You Be Trippin' - Jamaica w/ Luis J Gomez | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: April 29, 2024

SPONSORS: - Find a water fountain and drink from it On this episode of You Be Trippin’, Luis J Gomez rents a private villa in Jamaica, where he goes cliff diving, snorkeling, and swimming with dolphins. He regales Ari with stories about trash weed, shady cops, and getting tuna brains splattered all over him. The two also discuss Rastafarians, waterfalls, and buying ganja at the airport. Other topics include: Lamb’s bread, beach dogs, and the largest KFC in the world. It’s quite a trip. Irie, mon! https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com You Be Trippin Ep. 12 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, you ready? I'm ready. Hold it for a second. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin', yeah. Hello everybody, welcome to UB Trippin', the only podcast on the internet. Today's guest is notable, actually he owns his own podcast network, Gas Digital Network. He's a founding member of the Legion of Skanks podcast. He has his own podcast called Real Ass Podcast with Luis Gomez. Please, I always say please welcome. There's no audience. I don't know why I said.

Luis Gomez on the show today. Thank you for coming today, Luis. Nice to be here. I'm very happy. How was that as an intro to start? Perfect. I wouldn't change anything. Gomez on the show today. Thank you for coming today, Luis. Nice to be here. I'm very happy. How was that as an intro to start? Perfect. I wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't change a word. It feels just contrived.

Wouldn't change a letter. Okay, that's great. Did I say the J? No, I wasn't paying attention. Great. Luis, thank you for coming on UB Chairman. Where are we headed today? We're heading to the wonderful, wonderful of jamaica very nice very very

nice yeah one it's probably gonna be the trashiest place that you talk about on this show if i had a guess you um you love jamaica you fucking for real love jamaica do. Yeah. I've been I think nine times. Damn. Nine times. Nine times. What? So let's, let's just get into it then. Please. So the one thing obviously everybody knows about Jamaica,

what I knew about Jamaica growing up is this. Have you been to Jamaica? I have not. You've not? No, I've been to 32 or 34 countries. I got to do the math, but no,

not Jamaica. Never been to Jamaica. So yeah, I mean it is like, never called me. When I was a young pod head, you know, when I started smoking weed when I was 17 years old, you know, there is like... Never called me. When I was a young pothead, you know, and I started smoking weed when I was 17 years old,

you know, there's a couple places at the time, because weed was illegal. Even in Cali at that time, it was illegal, right? Like, we just got... Oh, yeah. It just became legal the past decade in, like, you know, Colorado, California, and just in the past year in New York and New Jersey.

But, like, when I would smoke weed as a kid, I was a fucking criminal. Like, it felt like a crime. It felt like a drug would smoke weed as a kid i was a fucking criminal like it felt like a crime it felt like a drug and there was a couple places in the world that you could go yeah um and you could smoke weed legally or somewhat legally amsterdam being one which is my first international trip ever um and then jamaica was the other one so both of those places as a and a pothead was a part of my identity. Like when I was a teenager, when I first started smoking weed,

it was like, oh shit, this is everything to me. Dude, isn't it hilarious that weed is an identity? Yeah. It's not going to be that anymore. No, well, it's legal. Now that it's legal, it's like you can't have a cigarette smoking as your identity. I mean, I guess there are people that have like beer as their identity. Yeah, beer as your identity, you're right, you're right. I guess there'll still be.

DeRosa. Once you're 22, 23 years old, it begins to be really eye-rolly. It's a great Dan Soder joke where he's like, when I was a teenager, it was like a badge of honor. He was like, I smoke weed every day. He was like, now that I'm an adult, it's so sad. He's like, I smoke weed every day. Great bit. And it's very, very true.

I think that exemplifies what being a pothead is. Because I'm still a pothead. I still wake and bake. I still smoke in the morning. You smoke in the morning? You wake and bake? I wake and bake. I never wake and bake. I take a dab, dude, at like 7 in the morning.

I would just like to say, just so it's official. I've done it on Legion of the Skanks. I'm handing over my status as a pod of comedian to you Lewis I'm the pod of comedian now yeah yeah Soder is still number one okay

in New York I believe okay but if my top Rushmore in New York I'm off you're on nice well thank you

I really appreciate that you're welcome I just can't I just can't I can't I don't smoke every day I don't wake up oh you don't smoke and bake

oh that's crazy I smoke most days wow no I wake and bake I smoke all day every day and I've sort of smoked in dabs so anyway regardless

so I Jamaica sort of like that was sort of like out there like oh one day I'd love to go to Jamaica and smoke weed in Jamaica that'd be cool

and then I read a book called Rule of the Bone by Russell Banks yeah and this book was just about a little kid who was abused like by his stepdad his mom

like grew up dirt poor really connected with the character right you um it was about me yeah i wrote under a pen name um but through a series of events the kid ends up living with a ross safarian dude in like the the forest in jama. Yeah. Right. And it's just like, it just ends up there. Right. And it's very random. And it was just whatever I read this book and I really loved the book. And there's just,

there's something like, I was like, dude, I need to go to this place and just roll a joint of Jamaican weed and experience that culture and experience that life at one point. And the girl who gave me that book to read, who was sort of a girlfriend, but really just a friend at the time katie barry um she gave me that book and she actually took me on my first trip to jamaica because we both sort of fell in love with it

and the first time i went um i went to negril and we stayed at the absolute cheapest resort you could get like yeah you know shank like 650 like round trip tickets and the resort. It was so cheap. It was dirt, dirt cheap. Yeah. How old were you? Maybe 23, 24. Dude, isn't there something,

we'll get back to it in a second, but isn't there something amazing about the low level of luxury you need in your early and mid-20s? It blew my mind. You look back on it and you're like, what did I do? Yeah.

It blew my mind, dude. Like, it was the first time I was ever... Like, go to Vegas and you've seen eight guys to a room. Well, I'd never been in warm water before.

I'd never gotten in the ocean and felt warm water on my skin. Oh, right. You know, the Atlantic Ocean, I'd only been in New York. The Atlantic Ocean, it's freezing and dirty

and disgusting, dude. And I go in this crystal clear water and I remember just humming the Club med commercial. Come to Jamaica and feel. I would snorkel. And feel all right.

And I would snorkel by myself, dude. And I would get emotional as I was doing it, dude. Because it was like, even as I never, like getting on a plane and being in crystal clear water as a kid, it was not even anything that was a possibility in the world.

I could see you crying underwater. The only time you can cry. Filling up my goggles. The only time you can cry when no one can see you. But I have that moment almost every time I go to Jamaica now. I snorkel by myself. It's that awesome? I hum the Club Med commercial music to myself.

And I go, God damn it, I love this place. How's the snorkeling? It's great. great it's like an aquarium like looking at an aquarium depending on where you go so so i've been to a few different iterations of like you know jamaican life i've seen a lot of different like angles on it because i've gone so many times so depending on where you go i don't really go for snorkeling right so where i go it it's not the best snorkeling. But I've been to Jamaica in incredible snorkeling areas. I went on the southern coast of Jamaica with a chick. I was counting the amount of girls I'd been to Jamaica with, and I forgot that chick. Five girls.

Five girls I'd been to Jamaica with. It's so great when you know this will work as a place. This will work. Well, the thing is you can go. And you want to go. Look, I've been to Puerto Rico. I've been to mexico i've been to the bahamas i've been i've been every i mean the reality is i've been to hawaii like once you're on a beach with warm water right then it becomes sort of like like that's all the same like everything's kind of

the same right like if you just sort of like there's sand there's water the side the difference is the weed is a big part of it right uh that it's part of the culture the food is fucking impeccable i love jamaican food what's jamaican food um jamaican so like you know um jerk chicken obviously jerk pork yeah that's great it's always like it's always it's a look rice and beans anywhere you go in the world right anywhere except the state that that area dominican republic to all those places yeah over there yeah yeah oxtail is a bit like their big national dish their breakfast food is called uh aki and white fish aki is like a a tree it's called a bread fruit like it actually almost looks like scrambled eggs um it kind of tastes like scrambled eggs they eat it for breakfast right but it actually comes from a tree, and they mix in this really salty white fish,

and it's their national breakfast dish. Oh, wow. So their food is incredible. And I'll tell people when they go, and I'll give my first tip when you go to Jamaica, is do not go to a resort. I've been to nice resorts in Jamaica. I thought you only went to resorts.

No, no, no. I've been to multiple resorts in Jamaica, and now I exclusively go to private villas. That's your cheat code? How many times in before you figure it out? What's private villa? Airbnb? You can do them on Airbnb.

You can do them anywhere. I mean, just look up jamaicanvillas.com. Just Google Jamaican Villas. There's a bunch of travel agents that specialize. Jamaica. A villa. What do you get with a villa? Okay, in a villa, you're getting a private chef who cooks you three meals a day.

What? Five meals a day if you want, whatever you want. What do you mean? Does he live there? They live either on premises or nearby. The chef, she's a grandma, Jamaican grandma. You're talking about a 65-year-old woman who's been cooking her whole life. The best, just the fucking best food you're ever going to have. You're talking about a 65-year-old woman who's been cooking her whole life.

The best, like, just the fucking best food you're ever going to have. Shout out to Miss Janet at... No, edit that out. Nobody's going to my villa. No, no. Dude, dude, I'm just telling you. I edit out anything specific. I just bleep it or mute it.

Good. I don't want to ruin anybody's place. No, please. I'm serious about that. It will be bleeped out. It's already muted out. Find your fucking own villa, doggy, okay? My villa is my villa. Yeah, I get it. I'm serious about that. It will be. It's already muted out. Find your fucking own villa doggy. My villa. My villa is my villa.

Yeah. I get it. I get it. Miss Janet. She, she makes for breakfast. She makes these, um,

she calls them guava pastries, but really what it is, it's like her own version of French toast doggy. This is, this is the best thing you're ever going to eat your entire life. Right. She, so imagine she takes the bread.

First of all, the bread in Jamaica. I don't know what they do. It's fluffy. It's's delicious it's fucking perfect just a regular bag of bread you buy at the supermarket right and she takes two slices of uh bread right she butters it on all sides right nice in the the center of it she puts guava jelly just like out of a jar guava jelly right okay and she puts it together like a sandwich then she takes that whole sandwich and dips it in egg, like

French toast, all around. Then she fries that whole thing, then cuts it in fourths, and the stickiness from the sugar and it kind of, there are these little squares, and it almost like quarterizes the corners of the bread when she cuts it down.

I mean, dude, it's just a hot guava jelly pouring out of this sticky french toasted it's the fucking best thing i've ever eaten in my life and i tell her on day one it's like miss janet don't make anything so bad no no she makes other things too but that is in conjunction with everything that we have for breakfast and we'll have everything we have bacon we have eggs we have you know fresh fruit fruit salad yeah it's a whole spread it's up to you right so here's the thing if you're going with just you and a one other person this is going to be a more expensive option once you hit two couples it's about the price of a good resort for four people

yep once you hit six people you're starting to save money you're like saving money on this now because what they do is with the villa and you're the driver security it's private grounds private do you need security private beach private pool yes you need security it is a third world country if you go out you there's you know just aren't like there's no bar life there's no night life we'll get into that too right where do you get weed then i'll tell you okay so with the villa with the with the villa sorry you you um you can find them for like how much the one I said

is a little more expensive how much is so so one not bad but not good $500 $500 per night you could probably get a two bedroom villa

$250 a night per couple $125 each now but what that means you get the chef but here's the thing you have to buy the food now at first

you're like oh they're gonna rip me off like you know but when you realize their entire economy is based off of making sure you come back and tell friends they're not ripping you off

I go now and I don't even look at the receipt like they're so honest the first time I went I was very concerned am I going to like the food this or the other

now when I go I say okay we're here for five nights I want fish on Monday night steak on Tuesday night oxtail on Wednesday night I just get the proteins and then I say, okay, we're here for five nights. I want fish on Monday night, steak on Tuesday night, oxtail on Wednesday night. I just get the proteins, and then I say, please, surprise us with sides, make salads.

And they go shopping. You just pay them. Oh, you don't have to go to the supermarket and get the stuff? No, you can do it yourself if you want. Some people like that. That's fun. That seems fun. That's fun, yeah.

Do they have it on dollars? What do they use for dollars? They just accept American money. They do have Jamaican money, but they accept American money everywhere. It's easier to, instead of conversion, it's like $1 billion Jamaican dollars for $1. It's something crazy.

So, but most of the villas, some of them, they say you have to shop yourselves. You have to look at the liner notes on what it's going to be. But what you want them to do is you want to give them a list of food. Be like, I want grapes, I want strawberries, I want cookies, I want whatever. And you say, hey, take care of food. Be like, I want grapes. I want strawberries. I want cookies. I want whatever.

And you say, hey, take care of that and bill me. I want my rum. I want the alcohol. They have it all set up. There's coffee every morning. Like the villa experience. And what's on the villa? Pool, yard.

Pool, private beach. Private beach? You can get them with no pool. You can get cheaper ones that have nothing. I went with a chick, my ex-girlfriend. We went with a really cheap one. It had no pool, but it was just on the beach. And there was three little villas on this little private beach.

What does villas mean? Villa. Yeah, I think it means a house. I mean, is it different than an Airbnb house? Or is it just because it's in Jamaica, it feels like a villa? I don't really know the definition. Is it a wall around it? It's beautiful.

Here, I'll show you some pictures. I can show you pictures of the villas. Let me see. I'll show you the picture of the villa that I go to. I didn't actually put them in a separate file. It's okay. But it's also the villas. Let me see. I'll show you the picture of the villa that I go to. I didn't actually put them in a separate file, but you have to not watch me have sex with women

in some of these pictures. Okay, fair. I won't upload that. Let me see. Albums, albums, hold on. I think I have a, no, I do, you know,

I have the Gas Digital Jamaica retreat right here. This is all a villa? Hold on, never mind. This is Jamaica 2020, so this is when i took my family to this ville oh this is this is a different ville this isn't the one that i go to every time so this one had a private pool ah it's nice yeah right on the water yeah yeah look at that bonsai tree this was no beach this had like cliff diving uh there was no actual beach but you'd go cliff

diving over here you just jump off the cliffs, and it was kind of... Who's that, your sister? No, it's Beatrice. It's my son's... Oh, wow. My son's mother. Yeah, we used to... When we were friends, we used to come on the family vacations with us.

But yeah, this villa was really, really dope. It's not as nice as the one that I go to. This right here is a place... What is this place called? It's a jerk chicken spot right next door to the um weed spot that we go to so i'll answer that question you asked how we can get weed but regardless five hundred dollars a night for the for the villa plus your your airline tickets it's really not like i mean it's probably cheaper than a nice resort yeah yeah for sure that's great okay Hi, everybody. Today's episode of You Be Trippin' is brought to you by water fountains.

Remember water fountains? Wherever you go. Giving you life-giving water. They keep the planet afloat. They're water fountains. Whoa. Nice water fountain. Yeah, it sure is.

May I? Oh, absolutely, friend. What do you prefer? Whichever one you want. They're both great. I'm going to go big or go home. Wow. Hey, Ari, you want to trade?

Alright, you want to trade? I'm going gonna throw up now back to the episode that's what I recommend you can do resorts the food when you're cooking I don't like the all inclusive where they're like

you can't go out because you're missing out on the food you already paid for you can't go the food sucks it's buffet food they're cooking for 500 people and you gotta be around

the worst fucking humans. Terrible. The resort people suck. You end up being gluttonous as well. You end up overeating because you're like, I need to get my money's worth. And they cook, by the way, if they cook for a portion, they cook for, tell me if I'm wrong, other places,

they cook for the fattest tourists. Yeah. So then you're just like. Shitty cheeseburgers, shitty french fries. And too much of it. Yeah, it's terrible. So I hate that. And by the way, you can get villas in Mexico. You can get it with a private chef. This exists everywhere. shitty french fries and too much of it yeah it's terrible like ugh so I hate that like with if you know

and by the way you can get villas in Mexico you can get it with a private chef this exists everywhere Jamaica's where I think made it famous

they were one of the first like countries that like people did this like at my agent told me about it he was like cause me and Kim went to

an all inclusive resort the first time me and her went to Jamaica and he repped both of us and he was like Kona Smith from, uh, Buckwold.

Is that when you guys got together? No, you already were. Um, no, I got, uh, we were together and then she started working with him.

Um, but he went for his honeymoon. Yeah. And he told me, he was like, did they have, and they all, most of them have dogs.

Like most of those just have like, Buckwold's still around? Yeah, Buckwold's still around. Wow. When I was starting. I know, it's crazy.

Wow. Um, but there's usually there's like beach dogs that are sort of like your dog for the weekend and you just feed them

scraps or whatever there's like cats and like you know it's just sort of like part of the life but then for his villa they had a trained guard dog that was like a security dog

a German Shepherd and he they came in and they smelled him and his wife literally smelled him and then for the rest of the trip,

the dog stayed 10 feet behind them like this. Like if anybody came near them, the dog would fucking start looking at them. The tail would go up, the ears would go up. Yeah, dude, they had their own trained guard dog. Wow, that's nice to have. That's security. Yeah, really dope, dude.

That's security. But Jamaica, the first time I went to Jamaica, I stayed at a shit resort and the weed was illegal back then, right? It was illegal in Jamaica? It was illegal. Wait, wait, really? It was illegal, yeah.

In Jamaica? Jamaica. They're known for it, though. How'd they get known for it? Because it's part of the culture. It's just sort of like they look the other way, but what they would do with tourists is they would use weed to sort of shake them down.

And the cops, I remember i was talking to a guy and i was like i was like oh yeah you gotta you know i hear it's dangerous it's like yeah you gotta worry about the people you gotta worry about the police the police are the scumbags and he said that to me and i was like yeah sure so i rented a moped and um and i was driving i didn't give me a helmet they just gave me a moped. It's fucking Jamaica, dude. Like a little shitty moped. And I was driving down the street. And then some guy starts waving at me in the street. And everywhere you go, the first time I went,

everywhere I went at this shitty resort, it was an open beach. It was a public beach. It was just people trying to sell you shit. It was crazy. It was so annoying. That's annoying. It was the most annoying thing in the world.

You're just trying to have a relaxed time. They just keep coming one after the other. It was terrible. Cabo was like that. Cabo, the festival was so annoying. That's annoying. It was the most annoying thing in the world. You're just trying to have a relaxed time. They just keep coming one after the other. It was terrible. Cabo was like that. Cabo the festival was like that. And it was like, no, no. No. How fast did they go from, do you want beads of any kind to cocaine?

It's everything. Beads, you want massage, you want aloe, do you want cocaine, do you want weed, do you want ganja, do you want mushrooms? It's such a harsh jump. Yeah. Hey, you want this shirt? No, cocaine? They have it all. Damn, dude.

This bitch can braid my hair. She can suck my dick. She can give me blow. It's Yeah. Hey, you want this shirt? No, cocaine? They have it all. Damn, dude. This bitch can braid my hair. She can suck my dick. She can give me blow. It's crazy. So I thought it was a guy trying to sell me some shit. I was on my moped, so I'm like, I just sped past him. Turns out he was wearing a blue button-down shirt. He looked like just a regular Jamaican in a blue button-down shirt.

He was a cop. So then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, on both sides of me, there's two motorcycles, police motorcycles on both sides, Jamaican police, right? And I'm like, you know, I'm like, oh shit. So I pull over and these guys fucking straight up

patted me down looking for money. No fucking way. Looking for drugs. Oh, what? Yeah, like they were like, we're gonna arrest you, man. You know, you better pay us.

Like it was unapologetic, dude. And I was like, oh shit, dude. It's a real deal. What did they get you on? Because I wasn't wearing a helmet. That's crazy. But they just let just let me go i was like they didn't give me a helmet at the thing and i had no money on me i had no weed but if i had money they were gonna take my money and that was gonna be that um but uh at that time weed was illegal so they would the cops would use it to shake you down and also at that time weed was trash the first five times i went to jamaica weed was trash right like it's i'm

talking about like interesting remember in like high school amsterdam was way better oh for weed the weed in amsterdam was crazy so so ahead of its time like it was trash weed in jamaica garbagio doggy what real deal that's really disappointing yeah yeah it's really disappointing hold on so it was street stuff it was grown in the hills. It was grown in the mountains. You could take tours in Jamaica of the weed fields. Like the old weed fields, and they were just grown in Jamaican sun. Just outdoor dirty weed with seeds in it and stems.

It was not the sticky, icky, icky, as Snoop Dogg would have said. You want the sticky, icky, right? What they would tell you back then was you got to ask. For the listeners, Snoop Dogg is a well-known rapper and marijuana enthusiast. The people would tell you, when you originally went, my buddy Jablonski, who sold me weed and was part Jamaican, the first time I went to Jamaica-

Jablonski. He was like, yeah, you got to ask for the lamb's bread. He was like, that's what they call it there, the lamb's bread. So that's what I'd say. I get off, and this is, to this day, you get off in the airport, and as you're going from your plane to your gate, an employee in the airport comes up to you and is like, hey, man, you get off in the airport and as you're going from your plane to your gate, an employee in the airport comes up to you and is like, hey, man, you want to buy some weed? And then he hands you like a quarter ounce

to a half an ounce in a package. At the airport? It's an airport employee. You haven't even gotten your badge yet, dude. And he's like, oh, yeah, that's $100, man. Never buy that weed. Never buy that weed. It's wrapped up.

It's some shit. They're going to act like you can't look at it. It's garbage. It's going to be trash weed some shit. They're going to act like you can't look at it. It's garbage. It's going to be trash weed every time, dude. How many people are they getting? Probably a lot. Dude, I brought my crew. I told everyone.

I brought 17 people from Gas Digital. We brought all of our producers last year, and we rented three villas, private villas on the beach for the crew. It was the coolest experience ever, sharing that with that many of my producers. These guys are my friends, right? Oh, wow. I told everyone, guys, don't buy from the guy in the airport. Sure enough, two people bought from the guy in the airport

because they just don't know how to say no. Say no. It's hard. Just say no, you idiot. You've got to treat those people like when you get off the plane at JFK and they're like, Kevka, hey, sir. You're just like, look at them as not even anything. Yeah, no, no.

Not be like, no thanks. Just be like, ugh, I know what you're doing. Get out of here. But back then, that's really all you could get get and i still said no to the guy in the airport because i was told somebody said don't buy from the airport i was like tell your driver you want to get good weed i get the lamb's bread um and then we stopped off uh the first time i went this is how we do it every time my driver would stop off he had a friend who sold weed it was like a big giant garbage bag you come over you give them 100 bucks, and it gives you literally a shopping bag

full of brown weed. But I fell in love with it there. You're just in Jamaica listening to reggae music. It's everything. Is reggae music everywhere? Oh, yeah. I also just bring a little speaker, and I'm blasting reggae music all the time, dude.

You got to get into the vibe. You have to the whole fucking time. But you're smoking you're smoking this dirt weed but you're in the most beautiful place on earth you know the vibe is like you know everyone's like no problem man there's not a there the people don't feel shady they don't they like at first you think it's like the people are very friendly and welcoming like even sort of in the ghetto like they're not police that's interesting yeah the police were fucking shady dude the people are very like sort of welcoming right um so now they've legalized medicinal marijuana okay so um i go to a place called kaya house i go to every every year i go to um now i go to ocho rios which ocho Rios what's the problem with Callejas what

what are these cities or stores oh you're not saying the name of the stores why yeah we don't do it they'll find it they'll find their own thing

they'll find their own thing that's weird yeah even in the city Ocho Rios oh no that's okay cities are okay there's one big weed shop

in Ocho Rios you'll find it it's called Callejas alright I mean I guess I guess. I guess it's not a tourist stop. I don't want to like fucking say the name, just like your fucking,

whatever her name is, place. Well, my villa is my villa. I don't want these fans to go and come in my villa. But we're okay with that, with Ocho Rios getting overloaded with fucking. They're not going to get overloaded. You know, adds to it a little bit.

A small, small amount of people are going to be able to, you know, just go or going to be inspired to go. I think, well, actually your fans probably will be inspired to go. But there's villas all over the place. Are there weed shops everywhere? There's not that many. This is a big one.

And it's very nice. It's really nice. Go for it. Go for it. And it's medicinal. When you get there, you spend, I think it's $25. And you call a doctor on a cell phone. And they go, hey, what's ailing you, man?

And you say, oh, I got back problems. He's like cool passed and then they give the phone back to the guy it's just and then they put your name in the system but now my name is in the entire country system if i go to any weed shop in jamaica i just got to give my name and i'm good i have a medicinal license yeah that's better than la was yeah it's better than la was you had to fucking carry your stupid thing around no yeah there's nothing like that once you're in you're in um so so now it's medicinal and now they have really good stuff comparable to what you buy from like a drug dealer in new york right so not not not that it's legal but

remember when you first moved here a few years ago where you get like just good stuff it'd be okay it'd be okay not a lot of selection not a lot of this is exactly it it's almost like you're buying from a drug dealer in New York. You're going to get some good drugs, some good haze. Yes, exactly. They're going to give it a name, but it's not really whatever that fucking name is, right? And they sell it by the ounce. Most of the time, they're out of ounces. I'm looking at Sativa Dominant Hybrid.

None of that shit. None of the stereo. But they also have wax. Oh, really? That's good. They'll sell pens. They have... I mean, it's different now.

I pictured it on a fucking beach shack bar, just like... No. No, it's not that at all. You gotta show you Kaia House. Yeah, yeah, show me Kaia House. It's really cool.

Hold on one second, because me and my sister went there a few times, so that's probably where the pictures are. But this place was... Why are you looking for that? How was the weather?

The weather's literally 84 and sunny every day. Doesn't it matter when you go? Doesn't matter when you go. It's 84 and sunny every single day. That's fucking great. It is... You know, the forecast is going to call for rain. Yeah, what does that mean?

This is the outside. This is Kai House. Herb House. Herb House. That's me and my sister going in. She was so happy. The kid's mad that they have to wait for us to go buy weed. Look how sad she looks.

All they want to do is get to the beach. And then you're back. She's like, yes. Yeah. That's the pool. That's nice. That's nice. Yeah, it's really nice. How's the pool? Yeah. That's nice. That's nice. Yeah, it's really nice.

How's the fruit there? Do they have nice fresh fruit? Yeah, of course. Yeah, so the, depending on where you go, like, yeah, we had a mango tree, so they would cut the mangoes fresh for us. We just eat mango all the time. Damn. It was fucking, yeah, incredible.

So, yeah, that's the weed. The weed, you just got to go to a weed shop. Now, you don't buy it, never buy it on the beach. You're just not going to get good weed. And if you want to get good weed at this Now, you don't buy it. Never buy it on the beach. You're just not going to get good weed. And if you want to get good weed at this point, who doesn't? Right. Go to these houses. You got to go to, yeah, a weed shop.

And how do you get the doctor? Did you say? They just call for you. Right there. Right there and then. Right. They call for you. They want to make, you got to remember, they want to make it easy.

When you go on a vacation to a place that's a very touristy place, most of the time it's intuitive. It's like they're using an Apple, like a MacBook now. It's like you very touristy place most of the time it's like intuitive like it's like they're using like an apple like a macbook now it's like you sort of can just figure it out right they make it that way because if it's difficult right they're not gonna like once i started getting like you know rome was pretty easy to navigate when i went to italy you know so it was chinkwitetta but once you're in certain like little areas like it's not tourist friendly it's not easy to figure out like we're even just reading once we left from the train schedule and like how it was like on the walls i was like this is getting foreign it's like yeah it's very very foreign whereas when i was in

home it was designed to make it easy for people from multiple cultures to be able to use it children to be able to use it hi everybody ari shafir here to break in to tell you that i'm a stand-up comedian and so is louis gomez and I have tour dates to tell you about right now. I'm going to tell you about them quick before these people show up and make me self-conscious about doing this ad read in public. I am going to be at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles May 9th and 10th doing my live storytelling shows. Ari Shaffir's renamed storytelling show. May 10th is sold out. May 9th, still some tickets available.

Well, if you wanted to go May 10th, it's over. I hear you, but it's over. It's sold out. You can try to get on the wait list. Luis Gomez. And then I'm also going to be in Australia. All tickets for my shows are at rsjafir.com. I'm going to be in Melbourne, wait, Melbourne, Adelaide, I'm also going to be in Australia. All tickets for my shows are at rsjafir.com. I'm going to be in Melbourne, Adelaide, Canberra, Brisbane, and Sydney.

Two shows in Melbourne are already sold out on May 18th. Then the 2017th, we added May 24th in Adelaide, May 25th. May 31st and June 1st in Sydney. Then I'm done until my special comes out on probably YouTube. I don't know. We'll know. Whatever. We got to see. Luis Gomez is also touring. And here's where he's going to be.

I got it. Denver. Ooh, that's next week in Denver. Then Grand Rapids, Glendale, Wisconsin, Las Vegas, Nevada, Point Pleasant, New Jersey, Ontario, California, Oxnard, California, Fort Worth, Texas, Dallas, Texas, New Orleans, Louisiana, Lafayette, San Jose, and everything else. Guys, go to lewisofskanks.com for those tour dates as well

and don't forget to subscribe wherever you're listening or watching hit subscribe we're already up to 42,000 subscribers as of

midway through the Duncan episode alright let's get back to the episode so for the most part it's not an intimidating

place like that you're just not going to leave the resort you're not going to you know you're not going to so you're just there for to leave the resort. You're not going to, you know, you're not going to... So you're just there for the weather and the beach? You're there for the weather, the beach, the food, the company.

Yeah, that makes sense. You're not, I mean, I'm sure there are. I don't know because I just haven't been. I haven't really gone out in Montego Bay, which is an extremely touristy area. My assumption is there's probably Cabo Wabos and fucking Margaritaville-type places that are, like like busy with tourists.

That's kind of whack to me. Like, you know, if I'm going to go out in a new country and experience their nightlife. There's a Friendly's in Cabo. Yeah, I'm sure. Friendly's Ice Cream. Yeah, yeah.

By the way, in Jamaica, they have the largest KFC in the world. And that's... No one should be in there. How full is it? We went, when I brought the crew,

when I brought, because everyone talks about it, because apparently they do something different with the spices. They got permission. The country of Jamaica got permission from KFC to add a 12-third of the spices. To change the original recipe?

Yes. Full of secret spices? Look it up. What? I swear to God, dude. They got permission to change the recipe. And so it's a little bit different than any other KFC you're going to get in the entire world. Oh, my God.

And people love it. People love it. So we went and we got it because we were like, this is hilarious. And we got it with Gas Digital, the whole crew. We brought back like buckets and buckets of chicken. You're trash people. You're all trash people. All trash people.

Well, no, I do get that, though. Sometimes they'll have like weirdo items. Like Burger King had brown sticky rice in Thailand. Well, no, I do get that, though. Sometimes they'll have weirder items, like Burger King had brown sticky rice in Thailand. Yeah, yeah, of course. So it'll be like that. Fish and chips when you go to England. Do they have jerk? KFC jerk chicken?

I think they do. Wow. I would try that. I just got it because I wanted to see what the crispy chicken was like. Yeah. And was it different? No, not really.

Okay. It didn't really taste the difference. It was a little soggy because it was so humid there, and we brought it back in like bags of these huge buckets. Yeah. But I'll tell you, a great treat, there's something called

Juicy Platter, not Juicy Platters, fuck. What is it? Oh, it's, I have a, Chain? Yeah, it's a chain

for Jamaican beef patties because that's what you do. So what I eat in the morning is I eat my Big Macs, but then for, I don't even, I made the mistake where I was like, oh, three meals a day.

You're not going to need three meals a day. You don't want three meals a day with the villa because you're going to be so full. You're going to eat a huge breakfast. You eat this massive lunch. You're just drinking all day. By the time dinner comes around, you're full. You're like, dude, I don't even want to eat dinner. And you sort of waste that dinner.

So now I just do breakfast. We have just snacks in the house for lunch. We do a big breakfast. And then you do dinner. Then we do dinner. We always have leftovers from dinner from the night before that we have for lunch. We have just snacks in the house for lunch. Right? We do a big breakfast. And then you do dinner. Then we do dinner. We always have leftovers from dinner from the night before that we have for lunch.

We snack on it. But I also get like 50 patties, hot chicken patties, beef patties. You like a Jamaican beef patty? I don't think I've ever had it. After this,

can we please go get one and we'll record your review of it? Do you have time? Yes. I gotta meet Ian. There's Ian Finance? Where's he telling you? Ian Lara. Where's I got to meet Ian. There's Ian Finance? Where's he telling you?

Ian, Laura. Where's Ian Laura go? Guess. His grandma's house in New Jersey? Dominican Republic. Dominican Republic. Yeah, he's been there like a billion times. Oh, really?

People love DR. Yeah, which is right around there. It's probably similar foods. We're not talking about that. Save that. It's fine, regardless. Regardless. I'll get one with you later.

We can record it. Yeah, yeah. But I would have beef patties. I just heat up beef patties all day long, and they're so fucking delicious. Where do you get those here? They're all over the place. I'm trying to remember the name of the place. I'm just blanking on them, but just look up Jamaican beef patties.

They're all over the place. Are they in bodegas? Are they in only Jamaican places? No, you'll get them in pizzerias a lot. See, it's almost rectangular. It's orange. Yeah. Let me show you your Jamaican beef patty, dude.

I'll show you your beef patty right now. I know. That's what you're looking up. Hold on. I'll also see if I have another Jamaica album here

because... What are the chicks like in Jamaica? Fat, black. Wow. Interesting. Not the second part, but the first part.

Let's see. Do I only have one Jamaica? Don't they have... Don't they have... Are there any white Jamaicans? Yeah, yeah. There's see. Do I only have one Jamaica? Don't they have, don't they, can't, are there any white Jamaicans? Yeah, yeah,

there's a lot of expats that like move there and they just like love it. But I mean like, with the accent. Yeah, of course. Oh,

this is Dolphin Cove, we went swimming with dolphins. So, I'll tell you a couple things around the area. Oji Reis is cool because there's, you can swim with dolphins.

Yeah. There's a, there's a, you go cliff diving. There's a place called the Blue Hole, which you're going to cut that out. I mean, why wouldn't they want to go to the Blue Hole? I don't know. Is that the place everybody goes to?

It's a known tourist spot. It's a tourist location. This is going to be weird for me ideologically because it's already a tourist spot. It's already a tourist spot from start to finish. There's a thing about when you have a family, you want to bring a kid to the touristy shit. I wouldn't go swimming with dolphins if I'm going with a chick, right? It's still cool, though.

You don't go with the chicks? You deny the chicks, the fucking dolphins? Swim with dolphins? Yeah, we don't swim with dolphins. I heard dolphins get aggressively territorial and jealous, and they'll try to drown the husband of the two, of a couple. Oh, that'd be fucking...

Swaggy piece of that. Have you swum with dolphins? No. Or you do all this stuff you don't have you ever held a chimpanzee I held monkeys

chimpanzees no not chimpanzees aren't you worried he's gonna gouge your eye out where'd you do that in um Myrtle Beach at Doc Antles

Myrtle Beach Doc Antles from the show yeah dude it was incredible dude in fucking incredible dude changed my mind. Changed my life, dude.

Changed your mind? First I was like, I'll never have a chimpanzee so many, then I realized I did. No, no, no. Changed my life, dude. Dude, but it's not just chimpanzees.

It's baby tigers and wolves and hyenas. Different types of monkeys, dude. I've pet a tiger before. I did pet a tiger. It's crazy, right? When you're touching one?

These things were fucking wild. They're so fucking big. We were swimming with dolphins and it's like just a muscle that just cuts through the water dude like you hold on to his fin yeah and it is like hold on to them yeah and they swim you fucking across let me see i don't know you can't really see you can see me you see me sort of this is me no way dude no fucking way dolphins oh my god how cool is that send me that send me that me that. Send me that one right now. Send me that one right now.

Oh, my God. That's cool, right? Oh, my God. Wow. He was flying through the water. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty cool. He was flying through the fucking water, and the way the waves hit it right at the end.

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure these animals are terribly abused. No doubt. Come on. You big, bomba-clod fish. I mean, that's pretty obvious. Beat him with fucking tree branches. That's not what they do in the wild, lift up children into an enthusiastic pose.

Yeah, no, not at all. So this is Dunn's River Falls. This is one of the coolest things that I've done with my son. What is it? What did you do? Do you have a better time there with your son or chicks? It's a tough one. I have a great time with everybody.

Dunn's River Falls, it's a waterfall, a big natural waterfall. And I watch my son at the bottom of the waterfall be very afraid and timid. It was like this rushing water. It's very big, especially for a little kid, right? I can't even imagine how big it looked to him. And the water's rushing kind of hard on your feet. And I watched him sort of just not really have his footing. But then within five minutes, I'm watching him really,

because he's a city kid too, right? So he's not usually climbing trees and shit. But I just watched him sort of become fucking one with the earth and fucking truly sort of fall into nature in a different way than he had ever done it before. It was really, really like cool to watch. That was one of the coolest experiences with my son.

But I was doing it with the Gas Digital crew. You went there with the Gas Digital crew? Yeah, 17 people we brought. That is a cool trip. It's a fucking... How long were you guys there for? Went for four nights, I think.

Four or five nights. That's the waterfall? Yeah, we're just carving our names into there for? Went for four nights, I think. Four or five nights. That's the waterfall? Yeah, this is- We're just carving our names into the rocks, which you're not supposed to do, but the water washes it away. Come on, what are you doing? Everyone does it.

Yeah, but they have natural little slides and things like that. Oh, little slides. And then they have little tour guides that will walk you through and show you the best way to walk, but it was genuinely- That's my brother-in-law

oh so this is the other villa yeah this is a different girl yeah how many girls are you brought here five five girls five girls you told me five girls to jamaica and do they all just love it they must right of course um yeah we look at the sunset look at the sunset this is a private beach dude wait who walks there? Us. But what's further that way? There's a little bar up here. It's like a local shack. This is the nicest restaurant in this area.

I was like, oh, we should go to a nice restaurant. And it's just a little sea shack. Okay, but do you... Oh, really? That's it? That's all that's there? And that's the only restaurant? But is this like a house next to you right here?

So there's three villas. So there's three villas on the property. You got them all for the gas crew? We got all of them for the gas crew. We got the one for my family. And then what's on the edge? Like what ends? So behind the villa.

Do random people walk through here? So there's the water. No, people walk through. It's just too far down. There's nothing to walk to down here. They technically can. It's not truly private. Like they could actually come.

I've stayed at ones that are truly private, but this is my favorite villa, this one right here. Honestly, I don't really care if people really go, but I'll recommend it to you. Tell me, yeah. You'll love it, dude. It's fucking incredible. And it's not a big fancy.

It feels like Jamaica. It feels like beachy. It's not like you're not in a lap of luxury. That's not what it is. It feels like it's part of the cultural experience. the people that live there and the people that work there like people seem friendly or or super friendly oh my god the people who work there especially are like crazy friendly because they're also working on tips so you tip them out at the end of the the the trip um and that's the you know that's how they make their money you know so these these girls will

go from the three villas on the property and and they just set up the scheduling for when they're feeding people. But I've never gone, really, when it's been super busy. The largest villa on the property, when we rented for the Guest Digital Crew, I've never seen people even use that one. Is there a tourist time? Is there a season? Yeah, you've got to look it up. I don't know. But there's an off-season that's where you go?

Off-season is going to be summer, obviously. there's an all you gotta look it up i don't know but there's an off season that's off season is gonna be summer obviously um but honestly i went to costa rica in the summer and i never do tropical vacations in the summer yeah because um i know i thought it was in the same place too it's not it's like it's landlocked it's not landlocked there's water on either side sides uh central america or is it north america yeah it's central whatever, whatever. Central for sure. But like Costa Rica. Yeah, it's right down there by the bottom. Yeah, yeah. That was really cool too.

But you know, it's funny because it's so humid in New York. The weather sucks in New York in the summer. Dude, August in New York is 100 degrees. It's humid as fuck. It's the worst feeling in the world. Leaving and going to 83 degree perfect weather was incredible, dude. Honestly, it was almost as enjoyable as leaving during the winter. Because I like winter more than I like the dead of summer. Dead of summer in New York is, I hate it, dude. Honestly, it was almost as enjoyable as leaving during the winter because I like winter more than I like the dead of summer.

Dead of summer in New York is, I hate it, dude. I hate being sweaty. I hate that stickiness, the fucking dirtiness. I'll take it every day of the year. You love it. Yeah, I love it. Cold? I never want cold,

but I'd rather that than 100 degrees and humid in New York City. I'll take it. 100 degrees. Guess what I have? Air conditioning. That's true. I guess now it's a

little bit better do you remember when you couldn't afford air conditioning we're on air conditioning break you're like dude i'm i'm in trouble or just one in the bedroom and you're like you're out in the other room like with the door open going like oh it's the fucking worst it was the worst yeah um wait tell me about rasta do you see any of that shit like rastafarians yeah like what is that is that there that's i think it's is it technically a religion i don't really know i don't really know much about it i you do see russiforians like older russiforian guys you know and they speak um you know the it's it's like broken english almost it's very heavy jamaican like you can't really understand them yeah um but like i said you're not really experiencing like i don't go out and just stay in the thing okay fair you're staying like if you're at a resort you're not really experiencing, like, I don't go out and experience that.

You just stay in the thing. Okay, fair. You stay, like, if you're at a resort, you're going to stay at the resort. By the way, I'll say one of the best meals I've had, all right, so two of the best meals I've ever had in my entire life were in Jamaica, neither of them were at the villa, right? But the meals were incredible at the villa. Like, everything is great. Like, the food is just absolutely incredible.

I would want to go out. So I did go out a few times, right? So the one time, me and Kim, when we went to the resort, the first time we went to Jamaica together, we met this guy, you know, and they're always, everyone's sort of like hustling, right? And the guy's like, he's like, yeah, man, this resort's okay. You got to see real Jamaica, though.

And I had never been to a villa. I had never been to anything but a resort in Jamaica. This was my third time in Jamaica, maybe? Second or third time in Jamaica. And so this guy, he was like, oh, I have a driver. Come meet us tomorrow. And we were a little bit weirded out.

We're like, oh, dude, who is this guy? Who's this driver? It's not even a driver. It's his buddy. His buddy shows up in a Honda Civic, right? And they go like, yeah, we're going to take you out. And then they took us to a few swimming spots that were off of the resort

that were really, really cool. And then they took us. That's cool. They took us to, they were like, were off of the resort that were really, really cool. And then they took us. That's cool. They took us to. They were like, oh, you want to have the best meal? And I was like, yeah. So they took us to somebody's house. It was somebody's mom.

We sat on the front steps of this little shitty house. It was not a restaurant at all. And they fucking cooked us fresh lobster plantains, but it was like a, what do they call them, to Puerto Rican? Tostones? Tostones. They were tostones-style plantains.

The thicker, smaller ones. The ones that are harder. Uh-huh. And they had some sort of mango syrup, almost a mango syrup that they put on the plate on top of the lobster and the tosonis. And it was, I mean, dude, it was, I wish. If I could eat this every day of my life, I would find it.

Really? I've never been able to find this mango syrup type thing that they use. It was like a mango sauce. It was just the freshest lobster. They were perfect plantains. And it was just a perfect little, we were sitting on the step of this very ghetto-like area. That sounds fucking awesome. It was awesome.

It was an incredible meal. And my favorite meal I've ever had in my entire life was the first time I went to Jamaica. I went on a fishing trip. And you go on a fishing trip in Florida, wherever they show up with a nice little mini yacht and you have nice poles. We met this guy, his name was Duke.

And he was like, you don't got to bring weed, man. You don't got to bring beer. I got you. Right. And you're just drinking Red Stripes the whole time. Like, I love Red Stripes. Best fucking beer in the world. Is that their normal beer?

Yeah, that's their beer. Yeah. For real? Or they're doing it because they think. Oh, no. Red Stripes is great. And I might call Red Stripe on. No, I like it.

I'm wondering, that's really what they drink? Yeah, that's what they drink. Okay, great. As soon as you get off at the airport at Montego Bay, at the airport while you're waiting to get your shuttle or your taxi, there's a little stand that has Jamaican beef patties and mighty cold red stripes. And it's got to be mighty cold.

It's got to be very cold. And when ice cold red stripes, when I get off that plane and I order a beef patty and I get myself a fucking red stripe, dude, I just like, this is what I do every time. This is before you left the airport? Before I left the airport the airport every time i do this unquestionably every time i put my bags down i grab a red stripe i grab a beef patty and i sort of go fuck i'm back in jamaica baby here we are we're back in the the land of the fucking free and the home of the brave that's my america okay and i fucking and i love it dude and then i get like five more beers for the ride because it's

like an hour and a half you drink on the road yeah it's great um no seatbelter in most of these vans it's great they're not even in them not in them but the best meal i ever had we went on this fishing trip right and this guy shows up with this little tiny fucking banana boat right a little tiny boat and um it had a motor on it right and it didn't even have fishing poles he had two uh like uh almost like a piece of wood like sticks like just sticking out and it wasn't even fishing line it had ropes that were hanging off of these poles and attached to the ropes was a thick fishing line at the very end of it right so there was maybe that much fishing line with a massive hook really really really massive hook and uh spinners the spinning bait it was like rubberized spinning bait right

okay like moves so it spins around in the water right and we were going tuna fishing right have you ever seen a tuna no they're big right they're massive dude they're fucking massive don't you expect them to be the size of an anchovy i expect them to fit in a can yeah exactly tuna that's what i me too yeah i fucked you up when you're like wait what is this giant prehistoric monster it's crazy dude it's great it's nothing like a tuna nothing like a tuna so we're like uh sardine size we're all smoking weed in this little van we're just speeding out right um out onto this really flat water it's not a lot of waves there's no surfing in Jamaica right oh there's not no maybe in other areas

but not where I've been I've been to a few areas that's cool though very calm water very pristine crystal clear water so we're going out and he's like

he's like you gotta look for the birds and I was like what do you mean the birds he was like you gotta look for the hunting birds the white birds in the sky

does everybody speak in fucking mystery there yeah yeah we do and we're like so he like, you gotta look for the hunting birds, the white birds in the sky. Does everybody speak in fucking mystery there? Yeah, yeah, they do. And we're like, so he's telling us to look for birds because what happened to the birds

that are flying overhead, if you see a bunch of birds circling, they're hunting for fish, right? So you want, they're showing you where the fish are, right? So that's what it is,

right? Yeah. So then this old guy is probably 65, 70 years old, older guy, I remember very like, really yellow, his eyes very like really yellow.

His eyes were like extremely yellow. He was so high, dude. He looked like he was like as baked as could be, dude. His eyes were barely open, dude. And we're looking for birds. We're just driving out there for a while. And me and this chick, we don't see anything, right? And at one point he gets excited.

He jumps up. He goes, birds, birds. And then he fucking hits the motor. And we start going as fast as possible. And we're looking at this guy. We don't see shit, birds. And then he fucking hits the motor and we start going as fast as possible. And we're looking at this guy. We don't see shit, dude. We see nothing.

There are no birds in the sky. We're going for maybe 10 minutes, right? Like we're just full speed, 10 minutes. Then all of a sudden you see these little specks start to appear. This guy had like, he was so high.

It was crazy. It was nuts. I'd never seen anything like this dude and then they started and then we still like another 10 minutes before we actually catch the birds right and as soon as we go under these birds both poles at the same time hunk hunk fucking tuna giant tuna no there's no real dude so he has cloths like um on his hands like ripped up like clothing and he's pulling it in with his hands the rope and these fish are fighting him like crazy his hands are bleeding

dude me and this girl are going what the fuck he pulls one of them onto the boat it's this club a club and he goes bam smashes the head brains fly all over our legs. We're like, what the fuck is going on, dude? Pulls the other one in. We call like five or six tuna that day. That exact night. He let me try to do it. I couldn't get the fuck in. It was crazy, dude.

Just random like schmattas? Just like a torn up t-shirt? Like, okay, I'll use this. It was fucking crazy, dude. Wow. And yeah, he beheaded it right there. Did you chop? Did you club any of them? No, no, no. That was a pussy, dude. Wow. And yeah, he beheaded it right there. Did you chop, did you club any of them? No, no, no, I was a pussy, dude.

I tried doing it in Alaska on smaller fish, and you're like. It's like swing through the head. I cooked a lobster once. Have you ever cooked a lobster? Uh-uh. So apparently if you don't kill them first, if you cook them alive, if you boil them alive,

it's very physically painful. They figured it out now, right? I thought you were thought you say it's tastier well it's also better okay um yeah but it's physically painful yeah i bet everyone that was things like oh i don't feel anything no they apparently they really feel it they scream they scream when you put them in the the boiling water you'll hear them like hissing going yeah i remember hearing that i was like that's just the air escaping from their mouths as they scream. That's them screaming for their lives. And so apparently you're supposed to take a knife

and jam it right behind the brain where it's at and it just shuts them off and then you throw them right away in the pan. And I cooked lobster, dude, and I just couldn't do it. I had the knife up to the thing and I was like, dude, I can't put this knife through a live creature's head.

So I just went, ptss, and I would rather it be tortured as I could look away from it. They didn't have to do it. They didn't have to do it. Either one's a great option. So anyway, we took the tuna back to the hotel. It was the shittiest resort in the country of Jamaica, okay? I wish I knew the name of that one. It was terrible.

And yeah, they cooked it up for us right there at the resort. They're like, yeah, we'll cook it for you Look, we'll make you it will make you tuna steak. They made us huge tuna steaks We shared with a few other people that we we met at the resort Damn that was the best meal you had the best meal and by the way, I did not enjoy fish before that day I never eaten fish I was grossed out by it But there was something about like that fish coming from the ocean, in my hand, walking up to the beach, covered in blood and fucking guts. And we're like, this is like...

And we walked up and I was like, dude, I'm going to eat this. And I loved it. And now I fucking love... You earned it, too. Love fish. Do you have pictures of that? No, that was back in the day. I mean, somewhere I do.

You know what's funny? I do. I have hard copy pictures. I will send you some photos. Okay. I don't know if I have the tuna, I mean, somewhere I do. You know what's funny? I do. I have hard copy pictures. I will send you some photos. Okay. I don't know if I have the tuna, but I have from that trip. We went to a place called The Rock House. What is that?

It's a really beautiful hotel in Negril, and they have cliff diving. We ate lobster and ate fish, and as soon as we were done eating, our seats were on a cliff. We jumped off where our seats were into the water in the night. It was so cool. Wait, in the night? In the night. Yeah, it was awesome. Wow.

It was really cool. Wait, you finished the meal? I was going to ask if you did it at all. Oh, yeah. I finished the meal and then I just jumped. Oh, I love cliff diving. You don't have to wait 30 minutes. No, no, no.

That's an old wives tale. You're like, I go way deeper than that. But yeah, I... Oh, I'm so scared when i do it oh yeah well dude i pussied out in hawaii i was in hawaii and i was up on a really high cliff and i was like you had to walk you walk down i'll pussy out and won't go up there yeah no no going up there i was screaming at you i was looking down yeah yeah dude all these people watching chicks were there giggling and laughing at me it It was terrible. You said no. No, I posted it out.

When the first thought of actually maybe not, it's hard to push it back. The more clear the water is, the more of a hard time I have cliff diving because I can see the rocks on the bottom and it just fucks with me a little bit too much. It looks like it's that far under the water. Yeah, yeah.

What did you do, walk back down? I walked back down. Oh, my God. The people were like like it's okay man yeah yeah the girl that I was with was

that was it she was like I can't get wet for you anymore it's like that Louis sketch when he like takes it from that guy she's like I'm not attracted to you anymore

yeah that happened to Joe DeRosa did Louis get that story from Joe DeRosa no way that really happened what he was on a date with a girl

and it was even worse than that. A dude punched the girl that DeRosa was with. And DeRosa didn't defend her on her. He's like, hey, man. Hey, man. And the girl's like, come on, bro. Brutal.

I'm like, he has to. You have to. Yeah. You gotta get beat up for that. You gotta get beat up. You get beat up that day yeah he may as well just be punching you to start with yeah exactly because like you have

it's over you're doing it that's also you have so much confidence that this guy cannot do anything to you like I'm gonna punch your girl that's how much confidence I have and be that rude yeah um um fuck what was I gonna say you got me goddamn Jamaica high.

Yeah. Am I making you want to go? Oh, yeah, for sure. It's great, right? No, it sounds great. Just the idea of the beach and nice weather, I get that now. It's not like you're not trying to do anything.

They're selling you the fucking weather and the beach. Yeah, you're literally just- The whole thing's an island. The whole thing's an island. You're just hanging out. Yeah, like I said, there are things. You can take tours. By the way, if you can go to...

But sometimes, just relax. Go to Kingston and go to, like, the Bob Marley Museum. You can go to Bob Marley's, like, grave. There's a big shrine there. It's more of, like, a musical, you know, like, aspect to that culture that I don't really know. Like, I love Bob Marley's music, you know, but I'm not, like, I'm not, like, a fanboy

or shit like that, so I'm not... I feel like, if you're into reggae, tell me if I'm wrong like I'm not like a fanboy of shit like that so I'm not I feel like if you're into reggae tell me if I'm wrong that was like 45 years ago yeah that's like listening to the fucking

you know Only Zeppelin yeah it's like alright there's new reggae though I know but nobody talks about that they all talk about

Bob Marley that Jewish guy he's great dude Matisyao yeah you know he lost his religion what he's not religious anymore?

No, I know, yeah. He started getting his dick sucked. Yeah, he's like, I can't do this anymore. Rabbis. Yeah. You don't understand what I understand. No, Matas Yahu, he's got a couple good songs. I feel like the Jamaicans hate me when I play it, though.

I feel like they look at me like, what are you doing, man? It's like playing Weird Al when you get to America. Bringing a Jew to the country. Ruining it. How many places are there to go in Jamaica? You know what I mean? Like you choose Kingston or Negril or... Yeah, I mean, Negril's a big one.

Seven Mile Beach, All White Sand. But I think that's more touristy. I go to Ocho Rios because it is touristy, but it's a little off the beaten path. I love Ocho R rios that's where i go every year now um but i i went i got a ridiculous villa on the south side but there's nothing else going on where i was i forget exactly where i was it was um it's okay you don't have to say just whatever whatever the beach was yeah it was the it was it was really cheap dude it was

like 350 a night for this villa and it was like had this villa. And it had a private infinity pool, private beach. $350 a night? $350 a night. There was a private... I'll tell you, you love this one. It had a private yoga deck. Because I'm Jewish? Oh, that.

A yoga deck that was in the sun. It was this beautiful... I would love that. You do yoga every day. It was called... I'll look it up right now for you. Here, I'll show you right now. Show me right now.

Show me right fucking now. Yeah, Jamaica. Dude, so I rented this one with a chick. Oh, that's nice. Wait. Look at the private pool. Wow. Look at the palm...

Just the palm trees, too. I mean, you're literally... There's nobody... Look at the bathroom pool Wow Look at the palm Just the palm trees too I mean you're literally There's nobody Look at the bathroom There's outdoor showers You're just naked all the time Outdoor showers Yeah yeah

Let me see Here watch That's the living room Hold on Wait You know how things work I do Stop ruining it

Look at this that night Wow And this is a two bedroom villa This was really cheap dude Fuck that Look at. Look at this, that night. Wow. That's how I sat, dude. And this is a two-bedroom villa. This was really cheap, dude. Fuck that. Look at this, look at this. Oh, my God.

That's completely private. Yeah, dude. Nobody's there, dude. On a beach. Nobody's there. They have bikes you can just take. Let me see that water. So is this what the water was like everywhere? Yes, yes.

Just this blue? Blue, crystal clear. It's almost like turquoise. It's amazing. It's amazing. Wow. Damn, that sounds nice. No, you have sold me on it, for sure.

Yeah, like, you hear this outdoor shower? That's outdoors. Here, I'm going to show you this little dog that comes to the house. What? They die every few years, the new dog, probably. Hold on, I'm going to show you the yoga deck. This place was actually fucking really... Don't you have any pictures of it?

I don't think so. You don't have any pictures of it why because you haven't been there forever I'm shocked you didn't take a picture on the yoga deck

no because I think at the time I was breaking up with one chick then I brought another chick I just didn't feel like dealing with

the fucking I want to see if they have a picture of the yoga deck is it hard to get into do you need a no dude

some of the places like my one that I go to is like like i want i want to go into the country could you just stamp on arrival or oh yeah you gotta get a pre-visa easy peasy even during um covid i went i went during covid and um they have a doctor come to the house for you guys and do all of your covid tests right there and then they make it so easy they want you to come and they yeah this yeah dude this place is this place is I would recommend

for like a romantic trip for just you and a chick if you don't give a shit about touristy shit at all and you just want to be private yeah this is the yoga deck wow

if you just want to fuck if you just want to fuck on the beach save that send me that that's so cool hold on you're not give me that

I won't do it during my podcast I don't trust you I don't trust you at all add the photos I'll send you the photo okay um yeah dude Give me that. I won't do it during my podcast. I don't trust you. I don't trust you at all. Add the photos. I'll send you the photo. Okay. Yeah, dude.

I'm telling you. Yeah. I'm telling you. Yeah, I'm kind of sold on it. It's that experience, though. You're not looking to get into anything. You're looking just to have a fucking luxurious, on the beach every day thing. Yeah, you just want to get fat for a week.

Get fat. Enjoy. And relax. That's real. I can see why that'd be good with a chick, too. It's the best. It's like, we're just going to be treated well for a week. Get fat. Enjoy. And relax. That's real. I can see why that'd be good with a chick, too. It's the best. It's like, we're just going to be treated well. But now here's the thing. Like, the new girl I'm dating, she's like, I don't want to go to fucking Jamaica.

I'm not going to the same place you brought all these other girls. That is fair. Yeah, yeah. And it's very, very fair. But we'll go one day, but it's not going to be the first romantic vacation I take with her. Yeah. Where would you recommend for me to go on a romantic vacation with a girl? Well, here's my question.

Oh, good question. How about French Polynesia? Is that same vibe? It's hard to get to. And you really got to go for like 10 days. Yeah, I got like five days. Okay. A romantic vacation.

That's interesting. Ian Laura says Dominican Republic. Yeah, that wouldn't be bad. But she lives in LA and I live in New York, so maybe somewhere more in the middle. I mean, what about like Belize or something you're talking about Belize I don't know anything

about it though they use I think they speak English no they do yeah well what do they speak in Jamaica they speak English that's their normal

yeah yeah but they got an accent Lewis this brings me to a couple questions to wrap it up please but I am sold on it I will think about

where I'm going to take place for you though one what's next on your fucking list of places to go i didn't realize you went to this many places oh yeah you got back from italy a couple weeks ago crazy let's go back from costa rica a few weeks before that me and my chick are gonna go right after scanning fest we want to take a romantic vacation we talked about bullies um so that might have been cool things good diving i've heard really cool things. You know. DR was really fun.

I really, really liked it. And then they have that resort style. I just have my problem with DR. It's like, if I'm in a place like that, I'm going to be like,

why am I just not in Jamaica? Fair, fair. Yeah, yeah. I don't like Dominican music. How about like Paris or something? Because honestly, dude, all you're doing

is recreating the other thing in another place. Yes. Let me take a chick to a fucking beach house. Yeah. Do something different. Or Indonesia.

I mean, that's far, far. There's a place in Canada that's like outdoor and indoor spring spas. Yeah. Steam rooms, saunas. I love that shit. Do that in the fall. I love that shit, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just did that in Italy. We were at an amazing hotel. The whole basement was like a giant spa. Another episode. This is all great for another episode. Yeah, sorry. It's all right. I love traveling. I love traveling i really do that's cool i i spend my money on a couple things so do you have it so yeah go ahead traveling and good food nice that's it and i think those experiences you will you know what a girlfriend said about me once well she goes

all we do is fuck hard and eat dope meals yeah it's the best yeah it's do you create memories my son look i don't know if i'll ever have a big inheritance for him or like but you know i'm doing okay and i you know i'm thinking he is his college will be taking care of all that shit will be good yeah but like like what am i gonna hold on to my money for i would much rather create experiences with him that expensive it's not that expensive and also like i i get to, you'll never lose those memories. That's it. Nope. Nope. Even after you've been stabbed, he can hold on to that. Yes, 100%. Yeah.

So what's next? What do you have on your list in your brain that's like, I want to go to that place? I've never been to that place. I'm thinking about Greece with my son next year. Greece. Talk to Stavi. Talk to Stavi. Yeah, we'll talk to him. Yeah, yeah. Or Giannis. Giannis goes. Giannis goes a lot too?

yeah yeah interesting so that was it was great doing Italy with my son like just as a it was a really cool experience and like so I take my son to a new place every year

for like a father son trip yeah and we've done Puerto Rico we did that's where we did Myrtle Beach the Tiger Zoo you know we did California Big Bear, California.

We've done Hollywood. That's cool. So, yeah, I'm thinking about doing something. We did a family trip every year. This year we did Austin. We did Jamaica two years in a row. They want to go back to Jamaica. You should have seen the disappointment on my great aunt's face.

She's like, what the fuck, Texas? Because you usually fly her places. Or a lady. Yeah, Jamaica probably get an extra for the family. like what the fuck texas because you usually fly her places like our lady yeah she yeah jamaica probably get an extra for the family but yeah um belize belize for belize in your head now belize they might not be weird somebody just mentions it and you're just like huh was it right in my head when i did the research on it i couldn't really get a clear it was it was it was just a foreign like uh-huh and i get anxiety and i And then I sort of, like, got it out of my head. I was like, I'll go back to Mexico.

But I think Belize is the answer. Okay, good answer. And then, actually, two more questions now. One, do you have any travel tips? In general, travel tips? Bring wipes. That's a good one. That's a solid one.

Bring wipes. The toilet paper situation, who knows what it's going to be. Who knows? Especially other countries. And what's the difference if you just bring one thing of wipes? Nothing. It's the best. The space taking up?

Not much. Doesn't take up anything. You just put them in your fucking, it's nothing. Bring wipes. That's a good one. Massive, massive travel tips. We got to start making a list of all the travel tips. Bring wipes.

I bring my own body wash and face wash, but that's just because I have sensitive skin. I hate the soap in hotels and that they give you. It's really, really bad. Okay. So I like to have that shit. You can ignore that one. Bring wipes, though.

Wipes is a great tip. Yeah, that's solid. Oh, I'll tell you. I just signed up for Clear. I don't have TSA Project. I got to get it. But I just signed up for Clear. Saves you.

When you're going to miss a flight, then you're not going gonna miss a flight then you're not gonna miss a flight you're not missing a flight yeah and you're just if you have anxiety traveling in general i travel a lot i'm a pretty good traveler like i'm surprisingly like you know me i'm kind of a loose cannon sometimes when things don't go right yeah i just travel so much at this point i've gotten into a really good rhythm of like just getting through security you know just you know i also like i can i i get a weird like my whatever my add is like i get a weird enjoyment out of being like exactly on time for things it's the best like but i'm talking about being early i'm talking about like being exactly being exact and i risk being late most of them it doesn't work out can i tell you my ideal

situation please you're checking in yeah you're like here's my bag you check a bag in this situation and the lady behind the counter goes it goes like this goes all right like like perfect perfect yeah you got it i was talking about this in real life because zach had a great line he said lewis lives his life like it's the beginning of everyone's comedy special in the 90s like i walked out of the car i don't look out that i walk out on stage like hey everyone that's that's how i want my life to be yeah um at all times so i like to be like i you know i leave i 90 minutes to get to the airport yeah that's it 90 minutes before my flight um yeah that's all you need three hours fuck that's crazy fuck that's crazy well it's an international flight but fuck you

it means nothing you get to you go through customs once you land yeah and if you can't get me through in three hours then you guys

gotta do something better but why do they say three hours for international flight there's no difference actually yeah you go through customs when you land for international to domestic

it means nothing it means nothing it means nothing there might be one extra little line but there's not what extra little line is there for international flight where was i just once you land you have to go through customs that's it you're not going through anything any actual bullshit before yeah it's a it's a fucking scam it's a scam but i did join clear just in the past

few months and that saved me a ton of time i was i was just in um uh in Denver and that airport is massive and the lines were crazy. And I, dude, I almost, I almost got emotional thinking about how I had clear in the moment. I was like,

wow, this is beautiful, dude. It saves you. And you go up to a person, they walk you right through and you look at everyone else and you give them

the fucking middle finger, dude. It's the best, dude. Do you have clear end pre-check? I do. And Rogies fucking flies you out first class i was

unloading my cab was still in you know when you're at the airport but you're still circling around getting to the thing it was boarding already and we're doing that yeah i'm like oh i'm fucked and then you just go first class tsa create clear and the fucking thing you're like scan go move and then you just you're at your gate with still enough time to steal moments. I'll give you a couple little hacks as well. You can get on the premiere line. Save your ticket. Save your premiere ticket. They don't look at anything. They just look for the word premiere. You can zip right into that premiere line. Every time?

Every time. With an old ticket? Yeah, with an old ticket. That's a good hack. Great hack. Number two hack. If you're not getting flown out by Rogi's first class, you're not in that first group, very often if you're group four or five, your bag's not getting on. by Rogies first class. Yeah. You're not in that first group. Yeah. You know, very often,

if you're group four or five, your bag's not getting on. They're going to make you check your bag. Especially if you've got a fucking connector? No. You're not getting this bag.

I, any time, no matter what, no matter what, I get on with group three. Why? Because, well,

I mean, if I'm group one or two, I don't have to, but very often, I'm in group, you know. Let's say you're group five. How do you get to group three? When they call group three, I go Because, well, I need to film group one or two. I don't have to, but very often I'm in group, you know. Let's say you're group five.

How do you get to group three? When they call group three, I go. I go, beep, I just get my ticket.

They've never looked. They've never questioned. They just look for one and two. One and two's a little obnoxious. It's a separate line. I feel like you're

really pushing it. I've never even tried. And you won't do the, I have an infirmary situation. I have a limp or something like that. I don't like that. That's taking advantage. Because anyone can do it, so it an infirmary situation. I have a limp or something like that. I don't like that. That's taking advantage.

Because anyone can do it. So it's like, come on. No, I just say that if you're in group five, when they call group three, just get on that line. And then when they, if they do say something, which they don't, it's just. Worst case, you go, oh shit, my bad. Oh my God, I'm so sorry.

I really thought you called group five. I'm so sorry. Like, they're not. I've Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I really thought you called group five. I'm so sorry. They're not. I've done this now at least a dozen times. This comes from a guy who stole Starbucks because he goes, you can just go up there and go, oh yeah, thanks, and take it off. Do that too.

Also, what I would do is, the better thing is, order Starbucks one time on your, these are great, these are called scam that Jews. These are from the last podcast. Scam that comma Jew. You're the Jew in the scenario. Scam that Jew. These are from the Real House Podcast. Scam that, comma, Jew. You're the Jew in the scenario.

Scam that, Jew. Okay, I'll put it myself. I own the business. What business? Starbucks. You're not. You're a person. You're a patron.

You're not scamming me? I'm scamming you as the Jew. Oh, scam that, Jew. Scam that, Jew. Get out there, Jew. Get the scam. I get it. Real House Podcast every week.

So yeah, go check it out. People love Real House Podcast. We got a bunch of great scams. jew get out there i get it real podcast every week so yeah go check it out people love real podcast we got a bunch of great scams but a great scam for a scam that you is my starbucks scam um so if you order on uh the app yeah right they show you like it'll be ready right over for this you know here um and then you've got to order one time then take a screenshot of that app okay and then save it now all you got to do um and take a screenshot of like where what the order is and where the location is go to any other starbucks any other starbucks at any time and just be like just stand around for like a minute and wait be like hey it says my my

drink's ready i don't see it do you have a drink for lewis and then they'll be like oh no we don't have it i'd be like yeah you no, we don't have it. I'll be like, yeah, here. And then you show them the app. You show them the screenshot and then they look at it

and they go, oh, you ordered for the wrong location. And then I'm like, oh my God, I'm an idiot. I was like, oh,

can I change the location to here? You can't. You can't. They go, no, you can't. And I was like, oh man,

they're like, don't worry, just relax, I got you. And then they make it for you. Wow. Every time. That's a good scam. Great scam. They're like, don't worry. Just relax. I got you. And then they make it for you. Wow. Every time. That's a good scam.

Great scam. He's not going to do it. I got to go. What's the thing you said you should ask every guest? I'm a fucking bandit. What was it you said when we were downstairs? You're like, you should ask every guest this. You thought of one.

When I said, what are the bathrooms like and what you asked like? Oh, why did you want to go to Jamaica? You told me. I did tell you from the book. But that's a like oh why did you want to go to Jamaica you told me I did tell you from the book but that's a good one that's a good one to ask every guest yeah yeah

why this place yeah yeah well thank you it was fun Ari hell yeah man I'm glad you're a fucking one of the traveler comics

hell yeah I love traveling yeah we gotta do a trip sometime we gotta really do a trip you remember when you planned that ski trip that you planned without me that you literally just went with a bunch of other comics? We've got to go, everybody.

You remember that? That was cool. We already planned on doing a ski trip. And we talked about it extensively. It wasn't extensively. We talked about it extensively. I've got to go. And then he just went with a bunch of other comics.

Ian Fidance. Ian Fidance. He was the last minute. All right. I've got to go. Okay. That's the episode. Thank you very much, Lewis Gomes.

Yeah, really, honestly, he's kind of sold me a little bit on villas. Villas. Villas? I sort of get it. In a place where you don't really want to see the culture anyway, why not be treated lavishly? There was an artist who went to Tahiti.

Ooh, Magritte? No. Gauguin. Died of misery. I saw a thing about famous people that went to Tahiti when I was there, when I was in French Polynesia. And it said he did everything wrong with colonialism. Like he went there and he was like, oh, I'm going to have a bunch of fucking child brides. Beautiful paintings, beautiful paintings.

beautiful paintings beautiful paintings but in this display it goes it talks about the guy from I'm not up yet the guy from that Vietnam movie the one who went crazy

Marlon Brando he loved it he goes everything I thought I could take my money and help the people of French Polynesia or Tahiti he goes actually they taught me what it was like to be alive. Now, Gauguin was way different. Gauguin was like, oh, no, no, fuck these people. They're not like us. And he went there and he painted amazing paintings, but he did everything wrong with colonialism. He really, everything you

think is terrible about colonialism, that was Gauguin. And they said at the end of the display, they go, died of misery, 1837. He just got drunk all the time. He hated himself. But I do get it. When you want to live a little like a colonialist, get a villa. Get a villa in fucking Jamaica.

It makes sense. It makes sense to be treated, to be waited on hand and foot in just beautiful weather. Why not? So thanks, Louis. You guys, I do read the comments. I've weighed in. I've seen people, what you're saying, the different places you want to go.

Tell me your own experiences in the comments and leave them for the algorithm. Subscribe wherever you're listening or watching. Let's get this podcast moving. I've already got to 42,000 subscribers. Let's get it to 50 by next week. Next week will be KFC. Kentucky Fried Chicken will be on talking about his epic trip to Amsterdam with Brad Krishner.

That's a good one. Don't forget I'll be in Australia starting May 17th in Melbourne May 18th is sold out, Adelaide May 24th Canberra May 25th Brisbane May 31st Sydney June 1st gonna go to State of Origin

rugby match and then I don't know man I've just got nothing to do for the whole summer. I'm just going to go hiking and just enjoy my life. And let me know what else you got. We got just a teaser. July 21st weekend, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, is Shroomfest. The Shroomfest shirts will be available for pre-order

either next week or the week after and we're also going to launch a Patreon and I have some wild ideas for the Patreon that you guys I think will love anyway until next week with KFC going to Amsterdam wait wait

bye man peace be with you man Wait, wait. Bye, man. Wait. Peace be with you, man. It's just like, it's all very respectful to the end, and then I just ruin it. Bye. See you next week.