You Should Know Podcast - BECOMING A FATHER? -You Should Know Podcast-

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

LIVE SHOW TICKETS (TAMPA/AUSTIN): https://linktr.ee/YouShouldKnowPod?utm_source=linktree_admin_share NAOMI (Merch Designer) : https://linktr.ee/xenagriffin?fbclid=PAAabJMosNTP1iXrU95jMJxoeAfVSs_lq36Jwpu16dii4xb1EiaB1uLtcKyuQ_aem_Af_R682HMd57KjpVvxYxG8GsaRr6IQEk7KGRCtOa9I2Y5D0VPuD9xFGWhbWeWtwpTeU Peyton’s Polaroids: https://instagram.com/peytonpolaroids?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== TRUE VAULT ESCAPADES: https://youtube.com/@AtomicWolf54 0:00 AUSTIN TICKETS OUT NOW 1:45 HEINEKEN 3:14 CAM JOINS 7:00 Going to the Gym & Staying Stiff 8:41 Ending the Beef 12:15 Peyton & Cams Unknown Origin Story 18:29 MANDO 20:23 Stealing From the Grocery Store 25:35 Most Illegal Thing We’ve Done 27:21 Speech Therapist Accents 28:58 Peyton Is a Father 31:52 The Moon Walk Debate(ft.Peytons Family) 37:24 Peyton & Cam Pool Horror Story 39:10 Broke My Neck on Water Slide 42:13 Passing Out On A Plane 44:42 Learning Your Parents Names 46:00 HARRYS 47:35 Old People HORROR STORY 55:58 Worst Place to Get Attacked 1:00:57 Peyton Was Jumped 1:04:22 POP CULTURE (GYPSY ROSE) 1:11:36 DR.P (Am I a catch?) 1:15:39 ANNOUNCEMENTS TODAYS SPONSORS: HEINEKEN 0.0: https://bit.ly/YouShouldKnow00 10% OFF FIRST MONTH BETTERHELP.COM/YSK MANDO: $5 OFF STARTER PACK USING CODE YSK HARRYS.COM/YSK FOR $3 TRIAL SET YouShouldKnow P.O. BOX 191564 2825 Oak Lawn Ave Dallas, Texas 75219 FOLLOW PEYTON: https://instagram.com/psh8?igshid=ZDg1NjBiNjg= JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/V5WYhSte2R GRAB SOME MERCH: https://www.youshouldknowstudios.com/shop Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Samsung Vision AI televisions transform screens into intelligent solutions. From reviving old memories with AI upscaling to seamless hands-free control with universal gestures. The next vision in television is here. Learn more about Samsung Vision AI televisions at Samsung.com. The You Should Know Podcast. Oh, we're back to the best place on earth. Everybody, welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 95. Round of applause. Please, okay, it was a little premature.

It's all right. Here we go. I like the excitement. I'm always here for the excitement. I'm always here. I love it. I love it. I love it.

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to You Should Know Podcast episode 95. We are back and we got great news. Tampa tickets. There's only a few left. And as soon as those sell out, we have an after party announced for you. Tampa, come celebrate the birthday with the whole You Should Know family. It's going to be a great, great time at that show.

Can't wait to see you, Tampa, Florida. And then Austin, Texas, my hometown. We are coming for our live show on March 1st. And those tickets are available right now. The link in the description below. I want the Austin, Texas show, the hometown show, the special show with all the friends, all the family,

and all the beautiful You Should Know podcast fans. I want that to be the fastest selling out show we have ever done. So go right now. Click the link in the description to get tickets for Austin, Texas and Tampa, Florida.

Let's sell that out. We love going on the road. We love meeting all you people. You know that those front row tickets, those front section tickets sell out quick. The meet and greets sell out quick. So if you want to come at all, I suggest you get them now and you figure out your plans on how to get there later. We love you so much.

We have a very, very, very special episode planned for you guys. Great things coming 2024. We love you so much. We have a very, very, very special episode planned for you guys. Great things coming 2024. We love you. And now on to the rest of the episode. Oh, Heineken 00 is an alcohol-free option to the original Heineken that you love, I love, and we all love. I love Heineken, and I love Heineken 00. Cam, tell me a little bit about Heineken 00. You want to know what's crazy about it?

Tell me. 100% pure, genuine, brewski Heineken taste. Woo! Just because it's alcohol-free doesn't mean you're losing the flavor that you love. Woo! That means it's perfect for all the times where you would like a beer, but you can't have the alcohol. That sounds like a great time to me.

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oh boom heineken zero zero little cheers to me cheers to you and to the crew hello slurpy mcgee it's amazing i really don't think we should tell them that this is the second case that we already i know i know but uh yeah it's absolutely fantastic heineken zero zero 100% taste, 0.0% alcohol, and only 69 calories. Hello. Now you can. Click the link in the description right now and buy yourself some Heineken 00. Remember, you must be 21 and up to purchase. Enjoy Heineken responsibly.

Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. I need my big, hip, nasty toe LASIK surgery friend to make an entrance. Hey, go, Camwin. Go, Camwin. Oh, Camwin. Oh, he's sagging. You're sagging.

You're sagging. Sit down, buddy. We got co-host Cam back in the studio. I hear voices in my head they're trying to mean they understand oh my god oh my god

we got co-host Cam back in the studio how are you feeling co-host Cam I'm feeling good I like touching the little veins you have there Did you you know one of the craziest things you look like Pennywise when you did do that camera? Yeah, I don't like that. Sorry. Do you think I would go in public with you if you looked like that?

Probably not apps actually matter of fact. Absolutely not you would be Completely ashamed of me you say hey, bro. I'm gonna go to the mall you tell me which mall I pull up You'd be at the other mall. You literally you would you yeah you would you yeah it'd be bad no no i would always be around you with a ski mask on to hide your identity because you're still ashamed no you with the ski mask i have to hide my own identity that that's low i need you to ask i need you to ask me the question you always ask me how How was your week, Bubba? The week was cool, but about 15 minutes ago, when I take my pre-ritual pee every time,

I took probably a top seven longest poop in my entire life. Not duration of poop, more of length of turd. We're not doing that. We're not talking about poop. That should be our 2024 resolution. We haven't made a resolution as a couple. We haven't made one as a couple yet. Talk more about poop.

Less about poop. More poop. Because I was feeling bad. Turned nuggets? Stop it. Okay. Speaking of nuggets, I ate nuggets. That's what I'm throwing up.

I had a top seven in my entire life. You didn't congratulate me. Because I want to avoid the poop topic on the podcast. Because you want to know why? I was sitting at my home, right? I was on my tv on the couch and i was watching us because i do a weekly review did you just say on the tv watching the couch no no did i you said i was on my tv watching the couch you need to be struck you need to at

this hand i need to remove this ring and slap why. Why are you so violent? It's just because I love you. I just want better. But I was watching the TV on my couch, butt naked, and I was looking at you specifically. That's okay. And I was watching the podcast and I was like, I was trying to eat something. I think it was P.F. Chong's. I was eating P.F. Chong's, right? And I was watching the podcast and then we start talking about fecal.

Right? There was a lot of fecal convo. A little butt action. A little backdoor play. A little fucking bunghole talk, huh? A little of your little loop-de-doop-de back there. The little chewed bubblegum spiral thing. A little bit of that balloon knot.

That little tie-up. You peed me, too? I was going to say something not real. A little pink little knot. A little tie up. That's gross. That's so gross. Continue.

I am so sorry. Let's go. Bungalow talk. I was watching and we were talking a lot about the bodily functions of the rear end. A little pitter patter. And I couldn't eat my Mongolian beef. And I was like, the people that do eat during this. I feel so bad.

I don't. I'm like, you need help. If you can eat while you're watching this fair point so i think it's a 2024 resolution for us into the you should know podcast you're hearing it here first we're going to try because we can't make promises that we will but we will try i'm not sure if you said try the first time i dude something's going on with this speech at least that we're gonna quiet huh but to quiet. There's no tea. No. Okay.

Why? Normally, all my power goes to my brain in my regular life. I have all this energy from sitting and not doing anything, and it just flows straight to my brain. Oh, I know what you're about to say. For the past two days, I've been working out. We're out of applause. Let's go. 2024.

Uncle P. Uncle p turning to daddy p rip that shirt off you you say son of a get down and give it 10 yeah you got me acting up dog oh don't ever Oh, don't ever snort. Don't ever snort. We had such a cool moment. Such a dudes being guy moment. You ended by going. Okay, how far can we push the dudes being guys moment to the point where we got to ask some questions?

Are we not talking about? As long as I think we're good. As long as we're not growing. As long as we're not growing or showing. I can't help that sometimes. Guys can be dudes. You can't help. You need to.

No. You've never been doing long algebra in a class. Biden, come solve this problem up on the board. Oh, no, sir. Can't do it. I'm so sorry. Nurse's office. Nurse.

I need to go to the nurse. Let me use your hoodie. I've never had that problem as a kid never in my life there was a kid i can't say his name for legal reasons but uh there was a young man that to a gatorade bottle in the back of my history class in seventh grade it's a fact that same kid two years later broke the desk he sat on the desk the breath the desk i thought from the oh no i'd be like prison right now absolutely put him in no okay so i've been working out the past two days i'm so happy and i think i figured it out okay i think i figured it out first of all

what we can finally we can finally close the saga on your friend romeo we can finally close that saga because as soon as cam switched gyms rome, Romeo Oh my pain started getting the invite to the gym boyfriend Romeo's gone. You've gotten the invite every time bro Oh my god, you just broke the news to him. Well, Romeo doesn't know I've left Romeo doesn't know you stupid Don't care how cool and suave you look Dutch bros commercials I don't care how cool and suave you look. Dutch Bros commercials. I was on Snapchat one time and I saw Romeo on the Dutch Bros commercial. Love you, Romeo.

Fuck Romeo. Tell him you like him. I've never met Romeo. How do I know? He doesn't know me. But he likes you. I don't care. Okay.

He's a very good guy. Oh. Romeo. Oh, time out. I'm getting the whole Romeo committee here. What the hell did he do that's so much better than me? He's a great guy. So as soon as Cam left that gym.

That's bullshit. I talk about this on the Heartbreak episode of Patreon. I talk about this on the Heartbreak episode. I'm a good rebound. Everybody wants me as a rebound. As soon as Romeo didn't work out, guess who came crawling back for gym boyfriend? Cameron Kennedy came back for Peta Ueda. Peta Ueda got an invite every single day to the gym.

You refused to go because it was 12 minutes away. Now that we're at a gym four minutes away, you're like, oh, I'll be there. No, and I've made it better. I think there's a bug in my shoe. I think there's something in my shoe. Something moved, and it wasn't me. I think I figured it out. No, we've made an agreement.

I'll go to the gym with you every day. No problem. With the stipulation. Go ahead and tell them. Yeah, tell me how ass this is. He goes, I'll go to the gym with you every single day if you come and pick me up. Yeah? How bad do you want me there?

How bad do you want to be better? Really? You're the one complaining to me every day. You're the one. That's sad. Skinny little cricket. What did I do at the gym today? They said, hey, get that cricket boy off the ground.

You go. Okay, no, because this is the thing. They wanted me to do a workout where I'm sitting on the floor of a gym. That only looks good if you're at a certain weight. Like, I can't be cricket boy. You have to understand. You look good and you look like you belong. You are a former collegiate athlete. Like, I can't be cricket boy. You have to understand, you look good, and you look like you belong.

You are a former collegiate athlete. Yeah, talk to me. Yeah, you want me to pump that head up? I got you. I'll pump something else up. Here we go. Pump me up. You look great.

You look great. Your body looks good. Your confidence is high. Your testosterone is soaring. We had a great leg day. Leg day releases testosterone. Hello. Good morning.

I'm not going to go there. Never mind. Leg day was testosterone. Hello. Good morning. I'm not going to go there. Never mind. Leg day was good. We had an amazing back day today. Tomorrow we got chest to finish the trifecta, and then you're rewarded with a rest day. Can you do that for me? And then you take that four days.

Push, pull, legs, rest. Push, pull, legs, rest. You do that for about, I don't know, three years straight, and then you're Gucci. No, this is the thing. I think Cam's intimidated by me. I think Cam's intimidated by me. I think Cam's intimidated by me because I have natural genes in my body

that if I work out for a week and a half straight, I'll look exactly like him. His physique he's been working on for three years. I could pitch a tent in the gym for you to where you never leave for three weeks straight. You couldn't get close. You couldn't even get close. You want to know the three-step method?

A three-step method for you to look like me within a week? Okay. Step one, get on your knees. Step two. Whoa, hello, good morning. Step one, get on your knees. Step two, grab a Bible. Step three, pray, because it's not happening, loser.

You can't do it in a week. I love you to death, but this is hard work and dedication. Hello, on to the next. Okay, I was thinking about this, and I really, I haven't brought this up to you, but I was in the shower thinking about this. Because that's where the best thoughts happen. Thinking about what? Am I included in your shower thoughts?

Oh, always you, always you. Always you. Why are you naked and wet and more than likely have some amount of suds on your body and you decide to use your brain on me? No, no, no, use your brain power, use your mind. Thoughts, nothing physical, no, nothing at all your brain power. Use your mind. Thoughts. Nothing physical.

No, nothing at all. I'm not there with you. This is it. This is what happened. Oh, my God. Your guest bathroom shower sucks ass. Oh, my God. The water pressure is like someone spitting on my head.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves. Ow. This is one of my biggest pet peeves is low water pressure. Oh, my God. I hate when it feels like somebody's spitting on my neck. It's like... It was a bad shower. Bad shower.

Sorry I can't afford good showers like you i have two working showers in my house oh good job cam i have two working showers you have three working floors you want to play that band for band guy what's on your wrist don't wait hey good morning all right i was thinking about this and i want to know please don't make me feel bad because it meant a lot to me can't promise do you feel like we've met before what what what does that mean like like whenever we're like teenagers and kids i feel like i've met you before what are you saying to me right now like not what the hell does that mean i know we've talked about like we've played basketball against each other probably. Somewhere we've crossed paths. But I feel like we've talked before as teenagers.

Oh, man. I swear to God. You don't remember? It never happened. I feel like I know you. You do know me. No, like before. This is life.

This was meant to be. It was, but we never had a prior conversation. No, like when we were 15, 14, 16. When we were 15, you were all the way in Austin. I was all the way up here. But we moved around. You weren't a nomad. No, like when we were like 15, 14, 16. When we were 15, you were all the way in Austin. I was all the way up here. But I was not. We moved around. You weren't a nomad.

No, you weren't. No, but you'd never left Dallas? You didn't even have a driver's license. You never left your hometown? Of course I didn't. Okay. I never popped into like a Starbucks, ordered a drink, and said, hey, this guy looks cool, and talked to you.

First off, I wouldn't have spoke to you back then. You had a tail and long hair. I would have been like, holy shit, opposite direction immediately. So that's the first thing No, you don't feel like it's summer camp. We've met like at a summer camp. What summer camps did you go to? None I would venture to say you've never been to a summer camp because two reasons one you have anxiety about staying overnight places in two No, let's say it you wouldn't know you just can't go to summer camps because I can't. No. I'd say it. You wouldn't. No. You just can't go to summer camps. Because I can't swim? Most summer camps involve bodies of water.

And you would have been deathly afraid. And they didn't have a life jacket long enough for your creepy torso. Be careful. I'm sorry. But, uh... Oh, Cam? Wait, we did meet. It's called when we met for the first time in college. I feel like I remember genuinely having a conversation with you.

What are you saying? Like, I'm deadass. Like, no BS. I feel like I've talked to you what are you saying remember it like i was hoping you'd remember it there's nothing to remember like you know when you go to a psychic reading and they have you smell a certain smell and you remember the thing i was hoping that would be this oh this is a tarot card moment you read a line in your palm and you've met me prior to actually meeting me now you don't remember You think you're in the multiverse. You think you're Miles Morales.

Just because you're wearing a Batman shirt doesn't mean you're in that universe. He wasn't in the multiverse. It's DC. I know. I've soiled myself. Oh, that's you. You stink. We met and it's called college.

No. On your visit. Okay, but you're being so close-minded right now. Your UPS box with tape over it. Get a box cutter and open up your brain. Dude, if I hear one more, I'm the shepherd, you're the sheep. We never met before. No.

Okay, look at me in my eyes when I say this. I've been looking in your eyes all the time. You're the one that goes and looks away, but deep. Like, pass through me. Look through me. Look through me. And remember, little 14-year- big head little neck huge head little neck can't really stay still oh yeah i can't yawn too hard lasik is recovering asthma bad okay and you see me right pimply who pim? What'd you say? Pimpale? Oh, Pimpale. Pimpale long-haired tail boy. Yeah.

Long spine. Bootcut jeans. Didn't really know what deodorant was. Supras on the feet. Supras and skinny jeans with a tail. Studded belt. Truck fit hat. Oh my god. Polka dot. Truck fit hat. You don't remember talking to me? swear to god cam i feel like i've talked to you before okay simply because i love you i'll humor this you're bigger than me what we oh hello what did we talk about that's why i needed you what do you think 14 year old pimply truck fit wannabe and golf wang payton had involved, had anything remotely near to what me, 14-year-old Roman history buff, weird kid, Lord of the Rings

lover, slight basketball advocate, Cameron Michael Kennedy did. M&M? What do you think? M&M. Something like that. So we met at a coffee shop. I didn't say, why are you going to a coffee shop? Maybe that is it because your brain keeps going to coffee shops. I'm going to summer camp. You don't go to summer camp. I went to like Brandy Pearman.

What is that? That sounds foreign. Brandy Pearman? Sounds like a science teacher or a foreign city. It was an elite shooting camp. Oh, God. Oh, you poor soul. Scout 100.

Oh, you poor soul. Scout focus? Scout focus? Hold on. I have video of my scout focus. I have video of my scout focus. I have video of my Scout Focus. Hold on. Did you go to the one in Dallas?

I did go to the one in Dallas. Did you go to the one? Where's that? AAA Academy. No. No, the one where the middle of it has like an upper balcony separating the three courts and three courts. It's where Zoe had her summer camp.

That one. I went to one there as well. That's the one I went to. Did we meet? Hold on. Hold on. I busted your ass. I know it.

Oh, no. That's when I was nice. Definitely not. That's when you played cheap, you dirty bastard. That's whenever I was getting- You had zero Hold on. I busted your ass. I know it. Oh, no. That's when I was nice. Definitely not. That's when you played cheap, you dirty bastard. That's whenever I was getting- You had zero skills, so you used your elbows. That's when I was getting D1 envelopes every day. Yeah, we were getting D1 envelopes.

We were like, we could use a brute. We could use a bodyguard. No, that's when I was a snipe. I was a 6'3". A sniper with your elbows. You're like, dude. Cam broke the couch. Cam's going to do the rest of this episode of Burger King

Okay well I guess you don't remember I guess that's not I guess that's not like a resolving memory for you You're so crooked We didn't meet This episode is brought to you by Mando Uncle P Yes sir

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It's for pits, packages, and feet. Name three places that stink on me the most. Hello. Pits, packages, crevices. And feet. And your feet. And so I just take this wipe. I just give me a little rub-a-dub.

And then I also got this deodorant. It's the Mando smooth solid deodorant mount fuji guess what it's for pits packages and feet take a weave i love a good mountain oh my god it smells good take a weave i'm so sorry oh my god i love a good mountain and i will put that all over me i got mando odor shield body wash in bourbon leather oh God. We have a special offer for new customers that get $5 off the starter pack with our exclusive code and link. Use code YSK at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O dot com. I cannot wait for the Ushino family to get their hands on Mando.

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Okay, well, we did meet, but you're talking about like coffee shops and stuff. It made me remind me of something. Of a good coffee. No. He's, oh my God. What happened? Let me tell them. What happened?

This man, the first day he went to the gym two days ago no pre-workout no red bull he gets the forbidden drink oh i got the forbidden drink he got the forbidden drink that y'all have banned him from consuming he was in the gym like he was cracked out of his mind that was you yeah i know it felt good i have sweated twice as much since this couch is broke before it did say that again in an english sentence sweated isn't a word i will i will agree upon that but i have produced more sweat from my armpits in the last 30 seconds due to the couch being broken i am unbelievably ashamed by it than i did at the beginning you understand that you say things that could be three seconds long and you make them four

minutes. That might be a disease. There's blood on your finger. If there was blood from a laugh. Okay, what were you saying? Coffee shops. Okay. I want to know if you did this.

Like things, I don't know if it's illegal or not. What? I don't know. This thing that I used to do all the time as a kid, me and my dad. What happened? Oh, sorry. Sorry. Oh my God. What happened? Oh, sorry, sorry. Oh, my God. I was going to say something unbelievably bad.

Whenever we'd go to the grocery store, right? We'd be walking around the grocery store. And you remember the grocery stores have like bread aisles, bakeries. They have bakeries and grocery stores. And they have the little doors you open up to grab you a donut. Oh, yeah. You'd eat it in the store. I would always eat my food in the store.

Like I would go to the chip aisle and I would grab a Cheez-It, open it up, and I would snack on Cheez-Its. But then we would bring the empty Cheez-It wrapper and pay for it. And then I would see a Coca-Cola diet, of course, open it, drink it throughout the store. Now is that wrong and is it illegal did you used to do it the first thing before i answered those three questions did they have singular cheese it packets on the isle of cheeses where did you shop

they always have single cheese it packets you've never gone to a grocery store with a single cheese it packet there's never been a snack size packet by itself in the main it's not snack size stupid a singular cheese it packet it's not snacks they, stupid. A singular Cheez-It packet. It's not snack size. They have family size ones. But you have to open the box that contains all the... That's never a thing. Yes, they do. That's like telling me they have the gas station size bag chips on the chip aisle. No, they don't. Literally,

no, they don't. It's just what pisses me off, Cam. You don't know everything. You've never been to every grocery store. Just because you shop in Wonderland with Alice doesn't mean that I deserve to be screamed at they don't have single serving bags of chips open unless it's in the variety box do you realize what your next tell me i'm wrong do you do you realize what your next 48 hours is gonna look like snowy blizzard dms dms of people going to the grocery store and showing you that

if if you go to a grocery store walmartroger's Tom Thumb's Whole Foods Sprouts whatever the hell Publix if you go to those and they have sick like the 69 cent bag of chips on the chip I like 225. well now inflation's a but it used to be if they have those on the chip aisle please send me a picture and then you know what I want you to do that's not real you get one picture of it agree right now shake okay you get one picture of it. Agree right now. Shake. Okay. You get one picture of that. Shake. Shake my hand. There you go. Shake my hand. This is our contract by law.

Actually, you didn't say that. No, you already shook. But you didn't say it. This is what you do. You have to come into the studio next episode, right? Butt naked. All leather. I don't know what all leather is.

You have to wear all tight leather with a leather mask on and chains around your neck with handcuffs. It's a BDS. You have to get on your knees and apologize to me. Are you having a fantasy right now? Are you? Did you just try to sneak in a little pleasure moment for you?

You creep. I wouldn't like, I couldn't even do it. But you agreed on it. My ass would pop out of those leather pants. You know it. That's a fact.

I'd have to get like double plus size pants for my ass. That's ridiculous. I need to stop doing leg day. So you never did that as a kid? I always did that as a kid. Okay, so you, the whole time, so wait. But not with Cheez-'s ridiculous. I need to stop doing leg day. So you never did that as a kid? I always did that as a kid. Okay, so you the whole time?

So wait. But not with Cheezus. I did it with a popcorn chicken. Oh, so you'd go to Walmart and you'd get that popcorn. But that's normal. Walmart popcorn chicken. You eat it around the store and you scan it at the end. Did you pay for it?

Yeah, always. Because my dad would make me. I'd do the popcorn chicken, protein shakes, chocolate milks. Until we went to high school. Me, Jimmy, Clarissa. You're going to jail because i just said you by name they we would have these late night study sessions for algebra two that's not good uh not algebra two calculus and i was in calculus ap calculus my senior year

you were in ap calculus that's when i read to go the cheating stories those are the ones i would i believe that yeah never did it there's no shot you knew anything i was so confused i was like this isn't real. And so we'd go into Starbucks and there was a Starbucks in the Target. So we'd go to Target and there was a Starbucks in the Target. We'd study there for a little bit. I'd be like, hey, guys, I'm out. And then we would walk around and then Clarissa and Jimmy showed me the cotton candy grapes.

Have you ever had a cotton candy grape? The green grapes are cotton candy? Yes, but I'm not so big on them. I didn't like them either. But they were new. And Clarissa and Jimmy would be like, they're over there. And they would just open that pack and they would just eat them right there. And then we would leave.

And you didn't pay for them? I didn't eat them. Go to hell. You deserve jail time. What's the most illegal thing you did as a kid? As a kid, the most illegal thing? did as a kid as a kid most illegal thing this one time in fourth grade i was butt naked running across the football field and i'm kidding your face oh my god no i'm kidding i never did illegal activities i always

thought it was bad and frowned upon the most illegal wait what what do you do that's a crazy thing to say that's not a kid that's insane yeah i did not do that as a kid no you did probably the most illegal thing i did as a kid i'd buy the 19 cent candy sticks and i was smoking marbles when i was about six not illegal it's not but it felt bad the most illegal thing i did in high school and i don't know if i've ever even said this on the internet i've told anybody you're starting to twitch you're like me and that group right my the three amigos is what i'll call them we would sneak onto the university of texas football field at like 11 p.m. You told me. You told me that.

And we would just lay down at the middle, the 50-yard line and we'd just look up. Oh my God, you wanted to be in a Disney movie so f***ing bad.

Oh my God. Oh my God. If you somehow get a terminal illness, that's going to be, that is going to be my life goal. To get a terminal illness?

No, to get you in Disney because you've wanted it for, oh my God, who sneaks on a football field to look up at the stars? That's the cringiest you should have ever heard. It's a terminal illness? No, to get you in Disney because you've wanted it for, oh my God, who sneaks on a football field to look up at the stars? That's the cringiest shit I've ever heard. It's a Big 12 stadium.

It's one of the nicest stadiums, DKR. Open your f***ing blinds and look at the stars. You got a little rush from just sneaking in. I get that part. You sneak through the gate

because you're awfully skinny. You just go right through the bars and you lay down. That is so fun. That is so Netflix original TV show shit sorry that my childhood wasn't full of the bakugan in the roman empire and t-pain sorry i actually did shit when

i was in high school you loser i'm sorry i wasn't doing math problems all day i was enjoying my youth education seriously we are but it was it really't fun, but I just took it seriously. I have a question for you now that we're on education. Okay. I'm nervous. Do you think speech therapists are allowed to have accents? What? I can't say that.

Wait, why wouldn't they not? That's f***ing difficult. Imagine you're like, and they're saying something in a whole different... So you're saying somebody in America can't have an Australian accent? I don't think that should be allowed. Because your sole job is to teach them to speak correctly,

but they're literally learning with an influence. But if they have a stutter, then it doesn't matter. I don't think... I think job requirement, a speech therapist is not allowed to have an accent. See, this is how I know you don't have a speech problem like I did. They were there for lisps, stutters, and stuff like that. So it doesn't matter if you have an accent. But if they're trying to get you to talk right and do what? That's just not right.

Okay, say I have a lisp and teach me in an Australian accent. It's like, you can't do your R's. A lisp isn't for that. A little lisp isn't for that. Okay, don't leave that S there. Don't leave the S. Say a word with S.

Sally. Oh, my days. No, you can't do that. You've got to say it like Crocky's and rise there, right? Go for it. Give it all.ckies and rise there right go for it give it all mate

right alright then teach me an English accent don't say your S's can't do the can't do that a speech that's like

you can't do that do you realize you are gonna get cancelled I know maybe but it's not a it was just also a shower of thought

to be honest but I was thinking about being a dad Maybe, but it was also a shower thought, to be honest. I was thinking about being a dad. I was thinking about being a father, right? Late night. Alone. A little cold.

A little hot. Almost like I had the flu. So I was thinking about being, I don't know if that was funnier more funny hello English or a little cold a little hot like you ever lay in bed at night

and you're like I'm gonna wake up sick dude you're sad like you we need we need like a straight up dedicated prayer time for you

cause you shouldn't be thinking illness illness is 50 mental 100 no i would say 25 50 mental 100 50 mental 100 not 25 no you're never like you get a little chilly and you get hot out of a sudden you're like all of a sudden all of a sudden and you're like i'm gonna wake up sick so anyway i was a little hot a little cold thinking i was gonna wake up sick i was like what if i was a dad exactly and then one of my biggest fears of being a dad is a fear that i didn't even think about you know whenever your kid's in elementary school right you don't have any control who they're friends with right they might have a connection with a kid in class and

they're like that's my friend now james cool james doesn't have much of a personality cool be friends with james but then it gets to the point where I want to go to James' house. Or James wants to come to our house. Right? Well, I want to have a play date with James. Cool. It's developmental for a young kid to have play dates. I want you to go hang out with people.

Socialization. Don't be like your father and stay at a dungeon. Yeah, don't do that. I meet James' parents. What if, not even that they're bad people, just, you know those people you just simply don't connect with and you just automatically don't like them Yeah, what if they're one of those people and then the kids become like best friends to where like say they're like our Level of best friends. So the parents like almost have to be together and like you have to hang out with them

What would you do in that situation? Because that's a biggest fear of mine that even though I think I should have i think you have to shatter his hopes and dreams like you're not seeing james speak to james his parents that's bad that's bad no honestly hell that's a hell of a that's like a that's an honest thing that could happen dr p but like like dr phil dr p yeah not a love dr p that's some that's deep thought because that's the thing that could happen like probably happens a lot that's intense it's like you just hate the pair like you're just not like they're bad people you just don't vibe with them yeah it's like one of the people you just don't want to be around oh man um okay honest answer the kid can still be friends if that's the best friend if they love him but

i don't know how long it can go because there's no way we're hanging out there's no way i'm going to the birthday party that you're invited i'll drop you off although they say matter of fact commando role i don't want him to see dad i want you to come and watch me jump on the play screen absolutely not his dad's a loser and his mom works with lasers oh you know my parents had a bounce house company did y'all know that we called the moonwalks did y'all know that what y'all call you called the bounce house moonwalks yeah i thought you said the company was called moonwalks they're called bounce houses dumb ass it's a house and you bounce in it. There's literally zero room for interpretation.

It's just called a bounce. Dude, you're, oh my God, you're childhood. I swear to God you were taught a different language. Like, you were not taught English from Merriam-Webster. There's no shot. You call playgrounds playscapes. That's what they're called. You call bounce houses moonwalks.

You just wanted to be different in everything you did. You would do anything to stand out. Oh my God, you were the type of kid that would listen to the EDM music that did not sound good just in everything you did you you would do anything to stand out oh my god you were the type of kid that would listen to the edm music that did not sound good just to say you did it oh my god no oh my god you had the black little earbuds instead of the apple ones oh my god candies no okay we would always have moonwalks in the garage don't you dare say i thought the company name was moonwalk no there, they're. What was the company name? I don't know. Harden Bounce?

What was it? What was it? No, I don't know. I don't know. Wait, is this real? Swear to God. My parents had a moonwalk company. Swear to God.

That's what we'd call it. And so it would be like. Is this like a side hustle? Or is this like their profession at one point? They had jobs. They just did. They rented moonwalks. Stop. You're pissing me off. Swear to God. You're doing that shit on purpose. No, I swear to God. They had jobs. They just did. They rented moonwalks. Stop.

You're pissing me off. You're doing that shit on purpose. No, I swear to God. Like, you go around my family, call my mom right now and ask her what to call. I will literally call your mom. Call my mom right now. I might have to have her disown me as a son. Your call has been forwarded.

Call my dad. Do you want to know what I have your dad's name saved as? Mark Harden, bald-headed daddy. Alright, quickly, before you say, or quickly before anything else is said, you're currently on the podcast, alright? Yeah, what's up? Yeah, what's up? Alright, here we go.

So your son just told me something that I can't quite wrap my head around and I don't know if it's fact. So I need 100% honesty. Imagine we're in court. Your son just claimed that you and your wife had a business, a little side business back in the time when he was a kid selling what? What did y'all sell?

The jumpers, man. Kids commotion. The jump houses. Wait, no, no, dad. houses wait no no dad oh no no dad but what did we call them at the house what did we call them

at the jump house no mother yes the house house no what did we call them a moonwalk yeah yeah

okay right we called them moonwalks every time like on a Saturday I was like can you get the moonwalk out? Yeah. Yeah, you did.

Or the big slipper slide. Yeah. The big slipper slide. That's the only way you can get around water. It's a moonwalk. It's a bounce house. But if you look up moonwalks, it will pop up. Yeah.

All right. That's it. Thanks for siding with me. No, he didn't. It took four tries. All right. See, we had moonwalk't. It took four tries. All right. See, we have moonwalks. I'm going second level of proof.

I'm literally going to enter in moonwalks. So Google it right now. They popped up. Yeah, okay. And then second level, I'm going to call Preston. Okay, but it says amazing bounce house moonwalks. So it's not just moonwalks. Bounce house moonwalks.

All right, I'm going to call Preston just because you didn't believe me. Because Preston grew up with me. His speaker's awful. Howdy, partner. Okay, Preston, you're on the podcast right now, so don't say anything questionable. I have to get your confirmation on something. Do not lie, Preston. All right, Preston, what did we call those inflatable things that we

used to play on and mom and dad had a business of it yeah all right preston i'll call you later goodbye i love you told you we called the moonwalks if you've ever called that a moonwalk a day in your life leave it in the comments because i don't this is just a strange family at this point i don't know Told you we called the moonwalks. If you've ever called that a moonwalk a day in your life, leave it in the comments because this is just a strange family at this point. I don't know what to say about this family. Yeah. Remember I told you that story on like, I think it was before we even did the podcast together,

whenever I was just doing TikToks and the neighbor's kid came over and they were on the moonwalk and they're older than me and I got mad they didn't let me on because they're like, this is a big kids are playing. I deflated on them. I only suffocated them. I remember that story. Yeah, it was on the moonwalks that my parents. It was on a bounce house. I didn't know your parents funded the business. I didn't let me on because there's like this the big kids are playing I deflated on them. I don't know that story Yeah, it was on the moonwalk step my parents on a bounce house. I didn't know your parents funded the business

I didn't know that Yeah So we would rent them out and then we had slip and slides and so there would be like this big inflatable slip inside with this hover over and you could go it was like 20 feet long you'd go and slide through it and water would come down It was sick the only time so you have to do that on a on a regular like weekend yeah if no one was renting them that explains so much what does that explain that explains so much one if you're bouncing 24 7 that's why your brain's mush that's why you can't just really conjure simple thoughts have decent logic but the second thing that explains okay

your fear of bodies of water wait how does that make me fearful of bodies of water? If my son was scared of water, I'd go, you know what, it's alright, buddy. I toss him in. I toss him in. I see his fight or flight skills, and then I jump in and save his life. You know what I'm going to do to your kids?

Your family? You're scared of water? They buy a slip and slide. You've been handed your crutch for life. You have been handed your excuse. No, I would go to the community pool regularly. What? Oh my God.

Please Google, please, please Google today's date and tell me if it's National Lie Day. Oh my God. We had a community pool. Oh my God. It was right outside my elementary school. Did your parents fund that too? No. Was the pool six inches deep? No, my parents didn't buy the moonwalks it their friend had the more company

They're like we have all these moonwalks y'all do it and they just rent about the people gang affiliation It was the whole whole cul-de-sac was in on it No, so our community pool right they would have this big tower in the shallow wind where I stayed I never got in Okay, I was like five nine at six years old like I would still stay in the shallow part And it was we're all like the little infants would stay with their floaties. And I would just be standing there with them. I'd be like, y'all can't swim either? You're just sitting there.

And then there was this big tower, and it filled up with water, and it would dump on you. And I would always panic. I love those. Oh, my God. Oh, funny story about that. The first time I went to Hawaiian Falls here in North Texas, I severely, some could say grossly underestimated the amount of water in that tub and the huge tower. It's a huge playground.

I'm talking 50, 80 kids are on it. The tower's getting ready to bump, fall over and spill over. I literally went, I had my mouth open. I literally got waterboarded. I fell on the ground and screamed for help. Yo, you talk about me dog i literally thought it'd be like six gallons max and it spread across everybody i went like this you would have thought i was dumped underwater just plunged with my mouth i lined a bath i was like and i oh my god i had nine silver teeth i I had a nasty gap, probably bleeding, Dorito fingers.

And I just looked under that big ass jug and I went. You had the same mouth as Gypsy Rose. And it literally went. And I was like. I fell to the ground, bro. Oh my, I'll never forget that. My dad broke his neck at Schlitterbahn. I swear to God.

He had to get fusion surgery on his neck. I think my dad had two surgeries on his neck. He broke his neck in Schlitterbahn in one of the tube rides. I swear to God. I never told you that. Your fear of water is so understood now it's so understood him and my my cousin paul you can't swim your dad almost died in a tube ride like no wonder you hate water it's litter bond and they're in the big tube ride where it's like doubled up and you're like one's in the front

one's in the back and they got through like i guess the dude pushed him too hard or something and they slipped and my dad fell out the tube in the middle of the thing like in the closer thing broke his neck on the thing oh i have a horror story of schlitterbond i swear to god the first time i went it's not nowhere near as funny but the first time i went me and my brother yeah he lived in houston he's a lot older than me we went and we got on damn near one of the same right it's a double tube i'm in the front because you've got to put the heavier person in the back. And we start going. And it was like an immediate descent.

And right as we're going, it went, and all the water stopped. Oh, shit. And we literally got stuck on this ride. And I was like, if we fall down, we're going to be trapped in this tube because there's no water. And my brother was literally having to hold on to the post to where the tube didn't go in. And he just held it for like five minutes until the, because it was like, imagine here's the beginning, right? So here's the worker.

We're like right here. So the worker can't help us. Like we're past the point of arm's reach. Like he would fall on top of us. Imagine being like this on a tube. We're not in the tube. We're not in enclosed yet. We're like, so you see daylight yeah you go down the drop

and then the two okay i got you so we're literally like i was like ah i was probably like like nine ten how'd you get out of that situation it just took he literally held it for five minutes and the guy was like hey the water's about to come back on my brother was trying and then it came back on and we just went down my dad even when we went down it still wasn't like super like slippery and fluent. It was like Damn, that's terrifying. It's pretty scary as a kid My dad also had to get taken to the hospital after went to Disney World after the teacup ride He figured he figured I he had like vertigo or something. He got the teacup ride started throwing up. You said your dad had a fusion neck surgery from a tube ride at Schlitterbahn.

Yo, were you there with me or Jordan whenever my dad got off the plane and he had to hit a knee because he got dizzy? That was Jordan. You've broken so many bones. Your family didn't consume milk. Y'all have horrible calcium levels. You've broken so many bones playing the same sport that I've played my whole life.

And the worst I've done is a massive ankle sprain. Holy shit, dude. Oh my god. Oh my god. Please can you tell that story? Please can you tell that story about your dad with a fur coat? Okay. Please can you tell that story? We were in Vegas.

I cried laughing when he told me this first me jay will my and my family we went to vegas for like a basketball tournament to watch oh my god and so my dad's always had like a problem it was after disney world like he's never been the same after the teacup ride where he had to go to the hospital get his brain scared or something and so my dad we got off the Southwest flight. Why did you have to say that again? Southwest flight is the best flight in Vegas. So we got off the Southwest flight. Oh, I'm getting the attack.

And as soon as we got off the flight and go to the baggage claim, something wasn't right with Mark. His eyes were dead. What does that mean? Like my dad, you know, when you look at somebody and it's not them. He's like, but you know, my dad is like when you look at somebody there's nothing it's not them he's like but you know my dad is like one like he's just a man's man he's not gonna he's not gonna he's gonna go out on his shield he'd have to die before he asked for help and so we were going the baggage claim and he was just swaying a little bit i was like what's wrong with dad and my mom was like you know how you get this vertigo stacking up man i was like is he good and he's like she'll be all right he's supposed to drive us oh no from the airport and so

we get our our thing he's struggling to get his bag off the thing but he's a strong guy so they never has problems with that he's like i say something's not right with that we get we get outside as soon as we hit breeze My dad goes There's like 200 people There's a small audience There's like 200 people outside My dad says wait My dad says wait.

My dad says wait. He took a fucking knee. He took a fucking knee. In front of 200 people. They took a knee. They took a knee. On cement in an airport pickup. In front of 200 people.

Triple fusion neck surgery. I can just imagine. Yo. Oh, no. Holy shit. I need a small break. When did you figure out your parents' names? What?

You know what I mean? Like Mike and Lisa? Like their real name? When did you realize they had names? Oh, shit. When did you realize that? I don't know, dude. I damn sure wasn't as old as Gabe.

Dude, Liv's brother, Gabe, got pulled over. He was like 18 years old. He got pulled over for speeding or some shit. And the officer goes, is this your car? He goes, no, it's my grandpa's. He goes, what's his name? He goes, Pa. It's my pa's car.

He goes, no, what's your grandpa's name? He goes, Pa. He didn't know his grandpa's fucking name. You're 18. You're driving. I was probably i was probably like seven really i probably heard something like okay i think for me it was like hearing my grandparents call them by name oh like lisa come in here i'm like who the hell's lisa

no dude about a year ago i saw a trend on tiktok uh and it was like go like go gather your pet and have them sit in front of you and tell them your name because they've never heard and we literally grabbed ruby and she down and she was like, and I said, Ruby, I'm Cameron. She went, I do the same thing.

I went, this is your mom, Olivia. She went like, she hated it, bro. She did not. She does.

Always. We always say, go lay with your dad, go lay with your mom, come with dad, whatever, bro. My head's banging.

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All right, we're back from a break. We're back from a break. Holy hell, not only did I have to drain the sea monster, but I also I'm sorry, a bit explicit. My head was starting to hurt from the laughter. No, that was funny. My parents and my brother actually made their first appearance on the podcast because we

had a moonwalk company. Fuck, that's not a... Okay, I have a question for you. I have an answer for you. Do you think there's a difference between elderly and old people? I mean, age-wise, yeah, probably. No, not age. More of, like, characteristics. Defining nature.

I feel like the older you get, the more senile and mean you get. Okay, perfect. So let's break. So my definition, right? If I had to make a book about it, elderly. Your cute grandparents can still cook. They knit in their free time. Always a little cold, you know.

Okay. They wear mittens, probably beanies, stuff like that. Old people. Rude as hell. So mean. Senile and not quite there. That's my distinction. That's my biggest goal.

Whenever I'm old, I want to be so mean to people. Why? Just because you can. I'm on my way out what are you gonna do that's like you know what i mean that's a hell of a point all right i had a grocery trip from hell dealing with old people last week old people at a grocery store might be top 10 worst people in the world old people not elderly here we go three three three things happen three different old people we go to sam's trying to buy some bulk groceries for the week the first thing i see i swear to god we park the car we're walking in and there's a car you know how you can see reverse lights on a car yeah there's a car reversing and this old woman by herself she's walking out of the store and she literally

goes like this she's walking she gets right behind that car she goes looking in the sky I swear to God she was like this she thought somebody was calling her home and I was like me and Liv both look at her like she's gonna get hit by that car like what is she doing we walk another 50 feet into the store I peek again I'm like that's weird she's still standing there just dead still I swear to God it's like she factory reset clocked out yes something happened she was just like good yeah and then they honked at her she wasn't moving she was right behind jump no what I'm saying bro that's another lights were on nobody home she was like this something like

oh she's sad oh no this is why it's not sad so me when i go to sam's immediately go get pizza yeah every single time i go to the line this old guy he's in one of the electronic wheelchair thingies right let me get two slices of pepperoni pizza i'm like hell of a man good order takes his card the man goes sir we don't have tap he goes he's just hitting his card on things sir we don't have tap oh okay okay he puts it in okay you know how when you have to enter your pin yeah that sometimes there's a little lag yeah okay so this old guy goes and hit like eight numbers i'm like sir i go so that's your pin and this is me being nice i said oh that's your pin not your phone number he goes oh i knew that i knew

that i go all right then just enter four i was like just do your pin, not your phone number. He goes, oh, I knew that. I knew that. I go, all right, then just enter four. I was like, just do your pin then, if you knew that, asshole. But all right. So he goes, he's literally typing like 10 numbers. To the point the cash register guy looks at me and goes, and I go, no worries. We're all good. Peyton, when I tell you this man couldn't get it to work, two minutes. Not an exaggeration. It has been two full minutes.

That doesn't make you sad? No. It's like, let someone help you. So then the guy takes his card, puts it in, and goes, what's your pin? He goes, I'm not telling you that. And I go, I mean, that's a decent answer. I understand that. But he goes, I'm not telling you.

It's like the guy's trying to help you get your pizza. Just be nice. Just accept the help you get your pizza. Just be nice. Just accept the help. Get your pizza. Go enjoy it. So he then takes out the credit card. He goes, these don't require pins. Starts tapping it.

I go, there's no tap. So then he sticks the credit card in. It goes, approve the cash register guy. Literally, out loud, audibly goes, oh. And the old guy goes, what? And just starts getting annoyed. And I'm like, dude, it's ridiculous, okay? Okay.

He turns to me and goes, these things don't even work that good. And I was like, yeah, I guess. Get out of my way. That's the second thing. We go, I eat my pizza. We're going throughout the Sam's. This woman, this is the third and final straw for me with old people. They just need to stay at home.

Some of them. Some of them. Some of them of this woman is in the aisle okay yeah she's like her carts here and she's standing here so there's not really much wiggle room for me right I go excuse me ma'am it's just me and Liv walking the game excuse me ma'am nobody she doesn't hear me I go ma'am excuse me ma'am she doesn't hear me. I go, ma'am, excuse me, ma'am. She doesn't hear me. So I'm like, all right. So I try to wiggle through. When I say like a feather of my ass, like a singular ass hair touches her cart and she bumps her cart barely. She goes, excuse me. I said, yeah, that's what I was saying to you. I said, that's literally what I was trying to say. I was trying to say excuse. She goes, could you not? Where were you raised? And I literally.

Oh, shit. It took. Olivia saved the day. It took everything in me. Because I already had two. The first one really didn't have anything to do with me. But she definitely was. She probably called home right then and there.

She was probably just being. Just going up as we saw. I was so close, Pete. You know me. I was so close. And Liv goes, let's just go. Let's just keep going but live had my back she gave her the mean eye too she's like don't talk to my man like that yeah i literally

said excuse me two times i barely an ass hair touches your cart and she goes well excuse me and she just gets this attitude dude old people at the store are the worst it's like what the hell use instacart do something just stay in the volkswagen let a young chap bring you your groceries and go back home no but i have a similar story at a grocery store with an old person you just reminded me there was an old woman leaving a grocery store she had hella water in her cart but her cart got stuck over like a small bumper and she wasn't strong enough to push it so being me i was like let me help her out i go to the front of her car and i was like i got you ma'am and i pick her card up and pull it over the thing i thought i was going to be a nice guy she goes

oh wow and i go normally that's a thank you but don't worry she goes oh wow i didn't ask you for help because i didn't think you'd be strong enough to do it i said you have 12 days left yeah i would have said really? You think you can do it? And I said, I took everything in me not to pick that cart back up and put it over the bump and say,

now you figure it out. Yeah, you should have went, oh, wow, I'm not? There you go. She goes, security! She goes, this Bro, but I had to get that off my chest. No, but some people are-

There is a distinct difference. Elderly, cute, you love them. You love giving them little kisses on the cheek. I don't like kissing old people. I love kissing- I don't like kissing old people's skin. I kiss Meemaw on the cheek. It's very soft.

I don't like old people's skin. It smells like Aveeno, that lotion. Have you seen an old person's legs? They're so yellow. They're so bruised. I see every vein. Oh, my God. Every vein.

The little spider web shit going on. We're going to get canceled. We love old people. I love elderly. I love nice old people. I love nice old people. I love nice any age. What kind of old person do you think you're going to be?

I already know what I'm going to be. I'm going to be the nice grandpa. Oh, really? 100%. To my family, yeah. But I'm going to get a porch. I'm going to get a house with a porch. A car porch. I'm going to get a rocking chair. I'm going to be the nice grandpa. Oh, really? 100%. To my family, yeah. But I'm going to get a porch. I'm going to get a house with a porch. A car porch.

I'm going to get a rocking chair. I'm going to have a coffee. Sit there and smoke a stove and go, what do you want? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I had to. It was just for the instant. I'm going to get up there and rock my chair, and I'm going to see some kids having a good time.

They're not going to play outside at that time in the world. Oh, no. That means I don't know. You're gonna see kids playing good video games through the window. Say there's some kids on their bikes or whatever going out there. Stranger things. I'm gonna be like, get the f*** off my porch! And they're not even near me. You just rack a shoddy and they're like, ah!

Old man Harden inside it again! We had this when I went to St. Francis in Austin as a kid. Went into preschool and kindergarten our uh our our uh recess area what's it called playground playground it was like bordered by a big scary two-story house and we made up a story about that house it was like haunted and stuff those are the best times ever those are the best there was like mythical folk tale lying stories about a creepy ghost that's in a house or some shit and there's

a thought that i've been having right you know how that's dangerous you know how i'm anxious about everything everything i'm always on the defensive 24 7 what do you think the worst place to get attacked is honestly the worst place to get attacked yeah okay first answer anywhere why am i being attacked what did i do to elicit someone violently attacking me okay because attack this isn't that's a damn sure like a definitive word yeah an attack no it sucks anywhere but there's some places like i really hope i don't get attacked right now where do you think's the worst place to get attacked a bathroom stall like a bathroom stall that i'm so fearful that's one of the reasons i don't poop in

public imagine that right bro imagine imagine you're pooping right you're in a stall right and you just see hands under you're grabbing your ankles what are you gonna do you're safe there's four walls around you they can go under imagine they just crawl in and they're giving your shoes dog a guy crawls under and you don't stomp his brains in make a brain fillet on the ground and you don't just curb the piss out of him then you would literally stand up and piss on him okay talking about I'm scared there's a crawler getting my ankles no imagine I really go ah so you would stand up with your meat out with a raw butthole every part of me can be dangling slapping my

bare denim jeans my my levi 501s if a man is on all fours crawling under a stall i would literally go for an all-time pr in my vertical jump i'd go stop i would absolutely break his hand okay that's the difference when i'm in such a vulnerable position as a toilet you don't think good like i'm not i'm so defenseless god you have to be more vigilant vigilant vigilant village what is that what is it what a village person no i'm saying like that's like pants are okay so right say i'm pooping, right? I'm pooping, huh? Like this. I thought our literal New Year's resolution was to stop talking about poop.

But continue. I'm pooping, right? First of all, untouch your knees. Untouch your knees. I swear to God, if I ever saw you poop, first off, that'd be a scary sight. Second, if I saw you poop and your knees were touching, you have more problems than you can imagine. Untouch your knees. I'm pooping, right?

That's like a good plate for your phone. A plate? Put that on a t-shirt. That's a good plate for your phone. You heard it here first. So you're on your plate for your phone, right? You're pooping, right? My pants are around my ankles.

I have no mobility. My backside's open. No, it's not. Are you pooping? What stalls in the middle of the bathroom no you're going no my back my butthole oh your bunghole okay your rectum okay your spider's web the back the back barnyard is it's flowing right okay and so i can't i can't you know what i'm saying my lateral movements out there they're grabbing ankles they got me no they don't yes a quick straddle you just get you get loose you literally go watch how fast i can do exactly that first one that measly little that guy's like ow like that's all that's all you would have got out

ow stop okay in the second place i'm so scared of getting attacked at the power average if the lights go out i immediately think six gang members are after me the whole west side's coming for me i like i have no beef right no one has a problem with me right now but as soon as those lights go out i'm like everybody's coming like where though if you were by yourself and the lights went off You think you're getting attacked anywhere By myself, lights are off There's 18 people in this house right now And they're coming to get me There's no defense, like what am I supposed to do?

I swear to god I have power outages at my house I'm swinging in the dark I'm like get out Bro, oh my god That's what I'm going to do next Christmas. I'm going to buy cameras and install them in your house

without you knowing. I might see a lot of man meat. I'm not going for that. Just know I'm not going for that. Honestly, a horrid spot for me that I think getting attacked, a horrible spot to get attacked,

would be like at least a 30-story conference building. Why would that be? Because if you get attacked on the top level, you can't go, like you either go in the elevator At least a 30-story conference building. Why would that be? Because if you get attacked on the top level, you can't go. You either go in the elevator and you're trapped with the attackers. You have to go down the stairs, you lose your cardio, and they're probably faster than you.

It's just not good. I don't like being vulnerable situations. At a high place. Oh, a plane would be a bad place. Not so bad, believe it or not. Really? You've been attacked on a plane? 2012. We were going to Vegas, right?

So back to the story. It's not. Really? You've been attacked on a plane? 2012. We were going to Vegas, right? So the fact of the story has not been told? No, hell no. I think high up in the air, power outage is solid. Shouldn't be too scared if you know you're alone, though. It's just like, wow, the lights are off. Probably should go flip the breaker. But bathroom stall is a f***ing abysmal answer. That is a horrid answer.

I got attacked on a play skate by a guy named Eli, and he gave me a burn on my arm. And I was doing the fake cooking out there. They had a fake cooking set up. And I was making pancakes. Impressed and watched. Where did you go to school? St. Francis.

They had a fake cooking space. On your playground. And you, of all the children, you chose to make pancakes during your recess. I would have beat your

ass in elementary school. I was racing other athletes. I was pretending to have a dunk contest on the monkey bars. You were making gravel pancakes. Rock breakfast. You were making rock breakfast. I was racing future Olympians.

I was a man of many trades. I did both. I was wearing avias and board shorts with a collared shirt from Walmart. I was wearing avias, board shorts, and collared shirt from walmart i was wearing avias board shorts and a collared shirt from walmart during the winter with the next i was racing olympians and you were making rock breakfast and so i was playing with it i was playing i'm making my pancakes right i was about to feed the whole grade with my rock pancakes and eli came over and he goes he called me some kind of mean name and he

grabbed my arm and he just started going like this like twisted my arm a tough burn he gave me a bad burn on my arm and i don't know why i just didn't hit him off me but i was just like ow you're too busy holding your fake ass spatula it's probably some kid's flip-flop and you were sitting here making rock breakfast and i started crying right And me and my brother... You started crying? Yeah, you heard it. From an arm burn? You heard it. Take your rock mashed potatoes and crack them in the skull.

No, no, I was scared to fight. And I started crying, and I looked over right by the slide. Guess who was there? Bigfoot. Preston was right there behind the slide. And he was just peeking. And then he started crying. No, no, no, no. Swear to God. And he he was just peeking should have beat both of y'all's ass she punished Preston for that if you didn't get punished I

was under attack I was a victim you were under attack yeah maybe stop being Rachael Ray and didn't defend yourself Rachel ready to cook Oh maybe just drop the Gordon Ramsay act put down your breakfast, your sand hash browns, your wood chip oats. Put down your wood chip oatmeal and say, hey, get off me, Eric. What was his name? Eli. Eli. I told Preston to this day, if I ever, even as a grown man, if I see him getting jumped,

I'm just going to watch. You're just going to sit there and watch and cry? I'll be like, Eli. Eli. Yeah, that's funny. I now have a new working suspicion that if you weren't 6'7", you'd be an easy lick. If you were every bit of 6'1", people would walk all over you. Never.

Never. I'll have people... Oh my God, bro. Why were you making breakfast? What grade was this? Oh, it was like kindergarten, first grade. I was young. I had no sense. My bones weren't developed yet.

In first grade, I would sneak footballs from my house into my backpack onto the playground to where I could organize a seven-on-seven league. We had four teams. Yeah, that's where I got all my fights. I threw an annual championship game every year around November. And you'd go into class smelling like horrid. Oh, I went into the

class smelling like a disposal pit. Like it was horrible. I think it's time for people's favorite segment. You know what that is? Pop culture, pay in the camp. Pop culture,

pay in the camp. Bow! I think I want to say something. I want to talk about good old Gypsy Rose. You're gonna, you're, you're. Excuse me? What did you just say?

What Gypsy language did we just hear over there? Okay, Gypsy Rose. Yeah, you're going to low-key have to fill me in too. I've read some headlines, but I never knew the backstory. Gypsy Rose, what year did this happen? Because I remember when this was happening. I think it was like 2014. Yeah, so I was like high school.

I remember when this was happening. So Gypsy Rose, she's a victim of Munchausen syndrome you know what that is no so it's basically whenever you're made to feel like you're sick so her mom would say she was sick she got all her teeth extracted her uh her taste buds taken out she got a feeding tube uh took chemotherapy nothing was wrong with her the mom would do it for the benefits and the mom was messed up and sick so she was abused like very messed up and obviously that develops do it for the benefits, and the mom was messed up and sick. So she was abused, like, very messed up. And obviously that develops mental problems for the kid, right? She's a little kid who's messed up.

Then Gypsy met this boy who has mental problems, right? They fell in love, right? They fell in love. They started hanging out. They went to a movie theater while the mom was there. They went to the bathroom. They bang-banged. And then she was realizing, I'm not sick.

There's nothing wrong with me. Like, I feel fine. My mom's just making me go through all this shit, and there's nothing wrong with me. Now, the boy, I'm telling you, he has mental problems, right? Mm-hmm. She says, I want to fall in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We can't with mama in the picture.

You could narrate short stories. I'm so locked in. Gypsy tells homeboy that's a little messed up, let's take care of mom, right? She supplies the knife, allegedly, I think. It's in the house. Boyfriend that's a little messed up goes into the house, mutilates mom.

Bad. You can go through the details of how bad it got and what he wanted to do with the dead body afterwards mutilates mama takes care of mom they get arrested me no likey they get arrested as they should man who murdered he's sitting down for the rest of his life that's right i feel i don't feel it's hard because he has mental problems i see what you're saying and because he was also kind of led to do he was led to do it gypsy got eight years whatever she's out she's free now she's on a press run gypsy's on good morning america she got 8.1 mil on instagram she's doing get ready with me's on tiktok now she's living her best life that's a sick 180 and she's married now she got married while she was in jail to a guy and she made an instagram

post saying honey don't worry about what the haters are saying you have fire pp and you're giving it to me good happy wife happy life fire pp whole time homeboy that she fell in love with is sitting down for the rest of his life not even a card or nothing. She's on a press run. But she went through horrible things. I couldn't imagine. I couldn't imagine.

That's why she has silver grills. Now it's because she got all her teeth extracted. She's got Jaws teeth from 007. Straight silver.

Gypsy Rose and this is what I want to say. Oh no. I'm terrified terrified now i'd literally have pointed at it under my jacket it'd be like this as soon as you make a sudden move i'm kidding sorry sorry allegedly i don't own guns blessings to everybody involved right i hope everybody is okay um it sucks what gypsy had to go through and murder is never the answer ever it's hard to feel bad for them because he did

he is he does have mental problems like it is diagnosed he has mental problems the fire pee pee guy or the old one I'm saying which guy are we talking about right now the OG boyfriend sit her down is fire pee pee good he seems to be OG boyfriend. OG boyfriend. Okay. Sit her down. Sit her down. Sit her down.

Is Fire PP good? Yeah, no. He seems to be, he seems to be, doesn't struggle with any mental disabilities. I don't know him personally, but he seems to be okay. He's proud of her. Not proud of her, but he's proud to be with her. He's sitting down in these interviews. That's my girl.

Big old dude. That's my girl. I love her. And they're doing press tours and everything. They're the view they're the good morning america the vitals pike or whatever dude for the bachelor's name is yeah nick nick yeah he they're doing a whole press run and she's talking about like what i did was wrong murder is not the answer and i'm getting my back by fire pay people i love you honey come here yeah so that's terrifying now that you feel about how now that you heard the story how do you feel about the whole situation being from an ignorant standpoint you don't really know you

this i really didn't know that's crazy and you just gave me a quick like cliff notes um first thing of course first thing of course um of course murder is not the answer ever she had lived a terrible life yeah at the beginning like that's i couldn't imagine that yeah it's giving like being forced like high medical grade like chemotherapy is no joke yeah imagine doing chemo to a body that doesn't need it. Like, how is that even going to react? It's going to mess your body up. She was taking a feeding tube. Bro, she extracted her teeth.

Yeah, taste buds. Wasn't there a movie about this? Yeah, she got a Hulu series. No, no, no. An actual movie, though. Not a Hulu series. I think there was a movie about a mother that was, like, drugging her daughter. Probably her. But there was a series of her daughter. Probably her.

But there was a series of Hulu. Oh, wow. But to answer, bro, I don't know how you can even answer to that. I don't know what to say. Do you think she should have sat down for the rest of her life as well? She definitely should have got more than eight years.

Because she took advantage of somebody who has a mental disability. She took advantage of someone to essentially kill someone else through a third party. So eight years just doesn't seem like enough. I would say in any other circumstance, like say they're talking about this on Rory and Maul.

In a gang situation, right? If you hire a hit, you're going to jail for the rest of your life. Exactly. Same thing. But I think it's because she was a victim. See, but that's not justice. That's not justice. I still don't think you murder somebody.

It's not right. It's not right. It's not right. I do don't think you murder somebody. It's not right. It's not right. It's not right. I do have sympathy in that circumstance that she had to go through that. I do as well. But say if you murdered a random middle-aged white mother, and this other person murdered a random middle-aged white mother, just because they might have went through more than you

or that person did something to them, is it not murder at the end of the day? that's but it's not it's not self defense it's not i guess it could be though couldn't it if you're going through all this stuff no that's not a self-defense i don't know the self-defense is someone's actively trying to harm endanger you isn't that actively harming and danger somebody you put through all this stuff no was it was it literally while that was happening yeah or like she was over it no she was she was still like the mom wouldn't let her do that like now there's some gray area that's what i'm saying but if you read i want to go read about it if you read how he did it and when you want i'll tell you off camera or in the extent not the extent of yeah tell me off camera it's insane

but we didn't do this last week but since we're talking about love the range love i want to bring out the best love doctor in the world. I only think it's right he makes an appearance. Talk to me. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P.

Dr. P. Dr. P. Dr. P, the best love doctor in the world. Coach, Cam, Secretary, Cam, give me something. All right, Sion, are you ready for this week's? I am. I hope it's toxic. I actually went with a non-toxic one. I've seen if Dr. P could really speak and pull some heartstrings.

You're testing the doctor? I'm testing the doctor. I'm sorry, Lord. But he's the best in his job. I am the best. Give me something. So this is more heartfelt for all the ladies maybe ready

this is from Lydia Dr. P loves the ladies I am really struggling to find someone who loves me for me and not for my money or for my body

someone who likes me all caps every time I think I have the one they end up losing feelings or not caring

about my needs how do I go about finding someone who actually like me for me or am i just meant to be alone you oh i can help you with this i can help you with this you could don't touch me yes sir you're right this is the thing you're you're looking and that's the problem why are you worried about it don't look i know it can get lonely sometimes but once you start searching you start getting hurt speaking her heart Don't don't tell me we're too low. I see you're right. I don't know why I did this

This is the thing a lot of people have this issue, right? They're searching for somebody They're searching like oh here here here Be confident being alone be okay be like I am the prize I Am the prize people I am what people are looking for. It's a good mindset. Let them come and look for me. So I'm with everybody.

And then once they come approach you, don't let everybody have access. Don't let everybody have access. Because you're giving access to people that might be talking a good game, but make them work harder than that. Make them prove themselves to you, queen, because you're the one. You are the prize. You're up here. They're down here.

Make them climb that Mount Everest with no oxygen. Make them not have bananas in the backpack. Well, that's like five miles. You need oxygen if you're climbing Everest. It's the highest point on Earth. But if somebody's strong enough and willing enough. I can't do it. I promise you they can't.

It's 29,000 feet. They need oxygen. They need a tank. They need a whole damn crew. They need a guide. You know't do it. I promise you they can't. It's 29,000 feet. They need oxygen. They need a tank. They need a whole damn crew. They need a guide. You know who does it? Who? Superman.

And she deserves her Superman. She needs to call another plane. But, okay. So one thing, to quickly tag off of it, what would you, what would you say? I don't want to play devil's advocate, but what would you say I don't want to play devil's advocate but what would you say

if like say someone has been alone for a long time they finally get that feeling and it's it's almost euphoric mm-hmm so they don't want to make the person go hard they don't want to have to make them earn it they kind of just want to be a little loose and kind of like they haven't felt it in some months maybe years that's fine but then what if it's the same cycle? Do they have to change that if they want to change it? If you want to be loose, you want to go off your feelings and not your mind, go with it, but you can't be mad at the outcome. You're speaking, boy.

I am. Don't call me boy. Doctor, doctor, doctor, sorry. I don't know. What? The lights are bright. I didn't say it like that. No, that's fine.

If you want to just lead with your heart and not your mind, go for it, but you have to be prepared for what comes with that, and that might be heartbreak. So is it a split 50 50 50 heart feelings love 50 brain logic i've done this before i know 50 percent of or the percentage like you go with your heart can lead you to lead going with the rest of you the part that you go with your heart can make you activate your mind to explore that more activation activation the heart's activation the mind is the pursuit god you need to write like a little hallmark card don't tell me what to do you're right and that was dr p i gotta do a new octave.

All right, Coast Cam, get us out of here. What is coming up? What is available this week? Oh, beautiful, amazing people on the other side of the screen. If you have not got your Tampa tickets yet, there are only but a few left. That's Dr. P. I'm Dr. Seuss. It didn't even rhyme that good.

But there is some Tampa tickets still available February 17th, one day after the beautiful Uncle P's birthday. It's going to be his birthday show. Happy birthday to you. Extra energy. It's going to be fantastic in Clearwater, Florida, Capitol Theater. In the description, in the bio, on all of our socials.

Go get those. But also, now, right right now if you want to start planning a little more into the future look at that little crystal ball march 1st the kid is coming home the hometown hero returns to austin texas 512 at emos theater to perform a hometown ceremony show austin first tickets Tickets are now available. Also in the description. Also in our bios and social medias. You know what I'm excited for?

What? The You Should Know fans to meet all the people I grew up with in that clash. Oh, God. There's going to be so many options. Because a lot of those people, I went to elementary school with them. Oh, God. No, I literally have a picture with him and a tail. Yeah.

So you can be like, did you go to school with Peyton? Just go up to people. Did you go to school with Peyton? How was he? And be like, weird. Oh, God. No, I literally have a picture with him and a tail. Yeah. So you can be like, did you go to school with Peyton? Just go up to people. Did you go to school with Peyton? Be like, yeah, how was he? And be like, weird. Oh, he's really scary and he's missing a lot of teeth. But I also heard...

I had the gypsy mouth. I also heard Uncle P... That was crazy. Silver Jaws tooth. Do-do-do-do. James Bond. Hello. I also heard Uncle P

is planning on dropping some exclusive Austin Live Show merch only at the Austin live show to give love back to the 512. So if you want a chance to get limited, very limited, and one time only merch,

you gotta get your ticket. Austin, Texas, March 1st, Emos Theater. And I'm gonna say something. There's gonna be something announced on stage at the Austin, Texas show that the masses will learn about in about six months. So y'all will know. I know. At the Austin, Texas show that the masses will learn about in about six months. So y'all will know first at the Austin show.

It's going to be amazing, Ty? It's going to be amazing. But to confuse the casuals and get your good karma, leave it on all the comments. Leave it on Patreon. Shout out all the koalas. Leave it on TikTok.

Leave it on Insta and YouTube. The secret code for this week. What is it? ATBC. You're just going to have to tell me. About to get cold. It's about to get cold. I'll be in L.A., baby.

It is about to get very cold here in the motherland of Texas. It's already very cold in other places. Welcome to Texas, January, February, where it's always freezing. Get your sweater. Get a little snuggie. I'll be in L.A. Maybe be a little butt naked in the snuggie watching the episode

just like your favorite host does. But, A-T-B-C, about to get cold. Leave it everywhere. Confuse casuals. We absolutely love y'all. Thank you for coming back.

Episode 95 was a blast. We love you so, so much. And remember, 1 out of 10 clubbers are going home to Christmas and we will see you next time. Hello.

Austin, Texas. Tampa, Florida. See you soon.