You Be Trippin' - New Zealand w/ James McCann | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

Go watch James' new special! https://www.youtube.com/@JamesDonaldForbesMcCann Follow James on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/jdfmccann/ SPONSORS: -Secure your online data TODAY by visiting https://ExpressVPN.com/TRIPPIN. On this week's episode of You Be Trippin', James McCann takes Ari on his family trip to New Zealand. James is from Australia and has been to NZ many a time, so he's really able to get to the bottom of Kiwi culture. To sum it up: Scrumpy Cider, rugby, and prisoner watching. But that was just a blip of the ep. Buckle in for several unhinged tangents. You Be Trippin' Ep. 82 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:16:27 - James' Family Trip to New Zealand 00:31:53 - NPR & Kiwis 00:42:47 - Vices & Cults 01:00:41 - Wilderness 01:08:52 - Rugby & Beer 01:15:30 - Cuisine & Comedy 01:24:29 - Race, Infrastructure, & Birthrates Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pull that in a little bit. If I start vomiting at some point, I apologize. Why are you going to vote for that? This milk, this weird milk that I've had. Why did you try it? People say it's a very cool right-wing milk. Unpasteurized. Yeah, the raw milk.

Isn't that illegal? I don't know the specifics. I thought it was. I thought you had to order it ahead of time because you're buying some of the cow. Yeah, it's like, it goes bad. Yeah, it tasted great. I mean, it was genuinely exciting milk to have.

And it may not be that. I heard cheese curds. You can't get real cheese curds because in, like, Putin, you have no unpasteurized milk is not illegal in Texas. There are some states, I believe. You can't get real cheese curds because real cheese goes unpasteurized. Yeah. It's like... Just the Wisconsinites do it.

Yeah. They're like weird grandfather. What a great. They were such a better cheese. Wisconsin cheese. When I found the Wisconsin cheese, it was... I just thought all of America had to trudge through that weird golden orange cheese. Yeah.

And then you go to a place where they're making real... real actual trees oh cheese yeah where you've been and where you're going this is our travel show yeah

we're going to talk about travel today it's you'll be tripping yeah guys welcome to you'll be tripping it's a travel podcast it's the only it's known as

the rockafort of podcasts you know what's rock for it's blue cheese the king of cheese oh I didn't know that was the king of cheeses Rockafort? Is it a kid?

What about a little Grier? It's known as the King of Jesus. I'm not saying it's my favorite. I reckon there's a revolution happening. Look at it. It's disgusting. It's full mold.

Cheddar is definitely the Lump and Proletariat of cheese. Look at is Rockerford the King of Cheese? Where do you want to go today? What do you want to do? Well, I can do a couple. I mean, New Zealand is the one that I've been to. I'm so untravelled.

I mean, America. call it the king of cheese. Many call it the king of cheeses. You won't. I respect no king as my Rockafort was the first cheese to be given the A.O. distinction. Lady becoming the alexander or Cascatazio. Oh yeah. There you go. Yeah. The first cheese to be given the A.O. distinction. So they just... And there's Michael Rockefort, which is just an annoyance online. If you're the first cheese to get a big award. Yeah. That's just the cheese company inventing an award for themselves. I could do an award now. I could be like greatest comedian in the world. James McCann.

2025, he just won. Buddy, congratulations. I know, it's a big deal. Thank you for having me on this lap of honor. Yeah, I mean, it's the first one to get you after this award. I was lucky to grab you. After this, I got to a big wild party. I get a big trophy.

America and New Zealand are the only places I went to. I went to England lines. You're traveling right now, technically. Yeah. You have a card? I have a, which kind of card? Green? No, I got a visa.

Okay. I got a social security number late. That's necessary. I should have got that before I came. And I just sat in Stubanville, Ohio, for two weeks in the winter, waiting to get documentation. I organized it real bad. You can't get a bank account. I couldn't cash a check.

I just had no money. My wife and I, we went to a, there was like a, you know, they helped the unfortunate center in the downtown of this beautiful Russ Belt out. Oh, let them go. Well, they helped prostitutes and things. They helped us. They were like, oh, you're in the same sort of situation. Friendship room. They do great work.

Oh shit I'm so proud of them I forgot to put this on for you Wait what should I do Oh is that it Oh it's oh nice Terrible evil team Shame

What do you mean The don'ts Yeah Drug cheats And then failures afterwards I'm sorry to say They what Yeah they had a big

Drug cheat What do you mean They wouldn't give out their drugs No the needles The needles were And then they had a lot of soft tissue Injuries What you want is Adelaide

That's the team for the future. That's America's team. What are they? The bats? Cros. The crows. Crow boys. Shane blew up our local media because I gave him a crow's hat. And he wore it once. And he was like, you want to believe who is support of the Adelaide Crows? This is crazy. And then a lot of like boomers in Australia are going like, well, I don't know him. So how famous can he be? It's like people in the comments going, well, you don't know. That's on you. And sitting by the road. Oh, man, we don't connect to the outside world all that often. They, um, I had it recognized by one of the players after the game.

that's nice Nick Cody went there Cody loves him they're an out of suburban Melbourne team that would be so important for him and his happiness

and for his sake I hope they win a final one day oh suck on that Cody eat it no it's the crow's year it's our year

I can feel it I said this last year it really wasn't I thought is that the only Adelaide no we got Port Adelaide they suck they're like the working class

team with the credibility and we spit on that as a big corporate you know do they wear these scarves As scarves or do they always just like drape it like a regal? No, I wear mine as a scar. Here's a weird thing.

If your team loses, you take the merch off. In shame. In shame. Because otherwise you're walking around in the merch, people are going, ah, they make fun of you in public going, not so good, not a good gap. And you take them off. But here in America, rain hail will shine. You're wearing it. No matter how the team's doing.

I went to a state of origin with Cody, too. A little scarf up there. What did you get? Was that? Game one, this past year, game one, actually in Sydney, and Brisbane won, which was great. And everyone, we were walking in, Cody's dressed, completely decked up in, in, Queensland. Queensland gear. Be like, wearing the wrong outfit, man.

It just kept, everyone just kept screaming at them. That's unbearable. People are so dignified and restrained in your country. Yeah. I mean, people talk about, like, Americans getting loud and loose and they're overseas and they're asking a lot of questions. they're intruding on people. Australians are so... I went to a high school sport game

the first time I came here. I went to go and see the Stubanville High School, not the one that had the big history, but the good Catholic school who actually did not have that problem. Do you remember the big red? Anyway, I went to go and see them play.

And there's, you know, like 200, 300 parents watching this game. Not one drunk, shouting person. Really? The team got destroyed. It was like 60 to zero. The slaughter rule kicked in at some point. That's why they're not screaming.

They don't care. They were checked out. Not even the other. team were like getting amped about having a win. I'd never seen this before of that many people watching a sporting match in one place and no one's being nasty. Wow. In Australia always.

Man, you could get six parents at a soccer game and my dad would be there going, get, what are you doing? Get involved! Did you see that guy at a hockey, like, tryout or whatever? He's cursing and the mom's like, oh yeah, real nice. And he goes, it's not fucking tennis. It's a real man The British are the worst for that A British mum's and dads

At soccer Scum Filth Nasty weird people They care too much about it Yeah I think it's because it's a boring game So you've got to bring your own violence

It's incredibly boring I cannot have you're a well-traveled man All these places you talk about Love soccer They love soccer everywhere They love soccer Have you ever felt an emotional Soccer connection

No I guess not. It's tough. It's just like, boy, it's a zero, zero. Like, okay, it's a tie game, but still 90 minutes to go. And then it's like two nothing. Like, this game's over. Yeah, but then it comes right back.

Or it doesn't. Who knows? There's not three pointers. I would love to, like, 90 minutes is such a good amount of time for a game to go for. You know, AFL goes for like three hours. NFL, your American football goes for. That last quarter goes for half the game. Kylie Sparrow was talking about how footy is so much better than American football.

Yeah. And I'm like, why? Because it's, it's, you stop so much. That is true. But it is nice to watch a repeat of a game because you can just click on 30 seconds and you'll get the next play. Those games are like, it just shows you the actual game time. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

It's not a long game. It's like, it's like, it's no time. But I do like that it's, I like, it's like, it's like, it's so Hollywood, so much anxiety and waiting. I've really come around to your football. Really? I love it. You got to, wait, you support a team?

Yeah. Support a club? A program and a club. What's the program? UT? No, I love... Shane got me in Notre Dame. That was, we swapped.

He took the crows and I took Notre Dame. Okay. But I love the Steelers. Steals are great. I was just outside of Pittsburgh. You'd go to a dive by, everyone has their towel. That's a Homer town. Mike Tomlin, so careful.

It's a home or town. Ben Rafflesburg can chat away in a fucking... In a bathroom and everyone's like, no, no, don't worry about that. They care about it. It's like, what's the other one? Like Green Bay. The way they get around those boys. There's more people in there.

that team than there are living in the town the green bay the team the town only the only NFL isn't that beautiful owned by the town shouldn't it be that way should be privately owned yeah get the get the members ownership yeah sorry i'm i'm kicking off i really am passionate about it the crows is owned by the by what the afl the afl owns it and picks who's on the board and you can sign up to be a member and you get like two members out of seven on the board but it's all just a sham can something real and grassroots grow out of a corporate entity? Can you reverse engineer that? That's the great question of the transplant football team. I think about it all the time. Now, here they just move. They're like, we can't get a new stadium. They're moving them a lot. Trade away dirt fucking Luca

for nothing. Yeah, that was, are you, you're a Lakers man? I hate the Lakers. Oh, who are you? Who do you love? First, anyone but the Lakers. Okay. Second, the Pelicans. Oh, well, you've got to get Zion on this podcast and tell him to keep his mind out of the ladies and the, He may as well, he's not playing. He may as well get some fucking strange. I was so excited by him when he started. When he plays is great, but nobody plays. Fuck that team.

I fucked, I fucked all sports. Why did you choose New Orleans? You don't know, New Orleans? I lived in North Carolina. They started in North Carolina, and they moved to New Orleans. Why? I moved with them. How can New Orleans sustain like three professional top teams and not one comedy?

Not one comedy club. Okay. What's going on? I go there and I talk about it with a. They're like, it's not really sit down and watch things. They're dumb. The city's full of dumb people. Creoles are uneducated. I could never.

Half French. I assume that's a cultural issue. Half redneck. Yeah. Yeah. If they're not like doing some sort of incantation on someone, they don't know what they're doing. But their music's so beautiful.

You know King Baby? I don't know. It's just a big fucking cake and sometimes they bury a baby inside of it. Oh, I heard they had to stop doing King Baby. Yeah, because it's just like old school abortions. Old school fucking dump your babies. It's more sophisticated than that. Yeah.

Your friend what? C.J. Landry, who's from just outside of there. He was like, I can't believe they've stopped the king baby. It's so creepy, this adult face on a baby. If they can have that, they should be able to have a comedy club. They should be able to have a comedy club. Can't support it. Too much other stuff to do.

Yeah. But comedy's very cool now. What about a little break from? It's a big enough city. You should be able to. In the French Quarter. King Baby. Oh, no, I got the wrong King Baby.

Hold on. What's the baby in a kid? cake thing. You said cape. There's something in New Orleans about... Cake Baby. It's King Baby or King Cake Baby, yeah. But you put a baby in a cake. Yeah, that goes in a cake. It's a smaller version of that. Okay. Yeah.

It didn't say King Cakes in New Orleans, Louisiana. The baby symbolizes Jesus and is a Mardi Gras tradition that dates back hundreds of years. Yeah, anything that comes from slavery time, is okay with you. Hundreds of years. I like people manufacturing long traditions, you know? Like, do you remember the Vuvuzella at the

at the World Cup It's made these terrible noises in South Africa and they're like this is an ancient tradition you guys fucking made a plastic it's plastic what it dates back

to the late 1960s It's the most annoying World Cup They should never be allowed to host it again Just go to the Arabs The Arabs are doing a great job Let the Arabs do it Guys good news in the comedy world

James McCann has a new special called Black Rizzarolite It's on his YouTube account James Donald Forbes McCann. It's his first full standout comedy special, and I see you guys, should all like, I think you guys should all watch it. Black Israelite, James is a hilarious comic,

and for a long time, before he moved to America, he was known quite widely as the best comic in Adelaide. That doesn't mean a lot to you, but maybe you're like a German settler in a nearby town outside Adelaide. You're like, well, I want to see comedy, but I want to see somebody great. Where are you going to go?

Where are you going to go? Where are you going to go when they come for you? James McCann. J.D.F. McCann on Instagram, James Donald Ford, McCann. Check him out on there. But check out his new special, guys. Legitimately, he's hilarious, like hilarious. And it's always great when somebody has been special.

So what I like is for you guys to go always, it's more important than subscribing to this podcast, which I do want you to do, or buying my merch, you know, which also I do want you to do. More, what I want is whenever a stand-up comic has a new special out that has come on to this show, I want you to go to their fucking special, especially the YouTube ones, the number one place for stand-up comedy specials in the world, and leave a comment to let him know that you came from here. So, like, came from you'd be tripping.

It's an easy one. Or make a joke based on something in the show, but also mention you'd be tripping in case he forgot. He's also on the road. He's been in St. Louis on September 19th, 20th. Then Omaha on the September 20th, Irvine, Los Angeles, Ballmore at the Port Comedy Club, Oklahoma City, and Tulsa, Oklahoma in November. God, both those Bricktown clubs are really, really good. Go to what for the tickets? Can you read it?

That's his website? J.D. F. McCann. J.D. F. M.C. C-C-A-N-N-com for tickets. And that's it, guys. Let's get back to the episode, but for sure, for sure, for sure. Check out a special Black-Israelite. And let's get back to New Zealand.

But for me, actually, I have tour shirts. I have these Ari Shafir Kat shirts that everyone should get. God damn. Wait, how do I do it? My face is right. Is that about right? Go pick up. today and all you be tripping merch and everything and this weekend is shroomfest

7th 7th and 8th this Saturday Sunday and Monday there's a full moon I think on the Sunday so get out there at night if you don't want to go daytime if you haven't located mushrooms yet you better hurry up and get them might be too late but if you wanted to participate all you got to do is mushrooms I'll be doing them wherever I am I've done them in all sorts of places. I've done them in Australia. Well, no, I mean, I picked fresh ones on Go Coast in Australia once. But where have I done Shroomfest?

I've done it at a UFC with Duncan in Calgary. I've done it in Montreal. I've done it in Joshua Tree. I've done it in San Diego at the beach. Scotland. Edinburgh. All sorts of places. Bonner, I think.

Anyway, find your mushrooms and do them. It's Shroomfest. It's an international mushroom holiday. I didn't start it. I was told by the mushrooms about it and to spread the word. And so I've been spreading the word. I've got no hand of this. The Shroomfest shirts that many of you bought,

I love the design, and so did you. I don't make any money off that. That goes all to the artist who gives a portion of that to MAPS, multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies. It goes all to the artist Lee and Gwyn. I don't want to have money off Shroomfest. I just want to spread the word. So this weekend, 7th, 7th and 8th, one of those days.

Do some mushrooms. I will be doing it with you, but just in a different place. Now, let's get back to the episode. New Zealand, James, take us there. All right, where are we going? We're going to New Zealand. This is, I was wrong. I said this is your Tijuana.

No, it's our Canada. It's your Canada. For sure. That's a better way to say it. Cold, there's less of them. Further away from the equator, just like ours. This is the only country that's mostly in the, well, I mean, This doesn't count.

Chile doesn't count. It's in the roaring 40s, so they really get the wind sweeping through. I may be pointing in the wrong direction, but in one of these directions, the wind is hitting. I love it. I went when I was,

my wife is from there. She's from Dunedin, which is, it's like culturally an important city, but economically. How did you meet her in the middle? Well, she had come to Melbourne. She was firing at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival,

a terrible festival, and I'll never do it again. You met a flyer? I met a flyer. Nish Kumar married a flyer. Was he already successful by that, point? Don't believe so. I don't know the full story. I think it would be wrong to be successful and do it. But I was very, I was really failing. That's interesting. It would be wrong. Oh man.

It would be wrong. If she be a very successful. God forbid something had happened to her now and I was a single man and I was fucking a flyer. That would be dreadful. But as a failure, having a bad time at a festival and she's just there. It was great. Yeah. She's making more money than you. Definitely. They had me it had me way across town late at night. At the Melbourne Fest. At the Melbourne Festival. I was at Trades Hall. terrible venue May it break apart and catch fire shame on the Melbourne

International Comedy Festival and all who run it yeah they slipped on me I met there once and I was just doing a whole tour of Australia and then I was like no I'm not going to do

the whole festival but I'll do a week there yeah and then I met up with Sean Patton and Kyle Kinay and they already been there for two weeks

and I was like I'm so excited you guys ready to go out there I remember that year I remember that year I think Carl Canaan only went once and I remember

he invoked the ire of the festival staff. Why? He had a great joke about getting sucked off by a girl with brain damage. That's fine. It was a great bit. And he was the best, you know, not a bad guy. It was just like a silly, strange store. Yeah. And

man, people were walking up. I think he got weirded out. I don't remember the end. People got like festival people to show that this is not the sensitive comedy that Nanette would spring from shortly thereafter. Like got up and Huffy stormed out. And it was so great. I realized at that point

that there was some disconnect with me. These people were never going to get around me. Here's a man doing exactly the thing that I'd like to be doing and they hate it. It's the festival vibe really wants you to be festival-y. Just, yeah, so many shows about your dad, your fucking dad fucked you, you commit suicide

that didn't work out. I saw she saw saw Nish in Edinburgh. Yeah. It was right before he hit mainstream, but he was big there and he goes, you guys have a good time, pack? Just so you know, I only draw the festival. Anyone in Europe when it's not festival crowd i get 20 people my shows nice then he got bigger but like it was it's a different vibe of those things they're a festival damos gil is there at the moment doing very well he's got a big

festival yeah i could never do it i hate it i hate it anyway i should new zealand so we met melbourne she's from new zealand she fled deneden uh and then she came to live with me in adelaide and then i was working in a magazine in adelaide this is the second time i went to new zealand but we went and we met her family play girl it was yes i only read it for the men. I didn't pay any attention to the articles whatsoever. Man, I should start, I mean, when I was a kid, we went there. That was the first place we went on holiday. I just hit puberty, and I was a real unpleasant person. And I just made my parents' life bad the whole time. From Adelaide. Right around here. Yeah, from here is sweet

Adelaide and we came, we did a driving tour of the South Island of New Zealand. Is this easier to get there? I mean, you're that close to New Guinea or somewhere like an awesome. Well, you don't want to take your children to New Guinea, unless you have a problem with them. Especially not fat kids. Meaty kids. Man, they do seem to eat them. They do seem to eat kids. Yeah, not foreigners, but their own and other, you know, tribal warfare.

Do you think it's more acceptable to eat a child or to fuck one? Oh, leave it alive. Eat. Eat, yeah. Yeah, there is no societal justification for tribal. But tribal cannibalism, you go, well, this is their thing. Yeah. Who are we to judge, the killing and eating of a child?

I can definitely Yeah If you can get into arguments Especially with the New Zealanders Because the Māori would eat people Oh really? Yeah You know ritualistically

They go not for nutrition It's like that's the hill we want to go on All right Got some nutrition But it's to scare people You'd eat them a little bit Yeah I get some kale on the side And there's a real defense of that

And it's nice watching their progressive media Try and be like No Because you can't blame on indigenous Oh no And so they'd go Well why are you focusing on it What are you getting at

You're like, I think it's interesting. It's so funny when someone starts to lose their argument. They go, why are we even talking about this? Like, I don't know what's in the news. You immediately lose once you go. Why is that interesting to you? There's bigger things to worry about. Like, I'm also worried about those things.

Yeah, but we're talking about this now. I was in Ecuador and I met somebody from Hong Kong. He just left and they were talking about how they ate dog there. Yeah. And they have to beat on them for a while before they kill them because they want the toxins released. Sure. And everyone there was all these white people going like, well, you know, that's their culture. I guess you have to.

You know, whatever. And then he just goes, no, guys, it's disgusting. They're beating dogs in eating. It's a great. The British Empire had that line about, I think it was called sooty. Yeah. Well, you'd burn a, you know, if you die, they burn the wife. And the Indians tried to go like, no, it's our culture to burn the woman after the husband has died.

And the British Empire was like, it's our culture not to let people burn widows. We really frown on that now. It's really clash of cultures. But, yeah, the West is definitely lost. So, okay. So you're going to do Zia. You got in New Zealand as a kid. I was a shit the whole time.

It was the most beautiful holiday. I'd got a Walkman. What do you call it? Discman. I was just listening to a... Dixman, sport. Sony sport. Blood sugar, sex magic.

I would listen to on a loop. And I was just nice to do in my whole family. And they were nice. It was really... It was the last good chili peppers album. No, it's not true. It is. Then they got into ballady after that.

They got ballady. Once you get ballady, they're done. California has some great tracks on it. All around the world. We can make time. They had some good songs. You could have that as a theme song for this. I won't, I'll ask him.

By the way? Once he went to a ballot, that's when, what's his name fucking took off for Shanney? Because he was like, oh, you guys want ballad. I'm done. I'm done here. Yeah, when he did money. I think he may have also left for, do some heroin. Yeah.

They weren't into it anymore. They surprised him. He thought he was coming to a fun heroin band. Not so after the big hits. No, they're ballads. I mean, under the bridge. I heard a man playing that at the farmer's market I was at the other day. Every band that goes ballad, that's a rock band,

Loses it they go commercial Same thing with Green Day Time of Your Life They were never the same band after that It's funny though That's often the best song That they're remembered for And then go

That's who we gotta be now It's more stressful You're fucked Would you say that of Metallica though You think nothing else matters Is the last impactful Metallica I don't know them all enough to speak I was about to say something

Just I seek And I find in you That's a bit different Yeah they're not the same band anymore They weren't the punk band anymore after that Yeah that's true That's saying elsewhere Should we have to

Hold on I want to know if this is true I'm thinking about it. My dad always said that, like, the end of Stevie Wonder's career was, I just called to Say I Love You, it was a huge song, and that your biggest song

is often the one after which you cannot have any successes. Yeah, and it's like they get her a new fan base, you try to please that new fan base. Yeah. Chicago got lame where they go, look away, baby, look away. And you're like, wait, Chicago used to be cool?

Yeah. You have no idea because they're all just balloting and fucking date rock shit. But you are going to, you should use your ballad points, though, because you're going to get uncool anyway. Time will come for you in the end, you know?

What's the song in that Christmas, that British Christmas movie with like a 20 different TV level actors? Love Actually. What's the song? What are they, what are they? Damn, how do I not know this? Is this the one the boy has to learn to play on guitar? Oh yeah.

Christmas is all around us. That's a great song. Yeah. I hate that movie God, that movie sucks It's so fucking dumb And then the dad First, the guy from Taken

Who could do that Just goes You gotta fuck them Kid in your class? Oh, I'll support you Unless Christy Brinkley's here Then I'm gonna try to fuck her Yeah

Why are you talking to a child like that? We doesn't say fuck him More or less He's kind of He believes in love Because he's a loner Then fucking what's his name Just firing a chick

Because she's too cute And Prime Minister Just firing a fucking intern because she's too cute and chubby. She was a beautiful chubby lady. Kira Knightley is so spectrally beautiful in that scene.

And then the dude from Walking Dead is like, oh, I just, I don't know. It's not great. Not great. Like, yeah, bro, you're my husband's friend. What are you doing? Hugh Grant, doing the prime minister scene with Billy Bob Thornton.

So soft. Like Britain, it's over. You can't. That's all they've got, right? That's what the whole, it's all rhetoric. I'm going to be tough. Yeah. And then he goes, you're an attractive man,

Billy Bob, though. Not like me, a former male model. I could get any straight transsexual into my car that I want and then laugh about it on David Letterman. That's a masterful media. God, that guy's so hot. My goodness, sir, I've made a very silly decision. I thought I was giving her a lift home, honestly, really.

I can't believe he tried to sell that story. I was trying to give a stranger a ride home. She was a nice young lady in West Hollywood. I mean, he's not looking great there. He looks like a sharp hay. Time can't, yeah, you lose your age. Hey, put him next to a charpe. Well like

The emperor in Star Wars There's a slight Yeah, it does look a little emperorish Do it Yeah, lightning bolts coming out of his eyes Yeah That's him

That's Hugh Grant Well he was so handsome He probably thought he didn't need to have plastic surgery Yeah he didn't He stayed nice looking Yeah That's black Hugh Grant At the bottom

Yeah Lord's name That's Hugh Getto. Well, it's Hugh Grant and Hugh Subsidy. I was happy with that. I was happy with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, college grants.

All right, so tell me about our New Zealand. Tell what you do when you go there. So when I was a kid and we went there, we went for a walk just outside of Christchurch in the mountains. And I was, we had a video camera. We were documenting the trip. Yeah. And I went for a walk with my brother. And I guess that's the Southern Alps or near it.

What? Yeah, just running across New Zealand. down in the South Island huge mountain rates they call it the Southern Alps I might be getting the name of the mountain range wrong but that one is there

but we ran ahead because you know mum and dad are being you know see your mom and dad I'm hitting puberty so we ran ahead and we took a wrong term

we started going down a sheep path instead of the actual mountain walking path and we got completely lost and we were very scared we're at there for hours

temperature starts dropping and we've heard my mom's a big she's a warrior war, but in this case was pretty bang on with the concern. She was like, people die in these mountains all the time. When it goes cold at night, wow, watch

out. So we recorded a video on the camcourt, being like, in case we die. We love you all. Yeah. Yeah. It's right, you know, the green light and everything. And then eventually we kept walking, we stumbled across some like barbed wire fences. And there was a jogger just running around. Yeah, like

it became not scary very quickly. There's a jogger with a headline. He's like, oh, yes, I'll take you back to find your mom and did and we you know whatever is that you doing in a new zealand accent that's not a bad new zealand accent i don't believe now do you regular hey there's a fucking guy and you white dog it's the australian accent no this is me this is me normally i can't do it in australia if i do the new zealand accent flies people know what i'm doing it's great i try it once in america it's like people like that's just more australian you just pretty yeah you're

just being silly it's so hard to tell it apart oh no that's very very docile If I do South African, that's obviously quite different. It's so safe. It's my impression of a South African here, walking around. My favorite one is from Lethal Weapon, when they'd send Denny Glover in to say I want to take a trip to South Africa and the consulate, because they're just trying to distract him. The consulate guy goes, but your dick.

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See the love Man you know I was reading about Israel and South Africa I got on a big Wikipedia wormhole Wow that doesn't get spoken about very often Yeah One of the last trips to and from South Africa Was like you had to go to Israel to get there

They're like long flights Yeah long And it's funny their language changed Immediately afterwards Israel's language to South Africa did change because it was like it was a lot of like

we have the same problem Isn't that crazy we're surrounded by people who had us and afterwards it's like we deserve a homeland it pivoted a little bit That's interesting

I Wait wait wait God bless God help more When did it shift From who? It shifted to more like We have like Beforehand it was like

Pre like 91 Even 1999 Yeah Or like whenever Whenever apath 94 sorry Yeah it's like

The apart like it starts to taper off but they like they have these misses between the countries and like joint declarations of understanding people in the government going their problem is our problem we have a very similar problem and then eventually Israel's like and then we have a very different problem they're like no let's let's let the black people free we don't have their problem at all I don't relate to you guys see how that goes for it's like well we still treat them like shit man so many I was NPR is even reporting now about the plight of the white South Africans I couldn't believe it I think NPR I'm going to

call it now. Big right wing shift in the last week. In the last week. In the last week, I've picked up some weird right wing. I don't know if they're trying to prepare themselves to get on Trump's, you know. Is it nationalist public radio? It'd be great if they got a new business manager. National Republican Party. Party of Republicans. It's weird. They haven't people on who agree with Trump and they're going, that's interesting. NPR was always a little bit like, I know we're liberal-minded, but we are just trying to report, but they can't help it.

They were above it for a long time. But since I got, All last year, it was in the trenches. It was always like science breakthroughs and shit on NPR. Yeah, he's not. Interesting, like, stories. And they're like, a little bit of politics, but, like, not really. You know what I love is, like, the soft comedians who go on there and do, like, a live show where they will do, like, puns with each other and stuff. It's like, how do I, how do I get into that way?

I wanted to get in so bad. That's all I wanted to be. It was a little soft boy getting in and doing, like, little jokes about, well, Elon's son was in the Oval Office. He might have been the most mature person there. You know, like, whatever. Just like, I can do that shit. Why don't they call me? me this is the every interview on on npr is this it's like you introduce me like i'm like um thanks mcan

it's a pleasure to be here i've been a fan of this show for a long time so i really appreciate it so monkey spoon what's going on with that yeah well i'm glad you brought that up um it's all ands m r interviews yeah they're the guest joys but there is and all things considered yeah that's the game show louisa chang no yeah that's a different one what's that game show that's like Sundays. Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Unbelievable.

It's like something straight out of the 80s. It's the same people, Greg Proops was on it constantly. Yeah. I don't know who else. Who's the one who had like something with kids? Reader Rudner. How do I get on, wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. I'd be so well-behaved.

Is that Sigura? I'd behave myself, I promise. That's thin time. That's Tom in 18 months. oh it's look at that they had uh yeah what's that guy that morning was bridget everett that's cool that's and tom hanks gets to come on there he's in the inside they should have chair yeah that guy bill runs it bill i don't know this is like real institutional the new york times is going to write about your new car you new yorker will go an interesting voice it's so funny

that mainstream success and nobody gives a fuck yeah drew carey's on there papa goes on there that makes sense. Tom Baudet, Tom Bodette. He did the Mazra Pran, he goes on there. I mean, it's fine, it's just surprising.

What do you have to do to break into that? Yeah, what do you do? You just have to be a nice person and never say anything at all. I mean, Papa doesn't have anything in his bones to go. I'm unfamiliar, but.

To go like, you know, he's just not gruff. Anyway. I could do it. Sometimes I hear, there was like an Australian lady who got on there. Who got Alonzo Bowden. Wow. Roy Blunt Jr.

Do they just spell Roy Wood Jr. wrong? Embed Blountnick, I know. It's like a whole shadow world, the people who can't sell tickets. They can't sell tickets and I'm jealous of them. Yeah. And they can't fill up a fucking 60-seater in Tucson. This was weird to see in Australia, all these people who have like big radio shows in Australia.

Then they come to the town for the festivals and like, I'm not, I'm not moving any tickets. you go, where's the disconnect here? Like, isn't it important to, I say this is someone who struggled to have an audience for a long time. But only because I was very lazy and I, it's like, it's so nice to have an audience. There are people who want to see you perform

and to make work that they like. But I don't want that. I want to go on NPR and have them say, you're an interesting person. Papa draws, Papa's doing the beacon. Let's go to New Zealand. Oh, sorry, so yeah, we got lost. We got lost in the mountains and we recorded a video saying.

No, we just recorded. I'm a ghost. oh, wait, wait, don't tell me. We record this video and we got back and, like, parents were very, you know, relieved to have us back. But then I was like 15 when that happened for the rest of my life at home. Whenever people would come over at the house,

my parents would be like, let's get the video out. I'm just scared recording it? Let's get the Lost in the Mountains video out. And I would be like, please, it was, I don't want them to see. Like, girlfriends would come over and meet them. You're going to want to see James and Alistair thinking they're going to die.

It's great quality. You have a friend named Alistair? That's my brother. Did you have a portal through time to the Middle Ages? I think they felt guilty for going with James. I was going to be Donald with no D. And my dad was a teacher at a public school, and the kids were like, everyone's going to call them a poofta.

They're going to beat them up. And they did anyway, though. Yeah, but that was on me. You can't put that down to James. Yeah. That's just me and the way I behave. So what do you do there? All right, keep talking about.

All right. So we come back. It really helped the trip. We were all arguing before. then, but then after we thought we were going to die, everyone really got, you know, had a good time for the last couple of days. They have a home-alone moment where, like, they're mad, but like, I'm so glad you're safe. Yeah.

Nice. I actually don't remember them being nasty bad at all except for the playing of the video to women that I was in love with. Do you have seen a video still? When I went back, I can't find it anyway. I hope they've destroyed it. When we, I went back with my wife and I, I asked her to, I asked her to marry me there in Dunedin.

What did you give her a flyer says, will you be mine? That would be great. I bought her a... No, I got a ring from my mum, because we were poor. And I wanted to take her to the Monarch Butterfly exhibit. So I walked her to the museum, this big, like, butterfly room, but it was closed for the day, and the only thing that was open was the animatronic dinosaur room.

And I thought that that would not be a good place. So I just, like, found a nice hill. They did stink of Pierce, because it was in the student part of it. That was in Dunedin, which is a great college town. They filmed period dramas there now. Daneden. Man, yeah, Dunedin. Because have you been to Dunedin?

I haven't been to New Zealand. Oh, well, I could go on. Then I should just talk about the character of the people in New Zealand. Yeah, it's not of the people. So, is that the word? They are inclined to suicide at a huge rate. They do not talk about their feelings, and they all know this, and they all laugh about it. Their suicide rate is much higher than Australia's suicide rate.

So Australia is high? Australia is, like, pretty high. I mean, it's like Western world higher. Okay. But New Zealand is higher. Why? No sunlight? I think they don't.

You know, like, here women will joke about, like, men can't express themselves. In New Zealand, men are joking about men not being able to express themselves. And they acknowledge that it's a weird problem. They are very closed. Canadians are so polite. Where's that come from? I think they're all Protestants. They didn't have an Irish thing.

They never had a migration of wags, what we would call wogs. That would be the Australian people. No Italians, no Greeks. Wait, is wog derogatribatians? it's better now in the UK it means someone else and it's a bad term but in Australia What does it mean in the UK? I think it means black people

But in Australia it just means like Italian A person who's not white Well Does pre-black they got that term Where it's like not white but I mean not The Italians do occupy a weird position Log is a racial slur Used to refer in British English English and whatever

Yeah but no in Australia Black and South Asian people And they all talk the same way Oh okay there you go Do you know Spanian Spaniard? Spanian he walks around the streets of the world he's a very woggy

he talks like this this is how they talk bro hey brother what's happening it's a whole different accent maybe that just sounds like my accent too but that's that sound different that sounds different oh that's my sister

that's something they might say that sounds New Zealand there no no no New Zealand's up like this I think I'm doing the best exes you're doing a gay one though oh

like a kiwi get out of no if you blend them together you get Maori maybe that's the trick Maui's are New Zealand Wogs So is New Zealand

Hell of Christian? They let it go It's just like High Church Anglican And then just grinding it down Scandinavian style Into irreligion And they've got a couple

Catholics around But they never They just had like English migration And the Māori Are they friendly? Maldi Not real

They want to be left alone This is We get along And if you're talking about Something that you're both Interesting There are some areas That's odd

There are ways in which they're way friendlier than Australians and there are ways in which they're much colder. Like they will invite strangers to house parties. They're super friendly about that. Ozies, we always go out to like a pub or something. Or maybe there's a barbecue, but this thing of having a house party

where there's a lot of people out, it doesn't happen. In New Zealand, it feels like across way more sections of society, people just show up to have, you know, you'll have a house party. And you don't know who's coming to your house that night. Maybe someone has a guitar. People from gangs show up.

They've got a much higher gang quotient. Huge numbers of gangs. like really yeah what yeah they like and also the gangs are not as violent so like in australia gangs like bikey gangs they're all doing meth they're all punching on they're all unpleasant in new zealand the maoris in the gangs obviously there's some unpleasantness but sometimes they're just slinging hash and like getting the microphone at a get in the orcs chord at a house party singing so soulfully with the face tattoos so like there is that there is an openness to that but maybe also i got the unfriendly thing because they they got their backup about

Australians. They go what? Australians have a hard time breaking into New Zealand. Do you think there's like a competition there? Like, would an American have the same problem as an Australian? I would say in the same way that Pittsburgh feels like they're in competition with Philadelphia, but Philadelphia is not aware that that's going on. Pittsburgh is more in competition with Cincinnati.

Yeah, it's definitely true. All right, take it back. I would say America doesn't think of itself as being in competition with Canada. No, Canada feels like they love their own people. San Diego's in competition with L.A. L.A. doesn't give a fuck. San Francisco's in competition with L.A. L.A. doesn't give a fuck.

The only place I've ever been to where they're not happy. Like, in Australia, we'll appropriate anyone to seem better. We've got Russell Crow. He's from New Zealand. We've got, no, he's house. Mel Gibson, he was from America. He's good work. Oceania, or whatever.

Oceania, the greater Australasia region. But in Atlanta, they love saying people aren't from Atlanta, because everyone likes to go, I'm from Atlanta. And so, like, black people in Atlanta will be like, Migos aren't really from Atlanta. They're from 15 months. From Buckhead. Yeah.

They're not really else. I've never heard that before People going, no They don't get to claim Atlanta That's funny Usually it's the city that wants to wrap its arms around you It's the ones who are from the city Say not you

Like the Bostoners and people are like No no no no no you're 20 minutes outside You're an hour outside Well this is so Bill Burr always says He was from somewhere that's not Boston Which appears to be on a map Claims him Yeah

Well I guess you get that good And then they want people wrap their arms around you Australia will want that They drink hard in New Zealand Boy Yes Way more They also smoke a lot of

More than Australians Yeah I think the drinking culture is more More than Australians Yeah I'm trying to think if it's the people The Chinese are the most We

We No No Man they got They've got Who Who? Here's how you can tell

It's more than Irish It's more than Canadians This is how I think you can tell We gamble the most For sure We lead in gambling We beat in gambling We've been Singapore

They're not using condoms They suck Yeah What can I tell I tell you. Never had an Australian girl say, put it with them on. I mean, it's like you pull it out and they're like, what is that? Oh, right.

Yeah, they're inclined towards the good, you know? Yeah. They know, they haven't been corrupted by evil media telling them that's appropriate. No one should be rapping it. They drink it, they have, I think it's called scrumpy. They've got like a cider that is like 12% alcohol and $3 and that big and you can just. You make it yourself or that's a store? No, you just buy it from a store.

Scrumpy. Am I getting that right? Yeah. That? That. They put it in plastic? Huge like, half-gallon plastic. And that'll be, what's the percentage of that scrumpy?

You get lit off that. Yeah, it's like. One and a quarter liters. What? I mean, that's for a whole party. You can't have that yourself. You'll just have that over the course of an evening. What is it?

It's like Fago. Look at that. So she's doing scrumpy hands. She's got two scrumpy hands. Edward Scrumpy hands. Taped to her hands. She's doing how to Scrumpy hands. She's in for a big night.

Look how happy she is. I know. Well, she hasn't really had a lot of the scrumpy yet. She got a cross around her neck. Nice Christian. Wow. Yeah, I think one scrumpy tied on would be. And how do you look at the guy putting rabbit ears behind him.

Like, that's going to fucking embarrass her. Not the 220 ounces taped to her palm. Yeah, it looks like she's made it through some of the first one. So she's probably getting the good buzz on. Yeah. That's going to dissipate. Look at how alcoholic scrumpy is. It's like.

I think it's like it rivals It's not quite wine 8% alcohol That's not too bad Dude that no no no It's like two That's a double beer Delirium Tremens

Yeah One of those will get you fucked It's the kind of beer They put in one of those Weird different glasses Where it's like You can't have a whole Like pint of this

Well they do it No more than 10 bucks And you're drinking 1.25 liters Yeah Yeah they love it Scrumpy is a working man cider They also do this I don't know if they do this

with marijuana here but to like save money and not have to buy papers they'll hot knife do you have hot knife yeah soda did he's doing alaska that's insane knife hits knife hit yeah they'll just i did it in uh in uh in uh egypt once this guy had hash and he did it over a cup you know that oh i have heard about i don't i'm not a marijuana person but my wife has told me all about yeah you burn it over like so there's a megos would do it yeah i was gonna whatever anyway oh also great put on denedon one of the best music scenes in australasia ever do you go a lot now why what do they have we got to go back just before we came to america so this would be the other so like what's the music scene it was uh it lives on through it's a very jingle jangle guitar

rhythm hardly unclear would be the current best one that i know of but it's all denedon sound is what they call it flying non record hold on hold on i want to hear about the sound how do you do knife hits. I've never done. I've just heard about it. They have two knives on a element on a stove and they get it real hot and then like press them together on the bud and then suck. Am I getting this right?

I think so. Usually you do it with wax. Hot knives. Keep addition. Wait. Oh yeah. And then they put that the head of the bottle over the top. Here's what they love.

Ah, damn it. The soul of New Zealand is something that's shitty and poor that they act like is a bit fancy. Explain. So like the knife hits. This is the most, this is almost heroin spoon level. Once you're getting drugs and cutlery, mixing together. But they'll treat that, like, that's a nice thing to do. There we go.

Like, that's interesting. So he heated it up. Oh, then he's doing like a gravity bong. Wow. Yeah. You know, like, buy some. Oh, my God, bro. You're overflowing.

Stop. Give him a chance. This is how Louis Gomez makes you do bong hits. Wait, Lewis. Look at that guy. He's sucking him in in the air. Where are these guys from? He's true.

Look at that. It's just a good night out with the boys. Everyone's having fun. Here's a Bible, Uncle Bobby. What? I think he might be a talent. What the fuck is that? Is that all he does?

They just do this all the time? In Egypt, you lit it right here and you just like, let it go into the, let it go into the cup, and then you go, like that. But that's fucking great. It's just not as much. We're a bomb country in Australia. A lot of hose pipes getting cut up. Did they do that here?

Only in like central Washington state. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's all over the point. Gatorade powerade? Which one do you have? Gatorade? Who have a Gatorade bottle and they stick a lawn pipe in, a lawn hose.

I want to think of this. I'm so close to the center of what is the American, the New Zealand culture. it's like drinking music okay here's one that stay with me if you get on a flight a long flight from music they do this thing on the planes called the sky couch right and they go oh you can fly on the sky couch that's a better way to fight all the sky couch is is you get the road to yourself it's not an innovation in any serious way but they go oh sky couch that's a bit fancy right they let you have it or you just yeah you just they go like ah we'll just we'll give you a little thing that goes on top of the three seats they haven't really

changed aeronautical design. They just move the fucking middle thing out of that. They move the handrest out so you can actually... They call it the sky couch. But really, that's just buy, it's just a row. He's buying three seats. He's buying three seats. But they go, they do almost nothing to change it.

They go, ooh, how about that? That's a little different. That's a very New Zealand. Like, legs like that. Like their cuisine. Yeah. Yeah, what do they have? Lollie cake, which is just like a cake.

Guess. With lollies in it. See it. It's like, ooh, lolly cake. Yeah. What? Right. Does lollipop in there?

Yeah, it's just, well, not like, like, a little candies that they've, like, just shoved into the cake. And there are countless, like, examples of the, their big dip is, uh, kiwi dip. This is like, if you have kiwi dip at a party, they go, ooh, kiwi dip, very nice. Kiwi, bring up kiwi, all it is, is like powdered onion soup. Yeah. And, uh, condensed cream mixed together that you then eat with salt and vinegar cheese. It's going to kill it, but they go like, this is our thing. This is our...

Oh, wait, it's just onion dip. No, it's, yeah, onion soup and reduced cream. But you have to get the onion soup. Isn't that just onion soup? Is it? They have that here as onion dip. We have French onion dip. Nah, nah, it's a little... Sometimes you put a little vinegar in there, kiwi dip. Dips with bits.

Kiwi, why do they call them kiwis? Ah, the bird, I think. A small harmless bird that they... Is that correct? I mean, I would love to see you do a taste up between this and fucking French onion dip. This is better. I've had French onion dip. It doesn't. It pales in comparison of this.

This is great. This is great. Get a little vinegar in there. Hey, can you Google, is Kiwi Dip just French onion dip? Nah, no. Nah, you wait. There's going to be some very important distinction. Oh.

Kiwi dip is essentially a New Zealand variation of, French onion dip, primarily distinguished by using a specific packet of Maggie onion soup mix mixed with reduced cream. Often a touch of lemon juice or malt vinegar, whereas French onion dip typically uses a base of sour

cream and caramelized onions with additional seasonings. That's earthy for that to be your food though, right? Yeah. That's your food is a dip. That's an occasional thing. Yeah. The French look down on the French onion dip. The Kiwis look up to it. there's something about them that's interesting the last time we were there was one year ago

before we came to america i'd flown out with my whole family to oakland to go to my last visa appointment before we flew on here and because the wife and the kids all get new zealand passports there was a lower waiting time for that visa place i've been offered a job in america and i got fired in new zealand from the job i was coming in america like the day after i got the visa i got a text saying you can't uh you can't work here we've looked up your comments comedy and it's filthy and we're not no really yeah genuinely i don't want to go on about it but i still got i still got to uh i got three months red and i got a small man of money to like get by i got to buy a car and have groceries for like a five thousand dollar it was yeah so it was we could live

a little bit but it was that we then spent two weeks over christmas in new zealand with me knowing that we were going to america we didn't have the money to get back home we i had money for me there to live for a little bit in free rent but we had I had no money I'd quit my job in Australia and we just had two weeks in New Zealand with my wife's family and driving around and seeing her friends in Dunedin to uh just like look down the barrel of we're about to be in a country we've you know my wife had never been there I'd been there for two weeks we've got three small kids what the fuck are we going to yeah it was great it was a great uh I've never been so scared every day we had to live in cheap Airbnbs because we didn't know how much money we'd have

So we had to, like, live in regional, remote Airbnbs that didn't have flushing toilets if you go down the south of those? Yeah, it's just like a long drop built into the house. And then they, you know, you put some, what's it called, sawdust on top of the pub. Oh, yeah. And we would just, like, walk along the beach. Were you cool with it? Yeah, I mean, by that point, we were just happy to, I mean, we stayed in the cheapest hotel we could in Auckland. And I had to lie about how many kids we had so that they would let us in.

So we had three kids and they're like, room's too small for a man. with any more than you have kids i got three kids yeah so we we drag them around this whole time uh what do six four and two just about one's about to have a birthday or just had a birthday six four and two then you do another one four years apart that's the deal feels time two two two long you know how we Australians feel a bad contraceptive so you fuck three times no we probably closer to six but um wait so what are these places these rural places I don't want to hear about them. Oh, man.

So, I've never been, so my... The South is different. Huh? Yeah. So you've got the West Coast. So we went and we stayed in a place called Greymouth,

which is where my, where my wife's mother, so Tess and Andrew, they were in Greymouth. Yeah. And, uh, unbelievably beautiful. Like a lot of ferns,

um, but quite remote. And just north of Greymouth, there is a cult. On the, on the west coast, there is a strange, cult that while we were there was suing the government to get like they were like the women who

had been doing domestic work for the cult should be getting financial compensation and the cult was like this is going to bankrupt the cult what are you doing we can't pay you that's not the cult deal yes and they have beautiful outfits and they look quite happy they seem to keep to themselves there they are look at that gloria veil yeah this is sort of like new zealand oh look at that when you get them in the water like that it's game on look at how happy she is to be in front of Joe Biden. He just wants to sniff her hair. They're having a great time.

What does she wear? I mean, it's actually legitimately a pretty sick outfit. It's such a, it looks like a costume, right? Like, I mean, that looks like a movie. The, the baker's there. God, she looks like she is just going to, you're coming in happy to a town, she's going to look at you strange. You're like, oh, shit, beginning it back to.

Oh, so we saw them at the, pier. This is where I first saw them at the... What were they doing? Just bathing for God? They were just like hanging out. So a thing that people do in Greymouth is that I had always, I want to get a boat and sail it to New Zealand. This is one of my like great fantasy. And they were living in Greymouth and I would say like, oh, I'll sail the Greymouth one day. That would be nice. And they said, never do that. And I said, why? And they go, it's the most dangerous port with the large... So what they do in Greymouth for fun

is you go down to the harbour to watch the boats coming in and just have a fucking If you type in Grey Mouth Port onto YouTube, there are hours of people either almost drowning or question mark or like boats that you just go, dad, boats going to, no way. You've got to go videos and you've got to write probably disaster. The bar crossing. It's just tough? It's like unbelievable. What the fuck? It's not even worth going there.

There's nothing there. There's very little there. There's a great countdown. Damn. Look at this. He's about to get a rocked by that one wave behind him. Oh, he's trying to outrun it. He's, like, fucking surfing on it.

He's not going to outrun it, no way. There it is. There it is. Now you're getting wet. All my stuff was out there. I had a deck of cards in the middle of a hand. There are bad ones with, like, hundreds of thousands of views. Yeah, bar crossing.

Oh, man, people getting lost in the surf. Really? Just getting exhausted. What do you mean? Go big, big, big views. Big views. 5.7 million. That seems better.

Look at that. Oh, that's close. Wow. I mean, what's worth going there for? It is beautiful. Okay. It's very nice. Peter Jackson has a museum there.

Peter Jackson, the director of the Hobbit. Of the Hobbit Law and the Rings. He set up like his company set up. Is he a Kiwi? He is a proud Kiwi. Interesting. That's why I'm growing up. hair out so I can play him in an upcoming film.

No one's asked me to yet, but I'm thinking about it. Yeah, you got to play him. It's important. And then also King Kong, where no one talks about that. Of course not. And certainly not that one where the cities had wheels and fought each other. What? His dark engines? Was he just a producer on that?

That one looked especially bad. Yeah, he's desperate for a hit. The Hobbit, that wasn't it? No, that wasn't it. Lord of the Rings is great. They just kept trying to milk it with these big, big budget things. Maybe it's not the dark engines Yeah it is

Mortal Engines Postapocalyptic Sci-Fi fiction movie About a world Where cities move on wheels Cities on wheels Arey That's the big

Cool new Everyone's gonna love Cities on Wheels Girl without a nose City with wheels Yeah Man without a nose No one's got a nose

In this movie Um Well I guess My people were not One last You hear about Adrian I was a meme I saw

I don't know if it's true Like Adrian Brody on the set of the brutalist Someone tried to like in makeup Someone tried to pull off his nose Because they thought it was a prosthetic nose No That's just what I saw in a meme I did a movie with him

You did a movie with Adrian Brody Yeah we were in separate scenes I never met him It was like a sketch movie It was at one time The lowest rated movie of all time No way Yeah directed by

No it wasn't Peter Jackson The man who invented Cheese The Shamwow you joking that's great how did he get you and adrian brodie to be in a movie and uh rodriguez what's her name from uh inappropriate comedy yeah and yep 2.7 the ratings

have gone up 2.7 out of 10 yeah who else's in it uh lindsay lohan londy lohan michel rodriguez rob schreter 2013 i think that was not theo theo made it theo was in it wow what i didn't know i did a movie theo Lindsay Lleyn looks good again Yeah That was, I think

When was she in love with the Turkish government? Oh, I don't know. Whenever she wants. She was like running nightclubs in Turkey And she developed a Turkish accent And she started repeating slogans Of the Erdogan government She'd be like

The eclipse of Lindsay Leyen going The World Despicoten 5 She just picks up like Madonna's the accent Yeah, but it's Turkish So it's weird Look what he's wearing You can't hear what that's nice. That's nice.

Who can say why the critics didn't get behind this particular film? I think Pizzinski might have been a writer on this. I think she came in for one day to write. Pizzynski? Christina. Oh, yeah. Christina Pee. A lot of people, but it's a flop this hard.

If that had been a poster, I think at least, the sales would be. Had it, what it was? I mean, when did it? No, I know. Oh, she in it, too? She was a writer. She might have been, she might have done a scene. I remember, like, workshopping a line with her trying to send Africans, black people back to Africa.

Like Liberia. Yeah, we're like, get them on a boat, get them back. I went, I watched videos of Liberia. You know, that's why Liberia is. Liberated. Yeah. Yeah. And they just sent, like, black American people back there.

And I watched a video from there and their news thinking maybe they've still got the accent, right? If they all sounded like they were in Harlem, which is where some of them would have come from. No, they've got a full-blown weird African accent, but I thought that would be sick, right? Oh, yeah. Sad, they've lost it. Additional dialogue written by Christina Pizzitsky.

Wow. Wow. Wow. At least you've gotten a movie with Adrian Brody. The scenery in New Zealand is that's what calls me. Yeah. The reason I have never been is because I don't want to go for three days. I want to go for four months.

Yeah. you know as a comedian you can really do it too it's in some ways better to tour New Zealand for comedy even though they've only got like why everyone comes out people there are more I think I'm getting this right there are more towns of more than 50,000 people

in New Zealand it's like it's much more there's a lot more townships than like Australia is just five big cities quite people will be offended by this but other than Wagga Wagga quite barren in between in New Zealand it's a lot of little townships and they really go out

and do things. So people who tour New Zealand. Three, four, five, yeah. There's so many, there's so many more than that. From, just even from the need into Christchurch, there are, you know, a bunch of places you could go. I played a sixth city in Australia last time. Well, hold on. I can guess Perth, Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane.

And then it gets hard. Now, where's the sixth city? Well, it should be Canberra, but was it Canberra? It was Canberra. Weird place. Only town with blacks. What? Yeah.

I didn't notice that. Well, there's Aboriginal people. I mean, blacks, blacks. There's cool black guys in Canber. Yeah, and then, I mean, I've been up there, but not, like, not Darwin, but like, uh, Cairns. You get to Cairns, yeah, but not performing on. Yeah. Every time I'm in Canberra, I want to commit suicide.

It's weird. The risk comes in. Yeah. It's very, it's the government town. So it's just strange. The roundabouts, the lakes, the, uh, a lot of cool, uh, kangaroos, though, on hikes. Big kangaroo. And there's shits everywhere on the oval.

You go for a run around with the rugby ball and the boys, the racquet, the boys, the fun brothers on the oval are there kangaroos in new zealand no they don't have them they have no animals that can kill you wait kangaroos can kill you yeah grab onto you grab onto you dick shit and i'll fucking rip your guts open with you oh yeah yeah but in new zealand they have so they have some like big american game that's introduced in very quiet areas but basically they don't have poisonous stuff they've got just like little birds everywhere and i think they have no mammals someone could correct no mammals not even platypus no no no no no it's all us they didn't make it across the gap it's so safe out there i mean the weather

will get you yeah and uh rain but people can just live in the forest and go off grid for a long time there's a man at the moment who's taking his kids this is a big story he had a split with his wife do you know this one yeah he's disappeared in the north island with the kids they reemerged periodically like rob a bank and get some money to get by so they're armed and the kids are now gone through but they were young kids and this was years ago and then mom will go on the news and be like, I just want my kids back. And weirdly, a lot of people on the internet are on his side. Like, you know, father's rights organizations and people who are like, get them, get them

outside, get them some fresh air. It's like, well, the robin banks up. The school system is just going to chop the dicks off and the tits off and give them all sorts of weird stuff. Let him, let him climb a hill. Three years in the wild. Years, small children, and they seem to be fine. Damn.

Yeah, it just looks like those rolling hills. looks just the best. Obviously, psychological damage might be difficult. Have you seen Hunt for the Wilder people? No. It's a great movie. Look at that. That's him with the big beer

just walking on a regular street. Bushman bank robber and children escape. Yeah. Wow. There's a little town out there that the police were... So the cops won't go in and find them with a big search because they're like, this guy's got a gun.

He's escaped into the woods with his kids. We don't know what the fuck's going to do. Yeah, what are we going to do when he get him? Look, he's got that big fucking alien head. He's got a big dome. I think that might be an unpleasant But look at one to the left Almost the same thing

Yeah, it's, look, it's big He's not from here That's what happens You go bald You fucking say, fuck this whole society The villains from the first ever episode Of Star Trek We're like, boldless

Yeah, I want to get like a camper van And just like drive all around Yeah, many people do die on the road The roads are terrifying And this is a big thing they go Like, New Zealanders were like, I'm sick of these foreigners Come in here and die on on our roads

rather than having a huge amount of sympathy for it. Great Ocean Road? Yeah. Great Ocean Road is safe. Every turn off, you go, we drive in the left here. Every time you come in, like we drive in the left here

or right here, whatever it was. I still, when I'm tired or all hung over, I'd swing around the wrong side of the road and go, no. Almost Matthew Broderick, somebody. Look at all these people driving the road.

Oh, it's me. So what, um, what, uh, oh, I was what I was going to say? What are people, what's like something you recognize about New Zealand? It's not like on there pretty much like, lonely planet I think my favorite story

about something that people do in a town called Invercargall which has tremendous oysters it's the southernmost hip or just about there's a little island after it there is Invercago so I think my

we've got some family and friends of family who might have spent some time either working in or being at that prison and so what the locals will do this is the story in Invercargo is there's a McDonald's next to the prison where they work out in the yard

just on the other side so people will go to the McDonald's sit in the car park sit on there you know the back of their truck eat their McDonald's while watching the prisoners and the prisoners

can't eat the McDonald isn't that beautiful oh I thought you were to say like they chucked like Big Macs over the fence for them I've never heard of someone doing that in a kind-hearted way to help

but that is the version of the story I had heard it's a tremendous country with like oh I mean the mountain you get desensitized to how beautiful it is after a while.

Yeah, I bet. But I had always, like, I've seen a lot of America now. I've seen, like, I think all the big regions, like, Pacific Northwest and Denver and L.A. and I just thought, in New Zealand, you go, like, well, you know, this is great, but this is the country next to my own country. So the world probably has more beautiful things and this and we're just like, and now the more of the world I see, I go, ah, it was there. It was, uh, they got it right.

I mean, look at it. Look at it. It really is Habiton. The whole of Lord of the Rings. I think was shot there, except for Mordor. Maybe Mordor was Auckland. They got a great comedy club in Auckland called The Classic, which is built as so many good comedy clubs are over an abandoned porno theater.

Oh, really? The dimensions of a porno, mapped very well to stand up. Look at those mounds with a waterfall in the middle of it? The blueness of the water. Yeah. It's just uncompromisingly blue. Uncompromisingly blue. So blue.

Damn. So sweet and so blue. Does it get warm at all or not even? Does it get up to like the in like low 20s? Up north it gets quite tropical So you can see that's above Melbourne

Latitudinally Way up north above Yeah It gets to be around Sydney way Yeah So it's always by the ocean If you're by the ocean It's always okay

It's when you get Very south And towards the middle I think you have problems Yeah But Otago Dunedin is one of the greatest I often think about

retiring that The need What about the music scene? Great I don't know that it's even Still ongoing It's great now But historically

It's been very good Because they've got students. That's one of the best universities in New Zealand. So people go there and then they leave afterwards. But they also, I mean, you'll sometimes meet a New Zealander with a big burn on them who went to Neiden. Why? And studied there. Because their big joy is couch burning.

You set a couch on fire, a sofa, and then you jump over it. And this is a big, oh, you'll find that without any trouble. What? Dunedon couch burning. That's like what students will do. They have a name for them. They call them, forgetting what they call them. Scarfies?

Scarfies. Can I call them scarfies? And you jump over the couch. You just all gather around and watch that big couch on fire. That's... I don't know if you have to jump over the couch or that's one guy I'm in, but certainly. And, you know, they're trying to crack down on the couch burning. Why?

It's, uh, I saw. Man, they used to... And these, um... These houses, it's covered in these student houses, which are just... Dives. He'll dive some of them. Hey, Steelers fan. Is your team?

Steelers nation. In New Zealand. And he's wearing a Rangers shit. They also love rugby. They love rugby. They do? They love rugby. And Australia used to love rugby and then New Zealand got too good at it.

So we as a country, just about 15 years ago, we said, we don't give a fuck about rugby anymore. What do they play the nines? Is that different? Is that something else? The nines, I think in the Olympics they play, seven. What, New Zealand has like a, they're, the Maori are the best ones? Just go on Of what category

And in what? Of like in rugby Oh, they dominate Big boys And they have a problem with Female school teachers Sexualizing them Because if you see them out there

The 14 year old If you look up the high school New Zealand football This is a big thing The high school game Or like the top high schools Will play each other And you look at some of those

Maori boys And the calves And sometimes You'll just hear them Talk about that Like it's all Look at his calves nice and you go he's 14 madam yeah but his dick's fake fucking 20 yeah look at that that's a man

that is a man no pads no helmets a little wrapper under knee look at Jesus dude look at that redhead the bums who can tell who can say why the perverted new zealand women are flocking to watch these boys the little shorts getting is that their national sport is that what they all go for they love it they and they were so good at we had to stop paying attention really We're like, I were done with it. But they still do... We're going to have a slightly different rugby.

Also, that's Rugby League, which is the... So Rugby Union was amateur until like the early 90s. And this was a big that you didn't accept money for it. And they didn't change the rules to be good for television or whatever. We're keeping it pure. And rugby, around, I don't know, 100 years before then, the... Some of them broke off and said,

fuck it, we want to be paid, we're going to professionalize this sport. And so it's a much... It's considered to be a much dumber game. What? Rugby... The paid one. Okay. But now Rugby Union is paid as well.

So it's like, it doesn't have quite the same, you know, spiritual heart. Yeah. But they love that game. Madman's chess. They just love getting out there and scrum. It's so fucking rough. Yeah. It's just like, oh, so many bangs.

Some colleges play it here. Really? Yeah, like, it's, man. Yeah, they also play Quidditch. College kids are dumb. I think the cooler ones are playing rugby, the rich boys. Yeah, probably. And it's taken off in South America, Argentina.

The East Indies is all like, the West Indies, I mean, they're really good. They love cricket as well. They do have cricket as well. Slowly, baseball is starting to dominate the West Indies because their style of cricket was very just like hit it very far, be very muscular throw fast. Well, what's the West Indies? Is that like Dominican Republic? Jamaica, that would be, I don't know if the Dominican Republic makes, I don't think Haiti

gets to be in there. But this whole Trinidad and Tobago, there's like eight, all those eight little countries that should all be in one beautiful state of America. And then Venezuela is right off trended out, and they're great at baseball. I mean, I wonder why I think some of them were British owned, and that would have helped. They introduced the sport. Yeah, and the Spaniards would never have pushed cricket on anybody. DR is huge in baseball.

Mexico's okay. The Haitian's good? No. Really? I don't think so, but Venezuelans and DR people for sure. You would think at some point they'd be able to challenge America. Like Japan has so many good players. They never get the gold.

at the Olympics. One day, someone's going to take, I mean, has baseball ever been lost by America? The best three players in Japan got like B-pluses and they had to kill themselves.

That's very sad. Yeah. They'd go off to that forest. Yeah. Do it with honor. They love, I've never been to Japan, but obviously New Zealand

doesn't love suicide as much as Japan. Japan takes it to a whole nother level. But they talk about it. Japan does it right? They also have the best beer that I've, what do they got? What's her beer? Spates.

Spates? Spates? It's the southern man beer. It's like a sort of a working class beer in the South Island out of Dunedin. And it's great. I had it at my wedding. I got it flown over. It's very hard to get it because beer doesn't travel.

Really? No, you can, almost all imported beer is made under license in a new place. It's like Japanese beer is not being made here. Wine travel is great. Beer doesn't travel. So you have to go to a place to really have the beer. I've got to try to get some buckfast over here. What's a buckfast?

What's buckfast? I don't know. It's the Scottish. like the best thing in Scotland. All right. I haven't had it. It's fortified wine with caffeine in it.

Oh. It's made by monks. They also have it in Ireland a little bit, but, oh, in kneecap, they're just drinking Buckfast all the time.

Well, I know there was cocaine wine that you can't get any more. It's so good, but you can't get it here. I want to be able to get a case. How do you get a case sent here?

They wouldn't send it over? Yeah, it's like sort of illegal. Ah, put it in a bag. Buckfast, bro. Oh, that's it. Oh, that's lovely. How the fuck do I get that over here? How the fuck do I get it over here?

Oh, I want that fucking shirt, too. Damn, that's cool. How do you, you're, you've traveled, you've seen a lot of the world. American beer is mocked by everybody else. He's mocked. Yeah, people say, it's no good. Do you find it? And what are we talking about?

Just like a nice, enjoy, like. What kind of beer we're talking about, though? Like a yingling is, as a sophisticated beer, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine. But yingling is, not really, Sam's better than that. Okay.

But like the Budweiser, the Czech beer, way better. Not, than Budweiser. Budweiser is a different beer? There's a Czech beer called Budweiser. Yeah, and it's like a legit beer. You know, every Budweiser. We make ours cold because it tastes like shit.

Yeah. And that, we make out, we have cold ones as well and the English make fun of us for it. I remember a guy, go, well, would you like some of your flavorless Australian cold beer? And they drinks drink of warm, slop. I guess everyone loves the beer that they have. Guinness?

Overrated. No. Yeah. No, Guinness is... Yeah, it's overrated. It's rated really high. It's overrated. It's great.

It's made by drunks who beat their wives for fucking sport. So are many great things. Yeah. They can't see the sun. They're allergic to the sun. So if we disqualify every great invention from someone who beats there. Why, if we're going to have to give up on so much. Twilight was originally shot in Ireland.

I believe that. Yeah, they were like, we need like even paler people. Mad Max, the most recent one, was not shot in Australia. Where was shot? It was shot in South Africa because it rained where they were going to film it. And for the first time in like 10 years, they went, fuck, it's very green. All right. Everybody, get in the plane.

We're going to South Africa. What else is there to do in New Zealand? What are we missing about New Zealand? What's cool? Man, great museums. Fights? Are there fights? People fight bars?

I didn't see heaps of fights. Okay. Hold on. Great museums. Great. They've really poured money to the museums. They know that like, so COVID, they really. they really suffered financially.

But they locked the doors, right? They totally locked the doors. And they all got, and they were the last ones. It's funny because we were locked up way later than America and everybody else in Australia. Yeah.

But then New Zealand took an extra couple months past us. And then we got some fun of going like, they're going crazy in New Zealand. Even though we'd been crazy for 90% of the time with them. We just did that little bit at the end, we got to go, what are they doing?

Oh yeah. Well, Melbourne was the best. I fled that. I don't know if we've spoken about that. Cody said he couldn't only because he had a radio job. He said, let me, I show you I can work at a different zip code, otherwise you couldn't go. No.

I ran, when they announced the big lockdown, we had an apartment in Melbourne, and we knew that we could get back into South Australia. So it was two weeks lockdown in Adelaide, if you were coming in, or they were doing a full statewide six weeks in Melbourne. So we got in the car, we drove all night. People would not let us stay at hotels along the way because they're like, if you're coming from Melbourne, we think you can come from, you know, yeah, you got it. There's one case at this point or something.

It's tiny. And we drove all night. night and then we just moved to and we had to send movers to get all that stuff and it was weird because we hadn't been there for months we kept paying rent at this house for months and we got the bed spread back the sheet the cover sheet it had like a stain from the window because light had been hitting the same point on the mattress so you could see a shadow of our window at home on the mattress oh excuse me it was a strange time they got so locked up it was nice do you remember the security guard guy in melbourne narrow it down so they had the like you have to stop

stay at a hotel for however many weeks, two weeks quarantine and then you get out and you have to lock yourself in your room they put food by your door, open the door, get your food, that's it. That was it. Yeah, and now the security guy with the sensual transmission. Yeah, fucked one of them. Yeah. And then massive outbreak in Melbourne because he got it and spread it.

They were blaming all sorts of, yeah. I remember the prime minister, the premier started to blame. He wouldn't say it's like Italians are breaking the rules or like Arabs are breaking the rules. He's like, big families in the northern suburbs are continuing to get together. But it was really cagey language. But New Zealand, man, it's just, I miss it all the time. I love it when I'm there. It's so beautiful.

I would love to be able to do comedy there. I've never managed to do a headline show there. I might be popular enough now to get a show away. What's their food? Is it lamb? They have some lamb. Australia goes crazy for lamb as well. It's like, again, it's just like an assortment.

do they not have New Zealand dish food I'm not talking about like the funny thing to get No genuinely that's Pavlova's more Australian They dispute that There's a big Ijibaldia We say that yeah

Pover was made in Australia That's what we say something different We have different origin stories Made in Australia Very different origin stories Oh It was named after the Russian ballerina Anna Pavlova

Because they made her a cake When she was visiting Wherever the fuck Yeah but the Kiwis say We did that first Oh and someone else just named it Pavlova. Yeah.

That's very, here's a weird, okay, in the South Island. Kiwi burger. This is a lot of Otago. Oh, Manuka honey. That's it.

Manuka honey is them. That $500 honey that will make you feel slightly better. You can drive through the fields. It is beautiful. They had a big Chinese immigration to dig gold out of the ground. That's why the Niedn became a big town.

And then the Chinese stuck around. And so all their fish and ship shops, it's nowhere else in the world have I seen this. That they'll do, because they love fish and shops. Fosh and Chops is a big Kiwi thing. They said like that. We'll got some fosh on chops.

We all make fun of them for saying it weird. But you go to a fish and chip shop and it's always just about They call it a takeout or takeaway shop It's a Chinese restaurant as well So you've got fish and chips and Chinese food In the same, very strange building They have odd lace curtains

And all the students were just going to get like Chinese and chips Just duck under and be like, come out It's like, it's just in the way It's like 1960s Irish doily style window stuff It's great I miss it yeah I kind of want to go I kind of like really want to go for a long time

is there like it's worth doing yeah yeah I hope I've sold it I mean they're very they seem they have more their own culture

than Australia does they do yeah like it's again it's 4 million people and they're watching their own TV shows we're not watching our own TV shows no you watch American and British shit so like I know that some American comedians will come out

and they'll play like big rooms in Australia and then they go to New Zealand and go what is happening? This is a city of this many people. They should be. They just don't know. They're like more culturally. They love who they are.

They love their own thing. So if you could go over there and get on a show called Seven Days, which is a great show, you'd move tickets, you'd be fine. Is it expensive New Zealand? Day-to-day? Yeah, compared to America?

Australia? Yeah, come into America? Some things are more expensive. to Australia like getting nice juice was when I first went there impossible you couldn't find a night

it was all like weird concentrated stuff because they don't have as many fruit trees oh really? Yeah so I found that weird but then something

like alcohol is way cheaper it's still so far away from Australia even though it looks like it's good four hour flight I mean it's like that's a small one for us yeah

yeah it's roughly Scotland Ireland and Amsterdam yeah yeah but Air New Zealand is a great airline You get the sky couch over there They give you a funny sandwich

That's like Pasta sauce in bread What? That's what they'll do They'll go like It's a special pasta sauce sandwich I'm like I have some neighbor This is what I mean

It's like student food That they're like smashing together And going oh It's a bread roll With beautiful pasta sauce Lovely They have a sense of humor They also have great

Their comedians are currently Taking over Australia Yeah So all the spots That the Aussies Thought would finally be theirs When the older Ozies Shuffled on

I'm going straight to the Kiwis. Oh, interesting. Yeah, Guy, uh... Do the chicks fuck there? Guy Montgomery. Well, I, you know, I didn't, I mean, obviously my wife, and we fell in. But, um... Yes, my understanding is there would be a loosey-goosey element for sure.

Nice. I don't want to... They would say liberated, perhaps. Who else? Ray, Ray O'Leary's from there. David Correos is a... He's great. They all go on taskmaster.

Who are these people? These are like, increasingly the big commencing. comedians in Australia and they're taken over from New Zealand and then all the Australians have had to come here. I wanted to be big in Australia. This is a backup plan. It's making it in America. I just wanted to, I wanted to go on Q&A and riff with Tony Jones, but I wasn't had to do it. It wouldn't have meant anything here. It means nothing to me. One day. Tony Jones. We have a, yeah, he used to host the like talk program when they talk about the big issues of the day. And sometimes they have like, they have like three politicians and academic and a

comedian. And they're like, what are we going to do about this? And everyone's, oh, and the comedian will go like oh can't we all just figure something out together that's what jim jeffreys is at is is balancing he also he didn't make it in it he made it elsewhere first and then we're back triumphant we had our own in new zealand they love their own and they treasure their own they don't have a cultural cringe they go he's a fucking kiwi he's ours we love him in australia we go well if the rest of the world doesn't like him why should we're we're at canada and australia both have that like we don't fucking like you and then when you make it big somewhere else like no we love you we always gsb got big after like he was big in the ufcc

No, no, we love him now, but only now. Taitoivasa, now that he's, you know, oh, he's doing the Shui, he's one of us, this is great. It did take international recognition, I do believe. Yeah. Local fighting leagues, unfairly, not given the same respect. Oh, it's also, man, I had, I drove across the Swiss Alps the last time I was there because I got, so from Gray, Matt, just here, Grey Map.

South Alps, yeah, the Southern Alps, sorry. How long does it take to drive across? It took four hours. That's not bad. I had a flight. It was the most beautiful drive I've ever had. There are weird flies that will bite you and you'll bleed. Jiggers.

I came straight from that. I don't know if that's a term you're allowed to say. No, I mean, that's in the column in Scotland. It does sound pretty back on my mouth, but. You got a hard hour is a problem. I came to Shane's house and I had that on my leg and I bled on the day I got back. So I was to the airport. My flight got canceled and then I had to be driven by Sweet Andrew.

It bore into your fucking. All the way across the country. And then I just bled all over Shane's bed when I got there. And people thought, I was staying in like a guest room at that house. Sorry, one of the many beds, the Shane Oates. And people were like, I thought a period. Fishy.

Hmm? What, that he has more than one bed? How many beds have you got? I got one butt. He's got a lot of mouths to feed. He's got, he had to have a lot of people staying at that house. Yeah. I would just squat.

Oh. Man, it's so. Ah, they had a group of people called the Moriori. This is one of the things they're most conflicted about. And they spoke a different language, and they maybe were a different race, but probably were like Māori people who were just separated for a long time

on the Chatham Islands, which is at here. So it's a fair distance. Excuse me. And when the Maori, like, made some sort of peace with the white fella turning up, they took their guns and they went over her. And they ate them, you know?

And the Moriori were pacifists. So they all get together on the beach and they go, are we going to fight back? you know or are we going to stay true to our ways of the pacifism and they said we're going to be pacifists and then they just disappeared there's a tiny number of them and uh they just slaughtered them but this is then like culturally a difficult thing for the new zealanders to get their head around because for a long time it was used like well you maris are just like us you know we did a little genocide on you you did a genocide over there we're all conquesting people and now this is this is an

uncomfortable narrative for the uh for the mowries uh for everybody no one's happy with it yeah no one likes to be like but you too like damn it yeah i guess so i've watched some videos trying to find an argument that and the best people can do is like well a white guy sailed the boat to get them over there so everyone's complicit it's like if that's the best you can do it doesn't sound like it's a good thing yeah oh i got to look into them fascinating people they think there might have been a group there before the Maori's got there. So the aboriginals have been in Australia for like 100,000, whatever.

They used to be 40,000 and it was 60, now it's 100. They just keep going back. New Zealand, I think it was like 1,600. That's what? The Maori shot, they've been there for like. And who was there before? No record of anyone. So in some Maori legends, there are like white-skinned people

who were there before? Yeah. No way. Who knows? It's a mystery. And there are like some wood carving. White only came to here from. I mean, maybe it was the true.

Chinese. The Chinese had weird explorations in the 1600s as well. It's a mystery. Also, New Zealand, like, is dominant in this region. Like, Australia is surrounded as well by the Polynesian countries, but they all looked at, like, New Zealand is running that. There's one and all this all, like, they all have close ties to Fiji. Wow. Sorry, to New Zealand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um. Cook Islands, shit like that. Also, they have no. nuclear weapons and if you have a nuclear sub you're not allowed to dock in their port New Zealand yeah they're very upset about it they take a big stand they're like

big green country right yeah yeah they love to be green I mean that's said they've got no trains so you got to drive everywhere on there and say it's four million people it's a country the size of Japan and they cannot keep up with the infrastructure so if you watch their news it's like we don't know how to afford hospitals to all these remote places but they should have it's so beautiful how many Japan way way more I think it's like 300 million no it'd be 120 something million in Japan and it's like that's the size of Melbourne spread out all over New Zealand wow 124 million man that's pretty close you can notice that birth rate though is they're having trouble what I mean they just will not

have children Japan good good it's just been steady since the 90s no we don't need any they need it what it's life it's vitality 1.26 births per women that's but how many organs for women right zero they scream they're all of blurry pussies what's that the blurry pussy we all know that they scream yeah this must have been a wise have you seen lost in translation yeah she comes and she's like lip my stocking lip my stocking and she starts screaming at him and he doesn't know what's happening she's like trying to have sex with him but then as soon as he touches her she's like no no it's the way you show love Look at the United States

It's dropping to almost Japanese levels I mean that's You know I mean you've got a lot of Hispanics lifting that up What is it? Two keeps things even Nothing 2.1

Two births per woman Keeps 2.1 Because you lose a couple long Yeah yeah yeah yeah They go to ISIS That's nuts That's nuts that America's down at 1.6 Yeah it's because they fucking

Made homos out of all of us I was afraid to touch a woman Without her consent Wait what I was saying about being They're turning your time Good birth Okay

Replacement level I want that done by race I think it's going to be extremely different Yeah That's a good birth rate I bet they don't release that statistic Yeah

For yellows They're keeping that under wraps Yeah Here we go Hispanic Obviously is going to lead number one 1,000 per birth All right so 63 per thousand

That's I don't Asians 400 per thousand Wow Wait how are they 55 5th women in the second Oh

This is not the same same number though. I want that that that's not the same number I want the

I want it out of like two to three or four make it a comprehensive I think the Amish are like 14 really big

but they just leave but they leave a lot but they leave they go to the rum spring and they don't come back I think they lose them

it's because per woman so that women are not going on Rum Springer and having 14 no they have 14 kids but four of those

kids just take off and go I'm just entering society have got the Amish one yeah it's not really

given the same number. Oh, they breed. Ooh, careful. I love them. I love them. It's good. We need more Amish. Amish is the future of this country.

Orthodox Jews versus the liberal Jews in Israel, hugely different. Orthodox have the babies. The ultra-Orthodox they have. They be breeding. Wow. Crown Heights is just shifting. Why, minority, right, ethnic, interesting. White's 1.8.

Hispanic, 2.4, black 2.1, Asian 1.8. Yeah, Spence is taking over. Me Gusta. All right, where else do you want to go in the world? What's calling you? Anyplace? Where do you want to go next? Man, I think about it all the time.

Yeah? I want to go. I mean, Kyrgyzstan. I want to go to Kyrgyzstan. It looks so beautiful. Turkestan, Turk, right around here, Kyrgyz. Why, Kyrgyzstan? I read a lot about it on Wikipedia.

I've got a bit in the special about it. What's the name of the special again? Special is called. Hey America. Hey America. Not now on the Matt and Shane Secret Podcast YouTube channel. Hey America. I said it earlier.

Did you? Great. Well, yeah, for like a good two minutes I spent on it. I appreciate it. Yeah. Was I not in the room for that part of it? You were not in the room for it. I appreciate it.

Thank you. I mean, I want to go to, in the next month, I want to go to. James McCann has been called the best comic in Adelaide history. No, I can't even, I can't even claim that. Who else is from there? Man, Sean McAuliffe. He's great. Christy McCallough?

Probably the best Macalph. No, Sean McCalliff is a great unsung hero. Sean McCallif is the greatest living Australian comedian. It must be given to him. What about Damien Power? He's Brisbane. I love Damien Power.

He's from Brisbane. Okay. I still think Sean McAuliffe has... Sean McAuliffe is great. I ever worked with him? He's not a stand-up. Oh. He's not a stand-up.

There is, top left. He's great. Best Australian comedian. Matt Fultcheron. Nah, it's sweet Sean McAleff. No, no, that one. Where? That's Matt Fultcheron.

I don't know him. Sean McCullough. That's not even Sean McCullough. Best Australian comedian of all time. Spent a lot of time in South Australia. Yeah. In the hills, in Strathalban. Do you know Barry Humphreys?

He did Dame Edna. That was his big character. Oh, okay. He would dress up like a lady in the 60s, the 70s. Yeah. It was fun. Look at that. Briefly had a run on Ali McBeal playing the aunt.

He died. Did not make it in a... Went on Conan. People did not understand what the fuck was happening. Even on Conan. If it was on Leno, people might have said things on fire in rejection. But even on Conan, they didn't get sweet day midna, said some anti-trans stuff. Yeah.

And then, like, all the comedy awards were named after Barry Humphreys. The Bowery was the award you won. And they changed it under pressure from the left-wing faction. Because he was... Well, whatever. That's one of the best... Housewife gets famous, and then the characters, she's just, like, saying nasty things to everybody. she was one of the best crowd like when you're in a theater and there's people sitting up top

but he'd come out as dame edna and go like uh you know like you know thank you all for coming and thank you to the people up there and the cheap seats i will cast a glance in your direction in proportion to the amount that you've paid for tickets and then they start clapping she goes don't clap hold on with one hand to the seat it's a wall of death up there i mean this is great stuff in australia this is funny gear all right where are you going next that's the last thing I'll say

go to New Zealand check out New Zealand yeah I definitely want to I just need time you can go to there are at least a month there's a stinky town

called Rotarua with hot springs that smell of bad eggs oh nice right once you get used to the stink it's beautiful nice I'm always used to it

you get to Queenstown is at the ski resort it's so lovely that's like a short drive across the country from Dunedin it's so nice

Dunedin is the one that I would say The Naden has a very special place in my heart. I love the Naden. Do you have a... About what? I just love it. I'm sorry.

Do you have any travel tips in general or for New Zealand? Bring... Can we New Zealand or just in general things to do? I don't travel enough in general. Travel light, no. All carry on. Travel light. I go all carry on.

I don't trust the bag. All carry on. All carry on. You've been burned once you're done. I'm finished. You're like, where's my bag? It's like, no, I'm not doing it. I know where my bag is.

It's under the fucking seat in front of me. One travel. tip though in Australia if you have carry-on they are nasty about it in a way they're not in America you can have any weight on your carry-on in America and no one gives a fuck no one way in Australia they weigh your bag before you get on the plane to try and get a little extra money out of you

one time I didn't have my card on me so I couldn't pay it and I had to before getting on the plane throw out a pair of jeans and a laptop bag because otherwise they wouldn't let me on and they wouldn't let someone else like have it in their bag to balance it out because a lot of people would be like no no we see what you're doing I had to force jeans into a tiny trash can before getting on the plane. And I thought, I just thought that was the way everywhere in the world are these airlines.

In America, they don't do it. Sweet, free, beautiful America. I love you. More of that, please. All right. Thank you for having me on. You're welcome. Thank you.

Wait, what's the special again? Hey, America. Hey America. Hey, America. But James P. McCann. No. The P stands for P. It's for peace.

James Donald Falls McCann. now. I'm not doing a lot of press. I've got to line a lot of press up. I'm going to be asking you about helping me on other podcasts. Please. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's out now. P is for please. Managing secret podcast network and you're fucking hilarious. It's out on Sundays. It's not coming out too. I appreciate that. You're great. No, you're way, way, way scheduled ahead. It's already been out for a month. That's fine. Yeah. The algorithm can't help me. That's why I was like, slow down. It was worshipping. I'm glad to see the Jew finally. I think it cracked six million.

It did crack six million. It did crack six million. So, Now all those souls came back to life. That was my second day in America. I got these shoes from the museum. We did Matt and Shane together. I was very hungover. I'd gone out with all the Philly boys and got drunk, and I was on that couch.

Yeah, I remember, who's this quiet boy? I was, I'm not usually there quiet, but I was... You're just like... I was having a really overwhelming cultural time. New to America and New York. I'd only seen... Queens. Yeah.

A sweet Astoria. Yeah. The story is fine. The story's Melbourne. I'm sorry, we've got to go. I don't want to keep going. The story is Melbourne. But it was very nice.

Yeah. Yeah, that was cool. And thank you for having me here. You're welcome. Bye, everybody. Until next week, when I know who's going to be on next week. Who are you getting? Adam Rowe.

Lovely. Yeah. Wait, wasn't he already here? Didn't he leave? I already recorded it. Nice. These aren't in chronological order. All right, everybody.

By the way, if you were on mushrooms and seeing me and seeing this, it's probably going to be pretty fucking. Trippy for you. I don't do this. Does that help it? Let's get a copy. Thank you, Jeff McCann, for coming in, tell us about New Zealand.

Check out his special, everybody, Black Israel Light. He's neither of those. But it said, you can check out his tour dates, WWW, J.D.F. McCann. For all his tour dates, his Instagram, J.D.F. McCann.

But check out a special on YouTube.com slash at James Donald, Forbes, McCann, MCC, A, and N. Let me see his dates again. Whip them. Coming up. St. Louis, Omaha, Irvine, Los Angeles, Baltimore, Oklahoma, and Tulsa, Oklahoma. Go check him out. He's a hilarious comic pretty much this is you guys when I recommend a comedian I'm definitely gonna give clues when I don't think that funny, but I probably won't have them on

But when I recommend a comedian it's any level of different like this is like one of the top people in the world You know like you can hear me saying it. I'll I'll like not spew over them, but I'll like Not jizz over him. What is it when you're like? I don't know Can I be mushy sort of whatever the word is But what I'm telling you is, and then I'm taking out, like, I'm talking about the top three or four comics in the world when I say, like, hey, one of them are on. It's like crazy. But there's this other range of comics, which I'm in, which is just a really good comic. And when I'm telling you about them, what I mean is if you go there, if you're in Tulsa or Oklahoma City and you're like, should I take a chance this weekend on this comic, J.F. McCann, J.F. McCann.

The answer is yes. The answer is this guy and all these guys that I'm talking about are going to give you just a great date night out. or a night out with your friends. It's going to be hilarious. You're going to have real belly laughs. Leave your woes at the door for an hour and a half. And have a blast. Maybe not have a blast in the local opener.

He might not be that great. But then once Jeff comes on, everything's washed out and it'll be amazing. So, what, James? When I say Jeff McCann? Who's Jeff McCant? What? I said it a couple times. Interesting.

Yeah, you're right. James McCann. Jeff. I just call McCann. Then I always see James Donald Ford's McCann. His Instagram was also pretty funny. What is that town outside Adelaide that's a German town? Hey, Siri, what's that German town outside Adelaide?

Come on. Come on. Handorf is a small town in the Adelaide Hills. 30 minutes drive from the city center. It is Australia's oldest surviving German settlement and still has a strong German flavor. This answer is from Josie. Come on, come on. I don't need annotations.

Yeah, I went there on the Great Ocean Road from Elburn all the way, and then you stop in Hounsorf and go in. It was great. But go check out James is special right now, Black Israelite. He is the better of the two McCanns, Jeff and J.D. He's great. Check him out. Follow me on YouTube on Instagram at Ari Shafir. On YouTube at Ari Shafir, I have a special out, too.

But check his out, guys, and leave him a comment, let him know. that I sent you. If you have any nominations for Trippies, please leave it in the comments. We follow on them. Best meals. Worst move.

Most adventurous, least adventurous. Best pictures. Or any other category that I don't know about that I'm not thinking about. Biggest piece of shit. Last year,

Calm Tiro got it. What's this one? Last year. Trippie word. Shane Gillis, dumbest move. Hamon overdose. in Spain.

Yeah, that's it. Guys, I appreciate your support. Please continue to subscribe and tell your friends about it. And next week is Jordan Jensen going to Ecuador, back to Ecuador, my favorite places in the world

where she was whisked into working illegally on a farm for cheap, white labor. Until next week, everybody. Whatever they say in Australia. in New Zealand. Or I'll do a New Zealand slash Australian accent because no one can tell it over there except them. Legitimately, everyone from there sounds like they got punched in the face and buried in

mud. And that's James McCann, Black Israelite, on YouTube now. See you over there.