You Be Trippin' - Wuxi, China w/ Simeon Goodson | You Be Trippin' with Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

Follow Simeon on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/simdelacreme/?hl=en SPONSORS: -Sign up for ButcherBox today by going to http://Butcherbox.com/trippin and use code TRIPPIN at checkout and enjoy your choice of bone-in chicken thighs, top sirloins, or salmon in every box for an entire year, plus get $20 off! On this episode of You Be Trippin, Simeon Goodson gets interrogated by Chinese authorities in a country he never got used to. During the show, they discuss doing shows, becoming a DJ, and hooking up with foreigners. They also talk about drugs, squat toilets, and being in China during covid. Other topics include: Jack Ma, Yao Ming, expats, Uyghurs, and VPNs. Xīnshǎng biǎoyǎn ba! You Be Trippin' Ep. 23 https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.instagram.com/youbetrippinpod https://store.ymhstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Where you been and where you going? This is Ari's Travel Show, yeah. We're gonna talk about travel today. It's UB Trippin', yeah. Make your nights unforgettable with American Express. Unmissable show coming up? Good news. We've got access to pre-sale tickets so you don't miss it. Meeting with friends before the show? We can book your reservation. And when you get to the main

event, skip to the good bit using the card member entrance. Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit mx.ca slash ymx. Benefits vary by card. Other conditions apply. Hello everybody. Welcome to You Be Trippin', the greatest podcast in the history of written word. It is true. Today I have a comedian, a very funny man who's a regular at the Comedy Seller. I see him all the time there in the stand. Simeon Goodson. Hello, hello Ari. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate you having me. Dude, I'm stoked to have you on.

Where are you taking us today? I guess we're going to go to China. We're going to mainland China. We're going to mainland China. Mainland China, East China. I lived in Wuxi. You lived in Wuxi. For three years, from 2018 to 2021.

Where's Wuxi? Wuxi is a 45 minute high speed train trip from Shanghai or a three hour drive. Which one did you do? We did the high speed. I did the high speed. We did the high speed. But when we had to like fly and stuff,

we would have to take the three hour drive because you're packed, you know, luggage and all that. So you have to take a cab. So that's the only reason we know it was a real life. Why'd you live in Wuxi? We lived in Wuxi because my ex-wife was teaching. So she got a teaching contract in Wuxi. Prior to that we lived in Al Ain,

which is in Abu Dhabi in the Middle East. Oh damn. So she was teaching there. She applied to get a job in China and then she got that job. So we moved from Abu Dhabi to Wuxi. Dude, China is, I've been to a lot of places. It more like represents the word foreign

than any other fucking place. Right, they're very non-compliant. You know what was one thing that was interesting going to China? Cheers by the way. Before I went, cheers, yes sir. Do they have a cheers in China you're supposed to do? No, oh, they have gan bai.

What is that? But gan bai is you clink and you finish the drink. You don't just like. Like a shot or? No, well anything. So it's like a shot, like how we do a shot. Like salute, take the whole thing. They'll do that, but with anything. If you gumbye...

You got to finish it? The whole table's finishing it. But like if it's a long drink... Right, if it's like a Long Island iced tea, you got to fucking kill it. That's the gumbye. But the thing is, I didn't know that going in. So I thought it was the same thing as cheers.

So I would be like, gumbye. And people would be like, fuck yeah. And they would do it. And they would finish whole drinks. Oh shit, this guy is wild. I was like, what are you guys doing? Oh god. You're the one who called it gumbye?

Right, they're like, no, you got to do it too. I was like, what? So that's how I learned what gumbye was, the difference between gumbye and cheers. That's funny. Because they have a very heavy drinking culture. It seems like you'd want to do it at the end of your drink, like right towards the end, like, come buy this last sip?

Right. That's the idea. Like, you're leaving. Everybody wants to get out, come buy. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get back in our cars and drive home. What brought you out there?

Was it your chick's contract? Right. She was working. We have kids. We were married. And we were just out there, you it your chicks contract? Right. She was working. We have kids. We were married. And we were just out there, you know, figuring it out. We left America in 2015. So it was like, Pico bomb.

Because Obama was in office. You wanted out. You wanted out. Right. We were empowered. We were black. We were like, fuck that. We can conquer the world.

Then while we were going, everything fell apart. And we were like, all right. Dude, I got to Southeast Asia like January, early January of Trump. People were like, did you leave the country because of that? I'm like, no, I had this planned. Right, I was going to leave. It wasn't a political statement.

We were considering coming back because Trump won our last year in Abu Dhabi. So it was kind of like, if Hillary won, we would have come back to America. But if Trump won, we were going to fucking just stay, you know, travel some more and see what else happens. Yeah. So Trump won. We were like, all right, China, it is. Let's go. How did you get used to it out there? Like, I have so many questions. Who are your friends? China, you never get used to. I mean, I don't I don't know. Like you get used to

it. Yeah. But it's a very like, it's a very hostage kind of get used to it situation. Like you can get used to living in someone's basement if you're there long enough. You know what I mean? They give you McDonald's every day. Right, like if somebody drops you food three times a day on a schedule,

like you can get used to it. You can acclimate. As humans, we will learn to deal with that. But now that I've, like since I've been back, I As humans, we will learn to deal with that. But now that I've like, since I've been back, I'm like, Oh yeah, I was traumatized. Were you friends with that? Did you make friends with locals at all? Local? Well, the problem with making friends, quote unquote, with locals is like, you kind of became like a set piece. You know what I mean? Like the people who are nice to you

were genuinely nice to you. They would like buy you food, they'd give you advice how to navigate, but you were also kind of like this trophy, like that they would bring around other Chinese people. And be like, yo, this is my friend. You know what I mean? But there's an implication there. They're like, this is, you know, this is my black friend from America. That's how people treat celebrities here.

Right. It was kind of like that. So it's like, That's how people treat celebrities here. Right, it was kinda like that. So it's like, it's hard to complain about it. I'm not complaining about it, but it was just like not something you wanna deal with every day. You know what I mean? That means probably also, that means, tell me if I'm wrong, but like,

that means like, I'm not actually your friend. I'm not like gonna be long-term friends with you. I'm just like, I like having you around. Right, but I mean, they were like, we all knew when you're in China, there's no subtext that you're gonna be in China forever. You know you're leaving, they know you're leaving, the government knows you're leaving.

You know what I mean? There's no, when you see a foreigner in China and they stay there forever, that's surprising. When you see a foreigner and they leave in three, four years, that's regular. It's the contract system, right? It's the contract system, It's the visa system. And it's just not comfortable to foreigners. They don't accommodate.

Like Abu Dhabi, the Middle East is very accommodating to outside cultures. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like this a place you can buy pork in Abu Dhabi. Yeah. They like they don't go there and it's very expensive, but you can get it. Like China doesn't have like shit to make you comfortable. Somebody said, you know, Sean Abert, remember him? He was a Hong Kong comic. Maybe not. How much overlap was there? When I was there? None because of COVID. Oh, right. He said like relationships never get that serious because everybody knows it's usually a three year contract, sometimes five, but like your, whatever period you're, so you're like, hey, we got a year and a half

before one of us leaves. So it's like, it's fun, but this isn't gonna be serious. We can move in. You can do all the super fun shit. You know what I mean? You can like move in and split bills and all that shit. But like tick tick. But you know, right, you know a year.

And that was, it was kinda, I mean, there was a very, because I was also traveling while I was there. So I was in China traveling to other cities in China doing shows and shit. So I was like super duper temporary. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm in your city tonight and I'm in China for. Could you, were you there long enough

where you could tell the difference in vibe between the cities? Oh yeah, absolutely. You could tell the difference right away. Every city, like, well, the main cities. Like, the smaller cities have, like, a knockoff vibe of whatever the biggest, nearest city is. Yeah.

But like, the big cities have their own vibe. Cause Suzha, I remember them, Turner was telling me, you know Turner? No. You don't know Turner? I don't know any of these people. Damn. I know Ian Banderhorst.

He helped run the Shanghai scene. Turner? Yeah. No, I don't know any of these people. Damn. I know Ian Banderhorse. He helped run the Shanghai scene. Turner? Yeah. No, I think he might have been... He was gone. But you know, it was COVID. He was gone already.

Right, right, right. What happened with me was I didn't really start performing. I crashed a car in Abu Dhabi doing comedy, and I went to jail for a weekend in Dubai. So I was kind of on this thing when I got to China where I was like, I'm gonna focus on the family. I'm gonna, you know, I'm not gonna pay attention to comedy. I'm gonna really be like a family dude. And then COVID hit and they couldn't fly in comics anymore.

So, you know, as a comic, I was still doing like open mics and shit. Like once every three, four months, I would go out to Shanghai, do an open mic, just to get that shit out. That's kind of the scene though. Right. But that's open mic, just to get that shit out. That's kind of the scene, though. Right. But that's, I was just to get that shit out of my system.

I'm just going to run a set, you know, every couple months, just to fucking flush it out. Yeah, party in Shanghai, come back next day. Go back to be a family man. And then COVID hit, and they couldn't, like, bring people out anymore. So the people I had met doing, like, the open mic scene were like, yo, we got these these spots all over

China that they had set up for when people fly in you go here, you go here, you go here, you go here. All of these spots had the infrastructure, but none of we couldn't get they couldn't get comics anymore because no one could fly in. So they were like, yo, it's like wide open. You got to do these shows. And I was like, oh, you know, I don't want to do these shows. I'm, you know, I'm a family man now. I was like the grizzled assassin and they're getting a good movie. Nah, I'm not flying. I'm not traveling for this.

Right, I was just like, I need to be here for my family. I got kids, I gotta take care of my kids. And then my wife and I broke up. There? In Wuxia, yeah. Damn. So after that, I was just like, yo, like, are those shows still available?

Can I still do those shows? And everybody was like, fuck yeah, we've been, yeah. Right, it needs a variety. So then I started just like, after we broke, like literally the day after we broke up, I started like booking shows again. Because I was like, the family shit didn't work out, clearly. You know what I mean?

I was trying so hard to be a family man, and it didn't work. I did that when I broke up, you break up with a chick, and you're like, the next day you fuck some chick that you're like, has been trying for a while. Right. Like, man and it didn't work. I did that when you break up with a chick and you're like the next day you fuck some chick that you're like has been trying for a while. Right. And you're like what? No, it's been ready. Right.

It's over, so why are we gonna wait? Right, no, yeah, you're right. That's exactly what it was, but it was more so because the girls were, you know, the girls were hard to get at first because at that point I was just, I was so distraught. Chinese girls? Well, I never hooked up with a Chinese girl.

I was hooking up with foreign women who were being ignored by all the men because all the men wanted Chinese women. Dude, that's the wildest thing. You get a hot, like an eight, right? You get a hot, a cute chick. Super cute, but she's from like England. Right, and here in America or in Atlanta where she's from,

she's looked at every day. And now you're in a city of 20 million and 19.95 million of those people just ignore you. They hate you. They think you're ugly. They think you're gross. So these women are like, what the fuck? They see you and they're like, ew, what a gross bitch.

And then I come around and I'm like, god damn, mama. You're OK. And they're like, thanks. But it's not even that around, I'm like, God damn, mama. You're OK. And they're like, that's what I need. But it's not even that, because I'm fresh out of divorce, so I'm thirsty too. So I'm like, God damn. You know, I want to be loved again. So you know, it was just like, yeah.

So once I started touring, once I started hitting the road, there was just like, pussy. It was very abundant. But it was like you said, it was under that understanding, like, we're in China, this is not a permanent thing. It's pretend, right? My friend from Hong Kong, she goes, I don't want to get-

I don't know. I felt like it was more real. I felt like everyone was more real because it was temporary. We didn't have to accommodate the future. No one in China was like, well, what's going to happen in three years? You know what I mean? We're like, nigga, I'm leaving in a month. Yeah, exactly. well, what's going to happen in three years? You know what I mean? We're like, nigga, I'm leaving in a month. Yeah, exactly. That's what's going to happen. So let's fuck like, I'll eat your butt. What up? You know what I mean?

Don't tell anybody. I don't care. Right. You can tell everybody because I'm leaving. I don't care. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Well, she said it was like, it was like, she didn't want to get back to real life. She called like Canada, I guess, real life. And it was like, oh, so to get back to real life. She called Canada, I guess, real life. And it was like, oh, so this is like a pretend life? Well, it's like a fantasy life. It's like how you're so successful when you play The Sims. You ever play The Sims?

And you're like, I go to work every day, I sleep every night, I eat healthy. You know what I mean? You play The Sims. And that's what China's like, because you just got to like, you have to endure China. But you also, it's like when you just got to like you have to endure China but you also it's like when you play the sims like you need time for recreation So it's like you got to carve that out. Yeah. Hi everybody I'm just breaking into today's episode to let you know that simian goodson is a stand-up comedian and he wants you to follow

Yeah, he's got a website simian goodson.com. That's s I am e o n Good son.com. I'm not gonna make a racist joke right there. He also has a website, I mean an Instagram account called The Simeon Goodson Show on Instagram. He's got 303 followers, let's get him to 1,000. Let's triple plus his fucking follower base. The Simeon Goodson Show on Instagram.

At The Simeon Goodson Show on Instagram, at The Simeon Goodson Show. Go follow him right now. He's got a podcast, he interviews fun people. You know, you know what a fucking podcast is. And I'd like to tell you that I have no dates coming up, but I am gonna be celebrating Shroomfest July 20th, 21st, or 22nd. I haven't decided yet when I'm taking my mushrooms.

If you don't know what Shroomfest is, it's an international international interplanetary Inter-universal holiday to celebrate the great gift that God or the aliens gave us that is mushrooms That's right All you got to do to celebrate is find some boomers and swallow them chew them up make them in a tee Do whatever you fucking do boo from me you have to I've never boofed mushrooms But I got to assume they'll hit extra hard that way If you don't know what boofing is, look it up. Mmm, have you looked it up yet?

Spoiler alert, it's when you put shit up your ass. You eat from the exit door. That's right. Yeah. Anyway, try it. Try boofing mushrooms this Shroomfest. July 20th, 21st, or 22nd. There's the Shroomfest shirts. You can get them on my website. AriShafeer.com. You can also get grinders.

You can also get the vinyl of my special Jew the audio of Jew it is out right now just saw them sign the ones I had to sign the rest are all being shipped out to Phoenix to Hello Merch to go out they look great get a grinder get a Schoomfest shirt What else do I have? I think that's it. Oh, and the vinyl. There's gotta be some other merch in there. Regardless, the fact is, we're having a great time doing this episode.

An interesting time in China, playing a DJ. What a fuckin', dude, this podcast fucking juices me up. It really does. I get fuckin' juiced. Let's get back to it. Hit subscribe, wherever you're watching or listening right now, do me a favor. Let's get back to it. Hit subscribe wherever you're watching or listening right now. Do me a favor.

Let's stop for 10 seconds right now. I'm gonna do nothing for 10 seconds. In fact, I'm gonna let my hands leave the screen and I'm gonna slowly masturbate for 10 seconds. And I'm gonna ask you while this is happening to hit subscribe. I've got jeans on, so this hurts. Five more seconds.

Hit subscribe. Ah, Chafee. Now let's get back to the episode. So you can make, like I was making good money in China being a DJ. That's what you did? That's what I did mostly. For who? Just for clubs and shit like

for bars. Whites or yellows? Well interestingly I started out doing black shows so I was doing like hip-hop Afrobeat shows. For blacks? Yeah so it was a very niche very very niche crowd that we were going for, right? But our parties started getting packed because the few black people in Wuxi were called their black friends in Suzhou, who were called their black friends in like other small towns, right?

So our shit started getting packed. Like our shit was packed the fuck out. And then Chinese club, like Chinese people started filtering into our parties just because they were so packed. Because it was like authentic, authentic, Western? First they started filtering in because it was packed. They were just like, what the fuck's going on in here? Why there's so many people?

Number one, why there's so many black people? This is crazy. So they go in and the party's lit. You know what I mean? It's a party, like it's a fun fucking party. Like, so they're coming in, everybody's drunk, they're like, oh shit, there's Chinese people, you know how black people get.

So people are like, oh shit, there's Chinese people here. We hugging them up, buying them shots, you know what I mean? They're having a great time and it's maybe like four of them. So then the next party, there's eight of them. Next party is 12 of them, right? Next party, there's a promoter who owns a great time, and it's maybe like four of them. So then the next party is eight of them. Next party is 12 of them, right? Next party is a promoter who owns a different club. Why the fuck are my people not coming to my club tonight?

Why are they coming here? You know what I mean? So by that point, they were just like, yo, can you come do our club? Oh really? Yeah, so by the time I left China, we were ramping up where they were like... Can Chinese dance? No, but they didn't want to dance.

They didn't want to dance. They wanted to take photos. That's, like, all that social media stuff you see, like, on TikTok and all that shit with Chinese people, like, that's how they live. Like, they don't live in the moment. So when we showed up to DJ, they had, had like photographers ready

that we didn't know about. They had like videographers, they had models, they had bottles and shit, they had lights. So they had the regular house DJ. And then they were like, we got a special guest all the way from America. Brooklyn, stand up Biggie Smalls. Like they're doing that shit. They're just saying references you've heard of. And they're just like, most deaf, Biggie Smalls. Like they're doing that shit.

They're just saying references you've heard of. And they're just like, most deaf, Biggie Smalls, Brooklyn, Marcy Houses, right, Jay-Z. And they bring us up, right? And the fucking, there's like, not explosions, but like strobe lights and fucking cameras flashing. We were like, what? Like we didn't know that shit was gonna happen.

So we were like, what the fuck? But we gotta start spinning now. And they were fucking just playing hip hop. Like, you know, 90s hip hop shit like that, regular shit. And they're fucking dying. They're fucking having their fun. And then like we played for like an hour and they were like, bring back on the regular Chinese DJ.

Cause he knew what they wanted to hear. What kind of, did they have hip hop? They had some hip hop, but they have Chinese hip hop. They have hip hop music. I know there's a Hong Kong rap crew or a couple of them. No, there was a bunch. They call it trap in there. It's called trap.

So, which we have in America, there's trap music, which is like, as an American, you would think that's like TI, you know, Southern rap, you would classify's trap music which is like you would as an American you would think that's like TI you know southern rap you would classify as trap music but out there they call they call the scene the hip-hop scene they call it the trap scene and that's all encompassing hip-hop scene in China so that's what they used to do so they used to like wear jerseys they used to wear dreads and shit they used to do shit to like make their hair look like Afro. What? Texture. Yeah. A bunch of dozols? They would. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah, pretty much.

Chinese dozols? But it was, you know, it was crazy because it was like very expensive. So like they weren't pretending to be black. They were being Chinese who could afford to look black. Just dressing the part. Does that make sense? Like, and it's very expensive to do so because you got to buy Jordans, you got to buy gold chains. You know what I mean? You got to get your hair done in a certain way. No, it's wearing expensive to do so, because you gotta buy Jordans, you gotta buy gold chains. You know what I mean? You gotta get your hair done in a certain way.

No, it's wearin' a costume. I love wearin' a costume. So it's like, they, they, these are kids who's like parents like own a toothpaste factory. Like it makes toothpaste tubes for all companies. So like these kids have money. Hip-hop over there is not like a poor people's game. You know what I mean?

You're not gonna see a peasant in a side village. Like, oh, I fuck with hip-hop over there is not like a poor people's game. You know what I mean? You're not gonna see a peasant in a side village, like, oh, I fuck with hip-hop. Hip-hop in China is like a rich man's scene. Damn, that's interesting. Because it comes from the streets here. Right, and they're like, we're importing Americans to DJ our club. That was the image they were trying to portray.

We have contact with black people from Brooklyn. You know what I mean? Like, that's what they're selling. That's why we were there. Because they didn't want to hear our music. They didn't want to hear Biggie. They wanted the culture. They didn't want to hear it.

Yeah, they just wanted the photo op. Like, we know. Dude, that's something that's very instructive about Chinese tourists, the worst tourists in the world, I'll say, is they always get off their bus, take their pictures, and almost go back. Like, they're just there to grab pictures from back home. Right, they don't need the experience.

Yeah, exactly. That's why they always stay in, like, deep Jersey. They get them on a bus over here to the, you know, the Empire State Building. Right, they all move together. It's just one, like, hive mind. And they're like, this is what we're doing, this is what we're doing.

Here's something you just mentioned, because the rich people, I think there's a misconception about China and capitalism versus communism. Okay. What's the misconception? Well, I think everyone thinks it misconception about China and capitalism versus communism. Okay, what's what is it? I think they everyone thinks it's just straight communist You know, but like you everything you earn you put to the state then they pay you but it's not like that Is there those rich people those poor people? I think well, I think what

What happens in China? It's very capitalist on like the surface level Yeah, but if you get too big, then communism steps in and they're like, nah son. You know what I mean? They're like, you're getting too big. Like Jack. You can make it 100, but then anything over that, we're taking that stuff.

Well, like Jack Ma, who is the owner of Taobao, he was like the richest man in the world at one point. And then he was so rich that he got comfortable speaking out against the Chinese government or not speaking out against them but just being like oh their Direction is wrong or like they're not seeing the big picture He would say shit like that and then he tried to take Taobao public and shut and China shut it down And there was that same thing happened to a company called Didi, which was like the Uber of China. So Didi was like, they took over because, you know,

as foreigners, they had like an English Didi, so we didn't even need the call cabs anymore. We just had Didi, so they got huge. And by the time I left, they wanted to go public and China shut it down. So they don't want you to be bigger. Once you go public, then Americans can invest in companies bigger than China.

Everyone says the Chinese are buying up all our businesses, but they won't allow that to happen the other way. That's how they, that's what they do though. That's exactly what they do. Like they don't want, you can't be bigger than China. So Jack Ma, we haven't heard about him in years. It's been at least, he used to be in the news on par with Jeff Bezos, on par with Steve Jobs,

on par with Bill Gates. And we haven't heard about him. Keep your mouth shut and be happy. That's what they say, they say that Yao Ming was one of the only guys big enough to not disappear. No, but Yao Ming doesn't do that. Yao Ming never comes out and he's like, oh, NBA was better than China.

You know what I mean? Like Yao Ming is always like, CBA is the best shit. I'm happy for my time in the NBA, but it has no comparison. The Beijing Knights are the number one team of all time. He's like, there's no comparison to the NBA, to the CBA. The CBA is number one all time, hands down.

They're like, fuck you, Yao Ming. All time, all time, press mal, press gentle. Right, everybody's like, fuck you, Yao Ming. I love that guy. That's how you gotta lie. Right, right. Just give it up, who cares if you're lying? But I mean, I think also he believes it. Yeah. Like. Just give it up. Who cares if you're lying?

Right. But I mean, I think also he believes it. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Because he's like the president, and Steph Curry was out. Steph Curry was one of the biggest celebrities in China when I was there. Really? Because he was like past his playing point.

He was like a head coach. Steph Curry? Steph Curry from Brooklyn, from Coney Island. He was like the head coach of the Beijing team. Who's that? Not Steph Curry. I'm sorry. Steph Marbury. Steph Marbury. Steph Marbury. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.

That's okay. That's right because I remember him going over there to play. He went over there to play. I could sell my shoes forever if I played two years there. The Starburys. Right. But he didn't know, I mean, he was, he's like, he's the equivalent, what's the, he's like, uh.

That's right. Stephon Marbury. He's like a, I don't want to say a Larry Bird. He's like, he's kind's right, Stefan Marburg. He's like a, I don't wanna say a Larry Bird. He's like, he's kinda like a Larry Bird out there. Like how we revered Larry Bird, like he's great, he's a good coach, you know what I mean? He's like on that level, where like they respect, they respect Steph Curry.

I mean, he's got the pedigree. He was good, he was an All-Star a couple times at least. And he won them, you know, rings, whatever the equivalent over there. Wow. Was it expensive, China? Mm rings, whatever the equivalent over there. Oh. Was it expensive, China? Mm-mm. Not, right?

Absolutely not. China was, my issue with China was I wasn't working. Like, I was doing shows and shit. Yeah. But I wasn't doing shows, it wasn't like here. It was like a show at night, you know, get some money, you know. Right.

Work out all the time. Like, the shows were like significant, so. But no, everything was significantly cheap. We had Taobao, which was just like Amazon. But it's like, you gotta think, like, or like eBay, when you order shit from eBay, that's super cheap, but it's like, it'll be there in two months,

because it's coming from China, you know what I mean? In China, they'll be like, that shit is there tomorrow. You know what I mean? I love the Chinese versions of other places, like they have their own WeChat, that Uber thing you said, that Amazon thing you said. They're just like, we'll just do our own version. And it's for a billion people.

That's how they operate, though. And a lot of it is they allegedly steal the infrastructure from other companies and then just make their own. Yeah. I mean, the copyright laws are like non-existent. Well it depends because like a lot of times like, like they would take down like Disney stuff.

Like it would be hard to find Disney stuff once Disney started moving into the market. You know what I mean? Like you remember how they took John Boyega off the Star Wars poster for China? Why? Because he's black. Because they wouldn't sell. Because it wouldn't sell in China. So like, there was an alternate poster and this shit.

Like, there's a lot of shit they do. That's the funny thing. That's the funny thing about woke politics in Hollywood. They're like, we need more of this. And Hollywood needs to respond in some way. Like, you're asking us to make less money. Right. You're telling us to make half our money.

Right. That's their thing. They want to make money. Have a black lead. I'm like, so it just won't play for a billion people? That's what you're telling us? OK, we'll do it. But that's a billion people we're losing. Right.

Anyway, still go for it. The interesting thing about the contract system is that you'll have a spouse sometimes will not be there on the contract. I was the spouse. And they end up teaching English or just something to get, just to feel occupied a lot. Well, prior to COVID, I did get an offer to teach English.

Really? Like a preschool. I was at the gym and the lady who owned the preschool was at the gym. It's like a huge private business, but they were trying to shut it down by the time I left. Really? Yeah. Because the biggest issue at this point is that nobody wants to have kids out there. Yeah. Because everybody got used to the, you know, The biggest issue at this point is that nobody wants to have kids. Out there? Yeah, because everybody got used to the, you know, they had the one kid law, the one kid rule, which they then up to the two kid rule.

And by the time I left, you could have three kids. You were left. Like legally, you could have three kids. And what was the vibe that you could legally have, but would people do it? Well, that's the issue, because people got so accustomed to being only children or having one kid, you know what I mean, that nobody, like there was nothing they could do

to incentivize having more than one kid. Because it's like, it's already so expensive. Take away the de-incentivization, I guess. Right. So we're gonna tax you, I mean, that's good. But everybody had just, that's become everybody's life for generations. Yeah, that's cool.

Because if you stop being like, hey, I gotta tell my dad I only have one kid, it's gonna be so embarrassing. When that became the normal, my dad's like, yeah, I was an only child and my dad was the only child. We already did this for a while. Then you're like, dad, I only have three kids.

I don't care. Instead of like, how disappointing you only have one kid. You know what I'm saying? They got you. Well, it's not even like that. It's like, why the fuck would I want to have three kids? This shit is so expensive. Right.

Do you know about the little prince syndrome? What's that? I heard about this. That since they only had one kid, these kids got so fucking spoiled. Right. Because like 100 years ago, you have five, six kids. If you fuck up, you get beat hard.

Because they're like, you're not special. You're going to fall in line. And now it's like, he's the only one. He, you're not special. You're gonna fall in line. And now it's like, he's our only one, he's our fucking little prince. And the kids were fucking awful because no one told them to shut the fuck up. That's what I heard.

You know what I'll say about this. I'll say that child culture overseas is much better than child culture in America. Because everyone in America hates kids at this point. I do. At this point, no one wants to have kids. No one likes the idea of kids. I don't.

There's no spaces for kids. You can't even find kids' clothing anymore. Good. Which is really bad for the future. More school shootings, less school pieces. That's really bad. Like, it's bad. And you know what?

It's realistic because there's no room for kids anymore. So it's not like you're not wrong for not wanting to bring kids into this society. It's just bad that there's no space for kids. Like, in China, there were places where I could just bring my son, and it was just toys there. And I would pay them like 10 bucks, the equivalent of 10 US dollars, and my kid could play with like, you know, like the big Hot Wheels shit that your mom would never buy you with a dinosaur on it.

What places? Just like playgrounds? In the mall. In the mall, just regular places. These places were scattered throughout the country, where you could just take your kid to the bouncy castle. You know what I mean? So it's not like here, where it's like, oh, you

want your kid to be entertained? You got to give me $700 and you're like nah, I don't like what about today? Right, so that's the thing. It's there's no infrastructure in America to accommodate children And that's not that's why no one wants children But if you put that accommodation there then people will want children again You know what I mean? It's like we like I said, it would be the big shit. Like you know, the He-Man, Grey Skull Castle type shit.

It would be that type of shit. And my kid could just play with that and then we could go home and he's fine. He's played with it, he doesn't need it in the house. He can forget about it tomorrow. It was dope. There was arcades, there was shit. There was in the Middle East.

I remember the arcades. In the Middle East, there was shit. There was tonsades, there was shit. There was in the Middle East. I remember the arcades. In the Middle East, there was shit. There was tons of shit. We had babysitters for like $8 a day. You know what I mean? Who would just like do everything. They would clean the house, they would watch the kids, they would put the kids to sleep, bathe the kids.

It was amazing. It's an hour for more than $8 now. That's what I'm saying, it's crazy. And that's really the issue. The issue in America is that there's no infrastructure for children and subsequently nobody wants children. Yeah. Guys, when I tell you to imagine fresh meat

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Okay, I'm trying to think what's the, what kind of food do we, expat food or fucking local food? In China? In Wuxi or in? Well, and I cook, so we would go to the grocery What food you eat? Expat food or fucking local food? In China? In Wuxi or in... Well, and I cook, so we would go to the grocery and I would buy like the closest things I could see. You know, I would get like,

they didn't cut steaks like we do, but they would have beef. So I'd get like some beef, some pork, some chicken. But the chicken over there had like the head on it, the feet on it, everything. But I forgot about that. They just chopped it up it, everything. But I learned how to make stock. Because I had the feet, I had the head, I had the guts and all that shit,

so I would just make chicken stock. So I actually started. You boil it all down? You boil it all down with vegetables, seasonings, and then just reduce it. Oh damn. You know, at a low temperature for a long time, and then you use that in soups and sauces and shit like that.

So I was cooking a lot in China. But when I was eating out, I would go to the street food vendors because we were always doing shows, we were drunk, fucked up. And then they didn't come out until nightfall, until the sun went down. So you would go check into the hotel in the day,

it was a big empty plaza, you're like, what the fuck is this? And then you go, you know, you get ready for the show, you go perform, you come back to the hotel in the day, it was a big empty plaza. You're like, what the fuck is this? And then you go, you get ready for the show, you go perform, you come back to the hotel. Now it's a fucking bustling street night market. Yeah, they just set up on the streets, right? Do they have those little chairs? Those little kindergarten chairs?

They had the little chairs, they'd have an ice tray with food on it, and you would literally pick up your food with your hands in the middle of the street, then put it on fire, season it, make some, there was a fried rice guy, there was a fuckin' noodle guy. They just walk around. Cheap though, right?

It was super cheap. What, I remember like tossing something, it was like skewers, you know, you do the, I don't know your language, but I'll point one of those, two of those, you know, one of those, and then eating one, it's like, oh, it's so good, eating another one, it's so good, eating another one, ugh.

Right, right. But like, it was 40 cents. So whatever the skewer is, I'm done with it, I lost to 40 cents, no big deal, give me the next skewer. Right, no, that's how, that was my most, those are my most favorite food memories. At one point, the place we used to go to by Smooth, they started getting like, Smooth was the club

I used to play at the most, they started getting fucking lamb, like, ribs. Lamb is the best meat. Like lamb shank. It would be like one lamb rib, but it would be on the ice. So we would get there like three in the morning. There's like only three left. There's some shit in the six of us. You know what I mean?

So it was fucking hell. Like, oh, no, that's my lamb. Right. Yo, but it was so... and it was share, of course. It was just, you know. And then we would get the bottle of Baijiu. That's like that 300%. Is Baijiu the one, they said there's an alcohol

that is the most drunk alcohol in the world, but you can't find it in America. You can find it. Is it Baijiu? But it's Baijiu. I don't know if that's what they refer to. Is that the drink of China? That's what they drink, yeah. That's the Baijiu. That's the, uh. You can find it. Is it baijiu? But it's baijiu. I don't know if that's what they refer to. Is that the drink of China?

That's what they drink, yeah. That's the baijiu. That's the, uh. You can find it here? You can find it. You can't, yo, you can find it over there, like in the equivalent of a 7-Eleven. No.

Yeah, like this big, about $3. Boom, throw that back before the club. What is it, liquor? It's hard, hard liquor. Really? It's hard, hard. It's hard, hard liquor. Really? It's hard, hard. It's hard, hard liquor. It's, oh my God.

$3, you can get hard liquor? Yeah. You can get drunk for cheap there. You could get a beer, a Tallboy, for like a dollar. Like a good beer. I was drunk after we broke up, me and my ex, I was drunk from that point on. So like-

Still now. Right, right. Like I'm tapering now and it's not going well. But yeah, like I'm just starting to sober up. From that point on. Dude, that was one of my favorite memories in Beijing was walking along after a show, hanging out with the comedians there,

and then we just, I think we went to a bar or something, and then it was like walking home, or from wherever the comedians there, and then we're just, I think we went to a bar or something, and then it was like, walking home, or from wherever the fuck you remember, in the Hutongs, and then it was just like, let's get a beer. And everybody's like, it's 3 a.m., nobody sells beer. 24, 7. There's some guy, it's too hot to sleep, so he's out front, trying to like, nap,

and then we're like, yeah sure, and you can just drink it on the streets. Yeah, yeah. It was the difference between like, okay, I guess we'll get from that into this, like the freedoms and shit. Cause my friends when I got back, they're like, it's totally not free, right? I'm like, well, you can't get on Google, but you can drink a beer like a fucking adult

on the street at three a.m. And you know what, you can also take a nap. Just where? If you wanna like lay down on a bench in China and take a nap, nobody's gonna rob you, nobody's gonna fucking harass you. It's safe, huh? The cops are not gonna, It's not about safety.

It's just, like, you know, sometimes motherfuckers need a nap. Yeah. But I'm saying, like, you can feel comfortable doing that, because it's safe. Right, right. Well, I don't know if you do it because it's safe or you do it just because everyone else is doing it. But I'm not doing that here.

Right. I wouldn't lay down to take a nap here. But you could do that. And then it would be like... It wouldn't be like a homeless person. It would for real be like a dude, like a 45 year old man. Obviously, you know, he's got like bags with him. Like he's waiting for his wife

with some shit to finish shopping. And he's just like in a recline to sleep. And you're like, all right. And you could, yeah. China was, do you know, the only, if I'm being perfectly honest, like I would have preferred to just like bring everybody I love to China.

What do you mean? Just to live, you know what I mean? Just because it was just like, it was inexpensive. There was food there. It wasn't the shit we know, you know what I mean? But it was like, you know, like you can't get, the KFC tastes different. It was shit like that, you know what I mean?

So it was just like, I didn't mind cooking, but it was just like, it was so inexpensive. You could do things, the high speed railroad was amazing. It's like, if you could get to like San Diego in like five hours on a train real quick. From here. And you don't have to fucking check into the plane. You don't have to check your luggage.

You know what I mean? Just jump on the train. I remember not being like, I think we, we might have taken a Duhouche, actually. Probably. From Shanghai to Wuxi, I think that's what we took. Yeah, it was like 45 minutes. We slept there that night.

Yeah. What was the bar, Red Lion? Red Lion, yeah, that was the same people who owned Smooth. I remember, it was, when I noticed about the expat scene there was like, it was Italians, Germans, Americans, Canadians, and Irish, and they were like, doesn't matter, here were the expats. Right, that was all seen. And when I was there, the makeup was more Irish, British,

African, American, and then some Latinos sprinkled in there. You know what I mean? But not like, so it would be like a Chilean and a Venezuelan. And people met up in English? Yeah, everybody connected in English. But the Latino, because I would do a lot of like salsa parties and shit like that.

So there was a Latino scene out there. There was a Mexican restaurant named Cheetos. So it was just like, there was a, we was fun. Our city was fun. When I was there, it was fun just because I was DJing. Like I was just trying to do anything. You know what I mean? Because when you're just a performer

and then you just find yourself at home all day, every day, with no, you know what I mean? With no means. And in the Middle East, I could perform. I could bully my way into clubs and be like, oh, we'll just do an open mic. Oh, we'll just do this. You know what I mean? Oh, we'll just do an open mic, oh, we'll just do this, you know what I mean? Oh, we'll just do a quick show, me and my friends.

You could kind of convince them to do that shit, but in China it was just like, no. It was like, no, you can't do anything. You know what I mean? So the fact that I got the DJ stuff going was good. Yeah, it was cool, everyone was like, just meet, it's like, yo, let's drink again. You've got to meet up at the bar and drink or stay home.

But it's like, what else are you going to do? Right. And home wasn't that comfortable because the TV was weird. Netflix was hard. You know, you need VPN for shit. Oh, yeah. Was, okay, so the government, was it like a constant worry or is it just a small thing you had to deal with as a difference?

No, the government, it was like, you don't want the government involved. Even like Chinese people did. Like if I committed a crime, if it wasn't heinous enough, no one was calling the cops, you know what I mean? Like no one wants the cops there. Oh, even the locals wouldn't call the cops. Even the locals don't want the cops there.

Because then it's like, even if nothing happens, now the cops are on you. Now they're keeping an eye on you. They're gonna come back. They're gonna check the tapes from your venue. They'll revisit, you know what I mean? So that's how the cops are. What would happen sometimes is like the president

would visit the city and they would be like, no parties. Because they're like, hey, just don't. Yeah, they're just like, don't do anything. Don't do anything at all. He'll leave and never come back if we just shut the fuck up. He'll come back. He'll definitely come back, but're just like, don't do anything. Don't do anything at all. He'll leave and never come back if we just shut the fuck up. He'll come back. He'll definitely come back.

But it's like, he'll leave, and then, like, everybody will be happy. They'll say, oh, your city's so clean. It's so nice. Everyone's having a nice time. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looks pleasant.

There's no foreigners dancing. It's great. Yeah. Could you smoke weed there? No, we had. I found a connect to get, like, oil vape out there. But I don't know. It was super duper strong.

It was like, like, it was like hit it once and, like, fall out. I passed out a couple times. I had a joke about it. But when I was there, they said the weed in, I'm trying to think, was it Shanghai or Beijing or China in general, was up to 25% shoe polish, the hash. And I was like, that's too high a percentage for me. 5% shoe polish I'll take.

Right, I mean, I don't know if it really was weed. It might've just been like opium-vaped. It got you there. Was opium around? No. I mean, I wasn't looking for drugs. Okay. Because I wasn't. Oh, you have a family, too.

I stumbled upon drugs just from DJing and shit like that. You know what I mean? Being in the party scene, you're going to find drugs. You're a DJ, of course. Right. So it was like I stumbled upon weed. And at that point, I was just like, yeah, I fucking would love some weed. And then, but what I used to do, I used to dilute it with like regular vape juice.

And then you could just smoke it. You know what I mean? But I noticed they didn't even know what the fuck weed smelled like, because it's such a white only drug that they were like, they're like, you can smoke in the street. Cops don't even know what the fuck it is. Right, when I went to, well, not Shanghai.

When I went to fuck, I think it was Chengdu. They were talking about that. Because I saw like a head shop. Where's Chengdu? Chengdu is south. That's not right over the border of Hong Kong, is it? No, it is. It's by Changzhou.

Chang, yeah. The mountain city. So it's like Chengju, Changzhou, which is both. Did you learn Mandarin at all? I learned like, xie xie, xie xie, xie learned like, xie xie, xie xie, ni hao, xie xie is goodbye. I hit somebody with a xie xie sometimes, and they're like, all right.

That was gonna be a look here, like thanks. I do it at the Chinese restaurant. I hit them with a xie xie. If you learn to say thank you, or please in any language, if you go to a local restaurant, people are like, all right. Yeah, that's all you need.

That's what I've learned. All you need is thank you and please. Sorry. Duibuchi. Sorry is a good one. What is it? Sorry, Duibuchi. Duibuchi.

Because then you can just touch someone lightly and say it. And they're like, oh, no. Fuck it. They're like, fuck it, man. No, you're good. That's cool of you to learn that. Right, right. So sorry is a good one to like make friends

and learn how to get money. We can't talk about China without discussing the bathrooms. So many levels of bathroom in China. Interesting. America has one level of bathroom. Clean or dirty. That's graded on dirtiness. On filth level. We have one and a. One style. has one level of bathroom that's graded on dirtiness,

on filth level. We have one and done. One style. Now they've introduced bidets and stuff, additions you can put onto American bathrooms. Guns? Here? Bum guns?

No, out there. Oh, they had those in the Middle East. Oh, you mean in China? Oh, no, China? I don't think, well, all right. China bathrooms start, where we going, from top to bottom? Because if we go from bottom to top, it might be too far. It might be too far.

I think if we go from top to bottom, you can understand a little better. All right. So at the top of the bathroom food chain is going to be Korean toilets. Oh, interesting. Korean toilets are the best toilets on Earth. What do they got? They have the bidets, but it's like,

you ever seen Star Trek? Sure. Like, Jean-Luc Picard? I've never seen him shit. But that's what his chair is what the toilet is like. Wow, interesting. You know, you do your business, and then you're like, I need a spray here.

I need to gauge the strength of said spray, the spread, do I wanna stream, do I wanna spray, you know what I mean? You can do all of this like Picard. Oh my God, right there, I said it all. Do do do do do do do do. Right, like that.

So that's the top, and that's the one with the robotic arm that comes out. It comes out, it's like, not hit me, it's like, I'll get there. You can the robotic arm that comes out. It comes out. It's like, not hit me. It's like, I'll get there. You can hear it going. Yeah. Vroom, vroom.

Right? It sprays you. That's the Korean toilet. It's warm. You know what I mean? It's not ice cold. Does that have the air to dry you off? You have that option. Ooh.

You can blow dry. Right. So that's the top of the top. Damn. Then below that, you have just a standard toilet. You know what I mean? Just regular, you sit on it. It has a soft close mechanism.

US toilet. A US toilet. US style, okay. US style number two. Then from there, it gets crazy. Right, from there. All right, what's the next one then? Next one down, I'm gonna go Squatty Potty.

Yeah. Now the Squatty Potty, you have your own stall, very much like we do here in the US, just a stall. But- Hold on, this is the next one down, but not the down down? Oh no, this, we go lower. Oh my God, okay, yeah, go ahead. Wait, I thought that's why you asked.

No, yeah, yeah, I thought this was getting to the end. Go ahead, I didn't realize. There's only one or two below that. This is bad, because this should be the worst in the world. No, no, this is not the worst at all. This is what they had in the gym, actually. OK. So the squatty potty is you have a stall.

It's personal. There's a roll of toilet paper. There might be a bottle of Lysol. You know, toilet cleanup might be a brush, right? But there's no bowl. There's nothing to sit on. There's some foot pads. Right next to sit on. There's some foot pads. Right next to the-

There's a hole in the floor. There might be a string, there might be a flush. But it's a bathroom. It's just not a bathroom you're accustomed to. It's still clean, it's still functional. But you gotta also have hamstrings and quads. Do they teach you how to do it? I feel like- No, they leave you to yourself. They leave it to you. It's so hard they teach you how to do it? I feel like they're at the border of the issue.

No, they leave you to yourself. They leave it to you. So when I first, first time I did it, I had to brace behind. On the floor? Like my upper legs, I had to brace, because so there's a hole in the floor, then beyond the hole there's a square,

like a porcelain square, where your feet go, some splash, whatever, that's what square, like a porcelain square, where your feet go, some splash, whatever. That's what it, so it's easy to clean. So, and behind that, it's just regular floor and walls. But it's floor with piss on it, probably. Right, but what am I gonna do? I'm either gonna fall into this hole

or I'm gonna put my hand in it. So you go backwards as if you're about to do some break dance move? I go back, well, first I try and squat, like I think I can, but you just can to do some break dance move. You know where, like you're holding up. Well, first I try and squat like I think I can. But you just can't do it. So then I got a brace with backhand, right? Then I started doing squats, started doing deadlifts.

And then I was able to do it with a front brace where I can hold up. You know what I mean? Lean forward a little bit. Lean forward on the door. But don't topple over. But don't topple over and also don't have to touch the dirty floor behind.

Okay, that's a step up. So this is, and then by the time I left, I could go full sumo, just focus. You could just do it by then. You could, you could. But you had to do it often. If you did it for a week and then didn't do it for two weeks, you have to start over.

You gotta start with the brace again. Cause it's really just like an exercise thing. Like it's really like, just like a workout thing. Like you gotta get your inner legs good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so then, so that's? Step three. That was three.

Three of. We'll see. Let's say three of five. Let's do two more. Number four, we'll just get, we'll do natural, you know, outside doing your business. No, I don't know. What does that mean?

Just like peeing in a bush, peeing on a tree, you know what I mean? Okay. And I only bring that up. No toilet, you mean? No toilet at all. And I'm only, that only happens in an emergency, but the emergency, I would say,

is less of an emergency for them than for us. Like for you to like shit in the street, you would be like, yo, I gotta shit. It went really bad. Right, right, right, right, right now. I think for them, they're like, I gotta shit in the street. I don't wanna wait till I get home.

I think it's less healthy for me to, you know what I mean? So they shit in the street. So they, not in the street, but like, you'll see a woman coming from behind a bush, and you're like, God damn. Damn, really, on the reg. Not on the reg.

But like, but it happens more than you would think. Wow. Because I've never seen the kids. Kids also. So I would lump kids into this one because you'll see a grandma hold a kid over a sewer and they'll just poop into the sewer. They'll clean the baby, throw the towel into the sewer.

So there's no shit on the street. You know what I mean? That is nice. You know what I mean? Curb your dog. You're right, right. So you'll see just like a little kid just like pooping. And you're like, all right. So that's number four.

Now number five is the worst. Number five is gonna be the shared poop stream. What? Now what the, have you ever been to a urinal, but it's not a urinal, it's just like a wall. Trough. A trough, where you just, you and a bunch of dudes are just standing there peeing.

Yeah, but that's, yeah, but that's disgusting for peeing. They have those for poop in China. So what it'll be is one long, like you and I sitting like this, right? But there's a wall between us. We don't see each other. However, underneath us is like a shared stream of water. Just going down like.

Just streaming down. So there's a guy to your right, there's a guy to his right. Starting the water slide and then it just goes that way. Right, and there's a guy to your right. There's a guy to his right. Starting the water slide, and then it just goes that way. Right. And there's a running flow of water. Of shit water, though. Well, it depends where you're sitting.

If you're downstream from somebody. Right. And you're probably downstream. So that's the absolute worst one, where you kind of. Is that a hole in the floor trough, or is it above? I mean, you're... There's a place for you to be, but it's not like a toilet. You still got to squat.

You still need your squat skills from level three, but you also need your public, your initial skills from level four. If the worst happens and you fall in... It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. There's no coming back from that. There's really no coming back from that. You gotta kill yourself.

There's really no coming back from that. Because other people... But you know, you have fail-safes. You gotta grab the dirty... I'm sorry. You gotta grab the dirty wall, or you gotta grab the dirty floor. You can't fall in. You literally cannot fall in. Wow.

It's not an option. Where's Wuxi? Wuxi's gonna be... Where's... Oh, this is an old-ass racist man. This is old. Very, very old. It's very, very old. Look, it's Nanking with an I with a K. Where's... Oh, this is an old-ass racist map. It's very, very old.

Look, it's Nanking with an A with a K. It's an old, old map. Peking, that's hilarious. They don't have the fuckin' countries. Mongolia, yeah, so we're gonna be... Shit, I'm gonna assume, all right, so I'm gonna say around here-ish. Mako, yeah, right around there, yeah.

Yeah, cause Ningbo. Woo, oh, look. Woo-ish. Macau. Yeah, right around there, yeah. They're in Shanghai. Yeah, cause Ningbo. Woo, oh look. Woo. Woohoo. Woohoo. Oh, Shanghai's right there. All right, so yeah, we were about right here. Oh, maybe that's woohoo.

Maybe, but I don't know. That's interesting. Yeah, I like these old maps. It's like you kinda know where it is, but you're like, what? Damn, that would be... But you know, you only saw that bathroom. When you saw that bathroom,

you knew that bathroom was coming because you were in an outdoor mall or a market or some shit like that. You weren't in a hotel. At somebody's house, right, right. You know what I mean? Right, you're not at someone's house. So it's like, if you are at that bathroom,

you already know what's up. You're like, I go to the bathroom like here? And you're like, I know, I know. And it's like the kids, right, the kids are like, I gotta pee. And you're like, get the fuck outta here. Not now, you're not. That's crazy.

You're like, absolutely not. Get the fuck outta here. You just pee in your pants. That's fine. We'd rather you pee in your pants. You don't want this, bro. Were there weekends in Shanghai, or was it all just in your pants. You don't want this, bro. Were there weekends in Shanghai, or was it all just,

I mean, not Shanghai, in China, Wuxi, or was it all just day? What do you mean? So like in Myanmar, they didn't have the idea of a weekend. They didn't have the idea of those two days off. So when you're like, are the weekends busy? You're like, what's a weekend? It's just Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,

Saturday, Sunday. Well, we had weekends, because my wife was, my ex-wife was teaching. Yeah. So they had the school week and then they have OK, but was it like, was it, so like, if you go out on Saturday night in New York, it's busier than if you

go out on Tuesday night in New York. Was it like that there? Or was it all just? Nightlife wise, yeah. OK, they did have weekends. Yeah, we had weekends. We had, yeah, for sure. But we were, I I think the bigger cities probably had a more,

like a less defined shift in the work week. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, because Shanghai would have a financial district. But Wuxi was just teachers and fucking shop owners. It's so weird to be in an out of town city. Like, we went to Suzhou, and Turner, who was running it then, he goes,

you won't be here long enough to know, but Suzhou feels like a sleepy city, because it's like a neighbor city to Shanghai. But it's still 8 million people. But it feels sleepy. We were like 2 million in Wuxi, and they were like, this is a tiny town. Wow.

Wow, bang bigger than Nashville. Right. Damn. I think Wuxi had like a similar population in New York, or something like that. To the city? Yeah, but it was just like they were like that means nothing to us. Damn. What were the foods besides like that?

What else was there like in China food was? Well, they did a lot of hot pot. That's cool. Hot pot was good. And then we had this place that we used to go to called the Wallucks, which was a hotel. It was like an international hotel. And they used to do like a breakfast, like an, well, no, an international like brunch, dinner buffet.

And it was interesting because it was kind of Americanized, but you could still see the Chinese influence. So it was kind of what we, it was kind of like the equivalent of going to like Chinese takeout here. And where the Chinese people like, ugh. What do you mean? No, they, like, it's like Chinese takeout here to us.

So we go to Chinese takeout, we're like, mm, authentic Chinese food. But then Chinese people eating, they're like, all right. Yeah, I guess. I guess it's a good take on Chinese food. Right, like, it's right. So that was, it was like their take on American food. You know what I mean?

Oh, wow. Interesting. So it was like, it was still like nuggets and fries and shit, but it was just like a little different. Off by one step. You know what I mean? There was a little soy sauce in it or some shit. You know what I mean? Yeah, chicken head nuggets.

So it's like, that's what we used to eat over there. So it's like, when you see Chinese people eating at Panda Express, and you're like, what the fuck? Yeah. You're like, is that good to you? They're like, no. And they're like, no, but it's the closest thing you guys got to home.

That's funny, because when I was there, something that I noticed was a lot of people were just like, hey, we've already eaten Chinese food a bunch, we just want our own food. So we'd only eat American style places. Right. It made me understand why Chinese people here, we're just sticking to our own.

Right, I just want what I grew up with. I tried a burger five times. I'm not gonna eat it every day. I love it. It's not what I'm used to. Yeah. Right, I just want what I grew up with. I tried a burger five times. Right, it's great. I'm not gonna eat it every day. I love it. It's not what I'm used to. Right, I need some noodles. Right, because they would eat like for breakfast,

like my kid's classmates would have like a bowl of noodles. He's just like, what the fuck? Yeah, what was the breakfast like there? Like a hotel breakfast was fucking weird. Yeah. It would be like rice and noodles and dragon fruit, right? It would be fruit, but it wouldn't be like there was no like omelet station Yeah, there's a waffle iron

Hotel breakfast in Texas a couple weeks ago. I was like the first hotel breakfast I've been to in America I was like a waffle station right those waffles and omelets and fucking bacon piled to the America. I was like, what the fuck? A waffle station. Right, there was waffles and omelets and fucking bacon piled to the ceiling. I was like, fuck yeah. Are there fat people in China or no? There is like one or two fat people and they're kind of like, that's like their personality. It's not like America where it's like mad fat people.

I think I remember saying like, there's no fat people. I was like, oh, that's a fat guy. He's finally white. Right, right. Our definition of fat is people. I was like, oh, that's a fat guy. He's finally white. My friend was like, dude, that's a fat guy. Right. Our definition of fat is different. I saw one by American standards.

I saw, like, one or two fat guys. Yeah, fat. By their standards, there was fat people living there. Well, the one I picked out was like, that's one. And my friend's like, dude, it's not that you're racist, but that's a Korean. And I'm like, what? He goes, yeah, you can tell it's different,

but that's a visiting Korean. All right. I'm like, oh, damn. So really, no Texas fat is what I saw. No, you don't see like a wheelie scooters fat. Hey, did you see any like Uyghur shit or was it completely removed from like the discourse or? No, I didn't see any, it wasn't,

that was happening in the South. Okay. We weren't allowed to talk about it. I knew about it because I had a VPN and Reddit and shit. Explain what a VPN is so that people don't understand how it came in handy in China. Bypass. Well, they put a wall, the firewall,

the Great Firewall, as they called it. That's what they called it, the Great Firewall of China? So it's just kind of like you can't see anything, really. Like there's no Twitter, there's no Facebook, there's no Google, there's no... I don't know. Ass, there's no Twitter, there's no Facebook, there's no Google, there's no, uh, I don't know. Assume it's not there. A lot of random sites, they'd be like, what? You can't get on this?

Not even random sites, because sometimes you'll, like, use whatever their chat was. I think Weibo or whatever. Yeah. Like, you say some shit like, what day is Chinese New Year? On their internet. And the site would take, take like 20 minutes to load. And you're just like, you know what I mean?

They're just like filtering it. To see if it's OK? Just to see like if everything, because it's in English, number one. It's, you know, it's a weird site. I don't know. Was there a lot of like government spying on you? I just, well, we got spoken to in,

I think Nanjing. Yeah. We got spoken to in Nanjing because we were doing a show for a wine tasting and the assumption was that a competing wine, what are they called? Grant Company. Seller. Oh yeah. Just not the, but not like a distributor. Okay.

Like a competing wine distributor got wind of the event and reported us for performing because my visa was a spouse visa so I wasn't supposed to be making money. That's right. Under any circumstance. So while we're doing the show, the fucking cops show up and they, all, there was three of us performing.

All three of us, they brought us like into the station and they interrogated us for like eight hours so while they're interrogating us they're like they have this folder and they're showing us like old flyers of shows that we had done like months so don't even try to lie to go wow like they had nothing to do and they had this is this is the local Nanjing government. This isn't even like the whole Chinese government. This is just the local Nanjing government. So they're going through, and their argument is,

first their argument is somebody reported this, so we have to follow up. And they kept saying that, and the only reason they kept saying that was because they didn't want to be there. You know what I mean? They were like, this is not worth our time. Because we weren't performing for sold out stadiums making millions of dollars.

We were making fucking $200 to split between three people. You know what I mean? And free drinks and dinner in a hotel. That's what we were doing. So they weren't like, we're shutting you down foreigner. They were like, somebody said something. You guys are being too obvious with the shit you're doing and you're bothering us now.

And you need to fix that. So that was their real message. And then they were like going through this folder that's showing us all these flyers, they're showing us WeChat profile shit. Oh, we got a show tonight. Oh, this is us at our show taking pictures, all that shit, so. What, so they just had a file on you already?

I guess, I mean, I don't know if they had one already, if they got it once the report came in. You know what I mean? Either way, it's fucked. You know what I mean? Like, if they can just get that information when they need it, or if they're just accumulating it, either way, it's fucked up.

But they were just like, all right, here's the deal. Don't perform in Nanjing no more. If you want to perform in Nanjing, you got to call us first. And we were like, all right, no problem. And they let us rock. But by, give it, granted, this is eight hours later. So this is not just like a slap on the wrist.

We were fucking sweating, like, what the fuck is about to happen? Like, I was broken up with my wife, and I still messaged her like, yo, this might be it. You know what I mean? Yeah, because that's the fear. It's like, once they get you in custody, it's like, who knows? I was like, this might be it. I'm so sorry.

Damn. I'm sorry for everything. Right, I'm sorry for everything I put you guys through. Oh, my God. And then I got home, I was like, fuck you, bitch. I'm back, bitch. You know, if they can see me again. You ragged on my show, it didn't work. You thought you won, bitch. I'm back, bitch. You don't think they can see me again. You're riding on my shell.

It didn't work. You're 31, bitch. I'm back. How was COVID there? Were they disappearing, people? Not where I lived, because Wuhan is relatively north. So I think Mongolia is not a real thing. Wuhan's kind of midway between Beijing and Shanghai,

so it's probably going gonna be around here somewhere, I don't know for sure. But so, we, you know, Chinese New Year, they give a break, like they stop the whole, everything. Like they stop doing everything. So Chinese New Year happened, and then, they shut the whole country down and then COVID happened, like the beginnings of COVID,

like during Chinese New Year. So it was just kind of like, there's a new disease out guys, shit is getting weird, stay tuned for more updates. And this is while Chinese New Year is happening. So people are like traveling abroad, there's people who've left China, there's all types of shit. What is Chinese New Year, not January 1st? It changes, it fluctuates year by year.

It's a lunar cycle. So it's around January to February each year, but it moves around a lot. So it's just like, Chinese New Year happened, everything shut down, and then from there, there was just like, there's a new disease out, people were flying out, people were overseas, and then there was just like, there's a new disease out, people were flying out, people were overseas, and then there was just like, we're gonna extend Chinese New Year,

so don't go back to work yet, don't go back to school yet, we're just gonna stay shut down for a little bit. And then, you know, so everybody, you know, was kinda happy at that point. They're like, oh shit, couple extra, couple extra weeks of vacation, let's go. And then it was just, then it started getting worrying,

like, all right, when are we going back? And they're like, no, just shut down for a little more. Then they acknowledge COVID, then they shut everything down, no flights in. So there were people who were stuck outside of China, couldn't get back in, there were people who were stuck in China, couldn't get out. We stayed the whole time.

And then it was just kind of just like, nobody knew what was going on. Like when can we leave? When can we stay? Would they let you out of your homes? Yeah, we could go buy groceries. At one point they were like- Put them right back.

Groceries in the- Well, you could be outside, but we had these codes on our phone. So it would be green, yellow, or red. So red meant you have COVID. Yellow meant you were around somebody with COVID. Or you were in an area where somebody had COVID. And green meant you were fine.

So if you had a green code, you could go wherever. And you would have to show people your code? You have to scan your code. Yeah, you have to show people everywhere you went. You have to show the code. And so it's like, hey, they would send you, you come in contact with someone, you were at a restaurant two days ago,

someone else had it there. Right, then your cold would turn yellow. You wouldn't even know what happened. And people like, we're watching her. It wouldn't even have to be a restaurant. It could be like the train station. You know what I mean? Like some shit with a thousand people.

How many times you get yellow? Never. Never. No once. Interesting. No once. But it wasn't, they were very like, they were very locked down. But they were very, like, shut down. They were very locked down. We were very, very locked down.

If somebody got COVID in the city, they would shut down the city. Really? You know what I mean? Like, if a yellow or a red coat showed up, you know, across the equivalent of the Bronx. And they would be like, all right, New York shut down. Nobody can come.

Nobody can come. Right, until the shit is over. They would do that periodically. And then we eventually just opened everything back up. And then that's when America shut down. So that's like Marches, late February, March or so. Damn. Yeah.

And that's because prior to us opening back up, we were kinda like, once this shit opens back up, we're going back home. You know what I mean? Like, fuck this, this shit is not worth it. Fuck China opens back up, we're going back home. You know what I mean? Like, fuck this. This shit is not worth it. Fuck China. Fuck everything.

We're going home. And then we got out of it. And that's when America, because I, and mind you, I'm like, oh, my Instagram's, you know, sparingly, but I'm like, yo, shit is crazy over here. I'm showing my mask. I'm in the store. People are like, yo, watch out.

Be safe, bro. Hold it down, sir. You know what I mean? That's the messages they send to me. And then March comes, America shuts down completely. And we were just like, you know what I mean? We were just like, fuck, I guess we hear. Yeah, where is there to go?

Everyone's trying to get that last flight to America with the idea that like, it won't, this disease won't be in America. There were a bunch of flights like that, though. Yeah, we knew a guy who, he missed the last flight out. You know, there's always last flight outs. He missed the last flight out from Vietnam. People were chartering planes.

People were like chipping in and like getting private jets. And then there was like a whole thing where people were like leaving their animals and being like, if anyone's flying to America, please bring my dog. And it was just like, yeah. It was crazy. But you know, it was cool.

Damn. How hard was it once you finally did leave? Like getting used to and like making a decision like it's because you were there for years? Well, I wanted to leave because I was already broken up with my ex. And we were, I was just kind of just like struggling, you know, not struggling, but just like suffering through it.

Yeah. Until it was time to leave. Like I was very much looking forward to leaving and getting back to New York. Plus like when I was there, it looked like everybody was super successful. You know what I mean? It's like a bunch of streaming shows coming out.

Yeah, like in New York, there was a bunch of festivals. COVID made people step up. People are doing fucking spots and shit. I'm like, I wanna get back there. You know what I mean? I was like the biggest, I'm not gonna say I was the biggest thing in China. Obviously there's huge guys from there,

but for what I was doing, for the effort I was putting in, I was where I could get. Outside of that, I would have needed to dedicate myself to Chinese comedy, you know what I mean? To figuring out the scene, producing shows out there, getting government licenses. And I didn't want to do that at all. I didn't even want to be there.

It's not part of Joke Town. Right. So I was like, I wanted to get back to New York. I want to compete with the fucking, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, you got right in. I want to go back in the NBA, you know what I mean? Like I want to get back in the NBA. I want to get back and compete with the fucking competitors.

I want to fucking go after a killer or go before a killer or host for a bunch of kids, you know what I mean? Like if Hitler came back, he's not working at a 7-Eleven. He's getting back to murdering. Right, he's taking on Putin. Yeah, exactly. He's going right for Putin. We're going, damn, do we fuck with Hitler now?

Get my spot back. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. That's so funny. Damn, all right, dude, is there anything you feel like you left out of the fucking, if you had to tell people what China's like? China is dope in the same way high school is dope.

You should go to high school, you should finish high school, but when you finish high school, you shouldn't be hanging out around high school trying to look cool. That's how I would describe China. I love my time in China, but I'm not trying to be like, you know what I mean?

Like I tour in China all the time, you know what I mean? Like I wanna just China all the time. You know what I mean? Like I wanna just take the experience, let it, you know, let it manifest. Right, and let it go. But like I said, I wanna compete, man. I wanna fucking. You are.

My friend just told me the other day, he was like, he's new here from LA, and he was like, all these hosts in New York, like most of them are just doing like, he followed me around, did six spots one night, he just came around to like four of them. He was like, he followed me around to six spots one night, he came around to like four of them. He was like, they're just like bringing people on. And he goes, who's that guy that had to sell it?

He was actually your like real comic hosting, it was you. Oh, thank you. He was like, he's like, even if you just do 30 seconds, like it's your show. It's like you get it, not everybody gets it. But that's all, you know, it was like, the one thing I really appreciate about my time overseas is like I really had to work for comedy.

What do you mean? Like I had to like get- Work to get it. Right, it's like in New York, like people get lazy because there's shows, like people will give you a show. You can get a spot. Yeah. Like I can go get a spot. You can just be there and be like, hey, you wanna go out next?

Like, okay. Right, I can get it. Oh, I can call somebody, I can text somebody. It's, yeah, I can get it. Oh, I can call somebody, I can text somebody. It's, I can get it. Like, overseas, there were no spots to get. Like, if you wanna perform, you gotta put the whole shit together. You gotta put together, like, the audience, the venue, the promotion.

Like, if you wanna perform, you gotta fuckin' perform. And like, you gotta, like, it really makes you acknowledge that you love this shit. You know what I mean? When you're like, all right, fuck it. Because like I said, for a good chunk of time, I was just like, I just won't do it. I'm fine with not doing it.

But when there was like a void, when there was no comedy, I was like, I gotta step it up. I want this. I was like, I gotta fucking, I gotta get in there. It was calling me. It was like, yo, you gotta fucking do comedy again. You're doing great. You can't stop doing comedy. And then I got back here and it's just like, oh man.

It blew up for you pretty fast. I don't think it blew up. Well, I mean, you're getting a lot of spots. You're in the scene. But I mean, I feel like I'm just applying the same work ethic that I had in China. Like this is the same level of pressure I was put on in China.

It's much better results because it's New York City. I know, but like the standard, like I've seen a lot of people, and the standard is like, hey, I'm new, I just came from Hushi, they talked to you, you had been there, like oh cool, and in my head, not because it's you, but like this,

that's a guy who's gonna be here for three months, and then I'll probably never see him again, I might see him in two years, but instead you're like an everyday guy. No, that's what I, I mean that's what I was before. Right. Like I'm a pre-COVID New. No, that's what I mean. I mean, that's what I was before. Right. Like, I'm a pre-COVID New York comic. You know what I mean?

You were here before that? I was. I came up in New York. I started before in New York. So it's not like I flew from New York. I didn't fly here from New York. I got the sense you started there. No, absolutely not.

And I was like, how is he fucking lapping everybody? That makes a lot more sense. I'm from New York. I was doing open mics. Like, my first open mic was at The Cellar. This is back when, like, Eric Rivera was You're fucking lapping everybody. That makes a lot more sense. No, absolutely not. I'm from New York. I was doing open mics. Like my first open mic was at The Cellar. This is back when like Eric Rivera was hosting open mics at The Cellar in like,

like, four three. Yeah. So I was like, that was, yeah, I've been, so it was like, I'm just here. Like, it was like, cause it's like, you leave New York and you're like, fuck, I wasn't taking the advantage of that at all. You know what I mean?

Like, I wasn't, right. Like I was, I was fucking around doing Coke when I should have been banging out spots. Yeah. And then you come back and you're like, no, I'm fucking back. Like, let's fucking go. Yeah. And now you know you can just do Coke after your spots.

Right. Right. You could do Coke right. It's just like organizing. Right. That's it. It's just pacing. Do drugs. Just do them responsibly. It's true. You got any travel tips for these people?

Or no? Travel tips, I would say pack light. That's a Danny Browns travel tip was. Right? Pack light. It's a good one. It's the best one. Bring the bare minimum.

Bring a washcloth, though. Bring a washcloth. Because man, people, man's spots just don't have washcloths. I don't get it. They don't have towels. They don't have hand towels. There's just no washcloths. Interesting. So bring a washcloth. don't get it. Like, they'll have towels. They'll have hand towels. There's just no wash clothes. Interesting.

So bring a wash cloth. Moisturize. Where can people find you, buddy? What'sreallygoodthough.com. That's the podcast. What'sreallygoodthough.com? What'sreallygoodthough. Wait.

THO. That's the website. That's what you find. Yeah, that's the website. What'sreallygoodthough. Yeah. Who you doing with, yourself? It's me, Jonathan Randall, Phil's the website. What's really good, though? Yeah. OK. Who you do it with, yourself? It's me, Jonathan Randall, Phil Rizdon.

So we're going to see. What's really good, though? It's mad new. So this might not be relevant by the time the podcast comes out. It won't be the first time it's happened. Somebody promoted something, it's like, oh, that thing doesn't exist anymore.

SimdillaCrim on Instagram. Wait, wait, say that again. Sim? SimdillaCrim. D-E? L-A-C-R-E-M-E. OK, SimdillaCrim. SimdillaCreme on Instagram. Wait, wait, say that again. Sim. SimdillaCreme. D-E. L-A-C-R-E-M-E. OK, SimdillaCreme. SimdillaCreme.

Simien Goodson wasn't there? That's me, Simien Goodson, Facebook. Oh, OK, very nice. Buddy, thank you very much. Thank you so much for having me. Takes me back to being there. It's fucking good to hear about this shit. I forgot about it.

I got to get back at some point, even for vacation. All right, I'll let you go. Thank you, buddy. All right, appreciate you, man. Well, you guys, that's the episode. Thank you very much, Simeon Goodson, for coming in. Reach out to him on Instagram at The Simeon Goodson Show and send him a message.

Tell him you like the episode and follow him. Like I said, he's got 303 followers right now. Let's get him to 1,000. That would be very cool and make him very happy. To that for all my guests guests by the way. For everyone of the guests. If you liked the episode, if you got nothing good to say about it, don't even watch. Dude, I was on Tucker Carlson this week. So much hatred without people even saying it. It was so great. So many I'm done with yous now. It's

forever. From him too. You had this motherfucker Aureon? I'm done with you Tucker Carlson. Sorry about your 30 year long career in journalism. This is the straw that broke the fucking Karen's back. Guys, before I go, I'd like to tell you about my Patreon and something I do during that. I decided to do one here. I get postcards from you guys from around the globe and I read them right here On the patreon patreon.com slash you be trippin. This one is sent from Amsterdam. Can you see the fucking? stamp There's a postcard there it is pretty interesting You can set it to you be trippin

Pretty interesting. You can set it to UB Trippin. Uh, right down here. 151 First Avenue, the number one first avenue. Uh, number 49, New York, New York, 1003. I'll read it to it. And then what I want to do is I want to fill up this whole fucking wall, include if I'm standing by the way. Imagine like the screen goes out if you're watching and not listening.

But um, I have this wall behind me if you're listening and I want to fill it with all the postcards. I've done these three already. I'll also do other things in the Patreon. I talk about some travels and stuff. patreon.com slash ubtrippin. Okay, here we go. Hello Ari. This is a postcard I found in my jacket the day after getting drunk in Amsterdam. In Amsterdam's red light district. Oh the S was covered up by the stamp. A tip from me to you if you're sending a postcard. Put the stamp on first and then fill it out. I know it's counter intuitive and counter whatever but like guys look at that those those stamps are like way bigger than you think. You're never gonna fucking... I mean it's

a tip. You do whatever you want but it's a tip tip. Hello, I'm Raya. Here's a postcard I found in my jacket the day after getting drunk in Amsterdam's Red Light District. You guys know what Amsterdam's Red Light District is? It's pretty fucking famous. If you don't know, it's where you get fucking hookers. I went there one time. The first time I went there. It's interesting because they have different regions of the Red Light District. It's like districts of the district. So if you don't know, it's this and I mean, have we ever done it? Oh, I have done one. Okay. I've seen it's just like windows. It's like store windows. You know, those, those, those things that come up the window covers that go all the way down and you pull it down and it goes, it spins.

Yeah, it's like that. And they stand there in the windows and I guess you go, yeah, I'll take you. Uh, when I, when I went, it was already the cell phone era and they were just on their phones. I assume they would have worked harder. It's very uncomfortable. You get up close and they start waving you in and it's like, I f**k I don't want to hide. They're not gonna look away. So what I ended up doing is going across the canal and try to look, look directly across To stare them Anyway, some of them really hot some of them are gross and they get grosser in certain areas. It's like the Fat District That's what I saw could have just been an off day. I don't know but that's my observation

My favorite comment on the Tucker Carlson thing You know what I need by the way? I need someone to point out my fucking, I need someone to help me make clips. I want a fan to help me find clips from the podcasts I'm on. Who wants to do it? I'll give you a what's fair. 50 bucks a week to listen to the podcasts I'm on and all you got to do is point out a good in and out of a moment, a great moment that I had, either funny, more likely, or super interesting. Yeah, right to me.

On maybe Instagram, I guess. I'll find another place. Anyway, the point is, where were we? Oh, so the red light district. So anyway, then you go further further, and then it becomes the trans or really just the cross dressers America has this idea about trans that is not shared by everyone kind of like when I Had a South African Shit that I actually met in Switzerland

I can't remember his name Luis or Gola Louisa and And he told me it's interesting that uh Americans have this version of black That is not shared by Africans because we have a slavery history and they don't So like there was this ad an H&M ad in Africa saying Africans because we have a slavery history and they don't.

So like there was this ad H&M ad in Africa saying so black kid in a sweater and it's like not another some along the lines of like not a normal monkey from the tree or something like that. Everyone's like I'm so racist and then the mom was like we don't have we don't compare ourselves. The monkeys here. That's you guys. So I don't even know what you're talking about.

I might be getting that wrong. I think I'm getting it right though. I think I'm getting it right. Anyway, what was I gonna say? Oh so the trans also is different in other places. I think I am. It's different in other places and they have cross-dressers. Remember transvestites? What happened to them? What ever happened to transvestites? Legitimately what happened to transvestites and what happened to autistic kids? It used to be No, you know what autism I think replaced People with birth defects, you know, they had the cleft palate stuff, you know, stuff real warm like you know smoke out of their lip those are gone now and now we have hella autism so the autism like oh it's a problem but it has replaced cleft lips

which is gross to be around if you have cleft lip sorry but you know it's true anyway so you go further and further out and it's just dudes in like like dudes in a bikini top but like fat dudes in like with and further out and it's just dudes in like dudes in a bikini top but like fat dudes in like with hairy chest and like it's not this like I'm just trying to be a woman it's like no they're not it's a different thing. Same thing with the lady boys in Thailand they're not exactly trans it's a different thing and people are like you shouldn't call them lady boys I'm like I got that from them. I got that from them.

There's a postcard I found on my jacket today after getting drunk in Amsterdam's Red Light District. I may have stolen it. It may have been free. I have stories from that trip that include the best party I've ever been to. If you want to hear about it, let me know. I took seven of these postcards. Best Travels, Anthony. Well, Anthony, thank you very much for sending this postcard. The best party I've ever been to, I don't like the word best, but I will take one of my favorite parties was Wavy Dainty's house in Edinburgh, Scotland. Man, the cocaine was I mean there was piles of it. Coke, Molly. I think snorted cocaine there.

I was nervous around it. I think I had maybe done it once. Maybe not, though. No, I had. I first did cocaine with a waitress at a comedy club in Seattle. And then we had sex. Without a condom. I don't know what happened to her.

But I did know that at that comedy club, they told me you have to be clean. I was like, I don't think you're talking to me. I think I'm a legit comic, and I think you're talking to your locals it was not clean it went great club died also later I found a check from that club from behind my desk when I moved my desk out uncashed $700 try to cash it about the club was closed I tried to call and say can you write me a new check

and they're like the business is done you fucked up anyway so thank you Anthony what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put this right here here here we'll continue making this wall fill it up Tom Rhodes who I want on this podcast has a fucking massive wall of these now I'm gonna copy them. Damn, nice one. Alright, I got four. Again, send it to 151, the number one first avenue. Number 49, New York, New York 1003. If you send a package, they will send it back or it won't be put in the slot. It's just a postcard box. You cannot take anything bigger than like a letter. So don't send anything. My assistant gets them, brings them to me. I read them on the patreon.com slash ubtrippin. That was a fun one with Simeon. Thank you very much to Your Mom's House for

producing this podcast. Alan Caffey for editing it. Thank you Simeon. Thank you very much to your mom's house for producing this podcast. Alan Caffey for editing it. Thank you Simeon for sending me all those pictures and telling me about a great time in China. I heard they're coming back now. I did just hear that they're coming back. I had the wanton don on today. I recorded one and yeah, he told me that they're going back to like welcoming in like American dollars and white people.

They kind of kicked everybody out, especially during COVID. And then it was like, oh, we're missing those bucks. So make a trip to China. Just don't speak out on the government and you'll be fine. Run a disco night, run a DJ night, run a black night. Be Simeon Goodson. Guys, that's the episode. Thank you very much for tuning in.

Subscribe right now before we go. And next week, who's on next week? I think I'm going to start a run of four podcasts at four different locations. So I think, well, we'll see. I don't know is my answer. I don't know who's on next week, but somebody big. July, that's nothing month, right? Who should I have on? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, I can get this.

I have it, UB Trippin' release order. I went to Yosemite for the first time. Oh, that's on the Patreon next week, is all my National Park stuff. I went to Yosemite and I went to Acadia, both for the first time. UB Tripp tripping guests. Oh, by the way, if you have a guest suggestion, reach out on YouTube, tell me who it is and why that they've been somewhere that you want to see them on there.

But let me know where they've been. Sometimes I'll respond to those. If this is the first day or two of the YouTube release, I'll go in there and reply to the comments. They're fucking good tips on things to do and places. Okay, it's either gonna be Mark Norman or H. Foley. Anyway, both will be good. Paris or Greece? Ladies and gentlemen, that's it. Thank you very much. Until next week, hold on, it's not me how. I have a computer in front of me. Goodbye in Mandarin. Here we go. Oh, I have to say this out loud. Zai Zhan.

Until next time everybody. That's what I said. Zai Zhan. What a crazy language. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.