You Be Trippin' - Skankfest LIVE 2024 w/ Sam Tallent, Colum Tyrrell & Ryan O'Neill | You Be Trippin with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: November 10, 2025

Follow Ryan on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/ryanoneillcomedy/ Follow Sam on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/samtallent/ Follow Colum on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/columtyrrell/ SPONSORS: -Take advantage of Ridge’s Biggest Sale of the Year and GET UP TO 47% Off  by going to https://www.Ridge.com/ARI  #Ridgepod -Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at https://shopify.com/trippin This week on You Be Trippin’, Ari Shaffir is joined live from Skankfest 2024 by Colum Tyrrell, Sam Tallent, and Ryan O’Neill for a wild round of international travel stories. They compare legendary nightlife scenes, questionable street food decisions, and culture-shock moments that ended in hospitals and handcuffs. From ranking the world’s strongest drinkers to revisiting the trips that nearly broke them, it’s comedy, chaos, and global misadventure at its finest. Buckle up for unfiltered laughs and travel tales gone way, way off course. Until next time suckers! You Be Trippin' Ep. 92 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:23 - Blacking Out & Thai Women 00:27:42 - Best Drinkers in the World 00:43:36 - Disgusting Drinks 00:54:30 - Straight Debauchery 01:10:12 - Worldly Beers & Falconry 01:21:35 - India & Magic Holes 01:34:33 - Fan Questions Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where you've been and where you're going This is our race travel show, yeah We're going to talk about travel today It's U-B-Tripping, yeah Thank you very much, everybody. Welcome to the first live U-B-Tripping podcast. I feel like it's weird behind a table when I'm standing up. Who's heard this podcast before?

Nice. Okay, this is a bit of an experiment because I don't know, that's a wrong word, but I don't know how this is going to go. Two of the three people I booked her here. So already, I don't know, another one's fat and doing, you know, what fat people do. Yeah, it's evening's second lunch at 4 p.m. So, so I cover a different country every time on this show, and then I want to do some themey ones too, like buses or or fucking hostels or shit like that. So I'm gonna try one of those today. And we're all gonna talk about alcohol,

drinking alcohol abroad. It really fucking brings people together. Everyone's had some great drinking shit somewhere. Who's traveled here out of the country before? By a round of applause. Nice, the rest of you gotta get going. I'm sure some of your passports have been revoked. I assume anyone in ICP cannot fucking

get allowance to leave the country. So I'm going to bring up two of the three fucking podcast guests today. This guy's already, well, how should I do this for? This guy's been on the podcast before, twice. Interviewed me, the only time I was the guest. Please help me welcome. Ireland's own, column Tyrell, everybody. I should go there.

Up the Ra, yeah, keep Palestine down. Up the Ra and keep Palestine down. That's a new T-shirt. Both Up the Raw and Fully and. Gaza. Up the right, wild. Fuck them ass. Yeah. The very small section of up the right and fucking Palestine.

Up the rod, down the ha. Fuck the har. Down the heart. Yeah, all right. I don't know. Fuck Israel, too. Bomb away. It's cheap housing after that. Flatten them all. My second guest today is if you've been

that, those tits are fucking wildly not flat that whole place, so go busy. Somebody gave me a free Palestine shirt in Halifax. I was like, oh, it's so cool. Where did you get that? Wait, no, it was a visit Palestine shirt. And he was like, I'll give it to you. So I just traded it in my shirt.

And yeah, it's just a picture of, I was like, no, I put it in Jordan. I was like, oh, nothing. It goes, it doesn't look like that anymore, too. It looks way different now, so. You got the before? Yeah. You got the before shot.

Yeah, I got the before shot. Yeah. You got, they're just digging tunnels and just like, it was like, hey. All right. My next guest was my most popular, most often guest on Skeptitang podcast. Please help me welcome the pride of Alparaiso. Mr. Ryan O'Neill, everybody.

Okay. We'll edit this out post. How's the lighting here, it seems extremely dim. Oh, it's very Russian. Very fluorescent. Yeah. It's harsh. you want them to turn them up the light

I mean it's an interesting choice to go down can you guys see us I was the glare off my head you look good we are ugly pretty dark there what about Ari's facial here oh yeah

both Gaza and Israel taking a stance so guys let's start let's just do this as you guys are all traveled a lot and one of the things you get into is fucking booze it brings people together I don't know how to start

I will say this I've never seen a man drink We did a tour three weeks Me, you and Colum And I've never seen a man consume more alcohol Than Colum Turrell So I imagine No no no

Oh no dude he's fucking insane And he was like I'm not really drinking I'm kind of slowing down So I won't be able to hang out much drinking wise And man you pushed the fucking limit I truly did not drink that much Dude at 5 a.m. you go I gotta go to bed

So you did three lines of coke that somebody gave us on the street. That's fair. That is funny. That's just habit at this point. I was worried. Do you guys know Dylan Negri? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah, call him at 4.30 in the morning. In Natsville, on the bus. We have video of it. You don't leave young meat like that in their collie tea? Yeah, we call them collie cocktails after 9 p.m. I like the drink. What the fuck? I'm sorry, you two old fucks.

You green out in your own way. He goes to a different person He starts getting racist too It's nice Against races you don't even know You're like you're mad at Polacks for some reason I will say it So I black out bad

And then I have to play I play casual As if like I remember I'll come in and like we'll see each other In the kitchen or whatever fuck Yeah And then I always have to act casual Like hey guys how's it goes

And then I wait for someone like That was good lasagna last night It was like ah the best Yeah I love lasagna You don't fill it in the bikes for you I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got a designer, for sure. We should have fucked with you.

I had caged, though you could have easily. We should have like, oh, man, do you regret fucking all those dudes? Oh, I remember fucking, but. Dude, you burned? You have an uncircumcised cock. Yeah, of course I do. And you burned it on a hot pocket that I had sitting while I was trying to eat at like 4 a.m. You just set it on there, and you're like, oh, fuck.

I thought I was Dylan. I thought I put my cock on Dylan. So maybe you. You should kick it off. You've probably got some fucking wild drinking. Well, we both went to Thailand. You're drinking Thailand heavy, right? That's part of it.

Well, I will say, and although now in my later years, I've slowed down. Every time I've ever traveled anywhere or done anything, the primary focus was always to just get fucked up. Like, it was my whole life, you know, every trip I've ever done anything. You're like to the grocery store, whatever it is. Left the house. And for the cheap as possible. Yeah, as fucked up, as cheap. And as disgusting and as embarrassing as impossible.

Like, puking, pissing your pants, all that stuff's a good time. Every third story I read of like they're cutting down on tourism now in some small town in Southeast Asia because an Irishman just got his dick sucked up in front of a monastery. You guys are a third of those stories. It's Australia half, you guys are third, and then I don't know who the last like... What a glorious blowjob to get just in front of some ancient Chinese-y thing. A place you just won't pay into, you know. Where's the weirdest place you fuck to travel it?

Oh, Jesus. I was in a hostel, some chick said she wouldn't fuck me in a hostel in Chiang Mai. And then, and I was already in another hostel, but it wasn't the party hostel, so I switched. The guy's like, no refunds. I'm like, I know. So seven bucks down the drain there. Yeah. And then another one, 11.

And she's like, I'm not fucking in a dorm room. And I was like, so I had to get a hotel next door. So I had three rooms that night. She didn't want to ruin her reputation in the hostel? Like, why would... That's crazy. Yeah. I remember she was where she started, like, hook it up.

And then she goes, wash your fucking bug spray off. Oh. So I had to shower off. Did you sting? Yeah, it was just like, ugh, bleh. She could taste it. I thought she was, like, sucking it. I thought you was spraying bug spray on your nuts.

That's a great idea. It's so big. It's never got stung. That's a juicy meal for a mosquito if he sees those things out. He's like... Yeah. So, but in... He's like, this is fair.

Family style. But in the hostel, I don't know if you, do you have a joke? In the hostel, what they do is they just put up a towel. You get your towel, and then you hang it on the bunk bed above you, and it kind of hangs down low,

and there's usually about like four inches that you can still see. For the neighbors. Yeah, of course. You want to see a mole or whatever? You've got to see someone's archieking. So that's the hostel mentality. And that's all booze fucking.

No one's fucking sober in those. No one's banging sober. I don't think ever. That's kind of creepy, man. If I had a one night stand sober, I think... Have you fucked in the hostel with one of those things? I have fucked in the bathroom of a hostel. That's the gentleman place to do it.

Yeah, I grabbed it by the hand. Follow me. In the communal or like the lobby of the hostel? If we got a photo on Instagram where I'm... With the hand is back, and she's pulling herself. This guy might care. She's taking a picture and being dragged like that. Oh, that girl I fucked in the bathroom, which was funny

because then my friend fucked her the same day. But we were never alone in the group for me to tell him that I had fucked her. Oh, he didn't know. So then he came in to me. This was in Thailand, the full moon, wherever the full moon is. And then later on he comes in. He goes, yo, I fucked that girl today. And I go, I fucked her.

And he's like, what time was yours at? And he's like, six or something. It's like, ah, two. How'd it feel? How'd that feel? Two o'clock's down the fence and up, so I could have been before or after. Yeah. No, it was definitely sloppy.

You got the brunch. Yeah. He got the late dinner. Yeah. You got the nice wet one. The worst I mean, the worst fucking I ever did on alcohol was in Amsterdam. What was that? With a prostitute.

I was like 21. And, you know, they say in the tour guide partake in the prostitution. That's one of the things you have to do there. And Franks Museum. The Van Gogh Museum. Yes. And Franks. The canals are lovely.

An Eastern European prostitution. It's probably been sex. traffic there. This is before we knew about human trafficking. I want to warn you that. Say what you want about prostitutes. They do make you feel good. And I don't think enough people... She didn't make me feel good. She was like,

this is taking so fucking long that you need to pay more. And I didn't have any more Gilder's, so I was throwing American dollars at her. I was like, I swear I'm going to finish in the next 20 to 30 minutes. This is such a funny story. Because I was so drunk, I couldn't get fully hard.

Conum or no conum? Condom. I mean, they may, look, the laws are a little strict over there. You have to wear a condom. And you have to come within 10 minutes or they kick you out. They say, fucking. You had your chance. No way.

No way. Was she gross or hot? Hi, everybody. I'm breaking into today's episode to let you know a little bit about the guests today. Oh, I got this. Ryan O'Neill. Hey, everybody. I'm Ryan O'Neill.

Check me out at Ryan O'Neill.com. No, what's your podcast? Oh, SlopQuest. Slop quest. Yeah, the finest slop you'll find on any podcast. podcast um yeah this is a fun episode do you remember any of it yeah this was literally a year right more i remember friendships were forged who sam tallant and i met for the first time on this podcast and we just hit it off oh yeah you guys are both and then a year later we spoke again really

i love it this is what dudes do when women when women hit it off they go oh my god you're so cool like let's exchange the numbers get to know each other when guys hit it off it's like a guy was cool yeah you're like i'll probably see him again maybe in a year or two and what i do it's going to be awesome what happened when you saw him next uh he's like hey come on bupys why don't you tell the people where we are uh we're okay we're in um we are in we are in downtown uh london england everybody yeah this is everybody i'll tell you what they're letting it a lot of immigrants oh my god tons now we're here at the uh is this the jeepers creepers monument in peru this is tupac amaru

do you guys remember the um i did one in front of a statue for this chick who was married i think to this guy this dude this is tupac yeah but it might have been tupac um there was a revolution i got to find out which one this is i just you know what make it up too no one's going to fact check this is the original the last inkin inkin um leader this guy yeah if it's the first and then he was reincarnated as a rapper then some revolutionary later was Tupacama the second

oh yes a couple hundred years after that a black panther lady had a child okay she named him after this guy's namesake

so after Tupac I remember the second the revolutionary in Peru and that's Tupac Shakur what the fuck and then Biggie Smalls was named after another Incan warrior who was his rival called Biggie Shemales. Shumulus?

Or whatever, I don't know. Is that, is there any... Is that true? Maybe. Do you remember any of his way? First, let me say... Okay, I do... Palmyteril is also on the podcast.

He has a don't podcast called The Cockfight podcast. It's on YouTube at the Cockfight podcast. It's done with his... One of the fattest people in America. Lev Fur. Is that true? Yeah, he doesn't fit in his screen, so a lot of times it'll cut them off.

Oh, they do split screen just to put them all in. If you guys are hearing this, I'm sorry, they're setting up a fair right here. We're at a pipe convention, so a lot of guys are just checking out to see thickness, how they roll. Yeah. I love this background music. So they show what's going on in. I guess we already show Tupac. Yankees!

There's all these people wearing this gift that I've always like, yeah, anytime I see a Houston national, like, fucking cheaters. And they're like, why do you go up and you be like, hey, how do you feel about the trade with so-and-so? He's like, dude, this is the only shirt I could afford. I found it. What else do we got? Cockfight podcast. Column 2. Also, he's got two dates coming up.

Is this special recording before this or after? Yeah, it's before this. Okay. Well, you're going to miss it, ladies and gentlemen. But catch it when it comes out on wherever it's going to be. Yeah, it'll be out. And he's Cockfight Fight, YouTube channel. go to his link tree damn it where's this other one and then sam talent new guy on the block

check out uh column tyro is on um youtube as well putting out new videos all the time at column tearyl sam talent is at samtallon on instagram at samtall on instagram at column tearyl c-o-l-u-tel-l where are you on instagram it's pronounced more like a turl Dude, that whole tour, you were like, Comptural. Yeah, that's what I mean. Correct as you want, and it was over at Comptoril on Instagram. You can see me on Instagram at Ryan O'Neill Comedy. Go to Ryan O'Neill.com.

If you want to see videos that got ripped off of YouTube, you could see Ari Shafir. The thing I wrote Ferrari Shapir, the Valentine sketch that YouTube took down. Oh, yeah. Comedy Central took it down years ago, but it was on Daily Motion for a long time. I ripped it from there. I hosted on my site. Daily Motion finally took it down. There's a hard end bomb in it. It's a hard end bomb.

Yeah. It's a good Hitler talk. That's back when you used to be able to do hard end bombs. Columns at the Stress Fracted in December and a Zanese Comedy Club in Rosemont in January. It's a great club. And then Sam Talent on the road in, when this is the command? Tremonia, Maryland, Denver, Colorado, San Diego, California, Portland, Maine, Cincinnati, Ohio, Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and Lafayette, Louisiana. tickets at samtallant.com yeah what do you catch me in austin i'm in austin a lot now you kind of

have moved there yeah i'm more i'm more three quarters moved there in one quarter i'm gonna hold it um what do i remember about it yeah about the same uh okay so sam tallant i met for the first time on there yeah we hit it off content wise oh content wise yeah uh i remember stand over there i'm gonna i'm gonna say i'm gonna i'm gonna oh you're gonna put you want to show what's going on here but go go ahead keep talking though okay uh i remember we talked We talked about Thailand. We talked about Amsterdam. We talked about...

We did? Japan, maybe. It was a live show. It was a live show. It was a fucking train wreck from the start. Yeah. If you guys like four comedians competing for mic time, you're going to love this show. Thank God Ms. Pat or Pete Holmes is not there.

Or we would not be able to talk. Anytime we see a live podcast with Pete Holmes or Ms. Pat, they're both like, it's going to be my podcast now. I'm super, like, in my head about it. So I try... Because I don't know what... to speak. I speak over people a lot. So I'm like, ah, it's not always my time to go now. The best was

David Tell's like that. I'm like that too. And then, except when I'm drunk on Joe Rogan podcast with Shane and Mark, and I'm the weak link on there. So I just jump into like, to like derail it. And then everybody looks at me like, what the fuck, man? I'm the red band on that. And then I go, what the fuck, man? I go, well, this isn't

helping my confidence. Oh, David Tell on tough crowd would be that. watch the old tough crowds when he's on there he'll just sit there he's like he's like you can tell he's like I'm not gonna talk over anyone I know that's the problem you're like this bit could go but if somebody talks over it then

he's like 20 seconds yes yeah yeah yeah so that's way or if I'm super wasted I'm like dude I gotta keep my shit together right now I can't fucking I can't talk if it's one on one then I get shit face that it's great well I don't remember anything about this I just remember

going oh disclaimer I have to say hold on do I need to flip these up yeah sorry if you guys couldn't see the baby gray's but I don't think they'll be able to see it come closer do another flip hold on I'll do it real lower hey guys it's Ryan O'Neill that's so check me out at Ryan O'Neill comedy dot com Slop quest Slop quest um I didn't want to buy prescription sunglasses I mean you're right it's a waste for most of it you already have glasses yeah this is how Ryan O'Neill reads.

Here, I'll show them. I'll get my phone out. That's about it. Disclaimer from the YMH, my podcast is produced by YMH. It's Tom Segoor production. And this is actually a YMH. Right now, we have a YMH cameraman and sound guy who flew out here

because this is a high production deal. It was, and he told me about these. But, so there's three levels of my podcast. There's stuff I started doing recording before I even talked to YMH, where I was like, I don't know who's going to host these. And that was in my old spare bedroom with like a little like shitty like math. This is when you were doing, this is you be triven. You be tripping before I started.

We did one in Denver. That was a run through. Three years ago. Which I should put up somewhere. Yeah. It's just audio only. Yeah. I can do something.

I'll put that up. Was it good? It was great. Okay. It was just like, let me run through this and figure out. I put it up on the old Patreon. So there's that. And it's me saying, and then, then Toby helped me set up a studio.

Who's Toby? Toby used to work for, Are You Garbage? Okay. Shout out to Toby. Shout out to Toby. And then with good sound equipment and everything like that, good cameras with a big, giant map behind me. Yes. And then YMH comes in with some more advice.

The map gets a little smaller. So those two are kind of similar. Yeah. Step up from me and myself. And then even higher up is the studio I have in Austin, which is like the globe behind me. We go. Yeah, I've seen you record from there. That costs a bunch.

It was by Robert Rodriguez. So this is the top? Is this the next level? So this is a gas digital production, and I need to tell you, I apologize. On behalf of YMH is it not a YMH production. It's not Alan Kaffee who did this. He's doing the best to make it better and is not Chris Larson is doing it or Niana. They do not put their stamp of approval on this.

Oh, but this is gas digital, but Lewis is now, he has the camera right there. Lewis is right there. He's hitting his vape pen. All right. We did the bumpers. Let's get back to the episode. I have no idea what we talked about. Okay, I do remember you saying,

I was like, oh, you're like, talk about, something about hookers, you go, don't open with that. And I opened right away with that. And you're like, you're going out of the gate a little too hot. Which happened to me, did I tell you about Kill Tony? No. I came out so hot. Wait, pause.

We'll do it for the outro. Okay, okay. Back to the episode. I have a problem with coming a little too hot. Okay, back to the episode. All right. I mean, my recollection was that she was pretty hot. But she kept saying 60 Gilders, and I was like, how's 60 American dollars sit with you?

What did she say? I was just throwing them on the bed. 60 Gilders? Yeah. What's the exchange rate? It was like 9.7. It was like, yeah, it sounds like 63 of mine, I guess. It was probably ended up being like 400 Gilders is what I had to pay.

But I did come. You did eventually? Yeah, I eventually did. Great. And we high-fived, and I was like, we got through this together. Nice. That's a really, that's a rudy story. We ponded.

I was like, give me your email. Let's stay in touch. No, you reckon when she goes home and talks to her husband, she tells. Nothing to worry about today. Do you reckon she bores the fuck out of her husband when she gets home? And, like, oh, just one guy, he was bald even though he's 21. He couldn't come. I had hair.

Oh, you had luscious locks back, man. Yeah. You were so cool at 21. You couldn't come. You had long hair. Yeah. It was every American boy's stream. it would be great to be like

no no guys she's different i moved her back two kids it wasn't a big deal nice yeah but amsterdam you's not really a drinking spot you just go no it's fun to drink there but you get too high you get too shroomy yeah i i play they have uh the tie hookers on like the main street so like puket and stuff they'll play you if you're like no i'm not looking to i'm not looking to fuck today and then they go like i'll play you for beers connect four

great yeah and you're like are they good they're the best you've ever played really all that you could think yeah I have a fucking I was on the dean's list for two semesters at a fucking high level college I should be all they do is play Connect 4 all day also they might be prostitutes but they're still Asian

yeah it's true it's true yeah you're about to get smoked it's Matt it's Mac in Connect 4 4 is like one of the lowest numbers that's nothing to them that is nothing in their world you make the first move and they're like you already lost I'm seeing 20 steps ahead

yeah check mate whatever checkmate of Connect Forrests. They would talk down to you. First you'd be like, they'd start, like, why don't you start? Like, no, no, you start. Trust me, go ahead and start. They would just, like, do it fast, too. They wouldn't even think about it.

What were the stakes? And you had to buy them beers? Yeah, I bought them enough beer to feed their village for a week. Is that a wagon next to the table loading it up? It was me and Pete Z. Pete C got a free, he got a free

hooker one night, though. She was just looking for for like a comfortable bed to stay in. We went to Thailand. This guy fucks. He was in a sexual prison with his, he broke up with his chick, but they were still living together.

So he could have sex like once every six months and he couldn't do it with any. So then he got to Thailand and he was just like, game on. Oh, unleash the hounds. Yeah, he fucked. When I got there three days after him, he'd already fucked like eight people.

But it's, truly, when you go there, that might sound gross. That might sound gross to some ladies in the room. But when you go there, they are so aggressive towards your cock. It's hard not to,

just indulge. Because they're literally like, you're so hot you're so sexy. It's part of the culture. Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't know. It's part of the culture. You also get a massage every day. You wouldn't do that normally. No, you also eat, yeah, I eat cheap noodles. Eight bucks is eight bucks.

You fuck the shit out of its own. Connect foreign prostitution. That's all they got over there. And it's the greatest place of all time, maybe. What? Thailand. Thailand is fucking great. It's just lawless. It's law.

It is lawless. Yeah, but they drink over there in Thailand is they make these buckets. So when you're on the islands, they make buckets. Who knows what buckets is? Like the Thailand drink buckets? It's just a bucket of booze. Yeah, so they sell them like a kid's, like a...

Is it like jungle juice? Yeah, it's kind of like jungle juice. It'll come with like a red bull, a Coke. It looks like the size... Remember when 7-Eleven had those extreme gulps? Yeah, yeah. You can refill for truckers. It was that size, but without the extra weight

for keeping it cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's sold on the side of the street, like when, like, African sell fake merch. But they sell, they sell liquor on the side of the street, and then you get your bucket,

and then you mix it again, and you get fucked up. And then every one in 40 white girls on the island will get attacked. She'll get attacked and used by the locals. But... Yeah, occasionally it's a Vandersluet who gets them. It's a small price to pay for that fucking bucket.

It's a full moon. It's a full moon. party. That's what happens. Is it regular alcohol or is it like their like moon, their equivalent of moonshine? This is the theory. It's like that they sell it in a legal. They'll say this is Angel's Envy, right? So they'll be like, oh, yeah, sure. I got a, I got a brand new Angel Elfee. And you're like, wait, it's a little cracked. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then it's just, I supposed to crack it. But there's ways to seal it now. Seal it, obviously. You have to watch them crack. It's just some low level brand interject in a bottle. Okay. So it's like eight different kinds of booze. Yeah. Guys, we need a third guest up here. Do we? Oh, wow.

On the Hall of Fame of Traveling Comedians, he's got his own fucking show, an actual show about travel. Please give it out for Mr. Sam Talent, everybody. Better than a podcast. That's all right. That's all right. That's all right. Sammy, we're in Tyler now talking about how easy it is to get booze. But we're just talking about different places you've drank over the years.

Oh, I was... Take a time. Take a time. Catch up. I'm sorry. I've had a couple cold ones. Trust me, fellas. Or he's like, I don't have a phone. I live in the moment. And I get a text at 359.

Hey, we're podcasting. It was Hot Dog Happy Hour at the D. And they don't... The fest doesn't pay very well. You're still sweating those dogs down. Oh, there's... You have some in your pocket? You wish.

I have a wig in this one. one. Now, who are you, by the way? I'm Ryan O'Neill. I don't think we've ever met, man. The legend, Ryan O'Neill everyone. You didn't show up, so Ari found me in the bathroom. Dude. That's where he did a lot of his best work.

Ari said, get up, you're coming with me. Call him. What's going on, buddy? How are you, man? You got like a plant growing out of your hat. Yeah, I got a lot of stuff going on. How long have you been at the festival? Oh, man. I've got into moss.

last night, man. And then here we are. That's not bad. What did I miss? Well, we just talked about buckets, which is an Australian, the national bird of Australia, I think. We turned up some people in somewhere. They're like, oh, they're from Brisbane.

We're like, they're like, they have buckets here. And they're both like this married couple. There was like 40, and they have buckets. It just came on. So I miss nothing. Well, we have buckets of laughs coming at you guys. Let me just fucking.

Oh, wait, how about this is... Who drinks the best? Who drinks the best? Canadians, Australians. What does best mean? Now he's mad because you think it should be in the run. You've insulted his culture. No, best probably means, eh, you go out, you have a glass of wine, you drive home, no one gets hurt.

That's probably, in your mind, that's why your category is. No, that's not what I meant. Mine is, I want, I want arson. Yeah. I want, you want chaos at the end of the evening. I want people to regret doing what they did Irish are up there for sure Irish are so good at it because they maintain their charm

and they have all these words we don't use anymore The vocabulary gets Yeah you guys are always good I'm so charmed by the Irish And they all drink just pints of Guinness So they're taking their time They're barely getting it in Ireland's like 1950s America

Where anything goes A woman still knows her place. Yes, exactly, exactly. You guys have one black guy. One too many, we call them. His name is Lim Rick. Yes. Australians make me nervous when they're drunk.

Australian's tough to keep track of. Yeah, I don't really care for their energy when they're wasted. They'll also always go for blow. With an Australia, they're going to be like, hey, let's get to the next eventual level. Yeah. How about this one? Vietnamese. Oh. They're hilarious when they're sober, and then they start,

you know? They go click, click. It's a tonal language, so it's a Huang gong, gong, gwao. Yeah. I'm not being racist, I'm being cultured, you pigs, all right? Why are you doing that with your eyes, Sam?

I had the surgery. Americans, of course not. Mexicans. Those are tough. Australians and Canadians. Yeah. Mexicans drink. Now, it's got to be like Russians. Russians just drink bottles of vodka and then they fix your car and then they go home.

No one drinks with them though. I don't know anyone who's ever drank with a Russian. I've never just done five. Well, they drink with their families at dinner. That's usually when it fucking goes down. I think the average age of a Russian male, like they die at like 56. Yeah, it's not a long life, but it's a dangerous life. But it's a painful one.

It's a violent, pansy life that they have. It's brutal. Brutal. Mexicans get sad when they get drunk, though. They do. They just they weep. Serious. I love it.

Oh, locianto, and then just crying. Until that piñata comes out and then it brings them back to life. All smiles, yeah. That's second wind time. The pinata is the cocaine for Mexicans. Yeah, yeah. Hey, guys, today's episode of Yumi Chippin is brought to you

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where you heard about them. Please support my show. This lifestyle doesn't pay for itself, you guys. You gotta support the show and tell them that I sent you. Or you can say you'd be tripping. You don't have to use my name if you don't want to, but at least say you'd be tripping sent you. Maurice Jaffir, let's go back to adventures.

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episode uh south africans are dangerous how about uh west african guys they're fun ethiopians i think i think like sierra leone is what i'm thinking of after a hard day in the diamond mind you look around them now you need a cold one yeah what are they drinking this is Fermented pig's blood. Yeah, yeah. This is ethanol. Holy shit. Merci.

They speak French. What about Japanese? How do they? Good drunks or bad drunks? I hear Japanese, like, if your boss like we weren't drinking, that means like, hey, honey, I'm not going to be home tonight. Yeah, yeah.

I have to get blackout with the boss. They're going to find me face down, ass up. Yeah. Yes. You've been to Japan. A bunch, yeah. I love it over there. And like, if they get wasted, they just lay down on the ground,

and then people will bring up, like, microwaveable romans and bottles of water and just leave it around them, yeah. That's true. That Japanese guy agrees, yes. Oh, yes. Is there any Japanese people in? Shout out?

No, it's not the market. You had to be over five foot to get in. That's good old-fashioned racism. What do they drink in Japan? What's their thing? They drink, they drink. Oh, Japanese whiskey. Socky, of course.

They love very cold, dry beer. Those fucking super drys, that's the best canned beer in the world. Because it tastes like nothing. Yeah, it just goes down. You can house them. They also have those, like, high balls in a can you can get at 7-Eleven. Wow. Yeah, and they're like 12%.

Drinking hard with friends from 7-Eleven alcohol is amazing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you just get it and go right outside an outdoor bar. No better. Have you trying to get the, in a bodega in New York? York. Like in the, it's like illegal and a lot of places I have delis and they sell bacon, egg and cheese or whatever budget, they'll let

a bunch of, usually Mexicans stand around, one of the aisles. There's like an unsupervised aisle where they let you stand and get fucked up drinking tall boy Corr's banquets for some reason. They love at Cora's banquet, the immigrants. I tell you that. You're sure that's just not bad

employees? No, it's because like after work, when I worked in construction, they'd all, they'd bring it, they'd go, come over, we'd go to some store, and we'd stand inside crushing fucking beers because they know you're going to get some like Doritos loaded and stuff right after that it's good for business

they don't care they just blast the music that seems like the same song over and over you're going to be selling chicken feet whatever deep fried chicken feet it's a dollar fuck it very good Coors Banquet makes everything better Coors Banquet's a blast right there from golden Colorado the mouth of the Rocky Mountains

yeah that crystal clear water makes it all the better Sam is in Denver everybody who lives in Denver Colorado reps hard Where else do they fucking wild? Do you know who's the worst? Might be the British. Hmm, Hungarians. Oh, okay.

Yes, it's like a hard line stance because a guy fucking honked my wife's boob in Hungary. Just one? Just one? The good one. I was sucking on the other at the time. In his defense, he was a homosexual. Oh, okay.

How do you know he was a... He meant something to me, you know? Did you take his word for it or did he prove it to you? He was mincing. Okay, okay. There was a general mincery. Was he like, ew. No, he was like, these are heavy and did one of these.

He bean dipped her. Oh, he did a little fucking. Yeah. Where was that in Hungary? Yeah, that was in Hungary. So that's the entire people now. You're like, fuck it. You know, I'm over.

I'm done with you. I'm totally down with taking one person. That's your only data point. You're like, yeah, good or bad. This is the country now. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Of course.

So you got to be careful how you treat people. Because they're going to fucking judge the whole country on that one. You understand how anti-Semitism works. Right, yeah. I get it out. Not that you put it in that context. Yes. They're not wrong.

And by one, it was a lot of yes. Allegedly. What about Iceland? Do they drink a lot? They do drink hard. Because anywhere it's cold, they fucking drink. They drink, they have great beer in Iceland in Reykavik. But do you like, do you like an IPA when you're out there?

Because I want the fucking stone light of that country so I can have 12 of them. Finding the shittiest beer of every country is. Like once you get it, like, that's it. Some places you can't, though. Mandalay, Lao, Guinness, is trash. Give me the cheap. 4X. Where's that?

Australia. Oh, yeah. B.B. Anchor beer, Cambodia. Angkor. It's all made in the same. It's just like so bad. Yeah.

Yeah. There's like an elephant crushing a dinosaur and the logo. They also make the best t-shirt to come home with. Just to say I was there. The Asians? Yeah. No, no. beer shirt from somewhere in a

yeah having a Chang shirt the Sing Tao shirt that'll travel let him know really captures the culture so well when I was there I parted it ignore your culture I threw up on a bullet train I'm an alcoholic everywhere I go

we're in Chiang Mai on a day of rest or something they're like hey just you know they shut off the power at a certain time you can't buy alcohol the whole day and the whole hospital was like what the fuck oh hey we had an underground like dealer come by I can hook you guys up, but it's going to cost you hella. Again, what's hella?

Like a dollar a beer. Yeah, and you're like, this is crazy. This is nuts. You wouldn't treat someone like this. You're supposed to be Buddhist. There's nothing like when you're haggling someone over 20 cents. And then you catch yourself and go, what do I do? I don't even want this bracelet.

They're like, please, sir, this can change the trajectory of my life. You just eat the change? You're like, fuck you. You're like, I need the change to throw it in the fountain later to make a wish That I don't never end up like you I think you could go to prison If you ate change in Thailand

Because it's the king's head Oh yeah Disrespecting the king If you ate a coin in Thailand They'd put you in prison That's what's stopping you I'm just saying I'm just I'm educating these fucking

Untravel losers I'm actually you can fuck all the kids you want in Thailand Yes But you eat one penny Next thing you know You're getting pained in the public square. They've got plenty of one and not enough of the other.

Well, they've got their priorities in the right spot. Respect the money. Fuck the kids. Do you guys want a big water? Whoa. Thanks, man. Yeah, I said last year... Yeah, there are some beers over there. Can I get a bud, like from...

Activate Eaget. Wait, don't let Adam Eagot grab a beer. He'll open it and ruin his life. Where would I'm just thinking of that was fucking great. White claw shirt. Colum's trash. Here you go.

Roll it on down to the nasty man. Ah, it's not. I'll take one of those. I have one open too. Thank you. Adam Egan, everyone. Come on. Adam Egan.

I'm charged of the mother shit. Thanks, Adam. Oh, he wants to bud light. Gave me a white claw just to spite me. There you go. Pretty adamant about it. Nice. Hell yeah.

What? Wait, how about this as a group question? Okay. I like it. Something I've witnessed is when people, especially the English, go abroad, and then they act the same way they do in England, which is okay. Like they fight and they'll throw bottles off each other's heads and shit like that.

Which is kind of fine in England. But when you go to Europe, they don't fuck around with that. And next thing you know, they're getting fucking pistol-wipped by the cops. Have you seen that? I've seen people like in I beth that throw a fucking bottle on a wall because I think it's fun. And then the cops will jump out of a van and just beat the living fuck out of them. They're like, what the fuck you're doing? And he's like, you know, they'll do that.

Oie! Like, well, it's happening. That's against the rules it is. and then they're like, just, boom, boom. Beating the fuck out of him. Hello, governor. Oy, oi! Fuck off.

I'm an American. Eat ass. People are like, fucking. It is fun to go the other way, too, when you're in China, and you're just like, we're all walking by, and we're like, let's get a beer. I'm like, it's 3 a.m. They're like, that bodega's open.

The guy didn't have a.C. He's not sleeping. Fuck, yeah. And you just like, hey, beer. And you just drink him on the streets. And you're like, how is this allowed? And they're like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, of course.

Yeah. I haven't been to China You've not? No, that's next, next on the list No, it's very low Really? It might be It's like that in South Africa

Right there In the gutter Yeah, I'd like to go to China's got some good food Why do you think that'll appeal to me? They got that They got Chinese food everywhere You want to go to where?

South Korea What about North Korea? I think if they would have me No, you can go You remember when we were going to go skiing? Yeah ski resort there that nobody's there and you can get to it.

Really? Yeah. Even me? You ski? No, no. Of course. You can hang out? Do you know how gravity works there? No. Yeah. You go down the hill a lot faster. Oh, yeah. You get free rental. It's all about momentum, baby. Mr. Brightside.

They let you in free if you burn an American flag. Oh. But it's real. And there's literally like four people that fucking go to the ski resort. So you have the mountain to yourself until you disappear. Korea, they do that thing where you roll the fucking shot in your head. Is that Korea?

Is that Sai? Is Sai the Korean musician? You were prank, Dari. No. Who's that Korean? Are you that Korean? Are you that Korean? Are you just a Gongam style from like 15 years ago?

Oh, yeah, that's sigh. Yeah, they had a whole song about people doing like this rolling shots in the head. Yeah, he committed suicide. No, he did not. Maybe. I don't know. Wait, wait, who knows what he's doing now? It sounds plausible.

It really does. You made me legitimately sad for a minute. That sigh was gone. Who's the first guy to get like a bill. million views on YouTube. He's like, I've achieved enough. It was actually murder suicide, but the guy who did Chocolate Rain. That'd be fantastic. Okay, I should be a host here. Help me out.

Any questions from the audience about our favorite anything? I've got lots of questions. What's the worst drink we've had? Oh, fuck. I'm not actually saying Mallort, even though it's not. I was thinking Malort's to begin with. Malort's the only thing that tastes like the devil. I love when they give you like, hey, here's the drink. It's from our town.

Literally no one here drinks it, but you have to. Yeah, yeah. Like a shooey. I have been to Australia probably 200 days in my life. I've never seen anyone do one outside new tourists. Just everyone at the bar? A bunch of shooys? I get the first round in.

Probably like, have you ever ever been those uni shooters? What? They crack the egg. And they do, but they're supposed to use a quail egg, but I went to this Japanese place and all they had was a regular chicken egg, so it's like spilling over the side of the glass. And I had to, like, two, three gulps to get it down, but, yeah, not really worth it.

It's like Rocky. Yeah, but there's, but there's like whiskey in there. Whoa. Alcoholic Rocky. They may have just been fucking with me. I got, now I look back on it. He likes the egg thing. They get a top hat and an ostrich egg, and everyone comes out of the kitchen to watch.

Oh, I got one. Worst I've ever had. It was in the Amazon. It was, we were doing like a tour, went to at some village. And there's a booth. Chi-Chi, something like that. Where you have to like you grind up corn

and then drink it and then spit it back up into a bowl and then ferment that for like a month. Then they have this, this is the height of COVID. And then they give you a bowl and then just like scoop it out and I'm like, am I supposed to drink this?

And then they're just like, yeah, I'm like a sip. Like you should drink olive if you want to insult anybody. Was it your throw up or somebody else's? Then fermented. Okay. He flew in a month early.

Yeah. Can you get this ready for me? I'm coming in. Yeah. He kept this. seat? It's like, that's mine. No, no, that is mine. No, it's disgusting. But by the fourth one, you stop tasting it.

You stop tasting. Because you're wasted, drunk, right? Yeah, and then they wanted to dance to you because you're white, and then I'm dancing with some ladies breastfeeding her baby while we're dancing. Wow. So it's like ethanol. I don't know. I'm drinking like 87 octane. I think buzz balls are the worst

one. What's that one? You don't know about buzz balls? Was that like Four Loco? Yeah, it's a product of these United States. What's USA? It's like the size of like a well-developed 15-year-old's breasts. To put it in terms, the column will understand. What's it called? What's it called? Get it up here.

And then it's like if they cook down Kool-Aid and mixed it with like Everclear, and then you drink it while you watch your, you know, girlfriend's son play volleyball or whatever. Yeah, it's very bad. I one time had like some kind of fucking snake lick. in Tokyo that you were supposed to you shot it in like the pickleback but it was yak milk so you shoot this like weird snake liquor and then you do a

yak milk that's not a chaser at all no no no no chase me right out of the bar I would have reversed it I would have done the yak milk and then chased it with the snake yeah that's the Cambodians stuff that's like a horoscope yeah that was very bad one time I drank a guy's spitter on accident that sucked you drank you guys what

spitter what's a spitter? What's a spitter You know when you're chewing skull long cut And then you're at some party in a trailer house In eastern Colorado And then you're like, that's definitely my keystone light And then you pick it up and no no It's a guy's personality in a can And it's his whole thing

When you feel a whole party gets silent And you're like what There it is There's no recovery. You have to go home You have to go home Yeah, you have to call your mom What happened, some weird bars you've been to? I went to, like, a, I guess, like a, I guess like a sex bar in, in Cambodia, like an underage.

I guess, he said. What made you guess at that? All these children are screaming. It was definitely a lot of, like, 18-year-old maybe men with, like, 60-year-old smiling British people. Yes. Very happy British men. Yeah, yeah. All right.

girls too. There were girls there too. Yeah, it was weird seeing them all very happy. They had the cameras, they were like talking to each other. It was like a cover band on stage playing like zombie. Dude, I saw, I was in Cyprus and I fucking saw a Palestinian band play zombie.

Cyprus is like 300 miles from the whole kerfuffle, as you call it. The misunderstanding. The big whoopsie. If Jews were in the media, this would not be a story. No, no. The final, my bad.

And, yeah, and they sang zombie, and I was just weeping. And my wife was like, what's a matter? And I was like, you don't know anything. I'm feeling something. Yeah. These are those emotions you always want me to show. This is what it looks like. Oh, I was in Bratislava, and we went into this bar, and they were playing all this, like, balkan punk rock music.

Cool. And the guy who ran it, who owned the place was the comic, who opened, and he's like, come on. It was called the International, of course. you know and he's like yeah come on over I can't do the voice he was he was one of your guys oh yeah yeah he's like oh come on over you fuck that's not how you fucking sound

at all yeah and I was like this is crazy in here what are all these people and he's like well we got some Slovaks and some Balkans and you know some Serbians and I was like well it looks like a good time and he's like yeah they all got fucking screwdrivers they'll stab you to fuck your wife and I was like

what a great what a great setting yeah there's nothing I think it learned racism, where it's not passed down. It's just like, I've worked in the service industry for long enough. Yeah. Could you do it? Could you just say you can fuck my wife without stabbing me?

No, no, no. It was part of the agreement. You kind of got to stab me if you're going to fuck my wife. Just a little quick. Yeah. If you just let her, you know, go. You want to look like you fought for her. Yeah, yeah.

Make it seem like I... Babe, he's doing it either way. Why do I have to suffer you? I'd be like, take my wife and then I'd stab myself with the screwdriver, just to make it look like I struggled. For sure. Well, I mean, that's the thing is they're like, if someone's going to shoot your wife, you have to dive in front of it.

Because if you don't, you don't still want to be married. But you can have your timing be off a little bit. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. I went a little too early. What are you going to do? Nothing. You're dead. I'm trying to think what else. India. Have you been to India?

No, that sounds terrible. Yeah. Yeah. No, it is. It sounds really bad. It's worth going once. Yeah, no. My wife wants to go there, and I'm like, Why don't you watch these three videos real quick? Yeah. That's a... Woman on a bus.

Yeah. Make sure you get your ticket validated. That's probably the worst place I ever drank. Because I got chased by a pack of, like, rabid dogs on the street. So glad you said dogs. Yeah. No, dogs. Yeah.

But you know I meant Indians, right? Okay. The lower cast there is called dogs. The sound of the flogging piles of human shit while of rabid dogs. Chase you as you try to drink a beer. Is there human shit? There is. Yeah, yeah, there is.

I was in Naples and there were man turds everywhere. Oh, yeah. Just dotting the streets. They're like, it's a great place, get the pizza. No, there's a flotilla of human shit everywhere. I saw a guy on the side of the highway. He was just taking a shit right on the shoulder. That was the mayor.

Welcome. Is that culture? That's in America, too. There's lots of people having shits. I mean, but these people had homes that were shitting and cars. Oh, they chose to go out. Yeah, it was a choice. I'm heading into the city to do a shit.

Yeah, he's like, I've got to take a dump right here. I'll be back in a few hours. You guys go walk ahead. I'm going to shit right here. Do you ever walk home from a place to your hotel or hostel and you're like, I'm going to piss outside, but then you have to be like, how bad is it here if I got caught with this? Yeah.

That's why you got to do the piss and walk. Piss and walk is a tough one. I do it. Do you guys know the piss and walk? Yeah. Show up. On the table. Do it.

Get up. Shut up. You just turn around and then you walk like this. Oh, bad. Backwards? What? What? What?

You go forward? You go forward to not call attention to yourself. Oh, yeah. But you got to go wide-legged. I'm the idiot. I'm sorry. I'll tell you what. That stance.

No, you got to do the, no, you don't, you do it like this. Just roll like a log while pissing. the splashback on that is crazy I piss on cars a lot that's my new thing I think piss him on the steering wheel of a car on the steering wheel are you driving

what is the tire fuck off break in just a piss on the steering wheel dude I'm trying imagine calm just pissing all over the dashboard as he's driving it's me custom it's one of me ancient

folkways It's good luck. It's the Celtic way. Gets rid of the bad spirits. No, I piss on cars. Cars is the good one. Go up to a car, piss on the wheel. No splatter.

You can kind of look, oh, I'm just resting on someone's car. Okay. Fake phone calls are best one. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What a great call. I could not wait to get to the hotel for this call.

You can always tell what's going to wrap it up because they wrap up their phone call too. Like, all right, well, I got to go. Got to go, I'm going to piss. Does the cop look at me piss? Have you ever thought about the gas tank? Because that's kind of like a urinal already. Yeah, do you want to ask the little rascals

want to prank? I give my teacher an apple with a worm in it. You even say worm, funny. You say milk like a retard, all right? I say what? You say milk weird. Milk? Yeah, you say milk weird.

You say milk. Milk. Milk. Says it normal? Didn't hear it. No, he said it earlier. He said milk. Oh, I said yak milk.

That's a tough one. That's a different kind of milk. Yeah, yeah. You just call it milk. Milk. What are you saying? Milk. What is he saying?

Malk or something. Like Malkovich or something. I don't really have to take this from you. That's fair. I want a yes answer. Facts are facts, Sam. We have a hundred witnesses. Milkovich?

John Milkovich? Yeah. Hey, you say it great, buddy. Thanks, Ryan. Yeah, you're doing great. He started. He started. We were all there.

We started. I was not nasty. I've always accused of initial nastiness, and I never was. Getting the big for your breakfast. What about this? What about fucking weed abroad? That's a kooky one. That is a kooky one.

He says kooky wrong. Idiot? You want some milk for those cookies? For the cookie? What do you say? Cukovitch? Malk and cookies? Eaget loves it.

They legalize it in Thailand, but before it was, they were like, they'll test your blood. The cops will try to like smoke and pass it to you. And then the locals, the expats that live, they're like, no, you just go to mail. They'll test their blood. Like, how? They just look at it? They don't have infrastructure to do that. Just enough to scare you to give them a 500 butt.

They're just stealing. a tourist's blood. A bunch of resin in your blood. They're stealing your blood and selling it in books. He's like, we need to check your kidneys for this. Are you a virgin, by the way? I'm just filling something out. No, okay.

You're not albino, are you? What's your religion? Got it? Have you had AIDS in the last 60 days? But weed is good in Thailand. Where else is it's good? Copenhagen is the best in Europe to me. But didn't it? Amsterdam got ruined once it

became legal in America. I went there back when it It was illegal here, and that was like, you go there to get fucked up. And now it's... Did you take your first mushrooms in Amsterdam? I did. And I took what they called too many. I took them once.

They gave us a very small amount. We went to the Van Gogh Museum. I didn't really feel anything. Went back to the same place, and she goes, oh, you're big guys. So she gave us nine grams each. And those are wet mushrooms, though. No, no. These were dry.

Oh, no. They were called up. Philosopher Stones. The truffles. The truffles. No, these were, these had it. Those are mushrooms. I remember dumping them out of the packet, and there was multiple handfuls, and I was like,

oh, this seems like a lot, but I don't know anything. The barista said. Yep. And then we went to a restaurant to eat. I sat down, looked at the menu. The menu started dancing around, all the letters. Some lady was looking at me, and then I thought she bull charged me, so I stood up, knocked everything over, and ran out of the restaurant.

Ten seconds later, my buddies were behind me. I go, are you feeling anything? and they go, we're fucked. Yeah. And then we tried to find our hotel, and we kept walking towards it, and it was like the moon, because it just kept staying the same distance away,

no matter how far we walked. Well, those Dutch treadmill sidewalks are so fucking tricky, you know. The chocolate mushrooms? Oh, yeah. Were you there? No, we were in Joshua Tree. He wasn't there.

One time we went. Come up, Adam. Come on, Adam. Come on, Ian. Adam, talk about this. We're in Joshua Tree. Speak your tree. Adam Eagan, the waiter from that.

Oh, there's another one. Mushrooms do not work on Adam Egan. Yeah, no, yeah. They do eventually. But we, yeah, we were in Joshua Tree and we were doing a, yeah, we ate a bunch of mushrooms. And then we ran out, I think, because I ate them all. And then Ari's like, oh, I have a backup stash that a fan mailed me. And there were chocolate mushrooms and we're like, oh, great.

yeah, this is obviously a good idea. Ari has totally fucking normal, not disgusting psychopath fans, so we all just shove these chocolate mushrooms in our mouth, not thinking twice. And then I was the first one to realize it.

It tasted delicious at first like chocolate. And then I noticed that. Like mushroom-y chocolate. And I noticed about 30 seconds later that, oh, this is, I'm spitting this out immediately.

Because we're like, what's that taste? There's a hint of something. And then I was the only one who knew exactly what it was. And I was like, yeah, that's vomit. Somebody. It is vomiting. That was it. That's the, uh, chocolate mushroom story, everybody.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You do that? You sickos do that? Once you knew it was vomiting. Getting involved. Someone sent you chocolate? It's for sure what it was.

There was no doubt. And then it was like, ah, fuck. Who wasn't? Which one of you fucking animals did it? They're dead now. Damn, fuck. This is 10 years ago. 12. They're gone.

That's not cool. You and Adam were on vacation together? We would drive from the comedy store later night. Adam would wear a black suit in Joshua Tree. He goes, I don't have time to go home and change. We're like, you're fine. We'd be walking. We'd see a lone car at night, and it was just four dudes walking alone.

At midnight, one of them wearing a suit and just look at the car. And they just drive by. That would keep walking into the woods. The guy in the suit's about to get murdered, for sure. Yes. Adam's like, well, this is, as long as I don't get it dusty. Oh, my gosh. Do you remember we went to Banff in Canada and did mushrooms?

And then there was a moose hiding in the bush. Do you remember that? Yeah. And I was like, I'm going to jump on top of it. Oh, no. That's a bad idea. And I go, no, I think this is a great idea. I think it's a good idea.

And Ari talked me out of it, like a pussy. I think they're, like, pretty territorial about shit like that. I said, I think that. That's just a myth. You wanted to rush that ball? It's cool. It's just a baby bowl. I remember.

I go, it's a tiny one. I can take it. All these people in Colorado will charge elk to get a photo and just get fucking trampled. It's one of the best tramplings. As far as tramplings are concerned, I think it's hippo number one. Hippo steals, huh? Oh, yeah. Chasing boats.

That's a good one. Lena Dunham number two. She's an easy target. And then, yeah, I think that you have. your large land mammals. They're four-legged land mammals. But the most, I'm saying with the most justified,

when somebody's like, hey, you're way too clear. You're not supposed to do that for a selfie, and then when they get hurt, it's like, everyone's like, Lina Dunham, yeah. I have a life you know. You snuck up on it. She booked her. She booked her.

You got to bring her some chocolate. Get her to ease her in. Yeah. Sh, Sh, Leena, Leena. Good time. You disturbed her while she was at Chick-fil-A. That's why.

where else have we got my dad took mushrooms in Amsterdam we all we all took what year maybe I was there this was two years ago oh okay yeah no the embargo had been lifted so I remember my dad eats these mushrooms and he's like

these aren't working and then we take like the Amstale River cruise and it was Christmas time so it's like they have all these light installations and it's very beautiful even if you're not fucking gorked you know and my dad's just sitting there and we're on there with a bunch of Israelis and then me my sister my brother-in-law and my dad

and the Israelis are fucking, you know, what a great language. Israelis. That's the one you want to be ambushed with when you're kind of tripping with your family. You're very alien. And we were, we dumped my mom's ashes in the river.

That was why we went on the boat. Did she ask for this? What's that? Did she ask? No, no. She's long dead. She's long dead. Okay, okay.

I thought you're just trying to make. room for more souvenirs that's right yeah yeah like when you she was a big fat lady and then my dad's not talking and then out of nowhere he just says it's like worthy art the mushrooms are working dad and everything's fine uh i had a very very opposite experience doing shrooms the same river cruise what me and all my irish dublin friends 17 or 18 patty and Ricky and Patty. Again, facts are facts. So it's not a joke if it's true.

So fuck you. Yeah, but we actually, they kicked us off because we were making so much noise on the thing. Did you walk the plane? They just docked somewhere? They just pulled back in, fucking, yeah, and say, get the fuck off. And I remember going,

and I think we're being a bit loud and all my friends are like, no, no, you're supposed to be like. Dude, you know what's bad when column says. For being a little loud here. You got us kicked out of a fucking Uber in Nashville. Did I?

What's your stance on Palestine versus Israel? That was the first thing you said when we got in. I got a know before I tip. I got a know before I tip. I'm not going to give him five stars. That's the first of six questions. And then you kept going, look at this fucking guy. I did?

Yeah. This might have been a blackout collie cocktails time. Collie cocktails rules. Well, at least we have something to talk about in the pod. I'm me getting black out and abuse of to Uber drivers We've got to be more respectful on this cruise, you know, like, why?

Like, there's a guy's about to pour his mom's ashes out Keep it down. Let's do a line of it, mate. Is that considered littering, though? Could you get in trouble for that? No, no, it's composting. Okay, okay. That's natural.

We were helping. I like to think. She's in fucking life. How many, I always wanted, because we got my dad's ashes, but he was six, six. like 280. And it came in like a can about this size.

So I don't think I got all of them. I don't think so. Okay, so they may have sold his ashes to other people. Yeah, well, the fat drips. That's what you got to remember. My dad was, it renders, it renders off. It's a milar reaction. Okay.

So, yeah. You kind of put in one of those solo stoves. Oh, okay. Slow cook them. That's right. Yeah. Slow. Okay.

You need a big bag. As an expert on how to burn people. it's just put it together and let the fat work against each other and it really boils up to nothing. And they also say that you probably have some like other matter that wasn't just your fathers. Yes, I'm assuming.

Because like it's just a big fucking, they just put like eight people in there at once and then split them up. Yeah. I think he was over on this side. You think an employee comes in with like a desk that you can't try out just like burns that with your dad sometimes? That's my dad's Prince Albert right there. Yes. No one will know.

I'll recognize that ring. of course people aren't getting their own ashes no yeah yeah of course not it's a scam I don't even think they're burning them just putting them in a dumpster and just just out of like a wood fireplace wait what is the most popular name in Ireland

Mohammed was that a trick question no because that's what all my right wing friends say Apparently there was a study that said We allowed so many fucking people in That now apparently the most Apparently the most popular

Newborn name in Ireland right now is Muhammad But I don't know if that's true Or if that's just the type of Twitter shit that I read I think it's probably true It's an airport fight Anti-immigrant sentiment from Ireland Yeah Anti-vaccine

Well I declare fatwa Yeah Yeah, what's the most popular name in Ireland? Mick, Sean, something like that. Okay. But I haven't heard that Mohammed is actually on the rise. I just did my, I had my worst bomb in like 10 years in Ireland. I heard, actually.

You heard. Very good. What, someone sent a pigeon? They destroyed, they burnt the stage and respect. They destroyed the venue. Like when there's a massacre takes place and you're not allowed in Pulse Nightclub anymore? The Sam's festival show was our Pulse night. Can you not going to Pulse anymore?

I bet they renamed it. Open it up again. It trickled down to you? You heard about this? What happened? I heard it from Shane Torres. Oh, good. Where was it?

I was in the big tent, and it was Tommy Tiernan, who's like a national treasure, you know? Got an episode coming with Tommy Ternan. He's great. Do you? Great. But it was his crowds. It was a bunch of, like, 60-year-old, like, Irish liberals. Irish retards, yeah.

Potato, potato. I'm sorry, that's insensitive. That's funny. But. You've been sitting on that. Starts crying. We all see the shirt. So, I'm over there

and it's like, I guess the abortion thing was 51-49. Pro-abortion, it just passed. And I had like 15 on abortion. And I opened up for that fucking, you know, Torio Vanzoloni or whatever. He's working for us. Oh, he's Sergio or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. Gorko. whatever it was fucking video. Vito, Manicotti. Something. And that was the night before I opened, the abortion chung, my wife's an abortion provider. It was great.

And then the next night I did, I got like three minutes in and a woman just went, enough! Yes. Yeah, and I was like, it can't be that bad. And then I saw another woman weeping, just like crying. Yeah, yeah.

And she had to be or, you know, she had to be ushered out. And then, and then like six minutes, I kept my head down. I kept doing my stuff. And six years in. Ushered out just like the baby. Yes, exactly.

It's a finest honor you can pay. And nobody yelled, this show is an abortion. That would have been a great... You couldn't save it. Yeah, okay, okay, okay. A woman yelled, stop while you're ahead. And I went, ma'am, I couldn't be less ahead. That's a new moment.

So I get off stage after literally eating it so bad. And I get off and Tommy Tiernan's like, that was just so brave what you did up there. Spano. He's in oasis, is it? Yeah, yeah. Well, Brave's not the term you ever want Your comedy described as

Unless you're a woman No, shout out But he was like, he was just so brave You stuck to your guns And you didn't equivocate You didn't compromise You did what you came to do And you did it exactly

It was just, it was just so great to watch And I was like By order to peekie blindness Yeah And I was like, yeah But I bombed and he went Of course you bombed, yes Okay

But I got him back the next night I went you guys talk funny huh? They were like yes all your women are fat I was so slapping my belly you know shaking keys they gave me yeah they loved it the first woman said to you she said please stop

one one went enough enough I had a head I was bombing my dick off same situation in Ireland in Ireland hoping for someone they all came to see the headliner didn't give a fuck about anyone else and someone early into my set says please leave like in a silence

And so it was just, please leave. And then I did this, which I taught was a great trick. I go, oh, yeah? Clap your hands if you want me to leave. No, you can't do that. Right? And then it was just her. And then I go, clap your hands if you want me to stay. And it was silence.

And then I went, well, I'm staying anyway. Oh, Jesus. You had something. I pushed it. That's as bad as let's see you do better. And then you turn the mic over to somebody. And I've seen people actually do all right. Earthquake berries you.

Yeah. With Greg Sam, I'm like, I'll try it. Let me riff for 25 minutes on anal exams. What's Sinbad doing in Ireland? It's so funny when you don't know someone's cultural shit, you hit their thing that's just way deeper than in your own country. I was doing retard stuff in London. Top secret, good club.

I got the same thing. Move on, guy. Yeah, I hate when they say move on because then you're like, the bit was almost over. But now it feels like I'm following. It would have moved on. I was about to. Yeah, the bit would be over.

I mean, it's not like the bit. goes on forever. Yeah, just do your act. No, this was my act. Yeah. Well, whatever. Fuck the English. The English suck. No one likes the English. They're good at drinking one beer

into daytime. Ale. Oye. Let's just meet up for a drink. You pump ale. Yeah. We'll keep doing the thing and they get it. They do this big perform. Yeah.

You know, it's just like, you just invent a new tap. Come on. This is not. Yeah, they're going to take a lot of pride in like, this place has been open since 1142. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give you the new stuff. I don't want this whole...

How much fucking lead is in the pipes around here. Everywhere in England's always like, this used to be a dungeon for the black plague. Many a child lost their life in here. Have an ale. It's just...

And it tastes like poison. That's what cured the darkness. It might be flat, but at least it's warm. Flat warm beer. At least I can't feel it on my tongue. They have a bud wiser. there. It's Budweiser. Like, no, it's Czech and it's way worse.

Who has the best beer? I mean, Belgium is too strong, but it's good. U.S.A. Irish? Column gave us a tutorial on how to tell the best Guinness one time. Did I? Yeah, we're at a sports bar in Pittsburgh.

Me, you and Nate Marshall. Yeah. And you were telling us about, you have to tell me, but it was all about like the suds and how it's going up and the exact white glass and how much important. It goes, in a place like this, would never have a Guinness. It's just not the right place.

And then Nate's like, got us three Guinnesses. Oh, I remember how disgusting that was. But I'm a bit, I will say, I'm a Guinness snub. Like the way some cunts are with wine or whatever. They won't drink out of a mug. But I'm like, I'm like that way. Like with Guinness, I'm very... You have a very low bar for wine snobbery.

Ah, I drink out of the mug! If you pour it in my hand, I'll say no. Do you ever drink wine out of a mug? It counteracts to fucking... The lack of culture, it kind of makes it more cultural. Who was serving it to you in a mug? I poured my own wine into a fucking mug that said world's best dad that I found on the side of the street.

Number one principle. I think fucking super dry is my... It's the best beer. Super dry is the best beer. This is the Japanese stuff? A good Guinness is really hard to beat. I'm not paying it. It goes so well.

I mean, you find out it's less caloric than other beers. I know it's all makes sense. See, that's only one, a stout is from Ireland, so that's only one. But I guess Germans have all their lagers and pilsners and shit like that. Yeah, but it's all head. You get a beer anywhere in central fucking Europe. It's just all, all phone. Like a subway masturbator.

You want that, you want that pussy at some point. What are you doing here? What the fuck are you? What's a knock gross doing here? Wow. She came back looking for her clothes. He could stop chasing her. Adam!

I booked the mothership Those Austin rules won't fly here I'm from Hungary Let me feel those titties It's our custom What else I like a delirium Tremens That's my favorite

That's a solid one It gets you fucked up though Those nine percenters Disgusting he says Canada has a lot of those nine percenters Triple X is one of those They still serve that in Canada Yeah yeah

Okay He used to drink that a lot. Yeah. I used to go there. Kill maze is a good beer, too. Sorry. Oh, no, go ahead. Oh, no, I was saying we used to go to Canada from Indiana.

We'd drive up, and then we'd go drink at 18. And that's where I punched a woman in the face in a bar. Right. No, my friend's gotten, like, a big brawl, and I went there to, like, break it up, and somebody punched me in the back of the head. You punched around the woman? I just spun around and just punched, and it was a chick. That's very progressive.

Yeah, I know. I told you. That's the day I became a feminist. Yeah. Woke, woke, woke, woke. I did, yeah. I thought to myself, this woman's never been treated equal to a man. And that ends tonight.

Yeah. I was smoking like weird weed in, well, we found real weed in Tokyo. Went to like a weed bar. Legal? No, no, no, no, no, very illegal. He was a local businessman. That was how he described himself. It was just a giant brick of swag.

And he was just fucking breaking off and rolling. Did he have like a cheese knife? was just like cutting some off. It was a katana. Yeah. It was Tokyo. Was he black or white or Asian? It was Tokyo. Okay.

Yeah. Well, I found everywhere the Nigerians are the ones everywhere. No, no. I mean, wherever the Nigerians are. They're selling hash. Tokyo is like an ethno state. Okay. Yeah.

Nice. Again, something that shows up on my feet a lot. There's a lot of white supremacists who really admire what Japan has done. Yeah. I'm serious. They go, look at the lack of crime. Why is that? Because they put them all on a boat and fuck this.

Godzilla was a warning to these people. It was a real... It was a metaphor for it. I got out of the plane and I'm like, I'm here for Mothra. Godzilla, the ultimate wall. So, go ahead. Oh, no, the weed was fun. We were very high.

But then my friend was, he went to, like, one of those THCA places. I think he was just, like, smoking, like, you know, reptile cage cleaner. Yeah, bat salts or whatever. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the drugs in other places you're like, I don't really know what this is. But there's no way of all the drugs. Like, the food that they serve people here is so poisonous.

100%? That the drugs, the legal drugs, must also be fucking made out of just rat poison. You're saying here? Here. Oh, yeah, the pesticides. As a farmer, I guarantee you, there's a lot of pesticides going on. Are you a farmer? Yeah, I grew up on a farm, and a motel.

Steve O'Neill. Oh, and you're cowman. Falconer, falconer, ran a hotel and a farmer. Yeah. The dad was a falconer. He kept it in the house, though. He did. He stole it from the wild.

That's not a falconer. It flew free around the house. They had no mice in the house. And it would perch itself on top of the freezer door. He would claw my eyes. I'd be charged to do my homework. He would scar my back in the way.

That's actually true. I didn't have a popsicle for like three years because the fucking thing was just sitting on top of the freezer door. door. It's so funny to learn an ancient skill like falconry. And then still blow it somehow.

Well, he got a book from the library. That's how he learned falconry. He did, but he only read like three chapters, and then he killed it. He ended up killing it. That was Thanksgiving, didn't it? No, he fed it something that it wasn't supposed to.

And it was just dead. Your sister's ferret? The old falcon. And then we had to bury it because you can't even have like feathers because he'll go to prison. Like, it's a federal... Wait, wait, how did he steal the falcon?

So here's a deal. He got a book on falconry. And then, one day, he just showed up with a baby falcon. And he claims that, like, what a coincidence. They happen to be looking into falconry. And I found this falcon that had fallen out of a nest. So he says. But he also had a ladder in the back of his truck.

So I'm assuming he climbed a tree. We had falcons at the farm that were free And he said that it can't be that way Forever At some point of every someone's life Their father should return home drunk with an animal Well my dad was drunk all day every day So he did, that's exactly, yeah

But imagine you're staying in this roadside motel And you look out your back window And in our backyard is a six-foot-sick maniac Flying a fucking falcon around With a welding glove Not even like a real He had like an old welding glove And he's got like fishing line

Attached to its leg Instead of no equipment None of the real equipment that you need He goes He would tie him to a wire He said that's big falconry Trying to rip you off You can use this stuff

That you buy it TSC That's the tractor supply company Of course And you can go there So as soon as we got done Pregnancy testing cattle We'd come home And he'd take the falcon out

for a spin. Bring the falcon now. Yeah. And then it died. Probably the best thing that happened to that Falcon. It could be a fucking suicide bomber.

No, no. He fed it pork. I guess they're Jewish. I don't know what they spent something. Was he just taking a chance? He had a good diet for it and he goes, let's switch it up. It was, I don't know if the pork was bad.

There was some sort of parasite in it, but, you know. Did you fuck that falcon? Be honest. No, I didn't know. Yeah, I would perch it on my dick. Falcon can eat meat. Yeah, we didn't have a lot of regulation in the house. It was just kind of, uh, do what you want.

Where was? Man, that was a delight. Indiana, Valparaisa. Indiana, Indiana, 1940s. No, no. This is 90s, 2000s. Hell yeah. The hotel was open until 2009.

The Falcon Grave is still there. You can visit it. Yeah. A guy fucked the chicken in one of our rooms, and it became like a big news story. Took some heat off your dad. It took some heat off your dad. Thank God for this. Anything goes with birds.

words over there. I was in Scotland in July with Tom Dustin from Comedy Key West. Oh, nice. Yeah, and he proposed to his lady at a falconry place in Scotland. But so this dude from Zimbabwe, he was like, hello, it's me,

a man who's white from Africa, and Tom Dustin was like South Africa, and he went Zimbabwe, and Tom went, uh-oh. They were the real genocidal maniacs. But, yeah, so they're like, okay, now we have a big show ladies and gentlemen, Douglas, and it's

a little owl, and Tom's like, what the fuck is this? I said it was going to be a falcon, and it's this Douglas, who's just a little blob of an owl, and they're like, okay, Douglas has a special message for Kristen, and so we're just waiting there as they're trying to entice Douglas

to fly over to this woman's wrist. But Douglas isn't fucking moving. So you hear the guy from Zimbabwe being like, come on, Douglas, you're making a fool of a soul. Anytime, Douglas. These people paid for a show, Douglas. Sorry about yesterday. Such a dramatic bitch, Douglas.

Sorry, we're out of corn, but just do it. Well, they had pieces of, like, chicks, like baby chickens that they were just tearing apart to feed the Douglas. Yeah. Putting it on this chick's wrist. Yeah, what do they do, just take a chicken breast to go wear it like a wrist watch. A chicken breast would have been great.

Like, got her, Douglas. Why they just crack open, like to rip a chicken open, like a pistachio? Literally ripping off pieces. of baby chicks and feeding him to this lazy owl. Did he do it? Douglas. Did he do it? What the fuck, Douglas? Yeah. He finally

flew over. And then Tom's wife was like, read the message. He's got a message for you. And she reads it and it says, Kristen, will you marry me? And she goes, yeah. And then she looks down and Tom is on one knee with the ring and she says,

oh, I thought Douglas was proposing. Well, then I got to think about it. But she goes, yes, of course, a million times. I don't know. It's always been you, Douglas. That's great. It's always weird to propose your wife in a foreign country. Oh, you're telling me.

Did you do it? No. Oh, okay. I did it in India. Oh, he's like, you were our telling you. Yeah. I thought it was going to be, like, romantic. Put your arm in that sewer of shit.

Yeah, no, dude. We were both shitting our pants. I thought, and we, there was like no good time to do it. Diarrhea tablet? Yeah, literally. I was, so it was like almost our last fucking day there. And I was like, I got to pull the trigger here. So I was like, we're up in the mountains in like Nani Tall.

That's already bubble butt. And also, what? It was, oh, yeah. Well, dude, we were just, yeah, we were crushed. But there was like a garbage fire and shit that was illuminating the mountains. It was beautiful. It was in its own way, the most beautiful. Yeah.

And I was like, let's go. look at the garbage fire because it looks beautiful. It's like there's two sunsets, honey. But she was like, I don't think we should leave the bathroom. I was like, it's 15 feet, and we'll be back. I guarantee you in like three minutes. So I did it. And I took a knee

and she was like, did you shave your pants? And I was like, yes. Your diary out of the back of your ankle? I did it, but it was memorable, you know? Yeah. Because people are always forgetting the proposals. Don't do that. We bring it up all the time.

You remember like... Don't do it somewhere nice. We both had shit-streaked underwear when you went down. That's beautiful. Yeah. What a nice memory you gave her. Yeah. Yeah.

Our memories are never like romantic. They're always a little extreme. I mean, Indian garbage fire? You're like Yates. You're like some of that garbage could have been ours from yesterday. How did you like India? I loved it, but I wouldn't go back for a whole many years. Because of what you did on the bus?

Well, I went there because my sister-in-law is from India. So we had the best thing ever because her family is rich. So we had like a private driver and stuff. And when you say rich, you mean like $30,000 a year? Yes. Yeah, they got like sports stadiums named after that. Yeah, they only had a couple of things of barbed wire around their home. Dude, you should have brought that falcon to protect your lady.

Oh, nobody bothered, though. What I did like was there's lots of dudes. There'd be like five dudes on a motorcycle. That was what gave me. What, in India? Yeah, five dudes on one motorcycle. I would never go with a girl to India. The only bad stories from India is diarrhea or gang.

Yes. My sister-in-law is their family has like a order. Well, at least I did get beaten with a tire arm, but at least no diarrhea. That's how they smell you down. They go, oh, someone's got diarrhea in time. You're a delight. but we couldn't leave this fort that we went to because it was a town they go

they know Americans are there you can't go outside now and I was like but they're not dudes and they go we don't know we can't be for sure about that it's growing history because sometimes I like to tuck my dick out and walk around the public

you don't want to be patient zero of gang dudes they're like they're just doing butt stuff so anything goes Sam you're just in Paris you drink booze there you drink wine there Yeah, yeah, I did. That's a solid place.

I drank a lot of bojolets there, young wine. I like that. What is that? Is that sweet? It's not very tannic. The veal of wine? That's right. All right.

Yeah, it's like, it hasn't had enough time to develop any real flavor, so it's just cold and vaguely using. Tight and young. Bojolet? Nice and tight, nice tight wine. Oh, that's tight wine. Hairless wine. Oh, that's some innocent wine right there. I like my wine.

Oh, that had so much potential. I went prima nocta on the wine. They're like, this wine's been groomed. groomed on the internet by older wine. These grapes taste afraid. You're sure no one's drank this yet? This is free. This is for you.

You'll be the first. I'm going to get my tongue in there. You know, it's natural to drink young wine. Hey, older man, they often have a taste for young wine. eBay likes it. Egitt. eBay? Oh, yeah, sorry.

Yeah, I guess nobody knows that. That's your nickname, eBay? eBay, yeah. Why? Called him eBay once, I don't know. I thought it was going to be some great, like, a buying a deal. Yeah, it's pretty disappointing when you put it into a... Yeah, put it on her, like, a look at it.

Damn, Egot talked and 12 people left. What are you doing up here? Where's that chick? Does she walk by every hour, or what's the deal here? I was she's up the back there. Oh, okay, okay. She's probably sucking off Josh Adam Myers right now.

While the dog watches. He's seen him? I'm getting a load job. He's fucking sleeveless and he's got like a fucking shifty shell shock haircut. He's a total piece of meat. Yeah. There's a hunk out there.

He's got a dog. HBV's on a run wild this weekend. It looks like rash mouth. I got HBV, but he sang me a little tune. What else? Hold on. Let's see what else we could do in terms of like booze or or some inebriant gone.

Have you guys gone somewhere that the way they don't drink? Ooh. Have you gone somewhere where it's like. Like Saudi Arabia, some shit like that. Mormon wedding. Yeah. No booze. Wow.

Dry counties in Tennessee. How many wives? Sorry? How many wives was he marrying? Just one. One at a time. Make it feel special, right? Is it each wedding?

Does he get a wedding per wife? Ooh, that's horrible. That'll break the back. That would really great. Oh, I get to keep doing this. What do they serve? in lieu of alcohol. Coca Cola.

Arna Palmers. Arnold Palmer's. Oh, okay. Shirley Temple's on tap. They literally had a tap of Shirley Temple. Jesus. Just ever...

The sugar. Oh, yeah. I was sober at O'Neill's wedding and I had to keep asking for non-alcoholics. Because you were playing that... Was it sober October? Yeah.

Yeah, but I did see you drink and I think it was lies. Because they did not have non-alcoholic beer, I specifically said. He asked for a non-alcoholic. I asked. Whatever the guy handed him, that guy handed him. He didn't really rude.

Yeah. Yeah. Give me some of that non-alcoholic fucking whiskey right there. And then he goes, we don't have a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then just bring it. And then whatever he brought. It was non-alcoholic of shit. You were stumbling around, dude.

No, from the carbs. I love not. You're like, give me all the carbs. None of the alcoholic feelings. You grab my wife's boob. I like it. The other one was taken. Margarians were all over that thing.

Sir, I assume this is yours. This is yours. There was a smoking section. a bar in Lubliana, full smoking room in the bar. In where? In Slovenia. Regular fucking smoking room.

It was crazy. I'm shocked that it isn't all smoking. Right. All yes or all no. But I'd never be like, just do it over there. Like an airport with a door. Yeah. One of those grain facilities.

But there's smoking places in New... I smoked in Orlando somewhere recently. Where? At a pulse. It was just an Irish. Oh yeah. I was smoking. Some of those gays are still

flaming. It was full of smoke when you were done in there. I'll tell you what. I didn't have to pay my tab, don't I? Did they really shut down pulse? Is it not? What's there now? It's hardly just like called gravestone or whatever now. It's a new nightclub called gravestone? Maybe, who knows? You know, the gays

are animals. They don't have any respect for their dead. Men's heads are half off. We had, I went to a gay bar in West Hollywood, and they would like serve you a beer and they'd go like that and slam it so it would like bubble up and go over. Like, I get it. It's funny. It's funny. Yeah. But after, like, the fifth one, you're like, it's, stop.

You're wasting my money. You're wasting my money. Was that the one that had a glory hole in the basement in the bathroom? Do you remember that? I was only, I only saw it once in. Okay. Sorry. I didn't know if you had gone there.

Yeah, we saw six coming through, but I don't know if it was a horrible. I only know because Tripoli came up from the basement. He's like, there's a fucking glory hole in there. His jaw was killing them. Yeah. I was on the wrong end. I was on the receiving end. What do you do with a glory hole?

Did you put your cock in there and just wait? Or do you wait for a cod to come through because the pussy can't come through. No, you're putting your cock true to hole. What a trust, what a trust exercise. I think probably the hardest thing is starting a new glory hole because how do you get people to start?

It's like a Shawshank Redemption thing. You have to hang up fires. And then you just sit on the other side with a good book waiting for somebody to just show up. Oh, yeah, like when you walk into a small store and go, blingley. Oh, shit, okay. Put some lipstick on.

Oh, put your cock in. Yeah. Oh, we've got a customer You walk in Back in a five minutes sign You start sucking The guy's like, whoa, I didn't know What's that kind of glory hole

It'd be fun of you put your dick in there And then you pull it out And it's bigger Yeah, that'd be cool Like a Captain America box Or you put your dick in the glory hole And you pull it out And they're just a purple heart attached to it

Glory Yeah, yeah, no, I get it I don't think they did A DVD of the Matthew Broderick movie With Denzel Washington Yeah, they put it on your dick. Yeah, I like the idea of a magical glory hole. You and some other guy both put your dick in different glory holes.

You swap out of these. You swap cocks. Freaky Friday. You're freaky Friday in your cock. I have to go home with a fucking giant five-inch cock. Yeah. But it's circumcised. It'll fucking...

Circumcised. It doesn't smell. It's unbelievable. Oh, she can dream. This is the original plot to pay. Trap. Then Disney goes, all right, guys, I got a couple of notes for you. Just swap it up a bit. You know Walt's dream of going with pornos?

Maybe we should pull that back a little bit. The trap was just the guy's huge foreskin. You lock it in. Yeah, you get trapped. Yeah, you got to cut your way out. Yeah, a Chinese finger trap. Yeah, Chinese finger trap. Foreskin to foreskin.

Oh, shut up, you like it. A little docking. A little docking, never hurt nobody. It probably hurt every single person. That's a myth You know that, right Docking's never hurt anybody Docking, yeah

No, it'll be fine To stretch your dick out around Another guy's I assume it would hurt I don't know I don't think it would be a hoot Yeah But your foreskin has some play

That's a weird You probably don't know Because you guys are all Fucking been butchered By your parents or whatever But I'm a natural man Full man, full man Yeah I always say

You know Why don't you put prizes inside So like a chick pulls it down and Amazon gift card falls out like I think it would do a lot for your

cause people would be like I'd like to suck it on certain see what I did yeah instructions like a kin your circumcision was done by a falcon

I think my dad may have done it at home and then he's like now go spray this roundup we had to spray a lot of roundup and I remember it always blowing back

in our face my brother oddly enough did have cancer so I don't know Did you ever wither any sheep? Oh. Oh, fucking. We would put...

They have a clamp, but you could do a rubber band. We would do the rubber bands. But sometimes, and this sounds bad, but my dad's dead so we could say it. I think they got a little too old. He lost track of them. So we'd put them on, and then they'd walk like all fucking, you know, it's like somebody putting a rubber band around your nuts. Of course.

Yeah. So leave them there? We used to do that a lot. And then when... For what? When the sheep had kids, my brother would be like, come look at the lambs. and then he'd spray me with the tit milk.

Oh, yeah. He'd, like, shoot it out and hit me in the face with this. Yeah, just classic farm fun. Good old classic farm. And then we used to shear sheep, but no one ever taught us how. My dad just goes, here's clippers. It's probably self-explanatory. And then he just sent us out there.

Your dad just lets you watch the movie Barber Show. The same kind of hair. That's what happened to me. Somebody just gave me clippers. I'm like, you got it. Yeah. Same with castrating pigs. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they're tricky, man. You gotta get that pig bat out and fucking whack them on the sound. You have to hold their head between your thighs while someone holds up the rear and then you're gonna make... You get to. It's your pleasure.

I go, can I be the holder again? Sounds like, call them his parents honeymoon. Oh, come, what? Holding a pig's head. Jokes on you, I don't think my dad ever brought her anywhere. Oh. I think she's still waiting for a trip abroad.

Yeah, she has a ticket to Hoth. I've been there. Is that a thing? Honeymoons and other fucking cultures or no? Is it just an American thing? I hope. More American propaganda. I hope there's whimsical adventures

in other cultures. I think most get married and then they're like back to the tailor shop. Back to work. Back to the assembly line. Are there any questions about booze I'm missing that you guys are clearly like in your heads?

Have you been arrested? That's not bad. While traveling, you mean? Yeah. Yeah. From booze. We're going to start here. One of those.

Either one of those. Have you ever gotten in trouble for fucking drugs or alcohol in another place? Yeah, well, Tijuana. Tijuana. We drove there. We graduated and then we drove directly.

Drove from Colorado? Insurance doesn't cover your car if you drive over the border. No, we parked and then we took a bus from San Diego. And then we get down there, and the first thing I did was buy a giant sombrero. To blend it. A.K.A. a target. Yeah.

18 years old When in Rome, buy a sombrero. The one you brought me, it wasn't that big. People were making fun of you. Yeah, they took it at the border. They're like, you call that a sombrero? It wasn't an official of a sombrero. This is a sombrero.

They're like, Unopato, and you're like, it's cool, right? He's like, how many people do you think you could get to dance around that? Four, pussy. You're the fan. This is our first meeting, by the Ryan.

Ryan rules. You guys don't actually get along with a lot. By the way, I've always wanted to meet you. Hey, right back. You know what? I love you, man. I love you, bro. Hey, Brewster, if you're editing this, cut that out.

Yeah, but then we, like, bought Blow at some whore house. Yes. Yes. Good question. We were after the whores. No one got sucked. Oh. We all went in there with, like, $100 in our sock and our IDs, and that's all we brought in.

And my buddy J.R. Were you wearing shorts? I was not wearing shorts. Whoa. Because they could see the $100 through your. Yeah. It wasn't a roll of quarters Yeah, I noticed it before I got my groove back

So I'm wearing pants And yeah And then like we did some of the blow And then the guy who told us the blow was like Let's go get some weeds We walk out and he walked us directly up to two police officers Yeah And it was the four of us

Holy shit No, he was nobody No I mean this umbrella didn't help me court the best people You know He's like your honor He's like hello I'm a American retard everyone.

Oh, nobody thought you were a cartel? They thought it was cart. Watch this guy. They thought it was cart man. Well written. Well written. But yeah, so then I just like, I took out like $40 and was like, and they were like, okay.

And then they pretty much like slapped us on the butt and told us to get back in there. Wow. He goes to go and spend your money. Oh, yeah. I just remember standing on a balcony of a whore house at 18 years old, just looking out my first time ever out of the country. so high on cocaine and it was the saddest I've ever been. Oh, what?

I was like, is this adulthood? I'm not mommy's little boy anymore. Oh, to be young, though. Yeah. Now looking back, that's a fucking good Tuesday. Yeah. You always got to put, like, because I used to go to Mexico a lot. You drive down from Indiana?

No, well, actually, we did, actually. Two spring breaks in a row. When I was 15 and 16, we drove all the way down. But when I lived, since I live in L.A., we used to go down a lot. I mean, my brother-in-law. But the federalis, like, when you're deep in it, they pull you over all the time.

And then you have to have hats and shit to give them. Oh, yeah. We would drive down to you on. That's why I got the sombrero. Yeah, exactly where you go here. We go from La Jolla Comedy Store. We're like, at some point you're drinking, somebody's like, let's go to Mexico.

And it's only, you'll be there in 45 minutes. So it's like, let's go. And O'Neill's like, I have to have a knife if we're going to go. Oh, yeah. That's right. We just raid the condo for a regular kitchen knife. It's like this will do. Oh, I would not. I don't like to go places without a weapon.

Like, when I land, I find a weapon to defend myself in all countries. You've never had to defend yourself. Somebody's trying to kill me in my own neighborhood. Luckily, I had my own weapon. What, your falcon was on you? Igby, eyes. Good question. Excellent question.

Great question. I just feel better going Tijuana with some sort of weaponry. Weapon tree. Weapon tree. And I say milk weird? Yeah, no. I like to put teas on things. Classes it up.

Me too, man. Anybody else question? Ooh, not bad. Yeah, I did so much Mali ketamine Coke and I don't know pill in Berlin and dance for 18 hours. Nice. And then had to take, I went to Norway the next day.

My back seized up and I had to spend three extra days there in a fucking hotel. You dance yourself injured? Yeah, I danced myself. I was like, yeah, but this guy was with it was getting drugs. I didn't even know him. He was just like, he was like, ah, you don't want to speak anything here. I'm like, nah.

He's like, come to the bathroom over and over again. And then he was like, slow down though, right? I'm like, ah. Nice. The Berlin whoremonger told you to slow down? Yeah. That's the sex club. Is that the sex club you went to?

Uh-huh. Yeah. And you didn't go in the basement, though, where like the real... I kept starting to go to the basement and I'd see somebody on their knees fucking blowing a guy. It was Mark Norman. Blowjaps. I was in Berlin with my father, and we were

at a show, and the guy who ran the show was like, you know what you got to do? You've got to go to the sex clubs. Even if you're not going to have sex, he's got to see what it's like. You've got to see. You've got to smell the room. And I was like, I'm here with my dad, and my dad went, let's hear him out. I'm bad. On the next episode of Wonder Years.

You think that remember me? He's like, did you save some of your mom's ashes? You would definitely want to be here. Spread in your cock first. We walk in and when they're like, Mr. Talent, good to see you again. Here's your robe. Do you have your punch card?

So you chew your back out of the sex club? Later. Not fucking, though. Not fucking, not fucking. Waiting in long. No, I was doing that. Yeah, I regret not going to the dungeon. I'll never get back into that club.

It was a slow night, no good DJ, so I got in. I'll never get back in there. Normally, it's just jam-packed? And they look at you and they're like, no. Are there guys, like, camped out waiting to get in? Like, they do for... The line is, it's like an hour long. You're supposed to wear all black to get in,

learn a little bit of German so that you don't seem like a tourist. But then they'll look at you, they go, no. And if you go, come on, they go, you'll never get in here now. Oh, you just have to take it and go. People go on the way to other clubs. Like, let's try, and then move on. What if you bring a lot of women with you? If you're a six-foot-tall trans woman, you're in.

Okay, well, there we go. Yeah, anything gay wearing, like, leather, like, you're in, for sure. Yeah, there's a joke on you then. That's right. Just didn't have the outfit. You know, here's a fun joke you guys can do if you're a big fat person and you're in Germany.

If someone says, donka, you go, no, Shrek, can you point to yourself? They love it. It's going to be spit out by water. The slam dunk every time. Thank you for pouring me some of my own water. That's a good host move.

No, I've never been hot. hospitalized. Who else question? Another question. Oh, well, Cincinnati, Ohio. Oh my God. Hilarities. What a nightmare. Oh, no, Ari's going to piss. Whoa, look at his penis. Dude the backwards, it's moonwalk. You got to moonwalk it. Do this, do the sound talent.

Oh. It's like looking in a mirror. I need to piss. Should I try my bunny hop? I'm sure there's no splash. Here, let me make sure everyone get a view of this. Oh, he's farting now, too. Smells like matzah. Oh. This is what we're fighting for. Your tax dollars at work.

Let me make sure everybody can see. Got a little spotlight on there. That's a lot of piss. All right, chug it, dude. Chug it. His balls are crazy. It's like his dick has two roommates. When he's in Germany and they go,

Donka, he goes, just the balls. always kept on I've learned my lesson oh man well what was the question does anybody want to chug this worst case of diarrhea

worst case of diarrhea oh man Ecuador India for me yeah 100% India was it's got to be India me and mar for me

it was food poisoning and it was barfing and shitting into a whole toilet you have to stand over it and then like put your knees just just piss everywhere You know they have the wet showers?

I was just bending over, puking, and just blowing it out towards the drain. Because there's nothing else I could do. There was something you could do. It's the worst one. You really want to test your fucking impending nuptials, man. You're like, baby, I'm blowing it out both. And she's like, some of there's still shit on the wall. There's still a ring on your finger, too, bitch, all right?

For now. I bought the ring in India because I thought I'd get a good deal. Did you? No, still fairly expensive Oh, it was over $100 You got to get a blood diamond You just go to South Africa I'd be like, how about I just beat the share of you

And give me your diamonds You're like, hey, let me have that one that's smuggled into your asshole right now They do x-rays on those guys sometimes Before they leave, yeah So Ecuador as well That fucking gooey

They gave me the torso What is it? Guinea pig And they gave my wife a leg and they gave the fucking father of the home a leg and then I got the torso and it was like eating a deflated football. It's truly terrible

and the heart was in there they're like, the heart is good. Did you like the meat? I mean, I ate everything on my plate. The cheek, but it's like it's a spayed-out guinea pig and it's like this. And then the cheek is good, but you're eating like it's not like cut off.

It's, you're on it, like biting a guinea pig cheek. How many guinea pig cheeks do you need to eat? Need to? Zero. One two. Line of them. Delicious. Anthony Bourdain said it could save the fucking world. Did you get to pick out your guinea pig like a lobster tank?

No. No. Oh, that one's quick. They just take out a brick. That one looks happy. Yeah. What about, have you eaten dog in China or anything? I might have in East Timor because they said like, what is that?

And they're like, duck. I'm like, duck? Like, no, duck. And I'm like, duck? And I'm like, duck. And I'm like, no, duck. Yeah. And I finally got it.

They were like, oh, no. I'm like, what's that? They go mixed grill. and I'm like, okay. You're like, what's this thing I'm chewing on? Oh, one of those tracking beacons they ejected to a dog? Yeah, I just start beeping in like spots.

I had a fried tarantula, and I wanted to eat a rat in Cambodia. You got to come back on and talk about Cambodia. Yeah, I would love to. I've eaten a lot of bugs. Bugs are good, yeah, you realize that. Crickets in Mexico City. Ants, those ants they have in Ecuador?

The big giant ants. How big are they like this? They're probably like, Like pinky knuckle size? They're big. What do they taste like to you? Really salty. Yeah,

they were very good. They just pop them in a bag. You just eat them like fucking nuts. I would have killed for a bag. Free hand again? It was like a side. What was it like a cider just kind of sprinkled on it? We stayed at a family's home.

We were totally immersed. Yeah, so she made it. And I got very bad diarrhea from drinking some kind of juice. Maybe more. be blackberry juice. I love when you get diarrhea in a foreign country and you're like, what was he?

Like, man, one of nine things. Spin the wheel. Yeah. Yeah, you said some kind of juice. I just, someone offered you juice and you're like, what is this? And they went, uh-huh. Yeah, it was like street juice.

Yeah, street juice. I know what got me sick, though, because there was these fermented peppers. You know when you're taking a chance. Yeah. But I didn't think I was because my brother always said that he used to eat them, but he was also hospitalized once

when he went to India. But he didn't tell me that this time he's not going to eat the peppers. And so... Because last time? Yeah, because I got there a little early. And then when I got there, he goes, don't eat the peppers. I go, I've already been eating them two nights in a row.

And he goes, you're pretty fucked probably. Joe Liss, we were in Ecuador and he came to visit, List and Sarah. And we were like, hey, you have to boil your water. Like, if it's not a bottle, you have to. I'm like, okay. And then he just didn't take it to heart. We'd have been there longer. And he, like, warmed up some water for tea.

And then he took, like, two steps. Like, oh, I wonder, does it have to actually be boiling? And he's like, maybe I'll stop. Too late. We drove two hours back. He stopped every six minutes at a gas station. Because I know you're going to think I'm joking. You have to pull over again.

Jesus. Fucking Ecuadorian gas station. You got a piss. We'll wrap this up. I just like have diarrhea often too. Well, there's that too. So it's like, is it more because I'm here? That is funny.

Because, yeah, I get, yeah, in America, I've got obviously more than anywhere else. So, yeah, I think we are third world country. tree with food sometimes. Before I go, go ahead, all right, go pitch your pants. Fill the bottle, Carl. They're all full of water. It's the local custom. No, I can't. You can't because you won't. No, I won't. I will

like that. Hey, that could, yeah, don't do it in that cam. It'll circle-sized. Too bad you're not circumcised. Well, he's already done this. Let's wrap this up. Before we go, I like to ask people if they have any travel tips and what countries you want to visit, like what's on their mind. But any basic or general travel tips? Yeah, take the bus, take the train. And also, If you're in Europe, get a small beer.

I think getting the small beer is such a class move, because if you get the big beer, it gets hot quick and it's mostly foam. But if you get the little beer, it's actually beer, and you can kind of pace yourself as you go. Keep getting new ones. Yeah, just keep getting new beers. Solid tip.

It is a great thing. Even for high school kids here, the 40 ounces. Overrated. Overrated, yeah. You don't need duct tape to enjoy your night. Get 412. Get 312s. Yeah.

You got one, Ryan? Man, just fucking get out of the tourist sections. Go to the local towns, and that's it. I mean, I will counter you by saying if you do go to a big city, do the hop-on, hop-us thing when you get there, that bus. Because you're going to see the entire fucking city in like four hours, and then you can be like, oh, I want to go there, I want to go to this place, and you kind of like check every box,

and you think that you're being a fucking lazy tourist, but really you're just like, you know, cheating a little bit. Yeah, and you're also in the safety of a bus, so you can sort of look at it all without being like, Oh, fuck, I'm at Merth. This is a bad neighborhood. Right. And then you can also see cool people on the bus

and be like, well, that guy's got dreadlocks. I can go talk to him. Yeah. Yeah. Also go to the places that, like, there's so many cheap places. Like, I'm going to Poland, specifically just because it's fucking way cheaper than the rest of Europe. And it's going to be, I've heard it's all. Have you been to Poland?

No, no, but I love the history. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They have this one spot where they've done good work. They've done good work for the world. I can't believe they closed it down Some people say let's reopen it

It was one of the most successful factories of all times So successful that they're like We've done our work Here's your pension and severance package You can quit now Also don't be afraid to look like a complete fucking idiot Because you're gonna look stupid And don't try to speak the language

Or learn just a little bit Yeah I would say try to speak the language I like to walk in in Paris and go Bonjour to everyone in there and then I'll be like Pue ja vu a croissant and then they're like

all right what the fuck do you want but if you walk in and you're like can I have a croissant please they're like ooh but if you walk in and you're just a cartoon they're like oh you're fucking trying I was in Paris and I learned that same Puezreau please may I have

and then somebody who like really with the language is like that's actually very formal and I'm like fuck off right I'm trying I got it they know what I'm saying that's pretty good what do you want to go what's calling you next.

By the way, those cheap countries make it a just different experience. Where you're just like, nothing costs anything here, let's just have fun. Ecuador's great, the $2.50 lunches. They're so good. The food is always better.

The food is always better than the real touristy spots. It takes longer. Why is it taking so long? We're making it. Yeah, you have to wake somebody up. Who's sleeping like, it's attached to a house. I want to go to Altony, Kazakhstan. I want to go to the capital of Kazakhstan

because it was Russian-owned and then it was Turkey. own and then it was like Chinese owned. And they have all this confluence of fucking different architectural types. But there's fusion food too that it's like all those. That'd be great. That's a cool one. What do you got?

Where do you want to go? Where do I want to go? Dallas. Dallas? Dallas Improv. I'm just looking to get a book. What about you? I want to go Poland and then I want to go to Argentina next year. I'll be the next

year. Come visit me. Okay. Are you living there? Poland's great. People sleep I'm Poland. Poland's gray. Have you, you've been? Yeah, we've been to crack now. We've got to talk Ty. Been to Auschwitz. Yeah. Don't do it like that.

Did you take any cool photos? Like, yeah. I go, this doesn't make sense. None of this makes sense. The whole time we go, how many? Yeah, right. My dream is to go where they have all the shoes. I got, where did you put these six million, huh?

Show me. Did you go to the shoe bin where they have all the shoes? I went to the shoe museum. Yeah. Do they have any 11 and a halfs? They got a lot of that. They're like, what a waste. I'd love to wear these.

11 of Chuck Taylor. You know what they say? Good enough for Jews, good enough for yous. Yeah. They say that. I've seen the bumper stickers. In Philly. Argentina?

I want to go, yeah. I'm going to go. You're moving there? No, I'm just going to go through. They have a great comedy scene. Yeah. Are you going for revenge? That's where they all went, right?

Yeah. Are you hunting? Nazi hunting. We had a Nazi hunter, speak at my school once. He caught one of the bad ones. He caught one of the bad ones. in Argentina.

Not one of the good Nazis? One of the upper level ones. Those guys that weren't for NASA. Not one of the ones who's like, guys, I don't think we should do this, but I'm going to go ahead. Let's hear him out. I'm in trouble for seeking them food.

Do we have any objections? Yeah. Maybe just sterilization. Did he say what he did to him? No, but they all called. They all learned the local accents and like embed themselves so they found this guy and made sure. And they like put a hood over his head

and threw him in a van. They were like the Donnie Brasco of fucking Nazi hunters. And he goes, he was like, who got me? And they go, in their accent, they go, who do you think? And he was like, Israel. Feldstein. Israelis? And they're like, yeah.

Wow. And that's it, they hung him. But I tell you what, that Nazi village in Argentina is probably the best. The best Christmas market. The best, best, yeah, Bratwurst. Yeah, best Viener Schnitzel. It's just the best everything. It's efficient.

They know how to repair Volkswagen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The master of disguises. Everybody's driving Mercedes. It's nice. Yeah. Well, guys, I think it's time to wrap this up. Columtero.

Thank you. Thank you. From the Columtero podcast? From the Columtero podcast. Ryan O'Neill. What are you doing now? Ryan O'Neill. I got a podcast called SlopQuest. Really?

Yeah. Take a look at it. Are you still doing Beach Cups? Nope. It's now Slop Quest. Okay, great. Guys, check that out for sure. And Sam Talent is a travel-related show.

What's it called? like a wide world wide world with sam talent i saw the first episode and a half and they're great thank you um samtallant dot com for live dates you guys all both got to come back in the podcast you've been on you'll be back and uh guys thank you very much have a good night everybody thank you guys appreciate it okay guys we're back hey hey everybody hold on oh yeah it's just me ryan o'neal sorry i didn't know if you could recognize me setting up in a new location a rjafir here thank you for watching the episode ryan uh make sure watch his podcast or listen SlopQuest.

Slop quest with DeWitt. Yeah, you can check it out on Spotify, iTunes. You can watch it on YouTube, but they shadow ban us because we opened a little too hot every time. Okay, wait, hold on. This is this guy. This is him. Oh, why don't we do it with this guy then? La Gloria de Cristobal, Tupac Amaru, National Bustad de Lerabiano.

So this is 1780. So that was after the Inkers are gone, right? Yes. So this has to be Tupac the second. When were the Inca's gone? They would have said Tupac the second. Wouldn't they have? Wait, is this, is this his birthday?

Was he only 15? Or is this the Revolutionary date? The Revolution, I think, was that. And that's him. Go ahead and pick his nose a little bit. God damn, he's a handsome man. He really is a handsome man. He's a kind of guy you just want to, like, hold you.

I wish, do you want to kiss him on the lips? No. I mean, yes, but. Might be disrespectful. Okay. There we go. Boom. How's that?

Look at that hair, man. Beautiful hair. Okay. We're talking about coming in hot. for watching. I'm not sure watch SlopQuest. Check out Ryan O'Neill

on YouTube. A little bit. Instagram. Instagram. Instagram. At Ryan O'Neill Comedy. At Ryan O'Neill comedy.

It's O'Neill's O'N-E-I-L. Okay. Talk about coming in hot. Yeah, this episode, it came in a little hot. Oh, do you want to tell you about... The episode we were doing. Give me another time. Okay, so I recently was a panelist

on the Kill Tony program. Oh, yeah. It's an up-and-coming new show for Hot Young, Comedians. Yeah. And then I came in real hot. Real hot.

And they had to cut all of it out. No, they cut that out. Yeah. They cut all that talk about whatever. Yeah, yeah. They cut all that heat. Yeah, but it was great. The crowd was, I thought it was, everyone was dying.

He was embarrassed. Yeah, and then it was like, we're cutting all of it. No way. Did they really end up cutting it out? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Redmond was pissed.

He's like, I got to fucking cut all this out. Oh, it was really like annoying. Every time I got my dick out, he's like, all right, I can't blur, I can't blur video. only pictures um you should just get a pixelated thing that you can put on your dick but then the crowd won't see my dick okay yeah well there we go i sorry guys you got to see that cock um yeah i remember when i did a uh uh nerdist what was it meltdown yeah yeah did it twice one was that where you cocked brodie no that was at the comedy store oh yeah no no no you did one where you came out on stage naked?

No, not a, not a, the nerdist thing. After Brody. And Andy Kindler came out. No, that was, that was, the M-Barr. Got it, okay. This is at midnight. Oh, yes. You helped me write for it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I came out with an abortion joke out of the game. And Rob Riggle goes, come on, man, which is the first joke. Like, he literally goes, come on, man. They ended up banding me from that show for one of my fucking many, uh, cancelings. And they were like, the guy put his foot down. never booked that guy again. And I'm like, well, I won. Dude, I do remember that.

But that's what, but my thing is like, you always got to come out hot, right? Come out hot. Yeah. And I don't. And Hardwick, every time I would do it, because Hardwick's a great guy. Yeah. But he's also like, clean, you know. And so he's like, oh, come on, man. But the crowd laughed points. I think that's the best. Yeah. I don't know. I, because my threshold for what I think, I don't think I'm coming out hot. Yeah, I know. It's just an abortion joke. I didn't realize the crowd needs to be like a dead baby joke yeah but i came out you're like save that story for like 30 minutes in and i was like i and i just go wait i think you should just do it right now it was something about throwing money at hookers and it was a lot of so then you're like god just too much too soon

so i think i said hopefully they all leave this in but i hope i said i think i said cut that cut that yeah unlike tony i don't mean it which would be the worst they cut all that stuff because personal. It was personal about the past. He doesn't want that coming out. But I was like, I got to open with something. What do we all share? Yeah.

Share one thing. Check out right or Neil. Also, Sam Talent. Go to Sam Talent. com for his tour dates. He'll be in Tremonium, Maryland, Denver, Colorado, San Diego, Portland, Cincinnati, Baton Rouge, Lafayette, Louisiana. Check out his book.

One of the best guys running the light. Best guys. Best comics. Literally one of the, yeah, one of the nicest guys, but also one of the absolute funniest guys work. working today. Yeah. He really is.

He's like, if you're like, I want to meet an ideal comic, it's him. I met him in Milwaukee for the first time. Yeah, I was doing a show. They put it, they had him open for me at some like, I was like the last day of a festival, but I was just part of my tour. Yeah. And he opened for me. And I'm like, dude, like, he, I call Comedy Central.

There was an old network called Comedy Central. Oh, what here was that, the 1970s? And I was like, do you know about, if you're looking for new faces, that's, that's the guy. And they're like, no, we know, we know he is. Yeah, we know he is. We're not going to do anything with him. Which is probably smart. So he loses 200 pounds.

He goes, I'll gain 70. I'll show you. Which is pretty smart, though, on his part because now Comedy Central doesn't exist. Yeah. He does his own thing. I have a show on there on Paramount Plus. You're moving up in the world. Did not get any of that.

That is creepy. Check him out on at Columterill at YouTube, Instagram. Valerious guy. If you catch him at 9 p.m., he'll turn into Collie Cockley Cocktail. Oh, you got to get a collie cocktails. He might have been collie cocktails in this podcast. He turned. I saw him turn.

You can watch him turn live. Really? New Brunswick, New Jersey, and Rosemont, Illinois. Get him at Columteril Tour.com. You can see him touring. Yeah. And at some point, he just becomes a different guy. That was-Colty cocktails.

Was it later that night when the ambulance got called at Skank Fest because he was passed out and puking? Yeah. No, they called it on him? They called it on him? I thought they called him someone else. And then the two. And then he goes, You might want to check on me too.

This guy's more important. He goes, that other guy's just puked a little bit. This guy's like, he might die. I thought they called it on him, and he's like, I'm fine. I thought he said, his column goes for it on Skangfest. I think he goes for it on a Wednesday in his regular house. Today's episode is produced by your mom's house network, sort of, but also guest digital.

Produced by really Alan Caffey, if any of this was viewable or listenable, that is because of the hard efforts of Alecalfi saving this so here we are London England beautiful beautiful London England I mean really it's like a cloudy day the mountain favelas of London angeles over there you as you're used to some of the great architecture that the British have brought to us one Batista Tupac Amaru and I don't know who these are the other there's oh there's two Tupac's right there. Julian Tupac Katari.

Oh, wait, there's... Diego, Cristobal, Tupac Amaru. How about, uh... Wait, that must be Tupac one. Hippolito Tupac. What? Hippolito Tupac. There's another Tupac Aramaru.

Yeah. And Cecilia, Tupac Mru, that was the old stashu. No, maybe Cecilia, I don't know. I really like that you've done your research on this. I think it brings an authenticity to the show that you're not going to get anywhere else. anyway guys please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening oh i forgot to zoom out please subscribe wherever you're watching you're listening uh and go to the uh instagram account um at you be tripping pod uh go ahead and get some merch or maybe just stick a sticker up there

on his on the statue yeah it could be uh yeah probably quite disrespectful i'm gonna put up a sticker um get your stickers put them up in foreign crazy places you guys Um, wherever you are or, or, or whatever, um, rep, do you be tripping? Are you going to put it on the statue? I don't know. Because there's a police officer there and I want to film you, I want to film you getting arrested. Um, let me get a wide angle here. Where's a cop?

Oh, there was one standing right. Oh, there's some over there. Anyway, um, subscribe. be watching and what was it going to say and if you put up a sticker somewhere please tag the ubi tripping pod instagram account um with like a wide and a tight and um honestly if you find one of the ones that i put up in the wild um i will give you two free tickets for the first one to find it to any show that i tour in 2027 what's the coolest place someone's put a sticker um so far i've been gone so i haven't seen what they've done i put up one on the tallest Mayan ruin okay uh that's

top on some scaffolding at the top of the tolerance in the Mayan area. I'll definitely we got to put one on Machu Picchu. Oh my yeah somewhere in Machu Picchu. Do you know what is on a sign out there when we uh like like stickers somewhere I'll just add it when we used to do Bonar City we had stickers we had a lot of military guys yeah so they would put Bonar City stickers on missiles yeah on like on jets yeah which you think how crazy crazy is that? Boner City stickers where the guy, the last thing people see

coming out of is Boner City, U.S. Let's now get out of here. Yeah, it's a good idea. Yeah, so they go wide and a tight. There you go. Anyway, the ultimate disrespect of a hero.

I drove off the Spanish. What are you going to do? Can't drive off the Americans. No one drives off the Americans. We've just colonized with stickers. All right, guys, that's it. Next week, Danny Brown comes on the podcast

Talk about Barcelona and just music festivals in general He's got a new album out It's out I think right now actually You could all check out Because it's fucking killer It's so fucking good And if you like this episode I'll be on two more upcoming episodes

You got two more Yeah one on Cambodia and one on the bus tour With Column again and Renazzi Guys when you do it up on Buckfest Yeah, it was, I don't even know what to make of that one, but you told me to listen to it to cut out all of these things. Okay, okay. All right, bye, bye guys.