You Be Trippin' - Russia w/ Daniel Sloss | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Follow Daniel on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/danielsloss/ See Daniel live and watch his specials here! https://danielsloss.com/ SPONSORS: -Visit http://FoundationCigars.com and elevate your cigar journey today! -Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/trippin , all lowercase On this episode of You Be Trippin, Daniel Sloss gets disappeared from talking about the women, government, and homosexuality of Russia. On the show, the two discuss the Russian comedy scene, American movies, and gay buildings. The also talk about vodka, drugs, fights, and Brittney Griner. Other topics include: cold weather, crime, religion, and gulags. Nazdrovia! You Be Trippin' Ep. 21 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin', yeah. with customized coverage options for your business. Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is unique, so your business insurance should be too. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. Welcome to UB Trippin', everybody. The travel podcast that just, you know, makes you a better person.

Today on the episode, I have my friend Daniel Sloss, Edinburgh's finest comedian of all time. Yeah, okay. I'm trying to think if there's a... Well, I wouldn't, you know, Edinburgh's. Do you mean like Edinburgh's? Yeah, Edinburgh and their Fifey. Yeah, Fife, Fife, yeah, just the kingdom of Fife.

Is there anybody famous that came out of there? Fife, well, I mean, not famous over here. Like, I mean, when I was at high school, the famous person was a woman called Edith Bowman, who is a radio presenter. I remember at high school, they were like, Edith Bowman used to go here, she's on Radio One now. That's huge claim to fame. Oh, man. It was huge in the UK. We were like, oh, God, believe it. I've definitely blown her out of the water, but I think they're less proud of me.

We know about them, but- I'm definitely blowing her out of the water. But I think they're less proud of me. Because I'm- We know about them, but. Yeah, like I'm definitely more famous than you at the moment. But she's really one, she's nice. She's clean, you know, they can be like, and this is all the nice things she's done as opposed to- She gone now? She dead?

No, she's still with us. Wow, interesting. Yeah, yeah, she's still around, just hosting radio, being a nice, pleasant person. Yeah, you're blown out of the water. Yeah, but she's not doing jokes about the Holocaust. She's not. So, like they are more proud the water. Yeah, but she's not doing jokes about the Holocaust. She's not. So, like, they are more proud of her

and they can talk about her more openly. It's less of a gamble to get their kids to do what she's been up to. You associated with Edith? Yeah, yeah. That's great, what do you mean? Well, it's just, she says some highly contentious things, and it seems to me she says them

just for the sake of saying them. Daniel Sloss is on the show today. Where are we going? Russia. Fucking Russia. I must be one of the last fucking people for a while to get to play Russia. Yeah, right? Is that over? I guess so. You can't go to Russia anymore. It's gotta be. Who's gigging in Russia right now? What English speaking comedy is happening in Russia right fucking now? Because there's no way I'm not bringing my weed pen to Russia.

No. I'm gonna. Of course you are. And they're gonna get me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they'll use you as a political prisoner. Do you think America would care? No.

Do you think they'd care about you in Scotland? Do you think Scotland would ever get to do something? God, you know what? No, no, no they would not. They would go, yeah that's him. Like they would be like. Like. Yeah.

They'd be like this is one of his gags. Yeah, no, no, no. One of his fun. I think enough people, I think the first thing that would happen is it would be in Scottish people would be like Scottish comedian arrested in Russia for wee pain. And I think the number one reply to all of those things

that everyone would like would just be the common man going who never heard of them that could all that would be the number one thing that's your obituaries never heard of them oh just people I don't and then I just don't think they'd care I don't think they would it's not enough to start a nuclear. I'm not even a threat in a nuclear war. I can see a housewife telling her husband, Oh, that Daniel Sloss is it? I can't do the accent. Daniel Sloss is in it. Is it a prison that you know? Oh, that man's always a crickup. And then, and then that was it. I think I got crack right

Hey, you know Bay City Rollers, I just got a Bay City Roller Saturday night Saturday night The base eight rollers is good. Yeah You could give me a million gases and I never would have said they were one of ours. Yeah. All right, so what was Russia like? I mean, so going in before, I was in comedy out there, and the day before we were in Austria, and they sent, their English isn't so good that you can, you could do a show just in English

and you'd get half the size of crowd, but if you're willing to get like a translator who doesn't do it on stage, but is in like a box, people would get the option to buy like earphones before and he translates it live. So the way he translates it live is he comes to the show the day before, listens to it, like records it so that he can translate it into Russian the next day and then do it at the same time that you do on stage. Yeah. Whoa. Damn, that's weird.

Oh, it's very weird. And like he's man, he's like- The deaf people, but not the, that's crazy. Well, cause man, it's an entirely different fucking language. And like he's got to have this understanding of like art and comedy and how to translate it because it's not, man, it's a different, it's not just like a different fucking language. It's a different alphabet, it's a different sentence fucking structure,

and also the entire time we're like, this guy is KGB. Like this is all just a fucking ruse. He has to come to two shows in a row? Yeah. That's odd. Yeah, and he's just gonna sit there, and there's no way this kind of is and just like writing down what I'm talking about.

His hands are glow in the dark. He's fucking blowing whatever jelly I have on my sandwich. Yeah, and there's no way this cunt isn't just writing down what I'm talking about. His hands are glow in the dark. Glow in whatever jelly I have on my sandwich. Because I had some stuff in my shoe where I was like, you know, I'm doing pro-gay stuff. Pro-gay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'm not cutting that out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's illegal there.

Whoa. So I was like, I'm definitely doing it. Well, who put any grinder going there for then? Who? The fucking basketball player. Gay pothead? Yeah, I'm definitely doing it. What did Brian go in there for then? Who? The fucking basketball player. Gay pothead? Yeah. Going to a country where gays and pots not allowed?

That's dumb, I get it. The money's there, but that's dumb. Yeah, well, I mean, is she still in jail there? Yeah, I think so. And, oh, and if there's, I mean, you know, a black woman, is there anything like American people would do less for? They're like, oh no, no way.

How do you think you would do, like if you were a political prisoner, do you think they? No way, they wouldn't get me out. No? No way, no way. No one would even talk about it. No one would even talk about it. They're like, this is what he gets. And then they'd be like, it's comma four,

and then the list of specific things. Everyone's like, no, who cares about that? It's this though, he deserves it. Yeah, people just, every time you've tweeted or inscribed about the death of a celebrity, which is my favorite thing, but just the utter fucking empathy-less vitriolic bile that comes out.

That's what people would use to justify it. They would be like, they would put up the Colby tweets. This is what he gets. This is what, like, let him. I hope they fucking keep him. Justify it they would be like this is they would put up the Kobe tweets. We get this is like let them I hope they fucking keep them Yeah, yeah, it would be a lot of happiness it would be dancing yeah, yeah, you know Annie Sam It's on Sam. It's on the Russian side. They're like, I don't know who to hate here. Did you guys, did you drink there?

Did you get into it? Mm-hmm. Yeah? Oh, fuck yeah. Well, I was like, I was deeply depressed at this point on tour, and we'd been on tour too long. Like, I just lost my mind, man. Just been in the, you know, not eating healthy,

not exercising, because it's just waking up flight, drink on the flight, land show, drink. You know, I've done my body no favors. But the vodka out there is so good. Like it's fucking ice cold and it is just with everything. Really? Yeah, man. And you can, you do just shot it and it's fine and it goes down. How expensive or just normal or cheap? No idea. Like they did such a good job of making that money confusing.

That you've just got a water note and you're like, no idea. No, I couldn't even fucking ballpark what this is. The worst for that is Australia, because it's pretty close to the dollar. And so you're throwing money around, I'm sure it's like Thailand, and then you're like, no, no, dude, you spent like, it's pretty much just right.

Australia is so fucking expensive. Have you ever bought Coke in Australia? No. It's a million dollars. It's not worth it. No, and it's not even Coke. Like it's cut with, cause it's like such a, it's just an island, but like it's a fucking cone in it.

But it's the farthest away from any of the- But can't they just make Coke? Are they all importing it from fucking Bogota? Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all, I mean, man, they can barely fucking grow wheat in Australia. You ever heard of bushwees?

Like it's fine, it'll get you high, but it's what our parents fucking smoked in the, you know how like, you know how every old person's like, I can't smoke this young people's pot nowadays because it's all, like this is that. Yeah, what, so tell me, I don't know, tell me everything. Is the vodka there like Scotch in Scotland where it's just like tons of local?

Yeah, tons of local just there. And it's like a, but it's, you know, people in Scotland don't all drink whiskey, you know. I think everyone in Russia drinks vodka. Oh, nice. Like I think it really is like, it's just part of their everyday. You have it with meals, like it's got to be served frozen,

but like there's different types. Like there's menu, it's nice, it's real good. But so they don't do mixers much? It's mostly the fucking just drink vodka. Oh man, they would do it with like, but I mean everywhere you go, they can just go, you can go show up, I'm like, yeah, here you go, they can just go, you can go shopwalking, like yeah, you go. And it's ice cold and it's smooth as fuck.

We went to- Yeah, it's like silky that way. Yeah, so smooth. It's like less watery and more like something. Yeah, like if you ever had actually really good cold tequila goes down way smoother than you ever actually think it would. Like, because that's the way, you know, it'd be nice to have. Hor horrible things are made to be served cold

because it numbs the flavor of them. Like beer. Like beer. Yeah, why do they serve it warm? Because warm beer is the worst beer. That's absolutely stupid. It's awful. Whereas, you know, like red wine should be room temperature

because it's nice, you know, the flavor out of it. Yeah, vodka, ice fucking cold. Ice fucking cold. What was it, was it freezing? Oh yeah, it was pretty fucking cold. Yeah, yeah, we were there, I'm gonna say in about November, and it was like, you know, we'd bought jackets for, you know in places like Iceland, when you go outside

and you've put on like two layers of trousers and three pairs of fucking underwear and like four hoodies and like this big winter jacket and then like mother nature just laughs. It levels you. And just through all those layers of clothes, just takes your balls and just puts them firmly up in your body, like tickles your tent and you're just instantly cool. You've done everything you can. No more can be done and it's still ho-ho.

And it's like, go back! It's just fucking chilly. And Scotland's cold. You live in a cold place and it's like so much worse. Oh, so much worse. Like I find it funny when people are like, Scotland's cold. I'm like, Scotland's not cold. Scotland's just not warm. Like there's a place that exists. It's cool. And like when it gets cold, yeah, we get, we get fucking nippy days, but compared to like Russia or fucking Slovak, like Norway and Sweden and Iceland, when it gets cold,

it fucks you to death. Steve from the cellar, you know, the back door, he said, you can tell tourists because they don't wear the right winter clothes, they just wear more autumn clothes. Like a layer of hoodies and jackets. It's just like, they're not doing this right. No. It's really weird.

November, it's that cold, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's a beautiful city if you're in like the fucking center. But you forget how fucking massive Russia is, right? We are. Hi guys, just wanted to break into today's episode to let you know about Daniel Sloss.

He's a fucking high level standup comedian. I hope you understand that. He's gonna be doing a show at the London Palladium. It's a massive venue on October 5th. Get tickets at danielsloss.com slash tories. Also got on danielsloss.com multiple of his specials streaming. You can get links for him. Dark, I think that was a Netflix one.

X, I think that was the HBO one. Socio, I forgot the last one, name or title, but he's great. If you haven't checked him out, you're in for a treat. I myself have a special called Jew that's available on YouTube right now. Over seven million views and I think all, but six of them are positive. And double negative on Netflix.

Also, I gotta tell you about ShroomFest, everybody. What are you guys doing? This year, it's July 20th, 21st, and 22nd. Yeah, every year we celebrate, we meet up on another plane of existence, somewhere in the universe. July 20th, 21st, and 22nd. All you gotta do to participate is take some boomers, take some shrooms.

That's right, should be fun. Let me know in the comments if you're watching on YouTube what you're planning on doing. Or actually maybe don't ruin it and have a fucking fun time where nobody knows you're fucked up. I don't know, leave a comment regardless guys and subscribe wherever you are. Also the UB Trippin Patreon is going strong. Patreon.com slash UB Trippin. People have been sending in their postcards from their travels all over the world.

I read them on there. Tell me some fun thing you've gotten into or some weird detail about a place you've been. I'll read them on the Patreon. Then I stick them on the back wall and I'm decorating the whole fucking back wall of the Patreon studio. It's Patreon.com slash you be trippin'. But also for Shroomfest,

I've got Shroomfest shirts at rhfair.com slash tour. Also got my vinyl up there, but the Shroomfest shirts will ship out in time for you to wear them on Shroomfest. If you so desire, I would say don't do it. Wear it as a badge of honor afterwards and don't mess it for a trip by having people look at it. But the design is great, it's by Abra Kadaver.

And if you order him this week, you will get him in time for ShroomFest. I don't get any of the money from that. They all go to the artist and he's donating a bunch of it to Maps for psychedelic studies. Anyway, that's it. Hope you guys are enjoying this episode. Subscribe wherever you're listening or watching

and let's get back to it. We had a local comic open for us, like in Do comedy in Russian, before Kai went on, right? And this guy was from, like, three and a half thousand miles away in Russia. Kai, in Newcastle, was only 2,800 miles away from home. So even though this guy was, like,

the local Russian comedian, Kai was actually left close to the fucking Moscow. It's just so big. Yeah, it never stops. It's all, and it's just so much, fuck all, but like in all these places. Where's Moscow, on the left? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, whatever, the west, somewhere around there. Yeah. It's an old. Yeah, well, what kind of fucking old is it? It's from like, I don't know, it's like from like 1980. I don't know. It's old. They don't have a lot of fucking countries in, but it's just the shapes. So that's over there somewhere. Yeah. And then it's just like, it just fucking goes on. Heaps and heaps and heaps of fucking nothing. How did Russia get everything?

Well, I mean, just because. The US killed Indians. Yeah. When did they take over all this? Well, they didn't really take over. There's so many different types of Russians. When we think of Russians, we just think of the ones that you see in St. Petersburg and fucking Moscow. But there's Asian Russians. There's Russians, there's Mongolians.

You hear Mongolian accents? Yeah. It says that we're Russian Chinese. It's man, wait, there's like, there's people that we don't even like think about entire fucking communities that were also like, oh, yeah, I guess they would identify as Russian too. But you're not, you're not the bad guys in movies

because, you know, you just live up in the mountains and do fuck all. Russian rednecks. Yeah, Russian rednecks. You're not a threat to anyone. Yeah. Not yet, not until they're being conscripted.

Was that guy Wade different? He just moved to Moscow? Yeah. Really? But he wasn't different. He was a white fucking guy. He didn't speak a fucking lick of English. We had to have the translator with us most of the night. We met other Russian comedians and they spoke enough English a lot of the time. We went to a Russian comedy club.

Like, there's a scene there. There's a fight. Yeah. Moscow or both? Moscow. Yeah. So there's a scene. Man, we get to this comedy club and like there are people like sitting on fucking bean bags,

but there's tables there and they've got like hookahs and stuff. And there's a comedian on stage just doing comedy in fucking Russian. And sounded like it was going okay. Like it was a weird set up for a room. Like it wasn't as good as, but man, it's new there. And they're doing it in their own way. Was it a club or did they just repurpose a coffee shop? No, no, man, it was a comedy club.

It was a comedy club. They got photos on the wall of all of their chairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's like high chairs as well, but there's a comfortable seating. That's funny. It's funny to see what new scenes like do. Yeah, but they've got like, you know,

they've seen the seller, so it's like that sort of backdrop. And then they've got their pictures of all of their comedians signed by them. And it's like, who the fuck are these people? It's like, you're the same age. You're all the same age as your picture. It's just started.

Oh my God, that's cool. What was the architecture like? Let's start's cool. What was the architecture like? Let's start with that. What was the food like? So, I mean, man, I love any country that went through, any white country that went through real poverty times for me, make my favorite type of food, which is meat and root vegetables.

Nice. Which is just, you know what, there was a time when we didn't have meat and now we've got an abundance of meat. And we don't forget the time that we have no meat. So the steak and potatoes, it's fucking mince pies, it's beef pies, it's just everything. Here's potatoes and here's steak in a thousand different ways

and also with gravy. Like borscht and fucking damn. Yeah dumpling Oh, yeah, this those pierogi things or whatever. They're called. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they're all weird like fucking dumplings they do just like fucking dumpling soup and like they've got their own little types of fucking potato we pasta and You know, they're really good. Well, they're okay at steak Like you got it the Eastern European's weird. Like you gotta, it's like American shoe sizes.

If you're like a medium in America and you go to European, you're a European well done. Like- Cause they just won't cook stuff? No, no. Like I, I'm medium in the UK, but like when I'm there, I'm like fucking like well done because they run a lighter

undermate and they're like, oh yeah, there you go. That's fucking what? That's medium rare. I showed it some fire emojis. What more do you want me to do? It's been under a hot lamp all day. That's how we try to cook it. Do you ever get where it's like if your food is cooked wrong, but you're in another country, you're like, I don't know the rules here and I'm just going to eat it because I don't know if I can stand it like I get real like if I think I can start like I know I can stomach undercooked yeah like beef and potatoes because I do that a whole lot of time but like if I was in you know India I'm like I can't hand like I love Indian

foods but if it's not well cooked I already, the spices are gonna fuck my tummy up for a bit. I can't be bringing in. Yeah, new threats? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just too much. Too much gav-litter ones. Is everything hot there? I mean, food-wise, or do they serve like,

you know what I mean? Yeah, they've got like, I mean, I'm not that much of a, I don't branch out, like I wouldn't have tried any of the, you know, if there's any weird local fucking delicacies like meat and potatoes and vodka was enough for me. But I mean, we just went to like where the fucking like Kremlin is, like the government buildings are. And man, it's weird, like you forget,

like it's so weird that Russia is so homophobic considering how gay their buildings are. Like man, like go and look at like Moscow, like it's man, it's like the old like Taj Mahal tops, their bright colors. That's so, it's super gay. It's like this is man, why you hate the gays because the gays would love them.

What you've done with the blames. It's like a fucking teacup, right? Wearing fluffy fucking hats. What the fuck is that? It's so camp. It's such a camp. Why are Russians such dumbasses? Yeah. What a weird, yeah, they're all fucking puffy pants.

Yeah, they're just like, hey, and here's a giant pink cupcake top on our very serious government building. Take us seriously. We hate the gays. Welcome to the marshmallow division. Just little swirly cupcake tops. You're like, okay, well, that's an interesting. Are there gays there? Do you meet any gays there? Yeah, man.

In the comedy scene, there must have been a few. There were gays. Don't name names. Aye. Oh, man, I got really drunk on vodka and kissed a gay guy there because I was like, is this illegal? And he was like, absolutely. And I'm like, well, let's do a crime. Wow, what do they do? Do they enforce it? Is it like, we're here in New York?

Yeah, I think you can snitch on people for being gay. And gays will just regularly get the shit kicked out of them. I would not kick the shit out of one, but I would snitch on one if it would serve me. If we were both up for the same part, something like that. I'd be like, dude, drop out, drop out of the race. Or I'll go and just like, I'm using it, why would I not? Or just drop out now, either way,

you're not getting the part. That's over, just do the smart thing, bro. I don't hate gays, I've seen advantage. I know, yeah, I like you, I don't hate to see you get the shit going down with you. What are you doing? I want the fucking part, dude, I'm getting it. That's non-negotiable.

Yeah, of course it's selfish, but you would do the same thing. You would do it. If they hate the Jews, you're telling me. We've been through this, people did it, it's fine. I get it now, I get it now. I get it now. I get snitching. You want that farm.

But like, you know, I still like you, dude. Yeah, I hope you can move on from this and understand this is purely tactical. Yeah, cruel, but it's a dark, dark world. Do you want to walk home safely tonight? Or do you want to be in this show? Look, it's a preset, dark world. Do you want to walk home safely tonight? Or do you want to be in this show? It's a preset number in my phone. The gay snitch line.

It's like, I've used it before. Please do the right thing by yourself and your loved ones. I'll tell you what, I'll take you out to dinner one day. With the money I'm making from this program. Privately. Very privately. That can't be seen.

Damn, wow. Do It can't be seen. Damn, wow, so you have to be careful about it? Well, no, I think the gay comedians that I met there were like, no, they talk about being gay. They're like, fuck the system. Fuck this. There is that. That's why I find so funny about British and American comedians talking about fucking,

you can't say anything. I'm like, shut the fuck up, man. You can say whatever you like. You occasionally get yelled at. These cunts can't say anything. They're like, any comedy now in fucking Russia, and I guarantee their stuff on, man, those people are saying shit. And when they do, they're getting disappeared, arrested.

Disappeared, it's like. That's a country where, oh, you can't say anything anymore. Yeah, he's dead now. We don't know where the fuck he is. Nobody's seen him for ages. China, yeah. You got yelled at online by seven people and you're still talking about it.

Have they ever had a comic disappear? Absolutely, fucking, literally, yeah. I mean, I couldn't tell you who it is, but I would be, because I'm a. There was one in Columbia, he went missing. Yeah, there. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely.

Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely.

Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely.

Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, absolutely. Absolutely, or the Russian translation of his name is Daniel. Daniel! I can't, what's it Russian? All right, whatever, go on.

Well, I mean, if it's the racist Russian, it's like the, hello, Cherkov, it is time to drink the vodka. Yeah. That's, you know. Do they talk that way? No, well, they just have that weird cadence when even everything, even if what they're saying is nice,

it does sound like a threat. I have run you a bath. It does sound like it. Get into the bath. I'm not coming out of this bath, fuck. Do you want to have some of this water that I have prepared for you? No, no I don't.

I don't want that. Why? Wait, so wait, back to the gaze? And then saying what you can and what you can't? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, yeah, he was saying that like, you know, he's done stuff. Like, heaps of Russia is like fucking right-wing and full fucking Putin supporters and, you know, in the same way they watch Russian state media so like people who watch like Fox News here they'll just believe whatever is on they have their version of that. But then there's also the young generation in Russia who do know how

to get access to the internet, do have access to the internet. What do they do, VPNs? Yeah, yeah man they're fucking kids and they're doing what any fucking teenagers in the rest of the world do which is watching American sitcoms, watching British fucking movies, watching Conan. They were down the side through... Yeah, just seeing what... Because the fucking... The wall kind of went down in the 90s after the Soviet Union collapse and they started

getting their own McDonald's and everything. And they were like, oh my God, we can be like America. But they couldn't. But then they kind of could for a bit. But they had finally... Russia was always so desperate to just stay god, we can be like America. But they couldn't. But then they kind of could for a bit. But they had finally, you know, Russia was always so desperate to just stay Russia and we're not the West. And the people were like, but the West have like iPhones

and we want iPhones. Like we want to be a bit like the West. Come on, that looks fun. The West. Yeah, like we don't wanna, and then the government's like, no, Russian identity. This is, and they're like, but you know, but McDonald's is so good though.

The phones will still be in Russian, the menus will be in Russian at McDonald's. Yeah, and so, you know, it can't be. Do they have them there? Yeah, well, I mean, now since the fucking war, heaps of them have pulled out, but they just do their own versions of it. But man, like the Russian people still want to,

you know, they don't think their government is, they're the younger ones who definitely think their government. Oh, right, they know about it. Yeah, man, they know their government's shit. They watch, you know, they watched Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. They watched Trevor Noah. Like they know what the world thinks about them.

And so they've got this, you know, this weird relationship with their fucking grandparents who are like, Putin's the best. And they're like, do you have any idea how the rest of the world sees us? And they're like, we don't care how the rest of the world sees us because we're Russia and we're them.

They all hate us because of our dominance or something, whatever. So it's like, I mean, Russia, don't get me wrong, are the absolute fucking bad guys at the moment, but there are good people there desperately fucking protesting this stuff who are getting fucking disappeared and who are getting sent to fucking jail for protesting. We had it in the United States and North Carolina. They had some rules saying trans people can't go into the opposite, the birth sex bathroom. And I don't know, I don't know.

And then everybody got upset. They're like, boycott North Carolina! And then all these like- Don't you mean girlcott? That's pretty offensive. And all these like black people were like, can you not boycott my fucking business? Just because I live in a state, like what are you doing?

Yeah. There's more of us here than that. Oh, right. So what do they say about the government? I mean, you can talk about like how- Do they talk about it? Yeah, do they be like, fuck this place? Well, I don't know now if they do,

but man, definitely. The comedian Daniel I was talking about, he was like, I'm outspoken about the government and he believes in a democracy and they'll make jokes in the same way that we do, but it's like risky to make jokes because it's actually risky to make jokes. You can find a line and they're like, yeah, because the line there isn't a bunch of people will tweet you and tell you they don't like you and that will hurt your feelings. There it's like, you are now on a list that Putin is aware of. And if you go too close to a line, maybe you get hit by a car or you fall off a building.

And, you know, people die of mysterious circumstances all the time. Is there any of like, that we're like, maybe you can't get alone? Oh, definitely, absolutely, absolutely. And people will just follow you for ages. They'll just follow you for a very, very long time and just make you feel uncomfortable and unsafe.

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Take a shit on your boss's desk. From us to you, we all believe in this message. Dump away. Now let's get back to the episode. Oh, hi guys. Didn't see you there. I was just sitting by a pond smoking my Olmec cigar from Foundations Cigars.

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That's his real name. And he was born in, I believe Ethiopia. And he went to Nicaragua because of his namesake to study the fine art of making cigars. And he came up with, maybe you've seen Joe Rogan smoke them in the Joe Rogan episode. Those are the Rogans. This I'm smoking it's the Olmec. You can get it wherever you find cigars or you can order for yourself at FoundationsCigars.com. Yeah they come in a pack of how many is this? I'm buying a pack. You know why? Because they're cheaper.

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ask them, you have anything by Foundation? It's guaranteed, it's gonna be fucking good. God damn, Holter-Maurie's not supposed to curse at a fucking ad read. So what the fuck they talk about on stage there? Is it just like, it's just not political mostly? I think it's not political, but they've still got social stuff.

Like they, you know, I think they're allowed to talk about, you definitely get the comedians that talk about being gay. They talk about weeds, they talk about drugs, they talk about- Wait, do people smoke there? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, man. I'm adding, man.

This is the thing. Everywhere you go in the world, you will find, that's the biggest thing you can fucking travel. The world is very different, but it's also the same. People are the same everywhere. Like people are unique as we're individual, but you will always find people like yourself who think similarly in every part of the world. They might be a minority there,

or they might be majority where you come from, and there might be less there, but there's, you know. How's the weed in Russia? It's good. Really? It's good, I mean, it there's, you know. How's the weed in Russia? It's good. Really? It's good, I mean it's not, you know. Wow, hear that Australia? What the fuck, dude?

Russia has better, you know. You can grow it there. They get it up in the mountains, I think. Also, they get it from like fucking Afghanistan and stuff because it's not, you know. How do they still have that poppy connection? What else are people doing there? Drinking, smoking. Drinking, smoking?

Drinking, smoking, you can smoke in restaurants. Coke? We didn't do any, but yeah, I would imagine so. Yeah, yeah. Man, they do lots of, like, if you never see the cool, and I say cool, but like the weird fights. You know there's like UFC here where it's like one on one. Russia will be like 10 on 10.

Oh, the tag team shit? Yeah. Did you go to one? No, I didn't have time to fucking go. Oh, the tag team shit? Yeah. Did you go to one? No, I didn't have time to fucking go. No, no, not tag team. It's just on. No, no, not tag team. There's just 10.

10 star at one side, 10 star at the other. Beat the fucking shit out of each other, red versus blues. Yeah. It's crazy because once as soon as one guy taps, you're like, now this team has an advantage. Yeah. And then it's just two on one. Even if I'm about to submit you, then one of your friends just starts punching me in the head. It's over. They just knee you.

And there's refs there, but they're just there to kind of, just to move the bodies out of the way. It's not like a refing, like, oh, that's an illegal knee. They're like, oh, I need to move Sherco. I just got my dragging license. People out by the legs with their hands like, oh, that would have been a fun one to watch. One of the things I didn't experience, but one thing I was told about there was the difference

between the women are just like, I want a big strong man who's got money and who tells me what to do. That's what we want. And if that's not a man, that's like, no, obviously that's not everyone. Yeah, but that's like a vibe there. That's a big vibe there. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

Like a bunch of women. They're part bear. Well, but like in Russia, like Russian women, so many of them don't believe in feminism. They're like, what a stupid fucking concept. Like I don't want, like I want a rich man who's strong, tells me what to fucking do and I'll have this, you know, and it's his job to fucking spoil me because I'm beautiful

and that should be enough. Hey, that's cool. Hey, hey. And some of them are hot and you're like, you know what? Are they hot? Yeah. Oh yeah. But you, I mean, you know, whenever you get to that part of the world, it's, you know, there's a real switch sometimes. They can go from being like, oh my God, 10 out of 10 supermodel.

But then you see like 90 year old Russian Roman and they're like fucking Tetris shaped and like just like so jowly and ah! And you're like, oh God, when did that happen? Because I bet you weren't a model when you were younger. You didn't always look like this. You did look like that 10 out of 10. So they wither.

They wither in that part of the world. Yeah, I love when people like, so and so from whatever country they're really hot, you're like, but they're also really gross. It's like, which one are you talking about? It's like Irish women. Irish women are beautiful when they're young, and when they're sick and they go over 50,

they are an absolute nightmare. Whereas the Asians, you know, they're good men, like old. Irish women, no, it's about 27. Yeah? Yeah. It goes fast. As soon as they see that first light of sun, they just ork out and then just like,

brrrr, and then it's over. It's like having a baby for them. What else did you get into? Were there any cool bars or anything? Yeah, I mean, so the night we were there, like we arrived, I mean, I was there for such a short period of fucking time. Dark.

Yeah, which I would have liked to have been there for longer. And it's what I mean, especially now that I'm like, oh man It'll be you know, 20 years before I get to fucking go back. Yeah, especially now. Yeah. Yeah, because also Look you first of all, you've got to play Ukraine first Like what can I what what what can I even thought of that? You have to do this? No, there's no way after the war You have to you have to you'll be done First is like you're going to Russia before

No, you've got it you owe it to like it's it's such a like any comedian that goes to Russia first But what can you have the excuse if like like some people we know can you be like I'm a bad comedian So I'm punishing Russia with my presence. I mean you can try and spin it that way At that point you're just a fucking grifter. You gotta you gotta go to Ukraine You gotta go to Ukraine and you gotta be like and you gotta insult Russia the entire fucking time and you gotta be like Though and like I just gave the recreants what they want. You just badmouth badmouth Russians big up the Ukrainians You rip that gig. They love you So you you have Zelensky open for you,

because he used to be a fucking comic. You know his schedule just got filled up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, and then after you do like seven nights there, that's when you go to Russia, but you gotta do the exact same stuff. You gotta be like, you fucking pussies, you got your fucking ass kicked,

Ukrainians are bears, you're fucking orcs. You're fucking losers. And probably like a lot of Ukrainians come up just to see you do that. And you know. I wonder what they would say those, those state run media people like watch that, what they would say about this war or do they even know about it? Oh yeah, man. Do you not see like the clips of like the way like, man, you can see the, you can see the actual propaganda that is coming out of Russia that again, like, man, you can see the, you can see the actual propaganda that is coming out of Russia that the, again, like, and it's not propaganda in the way that they're just putting on, you know, screens in public. I mean, they aren't doing that in a way, but it's more, man, people will just watch their favorite news source. Like Fox News, they'll

just go, I don't, you know, you can prove time and time again how much Tucker Carson likes people don't care. They just like the news source. So in Russia, there's just three people who like these men in suits, who just say things like, you know, this will be an easy war for us to win. Putin's made a great decision. If anyone threatens us, we should nook them out of existence. We're the greatest country on Earth.

And just all these old Russian people are like, these fucking guys, get it? Yeah, I think we're just nuking them if they fuck. Yeah, man, these people are the same. I heard we're winning already. Like, we're almost done. The same type of people exist in every country. There are dumb people who will just support the government

for whatever, because that's- What's the fucking 1984, right? Was it the Plebes? No, the bourgeois? Never, I think it's the bourgeois, but I've never read 1984. That's great. Is it? Yeah. Is it actually good?geois, but I've never read 1984. That's great. Is it? Yeah.

Is it actually good? Dude, get it on an audio tape. It's so much, like you have to stop every chat and be like, whoa, it's just so dead on by the way we, it's like that Big Brother stuff, but like we've brewed brothers ourselves. But is it like, because I remember, people always said like animal farm,

they were like, oh my God, it's such a good metaphor for communism. And the entire time I'm like, it's just a, it's just a, it's's such a good metaphor for communism. And the entire time I'm like, it's just a thinly veiled metaphor for communism. I'm like, it's just, it's such a short book and people like it's so good. I'm like, it was good when there were seven other books in the world.

Right, right, right. No, dude, 1984 is great. It's just like, you know it's not talking about the thing there, it's like, obviously, but it's just like, why has all war happened? And like, how we're all like fucking, not allowing people to go out of the fucking norm. I don't know, whatever, whatever.

You gotta read it. I can't, it's, I'm not gonna explain it. I definitely want to, I hope, I hope. Oh, but I was gonna say, they would support any war because it's just like, you've been told like, this is a just war. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also like the Russians have a real bit

of fucking resentment for the fact that like, you know, when the Soviet Union crashed and they started, you know, they only had like Russian movies before then and their own TV shows. When they went down, they finally got to watch American TV shows and movies. And then all of the American TV shows and movies at that point, the Russians were the bad guys all the time. So like imagine that, like you finally get access to all of these movies. You're like, oh my God, we got real entertainment.

And like every single one, you're like, this is what they think of us? Like Ivan Drago, like that's what they think of us like Ivan Drago like just that's what they think a murderer boxer. Yeah That's what they think we are Solace and all right it up state run system, and they're like that's who we are to you There they're like well fuck those guys if that's what they think we are fair Yeah, at least in China. We can't make them the bad guys because then we can't play our movies there. But Russia never had those, you were like you couldn't play them anyway.

Could you go see a regular movie? What movies played in Russia? No man, I think during the Soviet Union times, it was like, it was what they controlled. No, but I mean when you were there. Oh, when I was there, oh you could, yeah, yeah, yeah, man, there was, it was everything. You could see like the bridges of Madison County?

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. I think they played all the American stuff. I mean, I don't know if it was edited, right? But I, but I probably, it probably wasn't like my, my one thing I learned when one of my specials was released, it was, we know thanks to like BitTorrent stuff, we know it was like illegally downloaded like 1.6 million times. Like the Russians know how to illegally download stuff. Like if these movies were not available in the cinema, they were still being consumed en masse. Because again, you've just got this young generation

who grew up with the internet. Like I'll just get it. Yeah, I'll just get it. If I can't, you know, you can either give it to us in a way that we can access it or I'll find a way to fucking get it. Yeah, I'll just get it. If I can't, you know. Yeah. You can either give it to us in a way that we can access it or I'll find a way to fucking get it. But there exists not a world where I'm not consuming that thing you made. Right.

Oh yeah, like when they changed first show sports, they always changed it to.eu,.com,.whatever. It's like, I'm gonna find it. I'm gonna watch free sports. You guys, stop. I'm just bothering. It's the same thing with the fucking ratting on the guy for that part. Just stop. I'm just bothering. It's the same thing with the fucking ratting of the guy

for that part. Just stop. We're gonna find it. It's just, is this not boring for you? Yeah. Like, you know? God, you're annoying. Fuck it.

Now I gotta get those pop-ups? Because you can't fucking just wait. Just leave it alone. I'm never. Oh, I'm gonna get it. I'm never gonna pay for it. It belongs to me. I'm gonna find it. Please, it's always mine. Now our change honors LM Montgomery along with Anne of Green Gables, the ambitious and inquisitive orphan every generation has embraced as its own.

These special edition $1 circulation coins celebrate a timeless storyteller and story. The power of imagination and the place that Montgomery's PEI holds in our hearts. Find the L.M. Montgomery $1 coin today. This episode is brought to you by PC Optimum. from the Montgomery $1 coin today. items at a lower cost. Add coffee to your list then swap it for one that's cheaper. Craving chips? The app will suggest some on sale. To get started just open the app. It's as easy as that. See the PC Optimum app for details. I'm trying to think what else to talk about for Russia. Like what else would you do? I mean I would love to have gone out to the, you know, the more outskirts of part. Yeah, I mean, cause some of the stories you hear,

like one of the, my mom. Was it, what can I go ahead? My mom works for, well, she's outsourced by the UN. So she heaps meets people who work for different parts of the world, for different parts of governments from around the world. And one of the stories that went around was like, I can't remember where the guy was from.

Let's say America, right? And he's in some fucking weird part of Russia. This is in like the eighties, nineties, and he's getting a taxi to the airport. And when he's on the way there, and he's got his passport, he's got his visa, he's got everything, he's on the way there, he's got his passport, he's got his visa, he's got everything, he's leaving the country. Car pulls in front, stops the taxi that he's in, and they go get the car, and they go give

us your wallet, give us your passport, give us your money, give us your phone. He's like, oh man. Really? No way. Dude. And he's like, can I not keep the passport? They're like, no. The airport's that way. Give us all. give us all of your fucking stuff, right?

And he's like, oh, fucking, so the guy, he then gets in the car and then the two cars, they take the taxi, they take his car, and he just walks down the road. On the side of the road, he's just like. Just has to walk to work and just hopes that someone will be nice at the airport, he doesn't have his passport.

About two hours later, a car comes in this direction that like someone will, you know, be nice at the airport. It doesn't have a passport. Like two hours later, a car comes in this direction and two guys get in the car and they go, give us your wallet, give us your passport, give us your phone. And he goes, Matt, lads, this is, you're fucking kidding me, this has just happened. And they're like, what?

And he goes, I've just, like two hours ago, I've just been robbed. And they were like, on this road, you were robbed on this road. And he was like, yeah. And they were like on this road. You were robbed on this road. And he was like, yeah. And they were like, stay here. And they get in the car and they fucking drive, right? All this way.

And he's just like, oh, I don't want to start a turf war. Man, he just sits at the side of the fucking road. It like starts getting like darker and darker, like five hours pass. And then there's like two car lights coming up the road, and it's the second two guys, they get out, right, and it's the taxi, and they get them, and they open up the boot, and it's the two guys

that robbed him the first time, and they went, are these the guys? And he went, yeah, that's them, and they give him his passport, they give him his wallet, they give him his phone, and they go, fuck off. Like, here's the keys, go to the airport, leave it there and don't tell anyone about this. What?

And that was just like, yeah man, so you got, wait hold on, you got mucked on our road? You got mucked on our, hold on, hold on. Like that's a way bigger problem now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hold on, give us all your money. But man, something cool about that is like, they're like, okay, you've had a rough day, and something worse happened to us.

We just wanted your, we've taken their, all their money, all of their stuff, and we get to do our favorite thing, is to bash people's fucking heads in. Oh yeah, it's like, they've actually serviced me quite nicely today. So is it like petty crime-y? I think so.

I mean, I- Were you like worried walking around? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I think, I mean, there'll be pickpockets, I imagine, but I wasn't somebody I was worried about. Like, not in the fucking Kremlin, man. Like, there's armed guards everywhere, and that's the political, that, like, that's the,

you know, they keep that. Yeah. Damn, yeah. Yeah, I guess when you go more out of town. I mean, they're so fucking religious over there. Christian? Well, yeah, like a type of Christianity. Yeah, yeah, but there's also heaps.

There's Russian Muslims, there's Russian. Oh, yeah. It's like so big, there's, but like, yeah. I don't know if it's Catholicism, but it's. No, no, it's Orthodoxy. Is that a thing? Russian Orthodox? Yeah, Russian Orthodox.

What's their difference? I always wonder the little differences between all the Jesuses. Yeah, yeah. There's so many little nothing there. Well, we just like them and we do divorce. Like, okay. Yeah, yeah.

It's just different fairy tales, buddy. Yeah, yeah. People are religious religious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's, I would say like doing atheist jokes over there is Yeah. Yeah. Like it's I would say like doing any theist jokes over there and it's like edgy like so I was the line there. So well what I was doing my show about when I was talking about fucking like rape and sexual assaults or like that was there but there was I always thought that was the contentious

bit of the show but you can tell what you're in a weird place when sex education is like a contentious bit. Because I'm like, what age do you get sex education in Russia? And they all just laughed. And I went, what? And they're like, we don't get, so you don't get sex education in Russia, like at all.

Like that's not school mandate, no, no. That's, cause they're so fucking religious. If you teach it to kids, then they'll start having. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause the only reason people fuck is because they were taught how to fuck. you teach it to kids, then they'll start having. Then they'll do it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the only reason people fuck is because they were taught how to fuck. Oh right, they had some classes before they get married. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know me, I didn't start jerking off until somebody taught me how to jerk off. Yeah. It's like they'll figure it out. I thank you again, uncle. They're gonna figure it out. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting.

They're all religious. Yeah, real. So I think if you were to do atheist jokes over there, that's like, that's fucking edgy. They're all religious. Yeah, real. So I think, like, if you were to do atheist jokes over there, that's, like, that's fucking edgy. They're like, oh. This is so funny. Sometimes you get a walkout, and they're like, oh, they didn't like the whatever, school shitting jokes. And they're like, no, no, no, they were gone before that.

Or, no, they love that. It was this other thing. They're like, what? That? Yeah, they're really, that's a subject. Oh, man, it's, when people get upset by the thing that just affects them, like, they'll laugh at jokes about 9-11, and then you do one joke about diabetes and they're like, but my uncle is diabetes Diabetes it's so funny. Like it's not a shy every day. It's every other day Yeah, I'd like to see what the lines were for people in Russia with like whoa whoa I said one thing about Mao and China, and the crowd was like, stop.

I could feel they were like, just don't. Why, are they not allowed to? Yeah, no government shit. But I thought it was like pro-Mao, so I was like, it's fine, but they were like, it's not even funny. I did Hong Kong, when I did Hong Kong, it was like when heaps of the protests were going on,

and they just made it illegal to wear masks. And I was there. And so I put a mask on at the end of the show being like, look at me, look at me bravely putting on a mask. Oh no, not even tomorrow, that night. Like I got in a taxi after the show, straight to Australia. What a brave, brave ally.

Ha ha ha ha. As you were on the picture for Black Lives Matter, the people picked up a drill and was like, took a picture and then just gave the drill back and left. Helping the community. And it was like, ah, ah. That was 100% me.

Yeah. I never really wanted to go to Russia. Why? Did you ever have a poll to go there or was it just like? No, no. It was just a tour. No, it was not something I ever wanted to do, but they... Oh man, I think it was even Jamie, I didn't even want to do it for the audience.

It was a money thing. They just said a number and I was like, oh, I mean for that, absolutely. I'll die on my hole. Yeah. To, you know, because they were like, oh, I mean for that I'll absolutely, I'll die in my hole. Cause they were like, we can sell 3000 tickets. I'm like, there's no way you're getting 3000 people in fucking Russia, like in Moscow. That's an insane thing to say.

You got 3000 people to see in Moscow. In fucking Moscow. In a non-English speaking. Yep. Wow. And then I turned up and I was there and it was great gig and I was like, oh my God. And then it turned into, oh my God.

That's what I was saying, the degenerates of the people that are coming out. Yeah, like the fun fucking people and, you know, they stood outside in the cold afterwards then went to a comedy club and had a Russian McDonald's and got absolutely fucking drunk. 3,000 people in fucking Moscow, damn fuck dude. Yeah.

It was so good. Yeah. Did the locals come out? Yeah. They're all locals. There's no expats, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't think there would have been

too many fucking people from the sticks, but you know what, maybe there were. I didn't, you know. I still didn't see much. But man, like what a fucking, like the architecture outside, like it is just. Is it like that everywhere cool with those little tubs? No, no, no.

They learned how to make like stock. The cheapest way to make an apartment built and copy paste, copy paste, copy paste. Like very Chernobyl. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Factorian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, oh yeah. Like when you look at it, you're like, yeah, I could have guessed this was Russia. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. I guess I've never really, I don't have any desire to go to Russia. No, not even like, not even like even after this. It's like, not even after the war. Like the war ends. That's like I would. Yeah. Especially if you tell me they can sell like 3000 tickets there. Oh man, like you could do it.

You would definitely be able to do it. Cause again, like this is a part of the world where people got this younger generation, they consumed the same media that we all consumed. They might have consumed it at different times in their life but thanks to fucking YouTube, you know, they watched Conan, they watched Late Night, they watched, you know, fucking Jackass and stuff.

Like, you know, they listened to the same fucking podcasts because, you know, there is Russian art, but why not? Do the better ones. Yeah, why not do the better ones? Do it like Canadians, when they're like, do you watch Canadian TV? They're like, no, we're 40 miles from NBC. Yeah.

Of course you watch The Office, and not our fucking dumb, like, whatever our version of it is. Aye, aye. Yeah, oh, that's interesting. No, I still don't wanna go. I mean, even though it sounds like they'd be cool hipsters and stuff, but.

Would you go to Ukraine? I would go to both. If I got a gig, I would go to both, and I would't want to go. I mean even up sounds like they'd be cool hipsters and stuff But would you go to Ukraine? I would go to both if I got a gig I would go to both and I would hang for a while Yeah, I wasn't even thinking about being worried about Russia until you mentioned it I guess now it's like I would like Ali if I find out you were going to Russia before Ukraine I would I would phone you up now. I want to out of spite no Man, this is worse this this you can, there's a lot of Ukrainian rapists. That's never mentioned. And some of them have been hurt by the war.

Are you not against hurting rapists? I just, you know, I think, you know, I think you're spinning this. What? Oh, that sounds like pretty pro-rape to me. Come see me in Moscow and St. Petersburg on the 19th and 20th. And I'll not go to that rape factory, Kiev.

Oh yeah, if you'll play Kiev too, they must. Yeah, I think it's, but I imagine it's. You know what I'd wanna go do? Siberia, that's so Russia, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna see that, a gloom. Well, you could go to Siberia if you go to Russia and do any of your normal material.

Can you imagine being in that cold ass place and they go, we're going to send you where it's colder. And you're like, huh? But I thought this was the cold place. Just leave me, it's awful. Oh, God, yeah. I mean, it's one of the places where I wouldn't even like to fucking like Siberia. I wouldn't even like to visit to know.

I just, I'm like, I've experienced Icelandic cold. I believe you that there's colder. I don't need to feel it. Yeah, up here, this is Siberia. Damn, it's so high up. Yeah, man, that's the place where like, if it's fucking nighttime and you crack an egg, like the egg will freeze before that,

and I'll just go, bing! Shatter the fucking bowl, fuck that. You put noodles to your mouth, they freeze there. Like the chopsticks just float, fuck it, not a chance. Yeah, we're in Canada somewhere with Rogan, and they were like, he's always like, how cold does it get? And the guy was like, minus 40, and he goes Celsius to Fahrenheit,

and the guy was like, what does it matter? And he's like, yeah, all right. Yeah, no, I don't really have much desire to go. I'm trying to think, even if I was like, it would be nice to see a gulag, but they don't really have much desire to go. I'm trying to think even if I was like, it would be nice to see a gulag, but they don't have tours of that. Like the fucking killing fields and shit. They're not gonna show you a gulag.

Yeah, exactly, yeah. Russia doesn't really own its history in the same, I mean, not that America does a great job. What do you mean? We've never done anything wrong. Maybe we've done something wrong, whatsoever. But they have it. We don't mean? We've never done anything wrong. Maybe we did something wrong and whatsoever. But we have it. We don't opt to it as soon as we did.

These people want to rewrite history. Yeah, same in the UK. Some people keep pointing out that heaps of our streets are named after all of these slave masters, but they neglect to mention what good sailors they all were. Dude, you gotta start noticing the fucking names of cities, especially in the East Coast, of just native tribes we wiped out,

like Pukipse, things like that. They're all just like tribes, dead tribes. And oh man, parts of like, even in Glasgow and like Liverpool and like the more liberal parts of the UK, like there are streets that are named after, you know. Oh, you got a street. Yeah, well because that's what we used to celebrate. He had lots of money.

And I'm sure it was for an evil thing. Back in the past, we just liked people with heaps of money. Haven't things changed? Yeah, they really ate everywhere with money. Wait, yeah, I guess I have no interest in going to rush after this. No. Is there any place?

Not like fuck off, but like, just still, same way where I was. Yeah, I guess I have no interest in going to Russia after this. No. Is there any place? Not like, fuck off, but like, just still, same way where I was, just like, I don't know. Like, it's, you know, there are more entertaining countries. Too cold. You're too cold. Dude, I like hiking, but then when they talk about going up to where it's like no oxygen, I was like, this isn't fun.

They're not gonna speak English well. They're not gonna speak English. They're not gonna speak English well. They're not gonna speak English. They're not gonna speak English well. So yeah, it's tough to get by? I mean, like there are obviously enough people to do, again, the youth will speak fucking English. Yeah, but if you go to a restaurant, do you have to learn how to like?

No, but like they do get it, and they've got like the English speaking way, but again, that's city center, fucking Moscow. And you know, they're not Spanish about it. Like the Spanish fucking hate when you're not Spanish ass turns up to their restaurant and doesn't try. Doesn't try. Yeah.

Whereas, you know, why are we going through the charade? Eastern Europeans like, Oh, you thank you so much for even attending our thing. We will do our best to, you know, well guess what you're saying that say, which is happy to where's the Spanish are like, if this motherfucker does not speak fluent fucking Spanish to me, I'm gonna spit on all his piety. I'm just, I fucking hate these tourists, man. Did people, did people stink in Russia? Or not really?

I'm legit, I legit could see this go either way. Could be a body odor place or not. I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so. OK. I don't think so. I know, I know. But they were wearing many layers when I was there. Sort of acidic people, and they stink.

Ha ha ha. Is that true? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's bad. Those layers, it just swamps. It swamps. Yeah, layers is actually a bad sign, first thing.

Really? Unless you just put on a new layer on top of an old layer to hold it in cortex. But what are the ladies doing during the day? They're not washing all those clothes? They're not doing, they're not going to school. I guess not the layers, they do other stuff. No, they're not going to school,

they're not doing many job jobs. They're around the house. Yeah, ladies of fucking Hasidism, what the fuck have you been doing? You're a fucking bitch, you're about to how your life's hard, you're not equal. Wash some fucking clothes! You're not even doing the shit you're supposed to do! That's not the angle I was going for at all. Yeah! Sloss is right, you fucking dumb bitches of the Hasidic Jewish community!

Daniel Sloss is correct about you in your fucking lazy bitch fucking ways. Oh. Well, no, I am just saying, it's, you know... Learn the kitchen first, Daniel Sloss says, and then maybe we'll teach you about the diamond trade. I'm just saying it's odd all that time in the day. Yeah, yeah. Daniel, before we leave, you got pictures to send me later

of you and Russia? Oh, I'll ask Kai. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he'll look. So you went with Kai. Yeah, yeah, Kai. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you went with Kai. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fun. Yeah, it was.

Does Kai ever make you do, like just the presence of him, make you like, oh, let's do something? 100%. The only reason I saw Russia that day was because Kai was there. I promise you, had he not been there, I would have just drank vodka in a bathtub until the show and then show. But he was like, nah, like, come on. Like, this is, and he was right.

He was like, man, this might be like once in a lifetime. The opportunity to get to fucking. Yeah, right? You gotta force yourself. And we did, and I'm glad we did. I ended up having a fucking, you know, the day I was still a miserable bastard, but the night it was, the gig was fucking great, hanging out after.

I think we stayed up till like four or five in the morning. And I... Really? Oh, God. Oh, nice. I was blind drunk. I was so vodka drunk. Man, I kissed a man.

I was fucking steaming. Oh, yeah. Kissed a gay man. It's illegal. It's not your normal thing, even. I was like, you know, that was my act of like fucking defiance. Could have smoked his bluff, could have gone outside and said, Putin's a...

Fuck off! What do you do about it? As a grab, you're like... Coulda just done a video saying Putin's a cunt. Coulda done any other thing. I was like, no, no. Bleeding heart lib. I'll kiss a bloke.

I have no interest in fucking around with that. Yeah, I'm like, nope, nuh-uh. Dude, I gotta get Kai Humphries on this fucking podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get him to tell you about the fuck... Oh no, we've done the bull run on the podcast. The bull fucking podcast. Oh yeah. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get him to tell you about the fuck, oh no, we've done the bull run on the podcast.

The bull run was great, yeah. Some of these are like, oh, that's per-for-this. Oh, get him to tell you the story about why we thought he was going to be banned from Slovakia. Okay, that's a good one. That's a good end. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, Kai, do Slovakia. Hey, I do a travel tip at the end, like what's your travel tip? But that one reminded me of another one I'll just say of like, just go out. You'll feel too tired, but just do it anyway. You're gonna regret not doing it. I would, I mean my fucking travel tip, trip, tip.

Fuck, don't go to Spain. They're all, they're all bastards. If you want, if you want to go to Spain, just go to Portugal. Just go to Portugal. You don't know enough of a fucking difference between Spain and Portugal. You'll have the time you want in Portugal. And you'll not. I fucking despise the Spanish. I fucking. Because they're all fucking wankers, man. Like I've blacklisted it. I'll never, I'll not go there on holiday. I've done gigs there. They're an awful fucking, I hate them all. Wow. Wow. Real just bastards. Every last one

of them. Oh my God. Never heard this take on Spain. I love it. They hate the Brits for very valid reasons. Why? Well, because all the Brits that go to Spain are working class, uneducated pieces of shit who hate people doing in Britain what exactly what they do. Yeah. They come over here, they don't learn the fucking language and then these cunts go to Spain and don't learn the language and they buy second homes out there. Okay, but can I answer for you in a second? But then bring out the fucking paella and then everyone have to talk to you. Just bring it out.

They go over there. So they're just rude to the Spanish, so the Spanish now hate all Brits, which is fair. Not all Brits are the same. So when I go over there and I'm a nice person, they're still, oh, oh, and they couldn't be less helpful. There's nothing a Spanish person loves more than throwing a fucking roadblock up during your day.

Just, it's so hot. They have siestas, because they're just inherently lazy people. It's just part of their culture, and they have dinner too late. Like, they're like 10, 11 p.m. Like, if you were to do a show, like if you do a show in Spain, they will arrive, one and a half,

the audience will arrive an hour and a half late and be so bewildered as to why the show is over. Just a real, and I can say all these things because I'm never going back, never going back. I've been there enough times to go, I fucking hate this place. Yeah. Damn, I love it. I love some fucking vitriol go, I fucking hate this place. Damn, I love it.

I love some fucking vitriol. All right, good travel tip. Yep. Stay away from Spain. Portugal's way better. It's way better. You gotta start doing like a bing with the travel tip. Portugal is the Spain you're looking for.

Yeah, Portugal. Yeah, it's way better. Wow. Yeah. It's like Scotland and England, man. If you're gonna go in England, just go to Scotland. It's the same. All right, Sloss, where can people find you online?

Just Daniel Sloss. Three S's. Yeah, watch. Two at the end, one at the beginning. Yeah. Watch your special on Netflix. Two specials on Netflix. Two specials on Netflix.

One on HBO, and then later on in the year, I'll be releasing two other ones on my website. On danielsloss.com. Yeah. I pissed, I'm just remembering now, me and DeRosa, near here, one of your billboards, HBO is notorious for leaving billboards out for months and months and months.

And there was scaffolding in front of it, we pissed on it. Oh, great, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I felt that, I think. Yeah, we were like, ah, hey. And they were like, let's be like, yeah. I felt like somebody walking over my grave, yeah. Yeah.

Are my ears burning? I think we videoed it. Yeah, I think you sent it to me. Yeah, I was trying to include you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it would have been spiteful had you just done that and not told me about it.

Yeah, fuck this guy. Like, don't tell him. Yeah, I think I graffitied one of Soder's. Yeah. They gotta bring those back. Anyway, Daniel Sloss, guys, fucking great comedian, check him out. Netflix, HBO, his own website.

Where is he not? King of all media. Yeah, that's me. Thanks, buddy. Thanks, bud. Well, that's the episode, everybody. Thank you very much for Daniel Sloss for coming in and telling us about that country.

I gotta be honest, doesn't make me wanna go to Russia more. I've just never had it in me. I know some of you probably have. Leave it in the comments. If you've had a good time in Russia, leave it in the comments if you're watching on YouTube. I do love reading those comments

and about your own stuff there. Last time on Ian Laura's, somebody was mentioning about how they love the rum there or it might be the fucking rum in Dominican Republic. They're like little travel tips. It's like if you're going to one of these places, or if anybody's going to one of these places, what they're gonna do is, you know what they're gonna do?

They're gonna fucking look at the comments on this thing. Give somebody some fucking travel tips. Someone who might be, maybe 10 years from now, going to a place you've been. Give them some tips. That's a comment on YouTube. Don't forget to check out DanosLoss October 5th at the Palladium in London. Not the Canadian one.

There's another London. Um, yeah, Russia. I don't know. I don't worry about them fucking spying on me or, or, or like, you know, all this stuff like poisoning your door. I'm not really worried about that at all. Interesting though that the guy couldn't fucking say he's gay. That's tough for a comic to not be able to say that they're gay. We don't really deal with that. Everyone's like, you can't say anything anymore

in American comedy. Like, well, you can say that you're gay. And literally, in the gay comedy scene, you don't even have to be funny. No, Evo Wilma's great, Mateo's great, a lot of great gay comedians, but the fucking gay scene? Shaky. Shaky's not a fucking sexual move, the one you're in somebody's cock. Alright, just fucking be highbrow for once. Anyway, fucking thanks Daniel Sloss for coming in. I appreciate it. Check out his specialist, Dark X, Sokio, Sokio? I don't know how to say this shit. Subscribe and wherever you're watching. Shroomfest, I hope you have a great time. Don't forget, this year is July 20th, 21st, and 22nd. People will be like, alright, how do you decide on Shroomfest when the dates will be?

Well, here it is. We figured it out a long time ago. It's the longest weekend of moonlight in the Norman Hemisphere during the summer. Yeah. Yeah. And we don't really count September much, unless it's like the first week. But, so this year is July 20th, 21st. If the full moon is on Sunday night, then that's gonna be that weekend.

Yeah, Sunday night in that range. Anytime July, August, yeah. Friday night, it's like this. So it's a chance for you guys to do mushrooms whatever you want, Saturday, Sunday, or Monday. If you got shit to do, if you're a comedian, that's how Monday started. Yeah, you're working Saturday, Sunday, Monday's your day.

Don't worry, don't not participate, Monday's your day. Some kids ask me, we just did it randomly in June, they're like, can you wait til after finals? Yes we can, I want everyone to participate. Shroom Fest, all you gotta do not participate, Monday's your day. Some kids ask me, we just did it randomly in June, they're like, can you wait til after finals? Yes we can, I want everyone to participate. Shroomfest, all you gotta do is participate. It's fucking eat mushrooms everybody. What am I in here, what shrubbery am I in? I don't wanna break shit.

So, if you wanna get a t-shirt, commemorate this year's holiday. Every year we do a different t-shirt. I don't make any of the money off it. I make none of the money off it. The artist made it, They're fucking badass shirts. At abracadabra on Instagram, if you wanna reach out and tell them thank you.

Or if you wanna have them to build your website or do some fucking graphic work. At abracadabra. Look at those fucking shirts, everybody. They're fucking great. Great design. Three different colors. Purple, green, gray.

I forget now. I guess you would call it gray. Stone, you know, I love when they call something gold or it's like fucking yellow shut up it's fucking yellow anyway you can get those shirts at recheffier.com slash merch as long with the vinyl for my special Jew on sale now almost sold out sign up for the mailing list for a chance to win a signed copy of the test pressing of Jew if you know what the test pressing is you're not a fucking vinyl head.

I just found out myself, I'm not gonna judge you. We've got grinders, shirts, the Shroomfest shirts, vinyl, something I'm forgetting. The Arish Fyr grinders are pretty fucking sweet too. Get everything in one hour. They make great gifts. Guys, that's the episode. Please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening.

Help me grow this fucking channel and this page. I'm having a great time fucking doing it. I hope you guys are too. Check out Daniel Sloss. Make sure to follow him on Instagram. Get off Twitter. It's a fucking cesspool of hatred. Just smud and horribleness. Nothing to do with Elon Musk. He didn't turn down the f-

He didn't turn around. He didn't turn around. He didn't turn around the fucking vibe of the place. It's a fucking shitty party when everyone's on coke and you're ready to leave. It's nothing's gonna turn around. No guy going, let me change the music, is gonna turn that fucking party around. Nice try Elon Musk. Great free speech, but that speech is horrifying. You can just walk out of the room. But Instagram, go ahead and follow him. Follow us at ubtrippinpod on Instagram. We'll see. Every week we post it. The guy has pictures. Post a series of the pictures all at once. It's cool, it's cool, follow.

It's cool, follow. And then sometimes I post my favorite travel tips about different places. Whatever, check them out. And me at Ari Shaffir on Instagram as well. I think that's it. Today's episode was produced by Your Mom's House Network. It's a podcast network owned by my friend who had liposuction surgery

two years ago. Lost a bunch of weight. He gained a bunch of weight last Thanksgiving and now he's out of the country getting more liposuction from a fucking Honduran illegal doctor. Yeah, it's Tom Segura. So I'm talking about in case you don't know. Yeah, he had liposuction. He doesn't tell you that. He doesn't tell you that. He goes, oh, just some Ozempic, he may or may not say, I don't know. But, by the way, anyone in Hollywood

who loses a bunch of weight, it's Ozempic. You don't have to ask. I haven't asked. I have asked some people, and they say no, and I go, great, I don't believe you. Just sudden hard weight loss? It's okay, be on the Zempic, just say it. I literally have no idea what Tom did.

Sorry, let me back that up. Illegal liposuction in Nicaragua. Next week it's either Simeon Goodson talking about his DJ days in Wuxi, China. What a fucking wild one that was. Or Louis Katz on maybe possibly the oldest trip we've ever had from 20-something years ago. Older than Sal's fucking Ibiza trip, he went to India. We're gonna revisit India. Maybe we'll do two. Which one do you want? I'll have decided without you. Do you want Simien Goodson to say in the fucking, you know, whatever it's called, communism route. I know China's not communist, but you know more or less they are they're known as that So the two communists in a row or do we go India and then China

Leave in the comments your suggestion slash guess and we'll see either one of those are gonna be great Then maybe Norman the week after that Yeah, we'll see Also, and he said just guys you suggest stuff in the in the YouTube. It's great. I've already got a couple. I've already got a couple from your suggestions. Keep doing it. If there's some real good travel that you know of, I'm interested. Especially if they got only, not especially, only if they got great fucking stories. Some celebrity that you would have bypassed because you're like, well, I don't know about it. But if he's like, no, no, he fucking got crazy when he was 19. And you know, I want to hear about it.

So that's it. Let's get back to the episode. It was okay. Oh, Alan Caffe edited it. And I think that's all I have to tell you. Thanks, Danosloss. Until next week, everybody. Oh, wait, Hasta la vista. Sayonara. I know this one. Dos Vedanya. That can't be right. Dos Vedanya everybody.

Let's just fucking assume it is. Who cares? I'm never going there.