You Be Trippin' - Jamaica w/ Punkie Johnson | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

Follow Punkie on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/punkiejohnson/ Ari Shaffir and comedian Punkie Johnson get into the wild experiences of Jamaica — loud parties, good weed, nonstop drinking, floating down rivers, rafting adventures, massages, and figuring out how far is too far when you’re on vacation. Punkie shares her travel must-dos, packing mistakes to avoid, TSA survival tips, and why every trip needs one person who actually knows what the hell is going on. Mi Gaan! You Be Trippin' Ep. 102 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:19 - Experiences On The Subway 00:05:28 - We Are Going To Jamaica! 00:09:43 - Jamaican Weed 00:16:42 - Threesomes 00:22:50 - Experiencing The Food 00:28:37 - Drinking And Partying 00:33:16 - Going Rafting 00:41:30 - The Party Cafe 00:52:48 - The Vibe of Jamaica 00:55:21 - Punkie's Recommendations 00:59:35 - Where To Next? 01:01:18 - Punkie's Travel Tips 01:07:42 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So when I went to Jamaica, I became a 100% tourist. So I was the person that was at the concierge every day, like, what's going on in the city? You know, I want a list of all your recommendations. Where can we go? Let me know when the damn bus come and pick everybody up. I'm going to be on every single bus. Okay, wait, hang on. Let me start this podcast.

I got to do an introduction. I got to fucking. Oh, all right. Yeah, okay. Where you're going This is our Reese travel show Yeah We're going to talk about travel today

It's you Hello everybody Welcome to UB Trippin It's a travel podcast Made with 20% real fruit juice Today my guest Brought new shoes for the event And scuffed them already

God damn, Ponkey It's the damn subway man It's uh yeah You still take the subway Tripping up the steps Absolutely Absolutely I'm look I might live in Jersey

but I try to go by living by a real New Yorker life. I love that lifestyle. The reports of the pushings and the fucking danger in the subway, I personally say are vastly over-promoted. Yeah, I think it's an overreaction. Unless I just get lucky. Because the most that happened on the subway with me is somebody preaching about God, which is normal, woke up with Jehovah Witness all the time.

But that's a little church. Then that means you went to church that day. Praise God. Praise God. Praise God. Always praise him. And somebody playing a guitar with a tip bucket. That's the worst has ever been for me on the subway.

What's the best? The best is, so I live in Jersey City, so I'm on the path. The path is filled with nothing but people that want to get to work in my own day business. That's the best. I say the best is the dancers. When they fucking put their legs up on the thing and they go, like bats. And they're hanging from the, oh, okay, okay. They go around, their fucking pop lock and they're like, what?

So you're talking about the best, like, action-wise. I was talking about the best on some peace. Oh, okay. If you want peace, that's right. That's right. But I love the, I don't have a problem with the subway. Dude, I saw a guy stand his ground once. They were like, hey, can you watch out?

We're going to do this thing here. And this guy's like, no. He just had enough. And they were like, okay, you can't just stand like two feet away. And then they kept, like, moving and like bumping into him. He was standing at the ground. Then the next stop, definitely wasn't his stop, but he got off. Yeah, yeah.

You get pretty annoyed on the subway. The subway is, you can't be the no. guy on a subway. You just can't. You just got to, you just be like water. You got to flow, let it flow on the subway, man. Yeah. This is very zen. You got to submit. Yeah, you just got, it's guys, it's happening. It's a, it's a, it's a, I try to buy gum now from the, I found out all the little candy salesmen or Ecuadorian. I used to live there. So I was like, oh, let me support them. So you're, little girls that are like, sell candy. You're talking about, you're talking about in the, in a subway area? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Once it come like that. I'm like,

I'll buy a granola bar from you. I'm not going to eat it, but I'll buy it. You know what? I should take my head out of my ass. Because when they come around me, I be like, oh. Yeah. But that's a nice thing for you to do. I'd be like, get away from me.

Absolutely. But I read somewhere they're Ecuadorian, and then like they're just like trying to make ends meet. And it's like, oh, you're not beggars. That's different. You're right. For $2, I'll support your dream of America. And I'll get some gum. Bro, you just changed my POV.

You know, I'm all about supporting the hustle. I can't even believe I didn't even look at it that way. That sucks. Yeah, it's hard not to. Head out of ass, punky. What is wrong with you? It's hard not to. I had, we'll get to Jamaica in a second,

but I had this migrants showed up one day outside, near my block, this village. It looks like a casting call, dark, black, a line around the block of just dark black people. It wasn't a casting call? I was sure it was. We lived in Atlanta. What was it then?

Migrants. Refugees. And they shut up every day and they had to be processed to come to America, whatever. And then I was like, what the fuck? These are like homeless people. And then I finally got the courage to talk to one.

I was like, where are you from? He's like, Maritania. He's glad I don't speak English. And I was like, why are you here? He goes, I spoke out against my government that were going to kill me. So I had to leave the middle of the night. These people got mad stories.

Yeah, and I'm like, oh, you're not a homeless. I am here, but I wasn't my whole life. But like, I'm trying not to be again. Oh, man. Go ahead. Keep changing my B-O-B. Yeah, he was like, I'm college educated. And I'm like, wait, what?

And I'm sitting up here upset because someone didn't like my joke. What? This is real-life problems. And I'm stressing about some bullshit. Yeah, I'm like, wait, how did you live in the middle of the night? They were definitely going to disappear in me the next day. So I had to disappear myself. Wow.

Meanwhile, I'm mad at the Uber each drop because he didn't find my favorite fucking turkey. It's not 217. It's 217. I don't want to walk down the street. It's raining. You walk in the rain, not me. Man, man, man, I need to start, you know what, I need to start educating myself a lot more. I mean, I got lucky I happened to see an article and I happen to live in Ecuador.

They're from Panama, I'd like, eat shit, bitches. Get the fuck away from it. Why Panama? I don't just non-Equodore. I just have a connection to Ecuador. Connect to those motherfuckers way better. Punkie, where are you what, we're going to Jamaica, right? Let's go to Jamaica, baby.

Hell yes. Let's go to Jamaica. I've been trying to practice my Jamaican accent. I suck. I suck at accents. Let's hear it. But. That's it.

Come to play with me, boy, irony for this. I like that. I mean, you know. That's not bad. You know, I'm not an accent-y type person. I'll tell you what. I was going to say it's not bad. For someone who works on a sketch show, that's terrible.

For someone whose job it is to have accents and characters. I don't know if I should say this, but I'm not on that show no more. Are you really not? We're done. We're mutually done. Oh, so this, okay, great. Okay, great. I don't know if we should put that out or not.

I don't care. I'm telling my story. Ain't nobody tell me to keep it closed. Great. How come? It was like, it was like a shoe that didn't fit, you know? It was, it was a round ball and a square box. It just, the relationship, it was like one of them things where you watch, like, love at first sight.

And they're like, oh, my God, I love you and we're going to get married. And then you start living with that motherfucker. And you're like, I didn't know you chew like that. Oh. I didn't know. Your snores are kind of intense. I didn't think I was going to have to. I hate the way you brush your teeth.

And then like all of these things, it just builds up. And then you finally like, this ain't what we thought it was going to be. And you got your credits out of it. And we happy and we tried in this no-haught feelings. And it was great. But for me, I needed to leave. And they wanted me to go. So it was mutual.

That's great. Yeah. That's exciting. No, I'm mad excited. You know, I now get to. work on series and movies that I've been wanting to do. Yeah, because when you say you're doing this special, and I was like, I was almost like,

because I've seen some other SNL people do specials, and it's like, I mean, you just, you gotta commit to us. You can't do this fucking 50 hour a week job and then also work on your special. Yeah, I've been working on the same hour for three years because I haven't had a lot of time and opportunity to really perfect it the way I wanted to. Damn.

Because being inconsistent working on a special, that ain't gonna work. Puckie, that's great. I'm so excited for you. Oh, no, I'm mad excited. I'm just, you know, S&L put me on a, on a schedule, which is fine, and I appreciated it, but I'm a comedian. I come from Los Angeles.

I did 10 years at the comedy store. We are used to, I'm used to the chaos of not knowing what's next. I thrive off that shit. So it's just like. When I got to L.A., I found out of this, remember where you didn't know him, Freddie Soto, you heard of him. But I found out he played golf. I just played golf at Maryland.

So I was like, oh, you can play golf? He's like, yeah, I'll play with you. I was like, sick. You want to play this week? And he's like, all right, like, I got tea time for Wednesday. He's like, all right, what time? It was like, I think it was like, 945. And he goes, oh, no.

He's like, I'm a comic. And I was like, well, when? That's late. And he goes, three. I'm like, three. Sunsets at fucking five. Yeah. Shut up with this 945 business.

I get it now. I used to lie to people and say 945. But at the time, I was telling the truth because I mean, I was on fucking drugs. Right. So I'd be sent up. Like, yeah, nigga, I'll be there. I'll be there at 945. Man, I'm not going to be there no 945.

I'm a comic. Yeah, yeah. Etheridge told me he wrote on South Park for one season, which is, you know, my dream job, a lot of our dream jobs. And he goes, he wanted to come back for the second season. It's all his agents like, no, no, you're done. He's like, why? It's great.

He goes, well, it doesn't pay very well. But also, like, you got the credit on your resume, South Park. Two seasons or one season is the same on the resume. Yeah. So you have it. So now go make $20 grand a week fucking writing for some show. Isn't that like equivalent? I'm not saying money-wise, but the credit, isn't it somewhat equivalent to the Simpsons or am I reaching?

No, I think it is. I think it might be even higher now because it's so relevant. But so it's like you got the credit. So now cash in. Yeah, let's go. Yeah. So you got that SNL credit. Yeah, and I'm grateful.

And that wasn't even on my vision board. Like I fell into that. So it's not like I went to school for it and it was, it's something I need to do. wasn't that. I fell into it. I got lucky. I was blessed. I'm happy. So I move on. All right. Well, speaking and moving on. Let's get to this. Let's get to Jamaica. What drugs did you do while you were there? Any? All the weed, but I was scared to smoke the weed. Why? Because I, even on a regular weed out here, I get a little crazy and paranoid. What do you mean? No, really? I'm going to move this here. Okay. I'm face to me. Yeah. Well, I get a little crazy and paranoid on,

I mean, sometimes it depends on. You're ahead, though, aren't you? You're a pothead? I slowed down a lot. Okay. But when I got the Jamaica, it's like, you got to smoke the Jamaican weed. You got to. It's kind of like the birthplace of weed.

You got to, though. You have to. You'd be an asshole to not smoke weed. I was getting, but I was very irresponsible doing it. Like, as soon as I landed, somebody was like, weed. I was like, okay, yeah. I was like, I'm up. You know, we traveling.

We're in the fucking taxi. Like, weed? I'm like, yeah, I'll try some of that, too. We get to the hotel. they like, I'm like, you know somebody that got some weed? They're like, yeah, if you go down here, you're around that, you know, like, I'm like, all right, fine, fuck it, I'll smoke all the way. How much was, do you remember, expensive?

It wasn't, it wasn't that bad. Like, you'll get like, I don't know, they'll say like an eighth for like 40 bucks or some shit. It's like, it's not, I didn't think it was that expensive. Yeah, because what, an eighth out here go for, what, like 60 bucks, 80 bucks? New York, I remember 60. And I remember my friends from Toronto when I was like, look, we got, when the really became like legal and medical or, you know, more or less both.

and you're like, I bought it for $60 or $50. I found it. And they're like, 50. That's a deal? Yeah. They get them for like 30. And I'm like, wait, what?

I thought it was fine. I mean, they're gonna tax you. You know, you're a, you're a fucking American. They're not trying to, you know. Was it good? But you're more of a drunk. I like to drink. I've been getting better on that too.

God damn it, I'm growing up. I hate it. Fucking dumb life. But I love my liquor. Got to have my liquor. But the reason why I fell off on a liquor, a little bit, got to slow down a little bit, because I'm a woman. And that shit, it goes to your hips.

Oh, right. You know, and it's harder for women to get that weight off. So I was like, let me just pump my brakes on this shit. Hi, everybody. Let me break into today's episode, tell you a little bit about the guest. Punky Johnson. You can follow her on Instagram at Punky Johnson. If you can't spell that, that's on you.

No, no, actually, it's A. That part I can see beginning of mistake. Punk, I.E. Johnson. Not her real name. I think all these black people make themselves real. new real names. Danny Brown, not his real name. His name is Hyman Lefkowitz.

Danny Brown. It's a good decision. Anyway, Puckie Johnson is a great comic. She's not on the road much. She's got a podcast called Gay and Ghetto that she does occasionally. Move to your left, cameraman. You're going to fall off a cliff. No, your left. You're going to fall off a cliff. And now go straight.

It's a year-in-fault. What was I going to say about it? She wears the black and gold, black and red, everybody. You hear Tony Hinchcliff talking about it? The black and red. She was a comedy store employed, just like me. I think we might have overlapped. Slightly, no, I was already gone before she was there.

But there's a... She was an S&L alum. You know, they have an alum for that. But fuck that. The real alum is the black and red. Me, Tony, Matt Edgar, Renazisi, Bobby Lee. There's a bunch of us who wore the shirts. And she was one.

She was a waitress. She was the only way to just putting. down her tray going up on stage all the time. It was fucking great. It was really cool to see it. Anyway, please follow her on Instagram at Punkie Johnson and listen to her podcast and try to pressure her to keep doing it. I have got nothing to promote. I've got a new, oh, I've got my t-shirt available at aureh.com. Also available at the bottom of the screen, wherever you're watching or listening. A deck of psychedelic playing cards where I am the king of mushrooms. It's every drug. Um, what else?

My vinyl, Ari Sharfair, Jew, and, uh, you be tripping, uh, you be tripping stickers. Please subscribe wherever you're watching, listening and subscribe to the, to the, uh, uh, you be tripping podcast account, I'm an Instagram account at Ubi Chippin'Pod. Guys, I'm Rish Javier. Support this show by, uh, by, you know, buying something. Anyway, let's get back to the episode, Jamaica. Get it? But the weed was crazy.

I was eating everything on that motherfucking weed. And it didn't make me, it didn't have me too hyper. It didn't have me too calm. And my heart wasn't beating too fast. So I feel like it is like a really good. In Jamaica. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, it's like a, I guess organic. Let's call it that. Okay. How long did you go for? I was like that for about, about six days. Who'd you go with? I was with this woman that I'm seeing with her big booty ass. Okay, the second, by the way.

Second revelation today. Punky is also a homer sexual. She had a nice ass? Oh, my God, bro. Oh, Lord, she's like, she's like, her mom's black, her dad's Puerto Rican. So she got like these cute, like Spanish, like, jinky-looking eyes.

And she got these eyelashes and she got big tities. And she got attitude because she's black and she speak that Spanish shit. Damn. Dude, black was Spanish. Black and Spanish. It's like my dream woman that just fell into my lap. And she got this big old booty.

And she's English all the time. But when she get mad, she used my government name, Jataka. That's how she'd be saying. I'd be like, oh, fuck, let me go get some old trouble, baby. Shit. Let me piss you off again. Because she, oh, she's so hot. But being out there with her was great because she's very seductive.

So we did get like a lot of buy one, get one freeze. because of her sexiness. Because she was like, show some leg? Yeah, I'll tell her. I love when I can kind of just, you know, push my girl off and she's fine with it. What do you mean? I'm like, go over there and get me a deal.

Yeah, go over there and make it something happen. Go touch them in his face, grab them a little bit. Touch his arm, be like, yeah, just going to do what you got to do for the, and she loved taking one for the team. Yeah. You know, we was getting free drinks because of her big booty. Ooh, nice. Yeah, hey, everybody get you a nice.

nice big booty half black half Puerto Rican bitch that got attitude oh was there any like uh yeah how are they with gays down there they were fine they were fine they loved us we was actually looking to have a threesome and couldn't well the guys for some reason thought because i was like the masculine one they thought that i was joking so none of them they were all like no no no no like it was almost with the jamaican it was almost like they tried to show some respect like i feel like if we were two feminine women they would have did it with with with no problem right that like they didn't want to like you're saying they didn't want to like step on your toes or fall into a trap or whatever i don't know i can't call it because i didn't ask because i was like

fine whatever nigger and i would move on yeah but we you know like me and my girl we just i'm very i'm very open out there for guys in jamaica you were like i wouldn't do nothing out it would It would be, fuck, I can't believe I'm about to say this. It would be more like, you know, like she'll give me some head. He'll have sex with her from the back or something like that. But that's what you suggested to them? Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. Listen, when we go out of town, listen, especially if I'm in Jamaica or if I'm in Mexico or just anywhere where it's like a beach and it's beautiful outside and I'm in a good mood. I'm not crazy. Like, I don't treat my women like their property. and I don't necessarily believe in monogamy. I was married, but now that I'm out of it, I'm just like, one pussy for the rest of my life, seriously? And I don't want my girl to have one pussy old dick for the rest of her life.

It's like, let's go out and have fun, but let's do it together. That's my thing. Let's do it together. Okay. And also, like, if she's eating you out, it's like, we have another time. You can get, you still got a spare hole down there. Yeah, and I'm, and.

Why don't you go, why don't you get plugged? Well, I don't like getting plugged. No, her. Oh, she can get, yeah, yeah, true. she could get plugged. Yeah. Yeah. I don't want nothing up my plug.

Yeah. Well. So you wouldn't, if you were having a threesome with a guy and he's like, no, I'm going to fuck you, you'd be like, no, thanks? Absolutely not. I'm off limits to the man. I'm off limits. I don't, I don't touch the guy.

The most I'll do with a guy, I'll kiss a guy. But I won't, I won't touch a guy. You won't, like, touch his dick or anything? No, no, no. So really, it'd be like you and him fucking your girl. Yeah, that's why I was like, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but I guess training. It's like a trainy thing or whatever.

I mean, it's not necessarily a train because I don't have a dick, so I'm not like fucking or whatever, you know. Well, I guess it's like a... Instead of like a, whatever that system is to lock two trains together, it's more like a magnet. There you go.

We'd be magnetized. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but you know, we open sexually. We didn't do it. Yeah. I'm just thinking like if a chick and another chick, I mean, in terms of like, Dykes go, you're pretty,

you're on the more feminine. First of all, thank you. Thank you for saying, Dyke. I am so sick of America scared to say what the fuck it is. I'm a motherfucking dyke. Fuck that lesbian shit. Fuck that queer shit.

What the fuck are you afraid of? Call it what the fuck it is. And why is the D not an LGBTQ? Why is such pussies, bro? It's a different category. I am the D in the LGBTQ, motherfucker. Like, we got a whole, it's like a whole epidemic of dykees.

out here and no one's fucking acknowledging it. Thank you. Jesus Christ. I remind you, U.B. Chairman is the most inclusive podcast in America. The cutting edge. Fuck, bro. Everybody's so fucking scared of everything. Nobody understands that comedy sort of training.

Yeah, you can just go ahead and say it. But we came up in a place where it's black walls. The customer's not always right. Who gives the shit? The worst you're going to get is Ian Edwards going, damn, I'm already. you know but it'll still be your friend it's like yeah we get it man

everybody got their POV and re-respecting but I'm saying if you and another and like a hot black half Latina chick Kate was like well I mean I'd be nervous but I'm like yeah okay what's there's no catch like let's go I think they were very very nervous but because I'm like more on a masculine side

they just they just didn't want to do it okay so you go out of trick not tick out of three so but just to hang out and have fun. What were you expecting while you were there? Would you get into it? The reason was on the list. That's the crazy point.

You talked about it ahead of time. Let's get it. You wanted a Jamaican or you wanted just somebody down there? A Jamaican, a beautiful, like one of them motherfucking Jamaicans you see on fucking bad boys or some shit. It was like the fucking cut. Yeah, just a big black. Look like he got a damn forearm as a dick. We didn't give a fuck.

My buddy's Jamaican. Darren from college. said when he was working at resorts when he was like 18 and stuff just like working working he'd he'd push his accent so high up to try to fuck white chicks yeah yeah he'd like that's what they wanted the fantasy what they wanted I'm giving that fantasy I love that yeah that was it was on the list we didn't make it happen but we ate all the food and we smoked all the weed what kind of food was there so of course we didn't really like the resort food the resort food is like the I mean in no shade but the

resort food is like this place is Italian This place is Jamaican This place is Asian Like Epcot Center It was just something like Yeah like like some mall food or some shit So we did not enjoy that food We ate it because it was free

The room service was Yeah Okay so that's that's What led us to get on The buses The buses and tour You scared at all when you do that? We was fucked up the whole time

So I really wasn't thinking about anything. Sometimes we even took a taxi. Like whoever the dude was that drove us from the airport to the hotel, we'll call them what you're doing. We need to go here. We need to go ABCV. They give you his card? One of those?

You know, they'd be out there hustling. Yeah, they hustle. They do. A lot of foreign countries, they call me later and you're like, maybe. You know what surprised me out there? They didn't have, I didn't find a lot of places that had oxtails. I was going out there for the oxtails. I wanted to eat every ox tail. But it was more like, I'm not a fish person, so I'm probably going to say this wrong,

but it was more like Bronzini, the fish with the head on it. Yeah, like the whole fish. The whole fish. It was more like stuff like that. It was more like a whole bunch of seafood, a whole bunch of lobster. And it was great because it was nice and it was fresh. But I didn't find a lot of places with a lot of ox tails. but the jerk

Oh Best jerk ever That might be I can't even remember Think of it That's my ideal for Jamaica food Jerk chicken Yes

Jerk fish The jerk The jerk flavoring Yeah Was really really good And even in the hotel They didn't have it in the resort But they would bring

Like a little cart With this guy who was just outside On this huge char Charbroke Charr whatever the fucking grill is And he was just just making food as it was just cooked the order. It's so good.

Just beautiful. It's like dark like that. Fresh, dark and black and chicken off the grill. And then he dip it in this filtered jerk. It looks like he put his whole fucking foot in that shit. I could not. I ate I ate the jerk every day. Really?

To the point I was about to stay an extra day just to eat. Just to get more jerk. Yeah, the jerk. It was just a specific flavor that I don't. Where's that name come from? I don't know. I don't know. Let's check it out. Oh, here we go. Spanish word, charkwee.

Chachua origin. Or is it charquy? It means jerked or dried meat. Hmm. Charquy? Is the Q or is it in Spanish? Charkwee or charquy? I don't know.

Jerky. Jerky. Oh, charkey. That makes sense. It means dried strips of meat. Whatever some wet-ass meat we was eating. Yeah. Oh, wow.

It's so fucking good, though. I have not found that type of flavor here in America in the States at all. Charquy became jerky. Dude, they had in Ecuador, they had a poyo chicken pollo secondo. And you're like, what secondo? Yeah, what is that? The GIs would come there and they want seconds. So whatever the flavor that was, they were like, seconds, seconds.

They were like, second, secondo. And they named it after people coming in. Secundo. Yeah. But they couldn't say seconds. They were like, I don't know what they're saying, but they keep calling us. That's unique. Yeah.

Okay, so a lot of jerk. Damn. A lot of jerk. The pasta was terrible. The pasta was terrible. Interesting. But I'll tell you one thing, Jamaica know how to have a party because we went out there for New Year's Eve. Well, for New Year's.

So we spent the week out there. So the whole time they had a whole bunch of activities to do. We went to this big, huge beach party for New Year's Eve. Ooh. They had a big, I mean, they had like this DJ. I think he was an American DJ. So he was playing all the shit. Like what?

It was like he gave every, you know, it was a whole bunch of different people there. It wasn't just black people there. It was like, you got, it was like white people and Spanish people. And they had Asian people. There was like every type of different culture was there, which was surprising to me. Yeah. What do you mean like at the hotels and resorts? At the hotel itself.

That was surprising to you. Very, very, very. Because we went to an all adult exclusive. hotel. We didn't want to have any children running around. I can't remember which one. Yes. I was surprised myself. All adults. You can't

bring a kid there. No. I mean, that's what I'm looking for in the world. Baby, it was great. It was, I mean, it was everything. They're so annoying. Yeah, I got to be in the mood for the. I love the kids. Punky, a lot of kids. Yeah, but like you're just trying to have a Mai Tai tie with that pool or whatever and then they run by

and you're like. Kids are running around. They slamming on shit. They're diving in the pool. They're screaming at a restaurant. You're screaming at a restaurant. It's just like, I don't want that shit. Then you got the parent that's running up to the motherfuckers, chasing them up. And then you got some parents who just let them do it. Oh, they just ignore them.

They just ignore them like, hey, you deal with it. Yeah, I can't know. And I will. I will deal with your fucking kid. And that is my problem because I don't know how to mind my business sometimes when I'm annoyed. Yeah, yeah. But it's like, well, if you're not going to do something, that's what you're telling me is your child is its own thing. So I'm going to take it up with the thing.

Yeah, I'm going to take it up with the thing. Hi, excuse me. Hi, kid. Do that. Can you stop slamming on the table trying to enjoy my lunch here? Either that or you want me to go to the mom. Like, hey, can you get your kid? And now it's a fight. I'm going to go right to the source. Hey, stop. Don't talk to my kid that way. Well, then you talk to him that way. Yeah, please. Guys, abortion. So we went to that. I know. Thank you. Yeah. Get rid of these bad kids. So you went to that. Yeah. We did that. How was New York? Was it like wild? Was it like party party? It was fantastic. The party started at like eight o'clock. And before the party, they did like this. big buffet. Now, I did enjoy the buffet. The buffet had a little bit of Italy. It had a little bit of Asia. It had a little bit of America, a whole bunch of Jamaica. Of course, salads, vegan,

gluten-free shit for the people who is up that caliber. And a whole, a ton of seafood. You know, so they took us around the world with the buffet, which was fantastic. And then you leave the, you leave the buffet and you go and you go to the party. And it's, just they're popping fireworks all night. Oh, that's nice. And when they're not popping the fireworks, they got the DJ going, champagne, free liquor.

Yeah. It's open bar, and it's not that bullshit open bar. It's not like, you know how you go to some resorts and the open bar is. Shit, fucking,

uh, Jose Cuavo. You know, not trying to shit on Jose Cuavo, but we're past Jose Cuavo. It's okay. Yeah. And it's just like

taqavaca and all that bullshit. Now they had Bombay, Tito. Grey Goose, Belvedere, Patron, Don Julio, the good shit. Damn, nice. So it was good. What was, is there Jamaican liquor? Or what's bigger that, run?

I was thinking rum, maybe. Yeah, but they didn't have, you know what they did the whole time? Like if we went on like a, what you call that shit? Like a little, when we went out into the city, I'm blowing a, hear more about that. A brain for it. What they'll do is everybody served rum punch. Ooh, nice.

That's what they have with those crackers, right? Yeah. At the, in the Central Park and stuff. Wait, no, I'm sorry, I misread that. What you said? The crackers, the little, like, what they have in, like, Central Park

when those guys will come by, like, who wants crackers? I don't be in Central Park. I don't know. Whatever park also, Brooklyn. I have whatever. But they'll come by with, like, a bottle like this big,

and they'll crack them open. Oh, that's what you're like, I was like, crackers. I thought you're talking about the crackers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's for cracking. Yeah, I can see that. Went overpunk his head.

But you have to see it. And a lot of those are rum punch. It's just like red and like boozy. Yeah. Yeah. And I see when I went on when we went on like the boat or whatever, I was getting mad because the white people on a boat, white people, you know what?

Fuck it. I'm going to just go on to say this. Do it. Y'all need to stop double dipping, bruh. Y'all need to stop with that bullshit. Okay. And it's even like places. It's like, not all of this is yours.

Not all of this is your space at all either. Like we're all sharing this. So if you take a chip and you dip it in the salsa, you eat the whole chip. That's it for the chip. That's it for the chip is done. Or throw the chip overboard. Who gives a fuck?

But don't put your fucking chip back in the salsa. Why would you even do that at home? You get, it's like, it'd do that. It'd be like stuff like. I wondered, I had this idea. that like a lot of times when they try to like sell stuff to tourists in like Asia or something like that they're trying to like oh white guy they have money but then they get those people with their backpacks and everything like and like oh that's a hostile guy he didn't have any money

but they're doing all white people the same like oh there are different types I wonder if you saw Israelis I wonder if that's your white people if you can't tell which one's which it seems like a my family kind of thing to do but it's all right you know what all right fine white people But a lot of people do it. Because I'm pulling, now I'm about to pull you experience from like Chipotle when they have the, the glass is there for a reason. And when people go over the glass and do this shit, that and all that shit. Get the fuck out of here. What if they need another, another thing?

Now, I'm just talking to the Chipotle people. I'm like, and I hate when the Chipotle people are scared to say don't do that. It's like, I want to, one day I just want to go stand and be the bitch. They'd be like, don't do that. What a great job that would be. I would love to see you as just that. job for just an hour. You get the fuck.

Hit the camera. Just sit there waiting. I'm like, sir, you're over the fucking line. Would you take the fucking glasses for it, bro? Back in line. Oh yeah, you don't actually work there. You're like, this is a job like passion. They're like, call the manager.

We just like this random stranger back here because she got cuts. Yeah, because none of these people have guts. They're not going to throw me out. They're not going to tell you not to do that. They're definitely not going to throw me out. That drives the shit out of me for some reason. It's just like this or that, man. And it's easy.

It's one or two. One or two. When you see a specific piece of bean that you want? The fuck are you doing? None of it makes sense. But anyway, we had so much fun on like our little adventures. Hey, I love this guy. He's like fun.

I know fun. Bennett, where's Punky? Where's Punky? She used to work at the comedy store. Bennett. She worked at the place I worked at. He's like, I'm fucking. and tired. He can knock. I see that tail going, Bob. He's waking up a little bit.

So tell me about the city. What city was it? Montego Bay. Montego Bay. It's fantastic. Now we wanted to go. We wanted to go to tour Bob Marley's house. That was on the list. But it was like one of those things where you had to be on a fucking shuttle at like 7 a.m. And I'm like, we're not. And I understand it because it was, It's a ways from Antigo, but I'm just like. Oh.

Where to grow up just in the country? Yeah. I mean, I grew up in a city, but we some country folk. No, he. Oh, he, Bob Marley, he. So what are you going to say? I don't even know what to call it, but I think, no, I think Kingston. If I'm not mistaken, that's a big city.

You know, and I really, really wanted to go, but I just, I didn't want to do it. You know, one thing we did? Yeah. So they have, like, these rafts, but they made of, like, logs or whatever. Mm-hmm. There's a joy Diaz took to America when he was a baby. Oh, you fucking...

Don't fuck with me right now. They tied him together. I am naive. I will believe you. I'm not, I don't think I'm joking. I might be wrong, but I'm not joking or lying.

I think his mom got on a raft, a bunch of fucking logs and fucking water bottles and tied them together, empty water bottles and went over there. I think he had a brother that he lost the sharks. They were like, the sharks come and somebody's got to go. Oh, God.

Throw that one up a ball. That part up. But I think. Kiyat's how he got to America. Br. It, oh, Jesus Christ. That is so funny. I can't, I can't.

What were you going to say about it? So, your rafts made a wood. Mm-hmm. And, um. Would you? So the experience was, it was really dope. It was a great experience. You're like in this safari and it's just like a whole bunch of,

it looked like monkeys can fly, can, or swinging from the, it looked like monkeys belong there to swing from the trees. It looked like... Wait, what is this? What is this? A tour? It was some type of tour. Yeah, it was some type of tour with the rafts.

Yeah. Do you have pictures of any of this stuff? I do. Oh, send me them later. Yes, I definitely will. Yeah. And you get there and you go and you go like down this, these steps. It's like a mountain, but it's like steps.

And then the tour is like the water is maybe ankle deep. The deepest it may get is knee deep, maybe. Okay. And you get on there and you got you a bottle of champagne. And the guy that... They give you champagne? Oh, that's fantastic. This is exactly what it is.

Hold on. Load it up now. Yeah. I think our guy named was Peter, if I'm not mistaken. And that's your girlfriend. Yeah, that's my bitch right there. That's how right there. So they put you on like those and they just took you down this like river in the middle of nowhere?

It's almost like a horse. and carriage ride. Wow. Are there monkeys and stuff down? No, it looked like there should be. It looked like they're going to be swinging at you in it. There's no animals down there. It just looks like the jungle, you know, and looks like there's going to be snakes.

Beautiful. They have flowers on it. You sit there to kind of strap you in. You put your raft on. Of course you can't move. But as you, so I love it because as you going down the river, it's like it's like the craziest, weirdest farmer's market where people are selling stuff. on other rafts. Coming by?

Yeah, as you go by, you can be like, hey, I want some liquor. They got a liquor one. They got people that got snacks. They got these people to have coconuts. People that's selling the souvenirs. And they'll have a sign up and like,

oh, we have this. And it's mad expensive. Like one shot of Petron was like $22. I mean, they're taxing the shit out of you. Can you bargain there? You know, we didn't, we didn't bar. We just hit them with the goddamn with the A&L. You got to know how to, and not everybody knows how to, and I don't always either.

It's like, I want to say, it's like, you know what, fuck it. We know we're going to get taxed. You know, they know specifically we're on this, on this raft. We have, we didn't. Where else are you going to go for liquor? And they know we want to get fucked up. Uh-huh. Right?

So the raft of go wherever you wanted to go, and then they'll stop. They'll stop. They'll stop and give both you and your partner a massage. Oh, my God. So it's like, while one person's getting a massage to us. other person could kind of go out into the water, play on the rocks. Oh, it's like wading level water. Yes, yes.

The water is not too cold. It's not too hot. It's like perfect. God damn. Warmy, cool water, if that makes sense. And the guy in the massages are heaven. I mean, they're not, they're not fucking cutting you short. Like if you're getting a pedicure.

No, hell no. They're digging into your calves. They're digging into your shoulders. And then, of course, the thing that they use, they use like this big rock. and it's like this big melting, organic rock with all kind of like

like I don't I guess herbs in it and just just shit that's in it and it and it just and they rub it on your feet and your legs and it makes you feel so good it's so after what you feel so smooth

and of course they try to sell it to you it's like hey this helps with inflammation You know, this helps with acne. This helps with what's the damn skin disease? Yeah. Why am I drawing a goddamn brain for it this whole time? Oh, what is that skin disease?

You know, when your skin peel, just constantly. Yeah. Whatever. Y'all know what I'm talking about shit. And of course, you know, they're like, oh, you just, if you use this, you know, like a couple times a week, it'll, you know, improve the way you walk and just stupid shit to sell you. Like, oh, cool.

Like, oh, I'm not going to use it a couple times a week. This is the only time I'm ever going to do it is right here. Keep it in the refrigerator. It's like, bitch, I'm going to forget this shit is in the back of the refrigerator. Dude, I was at Joe List yesterday watching the All-Star game. And his wife was like, he was like, what happened to those cookies? She goes, oh, they're in the fridge. Just put them in the oven.

And we're like, oh, okay. And I looked at him. We're never going to make those. He goes, no, in the oven. They had to be ready or ready. I don't know how hot. And like, no way. With that is like, it's super dirty because they have to rinse you off in the river.

So I don't want nothing I got to rinse off. If me and my maid are giving each other's massages, we're doing it with lotion so we can just go to bed. With this shit, you got to, can't do it in the bed. But you're right there in the river. You can just like lay down. And that's why it's convenient in the river. I don't want to bring this shit to the house. It is annoying.

You go get a massage and they put the oil. And then you're like, pack your t-shirt on. It kind of sticks to you. Yeah. I don't want to do that shit. The Asians here. Do you ever go to the Asian ones here? You know, I have not in New York, but I have a favorite one in Los Angeles.

Bro. I forgot what street is on. It's like on El Central and sunset or some shit like that, right next to Carving Board. I got the carving board restaurant right there and then an Asian. And it's a good one? Man. They're all pretty good out here. Sometimes you get one that takes it as they're like, no, no, no, you need work.

I'm going to, let's go. Guys, hold my calls. I feel some knots. And you're like, okay. Speaking of, we did do a Jamaica massage, which was fantastic. We did a couple's massage. Yeah. They get deep.

They massage you like they, like they feel your trauma. You know what I'm saying? They like, oh, you, you had some shit happening to you when you was like seven. Let me get that out of you. Damn, limestone, rock scrub and whatever. Yeah, that's probably that. And tings, probably. What's tings?

What the fuck's tings? Other shit. Oh, and things. And other shit. Dude, I love here. This is how it was in a, in, um, Trinidad also. They just spell it the way they talk.

It was like the language, the written language came later. And they're like, what's ting? That's how I live my life right now. I spell everything the way I talk. That's great. Everything. I just text celibent to my friend another day. And I didn't, Siri was not showing up for me that day.

Yeah. So I just was like, S-E-L-L-A-B-E-N-T, celibent, bitch. I was like, figure it out. Sell-a-bitch. Sell-a-B-B-B-E-L-B. What is that, Danny Brown lyric? You got a celibate.

My friend went locked up. Told me to sell a bitch. Sell a bitch. Yeah, I don't know, whatever. All right, what else you get into while you were there? So we did that. Okay, so my parents got married in Jamaica. So while we were there, they would text us a whole bunch of suggestions.

And I forgot what it's called. It's like some type of cafe. I could text my dad in here. A type of cafe? Yeah, it's like cafe something. And a specific one or a style? No, it's a specific cafe. I forgot what I was called.

I'll text my dad and I'll get it for you. But it's a big Jamaican party. And it's, I mean, it was probably, it was better than the New Year's Eve party. Oh, really? And it's lit. I mean, it got an emcee, they got your DJ, they're playing all Jamaican music. It's all the Jamaican women. plus the terrorists of course,

but it's more of the Jamaican people. That's me, you know, it's like, it feels better. And they're having dance competitions, twerk competitions, the women on their heads. What? They're selling food. The drinks wasn't too expensive.

The food off the chain. I mean, this lobster is almost like they, and it's on an island. It's literally like the beach is two feet away. And the lobster was like they went to the, they just picked one up out the water. And just like. And just came to you.

I mean, it was, it's, I'm going to text my dad right now. No, no, I don't like saying names of places anyway. Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay. I don't, I don't get it over on the tourists. But it was, it was, you know, and that was one of the things, too, that when you go to the hotel and you're like, hey, what can we do? And they're like, you go to this cafe situation and the shuttle bus will be here to pick you up at such and such a time. And that was a whole tour date as well. That is hard when they're like, you want to do this thing, right?

You're somewhere. That sounds cool. Bob Marley's house or I was in Vietnam, like you can go through the tunnels. Right. And it's like, no. And like, all right, 5 a.m. we pick you up. It's three hours. I was like, ah, damn it. That was a little later.

That's why we picked that one over the Bob Marley. Okay. So it's like with this one, but all of it, but you know how it is when you go out of town. It's like all of it come as a package deal. You can't just do one without doing the other. Yeah. So it's like in order to get to this cafe where it's, you know, ABCD is going on. And that's where you really want to be.

You have to get on a shuttle, drive 45 minutes to the. So you're sure you're going to make plates in town. And you're like, I don't give a fuck about the plates. I just want to go to the party. Then you got to get on the big fucking yachts. That's exactly how it is. And then they got to have a party on a fucking yacht. To get, just go.

And order to go to the party, you got to take the 45 minute drive, get on a yacht, go snorkeling, get out of the pool, dry off. Then they take you to the party. Because the party don't start until 5 a.m., but you can't get that no other fucking way. Right. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Dude, when we did go to those tunnels, I'm remembering now, they, it was like this, like, ceramics factory.

They sell these people that, like, are feeling the effects of, like, leftover, like, Agent Orange. So there's all these flipper arm people making, like, birth defects, making the ceramics. I'm like, want to buy some ceramics? That's a birthday face. Yeah, I'm like, don't want to buy ceramics.

In general, I don't want to buy ceramics. It's definitely not this fucking half whale that's fucking doing it. No. They have these little, a hand, like, three fingers attached to a half arm. And it's like, I have a job. I can't do it.

I don't want to see all of this shit. I know. Just take me to the fucking tunnel. Take me where I want to go. Take me to the fucking raft. And I'm just like, what is going on, man? But it was super, it was super. I mean, at the end of the day, when we went to the place, it was super fun.

That's cool. And don't you miss that shuttle? You miss that shuttle because they ain't doing no head count. Wow. Ain't no buddy system. Ain't no signs seats. They'll just leave you? Hell yeah, to leave your ass.

And now you're stuck, taking the two hours. our taxi for Lord knows how much money. Do you feel dangerous? Forget the gay part. Did you feel dangerous, just dangerous? There were times, I think there was one time we was like, let's just take a taxi because we don't, we, we just didn't feel like cooperating with the, with the, with their rules and regulations and their times and stuff.

And a taxi driver took us to like, I think some bar or something. But it was, you know what it reminded me of? It reminded me of the scene in Bad Boys 2 when Martin and Will was in Cuba. And it was the last scene when they were coming, when they were going down to try to get to American soil. It was all of that. So it was like a whole bunch of, it was basically like a neighborhood on a hill where everybody's homes were basically kind of like made of fucking tarps and tents. and shit. And then of course, you know, people on a corner, they hustling.

These people might be selling watermelons. People might be selling coconuts or mangoes and stuff like that. But it was kind of like a neighborhood on a hill. And once we went into that. Is this, is this? No, not, not gay will. It was another scene. Okay.

It was like, but that was pretty much because we did that at night. Okay. So that wasn't a daytime thing because we wanted to go to like to the, We wanted to go somewhere other than because for some reason in Jamaica the ice melted weird. It was almost like it was like as soon as they poured

your vodka soda the ice went away. It just dissolved into the liquor. So I was like I need to I don't know if this and it would drive me insane because I don't want to drink no water down shit. I want to go to like a dope ass joint a nice little bar and see if this

theory that I'm experiencing Is everywhere or just your resort? Exactly. And it wasn't because the ice melted differently at the other place. It was just a real drink. Right. They were cheaping out in the ice? I think it was, it was, it was. Was it what kind of the hole in the middle that just kind of like, yeah, it's weird?

It's like, soon as they put, I was like, is it just too hot? But this other place didn't happen. No, no. And the other place was, also the other place was like a hole in the wall too, which I love hole in the wall. I'll go to a hole in the wall anytime. I'd rather to add over a club. I'd rather a hole in the wall than the lounge.

Dude, the after, the after. S&L after parties. I've been to two or three of them or the after-after, whatever. I saw you there at the Shane one. It's so not my scene. It's not my scene. It doesn't look like your scene either.

Well, you get there. I mean, the only reason why... You brought a posse. That's the only reason why I go. To make it your scene. Because every single weekend, somebody's in town. Yeah. Every weekend.

I'm in town. Okay, cool. So if you're in town, ABC going to want to come. And I didn't mind going to the parties. Like, before I got high. When I got hired, when I got hired and was like prepping to go, you talked to a lot of people that did SNL. Excuse me. And they kind of tell you the experience.

And one of the things that I learned is when you go to the parties, it's kind of like your courtesy to take care of the people that you wait. So it's kind of like you got to put your card down. You got to pay for all of the shit. Yeah. I didn't do it all the time, but I tried to look out for the people that did come. But also it's like it's no DJ. No, it's just loud. and everyone's yapping and looking over it's just like Montreal.

They're all looking around. You're talking in a loud place. I can't hear. But also I've been talking all week and I don't really like to talk. Just don't me some music on and let me vibe and I'm good. You know what they need at parties? They need different vibes for different people. So I get why you'd have a dance floor for the people want to dance.

And I get why you'd have a big loud bar if you'd want to talk and schmooze. How about just a room of like sofas with some like, Like some like mellow music playing. I wouldn't be mad at that. Some joints. And everyone just sit and lay back and just like keep the talk to do a minimum. Light music. You know what I mean?

I wouldn't be mad at that. If that's not your vibe, then no, go in there. Yeah, on an airplane. I wish I had sections of the plane. You know, like sometimes even in first class motherfuckers be getting on my nurse. I'm like, why are y'all so fucking loud? And why are you reading this fucking book? It's fucking midnight, bitch.

Turn off that. light. That's me. That's you read a book at midnight? No, because it's like, they're like, all right, 9.45 p.m. shut the lights off. I'm like 9.45 p.m. I just did one spot in New York and now I got to fucking go to sleep. So I'm just sitting there in the dark for four hours. Watch a fucking movie. All right. Fair. Fair. Watch a movie fair. It's just the light drives me insane. I just, I just wish we could check stuff off before we get on a plane. Are you going to be

reading a book? Check. Do you have a fucking baby? You just you can be able to rearrange the seats. I get you keep your aisle seat, but if you're saying, I'm going to be up late and this guy's going to be up late, let's move you up there, let's move this guy back there. And I think it could work like that.

It could work. You put your preferences. And don't get it twisted. I love my dogs. But when I would go on an airplane, I would buy the row for my dog. A big dog. I like dogs too, but I'm like,

all right, but now I got to sit like this because your dog is leaking into my area. And I like your dog. And they can't do anything about it. You just stuck with this fucking big ass dog. The dog is a dog. You know, he just gets up. This reminds me, I need to call United.

I am so fucking pissed right now. I don't remember where I went, but it was maybe about two or three weeks ago. I think I was going to Tampa. I was just sitting down. I'm just on row four. I'm just minding my business. And I hear, I sit up. I'm like, what the fuck?

I'm like, oh, my God. I'm thinking something wrong with the plane. I'm looking outside the window. I'm trying to see what the fuck going on. And then this guy, he's just walking with this big fucking. Bulldog And I was like I was livid

Because I'm like Why is this dog on the plane? You can't let a dog like that on the plane He's gonna do that the entire fucking trip Now that's just rude It's rude It's rude. It's like having a car alarm And if it's like you gotta get it out of here

It's no An excreeming kid If your kid's polite Take it to a restaurant, okay But if it's not polite You gotta take it out of here It's not your fault If you have Tourette's you can't go to a wedding

No It's not your fault But you're gonna fuck it up for everyone And it's about knowing yourself. I have Tourette's. I can't come. Yeah, I can't come. I'll meet you guys at the reception.

Where I can do that. Where I can Tourettex away. Yeah. Fuck. Congratulations on your fucking bitch! Congratulations on your wedding. I'm so excited. You're fucking cut, bitch.

Bitch. I just be trying to, like, I, I'm just like, I'm one of those people who try my hardest to be self-aware in public. Like, I try to be in tune. to making sure I get people that space if we're in the line. Try to make sure if someone's standing right there, I'm not skipping them. Just all kinds of stuff.

But you know, sometimes. Not at all. They're playing their video game like out loud. And you're just like looking at them like, are you? Oh, my God. Changing a ringer in line to the DMV. Like choosing. And like, hey. Hate it.

Hey. Hey. Everyone just does this and they don't get it. They don't. You know what I, you know what I've been doing though? What? I've been like, you know what today you're going to go outside and be the annoying bitch.

Oh, just do it. Because I'm so sick of being the one who's not annoying. Yeah. And being annoyed. Yeah. I just were like, you know what? Fuck it. Just go and make all our own decisions today.

Wait, let's get back to Jamaica. Oh, sorry about that. No, no, it's my butt. Okay, wait, we got to danger. What were the bathrooms like, away from the resort? The bathrooms were, like you were going to the restaurant. Like, certain places, like, we went to the jungle part. Yeah.

The bathroom was all cinder blocks. The cinder blocks were walls. Okay. Were the walls of the place. It was all like cemented. Okay. Like a beach bathroom. Okay.

Did you feel poor there in Jamaica? You know, um. You definitely not cornered like the hood. I guess, I guess it's like the U.S. It had its moments. It had his moments, you know. And it's, it's, it's, the people are very happy there. Okay, that's a good question to ask.

Like, they were still happy. I was looking into real estate for a second. Really? Yeah. But I'm like, I'm not going to eat jerk chicken like this. We're not going to do it because that's their main dish. You know, so I would have to like cook and I don't really, sometimes I like to eat out a lot. But the people are super, super happy.

That's cool. Soon as you get off the plane, they're happy. They're everywhere. And with them, like, you will get hustled in certain places. And I wouldn't even call it hustles. It's just like people trying to make their money. They're going to tax you. You're an American or wherever you're from.

You know, from Jamaica. Tax you. That's a right way to say. But for the most part, a lot of people were just like, they just like really cool. They did not suspects. They're not suspicious. They got nothing going on. They really just literally happy people.

Damn, that's nice. You know? That's cool. I had no problems in Jamaica. There's a couple questions I want to get back to in these podcasts in general. It's what are the observations you made that wouldn't be in a book? The ice melts too fast. good when you got to it already and like how did you find the people and that's you already said it

that's cool yeah the ice the ice melted way too fast but that was just the one place and there was the one place and we just you know I was with somebody who likes to just talk to the people see I don't talk to people but she'll talk to people and then I'll talk to people that's nice to have when you're traveling is someone to take care of the stuff they each have their strong points right you know I like traveling with chicks to a place because they're willing to do the research I want what we're supposed to be doing. There you go. And then I'm like, I'll go.

Do it. I'll pay for it. Yeah. If it's up to me, I'm sleeping all day. Just make the reservation with my credit card. Just find out what I'm supposed to do and we'll just do it. We will. If it's up to me, I'll sleep all day, just walk.

I'll sleep all day, walk, go to the damn pool and I'll sit my ass at that pool bar all day. Yeah. Yeah. But sometimes I try to do the romantic thing and be like, okay, look, I made the plans, because they like it when you do that type of stuff. But it's very rare. Yeah.

It's rare. I can't pay for all the shit and think, bitch. somebody got to think that's not my job is the thinking and the pang no I just the pang your job is the thing what if you had to do it again what would you have done differently there

and what would you tell somebody else who's going like oh you got you should do this or you should pack this you should make sure to you know don't make this mistake I made or like I'm glad I did this you know what I mean? What advice do you give someone is about to go? So and first of all I probably wouldn't do a resort again

interesting why because a resort can make you lazy they they they it's like a it's like all inclusive it's all in one and they try and they get you with the all including now mind you they did have um good liquor but all inclusive means you can't go out because you're wasting

you're double spending exactly exactly but I would go to just a regular smegger I would never do an Airbnb I don't trust any Airbnb's ever and also with an Airbnb I don't feel like cleaning up you come clean up Right. I'm not doing that. Yeah. You go to a regular what, like a regular hotel?

I would get like a regular hotel, but I would definitely go, do like a very, very nice hotel. I'd probably get like a very nice suite, big balcony, of course, on the beach. Okay. Somewhere where the room service is going to be excellent because it's not all-inclusive so they don't have cheap meals. Because I love room service, and especially if it's the middle night and I'm hungry, I want something good.

I don't want these ragged-ass chicken wails. You know what's good when you're on the road is when you get something to give you with two queens, which is fine, you know. You'll buy herself two queens, but you take that other bed. You put a towel down, you order some room servers or Uber eats something, and you just eat it on the bed. Just pasta sauce go on the bed and you sleep in your bed. That's right. That's right.

What's that one question you asked when the answer was the ice? What were some observations that you made that wouldn't necessarily be like in a travel book? Okay. Jamaica does not have salad dressing. That's exactly the type of answer I want. Okay. Wow. Well, this particular room service, this hotel did not have Caesar, ranch, balsamic.

Fuck, they didn't even have French. They had a mango, some type of mango dressing. And we were like, y'all don't have, they give, and they'll give you the Caesar salad with the fucking mango dressing. And you're like, you ain't got no Caesar dressing? And they're like, Caesar. They've never heard of it. They act like it's such a foreign language. I'm like, yes, if you have a Caesar salad, I want the Caesar dressing.

Yeah. But no, every dressing come with a mango and it's thick. It's not even like runny, good, like balsamic. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's, I don't, I didn't like it. I didn't like it. That's funny. So that's what you're not going to find in the books at all. That's a great one.

I got to start. Yeah, there you go. yes that's exactly what the fucking look like oh wow creamy turmeric mango vinaigrette it was not what was up damn and they put that and it was with it was with every salad that's right that's good that's good that was like um no more salads and I was pissed because sometimes when I'm traveling the salad is the only way I get my veggies yeah because I'm not going to eat the rest of the shit but I'll fuck up a salad. Exactly.

You just got to like you gotta get it because otherwise start to feeling like I have last like I don't have certain nutrients that I need you know. Like he's only injured chicken. Meanwhile we're lying on iceberg lettuce to be the nutrients. That's a fake a salad there is. You're like you're not getting anything. You're just getting water. All right.

You got a call to make. But like where else is on your list of like places you want to go? You know, I was about to go to Paris because I wanted to go to the Olympics. Oh. You still with that chick? Yeah, but I thought about the chaos of the Olympics

because I booked my ticket and everything and I was just like, I don't know if I feel like doing all of this. You know, if you don't have the fast access passes and all that stuff, you don't want to really be involved in all of that. Crowds. And the Olympics is going to be in Los Angeles in 2020.

So, I mean, in 2028. So I feel like I'd rather go. on some territory that I'm familiar. Yeah. So then what else do you think of? I honestly want to go to Italy. And my home guy, I just talked to my home girl the other day. Her mother bought her land in Africa. And the land is all soil right now, but she just told me that they have to build fences

so that the elephants can stay off of the land. And I'm like, elephants can just come walk up to your home. and she's like in this area, yes. And I'm like, I got to come out there when you build this house. What? I love elephants. You know what I just read? Elephants look at humans as if we're tiny babies.

What? So how we look at babies, how we're like, oh, my God, go-ch-coo. That's how elephants view us. Because we're so cute and tiny. We're so cute and tiny. That sounds so badass. To have a fucking elephant coming up to your house in the morning, that shit. But I wouldn't.

like to deal with the shit though. Elephant shit? Oh yeah. Like just right outside of the fence. You get mushrooms growing off them. In Thailand at the animal, at the elephant sanctuaries, the hippies would come in and pick them all, like get the mushrooms.

Oh, God. And then they realized like, what are these hippies doing all the time? And they realize they're selling it. Like, oh, beat it. We'll sell them. Get all the mushrooms. Yeah. Of the nasty filth.

I went to one and I went back to Thailand. And I was like in Chiang Mai. And there were like, some lady was like, I'm going to elephant sanctuary. I was like, oh, I went to one. And she goes, was it like a human. one or like a evil one? I'm like, no, the humane one. She goes, did you ride them?

I'm like, yeah. She goes, well, that's not the humane. I was like, oh, well, all right. Yeah, me too. That's why. Because when you say humane, I'm like, yeah, they're fine. They weren't beating them. I don't know.

And they weren't attacking us. They weren't struggling with her weight. Yeah. Well, that's pretty good. You got any travel tips? You're just starting traveling. Travel tips. One of my travel tips is have your shit together at TSA.

Just have your shit together. You know, they want the laptops out. Stop wearing tight-ass shoes. that you gotta, if you wear a tightet, I travel with a friend right now. This bitch always wearing some damn converse that she got to string up and unstring. And it's like she holds everything up all the time. Unstring it ahead of time. Always just, just think ahead.

Just stop holding people up. You don't want to be held up. That's nice. Make sure you pack your chargers. Don't forget no damn charges. You don't want to buy no charger in Jamaica. Don't forget no damn charger. You don't want, you don't want to buy a fucking $150 charger.

in another country. But travel tips, I mean, just fucking. No, those are good. Just get you a bitch that's gonna make a plan and have some fun. That's an important one. That's an important one. You're like, oh, I'm gonna spend more money.

The whole itinerary is gonna be set by her. Yeah. Women love spending other people's money. Here you go, baby. Take the call, and just book the shit. Just book the shit. Yeah. You know?

And take some chances. I mean, you could take a terrible chance. Yeah. But could go wrong. But if it does, did you have any bad experiences in Jamaica? Not one. I mean, there was some scary experiences where I thought I could come up on a bad experience, but no. And then it didn't happen.

Didn't happen. That's a lot of people like, that would have been bad if you went there. But like everyone who went there went down that alley or whatever, but they were all fine. So it was just like, seem scary but not. Right. That's a lot of places. It's a thing of like, you know, be smart, but also, you know, take the fucking, I mean, the taxi that took us. That was a guy that took us from the airport to the hotel.

Remember Pete C? Yes. Yeah. Pop Pete. He lives in Oklahoma. Yeah, he COVID, his realization, everyone had realizations. He goes, I want a dock. I really want a dock.

And he got a dock. He got a duck? A dock. Oh, a dock? Yeah. For real? Yeah, he was like, I want a place with like a dock that I can like have a rowboat or something. That's what I want to do.

I want to move to Virginia. I have family that live in Virginia Beach. But he, oh, he's orthodontist. This motherfucker got money. But I want to move a little bit outside. Like maybe an hour and a half away or something. Yeah. I want a whole bunch of land somewhere like I can pay 300.

a thousand for a couple acres and I want to live in Virginia because I can have monkeys. You can have monkeys and exotic animals. You're nuts lady. You're fucking nuts. I'm getting me of bubbles. I've been wanting bubbles since I, and you know bubble's still alive. No really? I think bubbles are like 49 or something.

Wow, this is Jeff Coon's bubble like sculpture. So me and Pot Pete or I think Pouquet and we're looking down this road, we see this green awning like way down there, we're like, yeah, but it's dark and we're like, I don't know, we just keep looking at it. and we're on sort of a main-ish road and we're looking at it and some guy, I think he might be Israeli, comes up and he just looks at both of us

from behind and goes, you regret the choices you do not make. And I'm like, and we went down there. We're like, damn, deep man. Oh, so this was like... He just, like, some stranger was just like our fucking... Some type of prophet of shit. I don't know like, you're right.

And we went down there, it was just a falafel stand. It was nothing, but we weren't regretting it because we fucking looked at it ourselves. I probably would have listened to the man too. We're like, what the fuck? And if we would have gotten to some shit, I would have blamed too. I was with. I would be like, why would you listen to?

Why would you let me listen to this? No accountability at all. All right, Punko. This was great. Yeah, thanks, buddy. I appreciate it. You were like, I've never really traveled, but I'm like, no, this Jamaica trip was fucking rad.

Yeah, I appreciate it because it's like, this is a different type of podcast. It's like, you'll be tripping. We're tripping. We're going all around the world. We're doing things. Yeah, it's not riffing on. And we're talking about different stuff. It's not like an interview of how.

How's your career going to la, no shade. Which becomes the same thing. You go on autopilot. Yeah, and now I'm repeating the same shit all over time. And also it's like, what I like with this is like, well, I've mentioned I went somewhere. I'm like, have you talked about that place for an hour? Have you talked about like the Lyme fucking massages

and the fucking, and to someone who's interested? But it's also, it's just like a thing of, I didn't realize I did all of that in five days. Until I sat down and talk about. That was six. I think it was six. I didn't realize I did all of that. I actually had a full, abundant trip.

Yeah, that's pretty packed. And it was worth it. With some relaxation time at a New Year's party. Absolutely. Yeah. I think we did six days because the sixth day we rest. That's very good. I like to do that on.

I like to go on vacation, but five days we're going and then six, rest, travel seven. Yeah. I like that. Did you, how did you feel when you got back? What was your mood? I'm always ready to come home to the way, no, matter where I'm at. But I mean like two days after you got back.

Do you feel relaxed? Do you feel like whatever? That was just a fucking thing I did. I'm always like whatever. That's just a fucking thing I did. I don't think I, every place is the same to me. The beach is all the same.

I mean, it's like whatever. I don't really have the urge to travel the country. I don't have the urge to go to Asia. I don't have the urge to go to Punt the Cana and all that shit. I don't get fucked about that shit. When I went to DR, Ian Laura told me some stuff, He was like my travel guide.

I would call him for advice. Oh, I told him, so I went to Boca Chica Beach and everyone's like, what the fuck? Go to Puttecana. Boca sucks. I'm like, it's better than Far Rockaway. It's a lot better than Far Rockaway. They're like, it's trash. You see poop floating in the water.

I'm like, yeah, it's far rock away. You guys are fine. But he got mad at me because I was like, yeah, I got us like this fruit sale on the beach. They made it right there in front of me. He was 10 bucks. He was, you paid asking price? I'm like, I don't know. Well, they tax it.

He goes, you fucking sucker. Yeah. What you were supposed to pay five? I would have paid 10. He goes, five would have been the most you pay. He goes, they hit you with 10. You hit him back with two. I'm like, buddy, I didn't have time to do that.

For the $8 difference or $5 difference, I just want to eat that fruit salad. When you go on vacation, you got to expect that. Fuck it. The text. Yeah. Get text. All right. Punky Johnson, you can watch her live at any time, not on Furn as L.

Moving on to our next project. Moving on to the next project, y'all. The special going to be coming out. I'm excited about it. Man, y'all tune in. I'm so excited about it. the future, man. That's great.

Just, you know, hopefully y'all on my team. Get up on my team, man. I'm fun. Yeah. I'll see you at the Cubsmore now. Oh, absolutely. Hell yeah. Absolutely.

Hell yeah. Once October hit, psh, psh, psh, every night. Nice. Let's do it, baby. All right, bud. The best. Yeah.

Well, that was the episode, everybody. Thank you very much. Punky Johnson for coming in and telling us about Hamaica. Is that what Jamaica? It's got to be related. Because Hamaica's spelled with a J, I think. Honestly, that's got to be related. Amica to Jamaica.

I am not in Jamaica. This is Brazil. I got to be honest. I'm very disappointed. There's no, nobody's showing their pieces off. Nobody's doing anything. Watch out.

It's just like, people say this is Brazil, but I don't see any favelas. I don't see anybody fucking saying, you don't come here. I've seen cops. I don't see Hobbs fucking getting chased away. That's a lot of firepower hobs.

I don't see that. All I see is beautiful beaches and people playing this weird couple of different volleyball games in the beach and surfers. Yeah, fucking. Hey, shoot that for a second. Look at the volleyball. They fucking love soccer here. Okay, back to me. Back to me.

Anyway, thank you very much. Punky for coming in. Please follow her at Punky Johnson and follow her podcast at Gay and Ghetto. Hopefully she starts doing it again. I think she stopped in May. but maybe she'll start again. Maybe there's pressure, write her a text message and a DM on Instagram and tell her to start her podcast again.

Please follow and subscribe to the UB. Trippin'Pod Instagram account. Caitlin would like nothing more for you to follow it. Every week we post extra pictures on there from the episode that maybe didn't make it into the episode. So it's really just like travel pictures from the guest. We don't bug you with much, a clip or two. And yeah, that's it. I mean, the show doesn't tour,

so it's just content. That's it. Get yourself a T-shirt, an R.S. Fier cat shirt, or what else was there? I think there might still be a go-for-a-hike shirt. I'm not sure. Definitely you'll be chipping shirts available. And definitely you'll be chipping.

Stickers, stick them up. I stick them up all over the world. Actually, no, just the Western Hemisphere. That's it. Thank you. Today's episode was edited by Alan Kaffey's, produced by Your Mom's House Network. Next week we got... Fuck, I know it's a good one. I know it's a good one.

Next week we got Brett Ernst. Brett Ernst talking about Australia for Australia Day. Their national holiday where they finished off anyone who might revolt against them, i.e. those people who play the didgeridoo's and they've got their own country.

Thank you very much, everybody, for tuning in. Until next week, I'm Roy Schaeferer. Saying so long, look, they just fucking play volleyball all the time. Not volleyball, soccer. And then there's the other soccer game that they play with a Let's see if I see it I don't see it But look they all fucking playing Even the little girls are fucking sick at it

I mean sick at it Look at this little girl, she's fucking Well, she sucks actually That's a bad example Yeah anyway, watch these motherfuckers They just, well that was lame Okay, tell me that chick ain't fucking sick All right, that one fucked up

All right I might have not even filmed that. But... This is Bracin. Yeah, okay. Dude, she's got it. Bye-bye.