You Be Trippin' - United Arab Emirates w/ Mark Gagnon | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: April 21, 2025

Follow Mark on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/markygagnon/?hl=en SPONSORS: -To claim your Double your Roses offer, go to https://1800flowers.com/TRIPPIN -Learn more about Lightstrike at https://Drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram @‌drinklightstrike. Catch Mark onstage at https://markgagnonlive.com/ On this episode of You Be Trippin, Mark Gagnon almost gets arrested and challenges a Sheikh to a game of Fifa in The United Arab Emirates. On the show, he and Ari talk about the culture, the smoking, and the supercars of the region that was united by oil. They also talk connecting with humans, the things Mark wasn’t allowed to say on stage, and a great tip for picking up women. Other topics include: catacombs, Emiratis, colonialism, and the Stans. Marhaba! You Be Trippin' Ep. 63 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Chapters 00:00:00 - Intro 00:00:43 - Underground Tunnels & Catacombs 00:02:59 - How the UAE United Over Oil 00:08:22 - Divided Regions & Colonialism 00:10:51 - Sold Out Arena Show & More UAE 00:17:31 - Almost Got Arrested 00:25:25 - The Women & A Dangerous Act 00:41:07 - Meeting the Sheikh 00:49:50 - Going to a Mansion to Challenge the Sheikh in Fifa 00:57:53 - Taking Care of Everyone & Money 01:00:26 - Street Food, The Guy from Suits, & Alcohol 01:05:00 - Regrets 01:07:49 - Where Next & Travel Tips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, flights on Air Canada. How about Prague? Ooh, Paris. Those gardens. Gardens. Um, Amsterdam. Tulip Festival. I see your festival and raise you a carnival in Venice. Or Bermuda has carnaval. Ooh, colorful. You want colorful. Thailand. Lantern Festival. Boom. Book it. Um, how did we get to Thailand from Prague?

Oh, right. Prague. Oh, boy. Choose from a world of destinations. If you can air Canada, nice travels. Hello everybody. Welcome to you be tripping. It's aB Trippin' yeah. Hello everybody. Welcome to UB Trippin'. It's a travel podcast. Me and a guest, uh, I'm trying to do the intro for the whole thing every time so people know what it is.

Me and a guest take it to someplace exotic or less exotic or fun or terrible in the world. And they tell me everything they did there. It's not a travel blog. It's not a, uh, what are the restaurants and stashes to say? It's more like what did they get into while they were there? So today on the episode I have Mark on y'all we he's the founder and leader of the flagrant to Yes, yeah, that is what he is the hair extraordinaire, yeah Mark how you doing? Thanks for coming. I'm excellent, brother. What do you think of the studio?

This is awesome. Toby made it with me. It's so clean, it's very beautiful. You don't see anything over there. That's why I said clean. Why are you telling them? This is extremely clean. Cut out the part where I introduced Mark.

Yeah, exactly. I thought the tunnel to get here was unnecessary, but I do think it's cool. It's cold out. Yeah, I like it. That's why you have to go under. Exactly. They have them in Calgary. you have to go under. Exactly. They have them in Calgary.

They have tons of tunnels. Is that really? Yeah, they have buildings connected through tunnels, the above ground tunnels. In Calgary? Yeah, they're like, you shouldn't be outside. Oh, interesting. It's negative something always.

Oh, that's hilarious. I mean, it's kind of a smart idea to keep you out of the elements. Yeah, it's like the catacombs of Calgary. Yeah, exactly. Have you ever been there, the catacombs? Where's that? In Paris.

No, I went by it. Where is it? I don't even know which aerolismal, but it's an insane thing. That's not where Napoleon was buried. No, no, no, he's buried in his own little crypt. Okay. It's kind of just like underground, like.

It's literally just an underground tunnel system that's vast. It's basically the entire city of Paris like underground, like. It's literally just an underground tunnel system that's vast. It's basically the entire city of Paris, it seems like. And it's thousands and thousands and thousands of bodies and bones. Really? Organized and stacked in like a very precise manner. It's like femurs, radiuses, ulmas,

and then skulls all in the top. And it goes on for miles. Whoa. All deaths from the Black Plague and different overflow from historical events. It's insane. They have the underground Edinburgh, but it's not like that.

They just kind of bury the city after the plague and start a new city. Oh, really? Wait, really? Yeah. So the old remnants of the city are underneath it. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I've never seen that.

And they're just like, let's build above. Oh, interesting. Yeah. So if you go down there, what do you see? But it's not like bones and stuff. I think that's all clear. It looks like old grain store. They have like ghost tours. Yeah. Yeah. And you can still hear young Margaret playing with her ball. With an old ugly Scottish accent. Yeah. Yeah. Boo. Boo. The chill gets wetter. So where do you want to, where are you

telling me about today? There's a couple places we can go. Yeah, we'll be back a couple times. So everybody in this podcast is going to like come multiple times. I'll do multiple people in different countries because people have different experiences. The most recent one that I think is going to be here is the most fun. I hope it's on here.

I mean it might be blocked. If it's's on here. We are gonna have a way different conversation. Now we're going right here. United Arab Emirates? Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi is a city. Exactly. That is a it is a actually yeah no I think it's the capital of the United Arab Emirates. A lot of people think it's Dubai. Yeah, I always thought Dubai, UAE, and Abu Dhabi were different places. It always kept me to look it up, but now I just did. You used to be right. What do you mean?

So back in the day, like pre-1940s, this is basically British mandate, like British. Slip. Yeah, this is like a British mandate over these Arab Emirates. And so basically, an emirate is just like a city controlled by an Amir. And an Amir is like the ruler of the city, right? So back in the day, this was like, like this is like 10 different Emirates. So you had Abu Dhabi, you had

Dubai, you had small little kingdoms. Exactly. RAC was like another one. What's RAC? It's like a. That's Congressman from Brooklyn? Yeah, no, it's like another city, but I don't know what it stands for, but it's like some airports. Those are the only two I know. But then like technically like Bahrain.

Up here. Yeah, Bahrain, Qatar was another one. I say Qatar, but you hang with enough. They say Qatar also, the other generals were like, we go to Qatar. We cutter going to cutter. Yeah. Yeah, the cutter is the way you're supposed to say I guess and the Saudi Arabia which is another thing, but they also hate them. Yeah People like why are you doing shows in there? Why are you doing? So this is where golf is

Yeah, I believe Yeah, so UAE is a really fascinating place So it used to be all these different fucking empires. And then this one guy, Sheikh Zayed, basically they had nothing. It was a very small desert, okay? And they didn't have any, they had ports and stuff, which was like valuable to the British at the time.

But it was like they were making their money from pearl diving. They would literally like send people down the water, find oysters and clams and shit, get the pearls out and sell the pearls. Like that was their industry. And then they find trillions of dollars underneath their feet. Of oil?

Yeah. After they already had their own country? No, that's the crazy thing. So Sheikh Zayed finds all this oil. He's the dude- Where it's still being ruled by England? It's still like the mandate from England. So basically what he's able to do

is broker a deal with like the US and BP in England, British Petroleum, and get independence for UAE for like favorable oil rates for BP. Wow, you think they'd be like, no, we're actually gonna just take all that. Bro, it's like the most undervalued like masculine trait in my opinion is just like diplomacy. You know what I mean?

Like we put so much precedence on like fucking, you know, this guy's so strong and tough. He's gonna say this shit to my face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he doesn't take shit from anyone. But dude, this guy is smart enough to be able to be like, okay, I'm going to take this trillions of dollars. He didn't say, because BP was like, yo, how about we get it out of the ground for you?

We'll give you some money. And he was like, no, no, no, no. We're gonna put our own shit, our own derricks, our own drilling, and we're gonna get it all out ourselves. That's what podcast networks get you. Exactly. We want 60%. Yeah, just come in, talk for a little bit.

We'll give you some money. So yeah, they tried to get him into like a fucking Barry Gordy, like Motown deal. And he said no. And so he is able to unite all of these Emirates that have been fighting each other since the dawn of time. All of these Emirates have been at war right like you fight the people near you Yeah, right, and so he basically went to Dubai

He went to all these other people and they were like what he said you got oil, too Yeah, he was like hey guys. I'm great news. We found oil. I think you guys have oil We all got oil instead of fighting each other and killing each other over the soil. Let's just all combine our forces and then become a Financing super United Arab Emirates. Exactly. Wow. And it's truly remarkable. And obviously there's some controversial elements of what they've done, but it's fascinating

as a country. Wow, yeah, that is interesting. I didn't know any of this. I'm trying to do this in my standup now, just in general. Just in general, and then my standup fed from it is just focus on a positive instead of the negative. So every time I was like, yeah, well, they have human rights abuse, I'm like, that's the negative part.

Can we just talk about some cool, like, don't even think about it, who cares? I'm not talking about that right now. This is the thing, this is the thing. When I went to Myanmar, they were like, well, I heard this same thing, human rights, I heard they're killing the Rohingya, I'm like, I didn't go to that part.

Yeah, I'm just saying the tea leaf salads are really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, when I traveled to Myanmar. I don't Yeah. Why would you ask that? Why would you say that? Yeah. Yeah. When I went there, I wasn't like, yo, where's the sex traffic? Great summer day. Like, oh, what a great day to go to the Yankee game. Like, you know, Arab homeless people die in this heat. Thanks. Yeah. Jesus. I'm going to do that. Anytime anyone goes anywhere, like any, someone goes to France. I'm like, do you know what they've done? Do you know what happened in? You know, the age of consent in France, it's's like 13. You're gonna go to that country. What the fuck is wrong with that?

That's crazy. I didn't know any of that. That is a good point. We only do it with like, you know developing nations Yeah, we only You've done bro Our key they didn't vote for this but uh, yeah, it's remarkable this dude shakes I eat literally united all these Emirates Yeah, it was diplomatic enough to gain independence like look at any of these other nations in the region that try to Nationalize their resources they get fucking clipped immediately they get murdered and then the u.s Sends in comes in and say we'll help you. I will set it up for you We'll give you put in a CIA asset as the president of the country.

They do a coup d'etat. And then they take over. So you're gonna hear about all these, that this wars are all still going on at all through here because after World War II, let's split up the stuff into full countries. And so they're like, this is a good idea. Or no, Iraq, Iran is a good idea.

They're like, okay, this will be the line. You got off the first one, You're like, ah, yeah And then they're like, alright, here's the border, but then there's like then there's like cultural or whatever like there's like Shiites and there's Kurds or whatever like well No, our area would be here and there you'd be here like we've had both sides of that river like well We made a border like well now we're an ethnic minority and they hate us.

We had a group and you fucking fucked us up. And so they're still fighting over what the borders should be. But this is the insidiousness of British colonialism is that they were able to be like okay, we're going to intentionally put ethnic minorities into these majority countries and then we're gonna give power to the minorities.

We are gonna side with the minorities minorities either intentionally or just by virtue of them gonna get slaughtered so the British had to come in and control it. Pakistan, Afghanistan, I mean Pakistan India happened. They all drove the Pakistanis out. Oh it's insane. Yeah. I mean have you heard of Churchill's hiccup? No. What is that? This is like I don't know if it's like confirmed fact but you there's an interesting Wikipedia article on it But basically some people speculate that Churchill literally him and his boys were going through and they were like carving up all the Middle East And then there's like little pockets where it's like wait. Why is that included?

There's a mountain rage that should divide the region. There's ethnic groups on either side that would war with each other Why is this part of it included in the country? What and he go and I think the answer that he gave to the press at the time was like, it must have been a hiccup or some shit like that. Then people are like, no, it wasn't a hiccup. You're trying to include ethnic groups in the same country that are going to war with each other so that you are always needed as a daddy state. Interesting.

That is what I've heard. I'm sure there's some British historians that say, well, actually, that's not true. But also it's like they don't really care about them. So they're just like, I don't know, divided here. We're not gonna do a lot of research. Like this should be about right. They don't care, but they do wanna have access to the resources. They wanna have access to all the things.

And if they're constantly at war, then they can be the daddy state that controls it. But I mean, yeah, it's fucking insane. That's history though, which I never do on this, but that was very good. Why are we talking about history? That was very good. Come on, dude.

So why did you go? When did you go? I went, this was like November. Yeah, I talking about history? That was very good. Come on, dude. So why did you go? When did you go? I went, this was like November. Yeah, I think it was November of 2023. Okay. So this was a couple months ago. Yeah. Yeah, so I went with my good friend, Andrew Schultz.

Okay. He is at this point, one of the biggest comedians on the planet, which I didn't, I think, I didn't even realize that he could sell out an arena. He sold out an arena in UAE? Bro, that's what I said. He's like, he told me a couple months ago, he's like, yeah, they were gonna do shows in UAE.

And I was like, oh, that's awesome. We did shows in Russia. Yeah, I figured like a bar show. I was like, yeah, we're gonna go. I'm like, 500 bucks in hotel. I was like, who even speaks English? I was like, I don't even know what this could be. We did a show in Russia a few years ago

and it was like a club, it was a comedy club. And I was like, oh, this is awesome. A proper comedy club is like a couple hundred people, this is club. And I was like, oh, this is awesome. A proper comedy club is like a couple hundred people, this is great. And I was expecting the same thing in UAE. And then he releases the show announcement and I was like, what? And I looked it up, it's a proper arena.

So this is the insane thing. So funny what comedy's become, yeah. UFC did a fight the night before in the same arena. Oh really? I was like, this is crazy. So long story short, we go to Europe, we do a bunch of shows there and then. Can't be that fucking, I always heard it's just a few kings,

everyone else is in poverty, but I'm like, they're filling up an arena, they're selling tickets. No, it's not a few kings, everyone's in poverty, it's every Emirati is taken care of forever. What's an Emirati? So an Emirati is a citizen of UAE. But now what's interesting about the sort of cultural architecture of the country

is that it's only one Emirati for every 10 expats. Oh, I get it. Oh, and that's when they bring the Filipinos over and steal their passports. It's primarily like a Desi diaspora. So it's like Indians, Bangladeshis, Pakistanis, Afghans. Okay, so you go there.

So we fly down there, we're gonna go do the show, and we're gonna be there for like three days. We go to Dubai. Three days? Yeah. That's not enough time to go anywhere. No, not at all. So we go to Dubai first, and Dubai, for me, it's fine.

It's just kinda like, big buildings. Is that the fake place where they build like fake islands that look like palm trees. Yeah, that's that Yeah people I almost did a show there on this last European run They're like they want you to do that too, and I was like, okay, and part of me is like I don't want to go. I just don't want to go. It's it's like Vegas. It seems like always to me it is It is but I was like, what's the offer is it like 200 grand? They're like no like five grand like oh no Yeah, it is Dubai's kind of fine Abu Dhabi was awesome why what's the difference the difference like 200 grand, they're like, no, like five grand. I'm like, oh no. Oh.

Yeah, it is, Dubai is kind of fine. Abu Dhabi was awesome. Why? What's the difference? The difference, our experience was a little different. And this is what I'll get into, the time where there's a couple things that happened. I almost got arrested by police in Abu Dhabi,

and then I thought we were gonna get beheaded by the head of the state. I thought this is what was going to happen. Really? Genuinely, before we go on stage, I was like, this is going to be the end of it. These guys are going to, they're going to take us out. I was, I was afraid for my life. This is called foreshadowing.

Okay. Good storytelling. So yeah, I guess where to start. We get there, we go to Dubai, Dubai is whatever, and then we go to Abu Dhabi. Dubai is a gem that is created by the state to appeal to Westerners. So it doesn't really have a ton of like cultural merit in my opinion. Like it all just exists as like this capitalist shrine to bring like dumb British people over. Okay. Yeah, it's a vacation spot.

Yeah, yeah, primarily. So you have people that go there that want to buy Chanel and stay at a nice place and have someone put steak in your mouth. I don't know. Is it expensive? So whatever I got from the, they have so much oil. I'm like, why do you need my $200?

You know what I mean? What's interesting is that Dubai I think is out of oil. And so they've become this commerce center. And that that was like their whole pivot. Now Abu Dhabi is more of like a cultural hub. It's more of like an actual, you can actually touch like Emirati culture in Abu Dhabi. And what is that?

What's Emirati culture like? I mean, it's more typical to like any Arab nation. Like there's just like proper like Arab food and kabobs and things like that Where's like you go to this place food or like restaurants? Yeah. Yeah, they have stuff like that, which is awesome But hey guys, I gotta break into the episode really quickly to tell you about the guest mark God known God none I think it's gun young. I think it's gone. You only just know I think he says gag none, but I think it's gone young Right. he just doesn't know. I think he says Gagnon, but I think it's Gagnon, right? I mean, it'd have to be Gagnon. These comics have no class, that's their problem.

Even the Schultz-y ones, I know they're all doing well, but class is not just like, hey, you can't just get that. You can't just inherit that. No, you can't, you inherit it, you don't attain it. Yeah, anyways, Extended Comedian, he's doing his first big tour, You can, you inherit it, you don't attain it. Yeah. Anyways, Extended Comedian, he's doing his first big tour. I'd like to tell you about it. He's going to Bangor, Maine this weekend, and Portland, Maine.

Then he'll be moving on to Charleston, South Carolina, Atlanta, Georgia, Stradburg, Pennsylvania, Hoboken, New Jersey, Indianapolis, Indiana, Buffalo, Raleigh, Poughkeepsie, Portland, Oregon, oh, he's hitting both the Portlands. Fort Worth, cooler than Dallas, by the way. Austin, Texas in April. Stanford, Connecticut, Philadelphia, Lexington, Chandler, and San Diego.

You can get all tickets at markgagnonlive.com. Mark is obviously spelled Mark. Did you know there's a mark on your own skater like a pro skate speed skater do you have pro speed skaters who would pay for that it looks so slow guys I'm in the middle of recording my new storytelling series the end it's the final storytelling shows for me I I still have shows left tonight, Monday and tomorrow Tuesday. If shows, well tickets are sold out, but come maybe you can get standby tickets. It'll probably be like 10 or 15 no shows and we'll put people on the list if you want to

see history in the making. The lineup show yesterday was fucking great. And Monday and Tuesday are even better. Every show is a a surprise but come on down also subscribe wherever you're listening or watching this podcast YouTube Spotify whatever subscribe do it do me a favor subscribe and I got merch on the website I got a go for a hike shirts that I'm really loving I got stay positive shirts for my special the signed grinder signed vinyls the Ari cat shirt

and a ton more go to Ari Shafir calm it's newly redesigned and is coming at you guys that's it let's get back to the United Arab Emirates new backdrop I'll show you next week all right bye we go there and I'm trying to think which thing to say first, which, which, which story this, I guess how I almost got arrested. This is like so terrifying. So the, this is, how strict is it? It's like, this is happening to me a couple of places. I just do things that are dumb. Like for example, we went to Marrakesh like six months ago and it was during the

world cup. And maybe like a year ago during the world cup and all the Moroccan dudes are watching. They went far, right? They went to the World Cup. And maybe like a year ago. During the World Cup and all the Moroccan dudes are watching. They went far, right? They went to the semi-finals. They're watching the World Cup on their phones. It's like all these Moroccan guards and police, they all have guns and shit and they're all in a checkpoint,

10 of them watching a phone. And I was like, oh, this is so funny. It's like late at night we're walking around and I was like, this is so funny seeing these guys just watching the game. This is how beautiful and global soccer is so I took a picture Immediately the wrong idea what because they're like military yeah police literally So I take a picture and then I start walking I immediately feel someone grab my arm whip me around this dude like giant

diesel Muslim dude Arab fucking got the red beret, like gun on his chest. And he was like, what are you doing? Is your first thought like, what the fuck? My first thought is, Oh, I just took a picture of a bunch of guys not doing their job. Immediately. I know what the deal is. Right. And he goes, what are you doing? And I was like, uh, I was just, uh, walking by and he's like, why do you have your phone? What'd you just do? And I was like, I took a picture of you guys like immediately just come clean. I was just walking by and he's like, why do you have your phone? What'd you just do? And I was like, I just took a picture of you guys.

Like immediately just come clean. I was like, I take a picture. Give me your phone. Takes my phone. What? Opens it up. He's like fucking, oh, look at it. Like does face ID.

Deletes the picture. Goes into the, I know this guy's a cheater. This is how I know he's been cheating on his girl. Goes into the deleted of the deleted and then deletes the deleted picture. And he was like, that's it. And I was like, yeah. He's like, did anyone else take pictures?

And they're all ahead of me. My whole group, they all left. And so- They didn't even look back? They didn't even look back. And so he was like, no more pictures. And then sent me on my way. This was like a year ago in Morocco.

So I have- The funny thing is, what you really want to explain was like, hey dude, the truth is, you guys are just like a zoo to me. And not full humans. and I thought your behavior was interesting, it was almost like what we would do. Yeah, exactly, you guys were acting like humans, which I thought was so cute.

No, I was just terrified, I was like, wow, I'm a fucking idiot. So I have a propensity to do dumb things like this, and to be overly comfortable in places I shouldn't be comfortable. Okay. So we go to UAE, we go to this UFC fight, which is awesome. Oh, you went to the fights?

Yeah, and they, bro, they stacked it up with like Muslim UFC fighters. That's what they do in Brazil too, it was like every, a Brazilian on every card. No mustache in the whole fucking arena. It was just all these dudes chinned up, just pummeling everyone. They are the most intense scary

Chin other mustaches The beard just fucking Dude, if there's no mustache run like you do not want to follow these people So they were just in on a better they were fucking everyone up. It was insane So we do the fight we leave and then we're standing in the parking lot waiting to get our car Cars everywhere were just jammed up. And so it's me Schultultz, it's the whole gang. Regular cars, nice cars? Yeah, yeah, so we had like a driver that was like assigned to us the whole time. And we're waiting for that guy to come pick us up.

And then there's this guy who's sort of like a funny dude, but he's like the guy that's running the parking lot. And he's asking us where we're from, and he's an Emirati dude. And he's asking us where we're from, and he's asking what's going on and what we're doing. And we're explaining everything to him. And we're having a great time. He's talking about his wives, he's asking us where we're from, and he's asking what's going on and what we're doing. And we're explaining everything to him, and we're having a great time.

He's talking about his wives, he's like, yeah, you know, I got four wives. I was like, what? He's like, yeah, I know, I wish I had zero, yada yada. Just like goofy, fun, small talk combo. Everything's great. And then he walks away, and at this point, in my mind, this is how dumb I am,

I go, oh, we're like boys now. I don't like- That makes sense. You said one joke to me. That makes sense legit though. I said a joke to oh, we're like boys now. I don't like- That makes sense. You said one joke to me. That makes sense legit though. I said a joke to you, we are homies. And so he walks away, we're still waiting there, we're waiting like another like five, 10 minutes

waiting for this car, we're like, where the hell's the car? And then the guy, I see him probably like 20 feet away and he has a walkie talkie, and all of a sudden the walkie talkie starts like doing feedback. It's like super loud, like eee. Just like going crazy, he turns it off. And he looks at me as he's turning it off and he's like, loud like eeeeee just like going crazy. He turns it off and he looks at me as he's turning it off and he's like oh my goodness this thing is so annoying like being silly again. Yeah. And I go Habibi what Habibi is this your ex-wife? Yeah. Immediately his

tone changed. What? I mean I can't. What is he putting him in his place? I'm trying to think what the Arab culture I know. Bro I have no idea what I even did. He goes, so he told us about his ex-wives and his wives, yada yada. So I just made a joke, I was like, bro, is that your ex-wife on the phone? She's annoying, it was a screeching noise comedy. And she was like, and he just walks over.

And he stands close, in my space. And he's like, kind of a shorter dude, wearing regular street clothes, and he goes, so, brother, do you know who I am? And I was like, you're my boy. We are homies. Dude, you just told me this story about your wife. And he's like checking me.

And everyone is kind of standing around like staring at me, being like, oh, Mark, you fucking idiot. And he's like, brother, I'm gonna show you something. He lifts up his shirt, shows his police badge. He goes, I'm Emirati police. Still like, okay. And I was like, all right.

And he goes, do you have your ID? And I was like, bro, I don't. I literally only have my passport. I left it at the hotel. He's like, okay. You know, we can go together. And I was like, what over what, what over what? And then he was like, do you want to spend the night with me? We can go to prison.

We can go to the prisoners over here is beautiful prison. We can spend the night. Do you want me to spend the night in prison? And I was like, at this point, I'm sweating. Like I'm feeling everyone staring at me, he's in my space and I was like, okay, don't escalate, don't cause a problem. So I was just like, I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to overstep. And he goes, okay, okay. And then he kinda makes a joke, getting out of it,

where he was like, yeah, anyway, so my wife is really annoying, like and gets out of the confrontation just like as quickly as he came into it. And then he kind of starts talking with everyone else in the group and is kind of goofing off. What? And I was like, oh my God.

Why? I don't know what I did. I think that I became too comfortable with him. And I was like kind of treating him like an equal when He was like, hey, you know, not only we not he was treating you like he was like no No, I'm allowing you to joke exactly that to me exactly. Do you know who I am? No, what I'm an emirate manhood shit in that whole region is wild. I don't know. I don't know I think it's also like this is the kind of guy that's like a cop

You know, I mean like he? Like he's already seeking like, yo, don't fuck with me energy. And then I went over there and was like treating him like a buddy and he was like, you don't treat me like a buddy. That's so fucking frightening when he's like, we could do, I'm like, please don't. Yeah.

I don't know, any other country too, you're like, you stay, I always tell you, you don't get to do a fight with anybody because the cops are gonna take the local side and then he is the cop. Yeah, exactly. And there's stories from like in the region, Saudi Arabia, where like someone will, you know,

like push a bouncer or like be in TSA and like get mouthy with someone in TSA and then just go to prison for six months. Yeah, or have like a seed of weed in your shoe. Yeah, and then yeah, you're out here. You're like, dude, that's a fucking old roach I have like stuck in my jacket. Yeah, like that's not what you have.

Like I don't want it. You don't want it either. You're fucked. It's crazy, right? Yeah, so that was like super scary And so already I'm on high alert for like the whole weekend I was just like, okay, don't fuck with anyone You're not in your own country like stop trying to be friends with people like just shut your mouth look around so I was like I was on edge and then yeah, we go to do the show and As biggest fear and then we go to do the show. And as- That's my biggest fear.

Is that I'm gonna say something wrong and everyone's gonna get my face and just like, I don't know what to do. I'm not gonna fight anybody. Exactly. And so now I have to go on stage the next day and do jokes and like, hopefully I don't say the wrong thing again.

So we're going on stage and there's a woman that's helping us, she's awesome. She's a star. Are the women allowed to be cool? What's their deal? Kind of. So how did you find them? I mean, anyway, like Emirati women. Yeah. Like what, what were they like? We didn't really see Emirati women.

Were they at the UFC? Not really. It's primarily dudes and then like wives and girlfriends of like expats. So like there's a British Indian guy or like a British Arab guy that moves down there. Like obviously his wife is there and the women have full access and rights. Do they got to be blanketed? No. They can be, they can be hair out. I think he's sluts. Wow. What happened? What happened? This is what happens if you don't accept Allah. That's what I'm saying, bro. Real fucking Hester Prinz. I heard it's fucking

debauchery. But yeah, for the Emirati woman I think there's like a different social standard in my opinion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not positive. I think like... I've heard that, that it's like it's only for ours that you gotta do that if you're not from here. It's kind of like in French Canada, like gotta speak French. I'm like, I'm from like Ecuador. Like, oh you're cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. Yeah exactly, type shit. So yeah, they were generally cool. But the woman that was helping us was a Scottish woman.

And she's basically like the English speaking liaison to whatever talent is there. And so we're all hanging out. We're about to go on stage. The arena's filling up. It's like half Emiratis. And you can tell they're Emirati because they're all in the Kendora.

So they're wearing the full white gown with the white headdress, the whole deal. Which I didn't know this, the headdress indicates which country or emirate you're from. What do you mean, different colors, different shapes? Different colors and shapes, isn't that interesting? So Bahrain has its own kendora. And then Saudi Arabia is known for having the red one.

The picnic blanket one. And then all the other ones have different, like collar, no collar. I think Bahrain has no collar. Where's Saudi Arabia? Right, the big one. Yeah, the big boy right there. And so like Oman, Yemen,

I'm pretty sure they all have like their own candor, which is actually interesting. You can tell where someone's from or like what style they're adopting. I just started being able to pick out Sikhs in the cabs. They wear that little metal bracelet. The kata. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. And everyone's like, are you this, are you that? You're like, no. They're like, dude, I'm fucking Punjabi. Like, I'm not even close. But yeah, so we are about to do a show. We're about to go on stage. And the woman that's been like our liaison the whole time is super nice, but all of a

sudden now she looks terrified. What? And this is 10 minutes before we go on stage. Are they giving you like what you can and can't say, anything like that? They are. So. No anti-government?

Basically what they said up front was, here's a couple things they said. They said no, nothing sexually gratuitous. So I was like. Be more specific. Bro. Can you go over my act with me actually? Literally.

Can I go into a private room and go over my act with you? I'm doing like 15, 17 minutes. I'm looking, I was like, okay, nothing sexual or true, that's five minutes. And then she was like, nothing insulting Islam. I was like, okay, that's the rest of it. She was like, nothing insulting Islam. I was like, okay, that's fine.

She was like, nothing talking about the royal family in any capacity. I was like, makes sense. Okay, you might've gone there, you might've done a riff. I mean, imagine, even if you don't even know it, like, so, and then she was like, no, oh, what was the other one? It was no,

oh, nothing about homosexuality. And I was like, okay, that's a lot of it. That's gonna be mostly what I'm talking about, so. Yeah, can you be like, I know with long hair you must think I'm gay. So this is the weird thing. So this is what's coming from the woman. The show's taking all this.

He's gotta do an hour. So he just, he's like, I don't care. Show's just like that. He's just like, I don't give a shit. I'm gonna do whatever I want. But. Hi guys, I'm stand-up comedian Ari Shaffir. And unlike a lot of stand-up comedians,

I know my parents, both parents. parents that's right I come from class all class upper middle class and this year I'm teaming up with 1-800-flowers.com to make Mother's Day even sweeter that's right when you order one dozen roses they're gonna double that to two dozen for free Luis Gomez can can't do this math. It's 12 times two, Louis, so it's 24. 24 roses. That's twice the beauty, twice the love. Twice the parents, I have anyway. The roses from 1-800 Flowers are picked at their peak,

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Lily then there's two on the nose and there's one thing I know it's two on the nose. To claim your double your roses offer go go to 1800flowers.com slash Trippin. That's 1800flowers.com slash Trippin. I love you mom. Hi guys, today's episode of UB Trippin is brought to you by Lightstrike. It's a wild new alcoholic brevage. People ask me about it all the time and I'm telling you, it's good. It's like fruit juice.

They're sponsoring the Two Bears 5K in Tampa, Florida on May 4th, which is wild, because Bert Kreisch is in there, and how can they sponsor something that says light? Maybe it means he's lighthearted, because he's not light-weighted. He will be after the 5K. Guys, it's really delicious,

and it gets you buzzed. It's be after the 5k. Guys it's really delicious and it gets you you know it gets your buzz. It's like a it's like a new alcohol. It comes in a resealable sports drink bottle so you can take it on the go. Take it to the park. Do whatever you want. I drank it. It's like fruit juice. It goes down really easy legitimately. Learn more about Lightstrike at drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram at drinklightstrike.com or follow on TikTok and Instagram at www.drinklightstrike.com. It's a hard refresher. It's launching nationally this month with two flavors, lemon lime and orange mango. And I've said in the past, orange mango is an abomination of God. He meant to keep these flavors separate and Lightstrike said, we're not going to abide by those laws and they combine them

and it's delicious but that seems wrong now lemon-lime obviously has been gone together for a long long time but orange mango oh no not mango I'm thinking of orange tangerine oh no wonder they put it together orange tangerine or natural enemies that's like breeding a lion and a tiger orange mango is totally fine. That's just tropical. Lightstrike I owe you an apology. In my last ad read, I said that orange mango

was an abomination to God. After looking back and realizing that I was thinking of tangerine, I'd like to apologize not just to the Lightstrike people but also to the fans. To the fans and to the growers of mangoes and oranges. I put you in a dangerous position. Danger dangerous position where I'm sure a lot of heat came at you and it was because of me, because of me.

Lightstrike had nothing to do with it. They listed it very clearly, orange mango. How are they going to know that somebody is just going to misinterpret it and hear it as orange tangerine? They have not done anything that's an abomination of God. All they've done is make a non-carbonated gluten-free great alternative fizzy hard seltzers or sugary canned cocktails. There's no reason to choose between fun and function. That's their logo. Guys, get Lightstrike. Drink it. get a whole bunch for a party.

That's it. Let's get back to the episode. Thank you Lightstrike and I apologize once again for making it seem like you would put your name behind orange tangerine. And if this puts that idea in your head, don't do it. Don't do it. You're better than that. Orange mango?

Sure. Lemon lime? Sure. Orange tangerine? I wouldn't do it. Orange tangerine? I wouldn't do it. Lemon tangerine? Maybe. I would try it. Anyway, drinklightstrike.com. See you. Let's get back to the episode. Here's what's interesting is that these rules are coming from like the woman and I'm sure like a board of people trying to like keep things like safe type of vibe and what's interesting is that the show

we're about to go on and so the woman comes back up to us she reiterates everything she's like so you're not gonna do this you're not gonna do gay you're not like she's like panicked at this point she's like white in the face I was like like whiter than Scottish people normally are like very well I was like what she was like yeah I just want to make sure and then she even comes to me on the side she's like you're not are, like very white. I was like, what? And she was like, yeah, I just wanna make sure. And then she even comes to me on the side, she's like, you're not gonna take your shirt off, right? I was like, what?

What's the problem with that? Man can't have this? All right, yeah, fine. She was like, don't take your shirt off. So we play a video before the show where I take my shirt off. And I have it off in a random video from three years ago. And she was like, you're not gonna do that, right? I was like, no, this is not a part of my act. I don't take three years ago. And she was like, you're not gonna do that, right?

I was like, no, this is not a part of my act. I don't take my clothes off. And she was like, okay, well just- And you start really examining who you are in the comic. Yeah, I was like- Like, I mean, that's not all of me. I did it once, but I stand by it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, what? It was funny, the moment. Yeah, I was riffing. And she reiterates a couple more times, and she's very anxious at this point. And I look at her her and I was like, why are you so nervous? And she was like, okay, look, don't tell anyone else this,

but there's a royal at the show that's a much higher ranking royal than any of us expected to come. Oh. And I was like, what? And she was like, yeah, like a bigger, like a really big kind of person. And I was like, okay, one to 10, if you had to rank them,

one being the biggest guy. She was like, he's probably a three. Wow. And I was like, oh god. I almost got arrested the day before for being too friendly with the guy. Yeah, but now you gotta worry about your whole fucking act. And now.

You don't notice until you're halfway through. Whenever they say clean, you're like, that's gonna be a clean joke, and then halfway through, like, hell, it does end with me having sex with a bunch of children. No there's a dog blow job. Yeah I didn't think about it. There's no cursing.

Yeah I'm so I'm so desensitized. So I'm like going through my whole act like trying to like filters. I'm like gay like it's sucking your own dick gay. You know I mean I'm like I was like I don't know it's sucking your own dick, gay. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm like trying to decipher shit. I was like, I don't know, it's more sexually gratuitous. I was like, just in a spin cycle. I had no idea.

And then for her, I even get it. She's like, I don't know, I'm not doing what's best for the show right now. I don't wanna lose my job. I don't wanna get beheaded. Yeah, it's like. For setting this up wrong. That's what I'm saying, so like.

These guys are not the calmest. Yeah, and then, and for anyone that doesn't know, there was no risk of getting beheaded. People actually think that that's probably the thing. I don't know there was no risk of getting beheaded people actually think that that's probably the thing I don't think there's any risk in bed, but you could go to prison for a little or maybe get deported I bet that's what they would do like this is an insult get the fuck out. Yeah, what are they gonna do an international incident? Exactly, so worst-case scenario. I'm genuinely I'm like, okay, but still we do a risk it a couple nights in prison You get deported who knows what that's. Yeah, so I was like, okay, but still we want to risk it a couple nights in prison. You get deported who knows what that's Yeah, so I was like, oh fuck so we go on sure Brittany Griner said like I'm worst-case scenario

They put you in jail for like a day. Yeah, right. Yeah, give you like a thousand dollar ticket What are they gonna do? Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty Griner. Yeah But yeah, dude, we go there we do the show. I hear Derek who does the shows with us. He's awesome comic Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah We do the show. I hear Derek who does the shows with us. He's awesome comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know Derek. Yeah, he's all of a sudden it sounds really good. Sounds like amazing. And we adjust to shows in Europe where like those shows.

This man's skin is different. Wow, it burned by the sun. He didn't say any jokes. You did he job. He said no jokes at all. They were just like. And he was like. He showed his ankle.

No! Do the lips again, do the lips! He pulled his dick out to close. They were just fucking, it was like death jack. They were like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I don't like the last part. This is insulting. But, uh, dude, he goes up,

he does good, he does good. It sounds great from where I'm standing, kind of behind the stage. And then I went up. It was the best show of the whole thing. Really? By a mile, the best show. Just so fun. They were so excited to have Westerners there.

They were excited to have real comedy, people telling jokes. They loved every moment of it. Yeah, those guys like comedy. They started to like Russell and then they kept liking it. They have no sensitivity towards anything. What's gonna happen to them? That's what I'm saying, like they don't have the same university level cultural sensitivity

that comes into American culture. So like, you could go up there, I didn't really change any of my acts, I'll be honest. Really? Yeah, yeah. There's one or two things that I thought were like Over the line that I like it was like a tag that I pulled off but everything else I kept the exact same and it was just ripping. They were so great genuinely and like got all the references They understood really they understood everything. They get American British TV, what do they get?

I mean, they watch American movies. A lot of the Emiratis, because of the way the country's set up, they study in America. Yeah, they come over here to study to get education. So like, all these guys were like, yeah, I lived in Cookeville, Tennessee for three years. Yeah, I lived in Orlando, Florida for four years. And that's where I learned sick English.

Yeah, I'm amazing at English. I know all the customs. I know all the shit. And the show was genuinely probably one of the best shows we've done on the tour. Damn. Yeah. And the other part that's kind of sick is like, only dudes,

really. At the show. There's like a handful of women. So no drunk idiot messing up the show. I don't like that. No white girls being like, well. That's what the celly said. It's fine.

I like crass, but it's like sexually demeaning. And I just like talked to Napoleon, I was like, oh, I wanna hear this for a second. Yeah, that was not gonna happen anyway. A rock would've hit her in the head. Yeah, right. It was just.

I'll show you demeaning. Yeah, it was just like, it was genuinely a perfect show. It was so. Wow. And they were just, like I said. Did you meet the fuckin'. So that's the crazy thing. So Schultz goes up and he does like 20 minutes

of like brand new material local shit that he's never said before. Wow. Like just like riffing and just like standing on face shit in like 10 minutes and I was like what the hell is happening. In the middle of it? It's insane. And then we all get off stage

and we're all kinda looking at each other like, no one's gonna get arrested, right? Like we're good. Like I might- This is all we see of each other. Like it was a good moment. I did like a kind of like a 9-11 joke. I was like, I'm fine for the 9-11 joke.

And the woman was like, you know they didn't do 9-11. And I was like, all right, fair. Good point. But like- Like there's a rumor it was the Saudis that's not even here. It's not the same.

Like, but it's, you guys all look the same to me. I was like, yeah, it's all the same, right? And, uh. You know they didn't, they just asked some coach about, how do you feel for the Tambay Bucks? Like, how do you feel going to, you know, it's cold weather stadiums, like, you know, like, are you guys prepared?

You can go early. And he was like, some female reporter, and he's like, you know it's an indoor stadium though, right? And then he's like, checked himself, he's like, no, we're not doing much preparation. Yeah. You just wanted to go, you stupid motherfucker. Why am I gonna talk to these people

who don't do their research? I'm a high level guy. It was the exact thing, I was the idiot though. I was like, the 9-11 stuff might have been too far, right? Like, they probably still feel guilty about it. She was the exact thing. I was the idiot though. I was like, the nine 11 stuff might've been too far, right? Like they probably still feel guilty about it. She was like, no, they feel bad if I see a video. Yeah. They probably feel sad for humanity, but they weren't there. And what do you mean? You're like, I don't, you know nothing. What?

No, I don't know. It's like, you saw him. You said, look what they got in their heads. Come on. This is crazy. No, they, uh, the show was just awesome. We got off stage, we were all like, dude, this was so cool. Like we'd go in the green room, we're all hanging. All the UFC guys that went to the show the night before, they all came, like it was so cool.

It was just like one of the coolest shows I've done. And then the woman comes in, she taps us, she goes, the shake would like to meet you. No. And now at this point we're like, oh shit. And how's this gonna shake out? Guys. Guys. No, and now at this point we're like, oh how's this gonna shake out? guys guys You need to have a button you can fatty but I do

Let's get a confetti button here for fucking pun moments Dude it would fucking shock against There's an explosion and just like stone face like shake up During the saddest part I put my father's ur tears in his eyes So anyway No, so we finished the show the woman's like, you know that the shake wants to me and we're like Okay, and at this point we're still a little like what if he's pissed like what if there's a problem? And so you just met a fucking no humor guy a minute ago. Yeah, the cop was being a dickhead, so.

We can go sleep together. Also, what are you trying, you saying you're gonna fuck me? That's, dude, I literally. Or are you just saying like, you're gonna make me sleep overnight in jail? I thought the same thing. I was like, do you know what happens in prison in America? Do you know what the stereotype is?

Like, we're gonna. Same, same, but different. We're gonna bang, dude. Yeah, yeah, we're gonna bang. It's gonna be both ways here, though. Yeah, I was like, I didn't know you hate your wife that much, you're trying to fuck me. Dude.

So you met him, so he came in? So we walk back there, we open the door. Oh he just calls you to him. Exactly. He doesn't go to you. Come on Ari, what are you talking about? I had a rabbi once I really liked in grade school and I was sitting in the front seat,

my dad picked me up for carpool and there was a big crack hour and I was like oh there's that rabbi. picked me up for carpool and there was a big, I think crack hour, and I was like, oh, there's that rabbi. He's so cool and young, he was like a cool hip one. I was like, crack hour, I wanted to meet my dad. I was like, come here. I just fucking hit him with a smack. He's like, you don't call over a rabbi,

you go over there. And I was like, oh, I don't understand these fuckers. I kinda like the, hey toots. Hey fucking, let me look at you. But yeah, no, he called us over. He hates what's to us. And so we walk in and there's just 10 giant Nigerian dudes just fucking standing there, diesel.

Selling weed? Yeah, cocaine, cocaine. Whenever you see a Nigerian in a place where there are none, that's who you ask for a fucking hash from. It is crazy, no matter what country you're in, a giant Nigerian guy is the scariest person no matter where on earth you are Yeah, America over here UFC. Yeah, a diesel Nigerian is scary Yeah, so they're all standing there just like staring at us and then the woman comes in and she's like They're here to see the shake and like they separate Wow part like a movie

Wow walk in at the next layer and then it's like 10 giant Emirati dudes that are like more guards and they're like, and the woman's like they're here to see the sheik and then they part and I'm expecting. Wow, that's like Game of Thrones. Literally dude, it's like rings, it's like layers. And I'm expecting by the time we get to the inside,

it's gonna be like an old like Jafar looking motherfucker like, hmm. Yeah, I would expect, it's going to be like an old, like Jafar looking motherfucker. Like, Hmm. Yeah. I would expect, uh, who's that? Clinch in, uh, in that short segment where the head comes out of the fucking chest. And he's like, Oh, that's quite a show you had today. I was like, I thought it was going to be like, uh, like a, like, I thought it was gonna be like Gaddafi. Yeah. He's like, hello, boo boo.

Wonderful show. Like that's what I expect. He's gonna be like, hello, boo boo, wonderful show. That's what I, and so we get through, we open, all the people separate, and then we walk back there, and it's just like a 19-year-old kid. Wow. And he goes. Makes sense. What's up, guys?

I was like, what? You're the guy? Wow. He was like, yeah, what's up, I'm Zayed, great to meet you. Wow. And I was like, what? You're the guy? Wow. He was like, yeah, what's up? I'm Zayed, great to meet you. Wow. And I was like, what? Oh.

And then he's standing there with like- He's just some fucking rich spoiled kid who's like, I like comedy. He's genuinely a great guy. Wow. Yeah, he's like, I wanna go to the show. Yeah, he's like- Comedy's here, I'm 19, I'm into comedy.

Yeah. Yeah, why would a 48 year old go to this? And he's there at three of his boys. It's Andrew Schultz, he used like, I wanna go to the show. Comedy show, I'm 19, I'm into comedy. Yeah. Yeah, why would a 48 year old go to this? And he's there with three of his boys. It's Andrew Schultz, he used the word mid. My dad's never gonna get this. Yeah, he's there with three of his friends and they're all standing there and they're like, yo, what's up?

So we're like, literally, I'm just dappin' up a prince. I'm like, what's up, dude? And he's like. What does Hanfield look like? Ah, so soft. I sniffed it, I shoulda sniffed it, but I wanted to. He's like. Yeah.

I wiped it on my face. That's why I look better. I look so young. And dude, it was just like such a surreal thing. And he was just like, man, you guys are great. Love the podcast. Like, you know. Wow.

I'm like, what is happening? And then, yeah, we just like chopped it up. And then we like talked for 10 minutes and he's like, so anyway, you guys wanna go eat? And we're like, yeah, I mean, it's like 11.30 now. I think a lot of places are closed. And he's like, nothing's closed. I was like, what? He's like, nothing's closed.

And then we went to- I wonder if these guys understand in those moments, privilege is a bad word, but that they're in the good way. Like, oh yeah, cause you guys don't get that there Yeah, I can just open anything. Yeah, like I don't even know if he's like I don't know what you're talking about I don't know what the equivalent is. It's like it's like I don't know if you let you come from a place where it's like They don't have uber. Yeah, let's just go home. It's like it's gonna be like an hour to get home I have to walk like no, no, you just call it like what yeah

Right, you have to take a sec right? You don't have that. Yeah, exactly. Oh, no, no, you just call it like what? Yeah. Oh, right. And you'd have to take a sec. Right. You don't have that. Exactly. Oh yeah. Yeah. You can just call. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. It's like when I, right. When I graduated college, I would go like go back and visit, like, you know, I'm gonna see all my friends and there'd be like a 20 year old kid. Yeah. And he's like, what do you guys want to do tonight? We're like, oh, we're going to go to the bar. He's like, I don't, I can't go to the, and I was like, oh yeah, you're young. Right. You don't have the same,

but you didn't think twice about it. You're not like, the, and I was like, oh yeah, you're young, you don't have the same. But you didn't think twice about it. You're not like, oh, when I'm 21, I'm gonna just go to bars. Right, so maybe that's what it is. I was just like, yeah, dude, you just don't have the same thing as me as a 21 year old. But yeah, it was just insane.

He was like, no, nothing's close, let's go eat. And so we went to this place, we all sat around the table, we ate. I was asked. A restaurant. Yeah, just a regular restaurant. But they reopened it for us They call and said that someone called and we showed up at a restaurant. This is how Dana White is in Vegas Oh really or actually almost anywhere on the road when we get into a car the old is probably different now

Because there's been other places too where it's like Vegas is different because he owns Vegas pretty much like he's tipped so much everywhere that It's like Anywhere he might he owns Vegas pretty much like he's tipped so much everywhere that it's like Anywhere he might go just get the warning ahead of time. He's like, what do you want to feel like eating? He's like steak like okay. Oh actually Chinese like okay now and so they're like sweet They make a call as they're driving and it's like yeah I thought it looks like all right there open it up again. It's just like hey money's coming Crazy all the cooks like I'll pay you for a week, whatever it is. Yeah. Just, it's worth it. And it's still worth it to them, like.

Yeah, exactly. An extra two hours, you get cash. Turn all the friars back on, we'll be there in a little bit. So I'm sure it's the same shit, where it's like, hey, the shake's coming, he's gonna take care of you, and you guys just gotta stay open another hour. It's not chic, it's shake. That's what they said.

That's what they said, you'll trust them. Yeah, I guess. But they also say cutter. I'm like, I know it's cutter. I know it's cutter, so why the fuck are you messing with me, dude? Um, and so we walk in and go to the restaurant foods amazing. We're like talking figure foods Yeah, it's actually just like kind of like casual dips and shit. Yeah, it's just like casual dining It's like it was like an Asian fusion spot

That's so funny, too Everything to be completely authentic. That's what I'm saying. Or traditional. There's a difference I figured out between traditional and authentic. What's that? Traditional is what they ate always there. Authentic is what they eat now. So like authentic in Thailand is 7-Eleven.

Oh that's funny. Yeah. Authentic is Pad Thai. That's invented in the 70s. That wasn't around forever. That's really funny. But that's what everybody eats, so like what? Like you know what I mean, they wear T-shirts in India. They don't wear fucking grass, fucking hoop skirts or whatever.

That's great, that's actually a great distinction. Yeah, so they're like, yeah we have Asian fusion here, don't you have that? Like, oh yeah right, of course you would do that. Yeah. Yeah right. It's a good restaurant. Yeah, it's not fake, we're not like punking you. Yeah, we don't just eat burgers and like steaks every day.

Yeah, yeah. So we go there, it's like awesome food, it's kind of like, it's not like the most fancy spot, it's kind of like a chiller spot, but it was really good. And then we're talking, I'm like small talking with this prince, I'm like, what am I saying, what am I gonna say? And so he starts talking about falconing.

He's like, I have a couple falcons. No way. They're a couple million dollars each. And I love falconing. A couple million dollars each? Ryan O'Neill's dad was a Falconer. Really? He looked it up on YouTube and started doing it on his own.

Probably not as good. I don't think they were a million dollars each. I mean, but like, you know, you can buy a cheaper Falcon for like 10 grand. What? Yeah, maybe. Just trap one. Just trap one, you got it.

You get it for free, actually. So we're sitting at the dinner, he's talking about Falconing. You get it for free actually. So we're sitting at the dinner, he's talking about falconing, we're having a great time. And then, dude, by the end of the dinner, I was like, yo, we got on the topic of FIFA. And at this point, it's probably like one in the morning. And I was like, dude, I will bust your ass in FIFA.

No way. I love FIFA. I swear to God. I'm not gonna challenge this guy. I don't talk shit at all. I'm not gonna challenge this guy. I don't talk shit at all. I'm not that kind of person. But when it comes to FIFA, I will put it all on the line. I was like, I will fuck you up in FIFA.

That's great. And he was like. I mean, that's the attitude you have to have. And he was like, no, you're not. And I was like, dude, give me your gamertag, we'll play. When I get back to the States, we'll line it up. We will play. And he was like, let's just play right now.

I was like, where? Okay, exactly. He goes, here, jump in the car. So we all leave and we get into like four different like super cars. Like the video that you're gonna pull up that's in the message is me riding with this dude, Safe, who's one of Zayac's friends.

Safe is the man, he's like, he was the nicest dude of the whole thing. So that was actually at the UFC fight, that was when I met Zlatan, Zlatan Ibrahimovic. The soccer player. One of the all time most legendary soccer players. Did you Photoshop his head to be extra small? What the fuck, it looks like somebody pinched him

when he was being born. What the fuck happened it looks like somebody pinched him when he was being born. What the fuck happened to his head? He looks like Pinhead. Yeah, there might be a parallax thing going on here. Oh my God. Talk to Apple, all right? I'm not gonna disrespect Zlatan, okay? Wow.

This guy is an all-time great, he's just an insane dude. Have you ever heard some of the stories about Zlatan? No. He went and played, he played all over Europe, played for the AC Milan, played for a bunch of people. Ended up going to LA Galaxy. Oh yeah. He's in LA and I gotta remember how the story goes.

LeBron James sends him a jersey. Yeah. As like, hey welcome to LA. That's cool. And then Slatzen signs it and then sends it back to him. Ha ha ha ha ha. He's so big. Unreal.

He's way bigger. Slatzen goes, you're welcome. Unreal. He's not even trying to do anything. That's like his unreal. He's way bigger. That thing goes you're welcome Try to do anything that's like his character like his whole stick his whole like energy is just like Like oh you got to meet Zlatan today. How does it feel? Okay, what am I looking at crazy? So uh, oh, this is actually right before we left to go play FIFA Yeah, we here scroll the next one Yeah, we here scroll the next one So they start talking about this tobacco called medua Yeah, and it's like a pipe where you put like this little tobacco thing in and it's like eight cigarettes at once Oh, so you'd like light it you go. Oh, that's Derek doing and that's Derek doing it right here

And Derek like smokes weed regularly like this guy is a seasoned smoker. Yeah These guys are just having a blast these guys are just dogs What drug is it it It's tobacco? It's tobacco. So it gives you like this insane head rush and then makes like your fingers tingle. Really? And then like it's just like, it's like literally eight cigarettes at once. That's the only way to describe it. So you just like get this shot and you're just like floating for the next like four minutes. Did you guys do hookah while you're out there? Not really. No. Did they do that a lot?

I didn't really see it. I'm assuming they're black Americans. Yeah. It's mostly Dominicans, but no. So if you go to the, go to the one before it. Okay. So this is us after we get in the car leaving the restaurant and they're like, yeah, let's go play FIFA. At just his place. Literally we don't know where we're going. So are you able to play it? Yeah. Are you driving? Oh, it's the opposite side.

They know the word to every Travis Scott song. Really? They just like, wait, what's, does he have a TV in the back? Probably not even. Or is it the back of your head? No, I mean like. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's like a screen. It's like a big TV. Wow.

In the Audi. Is that dude driving? Yeah. Wow. And he's a legend, safe as a mint. And they were all super nice. They were like so cool and Yeah, it's just insane. So we pulled up cool

Don't have to worry about fashion like I'm just the same as my boy And what's interesting is that I'm pretty sure they don't wear underwear really isn't that funny nice Baw I love it. Actually, they just have that dress you get why they all have bidets and shit Like yeah, we can't be walking around with raw. Yeah. Stained up fucking full. Wow. That's so cool. So you're going over there. And then literally we go, we pull up and we pull up to the biggest house I've ever seen in my life.

And I was like, what is this? And safe leans over. He's like, Oh, this is the palace. What? I was like, what? He was like, yeah, this is the palace. This is, he was like he was like well technically is the side wing of the palace He's like the front of the palace is actually over there But this is just sort of like where we get to hang out and be loud at two in the morning Whoa, so we pull up to the palace and we walk in and there's like six Emirati dudes all standing in there with like Teas they're all have like fine teas and candies Yeah, and like we walk in they give all of us teas, and I was like, what is going on?

And they're all standing there, they're all very kind, and just like, hello, welcome to the palace. And this is impromptu, this is two in the morning, this was not planned. So these guys are just there on call, ready to give teas to fucking me. And so we walk in, and then we're all hanging out. Schultz plays one of the guys in FIFA.

Goes to penalty kicks. No, they're not that good. Schultz plays one of the guys in FIFA. Yeah. Goes to like penalty kicks. No, they're not that good. Bro, it's the thing. Is Schultz good or are you just good? Schultz claims that he's never been beaten, okay? And did he win? He lost in penalties. It was his first loss publicly.

Ever? Ever, ever. No, he played a lot growing up actually, so he's like decent, but he just hasn't played in like 10 years, but uh He plays the dude. I played the dude. I ended up winning one nothing. Come on, bro. Come on you beat him How did he take it? He took it well. What's crazy is that I picked looks like Andrew. Yeah a little bit He's got that vibe. Yeah, I I picked a team. Yeah

That's why you got to wear the the Ken Dory. You got to cover it. I picked a team. I picked Manchester City Yeah, and the guy goes, oh, that's funny. Why why is that funny? Oh, they own he literally goes his uncle owns it Dude, it's so funny cuz everyone in Manchester was very Pro like they're kind of woke not woke, but you know, woke adjacent. Yeah, whatever, but then they bought a team and they were like, oh, you hate human rights abuses? It was like, oh, we're getting free agents. And they didn't give a shit about any of that.

They were like, we're winning, we're winning. And yeah, we played FIFA, we hung out there until like two, three in the morning. Wow. And then we went back and I was just like, yo, I just played FIFA with a bunch of princes. FC Barcelona lost after it. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, dude, Man City took them down. It was insane. It was genuinely awesome. And all the guys were incredibly nice, super hospitable, not spoiled. Like you you mentioned that before, like oh, these are like spoiled, like of course, yeah, they are.

Are you posting for you? Yeah, yeah, he posted it up. Wow. Like of course they are, you know, they have money. You just kept beating them? I was running through these kids, I already come on, bro. Oh my God. Oh, each one's a different guy,

I was just looking at the score. It's like I got an outfit. You racist motherfucker. The outfit, I wasn't looking at it. You're like dude, you beat the same guy eight times. Yeah, I respect him. Yeah, my God, why, again, one nothing, two two. Why, you raised this one. I wasn't looking at it. Dude, you beat the same guy. Yeah. Like God, why? Again, one, nothing. Why are you bullying this kid? No, no, no. I was four different Emiratis and it was so fun. Wow. And they were all so nice. They were genuinely good guys. Wow. And, uh, yeah, it was just like one of the most fun things ever. So it was like an awesome show, awesome dinner, learned about Falconing, took a sick car ride,

going like 120 through Abu Dhabi. What are the streets like there? Giant, eight lane highways. Modern highways? Brand new, pristine, beautiful, perfect highways. Was there an area of town where there was like wealthy and nice and another town where it's like, oh more like, just like, it's fine.

Yeah, so like there's obviously the nice parts where like these guys are, where like the royal family is. But then like there's levels of Emirati, but there's a floor. So if you're an Emirati citizen, you get like money to start a business, you get money when you get married, you get money to go to school.

Like you're taken care of, you have like a threshold that you can't really go below. There's no drugs, there's no alcohol, so there's no addiction problems. And so yeah. Oh right. So Emiratis are not. Tobacco's the worst thing you've got.

Yeah exactly, it's hard to get strung out on tobacco. You know what I mean? Like no one's throwing their life away for tobacco. So there's no destitute Emiratis. And that's the part that is impressive, is that this guy finds a trillion dollars under his feet and takes care of. Takes care of everybody. All of his. his feet and takes care of all of his people forever. Like that's really impressive.

Like imagine you find a trillion dollars, what are you doing with it? Quiet about it dude. I don't do a stroll or a kill for it. That's what everyone would do. And this guy. Here's a fun game, let's go, okay you won the lottery. You are looking at the numbers, they're going off,

you won 500 million. You are looking at the numbers, they're going off. You won 500 million dollars. Something crazy. What's your first move? I'm an attorney. What? I'm probably gotta get an attorney. But my move is, tell no one, immediately go, wow. Some people go like, oh, I'd buy everybody this.

I'm like, no, no, how do you even collect it? You're two steps ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who do you tell? Who do you hire an attorney? And then like have yeah it's like I would quiet I call the richest guy I know and be like hey man I'm hoping to make friend of mine yeah yeah I'm gonna make some money this year I have a project coming up and I just want to talk to like an attorney about it right that's and then

connect with his attorney yeah and then be like hey look, I just signed some NDAs and then be like, yeah, this is what happened. Yeah, I need to do this off the books. I don't want anybody coming at me. And then later it's like, take care of your mom. Yeah, it's like 12th. Yeah, 12th. Because she's fine right now.

She's like, going on vacation, like, so what's just with your ticket? Uncatched ticket, you're going on vacation. Idiot, there's no question for real. My mom is fine, like, take care of your mom. It's not like she's homeless. So this guy took care of everybody. Yeah, exactly.

She's fine. She's already eating. Her fridge is full every time I go home. Her fridge is full. Yeah. So literally, this guy finds all his money and takes care of everyone forever. And that's really impressive to me.

And they all were so nice and kind. And literally, I linked up with one of them just the other day. They came to New York. Really? And he was like, I want to try New York street food. And I was like. You actually don't. I was like, this is the tricky thing.

He was like. Diarrhea. He was like, I wash suits. I love suits. So he was like, I was like, do you want fine dining? There's a lot of nice restaurants. He's like, no. I want like authentic New York food.

So I was like, okay, we're not going to do street food, but we will do like an authentic New York experience. Where do we go? Because what, they do fine dining or they do street food? Yeah, of course they do fine dining. All of their food, their Royals, they're like really wealthy Amarades.

Everything they eat is like amazing. So I was like. Please don't open porn. DC Pro, that's fine. I have a story, go ahead. So we go to Cass's Deli. Okay, great, that's a good one. I was like, where else?

There's a line, what is this line? What does this mean? one. I was like, where else? There's a line. It goes, what is this line? What does this mean? Yeah. I was like, where else is this guy gonna get like a Jewish New York diner? Yeah. And so we went there and he tried matzo ball soup, disgusted.

He was disgusted by it? He's like, what is this? What? Hated matzo ball soup. But then he had the pastrami sandwich and was like, this is amazing. He went back the next day and got another one. I got it again?

Yeah. Cause they don't have shit like that. Yeah. Wow. Made me happy. Made me happy. I was in Guatemala at some like, I don't know. I found out anywhere you go in South America,

there's gonna be a festival within a 10 hour drive or less in every month. Every indigenous tribe has their thing. Found one while I was there. Crazy fireworks, everything, and there's also some ritual stuff going on where they have like a baby and there's candles all around it. Nothing's gonna happen, but all these people,

we're dancing up in like weird outfits and stuff and like goat heads and like bull heads and they're all playing Torah with each other. It was fun and just fireworks all the time. I'm with my friend from Australia, Northeastern Australia and we're sitting there looking and he goes, hey do you watch Suits? And I'm like no and he goes, I think that's the guy from Suits. And I'm like okay I mean I don't watch it. He's like that guy and I'm like yeah I don't know I've never seen it. He goes, I think that's the guy from Suits. And I'm like, okay, I mean, I don't watch it. He's like, that guy, and I'm like,

yeah, I don't know, I've never seen him. He goes, I think that's the guy from Suits. And he goes, I'm gonna go talk to him. And I'm like, dude, if it's the guy from Suits, I guarantee you he doesn't want you talking to him. It was this guy on the right, 100% now. I looked it up later. It was definitely this guy.

And he was there with his family or something in a crazy foreign place. I'm like, he wants to be gone. He goes, I'll just call him by his character name. Guarantee you he doesn't want you to do that. That's the last thing he wants you to call him. He doesn't want you to be, he won't be seen. He's in Guatafuckin' Mala in a not big city.

He just wants to observe this. And he didn't, and then the next day he was like, I wish I should've said something. I'm like, you did it right dude. You nailed it. You did zero. I'm wanting to know something, you nailed it. That's so, I think you were telling me this on the last time

and you guys were on drugs, right? I don't. I think you said he was on like shrooms or something. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we definitely had weed. He was great at finding weed. We were definitely as high. For that also, all crazy, like whatever.

That's what I'm saying. It's hard to recognize someone when you're on drugs. Cause you're like, is that you? Yeah. Or am I high as hell? How was the food overall there? You just went for three days. It was good.

I wish we did more like, I don't know, traditional, I guess. But everything was amazing. The food was excellent. The alcohol culture is funny cause they don't really have any Alcohol culture like so they have bars and stuff But like if you ask for like, oh, can I get a mezcal margarita? You're out of your mind. They're like what is Jack? Yeah, what is it like coke and rum like, you know

I mean, so it's like very like a rudimentary drinking culture when a Yoshi went to Kabul went during the occupation He was like there's a period, that period's done, where it was a weird city full of people like building up stuff, whatever they're called, hired help, not military, but like whatever that term is. And then he was like, can I bring anything? They're like, bring alcohol, we can't get it. If you bring us two bottles of Jack,

we can have our bar open for like a few weeks. Bring alcohol. And it was like, okay, he'd think, we don't want two bottles of Jack, we can have our bar open for like a few weeks. Bring alcohol. And it was like, okay, we don't want anything else. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, you don't think about that. There's a lot of places where there's no alcohol culture, no booze culture. I was with one of the guys and he was like,

what is it like to be drunk? Wow. I was like, dude. Wow. I don't even know how to explain it. I was like, awesome? I don't know, imagine feeling awesome and then feeling really sad. Yeah That's basically what it is

Really sad that high anxiety for about a week. Yeah, and then regret and then Yeah, do you have any regrets for this trip anything like I wish I'd done that nothing major regrets a big word but you know, just like I wish I'd done well, I guess you said like more like Regular stuff. Yeah, I think like. But your experience is pretty rad. Yeah, I mean it's insane. I actually had a friend that I went to college with that lives in Dubai that I saw while I was there,

but I would have loved to have hung with him and kind of been like, okay, how does regular. Booth on the ground. Yeah, exactly. My friend that lives there, obviously he lives in Dubai, so things are good, but lives a pretty traditional life. And I would love to look at that. Or just even see the real culture.

I would have gone to a different emirate because all the emirates kind of are known for a different thing. So there's like a religious emirate that is like. Like the burbs of New York. Yeah, yeah, type shit. And each different little burrow has a different energy. And I wish I went to one of the ones,

there's one that's like a nature emirate. Where it's like we have the sickest dunes, we have sick mountains, there's one that's like, like a nature like, emirate. Where it's like, we have the sickest dunes, we have like sick mountains, we have the sickest trees, we have like animals that only exist here. I'm like, yeah, type shit. And all of them have buggies and like dirt bikes and shit. So I was like, if I could have gone back, I would have tried to do something like that.

Wow. But yeah, that one was like, one of the coolest trips slash experiences slash anything we ever did. I'll tell you, I just realized this now, but like, or remember now, but like when you start touring on your own and you go to like foreign places like Hong Kong or whatever, find the local comics. They'll show you where everything is. Yeah, that's awesome. You know? Yeah. That's just, I think that's good advice for anyone in general. Like what,

boots on the ground. Anytime you're going somewhere, find whatever your hobby is, find the place where people do that hobby. You do jujitsu, go to the jujitsu gym in any country. Wow, because you make friends that way, you can connect in some way. Automatic chemistry, and then you have automatic stuff that you can like, there's mutual respect, and then you have people that can like actually show you

that are real humans. If you're a good basketball player, play basketball somewhere and it's like. Everywhere I went, I played soccer my whole life. Like, because everyone plays it and immediately you can kind of like get respect and then get access to stuff. Oh, if you're a white guy with long hair going to anywhere in Southeast Asia, I feel like I play with you guys.

If you can hold your own. Bro, they love it. They have, they're gonna tell all their friends about it. I played in Honduras for a little bit. Yeah. I spent like a week there every summer for, in high school. Really? Yeah, we were doing medical mission trips down there. Nice episode

And literally I'd play soccer and they'll be like yo David Beckham. Yo David Beckham That's what they call me the whole time. I don't care if you're trying to insult me. It's actually good. From up front that's nice. Like yo I got David Beckham you play with me bro. It was fire. I always got screech That's Jordan Play with me. It was fire. I always got screech. That's Jordan. No, it's not Jordan. That's someone upstairs. What does it mean? What?

What does it all mean? What does it all mean? That's awesome. Yeah, it was a great time. It was really, really fun. Where else? Okay, I'll ask everybody these two things before we go. Where else do you wanna go?

And then if you have like overall travel tips. Anywhere that I wanna go, I'm trying to go to the stands. Me too! I'm trying to go to places that I don't know about. So like, yeah Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan. I heard one of them's terribly dangerous and the rest are lovely.

Yeah, I think. I think it might be Turkmenistan is the dangerous one, but I might be way wrong. Yeah, I'm not sure. But I'm just like, I don't really know anything about it. I got a friend from Georgia. Yeah, I know someone who lived there. And he talks about how beautiful it is,

and he's like, dude, it's insane. And then I just saw a video of Mongolia that I thought was crazy. There's a gig in Mongolia. Tom Rhodes knows about it. Ulan Bataar? Yeah. That's far. Summertime, I wanna go there. There's a gig in Mongolia. Really? Tom Rhodes knows about it. Ulan Bataar? Yeah.

That's far. Summertime, I want to go there. That seems amazing. Yeah, it seems amazing. They play fucking archery on horseback and they're playing all these crazy fucking horseback games, horseback soccer. It seems like the coolest shit ever. I love that.

I got to look into that actually. Maybe that's a summer trip. Yeah. And then I just think travel advice in general. Yeah. There's a couple things. One, I mean it depends what you're trying to do. You know what I mean?

Like if you're one of these guys. Look for yourself. I've heard this. I've seen people do this which is actually very clever. If you're ever like trying to like meet women, go find a nice restaurant in whatever place you're going to and then just go to the Instagram page and then go to tags.

And then you'll find all the girls that tag the restaurant. Yeah. And then you can like hit them up. I've seen people do this and it actually works. They're like, literally be like, oh hi, I'm traveling from out of town. Like I saw you at this restaurant, is it good? And then if you're like an American going to a lot of these

And then they'll be like, oh yeah, wait, what are you doing here? Or if they just ignore it, whatever. Yeah, exactly. But like, they'd be like, wait, an American is hitting me up? Like I live in fucking Belarus or whatever, like that's crazy. And then they'll respond and be like, wait, be like wait an American is hitting me up Like I live in fucking Belarus or whatever like that's crazy And then they'll respond to be like yeah, it's really good and they'd be like, oh you should come join me and I've seen people I'm gonna put chyron's on that. That'll be like creep on chicks who went to restaurants

Wow, that's small. That's also where you find weed. Oh waiters That's interesting because they don't careers. Oh yeah. In America mostly. That's interesting. Because they don't care if you ask, it's not gonna get offended and then probably someone in the back does smoke. Yeah. And then I just think in general, try not to go to resorts.

That's my personal advice. Some people love resorts, I would stay as far away as possible. Yeah. I have been in Hawaii or something like that, but like, yeah. I think the general focus of travel for me is to not experience more America. I don't want like a little floating America

in whatever country I go to. Like I'm trying to have like a real, genuine, authentic experience with like the actual people that live there. See what the culture's like, see what the people talk like. Yeah, exactly. And find out they play FIFA,

find out they can't go. And they like rap music and like they're like me. Yeah. Like that's really cool. So not to seek out what's familiar familiar but trying to seek out what's genuinely Uncomfortable that would kind of develop your worldview. Yeah, no resorts. I like that too Yeah, exactly And then meeting a girl is a good way to see the place too

Like if you get like a one-week girlfriend kind of thing like, you know, you both know it's temporal Yeah, I've never been on that vibe, but I know people that do it they say it's awesome where they're like dude I went to Paris for a week and like I met this Parisian girl we had like this little four times yeah we had this little soiree and it was like hot and fun and then she showed me around I met all her friends and I left that's like hostile life where it's like well we're you know we're going like this around the world it's like maybe we'll come in contact again but it's not like should we hang out it's like it's it that's contact again, but it's not like, should we hang out? It's like, that's it, that's our trip.

We both knew Wednesday was the last day. And then another travel thing is don't do too much. If you have a week, go to one place. Love that. I always tell people to take that down when they're like, I'm going to these four countries in a month. No, no, one country, multiple cities, stay one place longer if you like it.

Over itinerizing is a bad idea. Is that a word, itinerizing? Sounds good. Now it is. Now it is, that's the joy of America. Yeah, we're Shakespeare, baby. It's an open language. Yeah, we're Shakespearean, dude.

But yeah, just leave it open. Leave it open. If you're going, pick one spot. If you wanna go to Scotland, be like, I'm spending all the time in Edinburgh. I'm going to Sky, and spend the whole time in Sky. Okay, then shift you from your plan and go like, okay, I'm going up to there at Edinburgh. I'm going to Sky, I'm spending the whole time at Sky. Okay, then shift from your plan and go like, okay, I'm going up to there for a day or two.

If it comes up, but don't try to do all this and get flights ahead of time. I think the depth of an experience is more impactful than the width. I like, so I have this thing, you gotta see the statues wherever you're going, which means the best restaurants or the actual statues or this park or natural,

like a crater, you know, whatever. And then after you've seen the statues, when you go back to a city a bunch of times, like European tours, it's like, you've been there a few times, you've seen those statues. And now it's like, well, what are the restaurants I like to go back to? I like hanging out in this part of town.

It's cool, a lot of coffee shops. That's when you're like, I go back to this coffee. You go back to a cafe. That's when you're like, I like this area. You know, you're having fun. Yeah, exactly. You've already seen the Louvre. I don't have to see it again.

Exactly. That's the nice thing about going back to places multiple times. And then what- Yeah, you got that out of the way. And if you've been in a place for two weeks, you get that out of the way in three days. Yeah, exactly. And then you're just free to now actually delve

into the culture and actually feel like the fabric of who lives there. Yeah. And then something that Schultz always does that I think is really cool, just like get a sense of like who lives there. And then something that Schultz always does that I think is really cool, just to get a sense of who lives there, he always asks what people are bothered by.

Like he does it for like stand up, but he'll just ask someone like, yeah, what are you mad about? Like what are people in insert country or insert city, like what's frustrating you? And it's like the roads suck, the construction's annoying. There's foreign interests that are buying up all the apartments so the rent is really high.

And you can kind of get a sense of what bothers people. When we went to that island, we were talking about before, I don't want to say it, we were in places, but we were talking to a driver taking us into town, I think. Maybe it was a bus, whatever it was. It was like, hey, they're trying to build a rail connecting a lot of this. The government's doing whatever.

And I was like, oh no, he was talking about the government, he was like, oh, does he suck? I'm like, no, he's great. He's doing this rail connecting all these people. He's like, yeah, he's amazing. And we're like, oh, I'm just trying to relate to you. He sucks, right? Not at all. We all, actually, he made a stipend for old like, oh, I was just trying to relate to you, like, he sucks, right? Not at all, we all, actually,

he made a stipend for old people, they automatically get a bunch of money every year. Some countries love their government. Yeah, and they're like, you're doing it right. Like, oh. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah, you just get that from talking. Yeah, exactly.

And yeah, people just, people will tell you, if you can understand what frustrates people, then you can kind of get a sense of who they are. And I just thought that was a really interesting thing to get a sense of the culture. Yeah. Yeah, I really like that. What travel advice do you like?

I feel like this is actually- Travel light is something I get a lot from people, and that really is right. You can build up more than down. You can always find underwear. Yeah. You know, if you didn't pack enough, or socks, or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's hard to jettison a second pair of jeans. Yeah. Where you're like, damn, it's so hot, I don't even need the wand. Like what if I need this? Then buy something that's a cool souvenir that you'll wear forever. If you got a sweater in fucking Nepal,

you're gonna wear it back here. It was like colder than I thought it would be. And the pictures are cooler when you get to look at a picture and be like, oh dude, I was wearing those dumb sweatpants. Here's one you just reminded me of an Israeli girl gave me this in Myanmar. Be in a picture of things with someone you met out there.

Or with someone you're with. Don't take a picture of the place or of just you. Like, and this guy, I remember we hung out for four days. We were walking, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or this waiter was so funny. Yeah, be in there with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's, I actually read that on Reddit somewhere. Where like, this guy was going through old footage that his dad took at the Grand Canyon after he passed away. And. Yeah, he didn't wanna see the Grand Canyon, he wanted to see his dad. Isn't that so poetic? He kept on pausing it any time the camera accidentally

went in front of his dad's face. Wow. And so he's filming the whole thing and then it'll pan to his mom. And the mom would be like, stop filming me. And you're like, wow, in the moment, you're saying to not film me, but 20 years later, all I wanna see is you.

Wow. And so I'm like, yeah, I think that's a good lesson in general. If you're gonna go to a place or take photos, try to put something or a person in the photos that's meaningful. Yeah. Even if it's just someone you met that day,

but actually having a genuine experience with the people is gonna be the most important thing. Yeah yeah even that day it was like a temporary I go to old journals and I'm like oh that guy I forgot about that guy completely yeah or that place you went it was like yeah it's like parts of it just drop out yeah exactly and so like a photo is a good like memorizer and it's also a good you want to take a picture like oh this looks awesome yeah yeah our state building but like no us in front of it yeah and it's also an excuse to do to take a picture like oh this looks awesome Yeah, yeah, our state building, but like no us in front of it Yeah, and it's also an excuse to do stuff with someone like literally like I'll do that sometimes

I'll be like like with my wife, and I will go someplace I'm like hey Can you take a picture of us and then they'll take a picture of us and then I'll grab the phone and be like okay Now you get in the picture Yeah, and then all three of us will take and it's like I'll go through my camera I'll be like who the hell is who was that? But it's like just I don't know it it's a fun excuse to bump into people. Ultimately, any type of traveling is not an exploration

of the geography most of the time. In my opinion, it's an exploration of the people that live there. So obviously you're gonna see cool geography and whatever, but ultimately I think the thing that makes traveling so fun is like, yo, get in touch with the folks. Connect with humans.

We're awesome. Yeah, exactly. When I was in Austria, my friend took us to, he was Austrian, took us to the cool new burrito place. I'm like, no, I want some Spitzel or something. She's like, this is where everybody goes. I'm like, right that, right. Awesome.

Connect with the people. All right, buddy, thank you very much. Thank you, brother. What do people find you on Instagram? Hit me up, Marky Gagnon on Instagram. Camp Gagnon on YouTube. Flavoring podcasts. Oh yeah, the new podcast.

I should have said that one too. No, no, it's fine, they just heard it on YouTube, flagrant podcasts. Oh yeah, the new podcast. I should've said that one too. No, no, it's fine, they just heard it now. Yeah, fair, okay. They'll find it. If they're meant to find it, they'll find it. Yeah, buddy, thank you, you're definitely coming back. Thank you, brother, I can't wait. Well everybody, that was the episode.

UAE, why, why, why? Anyway, thank you Marc Gagnon for coming in. Honestly, just like Sean Abert and Rob Mayhew. I don't care how you pronounce it. I'm going to pronounce it the right way. Go to Marc Gagnon Live, Marc Gagnon Live for the internet purposes. For all the stickers for the upcoming show, Bangor, Portland, Charleston, Atlanta, Stroudsburg, Hoboken, Indianapolis, Buffalo, Raleigh, Poughkeepsie Portland the other Portland Fort Worth Austin

Stanford Philadelphia Levittown Chandler and San Diego all tickets are at mark gag non live comm can I also say this Let's So Fort Worth is a better of the two You know Dallas DFW cities. Austin has a saying, keep Austin weird, but I contend that it is no longer weird. Millionaires and billionaires live there. Tech bros have moved in. It's no longer weird at all. It's strange in a very boring way. So I propose to stay in the positive. That's right, you can get a stay positive t-shirt right now at

reshapere.com for not much, plus a little bit of shipping. I propose we make a new slogan, make Austin weird again. It used to be one of the coolest cities in the world, and now it's a bunch of influencers and rich people just succeeding. I do like it there. My friend built a comedy club, it's one of the influencers and rich people just succeeding. I do like it there. My friend built a comedy club. It's one of the best comedy clubs in the country. Denver Comedy Works, no disrespect, you're obviously number one. But it's not weird. He's dated a girl there and she could put a pill in her

hand behind her back and she would tell you just by feeling it what kind of drug it was and oftentimes she'd get the dosage she was crazy she was fun really interesting lady yeah really interesting lady I tried to go down at her once while I had a either chlamydia or genital wart I forget and she was like chill Anyway, the point is go see mark. I've known life.com with a K Also, I'm appearing no, I got one more gig in Alaska and one in Charleston Charlestown, West Virginia I added a last last last minute gig July 12th Charlestown West Virginia. I added a last, last, last minute gig, July 12th. Charles Town, West Virginia, July 12th. Alaska, June 18th, Anchorage.

Damn, UAE seems interesting. So this is the second episode we've had now. Cool pictures in this one for sure, better than the Tucker episode. Still, I'm not like pressed to go. Even their experience of like hanging out with a sheik, if you take away, like if you take away someone's status, right, then like you can analyze, like okay,

let's say Flavor Flav, you didn't know who he was, right, and you're like, oh my God, look at the cool Kai's say flavor flay, you didn't know who he was, right? And you're like, oh my God, look at the cool guy with the clock around his, if you didn't know who he was, that's just a homeless guy wearing a clock. You know what I mean? You take away status and analyze it as a stranger, sometimes it happens when like you see a fat person lose a bunch of weight, you know, and like,

oh they look weird now, but if you just saw him for the first time now, they might not look weird. Dave Chappelle is a good example. He wears his own merch sure it's Dave Chappelle doing it. It seems cool. I Am but if there was some nobody if we're some mid-level like like Regional like headliner wearing his own merch out like a big fucking logo of a C As a mass on his own shirt, you'd be like you're such a dork in logo of a C as a mask on his own shirt you'd be like you're such a dork but since it's Dave Chappelle since it's flavor of flavor they pull it off status is part of analysis why did I say this oh right so but if you take that away sometimes and you can really see how I'd feel being with them and if you took

away the chicness of a chicik and you told me some stranger Pretty much an Armenian. I mean all those UAE guys are pretty much Armenians with money They're cashed up Armos Yeah, all you sheiks you are pretty much just cashed up Armos So if you took away their chicness, there's status, and you go, and some Armo goes, hey, you want to drive in my Lamborghini and play, we can play Xbox. I'd be like, no, I have no interest in doing that. That's just not my vibe. It's some people's vibe. It's not my vibe. Just not my vibe. You know, like I don't want to

be a fucking, you know, posse. What's up a fucking you know posse what's that mean we're like upstairs at the Comedy Cellar and Chappelle came out and he goes and we're me and a tell we're about to go eat a diner and she feels like you guys want to go eat we're like oh yeah actually we're about to go eat sure absolutely this is cool be very cool and then like 15 more people come up like, yeah, we're all going. I mean, that's not my vibe. That's not what I'm looking for. There's just some of us who just want quiet dive bars. Not even like Irish bars.

We just want like regular bars so we can sit quiet, listen to music at a normal level and just hang. And driving in a Lamborghini or fucking my Maybach is not my vibe. Remember when Justin Timberlake was getting chased by the paparazzi when he was calling 911 and he goes I'm in a Maybach and they're like what? He goes I'm Maybach! They're like what are you what are you what are you driving? He goes I just said a Maybach! They're like no what's your car? He goes it's a standard automobile!

Not one person had no idea what a fucking Maybach was. They make 18 grand a year and fuck up their job. Maybach. Shut up. By the a year and fuck up their job. Maybach, shut up. By the way, can I just say this too? We'll wrap up the episode right now. Remember Justin Timberlake gotten so much, not Justin Timberlake, the other one, the fucking younger one, Bieber, gotten so much trouble.

Both of these are Bieber. Gotten so much trouble for pissing in a fucking, remember that he pissed into a mop bucket thing, some janitor's mop thing, and they all got mad at him, but it was like, oh, what a fucking rambunctious kid, he's got no respect, but first of all, he was like 20. Second of all, yeah, that's better than pissing on the floor,

which I've done, which you've done, don't act like you haven't pissed on the floor in a corner drunk. He pissed into a container that can be easily emptied with a mop already in it. I mean, you got to wash it out, put new water in, but you just take the whole thing and dump it right into a drain. He actually did the respectful thing. Reminds me of when I was in Edinburgh and I was smoking weed outside this fucking outdoor

area. It was an outdoor area and then a bar and then it was an outdoor area. I smoked weed outside the outdoor area. I mean, not even through the, and then I come in, the guy's like, hey, you can't come in. I'm like, why? He goes, I saw what you did. I'm like, what, what did I do?

He goes, you're smoking weed. I'm like, yeah. He goes, you gotta be respectful. I'm like, I was respectful. I smoked it outside your establishment. And they go, you're not coming in. I was like, I can't, I'm legitimately still mad about it. I'm legitimately still mad about it. I'm legitimately still mad about it.

Well, I should get over it. I mean, that guy doesn't remember. I'm not over it and I can't just get over it. Anyway guys, the point is I don't wanna go to the UAE. It doesn't seem that fun. There's no like small villages to go to and like, you know and get lost in. But I bet I'd have a good time

if I went with Schulz and fuckin', you know? Schulz and Gagnon. Anyway, seems like a fun trip. Today's episode is edited by Alan Caffey. It's produced by Your Mom's House Network that is also producing my storytelling show The End. Filming tonight and tomorrow at the Boxer in New York City and that's it. Come by, get in the standby line. Next week's episode is a me episode. Yeah, two long-haired former helpers on podcasts

in a row. Toby McMullen is coming in to interview me, Ari Shafir, about a full moon party in Thailand. One of the most fun times in the world I've ever had. Toby is really into parties, specific weird parties around the world and so he interviewed me about this place and it was such a fucking blast. It took me back. Please subscribe so you're notified of that and click it on the favorites or whatever so you're actually notified. We've got up to 120,000 subscribers I love it next week full moon party in Thailand which is almost like no Thai people at

all what a fucking wild trip god I'm remembering it now oh you can't wait for next week guys until next Monday Asalaamu Alaikum Assalamu alaikum! I have burped during that. Bye you cashed up Armos! Hahahaha!