You Be Trippin' - Rio De Janeiro w/ Matt McCusker | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: June 3, 2024

SPONSORS: -Refine your style with CUTS Clothing and get 20% off with code TRIPPIN at https://cutsclothing.com/TRIPPIN On this episode of You Be Trippin’, Matt McCusker racks up debt to go on a last-minute adventure to Rio de Janeiro where sleeps with bed bugs and prostitutes. He also gets robbed at knifepoint. On the show, he talks about poverty, crime, favelas, and missing his flight. Other topics: getting by with little money, partying at hostels, getting electrocuted in the shower, and growing weed as a five-year plan. Fia-te na Virgem e não corras! You Be Trippin' Ep. 17 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show. Yeah, we're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin, yeah! Today's episode of UB Trippin is brought to you by Tacovus Boots. Guys, you know who I am, right? I'm a female heartthrob. You know who I am, right? I'm a female heartthrob. I went viral to women everywhere who didn't know what I was capable of generally. We thought, man, that's a romantic man for my story about taking a woman on a surprise trip to see Dolly Parton. And man, I was dressed to the nines that day. I had my denim three-piece zoot suit on.

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stuff. Nice. Yeah. Matt McCusker today. Thank you, thank you. Thanks for coming. Oh man. Whoa. Wow, am I not used to that. Claps, claps. It's the UB Trippin Studios West everybody.

I'm in a weird new spot. Yeah. At an autistic learning center. Where these kids are really trying to get their lives back on track and really trying to help them. Good claps everybody. Hey Matt, how you doing, buddy? Pretty good, man, pretty good.

I'm pretty awkward with starting this. Yeah, it's tough. Luckily, we do have a topic, but I feel pretty good. My knees are wet. I don't know how, somehow between driving here and walking in the studio, my knees got wet, so I don't know. What happened there? I peed in the bathroom, so I don't know

if I got severe splash back on both knees. That could have happened. Yeah, yeah. So I might have pee pants. Did you sit down when you pee? I'm gonna sit down, I mean crouch? No, it was urinal. So I don't know, I also might have just dipped my knees in there.

So, I don't know. I have wet knees, but they're drying now, so. Did you ever get too high of a urinal? Too high of a urinal? It's like, the low is tough, whatever, but the high one where it's like your balls are almost at the level of the urinal. I don't think so. Some people put them in too high.

Some people with the stalls get a little perverted and toss in like a too big of a gap. Too big gap, yeah. I'm kind of taking it down, but I'm like, this is, there's been, this has been kind of by design. Or no divider between the urinals is always kind of like, what is this? Oh yeah. It's like, dude, I don't know.

Come on, man, it's a piece of metal. It's not that hard. It's four screws, piece of metal. Instead, I'm just like, you know, because you can't help but glance, so. Yeah, yeah. I usually come in from behind people. Really?

Yeah, I'd just be like, you done yet? They're like, there's another one. I'm like, I know, but I just thought it was one at a time. I thought we were going each. You're dick's so big, that's why you're peeing for so long. Ha ha ha. Speaking of long peas, I'm like, I know, but I just thought it was one at a time. I thought we were going peach. You're dicks so big, that's why you're peeing for so long. Speaking of long pees, let's go to Brazil. Yeah, dude.

So where'd you go? What year would that have been? I was probably like 20 or 21, so it would have been like 2008. Okay, nice. It was when I was a realtor. So I became a realtor during the subprime mortgage crisis. In 2008?

Yeah, I became a realtor, I think, like right before the subprime mortgage crisis. In college. In 2008? Yeah. I became a realtor I think like right before the subprime mortgage crisis happened. So I was like knocking on doors doing realtor stuff and then I was like, you know what, I'm going to Brazil. Wait, the knocking on doors is just, were you going, hey, you can just get a loan.

You don't have to be equipped for it. I can get you one. No, what I would do is you'd get the days on the market so you'd print stuff out and you'd see when listings were about to expire. So you're like, you're about to expire in like two days. Are you going back with the same guy or not? So you'd knock on their door.

Weird. So what'd you say? Fuck all this? Well, I was also, I was doing like an internship at school and my coworker was going to Brazil and his friend bailed last minute and he's like, would you go? And I was like, for sure. Just trip, just like fun? Just for fun.

Where? Rio de Janeiro. Damn nice. Yeah, so, which apparently, everyone I talked to from Brazil was like, why did you go there? I'm like, I don't know, I was 20. And that's apparently the spot.

What do you mean, why would you go? They said like the, there's like countryside and like forests north of that, that's like beautiful. But it's also like, that's the only place with the big Jesus statue. It's like. The big Jesus statue. Yeah, I was like, dude, I'm obviously gonna go there.

I was in East Timor and they're like, we built the second largest Jesus statue here. And I'm like, was Brazil after you? And they go, no, Brazil was first. We built the second. I'm like, by design? You bragged for second best? That's nuts.

And then bragged. And then bragged. The second largest Jesus statue. My metro stop then bragged the second largest Jesus statue. My Metro stop in Maryland had the second largest escalator in North America. That's what I said. We have no way. Yeah, true. Yeah. Hard. That'd be nice to bust that myth. They really bragged the second largest. It's gotta be pretty fucking big. Actually. It took a while. That's pretty tight. Yeah. I love these people that are like there, they're like, why don't you go to this place? Your country is a vacation to me.

Yeah. I'm sorry, am I going to the best beaches? I was pleased, yeah, I was happy with it, but it was, I will say it is a bit dangerous. Yeah, right? Danger lurked, I didn't know how much danger lurked there. 2008, was this the Olympics time? No.

This was before that. I saw a montage video of just pickpockets in Rio. Yeah, crime's pretty, the poverty there is pretty serious. Yeah. It's pretty bad. Like that was my first time seeing like different country poverty and being like, cause I flew into Sao Paulo, then you take like,

I think it was like a three hour bus into Rio, and you go through these neighborhoods, and you don't go through the favela, but you can see them on hills, where it's like, I forget that video game, it's like Fallout or something, where you're constructing stuff out of pieces of metal on the beach. That's for real what the houses look like.

It's nuts. It's like sheet metal, it was pretty insane. Did they tell you to go there or not go there? Oh, don't go there. They asked all they told me, I went there for there or not go there? Oh, don't go there. They asked all they told me. I went there for one day. All they were like, don't go. Yeah.

Don't, yeah, they were like, don't go. And I knew one guy, one guy went. One, like there was like a lot of Australians there when I was there. And they went? Swedish guy. The Swedish guy had parents who were like Honduran or something, so we kind of could blend a little bit.

Yeah. But he went there and he said it was like very fucked up. Because also don't they get robbed as well? It's not like they're just targeting tourists. If they find out you're not from there, but he went down there, I think he went down there to buy coke, so they were like, they sold him coke and he left. I wonder how much they want to protect that market too. No, no, he's cool.

He's buying coke. Yeah. I mean, they're probably happy to sell drugs to people, but I would have definitely gotten fucked up. Yeah. And I was was wearing the whole time I was wearing like a Brazil t-shirt my flip-flops and I had like a thing hanging from my neck with all my important documents Don't rob me. I'm resilient. I Was totally camouflaged. How long did you go for? I think it was like 10 days

How long out did you know you were gonna go was it just like it was long and it was I had enough time to get A visa because I didn't know I had to get a visa then I It was long, it was, I had enough time to get a visa because I didn't know how to get a visa. Then I found that out. I had to like drive to New York and get a visa, come back. So it was like, I had a couple months. So it was pretty like spur of the moment in terms of all of the stuff I had to do.

That's so fucking sick. Yeah, it was, dude, exactly. Yeah, it's like I could never do that again probably, but it's nice being 20 and being like, yeah, I'll go to Brazil. And I got a credit card at the time. So I just put it all on a credit card. Never paid it.

Never paid it. This won't come, this won't never come back to haunt me. I was like, I'm gonna make so much money in real estate. I'll pay this back as soon as I get back. Did I love how they give out credit cards on college campuses? That's what happened to me. It's like, I'm unequipped to understand

the realities of this. Dude, I was- Did they get a free t-shirt? I was late for class and they were, I was like, I can't, I'm late. And they were like, we'll give you free pizza. And I was like, yeah, sign me up. And they were like, and they were I was like I can't I'm late and they're like We'll give you free pizza and I was like, yes sign me up And they were like, okay cool

And they took me through the steps signed me up and they're like zero percent interest for a year and I was like right On right on I just it was like it was probably like 2,500 bucks three grand and I just racked it so hard Nice. Yeah, it was it was you ever hear about Stan Hope's thing with his mom. Mm-hmm He goes that his mom died and so he's, shit, we got to tell whatever the government, but he goes, we don't have to talk mastercard yet. She was buying me stuff for quite some time. Yeah. And he, I think he told him my story telling show or another one. But when I saw him tell it, he was like, so today is 10 years after death,

which is also the statute of limitations on credit card fraud. So, yeah. I would. He goes. Yeah, you really can. That is honestly the honor system. Credit cards are for the most part the honor system.

Yeah. You gonna pay this back? Like, sure. Yeah, dude, they are. They're like weak bookies. They're just kind of like, yo, you owe us money. You're like, shut up. Shut up, fuck off.

Fuck off. Nerd, amic. If it's 20 grand, they'll try to like sue you, us money. You're like, shut up. So we shut the fuck up. Fuck off. Nerd. Amic. If it's 20 grand, they'll try to sue you, I think. But even then, it's like. You can settle, too. Yeah. Nobody knows that.

Once you get it to a creditor, the creditor bought it for half price. So you're like, how about half price? Or you'll never get anything. I kept it at zero dollar. They were like, dude, we will settle. Because they rack it up so high, too. They're like, it went from like 2,500 to like $7,000. And they were like, we'll take 1,000 bucks. And I was like cuz they rack it up so high too they're like it went from like 2500 to like seven thousand dollars and they're like we'll take a

Thousand bucks and I was like nah zero about stop wasting about zero Okay, how about six hundred? No, I told him on principles. I can't pay you guys my at the time my rationale was they've raised the interest rate on me I said I purely signed up for a variable rate They were like I was like I didn't know what that meant. And they're like, well too bad. And they, I was like, well I'm not paying you guys the money. I owe you. Sort of fair though.

Yeah. I was like, you guys raised the rate on me. You're trying to take advantage. I was like, we had a gentleman's agreement. I was like, I'm not paying you guys this. I heard a story of some fucking Harvard law professor. You know when they send you like three sheets of paper with all the, like the rules for a credit card. He wrote back with red marker, new rules and sent it back. And they sent him a credit card, didn't look at it. And then it was, no, you pay me 2%.

What? Yeah, and then he was like, no, I'm not paying. They're like, you owe us this much? He's like, no, no, you owe me, look at the stuff I sent. And they're like, oh no, what is this? And then they went to court. What? And the judge was like, yeah, this is all correctly legal.

He crossed it out with red and marked it. And then they went to court. What? And the judge was like, yeah, this is all correctly legal. He crossed it out with red and marked it. And then they had to pay 2% off the money he owed them or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Jesus. Beast. Wait, so what'd you get into while you were there?

What'd you do? So I remember flying in, we get to Sao Paulo, and I remember eating basically a Fogo de Chow kind of place, but it was a real low-key restaurant. I'm like, dude, the food here, I had no idea about anything about Brazil.

I'm like, the steak here is amazing. Love that. So I just eat some steak, then we took a bus ride into Rio, and then we stayed in a hostel right off the beach. So I just got there and was just getting drunk, hanging out with people from other countries. It was so much fun.

I was in a hostel with a room room with like 12 other people. Yeah. And then we were getting, I didn't know what bed bugs were at the time. So I was in a room with 12 people. And then it was like, then it was like eight people, then six people. And then it was just me and a dude. And I'm like, yo, where did everybody go in our room?

And he's like, oh, we have bed bugs. And I was watching the guy spray match. And I was like, from like the nursery rhyme bed bugs, it was like, who gives a fuck? So I just like laid in that room by myself and I was getting little bites and stuff, but I didn't know they were like highly contagious. I might've bought them to America, dude.

I was, I just lived in bed bugs for like, just chilled and I was like, oh, these are nothing. I love the other guy too. He was like, no, they have bed bugs, that's why they left. I'm like, why are you still here? I didn't know. Why are you still here in the know?

He was getting out. So I was like, oh, fuck. And I did one more night and then the dude, I think the other guy had a different room and then we, I like upgrade it so we could share like a small room I was kind of like I was paranoid too. So I was like sleeping with my stuff I thought people were gonna take it from me, dude It's so fun being in a new country at any age to where you're like, what's the deal here? Is everyone gonna rob me is no one gonna rob me? Yeah, I got robbed. It turns out I got robbed. No, yeah

I saw yeah, I was just there, like, I would chill at the beach, because I was right near Copacabana. So I was in a hot, the way I could find it, Copacabana is like a big beach in Rio. And dude too, when you're there, this is what got me, you're on the beach there, it is, I think, the most beautiful scenery

I've ever seen. Because it's like mountains coming out from the beach itself. So it's like mountains coming out from the beach itself. So there's like, you'd like watch the sunset and then there'd be like mountains around you and a beach and then there'd be like mountains coming out of the water.

It's crazy. It's so nice. Can you look that up? Oh dude, look up Copacabana Beach. Is Copacabana what the song is about? Or is that a nightclub? Maybe, I'm thinking of the girl from Ipanema. That's different.

Probably. But dude, it's so fucking beautiful. Oh wow. There's like mountains. I've never seen mountains and the beach in one place. Damn. It's so nice. It's like a built-up lost. Yeah. And also too, the women there are like, I remember at the time, it's like the, you know, if you're like walking around like New York or somewhere, you're like, oh man, there's like like a you'll see like the hottest shake you'll ever see That's like standard you it's like one after the other after the other. There's no like plain James Please I barely I barely noticed them. There's barely any plain James ever. It's like eight eight eight ten ten ten a Very serviceable seven that you're like whoa whoa, whoa. Did you notice this?

Did you notice fat chicks like work in it? I mean like- I didn't see it. I don't think I even seen any. Also it's the plastic surgery capital of the world as well. Oh, interesting. So like, yeah, you just get like right in the shop. I mean, if you have a fat daughter,

she goes right to the shop. You just like fix her. This is impossible. You can't be beat there. I saw a fat chick there, or like a few of them on the beat, put like thongs and like, I don't give a fuck. Oh, they're letting it hang.

I'm hot, I'm hot. Yeah, and yeah, the bathing suits sit there. They're ahead of the time. Smooth fat. Yeah. There's no like wrinkly fat there. No, you don't see it. I remember I was stunned by that.

So, so that was pretty much, I like got there and I was like hanging out, doing stuff. I remember I would like, the amount of prostitutes, I was overwhelmed overwhelmed like I would sit and eat soup by myself And like a lady would make eye contact with me and I'd be like what's up? Be like six of them. I'm like oh no. No, I'd be swarmed by hoaxes. You're getting me obviously yeah, okay? I just kissed them. How much what was the pros a deal with them? How do you get them? How much are they they bother they're there's they're like door-to-door salespeople. Well, you know if you're eating like I'd be eating

I'd like man There's a couple ladies over there as soon as you make eye contact I wasn't even trying to I look at them and they do like they run over to your table and they're like They started like flattering you like oh, you look like Brad. You're peachy and they start like Tony. Oh, it's nice You're like, yeah, yeah, probably, I can see that. And then, yeah, and then they just sort of like, we'll have sex with you for basically what would amount to finding change in your car. In America. Not little.

Street hookers. It's like, dude, it's so low with the conversion rate. Oh my God. And I guess there's so much competition that it's for real. It's like, it sounds like kind of cheesy, but it is irresponsible not to do it. I mean, you gotta throw money into the economy. You got to help the local economy and you have fake money. It's their monopoly money. You're just like, you're like tricking them with it.

You're like, yeah, here, take your worthless currency. The only place that doesn't work out is Australia where it's like 98 to one. So it's like, Oh, this is the same. I'm just throwing it away. This means nothing. I try to give people in Australia, I try to give them American money. Like here's a little something for you. They're like, we can't use this. We're gonna lose them to exchange. But no, yeah, so there was that. Where do you go with them?

How do you do it? To just go to the beach. And that's what they tell you though, they say stay off the beach early in the morning or late at night. So it's like, you know. What? You just go right to the beach at nighttime.

And fuck on the beach? Yeah. Condom or no condom? I kissed, I kissed. You need to use a condom. I know you need to. I just kissed. What he's going to the beach at nighttime and fucking the beach. Yeah Conor I kissed I can't you need you need you just got I just What did I did? I did it did not just kiss. I just kiss I put a condom on and I just know And I just made out for hours There was insertion of that makeupover. Wait, did you really not fuck? No, obviously I did. Okay, okay. I was so drunk too that it was like,

I can barely recall. I remember having a hard time getting my dick up. So it was like, it's almost like I wouldn't even count it. I know dudes who like get hammered like, yeah I fucked this shit up. It's like, no you didn't. No you didn't. Bobby Lee took me to one in Tijuana.

The what? Bobby took me to one in Tijuana. Yeah. To break my virginity there. And yeah, I was so drunk and nervous. And she was like, ma cerveza, demasiado cerveza. I'm like, yeah, I guess.

Yeah. I'm really just nervous. I really hadn't had that much to drink. Yeah, it was really scary, dude. Cause it was like, yeah. You were afraid of getting robbed by them? Oh no, they were straight up as far as business went. But the...

Well, everybody, that's... Quickly, just to tell you, me and Matt McCusker are both stand-up comics. Um... I guess where I am. Um... And we have tour dates. I do not. My special is done. Check out my special Jew available right now. McCusker will be, he has special Speed of Light. It's available right now on YouTube.

If I can check it out, hilarious. Denver Comedy Works, end of, oh that's the, Houston Improv in June. Walmart Amphitheater in Arkansas in June. Brandon Amphitheater in Brandon, Mississippi. Orange Peel, Alabama, Orange Beach, Alabama. Go to mattmcusker.com for tickets, San Jose, Stand Up Live in Phoenix, Portland Helium,

lots more. Guys, the pre-orders of the fucking Jew vinyl are available right now at rhschafer.com. Check them out. You can get them signed until they are pressed and then the signing period is over. You gotta get them on live shows, of which I have none until next year.

All right, I'm getting back to Australia. I think that's it. Subscribe right now. I see a lot of people say that they don't get it notified. Well, if you're on Spotify, if you're on whatever, don't go another month with another, how come I haven't been suggested an episode? Well, you have because you subscribed.

I'm so frightened of fucking goddamn kangaroos. I mean, if they rush you, that's the slashing that I'm worried about. All right, let's get back to the episode, I think. On Patreon, I'll talk about this trip, patreon.com slash ubtrippin. On Patreon, I'll talk about this trip. Patreon.com slash youbetryppin. How to cut, last couple about this trip. Let's get back to the episode. All right, Brazil.

No, what happened was, so I, you know, I did that. I started getting a little bold. I'm like, yeah, I can go on the beach, cares. Like, I'm fine. So then I would go to these, there's these all night street parties called, I think it's called Lappas, where you go out and it's just like, you go out

and it's just people are playing music and you just like go from bar to bar and it goes all night long. Damn, cool. So I was with the guy I was with, he was kind of like, I'm turning, I was going so ham too, like he was just like my work friend. So that's the thing, when you like travel with someone you don't know, I was a pretty like sketchy guy.

Like when I was younger it was like, I was up for whatever and this guy was kind of like, bro, what are you doing? I was like dude. Don't be a pussy in Brazil in Rio Yeah, he was just like a straight-laced guy So he was like I just want to see the place and I was there and I was just being an absolute monster There's a tour of the giant Jesus statue. I brought my rosaries. I think I went up on a gondolin So I did see that too though. It's pretty tight, but the uh, but yeah, I was just being a maniac I was 20 years old so I was just freaking out. I was just completely I couldn't like It was just the most beautiful babes of all time I was happy just to like just admire them and then I'm eating soup and they start being like fuck me now and I

Was like because of the way it soup Do do it pretty good was pretty sophisticated by myself at an outdoor cafe in Brazil. Yes, so that that's just like Everywhere and then I was like, okay, like I'm just gonna go have fun I went to like go to one of those like all-night street parties lapos lapas That's like a sick so tight. It's just dudes Matt You know those dudes in the corner with like a drum set that doesn't make it out of shit and you're playing you're like damn It's it was just like a bunch of dudes doing that really and it's just like didn't they and it's just women just aggressively being like Just coming up to you and they did if you American, they just, in my experience there,

they kind of just throw themselves at you. I knew in Southeast Asia, there were the hookers who had like four or five American guys on the hook every year or so, like, can you send me 500 just to make my ends meet? And they have a few guys like that. And so it's either, you're gonna take me to America, new life, or I can get you for 500 a year.

Foot the bill. And these were just like, these women weren't even prostitutes, they would just come up and just be like, they just wanted to talk and hang. They were very forward and aggressive there. Then you have like little kids that will like grab your legs and be like begging for money.

So you'd have a kid, like I remember a kid, that's like, grab my calf. And I was just going to the ATM and just printing out like it was like monopoly money No, he was like, please senior, please and I was just going to the ATM every morning Just printing out that like if I have a foreign if I have a foreign currency I'm like, this isn't even real. So I was like don't let out to the poor. I was fully like dude take it You're good. You're good. So I went to this party. Yeah new life. Oh, I was totally like, dude, take it, you're good, you're good. So I went to this party. New life, new life. Oh, dude. I was like, take it, you're great.

I'm your god. Name a church after me. I for real did feel like a god there. And then I went to the party and my friend was like, I'm going home. I'm like, dude, I'm staying out all night. And then, so I got into this, they have like taxis that are like.

First, can I just say I love that one moment where it's like, one guy's like, I'm going home and you have a moment right there where you're like, oh, I guess I'll go home or hey, I'll catch up with you tomorrow. Oh dude. And then like, let's start. Oh yeah, exactly, exactly. You did it right.

Well it's funny because the songs too, they were on, the songs that they were out in like they were like nightclubs or songs that had been out in America for like two years too. So I knew all the words to all the songs and like dude, I was just lording in this, it was so fun. And then I ended up like, I just got hammered and hopped in this, I had to hop in to all the songs. And like, dude, I was just lording in this. It was so fun.

And then I ended up, like, I just got hammered and hopped in this, I had to hop in like a minivan. So in the taxi there were just like these, like Sprinter vans where they'd pack with just people. So I hopped into this minivan with like six other dudes and we just kind of buzzed back. And then I didn't know where my hostel was. So I was like, let me out along the beach.

Sorry, is he signaling you? No, I want to see if you can look those up. I want to see them. Oh, it's pretty tight It was just like a little like frills like slow down let you in they just stop and then there's dudes waiting and I was like I would just be like out of it And they're like oh here's like a big taxi and then but here you go You just pile in with like it was like a giant uber pool before it's time They would pull up and be like everyone hop in it's pretty tight It was like something like that, you just hop in. It looked

like the one to the right, the red one. You just pile in with a bunch of people. So then they were like, where are you? And I'm all hammered. This is like 6 a.m. too. So I'm like, take me to the Copacabana Palace because I knew that was a big hotel right on the beach and if I saw that I knew I could get back to my place from the beach. And I'm like, dude, and they're like, don't go on the beach late at night early in the morning I could get back to my place from the beach. Yeah. And I'm like, dude, and they were like, don't go on the beach late at night, early in the morning. I'm like, I could see you late at night, but I'm like early in the morning.

Early in the morning doesn't make any sense. That's when the old people come out. That's what I thought, dude. So I went on the beach, they dropped me to the Copacabana Palace. So I started walking along the beach because I could just like, I could see it and like, oh, there's my street. And then my hostel was like four things off the beach. So I started walking and I'm like, it's sunrise, I'm drunk, I'm looking up.

I'm like, this is so beautiful. And as I was walking, I just looked down back to where I was, there's just three dudes standing in front of me. They were probably like 19, 20 years old, and they had just these fishing knives. So they put, one was here, one was here, one was here. On you?

Right against my skin. So they weren't pressing in, but they were like an inch from just like my stomach So I'm walking I'm like fuck so I'm sitting there, and I was just like what yeah I had been robbed before so this was like unless maybe this was the first time I got robbed But I had been robbed after that or before I forget But I remember like everything time for real slows down to the end party if you go That's not a knife No, dude afterwards. I was, dude, I should have fucking

grabbed that guy, kicked his friend. But no, I just froze. And what I noticed is when I was in a situation like that, time goes really slow and my heart rate was probably flying, but you feel really calm. Where you're just like, whoa, and you're watching everything and everything seems slowed down. And then they, and I was like, I don't know.

And I kept saying Tranquillo, I didn't, that's like a Spanish word I know. I was like, Tranquillo, Tranquillo. I didn't that's like a Spanish word I know it's like you don't you don't turn to kill and I was I seemed kind of calm I didn't move and I was like oh, yeah, no problem. No problem. I'll give you whatever and I only I had like Eight reals on me, which is it was like four bucks Oh, yeah, so I'm looking through I'm looking through and I'm like I just I'll show I was here take my credit card Go like I think you can take this to an ATM and get a cash advance go take out a bunch of money on this And they just looked at my credit card like,

what the fuck is this thing? So then I had money stashed. I used to always keep money in my shoe, or in a separate pocket, so if I needed money to get home. Smart. So then I was like, I forgot about it. And then they found my little stash of whatever little bit of money I had on me was.

And they were like, you said it? I'm like, dude, I was like, my bad, my bad. I like how you're already like, you're the boss, obviously. Oh, dude. I was like my bad my bad. I like you're already like you're the boss obviously Oh, I didn't mean to misguide you. I was very you know I was just like guys is totally fine I was like I want to help you guys and they uh They took out with the one thing that was funny They took my phrasebook out and they like fanned through my little Brazilian English phrasebook, and we were going through I don't know if I had something highlighted or what but it was a caro voce which means like I want you

going through I don't know if I had something highlighted or what but it was a caro voce which means like I want you in Portuguese. Yo caro voce. So they kind of had a chuckle at that. So they kind of laughed at that. That's why I don't have as much money. Exactly. I could have really hooked you up. I caro'd too much. If you guys were to blow me. No they were, they, yeah so they just fucking- I do know how you guys can make some money. Yeah, but you know, dude, the funniest part about it was, after it was all said and done, they got the eight Rials, I was like, dudes, come to the ATM, I'll get you some money out. Like, cause they were like- You're still offering?

Well, they were like, sorry, we're hungry. They're like, whatever, lo tiene mucho hambre. And I was just like, fuck guys, you guys are hungry. They were like nice about it. So I was like, I'm sorry guys, I'd give you more if I had it. And then, so they leave and I'm like, what the fuck? There was people, there was a couple fishing 50 feet from me. So I go and see them and I'm walking by them. I'm like, did you guys see that?

And they're like, you're lucky you didn't get stabbed. And I was like, thanks guys. You're just gonna fucking sit there and fish? They weren't like, whoa, help. They just sat there quietly and watched the whole time. Well, luckily they didn't stab you. And I was like, well, yeah, help. They just sat there quietly and watched the whole time. I'm like, luckily they didn't stab you. And I was like, well, yeah, thanks. Looking back though.

Thanks for nothing. What were they going to do? Hey. True. They were like a 50-year-old couple. And I was doing like, you weren't supposed to do that. They were like, so many people do not do that. That's like prime time because no one else is around.

The beach isn't crowded. They were in the water? I don't know where they were. I honestly don't know where they were. I honestly don't know where they were because I was hanging around like the mid to like higher part of the beach. Like, I don't know, like dunes or whatever.

So they must've just come up while I was looking up because I didn't even notice them. Until they were on you. Right, they were like feet from me and I was like, fuck, fuck. These guys look like they're going to rob me. And they did. Ah.

But it was cool. And then, you know, I got mad. But I mean, also like when you lose that little, you're like, and they did. But it was cool. And then I got a bet. But I mean also when you lose that little, you're like, and they let you keep your cards too. I was trying to give them, I was like, guys take this thing, hit the ATM and ball out. And they were just kind of like, I was like, this is what I'm doing.

Listen, I'm from Philadelphia, let me teach you how to rob. This is why you guys are third world. I was like, this is how I got here. Yeah, I was like, just take this card and go get more money. Because yeah, especially after they said sorry, it kind of hit my heartstrings. I was like, just take this card and go get more money. Especially after they said sorry, it kind of hit my heartstrings. I was like, damn, these are good guys. I wish I gave them more.

Let me just give you one. Yeah, they should have just fucking just one in the knee. But no, so then I go back to my hostel and I'm still kind of in like, I'm in shock. Yeah, it sucks. Then I go back and some dudes are sleeping in my bed and I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, they just lent my bed out

because I had been out all night I'd paid for the night, but I was gone all night, so they just kind of lent it out Why is my reaction worse on that than you got robbed because it sounds like I was like sleeping with a man in Brazil also No, I come back. I see this guy in my bed. I'm like motherfucker, so then I go that back to the desk I'm like yo What the hell and they were like you didn't come back and I was like I paid for my what so fucking what I was doing stuff So then it's got a lot of people be the locals And they were like you didn't come back and I was like I paid for my what so fucking what I was doing stuff So then it's got a lot of people be the locals

So I got a whole different whole different room And then uh so I kind of played it a little closer then I like stopped going on the beach But then I missed my flight so I fucking do this is how stupid I was wait was your friend singing the hostile to yeah Your buddy from work was also singing my buddy was in My buddy was in the hostel. His flight was on. I didn't pay attention as I booked my return flight. Yeah. And I just booked it for the day before he was leaving, not knowing that's the date I picked. I just like, I guess I was in a hurry.

So we both go to the airport on the last day, and I'm like, all right, bro, I'll see you over there. So I go to beat my thing, and they're like, oh, dude, your flight was yesterday. And again, it was nobody was speaking. I also over, I assumed more people would be speaking English over there. It wasn't the case at all.

Like there was a few people who would, but a lot of people didn't speak any English. So I go to the airport and it's just like, no, there's no, I'm like, hey, and they're like speaking Brazilian and I'm like Spanish. I can speak like broken Spanish. And they were, so we couldn't understand each other, but they, they got it across to me that like dude your flight was yesterday

I'm looking at the date and I'm like fuck and I was I was maxed out too I didn't have it wasn't like I could be like I'll just book another flight the flights were Backward now like a thousand bucks and you were just like no, it's over you lost it, dude So then I was like they're like come back in the morning and we'll see if we can get you on a standby list So I had to go pay for like a hotel and like the airport you know when you stay near an airport It's just always the seediest like so I'm like a fucking hotel or kiss this morning And I walk driving by I'm like who would stay here. Yeah, dude. It's exactly it's like it's a lot of hojos Yeah, so it's like the Newark of Brazil

I'm just staying and just like a little industrial place in a hotel and the TV there was no I couldn't speak to anyone because There was no like everyone just spoke for Portuguese the TV were all in Portuguese So I would try to watch TV and I can't understand a word anyone's saying so I just sat quietly in a room by myself I did this for three days I wake up at 6 a.m. Log all my stuff down go down like can I fly and they'd like no like fuck Ah, so I had the second day. Hey, can I fly? It was like the weirdest three days of my life. What'd you do in between? I just sat there, dude.

You could go out. I couldn't do anything. I didn't have any money. So I was like. You were out of money. I had just this credit card. Thank God I had money left on it. And then after three days of just like total solitary

confinement in this other country, I was like, fuck it. I'm booking this on my credit card. I can't take another day. So that's why the credit card bill got up so high. And then I was just like, I can't pay this. Yep. And you didn't have credit card. I can't take another day So that's why the credit card bill got up so high and then I was just like I'm I can't pay this yep And you didn't have to and I didn't Turn the robbery I should be like guys. I got robbed. I didn't know hi guys today's episode of you be tripping is brought to you by cuts

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In these woods, we are prey. The Watchers allow us to live because we follow their rules. You can't see them, but they see everything. No one sees one and survives. From producer M. Night Shyamalan, written for the screen and directed by Ishana Night Shyamalan. Let them see you. What are they doing? Applause. For you, Mina.

The Watchers, Friday. You ever look back at where you were in your 20s or 20 and you'd be like, I could survive with such little to nothing money that you couldn't possibly now. It was insane. I was so, and I was so happy too. Yeah. Well, that's what you learn too with kids.

When I moved here, you know, I'm always telling my kids like, I have to go to work guys, it's all for you. And then we moved and they take all of your stuff out of your house before you moved. My kids were happy running around and I was like, ah, this is just for me. Fuck. I was like, this is just for my own ego. But yeah, they don't give a fuck about stuff. Yeah, when you're younger, it's like, yeah dude, I have $3,500.

I was like, this is crazy. I did learn quickly how fast you spend money on a trip like that, because I maxed out, I maxed the cash that I had and my credit card. It's so hard to pace yourself too. It's impossible. To be like, sweet, well I have a thousand for this week, let's spend 800 today.

No, dude, that was the thing, I was like, I'll probably spend $40 a day, and it's like, it's like 100 bucks a day just eating and doing something. I'm going to those probably spend $40 a day and it's like it's a hundred It's like a hundred bucks a day just eating and like doing How good are those steak restaurants, those Juhausca Rias? Dude it was and I didn't know what it was and this was more of like a hot plate kind of thing They're just like cutting meat. We were like it came out on this like hot stone And they were just drop you cuts of meat. It was fucking awesome damn. It was very tight But yeah, Brazil 10 out of 10

Stay off the beach early in the morning late at night. Kiss prostitutes if you want. What was the bus like from from, uh, San Paulo to Was just regular? It's the bump, no, it was the bumpiest bus in the world And it's just like you're just going through these neighborhoods where like dude if this thing breaks down Please don't fucking break down. It was terrifying But yeah, it was for me. It was just again. I was just going like whoa It was terrifying. But yeah, for me, it was just, again, I was just going like, whoa,

because I didn't know anything about really anything. Is that your first time out of the country? I went to Ireland when I was 14. But this was totally different. Adult. Yeah, this was my first time. And also way different than Ireland is different. Yeah, Ireland is, yeah, Ireland I just got like, I was like, I could get beers and bars and be like, yes.

My mom and dad were going to be with my brothers and be like, Guinness, please, and I would just chug it and be like, fuck yeah. So fucking cool. Were there beers in, there had to be local beers. I was drinking the Caprinas and all that stuff. Caprinas are good. Yeah, I was slamming those things. I was like, again, you don't know about your body

back then too. So like, Caprinas are all lime juice and like some sugar cane liquor. So I'm just like chugging those things, crushing food and just being like, why do I feel this way? Just meat and juice? Yeah, it's like I must have a disease.

It was just lime juice and meat all the time. But yeah, it was awesome, man. It was like. That sounds fucking bomb. Dude, it was just like, it's the nicest place in the world. If you're not like a total moron, you can probably really have fun there. It's like, it is, it's just the most beautiful women.

It's crazy. I went with the UFC for like two days. Oh, that's awesome. They got broke and got a companion ticket for free. It was like, we don't have any shows. You wanna come, we can come. Was it in Rio as well? Yeah, and it was that, but they were so,

the UFC was so strong about don't go out alone. Definitely don't go near the favelas. Yeah. It really is like, it's mountaintop. It should be the best. It's just that it's tin shacks. Well, they took it first. True, it is like the hills in LA. Yeah, yeah.

If you take prime real estate. Yeah. But also, yeah, it's like, it was, yeah, that was terrifying. I just like seeing that being like, and knowing like, oh, those guys are coming down here and they're gonna get your money. They're gonna grab your legs as kids

and they're gonna rob you as adults. I went to the edge of it, cause it's like a wall and just like, no. Yeah, you can walk around Rio yourself. You do have to be careful. You can't flat wear anything flashy or anything. Oh, right. Like carry a camera around your neck

cause people will rob you. Yeah, but that was the best about that montage of people getting robbed is people in buses on their phones and somebody just jumping up grabbing it and leave. Yeah. People just grabbing people's backpacks. One guy like fell and they're just like dragging him and it was like, come on man, that's a miss, let it go. They're so hungry too.

That's the thing too. It's not like I'm going to make this, this is going to be tight. I'm going to buy something. Maybe if you just eat steak you can fucking make it go further. True. Yeah, that's true. They didn just eat steak. You can fucking make it go further Yeah, that's true if they didn't need just delicious steaks all the time fresh that bread stuff to do have that that's all in the cage What is it the palm of the cage? It's like that little cheese bread those balls fucking love that shit Yeah, I discovered that at a gas station in Rio. I was like, yeah, I'll take some of those Yeah, they were just selling them there. That stuff is so fucking good. I had an acai bowl before it hit America

Oh, yeah, at least before I knew about him. I was like, what is this purple shit? Everyone That stuff is so fucking good. I had an acai bowl before it hit America. Oh yeah. At least before I knew about them. I was like, what is this purple shit everyone's eating? They're like, acai. I'm like, all right. It's good for you. Give it to me. Yeah, like it's good for you.

I feel like it's mostly sugar. It is. But they're like, no, you lose weight on this. If they don't add sugar to it, you can tell because it tastes like eating a tea bag. Yeah, like chalky. Yeah, it doesn't taste like anything. But yeah, the stuff over here is all sugar.

Was there anything there that surprised you were they like you observed about the place that you've never like seen anybody say um Like Guatemalans I noticed are the shortest people in the fucking world just how hot everybody was and then the dudes are like It's more so the women and I know I'm not dissing any Brazilian dudes But like the women get all the credit over there. They really do. The dudes are like dudes are like fucking all dressed up like Metrosexual guys, but they're very like kind of aggressive and like not all of them obviously but like It's the dudes over there trying to get in on the beauty and I almost want to tell them like guys relax. Go rugged

Yeah, just chill. They're trying to be too beautiful in my opinion. It's kind of like. Are you looking at Brazilian women? What a fucking nice. What a nice God damn. It's, it's nonstop man. It's really, and that was the one thing that really threw me for a loop. But I was like, damn dude, America's black there or brown mostly. It's a mix. It's a mix. You get like people who are like really fair skin, almost European looking, but mostly it's that kind of like hand complexion.

Damn. Then there, yeah, there's a lot of black people too. Are there blue eyed ones like that. Yeah, dude is the Nazis one everywhere Yeah, the underrated parts of the Nazis is when they escaped they really brought those blue eyes to the world they did it's beautiful You got a nice spitzel in Argentina Yeah, a lot of them dig it in South America, but no there it's like damn who the fuck is that? Who the fucking uh the mural of that lady dude. There's a show called Fuck what is it called? Seinfeld no wait wait friends. No the wire

It's a shitty. It's a shitty Netflix show about like a futuristic one. I'm Brazil the 100 It is the 100. About a shitty futuristic, and like dude, the women, the casting, they're like beset by like these model-esque women, where like, you just see this one character and you're like, this lady's too hot, she shouldn't be in this. Too hot to be normal. Like everyone's wife there is just like a stunning

Victoria's Secret model, and it just like distracts you from the show. Yeah, let me see the Brazilian soccer team, because these should be all all the dykes They should be all like that's a good. That's a good. Yeah, it's a good comparison to be like The you should realize if I bought their version of Trump hates yeah Let's see what's going on. I mean, it's tough. They're wow. That's still pretty hot. Oh, yeah, they're little soccer babes little Yeah, we have to see like the official roster so we can get like a real good zoomed in look on them

I want to see their glamour shots true volleyball team would be really nice. Yeah, that was the thing that threw me for a loop it was just like the Everyone there is like kind of beautiful and they also like Younger like the like the teens were also totally, were dressed like insane. What do you mean, adulty? Yeah, you'd see someone and you're like, that's a child,

but then they'd be in a very adult bathing suit and you'd be kind of like, oh boy. What is a child, what does that even mean? Oh, I talked to a guy over there about it and they were like, we don't, that's not a thing for us. That statutory shit, they were just like, we don't. They're like, if you're a you're obviously you'll get fucked up But like right like tens pushing a lady. Oh, yeah

But well, they're like they're just like fat hits or like if it's fat if there's fat hits and like it that counts They're like who cares? Stanhope had a joke about that too where he's like, you know, 17 is not a adult and he goes God disagrees Children that's how Brazil holds it down. Wow. They're just kind of like, yeah, it's not a thing here, man. We don't really, like if you're, obviously if you're a, you'll get fucked up,

but if it's like a big ass and fat titties, it's courts are like, yeah dude. Damn, what were the bathrooms like there? Shitty, they have those shitty electrical outlet showers where like, I remember getting shocked all the time. Yeah. I would take a shower and like hit a thing. Suicide showers.

Yeah dude, I remember I would take showers and like fuck out those there you hit a thing It kind of like gives you a little it's nuts Yeah, just open electricity with water you get closer plus. I'm tall so I'm gonna get closer Yeah, you just like feel this buzz. Yeah, that was another thing I was like completely taken aback by I was I loved America when I went back I was like dude America is so good because I would just see like their outlets and be like you Fuck is that thing? The world would design an outlet like that

The showers were bad the toilets are obviously not the best That's a fun thing about travelers coming home and realizing no longer taking for granted if just for like a week or two Oh, yeah, our shit is great here. Just the way water comes out. It's not like Oh our shit is great here. Just the way water comes out it's not like fff should be okay Yeah, at least if the wire nuts on there like that should be good But yeah, I wanted to move but even after all that I remember my plan then became I got back to the States And I was like I'm gonna move to Brazil. No, really. Oh, yeah My plan was I was going to grow weed which I tried and it all died I was gonna grow weed sell it and make five grand and move to Brazil. And all my weed crops died and I had to stay, states died.

Oh. Yeah, that was my, that was like the only plant I've really ever made in life. I was like, I'm going back to Brazil. The babes are so much hotter there. I'm going to just grow weed. I tried it two different, I didn't know you had to like watch weed every day. I thought you could just like plant it and just be like, I'll be back in two months to harvest my fat nugs.

And it was just dead. And like, I had it in other people's basements And I would go check on my weed and it just be dead I love the American dream of complete dumb fucks still making making it work somehow Like I don't know how you've made a life for yourself with that as your base I had no that was for real that was my only that was my only ever like five-year plan I was like all right I'll grow weed save up money, and then I started doing stand-up at like 23 and I was like, all right, I'm gonna grow weed, save up money. And then I started doing stand up at like 23. And I was like, and if it had worked, I mean,

what a terrible show would have been and Shane's secret podcast. What a, what a not bounce anything off anybody. Yeah, man. I, I, some, there was part of me that was like, my friend would always make fun of me. Like you would have totally been a kayak guide over there and that would have just been like a kayak guide. Like I could have totally seen you just doing like mountain guides, kayak guys. I speak English and Brazilian.

Oh yeah. Portuguese I mean. Oh yeah. I would have, I could have totally done that. But that would have opened up a pretty, I mean, I couldn't imagine like what that would have been like. I mean, I would probably just would have had kids with a lady and then. I met some lifers all over the world.

I was like, I came for vacation, stayed, and it's been 28 years. Yeah. And they're odd. Yeah, it would have been, I think I would have regretted that. I think I would have, after 10 years of kayak tours, been like, I think I could have done something else.

I would have seen all the mangroves. It actually kind of sucks. Like 47 kids, I'm like, I don't know, this is a miscatch. Robots, no, it's kayak only! Yeah, that was like an alternate life that I was like, all right, I'm glad that didn't occur. It would have been nice, maybe, you know, could have been cool, I would have been, you know,

could have been cool, but also now I'm happy with the way things went, but. Yeah. That was my plan, that was for real, my only plan I really ever made, was just grow weed and then move to Brazil. I love how too, like, stand up is everyone's just failure my plan. That was for real. My only plan I really ever made was just grow weed and then move to Brazil. I love how too, like, stand up is everyone's just failure backup plan. That's it's our dream and it's everyone else just like, well, if all else fails, I can at least do your dream.

I, I, yeah, I didn't, well, I didn't think I, yeah, I didn't think I could really do stand up. And then it started like, I would like quit all the time. I'm like, this sucks. And then I would just be like, I get a new hot five brewing in my head and be like, I just gotta break the people off of this. And then I just kept doing it. And I was like, that's fucked. What's your special called? Speed of Light.

Speed of Light on YouTube right now. Yeah. Matt McCusker's. Yeah, it was pretty great. That fucking opening was retarded. Thank you. Yeah, in the best way. My plan was to go down Kensington Avenue on Rollerblades

where like all like the heroin people are. And I drove up there and I'm like this is just too sad. Like I can't, I can't have like close ups on dudes, cousins face. But I did go up there and blast through one of the intersections. So that was fun. Trying to film that was fun. I was like I'll cut through the intersection because we're up here. Get the footage. Dude, I had the one guy like lunges at me that was up near like KNA. I was like because we would come through, hit a red light and now to get stuck on

a red light up there on roller blades with a guy in a trunk with like a $3,500 camera and I just be like all right guys be cool and it just people crisscrossing you like there's people just zipping about and I was just sitting there like on rollerblades on roller blades by myself I didn't raise many eyebrows but as soon as I caught up to the car with the camera people would kind of Do like a look this is robbable Yeah, they'd be like and then I had it was my third time through the intersection like we came up once got stopped at the red Light I was alright. We'll circle back So I fucking hopped in the car came back the second time third time these guys were like

What the fuck is going on and people started kind of like sitting up straight and kind of looking which is it's funny to say They're like yeah people started sitting up straight like there's something and kind of looking, which is, it's funny to say that. Like, yeah, people started sitting up straight. Like there was something going on. When a sloucher on slouches. Be careful. Well, yeah, and I finally, I blasted through the intersection and then just fucking got back in the car

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Save like only you can at tdinsurance.com slash ways to save. TD, ready for you you have you ever been back to Brazil since then no was there anywhere else you would go in Brazil was has Rio if I went again I would I would have to go I'd go back to Rio I go back to Rio I mean I was there for no time at all dude I was there for 10 days and I was like I was sad so fucking cool yeah it was nice man and then uh wait but the last three were hotel, the airport.

I was there for 10 for my official vacation, and I spent an extra like three days in like an airport city. On Amex. Yeah. Yeah, I think of a city car. Yeah. But the, yeah, I'd go back there. I would do more of it.

I'd like to see more of like the jungle and kind of go north and kind of like work my way down. Because Brazil, you ever see on a map, it's. It's fucking huge. It's fucking huge. It's fucking huge. Oh there it is, yeah. Okay, I'm going. But yeah. Yeah, it's the whole fucking continent.

It's enormous. And that's all jungle. And I think they have, I think they have, Iguazu Falls is like another famous landmark where it's like. Look at that, it goes all the way to the fucking east. It's ridiculous, bro. It's crazy. Iguazu Falls.

Yeah, that's a big landmark for them where it's on the border of Brazil, and I forget what other country, maybe Argentina, but there's this three waterfalls pouring into one thing from different sides of both countries. Oh, damn. That's also a sick thing to see as well. Damn, look how far over it goes all the way to the Pacific.

Yeah, Brazil dominates. It's over the Pacific. Yeah, it dominates. It's like the, yeah, it's huge. And not all that green, is that just like Amazon? Probably rainforest, yeah, the Amazon right there. Amazon, yeah. Do you think they have uncontactables there?

Probably somewhere. They do in Ecuador, and it's deeper in there. Yeah, they probably do. I mean, they don't even know what, like, I think like 80% of the plants are in the rainforest. So I think there's a lot of it, you can't even, I mean, dude, even going through the woods without a trail, I'm kind of like, yeah, where the fuck am I? Going deep in the rainforest. So I think there's a lot of it, you can't even, I mean dude, even going through the woods without a trail, I'm kind of like, where the fuck am I?

Going deep in the rainforest is terrifying. Yeah. But there's a fact like that, we only really know and classify 10% of the plants in the world. Dude, I went into the rainforest in Ecuador, I'm looking at it on a map now, it's like that's not even close to anything

in the middle there. No. I mean. That one stretch of rainforest is as big as Ecuador right in the bottom down. Yeah, damn. Yeah, just little tiny nothing. Yeah, it's pretty crazy.

South America rules though. I tell everyone if they're like traveling, I'm like, dude, definitely go to South America. If I went international again for traveling, I would go to South America. It's also what's cool about that is you don't have to relearn languages besides Brazil. You have to relearn languages when you pop

country to country. Portuguese was hard as hell. Spanish, I can get around in Spanish. Yeah, but if you go to Colombia when you pop country to country Portuguese. Yeah Portuguese was hard as hell Spanish I can kind of I can get around in Spanish. Yeah, but if you go to Colombia and then hop to Bolivia Yeah, you're speaking the same language exactly me and Marta Laos. You're like, I don't know what the fuck you just said I know your pleases here Where else do you have in mind to go do you have anywhere on your list? Uh, I don't know man. I was when I was younger at a big travel blog

My wife likes to travel so we'll definitely do the classic Europe. Yeah, I've liked seeing I'll definitely do that at some point I don't really want to hit the Piss I don't want to go like to Asia really that badly. It's too far. I can't fuck with far flights, dude Yeah, I did. I'll go back to Australia. I would do that. That doesn't that's not like you went there I mean, I went there Shane is pretty say I'm going for state of origin Really? I met in Guatemala told me about it. It's a rugby. It's north for south And he goes everybody comes home from playing in like New Zealand or fucking West Indies or whatever They all come home to play for their So some of these guys are teammates on their on their regular team and now they're enemies and they punch each other in the face

Dude, I saw when I was there with Shane, we saw Aussie, the Aussie rules football. Also rules. It might be one of the best sports I've ever seen live. Yeah. Cause in between plays, they just punch each other. They punch each other. It's ridiculous. I saw a guy tackling somebody out of bounds and they tackle them out.

And then the guy who, so let's say he crossed that out of bounds line and he was ready to start again. The guy was still on his leg and he goes, he just punches him down. Dude, they just, between, it's so funny. It's like watching fifth graders play basketball. Between plays, they're just like, fucking hit. Helmets are like those inflatable novelty helmets from like a bar mitzvah, from your caricature.

Yeah, it's insane. That was the best sport I think I've ever watched live. They explained it to me, this is for a different episode anyway, but they explained it to me for two days at the Melbourne Comics Lounge we were watching and explaining the rules and then on the third day we like went to a game so I get like I kind of get a little bit of what's going on yeah I knew like if you kick the ball

through the thing you got a point I don't ever remember being like a time years that's what I remember cheap beer cheap hot dogs it was so fun 70,000 people yeah it was awesome but yeah I would uh I would probably go to back to South America with my wife I that'd be kind of tight. I mean, you're in a pretty good spot where you could eventually, if you plan it out well enough, you could be like, hey, I'm taking a month off. Yeah, for sure.

Get ahead. I just have little kids. Once they get older, it's tough. They're tough. They can beg for change when they're out there. Little white kid begging for change. True. Half-white, whatever.

True, yeah, true. Smudge their faces. They'll blend right in. Yeah, they can begging for change. True. Half white, whatever. True, yeah true. Smudge their faces. Exactly, they'll blend right in. Yeah, they can really come home with some fucking reals, bro. True, but no, I'll go somewhere eventually. I don't, I'm not like, I had a thing internally for a while and no matter where I was, I'd just be like, great, I'm here. I just felt like I was getting green screened

into another place where I'd just be like, ugh. What do you mean? I just didn't appreciate it at all. When I was younger, it was much more like, wow, this is cool. Now, there was a period where I was getting green screened into another place where I'd just be like, ugh. What do you mean? I just didn't appreciate it at all. When I was younger, it was much more like, wow, this is cool. Now there was a period where I was just so focused on everything I was doing that the idea of being somewhere else or being away from what I was doing, I would just be like, great.

I know what you mean, I think. Yeah, I just felt like I got green screened into another location. I would just be like, ugh. Spending so much fucking money, this sucks. Yeah, yeah. That was, yeah. Yeah, Foley was telling me that he's like,

once he opened up to the idea that he's not poverty stricken anymore and he could afford to rent a car in a place, and he was like, oh, this opens up everything. Like, wow, that's actually really fun. That's how I was programmed to like go to a place and be like, fuck, this is so much fucking money. This is causing me so much,

this is costing me so much money every day. And I would just sit there and be like I gotta be doing work at home I was like a I've lightened up with that a lot, but I was a serious Nice workaholic and also I you know I used to sell weed too So I was like I never wanted to leave where I was Cuz like what was the weed like that you're getting me so bad. God damn. I'm like so god It was like it smelled like rubber. It was like this compressed I think it would be just I think we smoked some weird like they sprayed chemicals on dude, it was like, it smelled like rubber. It was like this compressed, I think we just,

I think we smoked some weird, like they sprayed chemicals on it, because it was like, we were on the beach smoking it, I remember, I felt really weird. But it was like, just like, schwag, compressed into these little like brick, these little like square things. It was like smushed weed?

So smushed. That's how I did in Ecuador, too. It was so bad. I was in Mexico one time, and I was like trying to buy weed off a guy and he like took me into the back of this place and was like showed me the fucking nug, like his nuggage, you know, I was just I had to look at it I didn't I was like I was just kind of sketchy where I am. So I was like, bro, that's so good

I'm gonna go grab some more money. I'm gonna grab a couple ounces. I'll be back I just was like fucking tore off. So I didn't want to be like dude that shit's fucking trash In Washington Square Park when I was before there was like the Spencer is and I didn't want to be like, dude, that shit's fucking trash. That stuff is trash. When I was in New York in Washington Square Park, before there was dispensaries and I didn't have a guy yet. I was from LA. I went to stores. I didn't know how to do it here. And then some guy in Washington Square was like, I want weed. And he looked, he's like, it's pretty good, huh? And he goes like this, like, yeah, I can sell you much. And I was like, hey, before you switch,

what you showed me wasn't up to my standards. It's already a no. And you're going to swap that? Yeah, man. Yeah me wasn't up to my standards. Like, it's already a no. And you're gonna swap that? Yeah, man. Yeah, I was a weed snogger. I was spoiled because I was like a wash and just like, just nice nugs back then. So I was kind of like, I saw it. I like saw it. Then the guy went in, you know, God bless him.

He was the one who risked his life. He wanted to get himself coke and I was like, you grab me some weed. Who? Your... This guy I was with. No, no, no. This other other guy I like teamed up with Australians are party animals dude. God damn They're fun to have around what a weapon if you're at a hostel You got to have one Australian your group dude they'll get you in trouble, but they'll get you into some fun stuff Yeah, it was it was there was a squad that I was with it was like a little Australian guys a couple Irish dudes Germans There was one German. It's fucked. I kind of made fun. I was fucking with him the whole time

As soon as I saw an English person, I was like, oh, there's like dude stop Yeah, so it was like there was a guy from like Sweden. Yeah, we like talked for a while We like kind of after that we kind of checked in with each other and we like talk now I can I like deleted my Facebook and kind of lost I saw a comment on a picture I posted once it was in I think Myanmar was like a fucking blast like. What a bunch of white people you met in Myanmar and I'm like nah It's it's fun to meet people at hostels from all over. Yeah, dude, cuz you'll meet a Swedish guy Yeah, you can't do it in even Sweden. You both have to be in foreign territory. The Swede went to the favela He was like I'm going he got a ride on like a dirt bike and went in there bought coke for I think for him And the Australians and he grabbed some nugs as well, and I was like, appreciate that.

Nice. And it was like, it was like, I'm just not making fun of you now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You showed your worth. He was the man, dude. It was, it is fun meeting people like that. Björgen really proved himself.

Well, it's also like, dude, you realize how fucking, like in America, like I would talk to everyone else on vacation, I'm like, I'm here for 10 whole days, and they're like, that's nothing, dude. That's nothing. They're like, we're here for like a month. And there was people there. They, holiday.

For school. So fucking long. What do you mean? They were there being like, my school sent me here because my major in school, I think these people were from like, some Scandinavian country. They're like, my major is like sports. I'm like, what do you mean?

They're like, you know, like sports, like you play in like gym class, like just sports. I write like, I just write about sports and study sports, different games. And I was like, what are you gonna do with that? And they're sports I write like I just write about sports and study sports different games And I was like, what are you gonna do with that? And they're like, I'll be an air traffic controller It's like so now I get to either like I got it They'll just I get to travel from my school or like for school and travel different like sports in different countries Like we're here for like a month. They're like they're like we feel so bad for you guys

Because you got like cuz I was trying to like I was like dude, it's huge. I'm here for ten days You know, like that's not even vacation. That's what always gets me too, when you're like, you come into the, anywhere, you're like, America's number one. And so like, let's see how much these guys give you props for being clearly number one. And then it's like, what do you mean you think you're better than us in like? Yeah.

He was like, they were like, we feel bad for you. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? What? I still, I get it. It's like America, you know, it's like pretty hard working place, but yeah, I don't know what it is. I don't know if there are countries. I met a German guy in Indonesia,

we're having breakfast at the hostel, and he's like talking about his standard five weeks off for like first year out of college, your shitty job, standard five weeks vacation. And he goes, you guys get that, right? I'm like, damn bro, no, fuck, we get two and we're expected to not take it. I know.

We're really looked down upon if you take it. Two weeks is crazy. I haven't taken a two week vacation. I haven't taken a vacation that long since I went to Brazil. Yeah, 10 days is your whole fucking year on one little trip. It's crazy. Yeah, now I'm getting pressure.

My wife's pressuring me to do like two weeks this summer somewhere and I'm kinda like, ah, ah, we'll see We'll see we'll see about that So see if she wins out. I like to maybe we'll do it, but yeah, yeah pick a place and do it Yeah, Michelle. I'll try it out. Yeah, it was tight man. That was a fun. I wish I could think of more stuff It seems great. Did you like party at the hostel? Oh, yeah, yeah, I got fucking yeah, I'll get hammered the first night there I just got hammered. That's how I met all the guys with all the people from the different unifier It's the best dude just getting hammered there

And then it's like you know throughout the day going to the beach fine And then they're like oh we found this one guy who knows this other place And I would just kind of walk around I like to walk around by myself too so I walk around and like Go get something to eat and then like dudes will see people from there would meet me and then like it was funny It's the one time I talked to these Brazilian guys and I do you like Bob Dylan What I was like what? They sound like they sound like deaf people dude Brazilians kind of sound like they're dead. I want the quality

Oh, yeah, they were saying Bob Dylan. They're like we love we love Bobby G. Lynn. What the fuck are you guys talking about? That's a funny conversation. We love American music Bobby G. Lynn Like we liked him 40 years ago though. I was like nice man. Are you just getting Bob Dylan now? You know what's tight? There was a wave of psychedelic rock in the 60s in Brazil. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Rita Lee. I never heard of Rita Lee. Katana Velosa. That was, Katana Velosa is like a famous psychedelic rock. Well I mean that's now. Dude, there's a whole way. Yeah undisputed queen of rock What yeah, I was at a coffee shop. Some guy was playing I was like, what is this? He like you got to get it up. You're gonna find on vinyl. What was the other one? What'd you tell me Katana?

Velosa, it's like a C-a-e-t-o-n-o Psych-rock. Yeah, it gets weird. Wow. So fucking good It's got and he has like a zillion albums too But he had a couple ones from like gonna look at these pictures in their youthful like fucking power you look Fucking age spots off my there is wow. Look at them. Yeah, man this dude is Zappa Yeah, he's fucking wild, but he had a couple albums in like There's like the 70s and 60s that like you put them on straight through and it's like Zappa. Yeah, he's fucking wild, but he had a couple albums in like It's like the 70s and 60s that like you put them on straight through and it's like dude

This is wait did you get told about him when you were there? No My brother actually found him when I got back cuz my brother got into like going on to like blogs Like a long long time ago on the internet You just research like albums after albums and it's just people being like check this guy out check this guy out It's a ton of below so that's kind of a deep cut you bust that out on a Brazilian They're like fuck like that's like, they're like, oh my dad loved that guy.

The cool thing is if you go to like a record store and you look at like World, you know, and you go to Brazilian, if you're like, like if you find like Guns of Appetite for Destruction, you're like, I'm either gonna buy this now or it might not be here tomorrow. If I have to think about this, the Ketano Veloso will be there tomorrow.

It'll be waiting for you. Yeah. It's up there. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well, before we go, everybody check out a special speed of light, but I actually usually ask people if they have any travel tips. Not that you travel much. It doesn't have to be a fucking hard and true one, but

like... Dude, yeah, easily. Just don't go on the beach early in the morning, late at night. That's for sure mine. Yeah, and I'm way more cautious now. I used to be like, I'll be fine. So I was like, like now just don't carry any valuables on you Realize you're in another people go to different countries to realize that you're not in America and you could get like fucked up really badly So be nice Yeah, I've met people before like I knew people from Jamaica and they're like I can't bring my friends here cuz they're like They don't understand like if you get in a fight here It's just a lot different than like America. Like you're not going to get punched in the face.

You get like stolen, just thrown in the ocean. So it's like, be careful. Yeah. Be careful. Have fun. And you know, dude, I was in Greece and I did a show in Athens and, um, after it was like, we'll drive you back to your place. I was like, no, it's actually a really nice night.

Um, I'm going to walk and they're like, no, it's not the best neighborhood. And I was like, guys, I'm actually a really seasoned traveler. Like, well then did you look up that this is where all the heroin is in Athens and I would never walk here? I'm like, I actually didn't look anything up, no. I'll take a ride. Yeah, true.

What if we drive you to the opposite side of town and still give you an hour walk? What happens, you get approached by men in togas and they just assimilate your worldview. Like, nonsense. All hail Mercury? Yeah, be careful and have fun. Be careful.

That's good. All right. Hell yeah. McCusker, I appreciate it, buddy. Thank you, man. Yeah, for sure. This is great. It makes me want to go there for sure.

Dude, it's awesome. Nice. All right, guys. Thank you very much for tuning in. No idea who's next week. All right. Thank you, man. All right.

Well, that's the episode, everybody. I hope you are happy. McCusker fucking good episode fucking good story about Brazil. All right quit looking at me. Um check him out on mattmcusker.com don't make eye contact that's what they say don't make direct eye contact but if you don't all right that's good I mean you can't stare in his eye from that far you stare at their body you stare at their eye same same but different next week I can't decide it's either gonna be by the way subscribe right now wherever you're listening

Spotify YouTube wherever just hit subscribe right now so we grow our little listening, Spotify, YouTube, wherever. Just hit subscribe right now so we grow our little audience and you get notified of just new episodes. That's it. Why am I even out here? Go to mattmcusker.com to check them out in fucking Alabama, San Jose, Phoenix, Alabama, Mississippi, Missouri, Arkansas, Texas. Next, okay, so next week either, this guy Zane,

talking about going to Morocco, it is a fucking epic fucking one. Did it at a hostel in Paris. Or maybe another one, he's about to start a podcast. So I might wait until he starts so I can tell you guys where to go. But that's it, thank you very much for tuning in. Don't forget, get some merch. My grinders are in the store now at rhshafere.com.

As are vinyls, signed vinyls, and the Shroomfest shirts. I almost forgot. Get the Shroomfest shirts. Okay, they're gone. What a fucking epic trip though, huh Matt? Being that age and just being fucking... Oh shit, there's a shitload of them. What? Guys, there's way too many of you. These retards.

Thank you very much, Matt McCusker, for tuning in. Damn! They're just like all over here. I saw Wild Eats, too. This and more on the Arishafir's Patreon... No, I'm sorry, the Ubi Chippin Patreon. It's available right now. But Shroomfest shirts, grinders, fucking vinyls. And that's it. Check out my special Jew. It's on YouTube right now. 7 million

hits. Why have you not seen it yet? That's nuts. Guys, until next week. Today's episode was produced by Your Mom's House Network. When I signed on, the owner was 374 pounds, and now he's a skinny remnant of himself. And I didn't really agree to that, but I'm here. I signed a fucking 20-year contract. It is edited by Alan Caffey expertly. Thank you very much, Alan. Fucking good job by Alan Caffey expertly. Thank you very much Alan.

Fucking good job. Way to cover up my mistakes. Until next week, thank you very much for tuning in. I hope you be tripping soon. Wait, Brazil? Good boy. I gotta fucking research these. Alright, next week.