You Be Trippin' - Touring America w/ Steve Rannazzisi, Ryan O'neill & Colum Tyrrell | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

Follow Steve on Instagram here: http://instagram.com/steverannazzisi/ Follow Ryan on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/ryanoneillcomedy/ Follow Colum on Instagram here: http://instagram.com/columtyrrell/ SPONSORS: -Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @‌MUDWTR with code TRIPPIN at https://mudwtr.com/TRIPPIN ! #mudwtrpod -For a limited time, our listeners get 50% off FOR LIFE, Free Shipping, AND 3 Free Gifts at Mars Men at https://Mengotomars.com On this episode of You Be Trippin, Ari Shaffir is joined by Colum Tyrrell, Ryan O'Neill, and Steve Rannazzisi to talk about being on the road together.They get into the reality of touring—good shows, bad shows, long travel days, and the small stuff that starts to get to you after a while. There’s a story about Ari’s worst heckler (who ends up apologizing), what shows actually stood out, and how the dynamic shifts when you’re around the same people nonstop. You Be Trippin' Ep. 118 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://arishaffir.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:06:20 - Going On The Road 00:20:35 - Lighting Poop On Fire 00:29:22 - Colum Got Robbed By A Prostitute 00:36:15 - Tour Bus Necessities 00:38:28 - Sleeping On The Bus 00:56:46 - Buccees Praise 01:15:13 - Angry Lesbians In Madison 01:19:31 - Ari's Bus VS Berts Bus 01:27:49 - Colly Cocktails Persona 01:30:33 - Stealing Supplies For The Tour 01:50:32 - Losing a Passport 01:53:00 - Two Day Coke Binge 02:04:37 - Touring In Lexington 02:08:38 - Colum Farts Pt. 2 02:13:43 - Bombing On Tour 02:21:28 - The Favorite Shows 02:25:56 - Homeless Guys Poop Fires 02:46:39 - Seeing The Eclipse On Tour 02:48:22 - Making Fun Of Elvis in Graceland 02:53:42 - Final Memories Of The Tour 02:58:13 - Outro Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Look at the bus. The boss, dude. Wait, this, this is entering for the very first time? This is entering for the very first time. This was in, we, we. Omaha. Omaha. With the statue we never got to of Chef Boyardee.

Well, this was Halloween, too. Halloween. We landed on Halloween. The first show was the next night, but we wanted to get, you know, the boss. And we're like, let's start in a place we've never got. When Omaha, we always go way, way out of town to the, to the, what is it? No, the Funny Bone. Funny Bone, yeah.

Yes. And it's fine. It's a great club, but it's like we're not, we've never been to downtown Omaha. Also, you guys, we found those parking meter guys who decided. Hold on. Pause. Where you've been and where you're going. This is our race travel show.

Yeah. We're going to talk about travel today. It's you. Yeah. Welcome to Hubey Trippin, everybody. It's a travel podcast every week. It's a different place we're going. Today is a theme episode.

It's tour buses. This is My guest today are Ryan O'Neill Longth of the Pride of Valparaiso The American Rattlesnake himself I like that Steve Renazisi American hero

American treasure There was also a guy in the league whose first name was actually Kevin Kevin That was my name Was there a real guy named Kevin? No Was there a real guy named? Was the character named Steve?

No, there was no affiliations with any of his names. I went into somebody's green room once. Oh, that's your big day. It was big day. Yeah, yeah, different thing. And if somebody had either your real name as his character name. Ari. There was someone named Ari.

I think you went into that. No, no, no, no. It was that guy from like, watch our first step. It's a doozy. Oh. Oh, you're talking about Ned Needlehead. Kurt Fuller. Right?

Yeah. No, no. Who's the other guy? Watch that first step. It's a doozy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Needlehead Ned. Yes.

fucking Groundhog Day. So why? So he had to start a pod here. His name was Steve and I walked into his green room, his whatever. And he was like, can I help you? I'm like, who are you? Yeah. Stephen Tobolowski.

Yes, I knew. I was like racking my brain. Yes. You walked into Stephen Tobolowski's dressing room that they put, this is how little Ari knew about the business. He thought they put your real name on the fucking doors. You know, because any psycho wants to just go in and kill someone. Honestly, that's what I still think.

Yeah. So what do they put your character name on? Character name. Yeah. So you got to walk into the. Grinch's green room. So I go in a Kevin. I know which one's mine.

It just says rapist number two. Literally, dude. Black mugger. And the final member of these tours is the pride of Ireland. Actually, the shame of Ireland. They shipped him off to another country. You are. Embarrassment of Ireland.

He's the number one guy trying to make a name for Irish comedians. He's the king of the whites. All the other ones just go over to fucking over the pond or the country that fucking demoralized them. Pussies go to the easy leagues. Yeah. Sorry. He came here. Call him Tyrell.

Call him Tyrell. Do you know how long it took me to learn how to say his name on stage? Turrell. He kept saying, no, it took me like a week. Yeah. I kept column, call him. Terrell? Terrell, yeah.

Yeah, that's what I call him. That's wrong, but I don't correct you. Yeah, like you can say Ran Azizzi the right way. I can say ran as easy. You just, I can't repeat it. Ran Azizzi is like an easy. There's a lot of guinea names that I refuse to learn. It's just like, you know, I got to the age of like 15 when I were ever hearing these names.

I do have a kind of like if I didn't learn your name as a child, your name is not, I'm not learning. It was Patrice O'Neill with the roast of what just like I'm not learning other dumb white guy's name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anthony, whatever, who gives a funny. I learned Gallivanacchus and that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Um, okay.

Great. So let's do this. We, this is about tour bus life and our tour in general. And there was two tours. Two tours. Yes. Tour of duties. Yeah.

You and you got called back up. I got called back up to the second tour. Yeah. Ryan. He did two tours. There's two tours on the bus. Ryan did two tours. I did the first leg of the tour.

First full leg. Yeah, it was like two and a half weeks in November. You got PTSD. And then I was like, that's enough for me. Steve did it for it's like, hey guys, for all time's sake, why don't we all? Well, we always talked about doing that sort of boss sort of situation going across country. We even talked about doing Canada, like going across that might be a fun way. But yeah, once you brought it to me and I was like, oh, absolutely, dude.

I would definitely How did you do And a half This is a long time For me to It's a long time How did you decide Who to choose to go on there?

Why don't you tell us All the people you didn't Yeah I would like to go You asked before us Can I also just say It was probably Very close to the time Of the tour

By the time you really thought about it And it was like Well he's already Texting us Seriously Believe it or not I got a text like in June That we were going in November

Yeah Because you were the only one That's like No offense To the other two No no no Offend away. Offend away.

You have a legitimate career. Wow. So I knew you to take time out of your career. That was actually. I am offended, actually. Well, lucky enough, it ain't that great. That was worse than I ever imagined. Well, surprisingly enough, it ain't that great that I didn't have two and a half weeks off in the middle of November.

So I wasn't booked. I was like gladly I'll jump on board your bus. I'd be honest with you. Not having a career is opened up the world to many adventures. I would be like, are you available tomorrow? I'm like, I'm like, I got to get somebody

and they're like, oh, fuck. Hey, you free? Katie Perry got sick and O'Neill's going up on that fucking spaceship. They're like, we need a backup dancer. I'm available.

Just so you know I was busy but I was able to reschedule the side sped. Can you be honest? Like you might have, you might have asked him first before you ask me. No. Maybe. No.

Okay. He asked me and I rang up the dumb checks that I do comedy in. I put a bus on my vision board and I thought I was going to get a job as a driver. Instead, I got on the bus. So we hung out, this was the first night in Omaha. Did we get that sick pad or was that somewhere else? No, no, that was raoul.

No, we would say the hotel. Stay in the hotel. Yes, because the bus showed up to the hotel. That night we went out. We met those crazy guys. They were parking attendants that were working. It's that rapper shit. Yes, and they made you go look for a liquor.

We went to search for 1987 or 37. It was some sort of 1482. Coneyac or something, but we went every. rapper shit. I was like, what is that? It's that rapper shit. They just kept saying it's that rapper shit over and over again. And they were kind enough to take time out of their shift, which was currently happening. Oh, absolutely.

To get fucked up, smoke weed. Smoke weed in their uniform. Patrolling the streets of Omaha. And the one guy goes, I don't give a fuck about this job. What are you talking about? This is Omaha. I know I was there, but so we came out. Did these locals that you meant? Just some locals giving tickets. We're like, how are you guys doing?

They're like, oh, what are you filming? Tickets to work. They're like, you know, parking. They were parking like, you know, like the meter made. Enforcement. Okay. We saw Warren Buffett come out of a bar, waste. Came out of McDonald's. Charlie Munger was sucking his dick before he died.

I was like to say to the listeners and the watchers, if the out of focus that I'm sure is happening, you're just going to deal with it. All right. Go ahead. We didn't know what to do what. Oh, we don't know what to do like as far as like, it was Halloween. So we're like, where do we go? And we kind of asked them.

And they were like, oh, they just took us on an adventure. We really never ended up. We found a, we found a speakeasy? We did at the end. Yes. They told it. They brought us to a speakeasy. And they're like,

Mike Knight aren't allowed in here, but you guys go have a good time. We already found their, we procured their liquor, their coniac that they wanted, and then we went to that, it was like a side door. It was a liquor store and then the one shelf open.

So was this like a ghetto kind of speakeasy? Where it's like in the legal situation? Or this was like, yeah. It's like New York speakeasy. Yeah, like it's cost playing type thing. I'm like,

but booze is legal. I know. Yeah, it's just a game we play. I got a picture for the one we went to in Kansas City, but we'll get to that later on. Okay. That's pretty cool.

Oh, yeah, that place. Did you have to rule? We had, not going to fake wall to get in, yeah. Yeah, like a shelf opened up or turned around. Yeah, they open up the little hatch on the wall and go, what's the password? And it's like, well, it says purple right here. It says the password. It says it on the door, actually.

And I don't know what the password is. Like, just read the instructions below there. Is there one at Austin? Like, how do you get in there? Like, here's the password. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stupid. It defeats the, was it.

It's like, you can only get there with the password here. And they're like, make sure. Yeah. We get that back on the way out. key to the bathroom. This is where we met our driver. We met our driver. The legend.

Paul. Paul. And I begged for Paul to come back. He was requesting us because we were, we were assholes. We were the best he's ever had. Great. Yeah, we didn't know what to expect because, again, we had never done a tour bus, but also we had never done, like, dealt with a tour bus driver. Who was essentially, like, living with us for the time that we were on the bus, you know?

Yeah. So we didn't know, like, could we behave the way we normally? I mean, I don't know. We didn't know if it was cool or not. Yeah, we have like, yeah, like any, like, can we do what we want to do? And then once, like, I think it was like the first or second day. Like, whatever, dude, like, you know, like, the stuff that we want to do. Comedians are losers.

If we watch the NFL and perhaps a player doesn't perform up to our standards. And maybe this player isn't exactly the same as us. Sure. Can we, can we yell at them the way we want to yell at them? If the Eagles don't cover the spread. Exactly. If I stub my toe. Yes.

If there's traffic, if the cheeseburger's wrong. Anyway. What kind of words can we say in front of the house? And then he explained to us that he, who he's been with, like different rappers and stuff that he's been with. And we're like, oh, this is absolutely fine. Some rapper. Let's not say names going to want to get Paul in trouble. Yeah.

Because he was loose lip. Yeah. But I love whenever you go to a green room, there's shit in another comic and you're like, loud and clear. You don't do anything that you will notice. He goes, somebody was like, I'm done with this. It was a country music guy. Was it really? Yeah.

And he goes, drop her off on the side of the highway. And he had to be like, buddy, no way. He goes, I won't do it. And he goes, I said drop her off. And he goes, we're not doing it. So we're going to drop her off at a truck stop. Truck stop. So I can't become a hooker like the rest of them.

Explain it to the people. So you go to a bus company. You go, I'm not going to be on tour. Then they'll supply the bus and choose the type of buses. I think I ran it by you two. Yeah. Yeah, I think you, I mean, yeah, you sent me to pick sure the bus and I was like here the options the second time you go and I'm a I'm a cheap guy so I

always go you got to go with the cheapest one and you're like no well why wouldn't we go with the brand new one I go because it's way more he goes it doesn't matter and I go then let's go with I mean it was a great bus well the second one they had this thing of like well this one doesn't have a shower and I'm like well we're not allowed to shower in it we did the other one have the shower just a waste space just a waste of you never used it once we never even really went in there I think it was like a legit roadie tour it that's where you fuck chicks. Ah, it's a fuck room.

The fuck shower. Maybe yeah, then you just get rid of evidence with the water. Because you know, I get rid of evidence with the water. Paul explains like this is not, this is like water that I pick up along the way.

This is not like fresh water. Sure. This is like, he said it's been sitting in those bottom of the thing. So you're not going to, don't even brush your teeth with this shit. Like we use bottle water. Don't worry about it.

I wasn't your teeth. I'm not brush my teeth. I didn't even bring my toothbrush. I'm on tour. I'm Irish. So, so day. Go ahead.

Go ahead. No, I was going to say. And then he was like, don't. So if you had known that, that you're never even going to use the, you get the one without the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah.

So you rent the tour. So this guy's job is pretty much just as he drives tour buses around. And he just gets picked up by random bands. Sometimes for months. So what happened after these shows is they would bring groupies on the bus. And he's driving down a highway to the next city. And there's these young girls making mistakes. So pretty much he just chaperones,

uh, foolish girls around. Yeah. And then at one point, suddenly one guy knocks on the door and goes, hey, we need to get rid of one of these girls. She's annoying. And he goes, pull over right now on the highway. If they fuck enough, they change her name. So Wiz Khalifa, fuck this one chick like seven times and she had to change her name. Her name was Mia.

Kalifa. Yeah, she had changed her name as Mia Khalifa. Sure. Yeah. It was his wife. Did I rid of the joke? Is this a whole joke? I thought you fucked up.

I thought you was an idiot telling the damn story. You're like, nope, that's it. That's the joke. Yeah, so Paul, I love them. Yeah, I love them too. He gave us the rules, which I'm glad we, he did. Remember, I don't know, did he do the same thing with you? He was like, look, if we stop at a restroom and someone gets out, put something on the seat.

Oh, so that we don't forget someone at the, like, if I go to take a piss and I'm gassing up, whatever. He goes, I don't go back there and look. I just go. Because we would go. It would be like 2 a.m. and we're like, we're going to go to bed. Paul would show up at 3 a.m. to just drive us and we'd wake up in a completely different. city and state. Yeah, most times we would

stop, we would end the show, we would hang out there and then just go to sleep on the boss and then yeah, he would show up. The options are for tour bus either. You can leave whatever time you want. Shows let's say 8 to 945, so we can leave at 10.30, we can get out of there, leave at 1030 or, and that's what we did in Minneapolis, where it's like, we can make it to

Chicago and go out in Chicago tonight if we leave right now. Yeah. Or leave any time you want. We can leave in the morning. Do you know why we, do you remember why we left Minneapolis pretty quickly? I do. That was like there's a guy using, and I was like, oh, I don't know if tour bus life is for me dude we backed up to the like we were in

we're parked on the side of the page right next to the theater and it was we saw like three or four full blown drug no that guy was using the bus as a shield yes drug and he sold all that because I watch him out of the window all day I don't know because I got worried

no I was afraid I think I might but I'm like you guys are in the belly of the east that's George Floydland dude you were you were surrounded by George Floyd I'm like we're up in Minnesota what's What's going to happen here? Drugs everywhere.

I let the merch boy, I help the merch boy carry the merch stuff in. And as soon as they opened the front doors, five homeless guys had to be like a lion tamer with chairs, pushed back out the door. It was crazy. Yeah, they're like zombies, right? And I go out there.

I live in a shithole too. I live in L.A. And we have homeless people, but nothing was like these cold homeless people. Because really, also, that was our first stop where we woke up. We were there. We were like, okay, great. We're going to go into the theater and use the,

bathroom, take a shit because you can't shit on the bus, right? Sure. But then you didn't realize you're going to have to go through like zombie apocalypse to get to the theater to inside, to just safety to take a shit. Like I didn't, I don't want to be jostled before I have to take my, my mom. That helps me, Sean. I need a jostling. Oh, I guess.

Hi, guys. Ari Javier here, breaking in to tell you a little about today's guests, Steve Renazisi, Ryan O'Neill, and Collum Terrell. They're all great comedians, all great friends of mine. They're great on a podcast and in a bus hang situation. Steve Renazizi, you can find him on Instagram at Steve Renazisi That's at S-E-E-V-E-R-A-N-N-A-Z-Z-Z-I-S-I.

He's also on YouTube, the same thing. YouTube.com slash at Steve Renazisi. Follow him, he's putting clips up all the time. Steve Rules, one of the most underrated comics working today. O'Neill has his own podcast called SlopQuest. You can also see him on Instagram at Ryan O'Neill comedy. Same thing with YouTube, but check out SlopQuest with him and DeWitt

and it's fucking, if you like, disgusting. O'Neill's been one of the best podcast guests for a long time. Anyone who remembers Skeptic Tank, every 50 we'd have Danish and O'Neill on, knows that he's just, his, his, his, his, Bercrischer episode, he's just a great podcast. Any comical thing, that's a guy. That's a guy to get. He's also all the time in Austin, at the mothership.

So, you know, check out those tour dates in Austin and just around town and in Los Angeles. And Colum Thierel, you can find them on Instagram at Columteril. T-Y-Y-R-E-L. Same thing with Instagram, I mean, YouTube. His podcast with Levfer, it's called the Cockfight Podcast. Yeah, follow them on there.

If you're looking for a new podcast, not the standard boring travel-themed ones, but an actual, just funny one, check them out there. It's also on the road. You can get them at Colum Tiro, you see all those toward its. Tulsa, Reno, Winnipeg,

St. Pete, Sacramento, San Diego, L.A., Indianapolis, Emos, Pennsylvania, which is, I don't know what that, it's probably Pittsburgh. Cleveland and hilarities, Pittsburgh, and YouTube.com slash at column Teryl.

Column is also in a new episode of The End, one of the best new storytelling shows available today, probably the best one. The rightful end of Ari Shafir's storytelling show. He's on episode one called Notorious. You get that right now for $5.99 cents. One hour of comedy.

Me, column, me telling a story about my friend who took Molly that had a great time. And then Colin Terrell's a Thailand story and Tom Segura telling a story about defending his mother. Way past where anyone should legally. It's a great episode. Get it right now at aureeshire.com. I have no tour date, so you can subscribe to this podcast, listening, watching wherever.

And if you want, if you get five episodes of the end, $5.99 each, the arch an hour, you get the prologue for free if you get any episode. And except episode two. and then you get, if you get five, you get two for free. That's 40% more for free. The savings of 40% more. I don't know what the savings are.

Guys, the response has been sick. I can't get over how much you guys are loving it. Thank you so much. If you get all seven, it isn't being about four bucks per hour of stand-up comedy. So, I mean, I don't think anything else. If you want to know, there's also a VIP package or you get a poster with everybody's six to your,

I just signed up. going out probably next week. Start with my signature. If you really want to be cool, if you're a legit comedy fan fan, get every comic to sign it. I guarantee you, if you got to a comment, like, hey, I have this posted with all these people on it. Can I get the sign?

Most of them would at least let you, like, send it back to the green room. You're not going to get through Shane at an arena, but, like, there's a way to get it to them. You should get those signed. And tell me what your favorite ones are. Leave in the comments, what your favorite stories are. Give me your top seven in the comments below.

this bus tour was great I couldn't have done it without these guys it made it really sleepway camp so let's get back to the episode but also check me out on Legion of Skanks every Monday and that's it subscriber watch wherever you're listening let's get back to the episode my favorite thing was figuring out how to get into a venue

to take a shit that became my official job it was like it was like a beautiful mind I was like how am I going to crack this it was also every man for himself the guy who my manager hired to be this since it was pretty shitty I got to show at 6 a.m. Like, great. They're like, we don't get here until 3.

We don't have a show. I'm like, we are holding our cheeks together right now. We would shit in a diner. Oh, nobody told us you were coming. Like, wow. The poor Vic. We were coming. The Vic theater, I think I shit, because we were there for two nights.

Yeah. And I think I shit in that every single bathroom. The good thing about the Vic is they had the multiple floors for the greener. So we each have her own bathroom. You go, I go, Neil, the lights on on the third floor? No, it's all dark here. You would take a shit in the piece. It's black dark.

It was awesome. Some of the places we stayed, we, like, pulled up were great. Some of them were in the venue parking lot, was locked off. Great. Some were a war zone. Do you remember Kansas City? That is what I was trying to remember where it was. Kansas City.

Yeah, the guy started a fire. Fire department came out right back to the bus. We backed into our behind the theater in Kansas City. Beautiful theater, by the way. Great theater. But we didn't realize that where we were going to park was going to be infringing on a homeless encampment. Oh, no. So they were having their normal business meeting in the morning

talking about all the homeless shit that's going on. This is the fall. It's filled with leaves. And one of them happened to be in the middle of defecating, taking a full-blown shit on the ground. I mean, a good shit. We were imposing on him, to be honest. He's like, I always should have. The view that we had

is we were back to. Can you see all the shit everywhere? Oh, you could see him with his pants. I saw it drop out of his asshole. Yeah. We were that close. Three times. Three huge logs. Remember the windows and the You would crinkle up that thing, the blinds, and you would just be able to stare out. We were eye level because where we parked, they were up higher. And we were like right on the shit.

So it's almost like he had a glass, like we were under a glass table and like a Japanese woman was taking. People would pay money for this, right? So this guy shits on the ground. But now he realizes that we saw, we have, he has witnesses of him shitting. And he's like, obviously this is bad news. People don't want to see me shit. And already a great job. How do you get rid of shit?

How do you get rid of shit? You light it on fire. So he proceeded to light the fucking leaves. That's what the Nazis did. No evidence. They're trying to leave no evidence. Okay. Hey, we don't know where those Jews went.

Yeah, show me the body. I think they're lost, dude. They're in the desert. You know, those Jews, they got lost in the desert. Nobody, no crime. Nobody, no crime. But then the fire department came out and stomped it with their shoe. And then they were like, of course the leaves started burning.

And this guy takes his jacket off. It starts to pound it out, but a jacket catches on fire. Catch fire was shit fire. What was he? He's lying up in the year. His friends just left. Like even homeless people are like, dude. It's just all ever clear.

This is too much. Yeah. Ronnie, you suck. Go find your own day. And he was, and he had been eating starter logs. Yeah. So the shit was just fucking took off.

So the cop. He'd been on matches. The fire department and the police had the show. This is like 10.30 in the morning. And so that's how we got into the theater because they had to come because the back of the theater, like the alarms are going off. And so we're like, all right, great. Well, everyone's here.

why don't we take a shit too inside the fucking theater but it was I'm like Kansas City dude this is a place that this is America's heartland Sure this we like it was an eye for me It was we had taught the main like it was eye opening Dude America like as far as every downtown Is as bad as New York and fucking L.A They're all

It's a drawled up beyond the fucking realm of possibility Like I never expected to see as much shit Literally go down and then we saw like on the road like every city what was the other one that we went to they'd be like don't leave the bus there oh oh springfield missouri get out of like the we parked in an alley right next to the comedy club like safe as shit i know the alley i know you know you know you know the guy told us the blue room yeah i'll take it yeah huh to goodness i'll take it yeah thanks buddy you want a glass or no no no hold on i would like them but i don't want to ask you to get up

Is that for you? No, it's for you. Okay. I have a photo of the homeless guy taking the shit. Oh, good, good, good. Oh, wait, here. Ocks it in, hold on. Yeah, ox it in.

Shout out who whoever edits this fucking, oh. Look on that. Oh, shit. Oh, damn it. Whoever edits this video now is about to get a text of photo of someone having a shit. I mean. You just goes, what the fuck? Is that right?

Yeah. Plug that in. Um, we also got to talk about. about supplying up. Wait, oh, there. There's the homeless guy taking the shit. No, that's not it. Where's that?

Okay, that's the second stop. Great. Great tea for a homeless guy. Great smile for homeless guy. Alex, beautiful homeless guy. He could be on TV. Well-dressed. That's a great homeless guy.

I think those are, um, uh, what's the, um, the underwear that everyone, uh, what? Oh, she's sheet, sheet underwear. Today's, uh, today's dump is brought to you by sheath. Underwear. If you're a colonel in the American Army and you want to move on with another career. This is me fucking around with O'Neill. That's not true.

You're not allowed to shoot in the boss, so I shit everywhere I possibly could. But I would always leave the door open because I wanted O'Neill to make eye contact with me. Oh, and I did. And then like stop two. We realized this fucking jerk is always around. And we ended up not realizing that Ari had like someone from the tour company that was like a representative that came out. And we thought he was just like a local person. So I left the door open.

I wanted this guy to see me ship and not realizing I'm going to have to see him for the next fucking three weeks. So this was taken, realized. He destroyed like a business name. And they're like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this is a classy place. It's like, this is the pantages theater in Minneapolis.

That's my least favorite thing. So I opened for Shane once. And it was they have a guy that they're representing the live nation or AEG or outback. And sure, it's an arena. to make sure everything's right. We got you guys personalized Wizards jerseys. For my level, one show a night,

barely. It's like, why am I flying this guy out here? Yeah, everything cool. I mean, I don't know, man.

Destroy your profit margins. I just need a mic and a fucking stand. I think they have them here. I think maybe twice or three times we had a small guest list and I think that was like his main sort of job.

Oh, but he fucked it up. And also, yeah, yeah. So we need you to mic check. I go, we already mic check.

Because he would only text me because I texted him to get into the bathroom once. So he's like, was it. Well, this is my contact. Yeah, there were different ones. Some were more, at some point I I realized like, well, do go get me a cigarette. Do something. Yes. You're like, do jumping jacks. Do something. Sure. Like, touch your toes. Yeah, we asked them to find a bar or something after like, what's a cool spot to go after for dinner? I've hung out with high level people. I'm like,

I can Google it. I've hung up with Dana White where it's like, they just know what to do. Like, this place is closed and the guy's like, hold tight. And they go, they're opening back up. Yeah. We didn't get that. Unless you're at that level, don't come out. There's no reason. We'll find their own shit. Yeah, when Daniel Wicke goes out and they have to open back up. Like, you guys want to pay your mortgages here? Just open up.

Yeah. And that guy was getting paid good money and he, I didn't even know where he would show up. You're like, is he here? And then you're like, he took the best green room. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he took his office. Private bathroom. Just a guy with a laptop.

Literally. That's all it was. You know, we used to have a few. Also, it's funny because all these guys show up. They must be used to bands and shit. Because whenever we would show up, all the staff would be sitting around at this phone, at the sound boot. And they'd be like, oh, yeah, they run over. Do you want to do tests?

What do you want to do? Yeah. We go. We go like us. Hello. Hello. Got up. We got it.

Sometimes we wouldn't do it. And then whoever went out first, you'd be like, much higher. If it's not right, tell them while you're on stage. Yeah, I'll just let you know if it's all sitting around. What? Because they're dying, because they still make them come in at the same time, even though it's not a 10 piece fucking band. It's a union thing, dude. It's like they all have to get paid.

don't give a five hour minimum or whatever it is. So then they're like, but I guess I should be here. Yeah. I thought they'd be more excited, but then I realized, well, every day they see someone new because I was excited. I would meet everybody. How are you doing? Thanks for having us.

Cool. And I was like, oh, yeah. They're never going to see me again. I'm never going to see them. You get to realize they're not the ones having you. It's somebody in another town. So they're just renting the venue. They had a fucking Indian fucking 10 piece salsa band yesterday.

They don't care. Yep. And that's, I mean, being able to go. go out and like hang out with like those are the people you want and hang out with. Is that all about? Like the road pick the crew. Because they would give you like the lay down and like what was that theater we went to that was like the guy was like this is all hand painted.

Yeah. Trying to remember that one. That was Kansas City I think. Was that the one where he they redid the whole thing back to it's original? It would just been redone or something like that. It looked like a it looked like a psychedelic Disneyland ride. Yeah. I know you guys feel like this is so cool and nice.

You look around us and then you're like I'm not going to honor this place. I shouldn't be here. It's so nice. That was the best way to open. Who did you perform here? I do, yeah. I have venue of that one. I'm just going to do comfort jokes.

Sure. But you got to remember, these places have been around since the 1800s. They've literally held innings. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah. A lot of these places,

they only left people in. That looks like some Indian wedding, right? Doesn't it? Yeah. That looks like some trash. Where's this? This is Kansas City. That was behind the...

Yikes. They were trying to like massage the, the incident in the back of the fucking shit of the fucking the mad shitter they were like come look at our beautiful inside that's just that's like tacky look and that looks like a fucking gypsy

it's a small world after all but it I know it looks like fantasy land the Indian floor but the like the ceiling is all paint it's all hand the picture does not do it justice it looks terrible it was like a kid kids fucking it looks like an old

Acapoco Mexican restaurant do you remember that shame Do you want this to put your beer on? Do you have to? Oh yeah, not really. Let it over there. This place was cool. Okay, yeah, yeah.

Irish Fear, what a great host. I mean, I try. The host with a lot. You remember in the... You're a Trippy Award winner, Colleen. This is Minneapolis. Well, I'm at first for ripping off that prostitute again. Colum won a Trippy Award for the biggest piece of shit.

Oh, yeah. But you also totally mis- I saw Bobby won one too. You gave me the award, but you didn't say the truth about the story. You misremembered the story. piece of shit. That is true, but the facts around it were wrong. Well, the facts were wrong.

You thought I fucked a prostitute and never paid her. You tried to. No, I got robbed by a prostitute. I fucked a girl who then tried to take money from me because she was a prostitute. I think you're forgetting actually the most important piece. You didn't wear a condom. You went down on a hooker. Legend.

Columtero.com for all my tour dates. Zoom in on me and make it look cool, your mom's house. I remember hearing this story. I looked at Ari when I heard there was no condom involved. Oh, I got it. I actually got one. Are you kidding me? Collintero.

Biggest pieces of shit. Stiffing a tie hooker. Oh, wow. I've never won a award for comedy. That's beautiful. You've got my name right? Seriously, did everyone else already get one? I saw Bobby got one.

Oh, fuck. You should have told me I would have got this. Well, I presented it on air. Okay, great. Nice. What have we had a fallen out? Why don't you hollow the bottom out? So that you can also fuck them and you can watch.

I'm not a bunch of, I'm not to shove this up a Thai prostitute. You can get that bulb in your, this is great. Are you kidding me? You should get a flesh trophy. Congratulations, thanks. Nice.

I genuinely touched. This is nice. How much this cost you? I just make my own. It costs me. Watching now, so that's two Tonys and a trippy. I have,

yeah, yeah, yeah. That's amazing. I did a to kill a mocking board. A mockingborn. It was about a, Mockingbird transitioning.

You gotta go for the Boren identity. Yeah, it's a Star Trek next generation crossover. It's Kill a mocking board. You could go for the Egot. What is it the Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. And what we know it is when Adam goes back to donuts, it becomes EGON.

Oh, fat Adam. Fuck you, fat Adam. Fat Adam. I can say that because I don't live in your city, so I don't really need spots from you. Adam, but if I live there, awesome. Yeah.

I respect you, Adam. And I respect everything about you. Hold on, hold on. Martin Luther King. John F. Kennedy, Malcolm X, and now dog piss has the stage. All hell dog piss! Guess what? Violin horrendous, a show where I do, I guess what I do best, which is complaining way too much about shit that's not that important.

I think all YouTubers should be jailed. An army of drunken screaming Santa Claus's. The devil stick guy was the doctor! Shut the fuck! Come along for this beautiful, disgusting, vile, and horrendous journey. My new YMH show. Subscribe, smash that like button. We're going to be doing this every other week.

This is vile and horrendous. Here you go. I'm giving this to you. But I am Ari Shapir. It's a fucking crazy night we're going to have here. Shit's about to go down. We're going to talk, Paul. This is a love story. Media, herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS.

I'm desperate. I'll stab you and your motherfuckin' love. One of the worst things that could happen. What's your favorite Bible verse? I'm like, I don't know any. I'm Catholic. Did you just shit your pants? It's not my shit.

If you're up there, lady, don't call me. I'm the bad guy in the story. I know that. I'll be a better person tomorrow. At least he's consistent. Finally, something we can agree on. Discuss it in hard. It's not the evening I plan, but I'm having a blast.

Now if you'll excuse me, g-h-h. I'm gonna guide this a little bit. What? Let's talk about supplies on the bus. Right away on both these tours. I want to provide everybody. you need to supply up

Can I tell you the first thing you need Yeah kimchi What are you talking about You wouldn't stop Couldn't stop We couldn't stop wrong I had to put a hard out

I made him I'm gonna go outside to eat it We would stop at rest stops That was kimchi curfew Yeah I go You and the lizard lots Can roll them around this fucking Restop with your kimchi

And looking for hookers I don't want that can Do not open that jar In the fucking in the bus open it and it would be like, oh, the wrecked the entire living situation. There's nothing better than getting drunk, getting high, opening up a fresh

can of kimchi, and just dig it in, man. Dude, 2 a.O. We also went to Costco, so we got massive versions of guys. We didn't do that when we ate on that trip. We learned. You learned from your mistake. You learned to some things. You had a new supply of peanut butter. You're like, yeah, I didn't get the 12 pack of peanut butter. We were buying stuff and were like, hey, we need

this for all 70 days. What if we get really into peanut butter this time? What if we got really into jelly? We needed enough of both. And then I realized, after this time, like, we can just stop again. Yes. But we didn't want to ever stop. There's stores everywhere. We didn't realize.

We forgot that part. We bought a fire pit and we never even. No, we used it. We never used it. We gave it away. We bought something like a mini golf set or something. Okay. Left it underneath the fire.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. We didn't buy a fire pit. We did. We bought a solo. Stoll. Oh, we stole it. Yeah, that's true.

That's, yeah, yeah. I didn't steal it. Who stole it? I did. You all. I stole it. It was from the old lady and we picked me out. And I use the term steal very loosely because let me tell you, when you purchase $800 worth of groceries or whatever and then you steal a $200 fire pit.

That's a wash. It's called a buyback. It's a common. That's my. If you're out of Taylor and then the Elchevada a pair of socks or whatever. Yeah. I pay tax. You pay tax.

If the old lady behind the register doesn't notice I have a fucking $200 stove fires. That's on you. That's your problem. Not mine. By the guy checking the receipt. That fucking idiot We walked right past that guy too Right past him

They saw it nervous The worst case scenario I go worst case scenario Ari's all nervous They call us back and we have to put Our fake news Missing The worst case it's

I wasn't the ones I steal constantly Why would I be nervous I still stuff he doesn't even like Exactly just for the sport Just stay sharp Harry steals like dog food Doesn't have a dog

We got out We got to just does it to show it away We walked out No one even said a word. We walked to the boss slow. Is that the league? Steve Ranezizi? Yeah.

Why is he? Did he steal in the soul? You guys are out of your league. I will say you getting caught stealing a barbecue is like a scandal. No, dude. I would have done this simple thing. I'm like, disgrace Renazizi out of the game.

They're like, is that Steve Renazizi from season one? Yeah. Is that the season one guy? And then it says plus other comedians. Follow me around. I don't even make it in the article. One guy with TV credits and then his friends. I had nothing to lose.

If I go to the local papers, steal it, they're like, we don't know who this guy is. Those two guys have everything to lose. Steven is on a tour where somebody goes before him and after him. Steals a solo stove. I'm like, come on tour. Ryan O'Neill is. Also dabbles in comedy.

A hobbyist at best. Not my cup of tea or anyone's cup of tea. We didn't use any of that stuff. We didn't use like 10% of what we bought. Oh, yeah. It was bad. Here's the necessity. I felt so bad.

The bread. Bread, for sure. We used all the bread. We'll get moldy. Cold cuts. Cold cuts. Cold cuts. We're eating.

We did. It's cold cuts. I'd use all the microwaveables. I did like, uh, the bread pizzas. I crushed one of those before a set. There's stuff you realize. You get back to the bus. You're out. Let's say we're out drinking or I'd get off stage. And this was both these tours. I'd get off stage. I'd be on an hour and 15, hour, 20 minutes. minutes an hour 40 hour 40 sometimes dude you would always got a little black in them you'd go I'm gonna do an hour and then somebody that worked there would be like how long is he gonna do I go I would I would aim for two hours right now like what's his closer I go who knows what the fuck is I'm keeping it tight thank you good night I keep it tight I was getting ready for a special so you would get off stage let me give every joke I'd be on for an hour and 45 minutes and I'd be like how do you guys were oh what I'm like god damn it you're guys. Well, I would get off. And it was like, by the second week, O'Neal and I were like a married couple. I'd get off, like, who, they are hot. What a hot crowd.

He'd be like, here's your drink. And we'd go, walking up to the balcony, like two old Muppets right there. I'd have a joint. We'd smoke a joint. I'd have two drinks in each hand. And we would sit there. We're under the guise of like watching R.

He said and giving them notes, but mostly just fucking around and making over a set. Talking over set and pointing to people in the crowd. The great thing about not selling out is the other guys can have the whole top level. He always had a couple seats to ourselves up in the corner. You just heard him laugh at the wrong time. Here's what people would sit if it was full. I felt bad for you because you had the pressure of selling tickets.

We had no pressure. The pressure was you got to do your 15. Make sure it's good. Fine. No problem there. And then after that it's you just got to get fucked up. You have to get fucked up. Yeah.

The featuring is the most best fun. Oh, it's the great part. You're in and out. Never not been the best spot in the world. You know, yeah. Are he puts you in a nice hotel or whatever? Not on the floor. Not in this store, but other times I feature for you.

You put me in hotels. I'm like, what the fuck? Well, I'm not going to put you in a different hotel. We talked about sleeping. How did you, you slept? How did, I slept all right. Okay, let's talk about sleeping in the bus. I loved it.

So describe what it is. Do we have any pictures of the bunks? We must. I do. So, yeah. Wait, did any of you go on the Burt? I did. Okay, so we're going to compare it.

Okay, I'd love to, I'd love to if you're watching, Bert. Okay, this is great. Wait, hold on. I got a better one of the actual of the bus. Hey, let me just give a teaser. He would love to do it.

He's good. He's good to have around. He's a drinker. I'll drink. Okay, this is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a great job.

So that's what it is. It's basically, this is bus one. Let me see it. Just so people listen and what you know that the same, it's the same companies that design. I'm going to ask you to do that later. It's the same companies that design private jets design these buses, right?

So it's like all the same carpenters. It's the same type of. Really? I tell you tell me. Oh. You told me that. I was lying then. Well,

okay. Don't ruin the lie. Someone else made it up. This bus could hold the fact that he lied. This bus could hold like 20, like 15 people. So each of these box

that's a two. They can go up something. No, you get three parts. You go three, six. Three, six, nine. You get 12 people. Wait, could you get 16? Because you have each side.

No, you can do three. But there's a bed of two. There's a bed in the back. And I fell asleep in there and I woke up to Ari hitting the automatic door, crushing my ankle. in it and I go what the

fuck you go I'm trying to go to the bathroom and your leg is in the way and you just kept we did make a decision to turn that into not a bedroom into like a lounge smoke area because people that want to stay up later I believe in an egalitarian tour like if we're all going to go eat there's no like well where does the

headline I want to go eat like guys we're all in this again and Rogan was doing that it's like where do you want to go eat and it was like if you're paying for it steak yes if we're all paying subway and then he would always pay but it's like none of us is sleeping there needed to hang out and then it came with a bed. I'm like, can you move this back into a couch?

I go, no, you said he would have had to leave the mattress somewhere. You said you want to do what Bert does and be elitist. And I said, no, I said, I don't never be elitist like Bert. And they go, we misunderstood. That assistant sucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had a lot of. He fucked us every goddamn tour.

Because we try to switch it, but they had to leave them. So when Burke goes on tour, he has like a big master bedroom. He says he does it. But I walked in his butt. wants in Madison where I got the idea to give him drugs because he says he does powder. And so then, so I was like, okay, your heart can handle it. So I walked into it. I like knocked, no one was there and I tried the door.

I mean, with a giant Burke Kreisher face on the outside. Yeah, door opened. I go in, somebody's sleep was like, hey, is Bert here? Some guy I've never been back going, uh, yeah. I'm a stranger. And I walked back there. He was sleeping in this back. Yeah.

Now, Bert, he has, see these first two? Burr can't fit now. That's fair. So you know the second half? the last four he does not have those what do you mean that's bedroom oh so his bedroom's stubble where that bed is that's a huge walk-in

bathroom with this giant shower and in the front he has an unbelievable kitchen area and he's got two captain's chairs that swivel and recline because he knows so he's post design his daughter's designed a new one because he knows he doesn't have to

bring like 10 people on the road he's got to bring three or four people so he only needs the front and go in the you-haw extension that he has attached. Also, the rest of the guys. He's got an opener and merged by them. Yeah, he puts all the comics.

A lot of guys go, Rodies on this, tour bus with just the head, the singer and his wife on the other one. I will all say, Burke rules and the whole tour is because I was trying it. Yeah, Bert needs actually to be.

But also, Bert, like, it's the swivel captain chairs that recline are amazing. What? Amazing. Wow. It allowed me to drink two hours longer than Bert.

Wow. Really? He went to bed at 6.30 and I was up at 8.17. Everyone gone to bed. And I'm watching the sun come up as we're like driving to like North Carolina. And that's when I go, maybe it's time to quit drinking. Wow. I had to take like a six month break. I had a couple of those nights up front with Paul ripping six.

Trying to talk about how we get this country back to being great again. Get out of here. Yeah, that was great. Late night. I never had any. Because everyone else got to bed and I'd be sitting there ripping beer. Yeah. Paul goes this.

He goes, here with his rules. He goes, guys, I'm going to be up there. I'm going to close my door. door. So there's another sliding door where we're facing right now, right here. And he goes, listen, if you hear rumble strips, it might just be the lanes changing during construction. If you hear too many rumbles trips, I don't mind. Come check on me. But I'm fine. I'm a professional driver. If I'm too tired, I will pull over. And he didn't drink caffeine. Five hour energy. Just skill. Five hour energy and skittles and five hour energy. But he goes, hey, if you want to come up and smoke, you can't smoke back there. Right. Unless you're column and it's five a. We smoke weed in the back there. I probably had loads of smells like. But he goes, Come on up. Talk to me. We'll have a captain's chair and come sit here.

I probably lit a few cigarettes backwards. Fucking. Yeah. And he was also like, if you got a shit, come up and tell me and we will pull over. Because he goes, one guy from a band. Oh, no. Goes, hey, I'm going to shit in here. It goes, if you shit in there, you can't use a toilet for the rest of the fucking tour.

There's a net in there. They won't let you shit. And the guy goes, I'm shitting. Some metal band. And the guy's like, dude. And then it clogged up. And he goes, well, now we got to pull over every time I got a piss. Yeah.

Oh, God. It would be the worst. But I slept. We were very well behaved. Yeah, how do we sleep? I had some of the best. I could live on this bus for three months. It was like a white noise machine.

But I did it. Yeah, the same way, dude. It was something about the motion and stuff. Yeah. I was very peace. Like, we went over some hills and this and that. You'd wake up a little bit like crumpled because the direction of where you were. Wow.

Oh. You said that this is homeless. This is homeless wine. Yeah, dude. It's like, uh, I guess we showed him on the thing. Would you say it's like, uh, Colt 45? I said it's exactly like Colt 45.

Buckfast. It's all over kneecap, but I knew it as an Edinburgh drink. Yeah, yeah. It's a Scottish and more northern Ireland thing. It's not as common in Dublin anyway. I didn't have a...

It might be, but I didn't have it. Those glasses clean? Yeah. They look clean. So basically this thing, this bookfast is it's essentially it's a tonic wine. Made by monks.

Tonic wine. So that's the, you have versions of it like... Like San Gria? It's like homeless people. No, no, no, no. It's more like for local. Like mad dog?

It's not like for local. It's got caffeine in it. Oh. Oh my God. Is it like buzz balls? It's got caffeine. It's Buckfest. They drink it in the day.

They went all on heroin in trains pot. They do. They drink bookfast and that. That's so funny because I watched it before I knew. That's heroin booze. It's junkie, no money booze. But it's like kind of has this kind of fun cult.

Hey, look at us. We're drinking this horrible. Yeah. Do Buckfast spritz. Yeah. It's like nasty. It's like Paps blue ribbon. He had a party with it and stuff.

He's like, Look at this bookfast. I was like, dude, that's like embarrassing to that. Dude it looks like fucking night. You know how hard it was to get it here? I know,

I know. They won't import it because of, it's like the FDA doing it right. It's like, it used to be, nobody passed with him got like a hipster. Yeah, yeah.

That's exactly. Is RFK going to make it so they can import this stuff? No, that's all you can drink. This is the food. You don't want, you'll be 90 years old drinking that.

That'll keep you, that'll keep you awake. That'll keep you alive. That'll keep you alive or away. Unless you're British, unless you're a Protestant. Unless you got your circuses. You drink this, O'Neill.

You drink it, you don't shot it. You don't shot it, you drink it. All right. Is that a fart? Yeah. Congratulations, boys. Hey, guys, today's episode of Eboo Chippin is brought to you by Mars Men. Guys, listen, I'm getting disgusting.

I don't work out, and I have more and more lethargy every day. I just, well, I'm losing testosterone. That's probably it. That's probably it. The problem is that my body doesn't just snap back into shape like it did 20s. I'm working out the same amount of time, which is zero and eating mostly the same stuff, which is everything, but the fat I run in my stomach is sticking around. Oh, okay. Watch this. Dude, that's new. I can see it on the camera. Oh, I've legitimately got to do something. I mean,

I'm not even doing the ad read for a second. This is like a problem having to see that. Okay, What is this? Actually, this might be really helpful for me. Mars Men is a natural supplement designed to support healthy testosterone levels. Okay. Which can help you burn body fat more efficiently and build lean muscle. Bro, honestly, Mars Man, I don't care what the fuck kind of muscle is, lean or otherwise. I need some.

That was depressing. Talk about how you feel. Yeah, well, depressed. Because I just saw that. Fuck, bro. Okay, and then here's my other problem. So I just saw in the fucking camera that I'm a disgusting piece of shit.

But I'm also cheap. So I need help. But I'm cheap. It's a rock and a hard place. Well, there's a solution. For a limited time, my listeners, but I don't listen to my thing. I bet it's still available.

Can get 50% off for life. Plus free shipping. Yeah, that's shipping's how they get you. You're like, oh, 50% off. And then they're like, shipping is this? No, fuck off. Free shipping. and three free gifts at men go to mars.com.

That's men go to mars.com for 50% off and three free gifts when you check out. It's also available on Amazon. Oh, look at that. After you purchase, they're going to ask you how to have heard about them. Please support my show. Tell them that you be tripping sent you. It's important. Hey guys, listen, a lot of you out there want revenge on your enemies, and I understand that.

And the best time to plan that revenge is kind of first thing in the morning before your boss gets to work and finds out you're not working and you got to be focused. How do you get at them? Is it a long form thing where you like really embarrass them? Tell them they've won something when they show up, find out it's not and have all their friends there laughing, laughing because you thought you would want something or you got your book published and we got you. We got you good and now you're really upset. You really hate your life. But that planning has to happen early than day again before your boss gets to work and finds out you're fucking off. Coffee's not going to do that for you. You know what will do it?

Mudwater. What the fuck was that? Oh, looks like Eddie didn't get his fucking mudwater today. All out of sorts with his coffee all over his shirt. Well, you failed. You failed because you got caught up on coffee and not mudwater. Hey, you're gonna... Are you ready to make the switch to cleaner energy?

Any, I'm talking to you. Well, here's what you got to do. So you don't fuck up bad reads! Head to mudwater.com. That's M-D-W-T-R. Yeah, they spell at the internet. way. And grab your starter kit today. Right now, my listener is getting an exclusive deal. Up to 43% off your entire order. Plus free shipping and a free rechargeable for author.

When you just go tripping. That's right. Up to 43% off with code tripping at M-U-D-W-T-R.com. After you purchase, guys, they're going to ask you how you found out how you found out about them. I need your help. I need your support the show. And please tell them that I sent you. Fuck all the other podcasts I sent you Let's get back to the episode Hey can I just say These bus tours were so much fun

They were the best They were It was like sleepway camp And we knew 17-ish 20 days It'll be over Decide of getting tired There were moments where it was like I can't take it anymore

But like And then by the end I don't know how you guys felt I was like no I don't want to leave I didn't want to leave Yeah I hugged Paul at the end And I think he punched me in the stomach.

And he's like, I'm not gay. There's no. No. I've never done a private jet around. And so I don't know. But in my opinion, there's never been a better way to travel than going to sleep somewhere. And then waking up nine hours later and you're in a different city. And it's all done.

You're there. You're all done. You didn't do anything. You just teleported to another city. Didn't even wake up. You wake up in that town. And instead of waking up, normally if you do show, show, show, it's wake up, get to the airport, quick, get on a flight, go. somewhere, get off, try to get an hour, sleep on the plane, whatever.

And it's like, or hopefully it's not too long. This is like, you wake up and like, let's have breakfast in Kansas City. Yeah. Yeah. Casually walk around. It's a nice day out. Let's go for a hike. And he never, Paul never seemed like stressed about how much time we had to do at night.

Like get, you know, it's routed pretty well. So from place to place. He has a thing where he needs a 10 hours off. Those bus drivers know how to go. I will go to sleep now. Yeah. And they are asleep. Yeah.

And he goes, we'll leave whenever you want. After this time, he goes, you want to leave right. doesn't matter. You want to leave four hours later? It doesn't matter. This is how long it's going to take us to get there. He would also go, hey, if we do that at this time, then it's going to cut into my time. I need this much time. It's not going to work. So if you want to go that night from the next gig, then we got to leave earlier from the night before. Great. We talk it out. Paul ruled the whole time.

Yeah, he was great. Also, if you're a comic and you want to get invited one of these things, don't be good at comedy. Just be a good hang. That's the best. Or you're going to be. Or you could be on stage less time. Or you can try to be both. No. Don't do it. I think someone was. Happen to be both. Just be a good hang.

Well, for the rookies out there, just try to be, work on the good hang part too. It's more important. That's easier. Definitely yes and the headliner. I'm not saying that I'm just one of those things. But the most important one is the hang. That's all good. You don't get on three tour buses by being a shitty hang.

What? Hang of the year. What supply should? What? I said hang of the year, Colin Turle Award. There you go. What supplies should we have gotten that we did not get? I do like that we got the next time

I'm like, let's get some games in case we're at a parking lot when it's warm out and we just want to hang and do something. Because we had one evening where we pulled the chairs out. It was Cincinnati or Columbus. The chairs were great.

We pulled the chairs out and we just sat out there all ripping splits or whatever. It was the best. Was that when the parking lot cop showed up? He may have been. Oh yeah. Somebody's like you can't.

It was cold. I love it sitting outside when it's cold. That was a different place. We got a knock on the window once. There's another Ohio. We got a knock on the window once and it was a parking lot cop. And then with real cops coming and he goes, you can't stay here. I'm like where we are.

And he goes, you got to move on. I'm like, hey, none of us have a bus license or the keys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're definitely. This boss is here, dude. The drivers are asleep. Yeah. We're staying.

Yeah, what were you going to do? I'm trying to play hardball here. We just have no means of a statement. I remember Oklahoma City, we, we sat outside and you had that night. That was like the, I was like, we had been out for two. two weeks and you were like fried and they gave us a hotel room you're like I got to go grab so you went to the hotel no you guys convinced me you goes hey yeah yeah you fuck because also I was I didn't do this the second time get sick you I was selling merch and going meet and grates and it was like

this isn't worth the extra money yes we also needed a shower every once in a while so we get a hotel room where we can all switch off and shower which we did and we need to do laundry oh yeah we did that occasionally so we do clubs Monday Tuesday Wednesday theaters Thursday Friday Saturday usually Sunday too the theaters had showers. Yes. The clubs did not. Maybe one did. But like generally it didn't.

So then it was like, hey, every the Tuesday one, we'll get a hotel. Monday, we're just not shower. Yep. And Wednesday, we're just not shower. Because we'll be fine. We got to save money. We did. That night though, remember they were paving the parking lot?

Yes. Yes. They were doing the lines over. So me and O'Neill were just in chairs smoking a cigar at like one of the morning. That's a guy. Watching these guys lined in the parking lot. And I was like, they're going to get it. Like, we were trying to guess how long it was going to take them to get it done.

We had no, like, this is watching someone else work. We were like, this is incredible. It would have taken me 10 years to get all these fucking lines painted. We literally watched them for all night paint the fucking lines in the park. And then Ari went to go sleep in the hotel. So you guys convinced me I was at my end. I would get off stage and then I do the meet and greets and I was so mentally fried from meeting strangers. O'Neil and I were great.

We were hammered. And I was going to get sick. This is the life. Well fed. Ari can't hack it, huh? You guys like, Ari, it's fine. There's no fucking scales here. Just go get a good night.

You need a good night's sleep. We got to keep this going. So I was like, fine. It was a nice hotel. Right. So I went to go shower and it was like a five, seven, 10 minute walk. Yeah.

Showered, went to sleep. And then woke up in the morning, said, hey, I'm coming. Got back. No bus. Yeah. We had left. Well, Paul was told to leave it.

nine we didn't leave a note for paul we we did not oh neil and i and the boy who we should have been yes he was we went to bed after watch we had a long night of watching those men paint those lines so uh we had a lot of weed so uh we went to sleep you fell asleep you fell asleep and sometimes we think they couldn't they're go oh they fucked up it's gonna be and then when they would come back again i'm like double line handicaps popped up a line we would applaud them and they They had never had an audience before. They were psyched. Anyway, we had a long night.

Yeah, they were doing the best. So Paul, you know, we're sleeping. Paul comes, gets the bus going, starts it up, and fucking fires away. I am sort of like a light sleep. I remember the boss is moving. And I remember being in my bunk going, yo, there's like a 20. There's no way. Ari woke up and connected with Paul.

And like, was like, hey, just so you know. There's no way that happened. And I just remember getting out of my bunk going up to the front. I'm like, hey, Paul, what's up? He's like, how's it going? He's driving. I'm like, uh, Ari, you talk to Ari. Ari's on the bus, right?

He's like, I don't know. I don't know. What do you mean? I go, oh, he stayed at a hotel last night. Ah. So we were about 15 minutes away. Oh, 15 minutes. It would have been bad.

It would have been great. Yes. You guys wake up and be like, ah, do you go to side of the country. He's like, no problem. No problem. He went back and there's always. Paul's rule was, he had this where he'd leave it like 4 a.m. Or somebody's out fucking some chick.

And somebody was like nine. Like where are you? Like, hey, you got to think a five hour Uber. Yeah, one time a guy is eight hours away and they go, you got to find a way to get here, dude, because we are not turning back. We're at the venue. That's how they have local drummers. Yeah. For that reason.

I lost my phone at the fucking bookies. That was a great one. That was a bad. Hold on. We got to talk about Buckees. Shout out Buckees. Oh, shit, O'Neill. What?

Shout out Buckees. I don't have a I'll happily just go to Wawa, Buckees, or Lows, or whatever, I don't care. I mean, for a novelty. I don't have any brand loyalty with a gas thing. For the knowledge.

In America, it's quite big to, like, Paul told us. Steve, did you go to Buckees? Did we go to Buckees with Steve? Or just with Collie cocktails? Paul told us like, hey, there's a Buckees on the way from Oklahoma City of Tulsa or vice versa, one of those. And we're like, okay, goes,

no, we got to stop Buckees. Like, I mean, if we're awake, it goes, no, no, you guys don't understand. Because they want. 100 gas pumps. We're like, we're not, we're not gas monkeys.

And he had me at 100 gas pumps. I wanted to see it. And he goes, we have to trust me. They got 38 types jerky. I did not understand how great Buckees was. Yeah.

They sold everything. They had 24 hour brisket. So one night we're in Tennessee in the asshole and nowhere in Tennessee. And I know that well because it's ingrained in my fucking brain from losing my phone. We went out and we were,

it was past the cut off time for beer. Not when we went in. When we started in line, it was okay. And then by the time you got to the front, it was like, you can't buy that. Oh, really? It was, it was. 10 o'clock was the cutoff.

It was 10 o'clock, but we were talking to one of the old ladies that worked there. She was a little sweetheart. Her name was like Diane, and she was, oh, I like your accident and all this type of shit. And then we were like, she goes, I'll help you get the beer. Diane was our man on the inside. Diane ruled. So she said, put the beer on the bottom shelf, known of San. And we walked up to the thing to scan.

And then some goody, too. shoes who worked there goes. Actually, don't forget to scan the beer at the bottom, you know? Like, what the fuck you doing, bro? Overstep, mind your lane, bitch. Some fucking guy bucking in for a promotion. Some bitch. She went out there and was sitting on that.

And then she goes, actually, we can't even sell that to you because it's after the curfew. We're like, well, we were going to steal it. And then we can't even buy it. And then we turned around and Diane was gone. Diane was like, it's like she was a. As soon as that got called out, she went, you're on your own folks. And that's the right move. I was helping you guys steal.

I'm not getting fired for help of these boys. It's almost like she was a ghost. Oh, she was some old sweet lady. Nice. I remember that being a Diane here for 40 years. She thought that not selling booze after that now was an infringement of our rights. Hold on. We got to describe because some people know what Bucky says, but I did not.

So I want to describe it. It is not just like a 7-Eleven. It has whatever 7-Eleven has. Should I pull up a Buckees on a? Oh, you got it? Well, no. We got the logo here. Oh, I have a picture of Buckees, but it has the.

It has the. It has the. everything. It has onesies, decks of cars. So much brisket. So much brisket jerkeys, different types of jerkeys. Teddy bears. Fresh or packaged. Teddy bears.

They have a fucking habacches. They have crystals. They have everything you could possibly toothbrushes obviously. I bought a sign for the bus. You know that you'd have in a queue house. It said in our family we don't call it crazy. We put it on the porch and call it a cocktail.

So I had that for the wall for the trip You stole that or bought it? I think I bought it And then I gave it to my mother-in-law As like a prank You guys all- She's like, oh, great You guys spent a lot of money in there My two sons

This is not this trip But we went cross-country And my two sons went into a Buckees in Texas Picked up two like Flutes and started like doing this And one of them broke Went over to the register I'm taking a dump, right?

I'm just taking a dump It's my morning dump Don't bother me I come out Tracy's like we got everything we're ready to go I get out she goes never tell dad about the flute One of the flutes was like two hundred and fifty No

Those Indian flutes oh no Native American flute she had to buy it because they Guadama on death whistle broke the fucking They're like they broke it Territi was I'm in the car What kind of fucking flute playing it was like one of those Indian did they kill the cobra that came with it is

You know Buckees has like in uh indigenous people area Where it's like you know they have every Hercoise and like yeah they got turquoise and like yeah they got turquoise By the way, if it were still legal, this is the kind of place that would have a bear in a cage. Yeah, they would like in the back. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They had, they had a, they had a, oh, I one time me and Simone were somewhere and we're like, let's get some, we're in.

I forget where. No, we were with you. We're at the Grand Canyon. Oh, yeah, Yellowstone. And I was, yeah, and I was like, let's get some fools gold for Steve's kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Steve, I was like, hey, we bought this. And he just goes, oh, God.

I'm like, what? We're getting a picture for your kid. He goes, you do. I just don't understand. It's two boys. So? It goes, if they're not the exact same weight. He goes, I got one black and one gold.

I go, no, no, no, no, you got to buy two black. There is no better. They will figure out what's better. Ari thinks I'm black and he gave me the black. Who got the gold? You got to do the same thing. You got to do the same thing. So I spent $250,

unbeknownst to me on Bucky's fucking Flutes. American native flutes in Texas. Cherokee War Whistle. Are we going to get into this asshole? Okay. Well, first be on so Buckeys, they have like a 24 hour brisket stand. Like they have every kind of beef jerky. That's what they're. The food is crazy. The goods are crazy. You can buy tables. You can buy. Do they sell air horns?

Yes, they do. Hey, wait, I forgot about the air horn. I know. So I love to buy air horns. We bought air horns. Well, this plays into a merch boy. Yeah. Well, we were trying to do it because so Dylan, Dylan, who was traveling with both of us, he was the merch boy, who was allowed to do stand-up comedy. Sometimes. He would do guests, so listen. He would speak to them. Big, Big Jay.

He spoke to the audiences. Big Jay. I go, I need someone to do the merch and some videos. And Jay's like, you got to get Dylan. I got to do. Dylan's the best.

Yeah, he is. I was worried. So when we, because I had never met Column before, which I'm fine. I can get along with anybody. But Colum and the boy,

you might have to cut this out. So this is real because I was there. Where? Colum. Dylan. That's right. You did. And there's a video of it. Dude, he wears a three,

where's a video of it? There is video. I don't have it. Okay, hold on. Afterwards. Dylan probably has it. I had all sent me all your videos.

I had, but my phone got stolen by Mexican. So, but I cloud. No, I don't have like a. The Irish don't believe in it. What?

Because I didn't want to pay the fucking money. And now that's a Catholic thing, not Protestant. And since then now I pay for the fucking thing. But I felt like I, it's all gone. I love. The cost of like two years of photos, three years of photos or something.

Holy shit, dude. Hold on, hold on. Before we go on, I would like to say this about Dylan. Whatever you say about the half job and one of the full jobs. On merch, he made it rain. He did. He was a salesman. So they tell you, this is what you do in a bus store.

They go, hey, rain man, dude. So Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday is in theaters. And that's whatever. You got to pay the openings. You got to get the bus is a big, big cost. But you're saving on three flights and three hotels because we're all sleep. sleeping on there. It would be two flights and two hotels, if not for like the bus. But still, it's like a lot. So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday at the club is when you're going to pay for the bus.

Those shows will pay for the bus. You wouldn't have done those shows. You wouldn't do a Monday in Springfield. He paid for the bus in merch. Yeah. He's going to wet so hard. And at the end of the night, you're like, so how do we do? It goes, whoop, bo, bo, bo, I think we made like $35,000 in 18 days. Yeah. See? He ruled on that. The boy paid his way. laid his way with the merch. And to thank him for making all that money, Colin. Oh,

yeah. At 5 a... In the bus. You did. Dude, I watched it, and your dick went between his cheeks. Whoa,

naked dick. No, no, hot dog did. Hot dog. Hot dog is funny. That's respectable. I hot dog my buddy's ass sometimes. And that's okay.

Then they came for me. I don't know. I was blacked out. If you could get someone in the bunk and confine them, you can ruin that bunk, dude. No, no,

this was a, this was not. There's one way out and that's where your dick is. And I fold up sideways and you're not, there's an inch on either end behind. It was not. It was not in the bunk. It was in the area. We were having a little, Ari decided to stay in the condo in Nashville.

Yeah. And we just had the bus. So Colum and I, Colum's like, it's like fucking already 1 a.m. There were extra bedrooms in the condo. Go out. So, wait. Can I see. One time.

One time. It's raining. So Column and I go out. Can I just say, we left somewhere else early. As soon as that show finished, we got in the bus so that we could get a night in Nashville. That was the whole reason. Because, and that's what you should do. I'm on stage. Go out.

But the problem was, is that show ended at maybe nine. We get to Nashville, it's midnight or one. He's all the shit. He's falling asleep. You know, it's like, we're all tired. And then so I definitely went there. I was like, we're going out. We did all this effort. Would you go?

My piece of advice. There was a place there. No, no, down the block from Zanis, not towards a, Santa's. But the other way. So if Sany's, you're facing Zanis there. Down this street is where the Sanis is.

Down that street, the main main street, not where the condos, but the main street, is this other bar they went to. Yeah, we went on the main. Levels and it's got like a crazy. No, it was on the main strip. Yeah. It was like a Wednesday in Nashville.

It was dead. We went there and drank. And the one thing I will say, if you go out with column and he's drunk, make sure he orders the Uber and you don't. Because you're going to get dinged for sure with this combo with the Arab driver. Walk it off. On the way back.

For sure. I mean, if you're in a Punjab, you're ready to pick us up. I mean, if you're in the, I go, I got what type of muzy are you? What time? And he goes, I'm from Iran. He goes, I'm from Iran. He goes, I'm on Timorakta. Yeah.

I'm not even mean. I say black. You say white. You lie me, cunt. I don't even know. Yeah, a column getting the Uber is a smart tip. Yeah, yeah, I learned it the hard way, but we get back and then we continue to drink and now we wake Dylan up. And this is like, Dylan, you'd have to be the party boy.

So we're like doing shots of week. This is bad. I've got music playing. And then also, I'm Burke Kreischer and. Yeah. And we're playing fucking big country by big country. Did you? On vinyl.

Nice. Nice. Good job. What a great song. So we're just going crazy. This is because this is his. favorite song in a big country. So that became our, the tour song.

In a big country. Such a great fucking rage song. It was great. We were blasting. I was like, this is the best song ever. I'm on Molly or something. No,

you go, I remember, I think it was the second night in Nashville, but no, it was that night because then you found a bag of Coke. And you go, where do you find it in my son? In my luggage.

And then he goes, it was part of a huge bag of Coke. He's like, what else? We got a bag on a bag on my coat. It was tucked under another bag of Coke. I was tucked under it. I had this huge bag of Coke.

I couldn't see underneath it. Dude, one time we were to Roses and he goes, he goes, hey, just so you know, I found pre-fentinal Coke. I'm like, what do you mean? He goes, there was some Coke I had from 2017 that I dismissed place between two shirts. So it's pre-fentanyl Coke. It's fun, save Coke. Oh, my God. And we had such a blast.

Dude, that's the kind of, that's the only kind of Coke I want. We're like, let's take it out for a ride. Pre-Fentanol Coke pre-fent that's old that's all this was post-fentol coke for sure He's just like let's dig in here I never I have never hesitated once good for you good for you good for you do worst-case scenario I'm I'm free from the misery that is a life How did you guys sleep on the bus? I slept great I was one day good one day bad three days good one day bad three days good one day bad three days well It was like a cave I'd be so tired that I like next day I was I was out but every time he

pulled over to get like gas I'm like duh wide awake my biggest issue is peeing I got to pee at least once in the night so then you'd have to figure out which way the bathroom is with your eyes closed the door that little sliding you press the button and then go to pee not get it everywhere but like yeah I slept like when Paul was done I was done like it rocks you it was great I got good hills we went up a couple

hills and you'd wake up a little crumple to one side of thing or you'd roll into the side of the wall like sometimes we when we went through like I never rolled out. Missouri. Because you could snap it in. Like smashing. Someone rolled out. Someone rolled out on us.

No, Bobby Lee rolled out on the bird pressure. No, no, on us. One of us rolled out too. I was, I would say this. When we got there, he goes, hey, you're going to want to sleep either which way. Don't. You have to sleep with your feet towards the front because if I slam on the brakes, you want your feet hitting that and not your head.

Yeah. That was a good. So my thing was, I could fall asleep if we were already parked and then moved during the night, which other people found really hard. And then, but if we were moving already, it was very difficult for me to fall asleep. I couldn't fall asleep while. The ACs too.

You had to open up right because someone's like, it's so hot in the air. But I had you had your little doggy too. And sometimes your dog would come jump up on my leg and we'd have a little. Dude, Bandit would choose sometimes. Yeah. And he would just like, oh, what about calling him today?

Yeah, she'd come up on my leg and I was like, all right, absolutely. It's the best cuddler for going to say, she'd be warm for sure. 100%. I get it. The emotional support thing. Yeah, I get it.

No, it was definitely, I loved it. And I loved waking up because I go, sometimes I fucked your dog, yeah. I don't know where we're going to be. You know, I fucked your dog and go to that. I don't have the same sexual references. Sometimes we'd wake up and we'd be in a garage. That wasn't the first dick in there.

Like, we'd be inside a garage. I know, yeah. I go, where the fuck are we? Nice. Oh, ho. Dogs. A bandit bros. Bandit bros.

Sure. Were you in Springfield? No. Okay. Hold on. Then that's a hold on. But were you guys, we weren't the, hold on. Hold on. What details we have to get through?

So cigars were great. Yeah. Supplied by. Weak weed is always good. I brought 12% weed. Renazizi mocked it at first. And then he goes, O'Neill. O'Neill, you got any more of that weed?

We got high pretty much every single night. And we would put on a movie or some dog shit. No, no, no, no. We watched Ice Road Truckers. I never watched Ice Road Truckers. Who do you watch? No, we watched a movie that stars somebody that I had once. Oh, Drugstore June, one of All Things Comedy's greatest efforts with scenes completely blown out in life.

This is how bad All Things Comedy is. They didn't even watch it down. They had one that was blown out lightwise. And they go, oh, just run it. I don't support Ari's views. It's crazy how terrible they are as producers. It's crazy. They didn't even watch it down.

They go, I'm sure it's good. I like the old dads. Old Dad's good. Forget. So, June had some homes. Who was in Springfield? You? Yeah.

Okay. So we park. Every time we park, we park near a venue. And we'd go, where do you park? So Paul had to get a hotel. Yes. And I had to beg. Guys, don't save $30 to get him all the way across town.

The Uber, he doesn't start his time off until he gets to his hotel. Also, he's a human. Yeah. Get him a decent hotel. One time, he was like, I'm in a literally a homeless hotel. What? Yeah. It was bad.

His rooms. You book his rooms? The dumb assistant who was terrible. He's been fired. One time we parked in the parking lot of a hotel that was connected to the venue and they sent him to another hotel. Five miles away. It's right here. What are you guys doing?

He's a person. Anyway, St. Louis. I'm sorry. Springfield. So we pull in next to the venue. Springfield. Love that club.

Love that club. What a cross. Yeah, they were great. Everyone is cool. Yeah. So we get there and these like these like, Dirtbag young skateboarders were across the street skating. We're like, oh, that's funny watching them.

And they come over, like, what do you guys? Is it a band? We have a tour bus. No, it's like, come on. Tell us what band you are. Like, we're like comedians. We're not, you wouldn't know us. And then the oldest one, he was probably 16.

He goes, yeah. So they leave it. You guys shouldn't stay here. We're like, what? He goes, no, for real, though. This is like a bad place. And then he just skated off. Yeah.

We were like, yeah. What? There's migratory. homeless where they go from the shelter to the food bank and they come right in their path it was like camping between where the bears live and the water well you know it's bad when teenagers go we need to tell the old guys give them a little wisdom here you guys shouldn't be here

this is where the people will travel so we had to beg Paul we like ball come back get us take us back to your hotel yep and so we say the parking lot of his hotel did he come during the show while we were on the show just get us back yeah just get our host get the thing back away from here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can't stay here.

We'll be fired by them. Because we had opened up the side. You know, like when you park, you can open up that little sideboard. That's what they do. So a bus is a bus. But then when you park and you're not moving, the side's moved. So we're just like, it's trans. It's a transformer.

Here's the edge. And now there's the edge. Yep. Sometimes it would be out in traffic and they'd put cones. And I was like, if somebody's not thinking they're going to kill us that we're sitting on the part that's extended, some semi is just going to run into it rip us off. Great way to go. I mean,

I thought, take me from this world. Remember Chicago was like, we thought it was going to be the wildest, like, night because we had spent two nights in Chicago on the street right outside the Vick. Yes, I was worried. We had very calm, easy nights. Perfect. Minneapolis, I was scared for my fucking life. We got out.

Springfield, we were like, oh, we got to get the fuck out of it. And then other places, the Vick, right in front of the Vick, totally fine. Awesome time. Two nights there. I did a scout for South Special there. Yes. Yeah. Hold on, I will say this for the bus door.

A minor part of it is the shows. and then the hang is 80% of it. Yeah. That's what breaks up bands, dude. If bands could only just perform together on stage, that would be it. They'd be fine. It's all that other time that they don't want to hang out with each other. That's why they have eight different buses.

So let's talk about this then. Don't forget the lesbians in Madison. They'll fucking attack the shit out of you. What is that? Remember when I crossed over that lady's gate? What? She ran out of the house. Yeah.

But yet, they're so. liberal that I was like I don't know how to read yet and she didn't want to let's lesbian comes down she didn't want a four sign we're on a walk right do not cross this this is private property do not cross it O'Neill steps over it immediately goes over there but O'Neill gets be on the lesbian comes flying out of her home right just and she looks like like fucking Napoleon dynamites it's like Rosie O'Donnell and Napoleon dynamite her baby out excuse me excuse me Did you not see the sign? And he goes,

and O'Neill right away, what sign? The sign that's right there, it says, do not cost. His glasses at what's on? Yeah, yeah. It's just private property. He's looking at them like,

O'Neill turns and looks at him. He was, she goes, oh, no. He goes, what sign? Lower is his class. He goes, I don't know how to read. And she, with her liberal guilt, has no idea what to do it.

She goes, you don't know what that says? And I go, and I go, Duh Duh She goes 90% of her goes This guy's lag But 10% is like

If he's not lying I cannot Like I'm on the team of righteous And I could never be not righteous So in case this guy Shut the fuck up We're just going out of the fucking water

But O'Neill's like Please like you didn't see that side of it And then she I don't know how to read She backed off a little And she goes Well it says this And I go

Well that's great Thank you for do it for explaining to me what it says. Yeah, I mean, and so the lesbians are vicious. But Madison's a beautiful. Madison is one of those where I was like, this moment, I was like, hey, I'm going for a walk. I'll see you guys. Yeah.

You just need some alone time. I was great for dipping, which was good. Renizzi and I got up early. I went to like, oh, yeah, I'm going to do something really great today. You're not allowed to come. If you ever get divorced, I just needed to walk away and be alone. If I ever. So much this and it's like, great, give me an hour of house.

You went to the record store. And bought your album. He bought his own album. Oh, I went to a record store in Madison right across the street from, I forgot the name of the venue. It doesn't matter. Cool venue. They would get paper tickets. They were like, hey, we're not, we don't do that.

It sold popcorn. It was fantastic. Oh, we got to talk about popcorn. But I was in the record shop found a neutral milk hotel. I had decided which one to buy. I went to the comedy, found my first album, Revenge for the Holocaust. $4. And I was like, okay.

Check it out. Go get it. And then Indianapolis. I gave it to merch boy I go sell this he goes how much I'm like 100 he goes let's get two

he sold it for $200 original vinyl signed yeah talking about ripping off your biggest fan yeah your diehard fan

$4 dollars but that is 200 look at you also yeah like a homeless fucking Protestant the skull in the thing from the bottle yeah it's disgusting

you got the fucking fisherman fucking looked like the guy from jaws did my passport over like this oh you did I had all the other pictures.

They go, no, these are you going to be two by two. I'm like, they're going to take it now. But they go, but what? But nothing. Oh, I want to have trouble at the border every time. Yeah, yeah. Every time. Every time I enter a country.

Sir, you don't look at anything like that picture. Oh, so if you've never gone to breakfast with Renazizi when you're on the road, you haven't lived. Because Renazizi, he doesn't have his volume control for the day adjusted. So if you see like a hot waitress, he's like, yo, look at the fucking balloons. not on this horror. Check out the cans on now. He's the married too long. My ears are married too long.

My ears haven't popped here. If I ever get divorced, there's a, there's a diner in Madison, Wisconsin. I'm going back to find the love of my life. This lady walks two feet away. And as easy goes,

look at her fucking pussy's O'Neill. He's like, her fucking pussy's wet. I don't have that kind of list, you son of a bitch. Dog, look at, dude, her fucking butt hole?

Did you see that? She had big old fucking naturals, dude. You son of the bitch. He doesn't go on the fucking. I don't sound anything like that. He does a good on page. Allegedly.

Guys, we do it. Guys, are we fucking tonight? Guys, do the bullhole on her? Okay, I got some stuff to talk about.

One, O'Neill tells us the pros and cons of our, our bus tour versus the, uh, Chrysure tour. Oh, versus the Chrysure tour. Okay.

Oh, I think you're the only one who's got another tour. Yeah. We've not. Okay. So I will say this. When it comes to lunch, Bert goes,

Burt just talks to us By the way Pete He's fucking phenomenal guy He rules He's on his way out What? Yeah But on to bigger better things

I called I said hey What does he head of Disney now His hair's too nice I said that yeah I've heard that about Pete So it's lunchtime And then Bert's like What's the finest steakhouse

In town that's open right now Okay We're going there Give us one of everything On the appetizer list How many steaks do we need There's four of us Just bring like six steaks

Also, let's get the meatloaf. What do you guys want for drinks? Maybe we should just get a bottle of something. And then it's like, we need desserts probably. And we're kind of fully going to just bring the desserts so we can look at them while we're eating. Hold on. Pause. People say Bert's too fat.

Bert should be way fatter. Oh, he's been like that. Remember we went skiing and we went to Del Taco and he's like, give me whatever $300. Give me $300 worth. And they go, well, do you want this money? He goes, I don't care. It goes $300. Oh, yes.

And he go, well, I can give you two packs of this. It goes, hey, hey. Dealer's choice. 300. Bring it. Yes. We're driving around. It was like more food than you.

And that was before. That was when Bert started. But I just started. In fairness, Bert has hundreds of more dollars than Irie. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I may be say six, seven hundred dollars more. Considerably. Per year.

Probably. But I don't know. That's compound. I always made sure our food. We always ate well. We'd always ate well. Pete O'Neill, like we would get hungry in our. on stage, like we have to prepare dinner.

Like, a good mother's like... Didn't you bring the almonds from the train? What do you feel like? We would always make sure we were going to order something that we always had food because I was like, yeah, dude. I ate an Ilios French bread pizza microwaveable before the show. After the show, I want decadence.

I want something, I want a feature. You got to be demanding decadenters. I want a turkey leg and some foiehqua. I'm a special feature. I was asked a couple months beforehand, dude. Steve was a meat. feature. Bert also has another assistant who just mixes drinks.

So when your drink is done, you have another drink that's coming right away. We don't need that. We don't need that. Now you're wearing silk pajamas. Yeah, dude, I don't need that. I'll crack open a book fast on my own. All the hotels you stay at to like shower and stuff, five star. Sure.

Yeah. Should I text Bert? But I'm not a guy. Wait, can ask a question? I say, I stayed at Shane's. I was like, hey, I'm going, but I think I'm leaving that night. So I don't know if any of the hotel, like, we'll just get you it. And it's the nicest hotel.

That's what I want to ask. I was there for three hours. That's why I want to ask. You stay in hotels. Yeah. Too nice for me. And they go, we don't care. So when you go to the theater with Bert, like, when you get to the theater, like, you're not like to

the theater. Like, you're not like, oh, I sleep on the, like, there's a hotel room for you also as well. Well, there was. Also, it was for showering. And then because Byrd has his own private show. You're not going to go use bird shower. Like if you want a shower, you go. So we got a couple of hotel rooms.

I showered with bird on the tub. Yes, you don't have to switch off. We were switching off. Yeah. You would switch off. Honestly, though, I love. Stop masturbating. So we can get in there.

I love both ways. I didn't, I don't have a preference in this. Did you have to bring your own flip flops for Bert's tour? He gave you flip flops. He goes here. Sounds like his tour. What do you mean? You brought up?

You didn't bring flip flops, dude? Oh, showering. I will say, this episode is brought to you by the Burk Chrysher Free Waters. Best Flipflop I've ever had. They are good. No joke. They are. great. They have an opener at the bottom too.

What does that mean? Like a candle. Also the difference too when you go with Bert like the daytime activities it's like so I think there was like the country music awards so we were we went to go see like Jelly Roll perform and we were at the side of the stage

and then we went to a rapper to go he's not I just saw him two weeks ago and then we went and we were hanging it not that I don't really like I was also like I should be at the bus writing jokes or something no I don't but it was It was fun. But that's part of the job.

For our, for our tour, it's like, yeah. Did you guys find anything? We had cool hikes. We stopped a couple times. I mean, even in Chicago, we went along the river. They were different, a little different, but I enjoyed both thoroughly. For our tour, it's like, hey, guys, if you haven't researched anything, I also haven't researched anything. Yeah.

So whatever you guys got. You know what I learned about going with you on the road a lot was like, I, like, truly, truly. I like to, I go. I finally look. I learned I was like, hey, here's some places for coffee that we should go try. And then I found some hikes and stuff that we should just go do. And he's like, yeah, let's do that. Hikes were good.

You remember the one hike we went on. I was like, this is too long. Steve was like, we're lost. You were so mad. No, no, I do hike. Calm. My hike. He was mad.

There's a fucking beginning and an end. He was mostly wandering, dude. That's not for me. I heard you were getting sick. Steve was getting pissed. Just give me a beginning and an end. so I can pace myself and expand the amount of energy I have. Are you seeing you blew your load up on the way off?

I didn't know what my load was going to be, dude. I don't know how long we're walking for. Here's, here's, this is column hiking. This is a gray hike day. Yeah, this, where was this? This was in, uh, the boy, that the boy? I got a promo there somewhere. We had to do a lot of promos.

Where was this? We had to take a lift over here. No, no, no, no, we didn't. Bus? No, this is where the bus he stopped. He goes, hey, can I use one of you? I don't use one of your launch. He pulled over.

We did that, but I don't know if you guys did that. No, he definitely pulled over. He pulled over. He pulled over. He goes, it was like two hour hike. Like, can we stop it for like, it's going to be like three hours. He goes, I don't care. We did that too.

Remember we pulled on the clock. Yeah, that was, no, no, that was with Renazizi when he pulled in the parking lot. This one, I think we took a 20 minute and you got mad. You go, this is big enough. And I go, it's gonna be big enough. If you looked at it on a map, you go, there's a highway over here and there's a road over here. And I also just not a, I'm watching our listening. You did.

record intros to episodes on this hike. So if you really want to go through it, find some outside footage of Ari. That's a skeptic tank. No, I think it was this. Maybe it was skeptic tank. When was it? Oh, no. This is 23.

This was back in March of last year. Oh, 24 of last. Yeah, I did 23. You did March of 24. No, then it was, it'd be this. Overlap. One of the other. I think we ended the other one.

We only did promos for the upcoming shows that we were on the tour. Yeah. It was this because I remember you doing the. The ad reads and stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the ad reads. Oh, for sure. It's our ad reads. What about...

I'll get to it. Okay. Cigars... I will say cigars were great at night, and we were like, hey, smoke whatever you want, throw them away. Foundation cigars. Big promo. Gave us, not for this, but it applied to this.

Gave me boxes, and I'm like, I'm bringing these on the tour. Yeah. You brought your... I brought my... What are you like? Romeo and Julietas. The mild. The mild.

Those are great ones. Yep. So we had a bunch of great cigars and we're like, let's smoke these at night on these lawn chairs. If you're doing a bus store, stop at Walmart. Get lawn chairs. They're like $10. Because if it's nice out, just sit out there. You're in a enclosed parking lot in fucking Tucson.

Yep. Just sit out there. Guess what? Even if you break down, God forbid, you could still go outside, sit outside and not have to worry. You know, you can do whatever you want. Callum and I had one of our best nights out in that parking lot. Drunk as shit. It was cold as fuck.

and we were just crying. We were crying. Crying. That might have been where Collie Cocktails came from. Collie Cocktails was a problem. Collie Cocktails. You'll meet him in an hour. Oh, hey.

He's on his way. I just got a text. I've got a text. I've got Collie Coke before, but I have never been to Cocktail. Collie Cocktails was a later version. Steve. It was a later version of fucking Pilot Hennigan. After 9.30 p.m.

Collie cocktails comes out. comes out. I love it. He left Colum Teryl in the past. Yeah. Collie cocktails is the junk. So I get blackout drunk. What time do you start drinking before?

Like how many drinks you get earlier? As the days went on, it got earlier and early. Here's how crazy it is. When he gets the collie cocktails, he'll remember things that Colum didn't remember that Collie cocktails did. He brings out new memories. Yeah. From other.

I'm like, do you remember we did that? Because Column doesn't remember. He goes, I remember everything. Ah, yeah, literally like, me myself and I. I was so I was just saying right he goes he goes 48 hours ago so I was just saying about the time I mean finished the story I started two days ago time went by right back yeah that's awesome I get I get blackout drunk and I'm not even that drunk I don't call the cocktails do you ever throw up on the bus the cocktails has a belfast accent oh about the buzz a double

accent he's in the fucking IRA callie cocktails loves Israel I never got can I just say a little Oh, side note, IRA. R.E. Spell backwards. Oh. We want to unfree them. They want to free them. Dude.

I've never seen a man drink more than call him. Because he'll have 15. Dude, I'd be like, it will just be nonstop. It's a slip and slide for me. It's like, it's like, it's like falling off a thing. I have like, you never threw up on the bus? Like driving, I would have been like, I'm not really a troll. No, I never did.

That was always the thing that stopped me from going like just fucking all the way. Yeah, but you drink whiskeys and shit. I just drink beers. But you could stop Paul and go, do you mind pulling over? But that was my fear. That alone was, I would never want to stop. What if he's like, I'm in the middle of a, I'm a, I'm a great run. You know, like I don't want to.

Yeah. I would, that to me, it was a loss already. We paste ourselves. But you know, I would get, we'd go out drinking. Like, obviously, you're still hung over from the night before. You have a beer. It's five o'clock, whatever. And then you have the shows and then you get fucked up.

And we'd go out or whatever. And then the next day, I'd drink. rag myself out of bed. It's like 1 p.m. And everyone's just hanging out. I'm like, hey, how's good? I'm going. I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, and you know, they're all like, everyone's

bluff going, fun night last night, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was great, right? And then they're like, you had fun, uh-huh. And you can tell everyone's like, slowly, like, what do you know about last night? You remember who you were last night, dude? I got that's the great thing. You had a good time.

Yeah, I loved it. Yeah. I don't like going to bed, so I will stay up. with whoever's up. Hold on. Let's pull a picture up. I got a great one. Oh, there's one.

Yeah, really? I got a great one of O'Neal. I will. Well, not, dude. You could, one night I was like, oh, I got all the energy

in the world and O'Neill is fuck tonight, dude. And he would just sit there in the pocket. Look at Ari. Ari. That's not enough. You got to plug it in. I got to hold it.

I got to find it first. Give it to him. Good one of O'Neill fucking out. Well, he doesn't want to put a ball in his phone. While he looks for it, I will. tell you this. Let's talk a little bit about while he gets that. Unless it's

going to be a while. It's not. Let's get me no time. I mean. The stealing supplies. Every stop we made, we got to steal waters. We're going to run out. We got to steal a bottle of JMO or something, a bullet. You got to steal something. And then something just for fun that we're no, we're not going to need.

Salsas. A crush red pepper. Oh, yeah. Bars. Like like fucking kind bars. Whatever you're going to eat. What did you get today? I got the eight car mess. You mean at the theaters.

Theaters, whatever they had. So the theaters would have a bit of a spread. Column, here's the deal. I had hair on the first. This is a video. Oh, my God. Look at how much of a spastic. You have a pocket filling tissue.

Look at this. Look at a pocketful of the tissue. Let's play a game called meth or O'Neill. Oh, my God. Am I on heroin or look at this? Look at the neck. That is a homeless guy. There's no way air is getting to his larynx.

Through his larynx right now. Oh, you're in the back, you're in the back right going back. Jesus. You're right. We're only halfway done. Oh, oh, oh, oh, look at that. Hey! Where's my tissue?

Did you talk? He goes, you better not touch to my tissue, guys. Oh, he was these. Oh, those the... Oh, those are the... Those are the pump skittles. Dylan brought the pump skittles. Yeah, dude.

He was addicted to them. Another solid dillin ad Wait, you also call him, you have to show the videos of me smelling your fart Oh, hold on, hold on. Look at Ryan right next to his hand sanitizer That he loved. Oh, that sprits?

Did you bring the sprits? All alcohol, no, no lavender. So, yeah. I kept everyone's sprits. We started about halfway true of the trip. We started doing this joke where you would let out a silent fart, right? And like, and someone's, and you would record yourself and you would just wait until it just drifted across.

And then you just see him in the background and go, Oh god Yeah Like smelling salts for O'Neill goes did you just fucking fart? And O'Neill has a nose on him dude He lacks in eyesight he makes up in sometimes you see calm and it was like he's on the other side So it's like me two two guys and then call him I look up to say it and he'd just go like this he'd be holding his phone like this

I'd like sweet I'm the farthest away Yeah, yeah, I know he's just like so what are you guys doing later? I'm like you're just waiting for a fart ticket out and you see people go and then I go Oh what the fuck and he would just die laughing dude yeah I mean, that's the other thing. Paul must be like, he's like, oh, the amount of farts. He's kind of, he could do you. Look at the struggle, O'Neill. This is like my left foot.

So there was one time. I love you, Christy. I love you, Mary. So we watched a bunch of stuff on the bus. One time was I strode truckers. It was every night. Another time was our buddies from the comedy stories. Oh, Gerard Carmichael.

Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, my favorite. I go, Neil, he's sucking another guy's toes. We got to watch his father. Paul comes back to tell something and we see Gerard sucking on a toe It doesn't suck it on a toe Oh, I'm like, no, Paul, it's how we look like

It's our friend, it's our friend We're being homophobic Paul This is not what we're about We don't agree with me! Renizzi's like, hey, what are the future episodes like I go, he fucks his dad On a road trip Great episode by the last

I will also say We would get, we would get blazed high Like if you weren't getting fucked up You were getting blazed So I got to take it the night off And we would put on a movie We watched Roadhouse, remember? Yeah.

Oh, you'd never seen it. And Ari would do this thing. Ari would get popcorn, right? And it was like, you know, common courtesy. We're all sitting around like this. I didn't want to drink. Anyone want some skittles?

Yeah. Popcorn? He would not offer anyone. He would just go up and make popcorn on his own. And come back. And he would hold it. There's tons of bags. There were lots of bags.

He would hold it in the headlock and just, uh, open now. With the butter and the grease? I mean, I've never seen someone. Too disgusting. It was. so big he'd have to bite around it. It was never even to get to the center.

Everything else was I didn't want some chocolate. I didn't want a beer popcorn. I'm not even like a picture O'Neal staring at him like I'm going to have to vacuum up all those crumbs tomorrow. Up there in the morning. I mean, back per person and popcorn. Oh, dude. Make your own bag. I was a big in cleanliness, but you would go like this and then it was so big you couldn't fit it.

And he was like, oh, you'd work it around until you could shove it all the way. Dude, you saw that we got the UFC. You don't know the same thing. Oh. Oh. I went to the UFC with him. He bought a bag of peanuts, uncracked peanuts. Oh, no.

Dude, he was three feet above everyone because the peanut pile had gotten so big under his fucking chair. I went to Post Malone two weeks ago and I bought a $40 bucket of popcorn. It was this pig and I sat there and I shoveled it into my mouth. The girl next to me was so grossed out. She was just like, look at me. I was like, would you take your boys there? Yeah. Should you just go to the fucking back bar at the comedy store.

I did. I went to charge my phone and I bought a $4. It's so funny seeing people who are like in their 20s. You're like, oh, I don't care anymore. Oh, yeah, I go. I get why you, why you think is gross. He's like, I'm here from the popcorn, dude. I'm making sure these kids have fun.

Nobody gets, when everybody gets home safe. This is how they make all their money. These stars that cater to kids because parents have to buy a ticket. I was it. I saw Pose. I met Post Malone at the Irvine. Clean comedy. Irvine.

Irvine. What's the Irvine? Improv. No, the Lake is used to play there. Oh, the Spectrum. Forum. form and I was like I'm going to cut a hole out of the Kobe jersey

and stick my dick out of it and post Malones I was like what and I was like yeah I'm gonna I gotta come up for kill Tony he's like I'm assuming that's a joke and then I cut it out in front of Ted Sarandoz who I didn't know at the time I thought he was just I'm like normal I'm wondering why your deal was getting

I thought was Tim's dad Timden was telling him was like well your dad's nice Sarandoz turn to his lawyers like hold up that Shafir deal on that Netflix special for a second it took a while put a pin in that for a second Roadhouse, dude. I only know him from Roadhouse. Oh, yeah, he took his shirt off and was the most disgusting body. But then you watched the new one and then

I never watched, I never watched the original. No. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no. Call it cocktails watched the originally loved it. No. No. No. No. No. We watched it one night and you go, this is fucking great. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. We did watch it. Yeah. Let's talk to call it. You're crossfaded a few beers. You loved it. You love it. You go. It's so much better. Yeah, you're right

Yeah. The last one was better And it was terrible Because like, where are you fucking this chicken Like where the other guy Her ex can see her Yeah

And he fucked on the roof He turned around to his boss Who was like At the beginning he just His boss He was literally just giving him a job There was no animosity And turns out to his boss

And he goes Fuck you I quit And he walked out He was like Let's get out of here And you like That guy was He just hired you

You never You never explained Why you hate this guy You just Some girl walked in And he goes Hey I want to hire you And he turns out of

It was a classic 80s thing. You guys have more pictures? The world revolves around that job where it's all bouncer world. Yeah, bouncer world. It's like, let's talk about the border crossing. Great. This is Canada. Remember this bar?

That was so if you go. Wait, plug it in. Oh, I don't want to just roll through it. No, it's okay. No, they won't show it until we like set around one. That's Kansas City. I remember that bar. That was cool.

Wait. This is the jazz bar. Yes. One of the coolest spots. I almost wanted to film here. I took videos of it. That's pretty cool. This is upstairs.

This is not happening. This is like. It's not happening. It does not exist anymore. The end is the new name. There's no, there's not having it's dead. There's no relation to any new show coming in March.

So your storytelling show you were thinking about having here? Yeah. There's a couple in there of that place. This place was great. Yeah. I was so fucked up that when you go, we should get more drinks. Oh my God.

You look exactly the same. Oh, look at that fucking beard. What you found in the bottom of a fucking well? What the, that place ruled. What was it? Green room? A mind collapse?

What was it called? The green room? Hit Chris Porter up. Remember, he was telling us. Oh, there's Ariz fans. Look, a nice, a nice 70-year-old woman with fake tits. Is that Dolly pardon? Hi, hi, hi, to hear.

Hi, please, close to Jesus. Look at her looking at you, dude. She's like, who would bite your dick off? She goes, I don't want. She got, well, I catch the Jew off this one. I think that's the exact reason I took that picture. Oh, oh, this is my scut. Pull up some dick picks.

Yeah. Oh, it's a nice. What is that? What is that? Oh, remember that was the Vick? That was a huge fan. Oh, yeah. Can I tell you one thing about the Vick?

I grew up around the Chicagoland area. And as a teenager, I used to go to the Vick to see shows. So to go back and perform there was pretty wild. Because I used to be there, watch bands. I was like, I don't even know how you would ever get to this. You and I watched a band there before we went. The way you get there is by knowing someone who gets there. Hey, any way you can get there.

Oh, that was fun. So this is the front. This is the front. This is pretty much the... That was like a living quarter. So this is the vibe of the front. So you see the shoes there. We're all, whatever.

So this was this opened up or not opened up? This is open. This is open. Was it opened? Yeah. I have a question. I have a question. Yeah.

So this is obviously your tour bus. Now, didn't we have another, a big TV? Like, where does photo was taken? Yeah, yeah. We had two TVs. So there's one there. One over there. Steve, the other one back there.

It had, it was updated. and it only had your bus like ours had 600,000 miles on it. This one only had like 80,000. Yeah, it was it was only a year old. I know they're with a thumbs up on some pizza. I will, okay, these are just whatever. Oh, the Marines, that's what we're going to send Dylan. Hi.

I saw yourself on TV. What is it? What is everyone? I said that dude. I was watching curb with my wife. And then I went, oh, it's David. I said that to you. That's why you have a save.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. What is this? I was watching fucking curb He sent it to me Randomly this ugly fuck ruins a scene That dude that I mean I remember that being like you were like

You were tired dude It was like it's a long You know that's the one thing It's like you do get sleep And you do sleep well but like I literally a lesson I've been on stage a while I'm done having to talk to me For another hour afterwards

Also how many I mean we did probably what 27 shows In 30 days or whatever it was Have you ever done something like that many shows in that little period of time. Edinburgh, but not two a night. Even like for me, 20 whatever minutes, you were doing an hour and a half at least. Yeah.

Wow, this was such fun tours. It really was, dude. And this is the, that place is fucking, what was it called? The green room, the green something? I don't remember. Oh, Oweville. Look at that guy.

We were hitting in the cage. We went. We don't have any of those, huh? Yeah, we went and hitting the cage. We went in the cave. Louisville, yeah. I've got the slow-mo. Someone's got the slow-mo video.

I sent it to them. Guys, we got to send all our videos. Yeah. That's a video for promo. Oh, hey guys. Oh,

oh, hey guys. I forgot that look. Oh, this is fucking, uh, Louisville. Yeah,

because then we started walking down and started to get more homelessnessy. Oh, this is the video. I mean, Steve's don't want to hit a baseball. But didn't we do Kentucky also? We did, yeah.

But not Louisville. No, we did. Who's that? The helmet doesn't fit, though. We did. Because you're a big,

we did do Kentucky. I grew a mustache Lexington. We did Lexington. You and I did fireball. I got to test a speed out first. What a terrible switch. You got to test the speed out.

Plus that. Brody would be, Brody is turning over his turning over in his belt. But there's a better video of me. Dude, I was hitting cage at your house. Yeah.

I was a natural. I know, dude. He did all right. His kid grows heat. Yeah, I'm sure. I was a natural though. I put the machine on this. Jonah was throwing heat.

Who is this? It's me, dude. That's me, bro. Fucking right up the middle there is no right back up the middle take that pitch Bang out of the park is a already look at this cast away please just be a picture Nug life oh my god oh god not you feet move flying around you got to plant that yeah no it's even I know that not great no there's a bet it looks better in slow-mo This is like a homeless guy attacking an Asian woman look

where all the... Israeli fights back against Palestinian protester. That's our picture. A year old Palestinian did? Ari, yeah.

Ari smashed the kid's face. By the way, the show is... Oh, Butler! We didn't... Oh! That is this! We went to our Hoosers was filmed.

Well, we went to Butler University. We performed there, and they were having the men's basketball practice. Yeah. Also, and they invited us in. Odom was there.

I got... I got campus security to let us in the theater. The theater is unbelievable. It's like four stories. It was sick. We were like playing hide and go seek in there. It was a fucking amazing.

We're the only, there was no staff there at all. Your family came to that. Yeah, my brother was there. And then Tebow showed up and six minutes later he was blackout. Oh, dude.

He opened up with a retarded, a chick with good tits. So the coach of Butler came over. Dad Mata. He had coached somebody big. Ohio State. And he came over to be like, hey,

I just want to get Butler back to respectable. Yep. And he comes. Jesus. Did you fart? Oh my god, bro. I haven't even gotten it yet. It's terrible?

Jesus. Oh my God. It smells with the linen. I got it. It's easy. We got it all on camera. We got it on camera. I don't smell it at all.

Collie cocktails strikes again. Oh, the funny thing, because we don't have headphones. I find it. So there are, and then you can see you half a choose. Oh, it smells like that. What is that? That fucking black Irish

It smells like burnt Mahogany or something Bell fast What is that liquor we drink? Buck fast. Book fast. I smell nothing still. Yeah, that was fun. That was great.

Just because we talked about it. And you know what's great? It's because you don't have headphones in. I farted into the mic. So having a home can hear it. And then they can just watch Ari get hit halfway to a story. Ladies and gentlemen,

you're looking behind the curtain of comedy. This is what goes on in the green room. So the, this is how comedy is Hey, you're going to hear it. They're going to smell it. Can we play that again in slow-mo, please? So they come over.

I'll do that. Do it as a slow-mo of that. All right. So the coach of Butler comes over. He goes, you guys are comedians? I'm like, yeah. He goes, do you know Nate Bargatz? And I'm like, right away.

He goes, can you record a video and send him? Yeah, sure. We should. I did. Yeah. He's like, they never replied? No, I sent it to him. He goes, who gives a fuck?

Yeah, Nate was like, thank you. By the way, if this coach watched it, he's definitely. But he also gave us free t-shirts. Also, there was a guy that was on the league that was there who was a retired NBA player. Sort of right. Greg Oden is a coach there and he was on Thadmott's. Oh, championship team. Wait, go back one photo.

That was a nice room. Is that Odom? Yeah, that's him. That's Greg Oden. I'm friends with him still on it. I'm so hoping to get recognized there and nobody recognized me or Steve. Yeah. And these are, wait, go back one to the venue.

There's a normal live. No, no, the other way. Oh. Other way. Keep going. Stop. Nice thing. So we thought Ari sold it out.

Yes. So Renazizi and I are playing to the top two rows. No. When we get off stage, we realize. They're roped off. They're blocked. I did. They said, because our guy who was doing nothing goes, no, it's sold out.

I'm like, really? And I got a settlement. I'm like, I think it was wrong because the guy said it was sold out. And they were like, he lied to you. Yeah. Because we don't know where to perform in giant theaters. So we're like, so we were staring at no one. Four levels.

But that's the funny thing. You do like at 1800s in the room. And they go, no, the top 200 seats are closed off. Yeah. Steve and I went up there to watch the show. We had two floors to ourselves. That was the. That's the inside of the theater.

Oh, that's where Tebow took a photo with his sister and his mom. And some fans with his balls out. That's around as easy taking a photo of his sneakers. Mm-hmm. You just happened to be in the background. That's that rock club. St. Louis. Yeah, we played that one.

Where they sent us a private security guard to watch the bus. Hey, who did the Orange Peel in Asheville? That was you. I have the photo. Yeah, I stole this. It's pens that would give out in the back. And it says, I stole this pen from backstage at the Orangeville. Nice.

That's where Bandit came out on stage at, uh, during the show. I just laid down. I'm pissed. I didn't get Bandit. You brought Bandit a second time. Yeah. How was having the dog? It made it so much fun.

Oh, I would have loved that. If it rained, she went nuts, but it, but if, when we came back, she's like, yeah. It was such a fun thing to have. Where did she sleep during the day? Like, just so, oh, we had a place in the back for her in the lounge. She would pick around the bed. Oh, we talked about this by you in the lounge. In the lounge.

She would like climb into my bed at night sometimes. She would just fucking. And she would choose who to sleep with. Yeah. Yeah. And I would eat her pussy. From the back. Oh, yeah.

Look at that. Look at my fat face. You're blending in. Is that when we love? You and Paul look like brothers. That's a 10 year later. Paul rules. Fucking Paul.

Yeah. That was when he dropped us off in Indianapolis. We drove from Fort Wayne. We all flew out. We flew out of there. Oh, Paul. God, he was awesome. Paul's like, please don't put the photo of me out there with you guys.

Absolutely. Blur his face. There you go. Steve, just figure out how much he's doing. Exactly. How much of my name? have to pay an ari. What are you big, Jay?

That was like a week and a half later. That wasn't that true. That was in Philadelphia. We were both. Can I do Parks Casino? I'm doing helium and we were both part, you know, MMR's great, dude. And Preston and Steve are great, but dude,

we had to do like that morning radio. We're going to put you in a ride and ask you questions. Look how many. Can I just say, look how many clicks that Steve Renazizi got on his safety jacket compared to Jay? Look, look at the difference. of clicks there you can see that's a lot of clicks

that is a lot of clicks dude that's like a different machine that's pre that's preo Zemichay if you were in his clicks you would have flew out of that yeah dude

that's a that's a lot of clicks that is this guy that probably the radio guy that's asking us is that the new Dylan new Dylan the new Deboi oh what a fun show okay let's talk with the border real quick

Yeah, I haven't heard that story. I want to hear it. Okay, so we get to the border. And Paul, go ahead. Okay, can you tell me what route did you do on your tour? And then I'll say what route? We never went to the border. No, I'm not talking about the border.

I'm just saying what route did you do? So Omaha, like Minnesota, then down to Madison, then down to like Oklahoma, then over to like Missouri. Then back and we ended up in Indianapolis or in Fort Wayne. So like Midwest. So you kind of just did Midwest. Yes. The furthest stop we went is Minneapolis. But you guys went to Canada.

No, we did like a Crescent. We started in Raleigh. We did the east coast. Yeah. We started a rally, kind of bounced around there, worked west up to Tennessee. We went to Alabama. Up to the Midwest. And then ended up in Toronto.

So we did like a whole, like we avoided the northeast of the USA. But we started in rally and came around in a big curl. And we had to figure out. So we drove from Detroit or Grand Rapids to Toronto. Toronto. Yes. So we ended in Toronto. Toronto.

And we finished in Toronto. We had to figure out how to get the boy motivated to do work. Detroit. Hold on. Was there extra paperwork involved? Like, hey, by the way, before we go on this trip, you all have to give me your passport. If you, if you count that as paperwork, yes. We didn't have to do any of that stuff.

We had to bring passports. There was a text. Hey, don't forget your passport. Don't forget your passport. Okay. And we didn't cross on the Detroit side. Did you guys forget a passport so we went to Canada? One of you guys were, I lost a passport in Canada, which I've never told my fiancees.

She's never to find out in a year and a half from now. But, no, we were, we were doing road gigs in, in, in. Canada and we drove from one venue to next which was like five hours of the road. I was one went to Vancouver. No, you went on this. This was recent. This is not a tour bus so it doesn't deserve mention on the pot. We were just regular driving.

Or we drove and I left my Seattle, Vancouver. I left my passport in the drawer and then we clocked out. Wait, where did you leave the passport in Calgary? Edmonton of Calgary. So it's a four hour drive. The north one, right? So that's where we went. the north one i left which one is edmont i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i left i was somehow got it there there yeah you there sorry no because i had it

with me and then it was literally while he's on stage i went wait a second where's my passboard and then i rang the hotel and they were like yeah we have it at the hire like a midnight express guy to drive up. It was one of those where I had a thought of like, should I be paying for this? I go, no, no, no. Absolutely not. And it was like $500 or something.

I was like, just get it to me. And I'll never have to tell my girlfriend. And everything is okay. We did go to Oklahoma City too. Oh, yeah. That meow wolf was. It was a meow wolf. Factory Obscura.

Yeah. It was so cool. And we didn't do mushrooms because we had shows that night and we sort of regretted it after. Yeah. Factory Obscura is so fun. Is this a video?

Yes. It's smaller and more navigatable than Meow Wolf and nobody's there. Nobody's there. They give you glasses, hieroglyphic glass, whatever they're called. Which ones do you go to? Denver in January. Wait, you and I went to Denver. I went with, uh, meowulf.

Wherever I went. The factory obscured. Danny Braff came with me this year. Do you remember we went to? Back to obscure is a smaller one. It is a little bitch. It's completely immersive. Yeah.

Like everything's like a girl. And plus nobody was there. Nobody was there. Nobody was there. Nobody was there. It's one of the best things to possibly do in the world, really, if you're in Oklahoma City.

It's the first one of those. We won't show that. They won't show that. Okay, so we're in Canada. The boy has been on a two-day Coke binge. Oh, yeah. So I don't know where to Coke. Where did the Coke even show up?

From your pocket. We had a lot of Coke. In Grand Rapids, some dudes who were fans of yours gave you a huge bag of Coke. And then... They did? Yes. This is calling cocktails.

No, it wasn't Grand Rapids. question. It wasn't. Regardless of where it was. Sure. When you get handed this bag of Coke, and I, again, I've never been handed a Coke. I've been handed other drug pot.

But like, are you like, this is it? I'm set for the night. Are you like, oh, there's no way I'm going to be a part of this? Well, my first instance is they call the boy. Let them test it for us. Hey, hey, dude, this is the best Coke I've ever done. Try it. Test it.

And then he goes, now I wait 20 minutes and they go, all right, you're not getting anymore. That's my plan always. But I didn't think there was a real. You're not allowed to have any more. Oh my God. I don't know. I don't even do Coke that much.

Dude, you did Coke the whole time. You did Coke the whole time, you did Coke. You never stopped doing Coke. Let me, let me plug in. I don't think that's true.

Give me the plug in for this. I'll show, this is a bit. I'll show Collie on. No, you're on it. Your honor. Hyperpoliate.

Hiperulate. Can I say before? I'll let you plug it. But this is like, so there's one TV there. There's one TV there. So anywhere you're sitting, you can see you the same TV.

Yeah. A lot of Coke on that trip. Dude, Here's you at the NASA Museum high on Coke. That's not true. That's not true. This is lying. They're lying.

I'm going to see it. I want to see it here. Nazi salute. What is this? That's just a boss. Oh, speaking of being on Coke. That's not cold. Jesus, Steve.

You need to get some braces. Where did you find that to, dude? You all face each other. The bottom ones face each other. Well, turn that one around, dude. That's fucking worn out. No, this is when the bus. pulled up.

Oh, we were so excited. We first lays eyes on her. Halloween. Oh, beauty. We were so excited. We go, that's kind of be her, right? I need to just rips that corner. And Paul pulled the Ui right in the middle of the intersection.

The fucking tour bus. Oh, yeah. We had to load up shit down there. Hello merch. Oh, yeah. They got us her shit. See, your teeth are. Family bag of chips.

Your way, you've got way too much money to look like that. I didn't want to go on this fucking ride because I was hungover shit. Oh, you didn't go. This is, he's, look at this guy. By the way, my phone has not been charged. Hey.

He's high on coke. No, this guy's coke out of his fucking mic. He's blowing rails. Oh my God. In the fucking Uber on the way to the Talk about Buzz Lightyear. You're buzzed up light year.

Look at that's make a wish kid. Look at him. Dude. He's got a tanned. Send him up to fucking space. Look at his legs though. Oh, dude, this guy. He got that, look at that son on those.

He goes. I can't see the challenge That's a Huntsville? Yeah, I've been there too Massaulville I can't look at the Challenger explosion Unless I'm high on Coke Oh, did you get to ride the

I brought people on tour I was telling them all about space And my opinions This place is haunted by the way This place is haunted Huntsville dude Do you remember when he did a bunch of fucking blow during the day here?

I honestly did not do that He did Anyway He was so I'm not ripping lines and going to the NASA Museum. Dude, he almost got kicked out of the fucking NASA Museum because he's being so loud. Because I, first of all, first of all, first of all, Huntsville. Huntsville is full of fucking Nazis.

Operation Paperclip was relocated to the Huntsville. Wait, is that why I did so well there? That's why NASA exploded and, in, these guys were able to figure it out. Do you remember this, Ari? No. So we went to the Huntsville Museum. You didn't come with us. I did not go, right?

He rode in a centerfuge and it made me literally because we were hungover shit. I almost threw up. We had a great day. Yeah. So Collum and I had a fantastic day. He kept going. He went into, you know, they have the model where the crew lives in space. Yeah.

And he pulled out some fucking Coke and he put it on one of the lunch trays and he blows rails. And he goes, this is the best day ever. Trump would love you. I went into like the little like reconstruction of what it's like. Yeah. And I went into the microwave. and I walked in and I took the plate out.

He spun the disc. And there was this. Space microwave. I did coke off the space microwave. Yeah. And he was fucked out of his mind. No, they have a special tray

that stops it from floating away. So when you pull out your coke, it actually flows to the top so you can pull this down. It's a scientific thing that you, no, you let it go into the ear and you sniff it out of the air. And this right here, this is,

so they let you put your face in the Challenger survivors. I'm not wearing pants. That's why I'm scratching my dick. These are all challenging my dick. Challenger. shuttle survivors. I tried to whack off in that suit right there. Sure.

So hold on. We're going to Canada. And Paul goes, hey, so we got to go over the border. This should be fast. Let's be honest. Somehow some Coke ended up on the bus. So we don't remember how to happen. And he goes, sure, sure.

And the boy was doing it to get his work done. Once the boy got Coke, he actually got the video done. He was locked in. But can I tell you how he stored the Coke? Hope is that. He had like some sort of circular something. I don't even know what it was. But he put it, it was.

piece shrewish. Yeah, I don't know. It was a circular thing. He put it inside that and then he put a paper towel over it. Got Modelo's here. But in the course of this two days of him doing it and trying to get his work done, the Coke had gone everywhere all over the table.

The floor. He leaves the window open. So it's blowing all over the place. Oh, the windows. So I went back there to go hey, if you do, if you get busted with Coke, I go, we're all going to narc on you and we're going to have them just take you away we don't give a fuck by the way I just walked in and I would

not have knocked on you I'm just telling you right now no we're talking about the boy would you have gnarced on the boy narts on the boy for sure for sure I planted the drug Paul's like we're going over the board guys away I'm asking of course I don't care

I've seen a lot of stuff if you have drugs we definitely I shouldn't say this but we're definitely getting rid of those drugs before you cross the border right because they should just wave us through but just in case we're getting rid of all the drugs and I was like absolutely And then he went back up and drove and I go, hey, guys, I understand what he's saying.

Whatever drugs we have, just dump it. We'll get more. We have one more gig. That's all there was. Just to run it. One more we have. No, you never said get rid of it. He said hide it.

No, he said throw him out. He said throw him out. I said, throw it out. Dude, that's what I heard. That's a bit. You heard hide it in your nose. Whatever you got. I'm by hiding it in your nose.

Get all of it inside of you. Get all of it inside. Call him. Pack it in your body. By the way, Colum put it on the floor All the way back to the back Paul said

And he just jumped his butt hole down He was just like this Like a dog Like a dog He's just picking up all the drugs He just picked up all the drugs He goes Hey boy

Put this in your asshole We're gonna fucking Paul said Paul said also he goes By the way We're gonna pull up there Then I'll go Okay la la la la la

drive straight to He's like you He's like you never really Get searched And we pulled up We got pulled over We got search And Paul goes

They go get off the bus Yeah And Paul goes This is the first time What time is that happened I have my passport. I'm a European citizen. 1 a.m.

Oh, no. We're asleep, woken up. By the way, they went in without us with dogs and five guys. They go, get up the bus. I was going to inspect the bus. I was like, okay, well, we all get rid of the Coke, right? And I don't know if you were boy. Definitely me.

Go. I mean. No, it was boy because we were all mad. The question that I heard that I was trying to be cool with, what he goes, what do you mean got rid of? Oh, no. It was boy. Can I ask you a question?

I put it away. Are you as like the most senior, the person paid for this? Are you like, I am, like, I'm in a world of fuck right now. Can we, yeah? The thing is, I'm not responsible. I live my life there. And suddenly, I'm the boss. Yeah.

And I'm like, it's okay. Can I say? You're going to jail. I am doing my gig in the Danforth. This story is so much worse than you even remember because you were like, in my mind, you said hide it. Make sure it's no way to get in. So I said, I clearly heard of that.

You can't hide from drug dogs. Sure. The language was spick confusing. So in my mind, people were throwing coke in the garbage, which was like, right. right there, which is still inside the car. So here's what we did.

I got the bag of Coke, right? And I got like the dollar or something that we use a roll-up. And I left it on my bed. And I said, I won't forget about it on my bed. I remember that. And then next thing you know, we were like, you got the Coke, right? And I went, no, I left it out and it.

Oh. And we were just watching them walk up and down this bus. We see the lights in the bus. It was just sitting like the flashlight's going through it. The fucking two fairy. We're sitting there. And I'm going, well, whatever's going to happen. Kisser Ross.

The dog probably went in was like, is this a training exercise? He was so overwhelmed. Is this they want a training? The good Coke of all the Coke. You have an Irish immigrant outside and there's a Coke dollar bill rolled up on a guy's bag.

The dog died all the fentanyl on board. I'm not going to tell you. I remember telling Dylan I go, if they find any drugs, we're all going to say it's yours and you're going to stay here. I was ready to show Dylan. I would freak the fuck out if I were you. I said, no, I'm like,

It ain't mine. I've already gone to my happy place of. I'm blaming one of them. And the boy. I'm going to play a boy. I also turn around and say, hey, look, Dylan, if that happens, it's on me, I'll take the rap,

don't worry about it. And then I went over to these guys and go, how did Dylan fuck up like that? That's crazy. It was already, I'm telling him who it is. There's no version of the fucking Mounties coming out being like,

we found it in this person's bunk on that thing. They're going to be like, we found, it's all going to be general. By the way, was it even the Coke? It wasn't it. Honestly, that's not going to talk. I actually think I'm misremembered.

I do believe it was like a bag of weed or it was a juice. And weed. I had a pre-roll in my bed. That was the real story. Also, it's like, guys, we can find weed in Toronto. I just forgot. That's fine. I had a pre-roll in the bed and I forgot about it.

Now, in hindsight, the good part of this, whatever we got through was snorted. Wow. Yeah. Shout out to the boy. So we didn't find anything? They found nothing? No. They just want.

What's all this cash? I'm like, boy did his job for merch. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, boy also had cash laying all over the back room. Coke everywhere, like a powder dusting. No, I have, here's my laundry. With my laundry I didn't do. The guy kept it on the table, like, in a circular thing with a paper towel over it.

Here's my theory. Just, they're looking for three things, really. Guns. Guns. Mexicans. Huge amounts of fucking drugs. Yeah. More than a joint or whatever.

And humans. Like three or four women tied up. Two women, they'll turn a blind eye. Yeah, but three or more? No, you're trapped. Yeah, that's a circle. By the way, this place was haunted. What was this place?

We went up to the third floor. They had to like go up. Call and I went up there. Was that Charleston? That's cool. The train exhibit right across the tree? Those windows on the third floor? No.

They're for VIPs. And there's a, there's a ghost that lives up there. And they're like, we don't let people up here because it's like holes in the floor. What was the next? Yeah, that was Charleston, no. Shift it left. No, what? What?

Idiot. No, what? Whoa, what happened? O'Neill. Go back up. That one. Me on the right. No, left.

One more. Where is this? This is when we went to water. The Biju. This is Lexington. Lexington. We went and walked down. Oh, this is where the boy goes,

hey, I have an audition for a legit sitcom. And I go, all right, cool. So he tells me the day before I go, you're up at. 10 a.m. We're recording at 11 a.m. Wait, he wanted you

to read the lines. I would have done that alone in my bunk by my mouth. And I could... By the way, this is like a Judd Appetso. See O'Neil like this.

Cut. Terrible. They went into a room together on their own and I went up and listened through the door going, this is the most embarrassing thing I've ever heard

in my love. And he's like, hey, dad! Give me some break! And you're going, come on now, son. You shouldn't be a little fruit like that then.

Steve, I've worked with you as a director. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Many times. I've an audition. I'm a good director. Yeah. You're a great actor here. I worked with the boy.

By the way, this is now, this is boy. I worked with them 30 minutes for I'm ready to go on stage. And I go, you piece of shit. I told you at 11 a.m. We record this. I now have to go on stage in 30 minutes. And we are now setting up cameras. Horsia.

We are now. Yeah. And I go. And by the way, this is a legit audition. Oh, this is a Tim Allen. sitcom. He's going to be a regular. Yes. That fucking, um, the car sitcom where he gets to his daughter. He was supposed to play. He was playing. He was playing cat Dennings. He goes,

because they go, you have great tits still. We need to have you all this show. We can't just have it was a two hours of a shit on. That was when I had a big blowout. The poor where I go, your time management skills fucking suck. And you said, we're done. Don't talk to me. We're done. Yeah. And then I went for a walk and Ari goes, do you want to be alone or he's like I would love I want to go walk along the river and I was like no you can come but Dylan

cannot come it's one of those who are like I'm trying to help you and then after a while you're like oh you're actually not listening to what I'm saying it's over I have the answer you're because Dylan oh that was the thing Dylan goes can we record now I go no because I said I'm going on a walk at three o'clock

and I want to go fucking see the rest of this city I give you a four hour buffer literally this is what I do with my kids like that's how I have to I go, this is the time I'm available. Do you know what he said to me? You know, he went on a diet during our tour. And he said. He was 18 pounds.

Dude, he went on a diet. He weighed like 180 or something. And I also weighed 180. And he goes, when I found out that I weighed as much as you, that's when I realized I had to get together. I was like, what the fuck are you? I'm walking on our tour. I got, what are you? I was 200 on my entire.

I have fat retard now? We bought boxing gloves because he was supposed to prepare for a fucking fight. He was fighting at Skankfack. Who's fighting a somebody We bought Shadobucks him all day Claws and the whole thing The fucking fat and never took him He didn't do anything dude

He didn't do anything dude I mean we beat him up emotionally I never like oh he won that fight I was at it he won that fight I know oh yeah I will give him that he goes I he goes I'll be fine And I text him afterwards I go Hey I didn't believe you

He's like I'll be fine I have the cardio and everything He does have twitch muscles Another good thing I'll say about the boy if I can Boy My son, youngest, plays video games, and he would talk shit, and he would talk to how great he is. And then I would have the boy message him and beat him online to teach my son. I beg this guy's about, I'm about to send you a killer. You ready to fucking play this guy?

He's like, I'll be whoever. And then the boy would fucking destroy him. It's boy. Boy. Wait, Paul, what were you going to say? When was this? March of what? March of 24?

Who? When was this tour? Oh, no. O'Neill tried to buy. We went in November of... We went to March. O'Neill tried to buy a machete day one. Yes.

O'Neill loves his knives. We were trying to go to Tijuana. And O'Neill's like, sweet, I just got to buy a knife first. Like, no. Yeah. O'Neill. I went and got a giant steak. I got a giant...

You got a butter knife. Whatever. I needed something for Tijuana. Wait, we were November, huh? And I did buy that. I tried to buy that Shamedi. Shamedi. November 23.

And the boy made it from him. me. November of 23. The fucking kid hit it from me because he was like, I fucking went on a tour with you already. You're not having a machete on this one. You didn't buy any weapons when we went, did you? Hold on.

You didn't bring your gun. I'm not getting anything here. Damn it. Not this way. What did you think was going to? I wasn't getting anything. Oh. Steve's a bit performative though.

I'm holding my breath. I thought. I fired a. a minute ago you didn't even notice you were locked in your story stop breathing you noticed it right the big smile he's not a big smile really that's the funniest yeah the machete was a big hold on give me that give me that there's Steve gonna go back oh okay here was our poster oh come on making out oh damn it I'm maybe some gas ex do I yeah right we get some more ice you get some more ice you get

No, I thought he's No, he came over, dude, you came over to sniff my crotch. What did you expect? What did you expect? Oh, yeah, those were the posters. Yeah. Oh, nice work.

I mean, can we shout out? I think it was short. He does great posters, dude. So this was, oh, wait, this was a venue. Kansas City or something? They had all this weird, like. Oh, yes. Kansas City was the one with the crazy,

like, it looked like it's a small world after all inside. This might be Madison. That's Madison. right there. That's where I bought the fucking record. That's Madison. No, no. Complaining, complaining.

No. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, there we go. That's Vic. That's the Vic. Oh, there's the bus behind us. We parked right out to the Vic. I mean, that's where I thought we were going to get mugged.

God, I looked terrible for a fucking tour. Oh, yeah, Sylvester. Do you remember we did the Vic, Ari, and we stayed at that hotel that had a bathroom across the hall? Do you remember? remember the bathroom they're like Seattle no no is that it was in Chicago you're like this is a cool thing and then we got there and they're like and the bathroom is across the hall up no I pissed I pissed in the sink and I shit in the garbage oh no you did because I'm not going to walk across the what is that what is that is that I think I know what that is that

who did that who took that photo Jesus we zoom in a little is that you Big Dylan. I mean, that's, that's, uh, syphilis. That's like a hickie on someone's ass. Oh, there she is. That's the ass. That's her ass. That's her ass.

That's her ass. That's her ass. She's a photographer. What the fuck. That's the, what you shot for Sal's, uh, yeah. This is, this is the Vic here. This is still Vic. Yeah, that's, oh, wait, go back.

Go back. See that bathroom? In the dark. It's a horrific. The handicap one. In the dark. The handicap one in the dark. It was dark.

I know. I know they didn't put the lights on, but I went in, they had no, you flip the light. I had to turn my cell phone camera on. You had to shine your cell phone camera on the toilet paper to make sure that you would wipe your ass. Oh, it was so good, dude. And it was so needed. I love that. You were like that Leonardo of the Capio meme.

Yeah, right away. Oh, I shouldn't that bunch of them right there. I saw the Goo Goo Goo Dolls here when I was like 16. Ooh. This is when they were hardcore and they had one song that was. So this guy. I had a bunch of stuff, a bunch of wrestling stuff in his green room. He died right after we left.

And I went back for Sal's thing and they go, hey, the main guy who you, we don't know who you are. I'm like, what we talked about? He just died at his desk. Jeremy, I think. Really? Yeah. That's awesome. Oh, look at you with a little sig.

That's the one thing I will know. I didn't know you smoked. I was found out halfway to tour. I was ripping sigs on the tour. And you know why? When I was on stage, that's when Ari would sneak out, right, O'Neill? Yep. He would go, he would, and I remember the door.

I would smell, like, when I was starting my closer, I would smell. Where the fuck is that? Cigarettes smoke? Yeah, because he would be right backstage with a door open. Yeah. Smoking a butt. And then I was like, oh, I can, he's smoking butts, you. You should.

On the register. I would do one before every show, one before we got on the bus. And I was like, but I, I, say, and take from day one to day 20 or whatever it was. It was like the day one, it was like, right, last drink before bed. All right, let me get that. Let me rip a little left. And then the next day was like, all right, two before bed, three before bed. I would say.

Suddenly it was like, all right, no drink, no, no smoke before drinking. And then suddenly we're drinking at four o'clock because I'm going to have a sig. Yeah. You know, it just got more and more. I would say 90% of the time I was in bed before everybody else. Let me tell you the story about Ari. This is our first show with call. It's Column and I and Ori.

Oh, no. You remember Rally? Oh, my God. one of the worst shows I've ever done. Column goes, O'Neill just sucks. Let me set the tone. I'm going to open the show,

second show, because we would flip-flop. Yeah. And he goes, this is just, what is this? Dude, this is,

I'm telling you, this is one of the worst fucking shows I've ever been a part of the entire life. Not one laugh. Yes. Well, we're flip-flopping,

all right. Let me try to save this. And then we flipped in the next one. Not one laughing me. Yeah. And then R. he goes up and he sits on a stool and Colm goes look at this pro

Oh this is literally goes He goes look at this fucking pro He goes this guy's gonna sit on the stool He's gonna bring the audience To him yeah it's dead it's dead right And I half right halfway true He just arms folded he just sits down Starts telling the story

And I went wow I wish I had We're watching Cool Cam and collected Irish and Fear 45 years in the biz He knows how to handle a bomb And he sits down and he tells a story And I went well And then I talked to him afterwards

and he goes, no, I had a Sig before I went on stage and I was feeling lightheaded. He was so fucked I literally. I had to take a chair. And sat down like, oh my God, I'm not a guy. I was getting like, oh my God, I got a spins.

I thought you're pulling like a Freddie Soto like let me just bring this down. Yeah, that's what we all thought. We go, he's bringing the crowd to him. I got a one of. Meanwhile, he's like, oh no. He's like vomited in his mouth.

I was a pro by handling my blackout. Sure. By my pass out. You got Disney. How bad was that? Okay, first of all, so now we start the evening. So we get there the day before. Call him and Dylan, not getting long.

First show and rally. One of the worst shows. Dude, it's one of the worst shows I've ever. By the way, Nick Mullin shows up there. He and I talk about fucking cars for an hour and a half beforehand. Might remind you, though, I will say this. Our first show of Minneapolis, not the best show for everyone. Also, not, yes.

It was a big theater and we were all like a little bit. But it was nowhere near. This was an abomination. Also, it's tough when, like, Mullen shows up and he's, like, just complaining that he only has $5 million. I know. Oh, yeah. I need you to fuck off, Mick. You're really letting me know I suck, right?

Collum tuned out so much when we were talking cars that he's like, what the fuck? It's like an autistic fucking conference. Fucking cars such a rich thing to do. I was, okay, so in Chicago, I had a heckler so bad. He was just drunk and just screaming out nonsense. I was like, get at it. Get out. I bet you I was like throw him out.

I remember this. And then I was like, they just weren't doing it. Oh, it was like, chase. Bouncers. Second show him out. And I'm like, yes. Okay, I guess I'll just move on. Second chill vick.

And then I was like, can someone throw him out? He was doing pushups trying to prove himself. The owner of the Vic comes down, 87 years old. And he goes, hey, you. I'm like, not you, a black guy. Get a black guy to throw him out. Yeah. Not an old black guy.

Not the only old. It was so bad. The guy was so drunk. He wasn't even heckling. He wasn't mad. He was drunk. I got a message from the next day, and here it is. Ari, I would like to apologize to my behavior at the show at Chicago on Saturday Night.

I am the guy that was in the front row that was asked to leave from the early show. My behavior, I never get these. Wow. My behavior was inexcusable, and the belligerent act was a disturbance to you, the crew, and the fans. Wow. Dude. I am truly sorry for being such an embassionable. Distraction distraction during your show

My drunken behavior was ridiculous And artists Such as you and your guests Should not have to deal with it Sorry again and wish you luck in the future He was still drunk the next day The fucking 180 that this man pulls In fucking 10 hours

He's still drunk right in that the next day You know when you're like hung over emotional Now I This could be AI He might be like Nonging man This is baby He has someone's baby

And holy shit I'm still doing push-up The ability to even just go, this is what is what I feel about myself from last night. That's remarkable, dude. He's a blur out his, is a, I almost don't believe it was the same person. There was also, do you remember? A little case of cocktail, Carly came out. Do you remember you were also getting?

Push up Paul came out. There was that chick who was like, I'm a fan of Jew. I listened, I came out to see you because of this. And then all of the retard stuff, she was like, she just was like, That's your problem. You have this. Artie Fartzy. By the way, do you remember with that guy?

I do the 5-9 bit. The guy's 5-6. And he's like, how's O'Neill going to pull himself out of this? Dude, I thought that bit. I was like, O'Neillian,

what are you doing that? Look on it. In the Zoni, by the way, you know that bit. I know it crushes. Prules. Fucking bandit.

Oh, man. I wish I got. Oh, that was the hike. Who's that? Who is that? Who is that guy? Who is that? That's me, dude.

That's Pensive Steve. That's fat as easy. That's chicken parmesee. This point I'm going, you know what? Why did that? I was like a little fat 17-year-old. No, bro. Dude,

I thought that was Mexican red as easy. Dude, from ice over there. My God. The belly is further out than the packs. It's fine, dude. Look at those lats. Oh, wait, that'll fuck somebody up, bro.

Yeah. I'm going to kill someone. I look like it's a fucking wing. You look like the barrel people go into over Niagara. You can tell he's mad. too you can tell that's that because i'm like you know what you're looking at there i got enough water in me let's get back paul's waiting that's me taking a shit in my pants that rye oh yeah that is that art oh oh look at boy look at boy because i miss boy

yeah but it infuriates me seeing that picture because right now he's like what are we doing here it would it's recording his own shit he's not even doing work for us it would not have been the same without boy personally like boy you're watching this. He's wearing my hat. I love you. I love you. Boy rules.

I don't like any of you like him. Dude, when we're really old, all of us and boy, we got to go back out on the fucking must door. I'm the only one who was nice home. Let's do Canada. The wrong side of history.

We had some good. You can see those jokes. Damn. So this is both, this is both tours, huh? Yep. Yeah,

I mean, there's some. And this became America sweetheart. By the way, I want to remind Arri, the flower special.

He goes, I'm going to have you on for the second tour part of the time. So I'm always going, at what point do I leave the tour? Like, at what point do I buy? I said what? You told me, you go, you'll be on like, he goes, I thought you were going to go back. I thought you were going to be Adrian Appalucci.

He goes, he goes, do you want to come on the second tour? He goes, I'll have you for like half the shows. And it's some, because I kept asking you, I go, when should I buy a ticket home? And you're like, I don't know yet. I don't know. That's a lot of work. I have no idea. And then I was like, because I thought I'm just going to go for like,

A week and a half. Oh, because I thought because you were already on it. I was like, let me get somebody else to get in some of these dates. But then you're like, what are you going to do? And like, like, bring in a new person. It's tough to do that. Yeah. But that's like, but that does require some foresight on my life.

It's so much easier to bring the same guy. But in my mind, I even told Collie cocktails. I was like, at some point I'm leaving or you're going to have a new person. I don't remember that at all. It's collie cocktail. I invite them to my way. I'm going to find him to my head in the shit. The next day I was like, wait, we would have full blown conversations.

And then I would ask him a question. the next day and I could see it in his eyes he goes you don't remember he asked me last night I love that I love that we had like heart to hearts and then the next day I'm like I don't know you do it was like real let's list our favorites and our worst what's your favorite shows here let me think Toronto

the first show ruled both show ruled Toronto's but wait you're Liberty Township which oh no Columbus Columbus was that's where the boy really shined I'm sorry boy really shined By the way that I get confused Fort Wayne is where we are auctioned off every

everything we had left over in the bus we did a show and four away and remember that black chick was like I don't want that like all right how about this I don't want that eventually like black chick sit down yeah you're not understanding the fucking we're just giving shit away for fun but that's not the one I won't see that one nine in Los Angeles so it's me opening then Nate Bargazzi in the middle

then Ari and Nate goes by the way there's going to be a little bit of a shift here no way to uh went after you you? Did you do like all the shit? I only do O'Neill. What are you going to do? It's so funny because when I go on Nate shows and when Nate comes on my shows, it's a wildly different thing. When Nate comes on my shows, he goes, I'm going to do exactly what I was going to do.

They all love you. And when I'm on Nate shows, he goes, if you even come close to who you are, yes. They will string you up and tar and feather you. I know. Yes, but. So me on me on Nate shows and then, I'm I talked to a woman. Who was a little... She was a little... She was a sandwich short of a picnic. You are like 48 seconds ahead of your own joke in your head.

Where are the problems coming down the pike that I have to avoid right now? What's neighbor... Gatsy jokes? Do you ever order food and not get the sauce? Yeah, but he's still correct. Dude, he is so funny. I want to have my finger it. And by the way, he goes, it opens up, he goes, it's going to be a little different now.

That's all. But then in the green room why Ari was on. Oh, he's pissy. The best guy. He's upset. He's upset. There it is. He's so upset.

You want me to film everything? Yes. Everything boy. Just film it. Oh, wait. Go back. Oh, wow. Easy.

Easy. Wow. You look terrible, dude. No, I don't. Look at that. Wow. Dude, are you with baked Zidi? That was the delivery.

Chicken. Make a ZZZ. Oh, shit. This is, this is eye opening. This is season one. Season one, the lead.

Did I look like that? Yeah. Guys, this is what it looks like we invested in Netflix. I'm surprised I fit in the bunk. Wow. Do you think Paul had to move me

from one side to mid-shift the weight? We got to make a lot of stuff. Paul's like, we're going up hill to the left. I got a shift right to Zizio up to the right bucket. Paul used to take photos of you while you're sleeping. Paul's like, you don't know half the stories how to crane around

is easy over from one bunk to the other holy shit you look like duncan there that's crazy i know you do whoa wait what were you going to say oh i was saying i love the merrill what the fuck are we were promo we were like kevin heart

it's like truly got those gooder glasses it's like the fucking oh what the fuck is that you're like an ayahuasca genie or paul was just sitting out just sitting out on a fucking on a chair here. Post it up.

And also, well, I'm not going to bring it up, but, but I am. But, yeah. Like,

his whole family does this stuff. Yeah. It's crazy. It's a family business. It is a, yeah. They make great fucking money. Oh,

this is a great. This is another great time. There's, yeah, Ryan, on the same jean, same jacket. Yep.

I all. Look at this idiot dressed like me. Exactly how you dressed on a hike. Look at that, you're just wearing that hat four seconds ago.

By the way, can we go back there? What's that? Setless? Trans swimmer. That was all the special. Queer. Yep. Okay, pussy.

Okay. Retire. Okay. Pusy didn't make it in. porn style. Burt. Bert. Burt is on the new storytelling show.

Oh, there's a... Oh, there's a... Oh, wait! What? That's the fire. There it is. The fire. That's the fire.

That's the fire. That's the fire. The right. To the right. shit. All right. Look to the right. That's the shit.

Look at the flames exploding. Is that the guy having a shit? Yeah. So he's now, he's now, see him, he's shamefully crumpled up. What's he picking up?

He's right there to the left. Yeah, he's trying to figure out what to do. This is it. What's he picking up? And he's like, I got to put out my jacket. And we're just over this in a parking lot.

We're behind. So our, our boss is pulled up right there. In safety. So we're opening up the thing seeing this right here. This is video That's his shit burning alive

Look at him That's his dignity He's picking up right there He's putting leaves in a bag Oh he's like Get rid of the evidence No one will know it's me What the fuck

Because multiple fires There's fires to the left I know Look at it picking up This is how This is how This is eight Like 30 behind him

And a fire over there There's a fire behind There's a fire behind him There's a fire behind him Oh, my God. Let me get a better angle. He goes, let me. Look, it's now a blaze.

Wow. Two, three fires. That's like a proper. Where is this? Where is this? This is Kansas City, dude, right behind the theater. We parked the bus right there.

Is that the angler? Look at that fire behind it. He has a secondary fire. By the way, keep it by. I know the other side of that fence is just a regular street. That's a neighborhood. Oh, yeah. There's like proper houses.

And they're now calling. the police and the fire department. They started two fires. And he didn't know. He's like, this is. Oh, he's out. Good job. There he is.

He pulled it. Oh, my God. Slow mo that again, Ari. Go back. Watch him rip his pants up. Watch him rip. Oh. It looks like,

oh my God. He got burnt his arms a little. Dude. Oh, I remember that. Oh, my God. Ass is still. There he is. That's sad.

That's a. I know. By the way, he's kicking out not the fire. But each one of us individually made jokes about it that evening. They actually, they actually had good cappuccinoes there, which was shocking. You remember what to that fucking?

Look at him! Oh, he's trying to be. Dude, this guy's like, he's like, fuck this. No way anyone's putting in this fucking fire. He goes, I give up. He fell down.

No way. He threw his luggage on. He threw his fucking out. I forgot. This guy's like, I'll carry on. No way. I forgot he threw

packed like shit out of it. I'm out of here. Look that guy. A neighbor goes. Look at the bucket being passed over. This is like this. Oh, here come the authorities.

Oh, I forgot about this. Oh, dude. Took this out yourself. Just put it out. He's like, dude. Pack up. Doing.

Oh, my. Oh, he stopped on it. He goes, that's my shit. Oh, yeah. That's a. By the way, don't do. All right, forget it. Never mind.

Just keep doing it. Look at this. What do you wake up? Up the raw, shit, dude. Up the raw, baby. Chuckie your life.

I was a little nervous. That's just, uh, on fire. And the cat's talking about it was like, dude, there's still a forest fire here. You gotta get out of this part.

You can't. By the way, the foliage is beautiful. It's beautiful. I think it's foliage. Whatever. I'm always foiled. Stephanie foliage.

Are you kidding me? He's been foiled. What are you going to Harvard, did? Harvard did? Stephanie voilage says the immigrant to the fucking that all comes out that long island in you oh please

stepping on more poop now he's stepping his shit that's a cop dude he did it on the shit look at that dude it was all a prank that someone's neck damn

that's crazy and this is where we parked to do our upscale show by the way what they don't show this was George Floyd oh he's got his this is like an hour before you don't see

George Floyd he's like a foot behind Minneapolis, Kansas City. I know he took a bus up there. That's Patrick Mahomes. Am I crazy or is that camera in the middle dropped since this guy has this guy, hold on, go back. You might be right, dude. The camera's not, this camera in the middle is not leveled with

the rest of them. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty, the camera right here in the middle in the room right now. I'm pretty sure it's, I'm pretty sure it dropped down so that we're all cut off for this whole thing. Really? It wasn't like that at the beginning. and look.

We're good. Oh, we are? Okay. I feel like maybe I'm crazy, but I feel like it does see it on. And it's just slowly. Unless or he's just in cock shots. Wait, it hung its head and shit. Oh, he's got the fire.

He's got the fire signature. Is that homeless guy have zinc on his nose? That's Phil Hanley. It's Phil Hanley. He hasn't even pulled up his pants going. Oh, there he goes. He goes up putting out. What he's saying right now?

He's like, this has never happened to me before. Guys, I light my shirt on fire all the time. For two years, I've been lighting shit on fire. It's so embarrassing. This is never happening. And this guy goes, now I have to clean this shit up. There's like a fucking janitor.

A dry weather we're having. Get your pants up. By the way, I rewit his pants. No stains at all in the pants. His pants are still. Never once has he rewiked. He's like,

you know what? You guys are the janitor's buck came out of here. Holy. I'm out of here. If I'm a policeman, I just want to enforce the laws and like, what are you going to be putting out home was poop. He said he goes, dude, I always have good drip.

I may shit in public, but I've always dripped out. I'm always looking good. I'm only homeless because I look so fly, and I waste my money. Oh, this is the, yeah, dude, beautiful fucking theater. It's literally the coolest theater we went to. It's most disgusting to have ever seen. No, dude, it's really. It looks like a fucking retired kid painted.

It looks like shit. It looks like the second version of it's a small world, but it's, where's the uptown? Where's the uptown? Where's the what? That's the Kansas City. Yeah, that's the KC. I mean, this looks so much nicer than the poop. Yeah.

That's worth it. Well, they don't show that for the. Well, they don't show you. We did have to walk around. It was a little bit of sketch around there. It wasn't great. We went to the post office, which was super sketch. You see me trying to take a picture?

Didn't you see? Yeah. Trying to get it right. Yeah, I remember the head on the old shit. You also, you do have to travel with guys who are willing to just be like, you know what? I need to go on a walk by myself for a while. All of us were like that Like you're like if I'm not gonna follow you

Oh no no Ari I'm not gonna follow No one's gonna follow I'm out I'll see you later Sometimes you'll be like do you want to go with me And you're like yeah But if you don't But it's gonna be offended by

But we've talked about this too With traveling I went traveling with someone before And we were both just agreed Before we even went Because it was like a long trip We go we're gonna hate each other We gotta remember that it's not each other's fault And we are allowed to go

Hey I'm leaving Don't don't look at me for 10 hours please Yeah And you can compartmentalize why. It's like with your fucking wife. It's like a marriage. It's 100% you. Let me go on the road.

Sometimes we're going to need a fucking break. I need to go on the road for a fucking six weeks. But people that understand that, that's the people you travel with. One of the cool things about playing these like bigger venues than we're all used to is that bigger guys will be slumming it or on the way up to the same venues. We're like, whoa, you played where I play. So you see Bad Bunny and you're like, oh well.

They were the same. Chappelle. was that we saw a poster for Chappelle here it was a not oh part dolly part it's also it's like very humbling too when you like do the same venue or someone who's like big also go it's like a big night for you we go back called like the the warm up tour whatever yeah yeah they're on the way yeah stanhope stanhope's doing a lot of the same rooms that i do now and i'm i'm delighted to be in those rooms and stanhope has his tour called like the shit retard gay little fag rooms or whatever tour yeah why would anyone ever do this room yeah and i'm like but you're like

Like these are A rooms to me. I begged them to let me in, yeah. I love that's a O'Neil's nephew, right? Oh, wait, don't show this guy. Oh, yeah. Show his face. That's a child pissing. Okay, don't show that.

Look that ass. Show his face. Cut that. That's some cute. That's some cute little. Oh, no, we skip it rocks. Oh, dude. That was a shitty skin too.

Yeah. I'm fucking. People are gonna fucking roast him for us. I'm fucking him, dude. Get that kid. He's got one. She's got one. Here's show the money, dude.

Oh, left-handed. Watch the left. He fucking. No way. Look at the whip. Oh, the whip, dude. Good, don't. Oh, my God.

God dunk one. Skip. No. One. I bet you no more. Oh, it sunk right to the bottom. In slow mode, too. Oh, sorry.

I had a lot of my... This is my brother. He has a real job. Cut this. I know. I had a lot of my mind. Good skip. Hold on.

Who else do we got here? I think I skipped. Nope. That's running as easy. Easy again. Lefties can't skip. Lefties can't skip. What?

Dunk. Oh, it just did. It went straight in. Renazizi has the best one dunks in the in skimming. That's it. He has the best. It looks like it's about to skip 12 times. I want to see how Matt he is.

Look, look at how sad. Look how depressed he is. He doesn't. It just makes sense. I was on the league. Okay, here we go. Watch this. Here we go.

This is across the park. This is a hillbilly. This is across the park. Watch this shit. Look at that fucking. Look at that wrist action. Because you grew up hunting for your dinner with fucking rocks or something. This is the regular rock.

That's a normal rock. Ah. That's two. Oh, two. Three. No. I think it's still going. No, that was three in the.

Okay. Dude, that wasn't even a skimmer. That was just a regular rock. Oh, he can't accept it. He can't accept the feet. Oh, we got to cut that. Don't, don't show any relatives. Here we go.

Here we go. This is a big fucking rock. by the way. By the way, remember we went for a fucking hike and we decided to try to take a shortcut for some fucking crazy stupid one reason. Yeah, that was a huge rock to do you got skills did a hell busy skills now. No, we went on a hike that sucks. We went on a hike that time and we're like, all right, we'll be back by like two. Yes. And then we're like guys one. Steve got one now. Look at that. Look at that skip. Delete it quick. Oh, oh, he's going three. He's going three three three. Three.

Two. You. You finally got one. Four. Four. There it is. Just so you know, we played about five or six of you. Just one dog.

Cut the boy. Cut the father. There we go. It's a butler. Steve, come up here, would you? Thank you. This is us at the Hoosiers. Guys, I'm going to be honest with you.

Both of these tours. They blend in with me. Sure. They were so fucking fun. Can I tell you this, Ari? I want to thank you because honestly, these two tours were the most fun I've ever had in stage. of comedy.

They really were. They absolutely. They were like to do a couple shows, one to two a night, and then just have some blasts for 23 hours. They really were. Also, I got to go with Steve and you, which is like old buddies. Then I got to call him. Column and I. We meshed.

Here's him talking to Nate saying I loved you on. Yeah. Look at that drinker's nose. He's got a little rosemary. Dude, he's fucking drug as shit. No, I love go. It was like old school comedy store. Yeah.

It really was old school comedy store. And then when I heard columns going, I go, I told O'Neill, I go, scouting report, you're in for a fucking good time. By the way, Column and I became fucking fucking fucking. You're going to have no. You know, it's like you write a letter to the next person. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You're going to have no problems at all.

Like the president. I go, you're going to have no problems at all. I've left you in some good hands. Yeah, yeah, you're going to be good. This was a cool thing that we would get some benefits. Like, do you want to do this thing because you're here? It was just us. Let's talk Graceland.

Dude, it's either bad or sitting in a boss. We were right out parked like, you know, we should talk about Graceland because you, the guys. Oh, this is after a shower in a venue. By the way, there was like 13 different showers here. And there was, you really do push it with the looks, don't you, Ari? Yeah. That's the matter to. Ari has 15 different, any moment, Ari can just disappear as a different person.

This venue was the had the best showers of all time. I was say, look at those traps, dude. You're looking good there too. Well, you were looking shredded. There was like 15 different toilets. That's the best I've seen. Shut up. Oh, St. Louis.

St. Louis was rough. Wait, when was this? Is this like Madison, Madison? No. Jew. Is this just a random Renazizi video? And Jew. Is that Renezzi?

No, this could be at the, we went to Madison to see McK. Uh, to see, uh, yeah. Oh, this is in the condo. Yes. No, no, no, this wasn't the condo. There's no, no, no, this was a, okay. No, no, no, this is a TV. That's a boy.

That's a, that's a bar. Oh, okay. This is, I know we went to the, I met LaMere for the first time. And we went out on the roof and we smoked weed and we talked about this bit that I was like, if you can pull this off, this will be legendary. And I don't think you ever did it, but it was. I will tell you this. We'd be driving in the bus. We'd come across the city like St. Louis.

And we're like, hey, we're, hey, guys, wake, open the windows. And you do. And you're like, oh, we're entering St. Louis. And it was a cool thing. Oh, also. We go through Ferguson. And I saw people eating lunch and they had no roof on their home. There was no roof.

Like, the sun was beating down on top of their heads. That's great. Ari Shafir. Sharon a tour in the Mish. Wait, oh, we went to the fucking, we went to go see the zoo with your buddy. You went to a penguin? Is that a real penguin? St.

Is that moving? Oh, yeah. If you can get back to that one, or through that one spot without getting shanked, they had a giant park and that guy had a golf cart. And he took, you remember, you didn't go. Brent. Yeah, I was like, what? I don't remember going to.

Brandon O'Malley. And then we went to the zoo and was free. Yeah, it's a real penguin exhibit. And they smelled like, shit. Penguin exhibit. I go, because Ari's like, does anyone want to go? And I was like, I will go anywhere. The cool thing about how about getting to a place at,

Getting up, waking up when you wake up, 11, 10.30 a.m. And you're already in the town. It's like, well, let's do something. Instead of flying there, getting there for, getting to the hotel. I mean, let's fill some time. I was the last up every day. Wait, where was. That's not true.

You were, the boy was up. Boy was up late. But I was. He was the guy who had a job. Of the comedians. I was the last. That matter. I got the T-shirt.

That's a basketball school. And another say in your hat. Look out. Look out. Artie you are. All we did was did a raffle, this boy. All we did was a raffle free Palestine. We found a free Palestine sign.

It's still going this thing. Yeah. It's still going. This is. We went to college campuses and they were free. Oh, that's the stolen. Remember that? We walked through the free palace.

How do you feel right now? That's the stolen solo stove. We signed it as the Renazizi signature. Look all those curigs. Oh, some almond milk. Yeah. We love almond mustard. We had a raffle.

I mean, just gave away shit. What? Okay. Hold on. Don't show that. Allegedly. Don't show that. That was 20, 13.

Okay. So now, when's the next tour? Because we had to show something on that. That was March. And April, 24. We want to talk Memphis.

We want to talk, whatever else place. My wife came out and joined us at one point. You guys all fucked O'Neill's wife? That's not true. Holy shit, dude. I'm not on tour. But Collum has met my wife multiple times, by the way.

Whoa, this is awkward. I mean, oh. Here's our handshake. I'll be on. Wait, is my wife a good hang? Oh, yeah.

She's a good hang. She'll let you come inside her and everything. Hang is what you want to call her. We call her hang my cock and her pussy. We call her the cream pie. Where is this? What's this place? You know,

one of those spots. Oh, no. I know where this is. Where? This is fucking. This, okay. Kentucky. Here, let me plug this in.

I yes I have photos of you yeah this is where you and him are oh this is column call about this picture he made it as a poster in denver he goes hey it's me and ari i'm just on his mind it was the best i made merch right with this photo and i go uh in big huge caps arie schaffir and then in brackets he's not making any money off this merch but he is pissed off because he's a jew and please buy one for ten dollars i sold like fucking that's the one where that that's the jerk off photo yeah i think i said that was a good great one. Where was that? That was also, do you remember in Nashville when I convinced

Boy to go up and dance on the bar and he got thrown out? So funny. That was fun. We danced on the bar. They grabbed him, tossed him out, and then he started crying. And then he started crying. We all went out with him. Crying? No, no, no. He wasn't crying, but he was

No, no. He was crying. But you know what was funny about that moment? So he stood up, he got, you were like, dance, dance on the bar. So he stood up and he was barely, he didn't even, didn't even stand up straight and already was on the way back down by some dude, pulling them out. You know, Neil said about for failure.

Yeah, he did. And that's really what the fuck. And I walked away. I walked away. And they chew him out. He was like, come kick this football. And O'Neill's like, let me put it. And we haven't even, we haven't even. We haven't even.

We haven't even drank from our beers, yeah. And we had I. And then I see, I think I'm out, I'm now having a SIG. You're a mean one. I know, I remember too. I was out having a Siga. And next thing, you know, he's like,

troan out by the head. Two guys. each hand what happened exactly how could this if occurred but you know what was funny about it

he was he was real upset about it I'm all pissed off no no you know what's funny so what's funny I went I go dude you just got kicked out of a bar you're like the coolest guy here

and he was yeah I go dude that's so cool yeah we're convinced him and we all went legend and he went yeah I'm a legend and he changed his hole he's like

and he's ringing his girl yo guess what I just did take that of a bar And then he did this thing with a taxi. He went on the table and they go, hey, you gotta go. No, we're down. We're not, you gotta go. And we're like, okay, he left early.

Like he took the, he slept on the, whatever, this blade. And we're like, no, we're coming, dude. We all left with us. Just give us a minute to finish off our drinks. He goes, well, if you guys are gonna come, I'll leave. Like, I was already outside, Svigin. And you know, I did then, because then he was like, oh, cool. Being like an idiot is like fun for these guys,

even though we were kind of like lying just so he wouldn't cry. And then he went over, he called a taxi or something. And then he like, oh, he opened. like the side door and then just walked away from the taxi so then the taxi guy had to go fucking get out. Yeah he went in one side went out the other wait where is this? It was just like it was just like I took this pick

I said this. Yeah this is uh dude that guy. April 15th April 5th April 5th Look how cute we are. I don't know is this Lexington That's a great photo I believe it was Lexington maybe I'm wrong you know when those guys kept buying us fireballs and then you go

Hey these fat chicks are trying to get us to buy his drinks And I go, beat it fat chicks. I thought they were hot. You were the one who said fat chick. They were fat. They were hot for fat. And by that, I mean, they were not had at all.

You weren't even there. We left you. I know, I'm filling in the blanks here. Dude, we had a Knoxville was a great guy. Oh, wait. By the way, do you remember when we were eating? And by the way, you're probably going to have to cut this. Yeah.

But we were eating. Most of this whole episode. And Dylan was there. I took that for them. And Dylan goes, I hate when chicks cry. And I go, you cried when you got thrown out of that fucking bar. And he stormed out to the bathroom Just not like being wrong

Look at this girl crying She goes, why did you bring me to this show? This is a scene And somebody posed this This is he went off the show Ari Shafir something something that closer She was having to show This is, this is Graceland?

I don't know where this is it is. That can't be Graceland No, Graceland had some I remember it A lot of big gap Billy strings It's the best opening for like loaded music.

All right so let's talk Graceland actually And by the way, what is my opening song? In a big country. I go with the theme from M. The theme from MASH. No, no. No. I go on to the theme from mom.

What's the HBO? My favorite mutiny. Oh, right? It's always my favorite mutiny. The coup. I come out to Shaggy. I thought you were going out to that one from my. Shaggy was great.

Did we have a, do we have a, do we have a eclipse? No. Oh, yes. Yeah. we did. He did. You bought us glasses for it. Oh yeah.

You bought us glasses. You looked 50 stupid. That was the big thing that the, uh, it was an eclipse during our viewer. He bought us glasses so that we could see the fucking eclipse. I mean, look at it. And I think we're too drunk to appreciate it. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

When is this is night? It happened during the day. The eclipse was already passing Steve's career. Yeah. Yeah. I was, you. Hey, look. I was like, wait.

I see it, I see it. Don't look directly at it. I don't believe it. They're burning. We've transcended past careers. Oh, man. Wait, do we not have any Graceland? Whoa, no, I've got Graceland.

Graceland, by the way. Hold on, hold on. Oh, this one's great. What a douche Robert Kelly is. New York just had a four point of four point eight or three. That's open. That's open day. What's a Yankee game at day.

Bobby. What the fuck you doing? This is like a screenshot going around New York on Why would you tweet something? Why would you go out of your way to go? You're comedian. By the way, 4.8.

Boring. I live in L.A. I've had 6.2s on the podcast. Dude, no one. Check out SlopQuest. Shout out. Wait, do we not have Graceland pictures? No, I have Grace Land.

When is Grace Land? What day was it? Can I just tell you what they told me? Who's phone is that? Dude, that's a lot. Of grace land liked me. They hated Ari. The haven't Norman.

They hated column. Couldn't handle my troop. Because. Come to the troop off. Dude, if you talk shit about fucking Elvis at all, they are. Our guy.

They go. Oh, I look forward to you coming back. I hope those guys never. There it is. All I said was, hey, sometimes Elvis fuck kids.

That's all he said. We did get a private tour of Grace. A little less conversation. With Norman. A little more action. By the way. We signed Elvis's guitar. We got a free.

We got a free Graceland tour. Let me see. And Norman somehow. Not even part of our tour. It was like, free? Yeah. I'll be there. They brought us through to house, the real house.

It has like the original microwave, which in back in the 50s was like, they couldn't understand. Microaves just had nuclear fusion. They had no idea. And it was an old school. All I have is outside. The room with the carpet and the wall and the ceiling is all carpet. Yeah. All the fucking same.

Every room was insane. By the way, there was only like eight of us. And we went. We got a private tour. There's Normie. Hey, hey. We got a private tour. This is backwards.

By the way, I crush with Norman when they showed his throne. So bullet holes in the children slide. Norman goes, this is great. This is this is this is. He was like, I'll shoot up my kids slide. Shooting his addict. I'm not married Michael Jackson. I think.

There I am. Look at it. Look how jacked I am. That room is sick. Look at that. I look good. Hey, by the way, this is a boy picture. Good picture, boy.

Uh, yeah. So this is what we're looking at. That's the carpet room. You got to go in there too? I went during your cold. You go with the rest of the Chinese tourists. Did you pay in there? Because I already got a free.

No, we paid. I would never pay in for that. Oh, those are the glasses. They fucking gave us. This is the type of place. They gave us Elvis glasses. I still have those. They gave us Elvis glasses.

Mine broke. Mine broke, I had to look around all day at a fucking record store for a fucking, No, no, no, they're not. Shut up. Yeah, no, no. They're very expensive class.

Sucking on some. Whoa. Looks like your beat. Dude. Ew. I'm so confused. It was, uh, who is, who was Norman's opener? That guy was, I like that guy.

Murphy, Sean Murphy. Sean Murphy, Boston's finest. Wait, there's no. This grace on tour was one of, here's what I'm saying. It's the shows were great, whatever, fine. But that's for the fans. For us, it's a hangout. Yeah.

And stuff like this was, like really fun. Can I tell you this? Those guys that work there. Look at that. He had the very first microwave. Look at that. Oh, blender. Yeah, he had the first microwave. This shit in the 50-60s. By the way, my mom still

has a blender. I mean, if I can make a room that look like this, I would be in heaven. Our house like that. Our life today. Our life today is better than Elvis Dan. It is not. Shitting me. It is not. Because he sat down. He was like, I have four screens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He built it himself. He goes, I have four TV shows. I have four TV so I can watch all the football games. Our life sucks compared to Elvis. No, our life is great. Oh, that's way better. No, I can do everything that was a little tree to him.

Look at that, dude. We're using gas now. That house is shit. You know gas causes autism? Yep. Of course. Wow. Look at that's kind of cool.

I mean, that is Shagg Carpening. That is pretty cool. We are, Colin, we live in apartments. Look at how much coke was done. You're saying of the people who live in houses we live. I'm saying artistically this is a better house sure Can I just tell you this? These guys hated

They hated Ari. They hated Mark Norman And they hated Colin Because they Desecrated Assumedly the colonel was a Jew We made a couple of jokes about statutory And they were like

Dude what the fuck And I didn't make any But they talked to me about it They fucking Dude I'm telling you right now There was pitchforks fucking ready like aimed at this guy and this guy right where was it though i didn't see you by the way i'm say bannett's been to hey grace land he's been to ecuador big jays been nowhere

this is a girl dog though he but now he man gender's a constant any female in the comedy industry gets a lot of dogs this is a trans dog who also beat this dog beat many female dog swimmers and his it's crushed in won many titles. I really wish I got to see Bandit on the bus. Good. I'm glad you have a video. Is it happening right now? Oh, they're asking. I have to be perfectly honest.

Where are we are? Wait, what time is it? 812. How many people? Is it really? I guess we got to go. How many people?

I thought it was 7. How many people have 8 p.m? Listen to this point. Oh my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God was 7. My hour. Look at that.

We got to go. I know we got to go. Oh, no. We got to go. You're a bachelor party for Yeah, it's my whole episode. I swear to God, I looked down my watch and I go, it feels like we've been going for a little.

I know, it was 7.15. I haven't changed my watch time since the hour club changed. So I looked down and I went, Wait. It feels like this is going on forever. Did you get the garlic press? I have that garlic press. That's a great garlic press, dude.

I like it. Thank you. You got to cut that fucking knife. Just cut the side. He went on my wedding registry and bought me a garlic press so I can crush garlic really well. We got to go, though. That's crazy.

7.50s. Okay, final memories of the... Keep going. Keep going. Final memories of the tour. I wish I sat to see Bandit, but I would say my best memory. Look how that fun is. God, dude.

My brother has lost. Can I say this, Steve? If you had been here with Column and me. Oh, what a time. It would be... You could never would have survived. Ari couldn't afford it. But this is...

This is Grace Land. This is Grace Land. Right here. This is Grace Land. That's where back there is where Boy was sitting where he wasn't filming me in me and Norman. Can I say this, Ari?

I want to thank you because this was one of the greatest times I've ever had. Here we go. I wouldn't have met column. Redisizi and I wouldn't have had two weeks. Ray of Zizi and I would have never met before. I can't believe it. I thought it was an hour late.

It was beautiful, dude. It was the best time ever. It was really. Tor life forever. I suck everybody. Wait, play this. Play this. No,

do not play this. This is a gay confession. Fucking my own. He goes, I suck the dicks of all these guys. Colm's got to get married, dude. My brother's lost in New York. He fucking lives in.

Is he here? Yeah, he's coming to the show. Oh, my God, I bet you, he's been ringing me, texting me probably. I got a piss. 100%, dude. Wait, is this when they're playing up Joey Diaz stuff

at the end of a bar night? Wait, play this. Play it. Wait, play it. Hold on. Listen to this. It's a half hour. They're playing Joey Diaz at a bar.

half hour. That's Collie. That's me. Wait, this is Madison, right? Yeah. For sure. That's like their closing anthem. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who's that guy? That was so fun. They played Joey. That was in Knoxville. Yeah. They played Joey Diaz at the end of the night, unrelated to us. Noxville? They played every night.

What was in Knoxville? Tennessee. He did, yes. That's hilarious. That is, I remember that whole... Yeah, we're just finishing up a pod. Who is that, Alex? I want to thank you.

Tell us it alone. For including me on this fucking tour. Because it was... It was a memory. Oh, by the way, this is where the boy fucking photoshopped himself in. Oh, yeah. I didn't know.

I didn't know. That's the wrong time. That's the real way. Oh, Oh, it was eight. I thought it was an essential time. I didn't know.

I didn't know. Run away. Run away. There's my. Yeah, we're not drunk. Run our way. A little bit.

Shaf, thanks for including me on this. You're welcome. You're welcome. It was so much fun. And it's always great when you like go like, this is an old buddy who were like fucking throwing down. It was like we used to do.

Yeah, it's cool shit. And two, two runs. I get it. Run is easy. Two expensive. No, I would have done it for free the second time.

I'm cheap as shit. I would have done it for free the second time. Redizzer is pretty expensive. I'm glad. All at all? I'm glad fucking column came in because you know what? Column has now been brought into the fucking inner circle. There's so many good memories of this.

I put on a Tennessee. Yes. I pulled that. Oh, yeah, this is like. You remember when you had that fucking jersey on underneath? Underneath I had to pull it off a Tennessee Volz jersey. And we were in the haunted section. hanging out with friends

so much fun doing sandals every time I've talked about this to go all the time every time comics go after

each other online it's like you're missing the best part the best part what the best part is comics hanging out with comics

yeah and forget the drama I'm gonna show off this guy show up this guy online show up this guy online it's comics it's the best it was the La Jolla

comedy condo but for two and a half weeks that was mobile By the way, even when Mark Norman came on, we're like, fucking fantastic because we've all fucking party with Norman. Oh, look at those birds fucking each other. Dude, I love birds fucking. Let me jerk off. Whoa, Doug David off.

Look at the Jim Nari. This is something else. These are, this is Jeff Ross. We got to wrap it up. We got to go. All right. Guys, it's been great. We don't have to do the wrap up.

It's a place you want to go. Thanks, everybody. Good luck, follow everything. Thank you. Red is easy.com. Good luck next episode trying to follow this. Okay. Well, that's the episode.

everybody. I got to put a shirt on eventually or we're going to burn. I'm so fucking fat. You see this? Bleach. That's from a fucking week in Austin and a week in New York and then doing podcast runs or whatever trying to promote my special at the end. It's the end of a great run of storytelling show.

A classic storytelling show that went by the name of Ari's storytelling show, then got renamed to This Is Not Happening. Eventually that went on television. Then that got lost. It was a big network fucking stole it from me. And then I renamed Arishafir's Renamed Storytelling Show, and now it's the end of the road, so I call it The End. Get it, double play on words. You can get it right now at Arishafir.com.

$5.99 per episode. Get any one of them. They're all, I mean, they're all great. I mean, I keep trying to do a top three list, but it ends up being, like, 14 long. And even some of the ones that are, like, not my top 14 are other people's. It's crazy how much people relate to, like, actually real comedy instead of, like, an ironic distance. Get at Arrashvirt.com. $5.99 per one hour episode.

It's cheaper than Luis C.K. sells a specials for. He does an hour as well. And also, if you get five, then they go down to about four bucks per episode, which is four bucks per hour of high-level standard comedy. Those who have seen it and are responding, please keep reaching out to the comics, the ones you like and tell them,

hey, I saw you, this is not this not happening. Legally not. You're the end story and I loved it. Hey, you killed it on Ari's storytelling show. Whatever you want to say. Um, come on, uh, reach out to them because then they'll, like, they want to hear about it. Because because we're doing behind a paywall, because that's the only way I can get, you know, my money back for putting out literally all my money.

The money has come back, by the way. It's working. The model is working. We've made our money back. We're now making extra money. Oh, they're all attacking the one bird. I guess the one bird's trying to eat their eggs. Wow.

Damn. What is that? Hawks. And they're all fucking attacking it. Oh, they're definitely trying to get into their nest. Please describe wherever you're watching and listening. Next week's episode, Drew Binski and I go to where? What's in the news right now?

No, you're wrong. You have a sort of you're not wrong. Iran. You can do an episode on Iran. It's timely. Drew Binsky, one of the great travel vloggers today, and I got it from your guys' suggestions. If you have a suggestion of someone who would be great on this podcast,

leave me in the comments. I read them, and if I get enough of them, I reach out to the prison. Every once in a while, they'll be like, absolutely. Drew Benski's one. Small Brain America is another. Sabatical. Those are all from your suggestions.

Today's episode is produced by your mom's house network, edited by Alan Kaffee. Thank you, Alan. I know I'm always behind, and I'm going to continue to be for another like three weeks, and then I'm going to get ahead. Follow the guys from the podcast. Steve Renazizi at Steve Renazizi. What's the Odd Pod? It's his podcast.

At Steve Renazizi on Instagram. and YouTube. He's taking the summer off, so no tour dates. Ryan O'Neill, comedy, SlopQuest is his podcast, and Colmterill is on Instagram and YouTube as well, at Colum Tiro. Check out his cockfight pod that he does with a really fat dude who just, if he was more famous,

people would refer to him as a fat guy, not Bert, but he's not famous, Lev. So people don't, he's fat, but people don't even recognize that. Who also has a special called Tapestry. Is that right? on right now. Tapestry is what he does when he has to sew two pairs of pants together to get around his fat waist. Columns on the road at Tulsa, Reno, Winnipeg, St. Pete, Sacramento, San Diego, Los Angeles, Indianapolis, Emos, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh. Also, my special is on YouTube, I mean,

Instagram, I mean, Netflix right now, Jew is back on Netflix. So if you haven't seen her, if you want to see it again, play and leave the room, help the algorithm. Let it play to the end. But also watch it again. They wanted, they were, like, upset. They didn't get that on there. And so now they're like, let's take it, not even off YouTube, but let's put it on our platform. They really wanted it. And that's because you guys supported it so much. You guys have always supported my shit. I would never do you wrong.

If you're wondering about the end and the rental process versus owning, it's one year past when the last guy buys it. The last guy hasn't started buying it. So anyone who bought it three weeks ago, you got a year in three weeks plus whatever's happening. After that year, whenever he cut it off, like, all right, we're stopping selling. Who knows? That'll probably be in another year from now.

You still get it for another year of streaming. And then at that point, guys, I've always been on your side. I'm the guy who saves $20 tickets for theater shows, 50 of them, in the back. You're not getting front receipts for $20. But I always look out for you. I'm closer to you in wealth than any of my fucking rich friends. So I got you. You got to trust me.

I'm a ticket buyer more than I'm a ticket seller, especially now. I go to Yankee games. I don't like all the crazy fees and just the lack of fucking customer service. At the end of that year, I'm going to figure out a way to get you guys a download. I just can't legally promise it, but I'm the guy who's always looked out for it. So you're going to get a download. It might be where you've got to pay an extra $2 for the fees

because I can't spend $150,000 times $2. And anyone else who wants to download it, they're going to pay the full price, $29.99 plus the $2. We'll figure out a way, that's my point. This is for you to own. Don't worry about it. I got you. But if you don't want to trust me, that's on you

because I've always done right by everybody. Also, the comedians are. You're splitting up this money. It's not going to anyone. It's some to me. Tom's getting his money back. And then the comedians are all splitting it. So you're supporting the comedians directly to their pockets.

I know guys like Shane don't need it. Nate Bargazzi and Chris DeSephano and Roy Wood Jr. And Ali Sadiq and Tony Hinchcliffe, guys that are all doing arenas? Ms. Pat's got a BET show. Yeah, she's getting the money too. But guys like Joe List, who has a child eating him out of house at home. Mark Norman. Robert Kelly, Sam Talent,

Jesser Reed, me, column. We need the money. But also, the main thing is, it ain't charity. You're getting a great show. And it was produced by Your Mom's House Network. They also made production cards

for every one of my fucking episodes for me, and they're really, they're dicks. All right, guys, that's it. Please subscribe wherever you're watching or listening. Hit the, you know, like button and leave just a comment in the algorithm. Every week, just leave a comment in the algorithm. Just like, for the algo,

or just like, I don't know, shit on my outfit or my hair. Whatever you want, it helps, like, push the show up. And the more views I get, because of that dumb fucking mathematical algorithm, the more fucking good guests I can get for you guys. I will tell you before I leave, that bus was the best time of my life. Both those tours, the one with me, Collum and Ryan, the one with me, Collum, I mean, Ryan and Renazisi,

it was just, it was a nonstop party. It was so good. I'm glad you guys could kind of live up the end. adventure when we were drunk which helped buckfast which helped get back into the mood all of it was so fun and i got to be honest next time i play united states might be 27 might be 2028 like do an actual tour there's no way i'm not going to do a two two three-week bus tour again and get these guys back to it was just it was a time of my life anyone who came to see us on that tour i mean you saw great shows but you saw great shows from friends hanging out i uh

Listen, guys, this is a way to do comedy as a business, and there's a way to do comedy as a business and a life. I try to do the latter. You should do the same for whatever your life is. You know, fuck somebody from work. You have a co-worker at work who's hot. Fuck them. Not in that way.

I mean, have sex with them. Even if they're a dude, you work at an all-male thing and you're not gay? Still, I'm exciting. Fuck them in the butt. Fuck them in the mouth. It's up to you. Fuck him in the penis. That's difficult.

But if you can get there, get there. I'm Ruggie Shapir. Until next week. on the road again. Keep on trucking. That's it. That's a road. Keep on trucking.