You Should Know Podcast - ARRESTED AT THE WHITE HOUSE! -You Should Know Podcast-

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

TOUR TICKETS: https://linktr.ee/youshouldknowpodcast?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=cf28649f-95a7-4878-8701-fc4ea9c2f071 PATREON: Patreon.com/YouShouldknowPodcast FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/people/You-Should-Know-Podcast/61552092953106/ NEW TWITCH CHANNEL: https://m.twitch.tv/peytonhardin/home Peyton’s Polaroids: https://instagram.com/peytonpolaroids?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== TRUE VAULT ESCAPADES: https://youtube.com/@AtomicWolf54 0:00 TOUR TICKETS 1:45 MANSCAPED 3:28 CAM JOINS! 5:02 Called For Jury Duty! 6:17 Peyton’s Skin Infections 10:00 How many Times Have You Seen It? 11:45 MANDO 13:33 JOINING THE SECRET SERVICE 16:29 Cam Got in a Wreck! 19:00 PEYTON TAKES U.S. CITIZEN QUIZ 29:45 WILD Internet Games! 32:42 Sleeping With My Parents 33:49 CAMS INSANE AVATAR! 35:05 Cam was at January 6 36:10 CUTS 38:10 PEYTONS LISP RETURNS 41:02 $200/hr OR Drive Speed Limit 44:56 CEJAYS ROTTEN BREATH 48:25 SURVIVING IN ANIMAL KINGDOMS 52:16 HIPPOS VS EAGLES 54:29 WILD V*rginity Stories! 57:07 Do Birds Make Love? 1:01:52 OLD ENGLISH INSULTS 1:07:31 Stuttering On A Voicemail 1:11:18 DR.P (GOT HER PREGNANT) 1:16:43 ANNOUNCEMENTS Todays Sponsors: Manscaped - 20% off + free shipping Manscaped.com Code: PSH Mando - Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get $5 off off your Starter Pack (that’s over 40% off) with promo code YSK at shopmando.com! #mandopod Cuts - Refine your style with @cutsclothing and get 20% off with code YSK at https://www.cutsclothing.com/YSK #cutspartner YouShouldKnow P.O. BOX 191564 2825 Oak Lawn Ave Dallas, Texas 75219 FOLLOW PEYTON: https://instagram.com/psh8?igshid=ZDg1NjBiNjg= JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/V5WYhSte2R Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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The You Should Know Podcast. The You Should Know Podcast. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast. Episode 117. Round of applause, please. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the you should know podcast episode 117 that is an insane clap top tier weirdest claps we've ever gotten hey everybody welcome back to you should know podcast if you're new here if you don't already look below you subscribe but isn't

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And in Chicago, we will see you in four days. Let's keep the ball rolling. Let's see which crowd can win the best crowd for summer tour. We are keeping notes. We are keeping tally. We love you guys so much. We're on the road to 1 million subscribers. Last week, I was a little sickly. This week I'm full energy. So be prepared for a full energetic, nasty, gross, wild podcast. If you want to see more of us, go ahead and follow us on Facebook. Okay. Go and follow us on Patreon. Okay. Go and follow us on Twitch. Okay. Go and follow us on Discord. Okay. We're everywhere. we love you guys so so so so much we are very blessed to have you we love you with all our freaking hearts let's enjoy the rest of

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Get on board or get left behind. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got come back in the studio. Big back activities back at it again.

Hey you! Hey you! You know one thing, I'm going to say something about you. You're wearing your light blue. You just looked me up and down, and I feel an insult coming. No! Why would I ever? Why do you every time?

You said, you literally went like this. You you said you don't know one thing about you What am I think it's gonna happen? I don't I don't I'm not mean to you you verbally cost me 24-7 No, I do not. Okay, I would say majority of the internet thinks that I'm flirting with you more than I'm not That's what I'm doing what they don't see it They can hear you. You can just say it at your house. Can't hear them. You can say it at your house.

Yeah, can't hear them. What they don't see at your house and my house? A lot of kissing. But a lot of mean comments. No, no. Oh, yes. What's one mean thing I've said to you? Say it off the top of your head.

Right now. Go. You said I have a ginormous skull. It's not mean. I'm never going to find true love even though I'm already married. Never said that. I say you have a ginormous skull.'m never gonna find true love never said that never said that i say you have a ginormous skull it's not a mean thing it's a fact is your skull big yes okay ginormous does it look like it's ginormous no now it doesn't look like a bruce does it look like you have a compound fracture in your skull and it never got fixed yes evidence case jury i said that jury i said jury dude jury close one of my biggest fears is jury duty i think it'd be sick i've always wanted to be a cop no i've put him in jail put him under

the jail i said no i've seen enough get him out of here get that thug off the street no i've always wanted to be on like a high profile case though no bro no i know i don't get my phone and like like my life would suck just because I'm serving that jury, but I don't want to go for a damn traffic thing that went wrong. I want to go for like a serial manhunt killer. Okay, but you don't realize

they're going to put you in a hotel room. You don't get TV. That's fine. And they'll give you six DVDs, Bench Warmer, Sex in the City. That's fine. You got to live off that

for three months. I'll find a burner phone. I'll get YouTube and everything. And then you go to jail. That's fine. Purgatory. That's fine. You gotta live off that for three months. I'll find a burner phone. I'll get YouTube and everything. And then you go to jail. That's fine. Purgatory. That's fine. I go to hell?

I go with the dark lord himself? Is that what Purgatory is? Because I want to watch a vlog? That's what Purgatory is? Is hell? Purgatory is the intermediary. Big word for Alma. I'm not sure what that is.

It's like you're waiting for hell. Oh. I have no earrings on. I feel naked. I feel bare. You keep touching your ears. They look cute though. Dude.

I've been having no more. Excuse me? There's no more. Keloids? Yeah. No. You keep touching your ears. They look cute, though. Dude, I've been having a... No more... Excuse me? No more keloids? Yeah. No, they're in the back. They're hidden from the public. Those things went back doors. They went, we're going to go sneak back here.

You went... You move it to the back. No, I've been doing better. I've been putting alcohol and rubbing them. You know what I mean? We love a man that loves himself. One thing. Do you remember that big brown bottle? The big brown bottle. When you get a good old boo-boo. You get a cut that loves himself. One thing. Do you remember that big brown bottle?

The big brown bottle. When you get a good old boo-boo. You get a cut as a kid. That big brown bottle. I almost call it acetaminophen. It is not that. A sermoglutamate. A sermoglutamate.

It's hydrogen peroxide. Yes. Hated the feeling, but loved the watch. Loved the bubbles. What a good watch that was. Loved the show. Hated the inner pain. Oh, my God. I was like, there is science happening on my watch. Love the bubbles. What a good watch that was. Loved the show. Hated the inner pain. Oh, my God.

I was like, there is science happening on my skin. I once went, mom, I need... I'm just kidding. Just for show. That's what I'm about to say. You need help. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

You need help. No, that shit hurt, though. Have you ever had it done recently? Have you ever scraped your knee recently? Yeah, but I'm a man now. I'm just like, that hurts for a little bit. I'm just going to get over it. But it's still fun to watch.

I don't have the big brown bottle anymore. What do you clean your wounds with? Don't. Water? Oh, my God. No, no, no. That is pure fact. Because you had an infection on your foot for like a month's time.

And every day you'd complain about it. You'd be like, my socks are oozing. I can't wear shoes. I'm like, what are you doing for? You're like, dude, sleep, Doritos, Diet Coke. Put some hydrogen peroxide on it. The fun fact about that, when I was showering in Boulder before the show, I looked at my foot, and it's just a big brown mark on there.

That's with me forever. Episode 100 is with me forever. Yeah. This, I love you to death. He wanted to go the classic, the no socks show. That's not what I wanted to do. No, I just simply forgot to buy dress socks. You don't own dress socks?

Not until the ACMAs. I own six pair of dress socks. You could have asked for them. You don't share. You're like, I don't want your black feet in my cleanse. Okay. He almost threw up. He said, I don't share.

No. Not anymore. You didn't leave my house the other day with an entire cam outfit on because why oh because why oh because why because i wanted to hang out with you because i i offered to go home exactly you didn't share you were forcing you're like either you're gonna be shut up you're like oh shut up it's not your. This is furthering my point. Uh-oh. I love you so much. Let's go back to Sesame Street. Your turn, my turn. I speak, you speak.

Okay, let's do that. Close ears can't have open mouths. I go first. How does that work? That was my turn. Because I am saying it. I loved you so much, I forced you to stay and offered. Offered.

That's a step above sharing. No, it's because you have control issues. I said, you have control issues. You're like, I you're not have control issues with that when you have something in in your brain implemented in your brain okay i didn't give it to you i have it and it it's i deal with the day i'm like him let me just go home and shower and change and i'll go meet y'all at the place that's right by my house so i have to go drive towards my house okay anyway it doesn't matter it doesn't matter yeah I was going to start this episode

off by saying the blue accents really help your blue eyes. I'm tired of touching your hands. I am so sick of it. Yes or no, are my hands cleaner than yours? No. Yes or no, does my hands feel like a baby's rumpus? His hands are

unexplained how soft they are. Exactly. You sleep in vats of lotion. You go to bed like this every night. I'm tired. And he wakes up and they have absorbed six bottles of Juergens Coco and Shea. That's a bold...

There's no agenda. Yes or no, is that the... Oh, my God, be 100% honest with me. Don't paint this picture on the internet. Yes or no, is that the Jergens you use? I don't lotion my hands, though. No, no, no, that's fine. Yes or no, is Coco and Shea butter the Jergens you use?

I don't know. I don't know. Is it? You beast. You beast of a man. Yes, that's what you use. I don't know. I love him for all of him.

That came out soon. Okay, honestly, how many times have you seen it? I think three now. Every time, were you a little surprised? I think three. Every time, were you like, wow. I think two, it was locked and loaded. Two, it was ready for sport. You just got out of the second half of

fencing, and I think one time, it was a little cashew. It was fine. What? Not little little cashew but it was cashew form where were we at the cashew form just curled up over where were we i think we might have been taking a piss oh you peaked you're like i gotta see what that's like in the midday gotta see what midday he's working with i said i knew it wasn't like that at 2 30 i said i knew that was a late night activity still nice still good thank you yes you're welcome. Thank you. I saw yours and I was like, I was like, da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da.

I was like, that's the Pink Panther. In my pocket, I have a couple of cheeseburgers. Pink Panther, good movie. Yeah. Anyway, wild thing that a lot of... Never mind. Yeah, that's such a bad misconception. We all thought it was. That is a horrible misconception.

I'm not gonna lie, I don't think it is. It's not pink. It's not pink. It's not pink. You see this? That's what you get. And it's darker than this. I don't think so.

Yes, it is. I think it's like your knuckles. It's darker than your knuckles. You know what I mean? Like, before you... I go... Before you just looked at your knuckles, and I would say, your knuckles are know what i mean like before you go before you just looked at your knuckles and i would say your knuckles are pink you'd be like no they're not they're not pink and oh my god yes you are oh my god yes they're not pink no your knuckles

my knuckles right there pink they're not a little pink a little pink a little pink you a little pink you down lighting oh i think think that's just from all the countless encounters. Okay. I have a shattered thumb at this point. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Mando. It is summertime, and boy, it is getting hot outside. And one thing about me and Coz, Cam, what do we do a lot, Cam?

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And, contrary to belief, my feet stink as well. And I can use the same wipes on the webbing and the feet and the armpits. Those are my stink areas. Thank God for Mando wipes. Just flossing in between those toes and heading upstairs for a little aftershave. Great thing. Anywhere that stinks, I can use Mando on it and not have to worry. I agree with you. I stink in a lot of places

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and deodorant wipes and free shipping luckily i have a discount code to help you get hooked on my favorite smelling whole body deodorant on the market. New customers get $5 off a starter pack with our exclusive code. That equates to over 40% off your starter pack. Use code YSK at ShopMando.com. S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. How was your week, Bubba?

It's hard to answer that because this is pre-recorded and they're going to get confused. We haven't been to Chicago yet. Or we haven't been to D.C. yet. We haven't been to D.C., but hopefully the D.C. show goes amazing. Yeah, I want to go to the White House. Oh, we're definitely. You're definitely going to see that in the Qualiclub on our stories and everything. I'm really nervous about going to D.C.

Why? I feel like my intrusive thoughts are gonna run wild in there i will muscle you i'll be like yeah and all of a sudden she's gonna be a laser they're gonna be like oh my god there's not even gonna be a speaker but we're gonna hear it as clear as day you sure about that you're like that would be sick that'd be elite i guarantee there's some like i want to like i want to I want to, like, I want to, like, could you imagine? I got to hear what I say because they will show up to the house. Oh, yeah.

They will show up to this house when you get back. This isn't a house. No, not this house. Your house here. That's what I'm saying. They will show up. Yeah, I know. They will knock while you're just sitting there watching Bel-Air, eating your double quarter pounder.

They're just going to knock on the door. You're going to think it's me. Hey, buddy. They're going to say, get on the ground. Do you think I would do well in the Secret Service? No. Really? You might be a good double agent.

Like a double, double agent. Quadruple someone. Are you calling me toxic? No, I'm saying you'd be really good at manipulating behind enemy lines, pretending to be one of them. Why? If you were just full-blown Sherlock Holmes, you'd have to solve a case. I don't think it's going to go well.

You're going to be like, what do we do next? They're like, this is where he died. How did it happen? You're like, is this a joke? What's his name? They go,

why does it matter? And then that'd be that. But if you were on Behind Enemy Lines, you were in the ear. You were just like, oh Lord, I think the America's a week now.

And then you get them to do an attack and then we, you know, you'd be better at double-A. I'm not a good liar, though. Oh, Cam. You're not a good liar. I'm not a good liar. What lie have I told you that you've ever believed? Your middle name is lie. How?

Your second-hand maiden name is deceit. How? How? Why? You are ait. How? How? How? Why? You are a liar. How? Peyton, you're on record on this podcast saying you're a good liar. I was lying.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. It happened again. It happened again. No. Damn it. It happened again. Damn it. Oh, no.

You're a great liar, and now I'm at an angle. Give me ten seconds. All right, we're back. They used to call me Bob the Builder, sixth grade. We're back. Okay, so Cam broke the couch again. He's caught two bodies on these couches so far. I have two bodies caught, non-sexual.

I don't think anybody was thinking that. My mind is a dark place. And now I am being abused by my own microphone? Yeah, I think this is the second thing you've broken today. What's the first? Your car.

Kim can't drive, and I've been saying this forever. He's the worst driver in the group. Now you're being mean. You can't drive. You're a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. Is he a bad driver? I've been saying this forever. He's the worst driver in the group. Now y'all are being mean. You can't drive. You're a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. Is he a bad driver? I'm not a bad driver. He's not the best.

Does he not get into other people's lanes every time? Thank you. That is a full... No. Cam, when you were a teacher, you could admit your faults.

You've gotten better. Did you not, on the way back from work every day when you'd come here to this work... Pure TikTok. Pure TikTok the whole time. You didn't even know what the road looked like. I couldn't tell you the car in front of me. not on the way back from work every day when you'd come here to this work you're a tiktok the whole time you didn't even know what the road looked like i know i couldn't tell you the car in

front of me switch it oh we can't. That shit is done. Of all the times it's... It's so done. It's so broken. And the worst part, I don't know if y'all remember the first time it broke. It's been good ever since. Now it's just... It's done.

The You Should Know Podcast. All right. We're back. So I've broken the couch at least four times now in the last four minutes. We had to do some jerry-rigging. Careful. Some jerry-rigging? Yeah.

What was the inclusion? That's y'all's version of it. I'm not going to say our version. There's different versions? Oh, my. There's a real version and that version. What's the real version? I'm not going to say it.

But not in mixed company. I'm the only one here. To be practical. I'm just going to say we're not getting rid of these couches. I don't care how many times it breaks.

I will sit on the ground before we get rid of these. These are a part of the Uchino family just as much as all of us are. These are our couches and they've been with me through a lot.

His couch is more of spit and liquids and stuff. Mine is more just destruction. Cam's driving skills are just about as sturdy as that couch is. That's why I put that out there. No, it is not. First off, I have gotten better. Yes. I've gotten a lot better because I really did sit down one day and I was like, this is dangerous.

Yeah, you're putting other people's lives at risk. So I stopped. Now I listen to my music. But before, it wasn't like I was, I didn't have a phone down here i'm not making excuses by any mean it'd be right here to where it's like and we told them every time it's honestly just my adhd i'd get so bored behind the wheel which is kind of a bullshit thing you're an iphone baby i am i'm a tablet boy for sure yeah that's bad i stopped i'm listening to music now but no uh for the last like four years couldn't tell you a single car that was in front of me.

But I was saying the Secret Service stuff and all that because I do feel like I would be a good Secret Service member. I feel like I could scare some people. I could put fear into people's hearts. I don't even know. I don't know. I don't know if you know enough about our own country. Do I have to be a historian? No, but I think you need to know about your soil before.

What do I have to know? Oh, my God. I'm not good at u.s history let me test you let me give you an american citizen test okay all right i pulled up one of the one of the first links when i searched it up we're just gonna go a good old classic u.s american that's fine. I feel like you can't serve our country being a secret double cross-eyed black... What is... Oh, my God! Oh, my God! No, what is this?

I'm cross-eyed and I'm black. No, I meant snake eyes. Damn it! I'm not painting a good picture so far. Oh, my God. I meant snake eyes. The truth is coming out every week about you. From Cobra.

You blacking out. And Hydra from that... You thought I was going to say something else. I'm sweating. coming out every week about you from cobra you blacking hydra from that what are you doing hail hydra i'm simply speaking of not hailing shit what is your problem cam i'm speaking of gi joe.I. Joe. If you know, you know. G.I. Joe. Did they say that? Yes. G.I. Joe. Snake eyes. I meant the black suited guy. Snake eyes. I was just trying to throw some things

in there. Breathe with me. Slow down and breathe. I do remember the Pledge of Allegiance, though. I pledge allegiance to our flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it's Who's the republic? Who the hell's the republic? Who the hell is the republic? Who's for the republic?

For one lation? What is a lation? One nation under God. You said it so wrong. Wait. I pledge allegiance to our flag of the United States of America. First off, it's to the flag. Come on.

Let me finish. You don't own the flag. You did nothing to make that flag. You just get to appreciate it. It's the flag. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the... We're going to be in a legend. Let me finish.

Okay, take a breath. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, to the republic for liberty it stands, one nation, under God, to the republic, for liberty and justice for all. No? Close. Close, but no cigar. It's a little bit of cult vibes they made us do that, isn't it?

And we all stand up and we'll be like, hi, pledge. It's like we're robots. It's like at 7 a.m. I'm looking at this whiteboard. All right. So we're going to do a simple American citizens test. I think it's fair to say you can't be working for our government behind enemy lines doing some trickery if you don't even know enough about our own so if i so if i get this if i get a good percentage on this i can be the secret service you can be

a secret okay this is my test okay here we go and i love america here we go the idea of self government is the first three words of the constitution what are those words first three words of the Constitution. What are those words? First three words. Oh, it's the Bill of Rights. It's like it says, some shall. We the people. Yeah. Hey. Yeah.

We the people. Okay. One down. Here we go. Secret service, here I come, baby. What is an amendment? Huh? What is an amendment?

Like freedom of speech, gun control. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What is an amendment huh what is an amendment like freedom of speech gun control what is an amendment oh it's like a law of the country don't no don't listen tell me what an amendment is defined an amendment is like a principle that we live off of in america incorrect what is he said what is think about it an amendment we're amending something what does that mean you're getting closer amendment you're tick. What does that mean? You're getting closer. Amendment. You're tickling. Don't say it again. You're getting close. You're not grabbing.

What is an amendment? That's what I'm asking you. There's seven amendments. No, there's not. Ten amendments. It's a lot more. Twenty amendments. I don't know the correct answer.

I know it's more than seven. An amendment is. It's like a law. But it is. It's like. It's like. Derives from what? Something has to happen for us to amend something.

Oh, because we came from British. You're getting close. Like a weird outer track. You're the kid that's running with the track. Because we were in Britain, and then we were like, we ain't f***ing with that. So then we were amending those. So that means? We're changing it.

Yeah! Two for two, baby. A change or an addition to the Constitution. And we won that war. Hello. We won. Pine colors. What do we call the first ten amendments of you go. A change or an addition to the Constitution. And we won that war. Hello. We won. Pine colors. What do we call the first ten amendments of the U.S. Constitution?

The Bill of Rights. Three for three. Come on, baby. Secret service, here we come. Here we go. What is one right or freedom from the First Amendment? Huh? Was that a question?

Oh, yeah. What is one right or freedom from the First Amendment? Freedom of speech. Freedom of press. Yeah! Boy, you're doing good. How many amendments are in the Constitution? This is your time.

100. Way too many. No, 50. Way too many. 25. You're very close. 20. Less close. 23. That's still less close 30 amendments

way too many 28 you're getting close 27 there you go we'll count that as such an odd number that's not right that's not a good question it took you eight times yeah here we go what are the two rights in the declaration of independence the declaration of Independence lists certain unalienable rights. These rights include blank. Oh, unalienable rights. Come on. You got it. Freedom in the pursuit of happiness.

That's one. No, it's one. Pursuit of happiness? That's one. Oh, it's something in the pursuit of happiness. Will Smith was in it. There you go. He was selling those machines. He had a bad shirt it's something in the pursuit of happiness. Will Smith was in it. There you go. He was selling those machines.

He had a bad shirt. He slept in the subway. He cried in the interview. Come on. He got evicted. Think about it. Think about it. Think about really selling that machine.

Oh. Think about it. Capitalism. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Pursuit of happiness. Give me the first word. It's the name of a WNBA team.

The Pelicans. No, the WNBA. Pursuit of happiness and a bird? What are they writing up there? Oh, it's a bald eagle. No. Wrong bird. Wrong league.

WNBA. The New York. Indiana Fever. Caitlin Clark. The New York... Indiana Fever. Caitlin Clark. The New York... Knicks. It's America's team. Oh, Liberty. I genuinely did not think

you were going to say the NBA again. Liberty. Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness. Pursuit of Happiness, Liberty, and... Guns. No. Pursuit of Happiness. Pursuit of Happiness, Liberty, and guns. No. No. And Pursuit of Happiness. Here, let's go.

It's the feng shui. If you do it at the same rhythm, you'll save the right answer. Here we go. So we're just chilling. We're drinking some Diet Coke. We're hanging out. You know, Luca got a layup. Here we go.

Pursuit of Happiness, Liberty. Liberty and justice. That's close, but no. Let's try again. Okay. Here we go. It's second quarter. Kyrie hit a step back. We're eating some try again. Okay, here we go. It's second quarter. Kyrie hit a step back.

We're eating some crinkle cut fries. Here we go. Pursuit of happiness, liberty, and God. One more. Free speech. Alienation. No. No.

Built a wall. Cut that, CJ. Here we go. Immigration. I'm going to give you the first letter. Gun control. Stop saying. Climate change.

No, no. We make the clouds, though. Here we go. Stop speaking. Is this the sale of the NBA team? We're in overtime now, okay? We're in overtime. Are we in the NBA team?

One point game. Luca's going for the step back. You already named the WNBA team, not the Knicks or the Pelicans. Oh, that was Liberty. Here we go. Ready? Yeah. Game's on the line. Oh, I got it. I got it. Luka's about to shoot the step back. First letters L. Pursuit of happiness, liberty, and freedom. I said the

first letters L! Oh, life. Life! Life! Liberty and the freedom. Well, the country didn't do that. God did. Okay, a couple more. Here we go. A couple more. Give me two more. Here we go. And if I get one of these two right, I'm in the... Who is in charge of the executive branch?

The police. They're in the executive... No, judges. Incorrect. That's a judicial. The president. President. The president.

That doesn't count. That doesn't count. That doesn't count. Two wrong answers. Here we go. For all the marbles. This is for it. Does he stick to podcasting or does he get handed a cool

badge, a passport, and get to go on an F-22? I don't know what those are. Okay. Well, here we go. Can I go Air Force One? How many... Ready? Go. How many U.S. Senators are there? Didn't know there was more than one. Yes, there's more than one.

I thought there was a senator. Okay. He thought we had a senator. Not really sure what goes... They go, take it to the Senate. He's just like, what the... He's like, I have so many bills. No, there's a Senate.

Multiple people. I don't know what goes on in that house. Okay, I'll give you one clue. The Senate has blank members, each representing a state equally. Oh, 52. Okay, one will have 50 states. But Puerto Rico and all them.

They don't have a Senate? And all them. Puerto Rico and them. Puerto Rico and gang them on folks' grave. No. 50 states that we have. So, your next guess? 50. Incorrect. 48. No. 50 states that we have. So your next guess?

50. Incorrect. 48. Why are we losing states? Alaska? Oh, everybody has two. 120. 100 senators.

Okay, y'all got to let us know. Does he get his badge and his cool passport? I at least get to go to basic training. You at least get to go to the school. That you would fail quick. Oh, you'd fail that quick. Why? Is it physical?

To be a secret service? I've seen some of the secret service. Have you seen Tom Cruise? Have you watched a single? He's a secret service member? No. But imagine if Tom Cruise, that regular actor, is flying off the Burj Magali, Khalifa, whatever that building's called, in Dubai.

That's not secret service. But I'm saying, if you can't even do what Tom Cruise is doing, Tom Cruise isn't even doing what the real guys are doing. Those are dogs. Yeah, no, most respect. I'm talking Dobermans, Pinschers. And you're going in as a Shawini. Oh.

But. You'd fail. No, I want a fake arm. Like, in the Secret Service, they give fake arms. I saw it on Facebook. You mean to tell me. You think when you pass sniper school, secret service school, they go, here's your baton, your diploma, and your fake limb.

And they just give you a fake arm. A fake arm is something you earn through courage and bravery. Oh, and probably an IED or something. Something went off, you lost your life. Also, on Facebook, it still gets me. I never repost them, but it's like, I hate those posts. It's like, repost this or your family's going to burn in a fire. Because I'm like, if they do, I should have reposted this.

Do you ever see those? It's like, God's watching you. What? Reposted this. Do you ever see those? It's like God's watching you. What? Repost this or three people you love are dying. What Facebook algorithm do you have? Oh, I'm on 62-year-old Facebook. You ever see 60-year-olds on Facebook? They are nasty.

Double tap this picture or your niece drowns? Yeah. That's what you're saying to me. You haven't seen those? Never in my life. I've seen the God's watching, share if you love Christ or he'll deny you at the pearly gate yeah i've seen that i've never seen like the image and share it or your dog gets decapitated i've never seen oh yeah there it gets foul you are on a you are on a troubling algorithm do you remember reddit 50 50

i got wild to reddit 50 50 we had a sleepover we had a crazy night in seminole on reddit 50 50 i got wild to reddit 50 50 we had a sleepover we had a crazy night in seminole on reddit 50 50 because i did i did not know what it was and then you brought it to me oh we showed me in seminole we were cuddling the blanket oh i was hard i my my my oh what oh what that's too much oh okay oh i was soft as a bumblebee there was no there was no blood flow in the brain it was all oh it all left me it all left me i got numb shoulders up that's what i felt in my leg I was soft as a bumblebee. There was no blood flow in the brain. It all left me. Pre-occupied. It all left me. I got numb.

Shoulders up. That's what I felt in my leg. Oh, yeah. You felt it somewhere else, too. This is getting too much. We need to change the topic. Ready 50-50. Ready 50-50.

Scary thing. But the Ready 50-50 I showed you was the tamed down version. Because whenever I was in middle school and Ready 50-50 was around. It was still pretty. I saw some things. Cartel doesn't play. Yeah, it was like yikes it was like beheading or a kid blowing out birthday candles yeah someone literally getting

splatted by a train yeah a cat jumping into water but it was always that sick thrill it was that thrill i found a lot of websites back there you have bad dopamine issues you have bad dopamine issues so thrill i'm gonna go find black tar one day. You were nine years old talking about, I hope it's the train. What are you doing? You didn't just boot up Madden? Oh, no. NFL Street, NBA Live 2007.

No, because I remember the day I stopped playing video games. It was NCAA like 2012. Good game. And it was like Colt McCoy. Great game. Yeah. Sling that son of a bitch. But I remember I was playing. It was a nighttime football game because I like playing at the nighttime football games. And I was the Colt McCoy. Great game. Yeah. Sling that son of a bitch. But I remember I was playing.

It was a nighttime football game because I like playing at the nighttime football games. And I was the Texas Longhorns. And Colt McCoy had like six interceptions. And I could not beat USC. I was like, bro, this is pissing me off. And I got so mad that I wasn't good at video games and my brother was so good. And I went down to my parents' room and I cried for like an hour. And I was like, the game won't let me win.

And I never played video games after that. Trauma. Trauma response. Follow me on. And I never played video games after that. Trauma. Trauma response. Follow me on Twitch. I just want to get something straight. So it was 2012, right? Yeah. You were a freshman in high school?

Oh. You were an eighth grader? Yeah. Crying to your parents over video games? Oh, I was an emotional boy. You were every bit of 12 or 13 years old? Crying at a football game? Oh, I was still going into my parents bed for nightmares i was laying at the foot of their bed like a doberman like a god a good old labrador i was like mama scared mama scared hold me now yeah my dad was probably trying to get his shit off and i was like let me

get right there he's like he's like fuck bro i hey did you actually do that though i'd always lay down with my mom because my dad was still away at work or the second family whatever the hell he was doing stop don't put that on my jacket he's a good man he was he's great man he was always at work so it's time for me to lay down i'd always lay down with my mom yeah watch some bullshit show like castle or like law and order or something like that and i'd fall asleep my dad would always pick me up and just get me some straight to my bed i'd be pissed dude oh my god he would remove you oh he'd literally pick me up and take me and just toss me my own bed he's like you're getting my spot hot he said i'm working 14 hours a day for this family and i come home to a heater he said it's bullshit he said do you like sleeping on warm beds? Well, no, dad. Then stay in your own. That's what I remember of that.

Yeah, it was... Oh, my f***. Sorry, CJ. Oh, can I... Yeah. You're going to lose your thought. Don't lose your thought. It's okay. I have a very vulnerable thing to share. I'm honestly kind of scared. I like when you're vulnerable. I'm honestly kind of scared. It leaves me room for bullying. It goes back to the football games.

Okay. I have two things. Two funny and embarrassing things. Something's happening. In the college football games, remember how you lived in your dorm? Yes. You could choose to go to class or go to practice. Yes. Like get plus two on your route running. Yeah. Or get a higher GPA. Yeah. I was always in the library. Oh yeah. Even as a kid. I always went to school. To hell with the route.

I'll beat the computer. You suck. Second thing is, that career ended. I got drafted. I made a new guy. I made the receiver black because I thought it made him faster. I swear to God, I'm not kidding. It was a time in my life. I don't know if we keep that. I don't know.

Maybe just mute it, but it's God's honest truth. I said, why do I always start with a 67 speed? I said, I know he's at least 85. And I was burning mother on go routes. I tell you, I was in the end zone like no other. I don't even know if I want to respond to that because I don't

know if we can keep it. Yeah, I don't know. It just sparked a memory. I felt like being vulnerable. I'm doing it with you. You're not looking at me with the best of looks right now. You look like you're scared. I'm just learning something about you every week that you might, it was behind closed doors. It was experimentation. Where were you January 6th? That's where I saw that Viking helmet in your closet. Hey, what have you, what have you really, there was like a theory, right? What if I couldn't tell you? Yeah. And I was like, I was totally playing basketball.

You're like, no, you weren't. And I'm like, okay, I was here with Liv or something. Like nothing was going in, right? January 6th, Liv's like, oh, I was in Oklahoma with my family. You were by yourself. Remember he said you went on a trip. And it all kept going. And then one of you went and started researching and found footage.

And I was like this. It was like from a movie. I I was like this. It was like from a movie. I was just like this. I'm like... It's my face and he saw it real quick for like one frame. I have my hoodie on. I'm like... I go back out.

That's why whenever we went to Washington, whenever we went to the White House, you were like, it's not the same. No, stop. You were like, you should have seen this. I said, I've climbed that fence before. You're like, you should have seen this. I said, I've climbed that fence before. You're like, easy entry point right there in that window. I said, they want you to think it's the front gates.

It's really the left wing. You got to go back. We're going to get knocks on the door, bro. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Cuts. Get ready to be the most stylish of your crew this summer with Cuts. Most guys would wear a t-shirt every day of their lives if they could. The problem is that most t-shirts are not acceptable to wear at work or out on a hot date night. Today's sponsor Cuts has finally

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The You Should Know Podcast. Okay, I have a... January 6th, I was in my own house. Let's clear the air. Let's clear the air. I have a question for you because you are the worst driver I know. What?

My list? No, no, no, no. No, it wasn't. I've been going to therapy. He said, I have a class. And it was so genuine. I'm sorry. He said, all right, you know,

you're the worst driver I know. I have a class for you. It was so bad. I'm sorry. It hasn't happened in a while. It just caught me off guard. You're crying. I was like, I'm just going to do it again.

We can't keep doing this. Dude, it's you. You like gaslight me into a lisp. I feel it. No. You feel it. No. It like takes up my whole side, bro. I'm so tired of this. I'm so sick and tired of this. It's taking up. It takes up everything in side, bro. I'm so tired of this. I'm so sick and tired of this.

It's taking up, it takes up everything in me. I got you. Hey, I'm a brother's keeper. I got you. Don't worry about it. Just say it again. Here we go. Don't do anything.

We're going to be good. Straight through it. It's only a cue. So, so, you're the worst type of stuff I've felt it too. Don't say it. God damn. You're the worst type of stuff I've felt it too Don't say it I'm spending I'm spending thousands of dollars Monthly On speech therapy

I looked up tongue reduction surgery It does exist And I've thought about it. Talk. Talk for a day. Yo, if you... If you came back one day to my house, you were just like...

It was like long and scary. I like that. No, even better. Even better. You're like, hey, we got a bulk record. We got to record two of the sticks. I'm like, why? You're like, hey, just worry about yourself.

I FaceTime you. I see like gauze in the background. You're just like. And then you come over. You're just like, what's up, Cam? It's like long and skinny. Yo, that's a real thing. It is. I don't want to talk about it bro this is honestly

like it hurts me whenever we're in public and people be like yeah you're the guy with the list but i'm like yeah y'all do that too much i'm allowed to and and mine's only genuine i never say hey say say church's chicken say cc i never do that it popped out i'm sorry it squeezed a giggle out of me let's move on on. You have a question for me? But God forbid I talk about your nipples, and now it's all hell. You can talk about my nipples. Show them. They're translucent.

I'm not showing my nipples. Okay. I have a wife and a wife beater on. They don't correlate. I don't use one for the other. Let's leave that there. I have a question for you. Let's hear it.

That was good. That was good. It gets dried, and it gets so fat. You have a question for me? The hear it that was good that was good it gets dried and it gets so fat you have a question for me the worst driver you know you're the worst driver i know so i have a question for you right and you drive fast you do yeah okay born and raised so offensive say somebody came up to you with an offer i like i'll give you two hundred dollars an hour of your life two hundred dollars an hour every day you're living. Every hour you're living. Yes.

But the second you... You have to finish. But the... I'm sorry. Yes. But the second you break the speed limit by one mile per hour, everything in your bank account goes back to zero. And the only way you can get around is driving.

So there's no loophole. I'll take the bus. I'll drive. I'll walk. You have to zero. And the only way you can get around is driving. So there's no loophole. I'll take the bus. I'll drive. I'll walk. You have to drive. It would pain the shit out of me, and I'd probably go to zero a couple times. But then I'd have to lock in,

and I'd have to drive through the night. If I hit zero, I'd have to tell Liv, hey, I'll be back. I'm going on a fucking voyage. Like, I gotta go drive for 72 hours straight to Rio. Bills are coming out on Thursday. I'm going to go take a trip down 35 in sightsee. I'm going to go to Baylor Stadium and turn around.

Oh, I'd be good at my music at that point. You would put yourself in a hole, Kim. I don't think you realize that. So $200 an hour is good money. It's really good money. Very good money. If you drive for, say, four hours a day, how much is that? It's quick and easy math.

It's about $8,000. That's $800. $800. Too many zeros in there. There we go. Long divisions always... You didn't have to divide. Clear multiplication.

Add zeros. I added one. Okay, so it's like $800 a day, right? First off, I would drive more than four hours a day. Okay, just say. Sure. And then $800 a week. $800 a day, right? First off, I would drive more than four hours a day. Okay, just say. Sure. And then $800 a week. $800 a day, that's seven times seven.

You're my nemesis. $5,400. $5,600. Close enough. Close enough. $5,600. Okay. And so you're making $5,000.

I'll times that by four weeks in a month. How much are we netting? You're making about $20,000 a month. A little higher. $25,000. A little lower. $24,000. Keep going. $23,000. A little more. $22,000. $22,000. Add a couple middle ground in there. $20,000 a month. A little higher. $25,000. A little lower. $24,000. Keep going.

$23,000. A little more. $22,000. Add a couple middle ground in there. $21,000. A little higher. $22,500. Oh, who gives a kid?

Yeah, yeah. So you're making a lot of money, right? Yes. You're going to start, I know you and your wife. Y'all do dumb shit, right? Ouch. Y'all have like massage memberships and shit like that. Stupid investments that you don't use. That's a good investment. Right? And you don't use it. I'm going Thursday. shit right ouch y'all have like y'all have like massage memberships and shit like that stupid

investments that you don't use that's a good right and you you don't you don't use it i'm going thursday we actually booked this week i'm going thursday you used it once and you've had it for like four months no i've had it longer than four and it's kind of troubling but it just saves you money on the back end no it doesn't because you don't use it yes it does but but i don't care oh i don't care the tokens roll oh i don't care. Oh, I don't care. The tokens roll over. Oh, I don't care. The tokens roll over. Oh, I don't care. And so you waste your money.

You spend money on stupid shit. You'll use Amazon so much. Okay. You would put yourself in a hole because you would start to live in the mind space of I'm making all this money. But then you would get

and you're not a punctual person. You're not. I'd have to work on that. And then so you'd be like, I'm late. And I i gotta go to here and you'd hit that speed and then zero and then you have all these monthly things that are already piled up and you have you have a streaming service for every streaming service that has ever existed we do have all nine the power nine i say all i'd say is cam is filthy rich that is absolutely not if you have a massage membership you're rich i don't care what

you say it's 75 a massage membership no i'm not rich oh you want to play that game how many streaming services do i have do you want to play the game do you want to play the game do you want to play how many streaming services do i have i don't know zero okay i pay for none okay say that again netflix get this you got this you don't pay for it right are you in the same household as the owner no take his take it off his hands right now was it was there even a was that like a would you rather was there a second part or you just i just genuinely wanted to know because you're such a bad driver and i hate when it's your day to drive to the studio and i was like bro he's fast

and in this other person's lane i and he's on his phone i'm not on my regards speaking of cars okay do you remember the other day when we had that smell in the car him let's expose him editor CJ smells like shit editor CJ

has wooden teeth yo his teeth are made of George Washington oh my god so we were driving back from the studio the other day holy shit that was the worst smell I've ever smelled in my life matter of fact Yo, his teeth are made of George Washington. Oh my God. So we were driving back from the studio the other day. Holy shit, that was the worst smell I've ever smelled in my life. Matter of fact, it started before we even drove.

We were walking out of the studio, and Peyton's grilling my ass. Bro, you stink. Dog, it was in here. You smell bad. You stink, so I'm hitting pit checks. I'm like, I know I sweated, but I don't smell bad. It was bad. We get all the way to the parking garage.

We're going down the elevator. One of you stink. He's so adamant on it. It was bad. We get all the way to the parking garage. We're going down the elevator. What are you? Stink. He's like, he's so adamant on it. It was one of those stenches that piss you off. Like it literally smells like someone had a cock in their pants. It doesn't smell of earth. It's like it was created in a lab.

Like it's not natural. Naturally, you can kind of let it slide because we're all the earth. But this shit was a formula. Like it was not real. So he's just grilling me the whole time. We finally get in the car and i'm tired of it i go bro i don't i don't stink i think it's you i think it's you you're talking about this stink i don't even smell it half the time and then right as i'm saying that i go oh i go is is that me this little creep in the backseat the whole time hasn't spoke up nothing and it finally clicks and i go cj is that you and then he goes no it's not cj it's not cj and then cj pulls up behind

his ear and they're like talking and he goes what the is that smell again he goes it's back it's but did you drive over a skunk or something and i look back at CJ. He's popping mints and gum and shit. He's like. And then he's just silent, bro. It was CJ's breath. And he tried to blame it on me and you. You sick, disgusting, yuck mouth bastard. Bro, it was to the point where we were driving.

I like rolled my window down. I was like, bro, something. You were crying crying laughing at how bad it's talking to the worst let's hope it doesn't happen again it's no it did happen to kick the kid It happened again. When? Because we were driving. We were... His breath fucking stinks. We were driving.

We were driving, dog. And I go... I was like, what the fuck? It was like a different odor. It was like it's cousin, bro. Like it was like the same, like look at him. The same Sting family, but cousins. Yeah, it was like shit, but it was a different shit.

Oh my God. I just hear gums spackling. Like 20 seconds later. And I'm like, you dirty f***ing cow. Why does that happen? It's not the Celsius. It's not the Celsius. It's not the Celsius, brother. We've drank Celsius before, and I could still go talk to my wife without getting struck.

That shit could have got you in jail. That could have been a criminal offense. Yo, I can't wait until we start getting CJ out of the pod, because he is a wicked creature. Oh, my God. He is a wicked creature. You were built in a lab. His calves are out of... His calves are otherworldly. Okay. His breath's

otherworldly. But we love him. Speaking of animals and shit, alright. Just kind of would you rather. Hopefully it's better than my car situation. Is there another way to would you rather? Your car? I think your car was just talking shit about me. I think you made up this little offer just to get your rocks off on me about being a bad driver. You're a horrible driver. Cam smacked the shit out of a pole

parking in here today. I didn't smack the pole. I scraped the pole. He can't even reverse park. That's the first time my car didn't beep. Well, I looked first, and then I was just so focused on the car, because there was a pole here. I was like, I'm not going to hit a pole. I hit the pole. It was loud. It was so loud.

So, animals. I love animals. They're so cute. I love animals more. So, animals, right? Yeah. I love animals. They're so cute. Okay. I love animals more. If you were to put your brain in another animal's body, what animal-like kingdom do you think you could survive the best in? You've been watching too much sci-fi.

No. Let's just say that. Okay. Can I say mine? So, I'm taking my brain, my thoughts, putting it into a body of a creature. It's like literally everything you see, think, feel, everything. You're just, your body is whatever animal you choose. And the best way you think you can survive, the best one.

I'm stuck between two. I got mine. Oh, you say yours. Grizzly bears or bald eagles? First of all, you would be like, I'm not used to having a head this small if you're a bald eagle. You'd be like, so aerodynamic.

You'd be like, wow, free. I'd be like, whoa, whoa. And you're a shit driver, you couldn't fly. Oh, I could fly. If my arms were wings,

Cam, I was a tactile diver going straight into fish and just sniping them. Oh my God, that shit would be lit. And then I'm away from, I can get away from harm like that. Right now, if harm ensues me, I kind of tense up.

I'm like, oh. But if I'm an eagle, I can just get the hell out of it. And you're too nice to be an eagle. And if I'm a grizzly, no one wants to mess with me. Cam, if you're a grizzly. I just got to eat a lot of fish. You'd get hunted quick. I don't like fish.

No. Yeah. No. Because you're a people pleaser. You'd be like, hey, I like this picnic. He's like, why? Why? Why?

I go, I just wanted to sing happy birthday to. I'm dead. Oh, that's sad. You would be a good grizzly because you're an eater too. You would break into people's homes. I'd get the shit out of that trash. And then there's a 12 gauge to your temple. I'd eat that.

I'd eat that shot. A 12 gauge? As a grizzly bear? You know how many layers of blubber I have? I can't. Do you know what a 12 gauge is? Yeah. To your temple?

To your temple? If they're shooting me in the head, maybe not. That's what I just said. To the face, probably not. That'd be a sad bear. No, definitely not. Literally, they would have to hit you in like one area and you might be okay. Everywhere else, you're gone.

You're sadly mistaken on grizzly. Large creatures. A lot of extra. Can I tell you mine? Yeah. What the hell are you going to be? And I really want to do it. I really want to be a hippo.

I feel like I would survive the best as a hippo. You want to be a hippo? Love hippos. Give me your first thought. Why would you be a good hippo? Most dangerous mammal. Land mammal. So you're just going power approach?

Yes, because I'm already, and they have massive... And so I'm already used to that. Sorry, CJ. The most common thing you have with a hippo is you're already naked all the time. So your skin's already showing. Worst thing about a hippo, you can't swim. Hippos love water. They don't swim.

Hippos swim. They get in the water. They don't swim. Hippos swims like a boat, like a motor. Is that right? Hippos go... Why don't you be a land hippo? Then you'd be the weakest of hippos.

You'd be an easy target. First off, could you even imagine carrying 900 pounds of muscle? You want to talk about me and my head and my aerodynamics over an eagle? I'm getting there. No, you're not. Hippos are fast, too, and I'm fast. Bald eagles are faster. I'm not fighting you.

A hippo versus a bald eagle, Cam. Bald eagle. Cameron. Cameron. Cameron. I'm actually being honest. Me, too. A hippo cannot do bald eagle, Cam. Bald eagle. Cameron. Cameron. Cameron. I'm actually being honest. Me too. A hippo cannot do shit against an eagle.

Let's put it in an enclosed space. Let's put it in an enclosed space. Tell me one way that a hippo can do anything to an eagle. Honestly. Mouth. You catch that wing, you're done. You stomp on it. Done.

That's 900 pounds versus, like, what is a bald eagle? 30 pounds? Okay, if you're Houdini the hippo and you have perfect speed and you're just like, camp, hippos are big, slow creatures with their movements, comparative to a bald eagle. I will come down like a missile every time. Go straight for your eyes. I said in enclosed space.

Exactly. I can close my eyes. I can still stab your eye. What is your eyelid made of? Steel? What hippo are you? When you go like that, I'm opening my mouth. Have you seen? There's a whole game called Hungry Hungry Hippos. I know you didn't play it. Yeah, they're getting

golf balls. They're not getting bald eagles. Cam, they're grabbing a little puck. Cam, okay, say it's an enclosed space, right? A UFC ring with a dome on it. Let's say it's a UFC ring. What are you going to do with an eagle? I can let it go. I'm going to corner you and walk you down. Oh, walk me down like I can't fly.

You can't fly if there's an enclosed space. First off, an octagon's not enclosed. I said with a dome on it. Listen to instructions, bitch. How big is the dome? How much flying space do I have? Because you're making. 10 feet.

You're creating an arena that's benefiting you. No, you can fly around. Put them in the Coliseum. Is there a dome on the Coliseum? Where all great fights started. Let's say there's no dome on the Coliseum, but I can't leave the Coliseum. A hippo is more powerful in every aspect than a bald eagle. Let's take it to science.

Exactly, but it's the fact of surprise. That's like a ninja versus a Greek hoplite. I said ninja. Ninja versus hoplite. Hoplite. I don't even know what a hoplite is. What is a hoplite? Is that a special light in some states?

No, it's nothing to do with illumination. And why do we... A Greek hoplite. I don't know what that is. Say it like an insect or something. A great Greek warrior? Yeah. Why insect?

I don't know, because I think of like a grasshopper when you say that. A hoplite. Are fireflies still around? What the fuck? When's the last time you've seen a firefly? Let's put that out there. You know what I mean? I've never seen one.

You've never seen a firefly? Oh, you haven't had the magic. No, not since I was a kid. I almost lost my virginity near a firefly one time. I was like, that has to be a sign. That has to be a sign. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It was in the parking lot of a Dunkin' Donuts. They're so warm. I was like, you're getting off the sizzling, snapping bacon? In a blueberry coffee? No, one time I was in a Best Buy parking lot. A cop showed up. You're getting off in strange locations. You have to do what you have to do. Y'all never went to a parking lot and got nasty?

Best Buy and coffee. Oh, yeah, me neither. Oh, what? So much just left you. So much information. I almost sprained my ankle in the back of my Jeep one time trying to get active in there. Not a lot of room for athleticism, if you know what I mean. You ever got caught on a seatbelt?

F*** me, man. If you're trying to get up and mount, you hit the little wheel cover, you're like. You're just like, you're like, oh! And then you go. Oh! mount you hit the little wheel cover you're like you're just like you're like oh and then you go okay all right sorry oh it's all jokes none of this happened me a second oh yes it did you blueberry coffee snappling sizzling bacon making lover that was nice no but i was like about to get active and then i saw a firefly and I was like you would not believe your eyes and she was like

it is Sahara down here now why are you singing is this too much am I going too far done am I going too far can we keep any of that we can keep all of it

but you god your mind is a beautiful place I'm just telling jokes brother it is a beautiful place oh no you're telling stories there's a big difference.

You ever got stung by a mosquito trying to make love? My God. You're like, damn, I got to go to the doctor in the morning because I couldn't tell if it was my burning when I pee because of the mosquito or did you get me? He stung you on? Oh, my God. He stung you?

It's the juiciest part of me. It's most blood. They want the blood. That's a stupid lie. This is insane. He stung you on, your little brother's telling you it's a juiciest part of me it's most blood they want the blood this is insane he stung you on your little brother okay i'll stop he stung you on your twin brother no yeah yeah in the forest like what are you doing you never got active on a park bench i thought you've never a park what's the time oh midday no no you're there at about 5 p.m that's still plenty of light outside oh yeah you should be arrested that's a thrill and we're back all right so you think you'd be a good i'll be the best you can't swim

you're always naked question what do hippos eat first off you eat like a bird you don't even eat what you eat like a crow you cannot be a hippo i am a grizzly i eat a lot of shit i could eat like a bear you'd be you'd be you'd be outcasted by the pride of hippos you would be completely out they'd be like look at that freaking berries and shit you'd be over there, oh, the pretty, pretty berry plant. Oh, look at that eagle. Too slow. You'd be the worst hippo ever. You'd be the worst hippo ever.

No, hippos eat people. You got something to say, Hannibal Lecter? What are you, what are you, outing yourself? No, but if I'm an animal, I can. I, I genuinely think, I'll chew on your hip.

Your misconception of wildlife Is fascinating I do have a question about wildlife And like And I'm sorry My brain's going so strange right now Very Are birds asexual? Do birds make love?

Have you ever seen that happen? Yeah You've seen birds make love Ravens, city birds, and crows When you charge with Have you ever seen that happen? Yeah. You've seen birds make love. Ravens, city birds, and crows, when you charge with a USB? Never seen that. Yeah. Never seen that.

They're worried about getting soiled. That's what I'm saying. And hanging out on the electrical lines. That's what they're doing. Beautiful birds, they have the whole mating ritual thingies. Yeah, but I'm thinking that's more... They flock those feathers and...

I'm thinking that's more of like, we're going on a date. Like, we go together now. But I've never seen a bird even give birth let me take you this place called electricity bar we're gonna go stand on a line just fucking hang out and giraffes are giraffes asexuals do giraffes make coitus that's the biggest sex ever that That is some big sex, dog. That is some big ass sex. That's how you start a forest fire right there.

My mind went to a dark place. Oh, what? I'm going to go yes on birds. You never seen a bird's nest? Yeah, but I didn't know if they did that themselves, though. You think she's going to rub it up against a red oak and then pop it out and leave an egg in the tree? I watched a lot of Animal Planet, but I've never seen that scene. Because I've never seen...

How hard is it going to be to keep a gimbal on a bird as they're going to have sex and make youth? I've never seen a bird be a plumber and then go fix the house and be like, I like you. You're not. you're not. You're not. So you said your husband's not home, right? This thing might take two hands down here. You mind giving me a look?

Wait. This is a sick episode. Jim gets back at six, right? Four-fifty. Birds don't have plumbing to take care of. Birds, the man probably goes and finds the food. The mom stays home with the children. That's it.

But I've just never seen, like, giraffes. Could you imagine? Like, giraffes and cows and stuff. I've never seen, like, a cow? Cow gets down. I've never seen it. Cow gets down. Probably lazy sex.

Just sitting there. Just sitting there just sitting there little flick of the udder just sitting there he's like damn it agatha is it crazy people watch this with their children oh yeah this is bad yeah this might be. Woo. Oh. So animal sex. We can't record when we're on tour, but our brains are horrible. Cheetahs, though. That's quick. That's probably. That's athleticism. That's probably scary.

They are. They are. Have you seen lions? Have you seen what a, like a male. So I saw this video. A lioness is just laying, sunbathing, enjoying, waiting for food or fun. One of the Fs. Maybe another F too.

Animals don't have fun. Did you not see that thing, that little crab? No. There's a video of a crab in a case, like a fish tank, some call it. Yeah. A case. And the water purifier's shooting up to purify the water. And the crab literally crawls over, gets shot up, floats down, goes back, and keeps having fun.

It's like a built-in water park. I don't think that's what was happening. I think our human brains made it seem like he was having fun. What was that crab doing? Disoriented. He was like, what the f***? He's like, no, no, no! Because crabs don't have cognitive reasoning.

If I do that again, it won't happen. So the whites keep going back. Because he's a f***ing crab. He was definitely having fun. He was hanging out. He's in a two-foot by two-foot box. He could have been having the worst day of his life. We're like, look at him have fun. He was hanging out. He's in a two foot by two foot box. He could have been having the worst day of his life where like, look at him have fun.

He could have been trying to escape. He could have been trying to... He's like, why am I in this tank? All right, so you already know. I've tried to get you to watch it. Me and Liv have been watching a ton of Bridgerton. Oh my God. And something that I absolutely love from there is the insults. Old English insults

are, I would pay money for them to like come back to present day. What are old English insults? Like, art thou stinketh box? A stinketh box.

You're not too far off. Okay. Okay. Tell me something. I'm going to name some old English insults. I want you to guess what they mean.

Okay. You fop doodle. You fop doodle. You fop doodle. Is that like an idiot? Close. A fool. Okay, a fop doodle.

This one should be pretty self-explanatory. Oh, you nasty bed swerver. You bed swerver. Is that like somebody who sleeps around a lot? An adulterer. Oh, I'm a bed swerver. What is it called? A bed swerver Is that like somebody who sleeps around a lot? An adulterer I'm a bed swerver What is it called? A bed swerver

And that's not a thing to hold your hat on Oh no Okay ready? You pillock You pillock Pillock A pillock? A pillock

You pillock. Is that like a prick? It's like an idiot. It says idiot, derived from a Norwegian slang word for penis. Won't you give my pillock a turn? Won't you touch my pillock? Alright, what about a... What about a grumbletonian? A grumbletonian has to be like somebody who's grumpy all the time.

The meaning of this... Okay. Yeah, it's not telling me. Hold on. Hold on. So you just read something? No, but it's not telling me. What does that mean?

I don't f*** the Grumbletonian. Okay. Okay, next one. You bee-spauler. You bee-spauler? Bee-spauler. You bee-spauler. next one you be spaller you be spaller be spaller you be spaller someone that's sporadic in the brain no no someone that spits when they talk oh are you talking about me you're a beast that's my lisp you mumble crust what is a mumble crust a mumble crust somebody who's like illiterate

a toothless beggar. You got any shilling? Any quill? You got any quill for me? You got quill? You. Oh, shut it, you mumblecrust. That's so hurtful.

Okay. What about a blowzabella? That could be crazy. A girl that gets active This is A spitefully A girl adulterer This is a spitefully Gendered insult

Reserved for women Who have disheveled hair You blowzabella You blowzabella You blowzabella Go to the modiste And fix it So if her lace is showing

Yeah if her lace If her glue's not holding up What about a what about a foster luck a foster love foster loves foster luck somebody who's always complaining it's a woman that is gross you foster lux what about a oh shit uh a doll cop a doll cop a doll cop? You doll cop. A doll cop. Yeah. It's kind of close.

Think about it. You doll cop. Like someone who's not smart. Like doll in the brain. Exactly. Translates to doll head. There you go. There you go, boy.

There you go. You doll cop. I feel like these are really targeted. I promise. If the shoe fits. You're talking about my lips. If the shoe fits, Cinderella. Here we go.

A boba line. You boba line. A boba line. Someone who really enjoys that kind of tea with the balls in it what your boba tea those always make me weird you think they had boba boba tea is it boba tea ancient like that's cultural boba tea is cultural that's a new thing very new that came out2020. That came out pre-2020, post the Queen of England, post the patriarchy. Yeah. Boboline is another word for fool.

It came in after Henry 8th's son was stupid to his school teacher or something. Do we believe all that? Don't get me started. What about a Duke of Limbs? A Duke of Limbs. Now this is targeted. This one is directly for Peyton. Someone who's got.

You Duke of limbs. Someone who's got like, like can't control their limbs or something. Someone who's got like little arms. Little arms. Big arms, big legs. Duke of limbs translates to a tall, awkward, ill-made fellow. Oh, look at that poor Duke of limbs. I got one or two more. These are very targeted. Bro, they at that poor duke of limbs.

I got one or two more. These are very targeted. Bro, they're funny. Give me two more. What about a coxcomb? Oh, good morning to you. A coxcomb. That's what P. Diddy called his. We're going to skip coxcomb and go straight to shav.

A shav. You shav. Just like you, bitch. You bloody shav. You Shav. Just like you, bitch. You bloody Shav. Shav, a slur for a certain economic class of youth culture. Oh. That boy's a Shav. I love that.

I love that old stuff. That boy's a Shav. Last one. Here we go. Here we go. You blunderbuss. You blunderbuss. You blunderbuss.

Somebody who's like all over the place. Blunder. A short gun with a wide bore. We're talking about utensils now. Ask Henry VIII. So you can't call somebody a... A dumb blundering fellow. Oh, okay.

That's what I said. Like somebody's always in a blunder. That's funny. Yeah, it came from a short gun carrying small slugs with a wide bore. That's funny. I guess just a dumb blundering fellow but that shit i'm definitely gonna get a couple mumble crusts off and if you say something boy you better watch it with your little bed swerve ass okay doodle bro okay remind all these things

like i want to bring that back one of the things that really really hurts me when i speak do you need help no okay but like really makes me insecure when I do this. Oh, Bubby. This really makes me insecure. You ever stuttered on a voicemail? You know what I mean? Because you can't take that back. That is the funniest shit. That's one of the

funniest things I have never thought about. Because you cannot delete it. That shit is there. You know what I mean? Hey, I was just calling. Hey, what are you doing? Just, oh, shit. Oh, my God.

I started on a business voicemail the other day. No. So I had to call this company, right? And so you be, or I guess you just be the voicemail whenever they say the thing. All right, so I'm calling. I'm going to be like, all right, here you go. Ring, ring, ring. You've reached the voicemail box of the caller you're calling.

They're currently not available to pick up the phone. Please leave a message at the beep. Beep. And so I was nervous because I didn't have a speech prepared. Okay, here you go. Like a birthday. So I was like, oh, hey, this is Peyton Harden.

I got the voicemail. I got the email that you... You hung up. I swear to God. And then I texted them. And I said, hey, ignore that call on the voicemail. It was a butt dial. That's the only way I could go about it.

But what if he was like, oh, I'm pretty sure you were trying to get something out. You just couldn't say it. I don't think your ass was dialing much. Bro, stuttering on a voicemail has to be the worst thing you could do what if you doubled down what if you tried to repair it you call them again they don't answer again you go hey so about about that and you're like not just hanging up again oh my god bro that is that is genius that's hilarious stuttering on a voicemail is the worst part. I've never done that, so we're not relating on any of course. I'm sorry.

Never have me either. But no, yeah, never. But holy shit, you can't take it back. You can't take it back. Like, because you have that, you go into that moment right there. It's like, do I try to recover or do I end it? Oh my God. But I can't recover.

You have to recover. I can't. You have to try. That's like when you go through the drive-thru, when we always laugh and **** with each other in the drive-thru. And I'm like, I'll just take it. Like, just give me the burger. That's like when you go through the drive-thru, when we always laugh and **** with each other in the drive-thru. And I'm like, I'll just take it. I'm like, just give me the burger. That's so funny.

Yeah. Holy shit. That's why I drive off from a lot of drive-thrus, is whenever I can't really remember what I wanted. Oh, my God. Or I'm messing up what I'm saying, I'll leave the drive-thru. I can't leave that. That voicemail is recorded.

What if there's a car in front of you? Oh, my God. What if you were studying? It's happened. What if you were stuttering so bad, but you couldn't escape? Car behind you a car in front of you? Oh my god. What if you were stuttering? It's happened. What if you were stuttering so bad but you couldn't escape? Car behind you, car in front of you. What do you do? Oh my god. And they're asking you questions. Sir, are you alright? Oh, I said it. Wait, I couldn't hear you. No, we can hear you

though. Sir, you said you wanted a what, a what, a what. We don't have that. What is that? What's a what, a what, a what? What would you say? How do you navigate that? No, I put the blame on the other people. Okay, let's go. Here we go. I'm like, hey, I can't hear you.

That's it. Hey, welcome to McDonald's. Can I get a name for the order? Steve. Okay. Oh, what can I get for you, Mr. Steve? Can I get the, uh, that, uh, the, uh, wait, what were you saying? I simply asked, what can I get for you, Mr. Steve?

What are you with? Sorry. Can you just ask me who I'm with I'm on the clock what can you get to eat we're a kitchen we make you food what do you want yeah no no no let me give me a second to have all the time in the world

Mr. Steve are you crying Mr. Steve are you do you need help I'm not even Are you? Do you need help? I'm not even hungry anymore, though. Thank you, though. Have a good day. I go, don't yell at me.

All you hear is, eee. Pull off. Yeah, I've driven off of a lot of drive-thrus. All right, let's get a Dr. P in, and then we'll get out of here. It's time to save some souls, but it starts with... Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P!

Dr. P! All right, Lord, I found the submission. Are you ready? I'm ready. I hope it's toxic. Permission to touch. Permission not granted. Okay, here we go. Dear Dr. P,

Hello. Can you give me some advice? Yep. While on vacation, I met a girl at a bar and I hooked up with her. That's a boy. That a boy.

Dot, dot, dot. But she ended up being absolutely crazy and quote, in love, end quote. Oh, you're good at your job. With me after that one night.

No, he's good at it. Now, a little over a month later sigh she's pregnant what do i do good god almighty he even he literally typed out sigh so that boy is stressing and enter the greatest toxic love doctor you've ever met in your life the you should know podcast family and I say this every time as Dr. P, I'm not Peyton, this is Dr. P, is the sickest family in the world. We have nasty cousins. We have nasty relatives.

Our family reunion is gross. Horrible. A lot of antibiotics at our family reunion. Tons of hand sanitizer. All right. So he hooked up with a girl. He hooked up with a girl. On a trip.

On a trip. A month later. Which is fine. Yeah. No harm, no foul so far. No harm, no foul. Do your thing. Hooked up on the girl on a trip, which is fine. Yeah, no harm, no foul so far. No harm, no foul. Do your thing. Hooked up on a girl on a trip.

She's crazy. She absolutely is in love with him after one night, so he did a good job. Oh, my God, wait. Oh, my God, Law & Order SVU. It's not his it might not be his it might not be his holy shit it might not be his oh my god she could already been pregnant or she did something with somebody else that's true because she hooked up with you why did she not because if he says that she is she fell in love after one hookup one day first of all you got a ham on you second of all she might be using that because i i know some people in my life that that's happened to them oh my god what occurred they faked babies or they've said the baby's theirs

and it's not because they just like this guy and they want that guy to take care of it. Or they faked love because they already had the baby. That's why you don't talk to me. Say sorry. You're right. I'm sorry. Sorry what? Sorry, Lord.

All right. Fly count. So what you do is you be respectful. Let me be serious because there's a child involved here. Human being. You be respectful. Be like, hey. And get the fuck out of here. but let me be serious because there's a child involved here human being you be respectful be like hey and get the i don't share these emotions with you okay it was a hookup um consensual hookup

consensual hookup which is the only kind of hookups that should happen 100 like what are you talking about oh good god you're kind of scaring me i I'm going to sit here in silence with my secretary. So you go, look, since we don't know each other, we are strangers. I'm not trying to disrespect you. I would like to get a paternity test. I'd like to see if that baby is mine. If it is not, you get to run. The devil's advocate. There's two passageways.

She says, yes, baby is his. What does he do? You be a father you take care of that baby simple you don't have to be with the woman but you have to be a present father in that baby's life what if it what if they're what if they're worlds apart you have to figure it out for that shit they met they they they had a fantastic week in cancun he's from seattle she's from the dominican republic what are we doing you figure it out you have to figure it out for that kid okay that's just my stance kids meet fathers and mothers in their lives 100 second fork in the road she says no she says no what to the paternity

test what does he do and be like i can't i can't consciously i can't say that work dr p work oh god let me think let me think dr p here we go if he's working if she says no you can you can is that legal i don't know. I don't know if that's legal. You have to, don't you? I don't, let's say she has an amazing Dominican lawyer. Amazing. She's from the Dominican Republic. Oh, she?

No, I'm saying. Oh, you just made that up. In the scenario. CJ, can you look that up? If she says no, you take care of that baby, right? You're like, oh, baby, baby. Q-tip. Right in the head of yourself. You go, I'll bottle him today cheek swab you go

you find a way to get that you rip a hair out and if not look you made a decision to not be the safest and to complete the mission inside the tunnel wow strange mission in a tunnel a tunnel you decide to complete level three? There you go. Level three. You got to inside the park home run. Yeah. Oh, my God. You got to inside the park home run.

You might hit a bunt. Oh, my God. He bunt ran all four bases. That guy is an athlete. He is a fantastic baseball player. Did you look it up? Yeah. It has to be acquired by a judge.

So then he goes to court. But what if he doesn't have money for court? Doesn't have money? Take a loan out, bro. If you're that worried, you wouldn't write to me. But look, bro, if it is your kid,

be a father, be present in that baby's life, take him to some live shows. We're on tour right now. Tickets available now. Link in the bio. And that was... Dr. P!

Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Get us out of here, Colin. Scott went brr. Everybody, we thank you so, so much for coming back to episode 117.

It was another fantastic episode. The sweat stains are sweating. The sweat stains are sweating and the couch is broken. But. What an episode, brother. Nonetheless, we are still on tour. DC, this was recorded before you, but we know you're going to show up and show out. God bless.

And Philadelphia, this also happened while we were there as well. So it was hopefully fantastic. Chicago, you are next on the list. I'm glad both of those happened. Get your tickets right now. Link in the description below. Link in the bio. We still have Phoenix, Vegas, and Houston available as well.

But we absolutely love y'all. Twitch, Discord, Patreon, Facebook, all the links are going to be below. Go check them out. Go get all your you should know and all your platforms so you never miss a beat. But this week's code to confuse the casuals and get your good karma is VHS. VHS, and I'm not talking about old movies. VHS. Voicemails hurt most.

Vegetarian hippo scary. Oh, S. You'd be a vegetarian hippo. Vegetarian hippo scary. You would be a big grizzly bear that gets... Okay, well, VHS, leave it on all the tiktok instagram facebook leave it all the comments everywhere confuse the casuals get your good karma we absolutely love y'all chicago you are next to enjoy the show and we can't wait to see

your beautiful little chocogian faces and sorry if this episode was a little inappropriate uh if your kids are watching but we're we're 25 we're joking around. It's a comedy podcast. We love you. We're going to have fun. And don't come to live shows because I'm vulgar in those now. Just kidding. I'm not. Remember,

one out of ten claw bears don't make it home to Christmas. It's the first time I've messed up in a while, Lord. We'll see you next time. No, yeah. The couch is broken. No, it's done.