You Should Know Podcast - BLIND DATE GONE WRONG! -You Should Know Podcast-

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

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Samsung Vision AI televisions transform screens into intelligent solutions. From reviving old memories with AI upscaling to seamless hands-free control with universal gestures. The next vision in television is here. Learn more about Samsung Vision AI televisions at Samsung.com. The You Should Know Podcast. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 113. Round of applause, please. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Hey, hey everybody welcome back to the you should know

podcast episode 113 we are 11 days away from our first show in boulder colorado few tickets left but we wanted to be packed out in every single show we go to every single city we go to we cannot wait to get on the road to do this tour to wrap it up again we are not going to do another show until 2025 and we are 11 days away from that first show oh my god the excitement here the you should know team to touch all you wait a minute good morning just like shake hands is what we made good morning to you we love you so get your tickets first link the top of the description we love you if you are new here if you haven't already and you look below you can see that subscribe button is it pressed

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Happy Father's Day from Manscaped. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. We got co-host Cam back in the studio. Oh, it's a peaceful entrance this time. Um. Imagine. Um.

I used to try to do that as a kid. Never felt anything. Meditate. Never felt it. Adult? It's like, I was going to say something crazy. It's sad? Sex for the mind, but so good.

I like how you're starting off spicy. To sit there and just really think and really just kind of... Oh. I can't meditate. So one thing about me, I've tried to. Anxiety. I can't meditate the anxiety. The brain is like a pinball machine of negativity.

I'm like, right now there's a scorpion going up my tail end right now, and it's going to poke me. It's going to go in there, and it's going to feel my lower intestine, play with my lower lumbar. Good morning to you. If a scorpion was inside of you playing piano on your L4,

you might as well die. What's the worst bug to have crawl in you? Unwarranted. That old ancient Egyptian scarab, I believe it's called, or something like that, from the mummy films. You are fun at parties.

You are the guy that brings a guitar to the party. That's who Cam is. I bring a guitar. I bring luggage. Yeah, you bring guitars to parties and you're trying to serenade people, but everyone's like, get this freak out of here.

I bring guitars to a party and then I'm sipping on like a smearin' off ice. I'm like... A red apple ale. Oh my... Bro. They're alright. I'm not gonna lie. Reds is like one of the wine coolers. One of the little sippy joints that I never

had. First time I did it I was like yo this is literally adult apple juice. Yeah I'll tongue punch an apple ale. I will absolutely gargle a reds apple ale. You know I read a thing about goats whenever i was coming to the studio today i've been on an animal kick so if a lot of the things i bring up are animals i've been i've been i've been watching the animal planet like i'm gonna start a zoo okay you know what i mean i learned and now i hope no creeps that are listening or

watching to this take this and go home with it and try to do their own research because you belong under the prison if you do you're're scaring me now. Goats. Okay. You know they have this... They're adorable. They got the same muffins as humans. What did you just say? What did you just say?

Found out goats got the same bison, good old same chicken meat as humans. They got that same platypus. A goat has a platypus of sandra. Yeah. Where are you finding these? Online, you can find anything. Anything that tantalizes your mind,

you can find something to heal you. Okay, excuse me, koalas, and excuse me, just YSK fam. Yeah. Who figured that out? It has to be asked. It has to be asked. just YSK fam? Yeah. Who figured that out? Who? It has to be asked. It has to be asked.

Who the hell figured that out? Who was looking at a goat and said, Who said, It's been a long day. No. What? How does? I don't like how CJ's noting down something we said. What is?

Goats have the same muffins. Goats have the same hoo-hahs as a female. As a human being. Who saw a goat and lit a candle? Yeah. Who saw a goat put on key sweat? Putting on key sweat, the livestock is nuts. Oh.

Oh. Oh my. What the hell? I just thought I should share that information. There's a lot of things I'm learning. A lot of things you should keep inside. Internalize the piss out of that one next time. I'm the guy that's fun at parties.

You're the guy that gets escorted by the rest of the guys out. They're like, hey, he's got to go. You're just like, dude, what? Goats got the same box as females, man. Wait, you know what's animal planning? They're like, get him out of here. There had to be a couple goats at P. Diddy's parties. I try to meditate.

All right. Speaking on goats. Okay. I have a would you rather for you. Oh, God, Cam. No, not in that same conversation. Not in that same conversation. I'm just saying.

The human. I'm like, would you Ruby Rose? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. We're going off the track. We're going to get a call from the sponsors. Here we go. Here we go.

Good morning. Would you rather be able to control all four elements? Earth, wind, fire. So I'm Aang. Water. You're Aang. You're Aang with hair and not a cool forehead arrow tattoo. I thought about it.

Anyway, would you rather be able to... What with hair and not a cool forehead arrow tattoo thought about it anyway would you rather be able to what if i have a forehead arrow tattoo if i ever had a due date i'll get one what you'd go bald and get a size 130 font arrow right there i don't think you understand it what are you saying what are you saying if that can go in what are you saying? I don't know if that can go in. What are you saying to me? What am I not getting? If I had a due date. I get it. The hair would be gone. I would get one. You'd get the... Yeah, because why not? Thank God, rest your soul. Okay, would you rather be able to control all four elements, earth, fire, wind, water? Yes. Or control all animals? Oh no i would definitely control animals because i'm not responsible you are not steve irwin what are you he was a father figurative to us all i don't give a there's no way you're picking animals over the elements of the earth because that's too much responsibility and i am bad with responsibility i'm'm not saying you got to throw a rain cloud over St. Louis.

I'm saying you can control it whenever you want to. No, I'm saying big tsunami over there in Japan. That's where they have those, right? Is that racist? They have them everywhere. I don't know.

I don't think so. I'm just, I just remember the last tsunami I heard about was over there. Okay. If there's a big tsunami in Japan, they call Peyton Hart and they're like, Hey, I need you to slow that down.

And I'm like, I got to get on a flight. You're not a vigilante. You don't become a superhero with your tower and your globe light. With great responsibility comes great power. All right, Uncle Ben. All right, Uncle Ben. Uncle Ben got murked.

He did. I'm saying you have the power within you. No one else knows. Okay. You can control all elements or all animals. Like, do you think you'd be able to beat me in a battle if you could control all animals and I can control the elements of the world? I would call my hippo posse and I'd be like, we got a problem down here in Dallas.

Okay. What do you think would happen? They'd get you. Sinkhole. They're gone forever. They're burning in magma. Kim, are snakes animals? Yeah.

Okay. Okay. That's a bad question. Horrible Yeah. Okay. Okay. That's a bad question. Horrible question. Okay, but you would be so messed up. Falcons, hawks, snakes, scorpions, hippos. Tornado. Tornado earthquake flood.

Tornado earthquake flood. Okay, but you can't do that here. Say we're right here. I control it. But say we're right here. I can control an earthquake, and I can control a tornado. You can't control... Oh, so your birds are going to go, let's go get that...

They just get sucked up. They're gone. Your hippos, oh, go get them. Okay, okay, that's fine. That's fine. You call a tsunami over, I have shark friends finding Nemo. And they're coming to get you. They're like, oh, we're accelerating the stream.

They're accelerating the wrong way because now I flipped the tsunami back to the water, dumbass. Okay, but you had so much responsibility at one point. That's so much responsibility. But if we had to battle to the death and we're just in the streets of Dallas, you can control all that. What are you going to call it? City bird? Hey, go peck the shit out of that guy. City birds are the most vicious birds.

And I go like this. Wind gone. He's going to go right into a building. That's fine. Snap. That's fine. Even if you win the battle i win the war because guess what you have a dog right all right you're theodore roosevelt you

have a dog right yeah all right so you win that battle as soon as you go home you want to snuggle ruby she takes your goddamn tongue out of your mouth if ruby could even get close enough to my mouth without me being able to just go oh oh i would never i love my dog. I'm really engulfed into this scenario, people. I'm sorry. I would never. But if I... Ruby. Her throat.

But you wouldn't know. You wouldn't know. She comes... You know how you like to do that weird thing where you mouth her snout? Okay. Does she... He mouths... You mouth her snout.

I did that one time as a joke for you. You mouthed her snout one time. I said, you know what? You're licking too much. How do you like... That's... Discord. Discord, baby. Okay. For you. You mouthed her snout one time. I said, you know what? You're licking too much. How do you like it? That is no. Discord. Discord, baby.

Okay, I'm saying, you go to mouth her snout. She's taking your tongue and your molars. She's, okay. She's going to act like the dentist from last episode. You can control the animal. You don't have this super serum inside of her. She's still a nine-pound, crooked, chubby, adorable chawini. She doesn't become a saber-toothed

tiger you're like she takes your molars i'd go get the f**k off me and be like get off me you could but you could be like attack your father with all your might she'd be like like this is literally this damn near ruby she'd be done okay that's that's a good wood you're and and you're gonna sit in your house and i'm gonna go let's see let's start a fire on the first floor let's go tornado is that how i don't think that's how it works you can just control elements that are already existing did i say that or did you add your own loophole but i'm just i control fire water earth wind earth fire water wind so that means i could just have a giraffe come up

here right now yes that's my that's that's not good you should be what's around you okay so you can do an earthquake so i can do an earthquake and tornado yes you can get pit bulls to chase me good luck good luck oh oh gone forever i'm not gonna lie i might have lost that one yeah i'm not that's a good would you? But you set me up for failure. You set yourself up. You had first pick. The You Should Know Podcast. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money.

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Now on to the rest of the episode if you can control like the elements and like water in the ocean does that mean you can control the internet that's not an element of the earth that's not one of the no because the the wi-fi is in the water that's what i always heard what are you saying that's what i was told once once a time ago once a time ago that's what you heard that ass that heard? Deadass. I was reading comments when everybody was making fun of me, and they said that there's wires under the ocean where the internet's at. BP oil spill. Obama's. That happened under him, yes?

And it messed up the Wi-Fi a little bit. Our internet is underwater? I'm actually pretty confident in saying that. That I've heard that there's wires. So you're pretty confident in saying that you heard that. That's fine. No one gets demerits for hearing something. The validity is where you're going to get struck.

No, I'm saying, well, I can't really rebuttal on that, but I was told can you look that up, CJ? Do you believe that? Can you look that up? I do believe it because where else would the internet go? Above water. actually anywhere else above water hey go home throw water on your pc is it gonna work that's not how that's not what i mean it's not the actual you can't you can't google chrome under the ocean but i'm saying the power of the internet is under the ocean is what i've

heard yes the internet is in the ocean made up of over 420 underwater cables that connect countries around the world. Thank you. I told you. Since when do we have water Wi-Fi? When can we open up QuickBooks and get our accounting right in the middle of the sea? So when the hell did that become a thing? I'm telling you, I know some shit. I thought every country just had their own shit.

Like Russia had Russian Wi-Fi and internet and electricity. So why isn't all the wars about water? know some shit i thought every country would just had their own shit like russia had russian wi-fi and internet and electricity so why isn't all the wars about water it seems like the water is pretty powerful land is where you make money water is where the wi-fi is the world's controlled by wi-fi but we still have our own power grids and stuff you can control the wi-fi what if we cut off power i genuinely don't understand that much war fright frightens me, honestly. Could you imagine if we were teenagers in the other countries when we invaded? Like World War II. Yeah. That's terrifying.

I don't know what that was about. I'm not sure. I'm not sure about the World Wars. It's always confused me. The assassination of French Archiduke or whatever his name was. Whatever the hell. I said this, I think, on Patreon, but Abraham Lincoln would have been fire in the 2000s. You know what I Patreon but Abraham Lincoln would have been fire in like the 2000s you know what I mean

Abraham Lincoln would have been he said he would have been in the G unit music yeah Abraham Lincoln would have made it like he would have been on some Comedy Central

Rose Battles he definitely would have like a nice hat jackass and he's like four schools ago your mother was slurping

I'm saying in the comedy roast. Because he's still going to talk at you now. I thought you just meant. No, but he's going to be roasting. If someone made fun of his hat. Abe Lincoln. He made fun of his mom. Abe Lincoln would have been.

He would have been appreciated by the culture. He would have been on some t-shirts. He would have had a great after party. Oh, my God. It would have been like, try a great after party oh my god oh it would have been like try the moonshine charles like he would have been like he would have been in a nice suit and he's like on this like on this uh this patio and he's like beautiful day like that's how abel could be this shit you know until i was about 12 years old i thought martin luther king was a

president that's a genuine fact you want to know what's sad i think so many people thought that i think so that reminds me of that little girl meme uh she's like it's martin luther king day what did he do he saved us from our sins she was like he cleansed our sins bro no i think a lot of people thought lk jr was uh let's talk with some respect here now. He's the reason you're here today. MLK. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want to say it.

No, but Martin Luther King definitely goes down on my Mount Rushmore of people. For me. Martin Luther King, LeBron. Hey, bro, you don't have to... I'm not trying to backpack your sorrows and fit in. Hey, is it? I have a beautiful wife. Thanks to him.

I saw this on Twitter, but Mount Rushmore is like the biggest writing of all time. What do you mean? Like a man went up there and carved four men's faces. Like, that's crazy. That's the biggest glazing Ever In the world Oh my god Like he was like How have I never thought of that

He got every detail He got it He said Don't move When was Mount Rushmore made Is that like a Is that a pyramid thing as well Like aliens

Okay Isn't there a conspiracy About Mount Rushmore I don't think it I don't think I don't think so I think they had ladders And little hooks

Kind of like a wall art in Dallas. Was that just? Like that 90-foot little Nas X that's been staring at us for four months. It's kind of like that guy. But instead of just screen printing something, he literally was like. Talk about the skill, though. Talk about the skill. Was that machines or man?

That was man. When was it made? Yeah. How many? Oh, we were free. There were some machines. Always confused about that. I mean, not fully.

Free, but not integrated. Not integrated. Okay. Yeah, we had different water fountains. Mm. Yeah. Mm. Mount Rushmore is the biggest glazing of all time.

Biggest glazing of all time. Holy shit, that's so funny. Like, imagine. Like, was that, I wonder if that was government sanctioned, or that guy was just like a just like a big fan but why don't we why don't we if he was just a solo guy that owned the mountain he's like he's like i love these four and he's just climbing up there bro okay do you think sorry can i say this one thing harnesses are like one of my greatest guilty pleasures because it hurts but it's also a little fun it jiggles it around but keeps it a little you know what i mean that's all i have to say so

you love a good gravity rope at main event oh my god you're sitting there i'm like anybody else want to rock climb it's like it's seven days in a row like no you're saying all right that was my favorite toy as a kid whenever i was learning how to walk No you know those little Bouncing things they put you in You've been strange Since the jump Yeah that's why all my underwear Are so tight

They do right up And we have the same underwear Sometimes Not the same pair But like same brand Yeah Mine are fine Yeah

Yours always end up Real close to home Yeah it turns into a thong In about two to three businesses I'm starting to think You're like Alright hold on I'm gonna pee y'all

You're just like What would you do If i if i was like fixing something in the studio i bit over i had a thong on honestly what would you do if you bit over and you had an actual thong yeah like a little like a little stringy john yeah that'd be tough i'd have to document it i'd try to document it without you knowing and then i'd probably just absolutely fire your ass up so you i think concern would set in before anything yes that's that's no doubt but it's kind of sad that i wouldn't be too surprised like i wouldn't be too caught off guard if you just had a beautiful red pair of panties on okay but what if it was during a live show now we're now we're on stage and that's what you noticed cooking with grease i am it's gonna be a six minute monologue of me and you

just no not you just me in the crowd flaming you so you wouldn't i would demand you to pull your pants down and take your shirt off you wouldn't talk to me during intermission and be like hey bro i saw that i'm gonna talk about it you would just straight up talk what if it's a person i wouldn't even look at you in intermission i would avoid you i'd say i hope he remembers this shit i can't talk i'd go right back out and still be like red pen it'd be like a roast session at that point that's fair red thong yeah sorry go ahead what were you saying i mean no i don't even know anymore uh oh do you think they've ever changed mount rushmore no like that's stuck like solidified never can holy shit what is mount rushmore actually

real name three people you know that have seen it in person no one erosion is a thing erosion is a thing they probably do some some things to oh they probably manufacture it probably embalm it a little bit put like aquaphor on it like vaseline a little bit of cocoa butter yeah there's like they're like aves looking a little ashy today let Is he on it? I believe so. It's him and three whites. Oh, Abraham Lincoln and his wife. They're all white, yeah.

Hey, you love Abe. I'm telling you. Abe's Unc Abe. What's the four on it? It is George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln. Those are four bad. I don't know much about either of them. I think I couldn't tell you much either.

I couldn't tell you. George had the crazy grill. Oh, yeah. He had like slave teeth in his mouth. Yeah. It's a sick. Nasty times. Nasty man. I don't even want to touch on that.

I don't even want to go on that. I have a question for you. I have an answer for you, baby daddy. I like that. You broke him. A little too much. What are you looking at? I just saw what you were daddy i like that you're a little too much jeans why what are you looking at i just saw what you were looking at jeans lifted a little bit at my camel

they became high waters don't look at my camel these jeans are perfect you got a goat bison okay hello uh what's an appropriate like when can you fart in a relationship like what's appropriate timetable on that okay ideally i can i can get it out fourth date and be confident fourth but what what are you what are you budding why are you budding fourth is already insane there was a time no you did i met a girl first date no you didn't first date and i never go for front hugs first date because i don't want crotch to leg and i don't want titty to chest it's too intimate and it makes me uncomfortable but she was shorter than me and i guess she had like an iron bra or something and it stabbed me

and i get nervous guts anyway you know what i I mean? No, you don't. And it was one of those ones where you might stick two fingers and check on yourself, you know what I mean? And you got to go wash your hands after that one. You sit down, it's a little muddy. No, no, no, no. And the way that one looked. No, no. This was your first time hugging her ever.

In the restaurant, like, I was waiting for her at the table so we were around where we were going to dine for the evening i stood up and i said oh my god you're thinking no this cannot be she put her teflon bra in my in my stomach and it released some bowels silence 20 seconds you know how long 20 seconds of silence is when you first meet somebody you front hug the young woman and same age we're like 21 as she's connecting with you all she can hear on the back end no it was one of those ones where if you were to get a walk if you were to get a like a whoopee cushion and fill it with water and stomp on it no you know you did not what oh my god how did the date go?

There's no... There's no way she appreciated your company after that. There's no... But... Did she stay? Oh, yeah. She's a saint. She drove 45 minutes. She's...

Oh, my God. She drove 45 minutes and you shit on her right when you meet her. No. No. Yeah, no. She did not deserve that. Oh, no. But neither did I.

Now she's eating Caesar salad inside a pink eye, just cruising. I didn't tell her to penetrate my sternum. Okay, yeah, what kind of bra was she wearing? What are we talking about? I don't know, but she could have been a Viking in 1812 and survived. Vikings were way before that. Way before that. Way before that.

She would have been the main character of Troy with that bra on. Okay. Oh, no. She would have won a mean joust with that one what is she does she work at medieval times is she in uniform you're acting like this chat full-blown like a chain link armor on it felt like it or she had some sharp nipples all right i'm so sorry i have two questions okay did you actually go to the bathroom afterwards oh yes but i waited for the water to come in about three to four minutes of conversation because at some point i was nervous about about the scent about the excrement in my drawers no shit as you should because because i have sweaty ass syndrome

like i get ass sweats when i'm nervous she wants me she'll have me you know what i mean i get ass you share a bed with me you're to wake up with maybe a fungus. Hello, good morning to you. So now that you told me that, what the hell? What was the icebreaker into the conversation? You stand up. You go, hey, how's it going? And then you go, oh, you want to wait for the water?

How do you transition back to talking? There's not much you can say to save yourself at that point. You get stiff as a board. As soon as that happened to me, I said, oh, dead ass. It was like this. No, you didn't. What did he say? It's one of those, it's like, you know, what can you say you say you know what i mean what can you do about

that one oh my god i can only imagine just like roles reversed you hug a girl and the girl's just like i'd be like what the like get out of here buy your own chili and she wasn't one of the cool girls it's like laugh and you know the the messed up part about me is if she would have like tried to make me feel better and shit herself i'd be like you nasty oh oh oh my god you just tore your ACL. Oh my God. That's so... At least I'm honest. Oh, oh, okay. But I have a question too.

Piggybacking off of that. You've never really experienced this, bro. But because you got you got committed because you committed to a relationship you know your first one which is great you found my first one but first i'm saying that stop first time you got feelings not first one first first good girlfriend long tenured one yes i was, damn. There's no basketball team around. What? The You Should Know Podcast.

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I've gotten yelled at from everybody that's working in the studio. Hey, Peyton, stop taking all the Kleenex. You can't just rub them on your hands. We actually want to use them for our noses. And I'm like, I get it. But they're ultra soft. What am I supposed to do? I love Kleenex.

And I've been dealing with some allergy symptoms. You know that. I'm a sniffly guy, and it helps a lot. Thank you to Kleenex for sending Kleenex ultra soft tissues, and I love the fact that they're hypoallergenic. It's like a little beautiful little blanket for your nose. For this allergy season,

grab Kleenex and face allergies head on. Now on to the rest of the episode. The You Should Know Podcast. You've never experienced this, but I know a lot of guys and a lot of girls go through this when they take their first vacation, right? I experienced that. Or you... No, actually not first...

How the f*** do you think I experienced that? What? No, because you had time with your girl before. You spent years with her as friends. Not first vacation, but the first time you stay at your significant other's house. Okay. What's the poop situation? How do you go about that?

Because I have almost had to go to the hospital after staying at a girl's house or her staying at mine. So you clogged your intestines for the sake of this meetup. Hey, Kim. Ooh. When I poop, mute this. It's like... Shit. Stop. M mute this. It's like... Stop.

Mute this. No, your shits are absolutely... They are energy sucking. They literally bring your mood two notches down. If you're rocking at nine, feeling the vibe, if I smell your poop, I'm immediately at a seven. Slightly above mediocre. I'm barely making it through i damn near want to leave at this point oh but you know me i'm almost so blunt when it comes to stuff like that it's almost like i'm ignorant it's like i it's like i'm a like a serial killer almost i will literally poop i will tell you i'm going to poop after i shake your hand i'll be like hey that's what's up man i gotta go poop i'll be right back though i'll make sure to wash and i'll go and do

i don't have because okay but when you poop you sometimes have okay poops to where it's not you know you can you can you can hide yeah i don't have to turn on a mixtape you're sitting there yeah make sure no one can hear you my code my code name in the bathroom is oppenheimer like i make bombs you know what i mean and so i have to open so i've i've had girls over and they're like i'm gonna stay for four days and i'm like oh i'd love to four days i i'd really like this girl on that fifth day you're in your stomach there's been i've literally curled up like on on day four and i'm like i need you to leave i haven't said that but in my head i'm like hey i got a meeting or something oh my god you're you're like forcing her out with like anger yeah she's like this has been so fun

you're like get the fuck out just get out get out i can name at least she leaves you're like oh that's a good one whenever you're needing kneading your stomach. You've had to pizza dough your own stomach. You don't pizza dough your stomach. You've never had one of those where it's hard to get out? Poop talk, we're back. Where you're like, right here, that's my move. Oh, it feels good now. I could get one out now.

I could light this whole room up. You use your elbows to aid your poop. Well, my stomach is lined with McRibs. So, you know what I mean? The digestive tract is begging for help. I've, honest to God, I have never even thought of that. Let alone, I haven't even, that's never even been an imagination. A comprehension, I can't even see that.

So, you've never spotted yourself? You go like this. Yeah. You're cooking a little stuff. It's down. It's down. You're rubbing it down. You've never spotted yourself

On the toilet? The most I do is Get on my tippy toes And blow really hard out I literally go It just kind of falls out of me No I've You got it

You've spotted yourself You've bald eagle You've bald eagle Oh yeah you're just like One of those right there What? A whole Thanksgiving turkey Could go up that, how open I am. I'm so sorry, dude.

Your insides are probably screaming. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What? Oh, my God. I think the funniest movie that could ever possibly be made, the movie Inside Out, but in your brain. Oh, my God.

What would it be? Oh my God. There'd be so many things wrong with it. Your main character. Your main character would be in a gray hoodie like this. No. Have I never thought of that? Oh my God.

Your alter ego. The little f***er that finds all these weird thoughts And you be running around Hey this isn't real life y'all we're in a simulation And you just run in by And then your main guy is like I'm cold Oh my god Oh wait what would your

Name my character Oh I don't know the names It'd be like sorrow Creativity would be a little weird shit With the clipboard running around Wait, what would your name my character? Oh, I don't know the names, but it'd be like sorrow. And then like creativity would be a little weird shit with the clipboard running around. It's like logic. Logic would be a good one for you, but it's like always getting picked on. It's like always getting hit from the creativity and hit from the low minutes.

It's like he's on the command ship. He's trying to work and he's getting bullied and shit. Your anger is like a passive anger. It's like a little guy, but when you finally get angry, he grows to like eight feet and he's just like, move, and he moves everybody. Oh, my God. Payton Inside Out would be a fantastic film.

Oh, my God. But, oh, if they got on that elevator and they went down, they'd see a nasty place. It'd be like slums. It'd be like slums. It'd be like nasty, just dirty, like milky slums. They'd be like, what the f*** is this place? And then you'd be like, oh no! You're a little intestine character. You're a little guy that controls your shit.

He's like, he's not a real guy. He's like a, so, okay, work with me. I'm here. They go down the elevator. Yeah, I'm in the stomach. Logic, creativity, knowledge, they're all working. Anger, they're all going down, right? They go immediately.

They're like. Okay. So then they start traversing through this, this, this disgusting place, right? And it's just brown everywhere. It's just brown and black. But then out of one of the walls then out of one of the walls out of one of the walls your eye goes Like you like self forms out of a wall with two eyes and he goes it's gonna be a while

They're walking like what the hell is this place? He's like, you don't want to know. And then he comes back, he's like, we haven't had a vitamin in three years. It's so, they're so bad, they're just dead and poisoned. Oh, my ribs, my ribs. Oh. I thought of another thing. It's a corner, It's a little graveyard! It's a little graveyard!

In the corner there, they're all dead, there's like, it's all skeletons but they all have name tags It's like B12, Vitamin D, and they're all dead in the corner! No! Oh my god. I need to go hire an animated artist. Oh my god, if anybody knows anyone, please make that for me. Oh, you know what's funny though? You're roasting me. Oh, mine would be wild.

No, stand up. What do you mean? Face the middle camera. No, pull them shorts down. Pull them pants down a little bit. Show them the drawers. What about them? Show them the drawers.

From behind. Oh, they're the tri-colored ones? No. There's a big streak down the middle of that sweat. Oh, there is? Oh, there is? And I'm a little cakey. I stopped by the bakery.

I am absolutely wet. Have you ever walked by the mirror and turned yourself on? What are you saying? What are you saying? You've pleasured yourself? No. Just turned yourself on. Yeah, like, you walk by butt naked.

Are you clothed? Oh, you're butt naked? What? I'm about to say, you're like, that's a damn good jacket. And you're like, and it's almost like it's somebody else. And you're like, that's not, you've been alone for too long. Turning yourself on. You've never walked past a mirror and been like, oh shit.

I'll walk past and I'll be like, damn, looking good. And then I walk right out. And then your head gets a little light. I feel like you're having a whole conversation. No, you'll, you'll look at yourself. You're like, do I feel like you're having a whole conversation? No, you'll look at yourself. You're like Do you feel your nipples? Nah,

I'm not trying to complete a mission here. No, I'm not. No, it's just like you walk past yourself. You're hanging a little lower than usual. You're freshly trimmed. The bushes are gone. The tree's looking bigger.

And, oh my God. Okay, the time it happened, I was out of the shower and I love myself wet. And I have great down lighting in my bathroom. And so I was, it was like, we could have filmed something in there.

You know what I mean? You definitely struck a Randy Orton. You got out and you said, no, I'm telling you you go you're like sizing yourself up you're like yeah you're just oh no i don't look good open because the pits are like drapes oh my god no but like and it's your head gets a little light when you look at it what is that the blood's leaving it it's called it's traveling south extendo clip extendo draws can you girl leave me oh my god oh my god i swear this will be the last one but when you do that it's your little creepy guy he comes out he's just like his name's sensual his name is sensual you start looking at yourself he's like it's my turn he clears it out he's just like he starts going like that right

the command center oh oh that is a you turn yourself on i have i have it was during a dry streak but anything could have done it you know what what I mean? Anything? Anything. Like that goat talk? No, that's sick. Speaking of animals, right? I told you a lot of the things I'm going to... God, you've been watching too much Animal Planet. You've spilt another beverage. Hold on.

Can I fix my shit real quick? Go for it. Fix your webbing. Oh, oh. Oh. It was like a... It was like a whack-a-mole. You definitely said whack-a-mole with an H in there.

You said whack-a-mole. I almost choked on a loogie. I almost choked on snot. Okay. A lot of things I was drinking about. What are you saying? A lot of things I was drinking about. What are you saying? A lot of things I was drinking about. You said a lot of things I was drinking about. It wasn't even you.

Oh, okay. I need to take a sip. I've been having a sore tongue recently. I don't know what that's from. It's the back. I have a sore tongue recently. I don't know what that's from. It's the back. The back of your tongue sore? It happens. I think I slurped two. Oh, oh!

Discord back. 1-1. Are you chewing on marbles while you have a sore tongue? Oh my God Go up shut up. Oh My what the fuck is that? What's that? That was like what it was like a that was like a ruler of spit It was like one 12-inch like thick what do you What do you do? Thank God for Kleenex. But thank God for Kleenex.

I've never learned how to blow my nose. I am dripping. I've never learned how to blow my nose. What? No, he's grossed me out. I didn't want to play to that shit. Oh, my God. I'm more of a dabber and wiper.

I snot rock it when I need to clean it. You did it two episodes ago. That's what? That's what? Alright, let me see you blow your nose. I can't. Exactly. I feel like I'll bleed. Can you please blow your nose? I think that'd be great. Please try it. I do it on a hump. It's a lot of mouth when I do it. It should be none. Wait, all that noise y'all make when y'all blow y'all's noses is y'all's nose? Yeah. Holy shit.

Y'all are like little trumpets in the nasal. Just clean up. Oh, oh. Oh, no. Oh, no. Your shorts are so crooked. They're so crooked. They were so crooked.

Your back pocket was like in the middle of your ass. I talk about my underwear. It's your whole setup. I could do everything right now. What does that mean? Oh, we got some. I can do it all. We got to bring it back.

You are crazy. We got to bring it back. We got something. I can do it all. We gotta bring it back. You are f***ing crazy. We gotta bring it back. We gotta bring it back. You are scaring me. I can do it all. Who are you? Are you Thanos? Thanos?

Honestly, I understand. What are you doing? You're so wet. You're so wet. You're so wet. You're so wet. Shut up. All right, go. Get out!

Get out! I can't go back. Get out! You look like a sick cat. You're a fucking spy. I almost dropped my drink. Oh my god, I thought that was snot. It's getting fatty.

I thought that was snot. Boy, are you shitting? You almost kicked your butt. Bro, can I blow my nose out? Don't look at me. All right, we'll try to blow my nose. Here we go. He's laughing.

Oh, man. He went in my mouth. You just go. I can't. There's tears on the bridge of your nose. Go like this. There's literally tears all over that. I know you felt that.

I can't do it. I can't do it. Okay. Okay. Oh, my God. Okay, keep going. I'm so sorry. It's so good. We got to keep going. All right. Oh, my God. Okay. Okay going. I'm so sorry. It's so good. We got to keep going.

All right. Oh, my God. Okay. Okay, so what I was saying about animals, right? Yeah. Yeah, right. I think cows are the guardian angel of the world. You know what I mean?

What does that mean? Like, I can't think of another living species that gives us so much other than a cow you think about it like think about it beef steak wagyu milk cheese ice cream all that's from the nipple and the body of a cow you know what i mean and okay now if you think about it right i bring this up a lot how i think that everything we eat is not real there might be some real chickens there might be some real things like we eat right there's not enough like i said there's not enough chicken to make all these chicken wings yeah there's and tenders and exactly there's definitely not enough cows to make all the steak and cheese and yogurt and ice cream that we have i don't know okay so like but a chicken has to like cows

can make multiple things of milk which can make ice cream and yogurt and cheese and stuff like that i can go walk the beef is like you gotta kill it to get the beef exactly i'm saying the cheese and the milk and stuff. That could be a multiple time thing. Are there just cheese cows? Are there just yogurt cows? Are there just ice cream cows? I don't know if there's cheddar cattle out there.

Like just specific, specific. Matter of fact, how do they make the difference? Like, is there Colby Jack cows? Is there little mixed cows running around just popping out spicy shit? Just spicy milk? That's post-op. They go, no f***ing milk? That's post-op. They go, no, I object. That's post-op.

You bring this up a lot, and you're the first person to ever bring this up to me, but the first f***ing weirdo... Put your finger down. ...to ever go to a cow and stroke them. Yeah. To find glory. Bro, they're... Wait, is that just...

Sorry, keep going. What? I was going to say, is that just women cows you can do that to? Or men cows got them titties too? I think men have nipples too, udders. No, they don't. They don't? You ever think about how long a cow's nipple is?

I haven't ever touched one. It's like a bullet. It's like a 50-cow bullet. I'd flick a cow nipple. Oh, no, no, no. I'd flick a cow nip if you gave me the opportunity. Are they hairy? Sorry.

No, they probably feel like a little leather pin. Like a bullet made of leather. Yeah. I was about to say something strange but it definitely got canceled. Alright, I don't think we talk about this enough.

Like, I get your... Okay, I'm sorry but your feet right now are despicable. That is a ninja boot on your foot. Look at it. It's like you're on your foot. Look at it. It's like you're about to go do crime at night.

All right. Careful. Stop. I get, like, saying that. Yeah. Cow's the guardian angel of all animals, okay? Bless the cow. Blessed be thy cow.

But. Blessed be thy cow. But. All right. What? Like, how do people make milk? who was the first guy to make milk you got to be a little psycho and then he started putting in mason jars and then he's selling it and then he was like if we if i drink this i'll have strong bones and teeth and then he said go tell randall

to go get his wheat let's grind it down and make cheerio it's a a legendary, little psycho, a little creepy invention. But I think that's most people that made all, like, what's the best invention you can possibly think of? Like, I'm saying air conditioning, touchscreen on a phone. Like, think about that. See, I'm different than a lot of people. You went to, like, technology, right? Clearly. Like, touchscreen, cool.

Full self-drive, cool. How about the fuck that made a doorknob you know what i mean like that's the person we need to celebrate and have a macy's day parade for you know what i mean the doorknob guy the doorknob guy like that guy sat down it was like he said i'm tired of moving the whole door he said got him you know what i mean oh my. He said, got him. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. Like the fuck to make carpet. You know what I mean? What were they walking in on before? Gravel and wood chips?

Everybody's home was concrete. That would suck. Everybody was walking around with blisters. That would suck. And this guy was like, let's make some fur and put it on the floor. Yo. That's the people we need to celebrate. You're terrifying. Your thought process is insanity. and put it on the floor. Yo. That's the people we need to celebrate. You are,

you're terrifying. Your thought process is insanity. Okay, what's another, like, like the, like the person,

like, I don't, I gotta think of like, the person to make a seat. The first person to make a chair, dog, like,

everybody's legs are tired. And he was like, don't worry. He's like, man, I'm over this shit. And he's just like, he was like don't worry man i'm over this shit he's just like he's like my name is chair and this is what i do now bro oh my god like what about like uh okay i'm trying to think of something funny like a like a tie who's the first guy that tied i just

took extra shit and was like he's just like now i'm better than you all. He's like, now I can do a job interview. Now I can go do taxes. What is a tie? Like, who thought? Like, who was like, I got to. It's probably somebody that had extra fabric and they made clothes and they were just like. Just like a fashionista, but way back when they said. And just made that shit.

Like, the person. Like, light bulb, that's cool. We get it. That's very cool. The fuck would I make a balloon? Like, somebody was really the life of the party. You know what I mean? They were so just cracked out when they were like,

dog, what would be nice? Little floating little balls. Little floating balls that can feel good and you can pop them. Like, what a creep. Like, that's impressive technology right there. That's impressive inventions. Okay, and now what's honestly gotten terrifying, the small inventions deserve their credit.

Honestly, probably more than the big ones. But to think about the people that made the plane, like the Wright brothers. And they were black, yes. I didn't think so. Are they? Can you look that up, CJ? The Wright brothers are black. Of course you don't think so. No, I'm not look that up, CJ? The Wright brothers are black.

Of course you don't think so. No, I'm not saying that. You're like, they could never. I'm not saying that. Don't say that to me. I'm saying I didn't think they were black. Are they black? I'm pretty sure.

I'm pretty sure because we made peanut butter, too. Yeah, they were white as hell. Who is the two black brothers that made something? The Tuskegee Airmen. That's the... That's the... Those are the black pilots. No, I'm pretty sure black dudes made the... The Tuskegee Airmen.

That's them. That, they... Didn't they have a movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Denzel. Isn't that the one where... No, that's pilot. I was thinking about when Denzel got drunk on the plane

and killed a bunch of people he's a pilot you haven't seen that movie it's called pilots a good movie i've seen great debaters journey smollett i believe her name is jesse smollett the one that got beat with a subway sandwich i don't i think it was a woman it was a woman you're speaking of a man correct speaking of a woman i think that's her name regardless think imagine amelia can i say it I don't know what you're saying I don't think you should say if you're questioning that much you should keep it you should keep it in a job what are you saying say it

at this point hey what's what's what's the deal why is she in textbooks she she can she fly like the whole ocean oh i thought she just got lost didn't we talk about it she's like oh no that's offensive it's just because i'm a dumbass and i'm ignorant and i think i think she crossed like the one of the bodies of water and women should be celebrated more because they had more backs against their walls and they had to go through more hurt oh my god scared they had to go through more Oh my god. Scared. They had to go through more hoops and hurdles. They did. They did. Women had to go through more hoops and hurdles

so their accomplishments should be celebrated because they had to go through a lot more than men did. Right. I didn't know she did something other than get lost. That's why I was confused. What body did she fly over? Bermuda Triangle, right? She got lost in that little wizard. No, God, no. The Atlantic. Wait, she wasn over? Bermuda Triangle, right? She got lost in that little wizard. No, God, no. At the Atlantic.

Wait, she wasn't the Bermuda Triangle girl? Second person, first woman. Her? Second person, first woman. First woman. So, Amelia Earhart, I'm not trying to, don't clip that, you mother, don't you goddamn do it. Her, Helen Keller, and Frank, all of them, it was hard for me growing up. I was like, which one did what?

It's like the twisty candy. They all just keep twisting. And that's the school system's fault because they didn't appreciate women enough in the school system. Spit your bag, P. And so what were you talking about with the black pilots? I was saying, you know who else went through hoops and stuff like that? Do you know who else? Wait, what are we saying?

Do you know who else went through hoops and trials and tribulations? Who? The Tuskegee Airmen! I'm just kidding. I wanted to say it one more time. Okay, yeah, but you're right. They mentioned the plane. I'm saying the plane.

Think about the psych... Like, bro, I'm starting to really get there at your theory. Yeah. They had to be under an influence. Heroin. No right, no sober person's gonna go, I just want to be up there. I'm like, just like, how can I stay?

Exactly. It was like wood. And like, hell no. And they were like, where'd they get the gas from? How do you have the access to that much gas? How did you even start? How'd you pump those air tires up? Who was the first person to even find out oil was this source?

It could be flammable and use it for everything. All the way back to torches and stuff. When did they know to start dipping in oil? I feel like a lot of that was by mistake. That's what I'm saying. Somebody caught on fire and they're like... Every invention, either caused by an accident or an accident, makes you realize there's a problem and you can salute.

Yeah, a lot of inventions are problem solving. Yeah, and that's fantastic. But the day ones. And that's why the big inventions aren't. Like a, bro, a computer. A computer is literally a tool that is made from less than tools all the way back to the rock. Well, that's why

entrepreneurship, they say, don't reinvent the wheel, make the wheel better. You don't have to make something new. You just have to make it better. And that is science. So back to goat. You didn't. Why do we lose our hearing when we stretch good?

When you get a good stretch. Am I the only one? Do I need to call a local doctor? You do it too? Oh, I've never stretched and lost my hearing, Cam.

You never hit one of the ones where you turn into a dog for like four seconds your legs start to go. My eyes roll. Yeah, but I'll literally, you could be having

a conversation with me. Like, hey Cam, what's up? And I'm just like, oh, everything's, it's gone. No, I can hear the doorbell ring.

Hell no. My shit, it's like, like death. I have never, that's a real thing you go through and i think you're gonna be surprised in the comments i've had you stretch so i think it's something like you're putting you're almost stretching everything you can and subconsciously you're like your ear ducts are like they're like closed my movie but i'll have like ear ringing about 30 to 45 seconds after my yawn or a big stretch my ears will ring See, I think that's more concerning than what I'm saying

Like I stretched and I lost for a second you stretched a little too hard now, so Huh? Sorry to keep going back, but it's your people they clicked an alarm. They said something's wrong something's wrong And I've had okay you remember went to the pool last week? Yes. Oh, my gosh. My shit is like a snow globe in my skull right now. What does that mean?

I'm going like this. I can hear water. And now, like, my earlobes are a little sore from that. Like, I'm genuinely concerned. I go to bed dizzy. I wake up wet. You need Dramamine. What's that?

It's like motion sickness. I think I just need to get something out. Some wake up wet. You need Dramamine. What's that? It's like motion sickness. I think I just need to get something out. Some eardrops. You might have. I mean, there is. That's called swimmer's ear. I don't want to swim. I know, but I'm saying you went underwater.

I got drowners here. It gets like caught back there. You need to get roughed up a little bit. Not like a fight. I've been in more fights than you have. That's what I said. Not like a fight. I'm saying like someone needs like, the over a way to overcome that water fear only

in a pool i would never suggest i'm not suggesting this i'm saying say we went back to the same pool about four feet deep someone needs to just just knock in that's why what do you gain because it you think it's gonna help my fear or make me not want to go in the pool with you radical weirdos never want to come back now that i say that and it's not it's not a fear of the water anymore really i mean the ocean yes yeah i have a fear of that because what what is that what's going on in here i cannot see this is not my home i don't like it i was not made with flippers so it's more of like i don't get a pool i don't understand it it's not fun to me did it feel good no that shit was an ice bath cam when i told you it was an ice bath because we were in the hot tub first you jack wagon it made me just have a wet cashew at that point like if somebody

were to examine me at that little sun-dried tomato you'd have to cut me open to tell me what i am you know what i mean there's no way you could tell i like like what but then you get back in that hot tub that's that cashew is growing to it can i make an announcement about that hot tub let's hear it did you your pants while we were in the hot tub you sick vile insidious person because it was we went to the hot tub first right and I was at a different part of the hot tub and it was just regular hot tub but then we went to the pool came back into the hot tub that second time in the hot tub I was in a different position I was about six o'clock on that hot tub and I didn't know there was a jet right there so my ass was getting blasted in that hot tub

and it opened me up it made me lose loose. Oh, wait, no. Your ass. Verbatim. My ass was getting blasted, so it opened me up and made me loose. This is what came out of your mouth on the internet forever. Oh, my God. I was talking about a hot tub jet. That's fine. Oh, they know how to clip.

They know how to start at one spot and stop at another. You ever did that as a kid? I'll get my ass blasted. Now I'm saying it. Shit. We're the ass blasted. Now I'm saying it. Shit. We're the ass blast brothers. Oh my God. The ass blast brothers.

We could have a cartoon. We're the ass blast brothers. You ever did that? You face forward at a jet? On a jet? No, stop. Stop. I did.

I did. We're all curious at one point. We all did. We all tried to figure out. We're like curious at one point. We all did. We all tried to figure out. We're like, put those through hell. That can't stay. That can't stay. Just keep it.

Just mute it. Imagine. Oh, my God. okay we're back i said some things that we can't say okay i thought we all did i thought this damn this theme of this episode's animals for whatever reason i think you would have the strangest mating ritual if you were an animal like above all animals your shit like if i if i got just transferred into a bird or something i would do i'd be very industry average you know i'd do the like whatever bare minimum whatever's supposed to happen like whatever whatever gets her right whatever gets her in the mood i would i would give it to her right but you you as a bird you'd be like you'd be pecking shit you'd have one leg up you'd be like you'd be like a creep i'd be too self-conscious to be to mate as a bird oh my god because say

say you put every you're supposed to put your wings up, right? Yeah, show her a good time. And you're doing this. You're showing your colors. You're like, I'd be too self-conscious. I'd like half look at her and be like, you'd be the best. I'm like, you're sitting there. Your crush is on the same branches. You're just poking the tree. You're like, damn it. I want to do it, but I can't.

And you go. And she's like, and then you start. You're like, oh, it to do it but i can't and you go and she's like and then you start you're like oh it's working you start going faster oh what if you're like a lemur what i did not mean that i did not mean that are lemurs a part of the monkey kingdom i didn't mean are they lemurs like little desert rats i don't lemurs are way closer to monkeys i think a lemurur's a monkey. So you just made me a lemur? What if you were like an elephant? How do you think elephants mate? I'm certain... Something with the tusks. Something with that.

They'd probably windmill that. Whoever has the longest helicopter. Okay. What if you were a... Like a lizard? How do lizards mate? I'm not sure, but let's see your interpretation. If you were a lizard, how would you mate?

Think about everything you know about lizards. Not much, but... I would see how much... Work with it. How much how how much slime i could trail across they have slime no so you're essentially i'll try a wet i could get actually climaxing no leaving it on the ground for her to see and enticing her whoa freak no you said slime no that's part of my goo like just my body goo. So now we know, in your mind, every lizard is just slimy. I thought lizards were slimy.

Geckos, dry. Komodo dragons, dry. Oh, you know what I would... You're thinking like sludge. Who are the ones that hide? The camouflage? Chameleons. Okay, I would be the best chameleon because of my social anxiety.

I'd be like... I'd be like, don't look at me. No, no, your social anxiety... Your social anxiety, if you were mating as a chameleon, you would wait until she goes back to her house. And she gets in her little chameleon bed, and then her lamp all of a sudden goes... It's you!

And you're just like you go you're like i couldn't do it around the others she walks into her chameleon house she steps on her rug you're like ow she goes what the hey i want to ask you, sorry, I couldn't talk to you. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Chameleon was perfect. Holy shit. I'd be a great chameleon.

Oh, chameleon was perfect. Oh, my God, bro. My balls are wet. Oh, my back is dripping. Oh, my God. So you've never turned yourself on? No. I mean, in the, no, not like that.

I've never got out of the shower. First off, I often leave the shower disappointed. Like, I don't, no matter how hot I turn the water, I don't know what it is, man. I just, I know what I'm there for. Again, I'm very, I'm very just to the point. I'm here to get clean. I'm not here to play around. I'm not here for field day. I'm here to get clean and get out. How long do you shower? My showers, my showers are very efficient how long are they i'd say no longer than like five to six minutes no no way you're clean i swear to god i am what do you wash everything in five minutes bro people if you like to enjoy the hot water that's fine i'm never gonna there's

sometimes i take 20 minute showers if i got the whole music going but on average and i'm really just chilling if my objective is i left the gym i have have an hour until I got to be to the next thing. Don't give me a scenario. I'm saying on average. On average. Regular day. Regular day. If I'm just trying to get clean.

That's what I'm saying. I don't have like a, I'm either taking an enjoyment shower, where I'm going to do everything. Shampoo, condition, beard wash, maybe shave a little bit, sit in the hot water, feel fantastic. A regular shower. I'm in there for six minutes max. See, dna issues you have nasty issues i'm just automatically nasty i spend at least 35 to 40 minutes every shower because i'd love to see your water bill you

absolutely oh you don't care about the ecosystem oh is that an ecosystem thing bro what are you doing again if you tell me it's relaxation, it's excuse, that's fine. First, I poop. There's no way. So you poop in the shower? No, right by the shower. Like in the toilet. With the water on?

Yes. I turn on the water. I get hot and I close all the doors and I don't have the vent going because I want to be in a sauna. Yeah, that's fine. Like a steam room. That's fine. Right? And you poop on your phone.

You're definitely seeing about 30 TikToks. I'm on TikTok, right? I'm reading comments. I'm looking at tour tickets available right now there you go i'm looking minutes yeah 10 minutes and then i go into my i'm butt naked right and then i go to my my my my sink and i go over my thing like that bent over mirrors in front of me and i have the phone like this and i'm connecting it to my home pod that you bought me and i'm i'm putting a podcast on i'm putting a podcast on okay so i got to get to the podcast how long does that me and i'm putting a podcast on i'm putting a podcast on okay so i

got to get to the podcast how long does that take uh i'm not done and so i'm still going and then i go to my instagram i go to my twitter i go to snapchat i go to my text that time shower is scorching right i can get a tan in there and i get in that shower then i spend about five minutes rotating around getting all of me wet getting real lather getting nasty right and then that's when i get and then i get my first like fingertip or like dripping wet and i'm getting a little pruney okay that's when i start painting i make art on the wall you think i swear to god this is what i do every shower i'm painting i don't have my hair wet yet because that makes my eyes hurt so i make i'm painting i'm i'm making sculptures i'm i'm doing things i'm drawing you stop that

stop that and then that's whenever i'm like okay now it's time to get the soap so i'll get the soap on my hand of course i'm getting my webbing i'm getting everything getting my crack then i i take all the soap off and then it's another five to ten minutes I'm getting sexy get nasty finish my art from earlier this is a weird thing I can get into nasty on the podcast no I said you're getting nasty to a podcast oh yeah there's sex music shout out to Rory and Maul yeah here's just you ever seen a and this is the thing i do in the shower do you have a thing you always do when you walk in the shower like the first thing i do i let the water hit my

chest i open my mouth and i spit on my door so i can see myself through the mirror that a lot yeah now i now i walk straight in and let it immediately hit my chest and then i walk straight into my face yeah and then here and then when i'm doing music like I have music playing in the shower, I'll have a, like a good song going and say the mirror is this camera, right? And I spit right there so you could see, I can see myself. I wet my hair so it's nice and dangly. The earrings are glistening in the light. My beard's wet and I'll hit one of these and I'll look at the mirror and be like,

rap like that. I'll be like, like a light. Yeah. Yeah. Like a light. Like a light. Huge butt. light like a light huge butt you beat your own lip and that's when i get turned on okay let's get dr p or no we're going oh no oh no we're breaking this down okay so not only is your 40 minute shower 10 minutes of art

12 minutes of shit in four minutes of podcasts and socials yeah so if you take out the little kid time you take out the podcast and the poop you're now sitting at about a 14 minute shower yeah which is reasonable yeah why do you have the what you understand water can get hot in about 30 seconds yeah well you're rich you have better water system than me you want to play those jokes you can shower on three different levels buddy i can't i know too why do you know, too. Why do you have the water on? Why do you have the water on for that long? It's a mood.

Anything with my brain, I have to set the mood for. To eat, to do anything. CJ knows how he lives with me. We went to McDonald's. I didn't eat it for an hour because the mood wasn't right. I wasn't feeling it. That pisses me off. Yeah, it's just some of the mood thing.

Eat the damn food. Clean your damn body. I get in. I immediately get soaking wet. That takes me 30 seconds. I take the conditioner. Put it in my... Boom.

Conditioner in the hair. It's letting it soak. Face wash. Letting that soak. Then I get the body on my scrub, not my bare hand, you nine-year-old. And I actually let it lather my whole body. By that time, I'm three, three and a half minutes in. Then I start to wash everything.

It's not a fair comparison because your mind is so wicked. My mind's wicked? You have to go do something. You just said you bit your lip after spitting at yourself, making Picasso Bob Ross art of me naked in the shower, rapping to Drake. Yeah, it's a thing I do. It's my pleasure time.

And CJ knows about my, I have to set the mood. Like sometimes I can go eat next to CJ sitting on the couch like watching something. And sometimes I have to go to my room because that's what the mood is. I have to go to my room and sit on my bed. It's just a mood thing and I can't control it. I feel it. Power to you, buddy. Speaking of moods, let's help some relationships. Dr. P!

Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! Dr. P! What do we got, Secretary Cam? All right, Dr. P. We've got one.

Okay. Are you ready? Yes, always. Dear Dr. P. Hello. I went to the Austin Live show. Thank you so much for coming. Hey, buy your tickets and get involved for the rest of the tour. With my ex. P. Hello. I went to the Austin Live show. Thank you so much for coming. Hey, buy your tickets, still get

involved for the rest of the tour. With my ex. Oh. And we had a very good time, if you know what I mean. Oh, y'all got nasty in the show. Laughing my ass off. Now I'm pregnant. No, no, no, no, no, no.

We got her pregnant? Oh. Well, we didn't. We got her pregnant? Oh. Well, we didn't. Well, we set the mood. It's all about the mood. Wait, so he was getting a little blood flow during the show. Yeah, at what?

At what? What was he? What caused that? It's an awesome person. He was like a straight. Yeah. So one, shout out YSK, but that's it. Just proof that you're the best love doctor in the world.

Oh, my God. So there's not really a cry for help here. Actually, there might be. Break it down. Maybe we're not seeing what you're seeing. We don't have the vision. Round of applause for the first live show baby. I think by legality, that young, if it's a man, that young man, that young baby, if it becomes a boy, middle name has to be

Cameron, Peyton, Michael, or Stephen. Yeah, it has to. Cameron's not really a middle name. Michael, Stephen, or Peyton. And, okay. Yeah, what are you seeing? What are you seeing, doc? What are you seeing, lord?

This might have to get cut. Speak it. And this is not Peyton talking. This is Dr. P, the best love doctor in the country. The best doctor. Speak it. What was she? What are you about to say?

Okay. Now you know where I'm going. What are you saying? I just need to know where her... What was she thinking about during that time she just came off the show hopefully

if so that baby's mine no okay I'm joking I'm joking it's Dr. P it's a comedy podcast may I speak hopefully it was the liquor I'm joking. It's Dr. P. It's a comedy podcast. What? May I speak? Yes, sir. Thank you. Hopefully, hopefully it was the liquor.

Little Jack Daniels. Whatever. Little Angels Envy. I don't know what that is. Hopefully, it was a fun adult alcoholic beverage night that led to lovemaking. Hence the child. And reproduce it. Oh, and happy Mother's Day.

No. If it wasn't, if they were sipping that Aquafina, they need to fill out a questionnaire. We might have to talk to Gabe about that. We might have to talk to the legal department and see if we can get custody. No. I'm kidding. I'm completely kidding.

100% y'all is kidding. Congratulations. Facts. That is a... That is a... That's our first baby. We're dads. We're dads.

We're dads, man. We're dads. We're dads. Oh, you're wet. Yeah, you are too. God, you're sagging and your shorts are still crooked. Alrighty. That was... all righty um that was

dr p dr p dr p dr p don't ever do a beat over my whisper i'm sorry i didn't mean it. All right, guys. Another great episode. See you in 11 days. Cam? Thank you so, so much. Coming back, episode 113. Another wild-ass episode. We are 11 days away from our Coloradians, our Coloradians, whatever you are in Colorado. 11 days away.

Go grab your tickets. There's a few left to the Colorado show. God bless you. Something got in my throat. There's a few left in the... Stop it. There's a few left to the Colorado show and to the remaining of the cities, but Colorado is the first stop.

Boulder, Colorado, May 31st. We're going to see you in 11 days. We absolutely cannot wait to be there. We love you so much. Tickets, first link in the description right there below. Go ahead and click that. Grab your ticket. We are not touring again until 2025.

It is going to be a minute, so we want to see you this summer. Anyway, confuse the casuals. Get your good karma with this week's secret code, and that is o p i o p my oh my oh is it inside out payton inside out payton inside leave it in the car if someone can make an anime out of that please god please yeah please make a little animated thing of that like a little skit and we'll repost it on everything if it's good but iop leave, leave it in the TikTok comments, Instagram, on the YouTube, everywhere. Everything else is in the description below. Twitch, Discord, Patreon, Facebook.

Get us on everything. See you on everything. We absolutely love y'all. And remember, see you on tour in a couple days. Remember, one-eyed sicklobbers, don't be getting home until Christmas, and we will see you next time. Two weeks in a row. Hello?

Goodbye.