You Be Trippin' - India w/ Duncan Trussell | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

SPONSORS: Get 20% off your order when you go to http://Sheath.com and use code ARI On this episode of You Be Trippin’, Duncan Trussell drops out and spends a month in India to experience diarrhea, economy trains, and the cremation of bodies on the Ganges River. In Varanasi, the scared city of dying, he gets higher than he’s ever been in his life and philosophizes on reality tunnels, death, reincarnation, wiping with your hands. He and Ari also discuss Shiva, scams, Valium, and Lariam dreams. Other topics include: Israelis, ghosts, and wet wipes. Finally, street monkeys messed with Duncan in India and we mess with Ari on the show. Namaste! https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com You Be Trippin Ep. 11 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let's do it. Wait, wait. India. India? What India? We're trying to count down in different languages. Don't ask me. Well, there's like 80 there, so you really have your option. Well, if you let us know beforehand, I'll learn. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's a good point. So today it's English.

It's anything. All right. Most of India. Great. Yeah, they speak it there. So five, four, three, two. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin', yeah. Everyone's got a thirst. A drive to be the next big thing.

To put the world on notice. If you answer when your thirst calls, Sprite's for you. Sprite's for the makers and creators. The visionaries putting in the work to build their dreams. Whether you're shooting a cinematic masterpiece on your phone, filling notebooks with sketches, or up all night turning your bedroom into the booth. Thirst is everything.

Obey your thirst. Sprite. Welcome to You Be Trippin'. It's a travel podcast. It's the only podcast made with 100% non-GMOs. Today, on the episode, every episode I go to with a friend or someone cool that could tell us about a different place in the world. It's a pretty simple setup.

Simple. Yeah. Today is my literal oldest friend in comedy. Duncan Trussell hired me at the comedy store to train me on the phones. The fucking weirdest of weirds. I mean, technically, I didn't hire you. You didn't hire me. You trained me.

We were both phone guys. Yeah. You trained me on the phones. Yeah. How technically, I didn't hire you. You didn't hire me. You trained me. We were both phone guys. Yeah. You trained me on the phones. Yeah. How to properly avoid what Mitzi calls. How to drop any other call if Mitzi's line rings. Yes, that was the whole game. You could be on the phone with a customer like, I think I want to come. Like, bye. Hello? Why did it take you so long

to fucking answer? It was one ring. I was doing your work. Stay on top of it. How many times did you get fired by her? I never got fired. Oh, wow. I came close a few times, but she never fired me. I've heard like five times. That's great.

Yeah. What a weird old lady. What a wild lady. Anyway, when I met was uh we were both actually on a new trip to la actually yeah you would uh i figured out i have a theory about la you go for two reasons running towards a woman or away from one interesting yeah and i think you were running away from one i wasn't running away from one bad breakup i thought no really no i just like i graduated college yeah i figured i would like go to graduate school but i wanted to spend a year living in a cool city

it was so cool we gotta get to this travel part but i just remember us like on the streets late at night and just like the world was possible yeah just poor young comics and anything was possible completely free you were dancing around a light pole going like holly what just making fun of the whole thing and it was like we're having a fucking blast um uh all right but where are we going today where you want to tell me about today well um i mean i guess the most exotic place I've ever been is this city in India called Varanasi. Varanasi, India. South of New Delhi. Interesting.

Okay. Damn, you already looked it up. Fucking nice. Wow. Oh, yeah. On the water? Well, yeah. So this is one of the oldest inhabited cities on planet earth supposedly like all the way back

to like 300 bc people been living in this area it it sits on the ganges river and uh it's known for its gots and that's the steps that go down into the ganges river so people will go and bathe and wash their clothes in the water and then the because this is like the sacred city of dying um it's dying yeah because it's considered really auspicious to be cremated there so a couple of the gods are known as burning gods like uh one of them's called manna carnica what's a god a step steps. It's just like a connection point to the Ganges River. A burning step, yeah. And so they cremate bodies right there above the steps. And so then they're cremating all day, all night.

You saw that? Yes, I saw that. What did it smell like? Barbecue. Wow, yep. Yeah, the city smells like barbecue. Wow. Like, right after I left India, I know,

it really changes your relationship with barbecue for like a year. I left India, went to visit my brother. We went to Six Flags, which is a mind fuck after being in india like being in six flags really is like your brain just doesn't understand what's happening and i like suddenly i'm like oh my god smells like i'm back in varanasi and it was because i was standing next to a place where they're grilling burgers it's just flesh yeah it's burning flesh all day long they don't eat meat there what they don't eat meat there no you can get meat there i think you can get eat that's just burning bodies that's burning bodies dark look at that guy covering his face on one yeah he's he's yeah

just get fucking lashes in your eyes oh he's probably crying that's probably his dad yeah good point you monster you fucking monster it's not just wandering by there's a thing people have it's called feelings they have them there i heard they were invented in india with feelings yeah yeah however you went there why'd you go well um so i'd taken a class called Introduction to Southeast Asia in liberal arts school. Yeah. Best professor ever. Wow. He, the first class we took with him and he was dead serious.

He's like, why are you here? Why are you in college? You're going to get nothing out of this. You're going to go into debt. Just drop out now and travel. Just trust me. It's so much better if you just who is this guy his name was bill mosher and he was amazing and he's like just go there because liberal art school so we're all sitting under a tree like i'm falling in love with him all like a lot of the students

uptight students are like looking each other like this is bullshit it you know i always think about that because he was totally right he's. You're going to be in debt. If you really want to learn about life and understand life, you need to travel. That's all you should be doing now. He's right. Telling an 18-year-old, what are you doing? Getting your life started here. Yeah, why are you doing this?

And he would say, go to India. And everybody would be like, how? We don't have any money. And he's like, you could find the money. Just go to India. If you have to ask your parents for money, ask your parents. Save up some money. Just get out of here and go to India.

The thing that stuck in my head is he goes, you know when you're accelerating down the highway or down the road and telephone poles, they start going faster and faster and faster. He goes, that's going to be years. And soon your life will be gone. Wow. So get out of, drop out of college and just travel it was so cool i mean this was even before this was way before the fashionable like i don't know what it's called uh the new kind of work where you have this like badass airstream and you work in it and stuff it was digital nomads digital nomads it was before the era of that it was just wild it was

wild that you would invite kids to do that. No, internet too. No, well, there was internet, but not Instagram, not social media. So if you were like taking pictures or something. No, emails. What year was this? No, you just got an email. We had emails.

This was when you could still hack AOL. Remember like there was AOL and you could download. I don't know if you ever got into this, but you could download like spam attacks. So if you're arguing with someone, you could press a button and kick them off of AOL and you could download. I don't know if you ever got into this, but you could download spam attacks. So if you're arguing with someone, you could press a button and kick them off of AOL and you felt like a hacker. It was awesome. My friends at college were a lot of more computer science majors and they were just coming up with programs for hatred. Oh, yeah. So it was like, let's just have a program to call someone's dorm phone nonstop.

Yeah, those guys fucked up the world. Those guys would just for fun take out the internet because they could yeah wow but definitely no like hostile world and like place like learn where to go and which hostels are where not that level internet no yeah no no no no It didn't really exist like that. You actually had the Lonely Planet Guide. You would use that. Word of mouth. So this guy just got- Bill Mosier.

Sounds like a hero. He was a hero. And he got it stuck in our head that we should go to India. And so, but I didn't go on the school trip because that's what he would do is he would take a bunch of kids out there, which sounded really awesome. I wish I had done that because he would take you out to the villages.

You would stay with families. What was his connection to India? I think he lived there for a long time. And so, and he told a crazy story. Like he would, because like the way he taught was just stories. And so one of the stories he told is like his things are different there like we you know he you didn't use the word reality tunnel yeah but you know that's what he was saying it's like it's a completely different reality tunnel

than in the west so they don't many people over there they're not hung up about death the way we are in the west in the west we are fucking hung up about death. You see a dead body, you're going to be thinking about it for a long time. In India, especially Varanasi... Stand By Me was an entire movie about it. What's that? Wasn't Stand By Me an entire movie about seeing a dead body?

Exactly, the shock of mortality. Whereas in India, not only you're going to see dead bodies, Whereas in India, not only do you, you're going to see like dead bodies, but you also, your cosmology, you think you reincarnate. Like, and not like the way like, like people here, like, yeah, maybe there's reincarnation. Like, that's just a fact. Like the way there's a sky and an earth, you know what I mean? So it's not like they're really.

It's like graduating. But it's a massive country with a a very diverse religious population not everyone i'm sure there's many people that are scared shitless or don't know or whatever but a huge portion of the population has embedded in them since they were a kid that they're gonna die that they've lived many lives and they'll live many more lives and so once that is in a the consciousness of enough people it changes the way people behave and the way people act around death and so death is just like here you fucking die someone will come and like get put you in a bag and throw your body in the back of like almost like an unmarked vehicle you know what i mean and get your ass through the streets to a funeral when they get you burned or in the ground as quickly as possible no one should see the body open casket funerals are intense for me they're intense i saw freddy's

thing and it was like what the it was just so like real like damn he's dead yes right and that's shocking to you and because i never see yeah because you don't see it but when you see it all the time so um yeah so one of the stories he told which is really weird and i don't know what to think about it uh he took the this group of kids to a village and the village accepted that in the forest outside the village there was a ghost and they would say to the kids you know there's a ghost out there and everyone's like all right you know superstitious fucking idiots right because we're from the west we know everything there's no fucking ghosts what are you talking about yeah so this uh one of the students goes out on a walk into the forest and a little boy comes and walks next to him from the village no just in the forest little kid comes up to his like holds his hand out to hold his hand he holds the kid's hand the kid's hand is like a vice grip and the kid looks at him and goes and has fucking fangs

so he he he runs gonna be like bill cosby or something damn wait what do you mean like bill and he's the ghost in the woods anyway the guy runs back and um uh totally freaked out he's dead yeah he's got claw marks on his hand he's all fucked up and the villagers are like there's a fuck man he told you there's a ghost i mean yeah i want to be whose special needs kid was it like or maybe i don't know wow also you have to think like if you and i lived in a village in india there was like throughout the year getting like bombarded with liberal arts students how long before we say there's a ghost out there and we get a kid to go out there and put

you could scare whites or real easy they're like i'm not that strong like to a white you're way strong you've lived a hard life visiting soft liberal arts frail vegan hand you need help to pop the next thing in a panel you know but the frail vegan you know what i mean he's just been eating fucking broccoli and kale hi guys ari shafir here from a place duncan trussell never was in India, an air-conditioned car. Here to tell you about a common malady known to travelers in India known as curry dick. Yeah, you know, I'm not talking about swamp ass in which your ass sweat in the hot, humid environment mixes with your poop and creates sort of a liquid that can sometimes smell and sometimes can stain your underwear, sometimes irrevocably.

No, I'm talking about curry dick. Really bad problem in which you eat so much curry that your body gets overloaded and doesn't know how to handle it. So it makes it leave. It freaks out. And it goes, how can we get rid of this curry? Well, it leaves in the form of ball sweat. It leaves in the form of ball sweat,

which does smell often like curry. Well, that should be fine if you're free-balling it. Absolutely. But you're not free-balling it, are you? No, you're sitting in your non-sheath underwear, sitting on a hot, humid bus for 10 hours, or maybe on a long hike or walking around the city with your non-sheath underwear, and your balls are stuck up against your thighs, and it creates a vacuum, an airless vacuum, and it turns that curry sweat into curry paste and it smells like death. It smells like death incarnate.

Yeah, and it reminds people in the hostels of their own mortality and no one wants to be around that. No one wants to be around their own mortality and thoughts of their own death when they're out living their life and finding themselves in their spiritual quests. Yeah, and they go, what's that? They go, that's Duncan. Like, what's wrong with Duncan? He goes, he's got curry dick. No, Duncan's got curry dick. Like, yeah, isn't that your friend?

Like, yeah, let's just leave and go to the next town without telling him. I can't have him around me. I can't be thinking about my own mortality. And sheath says, don't think about your own mortality. Don't get curry dick. Use sheath underwear. What it does is it has a pouch, a pouch for your balls to separate them from your thighs. And it lets your balls breathe.

Nothing's more important than that. It also has a hole for your balls to separate them from your thighs, and it lets your balls breathe. Nothing's more important than that. It also has a hole for your dick, so your shaft goes in there, your balls go in the pouch, and it separates all. Now, you might be asking, why do I need to separate my dick? Isn't the balls enough? Yeah, well, what if you have chlamydia? What if you fuck some skank in a hostel in India, and now you have chlamydia? What's the problem there?

Well, the drippage from the chlamydia mixed with the curry paste for your balls, and that creates a really bad issue. A really bad issue. In which the locals can smell it. And they can smell American money. And they're going to try to wedge you off to their fucking daughters. And they're going to try to wedge you off

to their fucking daughters. And then you have to live in a village. You have to raise goats for your whole fucking life. Raising these tall fucking kids that you never wanted in the first place. Because they're going to pressure you into fucking getting married. You raise goats.

Milk goats. And they're like, I mean me just kill this fucking goat we don't believe in killing goats what the fuck just milk them oh yeah and that's how you're going to live your life and people are lost until my friend robert came in and created sheath underwear yeah if you go to sheath.com right now you can get 20 off your order if you use promo code ari yeah 20 off your order with promo code ari at sheath.com and no more curry dick get the chlamydia drip away from your curry ball sweat and curry dick forever and get 20 off your order if you use promo code ari at checkout at sheath.com what more could you ask myself andath Underwear are teaming up to end Curry Dick forever. What are you doing?

What are you doing? Trying to tear down some statue? Trying to weigh in on world events online? No. Do something for society. Sheath Underwear is. They're trying to end Curry Dick. A problem you didn't even know existed.

End Curry Dick forever at sheath.com. Use promo code Ari for 20% off your order. Now let's get back to the episode. So let's be clear. When it comes to shipping internationally, can I provide trade documents electronically? The answer is FedEx. Okay. But what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all? Also FedEx. Impressive. Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx. Oh, but let's say that... FedEx.

What? FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for international shipping. FedEx, where now meets next. This weekend in Washington, D.C. It's happening, everybody.

My new special. I'm filming my new special April 26th and 27th at the Capitol Turnaround in Southeast Washington, D.C. It's a neighborhood that used to be terrible. They used to tell you not to even stop for traffic there. And now it's been rejuvenated by gentrification. And I'm the benefactor. And so are you when you come out and see my new special being recorded this Friday and Saturday. Saturday is sold out. That's April 27th. But you can still get tickets for April 26th show. Come on out if you live in the Washington area, the D.C. area, or if you know anybody in Washington, D.C., Maryland, or Virginia, tell them as well. Come on out. Have a good time. Actually,

only tell them if they're cool, because if they're not cool, there's a 50% chance they're going to leave angry because they don't get what stand-up comedy is. But if they do get stand-up comedy, let's say they have herpes or something, and they understand what cool is, then absolutely tell them to come out. Let's fill up this room for me. Tickets are at arieshafeer.com right now. After that, I'm going to be in Los Angeles doing my storytelling show, May 9th and 10th. Surprise lineup for both shows. Different lineups for both shows. Get tickets for both if you want. Tickets are arieshjafir.com. Part of the Netflix is a joke festival. And then right on to Australia. Melbourne, May 17th to the 18th. May 18th is sold out. Adelaide, May 24th. Canberra, May 25th. Brisbane, Brisbane, May 31st. And Sydney, Australia, June 1st. And then I'm done. I'm done. Hanging out in Sydney for another week,

going to the state of origin. And then just like, I'm just done. Hanging out in Sydney for another week, going to the state of origin, and then just like, I'm just done. No touring at all. Just fun camping, enjoying nature, enjoying my relaxation time while I get ready to promote the special. Hopefully it'll be out in late September, early October. I got a couple of possible names for it, but I won't tell you until after I've taped it. And that's it. Done until 2026. Duncan Trussell is also a stand-up comic, and he's also on the road. Thankfully, he is. He's one of the most, if not the most,

creative comic in all of stand-up comedy. He's an outsider artist in an insider world. And he's got some shows coming up, too. Las Vegas this weekend at Wise Guys Comedy Club. Get tickets at DuncanTrussell.com. And then San Francisco next weekend at Cobb's. What a great club that is. What a great club that is. What a great city that is.

It's been destroyed by tech bros moving in and abandoning it, but it's on the rebuild, and Dunkin' Trustle's leading the charge. Cobb's first week of May. Then Milwaukee, Portland, Asheville, Raleigh, Buffalo, and Tampa. Finally, on November 1st in Boston, Massachusetts, he's playing the famed Wilbur Theater. Tickets just went on sale for that. Hurry up and get the best seats,

all of them at dunkintrussell.com. That's it. Let's get back to the episode. Don't forget to hit subscribe right now wherever you're watching or listening. Let's get back to Dunkin' Trussell's Crazy India Stories. But, so, again, I mean, I don't know.

I didn't see it. But truly, when you go over there, and I know you've had this experience. Any non-Western culture, you feel like you're in another dimension. It's like a completely alternate. It's the cultural change where you're like, this isn't relatable here. It's not like, oh, you see a sign, and you're like, I think that's the speed limit. You can pretty much get, you know, that means speed limit this number. Yeah.

In kilometers instead of miles, you know. But like other stuff, like, oh, I don't even have any relation point to this. Right. Yeah. The fonts. The fonts of the other language. You've never seen those fonts before. They're these weird, bendy, yellow fonts.

And your brain is trying to turn it into English, but it can't. yellow font and your brain is trying to turn it into english but it can't and so you just feel like you're in a dream world already regardless of any kind of mystical component uh so yeah and all of india is like that because it's filled with these temples and like you know these people are ringing bells and burning incense and communing with the gods and this is way buddhist or no what hindu hindu well no there's a lot of buddhists there too i mean it's this confluence of like all religions they're just that's what's cool about it is there's so many co-existing or semi-co-existing religions sometimes the muslims and the hindus uh don't go along yeah that's how it was the

buddhists are real peaceful except in myanmar they're like oh but kill the muslims they call they call this guy um uh nazi buddha because he was like a high up guy there when i was there and he was like yeah yeah don't definitely don't step on a fly but these muslims gotta go oh fuck a militant buddhist yeah it was wild i've heard they're out there man yeah yeah um wow so you went so you're how old what year 48 no no no when you went to varanasi the scary thing is i can't remember oh i'm so old now that i think about it like sometimes my wife is like you're 49 dude i can't remember like i have to do the math it's a sign of upper 40s yeah you just stop caring yeah oh that's that too uh well so i must have been oh and this is post college or after college this was the last year of college so you took off took off this is probably right before i came to la okay yeah so i went there uh i don't know mid-20s did you graduate

yeah good and then you went to india yes okay okay okay it went there with my friend emil oh i love him he's the best my friend david mclean and like where's emil now i haven't heard of him in so long emil's living in chapel hill he's no way still making music nice holy sons it's really amazing. It's been drumming for this band, Ulm. Yeah, so, yeah, it was sort of like a, I don't want to say obnoxious, but there's no way to not when you're like a post-college student and two people in college.

We were getting in the most obnoxious college arguments like fighting over free will and nichi and like getting in the kind of like passionate arguments yeah i wish i was getting in those now where somebody knock a table over you don't know what you're talking about storm off and you're in india it's so you know it's so intense i took it i took somebody to they were going to grad school in santa bar They're interviewing, so I went with them. And then I was just like walking and listening to undergrads having those. And I'm like, damn, it's so fucking fun.

So fun. About world leaders, who was the worst, who was the best. The best. And you've got your whole ego pinned on the argument. They never paid a tax ever. I know, dude. And they just know everything about the world. Heaven.

Heaven. Those arguments are that now people go online to have them. But when you're having them in your room, oh, what are you? There is no free will. You think character guard is better. Yeah, exactly. It was those kinds of arguments that would reach this boiling point. But it was fun.

We were having fun. And so we had gone up to, and I don't even know how we charted this path i don't know what we were doing like we went from we we get we flew into new delhi like we stayed in sri lanka first and flew from sri lanka to new delhi sri lanka is incredible by the way have you been no but i want to go to um siri sigiriya i don't know that sigiriya it's like a uh yep that's it on the right it's like their masada it's a whole village on top of this mountain they don't even know how they got water up there an uber driver told me about it he's like one day i'll be able to drive up yeah rolf potts has been there and then there's another yeah it's

just this whole fucking mountaintop that you can just i don't know how they got anyway i mean it's a magical place man magical fucking place we there's this place called adam's peak and you you stay at guest houses there so it's like a dude's house he fixes you this like incredible dinner and this whole it's a long hike up the side of this mountain and you have to wake up really early to do it and at dinner he's like just my dog will take you and so yeah that's how we're all right we're gonna get fucking lost we walk out his dog wagging his tail just starts walking ahead leads us all the way there like we're following a dog past like you know buddha statues in the forest and then you get to the top of this place and there's a monk who lives up there and comes and like gives you

tea and it's the most insane view you ever saw and like you're asking a question one of those what one of those we didn't speak english oh i wanted to ask him a question. Fuck. He just gave us tea with a big smile on his face. And you just, it was pouring rain, thundering. We're cackling with laughter because it's like the most insane thing. It's like we're being led by a dog up a mountain. It was beautiful, man. So then we flew to New Delhi. Yeah.

I don't know why we got off the bus where we did. We got off a bus at the wrong place. Because once you're in New Delhi, you kind of start freaking out. This isn't Sri Lanka. It's this massively populated, hardcore Indian city where people target. If they see that you're a Westerner, they will fucking scam your ass. It's a tradition there. So like even in the bus, we're like making.

God, that's overpopulated. We're making eye contact with some dude from the bus. And he's just looking at us with like authority pointing to us and being like out of the bus. And then if you're dumb enough to get off the bus and go to that guy. Come on, come on, come on. Give me your money, please. But they're so good at hypnotizing. I almost got robbed in Wheaton Plaza once when I was a kid.

Somebody looked. He was on the phone. I looked. I made eye contact. He goes, give me your wallet. So I'm like an older kid. And I was like, no. He goes, all right.

And he went back to his phone call. He just took a shot. Worth a try. Yeah. Well, the art of scamming Westerners out there is so refined. Yeah. At the train station. So there's the, the train station you're supposed to go to.

Around the perimeter of the train station, there's all these shops that say official train station, train station of India. You know, this, this is the train station. Less official train station. Shady train station. And if you, we'll only plan it you will if you haven't if you don't pay attention to that or even maybe you've read it yeah but it's so confusing getting into the regular train station and these people know the lonely planet is trying to ruin their fucking game they're really good at being like i'm an authority i you know come over here tickets. Oh, we're taking this train from here.

That train is not coming today. So then you're sitting in some weird – we're sitting in an office with this group of dudes just smiling because it's the – I can't explain it. It's the most benevolent scamming. It's like you're both playing this bizarre game. Because you're being polite. They know you're going to be polite. Yeah, and they're having fun. Right.

I mean, imagine you go to a fishing hole and you just see fish popping up everywhere. You're just like, nice. It's going to be a good day. Yeah, we snared a group of college fucking kids with backpacks. And you're telling the wives later, like, college kids.

Like, oh, college kids? Good job. That's awesome, babe. And they act like your best friend. They're commiserating with you. I know there's scams around here, and I know it's hard around New Delhi, but trust me, that train is not coming,

but we have a bus. It's a holiday. We have a bus you can rent. So they'll try to rent you a bus and then drive you up there instead of taking the train. So we managed to not get- In terms of scams, though, it's like, but you aren't going to get me where I'm going. So, well because paid a little more and you're tired right and they're slowly

breaking and they're fun to be around and they're feeding you food and your will is slowly breaking you know a bus could be fun and then boom you're on a bus yeah you know about the birkenstock shit scam you know about that one no so this one uh the the street kids will get like a what's the thing called you squeeze like cake batter out of oh yeah you know i'm talking about fill that with shit poop poop no so you're you're just happily trop clomping through india with your fucking birkenstocks and your backpack and you're all spiritual you're there on your spiritual journey eat pray love and they fucking see that open foot and they walk up squirt shit on your foot you don't know what's happened they're like mosquitoes they know how to do without you

feeling it and then they tap you on the shoulder point to your foot which is now covered with like malarial new delhi street level shit street diarrhea right there's no grass you're not rubbing that up and they you know acting like your best friend in the world they happen to have a towel and they're like i will get i will clean for you and so and you want to believe so bad these people are so nice you don't even if you don't know about the shit scam yeah that's what you think this is an angel this is a new delhi street angel well-known thing oh my god yeah yeah genius so then what so then they wipe the shit off of your foot clean your foot for you and you feel like indebted

to them I mean this is a version of the scam they did at the Grateful Dead shows where you'd be like tripping in your car and somebody would come up to the window and be like you're busted and you'd be like Jesus fucking Christ because you have drugs in the car and then they go for having a good time

I'm going to give you a sticker but then you're so you feel you have this rush of endorphins and then I'm like can I have 10 bucks

and you're like sure I'm not arrested right now I feel great it's like that me and Pete C had one of those in Thailand so we went to

the last day we were like our flight's not until 4pm I'm like let's go to the palace and then we're looking for the way and the guy's like you're here for the palace I'm like yeah it's a holiday it's closed, we were like, our flight's not until 4 p.m. I'm like, let's go to the palace. And then we're looking for the way. And the guy's like, you're here for the palace. I'm like, yeah, I go, it's a holiday.

It's closed today. I'm like, oh, fuck. He goes, you should rent a tuk-tuk driver to take you around. And then he's like, hey, hey, tuk-tuk driver, come here. It's such a, we found out later it was such a scam. We were so mad. But then we were like, it was $12. And we did see like eight temples.

It was, in terms of scams, it ruled. Right. I mean, maybe scam's not the right word for it. It's a complication. Refunding of your resources.

Yeah, yeah. It's a complication. Yeah, it's a complication that like leads to more adventure. And that's the other thing. Like if you're in India, if you don't just surrender to it, if you go there real tight

and freaked out, you're going to have a bad time you don't just surrender to it if you go there real tight and freaked out you're gonna have a bad time like you just have to accept this is what it's like like you are a fucking death adverse buffoon who's come out to this ancient place with some like weird sense that you're gonna like get enlightened or learn and but how can you get enlightened if you're constantly trying to protect yourself from right you just have to give up and eventually let yourself get scammed here and there my doctor told me about his friend who went to i think merida or something and and he would drive through this fishing hole all the time and a cop would like pull him over he's like hey your taillights out and he was like no it's it's not it wasn't working it's ten dollar fine

he goes okay sure he paid him next time he's like hey your taillights i pulled them over again he's like it's not and then every time and eventually he just started pulling over on his own instead of getting pulled over he goes why make people do the work and that was like was he mad he goes no he eventually just saw it as a toll it was a toll it was a toll and if it was an official toll station he wouldn't feel bad right this was less official so he could have felt shitty about it right it's the same time but he's like fuck it i'll let the boot of tyranny crush my neck and pretend it's a toll booth because i'm too much of a pussy to understand my constitutional rights mexican cop yeah oh this is mexico yeah oh no

yeah um yeah so we ended up in dharamsala and which is where the Dalai Lama lives part of the year, all these Tibetan monks up there, incredible place. And what sucked- Have you begun at this point your journey into Buddhism? No, that's where it's really, I wish, I knew nothing, nothing at all. I got this taste of it decades before i really got into it um i so wish that i had like been more i'd studied it more when i went there because i didn't know anything i mean we were we were like assholes like we didn't we where'd you stay uh

we stayed at i can't remember the name of the guest house beautiful guest house overlooking the uh the mountains and you would see like these these mountain climbers who had returned from climbing mountains and their faces were just fucking just blackened from the sun and you could just tell it had been a intense climb and buddhist monks everywhere met an anthropologist who was studying reincarnation and had like met one of these toku is what they're called reincarnated like it's uh it's in so many movies and it is real where toku dies or rempusha dies and then there's these signs that lead to where his reincarnation is going to happen and they put items in front of the kid that only the rempush they would know and the kid selects them and passes all these

weird tests and then gets taken to a monastery and trained it's so well but this dude was studying that and he got to hang out with this 12 year old rempush and he was like it was like being with like a 50 year old man like that was not a kid like it was like a grown-up in a kid's body. So it's just an awesome mix. And then the fucking Israelis. You see the Israelis come up to Dharamsala. Hold on. I'm in the middle of writing an essay, just so you know,

about best travelers, worst travelers. And Israelis are on both lists. Dude, I love the Israelis. No, the Israelis party. Yeah, they party. They go hard. They fucking party. It is insane what they...

So the Israelis, I guess the monsoons make it so they can't go to Ibiza for some sort. So they come up to Dharamsala because in Dharamsala and in a lot of India in those days, you could go to the pharmacy and be like i need ketamine and they would just give you liquid ketamine and so israelis were up in darm sala just cooking ketamine down and just doing rails of ketamine during monsoon season wow yeah wow because also they all went to the army and they got out and they're like let's

let's live a little oh my god That was fucking wild what we just did. Back then I didn't know about Buddhism. I didn't know about ketamine. Two fucking sad parts of the trip. That was early ketamine. Oh, dude. I thought it was, you know, back then I'm like, oh, horse tranquilizer. These Israelis were just happily like, you can go to the pharmacy and get ketamine.

And so, but this is where the Israelis got us in trouble. Okay. Because. I mean, it could go so many different ways. It could be like, no, we just go to the kitchen of this guest house. We could just use their stuff. Or it could be like, let's beat up an Arab. It could go any which way.

These were just party Israelis and they were having fun. And we told them that we were looking for weed. Like Emil had somehow found like hash. They love hash. Yeah. And so he had this like great hash. And I like, you know, we went to a pharmacy in India because I was like, you know, so amazed that you could just say,

Valium? Can I have Valium? And they give it to you. So we've been blasted on valium like i fell we went to see titanic in new delhi what and i was on so much valium that i i fell down the steps of like down the steps of the movie theater like down a whole thing of steps i just kind of like rolled to the bottom right here so we uh but we wanted we we wanted weed and so these fucking israelis are like you need to go to varanasi weed is legal in varanasi because it's the city of shiva go to varanasi and ask for a bong lassi and again these are people who just told us they were like it just

gotten back from the pharmacy for like a fresh patch of ketamine and we're like okay that's our next stop something I don't know what they're talking about we're going to Varanasi wow so we took the train to Varanasi it was a train like oh my god incredible dude incredible like you it we did not get the best ticket because we're like broke college kids so we're in a regular train the boundaries in india it's just not there like emil's like i look over it's like, we've been on this train forever. Emil's like stoned on hash. And he's like, there's just an Indian dude sleeping on his shoulder. Like, they're best friends. And like, Emil waves at me.

He's like, I don't know. He's just. It's so sweet that people will just hold your hand there. They don't. You know what I mean? It's just normal. Are they on top of the train like that? Yeah.

What? Yeah, I think on our train, there are people on top of it. That's got to be a cheaper ticket. That's a discount. That, to get on top of the train? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know how you get that. I think you have to be born in India to go on top of the train.

But yeah, they would climb on. They would, you would, but dude, it was insane. You know, just the- The people selling food on them? wow that's nice people would sell food just coming up and down like yelling out their beggars would come and sing like religious songs and people would give them um money there was food like yeah it was a constant stream of food that you could get and or you could just at a stop you could you could just grab, like, they have these, like, everything's on these wonderful, like, silver, like, trays. So you would get dal, chapatis.

It was delicious. And so we take this train to Varanasi. Now we have to find a guest house to stay at. And we have to get, like, to the Ganges River, to that part of And we have to get like to the Ganges River, to that part of the city. So we got to the Ganges River. How do you find a guest house? Exactly.

You know, the lonely planet has some address, but you realize like I'm in a fucking ancient city of death and it's a maze. And it's like, it's with monkeys. With monkeys that chase you. So the monkeys also fuck with Westerners. Because like an Indian kid will just reach down like he's going to grab a rock. And the monkeys scatter.

Because they know. But the monkeys know that Westerners are afraid of fucking monkeys. So we end up in a hotel room. The monkeys know race. For sure. Wow. Everyone's fucking with Westerners and not just people like that. The monkeys will steal.

Apparently they've learned to steal phones. And then if you give them fruit, they give you your phone back. I love that they are honorable about it the monkeys yeah and they're like okay fair trade because i know if i don't give it back the deal's over well and yeah i know like they know they know like some value they and like i saw somebody or the the lady gives the monkey some fruit and i think he's like come on that's not enough give me more for this but they uh they said in hong kong that you don't put any plastic bags because if they that crinkle they know that's food

just grab it so you might have like an old t-shirt in there they're like they're gonna take it to look dude it's the first rule you hear is don't feed the fucking monkeys because i tried that i had like a i don't know some like some crackers you know i love monkeys i'm like i'm gonna feed these monkeys so i go to where there's a bunch of monkeys pull one cracker out throw the cracker to a monkey and then just a monkey runs up to me and grabs the whole thing of crackers out of my hand it's like fuck you we're not birds imagine saying a bunch of gang members and throwing here's a dollar fella it's like pulling out a wad i'm like here's one dollar so it's like get him and those things bite you you're done like you're gonna have to get tetanus shots and god so in this one hotel the first hotel

we stayed at i am standing on a balcony i don't know where emil and and David are and a monkey jumps up on the balcony and is just looking at me and I'm looking at the monkey and you realize that's a big monkey like they're pretty big and he's just looking at me he doesn't seem like particularly dangerous or just like an interesting

kind of Jane Goodall moment like here I am with a Varanasi monkey communing with a monkey eat, pray, love. A truly spiritual city. Perhaps this monkey was my mom in a past life. Then another monkey, bloomp, just appears on the balcony. And they're both kind of looking at me.

Then another monkey. And another monkey. It's a fucking pack of monkeys appears around me and i start backing away and they're kind of moving in i don't know what they had planned so i i fucking run i'm like jesus christ monkey monkeys run down the steps for hitchcock's monkeys it was terrifying and there was i'm running there like i like to think they were laughing but they were chasing like it was like i'm i run all the way get back in the hotel room have that moment of like the key i gotta get the fucking key go in the hotel room the monkeys are just watching me

go through the door and then i wait a little bit i open the door and i look out and right as i look out a monkey peers around the steps to see if i've come out again because they're going to ambush me i guess yes yes they they live with the people like i saw there was a big commotion at a market and what had happened is a baby monkey had fallen into one of the vendors. Like, I don't know. Someone had caught a baby monkey. And the mother is screaming at him, pointing at the baby.

And they had to figure out a way to, like, get the fucking baby up to the mother who grabs it and runs away. So it's like these two communities kind of, like, live in a in a weird interspecial way but yeah man bar and aussie is incredible but i i don't know how much more time we have so what'd you so then what'd you do all day there well the goal was yeah find this bong lossy we want to get stumped right so you know about uh what was it psychogeography no it's a it's something that gets you moving through a city oh so for henry rollins it's it's uh records cool it's fine records that's brilliant psychogeography yeah i fucking love that yeah it might be i'm gonna find live music

somewhere and just and then while you're looking for it you're like oh look at this a fruit stand Psycho geography. Yeah. I fucking love that. Yeah. It might be, I'm going to find live music somewhere. And then while you're looking for it, you're like, oh, look at this, a fruit stand or whatever. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Psycho geography. That's cool for some people. It's vapes.

Yeah. You got to go get your vaping. So we are looking for this guest house. Somehow we heard they have bong lassies. And this is where it gets- That's bong lassie? It's just yogurt with fucking weed in it. With weed in it.

Oh, right. Happy shake. So we- The ancient euphoric drink. We find this guest house. And their guest house are competitive. So on the way to this one guest house, someone steps up another guest house and goes, if you go to that guest house they will cut your head off

what a fucking negative yelp what a fucking bad yelp one star they cut my brother's head off so but he said it with like such passion and like it had happened it felt like a you know in the beginning of a horror movie the warning like don't go there so we get to this guest house we say we would like a bong glossy we heard about this in dharamsala and in those days i'd never met joey diaz so you know that look joey diaz gives you when he's about to OD you on weed? You know that look? It's like a weird little sparkle in their eyes. And they're like, yeah, we do bong losses.

And so we sit down at this table. They bring out these delicious yogurt drinks. We're drinking them. I just remember looking back at the guy and he's looking at his friend with this weird smile on his face. We drink the bonglossies. And again, this is before weed is decriminalized.

We knew very little about eating weed, about the onset, about asking how much you're eating. So we drink it. Both of us are just assuming like well fucking israelis they led us astray this is weak shit nothing's happening why don't we go take a boat out on the ganges river so we get down to the ganges river get an or a boat and they row you out there so you could see the city from the ganges river

cool right as we get out there into the ganges river that's when the fucking bong lossy starts kicking in i'm i realize like i'm what the fuck have we done we are you can't leave you're looking at this ancient city plumes of smoke rising up you see the fires from cremated bodies you know sadhus in the up to their waist in the river with candles and ding ding ding ding ding and bells and like some we're both so high and so freaking the fuck out. Emo leans in to me and he goes, the oarsman is using telepathy to put thoughts in our mind. And like,

you know what I mean? Like he meant it. And once he tells you that you're like, I've got to consider that is possible. Dude, you're like, holy shit, man.

That's what I was trying to say i love that fucking telepathy that you actually have we're like i know dude it was the most intense weed trip i've ever had in my life i mean i i started thinking that a ufo was gonna appear out of the sky i started thinking like i i feel like a ufo is coming and you know what i mean it was so so beautiful and um well we made it you know as we started coming down what about this oarsman was thinking assholes these guys are getting weird fucking stone dicks i bet they don't tip fuck them i'm tired i don't want to row these people anymore but again like the ganges river it's like you are seeing dead bodies floating down the river in front of you are seeing uh cows and people go in it they bathe in it what yeah that doesn't seem

smart well this is like from our perspective yeah you know that that makes a lot of we need dead bodies floating down it i'm sure you can find plenty of pictures of like dead cows floating down the ganges river i mean you see like um you see uh oh i mean yeah i'm just thinking about the east river is pretty bad well and on the other side, the opposite shore of the Ganges, this is where all these like hardcore Shivites live. Yeah, there you go. You know, literally like birds use them as boats. Oh, really?

Like a floating buffet. They'll just ride the bodies and like casually eat them while they float down the river. Wow. And yeah, it's a completely different vibe there. just ride the bodies and like casually eat them while they float down the river wow and you you yeah it's it's a completely different vibe there and on the other side of the river there's all these shivites these hardcore uh worshipers who's shiva well shiva would is in is in the Hindu trinity, is the god of destruction. So Shiva represents oblivion. Whereas here we invent the devil, this is the reason there's evil. In their cosmology,

it's like nothing's really evil. It's all part of this pattern. Without death, obviously, you don't get life. There's no no food there's nothing grows from the ground you have overpopulation and life itself would become absolutely meaningless minus death so death and and life are interdependent and so shiva is represents um annihilation and the but not in a dark way in a sense of of a beautiful aspect of the divine. Breaking down the maggots, breaking down stuff, mixing it into soil,

which allows life. Isn't also Shiva the prize in the show The League for winning the... What? I think Shiva. You win Shiva! In Ren's easy show. Yeah, I think it was Shiva.

I think. Yeah. Is that... Yeah. Yep. The Shiva's the name of the the trophy the word is a fantasy football league i'm sure i'm sure fucking india loves loves the taking of that for that the um the one of the like the mythologies around varanasi is that shiva the god of destruction the god of destruction got in a um fight with Brahma the god of creation and chopped off I think chopped off one of his heads you know the

Hindu gods have lots of arms lots of heads yeah and as a and then just started carrying his head around as a kind of trophy and so like kathy griffin with donald trump exactly uh and um dropped his head in benares and it like sank beneath the ground and so that's why they that's another of the like mythologies about the city but the point is it's like there's a lot of shy bites there that's why weed is legal there because the shyivites, weed is a sacrament to them. They smoke weed because Shiva liked weed. So then the government's like, yeah, this can't be illegal. It's part of their people. Yeah, it's part of their religion.

That's a cool etymology of that law. Dude, it's the best. We got invited into it. We were just walking down the street or by the river, and there's Shiva temples there, right by the river. And there's like Shiva temples there, like right by the river, little Shiva. And so these Shaivites invite us into the temple. They're smoking a chillum.

They're sharing it with us and singing these Hindu bhajans is what they're called. And you are stoned and you feel like you know this song. You're supposed to be here they're so welcoming they've got dreadlocks and they like but they're so welcoming they they worship the god of death but they just are so sweet and i knocked a fucking picture of shiva off the wall as it's like the war the war Dude, I felt so bad. Is this guy big in your world?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's really not great. But they're very, very sweet. Very sweet. Highly recommend going there. Did you get diarrhea?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, baby. No way around it. I mean, this was our last stop. And somehow I managed to not get diarrhea uh through the whole trip um we were eating at some i don't know restaurant there and they always misspell like items on the menus and so like there was something called banana filters they meant fritters but it's banana

filters i'm being a little sarcastic dick and i'm like let's get the banana filters so i eat these fucking things and like for a month i was just pissing out my asshole you know like so fucking sick so sick and that sickness started kicking in the next day. And that is when I walked to the Manicurinica Gap. And I'm feeling weird, just starting to get sick. I passed this guy whose job is selling wood for the Gots. And I think he could tell that Varanasi had like like beaten me up a little bit and and i deserved it but he he sees me he goes how are you doing i'm like i'm okay how are you and he's like

i'm wonderful because i live in varanasi, and this is heaven. And he meant it, you know? And then I go to this guy. They have a platform where you can look down on the cremation. I'm watching a man get cremated. He's on fire. I'm watching his face kind of disintegrate. There's a little Indian boy standing next to me working on his english and so he's

trying to get me to help him with his english and so while i'm watching this old man's body melt this little boy is going 10 9 8 1 3 2 you know what i mean it was such a trip Eight, one, three, two. You know what I mean? It was such a trip. Yeah, and then, like, I think that was probably, like, the next to last day there, and then we just went back to the U.S., as I recall. How long were you there for total?

Almost a month in India. Wow, good trip. You've got to do a month in India. Like, going there for, like, a week is idiotic because the flight takes forever. It's such a massive place. There's so many different, like if you go up north, you're up in the mountains. If you go south, it's beautiful. There's beaches.

It's just incredible. The whole fucking continent is just insane and the people there are so fascinating and so sweet and especially if you're like not like being a fucking dick you know which they can sense but there are some temples there where westerners aren't even allowed in you can't go in because like we're not dealing with you well and we don't know how to do it they have strict rules and those things yeah you know but i highly recommend the trip i mean i've heard it's a different place it obviously is i went there uh 20 years ago but i would definitely for you in particular yeah you never called me of all the places i get why i want to go there you've been there twice huh yeah i've been there once for a month and once for about a week what yeah i was in varanasi and

dharamsala and new delhi wow pretty much everything you you said you did wow yeah did you you obviously liked it you kept going back yeah i mean i i loved it it was very it was so different and so kind of overwhelming that I just felt like I had to go back overwhelming yeah it's very overwhelming um and with the cremations I don't know if they you saw this but they would like crack their skulls open as they were being burnt didn't see the skull crack what do you mean the people would do that or the fire would do that the people would do that because they said it would release their souls into heaven. Well, someone forgot to crack this guy's skull. Where's the fucking skull cracker?

What were the bathrooms? How would you say? Crouch or fucking regular or what? The bathrooms in India? Yeah. They are spectacular. Really? A lot of people don't right am i wrong that bathrooms in india are private oh they all have they all have bidets and they are like usually there's a nice floral arrangement in the bathrooms bathroom attendance in every bathroom no matter where you go. Are you being sarcastic? Yes! Okay.

I was going to say, I don't remember this at all. Okay. You know, because you've got to understand, like, we use toilet paper to wipe our ass obviously they're like really you're gonna use fucking paper to like wipe shit off of your body like you would never you know so they they will have like a bucket with some kind of cloth right there where you can use water to actually clean your ass with your hand yeah and then you go and wash your fucking hands now you it's gotta take some getting used to dude again in in dharm sala met this uh indian guy at a church i was just looking at the graveyard and you know

again obnoxious i look back at my uh so ob. I'm like, what is that with you guys wiping with your hand? And he goes, if I took shit and put it on your cheek right now, would you wipe it off with a Kleenex? You know what I mean, right? It's very logical. Caparillo explained that to me about wet wipes. And I was like, no. He goes, let me show you something.

And he's like, we were at my apartment on Sunset, and he put a little coca-cola just spilled it out he goes let's wait a minute here and then he's like all right wipe it off and then i did he goes touch the spot and it's like sticky like transfer coke to shit and that's what you're leaving on your butt yeah i'm like i'm done you're right that's the truth except now the wet wipe fucking apocalypse is upon us you know because like the wet wipes fucking apocalypse is upon us. Oh, yeah. Because the wet wipes. Clogging up all the systems. There's huge, giant wet wipe masses in the sewers now. Massive fucking infinite assholes.

I heard the wet wipes, they glom together. Yes. Because they have the store of gravity, and they've been starting to become sentient. Truly. No, I know. A lot of people are going to hear this and think it's bullshit look it up look at this study professor william dystrip did at stanford on this because people were reporting that uh these things seem to be moving or there seemed to be some like some kind of intelligence there and yeah as it turns out oh he died well well no did he die what's the study what what's the study

it's like uh measuring measuring intelligence and uh wet wipe coalescence in the sewers of the uk no it's wild you know it's wild i've never seen one but they say they kind of undulate down there and there's they seem to be this is what happens i mean is if this is what happens single cell organisms become multi-cellular organisms and and apparently the wet wipes are waking up this um i have never before wanted to go to any of this has made me want to go you gotta go yeah yeah you're ready you're a seasoned traveler you will fucking love it i don't i don't I have never before wanted to go to any of this has made me want to go. You got to go. Yeah. Yeah. You're ready.

You're a seasoned traveler. You will fucking love it. I don't, I don't even think it'll overwhelm you, man. I think you'll just enjoy it. The big city sometimes like Jesus, it's so over,

overrun like the, the Yangon's and New Delhi. That's just the fuck, the poverty and the height of everything. Sometimes it gets like, what the fuck? But you need to go up to Bhutan. You have to get permission to go there. And that is a place I've always wanted to go.

You have to get permission to go to Bhutan? Yes, you do. There was that train there to escape the fucking zombies, right? That's Busan. That's Busan, yeah. I recommended that movie to people because I thought it was awesome. And then they were watching.

I'm like, this is laughably bad. And I'm like, damn it. I hate it when that happens. The first time I saw it, it was pretty fucking good. It was pretty good. I thought it was great. Who fucking told you laughably bad? It's like people on their phones in the first five minutes.

I'm like, you'll never appreciate this. I was in Trainspotting with my buddy in the movie theater, and he was like fidgeting, and I was loving it so much. And he goes, do you want to go? And I'm like, let's get out of here. Because I'm like, I'm going to go back and fucking enjoy this. Let's not fuck with this with you here. God damn it.

Train Spotting is an intense movie though. He's probably just getting freaked out. Baby crawling on the ceiling, torturing the guy. What would you tell somebody if they are going to India or I guess these places where you should bring this with you

or don't do this? Well. You know, like what to prepare? Yeah, I'll tell you. What to avoid? So there's this, i don't know if they're still doing it but there's this um malaria drug that some people will recommend you take called larium okay there's two drugs to take for malaria right and don't fucking take larium

look at like my friend riddle is that the uh is that the amnesia one yeah that my friend david when he went back to india was on larium and had complete amnesia in a train station because of that shit like doesn't know who he is he he was like in a he had to get hospitalized for like a month uh he's got a great book called the answer to the to the riddle is me which is like the story of what happened to him out there. What's his name? David McClain. Oh, we've got to get him on this podcast.

Oh, dude, for sure. He's brilliant. And his book is really good. Didn't he also stop the Die Hard terrorist attack? Yeah. Wow. With amnesia. Oh, my God.

Because he didn't know he wasn't a cop. Someone told him, you're a hero. You've got to stop this shit. Oh, wow. And he just did it. Killed 30 men. Damn. So he had well-trained terrorists.

German expats. Wow. Yeah. I was hearing about him. The stuff I took from Hilarium, it was just like the dreams were wild. Oh, my Hilarium dreams. So I had a dream. I still think about this dream.

I'm on a pirate ship. A skeleton pirate comes up to me with a hook hand, disembowels me. I see my intestines on the hook, but I, you know, I could feel it. Like I felt my guts getting ripped out and woke up completely freaked out told some australian like dude i had this dream i got disemboweled by a skeleton pirate he's like you stop taking that larium mate are you on larium he knew right away it was a fucking larium dream and he's like that'll drive you nuts people go insane sorry for my bad australian accent that's pretty good i thought i was lost i thought you were for a second yeah people go fucking crazy on that shit and it's somehow still legal so so don't

there's other alternatives than lair and maybe they don't there's another one there's another one and i don't know what that is also wild chains but but less amnesia yeah don't take the larium malarone i think what malarone malarone yeah that think. What? Malorone? Malorone, yeah. That's what I took, Malorone. Dan, this was awesome, bro. Thanks for having me, man. What's your special going to get called? Do you know yet? I still got to watch and give you advice on it,

which I'll do this week. Give a title? Right now, I've got two possible ideas, but right now I'm thinking of calling it When I Had Hair. Because he taped it when you had hair. I'll do a fucking intro for when it's out um thanks damn this really makes me want to go to india you gotta go i could i can almost like smell it i can almost like feel the humidity on me yeah from like hearing this shit yeah man you would just have a blast it wouldn't phase you like it did us you would like be able to really enjoy it. I'm a bit scared of the gang.

I kind of have to go solo. I don't think you're in the demographic that's getting out there. I mean, I wouldn't go with anybody is what I mean. Oh, yeah. No, go by yourself. Just some bros, maybe. Yeah. Yeah, I've heard really.

I don't know that that stuff people are hearing is necessarily exaggerated. I mean, you can find accounts of women who went out there and said it was fucking fine. And you can also find videos of, like, just creepy crowds of dudes surrounding women and staring at them. Yeah, it's like, I don't know how safe it is, but once I've let a story of that into my head, I'm like, I'll never feel safe with a chick out there. I wouldn't recommend it. It might be like it happens once i've let a story of that into my head i'm like i'll never feel safe with a chick out there i i wouldn't it might be like it happens once every billion people and it's like it doesn't matter i don't know you know it's it's it's chaos like you don't know what's gonna happen it's it's just it could be great it might not be but you don't want to be yeah yeah yeah you don't want to be worrying about also what a great excuse to leave your chick at home. Like, sorry. It's got to be the bros on this one. I mean, if you want to come,

you can come. Hey, babe, I'm looking this up. It's up to you, but... Yeah, check out this article. There's a video of this one. This doesn't look fun for you. We can do it, though. We can do it. It's an authentic experience. I don't know if I can fight off a mob of dudes, though. One or two.

They're Indian. I'm bigger than them, but. No, I think if you have the guts. Yeah. Solo fucking trip to India. You will definitely meet people along the way, you know, that you'll make friends with and hang out with for a little bit. But just going like completely solo would be real fun. All right. Yeah. Thanks buddy. Yeah.

Before I go, I just ask people if they have any travel tips, just in general travel tips. It doesn't have to be something you'll die on, but like, uh, it's so boring. This is a boring travel tip. Okay. Uh, keep your hotel super clean. Like, wow. Had not had that. Hold on. keep your hotel super clean like wow had not had that hold on chiron clean your fight like unpack your bags put them in the drawers hang up your clothes and organize everything dude i was at a bar and i had um we had a there's a water bed on there and we're sitting on it's fun and there's like a ledge about that thick and i had my beer on there some guy's like hey man would you mind taking that that beer off that ledge and put it on the table?

And I was like, why? He goes, my friend's highly autistic, and he's freaking the fuck out because it's near a corner. And then you just see this guy like this. And I was like, and I just move it like that, and the guy's like, ah. And I was like, all right, sure. What did you just say?

Why did you? You see, I don't really't really remember what so hey i heard you unpack it and organize everything what's the reason for that just so you can feel like settled in well it's a lot of different reasons but um if you're traveling a lot and you are leaving your hotel room like most like i used to do in like a chaotic like shit everywhere yeah just experiment with like putting everything away hanging everything up keeping everything clean not counting on the maids coming to clean your room and you just feel more peaceful in there like i think something about shit scattered everywhere in a new place fucks with your brain a little bit is that thing we're supposed to organize stuff by cutting off corners and like that that theory of of like you know i'm talking about cutting off corners yeah like you put a table like this way so it makes the room more circular or like you

know what i'm talking about did the guy at the bar tell you this after he comes around i want to tell you about my circular hotel room theory everything in a circle no corners nothing on a corner shit like that you don't know what i'm talking about yeah the circular theory nobody knows what i'm talking dude we all know what you're talking about they're just latin we all know it's like putting your bed in a certain place and like circulize your bed no and this is the final thing yeah they're not as hard to find especially in austin as you think a fucking bat wing like take a bat wing oh and you put it in a sock yeah and um put that in the corner of your bed and then and then once you circularize the bed put the bat wing it's like

a zen thing of fucking building your your room or where you live. You know if you go to a hotel and request... You're all leaving me hanging. It's when you're organizing your house, when you're building it. Yeah. Fuck all you. You know what I'm talking about.

Pie. It's pie. It's a beer. It's pie. 3.184. It's like... No, I'm telling you. And if you go to a hotel...

Feng shui. Thank you. Feng shui. Feng shui. Whatever. point one eight four it's like just no i'm telling you and if you go to a hotel thank you yeah but batwing no larium and circular eyes you're told we're ending this podcast and i do not like the way it ends uh uh you told me once and uh in a just a joke that Jesus came to America carrying a giant bat and that was a Mormon's belief. And I carried that with me for a decade and mansplained some Mormons

about how the religion started. And they're like, that's not true. I'm like, you gotta look it up. It's a deep cut, but I'm telling you it's true. And they're like,

where'd you find that sound? I'm like, my friend, ah, fucking shit. It's a 10-year fucking prank that was pulled off perfectly. I mean, I'm in the fucking Mormon church going, you guys don't know. Show me the rooms.

I'll show you the details of this. Mansplaining the Mormons about their religion. Duncan, buddy, thank you for having me. He has this podcast called Duncan Trussell Family Hour. That's amazing. I've been on a couple times. But start with the fucking smarter people than me on there and then go back and watch uh fucking i just the midnight gospel and i'm there's a show on fox called crapopolis that i'm on right now do you know gospel i heard you said don't do drugs

to watch it but i say i disagree i say at least be blasted on weed well that's just from this is my own person like anytime i take a psychedelic and then absorb a psychedelic thing i just i feel like it's yeah it's like when i take psychedelics you know i like to fucking go outside take my clothes off put on my wife's underwear you know, dance, go into the neighbor's house if they're not there, creep around, pretend to be a little carpet worm.

That's how you should spend your time tripping. Guys, thank you for tuning in. Every week, a new fucking place we go. Leave comments about your places that you've been to in India. Subscribe at UB Tripping Pod. Yeah, we go send it leave comments about your places that you've been to in uh in india subscribe at

you be tripping pod um uh yeah tell me anybody like duncan just david mclean david mclean anybody like that send her away or you be tripping pod on on instagram or or whatever get off twitter i'm sure we rock dude i gotta tell you about robert ryan my friend he's a tattoo artist and holy shit he travels all over. Really? Oh my God. I'm in. I want everybody. Okay, great. Yeah, okay. Robert Ryan. Okay. Bye, guys. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Well, that's the episode, everybody.

I hope you enjoyed it. God, that was so good, Duncan. That was so good. That's exactly what this podcast is supposed to be. That exact thing. I mean, it makes me want to go there for sure. I never really had it in me before. India never called me, and now it does. It's interesting how some of these countries call you

and some don't. It depends on who the person is, whether they'll call you or not. Don't forget, my new special is being recorded this Friday and Saturday in Washington, D.C., at the Capitol Turnaround. Get tickets at rhshafear.com. 27th is sold out.

26th, still tickets available. Tell a friend who lives in Washington area, Maryland, Virginia, tell them, if they're cool, like I say, to come on down and be part of the funeral. Part of the funeral. A rebirth. Because it will live on. Just like Duncan said with these people,

this material will live on after death. It will live on in video form. On a streaming service of some kind. Or maybe a mailer. Maybe I'll mail it out door to door like Netflix used to be. CD-ROMs delivered door to door. I'm definitely not going to do that, but it is an interesting idea. Also, don't forget Australia tour.

Melbourne, Canberra, Adelaide, Sydney, Brisbane. Dr. Chussel, get tickets for his show at the Boston at the Wilbur. And subscribe right now, everybody. Wherever you're listening or watching this podcast, subscribe. Leave a comment on YouTube. Subscribe at UB Trippin' Pod. It's not on the Your Mom's House Network. I mean, it's produced by them, edited by them, but it's on its own YouTube account.

UB Trippin' pod. Head over there right now, subscribe, because some of these pictures, some of the stuff we looked up, it really adds something. It's one of those where I would say the video really does make a difference over the audio itself. Audio is still going to be great, but there's just a bonus feature for the videos. And that's it. You'll be tripping pod on socials. Thank you very much, Duncan Trussell. Today's episode was produced by your mom's house network, YMH Network, a man who thinks Indian people smell. Run by that. Tim Sigdudu. Edited expertly by Chris Larson, possibly Alan Caffey, but I think this one was Chris Larson.

I think this is the last one by Chris Larson. And then that's it. Oh, next week, next week, another wild one, Colm Tyrrell. I just found out how to say his name. Comes on to talk about Bangkok, Thailand. What an interesting place. Yeah, he went there as a gap year kid from Ireland

and did it the degenerate piece of S way. But he got into fun stuff. Old Kali Cocktails coming on to tell us about his trip to Thailand. Wild times that you'd be tripping. Tune in every week and tell a friend. I'm really, I'm stoked on this podcast. I'm loving it. How are you guys?

Leave a comment for the algorithm. Click a like and send it to a friend. Anyone who likes to travel, say, I got a new podcast for you. Help me spread the word. We're up at over 40,000 subscribers already. That's great. Let's get over 50,000 after this week, before Column comes out. Columns will be out. Oh, no, wait. Damn, we already did Columns. Oh, damn. Wait, Columns was last week. Dunkin' Trussles is next week. Damn it. No, sorry. I, Collins was last week. Duncan Trussell's next week. Damn it. No, sorry.

I just did that one. Luis Gomez is next week. I'm so disorganized. I'm so disorganized. Collins was good. Luis Gomez is next week. Talking about Jamaica. He's going to take on the heavy task

of convincing me that an all-inclusive resort and getting a villa is travel. Is worth it. And he did a pretty good job of stating his case. I'll be honest with you. I don't think it's for everywhere.

I don't think it's for everybody. But Luis Gomez seems to enjoy it. Tune in next week for Luis Gomez talking about Jamaica. I can't do it's for everybody, but Luis Gomez seems to enjoy it. Tune in next week for Luis Gomez talking about Jamaica, mon. I can't do accents. Until next week, goodbye.