You Be Trippin' - Peru w/ Joe List | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

SPONSORS: Just go to this exclusive web address right now to try ZipRecruiter FOR FREE: https://ZipRecruiter.com/TRIPPIN Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code TRIPPIN at https://Manscaped.com. Welcome aboard You Be Trippin' hosted by Ari Shaffir! This week Ari is joined by comedian and close friend, Joe List on trip to the beautiful country of Peru. This trip for Joe is a little bit of a heartbreaker for him, but he'll get to that. They're starting off strong with an Ambien haze and a felony. The hike to Machu Picchu is a little treacherous, in more ways than one, but the views along the way are unreal. If the start of the trip sounds a little rough, wait until you hear the ending. Nonetheless, Ari and Joe feel inspired by the adventure and are ready to get back out there to make their own trail. https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com You Be Trippin Ep. 05 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I've literally had one cup of coffee in my life and it was in the guy was like people fly all over the world to taste this coffee and like he's holding the beans he's like this is this coffee and I was like it's just dog sh**. Nah. Get the f*** out of here. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show. Yeah, we're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin', yeah. Hello, everybody. Welcome to UB Trippin', the podcast that takes you around the world. Today, my guest is a stand-up comedian, a great stand-up comedian, one of the best in the world. He has specials on YouTube called This Year's Material. And I hate myself.

I hate myself. I hate myself. Also, one of the best travelers in stand-up comedy. Please help me welcome Joe List. Joe, where are you taking us today? Well, they really helped you. What? They really helped you welcome me.

They really did. I can feel them helping. Yeah. No, I imagine them all at home really fucking going for it. Yeah. Peru. I went to Peru many years ago. You went to Peru. I've been to many places, of course. I can feel them helping. No, I imagine them all at home really fucking going for it. Yeah. Peru. I went to Peru many years ago. You went to Peru.

I've been to many places, of course. Yeah, you'll be back in this. This is the first of many times you'll be on this podcast. Thank you. I appreciate that. Peru. Peru. Why'd you go?

Why Peru? I've wanted to go to Peru. Peru rules. It was the best. Peru rules. One of the coolest trips. still one of my favorite places and you know what's hard is now i'm married to a wonderful woman we travel all over the place yeah yeah and my best trip ever is with my ex-girlfriend you went with the chick yeah um but we were exes

so it's kind of a long story i'll condense you were already exes when you went with her yeah bold so bold move i had this i had this woman i was madly in love with we met it was one of those like i was on stage at caroline's bombing and there was one person laughing in the back and i said i don't know who's laughing back there but i'm in love with you and then afterwards she came up and was like i'm the one who was laughing and she was extremely extremely attractive. That's how you met her? That's how I met her. Wow. So I told her I loved her before I had ever met her, which when you're young, a meeting story means so much to you. So much. You're right.

I'm a romantic. I like movies. So I was like, this has to be the one. Because we've got a story already. Exactly. You don't want to be like dating app. You don't want to be like my friend thought, hey, you're single, and my other friend's single. You should meet my friend.

Well, exactly. That's a boring story. My now wife, Sarah Talamash, wonderful comedian and friend. What's the story? We just knew each other. I don't even remember meeting her. Yeah, exactly. We were just comedians.

We were just two comedians. She lived two blocks away. I was like, I'd fuck her. I wouldn't know fucking her. And then she remembers meeting me. She i was like i'd fuck her i wouldn't know fucking her and then she remembers meeting me she's like i'd fuck her dan soda introduced us to the creek i remember i was drinking and literally it was just like all right well you're two blocks away i'm two blocks away fuck it whatever we'll just date that's our story it would have been way the other one would have been so much better then when harry met Sally is just so like, you did make a movie about that. Yeah, it ruined.

Let's go to Peru, dude. Let's not ruin this. Let's go to Peru. Okay, so anyways, long story short, we fell in love. We moved in. We dated. But she was a free spirit, which is what drew me to her. Did you ever shit in her shoe?

No, that came after. That came shortly after. But I did. Yeah. Spoiler alert or whatever. I did see her shit peru in my face okay well we're going to get to that okay so anyway she left me for argentina she moved to argentina to be a teacher oh no and i was like argentina new york um she went to argentina to

go be a teacher and do some kind of program, whatever they teach you. Wait, and you broke up for that reason? Yeah. Were you already on the rocks? Or was that just like, I gotta live my life? No, no, it was good, but she's like, I'm not. The whole time, she kept being like, I'm not here to live in New York. She was like, I love you, and we're having sex.

It's great. And she was troubled, a hard time in her life, whatever. But she went to Argentina, and she's like, we're not gonna stay. I thought, let's just stay together. I'll come visit you, whatever. She wasn't into it, so she went to Argentina and she's like we're not going to stay I thought let's just stay together I'll come visit you whatever she wasn't into it

so she went to South America yeah so just before we get to Peru so I was devastated obviously super heartbroken drunk this is when I shit in the girl's shoe

this is when I got herpes I just went off the rails oh she did all that to you totally off the rails actually that lost shoe is her fault yeah it's her fault oh um i take no responsibility for any of that behavior whatsoever so all this happens

then i got on last comic standing yeah that season i was all pumped and i got i made it to like la to the semi-finals when they called my name i looked in the the camera, and I said, I miss you, blank her name. Because I was like, she's going to see this. It's going to be great. Oh, yeah. Last time I was standing was huge in Argentina. Well, she could stream it, whatever. And I was messaging her being like, I'm going to be famous. I'm going to be a household name. And you're in. You're part of the ride, baby.

I still love you, and I'm going to win her back. And then the show aired. I was completely edited out. Nobody told me anything. I just watched it. it she watched it i don't appear in there oh nobody warned me but then shortly after that she said i've been doing some thinking and if you really want to come down here and visit she's like i don't want it to be drama i don't want to be whatever we're not getting back together but um i could i'd like to see you if you think you can handle that. And, of course, I was like, we're getting back together?

I was like, who needs Last Comic Standing? And so she said, I'm going to go to Peru. We could meet in Peru. And she said, I've always wanted to go to Machu Picchu, and we're going to hike the trail. Most people don't hike. There's a more well-known trail. Is this one of those multi-day hikes? Oh, it's like a seven-day hike. You're hiking eight miles a day i love these it's amazing i've done a couple of these and i just heard about one in spain france spain obviously a big one but yeah yeah

but like these i i think they're all over the world yeah he's like trails that i think i it was just was it with trade routes what was it do you know i think it was the i should know more and people are gonna be like you fucking idiot i think it was like an inca trail was it like a pilgrimage thing or was it just like it's just a trail i think it was to the city because it goes directly to machu pichu and it's a trail it's a common trail but much less common than i think it's just called machu pichu trail but this because she's a big traveler too and did all that's almost like you want to go to that one. Oh, absolutely. They both go to Machu Picchu?

Yes. So, okay. So this is the better trail. It's funny, because I just talked to my friend Andrew Chavone. Yeah. His girlfriend, she's like, I did the trail. And I was like, I did, too. And she's like, that's the rare one.

I've never met anyone that did it. I was like, I've never met anyone that did it. So it's a great trail. I highly recommend it. So she set up the whole thing and at this point i hadn't really done much traveling like that i had been to i think maybe i went to iraq with the uso yeah at the usa with nate bargatzee and i saw that picture still at the creek it's such a cool but you guys are so young with your flak jackets on yes it was stolen by the. It was a gift for Nate, and he left it there drunk. And then Rebecca just took it.

She just owns it now. It was my going-away gift to Nate. Not stolen, but he left it because he used to be a drunk. Yeah. But any jizz. So she put together the whole thing, and she hired this, not hired, but there's like a company that leads the trail. It's like a Sherpa guy, this guy named Kike.

And then they have two guys with donkeys. K-I-K-E. Yes. I've seen it used and pronounced differently. Yeah, I bet. I think I saw it on your forehead one day. It's funny because there's no, in my CD, I thanked him. I thanked him. I thanked him, and there's no tilde, not a tilde, but a whatever accent on the typewriter.

So it just says Kike in my CD. Thanks, Kike. It just says, thank you, Sarah. Thank you, Bethany. Thank you, Kike. Thank you, Ari. I couldn't have gotten through this without Kikes. But anyways, his name was Kike with an accent.

And so they have like, you know, you get like your own Sherpa guy. And what do you got to hike with? You're hiking. What do you got to put on you? I hike with a backpack, with a regular backpack. So you're not bringing a sleeping bag? They take the shit they have the so you have that big bag you know the huge bags yeah the the fucking four foot real hiking that we hike with

when we do um bobby kelly yeah bushcrafting bushcraft party boys party boys so they take those they put them on the donkey and they go up ahead sweet and then when you get there they have camp set up and they're cooking lunch and shit. That's how I did it in Myanmar. So it's like they'll meet us. They know where you're going to be for lunch. Yes. They meet you for lunch. Then you keep going. You go to dinner. So what do you got in your bag?

Toothpaste, toothbrush? Toothpaste, toothbrush. Water. Maybe some socks. Water, some snacks, shit. And then this is hilarious. You'll love this. So at the time I was like i have a very finicky diet i eat like four things yeah so i packed my backpack how the fuck did you go to peru well i want to know what you ate okay i'm good in foreign countries when i have to be i'm good yeah so i had these mres like like army meals like macaroni and cheese and spaghetti and

meatballs and i fully intended to bring them and have the guy, I was like, I'll just make these. And then the first day of hiking, you get there and there's two Peruvian Sherpas that don't speak any English. And they're like cooking a fucking meal. You can't be like, would you mind tossing my crap mac and cheese on there? So I just had to go with it. Dude, embarrassment will get you to do a lot of stuff you won't do. Exactly.

Exactly. They say in Judaism, where you're like an Orthodox Jew, you can't touch women from the opposite sex if you're not married to them. Or if it's like your mom or something. But they go like, what if somebody shakes their hand? In the secular world, they don't know that. They come in, they shake your hand.

And the rabbi's like, well, I've had that happen at Yeshiva University. Like someone just... You pretend like you're writing the chalkboard. You see it. You're hoping they don't turn around. And I keep seeing her. Her hand is just out waiting. And it's like it's not worth the level of embarrassment

to that person. So you just quickly give them and then you get off. You gotta eat that meal. Can't you ask for forgiveness if you touch a broad? Yeah. Do you guys have forgiveness? Yes. Okay.

I don't know. We're not fucking the internet. Well, I know that's big in some communities, whatever. Yeah. We don't have a box for it. It's just like, hey, you got one on your tally. Move on. So anyways, I went there and it was very exciting.

What kind of shit are they cooking? We had a lot of soup. There was always a soup of some kind. And I guess some kind of, I can't remember really. Chicken shit, a lot of rice, a lot of soup, a lot of fucking. One day there was like a pasta dish. I don't know what else we ate. Was this traditional food or was it just like, no, it was just hiker food?

No, it was like traditional Peruvian food and shit. But a lot of soups. Soups were big and there was soups and bread always, which was good. Yeah, yeah. That's nice. And so I just ate it. Plus I was trying to impress her. I was trying to win her back.

So I was like, I'll do fucking anything. But so the thing is, usually we didn't go on uh just us to a private tour we went on a group tour sure but it just happened to be we were the only two so we like just scored and got a private thing and you're like yes and she's like fuck um well no and it was also like the rain season, but we never saw any rain, which was incredible. Every vacation, it's just you're taking a chance that it's going to be a good week. No matter what you do, it's like, yeah, if we caught four days of rain, we're fucked. But some places, isn't it funny?

Like you were just in Paris. You want rain in Paris. England, London, Paris, Wales are Places that are synonymous with rain. Paris, the streets get wet, the lights are illuminated. It's not that you want it to rain every day. Paris in the rain is romantic. If you go to fucking Cayman Islands

and it rains every day, you want to kill yourself. I was jerking off a lot. The geo tags on my computer read my computer, so it was all Pornhub was it was all French girls going, oui, oui. I'm like, perfect. I thought you were better than that.

I'm not. How old are you really? Aren't you like 59? How are you masturbating to porn this often? You're in France, dude. You're fucking looking at all these French chicks, and you're like, yeah, I got to get some release. I hear you.

I hear you. You can't. You're doing the, in the the showers they'll get stopped up Yeah I guess that's a good point We need a shower porn screen So you can like jerk off in the shower Let's go back to Peru Alright let's go back to Peru

I would love to go back to Peru But don't you have this thing with travel that you're like I can't go back there I already went there Yes what is that let's talk about that for a second It's something I'm struggling with You're like I checked it off but like you've had magical experiences traveling right that house we went into the next time you come we'll talk about ecuador but like we would go i would want to go back to that place yes and yet you'd be like it's a waste because if

i go back there i'm not going to Peru. But here's the thing, though. Isn't that just ego? Yeah, it is. That's ego going, no, I want to get to multiple places. Right. So check things off so I can brag to people of how many countries you've been to. Or I'll do this where I'm like, now I've been to Paris, but I've never been to the French Riviera.

So now I'm like, I don't want to go to the French Riviera because I already checked France off. I have the same exact thing. What a dumb fucking way to live. I have the exact thing. It's ego. Ego is the enemy. Yeah, because I make lists of the countries that you can brag about. I'm the same way.

I went to Berlin, but I was like, technically, Germany's already on my list. I've already been there. Yeah. But I'm like, ah, fuck it. It's ego. It's ego. And you've got to get over that. Like, what?

You want to be like, I've been to lots of places a bunch of times. Plus, if you want to do ego, you could be like, I've been to Peru twice. Like, I've been to Kuwait twice. That's right. Well, how cool is it when you're like, yeah, I've been to lots of places a bunch of times. Plus, if you want to do ego, you can be like, I've been to Peru twice. Like, I've been to Kuwait twice. That's right. Well, how cool is it when you're like, yeah, I've been to France. I've been to Paris like 20 times. Like, oh, wow. Yeah.

Hey, everybody. I'm Ori Shafir, and I'm a stand-up comedian. And I play rooms like this on occasion. And I'm doing my new stand-up comedy special April 26th and 27th in Washington, D.C. Who wants to come out and see me record my new stand-up comedy special? Washington, D.C. at the Capitol Turnaround, April 26th and 27th. Tickets are at rashafir.com. And I'm going to be all over the road.

Let's see, real quick. Cincinnati on April 1st, and then I'm just going to run through them. Cleveland, we added two shows. Columbus sold out. Grand Rapids, April 4th. Detroit, April 5th. Toronto, April 6th. Added a show. Halifax, added a show. The first show sold out April 11th.

Ottawa, April 12th. Rutland, New York, the 13th. Huntington, New York, the 14th. Austin, Texas, 420. My special on 4, 26, and 27th. I'm doing storytelling shows in May, May 9th and 10th at the Comedy Store in Los Angeles, and then

all over Australia. Melbourne, May 17th, Adelaide, the 25th, Canberra, Brisbane, Sydney. Get tickets at rhshafear.com. And you can check out Joe List. He has his own special called Enough for Everybody.

It's on YouTube right now. Check that out. Joe is going to be also appearing in the following places starting in April. Burlington, Vermont, Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo, Los Angeles, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Salt Lake City,

Seattle, and that takes us through July. Go to ComedianJoeList.com. Guys, on all my tickets that are AriShafeer.com slash tour, definitely come to this special Washington, D.C. And also subscribe to this podcast, You Be Trippin' Pod on YouTube,

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So I'm better than you here you go did you ever go for two weeks straight two weeks straight no I went for eight days straight did you go to the

French Open no you didn't did you go to the did you go to the some street that I went to probably you didn't get to go to Circus Bakery

because it was closed you didn't get to go to Shakespeare and Co because it was too many people there was a line you didn't get to go to Notre Dame

because it was burned down I did that, though. Me and my people planned it. You weren't in the original meetings. Kike. So we went down there. Notre Dame. You know why it's the most visited site in Paris? Why? Hint. The Jews?

Hint. Nose? What are we known for? Big noses. What else though? Money. Money, greed yeah running show business why does everybody go to notre dame i don't know i don't get it free oh it's free yeah i wasn't thinking should i let the dog out let her out but like don't knock the fucking see the tripod don't knock the tripod oh so you're saying do not knock the tripod over yeah that's your i should just open it wide enough for the dog to get up and not move over the camera yes confirmed confirmed uh look at my shorts that's

bad okay okay yeah you're gonna carrot top that dick out on screen for sure all right so we go to peru we haven't even got there yet okay so i fly down there and then this is hilarious so it's you're young you're naive and she's I'm so excited to meet her. Don't knock the thing. Bandit. Bandit, didn't you listen to us? Don't you listen? You fucking idiot. Don't knock the thing. So we go down there, and she says to me, this is so stupid. I love you.

I want you back. No. So we're talking over Skype at the time. And I'm all excited. The last weekend I did was with DeRosa and Norman. And I was going to meet. I'm like, I don't even care what you guys say. I'm going to get my love back.

I was so excited. I really thought I was going to meet. I'm like, I don't even care what you guys say. I'm going to get my love back. I was so excited. I really thought I was getting her back. And then she told me, this is so stupid, but I was so naive to travel. And anything she said, I would just listen to it. She's like, you should get an Ambien for the flight because it's going to fuck you up. But looking back now, I'm like, it's south. There's not even time zones at play. Right.

Because I was flying like a red eye. And so I got in. It's behind you. So we're going yeah it really is straight south yeah it's pretty due south because it's on the west coast yes so it's like due south yes look at this line that's i mean just inland a little bit but like so i got an ambient right there i got an ambient and there's keto but we flew too so i get an ambient i take an ambient on the flight and like i'm like okay

because she just said it so i was like all right it's like the stupidest thing and then i take it and i didn't know this this is a different topic i'm sorry i'm a very long-winded trip yeah i take the uh ambient and i didn't know all of a sudden you get a meal because i've never flown international so i gotta stay awake to get my meal and if you take ambient and stay awake it's fucking rad oh that's when you start living a different life You're like woo That's the original DMT It's like this drug fucking kicks ass

You're cooking, you're flying for a little while And not remembering Isn't Ambien the one where people are like They're like I woke up And oh it was this story I heard Somebody was sleepwalking on it Went down, got a turkey Cooked a turkey, turkey ate it went to sleep

woke up in the morning saw just a cooked and eaten turkey and called the police it's like someone broke in and ate a turkey and left yeah i think it's bad i think it's danger i mean if you use it as prescribed or whatever but you also have drug people if you take ambient and stay awake it's nice fucking kick ass okay it what's in the morning's ambient so I take an ambient I land and I'm getting there a few hours before her like six or seven hours before her I get to the airport I flew to Cusco which is a beautiful little town and everyone warns you about pickpockets and all that shit people make foreign countries sound like you're just gonna get fucking stabbed and murdered yeah right i land there i get a cab and i'm shitting my pants because i'm like i don't know

what i'm doing i've never flown to a fucking foreign country like this before i've been to canada whatever and so i get there i get in the cab and i say here's the thing we're staying at a youth hostel the cab gets drives around cobblestones it's beautiful i'm taking it all in i'm blown away. We get to the top of this hill, and the road is like a really narrow, one-way cobblestone. And he goes, I can't take you down there. He's like, I drop you here. It's right down there.

And I go, okay, great. Perfect. And whatever it was, 15 Peruvian dollars. I don't even know what they're called. I was like, here's a 20. All I had was American money. So I give him a 20 20 and he goes, oh. He just drives. And it's like the old joke about foreign money.

I think I gave him like 5,000 bucks. He literally went up over the curb, like swinging through people. And he pulled up onto the sidewalk and let me go at the door. He gets out. He opens my door. He's like, thank you. Welcome. And I'm like, I definitely gave him way too much money just then.

I love when you're like, I think I ruined the economy here, but it cost me almost nothing. Yeah. It was literally a $20 bill. So he's shit. So then I check into the hostel. I meet a lady, and she's American. She's like, I don't know what she's doing. She's working down there, whatever.

Travelers. Sometimes travelers will hole up, and they'll work at a hostel for free room and board, free meals. And then it's like, now you're not going through your money, and you get to stay in a town. By the way, this is already making me want to go back to South America. Maybe Bolivia. We should go to Bolivia. I'm in. That's not a good idea.

There's no coast, but there's mountains, and it's fun. Don't do this Bolivia. The top, right? It's in the middle. It's down coast, but there's mountains and it's fun. Don't there's Bolivia at the top, right? It's in the middle. It's down here. Maybe there's a little bit of coast. I don't think there is, though. We don't need a coast.

We get mountains. Yeah, mountains. I think it's really high. Why Bolivia? Why are you saying Bolivia? I think when we were in Ecuador, I started looking around at shit. And then Argentina, she moved to, so I'm bitter about it. Brazil, everyone goes to Brazil.

Bolivia. What do you think of this? That's where Sundance Kid, Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid went to hide, I think. Brazil. Bolivia. What do you think of this? That's where Sundance Kid, Butch Cassidy and Sundance Kid went to hide, I think. Oh. I'm in. All right. I'm in.

Great. We should make a plan. Okay, let's do it. Oh, and it's Southern Hemisphere, so next winter maybe. That's this winter. Maybe the next one. It's tough because there's like touring times.

It's good touring in the winter, but you got to like take care of your life a little bit. Yes, of course. Nah, fuck that. I'm taking a great time off. Yeah, well, you can go for five days, too. It's funny. I just hung out in this class, and there's some two nomads, like six years gone, three backpackers. One just finished four months, and the other's four months into a two-year trip.

And they view a two-week trip as like, oh, you're right, the American vacation. You're like, damn it. Oh, fuck that. I'm like, well, I have a rich life. Our lives are great. Our lives are cool. I want to get back to my life. Yeah, we're not going back to HR.

Yes, exactly. We are going back to Peru. So we're in Peru. So then I get there. I know we're only on day one. We're like 40 minutes into this goddamn podcast. Okay. So I meet the American girl.

I trade my money. They exchange money. And then I go, great, thank you. I don't know. It's weird that they exchange money at the hostel, but maybe that's normal. But that is where I exchange money. So then I go out. I go to town.

I buy, I forget what I needed to buy, a toothbrush and toothpaste. I forgot, something like that. Anyways, so then I came back to the hostel. Oh, no, no. I went to the place to buy the thing. What thing? The toothbrush and the toothpaste. And they were like, this is counterfeit money.

That you got at the hostel? Yes. So it was the scariest experience of my life. That and trying to get into Israel with fucking Kuwait stamps. That's a whole other story. But they were like, what? I was like, USO, Army But they were like, what? I was like this. I was like,

USO Army. They're like, get it back. So I went there and they were like, this is counterfeit money. And they went and got another guy. And I'm like,

I'm committing a felony. What? Five minutes into being in Peru. And they were like, yeah, this isn't real money. This is like, they're showing it to me.

And they're like, fuck, this isn't work. I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I just got here. They gave me the money back. Okay, like, they're showing it to me and they're like, fuck, this isn't working. I was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Did they give you the money back? They gave me the money back.

Okay, because if they didn't give you the money back, I'd be like, that's a scam to steal your money. No, they gave me the money back and I paid with American cash. I was like, can you take American?

I think I gave them way too much there. Maybe that's another scam. I went back though to the hostel and I said, hey, they told me this is fake money

and then the American girl that worked there was like, where did you get this? And I was like, from you. From you. I learned it from watching you, Dad. I learned it from watching you. I got it from you like five minutes ago.

And she's like, there's no way this came from us. And it was like I was being fucked with. I have no other Peruvian money. I just got here. I said that. I was like, I got here 10 minutes ago. I got to this nation 15 minutes ago. I came from the airport to here.

You gave me this money. You're not doing a great job at this point in my Peruvian career to like, not loving it. So she stunk. We got it taken care of

but like basically I committed a fucking felony immediately. What do you mean you got it taken care of? How? She, they figured,

I don't know, they took, I didn't get in trouble and I got money. They were like, we'll get to the bottom of this, whatever.

So, but I was, I almost went to a Peruvian prison like fucking, you know what, Midnight Express. I think that whatever so but I was I almost went to a Peruvian prison like fucking you know what yeah midnight Express I think that was Turkey but whatever I've been there too so then I had to wait around for my to show up I don't want to say her name yeah but so then I got so anxious I was so geared up that I was barfing I fucking threw up because I was like oh my god she's gonna come and the anticipation cuz you got a mat you got to remember that I was like in love with this one I thought I was barfing. I fucking threw up because I was like, oh my God, she's going to come. And the anticipation

because you've got to remember that I was in love with this woman. I thought I was going to marry her. I lived with her. You were meeting her there at that hostel. It was the love of my life and I hadn't seen her in 10 months. So the door opens, she jumps in my arms. Literally the happiest moment of my life because there's not that many moments.

Like a moment. My wedding is not a moment. It's a moment yeah it's like my wedding is not a moment you're just it's a day and it's the best day yeah multiple days she jumps to my arms big reunion it's all exciting i throw up again i was so anxious we hang out in cusco for a day then we go meet kike and we rent all this hiking gear tents the boots the thing. We go for the hike and right away it's just spectacular. It's nice. It's unbelievable because you're just immediately we had to take a van to where we started.

So you didn't start at the hostel? We get picked up at the hostel in a van. In darkness? In darkness, yes. We get picked up and there I'm sure you've been to a lot of places like this. When you're in these countries, you're in a van, you have the van, you're paying for it. But if're in these countries, you're in a van. You have the van. You're paying for it.

But if someone wants a ride, you just pick them up. That's just what it is. By the way, there's got to be something, maybe an essay or something, about cultural differences that you're like, hey, hey, what? But they're like, what, what? That guy needs a ride. And we have four extra seats. What are you talking about?

You ever see, what's the one? Dumb and Dumber. No. The motorcycling riding through america the ewan mcgregor no no it's an old one about freedom it's with the chick's dad oh easy rider easy rider the single most overrated movie of all time loved it it stinks but when they're like they're like it's weird man we gotta get here dude we're eating their food man right like chill out with accusing them of shit right they're like, this is weird, man. We got to get out of here. Dude, we're eating their food, man. Right. Like, chill out with accusing them of shit. Right.

They're actually being quite nice. Right. Yeah. That movie sucks. But there's no plot. It's ridiculous. There's just nothingness. The idea is fun, whatever the soundtrack kicks ass.

The soundtrack kicks ass. So go ahead. So you're picking up people. We get picked up. And then we're picking up people on the side of the road you just move in and at one point there's like 11 people in there you're just sitting like this and it's one of those roads too like in the fucking movies where it's like single lane and they're just whipping around another van comes and you're just like we're gonna die but because you're in a foreign country you're like i guess

this is just what it is it's fun to just go hey i'm not gonna say anything because i don't know the cultural shit and even if i did i i don't think and it's just so it's just like you just almost like laugh yeah it's like you just go okay i guess i'm accepting it and again i'm in love so i'm like wow whatever we'll die together that'll be fun about it people think we're getting story good ending story. So we get to wherever. They drop us off literally on the side of the road. They're like, this is where the hike starts. Wow.

I have a great photo of the sun coming up. It's framed at my house. It's beautiful. Can you send me that? Sure, yeah. I'll send you a bunch of photos. Oh, yeah, for sure. So we get there.

The sun's coming up right there. Sunrising. I step back to get the van in there with the sun rising on the road. And you start hiking. The sun comes up. And it's just like rolling hills, farmland. And it's one of these trails where he has to lift the barbed wire. You've got to crawl underneath it to access the trail.

Yes. Wow. And you're just like, right away, I'm like, this is fucking magical. And there's llamas everywhere and goats and cows. And it's the kind of trail where you're walking through people's homes, like these stone villages and shit. So you go in and out of towns? It's not just mountains.

It's through towns. Well, that's the thing about the trail. It's like you go through different, what's that called? Weather systems. What's that word? Topographical climates. Yeah. So there's fields, just grass, mountains.

It's like 90 degrees at times. Then you need a winter hat at times. I'll send you a bunch of photos. The photos are unbelievable. Yeah, send me everything. We'll put them up. Because at one point, you're walking through snowy mountain caps and everything. So whatever night, it's like night two.

We're having a great time. And you get there. Your tent is set up. And we're sharing a tent, by the way. We're not together. We're broken up. But we're in like a lover's tent. It's like a two-person tent.

And we're just having these great conversations. Did you pack condoms? No. Okay. But I didn't want to push it. So I'm like, I got to be cool. I got to go easy here. Because she said, we're not going to get back together.

So it's her move to flirt. Exactly. She's like, no drama. And I'm like, you got to be cool. I got to go easy here. Because she said, we're not going back together. So it's her move to flirt. Exactly. She's like, no drama. And I'm like, you got it. You got it, babe. So I'm like, OK, I got to be cool. We're hiking. Day two, we're outside at the foothills of the mountain,

like in between. And this is a camp where there's some other people. There's like a little village where people are living. Were you passing a lot of people when you're hiking? Very few. There was actually two Israelis that were hiking around the same time. We kept catching them and passing them. That's fun, right?

It was cool, yeah. They started to know each other, started waving. Kike did say Israelis never tip. He's like, they're no non-tippers. And it's funny when you go to foreign countries because they don't have this thing of racism. They're just like this. Oh, those are the guys that don't tip. That's why I love waitresses when they're like, Jews and blacks are the worst. They're like no their dad didn't didn't teach them

that they they were fine they learned it on the job we were in the galapagos and we're like uh who do you not like it was like i don't know but these israelis people came and they're just like we use the kitchen we use the kitchen we warm up our food and we and like no no this is the kitchen for us preparing food for guests and like no no we use no, no, we use it. And I'm like, yeah, dude, that's Israelis. That's Jews. Yeah, he was just like, yeah, they suck. But they were on their own thing. So we saw them throughout the week and a half.

But we saw almost nobody other than those two guys. Other than we would bump into village people. You know that band, the Village People? No, people that lived in the village. At one point we passed a kid up in the tree, and he going gringo gringo gringo i love that that was fun and then they sold us some uh whatever the fruit was it was really delicious i got a good photo no no it's some exotic thing it was like pussy but different what was it i don't know i'll send you the photos you eat it crazy looking what was it yeah you i think you cracked it up and sucked

the juice out and and ate it. Oh, is it a maracuja? No, no, no. That's a passion fruit. You can say anything. It was like a passion fruit. Grenadina? Grenadina?

Maybe. I'll pull up the photos after. Did you crack it like this? Like, crack it open, and then like... Yeah, pull up the photos. I want to know what it is. This was 12 years ago. So, we're hiking. Night two.

We're in the foothills of these mountains. Like, mountains on every side. You go out there, and it's not even worth trying to describe. If I was a poet, it would be better. The stars are the most insane thing you can fucking imagine. Unbelievable.

And I go to Maine every year. Yeah, I've always go to Maine. We go to Maine. We call it Star Road. There's this dead-end road. We lay in the street, and you'll see like six shooting stars a night. But this made that look like a fucking joke.

Because we're, like, miles from anything. And it still probably was not as good as that. But I told Mike Vecchione, who I just picture, like, never having left the city, and we were, like, taking stuff in. It's so military. Like, we got to take everything in, put everything away. I was like, Mike, come on. He was like, I thought we got everything, but let's go get it.

And he was like, what? I'm'm like and he was just like what yeah he was like blown away and my stupid mind i was like this isn't even that great it's just more than three stars i'm like we're four miles from vegas i can see the lights of vegas but the stars were insane but at this point my friend gets horribly sick i don't know your friend the lady my ex yeah she gets horribly sick i don't know if it was the water or food whatever i mean like thought she was gonna die like that thing where you're like can we get a helicopter in here like barfing puking uh it's the same thing shitting out like like, like demon-possessed shit, which kind of was fun for me

because I was like, I'm back in because I'm rubbing her back and I'm fucking touching her side of her mouth with my asshole. Jerking off a little. I'm there, yeah,

jerking off. And so we're sharing a tent. So at one point, Kike comes out and he gives her Tylenol and I'm like, I think we're going to need something serious.

Just pouring out fluids every 10 minutes. You should have given her what I gave you in legal descriptions we're going to need something serious. Just pouring out fluids every 10 minutes. You should have given her what I gave you. Oh, yeah. Ecuadorian poop pill. No. Oh, that was a different place. Zip bag.

Bulgaria. Bulgarian poop pills, I call them. Because I got sick. I get sick whenever I travel. It's called Traveler's Diarrhea. Not this time. She did. She got crazy sick.

This is day what? Day two. This is night two. Night two of the hike. Yes. And I think we're hiking like two. Night two of the hike. Yes. And I think we're hiking like between six and ten miles a day. Wow, really? How many hours a day?

Yeah, it was long. All day. What are you talking about? You'd hike for like, I don't know, like 7 a.m., eat lunch at maybe like 11 a.m., and then hike to like 4 p.m. Whoa. It was like a day's work. That's very long. It was very, very long.

And it was awesome. i used to know all these numbers i think it was like a 38 mile trail or it might have been more than that 50 i don't know i'd have to re-look it up i mean this is 12 years ago okay um so she's getting sick at one point we're in the tent together and it's intense and she's like leaning out literally he saw you like what's the joke there i can see i can see your face you made a joke but it couldn't possibly be intense that that corny but yeah intense yeah i like the i drew a kite in your forehead let's not forget that let's live in the good times yeah that was good um at one point so she lee i remember the underwear she's wearing black and white horizontal striped underwear

She leans out Like hands and knees is barfing out the thing And I just woke up So I'm like kind of rubbing Her ass is right here and I just see Like it looked like someone shot A paintball gun out of her asshole Into her panties

Just like Just lost it and i found it and i'm trying to get back in there so i can't be like oh shit i was like this that's okay she's like i'm sorry she's like crying she's like i'm sorry this is horrible and i'm like it's fine whatever. And so I just watched like a Gallagher show. Shit in the underwear. Hot, sexy pair of underwear, too. And I had to take those on.

And it was just like diarrhea farts all night. We just slept in the tent with the worst. A pile of puke right outside the tent. Because after a while, you can't even go to the bathroom anymore. She's so weak. It was bad. And then the next morning, the puking and shitting had subsided, but she was like,

she had lost so many fluids, and we were elevated. Nick Mullen used to do a joke. Do you remember the diarrhea joke? Which was that? Diarrhea is only recently a comical disease. It was a hundred years ago. People died from diarrhea. And people were like, John's got diarrhea. He started laughing. It's not funny, dude!

He's got diarrhea! Diarrhea! That's Vatterat? That's M diarrhea. You start laughing. It's not funny, dude. He's got diarrhea. That's Vatterot? That's Mullen. Oh, Nick Mullen. Yeah. Boy, a lot of funny Nicks. DiPaolo, Vatterot, Mullen, Turner.

So we get up the next day. So the day three. Yeah, how are you going to hike day three? So day three happens to be the most challenging hike. This is the day we're summiting. It's the most hardcore hike, but she's like dying. So Kike's like, you're going to have to take a horse. And so it's like heartbreak because you want to do this hike,

and she's got to ride a horse because she's like fucking like dying. Like he strapped a shot, a shot like cowboy to it. I mean, I literally have photos like that. I mean, she looked like it was like the end of what what was the coen brothers remake uh true grit yeah like she had right right she had to ride the horse and and it was a serious high like the most serious hike i've done because you're you got altitude and it was like straight up and it's where i really learned how to do a challenging hike where you're like you just put one foot literally in front of the other like heel to toe walking it's like that kind of hiking why so you don't extenuate like uh two it's just not to

you don't get to exhaust yourself so you don't like take two steps at once yeah yeah exactly it's like because it's so high did they teach you that or is that just like that's what he kept saying yeah and he's like we'll just be patient with it it's a long day it's a very challenging hike wow um so we were literally walking like that because it was like straight up. Where were you sleeping? I mean, just in tents. They set up tents in a tent area.

Yes, so that's why we slept at the base the night before, and we had to summit and then get back down the other side. Because you weren't sleeping up there. It's going to be too cold. Okay. Exactly.

What month of the year is this? This is September. Early September. So there's late spring? I guess guess i don't even know yeah okay so we get up there and it's it's so hard but it's heartbreaking because i'm looking back and i'm doing this hike and i'm like it was extremely challenging and she just looks like heartbroken because she doesn't get to do it she's on the horse and then at one point i said it makes my heart hurt to kike and kike goes your heart hurts like he was like i thought i was gonna like somebody's probably died on him at some point he was like oh and i was like oh no no

no i meant like um i'm sad um so then literally as we summit and i think i have this video on facebook we summit the mountain and you just hear diarrhea and he's like clip it so we get up there and we look over and there's a fucking avalanche on the next mountain unbelievable rock avalanche like a no snow like a snowy snowy yes oh this is a snowy mountain this is like winter hats fucking bundled and i got thermal under i got like the 90s early 90s pearl gym look i got thermals, boots, and shorts. Thermals underneath

that fucking t-shirt. Yeah, it was hot. That's another thing Mullen said, Soda was wearing a t-shirt over thermals and he's like,

I dress like a child and Nick was like, no you don't. He goes, I dress like a 24 year old and Nick's like, you dress like a 24 year old when you were 24.

Right. No, 24 year olds don't dress like that anymore. That's funny. Anyway. Funny guy. Yeah.

So we get up there. We see the avalanche. It's fucking spectacular. I think I got a video of it. I'm pretty sure it's a video. You saw an avalanche. Not like a crazy one, but yeah, like a fucking... Wow.

That was a thrill. It was a beautiful moment to summit. The photos are insane. And it's got like that old school like wood sign like fucking Wile E. Coyote. That was a thrill. Gorgeous. Did you think about giving up at all during these? insane and it's got like that old school like wood sign like fucking wily coyote um that was a thrill gorgeous did you think about giving up at all during these where you're like i can't i can't it's too long i gotta i gotta stop i didn't like you think of you think like we had a good guide and you kept saying like okay we'll just get there i mean it's like the the journey of a

thousand miles begins with a single step it's like that old thing if you look to the top of the mountain metaphor you're like i can't no way up there but if you look down you're like i can put my heel in front of my toe yeah and so it was a long it was a long long day and you never had the ability to go like oh like so what i did this in austria um or or myanmar but we like we we knew we were staying in a village or a monastery or a hiker hut. And so at some point, it's hiking forever, you get to be like, and it's miles ahead, but you get to be like, or a mile ahead,

you're like, there it is! We still got another hour and a half, but at least you're like, sweet, the end literally is in sight. You didn't have that, it's just a tent area. No, no, yeah, you just kept going and going i mean it was like it was really long but then so then we got through that and then the rest of the hiking was moderate but some of the coolest shit because it's just all day and that's it's so um beautiful and um

you know zen because there's literally nothing to do except walk and you're walking with a purpose it's not a loop it's not like we're gonna go do this trail we're walking to a destination yeah which was really incredible did she start hiking again day four yeah she started hiking again and she was very heartbroken she didn't get to hike but it's also a unique just one day she missed yeah it's like whatever you're back it was the day though that we summited a mountain on foot damn um but she got to ride a horse up the fucking thing fuck it um or a donkey whatever the hell it was i think it was a horse um so then it was just beautiful hiking like through towns the coolest photo i have yeah is of so you we're hiking around is like the deep valley and then there's like this other ridge and you hike

it's hard to explain without the photo we probably plug it in but she'll plug it in so there's like this long ridge but it's almost like a u-shape it goes like this like the way the land goes you're walking and then you take like a left and walk way in and around and keep going. But there's a house on either side. So basically, you're going to see the photo, but there's two houses that are like 200, 300 feet from each other. Yeah. But like a two and a half hour walk from each other. Right.

Because they're across the valley. Wow. So you walk like past this house. But they're close. It's like, hey, fuck you. Exactly. Exactly. And then like two hours later, you walk past this house but they're close like hey fuck you exactly exactly and then like two hours

later you walk past this house and they could fucking throw frisbees to each other i mean that's a little bit of an exaggeration but so that was incredible and then every once in a while now forever a red can of pringles to me is synonymous with peru why because you'd come up to these huts these little huts, these little huts that are just on the trail, and they live in a little village. I don't know how they, I don't know the details. They know hikers are coming by, so they're like, let's have some snacks

before I make some cash. So they got a little hut, and one of the things they would have is Pringle. The little mini can? Yes. It might have been like Snickers or some shit. Didn't you tell me about, go ahead, you're going to keep talking, I guess, but didn't

you tell me about like an energy? Oh, yeah, there was some kind of like, yeah. It was like a leaf. It was like kind of a, well, he always had candy. Yeah, that's what I was talking about. What's this leaf? He would always have candy. He would always have like some kind of.

I thought it was like a Twizzle, like this will get you going. Yeah, yeah, some kind of candy, yeah. That was a big thing for him to give you a little sugar boost. So I still hike with Starburst now. Starburst, that's what it was. But he had some kind of candy, yeah. That was a big thing for him to give you a little sugar boost. So I still hike with Starburst now. Starburst, that's what it was. But he had some kind of Peruvian shit. But there was like a leaf that he's like, this gives you energy. And I remember being like, is this like Coke?

I was still drinking, so I was kind of like, yeah. Sweet. And he was like, you can rub it on your gums or eat it. So we were eating it, but I don't remember feeling high. I think it was supposed to be like an energy thing. Then, oh, I forgot about this this is funny we came across a species of butterfly that's literally called the world's largest butterfly and i took about 15 photos but wasn't wise enough to put something in scale the fucking butterfly is this big and it's like this is the largest butterfly in the world and i was like holy shit and i'm just grabbing photos you gotta put a lighter but in the photo it just

looks like you gotta put a lighter in there yeah yeah or a big jew nose or something and people are like oh wow cool and i'm like no you don't get it i mean it was like fucking six inches big. I mean, maybe four inches, whatever. So that was super cool. Those are kind of like the highlight-y things. And then we get... Okay, yeah. But then you're getting there at some point. We're getting there, yes. And we're on beach at the Punch, if there's other stuff.

So then after... You're hiking to one of the most unique, interesting spots in the yes so then you have a goal that's pretty cool you're not just like going super cool and at one point we had to take a train it was a bright yellow train like an old train like this part of the trail you get on a train and take that yeah kind of to town that was like the last part and that was really romantic and cool and just like you're just waiting for the train you're on the tracks and you get on this beautiful train photos of that also we take the train then we get into town which i think is just called machu picchu i think the town was built around this tourist site basically but it's a cute cool little town we get, and we have a beer, which was amazing.

One of the best beers I've ever had. Dude, it's the carbs. And the same thing with the Oscar. You get there, you get a beer. You've earned it, and it's ice cold, and it's just carb up. It's like when you're skiing, beers are good too, but it's like they're so fucking perfect. It was amazing. Was it a Peruvian beer?

Yeah, yeah. It was a Peruvian beer and it was just beautiful and I got great photos we look so happy and I just have me wearing a Boston shirt she's wearing a Denver shirt yeah from there and you have this Peruvian beer yeah we have a great Peruvian beer and you've made it at this point and the other thing was the mosquitoes to the city of what made it to the city and like it's like next morning we take the bus up to Machu Picchu oh you don't hike over to it no you hike to the town.

And then now it's like everyone else that takes the other trail is there. Now there's like thousands of people in town. Wow, okay. Or hundreds, whatever. And so that night, we drank. The mosquito bites are worse than Ecuador. I remember I counted 38 from arm to elbow. What?

I got those photos, too. They're sick. So we're just fucking covered in mosquitoes this night we have like a dinner now we're at a restaurant and you know that relief you have when you're now you're back into civilization yeah that was all amazing but you're like fuck yes a restaurant a bathroom a shower a hotel well it was a hostel but still right right right it's that it's that finally like the little things where you're like oh like just a warm shower it's like nice yes or a pepsi you're

like a pepsi right this fucking rules and oh a waitress like somebody coming over and serving you also the the they claim to be the highest elevated irish bar in the world is in that town. Interesting. So then this night, though, so now we're back in civilization. It's the eighth day. Oh, I forgot. We also stayed at this fucking spectacular, like, home, hotel, house thing, fucking romantic, crazy, on a coffee field. The only cup of coffee I ever had.

It was in this Peruvian coffee field. Wait, wait on the hike one of the days we mostly camp but this day we like hiked to this place yeah that was like a fucking like honeymoon destination just spectacular and i forgot about that and on this it was in a coffee field we drank the coffee and i'm like this is the worst thing i've ever tasted in my life. I've literally had one cup of coffee in my life. And it was in, the guy was like, people fly all over the world to taste this coffee. And like, he's holding the beans.

They're like on the branch. Yeah. He's like, this is this coffee. And I was like, it's just dog shit. Nah. Get the fuck out of here.

No, our whole economy is based on this. Like bad economy. I was like, this is the worst drink I've ever had in my life. What? So that, I forgot about that. So then fast forward back to our destination.

We get to the town. And it's this night that I decide we should get back together. Oh, I forgot about this. Why don't we get back together? And she's like, no, we're not doing this. And I'm like, wow. I mean, we're having a great time. And I still stand by it.

I'm like, we're having the fucking funnest time of our lives we had the funnest time of our lives in new york why not why not dude we only broke up so you can live your adventure but i think it's because i'm ugly yeah there is that it's like the extra detail they don't really ever like tell you no no they don't want to tell you yeah i was gonna say a second ago i was like you might be listening to this, people at home. You might be watching it. I was going to say if you're listening, go to YouTube to see the pictures. Or maybe we'll have a Patreon or something you can go to. But like, or a website or something.

I don't know. But I was thinking like you might be feeling like you're missing out if you're listening. But now, Joe is ugly. Right. It's probably a better listen on this one. That's the thing. And what's wild is you're somehow uglier than me it's it's so interesting that's crazy yeah yeah so anyway

so i'm like why don't we get back together bro listen and it's like you have it's kind of like my analogy be like you know when you stand in line at customs and it's fucking crazy long it's the worst way to get back into america you're like it doesn't matter we're here i'm not gonna miss my flight i'm here plenty early and you have this attitude for like 50 minutes and then you go i'm out of band fucking mother fuck this country that's what it was like with this where i was like i went eight days with just being cool it's like it's gonna be fine and i've reached a moment where i'm like how are we not back together we at least make out once exactly and she's like, it's going to be fine. And I've reached a moment where I'm like, how are we not back together? We can at least make out once.

Exactly. And she's like, no, that'll complicate stuff. What will it complicate? I'll never see you again. And then I was like, well, I'm like, you probably, did you meet someone? And she's like, I met a couple people. And then you're like, then now I'm in there. Now I've like ripped the scar.

So then I'm just like heartbroken and sad. So the day we go to Machu Picchu, I i ruined it it's like the biggest regret of my life oh yeah i fucked up because i was like what i was like you had because in your head you're like it's gonna make machu pichu the best thing ever right but the reality is machu pichu is already gonna be pretty cool well so that i had this story in my head. We have the great meeting story. And I was like, we got back together at Machu Picchu. We'll kiss on the mountaintop.

We'll kiss on the mountaintop, banging behind a fucking tribe that's been wiped out. But instead, I was like, fuck. And then I couldn't get over it. And I was like, well, who is the guy? Are you romantically involved? What are you going to do with your life? Why are we going to be together? It's that dumb thing with a guy that's heartbroken.

Men are not. We're not emotional. So when we have to deal with emotion, we have no practice at it. I know. And I'm 28 years old. At 28, you think you have wisdom, but you're a fucking moron. Idiot. Not even 28, I don't think.

2010. Yeah, I guess I was 28. Yeah. So you're just a fucking idiot. And so the Machu Picchu, I got to show you these photos too. I'm just looking sad in all of them. I'm just like sitting there. And they're like giving us the lesson of all this stuff.

And it's insane. It's a fucking surviving city. Wait, people are there? No, no. But like the mountains and the thing. Like this is where they cook. This is this. Yeah, I want to see the pictures of Machu Picchu itself too with you there.

You got to have somebody's tongue with you in them. It's insane. And then there's this other mountain and this llama is walking around oh then there's this other mountain that you can also hike they're like it's extra and it's like way higher and you hike up there and it's fucking crazy i have an amazing photo of my feet dangling off like i'm just sitting on the edge which is something i wouldn't do now i was thinking about jumping off it but my your feet are just dangling, and it's like 800 feet straight down. It's another photo that doesn't have perspective. You're like, this is insane.

The moon is really big. When I take a picture, it's like, idiot, it's not going to do it. The moon is the least photographical thing, unless you have a whatever. But yeah, so my feet are like dangling, and it's like a mile straight down or whatever the fuck. It's the most incredible place I've ever been, and I fucking spoiled the mood for myself and her and it's probably the biggest regret of my life so you take you don't so i always picture machu picchu was like you you come over this mountain

or this hill and then there it is in front of you it's not they just drop you off yeah you kind of drive up there and then there's a little bit of height to get up there but you can see it i should have fucking got the photos and just scrolled through them while we were doing this. Yeah, for sure. But it's a whole bunch of work. Okay. I got to go to Facebook and then find the album. Well, you're going to have to get them.

Yeah, I'll send them. Well, it's not. It's just too much work to do while we're fucking shooting a podcast. Yeah, you would have to do this. Like, oh, here's this. Yeah. Yeah. But it is, like like it is unbelievable and i i feel like again i regret

it because i don't have the proper like you can't believe because i was so fucking in my head about like that you're missing out here she's using me to just keep her company here i fucked up she fucked this guy i need to go jerk off and uh I was saving loads for you. Do you know how hot that was when you were barfing and shitting? I wanted it so bad. Well, that's the feeling I had. I was like, what? How could you do it? Because you have that mindset.

You're like, how could you do this to me? Oh, right. But she's like, we broke up. I told you very clearly. By the way, when we first started dating, she was like, this isn't long term. I'm not going to live in New York. And I was like, ah. Oh, and then her friend, I forgot to say this.

Her best friend at the time was like a close friend of mine because we had been dating. And we had hung out like two weeks earlier in Chicago. And she was like, yeah, you're not getting back together. And I said, this is a quote. I go, I said this to her. I go, never underestimate the power of laughter. What a dork. And I said, this is a quote. I go, I said this to her. I go, never underestimate the power of laughter. What a dork.

Joe, this quote. Because I really, I'm like, literally, my ex is telling me this. Her best friend in the world is like, Joe. She's like, I care about you. I've talked to her. And by the way, looking back, I'm like, I think I could have fucked the friend. Because she came from Chicago. I went and visited her in Chicago, stayed with her in Chicago. We drove from Chicago to Appleton.

They came on a road trip to see me do comedy. And then she had to have a boyfriend. But we sat in the car while everyone else was inside, like having a drunk heart-to-heart about the trip. And she's like, you're not going to get back together. And she's like, look at me. I don't want you to be hurt. You're not getting back together.

And I was like, you don't understand. You don't know me. I make her laugh so much. And that's true, I do. The whole time in Peru, she was dying laughing. But 25-year-old women... You've forgotten the feeling of me making you laugh all the time. When you remember that, you will be back.

Yes, but here's the thing i've now proven that i will go anywhere for her as a friend so she can fuck whoever right and then i can fly in and be like but but she's like yeah you do make me laugh hey 10 guys you just fucking trained me well let this guy make us laugh so i really thought but i do think a life caught up to my thinking like now when you're in your 40s a woman is like i'll be with this guy he makes me laugh but when they're in their i do this joke on stage as a bit but like in your 20s they're like that's not enough for me yeah but anyways and i was probably also overbearing and annoying in so many ways but um anyways machu picchu was incredible how long did you stay at machu picchu

i think like four hours probably three four around yeah just ruins and like yeah it was super cool but there's tons of people around and it wasn't as like i was like i missed when it was just us on the trail that was how i felt I felt when we went to Zion. Right. That place we got, just the spot we had to hike there was not nearly as spectacular as the other one, but it was only us and that guy and his dogs. Right, right. A little bit.

And it was like, I could see both. Yeah. Were there like a busload of Chinese tourists coming out, taking pictures? Yeah, there was a bunch of that. like a busload of chinese tourists coming out taking pictures yeah there was a bunch of that but again i was like so fucking in my head damn that um you know i was all i was all fucked up it's a real regret it was stupid how did you get home okay so then this is fun so then oh i had brought xanax at this time i had panic disorder so i have panic attacks by the way where did you shit while you were while you were hiking and? We would come up to these little huts.

We'd have little bathroom things. A couple times I think we shat outside or pissed outside. But mostly you'd get to a place. But so then I had Xanax because at the time I had panic attacks bad. And I was like, what if I have a panic attack on this trip? I ended up not because I was so fucking in the moment except for Machu Picchu. But I had them the whole time and so we went back to we ended up taking a bus back to lima which is the capital

different city lima peru bus back from from machu picchu yeah or no train actually we took a train oh that's great i remember going to jerk off on the bathroom on the train bathroom yeah so then um we took a train back and then we actually had a sweet moment i think we actually held hands on that because it was like i had gotten over the fact like we're not getting back together whatever but we were so close and we'd been through a lot together so it was like it was sweet and then um we got to the airport her flight left before my because she was going back to argentina and so we said goodbye at the airport. And it was like, okay, great. And I went to my iPod.

I'm like listening to music. I'm like, it's okay. This is all worth it. My flight's leaving in two hours. I'm like, I'm taking a Xanax. So I take a Xanax. I have a beer. Flight gets canceled.

So now I'm in Peru and I'm like, I got to figure out. Fucked up. How to stay somewhere. That's a bad combo. And I'm emotional and I'm whacked out because I'm on a Xanax with beer. And now I'm like, what?

I gotta find a hotel and the airport airline is gonna supply us with a hotel. But I'm like, I'm trying to like pay attention and be like, where is this? There's a language barrier. I'm fucking on drugs and drunk now and I'm heartbroken.

Somehow I figure out how to get, and there's no cell phone at that time. I didn't have the ability to text. It was 2010. So much more fun to have to just figure it out. Yeah. Had to figure it out. I think, no, because I was writing my mother emails. I still got all the emails.

It was the first year of an iPhone. their emails i still got all the emails that was the first year of an iphone but because we'd go to i didn't have an iphone until like 2013 14 yeah um so i was like sending emails at an internet cafe then i remember i went to the hotel somehow i found the hotel it must be the next morning i was like i gotta call my mother and i called my mother on the hotel phone whatever that caused whatever and she didn't answer and I got so mad and I just took the whole phone and I was so heartbroken and pissed and I just whipped

I remember throwing the phone across the room just being like I got nobody and nothing and I still give my mother shit I'm like your son is in a foreign country what do you mean she wasn't there you get a phone call and you're like she saw it was like I don't know a foreign country. What do you mean? She wasn't there. You get a phone call and you're like, eh. She saw it and was like,

I don't know if she saw it or what, but I'm like, how are you not keeping an eye out for the phone? But anyway. Dustin called me. Tom Dustin.

Yeah. But I didn't have his number, but I'm like, I just finished talking to you about Tom Dustin. Yes. And then 20 minutes later I get a call

from Massachusetts number. I was like, Tom? He's like, yeah. You can do the math, Mom. Of course. She didn't do the math.

She left me hanging. She stinks. No, she's great. I love her, of course. You're like, one day I'll buy the movie. I'm going to make a movie. I'm going to get back at you for this. It's available now, 4thofJulyMovie.com or LouisCK.com.

4thofJulyMovie.com or LouisCK.com. And so you got to go back. So yeah, it was a beautiful, but the problem with going back is I'd go with my wife and be like, oh, this is where we did this. You know what I mean? There is that.

Recreating stuff is not the same as experiencing it for the first time. Right. You're trying to like walk in your own shoes. That's why generally for this podcast, bleep out specific names of restaurants, places, unless they're super famous like the Eiffel Tower or Machu Picchu. i'm like no nobody has to know but like make your own

trail right right um but yeah that is a problem going back to a place to try to recreate it it's like we did that let's do that again yeah no it's like you gotta find there's other stuff that's like that and and uh someday we'll talk about my whales trip which was just incredible that that's the only trip i've had that actually i'm like that actually was probably better than peru that's where you went with with sarah and hikes and i was also just in a better mental place i feel like with you and sarah at least for the ecuador one i might have to i might have to do two guests for for certain when you get two comedians or two people that share that trip, you go like, yeah.

Or maybe you and Vitor and who else? Who else wants to talk to you with you? No, that was Louis Katz. Louis Katz. It's me, Nate, and Louis. Yeah, that one's like maybe get both you guys for that or something. Which I learned a lot about because Louis had traveled a lot. That was still, maybe that was the, I can't remember how much Peru first.

But Louis, he knows how to travel and he cares about traveling. I learned a lot from him. Damn, that makes me really want to go to this place. I know, it just makes me want to go. You talk about it, you're like, fuck, let's get out of here. Let's get out of here, right? As soon as you hear about this shit, you're like, let's get out of here. Let's fucking throw all this shit away.

Get out of here. What I always say about foreign travel, because I love domestic travel too. I went to Montana. It ruled, and Maine, and whatever. But the thing that's great about foreign travel is every single thing when you're in a foreign country is exciting and different. You're like, look at this street sign. Look at this sign. It's like when you're in New York and you see people taking photos of stuff.

You're like, whoa. Right. The cabs are shaped different. I read a thing. It was like as soon as you got off The plane and somewhere The sign of where to go Was like a different font Yes exactly And you're like

What I think about this too I think we've talked about this When you're in a foreign country You're like in the car Looking at the everything And you're like I should have this mindset

Like when I drive In the Merritt Parkway From Boston From New York to Boston I should be looking At those trees like Look at this fucking It's so full.

Yeah. Whoa. Like if you flew here from fucking Argentina, you'd be like, look how thick Central Park is with trees. And we take it for granted. Yes. I had a tour guide in Costa Rica,

and we're like, do you ever get sick of monkeys? And he goes, yeah, for sure. He goes, I really want to see a deer though. I've never seen a deer. That's hilarious

yeah i fucking spit at tears deer um i think that's the trip it was an amazing trip highly recommend it and um and and and also the number one lesson i had is believe what people are telling you what do you mean when they're like we're not getting back together i was like my stomach is upset you're like i just feel like no no but. I was just like, my stomach is upset. You're like, ah, you're fine. Just be like, no, no. But it was worth it. And for a long time, it was hard. But we finally had a chance, like a couple years ago.

And I haven't talked to her in a few years. But I saw her. Oh, it was that trip that we did, the storytelling show in Denver. Denver. Yeah, you met her. Was that the girl I met? Yeah, yeah, you met her. Okay, okay.

And I went over to her place. And I actually pulled, I was like, it's been 10 years. Let's look through the photos. And we actually had a nice time. And she finally was like, that was the best. That trip was the best. I'm torn on taking pictures. I was talking to these backpackers, and it's like,

you want to stop and ruin the moment. I do have some Israeli chick told me this. She goes, put yourself in every picture, or in a lot of pictures. Because the idea of taking a picture, it's like National Geographic has that picture of that place. But you and whoever your travel friend is, even if you just know't live for a week,

it's like, oh yeah, there's that guy from fucking Montana. Then you look through it, and it does remind you 10 years later, it puts you back there in a second. That's the thing, and I think about this with photos. We talked about ego earlier. You have to take photos for yourself, not for the ego. Because you want to be like, I want to show people this,

but it's for you. It's for you to look back on. And I do that when I did the Louis tour in 2017 all over Europe. I took photos of every hotel because your memory is not reliable. It's like you have the photo. Then when you see the photo, you're like, I remember that bedspread. Right. I remember how that felt.

Right. That was that weird shower. It's not present. You've got to take the photos to assist your fucking memory. Yeah, remember this place. And then that thing of iPhone will be like memories. It'll just pop something up. And you're like, oh, yeah.

I just had one of you, me, and Isabel on Mount Royal. And you had your head shaved. Fucking weird. Oh, yeah. And then you farted in my face in front of a friend we had just made. I was like, come on. Good times. I was like, we've known this person for six hours.

Good times. Anyways, that was great. Joe, reach out to him. Just say thanks for taking me. If you appreciated this. He's on Instagram. He's still on Twitter. At JoeListComedy, yeah.

Mistake, but it's fine. I heard it's getting better. At JoeListComedy. Instagram, at JoeListComedy. Yes, at JoeListComedy. And see his multiple specials you can watch now, this year's material. I hate myself.

I hate myself, both on YouTube. He's one of the best comics in the world. There's zero chance you're not going to love it. Appreciate it. And for our purposes, a glorious traveler in the comedy world that sees very few of them. Buddy, thanks. Yeah, thank thanks yeah that was a fun listen yeah it was great to uh great to recall all that yeah life long life

for you until next time everybody well that's the episode everybody i hope you enjoyed it man that was great that's that's what this podcast is all about a great ship it took you there you could almost see it in your mind you could almost see it in your mind. You could almost see it in your mind, Machu Picchu. And the road up there, while going on an adventure. No one had that experience in Machu Picchu like Joe List had. You want to subscribe to the YouTube.

You want to watch these on YouTube because the pictures he took really set it off there. You'll see all those on YouTube. If you're listening, it's also great. Guys, don't forget to go see my taping of my new stand-up comedy special. It's the only thing I truly care about. It's the only thing keeping me here and not having me travel

all around to Machu Picchu myself. It's stand-up comedy. Washington, D.C. April 26th, we added. April 27th is almost sold out. Get tickets right now at rashavir.com as well as all my shows. We added a show in Halifax, second show in Halifax. Man, that was great. Go check out UB Trip and Pod on socials.

And next week, well, not next week, this week, we're completing, we're almost done with the two a week for the first month. David Tell, the amazing David Tell who has a new special out. Check out Joe List's specials on YouTube right now. He's got three of them on there. And I have one, Jew. But David Tell will be coming in to talk about USO. Entertaining troops

all over the world at army bases. I always wanted to do one of those and I never did. And Dave came in and told me about it. I rented out a weird new studio to make sure he was able to, he couldn't come to the one I had before. So I managed to get him in a strange place. But make sure to tell Joe List you enjoyed the episode. Leave a comment on YouTube or on You Be Trippin' Pod on the posts. YouTube will check out those comments and reply to them as much as I can. Tell me how your trip was to Machu Picchu or if you have any tips yourself for that same country.

Yeah, I'm getting the kick out of seeing you guys right in. Tell me what you've done in those places. And man, I'm telling you, when I go, this stuff's going to get in my head. I'm going to check out a lot of these recommendations. A lot of them. That's it, guys. I hope you're enjoying this. I'm really having a good time with this

we're getting over 100,000 views on every episode I don't know whether Kevin Ryan one got flagged for inappropriate content but like the rest are great it's really kicking off strong I hope you guys are it sounds like you're really enjoying it I really am too

anyway that's the episode thank you Joe List for coming in and, I'll see you out on the road. No. Hasta, hasta, hasta, hasta luego. That's yeah. Hasta luego.