You Be Trippin' - north Korea w/ Michael Malice | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: June 1, 2026

Follow Michael on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/michaelmalice/ SPONSORS: -Upgrade your dad’s everyday routine. Go to https://buyraycon.com/TRIPPIN to get 15% off. Thanks Raycon for sponsoring! -Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/7chyhxwm #CashAppPod Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Cash App Visa® Debit Flex Cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC, and The Bancorp Bank, N.A., pursuant to a license from Visa U.S.A. Inc. See terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, Sutton debit flex card, and Bancorp debit flex card. Cash App Green features, Savings, Direct deposit, Round ups, Overdraft coverage and Discounts provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. On this week's episode of You Be Trippin', Ari Shaffir interviews Michael Malice about his very surreal trip to North Korea. He found it difficult to put into words what it's like to immerse yourself in a Communist country. From the clothes, food, architecture, media...everything is the same. The pictures Michael shares are only a hint of what life is like there. A very intriguing experience! 나중에 봐요 ! You Be Trippin' Ep. 121 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:44 - Michael Goes to the Democratic Republic of Korea 00:17:21 - Just Communism Things 00:24:20 - Western Goods 00:34:42 - Caste System 00:38:45 - Propaganda 00:47:10 - Education Disparities 00:53:11 - Central Park of north Korea 00:56:20 - Schools 01:01:08 - Americans in North Korea 01:10:08 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi everybody. I'm stand-up comedian Ari Shafir. And there's one thing you know about me, is I love to travel. Salute from Klusna-Boka, Romania. Yasu. Ula. In Greece, I got burnt fat off, Saginaaki and Uzo, and I got attacked by a herd of wild cats. I danced for 14 hours in a warehouse in Berlin, on some of the finest lab-made chemicals known to man.

I pissed on that. I also like hearing about other people and their adventures. There was a few moments we'd be out at sea and be like, we are in literally the middle of fuck off nowhere. Wow. So people don't know. It's basically like a little marsupial. See there, I gave him a chip.

You're going 90 miles an hour. I'm doing 90. He passes you like you're not even moving. Wow. So I decided to start a new podcast called UB Trippin. It's a travel podcast. Every episode, myself and a guest, are going to take it to an exciting new place in the world. It's a new podcast from YMH.

Subscribe right now on YouTube to UB. Trippin'Pod and on all audio podcast platforms at UB.Trippin. And get ready for a brand new travel podcast. Hold on. That's stale. I'll see you out there. You guys ready? Whoa, bro.

That's one of the worst things to spill that on. I spilled death on the set. It is like with that to a computer. That is true. Maybe that's what they meant. Like, be careful this around electronics. It's seriously bad. Yeah, you fucking sober nerds.

Are you guys ready? Yep, but I can't lower this. You're like a mess, bro. I'm a mess. I'm a mess. Oh, there we go. Lefty, tight. I have people for this.

I don't have people for this. Okay, thanks so much. That's great. He's definitely going to break while he's in the middle of it. Don't help him. Do not help him. My balls. Where you've been and where you're going?

This is our race travel show. Yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's U.B. Tripping. Yeah. Hello, everybody. Welcome to U.B. Tripping. It's a travel podcast show.

We go to a different place every week. I'm your host, Ari Shafir. It's the only podcast that is fully funded by embezzled Ukrainian aid funds. My guest today is Michael Malice, notable. Oh, all right. Usually people boo when I show up. Oh, yeah.

You're a shit starter. But if my comparison is you, I guess they get applause. That's like that woman who's like a five standing next to four. She's a seven. With the guy in the tent and the bear's coming and he's like putting on his sneakers. and he's like, what, do you think you're not outrun the bear?

He goes, no, it's got to outrun you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Get the fat friend. Where are we going today? This is exciting. We're going to the Democratic Republic of Korea, DPRK, North Korea. That's what it's called, Democratic Republic. Democratic People's Republic of Korea, DPRK.

Wow, it's not democratic. So what's even more interesting, and I'm going to insist that you stick to this with the show notes. Okay. They always have N and S lowercase with North and South Korea. because their point is Korea is indivisible. It's the only pure country on earth, and the South is not a different country,

but a region under American imperialist occupation. So it's lowercase S, lowercase N. Interesting. The North just sees as one. The South does not see it that way. South does not see it. But we're not talking about the South, so fuck them today.

Fuck the South. Yeah. Just like in America. It's like Ireland. We're like, we want it all back. Some people like have the whole thing. It's not like Ireland. Because you can go from Northern Ireland to Ireland.

Oh, right. Good point. And they're marching together now because the immigrants. There's no immigrants in North Korea. By law, yeah. Yeah. Oh, they don't not have that problem. There were like five.

They were five. Really? Like Americans who defected. And then they had to be play the Americans in all the movies. What a good. I mean, if you're looking for acting work, that's your jam. Go where none of you were there. Yeah.

Why'd you go there? When did you go? I went in 2012. Yeah. Um, wait, when was, no, when was Hurricane Sandy? It was 20. Yeah, 2012. 2012, yeah.

I went there because... Why'd your home go to the footage? My home did. I came back, so let's back up a little bit. Okay. That picture I sent your producer, put him up on the screen. This is someone I went to college with my friend Ed, who has severe mental handicaps. Special Ed.

Special Ed. Oh, no, great. And he put up the picture. So he looks like you, I think. He does. Does he not? Yeah. And I'm looking at...

But I mean, that also could be downs and could just be happy. That's a tough. That's a in between. So Ed, who may have spread a rumor about me at college that I had AIDS. How'd you get rid of it? Magic Johnson. Fuck a virgin. Yeah.

So he's this photo's on a space square. And if you look at the background, you could see that's the North Korean flag, right? Yeah. With the album, the party album. And I'm like, wait a minute. You went to North Korea? He goes, yeah, I met a guy in Burning Man. and his job is to have tours.

So at the time, it was still legal. So as soon as I had a little coins in my pocket, I'm like, this is the place I got to go. Yeah, you're never going to be able to go back. I mean, it's not an easy place to go. It's not an easy place to go. That's for sure. Wow.

It's so cool. It's illegal now. You can't go down. It's illegal. Now it's illegal for Americans. But it was legal at the time. What do they do if you go? Will they not let you in or like who's going to stop you?

That's why I always thought about Cuba. Well, they can't go. I'm like, they don't go to shit. Okay, so to go there, they don't stamp your passport in North Korea. You have to go to China. Then they give this little booklet, a two-pageer that's slid into your passport. And then when you leave North Korea, they take it out. I don't know how they would know. That's a fair point. But the tour guide, the tour company, there's a couple of them. They would know. So I think that would be the issue.

That's what you do in Israel when you go into, if you want to go to Jordan to go to Petra or something, they don't stamp your Israeli passport. You won't be able to go anywhere with this. So like take it out. We know. We know. Yeah, we know. We know. It's like that's smart.

I'm like, yeah. Story tracks. That's actually how we got to America from the Soviet Union is you lie and you're saying you're going to Israel and then you just don't go to Israel and go to America. Wow. And everyone knew that was, you bribe the government. And in America you have to have a sponsor family at the time at least. Now it just, you know, open borders.

But back then you had to have someone responsible. for you. At least that was my understanding. This is so cool. So what was the visa process like? On arrival to get this North Korea? I don't know. Do you have to go ahead of time to an embassy and get it? Oh no, no. So you basically this tour company takes care of everything for you. You got to fill out a form.

They Google like two of the people who are on the tour group and you just hope you kind of get that. They don't really, they just want the money. They don't care. What are you going to do, you know? Yeah. You got to be worried too because you're like in the type of industry where they'd be like, no, he can't walk around. He might be doing a story on it.

a story on us. I, well, they are taught since birth that every foreigner is a spy. Wow. And in fact, sometimes kids, like in winter, have to guard their schools for American spies. They have to go through the school, look under desks because at any moment, because their mythology, which is not entirely incorrect, is to give people a bit of history, during the Korean War, you had the great leader Kimmel-sung in the North, and you had American forces in the UN and Sigmanri in the south, became their kind of their their dictator and yet Mao and Stalin helping the north and what ended up happening is they went back and forth but all the Korean people were like destroyed it was just completely devastating for the whole country north and south right so this is very much a national

trauma to this day and their point is you know at any moment the US imperial is going to come back and finish the job but for the leader so it's not completely you know if someone in Hiroshima's like yeah i don't i'm not feeling so hot like no pun intended it's like you could you kind of you kind of to wrap your head around it you know what I mean yeah yeah that makes sense it's interesting too because when you go to China the Mao is still kind of present oh yeah but this guy's in power now well at the same one yeah that's grandson yeah that's why he has that haircut to look like his dad his granddad yeah the founder of north korea the great leader kim was sung okay so what did you get into how like what's like you're worried going in like i was worried

the whole time okay because um it's impossible to it's impossible to describe this there's no contact with the outside world, right? There's no internet, there's no newspapers. There's no internet. Right. So you have no idea and Ari, it feels kind of like being in a dream because every day is the same. Like you wake up and you don't know if it's Monday, I was there for like a week. You know if it's Monday or Thursday because nothing changes, right? So it's almost like a groundhog day kind of vibe, which again is impossible to describe. You don't know the rest of the world, like on maps, the maps are maps of Korea. They're not maps of the world. They're not maps of the world because they're very they're the most nationalist country so you're not having the sense of

the rest of the earth existing it's like you know it's so i always described like going to another planet back in time so it's just two factors that it's just really i mean that sure helps you get lost in a place where they don't even like mention any other place well well they're on your you're you're not lost they know where you are 24-7 there's no moment where you're running around yeah you know they're watching you well you're there at a tour tour so you had to stay You have to stay with your group, yeah. Which is not, Chaparoni system.

Which isn't as ominous, like if you go to London and someone has a tour company, that's not that crazy. And they take you on, like, see some sites and some like... Yeah, yeah, I got all the pictures to go through those, yeah.

Okay, it's so fucking cool to go to this place. It's very, very cool. Yeah. And it's also, it's just, it's just, I don't even know where to start because here's the thing, when you're looking around, every single thing you look at

is like crazy. Yeah. And has a purpose, ostensibly. Like someone chose to make this building like this And the streets like this and you don't know why And then you're off to the next thing And it's just like your brain's never gonna catch up to normalcy Was it did it feel poor or did it feel modern

Or did it feel like what what So what's interesting is Everyone is back in time but from different times So the very first thing that happened I'm at the airport and I'm like I'm scared Because all right this is not a drill This is not for you You do not belong in this country

And they've they've had a history of painting people and just destroying their brain. Right. That I'm not, I wasn't too worried about because of my, you know, tricky Soviet, you know,

understanding how that how to do the dance. But I'm there and I'm just keeping eye and everything. And in the back of the airport in the parking lot, there was this well-dressed woman and this army guy stopped her. You could see,

he's obviously asking for her papers and she's on her cell phone and she's like, and she was giving him attitude, but he was dressed like the 50, the Soviet style, military, and she was dressed like the 80s, like an 80s shoulder patty business suit.

And like, oh, crap, like they're not, she's not scared. And it showed that there are these power dynamics that you and I wouldn't realize, but were very, very obvious. Yeah, I'd be frightened of shit, but she's like, this guy's not a threat. Because, yeah, I'm up here,

you're some military guy. Who the hell you think you're talking to? I mean, it's like Karen almost. Yeah. Yeah, it's like when they ask to show your ID you to go to a hotel, like, I'm, I'm trying to go take a dump.

Right. Who the fuck are you? I'm late. No, it's more like, I'll do it. But like, like, if you're going to some podcast, then they ask you to sign in, it's like, who are you? It's like, you know, I'm here to do the show. Yeah.

Like, what are you talking about? Wow. Interesting. Yeah. So, okay. And they take your, at the time they did, they took my, they take your phone at the airport. I don't think they do that anymore. And they took your phone and said, you'll get it when you leave?

Yeah. Could you bring a. camera? I did bring a camera. I also brought my iPod, right? And I didn't know how to explain to them what an iPod was. And the guy, the military guy, he must have been 60, he flips it over, he sees iPod, he handed back to me. So he knew. It was really interesting. Wow. So what did you get into? How did you start? What did you do? So the first thing, what the bathrooms like? Are they regulars? I have pictures of all of them. I took place. Really? The bathrooms are, so the thing about, there's this myth that Americans have that when you look there, you go there,

it's like this paradise for tourists and everything's great. Every single thing without exception has something wrong with it. Okay? So I'll give you it like in the elevator, like one of the buttons will be mismatched. A wall will have a crack.

Every single place I went, even the plane had a fly. Which is like a biblical symbol of decay. There'll be mildew and every place has a smell to it, almost like this basementy smell. Hey guys, I'm breaking into today's episode to let you know a little bit about the guest,

Michael Malice. He's a wild one. He's a wild one. Check him out on Michael Malice.com. Or check it on YouTube. YouTube.com slash Michael Malice. Or his Instagram, Instagram.com slash Michael Malice. He's a great follow.

He's an interesting thinker. And honestly, you guys will love him. He's a fucking crazy lunatic. One of my favorite clips on YouTube on Rogan. Where he goes. I mean, I can't use it. I'll get sued. But he goes,

Kamala Harris was the Democratic nominee because she fills all the checkboxes. She's the gender, minority, disability. And then Rogan's like, what's a disability? He goes, well, she's retarded. It killed Rogan. It killed him. The guy rules. Yeah, check him out.

Go to Michael Malice.com right now. He's got podcasts called Nightshade with Michael Malice, and you're welcome with Michael Malice. Yeah, he just had a comedian, Ryan Long on in April. Founders can teach, Arthur Herman. He's got great ones. Count Dancula, oh, I had that guy on my old podcast, Skeptych. Anyway, that's it.

For myself, I'm asking you to subscribe or listen wherever you're watching. Guys, I do this every week. I go with somebody to a brand new place. this time it's North Korea. It's rare. Sometimes we go to regular places. It doesn't really matter. I'm down no matter what.

I'm down no matter what. So subscribe. If you're new to this podcast, please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. YouTube, Spotify, hit the subscribe button, leave a comment for the algorithm, and I can get more interesting guests like Michael Malice who went to crazy places.

It's a mixture between comics who were barely adventurous, but still for themselves, pretty adventurous, and crazy guys like Michael Malice who go to a fucking a place where people get mentally tortuous. and then set free back to America. You can check me out at Ari Sheffir on YouTube, rachshafir.com. I have no dates, by the way. I have canceled my live podcast that I was going to do on June 10th

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You'll be tripping pot. Now, let's get back to North Korea with Michael Malice. I brought a ton of books back to research through my book on the subject, Dear Reader, and I was smelling them yesterday, and the smell is not, maybe not in the right books, but, but you wrote a book on North Korea? Yeah, Dear Reader. Dear Reader? Yeah, put up the picture.

Let's sell a fucking book or two. Do you even know who I am? Yeah. You're in New York, and I came to recruit you back to New York. I don't read. The fuck am I. Yeah, there it is, yes. Yes, so I wrote Kim Jong-il's autobiography.

You didn't like, Who'd you talk to, like nearby? Oh, no, I just read 60 books and I write books of celebrities. So it's the, yeah, the first, second unauthorized autobiography. Cool. Yeah. Very cool. Okay, so you get, so show me the bathrooms.

Okay. Show me something disgusting. Or what do you want to show me first? Oh, let's go through. Okay, so I mean, I've got an order, you're fine. We can get back to the, but it's in chronological order. Okay. So I don't know that it's really the best order.

So this is, can we put this? Show this newspaper first. They give you the newspaper on the plane. Okay. And headline, Kimmel's song is great. Like, every day, it's the same headline. The great Kim Il-Sung is the eternal leader of our party and our people. That's not a headline.

That's the headline every day. So when I tell you that it's like living in Groundhog Day. Yeah. You know what the headline's going to be tomorrow, Ari? Can you guess? Song nails it again. He's still nailing it. And by the way, at this point, Kimmo Song had been dead for many years.

Wow. So he's still legally in charge of the country. The Korean people and the progressive people over the world celebrated the centenary of the birth of, wow. People all over the world did, huh? He died on the day of the Titanic, aboard of the David Titanic crashed, by the way. So a great day for communism, not so great day for capitalism. Okay, let's do, let me go through. Oh, okay, we're good here.

So this is the food in the plane. That looks like an Asian plane. It looks like where they give you that wrapped bread. Yeah, yeah. This is the... That's such an Asian plane man. Yeah, I have Boreo. I've never been heard of that.

It's the world's only like two-star airline. It's just inter... North and Ukraine and China. I think Russia that may do with flight now. I have the barf bag and it's framed in my house. Wow. That's a good, that's a good souvenir. Okay, so let's see what else we got here.

So you asked about the toilets. Yeah. This is the toilets in the hotel. Okay, not bad though. You can sit on that. You could sit on that. There's not enough room to the wall, so you're going to hit your leg against the thing. And let me assure you that is not Charmin.

It was not, but I mean, I'm not in a position of complaint about the toilet paper. Yeah, when I got back from Asia, I spent four months in Asia and then I got back. And one of the first things I noticed was the softness of our toilet paper hair. And I'm like, oh, America is great. I bring wipes wherever I go. I can't take it. Yeah, this is the bathrooms in the hotel. I'm pretty sure I stayed in the same hotel room that Ottawa Mier did because he was on, whatever.

I can't get into it, but like, I think he was in the same room as me. Wow. This is, you have to share the hotel with a room with somebody else, which is fine on your tour group. Really? Yeah. Do you guys fuck? No. Oh, God, no.

This is the... Wait, I have a question. Yeah. For real, though. Yeah. Yeah. The guy you shared a hotel room. Do you guys fuck?

No. Okay. No. There's a funny story about that. Yeah. I tell this story often. But you guys fucking? Sorry.

I'm sorry. Go ahead. There's this Canadian journal. journalist and he went back to North Korea and in the second interview he's talking his guides at the ostrich ranch outside Pyongyang so it's him a man or woman North Korean and ostriches and he goes last time I was here we talked about gays and lesbians and the guy who's like 50 guys like yeah yeah yeah and he goes what about bisexuals and this North Korean guy goes what what I'm trying to do you half my buddy now you just fuck with me new thing what

it's like Andrew nice clay You know what? When you flip a coin? Why are you gay? Just that sigh. What's what? You got a new one now? It's so funny.

This is the food. Did we see that African guy? Of course. Yeah. He's been back into my algorithm. You are gay. Why are you gay? You are gay.

Have you been to Africa? I've been to just north. Just not real Africa. So this is at a restaurant? This is cool. No, this is the hotel restaurant in the morning. What are you eating? What's the food?

It's like potatoes covered in some kind of coating. Okay. I don't know what it is, to be honest. They have a nice little aquarium there. Is North Korean food, just Korean food? No. It's different. It's different.

So they're very proud of, what's really funny is that the lies that they tell the people, and it's just like, so they have these buckwheat noodles. Okay. And in cold broth, and they're like, oh, ever in the world's like obsessed with these buckwheat noodles here. And it's like, I assure you. And by the way, those buckwheat noodles were the worst. So if anyone you watching this ever had aquariums and you would have these tube effects worms,

which are live food to feed your fish, it smelled just like that. It was really, really bad. Yeah, I have a picture of it later, but it was really bad. I couldn't eat it. That was the one thing I was worried about and the other people on tour is like the food didn't get wasted. So if you didn't eat it, didn't go to the garbage, like they ate to people. So that's good. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. Let me. Oh, okay. So this is the view, let me blow it up. This was the view for my hotel room. Does that not look like a painting? It looks like a painting. It's a fog over Pyongyang.

That's the Tower of the Juchy idea. That's what? The Tower of the Juchy idea. What is that? So the Juchy idea is the great epiphany of the great leader Kimmel Sung, which guides North Korea, and it can be summed up in one sense

as a man is the master of everything, controls everything. It's this great, amazing epiphany. And what's amazing about this tower, Sounds like Tony Hinchcliffe all the time. This is, this amazing about this tower. And I talk about, I kind of have this scene in my book. When they talk about how great these leaders are, the only way they could do it is to make it seem like everyone else in the country is like handicapped, mentally handicapped.

So that tower is the world's like biggest like obelisk, right? For real. And the point, they're like, this was Kim Il, this was the dear leader Kim Jong-Jil's idea. And no one ever thought of it before, right? And it's like, wait, you're saying all the architects are brainstorming. You have brainstormed one's like, let's make it the second tallest. And Kim Janiel comes and goes, we should make it a tall stick. Holy shit.

Oh my God. We never thought this before. That's changing the game. So that is. And there was a Jesus statue in East Timor and it's the second largest. But they built it as the second largest next to Brazil. I'm like, what? Just built a small one then.

Number two means we have to try harder. Yeah, I guess. We don't want to be overroman tourism. It was crazy. I'm like, when was the first? I looked it up. I'm like, you started with two? Oh, my God.

Yeah, this is. Wow, that looked like a painting that was so cool. So it foggy a lot like that? It's in the morning, yeah. So this is, so the hotel is called the Alcatrazza Fun because you're locked on this island in the middle of the Tejong River, which is in the middle of Pyongyang. Goes on both sides.

Yeah. And they were building some, I think, movie theater behind us as I was living there. Staying there. That's the other view. It's just beautiful. It was gorgeous. Yeah. It's really pretty.

There's this serenity to it, which is really hard to describe. How's the smell like along the river and stuff? Is it like polluting? No, no, it's fine. That's fine. That's for sure, fine. Okay. I'm going to go back.

Okay, guys. Okay. We just won't include anything in the final. Yeah, yeah. I just want to make sure we don't have a thumbnail to try not to get anybody hurt. Yeah. Let's go to. So we're driving, driving, driving.

Could you get Western food there? Um, no, no. So, okay, let's talk about this. So, um, like, here's an, so they took us to this kind of, um, they took us to this like vest of, this outpost in the middle of the highway for some reason. I don't know why. It was never explained on the balcony, they were drying corn. You can't get, so Western stuff. So the Jucci idea and, uh, the ideology of North Korea is everything by us and for us. So anything. Anything. foreign is bad and illegal. So their lie is that like everything that they have, they invented. So they have the arc, they have like the, like the arc of victory, this arch. And even though it's exactly like the one, it's exactly like the arch of triumph, but it was not based on that. It was based on like a medieval Korean wall.

So you're just crazy. That's an arch of victory. Ours is an archer triumph. Right. And the Tower of the idea, even though it has a, like a torch, like the Statue of Liberty, was actually based, you know, so they insist everything is from Korea originally. It's pretty cool when you don't allow outside. Like, then people have it like, yeah, it sounds right.

I have no knowledge of otherwise. But as soon as you're caught in one lie, it all collapses. That's the thing. So the soon as one thing falls apart, you've built this whole castle in the clouds. And then people realize, oh, it's all a lie. So it's actually not a smart idea because it's harder and harder to maintain that ubiquity of information. Yeah. Could people be on VPNs there to get like,

outside. They don't have electricity mostly. Wow. Right. Okay. So it's so we're in this edifice thing and if you see look at the table the chair, excuse me at the right you see it's missing that gold disc. Everything's fucked up yeah. So everything has something a little bit fucked up

this is the store they took us to. Wow cool. And they're just pictures it's just like there's a pool table in nowhere. Should he felt? Yeah. Do you have any like there's like so much here though Like is there anything we should specifically be focusing on?

Yeah, the food, the people and the things you saw. Okay, let's do that. Stories stuck out. We can like have the pictures just like back up a story. Okay, so they took us. So this is. Earth flag? The UN flag.

It's, I'm blanking on the Panmunjam. So this is where the treaty that the ceasefire, the end of the Korean War was signed. So they say that the U.S. and the UN were so humiliated. and we had her asses handle us so bad that we left all our ship behind and they have it on display and that if we ever come back we will destroy the U.S. Imperialists most thoroughly.

So the guy, the military guy has this speech and he's really ramping and the guide who's a city girl who she's just calmly translating so it's this weird kind of dynamic is here like blah blah blah blah blah she's like oh and if the U.S. Affairs come back

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ink brand. Visit cash.com slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures. Let's get back to the episode. So there's this and then you have, that's the flag that they supposedly left. Look how empty this is. Well, this is, that's the, that's the room, yeah. Oh, interesting. And this is. So you stayed with this guide pretty much the whole time. They showed you kind of like.

So the hotel is segregated by nationality. So the guides are not allowed on your floor. You, like the Westerners have their own floor. And what's even crazier is that the guides floor didn't have electricity. they went up the elevator, they went into darkness, and I'm like, I don't know what the hell, I don't know if people are bats, but it was really crazy.

Like, can you not just stepping off an elevator? They just don't waste electricity on the locals. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, this is the DMZ. What's, I'm... This is the border between North and South Korea.

Oh. So let me see, hold on. Yeah. Let me see that one again. So that's just cross the street and you go to South Korea. That's where Trump and Kim Jong-il Shokans. And that's the okay, so I'm going to pause this here because I know the guides of the next pictures. Okay.

So I'll tell you a funny story that happened at the DMZ. Okay. One of the people on my, let me just scroll this down, on my tour group. So fucking. Hold on, we'll get that in a second. Okay, sorry. One of the people on my tour group had one of those accordion cameras, like from the 1890s. Like it's modern, but it just looked like that.

Yeah. And I go to him, oh, you're such a hipster. And then my guy goes, what's a hipster? And I'm like, okay, how do I explain to? You explain that. To North Korean, what a hipster is. It was style, but too much that it's annoying. But my friend Nichelle had a great quote.

I go, a hipster, someone who likes things that are old just because they're old. And like, all right. And my guy's like, okay, I understand that. So let me fast forward. So inside the hotel, there's a sweatshop where they make custom suits. And I'm like, I got to get a suit made. I got to get, because Shane Smith from Vice who went there, he had a suit made. I'm like, I want this suit made.

And my guy's like, yeah, yeah. Like, I need to suit this. the only reason I'm here. I'm not going to come back. I'm not coming back. They take me to the thing and they're showing me all the potential suits but they're like Western style. I go no no no no no I want a suit like the great leader Kimmel Sung and the guy goes oh hipster. I was like oh shit. I like and what I didn't realize is they live in the hotel. They're slaves but at the same time like you have housing you have electricity you have food they're like wealthy it's this weird thing. where it's like, should I feel guilty?

Do you see what I mean? They can't leave, but they're doing better than everybody. Right. It's a weird, like, okay, like, who's... Does everybody get a salary there? Can you keep your own money? Is it, like, government salary? I mean, it's totalitarian communism,

so everyone has, like, ration cards. I don't know, it's very weird how the currency works. You can't use some of the stamps because the leader's pictures on the stamps, so they're not actually for use. So if you have like newspaper or something with their photo, you have to dispose of it very specifically or else you could be killed.

So everyone in their house has a portrait wall. And the portrait wall before, you had to have pictures of, they gave you the pictures in the frame, the Great Lady Kim Il Sung and the leader Kim Jong-il. It's your job to keep those pictures lint free and you have a special cloth just for that and you get inspected every so often.

If you leave your house, everyone you have to have a lapel pin of one of the leaders yeah this is a replica from the movie the interview okay um so everyone in the country has the pin at all times wherever they go sometimes though in the Pyongyang capital city where they're bougie women started wearing jackets over the pin and they're getting away with it so it's this weird kind of liberalism where wealthy and powerful people have rights in some unspoken that other people don't wear the pin butt cover yeah god there's so much different. There's so much going on. Yeah. So this is K-Song, which is like medievally kind of city that's close to DMZ. I've heard of Kaysan. Yeah. It's, it's lovely. It's so cool looking. Even the,

like the shitty side there is still like this pagoda architecture. And then there was this, you can see the people there. Is everyone on bikes all the time? Everyone's on bikes, yes. Did you get on one? I did. I don't know how to ride a bike, but no. You can see the fountain's not running. You know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, wow. And this is the kind of food. We had it's in the floor and they gave us this kind of food. And how was that? It was fine. The food is fine.

That looks cool. The food for tourists, but you're not, you're not really having menus. They just bring you food. Yeah. Yeah. Joe List would hate that. Who would? Joe List.

Why? He's a particular homo. Well, I mean, I mean. He's like, no, I want a chicken farm. They'd be like, I mean, you're not going to North Korea to have like the VIP experience. But Joe list would do that. Okay. Well, bad news for Joe.

Yeah. I think there's a fly over here, yeah, in the middle. I took photos, all the flies. Let me go back to the main page. So it's all these like tapas kind of things? Well, only that place. Okay. Okay, we got...

Were the people aware of the, of the, like, lack of freedoms? Like you said, like in the bougie big city, it's like, okay, they're always more forward. So my job was to try to break my guide's facade as much as possible. I wanted to get her. head and know the truth. Yeah. So I said to her at one point I go, you know, I'm from New York, like people in cities here. So they always talk with the workers, the workers, the farmers,

how great they are. And at one point she was talking about how one time during the year, everyone the cities goes into the countryside and helps with the harvest. And she's in her high heels. She's got her outfit on. And I'm trying to be like, whatever. I go, you know, that sounds like really nice. And she's like, yeah. And you could tell she's like, are you kidding me? I got to and be in the shit with these low lives. And later I asked her, I go, where I'm from, people in the cities look down and people in the countryside, a lot. Give her the out.

And I go, she goes, is it like that? Here she goes, what do you think? So they were, so the thing is, okay, let me break down something else. They have something called Sangbun in North Korea in the 50s and later. They interviewed every single person in the country. And they, it was called the Understanding People Project and other names, which sounds nice. but they figured out your rank in terms of your social cast. So what were your grandparents doing?

Were they born in the South? Were they clergymen? Were they capitalists? That's bad. Did they fight with the great leader Kimmel's song? Were they communists? Were they born in the North? That's good.

Based on this, you're slotted into three broadcasts and the subcasts. Favorable cast, wavering, and hostile. This determines everything about your life, including where you live. Based on your grandparents. Your whole family, yeah. Oh, fuck. It's a lot easier for your cast to go down. If someone your family fucks up, it's bad for everybody,

but it's really hard to pull up, okay? So to even step foot in Pyongyang, the capital city, you have to have a very high sung bun. And then Pyongyang is a concentric circles, so that people in the center are the highest sung bun. So if you're talking to foreigners at all, your sung bun must be through the roof. Because they trust you to be around people.

Yes, and you've got a lot of skin in the game, because you fuck up. You go from Park Avenue, and now you're in, in Appalachia. So there's no benefit other than just like fun to talk to you about anything real. Well, there's benefit in that she gets to get information and be herself. But the thing is at the top, they know what's going on. People in the countryside are true belief. Like the people in the countryside who are starving send food to Pyongyang so that Kim Jong-un has enough food. Like, because they're really taught that he's like as hungry as them. It's really fucked up. Yeah.

Give some to the fat guy because he's so hungry. Right. Because he's working for us. Wow, they've really sold that. They've sold it. It's like you want to be like, how dare they? But part of it's like, well played. They have something else called criticism, self criticism sessions, which is once a week. This reminds me so much of, was it 1984?

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that. In fact, I asked my guide if she had a big brother and she loved him and she said yes, and she didn't get the joke, but I'm like, he-he. So everyone in the country once a week, you have to get together with your group, whether it's your school, colleagues, whatever,

and you have to say what you did wrong, and then you have to say what you saw other people do wrong. So a lot of times, like you and I're pals, like I'll be like, Ari, I'll say you came late to work and you say you saw me. Give me something light. Yeah. So that way we should have something to say,

but they all watch each other by law and publicly. So this is like a school auditorium, and you'd be like, I saw Ari and he stole a pencil from the teacher's desk and all the kids just yell at you. I was like I was during COVID. Yes, it was. like that. Yeah.

So that, so this is the bookstore. That's all I already do. Oh my God. Yeah. I'm sure people would lie too. Of course. If like we're enemies,

I'd be like, of course. I heard Michael talk shit about Kim. And if you have a higher sung bun, you're going to be more believed. Because I'm, so this is the bookstore. Books are treasures,

House of Knowledge. This is a brilliant quote by Kim, The Dearly Kim Jong-il. Books are Treasure House of Knowledge and the textbooks for a person's life. Not exactly pithy, but all the books are by or about the leader. There's another one that has the English ones.

I'll show the next one. They're all... Cool bookstore. It's a great book. I took a ton of books home. Wow. Yeah. Were there any in English?

They were... So their propaganda tells them that everyone in the earth is really into North Korea. So the books are translated into English, Chinese, like Arabic, French, Spanish. There's a ton of languages that translate.

And they're sitting there for decades. What a career to write, propaganda books for Kim Jong-owned. Do you know, but the, I did one, but I mean mine, but here's how the propaganda reads. This is what's fascinating. So it'll be like this. There's a, the glass factory, and the factories come to a standstill. And the dealer Kim Jong-il shows up and he goes, hey, why don't you try doing this with

the device? And they're like, holy crap, it worked. And he's like, okay. And now there's a problem with the box factory. And that, like, these are literally, the stories are all this. It's literally, it's like, when I say mind-numbing, yeah, but it's, but Jesus at least turned water into wine. This is like, he fixed like a, like a PDF.

Do you know what I mean? And he's like tech support in a country where no one knows how to detect support somehow. Yeah, it only works where it's like there's no one of any. Right. Because someone's running the factory the day before he gets there. For decades. Yeah. And no one knows how to figure out.

He just points to this one thing and they're like, oh, crap. Sure, great, thanks. Yeah. Wow. It's really, in fact, there's really one. And it's, it gets, and why I have a lot of these anecdotes in my book because they're so, I toned it down because when you play it straight, it's so crazy that you don't need to tone it up.

Like one example is, this is from their propaganda. They built a fun fair and amusement park. And Kim Jong-il, their leader, was really scared that the rides would be unsafe for like children or the elderly. So he went on all the rides like himself, like apartment. And it started, it started drizzling. And everyone's like, can I ride these? He's like, no, I want to put myself in harm's way,

and everyone's, like, crying and applauding. And it's like, he's just riding the thing back. He's just riding the ball. Yeah. Because he's so brave. God damn, what a baller. Yeah. Wow.

Let's see what else we got here. These are this like kind of sweet. People seem happy. So I did. So here's something that, you know, you and I know very well. People are very bad at being put on the spot. You know, not a lot of people can do what we do. just get on a mic for like three hours and like run our mouths.

So what I did, knowing I'm an obnoxious American, I got in every single person's face. Because when I waved at them and got in their face, I knew the reaction would be sincere. And the thing that really is heartbreaking is they're insanely normal. So the grandmothers with their grandkids are like, oh, she hugs a grandkid. And the teenage boys in their Adidas track suits

are like chewing their gum and roll their eyes. And the girls giggle. And it's just the most. normal reactions and it makes it even more screwed up because if this was a country of robots like Lex, like you could even wrap your head around it, but they're, they're really surprisingly normal. And by the way, here's my little travel tip for you. If you go to North Korea and you want them to love you, take every racist joke you know and make the punchline Japanese. I did this. I did this. No, I've receipts. Really? So what do you call? What do you?

you call 500 Japanese at the bottom of the ocean? What? A good start. And they're just like, what? Crying laughing. How do you stop a Japanese man from drowning? Oh. Take your foot off his neck.

They ate Japanese? So Korea, okay, so they hate the American government. They don't really hate Americans, right? They respect our strength. They realize we're not. The Japanese had Korea as a colony before World War II, right? And they used them as slave labor. They tried to make Korea illegal, Korean illegal,

gave them Japanese names. They hate the Japanese, like on an ethnic personal level. So it's really easy to ingratiate yourself with them, just make all these. And in fact, they don't say Japanese. So according to their culture, you can't say Japanese, you have to say like wicked Jap devil or US imperialists. Like, that's how they teach math. Like if I kill six wicked Jap devils every day of the week, how many will I've killed it?

That's their math. Wow. God damn, that's so fucking different. Yeah. Oh yeah. To be all in like that. Yeah. It's really funny.

It is weird though. You see like a mom and her daughter or like brother and sister playing or whatever and you're like, oh, that's just like us. Then they're like everything phage. You're like, that's just a human interaction. Yeah. And it's just like the thing that I was actually getting emotional looking through these pictures again because every single person in these pictures is still there or dead. Not one person has gotten out.

And it really is a mind fuck to realize every single person I'm there is still in that prison and a lot of them know they're in that prison. So it's it's it's you know how wealthy you are. Like I'll tell you I'll get to the kind of something happening the end. I was talking to my guide. I go, okay, this is they also have they're really funny. So they have something called Chalima which is their Pegasus, which is a symbol of speed. And I asked my guide I go last night I go the last night. I go if I. Chalima. Okay. We can pull it up. Put a C-H-O-L-I-M-A. They have a big monument to the Chilima movement, which is we're going to do everything. much faster and even though things break apart, that's the matter we're doing faster. I say to her,

if I could send you anything from the, there you go, yeah. Oh, cool. That's Trilima. I go, if I could send you anything from the West, what would you want me to send you? She goes a Porsche. I go, lady, I'm not sending you. I go, she said like that immediately. I go, lady, I'm not sending you a Porsche and don't ask me to send you Trilima either. She goes, we have the original one here, what do I need you to send to me for? And she was quick. And I go, is there anything else you want? She goes perfume. All right, that's possible.

Because they don't make it, so you can't have it. So she's rich, she can't just smell nice. And I go, what kind of perfume? And she's struggling for the language. And then the words she came up, if she wants a feminine. So I got it the perfume. I got it smuggled in.

Don't ask me how. But the point is, this country, even if you're like very, very high up like her, it's not in the stores. Right, but they still want it. She wants to smell like a pretty woman.

Like more power. She wants to be normal. And she knows she's in jail for no reason because she was born on the other side of the DMZ. It's insane. Do they still have family on the other side and stuff like that? Or is that all destroyed? Is it anything like...

If you want to lose your mind. If you want to lose your mind, no, no. So if you have contact with the outside world, that's death penalty for your home. And also the dear leader said, the great leader said, class enemies must be exterminated three generations. So the family's punished.

Just three generations are punished. You don't always know who did something wrong. So three generation will be punished. They had negotiations with, this is really kind of emotional, with South Korea and at several points of the years, they had these reunifications and you can watch them on YouTube. So it's people like brothers who hadn't seen each other for like 30 years and they're given like an hour and the guides there watching the North Korean and then they just go and they're never going to talk again. And you watch this and you if you have any kind of human emotion, you're just going to start bawling. So it's like, how's mom? Like mom died 18 years.

years ago. Wow. And then it's like bye. It's really and also like don't say anything about what's going on there. You know not to say anything they both know just like I have two kids now oh cool we're thriving North Korea's awesome everything's awesome don't ask they're just getting trouble if you're oh my god and you watch them are just crying as they hug it's it's so unnerving and beautiful too I can't watch it after 70 years look at that's What? It's, it's, it's, it's, and the only reason they can't talk to other people is because of this evil North Korean government. Like, let's just be clear.

Let me go down here. Okay. Were there any cool, like, sites that you saw or like, is there good nature? Nature, we didn't really see. Okay, let's talk about nature. Okay. So I was talking to my guide, told her the parable of the fox and the scorpion. For people who don't know, fox and the scorpion.

Frog and the scorpion. It's either one. Okay. So frog, we use frog and scorpion. Okay. So frog and a scorpion went across the river. Scorpion goes, let me get on your back. Frog goes, how will I know you won't sting me?

Scorpion goes, if I sting you, we will drown. Bog, goes, okay, frog goes, makes sense. Scorpion gets on his back halfway through the scorpion, stings the frog and the frog goes, why'd you do that? And the scorpion goes, that's my nature. And it's kind of a parable about like some people are just irredeemable. And my guy didn't know what a scorpion was. And I'm like, okay, I drew it.

She's nothing. I go, it's like a lobster lives in the desert, nothing. And if you think about how many ways, you know what a scorpion, horoscope, Spider-Man, Matrix, you, but because there's none in North Korea, they don't need to know about it. God damn. Right? So then I'm like, okay, did you guys-

There's like a James Bond movie or something, but it's like, I meant billion things. It doesn't exist if it doesn't exist there. They don't need to know about it. Whoa. I also, she knew about, wow. Yeah. You don't even learn the animals of the earth?

Because you learn the animals of Korea. The earth doesn't matter. Korea's what matters. Do you get it? God. Oh my God. It's so different. It's so insane.

Not insane. It's actually very sane. It makes sense from their perspective. Yeah. Did it feel like that industrial communist vibe or does it more just like, did it feel more? I wouldn't say industrial because it just, it felt grimy. Okay. But it also felt like a pocket dimension.

I can't describe it. There's nothing analogous to it at all. Like even if like we, you and I went some trip to like a Rubin, threw our cell phones away and went offline. It's not like that because we know at any moment I could go look up by Twitter. Yeah. Or my bank account or go to an ATM. It was funny.

There's a boogie girl in a trip with me and she wanted to go to the ATM. And they're like, we don't have. We don't have those. They don't have those. They tell you at a time like bringing as much money is? No, they tell you to bring as much money. That's so fucking cool. It's, it's, it's, it's.

Did you have any time you just go off by yourself on a walk? God, no. Nothing. Nothing. Never. Never. Was there a crime issue at all? No.

No way, right? No way. Okay, solid. No way. That is solved. Yeah, you'd be nuts. So this is not interesting. This is a stupid museum they took us to.

Went to this restaurant, whatever. Okay. I don't want to show this, but there was a moment on, we're not sure, yeah. There was this moment on, there's this moment on, so they love to sing, right? because singing doesn't take electricity and it's it's free right so there's this amazing um song called arirang which is an anthem of the korean people okay and if anyone listen are we wrong

ri is wrong okay are ira ri r ang and if you watch anyone watching this just look for like a choir performing it it is heartbreakingly beautiful and even if you don't understand the lyrics it's you could see this sense of longing and mourning just through the words and the tone and just how it sang. And my guide, our guide, stood at the front of the bus and sang it. And it means like missing your lover, but also about the horrors of National Division. And it's just like, just the pain just really comes through as a very kind of intense moment. Because the thing is, what's different from them than from like us in America, everything is like earnest.

Like they don't really have irony or sarcasm. Like everything is on its face value. So when they're talking about a lot of this dark stuff, it's not like Beetlejuice. It's really dark. And you do, I felt this when I went to Japan because I was just in Japan in April and I was talking to my friend, she's Japanese

about like Korean and I mean the Hiroshima and Nagasaki. And what it clicked for me, walking around Tokyo, like this war affected every single person. Like there's not one person in this country where they could ignore it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And when you think about that.

ignore that one. Right. With Korea, it's in this North Korea, like, this affected every single family. I'm not saying good, bad, forget that. Like, on an individual level, it's traumatic, you know? Yeah, they said that's why Hello Kitty, the origins of that.

Oh, you ever hear about it? No. Okay, so World War II happens. Right. Two main powers. Germany, which got divided, and then realized some really horrific stuff. And they went to industrial music and like warehouse stuff. even on both sides of it.

It was very like, how does it feel? You know, and they're just like, dance this out. The lyric, there's no more like love songs. That's all fucking done. New Order? You thought you're in Germany? Well, no, but they're playing those.

Joy division. Yeah, that kind of music is playing there and starting there. And then in Japan, because of this really horrific thing, like extra horrific, they're like, we just went to childlike state. We can't be adults. This world is so horrific. Let's devolve into childlike. So that's why, hello kitty.

All the girls are dressed like little girls. All the women are just like, just like little girls. Holy crap. And it's generationally down from there. Because I, what else does? If a million can disappear in a second, what is all this? That makes so sense because one thing is disturbing about Tokyo is that their vision of male beauty

was like a boy band. And they have all these billboards with teenage boys with like lipstick and nail polish. Like what, but they're like there to attract women? I'm like, what is this shit? Yeah. And that's because there's no like testosterone. And this is a warrior country. I mean, this is the home of the samurai, right?

But they were like beat so bad. like, all right, we're done. We're definitely not as big. I thought we were big, but we're not. That makes so much sense because I was like, what is happening here? Yeah. It's like a place where Justin Timberlates looked at

as like Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's like, oh, wow. Let me see what, I'm barely through this. I got a lot to get through. All right. Okay, so here, this is another example. So this is like their central park. Let me pull it up.

So, we pull it up. So this is their central park. So, again, people in the West often think you go there and everything's beautiful and clean and I'm like, I'll go through these photos. You'll see this, again, this is their, like, best park in Pyongyang, but you could see, like, it's not amazing.

And you could see on the fountain, look at all this mildew. The lights aren't on, the fountain's not on. It's not, they can't hide it. They don't have the money to be cleaning. And this, again, and I've met refugees, and they're like, oh, what's Pyongyang like? Because they still think it's amazing. I'm like, I'm telling you, it's not, like,

Let me get to a very... That's the communist vibe, that dirt on stone, you know? Let me get to a very specific story because I want to make sure we get to it. Hold on a second. Yeah. And this was very revelatory, the school that they... Okay, let me talk about this.

So, this are these two gigantic statues of the great leader Kim Il-sung in the left, the dear leader Kim Jong-il on the right. Everyone who comes to the country has to go there and bow down before this statue. And when you look at these statues, you're not allowed to crop them. Like, you have to have a...

I don't know why. they don't explain why you have to have a photo the whole thing um and you i sent you i texted you the photo of me with the other two statues where said juche um and it's this and people get married in front of the statues it's like this big huge uh production what's funny about this is when kim jung ill who was not at all necessarily going to be the successor to his father kimosong in the left like he was a big part of building up this personality cult so when they put up the statue of the great illy kimosong in the left it was like all code in gold And the Chinese are like, guys were communists,

like, do we really want to have statues of us in gold? And Kim Jong-il's like, you're right, so he changed it to bronze. And that's him on the right is Kim Jong-il. And by the way, it looks- Tell them apart. It looks, well, you can't tell anyone apart in those countries. That must be hard, too. Like, we had the guy I talked to before?

It also, he looks, it's like a rip-off of the Walt Disney statue on the left. Yeah. Oh, my God. No, he invented that pose. No, Walt Disney stole from us. Wow. Yeah. It must be great to have nobody.

There's all these French comedians. They're just like, once they started comedy there, they're like, oh, let's go take all of Seinfeld, Chris Rock, all these people. We'll split up their material. No one here knows them. Imagine having the whole world is your inspiration. No one knows anything you've ever seen. Yes, so much of this stuff they just took from now and they pretend that they made it up, you know.

Yeah, so that's a big thing. Let me get to the school. Hold on. This is the big one. Okay. hospital, hold on, but the school's the important one. This is the one that really gets to you. Hold on, let me see that food too.

Okay, well, you know, I see the food? I'll show you the food here. Is this like typical stuff? So this is like this, it's like a pound cake almost. They gave us for breakfast. And then, yeah, the pound cake, muffin. And it was like chicken in this like, um, starchy thing. Like a, like a, I don't even if that is.

Okay, so this, let's talk about, let's talk about this. Okay, let's tell this story. This is very important. Okay, look how young you look. Yeah. So, your side hair. This is,

they took us to a store. Yeah. Okay? And they said, we're going to go to school. We're going to get candy for all the kids. Now,

my Russian brain knew exactly what that meant. In the same way that, like, if I ask you what's this, you're like a mic and what's the four it's for talking?

Like, what did I even ask me this? I knew exactly what happened, which is you buy the candy, you give it to the teacher, the candy goes back to the store. The store, like,

I know, like, It's just a mics for talking. Like that's how it works in these countries. Because they said specifically, we're not giving the candy the kids. We're giving to the teacher. I'm like, okay, I know exactly.

Teach's not giving it out. This is just a con. Like, no question. So when we run to the school, all the kids run up to us, each one grabs us by the hand. And I told one of my friends, one of my fellow tour members,

I go, because I took one of those coins and put in my pocket because I'm like, I'm giving this kid candy. And I said to the girl, I go, when I give this kid candy, take a picture. And she goes,

we're not allowed to give them candy. I go, when I give this kid candy, take a picture. So I palmed it. He grabs my hand, this little kid. I give him the chocolate. He looks at his hand, looks up at me, and I go, and he just puts in his pocket real quick.

So I got him as chocolate. So I was really happy with that, yeah. He know enough to be like, he showed up about this. They know how to do this, yeah. Why you guys are wearing suits? Is that just your style? I just wanted to. No, because we came from visiting the statues.

So we had to show our respect to the statues. God, it's so fucking weird. Yeah. How much does this trip cost you? It was like a couple grand. It was nuts because you have to fly to China, then fly to North Korea. The flight was the stuff.

The flight, it adds up. But the thing that's awful about the school, let me get them. First of all, the school's fake. And the reason you know the school's fake is schools are noisy, right? So when we're walking through like one classroom and the kids are in the hallway,

it's doing a song for us, everything else is dead silent. It's not a real school. So they're not really good at being dishonest. Yeah. So the thing that was, most screwed up you'll see these kids hold on see they're all like they're so cute um the thing that really struck me was I can't handle like when fucked up things happen to kids like I know like it's a

dark moment of comedy get hard on it it's like it's not what's something I asked for like I'll do John Bonnet jokes but when it's like real like in terms of like in front of you like I can't do it no you can't do any joke when you let it in you're like yeah yeah I'm not funny anymore and the thing with this school is you could hear a lot of these kids are super elite these are the kids of the military they're in Pyongyang yeah but when you hear their chest colds and them coughing and knowing they're not really ever going to be warm they're not going to be able have medicine it does a fucking number on you like hearing kids coughing like that with that chest congestion it's it's i'll never forget that and what's even funnier is i almost i haven't told the story before i almost got in a

fight on the bus which was really scary with one of my tourmates because he's He's this very, like, wealthy, like, you know, white person. You know what I mean? Like these, like, waspy, like, banker types. And we go to one of the classrooms. Hold on a second. It was this. No, hold on.

Sorry, I'll get it. One second, guys. Look at their fake Mickey Mouse. It's so funny. It's a real Mickey Mouse. What do you mean? Oh, you mean like it's just a bootleg? Yeah.

So we go to this class. Okay. Right? With this model of... Of the city? Yeah. of the city and the teacher goes

to the guy and my tour guide tour group and she goes what's the most beautiful place in the world and he's like oh the mountains

and everyone laughs and the kids Pyongyang and I'm on the bus I'm clowning him like what a I mean and he turns around

he was about to hit me goes you're just a fucking troll you don't ever stop because I was going after the whole tour and everyone got really uncomfortable now I am not

a tough guy but I'm also not going to back down because I know people aren't going to do shit. Yeah. But I was in North Korea. What's it going to do? Get into a physical altercation in South in North Korea. But at the same time, I'm like, I'm not rolling these dice. Right. Because this is North Korea. And if I'm causing a problem, like, you're part of the problem. So I'm Dave Smith. Yeah, Dave Smith. So I was like, I kept my mouth shut. Wow. But that, that happened.

What were the other people in the tour like, were they having a good time? Were there, were there, was it like, was it like, yeah, it was like rich people? Was it just like young travelers? It was Young travelers and you know these kind of extreme travelers, like people go to like places you're not supposed to go. But can't just go to the beach. Right. It has to be a fucking Namibian beach with access. Right.

Right. So it's a lot of, a bunch of Canadians, a bunch of Europeans. I think I was maybe the only American, but it was really kind of a, it was a good group. I enjoyed it a lot. No, there were a couple of, the guy was an American, sorry, the one who got my face, who threatened violence. It was really great.

It sounds right. Violence. So it's illegal to go now? after they killed Ottawa Mbier I don't remember that so Ottawa Mbier was American tourist he went to North Korea they

he very stupidly left his hotel room at night and went to one of the other floors and was like supposedly trying to steal a poster at the very least he was trespassing right yeah they held him they seized him at the airport they held him hostage eventually they let him go but he was like in a coma

yeah remember that now and he ended up dying and this was a they trying to get them back for so long yeah it was not long here we'll give you a shell of a body yeah and they I think his parents launched I know his parents launched a lawsuit against North Korea it was a whole thing but after

that it became illegal again yeah it's just totally not safe it is safe I'm sorry like like you know better than that in Myanmar I was there was some Dutch guy that was like they called a prayer for the Hindu for the Buddhist there and it was outside his hotel room and he just like couldn't sleep and he went out and unplugged

And they're like, you're in jail. It goes, oh, I didn't know as a person. Like, you knew what it was. Right. You knew what it was. You knew it's not up to you. This is not your house. Yeah.

Like that's the whole thing. Like while I'm there, I did not feel unsafe. But I'm like, this is not your house. Yeah. It's like being in a lesbian bar. This is not for you. Respect the space. Yeah.

And it's like, and these people don't mess around with their own people. Why would they mess around with me? What do they care? There is this thing of like American like, I'm untouchable kind of stuff. It's so bizarre. exists in like if you're like in nature like oh it's a moose i can go up to it like no there's no safety precautions here yeah they think this yeah yeah you just don't feel danger or they think everything's disney yeah yeah so how'd you feel coming back i cried on the plane because like you know

that the guide had the same haircut my mom had like 1983 and the last day i wrote about this for reason magazine when i came back i said to her yeah i go i go i go i go i go i did because I said um uh you know that she reminds me of my mom like her haircut and her vibe she goes well your mom must hate her Russia so like that was like her way of telling me you know and she doesn't enjoy this stuff she's feeling forced well she she enjoys her job but you know one of the guys from the tour group stayed for another week uh you had that option and they were like running out of things to show him and he got to know her more and they're both the guys were like like I love to travel the world.

You know, I have the money. I can't. Plus they must meet people from all over. Of course. So you get, that's the only way you can get any sort of notification about there. People coming to that job specifically.

Yes. Saying like I had a cheeseburger. Like, a what? Yeah. You put cheese on a burger? I mean, you're, it's what a fun job it is on the one hand. Were you meeting people all of the world

and showing them your country and getting to know them? But that's it. You're not, this is it for you. You're, this is your ceiling. And at any moment,

you could be in, again, the countryside. if you cross the wrong person. It's rough, dude. And when I see her picture on Instagram, it's just like, it does a number on me. I'm not going to lie.

Oh. It's like when Chris Hansen hears about these kids fucking kids, you know, and he's like, oh, I just hear about it, but I never get to like do it. Do you know the funniest, one of the funniest moments I've ever seen, this is totally a sidebar,

was on Chris Hanson when he was on Artie and Anthony, it was the first week. No, Artie and Anthony, when Artie and Andy Lang became as co-host and Chris Hanson was on, and he's talking about. about 9-11 and what he was doing that day and already turns and goes were you the let's roll guy and chris hansson did not find it funny i was die oh you're the let's roll guy

is he still alive he's already alive does anyone know he's he's he's at home a lot okay is alive but he's he's not coming out yeah i think he's sober too okay good yeah his nose is reconstituting okay uh yeah yeah nature heels yeah nature heels is that have you what's the what's the most like intense place you've been to. Myanmar's pretty intense. Myanmar, I got, like, taken, like, we're just, like, in one of the cities you're not supposed to stay in, and they're like, we'll make an exception for you. We've got a local minister to write you a letter.

And then we're, like, walking around. It's like, oh, there's some statue. Let's take a picture. And then a bunch of army guys come out. Like, what's what do you take pictures of? Like, just a statue. And like, let me see, delete them. Delete them. Let's go. Where's your passports? And we're like, in our hotel, like, let's go. And just being led by gunpoint back to show. Were you scared?

Yeah, I was scared. At that point, I was scared. At that point, I was scared. Because I was like, I don't know. There's also all these junta's where like, this is an official army. And I'm like, yeah, guys, we're not, I'm not, I don't, immediately go, I'm so, whatever you need. I'm sorry. Yeah.

Yeah, that was, yeah, a few places like that where you're like, oh, I don't really know the rules. Right. In North Korea, you know the rules. Yeah. Did you ever go back? I, possibly. But I think next I would want to go to Eritrea. Have you been there?

No, but my people were from a lot of black Jews. Is that right? From Ethiopia, I guess. Eritrea, why there? So I ask everybody, he's like, what's calling you? But I've never gotten that one. Because I was reading some articles like eight years ago, and North Korea got bumped off the list of, like, least free.

And Eritrea, I'm like, what the fuck's Eritrea? Really? And Eritrea is part of, was formerly part of Ethiopia, right? Uh-huh, somewhere. They took all the reporters and put them in metal boxes and left them in the death. desert. Oh, but it's never going to get a good story like that. But the capital city, Asmara, was built by Mussolini when he had captured it in whatever the 20s. So it's a perfectly preserved 1920s like Mussolini fascist city in the middle of Africa. It's a cafe culture,

so it's really this bizarre dichotomy between this like complete dystopia and this like art deco masterpiece. I love seeing those. I've never been to like Laos, but the, like the French, what they left, you know, or even the, in, in, in, in Vietnam. Pull up, Aritria Fiat, because it's just this, like, the pull up Fiat, Fiat. Yeah, there's this like Fiat building in the middle of, this, like in Africa.

Wow. Well, that's not, Rick. That's okay. We're going to figure out that. That's cool. Yeah, I would like to do something like that. I want to go to Morocco. Why Morocco?

I don't know. Just calling me. That's so, that's so, you play, You pray love. Where else don't want to go? I want to go to Laos. I've never been there. Have you thought about going on a trip and bringing,

okay, here's, I just thought of this. Okay. I'm tossing it your way. Okay. I was born in Ukraine, in Lviviv. Oh. I left there when I was two, have never been back.

Okay. I would, would you, why don't we get a videographer and go, and that would be a good to Ukraine? Yeah. I'm in.

And then also St. Petersburg. Russia. Yeah. What do you want just do Ukraine? I like Ukraine. I've never been called

by Russia but I'm not like mad at them or anything. I just like nothing there is like oh I'd love to go to Ukraine. Okay. This would be an episode that we can film it. Oh, 100%.

Okay. I'm so serious about this because I've been meaning to do this my buddy Chris Williamson then COVID hit then the war hit. Yeah. But I think it'll be a lot funnier.

Oh yeah. Let's get fucking wild in Ukraine, dude. You're going to have to do the drugs I find. What kind of drug? I don't know. Well, I see, Ari, I think that's the case. I don't know what it's going to be.

Ari, I think that's the case with you and everybody that they have to. You're going to have to do the drugs. I think that's kind of your thing. That crocodile where your like skin falls off. Yeah. All right. I have to wrap it up there. Oh, okay.

But yeah, I'm in. This would be a great special episode for the podcast. Yeah, I will. I don't think it'll be that much money. All right. Guys, Michael Malice. do all your promos and stuff. I'll put it in later. Okay. But you got a pod?

You don't do any research. Yeah. It's called Legion of Skinks. No, shut up. That'd be so fun. Just to rename it that and we go bigger than them. What do you got? You have a podcast, right? Yeah. Again, I'll put it in earlier. Yeah. What is it though? There he is. Thanks guys. Thanks guys for eventually helping me out of that. You're welcome with Michael Amalas. All right. Nice. Yeah. Oh, 4.7 stars.

I didn't realize that. 4.7 stars. 1,900 reviews. That's real. Is that a lot? I mean, it's not like 30 reviews or like five where it's your mom going. He's the best son I have. She would never say that.

Buddy, thank you. This is really interesting. No one's going to be doing, like, people are like, I've already got a bunch of Amsterdam. No one's doing it. That's true. That's true. Yeah. All right.

This is going to be way different than the Bobby Lee South Korea. It's just going to be all hookers. Awesome. All right. Thanks, man. My pleasure. Yeah. Okay. That's the episode, everybody.

By the way, my shirt is sponsored by Misha. Look at this. How fucking cool this design is. So some guy in Bodega today, some Dominican, he was like, what's that supposed to mean? What do you think it means? He goes, it's all a scam? I'm like, yeah, bro.

It's all a scam. Can you see that? It's all a scam, dude. They're all the same. They're all the same. Why are you playing fucking party games? They're all fucking mass murderers. Michael Malice.

Thank you very much. coming in. That was cool. I did not think I would get a North Korea episode anytime soon. You rule, dude. Come back again. That was adventurous as hell. I'm maybe most adventurous. That's a Trippie Award nominee. Let's do it right now. That's a Trippie Award nominee for most adventurous. Michael Mouse, sorry, North Korea. It's not on my list of places to go, to be honest. Even after this podcast, it doesn't look beautiful. Venezuela would like to go. Actually would like to go. Maybe I will soon.

North Korea? Actually, I don't even want to go to South Korea. Anyway, guys, have you got the end yet? By the way, wherever you're watching, listen, please subscribe, you know, leave a comment on YouTube. Subscribe. Right now, do it. Hit subscribe.

Every week I got a new fucking guest that comes in. Next week, Fahimonwar talks about his college. So if you're new to this podcast, it goes from anywhere from people who went last week, people who went decades ago. Fahimonwar comes on to talk brought us first trip to Europe as a gap year kid and just how amazed he was at being overseas. That everybody relates in this podcast to one thing, the joy and the newness of travel.

And for him, we'll do that next week. For myself, I've got the TV show The End. That's all I've got to promote right now. The End, watch Legion of Skanks. And then that's it. That's it. I got nothing else. Right?

No, I got nothing else. The End is available at ari-shafir.com right now. Episode started $5.99 for a one-hour episode, including guests, comedians, telling true stories onstage and from an audience. Massive guys. Me, I'm mid-level. Colum Tirole, maybe had the set of the whole show. Tom Segura, Arena Comic. Nate Bargazzi, arena comic. Jim Brewer, crushed, maybe the set of the show.

Just a Reed, maybe the set of the show. Nope, she wasn't on that. Steve Simone, one of the best storytellers of all the time. We got Chris DeStefano, Miss Pat, Jordan Jensen, Joe List. Guys, this is a crazy lineup, and you should get it. You should support independent productions like this. It's for like, it's like four cups of coffee. Yeah, make coffee at home every day this week instead of going out and buy it on the way, and then you got it.

Yeah, seven for the price of five, one hour episodes, plus a crazy prologue by, by William Child. It's a crazy claymation artist. And art by Kevin Christie, who made all this stuff from the original. It's just, honestly, couldn't be happy with it.

The fucking, what's it called? Experiment paid off. Doing this independently has paid off instantly. I love it. I love that you guys are loving it. DeStefano, who else? Sam Talent, Robert Kelly,

Mark Norman, Joe List, Shane Gillis, Dan Soder, Big J. O'Kerson from the roast. That's two guys in the roast. Oh, no, it's three. Tony Hinchcliffe. We got three guys from that crazy roast on this show, the end. Sarah Tolamash, Ali Sadiq, one of the greatest storytellers of all time.

I'm missing somebody. Yeah, whatever. There's other people. The point is, go to arieshafer.com right now and support me. I don't ask you to support much, but it's less than the price of a ticket to a show, and you get seven hours. That's like four full movies, right in your pocket. one half, three, it's more. Well, let's say an hour and 45 minute movies. All right, guys, that's it. Next week for Hey, Maenmore.

Please subscribe wherever watching and listening. Thank you very much to Alan Kathy for editing to this episode. Thank you very much for YMH for producing. Also, they got a new show with Duncan Trusel and Kurt Metzker. I called Something. I don't know, but check that out. And also check out Vile Horrendous with number one pig in the world,

Joe DeRosa. Also, my buddy Matt Edgar, you know, from Skeptuank episodes, multiple, and this is not happening. Matt Egger podcast. I'm on the inaugural episode of his show. Bomb Shelter with Matt Edgar. I'm on the first episode.

It's all about craziest bomb stories, worst bomb stories. It's going to be really depressing. But it's funny, too. All right, that's it for me, everybody. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. And if you did like it, if you knew, like I said, subscribe. And come back again.

We've also got like 100 episodes. So if you're looking to go to a place, not every one is a good travel. It's not like Lonely Planet World to tell you where to go. It's more just experiential. We've got somebody that spent like the entire time in Laos in a hospital. So you don't get any travel tips or what to eat from them. All you get is like, what was it like for him? It's fun.

I like that better. Tell me about your trip. That's what this podcast you be trippin. It's all about. I'm Ari Shafir, and I'll see you next week. To the leader.