling for a few years.

My stomach's made of stern of stuff. I'm gonna try the chicken. Including the guy I was room sharing with, Jack. So Jack is- How did that go for him? So Jack is one of my best mates in the world. Like when we went to Taj Mahal, there's a guy like making fucking pastries, like on

the streets, sat on the floor with his legs crossed, with no shoes on. And Jack bought a pastry off this guy and was just like, yeah, I'll try it. Like that's who he is. And he's like, I think you will have met Jack cause he does the photography for the podcast. He's also my housemate at home. So we were rooming together in India, but we live together as well. And he's game for fucking anything.

And I've never seen anyone regret, like he converted to fucking Islam. Like, that's- What is he here between barfing and shitting or what's going on? So I wish this, I wish this was a video. I wish this photo had sound. I didn't do that to him, but he, so he's, he's shitting at this point, maybe, you know, six to seven times an hour, like to the point where he's going to the toilet and he's like,

I must be shitting out organs because they can't possibly be anything. There's nothing left to come out. But stuff is still coming out. Because your body's like, ah, move it. That's when you drink a little water, get it out. And so this night he's there and right that second he's screaming into his arms.

Really? Ah! And so, yeah. This is in India. Awful. Look at the beautiful painting behind him. And this is the best sort of, this is the best image I can paint you about Jack.

The day after this, he felt fine, and he had the chicken again, and the next night he was doing the same thing. No! Because he was just- Did he go, I'm immune now? He was just like, when in Rome, he's like, I'm here, I'm trying the, he was like, I'm not letting this,

but the second time it happened, he was like, okay, I'm done, I'm not doing this anymore. Yeah, but this hotel, so this, I think, we were there in total for 10 days, six of it was cycling, four of it was sort of like either side of it. Yeah, you don't smoke, do you? I don't smoke.

Okay. of it. Yeah. You don't smoke, do you? I don't smoke. Okay. Um, and this was, I think day five or six. Yeah. So every day for six days, we have had curry for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Yeah. And this night, and I've got a video I can send you. Yeah. Okay. I'll send you the video. Okay. And I can show you it now actually. Okay. This night, we had like one of the guys who works for the podcast who is still back home. Yeah. Who is still waiting at home. Yeah.

He's the one from Heaven's Gate. They're like, you got to tell the others. And he goes, sorry. That's all right. He's sort of working for us, he's arranging the extracurricular stuff we were doing, you know? And we're like, Harry, do us a favor. We're all sick of curry, we're sick of curry.

So can you just find us something else to eat nearby to this hotel? So he goes, I found you a pizza place. It's got 4.8 stars on Google. Great. It's a five minute drive from the hotel you're in so get one of the guys take you there go for pizza So we left the hotel tonight, please just the boys There's pizza, there's curry in the pizza, there's curry in the oil rings. This is the garlic bread and cheese.

It's got a little bit of curry in there. So this is a cheese triangle. Curry. Cheese stick, curry. Cheese stick's got curry in it. Marinda, curry, curry in it. Look at those angel wings behind him. He looks like an influencer.

Today's episode of You Be Trippin' is brought to you by 5 Hour Energy. Oh, it's the best. Oh, it's like these tiny pick-me-ups for the day. It's a little tiny bottle so you can keep it in your pocket. Even that little pocket in your jeans that I don't think women have. Do women have that little pocket? They also have the 1 Hour Energy shot. It's a secret handy weapon.

It's not the same as 5-Hour Energy. You already know this. This one is specifically designed for that extra boost. This is the targeted boost. Quick and effective energy. Keep one in your gym bag, your desk, your car, whatever. Or that little pocket. Check out the new 1-Hour Energy Shot and conquer your day.

Visit 5hourenergy.com to find a retailer into you and try the limited time 1-Hour Energy Shot. One hour energy shot and conquer your day. Visit 5hourenergy.com to find a retailer near you and try the limited time one hour energy shot. One last hour in the day, challenge accepted. Now let's get back to the episode. So we got to this pizza place and as you can see from the video. Yeah.

Great. I love this, it looks like he's trying to be one of those those chicks. Which one's the one who got super sick? He's not there. He's still in bed doing that. That's so funny. That's so funny.

Wait, give me that before I forget. I'll send you it. Tutta Ske skeptics MacBook. Is that on there? I've sent it to you, what's up? Oh, okay, perfect. Yeah. So we get there.

Yeah. And we'll, like, they, as we're- Great pizza's so great. As we're walking in, the guys are like, there's no one else in this pizza place, right? So they're sort of like, why are these like seven white people turning off? And we're like, and you could see,

we order all the food, so everyone ordered a pizza each and like two sides each. And they sort of go, we've got an Indian girl with us and they say to her sort of in their language, they're like, it's gonna be a little while for us to get everything out, it'll come out in stages. And we're like, fine. So be a little while for us to get everything out. It'll come out in stages. And we're like, fine. Great.

So they bring out the sides first. They bring out the garlic bread with cheese, which has curry under the cheese. They bring out the mozzarella sticks or cheese triangles. There's curry in the cheese triangle. There's curry in the onion rings. And then there's curry, instead of a tomato base on the pizza, it's a curry base.

So we're laughing and stuff. And the last thing, everybody had ordered fries. So I'm literally at the point with curry where I'm like, I fucking can't. I'm just not, I can't. So I'm just going to wait for the fries and I'm going to just eat all of my fries and any fries any of you guys leave. The fries took 45 minutes because they made everything else first and that was the last thing they brought out. Fries last? And the fries had curry powder on them. And that's not on that video because they

hadn't come out yet. But there was curry powder on the fries. What is it? What, why? They're just like. Does that cover up the stench of like rot? I think they're just like, obviously these white guys are in India, they're here for a curry.

They've heard we've got the best shit so they're coming out for this. It was uh yeah awful like the only good food and this was like a like I don't want to skip straight to the end but like the the final night, we finished in Jaipur, which is, it is written on your little map here. Oh, nice. Jaipur? The next one. Oh, Jaipur, yeah.

So we finished there, and then they go, right, we've got you a coach that's going to take you back to New Delhi, and you're going to stay in the hotel you stayed in on the first night again. Great. Now, that hotel in New Delhi, the Bloom rooms that we looked at before, the area that it was in was just horrific.

And it was also right in the middle of town and really far from the airport. So what we said, our little podcast team, we were like, fuck that. We wanna get the fuck out of here. Let's get a fucking five star hotel right next to the airport. You've done it.

So that tomorrow morning, like we've done the challenge, tomorrow morning we can just get up, it's a five minute cab to the airport and we can just, there'll be a really good hotel. There's got to be. Like it's New Delhi. There's gotta be.

There's people from all over the world. There's gotta be. There has to be. The hotel we stayed in was the best, I've stayed in some good hotels for either like, being flown for gigs and stuff, so there's second to last thing there, the one before this. So that, this is from the final night.

Oh wow. So it is the best hotel I've ever stayed in, and it's not even close. It's some of the nicest food I've had in any restaurant, in any hotel anywhere in the world. So this was like lamb chops with asparagus. Wow. That's not curry on the asparagus.

That's like a peppercorn sauce sort of thing. I love a lamb chop. And so this place was three kilometers from the place we stayed on the first night. Okay. from the place we stayed on the first night. Okay. The disparity between the opulence of this area and the people in this hotel and in this hotel restaurant.

This is at midnight, by the way. They're still serving this food at midnight. And the restaurant is like semi-busy. The disparity of wealth in three kilometers of space, so two miles of space between this place and the place we stayed on the first night is inhumane. Wow. Like it was the richest looking,

I've been to Dubai and this makes Dubai look like fucking Baltimore. Like it is, oh, it was glamorous. The standard room that we booked was a suite. So in our hotel room. Really? How do they keep the pores out? How do they keep them out of that neighborhood?

I never know how they like, the pores would just travel towards where the money is but they just don't maybe they got them down or something good they must do like and there's like no one around there apart from like you know the rich people are in this place but then like you go three kilometers up the road and there's more people packed into one square yard than anywhere else in the world and yeah and like not even that expensive. Like the- How much?

I think it was, in English. No, ish, like how much about? This hotel pair room was less than $200 for the night. I think- Five star-ish. I think it was 139 pounds. That's like a hostel here in New York. You couldn't get a, could you even get a room like that in London?

No. Even in Liverpool, I stayed at like an okay place and it was like more than that. Yeah, like on a weekend in Liverpool, you'll pay around that for like a four star decent hotel in Liverpool. This is the best hotel I've ever been in. The best food I've ever had.

And included with the room was a limousine to take you to the airport the next morning. For 139 pounds. So 160 dollars. So at this point you're just like over it. You're just like I'm done. I did it. I never really wanted to be here.

Yeah, just like fucking. But also, like the most incredible. Like we had a fucking great time. And like I say, the perspective and, if you go a couple of pictures back, maybe one more, one more. So this guy, he was the head teacher, so this is at a school,

and I've just been teaching the kids there, like some Liverpoolian words and phrases. Really? You call this Scouser? Huh? So you get Pepsi there, that's cool. Who the fuck, look how gri? And this guy's like. You call him Scouser? Huh? So you get Pepsi there, that's cool. Who the fuck, look how grizzled this fucking face is. Oh wait, that's you?

Damn, you look different. You're in shape there. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You lost it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What the fuck, bro? I'm cycling in 35 degrees Celsius heat through fucking India, of course.

With zipped up shirts, long, not even long sleeve. Damn. Yeah, so this guy- Look how grizzled he is. He sees me speaking to the kids. And he starts like crying. And he calls over the girl we had with us. So we took a camera operator and the sound guy with us

for the filming, but we hired an Indian girl to be our like second camera out there, because obviously it was cheaper to do it that way, rather than flying someone out and all that stuff. So he called her over to translate a conversation. And he says, he goes, I've read all of Shakespeare. He's like, I can't speak good English but I I can read some English and he says what I teach these kids and like when I first recounted

this story later that night I was like gone crying he goes what I teach these kids I teach them to add to write speak. But none of that matters. What I have to teach them is happiness and to find happiness in nothing because that's all they'll ever have. And after cycling through these villages where children are running out of their houses covered in their own shite,

being happy and waving at us for a week, I was like, it's people like this that are making these kids like not care, like not that they don't care, but like be able to be happy in this absolute poverty. Damn. Yeah. Wow.

He was a cool guy. Teach them how to be happy with nothing. That's so fucking bleak. Because that's all they'll ever have. Ha ha ha ha. Isn't that brutal? It is brutal. Does this make you, does this do anything to your, not appreciation of Liverpool,

but like how you relate to the UK, to your life? Yeah, it made me more grateful for it. It also made me feel quite guilty that, you know, I was in India raising money for white kids back home. Yeah, so you can't just bike around Edinburgh. It's like, do the Edinburgh Glasgow mile. Yeah. Damn.

Damn, hey, Alan, when he starts tearing up, Yeah. Damn. Oh. Damn. Hey, Alan, when he starts tearing up, can you just put a big, like, right at the end, can you put a big, like, gay stamp over him? Yeah. Uh. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Damn, that sucks. Look how cool their outfits are, though. Yeah. They were full. Is that their school outfits? Is that just normal? They don't have, like, that sucks. Look how cool their outfits are though. Yeah, they were full. Is that their school outfits? That's just normal. They don't have like school outfits. It's just like whatever they've got,

they'll wear that day, you know. Damn. It's so fucking bleak. Yeah. It is funny when you like see people, I'm sure it's like that in the UK also, just like fighting with each other about like privilege or whatever.

Yeah. You know, you guys are all, it's like the 98th percentile screamer, the 99th. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And also like that, the pizza place we went to, because obviously in the hotels, all the food is included and free with the fucking, the booking and stuff.

The pizza place, we get the bill, you get the check. And for seven of us to have three drinks each, a pizza each and two sides each it was 22 pounds. 30 bucks. And so I try and tip the guy. So I think I give him like the equivalent of, you know, 50 bucks, like 40 pounds, whatever. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no. And we were like, no, take it.

And Shruti, who was our Indian girl who was working with us, she goes to the guy, oh, this is an English thing. Like they pay more than the check because they are grateful for the food. And he goes, but I can't accept this because you are a guest of India. And like, this is a, they've got nothing. And he's like, you're a guest, like I can't, like you've paid enough for the foods,

we don't want anymore. Whoa. Damn, weird. There's obviously a lot of problems. Like I'd hate to be a white woman out there. Like I know friends of mine who've gone out there as white women and just like being harassed and groped. I mean, that's the biggest fear of India with the check.

Wait, yeah, so that's happened to them? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Whenever I'm thinking about it with that, I'm always like, maybe it's just in some small town or one town, I don't quite get it. But like the level of like spirituality and gang Gang Chad is like it's such a wild crossover

Like how do the both those things exist I think they just do them on different days, you know You should have known that a friend of mine went out there, and she's certainly white presenting. She's got some sort of Mediterranean background, but you would never know it really. And she's a really sort of right on, she's super feminist girl. But even she was like, as much as I was being harassed out there,

I sort of, not to victim blame myself, she was like, I felt like, Oh, I shouldn't actually be here. Like, this is sort of on me for being in this exact spot. I've fucked this up. Interesting. I sort of knew if I came to here, this would happen. And I've done it anyway. And then it did. Yeah. Yeah, there's a difference between like, victim blaming and like explanation.

Yeah. You know? Yeah, it's like, oh, I mean, here's how to avoid that next time. Yeah, totally. Like if you're walking around New York with like the flashiest gold watch on and you're like.

Yeah, I'm sorry that happened to you, but. If you're like waving a cab down like this. Yeah, in the shitty part of town. Yeah, while someone come over and you're like. Yeah, I'm sorry that happened to you, but. If you're like waving a cab down like this. Yeah, in the shitty part of town. Yeah, while someone come over and took your watch. While you were doing this in the street when you watch on. Yeah. In a short sleeve t-shirt. Like, there's some lessons you can take from this.

Yeah, like sorry it happened to you. Let me tell you how to avoid that in the future. Let me tell you why that happened. Damn. So was it just white chicks, did they say, or was it like any chick? So Shruti, who is, she's from Mumbai, so it's quite a bit away from where we were.

And she came up, and like there's a... Oh, Goa's down there, interesting. There's a couple of like, sort of times where she, even though she, so like the guys who drive like the tuk-tuks and stuff, they'll try and rip you off. And they, she stopped them ripping us off. You mean extra money? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So they'd be like, oh, it's this much. And like, she'd come out of nowhere and be like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You deal with me and it's going to be this. But she said she was only doing that when we were with her. She was like, I can't be a woman on my own in Delhi or Agra. She's like, I can't be, you've got to stay with me. And like say-

Oh wow. Yeah, and then like there was, because the charity had put us up in certain hotels and there was one or two nights where the hotel was full because of us, because there was like 50 of us doing the challenge. So if a hotel only had like 30 rooms, the hotel was full with us all sharing rooms.

And she was booked on to help us quite late. So there was like two, maybe three nights out of the 10 where she had to be in a different hotel. And Will, who sort of arranged everything for us, he's our creative director to share with our company. He's the... Yeah, he's fucking the kids, yeah. He was like, oh, I'm going to book these hotels.

And she was like, not that one and not that one. She's like, I'm a woman on my own. You just got to trust me. She was like, you can find a cheaper one. I'm just not staying on that street. She knew. Yeah. She was like, I can't be there on my own.

She was like, again, if you were in the hotel, maybe, but like I'm not being a woman on my own on that street. That's the kind of shit that I'm like, I don't really wanna go to India. No. It's just like. I'm never going back. I loved it and I'm never going back.

Yeah. And I know too, it's like, since it's such a big country, it's like 10 countries in one. It's a continent. There's nothing like Goa or whatever. It's like... Like if you take India, put it on Europe,

like look how many countries you'd see. Because when they call that Asia, it's like, no, we're thinking of Chinese people and the surroundings. India is already a different thing. India, Pakistan is different than Afghanistan. I know it's like more like them, but that already starts to us, Middle East,

which should be another continent. Yeah. It's crazy that the Middle East isn't another continent. Yeah, and the Middle East should take over Egypt too. It shouldn't just go by some random river. It's like, no, no, that's over there for sure. I wonder how, I wonder whether Egyptians would be upset by that.

They hate when you call them Arab. They're like, we're 100% not Arab. I'm like, but they're Muslim and you speak Arabic. Yeah. They're like, don't insult us. So I went and did some shows out in Dubai. Yeah. And I'm in the UAE.

And in the bar, have you done Dubai? No, I got an offer once. I kind of wanted to not do it because I'm like, there's rumors of like slavery and stuff. Tucker Carlson explained this to me a little bit and he was like, oh no, it's bad. Yeah, oh, you drive past it. You see it.

But I was like, how much is the money? You know, like same as any gig. I'm like, oh, well then I thought they were gonna give me like a fucking Rolex a minute that I'm there. I thought it was one of those chic shows. It's, I've been out a couple of times. Yeah. The first time I ever arrived there, the woman who books the club out there,

she picked me up from the airport and I didn't bring this up, like in any way, shape or form. She goes, yeah, it's gonna be great. You know, we've got you in some really nice hotels and also by the way, you don't have to worry about terrorism because all of their money is here. Wow, what a good explanation too. Like why not?

Like, oh, okay. She's like, they're not gonna bomb this because it'll just cost them money. Wow, I love a good explanation. Like, hey, do you have to worry about venereal disease and Tijuana hookers? Like, oh no, they get rid of them if they get anything. It's not worth it.

It's just because it's their money. They'll lose money if the word gets out. So they'd rather just get rid of them. Yeah. Why would I bring Dubai up? Oh yeah, so the, in a, I went into a bar one night, first of all in the bars there, they're all in hotels, and there are local guys in there,

but that means you, like, even if we were there hanging out, we couldn't get a photograph of us taken with them in the background. They'll come over and be like, fuck and delete that picture. Cause they'll get in trouble for being in a bar. They just don't want, yeah, like they'll go to a bar, they'll drink,

but they don't want any evidence of it ever anywhere. No pictures should be a national standard, international. But like obviously, Liverpool is my football team. I'm also where I'm from. And our best player for the past sort of decade has been Mohammed Saleh who is Egyptian. And there was a guy, I'm sat at the bar in Dubai, just having a beer and a local guy comes to me

and he goes, where are you from? And I'm like, Liverpool and he goes, Mohammed Saleh, Mohammed Saleh, but he was an Arab. He was from the United Arab Emirates. And he was like, he's one of our guys. Like Mohammed Salah is one of ours. Because he's Arabic. Because he's Egyptian, yeah.

He's the second most popular in the Arab world and the second most popular in Africa. What? So it's both. Yeah, I don't know, it's the Arab world. Yeah, I guess it is. Well, I didn't know. I don't know what. So it's both. Yeah, I don't know. It's the Arab world. Yeah, I guess it is. Well, I didn't know that either. African or Arab.

It's Arab. 17, oh, modern Egyptians are only 17% Arab. Wow. According to DNA. Well, Mohamed Salah's one of them. And they are claiming him. 65% North African. Yeah. Yeah, 4% Jewish, nice.

Making a statement. That same night in Dubai, a guy tried to fuck me. Isn't that interesting? Can they do that? So this guy was- Must be crazy to be gay in a place where it's like, there's so many more hurdles. Yeah, but this guy wasn't from there, he was Israeli.

So I'm sat at the bar, on a bar stool, and after a little while, the guy next to me sort of picks up my accent, and he's like, where are you from, is it Liverpool? And I'm like, yeah, where are you from? And he goes, oh, I'm, is... I don't know, gay, goes, oh, I guess. Yeah.

I did dress like that for a while and that was my haircut, so I can't even be 100% sure it's not. I'm not turning safe search off. I'm sat at the bar and he's like, where's your accent from? Is it Liverpool? And I'm like, yeah. Where are you from? And he's like, I'm Israeli.

He's like, I was born in Israel, but I was raised in London and I sort of split my time between the two and I work all over the world and I'm just sat and you know it's it's expensive to drink out there and stuff but like he goes can I've you know had like four or five beers or whatever and he's like we'll have some tequila please two tequilas, Jews whatever and then he gets another one and then I'm done with my beer and he's like, oh, I'll have another beer and get this guy another beer.

And then I asked for my check and he's like, oh, when you went to the bathroom, I've taken care of it, you drink some of me. And I was like, oh, you know, he's like, I'm multi-millionaire, Adam, like fine, don't worry about it. And I'm like, back then I'm like, no profile, not selling tickets anywhere, like I'm getting 300 pounds a show while I'm out there, like, I'm like, back then I'm like, no profile, not selling tickets anywhere, like I'm getting 300 pounds a show while I'm out there. I'm like, fucking beautiful.

Yeah, nice, free drinks. And then I go, oh, it's been great to meet you. And I get up to go and he stands up with me and he goes, so what room are we in? And I'm like, what? And he goes, what room are we in? I assume you're staying at the hotel, so what room are we in?

And I just told him the wrong room and said, just give me a few minutes to tidy the room up and follow me. And he was like, okay. And I just went to the other room that I had and went to bed. Some rando got lucky. Some rando got a fucking boner nut man in his door.

He goes, sick. I mean, it must be so, it's hard enough. You're hitting it off with a girl, you know, at a bar. And then it's like, want to come up to my room. We're both heterosexual. Do you want to come to my room? 50, 50, it's not going to happen. If you're flirting heavy, it's like, no,

I'll give you my number though. Yeah. Gays go right to sex. So, so now we're like 10% is a hundred percent of 10. Yeah. And like the gay guys are like, why would I want your number? I don't want to speak to you. If you were gay, the odds of you going like, I have a boyfriend

and like, so I had a friend, Justin in LA and his boyfriend was like, he, Justin was a good looking guy and he was cheating constantly. And the boyfriend goes, can you just not give me AIDS? And this is before prep. And Justin was like, I can't even make that promise. I ain't trying to get it. I ain't trying to get it, but. Like fuck whoever you want, just don't give me it. You can catch it. Just don't give me it.

Once you feel a bit Aidsy, just stop fucking me. Just chill bro, just chill. Okay, so what'd you, so then let's get back to this trip. Okay. So now you're biking day two or three or whatever. Yeah. What else did you get into? We went and did a Bollywood acting class.

That was fun because we- What's this? Oh, what's this? Yeah, just the side of the road. No, so this is, forget the town we were in, but this is the largest tiger park in India. Wait, you bike through it?

No. Okay. So one morning they wake us, they tell us we've gotta be up by five a.m. And we're going for a sunrise tiger safari. Wow. And they split us into four groups, right? Yeah.

There's four like trucks. Hunger Games. And there's four areas of the Tiger Park, right? So there's A, B, C, and D. And only one truck can be in each section at a time. So they're like, you know, like the Tigers could be anywhere and you know. Okay. We were in this tiger park for four hours. We've seen zero Tigers, like zero, not even,

and like the guys kept going, I'm hearing over the radio, the tiger might be near this pond. And then we drive to the pond and he play, maybe it's back over there. And I'm telling you right now, this is the greatest scam in all of those. Like at one point, at one point he like, because he gets to the point

where he's like, right, we're not gonna find any fucking tigers, I've got to find other animals. So there's monkeys everywhere. And like they're on the streets, like they, on a safari and he's stopping the car being like, hey, look, a monkey. And we're like, yeah, yeah, we seen some yesterday. He stopped for a fucking pigeon.

He's like, this is the special pigeon in India. And we were like, we have lots of pigeons, but he's like, not this special, this special pigeon. One of the four groups seen one tiger and got like a photo of it. And that was it. But yeah, we were in this for three, it was the worst three hours, I think,

maybe of my entire life. Bored. Oh, bored. Could you even get out, you can't even get out and walk around. No, bored and tired. Like, it's 5 a.m. And later that day, we've gotta do 70 kilometers

of cycling, so it's like, why the fuck have we been dragged out of fucking bed at 5am to do three hours of like listening to a guy bullshit us that he can hear a tiger in the bushes and we're going to drive over to it. It was absolutely abysmal and easily the worst part of the trip. Like one of the days we had to cycle 120 kilometres, like 80, 90 miles, whatever it is. And that day was less exhausting in its entirety than the three hours sat on this fucking truck was. Ah, honestly horrific. Damn.

What if I just see a tiger right in this? I'm just hoping I find one staring at me. It was there, it was fucking there. The monkeys are class though, the monkeys will just come up to you and take your stuff. I've heard of that. They're just trained, just like the kids? They're just like, if they see you've got something,

they're like, I want it. Like one of the guys had a can of Fanta and it was unopened and he picks it up and a monkey jumps down, takes the Fanta off him, opens it, pours it all over the floor and then licks it all up off the floor. A can of Fanta, it knows how to open Fanta. Whoa.

Ha ha ha ha. It comes down, it's like ah. But it hasn't figured this out. It's a can too, you gotta pop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it hasn't figured out how to drink out the can. It just knows if I pour this on the floor, I can lick it off the floor.

Ugh, you're wasting all of it. I can figure out how to drink out the can. It just knows if I pour this on the floor, I can lick it off the floor. You're wasting all of it. That's so crazy that monkeys know that things mean food. Yeah, took a banana. I think I might have a video, like one of the, when we, at the entrance of the Tiger Park, there's some monkeys there, and one of the guys got off and was like,

oh, I've got this banana, and I'm gonna use it to get a photo with the monkey. And the monkey just ran right over to him and just took the fucking banana. I was like, I thought there might be a monkey back there. I've got loads of videos and stuff of the monkeys. They're just like around.

They just take them. They're just around. This was a temple. And you guys just stopped? Yeah, that was one of the stops in one of the days. It was, let's go up to the temple, and there's a god of something at the top of this. I mean, I probably should know exactly who it was.

I love when you go to some religion and you're like this guy represents like six sounds like a myth to me. I'll go look at your dumb shit. While we were in India this is like sort of a bit of a brag I suppose like a humble brag but when we were in India we knew that the podcast at some point while we were there was going to hit 29,000 patrons. Yeah. And when we got to the top of that temple, we refreshed the page to check, thinking this is going to be our big moment. And it was on 28,999. We were one short of hitting the greatest milestone possible at the most beautiful,

the view at the top of this place was absolutely insane. I think there's a picture of me with one of the local guys. Yeah, that's in there. Yeah, that's the picture obviously never does these sorts of things. That's a baby hospice, it's always place. It's always place.

And this is a baby hospice in? Liverpool. In Liverpool. The hospice is in Liverpool, yeah. God, look at that scenery. Yeah. This is the guy who taught me Ram Ram. God, look at that scenery. Yeah. This is the guy who taught me ram ram. Oh yeah?

And got me in trouble with all. But do you know he's fucking with you? I think so, yeah. I think he's just part of- Oh, he was like, actually, fuck those Indians. I think he's just like part of that community and he's like, I'm gonna get you saying the one that I like and fuck all the other guys.

Yeah. Wow, that's gorgeous. Is it safe out there when you're biking or are there animals that can come grab at you? There's no, like there's monkeys everywhere. And like, you know, if they wanted to attack you, they absolutely could. The dangerous part of it, but it's strange, you know,

like you're cycling on roads that are too narrow for cars, but they have cars on and you're also cycling on it. So also everyone in India uses their horn as like an indicator. It's like, watch out, I'm coming around the corner. Yeah, it's not like get out the way. It's like, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. It's South East Asia.

Every turn, every round the bend, it's like honk, honk, honk, honk, just in case they're coming to slow down and get out of my lane. You can't sleep. It's hard to get fucking used to that. Like you're on a bike and like you're just facing this way and then you just, I was in nowhere,

and there's a fucking truck. And you instinctively like, Get over. Like get out the way, but then you're into a fucking wall or whatever. And they're just telling you like, easy, I'm coming. Yeah. They're just trying to say like, It's totally normal to them.

Yeah. And yeah, it was real fucking dangerous. Also, there was a day where we- It would have been so great if you'd lost somebody to a car accident trying to save these hospice kids. One girl did, she broke something. She come off and broke something. And one of the local guys come off and dislocated his shoulder and had to stop completely.

Because you're such a commodity, and like, oh my God, white people are here. Cars are slowing down to look at you. And mopeds will get in front of your bike and be like, they'll have one guy on the back of the moped filming you. And I could have killed this guy, I swear to God. So on the penultimate day, the second to last day, we had two real steep inclines. So like we did like this

steep incline and it was like right and then you've got one more coming up and it's even worse than the one you've just done. And they were genuinely like those two half hour stints, the two worst half hours of the whole trip, it was so difficult. And all what you need when you go an uphill on a bike is momentum. You've really got to be in a rhythm. And I'm halfway up the steepest incline, and a fucking moped cuts right in front of me to start videoing me. And I have to stop and the chain comes off the bike.

Ah, fucking shit. If that guy had stopped, I think I'd have thrown him off the fucking hill we were on. I was like, you... The amount of annoyance you've just caused me. Oh, do it at some, do it on top. It'll be on camera on the film we've made where I'm just like screw it, you fucker.

Like I lost it. I completely lost, I was like. Especially that when you're like so tried by like effort that you're like, I'm not in the mood right now. Yeah, like I've been cycling for fucking six hours. This is the last stretch. I'm going uphill. I'm tired, I'm hungry and I've run out of water.

And you want a fucking photograph of the white guy on the hill. But then again, you know, I sort of. I mean, I've been there too. We all went camping. Me and Joe List and Bobby Kelly went camping once and was like, we had to hike out to go camping. So it was like, you don't just camp. So it was like an hour and a half

because Bobby was fat, super fat, took three hours. So three hours out there to fight bugs everywhere, biting at us and you finally get there, we're setting up a tent and it's starting to get dark and I'm having trouble with it. One of them makes a joke and it's like, shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up or help. It's one of the items.

And afterwards it's like, I'm sorry, guys. That was something. Yeah, that's like, yeah. So then you, so what, anything else on the way? I want to see this last one. This has to be when you finished, right? This next one? Let me see the next one.

That's the end of it, yeah. So we turn up there and there was like, there's just like local guys like playing drums and singing shit. They'd arrange like this big party for us. There was shit loads of beers like playing drums and singing shit. They'd arrange like this big party for us those Yeah shit loads of beers, but then It was it was incredible. That's cool It was it was like the energy was like so incredible at the end, but then we really really really got a

Got our ass handed to us by the trip back. So trip back from Jaipur up to New Delhi. Yeah Was on a coach. This guy weighing too much. Right there. He got it done though. What? He got it done. He did get it done.

It's a hidden body, yeah. Was on coach, what do you mean coach? Like a bus. A big bus. Oh yeah, so I'll say Glastonbury, like coach. I'm like, who's the coach of this? And you're like, I don't know. The coach was I'm like, who's the coach of this? And you're like, I don't know, no. No.

The coach was supposed to be, or the bus was supposed to be two and a half to three hours, and it was nine. Because the guy, so we checked on the map, and the guy was like, oh, I'm gonna go. The alternative route, it's normally quicker. And it cost us six hours of our lives. It's normally quicker, what was it? Just traffic? So there's two routes

and one of them's like the main highway and one of them's- Jodhpur. Jaipur. Jaipur. J-I-J-A-I-P-U-R. Okay, two. Two, New Delhi.

New Delhi, okay. Oh yeah, it's two ways. So there's two ways. So this is 444, this is 430. Which one did you go with? So he went to the one on the left. Okay, but even then, it's like, it's 15 minutes longer, but I think we might miss traffic. And it took nine hours.

On the maps, it didn't say nine hours, but one of them was like, I think three hours, or three hours, 10 or something, was the one on the right. And the one on the left was like five. And he was like, no, no, no, no, no, just the map's wrong. Like it'll be fine. So it was nine hours.

Nine hours. And during that nine hours, the air con broke. Oh. And you're just in constant like traffic of, eh, eh. You can't sleep. There's just, there's nothing. The one saving grace with it for me was that Liverpool

played while we were on the bus, and I managed to stream it on my phone the entire game. OK, so I got to watch it. Three hours gone. Two hours gone. That'll help. But when we first got on the bus, everyone's in such a good mood.

We did it. We're going back to civilization. Everyone's got like 10 beers each. And we're like, OK, and we can drink beers on the bus, and we'll be hammered when we get back. Let's have a nice meal together when we get back. It's're going back to civilization. Everyone's got like 10 beers each and we're like, okay, we can drink beers on the bus and we'll be hammered when we get back. Let's have a nice meal together when we get back. It's all gonna be great. And then a few hours in, everyone's just like,

just fucking, let's just shut the fuck up and get through this together. That's how Ecuador was, we realized after a while where it's like Google maps, like two and a half hours, like that's five. With the windiness of it, it's like, that's like that's unrelated and don't try to make it. If it gets dark, pull over, find up something to sleep in. It was absolutely horrific.

Just not fun at all. Yeah. And then you had your last day. I had the last day, nice meal. And then... Oh, what the fuck's Red Fort? I like finding random places on the map and just like, what is that?

So I think that might be one of the places that's linked to the Taj Mahal. Do you know why the guy built the Taj Mahal? Jimmy Taj, why? So he built it as a present for his partner. Oh really? Yeah, but he also built tunnels into it so that he could leave it and cheat on it.

That's, he could leave it underground and go and fuck other people. Respect, respect. I mean, they give you that book of positions and say, don't use them all. That's ridiculous. You're going to find some chick who wants to use pages six

through 12. That's so crazy. So you're never going back there? No, never ever. I don't think we'd be allowed back at the Taj Mahal because we played a game. This is such an infantile game. So it's a game that me and Carl play

and the rest of the podcast boys hate it. They cringe, but like we've got no cringe whatsoever. So there's an old like kids TV show that we grew up with called Dick and Dom in the Bungalow. Just like an old kid show. And they started a game with school kids called Bogies. And the game of Bogies is, it's me against you, right? And the idea is I say Bog, and then to beat me,

you've gotta say it louder than I did. I know that, one up it. What's bogeys mean? Usually we say like, the dick. Bogeys is like a booger. So that's the kid's version. Me and Carl, who are essentially two absolute man-child people, we just still play it, but we say Boners.

It's just Boners. We know that game. And we play Boners at the Taj Mahal. It's a holy site, huh? It's a holy site. And there's video footage of like some pretty loud Boners. You know, someone's trying to like spiritualize up and just hearing Boners like, you're ruining this for me.

It's art. The worst worst game of bonus we ever played was at the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam. Oh yeah, I love that place. But it's so quiet in there. Oh yeah, it sure is. And the absolute silence of everybody, when I put an absolute top, top corner bonus in. Like, Carl had gone like, bonus, and I was like, bonus.

Did you ever tap out? Like, I can't, I can't, it's too embarrassing here. So I really, especially when I know we're being filmed and it's for fun and like it's gonna go as a thing, I just don't really have a cringe level like that. I'm just like, if someone comes up and goes, what the fuck are you doing? Then I know I've got the out of,

oh, we're filming a prank, you know what I mean? So like, if that up and goes, what the fuck are you doing? Then I know I've got the out of, oh, we're filming a prank. You know what I mean? So like, if that wasn't there, maybe I'd be a bit more cautious. But when I know I've got that, I'm like, there's no amount of loud you could do that's gonna beat me. You just got no-

That's tough, that is tough. Like I'm just like, what's gonna happen? You can't, what are you being arrested for? It's tough when you're playing with that. He shouted a rude word in the Van Gogh museum. Yeah, let him go. We had one time we were going to Sydney and we had this thing where we covered Bobbie Lee's car and poop and in his door handles and stuff, human poop or whatever, whatever.

Whatever, whatever. And then Duncan, who was working for the owner of this comedy store, LA once said that the owner was really mad about it. She had never found out about it, but she said she was, he was just, she was, he was working for the owner of this comedy store at LA once, said that the owner was really mad about it. She had never found out about it, but she said he was just, he was her pope pretty much. It was like the owner said she's mad, she wants to hear about it. And this guy, James, just ratted me out.

Ari made me, Ari did that. I'm like, you think you're telling the owner on me. You're not, but you think you were. So I waited a while, almost a year, and then we all were going, didn't mention it, went down to San Diego, went to Tijuana to fuck some hookers, and whatever, have a Tijuana time, and then we did shows at the Comedy Store in La Jolla,

and then I made sure he went on last of the three of us, and it's two and a half hours away driving, and I told the guy who just got off, I went up first, other guy went, I'm like, let's go. He goes, what do you mean? We're leaving, we're leaving James here. And he was like, what? I'm like, we're leaving James here.

You can come or you can stay, I don't give a fuck. Because can you tell me why? I'm like, in the car, but we got 10 minutes before he gets off, so let's go. And I printed up that note of what he wrote to the owner, and I just sat down with the door guy, we're rat on the outside, and I said, give this to James when he gets off. And James gets off, sees, is like, what?

Reads it of note he wrote a year ago that no one saw, had to get a train back to LA. And at that point he goes, I'm done. Like he's like, I don't want to keep upping this. Like that's it, you win that last one, we're done. Absolutely. Yeah, if you're screaming boner at some point, I'm like, yeah, I don't want it. You won't have an ending.

Spectacular revenge story. It was so great. it was so great. It was so great. And I was back at the store, made it back by almost midnight. Bunch of people were there. And then we got a phone call from the manager of the La Jolla Comedy Store.

It goes, where's James? And then they came out, I was like, did you leave James Painter in San Diego? And then people was like, what? And I'm like, the word got out immediately. Oh, it was so great. So like, I haven't really got a revenge story that tops that,

but I've got a sort of a thing. So I will just, I'll go too far. I just will. So years ago, me and two, I don't know if you know, either Paul Smith and Brennan Reese, and we both did a show down near London in Milton Keynes, but we all live in the Northwest, so we traveled down together, and we're did a show down near London in Milton Keynes, but we all live in the Northwest, so we traveled down together,

and we're driving back home, and we stop at a service station just to get like a bite to eat and take a piss, and I finished me food, and I was like, right, I'm gonna go to the toilet, and they did what you did to James to me, but unprovoked, right? So they just leave, and I'm now at a service station.

There's no trains at service stations. I don't know how you get away from that if you're like, what am I gonna do? So like I initially I start laughing. I'm like, whatever. And then I call them and they're like both laughing and they're like, we're on our way back, we're on our way back.

And they come back and I was like, what was the point of that? Like if you've come back, like what was the point? And they were like, well, we weren't going to, but then we realized we would really end up regretting this. Because they know. This guy's actually a lot older. When one of our children go missing.

Remember 38 years ago? And they're like, think about it, think about it. What's today? What is today? What anniversary is today? I'm kind of glad I've got that reputation where I don't have to really do anything awful. People just know that I'm willing to... Capable of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. So that's your trip. That's the trip. Pretty much. Is there anything you're leaving out of it? What were the bathrooms like? Were you able to like shit in toilets? It's holes and floors. Holes and floors. Holes're leaving out of it? What were the bathrooms like? Were there, were you able to like shit in toilets? It's holes in floors. Holes in floors.

Holes in floors, and then like, they might be- You prepared for that? Huh? You prepared for that? Did they tell you? Did you train? So I have IBS anyway. Okay. So like,

I've, you know, if I've gotta go, I've gotta go, and I've had to shit in some places where, it might as well be a hole in the floor. Sometimes you go into like a, I don't know how your stomach is, but like, if I've gotta go, I've just got to go. And if that means that like I'm in a terrible bar or restaurant and I've just gotta go.

It could be a night, yeah, but like the hive in Edinburgh, you're like, no, but if I've got to, I've got to, and that might as well be a hole in the floor because I'm not sitting on the fucking seat. Right, no way. Yeah, so like to me. You've got to poop and coke on your ass. The guys I was with were like,

oh this is disgusting and I'm like, nah, you know. Have you ever shit outside, just like on the street in an alley? No, no. I've come pretty close to needing to, to be honest with you. Shit of one in Canada. I've never shit myself, which I'm really proud of

because I really should have by now. Well at some point you're like, I'm going to show on with you. I've never shit myself, which I'm really proud of, because I really should have by now. Well at some point you're like, I'm going to shit on the floor. If I shit myself, I think I'd rather just shit on the floor. On the street. Yeah, I shit all over my dad's bathroom once. You're in the bathroom. So here's my theory.

You're in the bathroom. Here's my theory, and I might try and do stand up about this, right? Here's my 30. It's a the bathroom. Here's my theory. And I might try and do stand up about this, right? Here's my 30. It's a shit joke, so like, it's been disgusting, but here's my theory, right? My theory. Oh theory, okay.

I know what you're saying. Sorry, it's the accent. Theory, yeah. Have you ever like been, have you ever had like the runs and you're desperate, right? Yeah, sure. I think our assholes become like sentient I think our assholes become like sentient

because as you get close to a toilet, it's like your asshole knows. It knows. It's like, oh, we're good to go. You gotta pee as soon as you get the key in the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your asshole's like, oh, we're ready, right? And I've been out- We poop now? Yeah.

I've been out drinking like until like 5 a.m. And I got home and as I like, I'm struggling to keep it in and I get to the door and it was when I lived at home with my dad and I, I get in and I run upstairs, but I'm also drunk. So I dropped me trousers and then my asshole's just like time to go. Yeah. Yeah, and then I'm at the bathroom door. And it's not a large bathroom. Like maybe if I'm at the front door, maybe your laptop is where the toilet is.

So I, in my drunken state, tried to like spin my ass and throw it in, but it wasn't all solid. So I just created like this present moon of shit all over the bathroom. You're trying to like chuck it in there with your butt. And you got on to some of what that was like. You've never done that before. So you have odds of like,

throw a left-handed 50 yards like, okay. Yeah, but like I live for the story, Ari. So like imagine if I now was sat here getting to tell you I once threw a shit into the toilet with my ass from the door. I mean, if you hit it, yeah, you're a hero. And you have no choice. You got to underhand shovel pass

if your home's getting tacked. You gotta try, you gotta try. I was hammered, I covered the floor in it, and I'm cleaning it up, and then my dad wakes up and he comes into the bathroom and he, like I'm his eldest son, and he's just like, how much more disappointed can you be in your son just watching him clean his own shit off the bathroom floor? You're like, but Dad, I'm his eldest son and he's just like, how much more disappointed can you be in your son just watching him clean his own shit

off the bathroom floor? You're like, but Dad, you'd be mortified if I wasn't cleaning it. I'm cleaning it. You raised a responsible piece of shit. What's done is done and we now need to deal with the mess we've made. And look at me doing that.

I took a dump on Kill Tony at Skankfest on the stage. On the stage? Yeah, we had a theory that the Skank Fest audience loves me so much. Somebody's like, you could take a shit on stage, I still love you, like as an allegory. And I was like, no, that's a, I'm taking that like realistic. And so I just took a shit on stage.

I said I had to piss, piss in a bottle, and that filled up, piss in another bottle. And then I was like, oh, it's getting worse. I gotta shit. I knew it. I mean, I knew it. How did they take it? Screams. Nobody left. Screams like horror screams or like mixture of horror and like what the people in the back like them or the people up front. And then I had some dude wipes and I wiped it up. But then I have this

thing they talked about movies where once you have a gun in the scene, the gun's in the scene. And then it's like, oh shit. You can't just put a gun, it's like I have wiped, and then I'm like, oh, I didn't realize, now I have a projectile. I've just realized, I lied to you, I have shit outside and it was on this trip. So, and this is awful, this is real bad.

And so the day we stopped at that school, right? There's like a toilet at the front of the school that was just full of spiders. And when I say toilet, it's a hole in the floor. Like, so to the right of this, like this building, there's like a toilet just full of like a hole in the floor. Like just full of spiders. And I'm not like terrified of spiders, like a whole- Spiders. Like just full of spiders. And I'm not like terrified of spiders, but I don't like them.

They're gonna be naked around them. Yeah, so I was like, I'm not doing that. So I spoke to Shruti and she spoke to this guy, and this guy was like, oh, just around the back. Just go around the back. So she goes, just go and shit around the back. So I go around the back of the school. What are you expecting to find around the back? A different bathroom? Well, this is the back. So she goes, just go and shit around the back. So I go around the back of the school. What are you expecting to find around the back?

A different bathroom? Well, this is the thing. I just went and shit around the back of the school on the school. And then as I was pulling my pants up, I look up and there was another bathroom that had no spiders in. So this guy was like, oh, the spider free bathroom is just around the back.

Sorry. They should have told you in the first place. This guy's prissy with the spiders. So yeah, but like I just had, I just had to go, you know, we're halfway. Tell anybody at that point. Are you just like, you're getting out of there? Oh no. Like everyone knew what I'd gone to do.

They, they until right now didn't find out that, you know, there was a bathroom that I probably should have used. Yeah. Did you wipe? Yeah. With what? Like, we took wipes with us. Oh, okay.

You gotta take, you're in India, you gotta take wipes with you. I would say that is a little tip for any hole in the ground toilet country, is bring wet wipes with you wherever I would say that is a little tip for any hole in the ground toilet country, is bring wet wipes with you wherever you go. Or a little pack of tissue paper, dry or wet. Both, yeah. Just bring them everywhere.

They are as essential as shoes in a country like that. You won't find real toilet paper, you won't find a real bathroom, you will find need to shit now. Yeah. So that combination is real bad to not have that. You absolutely, like we all had them. Like that was like, so when they,

when you do this like charity thing, challenge, they send you a checklist of the stuff, you must bring this with you. So there's like, you must bring a helmet. You must bring the right thing. You must bring a backpack every day to keep snacks in. And in big, like bigger letters than everything else at the bottom, it's like, you must bring enough toilet paper

and wipes for you to use during the cycles. They're like, the hotels will have them, everywhere else will not. You need these. That's real solid advice. Like helmets written in like size 10 font and Wipes have written in like size 72, like a new Heather at the bottom of the paper.

That's really solid. I went around to China, went to Shanghai, it was like no one had told me. And so they're like, I guess there's other people from China coming here, they know. So like the bar who eventually- I just thought Shanghai was like a developed and up city. Sure.

And then you go a little outside the main part of town and it's like back to them, back to like, some of them have both. Yeah. Cause they're like, well, we're not used to toilets. We want, where's our hole? And they don't repair the toilet ones as much. So yeah, you might just not find one.

So the guy who owned the bar was like, hey, keep this with you. I'm like, for what? He goes, you'll know. He just laughed like that. I'm like, for what? He goes, you'll know. He just laughed like that. I'm like, what? I just didn't get it. Yeah.

Man, thank God. Thank God. You were like, oh shit, that's right. I put this in here before. It's such a, that's so smart that they actually told you that. Yeah. They've done it before.

Yeah. What a trip. It was great, man. What a time. It's done. And it's done, done, yeah. What a trip. It was great, man. Yeah, what a time. It's done, and it's done, done, done. We were going to do it. Is there a smell in India that you can remember now? Not that you can describe the smell.

It sounds like you're being sort of racist, but everything smells of piss, shit, and curry. Like, not in the area we stayed on the last night. But everything's polluted. All they eat is curry. Like, see it? Look, this is just from my experience, the areas I went to. All they eat is curry. Like it's it. Look, this is just from my experience, the areas I went to, all they eat is curry. And you know, people do have to piss and shit in the street because they do. And it's still an incredible place. It's a really, really

incredible place that I'm happy to not see again. That is cool that you went there. Open defecation has been an issue in India. I issue with thick as town playing it. What? What? But open defecation is also an issue like in Gramercy. Like. When you pass poop and you're like, it's human.

You just know the difference. What are they all doing here? Oh, they're all shit and those are boxes. They're all boxed out. Well, that's nice. You're laying down a little piece of paper. They did something. This kid, fuck, fuck. Disgusting.

Are they all pissing? Cow don't fight. Okay, well at least that's cow. Oh, that's an annual festival they have. We just missed that. Oh really? Yeah Cows are sacred out there. So it's like a good thing, you know All right, well before we wrap up again the special what's a special called I'll put a bumper in earlier

Later special is called what's wrong with me. It's on the have a word podcast YouTube YouTube comm Slash have a weird pod. There's four specials in total on YouTube. But the late, yeah. You put them all on YouTube? They're all on YouTube. That's good. I pitched this latest one to

Netflix. To Netflix. But they were like, they got back and they were like, we love this, we love you, but we can't take an unsolicited submission. So I have to go through a Jew. Yeah. Yeah. We can't take it. Unsubmitted. Why? I don't know. You think if Dave Chappelle calls them and I got a new special, they're like, no, they have all these rules that don't really apply. They just say it. I was trying to get them like, I make a good looking clip. Like Schultz taught me how to make better looking clips. I was like, I asked him once for advice.

Like, hey, I finally have like a topical clip. And he goes, he just sends me a show. He goes, I don't know, change the font, change this, change that. I was like, all right, I'll figure it out. He goes, no, no, send it back before you post it. I'll help you through it. He's really supportive.

But then he's like, all right, let me show you how to make good looking clips. And then Netflix has looked terrible. I was like, hey guys, I made some, can you use mine? They're like, no, we wanna keep them all the same, even though they're bland and bad. And I was like, but Gabriel Iglesias, he's not using yours.

And they go, wow. I'm like, oh, oh, you mean a big name can do it. So you don't really have a rule. And so I was like, I'll just post my own, because I don't need to collab with you. They're fucking three million subscribers and 80,000 clips, views. That's cool, what's wrong with me?

Let's see what it looks like. So this was filmed in Liverpool last March. Cool set design. I really love how it looks, and the guys did a really good job on the edit. I'm really happy with the hour. It's like a bucket list room for me as well. It's the Liverpool Empire.

It's the place I first ever saw stand up. It's like a 2,300 seater. That is cool. And we did two shows on the one night. Alfie Brown, what was his credit? Alfie Brown, he opened the whole tour and he directed the show. Oh, interesting, okay.

Yeah. It's so funny that, oh, Russell Howard, I met him once. Oh, it's Elliot, that's cool. I know a lot of these guys out here. Are these the big ones? Do they just know people I know? I've got no idea. How does it suggest?

Just the latest ones? Two weeks ago, one month ago, five days ago? No, there's more recent than that. Sloss, I know. That's just a random selection. There's more recent than that. Sloss, I know. That's just a random selection. I know a lot of these people. Finn, I know, it's not bad. I'm already in the fucking London scene, the UK scene.

I know Russell, I know Elliot. I know, that's two out of three. Sloss, Finn. Adam, Dan, and Carl, and Finn. Oh, okay, right. Did you change Finn's name to two N's? No, no, so that's not Finn Taylor, that one. There's a guy called Finn who is our fourth.

Sloss, Finn Taylor. Yeah, I did a show. I was in, it was at Shane, I know. Oh, you finally got him on. Congratulations. I finally got him on. Shane. When I went last time, you were telling me somebody said,

oh, Segura's in town. We were trying to get Segura on, yeah. No, Shane did it years ago. Jeffreys I know, Ari Shafir I know. There he is. Vittorio and Mike Rice, they're two really great comics. Oh, cool. Chicks, oh, Gabby Bryan I know.

Damn, I know a lot of these, she's American. Jamali I know. All right, well, whatever. All right, guys, check out the podcast, have a word. It's good fun. It's good fun, it is good fun. It's just ridiculous and just good fun. So these are all your specials.

What's Wrong With Me, Darren Nightingale has a special. Okay, Juicy. So Juicy is one long story. It's sort of more like an Edinburgh show. What an Edinburgh. I didn't ever take it to Edinburgh. I only ever did Juicy like 15 times. It's sort of more like an Edinburgh show. What an Edinburgh. I didn't ever take it to Edinburgh. I only ever did Juicy like 15 times.

Really? In total. But it's just one long story. And that was probably the best received thing maybe I've ever put out. Imperious is the tour before my most recent one. And then there's an old special on there called Club Cometh. But I don't think that's on this channel. I think that's on my my YouTube, but I don't really use that one anymore

Okay, a club comic was just it's two sets at the Comedy Store in London that I just did two separate sets and stitch them together That's cool. I love Elliot steel. It's so cool to see I'm still around He's become an absolute like monster of a comic really maybe it's so interesting I interesting I meet these guys at Edinburgh and I'm like okay I get a sense of you but they're like I was a year in. Yeah. I'm like oh. So I met Elliot when he was 17. There was a package show in Edinburgh like you know like a mixed bill called Big Value and I did that with Elliot and he was 17 and we became really good mates and like I hope he doesn't mind me saying this he was all right. Yeah. He was all right all right back then yeah and then about a year ago I went down to London for some stuff and dropped into Top Secret and asked them

could I do a set and they were like yeah you can go up after Elliot and I watched him and I was like oh like I've got to follow it just burning the place to the ground and like not with like easy stuff, like with fucking provocative, well-written, he's just become, what's happened is he started at 17, he's had a little bit of nepotism maybe, because you know, he signed with big agency early on who his dad was already with.

And I think he maybe got pushed onto a couple of things. And then I think he sort of got to a point where he's like, hang on, I'm just going to go and work for fucking three years and just see where I end up here. And honestly, like the last two or three times I've seen him, I've been like, Oh, holy shit. It's also at 17 you have no life experience to draw from. So even if you're like, I've done comedy for four years, like yeah, but have you ever legitimately been cheated on? Or something, have you ever paid taxes? You know what I mean? So like 10 years in from starting at 17,

now you're 27, you have some life experience and that. It's like, oh wow, like what's her name? Taylor Tomlinson, she started like 16, 17. And then when she hit 28, it was like, oh, I'm a 10 year comic. So I'm the only one developed speaking to this life. I started at 18. Great.

Yeah, I'm 14 years and now nearly 15. Oh, so yeah, it's so funny. You see somebody like, I saw them. You're like, you saw, the difference between one year and seven years in is so much more than between seven and 14. So it's like, oh, that's great. That makes me happy. That first decade is just constant growth, isn't it?

And then you eventually sort of find your voice and then it's incremental changes and what you wanna say and how you wanna say it. But those first 10 years, you're essentially just trying to find out what type of comic you are. And you could see someone as completely different. You see a little version too.

I went to the, in St. Petersburg, Florida, there's a Dali Museum, the biggest one outside of Genoa, wherever his one is, and it goes in order of his age, of when he painted stuff. So it starts with him in art school, and it's just a bowl of fruit, just like anyone would make. And then it's a little bit better bowl of fruit and then one's melting and then it just goes

to where he becomes and it's like, you see the development of him. Same for the comics. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it's like, oh, I get an inkling. You see an old, old clip of like somebody like, oh, I get an inkling of what you're gonna become. I remember listening to Sloss on a podcast years ago,

or maybe an interview, and he says, I hope I hate the special I'm doing now in five years. He's like, because if I don't hate it, it means I've not moved on and not got better. He's like, I look at my old stuff from when I started, and I really can't stand what I was doing. He's like, but I see that as a good thing, because it means I must be better now.

Yeah, Attelle does that where he's like, that was so funny, it's just a simple switch. He's on such another level that he's like, sees through what he's doing and it was like, it's garbage and like, I mean, you're a lot better than I am because I just thought it was awesome. Okay, all right, it's bad, all right.

Anyway, so before I go, I got two things. I got asked by everybody for a travel tip in general, or it might be India. It could be bring fucking toilet paper, but like we just did that. But anyway, and also like what country is calling you that you've never been to? Like what, not one, but oh.

Okay, okay. So, if you'd have asked me this a year ago, like we'll come back to the travel tip, but if you'd have asked me a year ago for the country that's calling me, I'd have said Australia, but I've been now and I fucking don't get it. You don't get Australia.

I don't get Australia. Why, you don't like overpriced cocaine? No. Interesting, that's why you should go. So if you don't like that. I kinda liked Sydney. I didn't like Melbourne. I didn't like Perth and I didn't like Melbourne. I didn't like Perth.

And I didn't like Brisbane. Brisbane I think is terrible. Perth I think is fine. Melbourne I think is fine. Sydney I think is good. Wow. And I didn't go for like festival season. I went and did.

Sure, no. I was there for 10 days. I did a show in each town. And then I left. And I just, I did a show in each town, and then I left. And I just, do you know what it is? It's not a bad place. Just for where it is, it needs to be better. Interesting, yeah, Brisbane is, it's not like,

it's one of my most, it's the most underrated city in Australia. There are boosers, there are trash, they lean into it, Brisbane, but yeah, you wouldn't go going, what the fuck? It's not like New Delhi or Paris or something. We're like, it's a city. Usually it's just full of cool trash people.

Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's too far to go for just Chicago. Yeah, it's just not worth the fucking distance. Like if you put Australia, and see that big gap between the UK and America? If you put Australia and make like see that big gap between like the UK and America. If you put Australia just there, then I'd be like, yeah, let's go and see it. But like that, cause that'd be a three hour flight. Maybe the 24 hour flight and the jet lag adjustment and all that stuff is just not fucking worth it. It's really

not worth it. Okay. So where would you say now then? All respect to Asia and your overpriced Coke and your meat pies at 7-Eleven. I really wanna do South America. I wanna do like Brazil, something like that. Maybe for, you know. Extended?

Huh? For what? For the, what's the fucking carnival thing in Brazil? In Rio? Carnival. The, huh? Carnival? No, what's, there carnival thing in Brazil in real of all the half of all No, what's there's a thing in Rio like it's carnival. Yeah, maybe I don't know. I don't know the name of it I forgot this one at your letter to make I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what?

I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what?

I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what?

I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? I'm like, what? like Asia Asia like Thailand as you mentioned before Philippines something like this I'm like bucket list for me like I think if I ever got married for honeymoon I'd want to do like Bora Bora you know where you're just in the middle of like paradise. Shit like this. Yeah. Seeing those costumes. Yeah. Yeah. It was fun. Look at that. Look at this. I mean, they party. These carnivals are fucking party. Look at everyone's dressed up in different outfits. It's like the original, like, how do you not want to go to that?

How do you not want to go to that? This can be like, nah, not for me. Like even if like, even if you're a bit of an introvert, like just go and fucking be quiet in the corner and watch it. It's got to be like a spectacular thing to witness, you know? God damn. I mean, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the

pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, the pompous, like just go and fucking be quiet in the corner and watch it. It's gotta be like a spectacular thing to witness, you know? God damn.

I mean, the pomp and circumstance, it's like, who could not appreciate just the making of this thing, this giant fucking squid demon that's the size of like 30 people. What the fuck? And it's gone after a day. Travel tip.

Yeah. Get real comfortable traveling alone. I like it. Be willing to do it. And like, you know, if you want to go somewhere, if you've like seen something somewhere and you're like, that's for me, I want to go and see that. Yeah.

You've got to be able to do that without relying on someone else to get the same time off where I'd be as interested as you and all that shit. Because if you're not comfortable going alone, then you will have to constantly wait for people. Totally. Instead of like, let's say you and I are visiting tomorrow. Let's say we go to anywhere, Chicago.

And you're like, I got work to do. I'm not gonna wait for you in the hotel. Or am I gonna be like, all right, there's a bar around this corner. In two hours, let me know, I might be to do. I'm not going to wait for you in the hotel. Or am I going to be like, all right, there's a bar on this corner in two hours. Let me know. I'll might be there somewhere. Like you gotta be able to go out. Be able to go. Travel. Like you don't have to travel everywhere alone. And I understand the shared experiences are often more memorable and stuff,

but like if you are really comfortable going, I'm going on my own being in, like I know people who won't even eat in restaurants alone. And I'm like, you've got to be able to go anywhere in the world alone be comfortable table for one, please Yeah, do you mind if I just sit at the bar beer, please? Whiskey chase it like yeah, get comfortable being on your own Because you can see a lot more of the world that you're interested in if you are not relying on a girlfriend or a friend or a fucking Whatever. That's not how do you get comfortable? and not relying on a girlfriend or a friend or a fucking whatever.

That's not, how do you get comfortable being alone? You just force yourself to do it. Yeah, yeah. There's also like joint travel to me is like, is fun. You're right. There's definitely some things to that. And when you go, one of your mates can be like, I found this thing, like sick.

I hadn't done that research. I don't mind what we can do. We can do that one. Van Gogh Museum was one of my friend Paul Morris. He's like Van Gogh Museum. Okay, I wouldn't have known. It was fun. But there's a freedom of being able to go in,

like I was in Paris, I went to a cafe, I was gonna like roll cigarettes, and then I saw all the signs were like in English, I'm like, that's like a tourist one, and I'm by myself, and I was like, I'm going, and I just go. If you and I are there, I'm like, hey, do you mind if we can go to the next one? You're like, sure, why? I'm like, I don't, and I just go. If you and I are there, I'm like, hey, do you mind if we can go to the next one?

And you're like, sure, why? I'm like, I don't know, it seems kind of touristy. And now the waiters are over, like, what can I get you? Like, ah, ah, ah, ah, now it's weird to leave. You've got to justify it to someone else. Like on your own, you just, I don't want to fucking, yeah. Everything's a fucking committee. Yeah.

I really love like going away with like a girlfriend or like me and Carl have traveled traveled, just the two of us, we've been to New York together, we've been to Germany and stuff. We've done it, but when I'm, I've been in the States now for two weeks, and just being like, I can wake up, I don't set an alarm, I'm just, oh, I'm awake, I fancy a coffee,

I fancy a bagel, I'm gonna go and get a coffee and a bagel, I'm gonna go and walk over there, and then I'm gonna go and watch the Liverpool game in that pub, even though it's further away, because I don't have to justify going to get a coffee and a bagel. I'm going to go and walk over there. And then I'm going to go and watch the Liverpool game in that pub, even though it's further away, because I don't have to justify going to the further one to this person. And someone else is like, well, this one's, I know, I just, I like the colors better.

I don't know. I don't know, I don't have to say it. This is not the optimized trip. Right now I've got enough time for a nap and I'm going to go nap and then I'll shower. And then I don't have to wait for someone else to shower. I can just shower at my leisure. I can put my music on when I'm getting ready.

Like, yeah. It's nice. It's nice. General tip for life is just be comfortable being alone. Like, and accept that like you are often gonna want company. But like, if you can be, if you're listening to this right now and you're like, oh, I could never like go and eat on my own,

just tonight, go and book a restaurant and go out tonight. In your own city. In your own city. and like a nice one, don't go to like a, I'm not talking about going to a fucking McDonald's or something like that. Go and book like a really good steakhouse and just sit on your own, get a beer, and do three courses, get oysters and stuff,

and just sit and be like, yeah, yeah, I'm taking my time, and be on your, like, the greatest pleasure in life for me, genuinely, is when I'm meeting one other person for drinks, let's say like we're in Liverpool and I'm meeting you for a pint. And we go, should we say five o'clock at the pub? And then you text me at five to five and go, ah, I'm gonna be like 20 minutes late.

That 20 minutes of being in the pub, having one pint and being on my phone, waiting for the person who's late. I'm like, take your time. Yeah, like sick, I'm already set up. I know you're coming. That's nice. And I'm one drink ahead of you when you arrive.

I'm like, I'm in a sweet spot, it's class. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you should go to Thailand though. I do wanna, I'm in a sweet spot, it's class. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you should go to Thailand though. I do wanna go to Thailand. It's fun, it's fun. Cheap beers, you would like it. There's an overlap between the vibe of there and Liverpool. Yeah.

Get out of Bangkok as fast as possible. Get out of Bangkok? Get out of Bangkok. Okay. You're gonna wanna see it, but then like, go to Chiang Mai, go somewhere else, fast. Say it. It's disgusting. Where else?

One more place, recommend it. Where have you been? Trying to think what you would like. Cold beer's good food and country music, that's all I need. I went to see Billy Strings for the first time. Did you? In Fort Worth, me and my friend went down see Billy Strings for the first time. Did you? In Fort Worth, me and my friend went down,

he was in Austin the same day I was in Austin, so I couldn't go, because I chose, so we drove down to Fort Worth. What a show. It's just Grateful Dead. A good country concert is soul-cleansing. Like, it gets like- I got it.

You like cold beers, country music? Yeah. Tokyo. What? Massive country fans there. No! Not joking. Really? Humongous country fans,

and the musicians play country, and their supporters are ice cold, from what I've heard. I'm not bad. Oh, I'm going. Like, a girl who works for, she's our dog sitter at the podcast, because we have like two dogs who are in the studio when we're recording.

We need someone to keep them occupied so they don't like barking shit. She went to Madrid recently, and she was like, Adam, I've found your spot. Like, it's a country bar that sells really good Spanish food and cocktails. It's tiny. She was like, the whole city's real quiet

because it's January, but like, this place has got a line around the block. Like, it's so busy, and we've just waited for 45 minutes to get in, and we're not leaving all night because it's so, but like this place has got a line around the block, like it's so busy. And we've just waited for 45 minutes to get in and we're not leaving all night because it's so cool in here. She sent me a video, they're singing like Wagon Wheel. Like I was like, I've never been to Madrid.

And I was like, I've wanted to go for a while and now that has solidified it. It's done, it's so quick too, it's right there. It's so close. It's why I love, like I've been to Nashville twice and I'm going back in June and I've never done spots there. I'm not like working. I just go because cold beer, good food and-

You going back to Nashville on this trip? Not on this trip, in June. I got a spot for you, believe it. It's a- S- It's karaoke, but you can smoke inside. There's cheap beers. And if you curse while you're singing, your song's over.

Even if the song calls for cursing. They go, all right now, all right now. No, no, no, you know the rules. It's so fun and it's just alone by itself. I think someone else might have recommended this to me. Yeah, that's a cool one. It's just a local cool bar. Stay off Broadway.

I mean, you've done it. You've seen cool spots. Even when I go back in June, I will spend, so I'm there for a week, I will spend two of those nights on Broadway. Maybe the second and the second to last night. I'll be like, right, let's go and do it. Fried bologna.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why not? And like, obviously it's a bit better than in Austin, but like the barbecue food, like the brisket and the ribs and like, I just, oh, just fill me up with it. Like, and my favorite beer, like I back back home all I drink is Guinness really.

But out here, and they don't sell it in the UK, but Miller Lite is the greatest beer on God's green earth. And the fact I can get it at the comedy seller here, every bar in Nashville, Miller Lite, and it's the little 330 mil cans. 330 mil can of beer, Mililite is the best alcoholic drink. Pound of, pound of, ice cold.

Ice cold. Barely get a buzz. You get enough, you get a buzz, you can ride. You can drink it from like one in the afternoon till three in the morning. And like you still remember getting home. You surf at all? Have you ever surfed?

Never, okay. There's a thing you get when you're like hit away or boogie board or whatever, even if you're not able to stand up where you're just like, oh, I'm on it now. That buzz on a light beer is like, once you get on that buzz track, I can go for seven more hours like this.

I'm not getting too drunk. It's not liquor. We're like, I'm gonna throw up. You just keep it going. Yeah, it's class. It's like that beer and my- I'm loving all this lingo. It's class, it's class. Class, it's class. It's like that beer and my- I'm loving all this lingo. It's class, it's class.

Class, it's cool. That beer and my love of that music is, it's why- How'd you get the country music? That's wild. An ex-girlfriend introduced me to Luke Combs. And that was like the gateway. And now just like, I've seen him twice. I've seen him in the UK, in Glasgow.

I've seen him in Nashville. The first time I went to Nashville was to see Luke Combs. So you don't want this thing's a we're all fishing in the same pond? No. Is that somebody else? No, that's someone else. I don't even know that song. And I'd be able to tell you if it was his.

But yeah, whenever I come to New York, even though like all of the comedy clubs are in Manhattan and it would be so much easier if I was like staying in like the West Village or Chelsea or something. I always stay in Williamsburg so that I can drink in skinny Dennis till 3 a.m. Oh really? Yeah, and then just walk home.

Oh, they got barbecue up there, that's right. Zach Brown, different guy. Oh yeah, yeah. I've seen those guys too, I've seen them in London. Really, Zach Brown band? Seen Zach Brown in London. So there's a festival in the UK called Country to Country. So they do a Thursday, Friday, Saturday,

and it's Dublin, Glasgow, London, and the lineups switch. So the lineup on Thursday in Dublin, all of them go to Glasgow Friday. Oh, they do these traveling ones now. Where it's like, we're just here for a day, and then it'll come, yeah, it's like, you get it. They have the headlines, yeah. Dude, go see Billy Strings. So it's psychedelic we're just here for a day, and then it'll come, yeah, it's like, you get it. They have a headline issue. Dude, go see Billy Strings.

So it's psychedelic in that they play these long beats, the way, like, you know, they stay in the same song for way long and kind of jam, but when they come out of it, instead of coming out of it into rock, they come out of it into bluegrass. So you're like, gone, you gotta do drugs. You're kind of gone, and then for however, three to 15 minutes, and then you come out of it into bluegrass. So you're like gone, you gotta do drugs. You're kind of gone and then for however, three to 15 minutes and then you come out of it

and you're like, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, ba-nup, and it's just like, it's just so great. There's wooks, it's just like, but it's country wook. It's so fun. It's so fun. I didn't know what I was walking into. I'm sold.

Yeah. I just love it, like all of it. That's great, yeah, it's so, yeah, I like it too, like all of it. That's great. Yeah, it's so, yeah, I like it too. It's just pleasant. It's just simple. Like everything, like there's no subtext to any of the songs. This is what we're singing about.

Yeah. It's this. There's no like hidden meaning. It's this. Yeah, it's real close to rap too. Yeah. Well, like I was talking to Schultz about this couple of years ago.

He was like, it's the new rap. And that rap was like a rebellion against the sort of- Rock. The census. And country music is now that. Cause now rap's so, like R&B and rap is so the thing. Yeah, the country is now. Even if you're like Arcade Fire or whatever

would be that now. It's like, and yeah, country's now like the streets talking. Yeah, the country is now. Even if you like arcade fire or whatever, would be that now. It's like, mm, and you got countries now, like the streets talking. Yeah. Interesting. All right, Adam Rowe, thanks buddy. Thank you so much for having me, sir. How do you say goodbye in Indian, do you know?

Goodbye. Goodbye? Goodbye. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. I didn't know you're still here.

Damn. I did not mean to poop while I was doing this. Um, guys, that's the episode. I hope you had a good time. What a disgusting place. You're my one video where that guy's like a man in the street and he's going, what's the dirtiest country in the world? And then some guys like, uh, India, and the guy goes, no, guess again. And the dirty interviewer goes, I'm pretty sure it's India.

It doesn't make me want to go for all the spiritual ality. There's just something disgusting about it. Um, well today's episode is edited by Alan Caffe Allen. I'm sorry about it. Um, well today's episode is edited by Alan Caffe. Alan, I'm sorry about this. It's part of the job of working for YMH. It is part of the job. It's edited by Alan Caffe produced by your mom's house network. Uh, YMH productionsctions, that's it. Before I go, I would like to tell you one thing about India, I guess I should say, and I gotta do my recommendation for the week.

But also, Ari Shafir's Rename Storytelling Show. Get your tickets. The pre-sale starts Tuesday at noon o'clock Eastern time. It's in New York City, April 20th, 21st, 22nd. As I said, the rules are, you need to come with the name, with an ID that matches the name you purchased the tickets with.

That's the Stop Scalpers. I want people in those seats. Presale's Tuesday at noon, promo code Ari at AriShafeer.com. Also, come see me in the road. Also dates are at AriShafeer.com. Is it PunchUp something? It's PunchUp.com slash live.

What is it? Here we go. PunchUp. PunchUp.live slash AriShafeer. But really, just go to AriShafeer.com where you can get merch like this. The Go For A Hike shirt. The Stay Positive shirt.

All sorts of stuff. But it's the final six shows. I'm done with the show after that. I'm gonna go do stuff. But it'll be done. Come see it out with a bang, you guys. I started this show 12, 13 years ago. 2012, 13 years ago. Had a small tiny room and it had no name back then.

We just did a bunch of psychedelic drug stories. The lineups will be secret but I'm telling you every single line up is something you're going to want to be at. We're going to have limited edition risograph or possibly lithograph posters only available for the people to show for purchase. That's it and if you want to come to more than one show come at different days that's my only thing to tell you that's it. I'm on the road this weekend on Saturday and Sunday I'm in Atlanta and Portland Adrian Appaloochee and Sean Patton are in Atlanta with me at the Tabernacle and Portland show added, uh, agent Appaloochia and Turner Sparks to be

with me and then San Jose, Orlando, Fdania beach, whatever, Fort Lauderdale, um, Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary and Edmonton. And then I'm done. I have one final show in Anchorage, Alaska in June on June 18th. Tickets are available at R.E. Schaffer.com. Or no wait, punchup.live.com. Go to R.E. Schaffer.com. And that's it. India, oh also don't forget to check out Adam Rose, what's it called? India specials on Patreon.com. Have a word pod you can check out his podcast as well or go see him on the road if you do see him on the road tell him if you

didn't know about him before he's legit legit legit UK comic tell him I sent you tell him you heard about him from me he's at the hot water in Liverpool March 12th and 13th Manchester and then Chester is that a real place Chester Birmingham Stourbridge is that a real place? Chester? Birmingham? Stourbridge? Is that a real place? Liverpool? Belfast? London? Dublin? Glasgow? South Shields? Also sounds made up. Newcastle and Edinburgh tickets are at adamro.co.uk slash shows or dot shows adamro.co.uk is the website. For all of his stuff, guys, India. I'll tell you one thing I got. I'm able to understand what Sikhs are. They wear those little bracelets, the turbans and stuff. And it's when I have my one superpower is I get into a cab like you Sikh and they go, yeah, how

do you know? Because they're cooler. They have have that fucking bun thing but they're just cooler and they have that little silver bracelet tip for me to you also if you want to tell Koreans apart from other Asians round face look at Bobby Lee and Margaret Cho look how they are similar in a different way than Japanese people are it's tip for me to you for this week's recommendation, I will tell you... Damn, I don't have one. Fuck, I don't have one. I guess just, no music.

Music, food, hikes. I guess since I'm selling these new go for a hike shirt, I should tell you about a hike. Alltrails.com that's my recommendation. Use alltrails.com it's not an ad but they tell you about any hike nearby. If you're looking to go for a hike in any weather, wherever you are, go to alltrails.com. You don't need to go to, I have a higher level whatever but I also have a lot of ad rec reviews on there if you look my thing up already Shafir or view different hikes I've been

on but you can go see if you want an easy hike moderate challenging nobody there a loop back out and back or a site to site, dog friendly, you can go by waterfalls, you can look for like nature, nobody on it, all sorts of stuff. Alltrails.com, if you don't know, if you're looking for a hike, that is where you go. It'll tell you about little parks in town, little two minute hikes, hour long hikes, whatever, whatever it is, trust me, go on there, go to Alltrails. It's a great fucking site to get you out in nature and get your head clear. And when you do go, my recommendation for the week is to turn your phone off, completely

off. No, you do it on airplane mode so you can follow along because it tells you where you're going on Alltrails. And then carry a piece of paper in your pocket. So if you have something to remember or someone to text as your mind gets clear from being in nature and on the phone write it down at the end of the hike go to what you wrote down and then do it all there in the car send all your texts then it's a good tip from me to you I'm Ari Shaffir thank you Adam Rowe for tuning in I'll see you guys in the Storytelling Show April 20th, 21st, 22nd in New York City I'm fucking excited

about that get your tickets now before the pre-sale is over. Pre-sale code Ari and then they will be sold out. The show is gonna go fast because it's a fucking party of shit, dude. I'm so goddamn excited. All right. Oh, well I'm sorry. A lot of people say that sometimes my backdrops

and my stuff is fake. So I feel the need to tell people that it's not fake by proving it to them. And how can I prove it to you? Well, there's only one way. That's right. I'm Ari Shaffir. Until next week, with Andrew Schultz, I don't know how to say goodbye in India. That stinks. What is that? I'm out of here. Not bad. See you next week, everybody. Subscribe.