You Be Trippin' - Tunisia w/ Tom Segura | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

Ari's new special "America's Sweetheart" is out now on Netflix!! Go watch now!!! (Well first finish this pod then go watch the special k thanks) Follow Tom on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/seguratom/?hl=en SPONSORS: -Go to https://Shipskis.com and use the code ARI to get 20% off your first shipment and save yourself the hassle this ski season. -Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://shopify.com/trippin , ALL LOWERCASE. On this episode of You Be Trippin, Tom Segura finds the love of his life in Tunisia, where he buys weed, blows a massive load, and gets post-nut anxiety. On the show, he and Ari talk about studying abroad, gap years, languages, and forcing yourself to do things. Tom also tells stories about Icelandic hot springs, meeting hot girls in Rome, and taking his son to visit the Minecraft movie set. Humdullah! You Be Trippin' Ep. 51 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:47 - Intro Tom 00:02:46 - Tunisia, Star Wars, & Forcing Yourself to do Things 00:07:59 - Multiple Languages & Tom Shares His Photos 00:23:54 - Tom Reveals His Tunisian Love 00:28:40 - Buying Weed & A Leather Swimsuit 00:34:20 - Hooking Up with the German Girl & Post-Nut Anxiety 00:44:08 - The Food & Disdain for Other Countries 00:50:56 - Buying Drugs in Other Countries & Studying Abroad 00:56:51 - Being Social While Traveling, Aggressive Confrontations, & Gap Years 01:06:30 - Visiting the Minecraft Movie Set 01:16:30 - Tom's Dad in Vietnam & Iceland Hot Springs 01:23:32 - Their Approach to Travel & Where to Next 01:35:56 - Travel Tips & Insults Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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What is that, impression of my special? Yeah. You son of a bitch. You're a guest in my home. Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. guest in my home. Hello everybody, welcome to You'll Be Trippin'. It's a travel podcast. It's the only podcast that will not be allowed to skateboard by their Jewish parents today on the pod. My friend and, uh, landlord

Tom Segura. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thanks for coming to this podcast studio. I built. Yeah. It actually, it looks great. Those are pretty cool. It also feels very Ari. Yeah. It's very cool. There should be hidden drugs. There should be. It should be a compartment. Yeah, it also feels very ah-ree. Yeah. It's very cool. There should be hidden drugs places. There should be. There should be a compartment. Like, oh, you think this is a globe?

And then it just goes like, shh. Something comes out. Yeah, that does feel like you. Did you know kids like that? I remember the first kid 30 years ago. Yeah. That was like. That was when the first kid was?

Well, the very first kid ever born. No, the kid that goes, I'm like, you know, when you're like nervous to drive with weed and he's like, Oh, I have this. And he, and his speaker came out and he was like, I just put it in there. And you were like, how do you do that? And he's like, just know this guy that does it. What? That's your skillset. But that felt like James Bond. I was like, I know James Bond. Like this is crazy.

Or they would have the thing where like the seedy wall, because you know, everything used to like come out. Yeah. Or you'd take your CD player with you, you know, like in a car. And he had like a whole compartment that would go in there and be a hidden door for stashing shit.

Just for weed. Yeah. Those days are done. Yeah. Now it's just like. Now as long as you're white. Yeah. If you're white.

Fine. There's a couple of advantages. And one of them. Yeah. Is that like, I was driving down Sixth Street, and there's a guy going, just, like, smoking weed on 6th Street like this. And then, like, I mean, three feet away was a cop. And they're just like, we ain't doing it?

Yep, they were just like, I don't, not even like, and you're like, wow, this isn't even like a state that's. The most I've gotten is like, put that out. Put that out, yeah. Oh, what a world. What an amazing world. Ever catch yourself in a white privilege where you like see it for a second. Like, Oh yeah, you guys don't get this. Huh? Oh, that was great. Monroe was like, I was talking about doing some bit about like some cops showed up at Times Square park and I went up to ask you

You went up joke. He had his gun out and you went up to him. I was like, yeah Where we going what do you want to do? Oh, I thought we would talk about Tunisia because it's such a Unique kind of not right, you know, it's not in the regular list. What is Tunisia where Star Wars was made? Yeah, there's a Star wars. Yes, the original Okay, all right when they when I think Luke's home, you know when he's like at home and door I think that's Tunisia. Okay Yeah Then he comes home and everybody's burned alive

Believe like a though. Oh this will tell us for sure Tatooine that's what I was thinking, oh, this will tell us for sure. Tatooine. Tatooine, that's what I was thinking. Is that, yeah. How much of a tax break are you getting if you're gonna go shoot there instead of Mojave? And also, this was before they, they were like, this is a fucking crazy script.

Like, they didn't know. It was gonna be a hit. Yeah, everyone was like, this is insane. They're gonna make more off dolls than their whole budget. Yeah. Yeah. See that's Luke's home right there. Yeah. This looks worse in Gaza. So, so this is like, I am, okay, so I'm, uh, I think everyone has their natural reaction of like, do you want to do something?

Do you want to go do something? And I think mine is like, I'm good. What do you mean? You stay in a hotel? Why were you there? That's what I'm going to tell you. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I'm studying abroad. Wait, wait, go back, go back, go back. Yeah. What's the one over there? It's the bottom left. Yeah. Who's that artist? I know it. That looks like a Minecraft character.

Honestly. Yeah. It Minecraft character, honestly. Yeah, it's, yeah. Damn, nobody made it. Huh. Oh, that's Obi-Wan's house exterior. That's what they put that there. That's very cool, yeah. Oh, that's cool. Okay, sorry, forget it.

Don't know the artist. So, but you know what I mean when it's like, I'm saying my natural, okay, sorry, forget it. Don't know the artists. So, but you know what I mean when it's like, I'm saying my natural, like, I have to coach myself into just go do it. Like if you're like, you wanna go do this thing? I'm like, I'm, you know, I'm good. I'm, my natural thing is to stay in. So, yeah, but now you're, but, okay.

But in Iceland, you're like, no, let's go do shit. But that's been a evolution. An evolution of like, this is better. It's better to try things and it's a big jazz and we're on the road It's like come play Xbox that I brought like let's go out. Let's go. I know I might not be like the extreme of Jay Yeah, maybe I'm in the middle, you know, but so what I'm my point is like I'm studying abroad Which is obviously that's an adventure in and of itself, right? I'm studying in Madrid It's like the choice to like I want to study abroad is in college in college. Yeah, okay and one weekend one of the classmates an American classmate is like hey, what do you think of going to

Tunisia like for a long weekend and I was like no, I'm good. You're in Spain. Yeah, he's just Africa. Yeah Yeah, Algeria. No, no news is a country. Yeah, so you go over to the right a little bit further That's right. No, sorry your other right and then So you have Morocco over the straight and then to the right yeah, so you're in that area so Tunis Benghazi. I've heard of that Tripoli. That's where Sam was. Yeah. Yeah. Got nothing. This is not an up to date map. Oh, look at that. There you go. So, okay. So he's like, do you want to go there? And I'm like, nah, I'm like, crazy.

No, I'm just like, no, I don't want to go to Tunisia. Like he's, and he, to his credit gives me kind of a, not like a real kick in the ass, but he's like, dude, we're this close to North Africa. Another American. Yeah. Another American. He's like, when are you going to be able to do this? And I was like, all right. Like I was like kind of like embracing, take, you know, do something adventurous.

It's like, yeah, also this, you also kind of remind yourself this semester I can do things like this, you know, like I ended up, I remember like one weekend. Yeah. One weekend I went to Rome by myself, right. Because, because I'm like, I'm in Madrid. It's not that crazy to go.

And I just did it. I did it for Paris. I did flights are cheap. You're already the EU. Was it EU back then? I don't think it was EU. Okay. But, um, anyway, but this is also a departure from Paris or Rome. Right. But then Marcelo tried that same shit on me and Hernandez. He was like, Hey, you want to come to a Latin night at a club? I'm not a club guy. I'm like, no. And he was like, uh, why, what are you doing? I was like, well, I just finished my last spot. I'm like, ah, no. And he was like, why, what are you doing? I was like, oh, I just finished my last spot.

I was actually thinking of something to do. I was like, just come with. And I'm like, it's just not my scene. He's like, then just laugh at them and leave. Take a cab home. And I was like, oh yeah. Yeah, you can just do that. Yeah, all right.

But I do think that it's good to have those people around you who go push you. And this guy did push me. His name was Ryan, and I remember he was like come on Dude, like let's just go rest in peace Ryan Ryan died dedicated to you and You make an RIP for Ryan Just put that in there. I think it was a became a firefighter. I think is he dead. I think he probably is dead But anyway, I remember we go there and you fly in to Tunis.

Tunis airport? Yeah. And I don't know. Third world, first world, how's it feel? Well, there's a couple things that you just clock immediately. This is a thing in Morocco and in Tunisia, is you just are blown away by the locals who are young.

They were talking about teens and stuff. Their level of fluency in, they're all polyglots. They speak eight, nine languages pretty fluently. So as we're, when you get out of an airport and everyone's getting my cab and all this shit. Trying to hawk at you, yeah. Bro, so they see us and they're like, hey guys, what's up?

And you're like, Hey, would they do that? And I was just like, pretend we're Spaniards. Like just pretend we're Spaniards. Okay. So I just answer in Spanish and they start speaking, I mean, 100% fluent Spanish. Wow.

And as they're talking to me, this other guy walks by and like, boom, this guy's just speaking German fluently. I start chatting him up because I like languages. I always loved the- You speak German? No, no, no, I'm saying I love just language and the way that I like trying, I always study Italian, I speak Spanish, I always liked languages. And I always, when trying, like I always study Italian, I speak Spanish,

like I always liked languages and I always, when I travel, I always try to learn certain phrases just to like, just I always try to learn greetings, please, thank you, like just things to like show, hey, you know, I'm not just like, hey English, you know, like one of those guys. So. No, it's good anyways, there's not that many words.

Yeah, yeah, just to. It's almost like just 10 words that if you just get those, you can kind of get by. Then everyone's kind of like, oh, and they appreciate it. And it's fun. Please, thank you. Greeting like a good morning, good evening kind of thing. Oh yeah.

Yeah, whereas the bathroom's always a good one. Fun, you know, everywhere. Yeah. And then like, yeah, something, something. Yeah, anyway. Where's the good pussy around here? One, two, three, yeah. So, as I'm chatting this dude up, in Spanish,

I'm like, fuck, how many languages do you speak? Well, obviously, he's from Tunisia. He speaks Arabic and French, like 100% fluently. His English is perfect. He's like, I speak Spanish, I speak Italian, I speak German, and then he's like, I speak Japanese. What? Yes, and then he speaks like another dialect,

another Arab dialect, and I was like, and here's the thing, then you realize this entire pool of people does, they're just out there doing that every day. And that's, it's like, you're like, holy shit. So we get to the, um, to the hotel, um, which I don't even, I don't recall like how we found this place or anything, but we had booked hotel room. This is definitely pre cell phone.

Oh yeah. Well there's cell phones, but we're not like, yeah, no smartphones. So do you find stuff that I really don't remember. But then we were like, we get to the hotel and we're like, well, let's just go explore. And we have this guy. So I have, I brought a few pictures. I was crazy. I remember second scrapbook actually really Yeah, these are a bunch of old pictures, but I remembered Like that. I'm Dan. Where'd you even find this? I had this is all you say from the fires So this guy drove us around

Right Damn you're young. I know. Fuck. Who the fuck is this guy? He's the coolest guy I've ever seen in my life. That's one of the guys taking us around, dude. And... What was the attitudes?

Well, it was like... He seems so fucking cool. He seems like Dariens Chique a little bit. He was like, you know, he's like taking us to like see like real Tunisia. Whoa. These are your photos? Yeah. Wow. You look like Tony Hinchcliffe here. Do I? Yeah. Gay. You do.

You have beautiful kissing lips. Not anymore. You've lost it. You guys got to see this. It's so much like Tony. Okay. And I remember this. What are they? What are these? It's just like a hut. Yeah. Just in a hut. We just went out and like here, how crazy is this? This is what we go inside of just like on a, they're like, we're going there and there's a girl that's been tied up in the back. Do what you want.

Where they just build a home into the mountain. Yeah, man. And then is that, is that this? Yeah. And it's like 4 billion degrees outside. So you need, is it like a cooled because it's in there? Yeah. Yeah. Like they figured out obviously how to like live in that when, and you needed, um, Wow. Oh yeah. Here's like Tunisian kids, bro. Like we're just like, how far away is this from the main town or is this a guided thing? It's a guy that, yeah, bro. Like we're just like, how far away is this from the main town or is this a guided thing? Yeah. The guy drove us around and like, we're just, I'm just like hanging out, like, you know, seeing all the natural wonder that is in Tunisia. Is this the closest you were ever to a Brown person at that time? Well,

I play football. So, oh, you said Brown. Yeah. Yeah. pretty much. Look how happy they are to be in pictures. Dude, kids love getting in a fucking picture that's going back to America. A white guy picture? Yeah. They're like, hey, hey, hey.

Do they do a thing where they're kind of like, oh, I wish I could zoom in on their fucking cool ass t-shirts. I know. See if any of you had a lost championship shirt. You know? Oh, right. One of those that never won. Yeah, like the fucking.

Yeah. Yeah. Are the fucking. Yeah. Are they all giving the finger or they're giving the peace sign? Yeah, they're all being pretty cool. Yeah, here I am. I got some sun and I'm feeling feeling myself. And this is me and Ryan and that's Ryan.

I'm rest in peace, bro. Rest in peace, bro. Ryan's a good looking, fucking gross soul patch. Yeah. Rest in peace, bro. Rest in peace, bro. Ryan's a good looking, so fucking gross soul patch. Yeah. I remember. Yeah. How'd you just gain 30 pounds between pictures? Hey dude, what the fuck, man? What I'm trying to, this one's way thinner than that. I'm being vulnerable right now. Fat Tom's back. It's just the anger. Wait, is it all hookah there?

Is that like the hookah culture? Hookah is huge there, yeah. Huge. All right, so here's the, like I'm trying to, sorry, figure out where things are. Hey guys, gonna break in real quick to tell you about the guest.

He's a accomplished stand-up comedian and he's my boss. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, not really. Ha ha ha ha ha ha, sort of. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. One time me and Tom were in a, he brought me to, this is like we were on like same level. He plays with a fucking rodeo place now. Wherever you're gonna go see in Tops Agora, he's probably playing with a rodeo place. No, let's get to me first.

I got a new special right now on Netflix called America's Sweetheart. Yeah, it's the best work of the year. It's the number one special of the year, everyone sang. I know it's January. I'm aware. America's Sweetheart on Netflix. Have you watched it yet? I hope you're getting what I hope you get out of it, which is turn off the news, change your mind to like focus on the good things in life and not the bad. They're trying to push you into the bad things all the time and me through horrible degenerate stand-up comedy is trying to give you tools you need to live a happier, richer life. The joy of school shootings,

mass shootings, spousal abuse, terrorism, anti-Semitism, all that and more in America, sweetheart. Leave in the comments if you're watching on YouTube your favorite bits, the parts you stood out. I'm on tour also now, the farewell tour. I'm going to do one little tour until April and then one more gig in June in Anchorage, but then I'm done until 2027. I'm gonna be in Los Angeles doing a storytelling show

on Thursday and then Brea in Nashville, both of those with Adrian Apoluchi, San Antonio with Ari Mati, the Ari Squared show, Tampa, Denver, Denver's the greatest hit show, Schomburg, Illinois with Adrian, Atlanta, Portland, both with Adrian Apoluchi, the Dark Queen. Portland, I said that. San Jose, Orlando.

Dania Beach, which is Fort Lauderdale. And then some big theaters in April is Seattle. Vancouver, second show added. Calgary, second show added. Edmonton, first show sold out, second show added. And then finally, that's April 7th ending in Anchorage, Alaska June 18th, and then you won't see me for a long time if I'm one of the cities on that list You're not gonna see me there until like 20 like

2030 2029 maybe I'm not coming back. so I'm going to other cities after that. Anyway, that's it. If you wanna support the podcast, go to the Patreon, patreon.com slash UB Trippin' right now. New episodes this week with Ryan O'Neil. Sagalo came in for some, I'm doing with other comics now,

so way more fun, way more fun. Keep sending your postcards. If you wanna have a postcard read on the, are you, no, UB Trippin Podcast, send it to 151 First Avenue, number 49, New York, New York, 1003. Postcards only, it's a little sliver of a box. But send it from around the world,

don't send it from America. And that's it, I also have a Feidelberg shirt available right now, a Stay Positive shirt available right now, both backing up the specials. They're fun. The Stay Positive one is a really fun one and the Fidelberg is a rest in peace Yoni Fidelberg, true hero who made the Holocaust. You've seen this. Guys, if you didn't last to the closer, you're missing out. That closer is out there. The best was I saw a Hasidic Jewish man who was like laughing at my show enough, but then when that guy, he was like, ah, ah, ah, he'd never seen anything like it. You could hear him in the audience. You could not see the pollen in my nose for the

first like 15 minutes. That's it. Tom Segura is on the road right now. What's his stupid tour name? He always has great tour names. Come Together. That's not bad. That's really not bad at all. The Come Together Tour. Wherever the rodeo plays, Tom Segura will be there. Savannah, Charleston, Boston, Washington DC, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Durant, Austin, Texas, Evansville, Fishers, Chicago, where Michael Jordan has a statue outside. Everyone, go to Michael Jordan's home and come on that statue. Then he goes to Europe-ish, Dublin, Belfast, Manchester, London, Glasgow.

Harry, Harry, Harry fucking go. Nottingham, Cardiff, New York City at the Madison Square Garden. Damn, I wish I was there for that. Oklahoma City, Houston, Fargo, St. Paul, Madison, Anchorage, Alaska where I will be in June. Tacoma, Idaho Falls, Billings, Moline, Bristol, Virginia, St. Louis, Springfield, Massachusetts, Albany, Verona and Rochester. For all tickets go to Tom Segura.com for my tickets go to Ari Shafir.com. This is a good episode. This is a good episode. Tunisia.

Anyway, next week Jim Gaffigan. Let's get back to it. Tom take us back to Tunisia. So what'd you get into? Right. So we do like the tour stuff, right? I'm like like see what I showed you seeing Okay, I'll put them back in oh yeah, they're gonna do right they're gonna scan them or something

That I remember like we met I Order anything or not really here. This is super touristy. No, not really. This is so touristy But you know, I'm 20 I I turned 21 on this, this trip. Did you drink while you were there? Can you? Yeah. I'm saying I turned 21 on my trip to Tunisia. Um, yeah. Well, I remember because I, um, it's so touristy, right? So cool though. Feeding a camel. Yeah. I just, were you feeding him a pickle?

I don't think it was a pickle. Oh, you wrestling. If it was me, you'd be like, let the camel have it Ari. I remember that I met this Spanish family. This was a family. Does everyone just wear turbans as if it's normal? Yeah. Yeah. I met that family in that photo just on this trip. They were a Spanish.

I just remember like seeing the photo now. I was like, oh yeah, this guy and his wife and their two daughters. And I was like, oh, I'm studying in Madrid. And they're like, oh, we live in Madrid. And I just chatted them up, because I remember that I told them on either the second day I saw them,

I was like, oh, today's my birthday. And that that guy was like, come sit with us and have a glass of wine, that kind of thing. Those are good times. Those are good times. When you could just like, and I watched the sunset come over the desert, uh, the sunrise over the desert on one of the mornings, like the day after my birthday, I think he woke up. Yeah. And just, we watched it rise. Um, it was so cool to like see you're like, I'm in the desert in Tunisia. I'm 21 now. And you know,

it's just like this, a cool memory of, of that trip. Yeah. Plus anytime there's sunsets or sunrises, you're kind of like, I don't know, it just puts you in a place. It does desert. You get up early, you see the light forming in this like other world that you're not, don't live in and you're like, Oh wow, I am somewhere. Yeah. It's just, it's, it's a real like, and also like in, if you're not from this region, a desert is a real kind of special foreign thing where you're like, I don't, you know,

cause you always hear like people live in the desert and then you're here and you're like, oh yeah, these people live here. This is not just a tourist attraction. They live here. Right. It's not like a set. No, they live in Tatooine. Are they interested in it or are they just like, oh, whatever, it sucks? They know that it's like one of those things where they know the wonder of the special stuff

and most people have a lot of pride in what's special about their place. We had a tour guide in Costa Rica with my family and they were like, do you ever get sick of these monkeys or whatever? And he was like, yeah, I don't care at all anymore, but I really want to see a deer. Really?

I'm like, oh yeah, my dad's like, they fuck up our figs all the time. Yeah, they're such assholes. You know we kill them most of the year. We kill them and just leave them. We kill them with the cars and just drive off. There's such a problem that they encourage you to kill them. We told my mom.

We have to take down the numbers, yeah. My mom's so dumb. We told her there's a squirrel problem and that you're allowed to kill as many squirrels as you want here. And basically almost got her to weep. And she was like, I love squirrels. We're like, Oh no, not when you see what they do to our country. This is where you're sleeping on these beds like to sleep on. Where did you stay? Do you stay in a hotel?

I stayed in a hotel, but it wasn't like, you know, it was like that white, um, you know, structure like clay kind of structure that, and it wasn't like fancy, but it was cool. They had their, you know, they had a breakfast that was like four guests, but it was, don't picture like fancy. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like whatever that. Yeah. Do you ever look back? I've talked to us with Burt, but do you ever look back on like those days. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like whatever that, yeah. Do you ever look back, I've talked to us with Burt, but do you ever look back on like those days

and the absolute lack of luxury you needed to be happy? Yeah, you needed, it was the thing you hadn't really, for the most part, experienced it. That's the whole thing where they go, it's like you can, you never want to go back. It's like when you sit first class, you don't want to go back to economy after that. But you fly economy for years, decades, and you're just like, yeah, it's fine. For what first class, you don't want to go back to economy after that.

But you fly economy for years, decades, and you're just like, yeah, it's fine. So what? I had a Greyhound bus to visit somebody before. And you weren't thinking, like, this sucks. You thought it sucks, but you're also like, yeah, this was like $50 or whatever to travel three states. It's fine. We went to Firefly Festival once in Delaware. And my agent, I was like, can you get us tickets?

I'll buy them, whatever. He's like, do you want us like first class VIP? I'm like, literally no one in my group has ever even understands what that is. We just want to get in and see the music. They'd be like, is your dad in the band? Yeah. Why do we have this?

So here's where things turned for me on this trip is I'm in the hotel and like, you know, Ryan and I are like on the trip, but we're each like, he's like, I'm gonna go do this. I'm like, I'm gonna go do something else. You know what I mean? We're not doing everything together is my point. So I'm in the lobby of the hotel and I see a woman

and she is like sitting having a tea or a coffee and facing the the window that faces like the outside and this local guy is like mean mugging her through the window, right he's just like and I notice it I clock it and I go over to her And I just i'm like you okay

And she's like, yeah, and I sit down. I just sit down next to her and then the guy sees me and he goes like Sorry Yeah, and i'm like What's going on? She's like I was in a store and he closed the door in the store and locked the door. And like, he's been like super, you know, it was like, it was yeah. And it was terrifying. So I came back here and then he's been walking by the window. And she's like, now he thinks that you're with me. So he just was like, so you're marked for death, marked for death, but also like,

yeah, he'll leave me alone. And so we used to start chatting. He was like, Oh, I would never, uh, I would never chat a, uh, someone who was with somebody, you know, we did here. That's cool. Chad, they're a cool story there. Okay. That's cool, Chad. Is there a cool story there? So this guy, he leaves and I can tell you that she was like shaken by the, you know, that experience, but we just start

chatting and I'm just, you know, I just kind of tell her like, yeah, I'm here with my friend. We studying and whatever. What about you? Yeah. She's like, I'm German, um, traveling alone and, um, you know, yeah. And she's like, kind of like, she's traveling alone. And, you know, yeah. And she's like kind of like, she kind of punk rock, you know, like with piercings and some tats and.

Imagine her going home and it's like, is it safe there? She goes, no. Yeah. And anyway. What? Yeah. So we started chatting and then I forget the exact sequence, but then she's like, what are you going to do? And I, I,

I think she actually took the photo of the camel cause we rode, we rode that together. Oh really? Yeah. We went, you start hanging out with her. So hanging out with her. So, uh, it's like, no one's is social anymore. I know. And we ride camels. And it's movie shit. Yeah. It's like, it is, it's like a movie. I'm 99% sure she took the photo photo credit that check that check. Can you, yeah. When you put on that, can you put, um, what did you, was there anything like flirty? Yeah. Like,

but like, you know, the thing is not, not like I'm trying to capitalize on this. It was more like we have like a good rapport, right?, the thing is not, not like I'm trying to capitalize on this. It was more like we have like a good rapport, right? Like we just, yeah, there's like natural flirtiness or whatever. Um, I have a picture of her. Really? Yeah. This is her. This is us on that trip. God, I hope it's Christina. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. German chick. Yeah. Where's this? What beaches us? I don't remember. I really don't. I have zero recollection. She probably took this photo. It makes you want to do this. It really makes you want to do this. She probably took this photo as well

because that is probably I'm assuming that's the same. I think she does that look the same. Does that look the same? Same beach? Maybe, it does? But maybe. I think it's the same jacket. Look at the glasses around my shirt then. Hold on, now I wanna see her. I really wanna get there and go. Oh, tomboyish. Yeah, she's pretty cute.

Her hair's her hand on her. Her hair's like. What, ratty? No, it's up right now. But like she had long hair. Oh yeah, tattoos. So then we go. Here's the thing, bro. We go back to the hotel. Possible Jew. Didn't know that. Yeah. Possible Jew. I've never seen that. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Well, she had like the high cheekbones, you know, little overbite. Yeah. Old Shylock Holmes got to the bottom of it. Fuck. Well, let me tell you what this fucking Jew did. So we go, we go to back to the hotel. Yeah. And first she's like, uh, I want,

I want to get some like weed or something, you know? Okay. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, let's go get some weed. Can you fuck? No, we're in a era. Like we're a Muslim country. Is it the hashy kind of thing? Kind of. That's Morocco. Yeah, it's more Morocco, but I'm sure it's there too. But I'm so dumb and 21. And 21, yeah.

And like a girl is asking me to do something. So. I'll just say yes and figure it out. I was like, yeah, I'll go get that. So I'm just like walking around like, you got any weed? Like. You just want to get Target on you? Yeah, and then some guys. I'm an American with around like you got any weed like Putting a target on you and some guys I'm an American with money and I want weed Oh, man, I end up getting a bag of something

That shit ain't weed. It wasn't weed, dude I don't know what it is, but it's not we doesn't look like weed and smell like weed I smoke it and something happens, but it didn't weed. I don't know how to describe what it is but Anyway, we both smoked this and I'm like first of all It's like I give someone like $20 and they're like here's half a pound of this and you're like, this is weed It's like Giving you $1. Okay, so

We smoke and I remember we're at the hotel and we go to the hotel pool and I'm like, yeah, I'll meet you in the, like I have, you know, trunks in my room. I mean, dude, she's at the hotel pool in an Arab country in a leather swimsuit. It's leather and it looks like it looks like bondage gear. Like it's like covering the nipples and then there's like stars coming out of it and it goes into a thong and I'm like, what are you wearing? Right?

Like, I feel like we're going to be executed for her bathing suit. Okay. I'm like, this is insane. Cause you just know natural like, I love it. Someone does another danger. Like, no, no, no, no, no.

You're like, dude, this is. So I'm retarded for buying whatever I bought. Yeah. She, to me, it feels like so crazy that she's, literally that she's wearing this in Tunisia. And I know it's not a... Who packed it for Tunisia? It's not a conservative Muslim country. So that's I'm sure what some people say.

But it still just feels wild. Yeah. So, anyway, we're hanging out and yeah, everyone's dressed up in the beach. Yeah, right. They're not even wearing skimpy shit on the beach. It's hard to see in the background. But no, it feels completely insane. So I still can't believe what you pointed out on the wrist there. It's so crazy. I went right to it. Hi everybody. Today's episode of UB Trippin is brought to you by Shipskis.com. Guys, the hardest part about skiing is not learning how to ski like a Jerry.

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Shopify.com slash Trippin. I should sell Spotify but without my Ubi Trippin podcast. I'll look into it. Back to the episode. So we end up like just getting high on whatever we smoked. We swim all this. I think I later on, I'm like, Oh, you know, see you a little bit later kind of thing. I go to her room later and we start, um, making out and then she takes my pants off

and performs, I believe it's called fellatio. Oh, dead workout, wow. Yeah. Wow, that's pretty good. Okay, cool, cool. And here's the, I'm 21, like I told you. And I guess I like such a massive load And then when it's done I go do you want me to do you and she's like, yeah

So enjoy some yeah travel sex I know so then we're then we end up Having sex and I'm like, you seem like you do heroin. Like she has like real, like it's real thin, veiny kind of runaway vibes. Um, and I go like, I remember being like, I don't have a condom. And she goes like, who cares? And I was German. Yeah. I was like, put it on my butt. I was like, yeah, who cares? Right. Um, which by the way, as for a 21 year old, like you're just like, oh great. Yeah. Okay.

As soon as somebody else says as the woman, when the woman goes, what? You're like, oh yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Sorry. So I was just joking. I just want to see your reaction. Yeah. Yeah. I was, I, there's just a bit, I'm doing a bit right now. Um, so we have sex and she's also one of those who's like, don't pull out, you know, and you're like, I'm who would do that. So we have sex, and she's also one of those who's like, don't pull out, you know? And you're like, I'm like, okay, I'll never see you again, so okay, so raise my kid and be a good mom. But so I remember,

I remember that I leave her room, I remember that I leave her room, and I'm like, first of all, I'm riding the high of all this whole adventure, right? And I go back to my room and there's Ryan. He's like, where have you been? And so I tell him, I go, yeah, remember that girl you hung out and, and like, we did, you know, this, and then like, we just hooked up and he had met her.

He had met her at some point, like in the lobby or something. And the very first thing he said, he goes, did you wear a condom? He saw her, he saw those CD German and I go, no. He was like, you will die. And I remember 21, this was also right around that time where you're like, oh no, that's all death. That's the only possible. Like when he realizes he got his death death. Yeah. And I just remember going into like a pretty real panic about what I had done.

Like I pretty panicked. It was, it was like, it affected my sleep. going into like a pretty real panic about what I had done. Like pretty panicked. It was like, it affected my sleep. It was like, you know, affected my stomach. I was like, I really thought I'd made like a huge mistake with this, you know? And so I have a rough time with it and I'm like, whatever. Like, you know, you're not texting anyone.

Like there's nothing like that. So. You just have to like, hope it doesn't cat like, yeah. It's like, I'll see if I die soon. Now I go back to, uh, sorry. Dick at least. Yeah. I probably scrubbed it pretty hard.

Okay. Um, I, in the morning I have the breakfast. Wow. Sorry, go ahead. That had to sound incredible in the earphones. Yeah. I thought you guys were in the cans. That was pretty beefy. That was like a... It really was. That was a jerky stick that you had in there. Yeah, that's a meaty fart. I could tell. That's grass fed. I would have guessed meat. So the next morning, I'm like, um, I'm bothered by it still, you know, nervous, nervous. I would love to say I haven't been there.

And I, and I'm, I'm downstairs doing the, I didn't, I didn't really sleep. I'm like having the breakfast and I see her and she's like, what's going on? I'm like, well, we're leaving in a few hours, you know, back to Spain. She's like, what, like, why are you being like this? I was like, I think it was, uh, you know, I was just kind of nervous about what we did and we didn't use protection. And like, and she was like, I'm on the pill. And I was like, yeah, it's just really that you look dirty. You seem like a whore.

Yeah. No, I don't know what you said to that Arab guy I go I just I don't remember how I but I'm just like expressing and she goes Here take this and she gives me Okay, go ahead me pills and I don't know ask what they are I just take them and They're they're like Xanax. They're like anti-anxiety pills. Oh, I thought they were gonna be like.

And I'm like. And then we go to her room and we have sex again, unprotected. I mean. And she gets mad that I pull out this. I pull out. Why'd you pull out? Now you know she's on the pill.

You already dropped one. I didn't want to see it, how far it could go. And no, I, yeah, I was like, I thought she was going to pull out like an antibiotic or something to like, just calm down. This is what fights this. This is the coolest chick I've ever heard of. She was rad. She was rad, yeah.

I got, I was lucky. I had like. She's somebody's mom now who has no idea what a cool fucking bad ass German mom they have. She aborted for sure. She's not the type, I don't think, to raise them. Ever, 35, found Jesus. Oh.

You know what I mean? Maybe, maybe. Got a bit normal. Maybe, maybe made the switch. Yeah. me made the switch converted and was like, kind of want to make, I want to see JC one day. You fucked again. Yeah. And that crazy. And also shows you like how I feel like I'm the one who was full of the doubt and how the male mind works.

We're like, as soon as someone reassures you and they're like, you can do it again. You're like, okay, the male mind works where like as soon as someone reassures you and they're like, you can do it again. You're like, okay, okay. Great. Thanks. Like for 12 hours I was like, I didn't do the right thing. And then she's like, you want to do it again? I'm like, okay. This is what it's like to be a coke head. We're like, I'm quitting. Like, it's a total. I'm a coke head, dude.

Wow. Yeah. And then, yeah. What did Ryan say? When I told him, he was like, you're a stupid man. Yeah. And then, yeah. What did Ryan say? When I told him? Yeah. He was like, you're a fucking stupid man. Yeah, he was like, you're insane. Which like, I- I'm on the pill though, it was reassuring. Like that part you don't have to worry about.

That's true, cause you are thinking about that. I mean, the fact that like, the protection part, like you're like- This chick's also traveling. That just has drugs and the pills on her. Yeah. She knows how to do it right. And she was, when you got to up your game, wouldn't it be, you know what? I just thought of in this moment, it would be so fascinating to hear her version

of this story. Like, you know what I mean? Like so, like, you always hear, like when your friends tell you a story, you're getting their POV on that. But like, what if she was just like, I met this guy, I thought he was gay. He wasn't very good. He was crying. Cause he fucking came in me. He was such a dork. Yeah. I'd give him some of my drugs. Last time I ever fucked an American anyway.

Didn't even do it in the butt. No, he was just like, Oh, isn't it dirty back there? And yeah. Wow. That's so cool. This is all in Tunis. All there. Yeah. Yeah. What was Ryan up to?

I don't even know. I really have no idea. He really was. He's just like, um, a supporting character in my mind of this story. I just don't, I don't remember doing really anything with him. I guess on that first day we did do that tour together. Yeah. This is so cool. Yeah. I mean, I don't remember doing really anything with him. I guess on that first day we did do that tour together.

Yeah. This is so cool. Yeah. I mean, to me, I know this sounds like a, um, just my sexcapade, but I hope what comes across is the fact that, you know, that's, that sounds like it's the foe to me. That thing was an adventure, right? You weren't there to get laid. Last thing in my mind, dude. Um, I wanted to get laid this time. This is where I, where I was trying to get laid. Was that your mom? Yeah. This was in these two.

I just stumbled on in Rome and I was like, what do you mean Rome? I was just walking around Rome. You're thin again. Stop. You're way fatter there than in Rome. Way, way much. But that's just to me, like that is also the example of you're wanting to make it happen. Yeah. And I'm like, nothing happened.

It's going to push. And then, yeah, then the, uh, I tried to find them on a podcast one time. You like help me find who these are. Yeah. I put that photo out and I was like, let's, let's find these two. Wow. The one on the right is so I actually, the one on the left pretty hot too. Show me, show me, show me, show me.

So the one on the right worked as an actress at some point, I think. I think I remember her talking about that. The one on the left, the brunette, what I remember is she was like, she had met Michael Jordan as a wait, as a hostess waitress at a nice cocktail bar. And that's what I remember like being like, what was that like? Yeah. This is like 2001.

So, you know, I was like. That is a claim to fame. I was like, what was he like? Did you jack him off? You know, like. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah. I want to tell you about my new stand-up comedy special. It's Hoolerious, and it's streaming now on Hulu.

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Algeria no Tunisia Tunisia What was the food bathrooms? The food is like, you know expensive it was cheap there was like, you know, like the Pidas hummus and a lot of things that are, you know, be very veggie heavy. There was like kebab stuff. And yeah, we had, like, there was no option, by the way. There is no Burger King where we were.

Like, you just had to be like in. And it was all, you know, it wasn't like, it wasn't the cuisine that I go, that's what I'm seeking out all the time. But it's like, it's the experience of like, of being in it, right? It's like fresh, everything was palatable. It was just like, I remember just being like,

I do remember breakfast being like, well you eat this at breakfast, because breakfast is always the mind blowing meal. Yeah, what do they have like chickpeas? It's like, yeah, in Asia it's all like. It's just always seafood. Give me a fucking egg, yeah, what's this fish? You're like, you don't want fish soup? It's like, yeah, in Asia it's all like, it's just always seafood. Give me a fucking egg. Yeah. Like you don't want fish soup. I'm like, no, but you realize that they must come

over and be like, you eat fucking eggs in the morning. It's just, why are you in cake? You're in cake. That's another good point. Yeah. And you're like, I don't know, this is what we have. But. Did you have any like epic-y meals? Like, oh, that's that family invited you over is one. That was more like a cool moment of them being like, they, I think that dad really liked that,

his daughters were flirty, by the way. She looked cute too. They were, they were like, you could tell they were like good family, and they were, they were like, oh, here's a 21 year old guy who's traveling alone. Like, they were like, why don't you call us when you get back to Madrid?

And I did like I swap numbers And then nothing ever happened in Madrid, but I think on the vacation They were more playing it again. Like I think I felt it was like rebelling against dad in a way you know and dad was also like It's cool that you're studying in my country and that you're here and everything but like you sense the thing of like don't try to Fuck my daughters. Okay Like I will I don't have to try. I don't yeah, don't try to fuck my daughters, okay? You're like, okay. Like, well, I don't have to try.

I don't, yeah. I just fuck this German chick. I can get whatever I want. I'm with this heroin addict right now, so. Yeah, like who'd you eat with normally? Or just? Definitely ate with German girl. I definitely had a meal with the Spanish family.

And I probably had something with Ryan. None of the meals stand out as epic. How would you ask this question where I want to know people not exactly what they ate but when it's like, oh this family had us over, I don't care about the food but I remember them, we had to do a little dance before every meal. You know, the meals themselves instead of the food.

How do I phrase that? Hmm Like feasts now that still sounds like well, it sounds like you're wanting to know like what was the experience of Like what is there any meal that was a memorable experience like if I had to talk about like after the last sober I was like, let's we all went out to eat. It's like I'm not talking about the steak I'm just talking about the conversation. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Bunch of friends in this back room. Yeah. Cause that what I remember about, yeah. Yeah. Um, sorry. What, what we remember about? No, no, what I remember about the sitting with each, like that Spanish family was the fact that we were having a moment and they were, and that he was like, he was, the father actually was like really curious about How I was enjoying Spain, you know, he was a Spaniard and it was like

Talking to me about what I'm studying in my life and it like I remember like being with that family I don't remember what we ate, you know, it's good thing about travel too as you meet so that from that guy's perspective is in Tunisia Mm-hmm Finding out what life's like in America. Yeah, from a kid studying in this country, yeah. And he's like, we could have done it in Madrid, but we didn't, we kind of come here to have this meetup. Yeah, strange, right? Yeah, I've met more Germans in Asia than in Germany.

Really? I mean, kind of, it's like we have the deepest conversations. You're both not doing anything. Cool Germans. Someone else is at the hostel or this. What's your take on Germans? Is there, is there similar qualities? Yeah, they're okay. So it's like, it's so the saying in, in, in China is like from Hong Kong, you know, Hong Kong hates Chinese people. Yeah. They hate,

the most racist I've ever seen anywhere. Mainland mainlanders. Yeah. Yeah. Derogatory slur mainlanders like, Ooh, yeah, or like say it, fuck them. But they go, not every mainlander will take a dump in a mall. But if you see a human dump in a mall, it was a mainlander. So like not every German will fuck on a bunk bed above you in a, in a hostel. But they're the ones doing it because like they just fuck a lot, but they're cool. They're adventurous. So they're the most sexually. And then the German chicks are just nutty. The Berlin chicks, especially.

I don't know because I've just so far removed from that. Berlin is wild. Anyone in Berlin. I bet she was from there. Or maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe that's like other industrial places. I loved when I was in Italy last and I'm like, they're like, cause I tell them how much I love the Italian language, and I've been practicing. You speak to Matteo.

Yeah, I know I've spoke to Matteo about it, and I've been studying, I even worked with a tutor, just like trying to, and it's, my Spanish proficiency helps with it, right? And so, talking to this guy, and I'm like, so how do you feel about the Spanish? And he's like, he's like, oh, they're great. And then you're like, well, who do you not like?

And they're like, what are you kidding me? The fucking French, they're the fucking worst. I'm like, you know what, he's like, who likes French people? And they're like, but they're like so open about it. They're like, I go, well, you like their food. And he goes, no, their food's disgusting. And I'm like, what? Okay, French food. He goes, no, their food's disgusting. And I'm like, what? Okay. French food. And he was like,

it's known for that. I know it's just, but it's so funny. The, the neighbor disdain, you know, they're just like, where's he's all from different trips, man. Oh, wow. Yeah. So wait, what? Hell of that here. Stop. All right. Different yeah. So wait, what, hell of fat here. Stop. All right, it's a different time, but dude shut up, that's a piece of shit. That's not that fat yet. Wow.

It gets fatter. I once in a while will see something from you from when we met and it's like, oh yeah. Cause now I remember you're back to this. Yeah. Like when I think of you, you're back to this. This looks all right, right? Yeah, it takes a while when someone loses or gains weight, you still picture them as before. Yeah. Like when I think of you, you're back to this. This looks all right, right? Yeah. It takes a while when someone loses or gains

weight. You still picture them as before. Yeah. Yeah. Um, wait, what were we saying? So how would you phrase that epic meals kind of thing or like memorable meals that still focus on food? No, but I think, I think if you say, what was your most memorable experience with, with food or with a meal, people's mind doesn't, I don't think their mind always goes to what did I eat. You start thinking about the experience. I just want to get someone to say, so even if they go,

oh, actually on the way to something once, it's like, great, do that talk. Yeah. Yeah. Did this feel dangerous at all, Tunisia? What, trying to buy drugs felt really stupid and dangerous. How'd you get them? I, I, who, yeah. What they're trying to buy drugs felt really stupid and dangerous. How'd you get them? I Who yeah One of the people was like I honestly it was a guy on the street that ended up just taking us to and

You know a back alley kind of thing. Yeah, and you go. Oh, this is insane And and there's that moment if you that you feel like this is probably an undercover person, you know? Yeah. Um, so when I actually, either you're hiding from the cops to do this or you are the cops or you don't want the cops to see what you're going to do to me. Everyone that you talk to is hustling you. You know what I mean? So there, is this all Tunisia? That's Tunisia. Yeah. Is that the chick? No, that's a Spanish girl.

Oh, everyone's hustling you. Yeah. So it's like, you're getting over on me. When you're like, I'm buying drugs. There's your brain is also going like, you're about to get arrested or killed. You know? Yeah. Yeah. That's not scary. It's not, that's not cool. I was in Barcelona at that. What's that? Also buying drugs in most places that are foreign.

You realize you're running a pretty big risk. at that, what's that moment going on? Also buying drugs in most places that are foreign, you realize you're running a pretty big risk. Yeah, what's the main drag in Barcelona? Oh, I know what you're talking about. Los Romblos. Los Romblos, yeah. There's side story, the dream team was there when they're in the Olympics there,

and they're all getting mobbed. Everybody's on them, because they're fucking these six foot 10 black guys. They just don't look like they're from there. Even the Olympics are still like, what the fuck? And then John Stockton's just walking by himself. Nobody's even, just some six one white guy. Yeah, he's like, you're not anything special. I was walking there and I was trying to find weed.

And I was like, we need to find some weed. I don't know where to get it. And then some guy's like, you want weed? And I was like, no, no. And then as soon as he walked away, my chick was like, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't know where to get it. And then some guy's like, you want weed? And I was like, no, no. And then as soon as he walked away, my chick was like, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't know, I panicked. Yeah, but it makes sense to panic.

That's the normal reaction. I remember I bought a lot of hash in Madrid and studying abroad. But that was like. How long were you there for? Six months. Six months. What a cool time, huh? That was the best.

I encourage anybody that can to do it. Yeah. And here's the thing, you don't, obviously you realize it more after, but you'll never have that type of freedom in life. It doesn't even matter what your resources are. Just to be like, if you had the opportunity to go, that you're in a foreign land

and you don't have a mortgage yet or you know, I mean, it's the only time you can do it. It's the best thing. You can be poor somewhere else and you'll still enjoy it. Uh huh. And also I wouldn't even get bogged down on is it the exact right country? No, just like narrowed down, but just go pick one and go. You're going to have a good time. I remember that I was supposed to go to, uh, my school had a program, an exchange program with, I think Gibraltar'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, She was like, you can't go there. You have to go to Madrid. And I go, I'm so high there, by the way.

This one? We're both. About that. We're so high. We're so high. It's like, college? You know, the same kind of thing happened. No, that's in Peru.

That's in Lima. Wait, that's this guy. Oh my god, these eyes are red. No, that's a different guy, by the way. Him? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, but we had bought weed in Lima.

Look how red your eyes are. I know, dude. Look how fucked up I am. Yeah, but we had bought weed in Lima And that same kind of thing happened in Tunisia I gave a guy $20 and he was like you want a kilo I was like, what the fuck? And also you smoke it and you're like this doesn't feel like weed and then all of a sudden I was like you hear those Trains coming like I was like what like just hearing sounds and I was like, what is this? I mean it was it doesn't, like just hearing sounds. And I was like, what is this? I mean, it was, it doesn't feel like anything I'd ever smoked. What do they have different shit in different countries? I don't get it. I felt like it was fucking.

We in Ecuador, we found how to find, how to find, find a pandemic. Also, we kept trying to like, let's just go up to people's when we, if we see him in the river, but then it was like, don't come near me. It's a pandemic, you know? So we finally find some at a head shop. Like, can you locate, like, come back tomorrow, I'll find some. And it was like, same thing, like that much. It was like a dollar a gram. It was like 30 grams for 30 bucks. But then you look at it, you're like, what is this? You're like, weed. And you're like, no, this is- We found later, it was like this much for 30 bucks. And, but this got me way higher. and it was like this much for 30 bucks, but this got me way higher.

It was like psychedelic. Yeah, this is like psychedelic. Is there a different kind of weed that I don't know about? I don't know, dude. It was... Chad GPT? Do you know?

Is there? That was not like any experience I've ever had in my life, what you're looking at there. Like nothing, I'd never... Because you had smoked you'd smoke before so much right I was a daily smoker that amnesia haze oh I'm interested oh wow they just heard it's getting quiet amnesia haze from the amnesia seats all right it just says where it comes from hey did I ever show you how everyone reads read stuff out loud on I'm going to get quiet. Alright, it just says where it comes from.

And then this is what I like to do with Bert. He goes, you read it Tommy. He puts his glasses on and goes oh I'm illiterate. I didn't actually go to school for nine years. Wow. Who's drinking here? Yeah. We were doing our Rogan he like reads it but like you're just like so far ahead that you'd finish like catch up. Okay. Um, wow. Where, uh, what would you, okay. Some travel advice for Tunisia. What would you tell if you had to go back, would you ever go back? Well, you did it. I did it. I feel like, I don't know that I would have,

I think it would have a different experience now that I say it, but um, you'd land up like that German chick better not be here. If you get me in a lot of trouble I Don't know I feel like for me what I would do now Yeah, probably just explore I would go to maybe Morocco to see what the experience is like there You know or go to a place like I still want to I so right Yeah, this was one of those trips where I'm like as I'm here you talk about it go

I should have done this or this sounds It sounds like you fucking dove in. I dove in. There's an age, there's a factor too, of like, we must have made our reservations either online or over the phone with somebody. We met the guy that gave us the awesome tour. There's the crazy element of like, you know, the thing about,

I know it sounds like I'm trying to talk about getting laid, but the real thing about that is just shows you that approaching somebody is 90% of something. Like, it's just the fact that I saw this person and I literally was just, I saw this guy looking at her, like, and by the way, this happened to me in Madrid one time where I saw a guy, we used to go to the plazas a lot and there'd just be like young people my age.

I was 21 hanging out. It was like a place where people would gather and people would be smoking or going in and out of clubs. And I saw a guy one time who was clearly mentally ill and he was like yelling, like aggressively. Arr, arr, arr, arr. And to this girl and she had another girl with her and they looked so shell shocked and like tears welling up because this guy wasn't letting them go

and it wasn't like, you could tell that like this isn't their friend losing their shit at them. This is like a street guy and I just went up to her and greeted her like I knew her. You saw, like? Yeah, I saw it. And I just, I gave her a hug and I was like, hey, what's, and I was like, oh, what's going on? Cause worst case you got, you read it wrong,

she's like, get off me, and you're like, all right. Yeah, and then that guy just yelled a few more things and I just was like, no, I get it, man, I get it. Cause he was like going off on whatever's going on in his head and I was like, no, I get it, I get it. Then he walked away and she was like thanks and then left right and I didn't know what was happening in the Hotel I just saw that this this is something weird But it's just the fact that like you sometimes see things doesn't have to be a threat of violence I just mean that like you see people and you go like people always say like why don't you say hi?

Just say just just try just try with someone just say hello. Yeah, when you're like you see people and you go, like people always say like, why don't you just say hi? Just say, just try, just try with someone. Just say hello. Yeah. When you're traveling, you're just open to it too. I think you're more, aren't you more social? Yeah. I'm way more social. It's like, I'm like, I'm out of my element after like half a day. I'm just like, I'm, I need someone to talk. So they come at me. I'm not like, Yeah, no. Anyone that says hello, I'm, I'll just, I'm an open book. I'm just start telling them everything. Yeah. I think it's also, that is like the real adventure

of like when you travel, because I stayed in like hostels in a bunch of European cities, is that you're meeting all these people. I mean, I remember I took a walk with a guy that I met in the hostel. He's from Switzerland, and we are walking in Rome together. And they- Somebody you just met.

Just met, we're just taking a walk. And a gypsy lady threw the baby at him and did that whole, that I thought was also like a myth. Like I'd heard about it and she throws the baby, he catches it, she puts her hand in his pocket, takes all his cash and I turn into a fucking murderer, right? Because I don't like gypsies to begin with and I just fucking.

That's your Spanish in you. I verbally assault this woman so aggressively. I mean, just terrifying. In Spanish, at the full volume, like, ¡Hitado de mierda! Like just fucking crazy. Yeah, that frightened me a little bit. Yeah.

And I keep, and she reaches into her bra, pulls the cash and gives it back to him. Ooh, wow. And I also think he I keep, and she reaches into her bra, pulls the cash and gives it back to him. Ooh, wow. And I also think he looked at me like, hey, you're unstable. Like, you know. Like, two dollars.

Yeah. But, you know, I just went from calm, I was just. Just travel to calm you. Just, that's the thing is that I just took a. That's crazy, you saw one of those? I saw the baby thing, I'm sure there's people that go, yeah, it doesn't really happen.

It happened to the person I'm walking with. And he just naturally goes to catch it. You have to. And then when do you get your baby back? Right away. Because there was two women. One kind of bumps up on you and one is like, what are you doing with my baby? It's very savvy the way they do it.

And the hands in pockets and you're gone. But like, the thrill of yelling at her, I would not have had. Yeah, yeah. If I hadn't walked with him, you know? Yeah. That's as memory is stuck with you from going off with some fucking dumb.

Honestly, like the cool chicks that like some of it was flirty, whatever. Not never hooked up with them or something. But you're like, I just met this like really awesome woman. Um, like spans your horizons. Yeah, exactly. I've gotten more from feminism from talking to European women about, because I have this theory that like Americans are, we're among the dumbest of anything. Our sports fans are like, my guy's the best. Like why, is it cause? And our feminists are the same way.

Just dumb bravado, but applied to feminism, applied to sports, applied to anything. You're saying we have the dumbest women here? Dumbest people, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right, dumbest feminists, dumbest fucking masculists or whatever. All of them. And then you meet a European one like,

oh, you've expressed this in a way that I can understand it now. And it's just like, you just, I don't know. And then their cute face gets you in there to talk. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I remember, this is like an awful one, but you just, you remember like snippets that we were at a hostel.

As you know, some of the hostels also have the outside social area. I love those. And I had walked into a converse, because there's always converse. And it was a South African guy talking about how you don't understand how our blacks are. Yeah.

And we were all like, what? Because apartheid was not that old. It only ended six years earlier. They're probably like, so I don't have a lot of stuff I used to have. My life was not as easy as it was. He was just like, you guys with your fucking equality shit,

you don't understand. What? And they were like, but that's the thing is that that's also like a, that's a life experience kind of thing where you're like, oh yeah, this is also, there's people like this, right? Like, he was like trying to tell us like apartheid fucking was the right, it was awesome.

And you're like, wow. That's crazy, yeah. Well, you could tell what the dynamic was because everybody was so like, quiet. And he was lit. So he had more bravado to him. But I remember that guy being like, fucking you, you guys think they're great. Why don't you come to South Africa?

And we were just like, um, okay, dude, like we, we met a guy and, uh, it reminded me of the same thing. Me and Bobby Kelly were doing the Denmark comedy festival, Copenhagen comes like eight people and, um, but one of the guys, South Africa, it was like eight people. But one of the guys was South Africa. He was like, no, it's a great idea. But then you have one leader, and then he retires, and then they're gonna elect someone who's uneducated because of what we did to them.

So now you have a fucking Zulu warrior as your president who has 10 wives who thinks you can fuck AIDS out of ya. And you're like, oh, all right, anyway. Good pastries here in Denmark, though, right? Yeah, pretty cool. All right, what would you, yeah, the, all right, anyway. Good pastries here in Denmark though, right? Yeah, pretty cool. All right, what would you, yeah, the gap year stuff also, I don't think we do enough here. Year abroad or the semester abroad.

I started talking to my fuckin' third grade son about that. Like I need to do it now. Start plannin'. I was just like, you gotta do a gap year. Because I remember that like, I wouldn't, I, you probably could not have talked me into it, because I had the, you got to get to the thing, the next thing. But looking back, I'm like, I think those are brilliant. There's no other time you can do that.

The ones I met when I was in Asia, Southeast Asia, the ones that were doing it, between either high school and college, Canadians a lot, were just like, how much do you have to save up? 14 grand, and it's a year Like that's not a crazy amount. You can work your job with your discipline in mind of like this is what it's for and you could do it. And there's a thing, like I'm talking to a third grader about it, I'm like what?

But I'm like, here's the thing man. Like let's just say. I hated the flight to New Zealand. I don't want to do this again. Let's just say like you just love photography or something. I go, you could just go and spend a year, you know, just going to places and taking photos. I was trying to like give them examples.

And I was like, ah, you don't have to worry about it yet. But I was like, I hope you do it. I hope you do a fucking cap year. Yeah. I thought it was great. I think it's great. Either between high school and college, between college and grad school, between Aubrey College

and a job, defer your jobs, like if he's booked for a big company. Yeah, I think it's a, yeah. And if you're like an in-demand person, you could probably get your gap year financed by one of these companies, you know? Like if you're somebody they're competing for. Yeah, Rolf in this book, he says like you should, if you had your resume, like how to handle a resume,

you've been gone for a year. So we handle this bridge, what? I was actually thinking of one thing as a quick aside before I got into the other one. Okay. And the one was just because, so the quick one was that, you know, my kids are now nine and six, right?

And you start to have this thing when you have kids where you realize that there's a ticking clock on innocence and wonder, right? Where there's gonna be, we're still at the age where it's like, dad! And one day they're gonna be like, sup man? Like, you know, like, all right. Shut up, Tom, I didn't say, you could say that.

Yeah, yeah, and they're just gonna be like, what, I don't give a shit. But they still have that wonder and excitement and innocence that you realize is evaporating right? Yeah, and so last year Like so my kid my oldest Loves Minecraft Minecraft is a the game the video game That came after we like when we were if I'm sure we would have been into it if it was around when we were kids Wait, what was the one we you had to flip over squares?

Was that Minecraft? No, Minecraft is like you build a whole society in this game, right? And it's so massive. It's so fucking massive. I didn't realize until his obsession just the scale and scope of Minecraft. It's beyond comprehension how popular this is worldwide.

And so as he was like, you know, getting into the game more and the obsession and everything, you're just like, you know, you're just with your kid and you're seeing what they love, right? Because when I was a kid, I would have been like football and basketball and that kind of thing. And he admit, it's this game. So I'm friends with Jason Momoa and I knew he was doing the Minecraft movie.

And at one point I was like hitting him up. He goes, you should come visit the set. And normally I'd be like, oh, I mean. Yeah, but you're good. But I go, it's in New Zealand. Oh. So I'm like, well, no, but then I go man this is just this is just not gonna be a An option at some point, right?

So I didn't know he's into it and I know he's into it wouldn't it be cool This to me felt like the equivalent of like if when I was a kid, they're like, do you want to meet Michael Jordan? Yeah, you know you go'd be like, what? Like, you just freak out. So far to go. So, there was spring break last year, and we had our regular, like, revisiting family in Florida,

and then I have that crazy idea, and I tell Christine, I go, what do you think, I know this is crazy. Christine is like, no, I'm going to Daytona Beach. She's like, I'm sorry, me. I got my bikini ready for spring break. I'm stripping right now. I just go, what if I'm going to Daytona beach. She's like, I got my bikini ready for spring break. It's stripping right now. I just go, what if I take him for a couple of days,

like quick, but to the Minecraft set? Like it's something that like he would never forget. And this is his such an obsession. And she was like, you should definitely do that. So I tell him, I go, hey man, what do you think if we go? That's a long flight, but you'll see where they're making the Minecraft movie. He's like, what?

Yeah. So we're in Florida. Yeah. We fly to Dallas. First of all, they have so much better than telling like comic, even if they were way into it, like, nah, that'd be cool, but I don't know. Yeah.

It's just like, what? I could tell, you know, there there's so many things that you don't get that reaction anymore is my point Yeah, like at a certain age you'd be like, yeah cool, man. Yeah, so It's like it's like real do you want to meet Santa Claus? You know and a kid's like what? so we get on a flight in Dallas and It's Dallas. It's Dallas to Auckland direct. It's 18 hours and flight in Dallas and it's Dallas it's Dallas to Auckland Direct it's 18 hours and I'm like I'm trying to tell him how long it is and he's like all right cool I got my iPad all right dude we're like gonna take two three hours into this flight he's like is it any longer I'm like it's 15 hours longer we haven't

started it's so long he's like wow man and then you know anyway he's like, wow, man. And then, you know, anyway, he's like melting down on this flight. He's like, this is so long. Like, I know. So the worst is when there's... Eighteen hours is an abstract idea. Dude, when there's six hours left. When there's six hours left, you're like, all right, like me, I'm like, I know what that is.

And he's like, are we now approaching New Zealand? I'm like, there's six hours. And he's like, what the fuck, man? Those Australian flights are crazy because you're like, oh sweet, we're in the last third. We're like, that's still a cross-country flight. It's so long, bro. And then you get there and they're like,

you're going to Perth tomorrow. It's six hours. You're like, what the fuck? So we land, well we land. He's just like, all he can talk about, he's like, I cannot believe that we spent 18 hours on a plane. That was a really bad idea,. I'm like I like great so

He's he hates the flight. He's like, is it that long on the way back? I'm like no, but it is 15 hours on the way back, you know, cuz you can't you catch the tailwind or whatever I'm he's like, oh my god. That's all I can talk about. I'm like look, dude Let's stop talking about how long this awful flight is. But it's happening. Yeah. We're here. Yeah.

And I was like, OK. So we go to the hotel and I'm like, let's chill for a little bit. And then I reach out and I'm like, hey, we're here. And they're like, great. So we're going to set. So pull up the set. They're super nice. And Jason, it's funny because my kid has no idea who he is.

He's like, I'm like, you know, he's like, does he know who I am? I'm like, no, he's like, you didn't make him watch Aquaman. I'm like, no, he's like, cool. So he's going to know you from this. So then we even showed him that movie. And I'm like, no, we haven't had time. He's like, have you seen it? Have him that movie? And I'm like, no. We haven't had time. He's like, have you seen it? You just have 18 hours. Have you seen Aquaman? I'm like, no. I'm like, I don't want to watch Aquaman.

Buddy, it's the lamest of all of them. It's that and the Wonder Twins, the two worst. I'm like, I haven't seen it. When are we getting a Wonder Twins movie? So we go, and he does this really cool thing where he sets up this walk into the sound stage where the curtain is drawn and then pulls it back

and there is Minecraft world, right? And so we have a camera on Ellis and he walks in and he's like, whoa, shit. And he's like, oh, it's like Minecraft. I'm like, yeah, that's where they made the movie. This is a Minecraft movie. That's why we came here. And he's like running around and it's like what made the movie. This is the Minecraft movie. That's why we came here. And he's like running around,

and it's like what you were imagining. You're like, because they have like, I mean, it's hard to describe, but it's like you're in the world, right? It's on a big, massive soundstage with blue screen in the background so they can do everything in post, but all the bones of it are there,

and everything looks like it would. He's running around, jumping, and at one point, they're like, hey, could you fucking tell him to take it easy on the set? He's not for minutes. Yeah, and they're like, that's a $200,000 tree. And I'm like, yep. So I'm like, buddy, stop kicking shit. And so he finally spends time doing that.

And then, yeah, I think it comes out this year. It comes out soon. So then he like, it's the initial thing. And then he's like, all right, like, what are we gonna do now? I'm like, this is it. This is what we came here for. He's like, really?

I'm like, yeah. So we go back to the hotel, we crash. And then the next day he's like, what are we doing today? I go, we're going to the hotel, we crash, and then the next day he's like, what are we doing today? I go, we're going to the Minecraft set. And so we go back there and now Jason, is he over it now? Well, he's like, he's like, yeah, I saw it. Shit. Like whatever they're showing him props. He's aware. It's not the real world. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. He's aware of that.

But they show him props and everything. aware it's not the real world. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. He's aware of that, but they show him props and everything. So it's like all stuff that like, he's like, oh yeah, this is like the, whatever the sword and the, and he's like, oh, that's so cool. And then he's like, okay. And then Jason has his dog, right? And his dog is like this, I think it was a movie dog at first, you know, like the trained movie dogs, like the dogs you see on shows and movies that are, so it's this black, um, forget the breed, but Ellis starts, that might be, yeah, Rama. That's not his real dog. It is his real dog. Yeah. So that's his dog,

Rama. So Ellis just loves dogs and he starts playing with the dog and like Ellis just loves dogs and he starts playing with the dog. And like they're, you know, it's like a kid and a dog. They're running in the parking lot, throwing a ball. They're showing that he does tricks. And he's just like playing, playing. And then we're like, hey, they're gonna shoot this scene right now for the movie. Like someone's gonna swing off of some, you know,

I mean some like special effect type of thing. Like you wanna come in, he's like, nah, I'm gonna play with this dog. I'm like, okay. And then like, he's doing it for like an hour and then two hours. And then we're like, hey, there's other stuff going on. He's like, I'm good, I just wanna hang out with this dog.

And then I'm like, okay. And so we go to dinner, later that night so we go to dinner later that night. We go to dinner. He gets to, he has dinner with, um, with Jason and Jack Black. And I'm like, Hey, you know, you know what he's from? He's like, what? He's like one of the, he's like, I think he's Kung Fu Panda. Okay. And he's like, Oh, I like that.

Like he's a cool producer. And he's like, Oh, I like that. And he was like, yeah, like he's a producer. And he's like, you did good in that. And then I'm like, okay. And like, well, tomorrow's our last day. He's like, uh, we're going to see that dog. And I go, yeah, that could be arranged. And then my whole joke was that like, I brought this kid to New Zealand to play with a dog. Because. That you could have met in LA.

Yeah. Could have met in LA. Yeah. I could have met him fucking at the Zilker park. And, and, uh, that's his favorite memory of that trip. He was like, that dog was fucking awesome. And I'm like, cool. But it's so funny because as a, as a parent, you always have your ideal of like, this is what's going to happen.

I'm going to take him to visit a set of a movie that he's loved. And then he's like, that dog's fucking rad. And then he just finds what he finds. Yeah, that's it. That actually reminds me when I was in Vietnam, we did the coochie tunnel tour, you know, like going under the, where the Vietnamese fucking beat us, you know, and you go through the tunnels and stuff and see how they lived and, um, not great. Uh, and Frank lived better than they did. Oh yeah. And then, um,

but then it was some, some like, like two, like seven ish year olds was with their family. They were just on, I don't know what kind of trip, but I just saw them with his long branch with a, with a leaf on the end of it. And they were like playing with a cat. I kept trying to get it. I was saying, I was like, yeah, your memory of Vietnam is going to be playing with that cat. That's a hundred percent. I remember asking my dad as he was, you know, getting older and we'd hear talk

always, there'd be a recurring thing to talk about Vietnam, you know? Yeah. I was like, was he in Vietnam? Yeah. In the Vietnam? Yeah. Yeah. Whoa.

And, uh, I go, we ever want to go back to Vietnam? He went, he goes, Tommy, I don't like and I don't like food. I was like, all right. You gotta try Gukfusion. Yeah, fuck man. Yeah, he's like, what kind of fucking question is that? So funny.

We tried to get my dad to go back to Romania. He goes, no, I'm okay. I'm like, don't you want to see whatever? And then someone, a brother or sister, or my mom, someone was like, hey, his memories weren't that great at the end. Yeah, they weren't very cool. I think anybody that, well, I mean, obviously people react different ways, but like when you see combat, right, and it's, the simplest thing to say is that it's traumatizing to anyone.

And he's like, you know, he's like, I'm not gonna do this anymore. I'm not gonna do this anymore. I'm not gonna do this anymore. I'm not gonna do this anymore. you see combat, right? And it's the simplest thing to say is that it's traumatizing to anyone. And he's like, you know, he's in a platoon, he's a lieutenant who has a platoon of 70 men. Obviously you lose men, you have people stand next to you, die, or step on a mine, fucking blown in half. And he's like, I remember that plane leaving Saigon

and the relief, like what you feel as you're like looking out the window, like I'm leaving, I made it through combat, through a war zone. And he's like, I never want to fucking see that place ever again. Wow. It was pretty cool these days though. They have some really cool.

Good jobs, good scenery too. Cool touristy spots. You wanna hang out? I'm good. It's a sunset boat cruise. You don't wanna do that? He's like, no. Okay.

But the one I, sorry, so those were two quick asides, I guess, but that I. I got an aside for you. Okay. You were in Iceland and you were like, hey, can you tell me a cool like hot spring or hot bath? And I told, I didn't understand that you wanted to actually go to a cool one.

I thought you were trying to get it done like after your show. No. And I was like, yeah. And in town, like spa. Do you know what ended up happening? Did I ever tell you what happened? It went somewhere cooler. Well, we had the fucking, first of all, I cannot emphasize enough how mind blowing the natural landscape of Iceland is. It does not feel real. It doesn't feel real. I mean, it just, and the greens are so green and the, and all that shit. I mean,

just like here's the thing, every, if you want to feel like you're a high level photographer, go to Iceland because everyone want to feel like you're a high level photographer, go to Iceland, because everyone's pictures look like they're in National Geographic photos. Yeah, the bottom left there, that, the reds in the north. The reds are so red, the, you know what I mean? It's like being made now, it's like the world.

Did you see, I fucking, can I show you one? Yeah, yeah, but you're like, we're going to go to a natural one. I was like, oh, right. Well, But you're like, we're going to go to a natural one. I was like, Oh right. Well, what ended up happening? We had this incredible guide. Um, and this person took us and like just, uh, if you can just page to the right there. Look at, look at that. And you're like, am I on Mars?

Is this in the North? Where is this? This is like, did you drive from? We drove. Yeah, we drove. Wow. And they're like, oh yeah, this, this people have come here to shoot as Mars. Wow. That house is down there. Right. Oh, it's just, wow. This, these I can send if you want to go on there, but like the reds. And I was like Oh this you can they would go. Oh, yeah, that's like the natural What is it element that turns red has just come out here? So they go. Yeah, just it looks like you're on Mars

Wow But we did like it was like a six or eight hour Drive look at this fucking pretend to look away What opposed like? Uh, it was like a six or eight hour driving. Look at this fucking pretend to look away. What a pose like, what's going on here? Is this Mars? Taking a selfie with me. What am I thinking about? I'm thinking about that.

Elon's going to have some cool shit coming here. Damn. That's crazy. Everything there. Like that's what said or do in Iceland is drive and go get out of your car for a minute I mean the natural Springs but like every shot you take You know, you just like you're like, oh that looks like a professional took You know, yeah, the reflections awesome. I mean, yeah, it's just everything was just so astonishing

and we were just completely blown away. But, um, Oh yeah, the Springs thing on that journey, I was like, I want the authentic. And the guy was like, Oh, I know the best one. And we get there and they're like, you have to still, you still have to, it's still a place that runs it. They're like, but this is not the touristy one.

This is like, and they were like, we pulled up and they were like, they're closed. They're doing some type of like, and I was like, they're like, yeah, they won't let us in. So then we ended up having to go to like the, one of the big touristy ones, which was still fucking. But natural. Yeah, natural, yeah.

But still, it was still awesome by the way. It was just like full of people. Oh, and the one they shot Game of Thrones in, where the guy fucked a wildling chick in the sauna, whatever, a fissure broke, and you can't go in there anymore. Oh, really? The temperature went up like 20 degrees Celsius. Like a little crack more, so the more lava came out,

so it was like, now you'll die. You'll die in here. Which you can if you want to, it's a pretty cool experience. It's pretty cool. It's a Game of Thrones experience. It's a cool way to die. Um, do you ever thought about how you want to die? Yeah. Really? In your arms? Mine? Yeah. Yeah. Come on fates. What about you? Why do you want to go? I mean, I think you want it to be quick.

That's the only thing. Can you quickly Google how will Tom Segura die? See where it comes up. God damn it. I hate that I know there's going to be an answer. Hi. Hi. Well, that's just about my dad dying.

Oh. Oh, it just reminded you of the thing you're missing most in life. All right. It's not there. What do you have when you plan trips? Cause you're like the travel guy, obviously everybody knows this. Like I have a podcast about it. I am tripping. I want to do it. Check it out. Yeah. I'd love to have you on. What, like how do you approach, what is your approach to a new trip? Like,

I don't know where somewhere you haven't been yet that you want to go. Morocco. Okay. So what, like tell me, take me through how you plan that trip. Okay. I'm a pretty bad traveler. What? I'm not prepared. I get so nervous around people. I just keep throwing myself into it I'm frightened for a couple days everywhere I go. So what do you book? I end up having a good time it's like going out with your friends like we're all going drinking like and then you go out like that was fun. What do you book before it? Okay

sometimes I'll do some research I'll try on the plane at least learn those words right and then if I remember to it's, how much is the cab from the airport to downtown area? Just so you don't get hosed. I feel like you're right out of the right. You're like this and everyone's coming at you to hustle you. So you have your hotel booked. You're at least your first one. When I travel on Southeast Asia, no, no, that was hostile. You get there, you find out, but you go to a hostel then. Yeah. Four months. Yeah. I was hostiling. Jesus. Yeah find out but you go to a hostel then you have four months Yeah, I was hostiling

Like the old guy at the hostel There's there were sometimes older guys, but also I've lived in comedy So they were like I remember those gap year Canadians that I was like, yeah I'm a stand-up comedian and then they're like over and we had a fun day. Yeah for Canadian chicks it was so cool and still friends with them and and Then they came back and it's like, you're 42. It's like, yeah, like you're a standup comedian. And I was like, yeah, it's like,

we looked up here and then they were like, I listened to your podcast. They started with a Danish O'Neill podcast and they're like, it was a lot of fucking retards right away. I, it's not for me. They were just like liberal. No, I'm bad. I got to Guatemala. I had like two weeks off. I tried to tune to countries a year. I got to Guatemala meeting people. I stayed in hostels there too. Really? Cause I was like, I haven't hosteled for a while. So you want it because it really is a more like you meet people. Yeah.

Social experience. Yeah. And they're like, where are you going hiking? I was like, is there a good hiking here? And there was like, everybody was like, did you research? Why did you come here? I'm like, I don't know. I just wanted to say this is a direct flight from my one gig to the next That's crazy. And they're like it's like made for so are there certain places though where you go I want the hotel experience like do you ever do that or is that just forbidden for you? No, I do you know Okay, I don't want it like a like a Punta Cana like no no resort. But yeah, but also no No, if I'm in like Maui or some shit went to

Polynesia. Yeah French Polynesia and like, no, let's get a resort here. Let's get pampered. Gotcha. So it depends on the location, where's where you, what you don't want is to go to like, the place, you don't want to go to Morocco to be at the resort. You want to be in the action.

Yeah. But you do feel fear. You're also like, wow. Dude, always. Do you get scared? I mean, places like that, Eisenmorder's an adult now, would you well, here's the thing I mean, I'm trying to think like I'll tell you where I really want to go. I think I'm gonna get hustled I think I'm good. I'm just nervous. I love okay. I love Argentina

I've only been to Buenos Aires and I want to go to other parts of it I really want to visit Brazil and I've never been to Brazil and Brazil I know I'm friends with Brazilian people, Brazil has a reputation of everyone's always like, be on high alert, you know? So do I wanna stay in like a hostel when I'm there? Not really. But I also want a Brazilian experience, you know?

So to me, like the ideal way that I would approach Brazil is I'd go, I want to stay in a nice hotel, but it's about connecting with a local to that's the, what that's the real gift is if you have a local to be like, let's go here, let's go there. So when I go to Lima, when I go to visit family in Peru, I either stay with family or stay in a nice hotel, but my cousins are like, they're the ones that take me out So I get the most authentic, you know, they're not just taking me like a touristy place. That's what you want

I call boots on the ground. Yeah, so like not what what am I supposed to do here? What are we're supposed to eat? But like what are you guys and here's the thing? I think that is good advice for people because I've like if you come to New York I'm taking you to the bar that has a cool playlist on Mondays, if it's Monday. Exactly, exactly. It's not in a book. What are you going to say? Like, you can, well, that you can, sometimes if you're like, well, I don't know anyone in Brazil.

I get that. But what you can start doing is having conversations in your home city about, does anyone know somebody in Brazil? And you'll find somebody that goes like, yeah, I, you know, so and so married to a Brazilian guy or whatever. And then you start telling that person, I'm going to visit your country, dude, 99% of the time they go like,

let me connect you with my friend. And then that, you know, because like I had that experience in, with Tokyo where you go like, I'm going to Tokyo, fucking can't wait to see this city, but I know somebody that knows somebody. So you start getting recommendations about like places

that are not gonna be on a Google search. You know? Yeah. Yeah. We wandered in this one spot. Oh, what is it? I don't know, but it's like on this corner. Yeah.

Yeah. When we went to Havana, it was like, I wanted to stay somewhere. You went to Havana? Me and Bobby, Kelly. How was that? Dude, it was like life. I went for the election to get away from it.

You went to Cuba? Yeah, me and Bobby Kelly. I, that's like near the top of my list. You should go. I'll go tips for you later. Where'd you stay? So they have Casas. They call them Casas, but like,

it's just like home states. How'd you fly? What's the flying route? What do you think? I don't know. What do you think? Like through Mexico or, is there a direct? There's there's 20 direct flights a day from Miami 10 15 more from Houston really and they've never since Obama. They never stopped

I had no idea right no. Yeah So you go It's so cool. There was a hurricane. We lost power for two days the country lost power for two days Wow Yeah, so but that was an experience and what did you what did you get into? Did you like cigars a lot cigars cuz Bobby's way into it and I was like, let's do that for sure He let me get drunk like it wasn't like a problem, but also live music all this fucking, you know, and how were locals Friendly a little bit in the touristy parts were like not I mean I did get scanned pretty hard what did you get scan with they made me buy they the guy pretty much forced me to buy these clearly fake cigars it was he was just

pressuring me I'm like okay here's all my Canadian money like yeah like take it and I just had a bunch of fake cigars okay fake cigars I mean they still worked during the hurricane we smoked them but they're just like these are trash yeah but like who cares like it was like a hundred bucks. But we were going to go outside of Havana, but then the hurricane really stopped it. They're like, it's hitting tomorrow. You might get back to town.

You don't want to be there. It might hit there. Food? Pretty good. Yeah. We got told it was like terrible. Don't even go into it. So we went in going, we just got a lot of coffee.

You were told that Cuban food was bad? They don't have spices and shit there. They can't trade. The Cuban food you've had is in America with full access. It's like the pre-1960s Cuba food would have been great. They can't do shit. It's so poor because of what we've done to them. You wear a bunch of like watches and jewelry and shit.

That's what you're missing out on, bro. It is funny when you have to take out your money because you can't, oh you can't use ATMs there. American ATMs, credit cards won't work, so you just have to have cash. Dollars. Yeah, so you stay in somebody's house where they've set up a separate room

with a separate entrance for you, they might cook you breakfast, but then you tip them at the end, that's your only way you can acquire wealth. Is sifting money off foreigners in a nice way. Oh yeah, you should go should go how long you stay for six days Mm-hmm. The hurricane was two full days, but you had to play you had this casa thing booked

Yeah, oh so I was gonna say is I want to stay in more authentic part of Havana Not like whatever and Bobby's like I looked up pictures. It's fucking dangerous. And so I just seeded I was like if it was me and want to get my hands dirty, but like, I don't want you being scared. I might do the Bobby route. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also we got our hands dirty there. That's cool. I want to go to Cuba really bad. Okay. Yeah. So, but that's what I mean. It's like, it depends. I'll stay depending on the, on the, you know, the experience. Where do you want to go? Where's left on your list?

So like I said, I definitely want to do Brazil. I'd love to do Cuba. I went to Brazil with Rogan Two days on a UFC trip. Was that cool? I mean, it's a different experience But the beaches were wild the fat shit their confidence and the fat chicks there. It's awesome Yeah, like thought and you're like just let it out smooth fat everywhere this thighs, but they're like you want it I like you so I want to go like I said, I want to go back to Argentina to explore more. Are you willing to admit now that you're not Argentinian? I know you were like hiding the Peruvian. This is like, you know, for 20 years or whatever. The time I've known Joey Diaz, he'll be like, Tommy, the Argentinian.

I go, fucking how many times do I have to tell you? I'm not Argentinian. You want to be though because they're the highest level. They are the highest level. And I do love the Argentinian. I go, fucking how many times do I have to tell you? I'm not Argentinian. You want to be though because they're the highest level. They are the highest level. And I do love their arrogance

and the fact that they know they're better. Just because you're a valet person, you think you're better than these Listos. I love it. I love their attitude. I want to go to Uruguay too. You know, as another. Where's that?

No, no. Between the small little... But I would love to visit that. I also want to do... When we were going to Cuba, by the way, this is what it does. Once you know you're going to a place, it opens up. I had a cab driver here and I was like, are you Cuba? Because he had a little flag. He's like, yeah. I'm like, where should I go? And Ivana goes, oh, place, it opens up. I want to do one of those like expedition trips. I think that would be rad. Is that the south one or the north one?

The south. And, um, I want to do, um, I haven't, I haven't explored. Be cool to set foot on that continent. I want to go to Korea. Um, I would love to do things like Bali, like Indonesia. Um, I've never been to Russia. I think that would be fun. You want to go to Russia? I would like to see it. Yeah. No interest. No interest.

Not mad at it, I'm just like, hmm. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's like my top list right now, yeah. You can also do shows in some of those places, or you could just not, I guess, to be honest. Yeah, I mean, like the last Asia tour was around shows and days off, which was awesome. You're doing more days off now?

Yeah, especially if I do a trip like that. I'm not fucking going to go in and out of Asia. Friday, Saturday, Friday, Saturday, take time. Yeah, spend some time. Yeah, Hong Kong's so rad. I want to do this as an episode of you, who's at Pete Lee. Who'd you go to Hong Kong with, you, Pete Lee, and? Chad Daniels.

Chad Daniels. I want to get all three of you in to talk about that trip. And there's a documentary about it. Oh yeah. I'm real fat in that. You'd like that. Oh, I would. It's called, here look at the shot. It's called I Need You to Kill. Look how fat I am in this. No, that's not the, that's fat, but it's not as fat. Hit images. Yeah. Look how fat I am. Wow. I mean, you look like you're having trouble breathing. Look. Oh my God. Yeah. Look how fat I am. Wow. I mean, you look like you're having trouble breathing. Look. Oh my God.

Yeah. That was really fun, man. We really had a great time. Who brought you out there? Was it Pete something? Was it Lee something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my, Louis Lee.

Louis Lee. Louis Lee, yeah. He owns Acme. That must have been a wild experience too. And he's from home. Being out there with comics. Yeah, it was so fun. It was so fun. You must have been a wild experience. And he's from Hong Kong. Being out there with comics. Yeah, it was so fun. It was so fun.

You can watch that on Prime Video. How does Chad look the same age? J. Elvis Weinstein. The joke there was I was like, you're so handsome. The Chad Daniels. And I was like, I go, you know who you look like? You look like Richard Gere. And he was like, what?

And then I would tell local Asians, I go, you know Richard Gere? And they were like, what? And I go, you know Richard Gere? And they're like, what? And I go, that's Richard Gere. And so they would approach him and be like, Richard Gere? And he'd be like, motherfucker. Like he would get, or like, I would tell, I would tell, the other one I would tell,

as I would tell people that he was in his like 56. And he was like, whatever. He looks way older there than he must have been. But they would go, you look amazing because he doesn't look 56. They're like, you're 56. And he was like, no. Look how fat you are.

I know. I guess last question is travel advice. Are you about there or anywhere in general? Travel advice. Take your gap year, it's not bad. The one thing I would also say is like, I have to, like what I was talking about earlier, is I fight it within myself

and I encourage you to, it's kind of like just say yes. Like, say yes. You can be cool and be like, I'm just going to sit here in my room or at this hotel bar, you know But it's take the adventure do the things, you know, say hello walk up to people say hi The worst is gonna happen is they're gonna be like, I don't want to talk to you

Yeah, but when we were in in Rio for the UFC they have strict orders like it's dangerous. Don't go out We have a bodyguard with everybody, the bodyguard slash driver. And our bodyguard guy told us Rogan was like, he's an alarmist. He likes it. You know, he's like, this is dangerous. He goes, they're not going to fuck with your two men. They want to fuck with an alone old person. They don't want to fight. But then they were like, don't go anywhere near the favelas. It's like the city. And then as soon as the hills,

John Jones just goes to parties in there. He just like, no, I'm going in and deep by himself, just partied in the favelas. Just to be clear though, he's a bit of an anomaly. Um, sure, sure, sure. But it's not gonna be hand to hand combat. No, I know. Yeah. But also, yeah, he's an anomaly. I don't know that I would encourage people to like go to parties in favelas. Just do it. I think you see city of God. I think the thing is though, say yes to things and yeah, I mean, for God's sake, the obvious

try food, talk to people. The thing that blows you away a lot of times is just how the engagement of just saying hello, asking a question, so many times people are willing to help and willing to point things out to you. It's like when you're trying to language, people always be like, I'm going to embarrass myself. Most of the time, when someone sees you making an effort, what if somebody were trying that with you?

You go like, oh yeah, you try to help them. Necessito practicar, once I say that, they go, okay. You can keep going. I've had a guy try to almost humiliate me for how bad I'm saying something. I'm trying here. One of the jokes I remember from Hong Kong, somebody there, oh, it was maybe Shanghai? Anyway, one of them, I think Shanghai, and he goes, they just won't help you if you don't pronounce the word right. He goes, like, if I go to New York,

this house of assholes, imagine I go to America, and I go, where's the employer state building? And they go, we don't know what the fuck that is. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, no, employer state building? Nope, never heard of it it this happened to me in Every European country where I had no familiarity with language, huh? Cuz I was I was doing I was in Budapest

I was in I was in Berlin and I was like, how do you say and I remember the person was like Like in Budapest. I was like, what's up is like me chinas. Yeah, and I was like me chinas and the guy was like, what's up? He's like, michi nas. And I was like, michi nas. And the guy was like, huh? I go, michi nas. And I'm like, what is that? And I was like, what's up? I'm michi nas. That's what I just said. I said that.

He was like, no, no, you said this other shit. And then Germany is the same thing. I asked the lady, I was like, what's a silly insult? And I remember she goes, oh, she goes, pop now sir, it means like a cardboard nose, some fucking foreign weird shit. And so I say it to our driver. And thankfully I had told the guys about the Budapest one

and then we're driving. I tell the driver and he's like, what is this? And I'm like, pop now sir? And he's like, what is that? I thought it was like cardboard nose. And he's like, what is this? And I'm like, Bop now, sir? And he's like, what is that? I thought it was like cardboard nose. And he's like, oh, Bop now, sir. I was like, and we all just like, I don't know what the fuck is.

But I mean, our accent must be like so far, the, you know, off, and you can't hear it because you don't have an ear for it. And you're like, I thought I just said that. My brother told me one in the German speaking ones, Ziet pisser, which just means sit pisser. That's pretty much, you're gay. You sit when you piss.

They have a word for someone who only shits at home. Oh what? Yeah, Germany does. Yeah. That's a negative? They're just like, you are, I had the, oh, I didn't tell you this about Tunisia. That German left, another German arrived. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna be two for about Tunisia. Yeah that German left another German arrived and I was like I'm gonna be two for two with

Blonde more like traditional German blonde, you know, yeah, and I guess I was like holding four beers Chant with fucking braziers. Yeah, and my buddy was talking was like with her friend and I'm talking to her and we're in the pool And we're just you know, it's just like flirty whatever, but whatever, I'm not making the impression on her. And so when we all go out at night, she was like, what is it with you? And I'm like, what am I, I don't know, what am I doing wrong?

And she goes, you remind me of a cold egg. I remember that. I'm like, where's my hair when I had... That's so me. I know. You remind me of a cold egg. That was 25 years ago. Why do you say that to someone?

Not they remind me of a cold, right to your face. You. Yeah, you. That was me. And I remember telling Ryan, I was face. Yeah, you. That was me. That's so me. I remember telling Ryan, I was like, yeah, she doesn't like me. You tell him, I go, trust me. He's like, no, she likes him. I'm like, no.

All right, Tommy. Yeah, it was fun, man. And America's Sweetheart's out. America's Sweetheart's still out. And so is you. Maybe I'll put it out early. We'll do a different one. Would you come and do this again? This is fun, man. And America's Sweetheart's out. America's Sweetheart's still out. And so is Jude. Maybe I'll put it out early. We'll do a different one. Would you come and do this again? This is fun, right? Yeah, this is a good time.

It's like a, like... When does Jude come out on Netflix? They're deciding. They're deciding. They're figuring out when the right time is. It's a really good hour. Thanks, buddy. Yeah.

Yeah, thanks. Thanks for doing it. Thanks for having me. Yeah, you're welcome. All right, everybody. How do you say goodbye in Tunisian? Do you know? Is it French?

They speak French, but I don't know how to say goodbye in Arabic. Bislema. Bislema. That means with safety, with and safety. Shalom is peace. Yeah, Bislema. Bislema. Oh, there's the other greetings. Aslama is a common greeting. That's pretty good. That sounds like legit. I tell you,

I like it. I always look, I always try to do, I did Arabic lessons on duolingo. Really? Yeah. I tried. I did Japanese for a while on Babel. Are you a thousand? Yeah. I just, I'm just, I'm just short of a thousand on in Italian right now. Wow. Yeah. Anyway. Okay. Thanks man. Yeah. Bye everybody. All right. That's the episode everybody. Hope you enjoyed it. To fucking Nizha. That was a cool one. Tom Segura brought me to Nizha. I got a guest in here but he's not on camera. Sorry, Jay. If you liked it, please reach out to Tom Segura and tell him you enjoyed it. He reads every single comment on Instagram and YouTube and if you let him know you had a good time, he'll be more likely to come back. And he's a really good guest.

He's been to some cool places. I want to do one with him with Pete Lee and and Who did he go to Hong Kong with Chad Daniels Thank you Chad no disrespect I have a block on your name I Love you. You're one of my favorite comics, but I have a block on your name. I also what's that? Can't remember that either. What's the big fucking gross orange? A grapefruit? Grapefruit is another thing I have a block on.

Anyway, guys, have you watched America's Sweetheart yet? I hope you have. It's on Netflix right now, it's my newest work, and it's the best special of 2025, and I know it's early. Watch it, tell me what you think of The Cl closer, tell me what you think of all of it. Leave a comment here, subscribe please on YouTube, Spotify, wherever you're watching or listening. My farewell tour is on right now. Los Angeles this weekend, then Brea, Nashville, both with Adrian Apoluchi, San Antonio with Ari Mati, Tampa,

Denver, that's the greatest hit show. That's the only reason I can go back before 2029 is to do a theme-y show in Denver. Schomburg, Atlanta, Portland, San Jose, Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, and then finishing it off in June in Anchorage, and then I'm gone for a while, until 2027. Tom Segura, he should rename his tour where the rodeo is

because that's where he plays. Pretty much wherever the rodeo plays in town, that's where Tom Segura plays. Me, I play in places where if you sit on the front row, you can touch my foot. Athens, Georgia, Savannah, Charleston, Boston, Washington DC, Tulsa, Durant, Austin, Evansville, Fisher, Chicago, Illinois, where the fucking Michael Jordan

statues, please come on Michael Jordan's statue. If you can't come there, come on your hand, bring it in, and before the Time Segura Show, rub it on Michael Jordan's leg. Dublin, Belfast, Manchester, London, Glasgow, here we fucking go. Nottingham, Cardiff, New York City, Oklahoma City, Houston, Fargo, god damn, Tom?

St. Paul, Madison, Anchorage, Tacoma, Idaho Falls, Billings, Moline, Bristol, St. Louis, Springfield, Albany, Verona, and Rochester. God, you hate your family, don't you, Tom? You fucking hate your family. There's no other reason to be out that much. No, I'm joking, he's my boss. He's not really my boss.

One time though, he brought me on the road to Indianapolis. He was like, it's a break even week. You just come feature, but she might book you later. And he had some Jew jokes. And then the lady who ran the club tapped into it right there. And she started going, while I was on stage, she goes, should we throw money at him? Tom's like, no, not on stage.

Today's episode was produced by Your Mom's House Network and edited by Alan Caffey. Assalamu alaikum everyone. Next week Jim Gaffigan is on talking about Portugal. That's another word I have a block on. Alright guys, subscribe, listen to the Patreon, patreon.com slash ubtrippit and that's it. Until next week, assalamu alaikum, goodbye.