You Should Know Podcast - BECOMING A BABYSITTER GONE WRONG! -You Should Know Podcast-

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

TOUR TICKETS: https://linktr.ee/youshouldknowpodcast?utm_source=linktree_profile_share&ltsid=cf28649f-95a7-4878-8701-fc4ea9c2f071 NEW MERCH: https://youshould-know.shop/password PATREON: https://www....patreon.com/YouShouldKnowPodcast FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/people/You-Should-Know-Podcast/61552092953106/ NEW TWITCH CHANNEL: https://m.twitch.tv/peytonhardin/home Peyton’s Polaroids: https://instagram.com/peytonpolaroids?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== TRUE VAULT ESCAPADES: https://youtube.com/@AtomicWolf54 0:00 DREAMCON REACTION 3:14 CAM JOINS 5:36 Eating Cams Placenta 6:28 Peyton Broke Up Cam & Liv 9:42 BOOKING.COM 10:50 Sight Seeing is a SCAM? 18:10 We Saw A VAMPIRE 20:49 The Last Doctor Visit! 23:14 Testing Peyton’s Flirting 28:25 HEINEKEN 0.0 29:34 THE UNCLE QUIZ 38:33 ROCKETMONEY 40:04 WORST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER! 45:03 Exposing My Childhood Writing 49:21 CRAZY GOAT HEAD STORY 55:11 Running around NAK*D! 58:33 Scared Of Your BUCKET-LIST 1:01:08 PDS DEBT 1:02:26 OSTRICHES ARE EVIL 1:08:45 CRYING ON INSTAGRAM 1:14:14 HIMS 1:15:45 Does Cam Care About Peyton? 1:22:10 Pregnancy Picture GONE WRONG 1:23:54 We Are Going To The Army 1:25:10 THE SYRUP DEBATE 1:29:47 POP CULTURE (EMINEM ALBUM) 1:39:41 ANNOUNCEMENTS Todays Sponsors: Rocket money: https://app.rocketmoney.com/signup?_forward_params=1&_smtype=3&cl=on&utm_campaign=ysk&utm_medium=podcast&utm_source=podcast&wpcid=ysk&wpcn=ysk&wpsnetn=podcast HIMS: https://www.hims.com/consult-start-qn-mbg-dlp-holiday?utm_source=QCode&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=hims&utm_content=YSK&utm_product=zeus&utm_term=rsu Heineken 0.0: https://shop.mikmak.ai/social/663bde5d1462a90bf68fc95c?utm_source=na&utm_medium=paid_digital_audio&ut PDS DEBT: https://pdsdebt.com/free-debt-assessment/?ref=ysk HIMS: https://www.hims.com/consult-start-qn-mbg-dlp-holiday?utm_source=QCode&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=hims&utm_content=YSK&utm_product=zeus&utm_term=rsu For your personalized ED TREATMENT OPTIONS! Booking.com: BOOK YOUR TRIP TODAY WITH BOOK.COM YouShouldKnow P.O. BOX 191564 2825 Oak Lawn Ave Dallas, Texas 75219 FOLLOW PEYTON: https://instagram.com/psh8?igshid=ZDg1NjBiNjg= JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/V5WYhSte2R Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:26 There are very few things that you can be certain of in life. But you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink. And of course, you can rest assured that with Public Mobile's 5G subscription phone plans, you'll pay the same thing every month. With all of the mysteries that life has to offer, a few certainties can really go a long way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for. Public Mobile, different is calling. The You Should Know Podcast.
Starting point is 00:02:10 Hey everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 122. Round of applause. Please. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, I need it. I need it. I need it. I need it.
Starting point is 00:02:19 I need it. I need it. That feels good. Alrighty. Hey everybody, welcome back to the Usual Podcast, episode 122. If you are new here, if you haven't already, you look below, you see that subscribe button, is it pressed? You're wrong. If you look even more below that, you see that comment section, is it fulfilled with your name?
Starting point is 00:02:38 Guess what? Even more wrong. Go and fill that out. Get your good karma. Let's talk about something real quick. I know I've said in the previous intros that we're going to start rolling out announcements. Big surprises, right? We started last week announcing that Cam and Liv are having a little baby. Round of applause for that little baby. That's my kid! That's my kid! Alrighty, that's what, with your information you have now, it is.
Starting point is 00:03:03 Here we go. Another announcement. Two weeks in a row. Are you ready? Cam and Peyton, me and Cam, will be at DreamCon Austin, Texas this year, participating again in the Creator League 5v5 basketball game. Round of applause for that. That will be happening July 27th, live streaming on the Creator League YouTube channel. And there's something special about this year, right?
Starting point is 00:03:33 The draft has happened. It is Team Mark Phillips versus Team Duke Dennis. Last year, co-host Cam and I took home the victory playing with mark phillips this year in the draft things got spicy cam went second overall first well no second overall right second overall to team mark phillips i was drafted right after that to team Duke Dennis. That means co-host Cam and I will be going head-to-head for the first time since we were in college. Now, let me make something very clear. And to everybody that is watching the Creator League,
Starting point is 00:04:18 I vow, I promise that co-host Cam is going to be put on his behind because of this elbow right here, live on Creator League. It will probably be on other streaming services afterwards. Millions of people across the world will see this. Who is the better basketball player, me or co-host Cam? I know I love the boy. I know he's my co-host, but there's one thing. In between those lines, we are not friends. He is my arch nemesis. I know he's my co-host, but there's one thing in between those lines. We are not friends. He is my arch nemesis. I will grab his manhood, twist it and put it in my pocket if I have to. And he will do the same for me and I will invite it. My target's a little larger. I want y'all in the comment section right now to pick who you think is going to win
Starting point is 00:05:01 team Mark or team Duke. We will see you at DreamCon July 27th. We love you. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got co-hosts, a.k.a. Dad, Cam in the building! I don't know if I like that. No, my claps are always... Not that, not that.
Starting point is 00:05:26 I said in the building. I normally say back in the studio. Do it again and say we have co-host dad Cam. Let's put a poll up on the screen. Does Cam deserve two intros? Majority says no. Run the episode. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:05:42 Back in the flesh, and I'm a father. You are a dad. It's not in the... The seed's not out yet. No, it's not. It's still a seed, like on the episode. Let's go. Back in the flesh, and I'm a father. You are a dad. It's not in the, the seed's not out yet. No, it's not. It's still a seed, like on the bun. I don't have a, it's not its own bun. But it's alive, the heart's beating, and it's good.
Starting point is 00:05:56 Would you like to clear up some rumors about your future child? Let's clear it up. There's already some rumors about your future child. It's not yours, so. I said your future child. I know, but that's one rumor. It's not yours. You have no part in this child. You had no sexual intercourse with my wife. Let's start there.
Starting point is 00:06:07 I don't even think those were the rumors. I don't think those were the rumors at all. Did you? No. Okay. I'm kidding. But, first thing I saw in the comment section below. Let's hear it. I'm not ready for the day that
Starting point is 00:06:22 Cam has to take months off the podcast. Let me tell you something now. Oh, no shot. He won't ever get a couple months off the podcast. We have already discussed as a twin-headed dragon snake team killer. I'm not a snake. As the two team captains, we've already discussed this. Me and my wife as the power couple of the century.
Starting point is 00:06:42 Boom! We've discussed. I love that ad-lib. Thank you. As the power couple of the century. Boom, boom, boom! I just that ad-lib. Thank you. As the power couple of the century. Boom, boom, boom! I just wanted one. I don't care what you wanted.
Starting point is 00:06:48 I do the ad-libs. You do the speaking. People are losing interest in what you're saying. I didn't ask for a three-round burst. I didn't ask what you wanted. For the power couple of the century. Boom.
Starting point is 00:06:55 Okay. We discussed it. And no, the baby is going to get a lot of my time, soul, energy, and love. But the podcast will always. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:04 It's like we record like once or twice a week it'll take about four or five hours he's gonna be with that kid don't worry about it second of all run them run all the rumors a lot of people think i'm the actual like blood uncle of the kid so there's so many tiktok searches payton and live siblings? Yeah. Is Peyton blood related? Yeah. Is he actual uncle? To answer you, yes. He is Olivia's brother. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, we came out of the same placenta. I thought you were going to say something.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Are you going to eat the placenta? I'm not eating shit that comes out of my wife. Can I have it? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Can you have my kid's placenta? I'll refrigerate it. Maybe put a little seasoning on it for Thanksgiving. Imagine I come over.
Starting point is 00:07:49 I think you're giving me a pork shoulder. I'm biting into my wife's one-year-old dry-aged placenta with barbecue seasoning on it. I heard it ages like wine. It ages like cheddar cheese. It gets moldy and nasty. I'd throw up. No, you can't have a placenta. No, I'm not eating the placenta.
Starting point is 00:08:04 I guarantee my wife's not doing that shit either. No. Back to the uncle. He is not blood uncle, obviously. We've said this multiple times. He does not share blood with Olivia. But they have known each other just as long as I've known him and I've known Olivia. We all came in cahoots at one time.
Starting point is 00:08:20 That's why they are brother-sister. We are brothers and we are lovers. You know something that I'm thinking about now? What what you know you proposed to olivia i did some odd years ago i did you were there you know you're there crying in a garden behind a bush god bless in 110 degree weather and i was hung over when your ball sack off hung over crying hung over they thought you were on drugs yeah 100 you're in a bush going. Security came over and they're like, what are y'all doing back here? I said, you need to go.
Starting point is 00:08:50 I'm about to capture a life moment here. There we go. But. What were you thinking about? I was thinking, you dated Olivia as well before you married. That's normally the timeline. That's typically how it goes. There we go. Y'all kept your relationship from me, your relationship secret from me at the beginning.
Starting point is 00:09:03 100% did. No, we did not. That is the biggest portrayal that I've ever done you're such an idiot no we do not second off did it not
Starting point is 00:09:10 cross your mind when you were going to propose to Olivia uh huh you're like I gotta talk to her dad uh huh I gotta talk to her mom
Starting point is 00:09:17 I gotta talk to Peyton are you nuts no that didn't cross my mind isn't that a little messed up hey bro do you mind if I like marry
Starting point is 00:09:25 your friend that's my love not no not that is it okay is it okay that i marry olivia you give your attention more to somebody else now like didn't you not did that not cross your mind as a best friend and a former lover the slightest former lover not in the slightest you haven't held my johnson since Ops 4 released. No, my God, no, we didn't. Remember, we watched Prisoners in my bed, on my twin bed in Seminole Nation, and then we went to the garage,
Starting point is 00:09:54 and we ate burgers. It was a good night. And that meant nothing to you? Honestly, you're a lady killer. And in that case, in that night, I was a boy. You're a boy killer. You're a killer of boys.
Starting point is 00:10:06 My pants had a stain on them. I think we set the record for amount of boy tongue in a dormitory. 100%. A lot of boy tongue was shared, and it wasn't from macaroni. I know what your taste buds feel like. You've played virtual tongue boxing with my uvula. He said, your tongue was throwing jabs at the back of my throat. What are we doing?
Starting point is 00:10:28 We're back. We're back. Hello to campus future kid. Hello kid. Yeah. God. Oh my God. You just gave me
Starting point is 00:10:35 like a heartbreaking realization. No. Everything I've ever said on this podcast from wiping my ass certain ways to bleeding in my ass
Starting point is 00:10:44 certain ways out of my ass not in. Internal blood. I guess it was in and then out. All these things I've said my ass certain ways to bleeding in my ass certain ways. Out of my ass, not in. Internal blood. I guess it was in and then out. All these things I've said, my kids are going to be able to see. You ever seen Triple H's intro? Sometimes I bleed out of my butt like that.
Starting point is 00:10:56 Like a hot spring? Your asshole's shooting blood like a geyser. You ever thumbed a garden hose and sprayed people like that? I don't know how much of this can go in. I don't know, CJ. We'll have a meeting. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:11:12 I don't know. Okay. We'll watch it posted. God bless. Let's get to something. He's seen the comments about you coughing. Yeah. You do cough a lot, and it's starting to annoy me as well.
Starting point is 00:11:22 It's been recent. Basically, I caught a little bug, small bug. Some call it a beetle. I caught the beetle, ate the beetle. It had diseases, right? I'm just kidding. Caught a small bug. I was down and out for like two days, but now the cough's been here for like three weeks.
Starting point is 00:11:35 Nice. I don't know what it is. Cool. Go get a doctor. I don't believe in them. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode of the You Should Know Podcast is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking. Yeah!
Starting point is 00:11:47 It's finally time for some summer travel and we could not be more excited. That's right. Booking.com offers so many possibilities across the United States for all the travelers that you want to be this summer. Let me tell you something. I'll be taking a trip to Los Angeles, California. You know, it's a second home for me. I'd love to lean into that L.A. city city life, walking down sunset Boulevard, getting a little coffee
Starting point is 00:12:08 bean, maybe going to little shops, maybe just charging a Tesla. Cause that's what I feel like you do in LA. And thanks to booking.com booking. Yeah. They make it possible. Yeah. Booking.com wide breadth of places to stay across the U S make., make booking whoever you want to be this summer so, so easy. From spacious villas for your bachelor or bachelorette parties to bed and breakfasts for your summer road trips. There's so many great choices at Booking.com. What are you waiting for? This summer you can book whoever you want to be on Booking.com.
Starting point is 00:12:40 Booking.yeah! Book today on Booking.com. Now on to the rest of the episode. So we just went on tour, right? We just went on tour. It's a fantastic tour. D.C. D.C.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Houston. Vegas. Santa Barbara. Nope. Los Angeles. No. Chicago. Las Vegas.
Starting point is 00:13:02 There you go. Los Angeles. Yes. New York. Dallas. No. Chicago. Las Vegas. There you go. Los Angeles. Yes. New York. Dallas. Austin. Houston. Chicago.
Starting point is 00:13:11 Philly. Tampa. Phoenix. Phoenix. We went to all these places, right? We went to a lot of places. One thing I don't get, and I can't ever, ever budge on this. Your smell on the road.
Starting point is 00:13:23 Huh? The way you smell on the road. Oh, no. No, no, no. I'm content with that. Okay. But I will die on this your smell on the road huh the way you smell oh no no no i'm content with that okay but i will die on this argument i don't ever want to go sightsee ever like that's not fun you know what i mean i don't give a shit about a mona lisa That bitch ain't ever done shit for me. You know what I mean? Who is that? You want me to go travel to Rome to go see a painting behind a rope? Piss on your grave.
Starting point is 00:13:56 How about that? You think I want to go to North Dakota to see a carved Abraham Lincoln on a mountain? Cool. Oh, let's go see the Pentagon. Pint the fuck off, huh? Sorry, see? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:14:15 You are on one right now, and the Mount Rushmore is certainly not in North Dakota. Where is it? It can't be North Dakota. Where is it? It's not there. I couldn't tell you where it is, but it's not there. And you're such an iPad kid. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:14:28 I've been like this since I was a kid and there wasn't iPads around. Exactly, but now there is and you're an iPad kid. I've never cared about national monuments. Why? Respect. Why? I don't think you do respect. Because...
Starting point is 00:14:39 You don't want to go to the Grand Canyon? No. You have no interest in seeing the grandest of canyons. If I pass by it and we can stop, I'm like, oh yeah, let's go see it. How much is the ticket? It doesn't matter. It does. It does. Let's say it's 40 bucks. 40 bucks. I can do it. Okay. How long, what do I get? What do I gain? You get to say you see the Grand Canyon with your own eyes. That's not what people are doing there. You know what they're doing're doing instagram story people are sightseeing for other people's validation hey exactly newsflash don't give a what y'all think about me okay and
Starting point is 00:15:10 that's fair that's fair but to see it yourself as a man you wouldn't want to see the coliseum the pantheon i don't know what the pantheon is i thought that was a ribbon that's all the type of i've won a pantheon before. It's soccer. Paisel. Seventh grade. Pflugerville Athletic Youth Sports. I hate when you say it after you go Paisel. Pflugerville Athletic Sports. The orthos association. So you wouldn't want to see the Great Wall of China? No.
Starting point is 00:15:34 You wouldn't want to see the Pyramids Giza? Library Alexandria? Who's Alexandria? I met Alexandria one time. You're the worst. You're the worst. But, okay, explain to me what i gained except for the validation of saying i went to go to this place when people say that to me i'm like hear
Starting point is 00:15:51 me out okay say say we continue on this growth right here in 10 15 years for whatever reason am i alive you're very much alive hope to god let's let's find something okay we we there's a structure that we built that becomes a staple monument to that's really cool like dope as hell like this is the ysk sculpture people come from all around the country to see it they're really bored now people come from all around the world yeah would you not want like say say you're gone right you're we're dead and gone god bless and people still come and see that is that not amazing when i'm dead i don't care what's going on in the in the mortal world i don't care i'm with jesus it's history like but is it really though yes yes is it really yes it is no it's not
Starting point is 00:16:36 yes it's history you're gonna you're making i don't like people that just don't care about history i respect history what we're seeing is refurbished you ever bought a refurbished ipad before that usb port has been plugged in and out several times there's dust there's dust you know what i mean but it still works it but it's not the original one you think it's a fake coliseum have you been to the alamo yeah are you they blew the shit out the alamo you think that's the same wall they They probably, probably some of it was standing. They had to remodel it. You know what I could go do?
Starting point is 00:17:07 You know what I could go do? Google. I could just go to L.A., right, and go to a sound studio and then have directors make that. It's the same shit because it's not the actual one. What do I gain from seeing the Mona Lisa? Who is that? I don't know. Like, literally, who is that?
Starting point is 00:17:22 I don't know. I guess some random broad way back in the day she must have had some fire clam there if she brought it's but i'm sorry see we already we were going we're going you're pissing me off you're you are you are degrading belittling and not understanding things that have come before you i know what if people said the same thing about us when we're gone? I don't care. I don't care about the mortal world. That's going to happen. I'm sitting up there in my golden plate hanging out with Christ.
Starting point is 00:17:49 That's the biggest thing. Yes. That's great. I don't care. I'm saying like I've talked to girls before and they've been like, I want to travel the world and I want to go see those four little – Because it's dope. I want to see those four little stones in Iceland.
Starting point is 00:18:04 Yeah, okay. What do I give – go outside. I'll take you to go see those four little... Because it's dope. I want to see those four little stones in Iceland. Yeah, okay. What do I give... Go outside. I'll take you to go see some rocks. It's not the same. Is it, though? There's this historical importance. It's like a...
Starting point is 00:18:13 But it's not the same rocks. Okay, imagine Pokemon. You open up cards, right? Yeah. Regular cards. I can buy and sell. Exactly. I can't buy and sell those rocks.
Starting point is 00:18:20 I'm giving you things. Rocks is your regular card. You get a train or a little energy card or something. But then you pull that prismatic, double ultra rare Charizard. You're holding that. Your heart's fluttering. Your fanny's fluttering. But you don't even get to hold these things.
Starting point is 00:18:35 You don't get to touch them. You just get to see them. If I can see something, Google images. That's not the same. Shit's in 4K. That's not the same when you're looking at the Pyramid of Giza and you're butt naked and hairy in your bed. That's actually the exact same thing. No, it's not. same when you're looking at the Pyramid of Giza and you're butt naked and hairy in your bed. That's actually the exact same thing.
Starting point is 00:18:45 No, it's not. That's like saying being at the NBA Finals game is the same as watching it on your TV. Watch this. That's not the same. No, no, it's completely different. How? Because you don't know. You still saw it.
Starting point is 00:18:54 No, because you don't know what's going to happen. You're witnessing the actual history. That's different. You are a part of the history if you were there. You are a part of history. Exactly. I can throw something in this game right now and that hot dog that i just threw on lebron james is going to affect
Starting point is 00:19:09 the course of history forever exactly but that's different no that's the same thing you just go see an old polaroid image it's the same shit you know what i mean you're disrespectful i respect history don't take this as i'm not respecting history i just don't want to go see that i don't i don't care the people that do it simply for the Instagram. I understand 90% of people People take pictures just to say who I went here It's like enjoy the moment, but we'll have to agree to disagree because I'm literally gonna drag your bony ass to Rome with I'm not Going to you are I hate to break it to you Matter of fact you actually are cuz we did a blood oath handshake never touched blood with you
Starting point is 00:19:43 You would not be alive if you touched my blood. All right, you thought I had it bad. That's that's That's crazy. All right, we can mute it. We can mute it. We'll keep it but we can mute it Huh? Huh? You're a sick man. You're a sick man. You know mosquitoes run from you It's you know, a whole hive would die if they went after you. I'm the reason vampires are extinct. Oh my god, speaking of vampires. That guy in his car that we saw the other day. Which one? The guy had the biggest cross
Starting point is 00:20:11 I've ever seen hanging from his mirror. Made of baboon, or not baboon. It was made of bark off of a tree. You know how, okay, imagine your little rear view your mirror right there. Some people have a rosary hanging. Some people have a cute little cross that their kid made in vacation. I had Gucci Mane in 2016.
Starting point is 00:20:26 You had a Gucci Mane sticker, scent, smell good. That was pretty epic. It was the first time I've seen something like that. Got it from Zoomies. It was pretty lit. This guy, we get stopped at a red light next to him.
Starting point is 00:20:37 I turn over. He's in a lifted truck. This cross is this big, hanging from his mirror, made of like birch. It was like ropes together. It wasn't even like a a cool design or like something he bought it's like he went up to a tree like
Starting point is 00:20:49 like he's a vampire you know it was van helsing it literally took he his field of vision was it's gone it was it was the biggest like i i really wish i would have took a picture because y'all aren't even fathoming how big the crazy part is when you look at him you're like that's not a man of crime. Yeah. He looks like he's done some evil things in his life. It looks like his day job is something that he doesn't do on Quicken tax books. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:21:13 You can't report that. You can't file that. Nighttime job, he walks around with onions and steaks. He tries to kill the vampire. He looked like the Undertaker when he used to ride a motorcycle. There you go. That's exactly right. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:21:24 Marlboro Red sticking out of that right side of his lip. How was your week, Bubba? Would you smoke a cigarette? Would I smoke a cigarette? Maybe not necessarily for what it comes with, but for like an aesthetic. For an aesthetic? I would hold one. Say you're in France.
Starting point is 00:21:36 Someone throws you a stoke. Wouldn't go. What am I going for? You know I don't like to sightsee. Say you're in France. Okay. Someone throws you a stoke, lights that joint, says put it up. It makes you look like a real Frenchman.
Starting point is 00:21:45 I'll do it. Take this flick. Do I get a croissant and a small bagel? You do get a beignet and a glass of tea. Isn't a beignet what cleans your ass? I have a beignet in my bathroom. You have a bidet. Oh.
Starting point is 00:21:58 A beignet is a beautiful little donut looking creature with powdered sugar on top that makes you on the inside fun fact i figured out that bidet that i had on my i have on my toilet it's not a bidet so i've been spraying my ass with something that's not supposed to go in there what is it it's a like a toilet scraper like a water toilet scraper it's so powerful and i was like why is my i was like why do i have a bruised bum? You know what I mean? You ever get butthole cramps?
Starting point is 00:22:30 What? No. See, you. Y'all get butthole cramps. You ever breathe in too hard and your lung hurts? Yeah. It's like the same thing, but down under. We're going to the doctor. I down under. No, you need to.
Starting point is 00:22:45 We're going to the doctor. I probably should. No, we're going to the doctor. No, you need to. Last time I went to the doctor, I got a physical. You know me and my physicals. Time out. I understand you like physicals.
Starting point is 00:22:55 Yeah, I love them. And we could have just went on a different path right there. Mm-hmm. You haven't been to a doctor in seven years? Yeah, about. Except for a major surgery. Is that bad? I should probably go, no.
Starting point is 00:23:11 No, that's bad. But like... You haven't been to a doctor. You haven't been to a doctor before COVID was ever a thing. Yeah. During a pandemic. Yeah. Post-pandemic. And everything in between. Yeah. During a pandemic. Yeah. Post-pandemic and everything in between. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:28 You haven't been to a doctor since you were an athlete. Like, what for? If I feel fine, I'm fine. And if I go out, I want to go out just living my regular life. I don't want to know. Oh, you're going to go out. There's no if. It's like a win at this point.
Starting point is 00:23:43 You're going to go out, and I think it's quicker than we're expecting. Praise God. I hope not. That's not wood. Praise God, but how have you – that's like – what? When's the last time you've been to a dentist? My wisdom tooth surgery? Okay, I'll think about it.
Starting point is 00:24:00 Are you talking about like a cleaning? But before that. Oh. I think when I got my braces off in like high school, like ninth grade, tenth grade. Bro, dentists terrify me. And one thing about the dentist, I went for my wisdom tooth surgery, and it like solidified the fact that I'm not going,
Starting point is 00:24:15 I'm never going back to the dentist. Because all the nurses are Victoria's Secret models. Oh, yeah. I'm like, I don't want you in my mouth. You see in the black tar that I have on there or do you no i don't because they'll be like oh you're he's attractive what the thing she goes oh my god this guy's kind of like dead ass what if someone gagged from your oral health and he threw up in my mind he whoa well my my dentist saying we were talking about victoria secret model women oh i'm saying the dentist that i used to go to he was a man big strong hygiene. He. Whoa. Well, my dentist said We were talking about Victoria's Secret Model women.
Starting point is 00:24:45 Oh, but I'm saying the dentist that I used to go to, he was a man. Big, strong fingers. I remember his knuckle hair. I used to always
Starting point is 00:24:51 want knuckle hair because of him. You know what? That brings me to a question. You wanted knuckle hair because of a dentist?
Starting point is 00:24:57 Yeah, his shit looked like an ape. I was like, Koba. All right. Yeah. I just thought of something else.
Starting point is 00:25:04 This is the conversation. This is the gift that keeps giving. Because you're giving me little gems. Would you accept someone hitting on you in a place of business around other coworkers? I know you're a macho man. Am I though? I don't know. I'm just kidding. You're actually pretty sassy. You're a very i know you're i know you're you're a you're a macho man am i am i though i don't know i'm actually pretty sassy you're you're a you're a sassy broad you're a sassy girl yeah but in
Starting point is 00:25:30 terms of masculinity and sex that you exude from your body your female pheromones are high levels okay you can walk in a room kind of make it be hard you can walk i keep talking you're just like you just see your pants start moving. Get off me. Okay. This is a wild episode. Okay, you walk in a room. Let's just cut the shit, okay?
Starting point is 00:25:54 You know what? Once and for all, we're cutting the shit. Episode 122, shit's being cut. You're an attractive guy. Thank you. We all know that. No, don't do that. Don't do that.
Starting point is 00:26:04 I'm being honest with you. I'm being vulnerable. You're an attractive guy. Thank you. We all know that. No, don't do that. Don't do that. I'm being honest with you. I'm being vulnerable. You're an attractive man. You're quite tall, big frame, got decent hair. Mouth is there, right? It's all right. I can hide it. Your mouth is good.
Starting point is 00:26:14 You just don't brush enough. I got good mouth. You got good mouth. Hello to you. Good mouth, attractive man. We all know that. And you know that. Okay.
Starting point is 00:26:22 Do you know that? I'm aware of that. I want you on the record. i'm aware that you on the record i'm aware that people think that yes okay and what is even more what is more attractive giving attractive is you don't have a crazy ego that some people with your blessed genetics and looks would have so that being the baseline here we go yeah when you walk into a room fanny's flutter okay god bless some some things tingle in some women. It's happened before.
Starting point is 00:26:46 We're not going to say it happened. Did you take like a census, like a survey? No, I had binoculars and I was outside, okay? I'm just kidding. Now. God bless. I also know you're very anxious. You're always in your own thoughts, which is a dark, scary place.
Starting point is 00:26:57 It's where I live, yeah. Dark, scary place. And you'd want things to be one-on-one. You don't want other people snooping in your business. You don't like that. So now, let's say you're going to deposit a check right let's just do bank you deposit a check inside you didn't feel like doing the drive-thru today i hate the drive-thru you're going in she's like hey how's your day you go i'm good and she keeps going yeah three employees are behind her
Starting point is 00:27:19 they're all can hear everything yeah guys girls everything okay and she is verbally verbally chasing you right in the flesh how do you react what do you do i'm flirting back okay but i'm talking it's not like a you look good how's your day where you going it's like i want you like i i need you how bad and she goes nine out of ten bad i'll be like okay well we can we can slow down you're scaring me okay and then i'll be like well here's my number we talk sometimes she goes no am i attracted to her yes oh then yeah she goes no i don't want a number my lunch breaks in 20 minutes wait for me oh man no you're scaring me no no what are you scared you're not a man i am i'm a boy now oh you're a boy yeah show me what that boy
Starting point is 00:27:58 tongue does oh my god yeah she's doing this in front of her co-worker okay this is the second time it was the flight attendants on this and you've had fantasies about my sexual experiences. It's not a fantasy. I want you. But you're very like, you like when somebody's dominating me. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:28:10 Because you want to dominate me? Dude, I miss it. No, I'm just kidding. I like seeing what you think you would do in this world. Oh, I would flirt back.
Starting point is 00:28:18 Okay, a bank is different. Let's say we're at like a 7-Eleven. Like a Cracker Barrel. No, no, no. A gas station. Okay. Let's say we're at a 7-Eleven. Like a Cracker Barrel. No, no, no. A gas station. Let's say somebody's coming and busting my table with some non-slips on. I like the groundwork.
Starting point is 00:28:32 If you're wearing all black Walmart Skechers, oh my God, you could have my offspring. You know what I mean? If you have some calluses on those fingers from washing or from lifting heavy boxes in the back room of a Walmart. Okay, non-slips. That's your bag? Yeah. You set it tight. That's my thing.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Okay. Why are you so worried about my love life? I like it. I'm not going to lie. I like it. It's intriguing. It's fun. Is it intriguing?
Starting point is 00:28:59 What's intriguing? I like being a fly on a wall. It's intriguing. I want to see you naked. Well, you have. And it's not fun. My love life isn't fun. It's intriguing. I want to see you naked. Well, you have. And it's not fun. My love life isn't fun. It's actually very disappointing and very depressing.
Starting point is 00:29:09 Well, okay. The depressing part is something you keep on the inside. Yeah, 100%. The fun part, I might have lied. It's actually quite sad. No, it is sad. And to the point where I've been obsessed on TikTok with this family of four that has 12 followers on TikTok. And I don't know what my
Starting point is 00:29:26 algorithms are but every time every like six video it's a video of this like this black family of four regular degular they don't even post like get ready with me these are fun video it's like a little slideshow of their beach trip or like they're in their kitchen and like the the daughter made like a little like icing on cake. I love this little family. I don't know their names. I could go find it. They literally do nothing interesting. It's just the fact that they pop up on my For You page.
Starting point is 00:29:53 Do you want a family of your own? No. No, I don't. Why does everybody think I want... Our editor, CJ, spoke and said cap in the background. Why does everybody think I want kids? Why does everybody think I want kids? I didn't say kids.
Starting point is 00:30:05 I said family. Would that come with a family? It starts with a wife. It doesn't mean you have to get pregnant right away. Oh. Do you want to settle down? No. Are we addressing all the comments right now?
Starting point is 00:30:17 Is this Patreon? No, okay. Talk about something else. Get it off of me. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode of You Should Know Podcast is brought to you by Heineken Zero Zero. Heineken Zero Zero is an alcohol-free option to the original Heineken you love. It has 100% taste but 0.0% alcohol.
Starting point is 00:30:37 That means it's perfect for all the times you would like a beer but cannot have the alcohol. Like, you know those times when we're out with friends at late night, chilling everything's good but we got to record at 8 a.m yep yep yep i do know that is perfect for heineken zero zero that's why i bring them we can enjoy the taste enjoy the nice little cold brew going down the gullet but 0.0 percent alcohol oh my goodness and imagine imagine you had to give a conference meeting right after work you're so tired you just want to go home watch some baseball crack of these, and it's completely fine. I love it. I love Heineken Zero Zero.
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Starting point is 00:31:34 We're going to go right back to you because I have a very, very important thing. Okay. The announcement is out. Me and Liv, we're having a baby. God bless. Uncle P in the flesh. Now I have a very important thing for you. You have a gift?
Starting point is 00:31:47 Oh, no. I don't give gifts to you. I'm just kidding. I know. No, stop, stop, stop. I love giving you gifts. It's just I don't. You're different.
Starting point is 00:31:55 After you stop kissing me, the gifts stop too, huh? Nope, nope, nope. Kisses are still coming. You get best sows on Sundays. Hello. I have an uncle quiz. We're going to do an uncle quiz. Because this is very important. Very important to me and Liv that you pass this. Hello. I have an uncle quiz. We're going to do an uncle quiz because this is very
Starting point is 00:32:05 important, very important to me and Liv that you pass this. Okay. So the quiz, the parameters of the quiz say our kids five or six, they're very cognitive, very interested in life. Yeah. They come stay the night with uncle Pete. That's dangerous. But you have no clue what a five or six year old is ever going to say. I don't know what any kid does. You have no clue what's coming out of their mouth. What do they need? So I'm going to hit you with sample sentences that our child might say, and you have to respond to them and you better pass this test. So we're going to see what you keep to yourself, what you lie about,
Starting point is 00:32:41 what you censor. We're going to see all of it. This isn't good because I'm going to need a babysitter when I'm babysitting your kid. Like, I need somebody supervising me to make sure the kid is okay. So we're just going to get straight to it. We're going to get straight to it. So, again, these are sentences that are – we'll go five or six-year-old kids staying with their uncle for the first time.
Starting point is 00:32:57 They're super curious about life. Uncle's house is different. Boom. First one, okay? Uncle, why is there so much trash here? Uncle, why are my eyebrows so light? Oh, um, is this a boy or a girl? Can we say it's a boy? Doesn't matter. Just assume. Either, whatever you want.
Starting point is 00:33:13 Oh, because your dad has light eyebrows. Okay. Uncle, why is that woman over there shirtless? She's my... I paid her to be. What does that mean, Unc? What does that mean, Unc? I'm kidding. Well, okay.
Starting point is 00:33:34 Oh, no! You're almost failing. That was almost an automatic F. Like, the quiz was ripped from your hands. Okay, re-ask it, re-ask it. Okay. Uncle, why is that woman shirtless? And who is she?
Starting point is 00:33:44 Oh, please close your eyes. hands okay re-ask it re-ask it okay uncle why is that woman shirtless and who is she oh please close your eyes my kid's already seen it my kid has been exposed to breasts and now it's asking its uncle kick it over so it forgets my kid it's like a smoke bomb it's like they get disoriented they don't know they're like what's happening there's titties and feet i don't know. They're like, what's happening? There's titties and feet. I wonder what happens. I don't know. Liv is going to kill you after hearing this. I know. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:10 I'm going to give you one more chance. One more chance. Serious answer. Uncle, who is that woman? Why is she shirtless? Oh, she's going to provide you a friend here in nine months. You're going to have a friend. She's uncle, so she's naked so you can have a
Starting point is 00:34:27 friend uncle who is she i barely know her name too you're failing so bad all right what kid's asking that okay first of all they're curious that's unfair curious that's unfair they see it they're gonna ask about it that's unfair because i would not have a naked person in my house. What's those big things jiggling over there? Stop. Stop. I would not have a naked person in the house while your kid's there.
Starting point is 00:34:51 I wouldn't do it. Okay. That's good ground. You still failed the question. It's an unrealistic question because it's not going to happen. Hopefully. Uncle, where do we go when we sleep? Where do you mean?
Starting point is 00:35:01 That's what I'm asking you, Unks. What? Where do we go when we we sleep? So you're real dumb. Okay. Well, let me tell you something stupid. You go to your bed, hopefully. No, not location, dumbass uncle. Where do we go when my eyes are closed and I wake up and it's new day? Hey, some things in life you don't need to ask questions for i don't know so you're not smart either that's why uncle i can't stay oh Oh, man. You gotta mute that. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:35:47 Okay. Oh, Liv might not ever let our kids stay overnight. Okay, what? All right. Uncle, I was wondering this, but I didn't get to ask Mommy. Why do we have to wear clothes? Because you'll go to jail if you walk out with no clothes on. What's jail?
Starting point is 00:36:03 Oh, it's a place where killers and murderers and evil people... I want daddy! Dad! What would you say to that? I'd be like, please, because you're screaming in my house and you're ruining my peace. Get out! And your f***ing steak. You complaining little whiny bitch.
Starting point is 00:36:28 There's a couple more. There's only a couple more and you are failing. There's a couple more. That one was good. This kid sucks. They're curious. Okay, here we go. Why are they asking me? Because you're the only adult with them. It's you and them in the house.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Okay. Okay. And whoever the naked lady was. Yeah, whoever the naked broad with her goodie bags hanging out in front of my son is. Whoever that raunchy little woman is. All right, here we go. Okay. Uncle, can I have chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner this weekend? No.
Starting point is 00:37:01 Yes. No. If you don't tell your parents. Matter of fact, this is a parent one. Outside the quiz room. All right. My kid comes and stays over. What are you feeding him?
Starting point is 00:37:09 Breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Give me the rundown. McDonald's breakfast. McDonald's lunch. We can go Mexican for dinner. You're? Oh. I can't cook.
Starting point is 00:37:20 Don't bring it to my house if you want them to be well-nourished. Tell a buddy to pack a lunch i don't know that's your job i'm not their parent we're gonna have fun take them to toys r us all right last one all right uncle yeah you asked so many questions kid god damn i'm trying to drink a beer and watch the game shit shut your mouth what's beer it's something that's making me tolerate you here we go okay um i'm so sorry i just finished potty training but i pissed in your bed uh what would you want me to do call your dad but what call him but what do you want me to do about the pee on your pillow not much you can do
Starting point is 00:37:57 but i promise you you're not gonna have the chance to do it again i peed where you rest your head first of all there might be pee on your bathroom floor too. Yeah. Wait, you're five or six peeing? I'm five. I finished potty training. Scary nightmare about goodie bag woman and peed where you lay your head. So I'm going to have to talk with your dad and your mommy. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:18 And if they ever want you to see Uncle P again, that's going to be fixed. All right? So you go ahead and call them. But Uncle, I love you. Imagine the eyes. Oh my God, how much you love Ruby. Say it's a cute little girl. to see uncle p again that's gonna be fixed all right so you go ahead and call them uncle i love you imagine the eyes oh my god how much you love ruby it's a cute say it's a cute little girl pissed in your bed accidentally her eyes her little curls she just loves you so much but uncle you're my favorite uncle i just realized little kid you're a little cross-eyed Oh, you have issues. You're going to wear sunglasses in Unky's house, cause you scare him.
Starting point is 00:39:11 Unky doesn't like making direct eye contact with you. Oh, okay, enough of my kids. Dogs bark when you look at them. Oh, shit. You're gonna have a hard time getting a driver's license. Oh god, dude, he's like, draw that. Oh, dogs run the other way, it's fucking wicked. Oh, they go, oh! Imagine my poor, sweet little girl.
Starting point is 00:39:48 She's at a dog park. Doggy! It's like... It takes off running. She's like, doggy! Come here, doggy! What does she look like? She's like, oh, puppy! Come here!
Starting point is 00:40:01 The dog's like... Gets in a corner. Oh, man. Oh, your kid's gonna hate us, bro. Puppy come here. The dog's like her gets in a corner oh Man, oh Your kid's Gonna hate us bro. Oh my God. You said you're gonna make my kids look like Ray Charles It's gonna wear sunglasses in your house dog It's like your kid has like a little like kit whenever it walks in the door ripping way I don't have to like please cuz I'll keep scared. He're like, do I have to? I'm like, please, because I'll get scared of you. It's like a robe, glasses. They're just like...
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Starting point is 00:42:00 The You Should Know Podcast. All right, we're back. Oh, man. I'm sorry I didn't mean to talk about your kid like that. Holy shit. It's so fun. Future niece or nephew, you know I love you. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:42:10 Just don't ask those questions at Uncle P's. Yeah. Last thing on kids. Speaking of kids. Okay. It was just Daxon's birthday, right? Happy birthday, Daxon. Love you, buddy.
Starting point is 00:42:17 Love you, Daxon. That's your Uncle P, Uncle Cam. Fantastic kid. That's my sister's son. So we went over to my sister's house. Nice. You know my sister. I love your sister.
Starting point is 00:42:27 Health freak. Yeah, great cook. Cooks everything natural, organic, all that stuff, right? There's a pinata. Right. For his birthday. First thing that pisses me off, it's not even the classic pinatas. The world's getting soft on us.
Starting point is 00:42:39 It's not even a stick-hitted thing now. What is it? They make pinatas where you pull a string. Huh? There's 30 strings at the bottom and you keep pulling until you find the right one
Starting point is 00:42:47 that just opens it up. That's soft. That's super soft. That's a participation trophy I've ever seen. No, whoever's as strong as it beats that pinata Beats that pinata
Starting point is 00:42:56 then you go with Pharaoh. And you get all the candies in there? Oh my god. See, I'm glad you said that. All the what? The candies in there. Like what?
Starting point is 00:43:03 Like Reese's Reese's, Hershey's, lollipops. And then if you got a good piñata, you get one of the Mexican lollipops with all that yin-yang on it. It's not. It's Tahin, maybe. Maybe. Tahin and Chamoy. Yeah, and for Preston's, we had scorpions inside of our lollipops.
Starting point is 00:43:19 Oh, that's creepy. That's next level. That's Indiana Jones. It's him, yeah. That's Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. You know what I mean? Raider of the Lost Ark. I went to the white person's uh birthday party one time they had little sample mountain dews come out of there and i said yeah we're at a trailer park
Starting point is 00:43:33 all right here we go sorry sorry okay why is your backyard so sandy i'm glad you brought that up. Tell me why. All the strings get pulled out. Shit doesn't even work. Doesn't even open. So my sister goes in there. Helps Daxon.
Starting point is 00:43:53 Birthday boy, right? Yeah. He's already scared of the Indiana. Doesn't even know where it is. He's only three. Okay. Four, maybe. I forgot.
Starting point is 00:43:58 He's one of those. Three. She opens the pinata. Yeah. Peyton. Grap Yeah. Peyton. Grapes. Cherry tomatoes. Celery.
Starting point is 00:44:12 And portabella mushrooms. Fell out of the pinata. You would have thought that these kids were working for Gordon Ramsay on a challenge of Chef's Kitchen. And they had to make a salad. It was the saddest shit I had ever seen in my entire life. All the kids went, yeah! Oh! Oh! That's awesome.
Starting point is 00:44:31 There was full-blown fruits and vegetables, and then there was packaged crackers, slices of prosciutto. I said, a charcuterie board just took a shit out of this pinata. It was the healthiest, lamest pinata I've ever seen. Whose idea was that? My sister. Heather. She's a health nut.
Starting point is 00:44:52 I love her to death. But holy shit. Give the kids some sugar. Give them some sugar. Yo, the shit popped open, and it was at like a fruit bar, like a fruit salad tray. I'm not going to lie. If I was there, I'd be like, Heather, what the fuck? I started screaming, making fun of my sister in front of her friends,
Starting point is 00:45:09 and they all started laughing, and it was bad. What did Heather say to explain herself? One kid filled his bag and said, Mom, you can have it, and literally gave it to his mom and jumped back in the pool. Bro, I was blown. That is bad. Blown cheese sticks. Heather is a hell of a mom.
Starting point is 00:45:25 Packets of hummus. Hell of a mom she is. I said, is it a pinata for 40-year-olds? Hell of a mom she is. That's a strike. That's bad. Two more and you're out. That's bad.
Starting point is 00:45:36 That is a 96-mile-an-hour fastball right down the pipe. You know how whenever kids are growing up and they're super like, don't drink, don't smoke, and then they get to college and they drink and smoke, Daxon's going to get to college and be like, where's the candy? Yeah, he's going to be like, where's a piece of pie? Because I've been eating hummus and celery for all 18 years of my life. He was like, I feel like Captain America, but I want some gluten. He goes, I'm tired of this six-pack.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Hand me a Bush Light. He said, I want some Love Handles a little bit. It's going to be a rude awakening. That is, that's bad. Oh, my God. Her kids went feral over it. Oh, yay, favorite snacks. Every other kid there was like, what the f***?
Starting point is 00:46:16 Is that a mushroom? I said, am I making a pizza? It was bad, bro. I can't imagine. It was bad. I can't imagine Coralie and Daxon being like, yeah. Oh, my God. They were so excited. Oh, our snacks, mommy. It was bad. I can imagine Corley and Daxon being like, yes! Oh, my God. They were so excited.
Starting point is 00:46:26 Oh, our snacks, mommy! Every other kid. There's not even a fruit roll-up in this. Is that a date? Is that a date? It was sick work, bro. Oh, having a protein shake and a piñata is crazy. Having an unassembled acai bowl fall out of a pinata is wicked work.
Starting point is 00:46:47 And creatine monohydrate come out of it. Oh, my God. Yeah, little packets of electrolytes fall out. I said, what are you doing? We got liquid hypo. Is this a CrossFit invitational? What is happening? Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:46:57 That's hilarious. It was the craziest shit ever. I know you said this last thing about kids. Okay, what was my favorite subject in school? I got awards for it. English. English. I almost said i was great and i said you don't know potions i was great at english and i thought at an early age i was a future author like i was like i'm going to be a best-selling author because i love to write i would always get a hundreds on my essays anything below 100 i would cry you're that's such a weird claim to fame you live by Until I realized my essays weren't original
Starting point is 00:47:26 And I want to know If anybody else Finished their essays like this Like as a kid For school essays Oh my god I'm so excited I know exactly how I finished mine I think depending
Starting point is 00:47:38 Like a free writing essay Free writing like Maybe not Like fictional Like you get to be creative Okay Okay go for it At the end of every essay It it was like my claim to fame.
Starting point is 00:47:48 You know, like J.K. Rowling has her claim. You know it's a J.K. Rowling book. Or you know whoever these famous authors are. That's their book because of a certain thing. I wanted to make mine early. And at the end of every essay, I would put, and then they woke up. Didn't everybody do that?
Starting point is 00:48:08 No? essay I would put and then they woke up didn't everybody do that no I thought and then they woke everything you've ever written was a dream I was writing from the POV of Martin Luther King you didn't write yeah Martin Luther King jr jr over here you didn't write a single thing that was real everything was a dream because I was always like i was like the m.ni shamalan of rowland elementary school like i was like there's the twist i was like that's what that's what we're gonna find right here your teacher gets so tired of it she's like hey stop making this dream she's like do something where they're awake please this shit is annoying to i'd be like the 140 characters before because essays i thought i was writing novels it was literally like one page sentences yeah oh my god and then i'll be like and then they woke up and i thought i would literally like drop the pen after
Starting point is 00:48:52 like you were a savage and then they woke up how okay so wait y'all didn't end y'all's essays like i thought everybody did that and then and then i woke up i ended my essays probably the caucasianist way of it all how'd you do it summarized everything I just said once more. In conclusion. In conclusion, this happened. This was the trial they got through. And it all worked out. So that's the difference between me and regular students.
Starting point is 00:49:15 You just wanted the formula of what you're supposed to do. I just wanted to finish it. You wanted to leave a mark. Come on now. You wanted your jersey to be retired. Come on now. Enroll in middle school. What?
Starting point is 00:49:24 Oh! One thing I just remembered i swear to god this is true i swear to god you're scaring me your eyes have got so big and i just so cringy and like my butthole just got tight i'm thinking about it so for role in elementary school i was the first class to like go to that school right and so outside by the playground it was like fresh cement and so they had all of us put our hands in the fresh cement until I went to high school every summer I would go past my handprint and I'd be like I did that I was like so proud of it like I would walk towards it like that was like a Hollywood walk of fame so you were a 13 year old eighth grade basketball prospect going to your five-year-old hands saying it like meant
Starting point is 00:50:13 something to me like i felt like like because i i'm always like my my legendary stat like i want to be a legend yeah like i want to solidify something in this earth like you have a mark yeah and that concrete right there, your five-year-old hands. And then they woke up. Those are, those are your, your first legacies.
Starting point is 00:50:29 Yeah. But then I started getting real heavy into breaking and entering the houses like model homes. I would go in and like rob them, but it put everything back. Like I would move the vase upstairs. You know what I mean? Me and my friends would break into model homes.
Starting point is 00:50:43 You are a serial killer. You, Oh my God. That would be the type of serial killer you are what if you were one you'd go in do the crime and then your trademark would be moving one thing where it's not supposed to be and you'd leave that that'd be your breadcrumb you know serial killers like they love the chase yeah you want that one little mark that would be you i would leave a piece of my back hair on the counter you would off someone and then you would literally just like tilt a picture 100 oh my god you'd be such a i was a weird ass kid you wore suspenders and a tail nobody you don't have to tell us twice i think it's because i went to very strange i think it's because i went through a lot of trauma as a kid when i moved into my first apartment right so as a family this is a really nuts story and i hope
Starting point is 00:51:24 people don't find it like insensitive but it's a it's a very true story the fact you're prefacing this i am this is i'm just telling a story about something i have been through i actually witnessed it okay and now that i think about it as a grown man it probably did leave a little mark on me oh i am i am all ears so we as a family me my mom my mom, my dad, my brother, we moved to this apartment as our new house was getting built. Okay. The apartment wasn't in, like, the most affluent area, right?
Starting point is 00:51:52 Okay. So there's a lot of people. It was like a commuter apartment. Like, you stay there for a little bit and you leave. No one's, like, living there for a while. So it's a lot of... Black and mild. Like, smell.
Starting point is 00:52:01 Wow. Be careful. Like, smell. What else was there, huh? Cigarette smell. Mm-hmm smell What else is there huh Cigarette smell What else Marijuana smell What else
Starting point is 00:52:10 In commuter apartment Probably a little alcohol Yes there's a lot of weed There's a lot of like thugs No no What No don't know There's gangs
Starting point is 00:52:17 At my apartment Yes there was We had graffiti on our trash can You said it not me Okay yeah there was a lot of like Sketchy characters In my apartment Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:24 A lot of foreignersy characters in my apartment. A lot of foreigners there, too. Okay. So one day, my family was out. We were getting groceries or something. We go back into my apartment, right? And in my apartment, there was a balcony. The view was like a trash can in a park, right?
Starting point is 00:52:43 And a lot of police activity happened at that park, right? A basketball goal with half the backboard broken off. That what it looked like you get the image right swish or miss and so we were like in the middle apartment so there was balconies below us there's balconies on top of us this story's about the balcony on top of us okay right we're putting groceries up we're putting groceries up and we hear like we hear this noise now noises were normal because it's a lot of yelling a lot of screaming you hear something break yeah this noise was a noise i've never heard before okay i started hearing and i was like someone's love there's no lawn to be mowed here there's no lawn to be mowed here. There's no lawn to be mowed.
Starting point is 00:53:26 Someone's weed eating their metal fence. And it's above us. It's directly above us. Yeah, no grass up there, I'm assuming. My mom hits one of those patented, you get the broom, you hit the ceiling. Two seconds later. I'm like, that's not normal. They have aascar in their living room what is what is this my mom my chore because my mom didn't give me much responsibility my mom would say payton go to
Starting point is 00:53:53 the balcony and water the trees what are they called plants water the plants don't have a tree on your balcony yeah i won't say go outside water the plants i was excited about it i get a little bit of responsibility i get to keep things alive right i go to say go outside and water the plants. I'm excited about it. I get a little bit of responsibility. I get to keep things alive, right? There you go. I go to the balcony, right? And the noise is ten times louder. That's not the problem, though. So they're on the balcony.
Starting point is 00:54:13 You're assuming. Wait for this. Okay. I look up. On the railing of the balcony above me, it's wet. Like, there's like it's rained outside. It's like little driplets and droplets of something on top of that balcony but I can't make it out yet but then I look to the right on that
Starting point is 00:54:30 wall red streak just going down the wall and I said mom mom I thought somebody was getting killed my mom goes oh hell no she pokes her head out of the balcony to look up. The family above us just moved in from Bosnia. Apparently in Bosnia, it is a normal thing to ax a goat at your house. I look up, they are axing a goat in half on the balcony. My mom calls the police, right? And I'm not trying to be insensitive, but we're in Pflugerville, Texas. I've never seen a goat, let alone one getting slaughtered above me. There is so much blood.
Starting point is 00:55:27 I'm like, the police come upstairs upstairs i follow because i'm nosy i'm like we're all trying to figure out what the hell is going on and we weren't aware of the culture of the goat thing and they were very apologetic they're like they were so confused that this was a disturbance in this apartment and i'm not gonna do the accent because i'd be insensitive but essentially they were like, I'm so sorry. Like, this is what we do for like whatever. Yeah, like this, we're making dinner. And I said, you can just go to Target. Make your dinner, yeah. Go buy a pork shoulder.
Starting point is 00:55:54 I swear to you. I thought Dexter Morgan was above me. Blood dripped. It looks like the Messiah is coming back. You would have thought Dahmer was cooking up there. You got to be, that is there. You got to be. That is trauma. They got evicted.
Starting point is 00:56:09 They got evicted immediately. 100%. You can't do that. Like, you literally can't have a full-size goat and ax him in half in the middle of Pflugerville, Texas. I'm sorry. You know what I mean? The most exciting thing we have is a McDonald's. We just got a Zaxby's and we lost our mind. Do you know
Starting point is 00:56:25 what i mean like we don't have cattle like that could you okay okay please let me play with this for a little bit okay could you imagine say the railing was like really wide and a goat head just fell onto your balcony like Wait, what the f***? Like, just scream. Oh, poor family. So now you understand why I have. Is that why you jump when you hear loud noises? If you hear a car alarm, like a horn around Peyton, he'll be like, every time.
Starting point is 00:57:01 I've been through some things that kids shouldn't experience. Dude, that is... Did you have pissing contests with your boys? Oh, my God. For distance? We did. Okay. We did.
Starting point is 00:57:14 Cool. Oh, there were some athletes that I used to... Oh, in my school? Like, God, they'd be trying to jump over streets. They would always make fun of me because I'd have too much dribble. Like, at the beginning and the end. I never had a strong start and a strong finish. You had penile blockage you know had to break that
Starting point is 00:57:28 crust no it was like a nerve thing you never had like a shitty water faucet and it goes you had a shitty penis you had a crusty penis come on you had lint on the on the hole and you had a and it was like no i would you know like a a bad faucet. And then you finally get the stream. That was me. And then when you close it, there's always a couple of, PPD. I still struggle with PPD. You struggle with PPD. You give me a pair of underwear back and they were not the same color.
Starting point is 00:57:54 I was just about to tell you. You look at the shorts you gave me the other day. Whole left side because I hang left. Wet. I'm not sure what it was from though because I remember. I fully took your pants off to pee because I knew there was gonna be some drippage you got ass naked as a respect for you in your own home to take a piss 100 percent that's the most freeing freeing thing how many minutes a day are you naked oh how many minutes a day are you naked oh Oh, how many minutes are in a day?
Starting point is 00:58:26 You know what I mean? I can give you an accurate answer if you tell me that information. You know what I mean? I'm naked a lot. I'm naked a lot. Okay. Sometimes, CJ, do you ever hear thuds in my room upstairs? I do naked suicide sprints in my room.
Starting point is 00:58:42 I'm like, I got to free this. You know what I mean? Because you need a weed eater for my ass hair. And the only way to open that up. Okay. Okay. Naked suicides in your bedroom. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:58:57 There's simply not enough room for that one. You're doing short gallops back and forth, just dangling. Sometimes I turn on the fitness grand per test on YouTube on my TV, and I'm like, can I beat my time from yesterday? How many down and backs can I get? Butt naked swinging. I'll be here just swinging. And the longer you run, the more length you get.
Starting point is 00:59:17 Blood does flow. A famous doctor once told me, you run, the blood flows. See, but when I do physical activity i i don't know what it is it hides it it goes away it hibernates yeah it doesn't hide it hibernates yeah my penis is never smaller than when i just had a great back day like never in my life if i go lift weights and i come like i i leave the gym it's like who am i even leg days no leg day leg days i was like i might change my profession because the summer the southern hemisphere is flowing with blood you know
Starting point is 00:59:48 what i mean if i'm focusing on an inner chest workout i am dickless in the middle of chest in the middle of cable flies i literally don't have genitalia i swear to god it inverts itself i don't know what that i don't know if that's a syndrome i don't know if that's a something i need to work on i don't know if there's blood syndrome. I don't know if that's something I need to work on. I don't know if there's blood blockage or if I'm so focused mind to muscle. I'm like, let me get a fantastic pump. And it's like, if I had to pee, it'd come out of my left thigh. Because there's no penis to be found.
Starting point is 01:00:15 It is. Let's just say, if I were to get pantsed in a public gym, underwear and all, I'd have to bomb the gym. I'd have to kill everyone in half a mile radius. Or I'd have to leave the gym i'd have to everyone in half a mile radio or i'd have to leave the country change my name change my profession do you ever do you have like goals in life like to not be pants no like bucket list goals uh maybe a couple maybe i can't spit them off top of my head i know you don't have to but like but do you does it ever oh god is there ever a fear that comes with some of your bucket list goals? Give me an example. So I have a bucket list goal, right, of being on court side at a basketball game.
Starting point is 01:00:49 Okay. Thank God. I thought we were talking about being butt naked. Oh, no, I'm moving. I'm moving. The train is going. He's going to say something crazy. No, I have a dream of being court side at a basketball game, right?
Starting point is 01:00:58 Like an L.A. Lakers primetime game, you know what I mean? If you want LeBron in it, you've got to hurry up on this goal. You know, I can make it happen. But there's this overwhelming fear that I have. Because you know when I'm anxious, I lose, like, control of ligaments. Like, my hands, I shake a lot. Your sensory motor skills. I'm like, I can't.
Starting point is 01:01:15 I can't. I have a big fear, and I've had nightmares about this. Do people have good dreams? I've never had a good dream. Let me put that out there. Have you all had good dreams? you have good dreams yeah never had one of those you've only had nightmares literally in my whole life i've only had nightmares i've never been like you've never had a good dream just you know leaves you like this in the bed no the closest is a wet dream, but. What? That was a boy. I've had dreams of encounters with celebrities that I love.
Starting point is 01:01:48 I've had dreams that I was a gladiator back in times. I've had sexual dreams. They all leave me with a smile. See, I get those, but my dreams are like episodic. Like, I'll meet LeBron James. I go outside hit by a Hummer. You know what I mean? Like, I never have a happy ending.
Starting point is 01:02:03 Like, I'm always running from something in the rain and Oprah's always there dog Oprah's everywhere bro I don't know what she did to me I remember you told me that the first time he said every single nightmare he has there's some it could be the smallest or biggest cameo but Oprah Winfrey is in that mother I swear to you like two months ago, I was in like, I had a dream that our house got robbed. Oprah's on the TV, brother. I don't know what
Starting point is 01:02:32 like, I need a meter. You need a therapist. Like, someone that can really deep dive into this shit. I don't know, but about courtside. Yeah, back to basketball. But I have a fear that I'll trip a ref, or like I'll throw up on the court or spill my drink. LeBron goes, tears his ACL.
Starting point is 01:02:46 I ruin LeBron's career. Oh, I'd kill you. You know what I mean? I would personally hurt you if that happened. I just had that fear. That was it. That was literally it. This is therapy for me.
Starting point is 01:02:59 That's why I say so much on this microphone. That's good, but that was it? That's it. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode is brought to you by PDSnet. much on this microphone it's that's good but you know is it that's it you should know podcast this episode is brought to you by pds debt you know p what up getting into credit card debt honestly it's way too easy terrifying scary it's like a slope that you keep sliding down getting out well the system's set up so that we don't i know that if you're struggling with credit cards personal loans collections or medical bills
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Starting point is 01:04:37 some point in your life that's a bug yeah yeah you always say you want to you want to have big old house with some nice land behind it there's no fear with that is it? And then a disease comes and kills all my cattle. You know what I mean? You remember that one TikToker girl with the ostrich that would come up in the screen and all her cattle died? Yes! I have a fear of that happening. What happened to her? She's okay.
Starting point is 01:04:57 Is the ostrich? Oh, no clue. I'm scared of ostriches. Are the cattle? I don't think so. I think a lot of them died. Ostriches look evil. Ostriches are the devil.
Starting point is 01:05:05 Inherently, they look like they come from Satan. And they can't change anything about that. Let's say something real quick. Pony-ass face, creepy-ass eyes, and a bald little nutsack-looking head. The community might come for me, P-E-T-A. Okay. They might come for me. Let's tread very thinly.
Starting point is 01:05:21 Let me say this in the nicest way I can. Lightly treading. There's a lot of animals. I want all animals to be healthy. I want them all to be okay, and they all deserve to be here. Okay? We love animals. Sometimes, right, I'll go past some animals, right, or maybe a little bug or an insect,
Starting point is 01:05:38 and I say, if this thing did not exist, would we be okay? What are ostriches doing for us? What is the point of the lie? Oh, what is their nine to five? What do they do to better Earth? Do they release a gas that we need? Maybe. I get it.
Starting point is 01:06:00 That kills mosquitoes, that mosquitoes then kill this vermin and that vermin. You get me? DNA and bacteria. But like a Junebug, are we kidding? Or are you just here to inconvenience my walk? You know what I mean? Are you here to fuck with my front porch lantern and scare my wife? Is that your sole purpose?
Starting point is 01:06:18 Is for my mom to break a kneecap because she's scared of your crunchy little back? Is that your purpose, Junebug? To hell with Junebug. I'll stand on that. Ostriches, they're kind of... It'd be cool to hug an ostrich. Are you nuts? That's a...
Starting point is 01:06:33 If it was friendly, it'd be cool to hug it. I'm not going to lie to you. I would say this. If I never, never were to come in contact with an ostrich again, I would be okay. Because... Whoa. Again? Again. My grandma and grandpa, rest in peace, she'sich again, I would be okay. Because, whoa, again. Again, my grandma and grandpa, rest in peace, she's dead. My grandma, she is.
Starting point is 01:06:50 I told you that last episode. I used to make fun of her veins in her legs. She had real, like, lightning blue legs. And I'd be like, do you run faster because of those? What? I loved her. She liked these jokes. She was a fan of the podcast. But now she's gone
Starting point is 01:07:06 fun fact about my grandma but they had they had um emus which i thought were ostriches they're basically just little miniature ostriches right and um they'd pass out and so preston would go and chase after the emus and they would pass out. They'd faint? Yeah, they're like fainting ostriches. Maybe I'm confused. No, it was goats he would chase after. And then the ostrich was a friend of the goat and attacked Preston and I witnessed it.
Starting point is 01:07:37 And that f***ed me up. That's what happened. My grandma had fainting goats and emus. That's a real thing. The emus, I don't think they were fainting. I think there might have been a sniper working a tree line. No, the goats. The goats would faint. The goats faint.
Starting point is 01:07:49 That's a real thing. So Preston would chase after them, and they were like, God damn, the six-year-old has size 13. He was like, come here, emu. Boom, boom, boom. Come here, baby goat. Boom, boom, boom. Running like that.
Starting point is 01:08:06 Preston, I love you. You were in the background. Get him, Bubba, get him. Like, just creepy as shit. Preston was like, friendly, emo. And so, I remember, it was just like normal. Oh, imagine playing football in youth and Preston's cleats. That's right. That's's cleats ruined your career.
Starting point is 01:08:28 You're amputated. Amputate that limb. Whichever one he stepped on. He's trying to like work for a tackle. He's like, he trips and falls. He goes, it'd be your whole foot.
Starting point is 01:08:39 It'd be like you got bit by a shark. Your whole arm just mutilated. You know, the funny thing is, you know, if siblings like getting a fist fight sometimes, Preston would immediately get on his back. He'd be like, get back! He'd be kicking the shit out of you.
Starting point is 01:08:51 He was at it on the horse. Oh my god, a sweet chin music from Preston would send you to the afterlife. I could split it at him. It'd be like Doctor Strange. It'd be like your soul just leaves and then he grabs it, takes takes it pours it in his coffee for the people that don't know press has a 17 wide and he's six foot so that's an abnormal
Starting point is 01:09:13 that's an abnormal oh god pressing dimensions on that person um love you pressing the greatest guy i've ever met here we go holy shit you're the best okay but shout out man but back to the fainting he would chase i remember he it was just like a normal thing he would go into the pasture and just chase the emus or we chased the goats and they'd pass out and he'd be like laughing and then my grandpa that's his thing what i've heard frightened me what say? My grandpa, his thing was get. Like, you'd say, get! To his grandchildren or to the animals? Everything. Playing a basketball with him, trying to shoot a free throw.
Starting point is 01:09:53 What? What grandpa was this? The white one. I've never met the other one. And he said this to everything. But to you and Preston? Oh, he came from that. You know what I mean
Starting point is 01:10:05 shut up then I don't think he's watching he said he said yeah and so I remember I was this is a long story
Starting point is 01:10:12 I was watching Preston chase the goddamn goat it was faint and I'd laugh and I'd turn and like try to shoot some basketball and I heard screaming
Starting point is 01:10:19 going on I looked over and Preston was getting jumped by two emus on the ground but then he said the birds go they fucking so was getting jumped by two emus on the ground. But then he said. The birds go.
Starting point is 01:10:29 At the buried two emus. That's funny as hell. Oh, Preston, we love you. And Grandpa, choose a different word to yell. Get it. I have a confession. Okay, keep going. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:41 What? I have a confession. Honestly, it's not a confession. More of a I have to bring something to light that really pisses me off. Okay, tell me. And I hope this is also not insensitive. Oh, my God. But your Johnson is hanging out. Yeah, it was literally – you might have to check that.
Starting point is 01:10:56 No, I literally felt like the inside of my hole get a little cold, so it might have hit the fan. Here we go. Your Johnson was hanging out on camera. Come on. I had to tuck it in my sock the other day. Good morning to you. Here we go. We call that a long rope. Keep going. Here we go. Rick Johnson was hanging out on camera. Come on. I had to tuck it in my sock the other day. Good morning to you. Here we go.
Starting point is 01:11:07 We call that a long rope. Keep going. Here we go. Your confession. It's not really a confession. It's more of something that I've noticed that's happening more often that it really rubs me the wrong way. Okay.
Starting point is 01:11:16 And this might be insensitive. So I'm going to preface it with that. Oh, God. We are toting a fine line here at YSK. And this is a comedic podcast if I preface it with that you know it could be bad yeah but it's a true thing okay when people lose their job and go to their Instagram story about oh my time here is oh I think I'm gonna transfer and try something you're not a running. You're not going in the transfer portal. You don't play for saving.
Starting point is 01:11:46 Just get a new job. When people go to their Instagram stories talking about, my time here was fun, it was great, I met the best people. This isn't reality TV. Go get a new job. Go apply at Subway. It's like the only people that know what you're talking about are your four co-workers that follow you.
Starting point is 01:12:00 You're not the ultimate fighter. You're not on a contract, a four-year performance-based. You're not going for a max deal on a knee. It's not your contract year. People go to their Instagram stories when they lose a job or they transfer to a different field or something. It's so strange to me. And they give a memoir about their time there.
Starting point is 01:12:18 It's so strange to me. They write a retirement speech. It's like, you worked at the cold cuts for eight months. It's like, hey hey firehouse subs is two blocks over go get the job with them oh like i'm not a small forward like yeah what are you doing i it's like it's like hey we went to high school together that's the following did yeah we don't give a shit it's like bro we're all working we're all trying to figure it out. I don't need to know what your next clue is or where you're going to sign in free agency. Okay, what's worse?
Starting point is 01:12:50 The people that post about their jobs or the people that post about them taking a social media break? Oh, man. Which one is worse? Man. People that post about a social media break, bro? It's insane. I will block you. I never want to hear from you again.
Starting point is 01:13:03 That's bad. I'm not going to lie. I'm still taking jobs, though. Really? insane. I will block you. I never want to hear from you again. That's bad. I'm not going to lie. I'm still taking jobs, though. Really? You're not a free agent. You're not on the trading block. You're not on a scouts list. There's somebody close to us that have done that. Who? I can't say their name, but they've
Starting point is 01:13:17 helped us out a lot for celebrations. Oh. They did that. Oh. Yeah. I love them. It's not necessarily to them. I know. I'm not saying. You weren't a free agent either.
Starting point is 01:13:31 Just go. I love you to death. But I don't know. People that post, people that post on social media saying they're taking a social media break is like someone videoing themselves eating a double cheeseburger with grilled onions talking about I'm starting my diet. Oh, it's so back. Oh, let me say something.
Starting point is 01:13:55 I've kept this in for years. People that cry record themselves crying. Oh. Oh, you have a special place in hell. Stop, stop. No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't care. I'm not trying to be mean but wow how yeah i've been real sad in my life i've cried a lot never once thought to whip out the
Starting point is 01:14:12 iphone like let me document this tear never once said oh i'm sad where's the tripod are you genuinely sad let's talk about are those people genuinely sad that record themselves crying? I think, and this is, to me, it's a little selfish. I think they are genuinely sad, but then they immediately think, let me get some sympathy or capitalize on it by recording. Let me stop real crying, set up tripod, wireless mic, and application. No, putting on a wireless mic to cry is crazy. Putting on a road mic to cry is outrageous.
Starting point is 01:14:48 That's honest to God. That deserves a misdemeanor. I swear to God. If you've done something else, if you've done anything illegal in your life, then you put on a road wireless mic to cry, you need to serve a sinner. They're like, I don't want an echo on this tear. Oh my God. And they got a parrot.
Starting point is 01:15:03 They got a parrot. No, no. Flicking on a parrot. They got a parrot. No, no. Flicking on a ring light to shed a tear is crazy. No. Oh my God. Adjusting the focus is crazy. Oh my God. It's like you are.
Starting point is 01:15:15 But think about the process of this. I'm sad. I'm starting to cry. Yeah. Got to document it. They got to do like this. Hit their camera. Set it up.
Starting point is 01:15:23 Light on. Exposure down. Microphone. Connect the hub for the mic. What's the point where you end the video? At what point are you like, we got enough footage, we can move on? And then you got to end the video, go to your social media, click your story, put the story up, and then hit upload. All that?
Starting point is 01:15:41 That's insane. You're not sad. That's what I'm saying. I'd be willing to argue they're happy at that point because they think i think you're happy and if that's your coping mechanism then power to you but there's no way if you if that actually actually bothered you and you were actually sad there's no way you post that there's no way while still being sad it's impossible that It's so crazy.
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Starting point is 01:17:39 Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. Okay, I'm not going to lie. It might be because i'm a dad now okay if i simply see other people crying yeah about something emotional reality tv show regular tv show on a tiktok something my my my eye ducts start to open oh you're getting soft i'm getting soft if i see somebody if i see somebody cry on a reality tv show especially like those relationship reality tv shows i say they need help oh no no no
Starting point is 01:18:06 oh 100% but you just met them two weeks ago basically it was like a group of friends like a group of girls it wasn't relationship wise and one of the girls
Starting point is 01:18:12 that was there the whole time she got voted off and the other girls were like oh my god it's just so sad and they were all tearing up and trying not to you could tell it was genuine
Starting point is 01:18:18 if it's the guy and the girl it's like you've known each other for two weeks like no they've all known each other for two weeks I understand I would never cry
Starting point is 01:18:23 over somebody I met two weeks ago I don't give a shit never would either but i was watching i was like man man oh wow i was like oh no you're soft now it was bad it wasn't that bad that was exactly have you ever cried over me like cried about something i've gone through no i've tried but like if i've seen you tear up and i know what it's for my my tear ducts will start going you've never felt bad for me i've been through a lot since you've known me yeah you've never cried for me no wow but you cry over some random shit you saw on a reality tv show
Starting point is 01:18:58 you're saying as if like i'm sitting there just thinking about you crying no that's crazy bro you've never just sat and cried about me when When you got married, I was like, it's over. Exactly. Okay. And something happened. That's what I'm saying. Like you, when I see you tear up, like after our first live show, you, your tears started first and I saw you.
Starting point is 01:19:16 I knew why you were emotional. But you were involved in it though. You just said my wedding. You were involved in my wedding. No. Okay. But I've cried over when dusty died i cried for you you didn't not a not a single tear single tear sorry lisa not a single tear love dusty okay okay
Starting point is 01:19:33 i'm trying to think of something no yeah whenever you win that one bad summer i was like i felt bad and i teared for you it had nothing to do with me i did in front of you are you crazy because i was crying with this no no but you weren't crying at the time i just felt bad for you. It had nothing to do with me. I did it in front of you. Are you crazy? Because I was crying with this. No, no, but you weren't crying at the time. I just felt bad for you. I'm saying there's no shot. There's no shot. And don't paint it to me like this. There's no shot. You've never cried over me. There's no shot on a Thursday at 930. You're sitting there eating chow mein by yourself. You think of me and you cry. Yes. Whenever you announced your pregnancy, that had nothing to do with me. And I cried because we took, because that had nothing to do with me and i cried because we took because that had nothing to do with me you didn't cry exactly your initial thing was have you ever thought about something that happened to me and cry yes and you said no because i'm telling the
Starting point is 01:20:14 truth that's you don't think that's mean no i have cried with you i've seen you cry but only things that involve you no name something that didn't involve you that I've cried over. That you've cried over too. I can't even think. Oh my God. You can't. That's. I just said one. Everything.
Starting point is 01:20:31 But. But exactly. But that's a cryable moment. Like that's. There's cryable moments that I've had. You've never cried over me. But I'm saying. But name one.
Starting point is 01:20:38 Name one where I should. Like I genuinely should have. Because I've cried. I don't want to say all the depressing dark shit that's happened in my life. And I've seen you cry through all of those and i've cried with you i'm being i haven't shed a tear when you've shed your first off you've cried in front of me like twice literally like three times and i can name all three i can name all three and all three times i equally shared the tears with you four actually four name uh day before my wedding yeah cry you
Starting point is 01:21:03 cried i cried day of my wedding you cried i cried day cried. Day of my wedding, you cried, I cried. Day of our first live show, you cried, I cried. We told you we were having a kid. You cried, I cried. I've seen it four times and I've cried with you four times. I just named every time. Okay, look at that. Everything revolves around you.
Starting point is 01:21:16 You're selfish. No, don't do this. Why don't you cry over me? Don't do this. Okay, when my dog dies and I'm crying, you're not going to cry for me? Yes. You will not cry.
Starting point is 01:21:24 You will not cry for Malcolm. You don't even love Malcolm. You've never bought him a treat. You've never bought Dusty a treat. That's different. Oh, but that's different. Oh, that's so different. Okay, that's so messed up.
Starting point is 01:21:35 You've never cried over me. Peyton. That's our best friend in the chat. Our best friend in the comments right now. Our best friend in the comments. First off, the live show one was because of you. That was not because of me. I'm not going to say what. At the end of the show,
Starting point is 01:21:50 you were thanking certain people and you got choked up. You weren't even on me. You were thanking certain people. You got choked up and I said, damn. Bro is really emotional in front of me right now. Vulnerable. I feel his heart. I can feel those emotions. And I got watery eyed like a son of a gun. That's different, bro.
Starting point is 01:22:08 Oh my god! I plead my case. It's different. You played me. You're done. For a whole summer, you were going through a little dark patch. And I shed a tear that had nothing to do with me. Also, also, if we're being practical and honest, if we're being practical and honest, we're being practical and honest, I am way quicker to be moved to tears than you. Is that true? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:29 Okay. With that being said. In public. With that exact. I'm your best friend in the whole world. You don't let me see you cry. You were crying and speaking to me and you pulled your ball cap down like your secret agent.
Starting point is 01:22:41 You don't like anyone seeing you cry. I was screaming, crying in front of you there's differences so that that's probably the gate that's keeping us from being this feng shui because you know why i had to hide my tears in front of you because you saw a goat head when you were six that's why no because i know your vindictive evil personality and you'll you will use that against me one day you'll be like you soft bitch remember you cried in front of me no shot in hell that's oh my god that's so you oh oh you when have i ever when have i ever when have i ever when have i ever when have i ever that is such a pain thing no i'm a you know i'm a man of morals you asked me to say salt and vinegar chips
Starting point is 01:23:20 just so you can put it on video you cut the video down you took out the v that's all i'm gonna say you did that that's you speaking of one more thing that you have that i hate the 12 inch hello good morning to you good morning to you now if i had 12 inches i'd cut half and give the rest of charity because i can do a lot with the three i have. Well, cut half, but then take that other half and cut it up and just throw out twos. I'm the Salvation Army of Johnson's. Just lend me a two for the weekend. Just throw that. I'll get some stitches.
Starting point is 01:23:53 Hey, people that steal from Salvation Army belong in hell. If you have the means. No, you're going to hell. A lot of people go to Salvation Army to thrift shop, and I've seen people steal out of Salvation Army. That's sick work. And I say, you're never going to see the pearly gates. Have you ever thought about how expensive some things are in Goodwill?
Starting point is 01:24:09 No. I saw a busted CD player for $65. I said, artists don't even make CDs anymore, for starters. The bitch looks broken half, like literally snapped in half, and someone Elmered it back together and you're charging me 65 dollars that's a that's another day that's crazy something that you have that i hate don't you dare wink at my friend and editor oh my god y'all are creeps anyway your prada shoes are godly uncomfortable. Those bitches are made for war, not for fashion.
Starting point is 01:24:48 Okay, I took my pregnancy pictures with my beautiful wife. I needed some suave shoes that matched my fit. I said, hey, P, you got some black and nice shoes. Let me wear them Prada Johns. He said, of course, best friend. Gave them to me. Great lad. I thought I was in Fallujah when i had those on you there's
Starting point is 01:25:07 no way you wear those past an hour and a half 90 minutes max no way you're enjoying you know the fun fact about those i've worn them for two live shows my heels have bled every single live show bro she she literally pulled out her camera at first there's a flash on i thought it was a flash bang you're like i thought i was in the middle of battle pure no comfort no it's really for the aesthetic pure tactileness pure like like you're ready to work yeah 100 you can kick the shit out of somebody with bro the most uncomfortable shoes ever it turns my socks black like they die on them it turns it black bro i thought i was a lieutenant it was bad bro it was unreal who do you think would be better in the front lines of war me or you 100 you because you get scared and run the other way so chances of survival you no no no you'd
Starting point is 01:25:57 go no no you can just take off go the, 100%. I'd get sniped like that. They'd be like, that's the biggest target head we've ever seen. I'd be a sniper's dream. Oh, my God, yeah. You can't hide that head. That'd be the easiest one-shot kill ever. No, 100%. I would be better. I would be better.
Starting point is 01:26:17 Simply because you have too much pride. Especially if I'm going out to fight for my country. Yeah. I'll save my life. No, that's me, too. If we were there for the my country. Yeah. I'll save my life. No, that's... Me too. If we're there for the same reasons. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 01:26:28 You'd be... I don't even know if we can dabble into this. You say it. I don't know. You'd be the type to get shot in the leg. You'd just lay down and stay there. Hey, pretend. Wait for the night to end.
Starting point is 01:26:38 You'd be like... And they'd clear up. They're like... Your drink spilled. So much liquid just pouring onto our concrete concrete they'd be like
Starting point is 01:26:48 clean your dead we'll give you the night and you're like this you start coughing that might be insensitive and I did not mean it to be at all I love all of our soldiers
Starting point is 01:26:57 and thank you all so much oh yes round of applause for our men and women and forces there you go thank you so much I would make
Starting point is 01:27:04 I would make the meanest syrup sandwiches for everybody. You know, at war. Two things. I used to make a mean syrup sandwich in college. You remember that? Stop saying it like that. Syrup sandwich. Syrup. Syrup.
Starting point is 01:27:19 Okay, okay, okay. Last one. That's the last one. Now I'm starting to feel like you're starting to attack. And just argue. If you're just trying to argue, say you're just trying to argue. No one says syrup. I will dedicate the next ten minutes of my life. Oh, I'm not giving you ten.
Starting point is 01:27:40 Syrup. Okay. Basic spelling. S-Y. What does that say? S. What the Basic spelling. S-Y. What does that say? S. What the f***? S.
Starting point is 01:27:50 S-Y? You tell me what S-Y is. C. C? Yes. Because when I spelled C in Spanish 3, it was S-I, not S-Y. Oh, but what language are we speaking right now? English.
Starting point is 01:28:01 S-Y. C. Sci. C. Sci. Sci-rup. Let's go with yours. Syrup.
Starting point is 01:28:06 But the R makes it the Y, the I. You're not, wait, you're speaking voodoo right now. You're not even, you're on a different alphabet. Deadass. Okay, deadass. Where did you grow up?
Starting point is 01:28:17 Syrup. Texas, same place as you. Okay. Okay, what do you call soda? Soda. Right? People that say, okay. People that say pop piss me off.
Starting point is 01:28:24 People that say pop say syrup you deep south confederate flag waving that's who you can i say syrup you're not winning you we're not relating and we're not deep south in any cam syrup everyone you know says syrup think about that every cj cj what do you say syrup Syrup. Where's CJ from? Arkansas. Harris, Arkansas. Google that. Google Harris, Arkansas. Harrison.
Starting point is 01:28:50 Harrison. Google it. Do your Googles. Find out. You got damn right. They say syrup out there. Boy, that's exactly what they do. So if that's what you want to go off of, he's not from there.
Starting point is 01:29:04 I promise. I promise he's not from there. I promise. I promise he's not from there. Syrup. Syrup. Say it with me. Syrup. Okay, give me an explanation why. Because that's what it is.
Starting point is 01:29:16 Period. There's no fight in this. There's no website. Let's Google it. Google it and hit the thing. No, that bitch don't know nothing. You said let's Google it. Listen to listen.
Starting point is 01:29:25 Oh. What sound does S-Y make? Oh, there's 427 pronunciations of S-Y. Four? You're kidding. I swear to you. What do you know? American pronunciation of syrup.
Starting point is 01:29:44 Syrup. Syrup. Syrup. Cam. It literally says under it. It's spelled S-Y-R-U-P. You know how they do the, like, how to pronounce things? Yes. Like, if, like, for Cam. Yeah, like, the breakdown of syllables.
Starting point is 01:29:55 Yes, yes, yes. This says two syllables. S-U-R-U-H-P. Sir. Let me see it. Sir. Let me see it. One more time.
Starting point is 01:30:05 Syrup. That's fine. Let me see it. What do you know? Let me see it. Sir. Let me see it. One more time. Syrup. That's fine. Let me see it. What do you know? Let's see. You leave out information. Maybe click the Islands of Congo pronunciation. Is syrup pronounced syrup or syrup?
Starting point is 01:30:15 As others have noted, this is an accent-based thing. So you're using an accent. You're the one using the accent. We're from the same place. You're using the same place as Harrison, Oklahoma, Arkansas. No. That says American pronunciation. Listen. You and me are from the same state.
Starting point is 01:30:30 Everyone you know says syrup. You are a Disney kid. Is it syrup or syrup? Wait. Yeah. Are you nuts? He's getting me hard. Who is that?
Starting point is 01:30:43 I don't know. Okay, Cam, deadass, I'm better at English than you. That's fine, you little essay-writing goon. Syrup. I'm going to give you an English quiz. Give me an English quiz, and don't lie. I'm not. Give me an English quiz, because you folded on your syrup.
Starting point is 01:31:00 Yeah, hey, we couldn't find nothing, hey. It sucked. Every single website was like, here's some worksheets for you. Yeah, yeah. I was going to give them a quiz. Hey, if y'all have quizzes, send them to the Instagram and then our Discord or whatever. So, according to my calculations, I passed. What's a noun?
Starting point is 01:31:16 What's a noun? Person, place, or thing. What's a verb? Action. What's a pronoun? Wait. It's tricky waters there. Let's... What about a pronoun? Wait. It's tricky waters there. Let's
Starting point is 01:31:27 What about an adjective? Ask me an adjective. Let's just go to the next. What are all the A-I-O-U Pals is the word I was looking for. Yeah, I'm beating you
Starting point is 01:31:37 and you're the quizzer right now. I'm answering the questions for you. Alright. I think it's time for people's favorite segment. You know what that is? Pop culture the questions for you. Alright, I think it's time for people's favorite segment. You know what that is?
Starting point is 01:31:48 Pop culture, pay it in camp. Pop culture, pay it in camp. Pow! Cam. What's up, Tampa? Tampa Cam. Look at Tampa P. One of the things we bonded on
Starting point is 01:32:03 when we first met each other. You asked me a very... I think this question set our friendship up. You said, what's your favorite rapper? At the time I said Eminem. And you know what you said? Me too. And you know what we did?
Starting point is 01:32:18 Listen to it. Kit. Listen to him. Listen to him. Now, Eminem, this past week. He has dropped his 12th studio album, Eminem, this past week. He has dropped his 12th studio album, The Death of Slim Shady. Coup de Grace.
Starting point is 01:32:31 It's Coup de Grace. Coup de Grace. I said Coup de Grace. And you're better at English, huh? Coup de Grace, right? Yes. So, let's be honest here. What the hell does that mean?
Starting point is 01:32:41 Coup de Grace is like the kill shot. Oh, okay. The Coup de Grace is the final blow whenever you kill something. Okay, the Coup de good god bless better english here you go so the thing about eminem right i would say his last let me buy i love eminem i think he's the best pen to paper rapper we've ever had. He can rap words and put words together. And make them make sense better than anybody ever has in history. In my opinion. And that's why I love them as a youth, as a teenager, and as an adult. But.
Starting point is 01:33:17 I agree. I'm probably going to agree with your next sentiment as well. I think the overwhelming sentiment of the world is as you grow up that content is kind of like no he's he struggles with content and making good songs now yes the i feel i am well what i wouldn't say he struggles with making good songs i 100 agree on the content because i'm not gonna say his songs are bad my sentiment i hope i'm not taking words out of your mouth my thing is he doesn't make re-listenable music that's that's not a good song then i don't i don't deem i don't you know i'm saying i don't deem that there's movies that are good movies that
Starting point is 01:34:03 you kind of just might not want to watch again for certain reasons. Could be length. Could be like the lead actor was kind of shitty. You don't like the lead actor, but the overall movie was good and you enjoyed it. That's how I feel about Eminem's newest music over the last five, six years. That's fair sentiment. It's still good because he's still saying crazy shit, crazy cadences, double, triple
Starting point is 01:34:22 entendres, but I'm really not going to plug up to Apple CarPlay and go straight to that. Exactly. That's kind of how I feel. I am, in my opinion, the last great Eminem album was Recovery. In my opinion, it's one of his best albums ever. It's such a beautiful album. You didn't think LP2 was good?
Starting point is 01:34:43 It's a good album. It's not a great album. I thought there's definitely some returnable songs but there's a lot that aren't Recovery is like unreal for a reason millions sold Eminem's going to sell millions he could fart on a mic
Starting point is 01:34:57 it's Eminem he dropped a new album this is my first time when an m&m album dropped that i didn't immediately go listen to it it's because he's released singles and features here the past x amount of years and it's all kind of been like oh man you know i mean like you wrapping those words together really good bro and that's and it honestly pains me yeah it hurts remember the other day i was like the way i feel about it i said this in the car we were uh listening to it before the gym the way i feel about him now is how i would feel about lebron if lebron was still playing
Starting point is 01:35:36 but he was averaging like 10 yeah that's how m is still a goat in his field you can't discredit any of his body of work but it's like as he keeps going that that m effect and i and this isn't like i love him and i love him because he said in multiple songs better than most y'all doing all your reviews and whatever critics and it's like that's not what i'm doing right now i'm just like i don't know it hurts me because of how much I love Eminem. I'll turn on Relapse right now, word for word, in his crazy shit when he was saying wild, nut stuff. All of Recovery, LP2, Eminem's show.
Starting point is 01:36:15 It's just now... Talk about the new album. It's kind of like, damn. What did you feel about the new album? First off, the more I grow up, I think I'm not a fan of concept albums i'm not gonna lie to you it takes more creativity to make them but i don't know like replay value
Starting point is 01:36:30 really it's like i know the story yeah it's like why i don't want to listen to it it's because like i don't need the two minute skit at the end of the song in my car at all again at all yeah at all it's great on the first listen you know i don't even listen skits i swear to god oh you did you not listen on the first run? Did you skip them? On this one, I didn't. No, I delete them. Oh, you have.
Starting point is 01:36:48 Yeah. They don't stay in my phone. I'll be damned if I hit shuffle and Paul Rosenberg's in my ear talking about, Am I listening to the album? No. Yeah. Get out of my phone. It's like the eighth one he said that.
Starting point is 01:36:58 But overall. Rank it. Okay, say your opinion and rank it one through ten. Opinion. It's kind of what we just said. Has some great bars. He's trying his best because he is. Bro's like 50.
Starting point is 01:37:12 People forget that. He's 51. So he's trying to, you know, stay up to date with lingo and like. That's. Why? You don't need to. I know you don't have to, but he's trying because I get. I don't know why.
Starting point is 01:37:23 He's trying to stay up to date With lingo And like And pop culture And certain news things That are happening His bars are always amazing Um Again Replay value
Starting point is 01:37:32 I feel is very low Uh Fuel Fuel will be added In my gym playlist Just the beat JID helps a lot as well JID is crazy
Starting point is 01:37:40 And I mean I don't know bro Evil's a great song Yeah Evil's Going to beat on you Even the intro bro Evil's a great song yeah Evil's even the intro bro it's like a minute and a half renaissance or whatever it's called yeah
Starting point is 01:37:49 the way he comes in on that I was like I low key wish this was a full song Premonition I remember off the last Premonition off that was fire that was fire
Starting point is 01:37:56 but overall score wise I mean I'd throw it like I'd throw it like a like a six that's high that's a I know but I love him Like, I'd throw it like a six. That's high. That's a high.
Starting point is 01:38:07 I know, but I love him. I'm not going to sit here and say, this is dog shit. Yeah. Because I appreciate this artist. Yeah. But it's just like. He's the GOAT, in my opinion, still. Still.
Starting point is 01:38:16 That's what I'm saying. I'm not taking anything away from it. It's just hard. It's like if LeBron was playing in his 26th season. Yeah. And he's averaging seven points. It's like, bro, like, you're good. Yeah. You're good. And I'm not saying I don't don't want him to stop making music i just don't really like this
Starting point is 01:38:29 it's the it's the thing about this album i'll talk about this album specifically i'd love you're more music i love the concept of you know it's 2024 it's a very sensitive area era we're gonna bring slim shady slim back and and it's And the whole album is a battle between. Argue good and evil, right and wrong. Yeah, it's between Eminem and Slim Shady. They're arguing the whole time like this. I just didn't need 35 minutes, which is like half the album, in a row of like.
Starting point is 01:39:02 That. Caitlyn Jenner jokes. Yeah. On every song. fat jokes yeah like every song every song there was like a caitlin jenner and i was like okay i get it like that slim shady that's your bag do it like i'm not saying from a sensitive point of view i don't give a i'm saying like that's that's what i expect from him but like there's not a point where i was like oh this is fire like that's the old slim saying wild reckless shit like it was like that shock value that i used to get as a kid when i'd hear it and i was like this is good but i've heard this eight songs in a row now like let's get marshall in a little bit like let's talk
Starting point is 01:39:32 about something now you know what i mean and then out of nowhere we get a beautiful song to hayley yeah right after you were just talking about lizzo like i'm like okay yeah and then i feel like the album kind of was a bad ending with the jelly roll song with him and jelly rose a beautiful song but i feel like that jelly roll song that he used for the hook just came out on jelly like jelly roll just released it now you're sampling the i mean if he also put him as a feature and jelly roll jelly roll even posted on it he said the second he got the call from him saying that he loved that song and he would love if it could be a part of his album, he was all stoked for it.
Starting point is 01:40:06 I get it. And I love Jelly Roll. I love him. Jelly Roll's a very nice guy, so I'm at the ACMAs. Or AMCA, whatever it's called. And I'm just saying, like, I feel like we got that song already whenever he made Castle in a Rose on. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:20 It was like the same song. Yeah. And I was like, wait, that's how we're ending this album? Like, I definitely agree. I think the ending should have been Slim going. I think the ending should have been like Duel of Fates in Revenge of the Sith. It should have been like a seven and a half minute song of Slim Shady providing nothing but terror.
Starting point is 01:40:40 Like saying crazy wild shit. He died on Guilty Conscious 2 though. Yes. But I'm saying imagine. Imagine it ended like Slim Sh shady going absolutely feral and then m comes in as like the good and goes so crazy back but in a good way and then that's the death and that's like closed curtains and no no hate baby tron never needs to be on eminem album yeah no that doesn't make sense i don't get it i hate the song toby toby mcguire got bit by a spider well me probably a goat like
Starting point is 01:41:04 no don't i don't i i literally don't want that i actually don't like yeah that that that's strange I hate the song Toby. Toby McGuire got bit by a spider. Well, me. Probably a goat. Like, no. I literally don't want that. I actually don't want to hear that. Like, yeah, that's strange. But all I have to say, M, we love you. We still love you. I still have an Eminem shirt. I got it from him, actually.
Starting point is 01:41:14 He's seen you live in concert, and I would love to. I almost passed out when I saw him in concert. We could go. He's going to be in Austin. When? October. What, like a taco shop? No, he's a performance for F1.
Starting point is 01:41:25 We'll try to get to that. That'd be sick. All right. Let's get out of here. And that was... Pop Culture! Pay and then cam! Pew, pew, pew, pew!
Starting point is 01:41:34 Pop Culture! Pay and then cam! Pow! Get us out of here, come on. Thank you, all you beautiful little faces and big old smiles for coming back. Episode 122 is in the books. We appreciate you so, so much.
Starting point is 01:41:46 Now in live time, the tour is finally over. The baby announcement is finally out. There's nothing else to hide from you. And we have so many things coming. So like P said earlier in the intro, make sure you follow everyone on the team socials because there might be a little drippling here from intern Pierce.
Starting point is 01:42:02 Maybe a little drop over here from editor CJ. Maybe Mama Liv posts a little drop over here from editor cj maybe mama live posts a little something something you need to read up on because we got some shit cooking up for you so best believe follow us everywhere get all the information everything you know is linked in the description below uh facebook patreon discord twitch is back up running we're done with the tour we got time to cook in the laboratory. And you are going to get the amazing food that we cook. But this week's secret code,
Starting point is 01:42:33 confuse the casuals, get your good karma. This week's secret code is, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. U-N-H. U-N-H. From earlier in the episode. Uncle? Correct. Now? we go u n h u n h from earlier in the episode uncle correct now no not no never no what is it you you blank something i i blank that i need that uncle needs help there we go uncle needs help
Starting point is 01:43:04 secret code leave it everywhere leave it on instagram tiktok full link leave it everywhere we absolutely love y'all uncle need help uncle needs help uncle confuse the casuals we'll see you again next week remember when i took koala bears don't make it onto christmas and we'll see you next time i'll tell him to put the johnson up

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