You Be Trippin' - Madrid, Spain w/ Shane Gillis | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Follow Shane on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/shanemgillis/ SPONSORS: -Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @‌MUDWTR with code TRIPPIN at https://mudwtr.com/TRIPPIN ! #mudwtrpod -Try ZipRecruiter for Free! At https://ziprecruiter.com/TRIPPIN -Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @‌shop.mando and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo TRIPPIN at https://ShopMando.com! #mandopod -New customers get $5 off a Starter Pack with our exclusive code https://goodr.com/TRIPPIN and use code TRIPPIN On this episode of You Be Trippin, Shane Gillis follows in Hemingways footsteps and gets black out drunk in Spain. On the show, he and Ari talk about the teaching program he enrolled in, getting his phone stolen, falling in love, and not getting laid. They also discuss living in the mountains, not running with the bulls, and embarrassing his local friends with his binge drinking. Other topics include: fascism, eating rabbits, gypsies, blowing money, and his cancelation. Also, Ari has a new set in Austin. Disfruta! You Be Trippin' Ep. 31 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, yeah, let's chill off looks good Off what's going on? What's with the lights? That's good causing damage no, I'm not see my This is our's Travel Show. We're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin'. Hi everybody. Welcome to UB Trippin'. It's the only podcast that stands strongly against slavery in all forms.

My guest today, my friend today is very big in the world of comedy. Yes, of course. And also very big people. Yes, of course. How fat. I don't speak it at all anymore. It all fades away. I used to be able to.

God, it feels good when you can flow. It is. Yeah, I try to speak Spanish here sometimes. It's terrible. I nailed it that one time. Bien. I love a fucking no accent guy trying. Yeah, somehow I get a Philly accent.

Like, que me estas? Bien? Y tu? Y tu mama? Yeah, I can't speak it at all anymore. Dude, when I got back from wherever, I was flowing at the taco place. I wanted to punch you.

You were so mad. For the listening, I was. I was flowing I want a punch you you want you were so bad For the listener I was flowing. This is the type of guy. Are you already is the guy he gets back from South America? He's like I can I'm fluent and the only thing you were fluent in was ordering tacos, but crushing that no Yeah, what else was I gonna talk to her about she's a taco lady you would order. I was gonna talk about oil Yeah, but you're that guy. That's like yeah, can I get the enchilada? Thank you thought I was from the home country of Mexico Yeah, that's all I got to Maybe being known as money about her says mazes. Oh, it's not bad. See that's all I got to wait How long so this is where we're gonna do meses. Oh, it's not bad. See, that's all I got too. Wait, how long, so this is what we're gonna do, Spain.

España. Spain, the mother country. Madrid. Yeah, Madrid? Madrid. Where'd you go, when was this? 20. I think that's the coolest thing about you. 2013 and 14.

Damn, in college. Yeah, no, after college. I was selling cars, I got out of college, I was selling cars. I was, I used to be a gay man. I used to read books constantly. And I got really, really into Ernest Hemingway. And I was like, I should live in Spain.

Really? To go in his footsteps? Kinda, yeah. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I was like 23. Here's the problem, it does rule, but it is also gay. It was gay.

I wish I still had that part of me. That could just suck up the gay and go? It did, just like, I used to think I was like smart. Yeah. I wish I still had that. What's your favorite Hemingway? It was, For Whom the Bell Tolls was number one. I like the Nick Adams stories.

I don't know those. It's just short stories about pretty pretty much himself. Okay. I just tried to read Farewell to Arms again. How was it? Trash. Really? No it's good until they it becomes it's too much of a love story. I like the beginning when he's in the military. It's very fun. What's one where he's holding a baby up in a cave and somebody takes a random shot and kills the baby? Somebody a crime but they thought it was an animal and somebody like camping was like shut that fucking baby I don't know that he has he has a lot of like Michigan short stories yeah I don't have I don't know any of

those yeah you're nicely shaded here in the fucking yeah oh man you guys hate the shade I love a well-lit podcast studio. It's very conducive to being comfortable. This isn't that well-lit. This is not, because we turned the spotlight off that was directly on my dark red face. Yeah, the Russian episode, we'll get that spotlight on you. Get it on you, cinnamon handcuff, I'm doing metal chair.

So you went there just like, fuck it, I'm gonna sell. I was selling cars and I sucked at selling cars. I literally just sat at my desk and read. I read books all day. That's all I did. And then I found out there was a teaching program where you could just go, all you had to do was speak English.

Whoa. Like they didn't care if you spoke any Spanish. They want, it was an immersive program cause Spain, back then at least, felt very inadequate, because they were the only ones in Europe that sucked at English. Everybody else in Europe was getting very good at English except Spain, so the government there

started a program of like, just fucking come over here and talk. Just speak English. Wait, free or do they pay you? They pay you. Or do you have to pay? They pay you. Wow. I have to pay? They pay you. Wow.

I remember they offered that in college where it was like you gotta pay like a thousand a month to go there and teach English in China. I'm like, I gotta pay? Yeah, that sounds like hell. Yeah. Yeah. You can pay me to go there.

Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, then I signed up and I got it. It was sick. Where'd you even hear about it? An ex-girlfriend. Wow. And she did it too. So can you go'd you even hear about it? An ex-girlfriend. Wow.

And she did it too. So can you go far away from me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I run into you too much now. Yeah. I got this great program. She did it too? Yeah.

Were you guys doing it then? We didn't see each other once. She was in a different part. I got Madrid. I got lucky. Oh, they assigned you like a- Yeah, you just get a random spot. Like a Book of Mormon? Yeah.

Orlando? Yeah. Orlando. Yeah, Orlando. Yeah, that was wonderful. You know you can sneak into the second part of that. Oh yeah. They all come out during your mission and then they don't really check your wristband or anything. For sure, I never thought of that.

You can sneak into any play. Pretty much any play. Yeah. No one leaves at halftime though, so you gotta like wait by the bathroom until you see what seats are not taken and then go in there. And hope somebody says,

you weren't here the first time. Have you done this? Yeah, I did it once. I would yell. I would say, get this Jewish man out of here. He tunneled his way into the show. They would all stop like when Pence is at the play, like, is that true about the Jewish man?

Stop the play, break the fourth wall. Or they do it in character? Yeah. Sir. The Africans come out and taunt you. Yeah, the whole lion king comes down and lays him out in a pocket with an elephant. So you go there, like, did you have any money?

I had a little money from selling cars. Yeah. But I blew it all. I lost all of it in Spain. Yeah. Yeah. Where'd you stay? What'd you do?

All right, so we can go from the start. I got there. Yeah. I never contacted the school I was supposed to teach at. What? I never talked to them once. They didn't know I was coming. So this is all like the government's program

that just assigned you to a school. The school had no idea. So I was coming. So this is all like the government's program that just assigned you to a school. The school had no idea. So I get there, I fly from New York, land in Madrid. I realize I don't speak fucking Spanish nearly as well as I thought I did. I got off the plane, I got in a taxi. I was like, I had nowhere to stay. I didn't have a place to stay.

How old are you at this point? 24. I love the stupidity of a fucking white guy. I was just like, I'm like Hemingway, I'm on an adventure. I cried all the time. What if Hemingway cried when he got to a new place before he found lodging? It sucks! It's raining! It sucked ass dude and I got there all I could I knew hotel Yeah, I was like that's definitely I can say hotel. Yeah, so I got a cab and I was like hotel and he was like Come on. I was like cuz even that sounded fucking crazy to him hotel. Yeah, cuz the way I was just in the car going hotel Please you guys are American cab go hotel like yeah, there's many. Yeah, and he was like where, what are you talking about? I was like, no me importa, necesito hotel.

He was like, okay. Get out, beat it, get out. Now he took me to a hotel. He took me to a hotel, it was kind of expensive. So I stayed there for two days and then I found a hostel. That's the key. And I stayed in a hostel for way too long. How were you in hostels?

I'm awful, I hated it. Really? I was furious, I hated the key. And I stayed in a hostel for way too long. How were you in hostels? I'm awful. I hated it. Really? I was furious, I hated the hostel. For such a man of the people, you're a prissy pants. I'm not prissy. I'm just embarrassed of what I, I don't feel like being naked in front of a bunch

of hot rugby Australian players, which is who I was rooming with. These two fucking hunk brothers. Really? Yeah, and then they'd go talk to girls, and I'd be like, these girls are all, they're all superficial over here. They only like you guys very little

because they don't know how cool I am. Meanwhile I was just blacked out crying. You're crying, you're crying. I'm a bad person. Yeah, so I was stuck in this hostel and then I would try to call the school. No one in the school spoke English. In Madrid?

Yeah, in the north of Madrid. The school was in a place called Elbion. El, yeah. El place called Elbion. L, yeah. L what? Elbion. L-V-E-L-L-O-N. Elbion. What does that mean?

I have fucking no idea. The place? Yeah. But it's a small fucking village. If you type in Elbion. So it's not in Madrid? No, L-E-L-V. Two words.

V-E-L-L-O-N. Yes, you can see this tiny ass town I lived in. Oh cool. Well, yes. How far from Madrid? Like 30 minutes north. It's just a small town in the mountains. And you're at this point, you're there or you're in Madrid?

I'm in Madrid. Okay. And I'm calling this school because I have no idea where the fuck this school is and I call them every Day and none of us can communicate at all. Is that all there? Do you remember this? Yeah Yeah, that's the town square right there and there's a stork nest up there and there's always a what? In Spain they have on all the churches have a stork nest from Africa But they stole the stork nests no so I kept calling them

they have no idea how to communicate with me every day they'd be like our English teacher or the person who can speak some English will be here next week I'd be like all right I'll just live in this hostel for a month what it was terrible the person who speaks some English will be here later and then they suck who'd you get somebody to translate for you to call? Or you'd be like, No, I would just sit there. Yo soy shine.

Oh, and I didn't have a phone that worked there. Oh, that's for pre smartphones. Yeah. Hi everybody, Ari Shaffir here in nature. Breaking in to tell you that Shane Gillis is a standup comic. A live touring standup comic and one of the best in the business. He's only got three dates available right now

because he's busy writing a new season of the hit Netflix show Tires. It only got three dates available right now because he's busy writing a new season of the hit Netflix show Tires. It'll be out this spring I think. Toronto is at the Air Canada Center September 21st. I know that he renamed it. I do not abide by that. Sioux City in Iowa. He'll be at the Orpheum on October 14th and October 18th he's making his homecoming back to Philadelphia to play The Wells Fargo Center where the Philadelphia Eagles lose. That's right. He's Shane Gillis He's one of the best get tickets right now

also If you're a new listener to this podcast which many of your Shane Gillis fans are and you're thinking of just stopping in briefly And then moving on to the next thing I would say go ahead and click subscribe This podcast is every week we go to a new place with someone who's been to a place. It's pretty fun. Subscribe where you're watching or listening right now. Leave a comment on YouTube for the algorithm.

Help me get this up to 100,000 subscribers. And why the fuck not? Why the fuck not? And all I had to promote, because I'm on the road for a while now, is Adrian Apoluchi special that I produced. The third special that I produced that wasn't mine or my storytelling show. It's coming out November 12th on Netflix. It's called The Dark Queen and you will love it. Set your reminders. Don't. But be ready for it so when you see it click on that.

She's the woman you're looking for. If you're like I want to see women are funny but you need to show me more of them. She's the one. No sex jokes. No period jokes. I don't even think she gets a period. I think God took it away from her because it's such a despicable c***. Anyway, that's all I have to promote. Also sign up for the Patreon. Patreon.com slash ubtrippin. New episode three times a month. Solo stuff where I read your postcards that you sent me from all over the world. I don't know. Look up a place in the world.

Guys, let's get back to the episode. What do you say? I'm Ari Shaffir, and I'm trying to cultivate an air of mystery. Oh, I nearly forgot. What do you think of the new studio? So this is my studio West, my studio Austin. Shane is the first one.

I recorded there with McCusker and Duncan, but, and one about me from China with Colin Terrell. Terrell, Terrell, Colin Terrell. But we didn't hand built up the studio like it was. It was just green screen. We just took Danny Brown's studio and we just repurposed that. We just moved his desk away. Yeah, little inside baseball for you.

But yeah, it's a new studio we've built up. I think it's great. I think it looks really cool. Tell me what you think in the comments. That's it, let's get back to the episode. Don't forget to also check out Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. It's Shane Gillis' podcast and that's it, guys. Let's get back to the episode.

Is there anything else? No, I think that's it. What's better than popping zits on your leg? All right, back to the episode. Oh no, this is what happened. So like night number two, I go out, me and this, it was another rugby player, was a Welsh dude. We go, we get, obviously we get fucked up. And while we're walking into a bar, this guy's like, marijuana? Think we'll say marijuana?

And I was like, cocaine. No way. DNA cocaine? And he was like, see. So, I follow him. He's like, yeah right. Yeah, see. So, no, this is, he was yeah right. Yeah, yeah, see. So, no, it was a gypsy dude, he tricked me.

So he takes me into, we're in kind of an alley. He's like, telefono. I was like, okay. So I take my iPhone out, he puts cocaine on it, which I thought was cocaine, I have no idea what it was. He did a line, I did a line, and then he was putting it back on, and he goes, Policier!

And we both run in different directions. I get a block down the street and I'm just like, fuck, that guy just stole my phone. No fucking way. Totally just has my phone. What a ruler. Yeah, it was good. What a fucking nice game. I had no idea where I was.

I was relying on the maps on my phone. Police, go! And you're like, okay, thanks man. Yeah. Yeah. But then I was lost in the city for like four hours trying to find my hostel. I couldn't ask for directions. Oh, that sucks. And I'm shit faced and somebody just stole my phone. That sucks. Oh my God. And you're like, where's my hostel? Like,

what's it called? You're like, damn, I don't know. Yeah. They're like, there's something I was doing. I was like, I need help. damn I don't know. Yeah they're like, do something, do something, do something, do something. I need help. The problem is, even if you know like school Spanish, or like Duolingo Spanish, then you meet anyone,

like one of the guys running food at the stand, he's just like, hey whoa, that's way too fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna slow the fuck down. I'm a level nine guy. Yeah, I couldn't understand anything. Whoa. I finally found it.

The sun was up when I finally found the hostel. And now I'm without a phone, now I'm really fucked. So I have to like, borrow. That guy fucking crushed you. That guy killed me. Was the coke okay? No, I don't even think it was cocaine. I didn't do cocaine back.

I had no idea what it was like. You just were gonna try it? Yeah, I was Hemingway, bro. I was just out there on a little gay adventure. Did he live in Madrid or Barcelona? What's that? Did he live in Madrid or Barcelona or all over? Hemingway was Madrid. Okay. Yeah it's pretty sick you can go on a bar crawl there in Madrid. Yeah. There's a bunch of like pictures of them at the bars where he would sit no Ernesto It is cool to sit in a yeah been to this is this in He also hung out in Barcelona, probably Barcelona Hemingway absinthe. I went there

It's cool cuz all the ones I don't know how the ones you want, but it wasn't like big plaques of him No, it's just a little picture in the corner of a bar it'd be like if like a base of alimony here so basically alimony that was it went there yep oh there is a big fucking statue of him that does make it lamer now the one to the right I don't think that was although I did have checkered floors yeah I was it I think there's a little picture in the window that's crazy I sat in that window on the right. Wow. I haven't seen that in forever. If they had this for you, it wouldn't be plaques. It would just be like, here's Patty's.

Yeah, yeah. There used to be a comic club next door, so he would go over here a lot. Yeah, he'd scream at us. What was his booth? Well, it doesn't work that way in New York. It's just when it was open. You don't just get a booth.

He would scream at us. Yeah. He was a real problem. Yeah, he would bomb. He was bomb and then come bother us. Although I'm sure Hemingway was a nightmare. Can you imagine? Just being a hard ass all the time drinking. Like, like no. I'll box anyone here. Yeah. No one reports on if he actually was. Didn't he try to box like an actual fighter? He was like, I'll fight you, and the guy was like,

Hemingway had no quid in him. So I had to fucking beat him down. He thought he was, yeah. I think he boxed some of his wives. I could be wrong on that. Damn. There he is. All this shit Key West rules.

Yeah, it does. It's weird because he's just a writer. So he shouldn't be like a manly man. Yeah, but he was. He's a writer. He was in the army a little. Yeah, well. Not the army, he was driving an ambulance, but.

Driving. Yeah, he ruled. He did rule. I didn't go to any of the, I read The Sun Also Rises, that was also a big Spain one. And it was big into bullfighting and I didn't have the strength to go. You didn't go to the bullfights?

No. Ah-ha. I know. I agree. That was my thought. Ah-ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. So okay, so you're back at this fucking hostel,

you still don't have your goddamn Yes. how to get to where you're doing. I'm stuck there, shit sucks. I gotta stay awake to watch Notre Dame till fucking 4 a.m. I'm just on a shitty laptop at 4. I had the worst. What'd you eat, what'd you eat?

Did you get involved or? Yeah, well that was the first time, I never had fucking like kebab. Oh wow. I never, we never, I'm from McCantsburg, I never ate like a. You went straight to Spain to get some fucking Middle Eastern food.

They got a lot of Arabs there. They do. And their shit was more credible. Moors are there. Wow. But no, then I was, you know, I was, they give you a fucking little plate of shitty food with every beer. So the top. Yeah. I got big into jamon, bro. I ate ham every single day. I thought, how is not everybody fat there? There's no vegetables.

They were pretty, they're health oriented a little when it comes to like, they would see me like binge drinking and eating ham every day. And like the teachers at the school had to have like a meeting and they're like, you need to stop eating ham. All you're eating is ham. We've noticed all you eat is the fucking ham.

I'm like, dude, the ham's so good. It's so good. You ever see those big hawks of it? Yeah, they have it at every single bar. Every bar has one of those. What do you mean? They have the big fucking slab of ham? Every bar had a leg on the side of the bar

and they would give you random food and every time I'd order a beer I'd be like, come on ham, ham, ham this time, ham this time. We love food. Instead they'd give you like prawns, like full fucking prawns. I'm not eating that. Pull up one of those fucking big ham.

Or olives, just a bowl of olives. Yeah, those are good though. I don't like olives. Yeah. It would get me into them there. Ham hock. I hate to say hock but yeah. Hamon. Yeah I used to go hawk, but yeah. Hamon.

You're like one of those. There's the museum of ham, and I was spending some time there. I heard those are like, you can buy one of those for like hella money. I would like to purchase one of those. I mean, just have it cured and just cut. I'll eat it in a day, it'd be sick.

It actually fucked me up. What do you mean actually Actually? No, I mean like as if that wasn't going to fuck you up. Actually had kale in it. It didn't do me right. That's, that's how you're saying that. It was so much salt that like my tongue cracked. I've never talked about it. Hey, this funny. A look at, oh my God. Really, you just kept eating cured salted ham. All I would do, dude. I went there.

Come on. I thought I'd be cultured. Cultured? I literally went to the same bar in my town every single day. I spent all the money I had on sitting in one bar. What was the bar, do you remember it? Yeah, Loyberstar, L-O-Y-B-E-R-S-T-A-R.

That's in that small town? No, it's in... Or in Madrid. It's in San Sebastian, Alcabendas. Wow. Hold on. It's not in Madrid. Type in Alcabendas, A-L-C-O-B-E-N-D-A-S.

Did I get back from, I got an Airbnb in, in um, wherever, Melbourne, and they were like, the recommendations was like, try the local. Meaning like, the local bar. And they're such fun hangs. Yeah. Just like, no frills, just like,

people from the neighborhood come eat here and then drink. Um, let's see. Is that it? I wanna see you remember this place. I definitely, I've looked it up all the time. Really? Get a space in Loibert Star. Get a fucking space?

ER space now. God damn it. Yep. Who is doing this? Why are you torturing us? There you go, search that, that'll work. City's episodes brought to you by Google. L's it? Yeah. Wow. You remember it? Yes. Oh The potatoes that was a good. What was that? Good. Did you get that with the bruski?

Wait, they just give you a random food. Yeah, they just like for you So like like beer in a slice, but they'd be like beer and something beer and something That was it. I was in there. I could just see young Shane. Young Shane just going, Hamon, one time, one time, Necessito Hamon. Patatas. She's like, all right, all right. Patatas are good. B plus, B plus. Could have been worse. What was the worst one they would give you?

I hated the prawns. Just a full fucking dead shrimp. Could you change it with anybody? Like, hey dude, I noticed you got the prawns, you had it last time. I was so bad at Spanish. Although I would get drunk and try to- Ol' amigo. I would deliver them powerful speeches.

I would get drunk and try to deliver an impassioned Spain rules, fuck Barcelona, fuck Catalonia, fuck Catalans. And I remember thinking them being like, damn this guy's good. And then the next day I came back for a beer and they were like, oh, they're impersonating me. I was like, fuck, I was killed. No, it sounded like that.

Oh yeah, we're impersonating someone else then. Their booze lets you fucking practice. Yeah. Booze really lets you get going. If I drink a beer, I'm like, I'm definitely fluent. Yeah, the way it helps you hit on a chick. I can silly say hi. Then it also helps you like, yo amigos, tienes. Complete confidence.

Yeah. That's what you need to speak a language. So anyway, I'm in the fucking hostel Yeah, I finally get a hold of the school. They're like, okay, we can find you a house and I was like, oh sick again I wanted to be Hemingway Ish so I was like I'm not gonna live in Madrid. This is where all the fucking Gringos are I want to live up in the mountains and LB on so they got me a place in LB on it was a they were

Gonna get your house in Madrid and have you commute? Yeah. Hey, that's bold. San Sebastian. To go away from the big city. And Alcabandos is in the north of Madrid. So it's not that far of a commute.

But they got me a spot in El Bion and it was, dude, if I opened my front door, it was like a dirt road and a rock fence and sheep. It was, dude, I was in the fucking hills by myself. No. I thought I could do it. And all the teachers that worked there were like, you sure?

You don't wanna live here. I'm thinking of coming from Manhattan being there for a week. No, I was there for six months. But I got out of there. They found me a new place in the city. What's that movie where the guy cuts his finger off to avoid hanging out with that dude?

Banshees of Innis Sharon. That seems like a place like that. For real, it was. Which, it sounded nice, because then I thought I could just walk to the local, the bar there sucked. Oh really? It was right next to that church.

It was in that town square. But uh. I hated that movie so fucking much. God, it sucked. I was right next to that church. It was in that town square. But, uh, that movie still fucking much. God, it sucked. I was disappointed in that movie cause I thought it was going to be in bruise again. Yeah. It's just good scenery. God, that guy must've sucked so bad. I was like, I'll cut my fucking finger off to hang out with you. Just tell him, no, I'm busy bro. I don't have to cut my finger off to make the point. Um, wait, you had, so you hung out at bars there? The bar?

There was one bar, and yeah, I was there, I lived in that house for like three days. And then I went back to school and I was like, I need to live somewhere else. And one of the teachers was like, this older lady that would drive me to and from school every day, she was the best. And she was like, my mom has a house

that you guys can rent. So then I lived in this house with like two Argentinian dudes, Argentine, Argentinian. I think it's both. Which they didn't like me, but that's fine. Really? No. Argentinian, that's the kind that Tom is.

Is he? I think so, Chilean. He wants to be Argentinian. He pronounced the kind that Tom is. Is he? I think so, Chilean. He wants to be Argentinian. He pronounced the TH's because he wants to be special, but he's not. He's not special. He's faking it. Yeah. Yeah, he's a listo guy and he's trying to be a valet guy.

Do you like Argentina? Never been. Yeah, you better not. I'm going. I think some of your former enemies live down there. Oh yeah, I gotta visit him. I gotta hash it out. You gotta pay him a visit. We gotta hash it out. We gotta hash it out. You guys let's just talk this out

Yeah, you keep avoiding it, but let's just talk it out Wait so then what oh then I lived in yeah, I lived in st. Sebastian so then say took you to some other place. Yeah It was nice. I wonder if they're just like this fucking is fucking American guy. We told him not to be kind of, cause then they also didn't give a fuck. They didn't know I was even going to be there. So they didn't know what to do with me at the school classes for you to teach. No, they would have to have given you a book to follow. I would literally have to go into class and only speak English.

So just go into a classroom and be like, hello, how are you? And this is, this is an elementary school. These kids couldn't speak fucking Spanish. They couldn't speak. So just go into a classroom and be like, hello, how are you? And this is an elementary school. These kids couldn't speak fucking Spanish. They couldn't speak what? Little kids. Okay. They're never gonna pick up on English.

They're like, you just gotta catch up? Yeah. And I don't know how to get you there? None of the teachers could speak English. It was. Oh my God. But every day at recess, I got to go out there and fucking play soccer with them.

Yeah. Obviously I sucked at soccer, but I was the goalie Dominated because I can throw it to the other net More than 10. Yeah, like no way about to throw 15 blow your fucking mind It was funny to watch the kids play soccer because they played like Blow your fucking mind It was funny to watch the kids play soccer because they played like European soccer like they acted like they were playing they one of the kids was a ref One of the kids had a yellow card and a red no and they would get fouled and like lay on the ground and roll

Or they'd get they'd like argue with the ref and the ref Kid ref. Yeah, it was great. How good are fucking Europeans at soccer? They're pretty fucking every kid just fucking corner one Yeah, it was pretty awesome. It was a wonderful time, I miss it. Fuck. Guys, I'm fucked up. I've been drinking all day. It's the end of the summer.

It's what you do at the end of the summer, drink all day. Now, I would like to tell you that I'm not a model employee. I'm a bad employee. That's why I've chosen the life I've chosen. Because I'd be a bad employee. If you're hiring, I'm sure you're looking at like, how do I go to find qualified employees?

How do I go, where do I go? Just stay away from guys like Ari Schaffer who are fucked up on a weekday. Oh, did you think that was it? Do you think I wasn't gonna tell you where to go? It's ZipRecruiter, everybody. Oh, I gotta get sober for this. It's ZipRecruiter, everybody.

Well, right now you can try for free at ziprecruiter.com slash trippin, but let me tell you what it's about. It's about avoiding people like me. You need to hire somebody. You're afraid of getting someone like me who's gonna be, I don't know, bad at the workplace. Who's gonna say, it's Friday. It's Friday, we gotta, hey yo, let's drink.

You having coffee, I would say? As an employee of a company? I would say as an employee of a fucking company Won't you spice it up Yeah I'm a kind of guy who spices it up. I'm great for morale, but I'm bad for getting shit done Avoid me at zip recruiter comm Four to five people use a recru Procutor, find a qualified

employee the first day. The first day. No more. Whoa. That cat'll getcha. So here's how it works. As soon as you post your job, start listing qualified employees or candidates. Fuck. I'm fucked up. Don't hire Ari Shafir. Hire your next employee of the month at ZipRecruiter.com. Again, if you go to ZipRecruiter.com slash trippin, T-H-R-I-P-P-I-N, go find a qualified employee. Stay away from fucking losers like me. What do you want? Great employee morale while everybody's getting drunk or a job well done?

Ha ha! I think you know. Ziprecruiter.com, zipRecruiter.com slash trippin'. Try it free right now. All right guys, let's get back to the episode. I'm here with my husband, Mike Vecchione, and I need to tell you something publicly, and it's that I'm concerned about your body odor.

That seems like something you should tell me privately and not publicly. Well, it's 2024, and I'm making content, and I am exploiting you. You're outing me? Are you guys talking about body odor? Yeah. Yes. Couldn't help but notice, I smelled you from a block away.

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with exclusive code that equates to 40% off your starter pack. Use code triRIPPIN at shopmando.com. It's time to smell better naked. Your partner will thank you. Hey guys! Hey guys! Disgusting! Damn, how long did you go for? Uh, it was actually like five months. Did you get laid at all?

No. What? Alright, here's the thing. So I was, I just met a girl before I left that I was like obsessed with. Shane, I hope you're not fucking disappointed with the story. Hear me out on this. I love her boy dude. I was obsessed with this girl. So then I get to Spain, I want to leave right away. I'm like I fucked up. Because you miss her so much? I missed her that. I was so, dude I'm trying to be honest with you. You think I'm proud of fucked up. I should be. Because you miss her so much? I missed her that I was so, dude, I'm trying to be honest with you.

You think I'm proud of that? I appreciate your honesty. I'm being honest. I appreciate your honesty. And I had already started. I'm disappointed as a human, but I appreciate the honesty. I already had started standup,

so that was another thing I missed. Because I would go to the bar and then I'd come home and get on Facebook or whatever. Why didn't you just go to Michelle Wolf's Club? And I'd see all the, yeah, there was no comedy there. I would go home and look at Facebook and the pictures would be local comics in Harrisburg that got to host at the Harrisburg Comic Zone.

And I'd be like, those motherfuckers, they suck. Yeah, but the girl, I was obsessed with this girl and I wanted to go home right away. Had you already bagged? Yes. Okay. And it was very nice and I wanted to go home right away. Had you already begged? Yes. Okay. And it was very nice and I loved her. Did she tell you you loved her? Yes.

I was obsessed with this girl. Did she love you back? She was obsessed. We were gay. What's she like, why are you going? When we met it had already been planned. I'm a heavyweight lady, I can't have no choice. I said, baby I'm a rolling stone.

And then I was like, I love you, I wish I didn't come here. So like, that was what I did. Stuck in the hostel, I was, you know, I missed her a lot. But then I got, I loved Spain. Question. Yeah. Where'd you jerk off in the hostel, bed or shower? Bed, I'd wait till the hot Australians were gone.

Yeah. Okay, go ahead the hot Australians were gone. Yeah. Okay. Go ahead. So you love Spain. But then after like a month I got used to it and I started to really love Spain and then I fell in love with one of the teachers that I worked with.

Does she speak any English? No. Barely. All right. This is Hemingway-ish. So I was obsessed. I mean, I wasn't obsessed with her like, we never did anything, never once.

We never even told each other we were, like we would hang out. Cute? Yeah, she was cute. Hey, can you Google that cute chick in Madrid that Shane liked and see what comes up? But I was very, very faithful to the girl back home, so I never did anything or tried anything, but I was like, I was obsessed, very faithful to the girl back home. So I never did anything or tried anything.

But I was like, I was obsessed with this lady. I was like, she's so fucking hot every day. I didn't know she had feelings for me until the day I left. She did? When I went to leave, I was saying goodbye to everybody. She started sobbing. And I was like, oh, we could have been in love.

I'll stay, I'll stay. Yeah. She liked you? Did you connect in any way? You must have learned some Spanish. No, yeah, I did learn Spanish and she was working on her English which was fun to drink and try to talk to each other.

You'd booze? Yeah. You didn't try anything? No, I regret it. Hey, what are the YouTube rules now about saying f*** if you're calling your friend that? I don't think they love it. Okay, delete it. Hey, what are the YouTube rules now about saying if you're calling your friend that? I don't think they love it. Okay, delete it.

I believe all those. No, I, yeah, I blew it. Oh, that sucks. How old were you, 24? 24. I know that age, bro. I turned 25. And you're just like, you feel a tingling

and you're like, I think, no, I can't try it. Yeah. And you don't even know it's a way later. If you just try it, she's like, no, I don't know, I'm gonna do it. Yeah, and it was also like, dude, it was the best. I'd get to go to her, like whenever I knew I was teaching the fifth grade class,

that was her class, I'd be like, oh, yes. What do you mean you would go in? So I'd go to classroom to classroom when I was teaching, you know They were just and there was no plan at all. They would just be like oh shit change here And I would come in and be like, yeah Tenemos una maestro nuevo. Yeah, I come in I'd be like, I'm a Gillies. Que pasa? They'd all be like how do you say my name in English? They loved it.

Would they love that? Yeah. Yeah. Jaime, you're like, Jamie. Yeah. They won. I'd be like, John. They'd be like.

But yeah, then when I would get to teach in her classroom, it was very nice. I was walking in with lock eyes. I'd be like, I'm pretty sure she loves me. How old is she? She was probably 28. Damn. Did I feel really bad for you? That's okay.

I mean, you know, life, you know, you're covered, but like. Yeah. Yeah. No, she was. I'm just hearing about it now though, so I'm going through it right now. I loved it.

Damn. Yeah. Who would have been so much of a better person if you just stayed with her? The fuck? Why? You're a terrible person. What?

You're a shitty person. I also wasn't with her. That's the other problem. She would have changed both of us. She was a devout Catholic. She was a dream, dude. Do you have a picture of her? Yeah. Do you really? I can find it. Don was a dream, dude. You have a picture of her? Yeah.

Do you really? I can find it. Don't post it, but show me. Damn. Wait, you can see it? Hold on, I don't have any internet. Oh, I can, dude, do you need, are you out of money? Do you need megapixels?

I don't have any internet. I'll show you after. Are you out of minutes? She's a sweet angel. But I told you I was gaining love. I was obsessed with my girlfriend back home. Yeah. But I'll tell you what,

after a few, like two months in, I was like fuck, I don't wanna go home. Yeah, right? Yeah. But it was truly the standup that made me go home. Really wanna go home. And what is it about once you get there, there's a certain amount of time where you're like,

I'm free now. Yeah. Like I'm not away from home, I'm here. And I also discovered that I wasn't the cultured guy that I thought I was. What do you mean? Which was nice to figure out. Like I would go to the fucking museums and shit by myself.

I'd like tried to be that guy. Now I'd just go there and think about No Name's playing in Oklahoma this week. I'd stare at a beautiful painting and just be like, No Name's defense sucks. That's who I am, dude. I'm not another person. Yeah.

Big Catholic town though. Yeah, Madrid's Catholic. Fascist too, dude. What do you mean? They had Franco for a while. So they had Franco until like the 70s. So there were dudes that would be at the bar with me that were like, fascism too dude. What do you mean? They had Franco for a while. So they had Franco in the like the 70s. So there were dudes that would be at the bar with me that were like, fascism's good.

Be like, yo no say. I was still like on his. Yeah. No applause. I was at a bar, I was at Loyber Star. I don't mean to throw a Loyber Star onto the bus, but there were these two dudes, they weren't regulars, so not putting that on Loyber.

Okay. They, this guy, I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar and he's like, check this out. And it was his shitty like pixelated Nokia phone and on it was him throwing a Nazi salute with a burning swastika behind him. And I was like, bien, que bien. And then the waiter, the bartender came by

and I was like, bro, fascistas, fascistas are key. And he was like, they're just fucking around. I was like, that didn't seem like shit. He had a picture. He had a burning swastika. It's pre-Photoshop. Like, damn, damn. Yeah, Spain's awesome.

I can't wait to go back. I love the separatists. Not because of the fascism. Yeah. Was it Catalan? What was it Madrid? Catalonians. No, no, that's Barcelona.

I love all the Catalan flags hanging everywhere. I'm like, they're just doing that? The Spanish Civil War was pretty sick. It's cool to look into. Franco, bro. Underrated in terms of the fucking, load up the plane and just empty them. Beautiful.

Yeah, he would fly from here and then just like fly out and then do a little dump and then turn back around. I didn't know that. I didn't know he was doing that. Yeah. Just swan away. Yeah, you know that thing that opens like this? Yeah, the cargo plane, he's just tossing dudes out?

Tossing dudes. Fuck. By like the hundreds, right? He must have enjoyed that. Cause there's so many easier ways to kill 100 people. He must have been like, this is a fun day. I think he wanted no bodies, so he'd like, dump them to the sharks.

I mean, he was a- Get way out there. He was a fascist, he was a dictator. He could kind of, he could have buried them. Spanish airlift of 1936. Oh, is it real? Yeah, it's during the war. Damn, I was right.

Every memory I have, I'm like, it might be wrong. For sure. Putting all those people in there and just be like, nah. You know, he outlawed, he said he outlawed their language. What? And he goes, we gotta have one language, so you can't, if you speak it, you're fucked. And he goes, in a generation, it will be dead.

And he didn't understand that people are gonna be like No, we're gonna teach our kids like quietly. Yeah And then like that's what's that's what my that was kind of like my favorite thing I would go to soccer games. Mm-hmm all the time by myself. It was great But that's what I liked about Spanish soccer is like Real Madrid is like the royal the white the fascist team Barcelona's like the communist anarchist team. Guess which team I liked, bro. Come on, man.

I like it. Real Madrid? No, I like the Atletico Madrid. I like the shitty, like basically the Mets to the Yankees. You ever see that? You like Barca? No, dude, that's not what that is. What?

It's the Ecuadorian team, and they're so obsessed with Barcelona. Oh, they copied Barcelona? 100% copied, they just have a local beer sponsor. It's nuts. That's pretty awesome. It says Barcelona on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They didn't even take that off. Yeah, they kept the logo. Yeah. You would go to soccer games, that's fun. I would go to Athletic, I was at, so this, the year I was there was the year Athletic Madrid won La Liga. So they were like, it was just a magical season.

It was great. And I would go by myself. How much were games? Cheap as fuck, it was like 20 bucks. Wow. Oh, I had a British friend. I forgot about this guy. He was the fucking man.

He hung out at Louis Bristar too. He might have been gay. So you made friends? Oh yeah, he might have been fine. He was an old man. He was the man. We would hang out constantly and we'd kiss. What was he doing there?

I, in Spain. I don't remember. You know what it was? I think he wanted to get away from England because I think he had a tough time and his mom just died there. So he just went to, he's having way.

Yeah, true. I was not ready for it. But he would take, we would go to soccer games and he would wear like a press, he would get a press vest and just go into games. Like no ticket? No tickets. You could just get a fucking,

yeah, like a traffic vest. And Spain doesn't, no one, there's no structure at all. Like there's no, everyone's just like, yeah, there's no lines. When you try to wait in no, everyone's just like, yeah, there's no lines. When you try to wait in line, it's just a gang of people. There's no, yeah. Everything's just crazy there. Do they speak both the languages or just Spanish?

Where you were. What do you mean? Like some people speak Catalan in those languages. Oh, in Madrid it was all Spanish. But I don't think there's, yeah. Yeah, it was just Spanish. What's their language? But I probably wouldn't fucking know the difference. Right, yeah.

Their language is Spanish. No, but there's another separatist language there. It's Catalan in Barcelona. There's like Basque, Basque region. Yeah, the North, yeah, they're kind of separatist too. Yeah. Is this how this podcast always goes? Is this good?

Yeah. All right. I wasn't sure if we're supposed to be funny or just telling stories. I mean, telling stories. All right, good. Yeah, it seems fun as shit. Yeah, especially meeting the people like who'd you become friends with that guy? The English guy and the teachers the teachers were good friends One of the teachers came and visited me in Philly. No. Yeah, she came to the Raven Lounge and saw me do an open mic

Oh, that was another thing. So then I got you know, I got canceled from SNL Yeah, and I haven't talked to them in like five years. Did they suddenly see your name? It was on the news in Spain, and they were like, Shane, you're racist? They're like, what the fuck, dude? Why are you racist? I was like, no, no, no, I swear I'm not racist.

Solo te chino. Yeah, I was like, solo con. I a story by a seat dog That is one of the nice things about cancellations is friends you don't know anyone reaching out Yeah, hey Ben besides this thing. Yeah. Yeah, they were just like, oh man, you're really disappointing No, yeah There's like guys. I swear. I'm not I went to like a Teacher's march they were like trying to unionize seen Sin contextual. They were very, they were communistas. Oh really?

Yeah. What does that mean in Spain to be a communist? I think it's the real deal. Like system of government trying to like. Like yeah. I think they had a recent issue with that. Like the socialists are kind of like fucking up their country.

Really? I think there's, yeah. I think the right wing bros are taking it back. To be a communist? To be communist? No, no, no. I don't understand. To fight against the communists. They got pretty socialists over there.

I thought socialism was communism. That's a little I know. No, no, no. I'm saying, yes, it's similar. I'm saying the right wing in a lot of European countries seems to be making a comeback. And the right wing is communism. No, that's left.

Doesn't it seem like Mao would be right wing? He doesn't seem like a left wing guy. Well left, you're confusing the left wing for being like, everybody's okay. No, no, no, it's, yeah. It's that they had that in Ecuador, it was neo-libs. Yeah, were they like the gay ones? Oh yeah. Yeah, no, no. It's, yeah. It's that they had that necrotized neolibs. Yeah, were they like the gay ones? Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like nah, fuck deficit, fuck them. Yeah, that's where communism, that's where it goes. Wow, and it comes around. Millions of people usually die. Yeah, I didn't know them. That's all right. So what did you, so you go to sports, that is fun.

Yeah, that was good. Sports is fun for. And I would, for some reason they didn't love binge drinking there. It's not like England and Ireland and Scotland, the English countries love binge drinking. These Mediterranean countries are kind of like, What do they do? They just drink all day but slowly with wine and shit.

Vermouth, did you get into Vermouth there? I did have some Vermouth. Again, trying to be fucking. But I would get hammered and they'd be like, are you okay? Like I went to, we went to a, me and the teachers went to a concert in Spain. Concierto. Musica. And I went and I was like,

Hey everyone, watch this. And I bit the top off a beer and chugged it. And one of the couples, one of the couples, one of the couples that was with us like, and they left, watch this. Everybody's going to like me. This worked in college football. It's like Homer having a memory of the New Yorker version of himself. This worked in college football.

Yeah, I was like, this is the only way the players on the team liked me. It's funny, because they have booze all the time, and then everyone's just like, we'll do this responsibly. And then Americans or Australians come in, they're like, well, we'll show you how to do it, not responsibly. We're gonna chug as many as we can

and try to find cocaine from a gypsy you meet any gypsies no I didn't like hang other than the one that stole my shit I've never met I don't know if he was a gypsy or no who knows if he was even tricking me I might have just run away great I tried to get it back to me yeah they hate gypsies from what I've seen. Like aggressively and verbally outwardly go fuck gypsies. You're like, whoa, let them hear. Yeah, they're serious about it. Yeah. to tell you about stand-up comedians and how they're liars. Yeah, every comic is a bit of a fuckin' tall tailor, a fibber, a mistruther.

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Yeah. Yeah. I made us Burger King in Madrid. I was crushing that. Yeah. Ugh, did you? Trash. Yeah.

You can get beer at Burger King. It's nice. Oh yeah, they serve, what is it? Yeah, I go get drunk at Burger King. Royal cheese. No, I would try to eat the local shit what I became friends with like everyone at this bar So like in Madrid there was a ton of like English speakers and stuff like that the town I lived in there was no one so like being American was actually unique cool, and they were excited about it to talk to me about American stuff and

This guy was like I he went hunting and he brought me some rabbits. We ate some rabbits in there. What do you mean? Coneja, I think. What do you mean, he brought you some rabbits? He shot two rabbits that day and brought them to the bar because he knew I was gonna be at the bar and was like, I got these for you.

And while we're eating, there was literally shotgun pellets in the meat while I was eating it. I was like, very good, thank you. Wait, he just gave it to the bar to cook up? He brought them prepared. Oh. yeah. I was at this bar Yeah, he's like I shot it today That's so fun to start being friends with everybody it was awesome. That's so fun. I want to go back Badly because also you got away from fucking every touristy thing of like I did people I did I would do I that's always how I'm gonna travel I'm always gonna go to the fucking shitty

local dive bar and just and just hang day after day and camp out for three months until people like okay this guy's cool yeah that's me at lawyer star get out of you I won't do it you're making fun of me for being skinny? Turn the light up. No, I'm not making fun of you. I was gonna say you look. Lawyer story. Turn the light up.

I'll send you these pictures. You can put them in there. Turn the light up though. Turn the what light up? On the phone. Why? So I can see it. Oh, you blind bitch.

Ha ha ha ha. There's my sweet lady. That's her? Yeah. What is that? I don't know where the fuck she is. She's my sweet lady. That's her? Yeah. What is that? I don't know where the fuck she is. She just sent me that. Oh, let me see.

She's cute. She looks like Toledo. She's cute and Spanish cute. That was the lady that came to Philly to visit me. You know she would throw something at you if it was a fight and it would hit over your head and you'd be both like, what the fuck? Damn, what a time.

I miss all these people. Roberto and his wife. Who was that? Amigo, he was a teacher fuck. Damn, what a time. I miss all these people. Roberto and his wife. Who was that? The amigo, he was a teacher there. Damn. What'd you talk about with these people? Just how great America is. No.

There's the boys, dude. This is what? There's the Loyalty Star boys. That's the bar. That's the bartenders I would get fucked up with. How much are beers? This guy in the back used to do magic. It's like fucking, it's thin segura. Yeah, it does. The guy in the back used to do magic. It's like fucking thin sagura.

Yeah it does. The guy in the back used to do magic. I didn't know how he did it the entire time until I finally got home and looked it up. He had one of those fake thumbs. Like you put a fake thumb, you put it like a thing over your thumb and you do a magic trick where you like, you can pour like salt into your hand. It just goes into the thumb thing and then you go. He fucked me up constantly with that thing.

Every night I'd be hammered and he'd come over and he didn't know what to say. Oh my God, the memories are coming back, dude. There was a little tiny weird gay guy named Monito, tiny monkey, he would come and jump on the magic guy. It was fucking crazy, dude. And the magician, the bartender that was a magician, he would always go, which nice?

That's all he, I don't think he understood English at all. That was his African accent. Yeah, he'd go, which nice? And I'd go, yo. And I was, in English. I know what you're getting at, but. In English, I'd be like, what the fuck are you doing, dude? Show me how to do that.

Yeah. Who's Monito? Monito is just a fucking freak, dude. Oh man, I miss it so much. What a blast. That sounds so fucking fun. Yeah, I gotta go back. I never. That sounds like a sort of frat party.

It was awesome. And then I went home and I never got to go back cause I was poor. Have you been back? No, I got canceled and then COVID and then now I have money I can go back but I'm fucking busy. You're busy, yeah. I'll go back.

We gotta go. I know. You gotta tow me the shit. I need to go to Loyberstar. If they close Loyberstar before I'm back, I'll go. Dude, I looked up a hostel, I stayed in Myanmar like the first one and I was like, it's still there.

And then it says close 2020, I'm like, fuck. But you can still see pictures of all these places. How cool is it that a fucking picture like this, even online, brings it all back? It's crazy. How long ago was this? To 11 years ago? Yeah.

Wow. What's like the lack of responsibility of just like, you have to go to teach and then that's also dude, I could, I would get drunk at lawyer star and then be like, I can't go to school today. And they'd be like, like we really don't want you to know what I'm doing there. They just liked having me around. Did they pay you almost nothing, but yeah.

So that's how you like, I got you a place to stay. I went over there with like ten thousand dollars From selling cars, and I spent that all at lawyer star star is probably still open from that Ten thousand usd came here and just passed it around He just give him an occasional homone. Don't give it him him all at once. Cause then he'll just like leave. He's gonna take all the jamon. Yeah, you gotta go up and down like fucking internet. Gives you some serotonin.

I would go, there's one funny story. I went to Athletico, Madrid games a lot. And oh dude, it was the best. At halftime, more ham. Halftime's ham time, bro. Halftime, everybody breaks out a bocadillo. Every single person there brings a sandwich in tin foil. And at halftime, you just see everyone like, the whistle blows at halftime everybody breaks out a bocadillo every single person that brings a sandwich in tin foil and at halftime You just see everyone like the whistle blows at halftime

Everyone reaches in a bag takes out a ham sandwich and a fucking sack of wine and just starts fucking Spraying it a sack of wine big sack of wine. I love it. What's a sack of wine? It's exactly what it sounds like it's a leather sack and if you squeeze it it sprays the wine out wait like like a sake sake bar, or like a... Is it like a Viking, like in Lord of the Rings? Kind of like... Yeah, like a leather, like a purse. There's definitely a word for it.

Would they pass it around? No, one guy would just... Here's mine. I'd be like, yeah, I'll get some. He'd fucking... He'd nipple you? Yeah. Let me see that.

That's that? Yeah, yes. Wow. I nipple ya? Yeah. Let me see that. That's that? Yes. Wow. Oh, there's so much. So I was homesick. Oh, you can embroider him. And I was, I go to my first Athletico Madrid game. Their mascot, so.

Is a bottle of wine. Real Madrid's like unofficial mascot is like a Viking. Okay. Cause they're like the fucking fascists. Like we're Aryan fat the Atletico Madrid's was a Native American, because they're like, we're against that. So everybody that was a fan of theirs

wore like American, like Cleveland Indians jerseys or Atlanta Braves jerseys or Florida State, Florida State Center. So like my first day I'm drinking, about to go into the stadium, and I see a guy in a Cleveland Indians starter jacket, and I'm like, you fucking Cleveland dude? He's like How'd you get that jacket? And then another guy in Atlanta Braves. Anything

you from Georgia? Yeah. Whoa. Yeah it was awesome but I'm at this game and this couple in front of me is like can you take a picture for us? I was like yeah I got you. I stood up and fell down the steps. What? And laying down, took the picture. And they were like, again, people were very concerned. They were like, you gotta go, dude. So sloppy. And you're like, no, no, it's good.

I was like, just try to buy a drink. Ow, ow, ow. No, I gotta, I was just, anyway. I remember taking it, laying down. Yeah. It was good. It was a good time. God damn.

Oh, we would go, Loyberstar would close and the only bar open would be a karaoke bar. So everybody would go sing. Pour out of there into the other one? We would go sing karaoke with the staff and I thought I was, they thought I was a good singer. Cause I could, everybody was singing English songs.

But you knew. But I could actually speak English. So I was getting the pronunciation right, and I would sing and they'd be like, oh, he's so good. I'd sing fucking My Girl by The Temptations. And they'd be like, wow. Yeah, they'd be like, wow, this guy's incredible.

Although they might have been making fun of me again. You're like, looking back on this. I was definitely shitfaced. Now that I'm an adult, hold on. And not even close. Yeah. The karaoke there. It was awesome. It was right next to the bull that I'm an adult. Not even close. Yeah. Yeah. The karaoke there. It was awesome.

It was right next to the bullfighting ring. Would you? It should have gone. I know. Did they, did they, I lost it. Did you sing in Spanish? Yeah.

They loved to talk to me about shootings. Like shootings in America, like school, like. They thought it was big. They're like, why do you have guns? All these shootings are going on and I was like how many people died in the running of the Bulls this year in this town they're like venti so don't talk to me about guns you guys are getting killed by Bulls every fucking week just ever see Kai Humphrey's fucking Sloss' buddy?

I don't know who that is. He went to do the running of the Bulls and his buddy would get it all the time and he goes, let's go way in the back and Sloss is like, no, no, I'm going way, way up there and as soon as I hear any Bull, I'm out. And he goes, all right, I'll go in the back. And then he stayed up all night drinking

and then he goes, as soon as he started running, got jelly legs and just fell. Oh, fuck. And then there's a picture of him he started running, got jelly legs and just fell. Oh, fuck. And then there's a picture of him in the newspaper with a bull hoof right next to his head. And he's pretty much like dumb American, even though he's like Northern English. God damn.

Yeah, I have no desire to. It'd be cool to go see it. Trot with the bulls, I'm not gonna be able to run fast. Yeah. And then I'm gonna try to jump up the fence. That'd be even worse. Not be able to jump up the fence. Ow, ow, ow. So you guys are gonna able to run fast. Yeah, and then I'm gonna try to jump up the fence that be able to jump For you to me what else you do when you're there for fun and stuff to go on hikes to go out nature No, no, never those pictures look like a fucking giant lake seemed cool.

They do have cool stuff there, yeah. You just weren't into it. I liked drinking at cafes, that was nice. Go outside, like a sunny patio is nice. Was it hella hot? No. No. Really?

It was pretty cool, especially up in the mountains. Oh. I thought Madrid was fucking boiling. I was there in like the fall, and the end of the summer, end of the fall. Damn, that's so fucking cool. I was there in like the fall, the end of the summer, end of the fall. Damn, that's so fucking cool. I know. Cause that amount of time too was like.

Yeah, it was, yeah, I have a weird thing about going on a trip, like a vacation. I wanna live there for a while. I don't like going on vacation for like three days. Well then it's like get as much of the coffee as you can, get as much as the beer as you can, then go home. It's not a casual like that. Yeah, you like it.

You like living in a place. You get to know a thing. It's way different. It's a second level that you can't unlock. Right, so you're there all the time. We're like, today doesn't matter. Yeah. Well, it's even like Austin.

Like, get the barbecue, get the barbecue. And when you've been here enough times, it's like, where is there just a good salad? Don't get the barbecue. Where is there a good burger? Where is there a good like? You a good like yeah yeah yeah they ate in Madrid I would eat I would just be like what's the local thing yeah I try to be that guy be fucking like sheep intestines no more of that no more going

back to burger king you guys have pizza like yeah that's all I couldn't I couldn't answer I couldn't ask what it was. I was like, okay KS and the guy was just like, yeah It's like it's for poor people, yeah, we just eat the meat meat God that sounds fun. They eat a lot of pig pig stuff too. Every once in a while you'd get with your beer a fucking pig ear Pig pig stuff to every once in a while you'd get with your beer a fucking pig ear And be like oh fuck would you know you're not a good drunk and take a bite Yeah Did you watch you get food poisoning at all? It's like that. No my tongue got fucked up from all the salt

How mom and what a wild thing is to be like he ate too much like too much like no he had so much He had a condition. Yeah, yeah, something went wrong with this. Remember that lady who ate nothing but Chicken McNuggets? No. For 17 years, I think in England. I think it was 17 years with only Chicken McNuggets and then every organ failed at the same time.

Am I wrong? Chicken nugget lady. Oh. She was was 17 yeah. 17. Oh. Every single day. And never ate fruits and vegetables. That's you buddy. Yeah that was me in Spain. If I would have stayed in Spain I'd be dead from hamon. What were the bathrooms like? Um. US were fine. I went to I went I went to Germany for a few days while I was there and Their toilets suck. What do you mean? They have those like there's no water. It was like a flat The it was like porcelain with like a sink Level hole in the back. There was no water on the porcelain. Did I was at a girl's house. I took his shit It was just an open air shit.

It's fucking crazy. You're like, it's gotta go away. Disgusting. Yeah, look up fucking German toilet. So just that? Yeah, it's like, how do you get it down? There's no water on the top plate. Is that lady about to lick it?

So you just leave a fucking open air turd on it. Yeah. It's just going to crawl down. Flush it. It's like a slug. It smears down. It's fucking disgusting. You'd flush it with water. Yeah. When you flush it, water comes down and rushes across the porcelain and just, but it, it smears a disgusting turd across there. I don't know why they do that. There's no need to do that. Normal toilet. Oh, it goes way wide. Yeah, yeah, just let the water level go. That's it, the poo at the bottom.

That's it, bottom right, right there. That's what happens. Jan Witter, yeah. Your poo just sits there. That's it, artist. Ew, look at this lady fucking staring at it. Yeah, she loves it. Oh, that's Photoshopped in.

It's really terrible. What a perfect Joe List dump. Did you take trips while you were there? Wait what? He takes long ones. Long snakers. Really? Yeah he sends them. Always? Always. Long snakers they come out in like question mark form. That's good he's got a standard diet I guess. No it's pretty bad. It's just got a tight tight knit. It's got a standard diet, I guess. No, it's pretty bad. He's just got a tight, tight knit. He's got a tight hole. A hole, yeah, anxiety hole. What, would you take trips while you were there?

I only went to Hamburg, Germany. And that's it. Yeah. What'd you go there for? My buddy Jamal's girlfriend lived there. Did he play, that was a funny thing. He went to Europe before me. Jamal went and played football in Germany.

White guy? Yeah. Yeah me. Jamal went and played football in Germany. Wike? Yeah. Yeah, Wike Jamal played football professionally in Germany and he was like, bro, there's so many chicks. He's like, get ready. And I was like, whoo, this is gonna be crazy. Didn't touch one lady. Yeah, without being able to understand what I'm saying.

It is a big barrier. When you're a comic and you're like, my skill is, yeah. If you're going off just looks, I'm not the guy. We had a contest at the commerce store. We just would ask random women there that were like nice enough to talk. We're like, hey, who's grosser?

The comics, they'd be like, probably he's grossest. Yeah. We actually get up to the vote. It was never like, it would always start, it was like, no, you guys are all fine. Yeah, we actually get up the boat It was never like it would always started like no you guys are all fine like you can get over that you can yeah We don't need that. Yeah, we want to know right now. She'd be like he looks like a skeleton His nose is obviously too big. Yeah, I knew I looked like a fucking skeleton. Yeah, dude I'm so jealous of this at the long term thing. It was awesome You're late, yeah, I'll do it again. You think so?

Yeah. Once the pressure gets too much with what I'm doing I'll hit the fucking Chappelle Africa. I want to have Chappelle on just to talk about the food he had in Africa and not like why he ran away. Yeah. What'd you do while you were there? That's what I want to know. Yeah. Like were there any cool like concerts and like. What fucking river is that? What is that line? There's no river. This is the equator, buddy.

No, no, no. So it runs evenly through a what? It's not a river, nevermind. These are all like trails. That? Yeah, it's like the Oregon Trail. What the fuck is that? China? Is that a railroad?

I don't know. Yeah, it's a Pacific Railway. It's a railway, wow. Yeah, old style map, buddy. Pretty neat. Yeah, I paid $7 for the use a railway, wow. Yeah, old style map, buddy. Pretty neat. Yeah, I paid $7 for the use of this. You got seven bucks for that? Yeah.

That's pretty good. Yeah. Where else do you wanna go? What's calling you? I don't know, I like Ireland and Spain. Yeah. That's kind of it. I'd like to go to Paris, I've never been there.

Paris. Yeah. I have no desire to go to like a shitty country. What do you mean shitty? Poor? Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Paris is cool because you don't have to do anything like Australia is nice, but the trip, but wait, when did you get back? I got back a week ago. How, how are you doing? You caught up. It took me the first day. It took me like two weeks. First day was cool.

Stayed up till 10 PM even though it was like midnight at 9. First day was cool, stayed up till 10 p.m. even though it was like midnight at 9 a.m. And I was like, and then stayed up, slept 10 p.m. till like 8 a.m., like sick, great. Next day, sleep at midnight, wide awake at 3 a.m. And then that lasted for a while. Saw sunrise, dude. So I was like, I'm up.

And I'm like, I'm near the East River Park, let me just go watch the sunrise, I'd never do that. So I did then walk back smoking weed and it was Sunday morning and it was just walk of shame time. I just see all these ladies in fucking night. It was so cool to see. I hadn't seen one in so long. They're all walking with their fucking black Kelly Bundy dress. Yeah. Their heels, either carry them or walk. And I'm like, where are

they going now? Until I realized like, oh people fuck here. Oh, they all them or walk. And I'm like, what are they going now? Until I realize, oh people fuck here. Oh, they all just had sex. Disgusting, pigs. The dudes are the most disgusting, they're a walk of shame. Cause they're still kinda drunk and they're just eating a burger with their fucking Armani shirt open, just spilling on themselves.

Yeah, that fucked me up. When I got back from Australia, that was, took me two weeks. Oh, it's nuts. We're in Loz Zolo here and fucking at the seller after a seller spot I was like, we know like I'm far. I've never been more tired. Yeah. Yeah falling seen people's faces Okay, I see everybody travel tips You travel I'm not the best. I'm doesn't matter The only tip I have is try not to be a pussy

when you get somewhere new at first. Because I regret that. When I got to Spain, I was like, I want to come home. You're going to like it. It just takes a minute. Even people that have moved, when you move. A bunch of my friends just moved to Austin. And they're sad for the first week.

And you're like, you'll get used to it. You'll get used to it. It's going to be normal. I was so without, I mean, Jay and Metzger helped me a lot for New York. Yeah. But that was it, that's all I knew. And I was like, what are you guys doing?

Like, we're busy. I'm like, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Literally everywhere I've gone long term, the first week, I'm like, there's a mistake, let me look at flights. Yeah.

And don't assume you actually know the language. You don't. Because that's a tough one. Could you make jokes in Spanish by the end? No. You couldn't even do the humor? You couldn't get that good? No.

Kind of. But I... I went to visit a coffee plantation in Vía Cabamba, Ecuador. And they're called the Vía Caroma. And the guy was telling us about it, it was like a coffee tour, and he's like, yeah, because Vía Cabamba and then Aroma. And then whoever I was with was like,

oh, did you know that? I was like, see, it's Ovio. And the guy started dying laughing. Like, got one, got one. Yeah, I could get like one word jokes. But I remember, this is kind of a funny story, I was starting to understand the language a little better. And one of the, we had, so the Argentinian guys

that I lived with, Argentina does barbecue a lot. So they'll go buy like 90 pounds of meat and just have a feast. And invite friends over. So we had this dinner and this guy was like, talking about me clearly and he was like, como Wayne Rooney pero mas gordo and I was like I hear you bro. Those are hard words. They also they called me Wayne Rooney a lot. Really? He was yeah. Pull him up?

Back then you saw what I looked like. I was closer to looking like. You were closer. Actually me and Wayne Rooney are on similar trajectories now. There he is. Yeah I had it like that, with the head up. Yeah. Now me and Wayne, now Wayne's gaining weight. We're catching up. Damn, he's fucking big now. Yeah, Wayne got fat.

I saw him in the airport after the Super Bowl in Vegas. It was pretty sick. Really? Not one person knew who he was. That's so fucking cool. I just watched him walk by. Dude, we had one of the door guys from the commerce stores from the South and some country star came in and none of us knew it all.

He was like this way it's $20 tickets and you just hear, oh! I'm like what's going on? The reason also they thought I looked like Wayne Rooney is that was the only real pale guy they knew. Although even though they're pale, they also thought I had red hair. Did they follow Champions League? Really? Yeah.

Did they follow Champions League? Definitely. Yeah, did they follow Champions League? Definitely they did Yeah, and Premier League all that shit Yeah Yeah, cuz they face them once in a while. Yeah, they play they play But they followed English soccer too. Hey, when is American soccer gonna take off? Hopefully this World Cup it's in America. It's in America. And our team's good, we got a young, solid team.

Although they just lost to Columbia like 4-1 last week. They split with Brazil though, didn't they? Tied Brazil, that was decent. Yeah, that's huge. You know your Tucky team with like, this is awesome, we drew, it's fucking great. Yeah, it's the first time I think we ever got a point. And Brazil's like, fuck, okay, we gotta do better.

And then they're like, we're ready, we're ready, we tied them. That's a good tie. But America America the thing that sucks is when America is a home game The entire stadium is the other country because we keep doing we keep I don't know Well, I mean, you know everybody here is from fucking Columbia What they had like I think we played against Columbia in New York. Oh, really? I forget where we played them Yeah, we always play Mexico in Dallas. Mistake.

Yeah, the whole stadium's green. Yeah, you gotta go around Dakota. Yo, you ever watch those games? So Mexico has a chant where they call the goalie, oh, f***. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Whenever he kicks the ball, they scream it. Really?

So they go, oh, and they wait till he kicks the ball, and then they all yell it. And then, and the, and the, they keep, the refs will pause the game and be like, one more and the game's over. To the stands? Yes. And they're like, we're doing it. And they're losing, Mexico's losing,

so they're like, who gives a fuck? They do it the rest of the game, and the American goalie's like, come on. Guys, we're just trying to play the game, stop. It's so fun. Yeah, it makes you really like Mexico. Wow, yeah, I love a good fan. Homophobic chant that ruins the game.

Ruins the whole game. They're like, we're not throwing anything. We're throwing hurls. Yeah, you're being very racist. They're homophobic. We don't like it. Dude, I'm so jealous of that trip. So am I.

The months long, how long? Five months in the end? Yeah. What'd you learn about, like, this is, this is gay, but like, what'd you learn about yourself? I told you, I'm not, I'm not that guy. I'm not Mr. fucking, having like- Culture.

Yeah. That's good to know though. Yeah, I found out a lot. My whole life I found out. I'm not a football player, a culture. Yeah. That's good to know though. Yeah, I found out a lot. My whole life I found out I'm not a football player, not a soldier, not cultured. Yeah. Found it all out in my early 20s. It's freeing.

Yeah. When you're like, I just wanna read John Gershwin. I don't wanna read for the show. I just wanna read a fucking spy book. I, no, I still like that. Nick Cole's biography. I still like those books. Yeah.

But I just know I'm not the character. You know? Yeah. The soldier one was a nice way to find out when I dropped out of West Point yeah I was like oh I could never do that and you know at least now I'm not the guy that's drunk at the bar being like I could have been a Navy SEAL it's like naked if I was on that plane yeah yeah yeah it's like no I know I'm a coward yeah big cowards fun though it's not you lead into it you know no, I know I'm a coward. Yeah, big cowards fun though It's not you lean into it. You know, you know your place. I'm a watcher Go whoa, was there anything else you wanted to tell you about that's bad. No, I'm good. Yeah, it sounds fucking great. I loved it Yeah

All right, I guess I'll break it in the middle of it, but once again, watch Tires on Netflix. Shane's YouTube special has more views than any special I've ever seen. Oh really? Dude, it tripled after. Yeah, yeah. It went up and then evened out and then just kept going. It's nice. It's wild.

Yeah. It's nice. It's wild. Yeah, one of the best comics working and legitimately one of my biggest peer pressure friends I have when you don't want to drink. We're good friends. Get the fucking far away from Shane as possible. We're a good friend. Here's my impression of Shane. You can have one. You can have one, Dan.

And then he tries to leave. I go, dude, one more and then we'll leave. I never see you. I never see you. I never see you It is one of my favorite things to make my friend get as drunk as possible or like I'll buy my friend a shot Yeah, and they're like you're gonna do one. I'm like, I'm not doing a fucking shot. I Never do shot. They never do shots. Yeah. All right. Thank you very much today I'd write please subscribe to this and and yeah, like I said check out Shane's specials and I'll do a wrap up afterwards. Alright, also how do you like the new

studio? This is your first one in here. It's really nice. I grew this fucking off of goatee for you. I see the goatee. This is coming off tomorrow. It really looks good. Dude I went to the Pixies and I was talking to some friends of friends that we met and then we're talking about and then I went to Piss and I saw myself in the mirror I came back I was like oh hey I'm not a douchebag this is not who I am why'd you do that why did you what the goatee if you think it's it looks nice it's funny you look nice you look handsome go just Hitler's tash for protect our parks fuck what I mean yeah obviously yeah obviously yeah fuck fuck

I wanted to please don't actually come on man. I'll just carve CNN into my head. Yeah. My head. Um, anyway, yeah. So I'm going to keep changing this out with new fucking things. I remember that mask you wore it on Legion of Skanks. Wasn't that a great one when I was coming out there being gone for six fucking months. That was great. Stand up weird. You didn't want to figure it out. It was like, that's, I think it's South America. Oh wait. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then and then I was like, it's me I'm already I'm back to like cool. Anyway, so we got this

All this trouble it's that we shut the lights off then I came and I was just sitting there being all creepy with that The album of us Ecuadorian all creepy with that Diablo Huma mask. Ecuadorian. Fucking handmade. What's Huma mean? Diablo Huma? I know what Diablo is. Yeah. I don't know. It's it's like it's like they have like festivals all over and each one has a different. These are for the 12 months and there's on the back there's like eyeballs to like ward off the spirits coming from behind you. I don't know. But it's a fucking easy gift to give. Diablo Humor barbecue sauce. Humor's head.

Connects with the cosmos. The Ayah Umar, devil's head, is a two-faced devil character in the Iti Re Me celebration. Oh yeah. See what I mean? Just did it again. Iti Re Me. Iti Re Me celebration. Oh yeah, the two-faced devil character

in the Iti Re Me celebrate. Oh yeah, the two-faced devil character in the Itiorami celebration. Fuck you. Go Eagles. Go Birds. All right. Bye everybody. Thank you. Well guys, that's the episode.

Thank you very much Shane Gales for coming in. Don't forget to check him out at the Wells Fargo Arena in October. What a homecoming for that guy. I'm fucking stoked for him. Please hit subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. I'm trying to go up to a hundred thousand subscribers. If I do, guys like Shane Gillis will take their time to come do the podcast. Big names. The bigger this gets, the bigger names we can get on the podcast. You want Andrew Schultz? Yeah, it's not worth your time yet at fucking seventy thousand subscribers. At a hundred thousand,

he's coming in. Stavros too. All these guys, you want them big name celebrities like Rob Lowe. I already got him. Um, we got a ton coming up next week is Joey Diaz. The Cuban egg roll talking about his amazing trip to the United States of America. That's going to be a fun one. Hit subscribe.

So you're reminded, leave a comment in the, in the post too. If you have a recommendation, the comment section of YouTube is a big talking point where you get recommendations for places like Spain or like in this episode or anywhere else you've been. People leave in the comments where they want to go. The memories this sparked for them. It's pretty fun. It's a positive place, which is rare for a comment section. That's it. Today's episode is produced by Your Mom's House Network, it's edited by Alan Caffey. If you've got a huge podcast and you're looking for a great ad place,

look no further than your mom's house. Don't forget, Adrian Apoluchi's special, The Dark Queen, is coming November 12th to Netflix. Same place Tires is. Guys, go check out season one of Tires right now or check out Shane Gillis's special Beautiful Dogs also on Netflix or Live from Austin on YouTube. I think it has the most hits of any YouTube special of all time. It's very possible Maybe an Indian guy probably an Indian guy

Next week. Oh, I already told you Joey Diaz Joey Diaz talking about his epic trip to the United States of America That's it guys Sign up for the patreon patreon.com slash you be tripping Follow us on social media. You'd be tripping pod every week We take the pictures of the guests has of their trip to these places and put out a post with a bunch of the pictures if you want to see those. Or... What was I gonna say?

I don't know. I really don't know. It's too early in the morning for this. Guys, that's it. Thank you very much for tuning in. The Jewvinyl should be shipping out this month. They're 60% gone, 40% are left. out this month. They're 60% gone, 40% are left. There was a misprint. I fucked up and the misprint is one of the sleeves. So I had to pay for new sleeves and transfer

them all out so you guys can get the most beautiful. It's a deluxe, fucking beautiful vinyl. I love them. I love them. You guys will too if you like vinyl. That's it guys. I don't think there's anything else. Yeah, that's it. Follow me on Instagram at Ari Shaffir. Is that cool? Okay guys, hasta la vista. No, no, no. Until next week. Hasta semana despues. Hasta semana antes. Esta. semana despues, semana antes esta. Ummm... ... Ciao!

Bye guys, see you next week.