You Should Know Podcast - DREAMING OF MY BEST FRIENDS BODY! -You Should Know Podcast

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/YouShouldKnowPodcast FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/people/You-Should-Know-Podcast/61552092953106/ NEW TWITCH CHANNEL: https://m.twitch.tv/peytonhardin/home Peyt...on’s Polaroids: https://instagram.com/peytonpolaroids?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== TRUE VAULT ESCAPADES: https://youtube.com/@AtomicWolf54 00:00 BIRTHDAY EPISODE 1:56 CAM JOINS 4:19 MALACHI’S RUNNING AWAY 7:11 SASSY CAM 12:52 CAM CAM NEVER ANSWERS 15:10 PICTURES IN THE BREAD ISLE 18:09 WHAT WAS CEJAY DOING? 23:54 “MONTOYA, POR FAVOR” 27:04 HIMS 28:31 SAFARI MAN AT SCHOOL 31:40 PEYTON’S AUNT MOLE 35:18 DO BABYS DREAM? 41:48 BUBBLY CLEANING 43:20 PEYTON HENRY 52:36 AIRHEAD MYSTERY FLAVOR 1:00:05 PULLED OVER BY HORSE COP 1:03:47 BOOKING.COM 1:04:54 CAM’S DIFFERENT VOICES 1:07:40 LIV THE BARISTA 1:09:14 WHO SMELLS THE WORST? 1:12:15 YSK CORPORATE POTLUCK 1:22:09 POP CULTURE: NAKED PAINTING MAN 1:28:33 ANNOUNCEMENTS Todays Sponsors: Hims - http://hims.com/ysk Bubbly Cleaning - Head to https://www.BubblyCleaning.com/YSK to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Bubbly Cleaning for sponsoring this episode! Booking.com - https://booking.com YouShouldKnow P.O. BOX 191564 2825 Oak Lawn Ave Dallas, Texas 75219 FOLLOW PEYTON: https://instagram.com/psh8?igshid=ZDg1NjBiNjg= JOIN THE DISCORD: https://discord.gg/V5WYhSte2R Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:01:30 What's better than a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. The You Should Know Podcast. Hey everybody, welcome to The You Should Know Podcast, episode 152, my birthday episode. Round of applause, please. It's your birthday, it's your birthday, it's your birthday, it's your birthday, it's your
Starting point is 00:02:21 birthday, it's your birthday, it's your birthday. Thank you, thank you. Hey everybody, welcome back to The You Should Know Podcast, episode 152, the birthday episode. Thank you, thank you. Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the You Should Know Podcast, episode 152, the birthday episode. If you're new here or if you haven't already, you can look below. You see the subscribe button isn't pressed.
Starting point is 00:02:33 You're wrong. If you're even more below that, you see the comment section isn't fulfilled with your name, guess what? Even more wrong. Go ahead and fill that out. I'm going to make this intro all about me because it's my birthday.
Starting point is 00:02:44 I'm 26. I'm a to make this intro all about me because it's my birthday. I'm 26. I'm a year closer to the end. We're almost there. I'm just kidding. Thank you guys so much for coming back to You Should Know Podcast. I love you so much. All I'm asking for you this intro is drop something in the comment section. If you want to give me a birthday gift, all you got to do is share this with three friends today. Share this episode with three friends. And if you want to give me a birthday gift, all you got to do is share this with three friends today. Share this episode with three friends. And if you want an even bigger birthday present for me, head over to that Koala Club, the Patreon. Join any tier you would like. We have so much content over there, and it is just growing and growing and growing.
Starting point is 00:03:18 Actually, this last week, the whole team made a huge, huge visit somewhere, and it could really, really boost the Patreon in the next coming months. So if you want to join the Koala Club, see everything that's going on over there, see the ad-free and uncensored episodes, as well as the new games, all the extended episodes, 10-minute talks with Mama Liv, the vlogs, everything, early access to tour tickets, it will be over there at the Koala Club. We love you so, so much much we're on the road to 1 million subscribers i love you enjoy the rest of the episode not to the rest of the episode
Starting point is 00:03:51 we are co-hosts back in the studio it's your birthday it's your birthday it's your birthday i don't like how this is started it's your birthday thank you thank you happy birthday to me happy birthday to you as of yesterday today is no longer your birthday nothing is special about today it's a regular day that's okay well well your day your birthday falls on tax day so every time you celebrate a new year a life everybody's very disappointed everyone is depressed and mad but i have something to quickly point out your legs dry as okay we're gonna get right into it pull those jeans up my god peyton and your sock is yellow get some new sock you know what no okay i already gave you your
Starting point is 00:04:39 gift but we're gonna actually i didn't you haven't yet in real time you haven't i have not in real time but you should have brought it today. I don't have it. I don't have it yet. It's still coming in. Oh, so you still haven't got me my gift. No, it's coming in. It's just not – I had to get it via online.
Starting point is 00:04:53 Can't really – can't control the commerce world, buddy. I can just click buy, and then I got to wait. What can I say? But I'm going to get you a lotion and some white socks. What do you say? Why not black socks? Because I like white socks better. I bet you do. I bet I do, too. White socks for the end, for the win until the socks. What do you say? Why not black socks? Because I like white socks better. I bet you do.
Starting point is 00:05:05 I bet I do, too. White socks for the end. For the win until the end. How have you been? How was your week, Bubba? Week three of being a father? How are we feeling? My God.
Starting point is 00:05:13 It's good. It's slowly getting better. Things are becoming more sustainable, more routine-esque, and it's getting better. I cannot complain. Yeah. How's your third week of being an uncle been? It's great. I love it.
Starting point is 00:05:25 Anytime you FaceTime me, I'm immediately like, show me Malachi. You are. And me and him, me and Malachi have some kind of, like, thing going on already. We have some kind of relationship because yesterday it was late night, like 10. It was like 11. 11. Me and Cam were FaceTiming. He was holding Malachi.
Starting point is 00:05:41 He was holding his son. And so Cam was trying to put him down like go to sleep and so malachi was drifting right and cam was really fighting for malachi to just close his eyes he would close his eyes but every time cam would put the phone on him to show me malachi would be like yeah he did a gun one time the and the other time he said, he was like. He was throwing up just gang style. Yeah, bro, so it would be like any time Cam would turn his head, Malachi and me had this little thing going on. Y'all got a connection. I'm telling you, we're two peas in a pod.
Starting point is 00:06:16 Now let's just go down that road real quick. Let's go down the road. Is it gravel or is it granite? It's rock. Yellow brick. It's a rocky road. I'm not talking ice cream. But let's say when he's 16 yeah and he
Starting point is 00:06:27 comes to you right we've kind of done some of these before but we're gonna change it yeah he's 16 years old he comes to you and he goes i hate my parents i want to live with you okay what do you say can't happen why not don't love you that much you're gonna betray him that's not portrayal in his darkest hour you're gonna let my son down son down? He hates me. He hates my wife. You're his only source of light. You and Christ. But he's 16. He doesn't have a job yet. Maybe.
Starting point is 00:06:50 Maybe he does. And he can't buy his own stuff, so he has to go live with someone that loves him. Why would he hate y'all? Devil's advocate? I don't know. Well, for honest, you want the honest answer or the funny answer? Let's go funny first. I'd be like, I hate him too.
Starting point is 00:07:03 I'd be like, no, I completely understand. You go move it. I'll kick CJ out. Yeah. Oh, CJ? If CJ's living with you when he's 16. I've done something horribly wrong. You've failed. Something has gone so wrong. Oh my god. Oh, okay. To hell with
Starting point is 00:07:19 Malachi. Let's go down that road. Why? If CJ was with you in 16 years still as your roommate, in presumably a much bigger house, presumably more responsibilities in life, you'll probably be married with kids. He might be married with kids. What is this, full house?
Starting point is 00:07:39 Am I God damn John Stamos? What is happening? Let's say CJ fell off the wagon and never found love, okay? So he doesn't have love. Never experienced it. He's not in love. He's a very unloving creature. Unlovable. But you found love, have a wife,
Starting point is 00:07:56 you have two gorgeous children. Oh, God. Okay? All in your house. But that last bedroom down the hall, you hear, no, get down. He's coming behind you. Dude, swap it out i just bought the the 80 the 80 80 it shouldn't be lagging you hear that at the end of the hallway right yeah what are your thoughts do you ever do you have that dawning moment you just wake up and go what did i do no i would honestly live in misery like
Starting point is 00:08:20 every day every wake up i would go downstairs and i'd hear the lotion thing going and i'd be like what's happening i'd be like my water bill's so high he's washing his hands every four minutes i'm like damn it dude but but he's washing his hair to go take pictures of me like what's happening making you late but yeah your kids love him don't care so much don't care and they take some stress off you because they take their problems, worries, and concerns to Uncle CJ. No, I wouldn't want that. I would be like, please don't go to CJ for your problems. Don't go to CJ for advice.
Starting point is 00:08:53 He'd sit there. Well, if you think about it, you know, your dad kind of actually helped me with these problems when we were younger. Funny story, but I got to go play that. Yeah, no, that would be a bad thing. But that would be really bad. One thing I need to say, like, I'm adjusting. Like, our lives have changed, right? Yes.
Starting point is 00:09:14 Like, our relationship isn't the same anymore. I talk to you less. I kind of like you less. No, you don't. Don't say that. Oh, yeah. Do not say that. I do.
Starting point is 00:09:22 Do not say that. There's a lot of... You're hurting my heart. Well, see, that's kind of the thing I'm getting that. I do. Do not say that. There's a lot of... You're hurting my heart. See, that's kind of the thing I'm getting into. I'm hurting your heart? No, since you became a father, you are so soft now. I am. It's bad.
Starting point is 00:09:35 It's like, you know, me and Cam, we've been friends for almost a decade, right? And we have this thing down. Like how we make jokes to each other. I know what he finds funny. He knows what i find funny and we'll just our thing is saying the wildest things to each other we'll keep oneing up until it's like okay it's like all right this has gone too far we'll be at ground level like base level i'll do level one insensitive joke and cam's like come on man like that's a community like you like that's a marginalized group, man.
Starting point is 00:10:06 And you know their families don't like this. You're supposed to be fighting for them, not making jokes. Oh, my God. Dude, and it's like, first of all, pick up the water bottle you brought in today. Okay. You sassy. What's wrong with my water bottle? I've never seen you drink out of something like that.
Starting point is 00:10:23 What's wrong with my Ouala? It's a fantastic bottle. Non-sponsored. For multiple reasons. One, clip right there. You can take it with you. Two, suction seal. Kim, you're giving them a lot of free promo right now.
Starting point is 00:10:35 And three, you can pour or sip. It's a fantastic cup. I'm just saying, it is a multicolored water bottle, bro. I literally, I went on a date the other day i went on a date right first date you know about it yeah it was fantastic cam literally called me before the date he goes hey please send me pictures okay what okay but no no you shut the hell up you go he goes please send me pictures and i was like of what he goes y'all having fun? Yeah. I said, Cam, why? Okay, one, I asked for a picture, not multiple. I said, send me a picture of y'all.
Starting point is 00:11:09 I want a smile. Is that too much to ask for? I am deeply running out of sleep. My brain is swelling. And I love you and love the fact that you are loving your love affair right now. And I want to see you having fun what the hell is wrong with that straight we've even i've been on hundreds of dates since i've known you exact so you've never asked me for that you never even really cared that much now that's not true i i knew
Starting point is 00:11:36 someone would just be like a that's not true don't put that on my that's not true but i a son might have done something to my soul dude yeah i might have softened it it's not i'm still the same cam i'm still macho man it's not right no right i go right please dude yeah it's just it's just different it's not different name okay name one more thing you jackass that i'm so soft i've named two already you can't joke the same way anymore yes i can you asked me to send pictures of dates of you having fun yeah and i said why and you're like you being happy makes me happy and i said you don't get that shit out of here exactly it's a it's a brotherly love you being you being happy you chasing this thing that you just haven't quite got your soul is yearning for it makes me it fills my cup all
Starting point is 00:12:23 right and i wanted to see your crooked smile in action sue me and then so i love you so much i wanted it to be documented and we had a super bowl party this last week right yes dude the super bowl started at what 5 30 5 30 cam gets at the house like 4 45 right he's there for 25 minutes at five o'clockclock, he goes, hey, man, I get sniped at 5. I do. He was like, I'm going to go down for a nap. I said we have liters of alcohol in here. We have a bartender in my garage right now, and you're talking about a goddamn nap.
Starting point is 00:12:57 Dude, it comes quick. It's like 5 o'clock every day. I don't know what it is. 5 o'clock is when I get absolutely just shot with a poison dart of sleepiness. Dude, yeah. I'll literally, 4, 4.59. I'm like this, 5 o'clock, I go. I start getting really loopy, and I'm like, oh, man, it must be 5. Then I crack an energy drink, and hopefully I'm good from there.
Starting point is 00:13:16 Yeah. Energy drink or coffee. It's kind of wicked. I'm drinking at 5 p.m., but it's all good. Yeah, no, and your alcohol intake is different now. I haven't drank a lot since I've had Junior, but it's fantastic. I know, bro, but it's normally like, you're my shot buddy. Let's go shots.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Let's take shots. You're like, I'll take a small margarita. I'm like, what the fuck? Keep it skinny. Yeah, I'm like, what? Brother, you're different. Okay, the drinking companionship, it could be seen from two different lenses. I might have not been drinking as much.
Starting point is 00:13:46 I've got to work my way back. And you might be so much drowning in alcohol that it's hard for anyone to be on par with you. So let's talk about that one. I walked into the Super Bowl party at 445. The ball's not in the air for another hour. You're four shots in. Now, you're supposed to have fun. It's your party. It's your party.
Starting point is 00:14:05 It's your house. You don't got to drive nowhere. I love that for you. But when you can't even say my name without slurring it before a kickoff happens, we might have problems. I had a $100 bet on the kickoff.
Starting point is 00:14:16 And you won. And I won. Did he pay you? Yeah, 100%. Immediately. Yeah, I had a full bar downstairs and Cam went to it twice. I did not go to it twice.
Starting point is 00:14:24 I took three tequila shots. Three. And I had a full bar downstairs, and Cam went to it twice. I did not go to it twice. I took three tequila shots. Three. And I had three, but I only finished like half of the last of the margaritas. It's okay. Three margaritas, three tequila shots. You're different. That's decent. And about three Red Bulls.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Like, just the Red Bulls. I really was tired, and I had to stay awake. Fun party, though. It was fun party. Fun party, though. It was fun. Very fun. Vlog coming out this...
Starting point is 00:14:44 I don't know. Vlog's coming out soon. It's coming out soon. There was fun. Very fun. Vlog coming out this... I don't know. Vlog's coming out soon. It's coming out soon. There's a vlog in Koala Club coming out soon. One thing also, last thing about you as a father. This is all things that have been just going through my mind these past couple weeks since you've been a dad. No, it's more of a negative thought process. I'm going to take you off my emergency contact.
Starting point is 00:15:01 Why is that? You do not answer the phone anymore. Okay, I have explicit... Shut up phone anymore okay i have explicit shut up here so i have explicit instructions unless emergent now now that's now that's where the problem lies yes if it's an emergency i wouldn't know and i didn't answer now you're dead but if you didn't die it's not an emergency if i do not answer my phone i am more than likely holding my son either attempting to put him down or feeding him or just something to where my hand isn't free.
Starting point is 00:15:27 That's typically what, like, honestly, you have to think he eats every two and a half to three hours. So he eats, the whole process takes an hour. He goes down for an hour and then he's doing it again. Do you see what I have to deal with? Like, where is the fun? Like, where is the person I can look to now? Me.
Starting point is 00:15:41 I'm still here. I can't. Yes, you can. I can't. There used to be, be like the biggest thing the first thing like if anything happened in the world first person i'd call cam you can still do something happened in my life i do and you know what i get hold on real quick bro and then i get six hours later a phone call and i'm like cam i don't care to talk to you anymore and you know
Starting point is 00:15:57 what you're the only person in this world that i'm holding him i'm like this i see a phone i go hold on real quick and instead of this i go all right, buddy, come on. Come on. Let's get it. I got to answer that phone. Get that burp out. He's like, ah, ah, ah. He's sitting there burping his life away. And I go, oh, you're tired?
Starting point is 00:16:11 Okay. Sweet dreams. What's up, bro? And I call you back with speed and efficiency. Do you think, right, do you think there is improvements to make on our friendship? My God. Like, do you think that? Do I think that?
Starting point is 00:16:25 Yeah. Yes? I'll say yes. Are you going to make that conscious effort to please me? Oh, my God! Can you make that
Starting point is 00:16:33 conscious effort to love me? I don't know. I don't know. Yes, I will. I'm sorry. It's your birthday. That's my second gift.
Starting point is 00:16:42 I'll parlay that. Okay. You're starting 26 years of age, and I'm going to make your 26 special your whole year. Yeah, I am 26. That's crazy. Verbally and orally. Mm-hmm. Yep, with words.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Words and words. A lot of words. You can orally please me. Oh, I have before. College was a fun time. College was twisted. Oh, my God. Okay, this kid has nothing to do with college but that reminded me i saw a kid that might have been college age in oh where is it we're in some
Starting point is 00:17:13 store oh kroger kroger this kid i kid you not i watched someone demand their friend to take pictures of him in a kroger nice And he was purposely creating candids. I do that. No, that's fine. Yeah, you don't do it on aisle eight, okay? You've never took pictures next to tortillas. So this kid was genuinely like, he was like, bro, just wait. Wait, I'm going to turn my shoulder, and you've got to capture this.
Starting point is 00:17:39 He's holding, like, bread. And he goes. And he was, like, pausing it. And I was like, and I sat there, and I acted, and he was pausing it. I was like, and I sat there, and I acted like I was on my phone. I was leaning over the cart, and I was on my phone. I was just like this, just stalking him. I don't know what he was doing. It was probably the cringiest thing I've seen in a minute, though,
Starting point is 00:17:57 because it wasn't like when you and me do candids, it's like, all right, just fidget a little bit, and if something ends up looking good, it'll look good. This kid was posing for the candid. Yeah, you can't pose for a candid. He was like, all right, bro, just wait. Go a little more to the left. He was like, all right. I was like, oh, it was off.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Did it look good? No. Did the kid look good? No, the pictures. I go, he's handsome. Like, the kid was sharp. But no. Did the pictures look good yeah what did
Starting point is 00:18:26 i steal his phone i don't know you're staring at it you know what i don't like though what like i hate when and it's not on them it's more of a me thing i hate when strangers ask me to take pictures for them now why i have shaky hand syndrome and i'm six seven like the angle is going to be like like they're like it's normally when i'm out at a bar or like a like a festival or somewhere yes in a group especially girls because they're so specific about how they want their picture oh my god and do not give me instructions on how to take the picture with the aperture no turn it a little bit i'm not hitting portrait i'm not using your leveling grid and i'm damn sure not touching exposure i'm not hitting portrait i'm not using your level and grid and i'm damn sure not touching exposure i'm clicking the middle yeah it's like okay you're posing bow and what i do
Starting point is 00:19:10 is i'll take it i'll take like 10 i go hey i took 10 and i'm walking like you even if they're bad you can't tell me we're retaking you're gone at some point i'm gonna want compensation for what i just go like this i 10, but you hold out both hands. One has her phone. One's empty. You go. You're like. That'd be fun.
Starting point is 00:19:30 Dude, taking pictures. One time I took a picture of a couple, and they actually let me know that they didn't like the picture. And like you just said, it was like a worse nightmare. I did not know how to go in that conversation. I took it, and they're like're like oh that's just not good i was like uh i don't know maybe someone else should take it they're like well no you can try again yeah they they told me i can try again i said i can also walk away right now is what i can do suzy so i tried again they're like yeah
Starting point is 00:20:02 that'll do i was like you pinky little bastards dude yeah so speaking of pictures me and cj went to our friend birthday party at komodo in dallas and so at komodo there's like this outside balcony right there's this outside balcony and you can see like it is blocked in by a hotel in an apartment you can see, but it's like one of those hotels and apartments that it's like floor-to-ceiling windows. You can see into people's rooms. I can see your bedroom set up. I can see your lamps and your carpet, right?
Starting point is 00:20:35 I don't like that. Now, I thought the scene was nice. It was very scenic. It was beautiful. I was like, this is cool. Sexy. And the weather was so perfect this night, right? Now, I didn't really go in there because there's too much hood rat activity going into the party, like in the actual club.
Starting point is 00:20:49 So me and CJ spent most of the time outside on that balcony, right? So I was outside on the balcony. We were talking, doing our thing, making jokes, enjoying the weather. With who? Just each other? Just me and him, right? No women in sight. We were just doing it.
Starting point is 00:21:03 Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. I've just doing... Oh, my God. I've been shot. Oh, my God. So, me and CJ are out there, right? And the photographer for the party was a fan of the podcast, right? There we go. Now.
Starting point is 00:21:19 He was a cool dude. Cool as hell. No, no, no. You don't start with Toplin. No, no, you were cool. No, you don't start with Toplin. I'm giving him a love sandwich. No, no. He was a cool dude. Cool as hell. No, no, no. You don't start with Toplin. No, no. You were cool. No, you don't start with Toplin. I'm giving him a love sandwich. No, no.
Starting point is 00:21:27 He was a cool dude. Right. He was cool. Cool dude. Right. Oh, don't. No. No, he was.
Starting point is 00:21:34 It's like you don't even believe your own sentiment. You said, right. He's cool, right? No, no. No, he was cool. Oh, I can't wait for this. No, he was cool. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:21:41 It's nothing about him. It's about his craft. No, no. Okay, okay. So he had the camera. We were talking. He was cool. No, no, no. It's nothing about him. It's about his craft. No, no. Okay, okay. So he had the camera. We were talking. He was telling me, like, oh, I love the food challenges. I normally go, whenever I watch him, I try the food challenges after.
Starting point is 00:21:54 I was like, that's cool. Sick. He said he didn't like anything. Me neither, probably. So this is what makes me uncomfortable. If I'm not ready to take pictures here we go i don't want to all right not like pictures like hey i'm a fan of the podcast take a picture i'm always okay with that yeah he said hey let's get some shots of you on this balcony now i have to be in the right
Starting point is 00:22:18 headspace yeah at least a sipper something right So I'm leaning on the rail of this balcony, right? I'm tooting out, and CJ was like, damn, you tooting that thing. He takes items out of my hand. He's like, give me your phone. Like, he's like, I'm like, okay, whatever. Remember when I said the setup of this balcony was that, right? Yeah. I could see past the camera at this window.
Starting point is 00:22:44 I'm taking pictures, right. I'm taking pictures. I'm taking pictures. But something back there in one of those windows kept moving. I said, I was trying to make direct eye contact at the lens, but something up here was ferociously moving. I said, I kid you not, I was witnessing somebody going to goddamn pound town. It cannot be.
Starting point is 00:23:14 On top of this, I look over at CJ, he's looking out the window like this. Oh, CJ. CJ. That's so crazy! I did not have it. Ah! I said CJ's I said CJ's time to go to the party. He said wait.
Starting point is 00:24:03 Let's go to the bathroom first. Oh, shit. I'm kidding. Could you imagine though? You're taking pictures. You just look up and it's just. No, dead ass. And I was talking to the general manager of the place.
Starting point is 00:24:18 And he goes, yeah, we see it all the time. Oh, that's great. Oh, my God. No, it's just different rooms because it's a hotel. I thought you said it was a hotel and hotel and apartment No the hotel is this side The apartment was over here We were sandwiched in by residents Yeah dude
Starting point is 00:24:34 It was so so damn funny Yeah they just had the blinds open That's how you know it was good What who really If you're not trying to hide nothing With the lights on Yeah, they just had the blinds open. That's how you know it was good s*** too. What? Who really? Yeah. If you're not trying to hide nothing with the lights on. It was like a lamp.
Starting point is 00:24:50 It was ambient. No, yeah. They were sexist. Yeah. They were sexist. It was two silhouettes moving. They were having coitus. Yeah. Lights on.
Starting point is 00:24:57 World can see. Dude. They're on public display. They're like, what are you going to say bad about my game? Huh? You ever peeped over at the mirror? Yeah. Dude, it's never good. It's not a good sight. I'm like, why does you going to say bad about my game? You ever peeped over at the mirror? Dude, it's never good.
Starting point is 00:25:06 It's not a good sight. I'm like, why does my hip look like it's popping out? I'm like, do I really have that much ass? I'm like, why does my stance look like... I look like Jalen Hurts behind the center. Oh, shit. No, not good. A mirror,'s we're just there's so much skin so much so long so yeah and
Starting point is 00:25:32 i then like it depends how the lights hit me if i'm getting backlit you can see the fur off my butt like it's it's never it's never ideal it's never ideal you You know what I mean? It's a... Don't ever call him fur again. Yeah. Holy shit, CJ. That was... Oh, my... I felt like Montoya watching that up there.
Starting point is 00:25:54 Montoya! Montoya, por favor! I'm not gonna lie. I'm gonna talk about Montoya. Bring it. Okay, so there's like this viral thing on Twitter. Yeah. There's no way you haven't seen it.
Starting point is 00:26:04 If you're on Twitter, you've seen this. 100%. There's a guy, there's like a Spanish reality show. It's like a Love Island type of thing. But you watch your significant other and make coy with somebody else, right? Now, is that the premise? I don't know. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:19 It's not like you catch a cheater? No. Oh, no, no. I think, okay, if I had to assume, because if we're being, if we're being smart, right. They probably went to this thing with the, as a couple. Yeah. There was like options for them to explore. Maybe they had a little break in their relationship or whatever.
Starting point is 00:26:32 And then that just ended up happening. Yes. So basically there's, it's this clip is this guy. It's like they're on this Island and he's with the host of the show, this lady. And there's a screen in the middle of the beach. Literally. In the sand. And there's a camera inside of a bedroom,
Starting point is 00:26:51 and Montoya, this man, is watching his girlfriend, you know, have fun with another man. Montoya crashed out. A wicked crash out. He was screaming. He was ripping his shirt. He started running. he kicked the laptop ripped his shirt off the host was like Montoya please he's literally like Usain Bolt sprinting
Starting point is 00:27:13 through the sand to go like to the villa where his girl is having sex yeah it was nutty it's it just look up Montoya on Twitter and then you'll see it oh my god I look at other things in that clip Oh, my God. I look at other things in that clip, right? I knew you would. I start examining other things in that clip. Everybody's worried about Montoya chasing after his lover, getting pleasure. Yeah, good morning. But on one of the shots, you see Montoya running past everybody else on the outside villa. Did no one see the couple popping up out of the hot tub booty butt
Starting point is 00:27:45 no one saw that i did not i'm like booty butt booty butt i'm like everybody's worried about montoya what's happening in the hot tub no they're free that is a shit how is it televised how is that televised it's maybe it's different regulations over there oh oh yeah it's it's not it's not in english it's not american i've and i've been keeping up with the storyline apparently of course you have apparently montoya was he cheated first that was her get back oh man and then there's another clip that happened like a like a week later or a couple days later because i guess how it's like how love island is filmed like Like, it's like the next day. Like, they are recording every day and then uploading it. So, it happened again.
Starting point is 00:28:28 Montoya watched it. No way. No way, bro. I said, Montoya, you need to leave this goddamn show. Before you, like, get somebody.
Starting point is 00:28:37 Yeah. For real. No, I didn't see the booty butt in the hot tub, but I did see the dude playing bongo drums on Montoya's girl's ass. He literally was like...
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Starting point is 00:29:26 Let's go! Truck month is awesome! Ask your Chevrolet dealer for details. Oh, I know, brother. That's just... It's okay. It's deep cuts, but at least on that island, you know, it might have been a little better. You did it in real life. That was a show. They probably knew some shit was gonna happen. We don't have to get too much
Starting point is 00:29:42 into it. I know, but he went there thinking he was gonna see something, but not see another man's snake good morning okay speaking of snakes yes i thought about this the other day and it genuinely concerns me now as an adult okay do you remember back in elementary school yes when there'd be a guy that came in with like a safari hat and a briefcase and and that your teachers would line you up in the gym. Sometimes there'd be popcorn available. And he's just like, yeah, this is our friend Frederick and all this stuff. He brings out a little hamster, all that shit. And in the end he's like, oh, and I got this, a boa constrictor. It's a massive snake. And you're like seven years old. You're like,
Starting point is 00:30:21 you're terrified. What the hell is his his problem no one ever came to my school with a snake that never happened to you no did that happen to y'all no yes the only thing that came to our school was literally a guy and he started singing a song about that was like the like dead ass no it's not a joke like he came up and he had like it was like ex-convicts they came up into my theater and they were like like 240 pounds of man with tattoos. And they were like singing about, like, prevention. That is scarier than a snake. Dude, I shit you not.
Starting point is 00:30:55 We would be lined up. Like, there's like 300 kids in a gym. And this weird, quirky guy with a big-ass suitcase and a hat. He would come in, and he'd show you animals, and they'd progressively get scared. Wait, what was the point of this? Exactly. It wasn't like a trust exercise.
Starting point is 00:31:11 It was just like a cool, like, here, we're going to reward y'all for doing good in second grade and bring snakes. We're going to bring an anaconda. And I'm like, our principal needs to go to hell. Because just second grade, you're seven years old, maybe turning eight you can bet you can't even pick your own clothes out yeah and now this weird random stranger's like
Starting point is 00:31:30 you want to touch my snake and it's just it is so it's so unbelievable i saw a clip about it and it made me think back because i was always terrified yeah of course there's always those weird kids that were like just like uh harry potter wanted to hold it talk to the snake and shit they're rubbing its head and i'm like who are you bro oh my god people that go like, just like Harry Potter. Wanted to hold it. They could talk to the snake and shit. They're rubbing its head and I'm like, who are you, bro? Oh my God. People that go like downtown on clubs, like they go clubbing at night, right?
Starting point is 00:31:51 And there's always the guy on the street with a snake. And he's like, give me $5 to take a picture of my snake. F*** you and your snake. No, shut that snake up, dumbass. I'm not gonna lie. If you're doing that,
Starting point is 00:32:01 you have too much trust in things outside of your control. That and don't touch anyone else until you shower. Because you have you have too much trust in things outside of your control that and don't touch anyone else till you shower because you just had a snake wrapped around your torso now you're getting you're gonna go hug somebody and hit on a poor guy at a bar you're taking two tequila shots inside the club no chance in hell you need to bake you got scale remnants on your shoulder goo and slime you're like hey how are you it's like no hell. It's just goo and slime. You're like, hey, how are you? It's like, no, hell no. And what about the people that own these snakes?
Starting point is 00:32:28 What went wrong in your life to where a snake is your primary pet? Okay. Not a German shepherd, not a cool little fat house cat, a snake. Don't do that. Don't do that. My aunt Mole. What did you say your aunt's name is? Mole. You have an aunt. Don't do that. Don't do that my aunt mole Mole you have an ant her name is mole
Starting point is 00:32:57 No disrespect anti mole but Mole mole is her government. Yeah, and then whatever wrong with it continues nothing. No. No, no, no. No, no. Her government is a mole. What's her government? Carolyn. Oh, oh, oh. No, that's a different Carolyn. You have two aunts? You have two aunts named Carolyn.
Starting point is 00:33:15 You have two aunts named Carolyn. You are, you are, well, mole's not my real aunt. Then why are you calling her aunt? Because like, I'm like, I'm, like, I'm Malachi. Stumped you on that one.
Starting point is 00:33:32 No, because you know how Malachi's going to call me uncle. Okay, yeah. Who's she close to? My mom. So your mom has a real sister named Carolyn. And then she picked a best friend named Carolyn. That's strange. Named Mole.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Why the mole? She has a mole. That's just how we... How big is it? And where is it at? I don't remember. I haven't seen it in some years. It's a good size.
Starting point is 00:33:55 It's a good size. Italian sauce on a pizza. I think she watches. I haven't talked to you in some years. I miss you, Mole. No, but I remember she lived in an apartment and she had a fat snake in that apartment. Hey, Mole. No, but I remember she lived in an apartment,
Starting point is 00:34:08 and she had a fat snake in that apartment. I remember that. And so I would never go to Mole's house. I don't blame you. How old were you? Oh, I was like seven. Yeah, there you go. Seven and snakes.
Starting point is 00:34:18 People think it's cool. You're traumatizing kids. I think my mom picks people up off the street. Because, like, Mole got a snake uh allison had a ferret like where do we get all these exotic pets from dog allison did have a ferret and used it as a where do you purchase a ferret let's talk about that where do you you can buy ferrets at pet smart they have ferrets yeah at pet smart you've never gone to pet smart in the little glass thing that you'd see a bunch of ferrets running around?
Starting point is 00:34:45 A little ferret running? Bunch of ferrets. The same place I trained my sweet girl, Ruby. They were selling ferrets. Dude, you got scammed out of training, Ruby. I didn't get scammed. The earth got hit with a global pandemic, asshole. I didn't get scammed.
Starting point is 00:35:01 She doesn't know shit. She was top of her class. She graduated first out of seven dogs. She must have been there with a bunch of i swear to god the instructor pulled us to the side to tell us but still she got first place out of seven and she was like oh i got rich clients yeah he's doing well sign up again i'll see you but she graduated she learned all of her cues all the things boom kovic she didn't get to go to step two or three or honors she didn't get to go to any of her masters she did not get to her master's degree she didn't get to do any post-grad work she kind of like did her first semester and then started drinking she put on the freshman 15 and dropped out oh god you know
Starting point is 00:35:37 what ruby dude ruby is ruby strange ruby ruby oh i've been telling you that for years no no specifically now with Malachi. Yeah, I haven't seen her since Malachi. She's depressed. I bet. I saw her chewing her own leg the other day. She was trying to make herself a dog amputee. Stop it.
Starting point is 00:35:58 No, I'm not kidding. I literally walked in and she was gnawing on it like it was a bone. That's so strange. And I don't know if that's like a sign of yeast. No, she does have a yeast infection. She smells like Frito-Lays. You're not a doctor. I can promise you that. No, you can't. She needs some antibiotics. She needs a shot.
Starting point is 00:36:14 She needs antibiotics. She does. She needs some medicine. But when Malachi dreams... Your son? Yes. When Malachi dreams... When he is dreaming,y literally it's like there's a hdmi cord well first of all when your son dreams when malachi dreams is that is exactly what i said and i didn't stutter when malachi your son is all of 16 days old brother he's not
Starting point is 00:36:37 dreaming about shit that dreams no he doesn't yes he does are you becoming one of those parents already like my kid knows his abc's at two years old oh no those people are lying yeah it's like my kid's gonna be in the nfl meanwhile he can barely grab some shit baby's dream that's babies do not dream baby's 100 dream maybe like baby like at two to three years old maybe that's a toddler my newborn son dreams there's absolutely nothing you can say there is nothing you can say right now to prove that wrong. I have physically witnessed him dream. Your son is great. I love your son.
Starting point is 00:37:10 He's going to be a great person. Can't dream at 16 days old. What is he dreaming about, brother? He doesn't know what's going on. I don't know what's on the inner workings of the mind, but that cracks crooked smiles in the middle of his sleep. He goes, and he's dreaming what's he gonna he gets frightened he startles himself he is dreaming what's he dreaming about the
Starting point is 00:37:29 whenever he came into the world and he's like ah i saw my big head dad go like this for me no i again i don't know what he's dreaming about okay probably about maybe two big surgical gloves coming they grab him out he's like he got pulled out maybe a lot of beeping in machines. Maybe that goo on his eyes. Let's be honest. But he dreamed. Let's be honest.
Starting point is 00:37:49 What do you dream about? I dream about everything. Like, name your last dream you remember. Say it. Say it. I can't. Go ahead. We can mute it.
Starting point is 00:37:59 Okay. My last dream was actually last night, and I had a dream that me and Liv got into a visceral argument Because she told me my penis was small No, Kim That's a self-esteem thing, dog I swear to God, too But, but, but
Starting point is 00:38:23 To clear the air When I woke up and explained the dream to her she simply said oh well that's not true oh really good wife but um i'm saying so you dream about things that are actually going on in your life because i'm cognitive exactly he's not malachi 16 days old how does he know when he's hungry it's that is nature what that's nature that's that is nature that's nature that's instinct like exactly like when i was shutting his eyes so he's dreaming that's not instinct matter of fact can you control whether or not you can dream as an adult yes i can holy shit you're not spider-man you're not dr strange no you don't yes i can no everyone dreams certain
Starting point is 00:39:03 people remember certain people don't so by that sentiment of everyone dreams at a certain age when does it say that whenever you have cognitive thinking cam he doesn't even know he has hands yet brother he doesn't know it his eyes are still a little loose they are they cross-eyed very often but he is okay i'm agreeing with everything you're saying. Yes. But you're not hearing me. I watch him dream. Cam. He has dreams. Dude, I'm telling you, Cam, you cannot have a dream if you can't have a thought.
Starting point is 00:39:34 Dude, it's because we, thank you. Who are you? It's because we are cognitive now. You're trying to make it make sense. But back then, we still dreamt. We still dreamt. About what? What did you dream about? About everything. I don't remember it now. You didn't dream then? Oh, sot. We still dreamt. About what? What did you dream about? About everything.
Starting point is 00:39:45 I don't remember it now. You didn't dream then? Oh, so it didn't happen. Yes. I don't remember shitting up my back. But my mom has photos to prove it. Okay, but you're naming nature things and you're naming cognitive thinking things. You're trying to make them synonymous with each other.
Starting point is 00:39:58 And that's the biggest sentence I've ever said on this podcast. Goddamn, that felt good. My just grew. here we go i'm saying you you're trying to make those synonyms with each other and they can't be yes they can no they you are not isaac newton you are a man from austin texas you are a man from austin you're not a scientist you're not an engineer yeah okay if it doesn't make sense to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen now me with my ohos i watch him what do you watch him do that makes you think he's dreaming he's dead asleep and i can check from his outlet dream sock so non-sponsor he has a sock that tells me he is asleep yeah i watch him sleep and then he goes
Starting point is 00:40:41 first off rapid eye movement there There we go. Rim sleep. Rapid eye movement. That's just rim sleep. He's deep in sleep. He's dreaming. You can be in rim sleep and not dream. Dude, when did you go to sleep school? When did you go to these studies?
Starting point is 00:40:54 Do you have sleep books in your house? You have a hard enough time sleeping, and now you're a professor about it. I am so confused right now. Oh, it's just sleep sleep. They're just dreaming. You're dreaming. Babies can't dream, bro. Yes, they can. No, they cannot. I'm telling you they can't It's fact then it's true. Yes, they can. Okay. Just tell me what he would be yours. Just look up for me Can babies dream? Yeah, look at it. Search it. I can't I can't tell you what he's dreaming about
Starting point is 00:41:19 So you can't say I don't have x- powers, and I can't see his thoughts. So you don't know he's dreaming. And when he wakes up, he doesn't have teeth, so he can't communicate it. Some studies suggest that babies start dreaming as early as six months old. Exactly. Some studies. Keywords. Others indicate that they may not begin dreaming until later childhood.
Starting point is 00:41:45 Cam, you were wrong. Thank you. Thank you. Damn it. He looks like he's dreaming. I felt good. I'm going to go home and spank him. That's out.
Starting point is 00:41:56 I'm kidding. Damn. That's crazy. Okay, well, hey. Props to you. No, I'm talking to your book. Where's the pubs through? Oh, that's just a bunch of sleep trauma I got.
Starting point is 00:42:05 I haven't got a good night's sleep in like a couple years, bro. Ditto. Oh, well, mine's like the last couple weeks, but a couple years, bro. I genuinely... Nope, there was that one night. I do not believe that. Was I intoxicated? No, probably.
Starting point is 00:42:19 But you woke up. No, we got back from somewhere. I think it was when we got back from the Hamptons. We got back from the Hamptons, and we both vowed to each other. Yeah. Vowed? Vowed. Vowed to each other that we were going to go home and sleep as long as we could.
Starting point is 00:42:31 Yeah. And I think you woke up at like 6 p.m., and you said it was a fantastic— Granted, that's not a night of sleep. That's not a night of sleep. That was a recovery sleep. God, that was good, though. Oh, it was so nice. It was so nice after a good diaper change.
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Starting point is 00:43:10 We did. We watched it. It was a horrible game. It was awful and it made it very unfun. The Super Bowl was a bad watch. It was. But that made me have a false confidence in myself. Oh, God. There's this very famous hypothetical that's been going around the internet for some time now. And a lot of NFL players get asked it, but I always bring things onto myself,
Starting point is 00:43:32 and especially after watching the shitty Super Bowl, I answer to myself. The question is, do you think you can get five yards in a regulation NFL game? I genuinely do believe, and this is not me just trying to bait you into being mad, but I think with the right play call and a good offensive line, I'm getting five yards. Especially after watching the Super Bowl. How many attempts do you get? I think how many attempts?
Starting point is 00:43:58 Give me one. One attempt. Give me one attempt. One snap on a great play call on a good line. I think I get it. Bullshit. Because all it takes is a good block. I need a good block, and I'm tall.
Starting point is 00:44:11 Peyton, and you're slow, your bones ache, and you don't stride well. Your strides are small. No, that is not true. That's very accurate. Kim, if it is a Moses opening, right? If they park the Red Sea for me, and I just got to worry about this middle linebacker, I got to get five yards, and I'll get cracked.
Starting point is 00:44:30 A middle linebacker is going to run through your head. He's going to go. He's literally going to put his helmet, and you wouldn't be able to get low. You're not good at getting low. Your hips don't allow you to get that low. You'd be like, you get right here. He would put his helmet, the crown of his helmet,
Starting point is 00:44:44 directly in your elbow, and you would scream and fumble. There's no one attempt. One attempt with a great call. One attempt, good play call, good coach, good O-line. I have superpowers with adrenaline. No, you don't. I told you I could already lift up a car. No, you think you can, and you think you're getting this five yards.
Starting point is 00:45:02 You're not. You're getting a quick visit to the ER. You are going to get your shit cleaned. How far do you think I would get? You would get a yard past the line of scrimmage. You'd get one three feet in front of the line of scrimmage, and you're getting mauled. I could break an arm tackle.
Starting point is 00:45:18 If I'm going through the line, and a lineman is grabbing me, he's grabbing my jersey, I can fight through it. You hate when we do pull-ups at the gym. And you're talking about getting through a 6'8", 350 lineman that goes... He just grabs your shit. He's like... He just ragdolls you. Oh, you're further than you.
Starting point is 00:45:35 No. I have a quicker first step than you. Okay, I'll give you this. Quicker first step. I stride better and I have good agility via eyes. I can do the... Kim, no you can't. He goes... He goes... And I'm going that way. I stride better and I have good agility via eyes. I can do the f*** out of my face. Kim, no you can't.
Starting point is 00:45:46 He goes, he goes, oh, and I'm going that way. That's all I would do. He goes, and I'm going that way. Why are you running like a bad third grader? He just jumps that way. Kim, you do it like this. I could see you making like a war cry when you ran. Like, no!
Starting point is 00:46:04 You literally go, ah! You're just running right down the middle. Cam, oh my God, if you had a hot mic, if you had a hot mic while you're running, you'd be like, you're like fast breathing. Like scared as. You'd be like, ow! You'd get cracked.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Cam, I would definitely do better than you. In elementary school. I have more do better than you. In elementary school... I have more weight. Slower. Stronger. In elementary school, your athletic prime, unfortunately... It was not.
Starting point is 00:46:34 You used to race the girls. I did. Because you couldn't beat the guy. No. And you needed a confidence boost. I thought it was a good form of flirting. They would always ask me, so I'd race them.
Starting point is 00:46:44 You played tackle football? Yeah, she was big, bro. She, like, no, not enough, not. The girls grow quicker than guys. Yeah, okay. Like, she looked like I did in the sixth grade, but we were in the second grade. Yeah, so. So I was like, oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:46:56 I was like, this is going to hurt if she gets a hold of me. Is that Ray Lewis? Yeah. I said, my God. But it was fun. At that time, I didn't differentiate. I shouldn't be playing with girls. I should be playing with boys.
Starting point is 00:47:08 The girls wanted to play, and I dropped a couple. I'm not going to lie. It was tackled. I could have gone D1 in football. I could have. I genuinely could have. You didn't even play football in high school. Because I focused on basketball.
Starting point is 00:47:21 Okay. I could have been a rocket engineer. Didn't pick that path, though. What kind of synopsis is that? I could have. I could have won D1 in football. I could have. You didn't even play it.
Starting point is 00:47:31 Yes, I did. I played it my whole childhood. I was good. What position were you? Quarterback, kicker, running back, receiver, and safety. Would you play three on three? You just covered the whole field. I was Travis Hunter.
Starting point is 00:47:43 No, you were Travis Hunter times three. You had six positions. I was bigger than everybody. That doesn't even matter. And I was more athletic. First off, what position do you think you'd play right now in the NFL if you were in there? Quarterback. You'd be a quarterback.
Starting point is 00:47:57 Yeah, 100%. Bull. I can see over the line and I have a good arm. Brother, you would trip over your own ankles. You would do your drops and be like, ah! You'd go, coach! Coach! And then, they'd drill you. Cam, you were a center. I was a
Starting point is 00:48:12 tight end that got moved to center because our center got hurt, damn it. I was a blocking tight end that ran a mean six-yard out route, but we never threw the ball, and I was good at blocking. Our center got hurt, and they said, hey, Tubby, you try it. And I went, alright. Snapped it. It was perfect. Like, who eats the most?
Starting point is 00:48:27 Get in there! Get in the center! I was like, would you check on me? Dude, no bullshit though. That was literally the origin story of how I went to a center. Yeah, I believe it. We were at practice. We were at practice. Our center gets hurt. I'm a tight end.
Starting point is 00:48:43 Legit running routes, even though we never threw the ball. Like, it was stupid. How old were you? This was seventh. This was eighth grade. Seventh grade was regular. No, seventh grade was center. One of the two.
Starting point is 00:48:52 Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. But seventh or eighth grade, I shit you not. Our center gets hurt, and they go, we need someone to snap. Yeah. Kennedy, try it. And I was just like, yes, man. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:01 As you should be in the seventh grade. Yeah. And they're like, coach. I literally get down. Never done it before. Ever. As you should be in the seventh grade. Yeah. And they're like, coach. I literally get down. Never done it before. Ever. Snapped it. Hit the quarterback right there.
Starting point is 00:49:09 They go, you're the center. And I went, no, no. Wait. That was a. No. I was joking. This is my real one. No, it was.
Starting point is 00:49:16 I hate that you don't believe in me like that. That I couldn't do it. Peyton, you. If I told you to run and touch your desk and come back, you'd be absolutely gassed. You'd be. That's longer than five yards. But there's no humans tackling you. There's no agility required. Just a simple run for eight seconds.
Starting point is 00:49:33 I can run straight with an open hole. Dude, who's your line? Who's your line? The Eagles. The Titans? The Teen Titans? They have superpowers? The Avengers? Yeah, you got Thanos as your nose guard? They have superpowers? The Avengers?
Starting point is 00:49:45 Yeah. You got Thanos as your nose guard? What are you doing? Dude, I'm 6'7". I used to jump high, and I used to run fast. Yeah. So you don't run fast anymore. You don't jump high anymore.
Starting point is 00:49:58 Your bones are aching. They are in pain. And you've never played football past Pop Warner? And you're going to football past Pop Warner? And you're going to go in there and get five yards? With a good line, yes. Bro, Derrick Henry. Derrick Henry does not average five yards a carry.
Starting point is 00:50:13 Doesn't have a good line. He doesn't have a good – he is a literal toy. He's a Sequoia with a helmet. He is a car of a human being. And he can't get five. Any NFL teams like whenever it's time for scrimmaging, bring me out. I'll do it. I'll put on pads
Starting point is 00:50:27 and I'll do it. Dude, you first off, you and pads look like Snoop Dogg in that commercial. You'd be skinny as shit, long and your shoulder pads would choke up. You'd be like this.
Starting point is 00:50:37 I'm ready to play. They'd go, all right, snap. You'd be like, get cracked. Let's try it. Let's try it. The only way i would say yes is if you bumped your attempts to like three if you had three attempts to get five yards i'd say yes the reason i said solely on the faith of your line and coach the reason i said one is because i'm winded i can't
Starting point is 00:50:56 it is after the first attempt i am cooked i'm like what happens if they ran a like a trick a little trick play and it was really like a oh fake there's there, something, boom, and it was just half-back dive. You right up the middle. What would you do if you just had to run in a straight line, and there was a guy right there? Yeah, what would you do? If you had to go head-on with an NFL linebacker, say you don't get the five yards, your family's done, right?
Starting point is 00:51:20 It's like, say it is life or death out there. What would your brave maneuver be? I would hurdle him. You would hurdle him. Because most likely I'm taller. Most likely I can jump higher. I would hurdle him. I would bet all of my money that you cannot jump higher
Starting point is 00:51:34 than a middle linebacker in the NFL right now. 100%. It depends on who it is. What does that mean? Not all of them. Not all linebackers. But still, there's no way. They are an athletic prime. Peak. Yes. They are jumping higher than you. them. Not all linebackers. But still, there's no way. They are in athletic prime.
Starting point is 00:51:46 Peak. Yes. They are jumping higher than you. Okay. And even, first off. But I'm tall, so they'll try to go for my legs. That's whenever I jump. You would jump, and he would grab your shin, and it would snap in half like this coach.
Starting point is 00:51:57 Or couch. This couch. He would literally go, boom. Your leg would go, and you would fall down. Well, that's fine. In agony, and now your family's gone. Okay, well we'll see you in the next one. Dude, there's no, I love you.
Starting point is 00:52:10 Coaching staff, play call, and line. I just wanted, you don't have to keep piling. I just wanted to see what you thought about it. I don't think so. I think I could. I don't think so. But I do love you. I see that can and it makes me hungry. Now, you can hold the jokes, right? I think after...
Starting point is 00:52:25 Cam, the wind blows and Cam's like, I'm really getting an appetite here. Somebody had a burger? But I think... Cam is like a German shepherd out of a window. When we pass by shopping centers, Cam's head's out the window. He's like, somebody's baking rolls. I go, ATN's today for sure.
Starting point is 00:52:41 But sorry to go back to the house uh life i think after the kid though me and lives sweet tooths have switched it always used to be she was like the actual candy like gummies and stuff like that and i was always like chocolate candy yes it's completely switched i have been smacking a candy i want you to guess candy from my childhood's been around forever and it's so damn good and i have not had had it in years. And it's so simple. So simple. Think of concession stands. Concession.
Starting point is 00:53:08 Like fruit roll-ups? No. Good guess, though. I'd consider that more of a snack. It's not a candy. That's not a candy. A fruit roll-up is not a candy. Cameron?
Starting point is 00:53:17 It's literally not a candy. Cameron. Fruit roll-up is not a candy. We're not going to spend time on this. We've gone at each other's necks a lot of this episode. Dude, that's not a fucking candy. Cam, whenever you go to the grocery store, what aisle are the Fruit Roll-Ups in?
Starting point is 00:53:36 That's all I'm going to say. I legit do not think they're on the candy aisle. Oh, so you get it next to the marinara sauce? No, you get it next to the Oreos, no you get it next to the oreos and you get it next to all those things a big gorgeous snack aisle okay so when you're since you brought up concession stands whenever if you're you go to rich school so it's different but whenever i was growing up it just said candy like three dollars right oh and that it was like hot dogs, water, candy. That was the three things you get. If you said Fruit Roll-Up, it would go to the price of the candy.
Starting point is 00:54:14 If you were paying $3 for a Fruit Roll-Up, then you have bigger fish to fry, my guy. 100% is a candy. No, it's not. Yes, it is because it's sweet and it's sticky. It's sweet and sticky. Yeah, like me. Strawberries are candy? Strawberries are candy. Sweet and sticky.
Starting point is 00:54:24 No, okay, but you know what I mean. But it's sugary, sweet. sticky yeah like me strawberries a candy strawberries candy sweet and sticky no okay but you know what i mean but it's sugary sweet why a snack is like a chip and a popcorn and like pretzels that kind of stuff so pop tart pop tart is sweet and sticky candy no but that's more of that's whole oh my god that's whole it's food here what here has bread oreos oreos it's almost like a sandwich i could i could say that you're the worst regardless that is not a candy 100 but it's not for a idiot airheads oh i haven't had an airhead in a minute oh my god it is it is they are succulent and deep with flavor what's your favorite one oh my god you're about to ask me mine is for whatever reason it's not it's not popular but the white one the mystery
Starting point is 00:55:02 one because you never know what you're gonna get Because you never know what you're going to get. No, you do know what you're going to get every time. It's literally called the mystery flavor. Why would they lie and say, mystery flavor? It's marketing. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it is not. Mystery flavor is a mystery flavor because it's not branded on the thing.
Starting point is 00:55:17 It's just like, hey, it's a mystery flavor. But it's like, what is it? It's like a, it's the same flavor every time you have one. It literally is not you've never got you okay you've never had you're joking you've never had two sticks of that mystery flavor and it's tasted different you've never had it i have literally experienced what you just demonstrated when you so you bought you bought two boxes of airheads they both have the mystery flavors you bit one and you bit the other and they're different yes no you have not
Starting point is 00:55:43 no genuinely you have not you're lying you're having like my fruit loops like epiphany right now no they're the same no they're okay do you okay my god i'm about to take your ass to school take me and strap on that pony i'm spanking that ass here we go do you know where the mystery flavor comes from what does that mean do you know what like why that is called the mystery flavor because it's not branded as a flavor dude you're you're this philosophical sorcerer, like Illuminati guy. No. It's simply the mystery flavor comes from the leftovers of other flavors, and they combine it.
Starting point is 00:56:15 That sounds like bullshit. There's no way that they're in a lab every day, and they're like, package that one up. They make all the watermelons. They make all the grapes. They make all the oranges. Whatever is leftover due to manufacturing error, they combine, becomes white. They make it white so you can't tell, and they package it as the mystery.
Starting point is 00:56:34 That is actual fact. Okay, so if they're doing that every time, it's the same flavor every time. Now, how does that make sense? You said they take the watermelon the grape and the orange first of all crazy trifecta to explain to me oh no no no no no what if what if one day there was four pieces of watermelon extra and there was 600 pieces of orange the orange conveyor belt messed up a lot that's gonna be very are you that naive to think that they have people in a factory with actual ingredients being like two drops of orange?
Starting point is 00:57:07 It's made on a machine on a conveyor belt. It's the same every time. That's what I'm saying. There's always room for error. I know there's not a guy with goggles going. Okay, so it would be an error if it tasted different. You're saying every time it is different. No, shut up and listen.
Starting point is 00:57:25 Open your ears. The machine. Let's say this saying every time it is different. No, shut up and listen. Open your ears. The machine, let's say this is watermelon, this is cherry. This machine can mess up on Tuesday more than it should. That's why there's margins. That would be an error. Exactly. Which would be a rarity. But it happens.
Starting point is 00:57:40 Sometimes. But I'm not saying. You're saying, you literally started this off by saying every time you get the mystery flavor, you don't know what you're going to get. No. Yes, the fuck you do. I said. No, you don't. You do not know.
Starting point is 00:57:52 First off, if you know what you're going to get, then what's the flavor? If you know what you're going to get, asshole. Hey, I'm not 12. I'm 26 years old. I'm not popping airheads anymore. I'm paying mortgages and rent and payroll. I get that. But it is not.
Starting point is 00:58:05 It could be very similar and it can be different. It's mystery. It can be, yes. Exactly. But you said it is. So you never know what you're going to get
Starting point is 00:58:12 because it can be different. Yes, you do. You just said it with me. The lime one could be different every time because there's less lime in it this time. You just said
Starting point is 00:58:20 there's not a guy doing droppers and it's a machine and it's perfect. So are you Henry Ford? Do you love the assembly line? If we're going... Or are you an Illuminati?
Starting point is 00:58:36 Dude, okay, we're going to get off that real quick. It's not the same. It is. It is. It is the exact same. Leave it in the comments. Leave it in the comments. He's being stupid.
Starting point is 00:58:44 He doesn't appreciate airheads and he doesn't know cam offered for a patreon episode to go to the most racist town in america because he has family out there oh let's put that out there and i was not gonna bring this are you kidding me you know that video like when it first went bro you're like god jerry I said Jerry was a good kid in school. No. I do not have family out there. I don't want to go there
Starting point is 00:59:10 and that place quite frankly scares me. Yeah because we're looking at new studios and Cam was like we're offering different cities around here. Cam was like
Starting point is 00:59:18 let's pack up and move out there. I said what? Let's look for some real estate in Harrison, Arkansas. That's why you pick CJ up to work here. Oh, my goblins. That's why you picked CJ up to work here.
Starting point is 00:59:31 Slowly infiltrating the... I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Hell no. I would never go there. Even though I'm a white man, I would never go there. Yeah, I would hope not. There's nothing out there for you.
Starting point is 00:59:41 No. Well, there's actually a lot out there for you. No, there's not. Oh, no, there's not. There's none of the evil, wicked people. Yeah, that's actually a lot out there for you. Oh, no, there's not. There's none of the evil, wicked people. Yeah, that's sad. It is. Speaking of that kind of vibe,
Starting point is 00:59:49 I'm not going to like, let's not get political here. But I was, me and CJ were out partying, right? We were out sitting there cracking jokes with each other while he was rubbing his jeans. CJ was in the middle
Starting point is 01:00:03 cleaning up his jeans, right? After he got done cleaning off his jeans we went outside and we were like we were bar hopping right we were at a different area we were in downtown right that's fun i saw something that didn't make sense to me now i'm from austin and i remember seeing this years ago but i haven haven't seen it in a long time. We were downtown bar hopping, and I saw a pack of cops on horses. No, you did not. I swear to God, they were down the street. In Dallas?
Starting point is 01:00:35 Like, patrolling the street in full cop garments. Full cop garments on the biggest horse I've ever seen. Clydesdale sure never met it but it's i didn't shake its goddamn hoove and say hey i'm paying it's a clydesdale what the f**k do you think i saw a 18 foot horse i said get the f**k that's a brand of horse or a species it's a new drop yeah they just dropped the clydesdale so but i but i had a question i said how ass do you have to be to get pulled over by a horse what the where's your siren the horse goes he's going out like no you know if i honest to god if a if a horse cop tried to pull me over, I'm hitting the dash.
Starting point is 01:01:25 Yeah. I'm not respecting you or the law. I'm making a couple right and left turns on tight alleys. Good luck, Clydesdale. I'd say, tell me how long your horse lasts after this exhaust. That's just a smoke screen on the horse. He's like. Genuinely, what is the purpose of cop horses?
Starting point is 01:01:42 Dude, like, where are they stored, though? That's my thing. Where are we keeping these horse cops until they're deployed? Is there, like, a barn PD? Yeah, and if you're in the middle of Dallas, it's a concrete jungle. It's not quite literally a farm anywhere. It's like every day they have to drive three hours to pick up their horses. Yeah, they drive, get their horses, bring them, deploy them for four-hour shifts,
Starting point is 01:02:02 and drive them back. It's like, are you a better or worse cop if you get sanctioned to the horse? No, you have to be lower. You have to be the lowest. They don't trust you with the vehicles? Yeah, they do not trust you with a scat pack and you're going on a horse. Your max is 30 miles an hour. But genuinely, it's like, imagine you're driving.
Starting point is 01:02:18 You're like 10 over on the highway, right? And just out of your rear view, you see a main right and you're like is he pulling me over there's no way and like okay imagine you do get pulled over by the horse cop right you're pulled over on the side of the road how does he park the goddamn horse like how's that horse gonna stay there he goes hold on hold on girl hold on wait wait now. All right. He gets off. He goes, put your hands where I can see them. He's tying him off on the tie up. All right, stay there, girl. Love you.
Starting point is 01:02:51 Horse. Big ass. He picks a carrot up. Then he goes up to your window and you go, fuck you. And you drive off. You let him tie it up and you go, you dumb ass. I can't feel out. And honestly, you know how when you get pulled over,
Starting point is 01:03:05 they take your license and stuff? Yeah. Where's he going back to the horse to ask him? Like, what the? Like, this guy got warrants? He goes back to the horse, pulls out a Kindle from the book bag that's laid over the horse. He's like, all right, let's see.
Starting point is 01:03:19 The horse is sitting there playing in the wind. I would do the dash so quick. If you get pulled over by a horse cop, you're the worst criminal on earth. The You Should Know Podcast. Whether you own a bustling hair salon, a painting company that just landed a big job, or the hottest new bakery in town. You need business insurance that can keep up with your evolving needs.
Starting point is 01:03:51 With flexible coverage options from TD Insurance, you only pay for what you need. Get a quote in minutes from TD Insurance today. TD. Ready for you. Okay, weird thing. Yes. And I want to make this known. I'm coming at you very partially and honest with this question. Oh, no for you. Okay, weird thing. Yes. And I want to make this known. I'm coming at you very partially and honest with this question.
Starting point is 01:04:08 Oh, no. Okay, very honest. This is a partial thing? Very partial. Hey, brother. You wanted to move to Harrison, Arkansas? No, I did not. Never been there, never want to go there.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Home of the Goblins. I saw you get a postcard from there. You know somebody out there in Harrison. From Isaac? So you do know somebody. I outed myself. No, no, no. Who's Isaac?
Starting point is 01:04:30 No. Oh, you know Isaac. Swagland. I'm tucked. Oh, yeah. He's from there? He's there. From there?
Starting point is 01:04:37 He's still playing. I'm kidding. I was about to say, shit me. I'm kidding. Again, honest and partial is how I'm approaching you with this.
Starting point is 01:04:46 Hey, this does not reflect me or the You Should Know podcast. I mean, it's a genuine question. I kind of want to get the science behind it. Yeah. Okay? Do you, depending on the crowds you're around, right? The crowds you're around. Okay.
Starting point is 01:05:00 Do you ever code switch? Now, what I mean by that, for those unfamiliar with the term, is there a natural kind of like an audio thing? Like a work voice and an at-home voice. There you go. But not really working at home, right? Let's say like Cam's Thanksgiving and like Liv's Thanksgiving. Do you sound the same?
Starting point is 01:05:23 I think so. I think so. I'm always myself, yeah. Really. Do you sound the same? I think so. I think so. I'm always myself, yeah. Really? Do you? Now, sometimes. No, no, no. You coach?
Starting point is 01:05:31 No, I don't mean to coach. That's what I'm saying. I need help. Who are you coach switching around? It's really only in the basketball space. And I figured that out. Because I started. I was speaking basketball on the phone.
Starting point is 01:05:43 And I was like, no, God, he didn't. And I went, who's? I was like, oh, my, God, he didn't. And I went, who's? I was like, oh my God. And I don't, and I don't. No, you're just, his first chuckle the whole episode. No, but I was wondering if you do that, have you ever experienced it? What should I do?
Starting point is 01:05:57 Probably stop. Yeah, it's not, but it's never, it's never. Well, we know your heart. Exactly, but it's just like, I don't know. Maybe it's just basketball that brings it up. Like the slang of basketball. Yeah. I start talking quicker and whatnot.
Starting point is 01:06:10 I get loose. I don't know, though. No, I think you're not harming anybody. There we go. Exactly. Never said anything that's harmful. Now I was about to say, are you dropping new words? I'm not dropping nukes.
Starting point is 01:06:20 I'm not dropping nukes. No nukes have been dropped. One day, maybe on Patreon, I'm going to say my theory about y'all. About us? Yeah. One day, I'm going to say it. That's racist. That's an us three or us. Well,
Starting point is 01:06:34 you know. The latter. Yeah. You need to drop that for Patreon. Give us a sneak peek. You can't just leave me on my cliffhanger. Oh, it's about y'all in a car. Or maybe a good long shower when you're home alone. Oh, my God. So sorry to switch quickly. Go ahead.
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Starting point is 01:07:12 It's a whole new vision. Because it isn't just about what's on. It's about who's watching. Learn more about Samsung Vision AI televisions at Samsung.com. Again, back to, there's a lot of new things happening in my life my wife has disgusting night sweats now she sweats like vicious sweat in the night and she smells like a
Starting point is 01:07:34 macchiato when she wakes up she's it literally every night every morning i wake up like i had sex with a barista every single every single morning I wake up like a Dunkin' Donuts is in my kitchen having a pop-up shop. She smells like coffee, like, like warm brewed espresso. And she gets up
Starting point is 01:07:53 and goes straight to the shower. And I don't, Where is that coming from? I don't know what it is because she has one cup a day. It's not like she's down in it. I'm literally not kidding. She wakes up smelling like coffee.
Starting point is 01:08:02 She smells like a goddamn latte. Like a cup of Folgers. It is awful. And she's sticky, bro. Like, it is bad. I'm not going to lie. Okay, I've worked out with Liv like a handful of times. Oh, I love you, babe, but damn.
Starting point is 01:08:16 Liv's sweat comes with an odor. Oh, it comes with a ripe little just pungent stench. It is bad. She claims she gets it from her father. Oh, I believe it. Yeah, I believe it too. And apparently, see Gabe, I don't know if he's just sweat so much. Gabe can get soaking wet and I don't smell anything.
Starting point is 01:08:32 That's strange. I don't smell anything. I don't know if it's from cutting weight. He's literally been sweating for like 20 years. Yeah. But I don't know. But Liv, God, I love that you're working hard. But man.
Starting point is 01:08:42 How about we turn the air down in your room a little bit? I need a candle in my car. Like, I need a light, a lit candle in the floorboard whenever we're done. Okay,
Starting point is 01:08:51 let's explain, because we've all worked out with each other, right? Yes. I genuinely don't know how I smell when I work out. I don't think,
Starting point is 01:08:58 I can't really remember, but I also genuinely don't think you go hard enough to exert a stench of like, I'm really at maximum effort. No, but you've known that I was a college athlete. That's true, that's true. genuinely don't think you go hard enough to exert a stench of like, I'm really at maximum effort. No, but you know that I was a college athlete. That's true.
Starting point is 01:09:08 That's true. I don't remember my smell buds from back then, though. I know. Okay, so you – this is partial. Go for it. I will co-sign if it's accurate. We're going to – this is how I'm going to explain it. Look at Cam's camera and look at the fourth camera.
Starting point is 01:09:27 All a relative smell when y'all sweat right it's all kind of it's all kind of golden doodle all right it's all kind of labrador retriever at the park uh-huh you spend four minutes in the sun you come back inside who brought the dogs huh you know what i mean and that's not a problem you can can't control it. But let's rank it here. Cam, of course he's going to have it. But it's light. It's on the walkway. It's on the walkway. No. CJ now.
Starting point is 01:09:53 CJ's been doing this thing where he'll go run. CJ will come back into the house. I'll be on the third floor of the house. And I won't even hear the door. I'll just be like, CJ's back. He's back. I can smell it. Hey, take a shower.
Starting point is 01:10:06 And the thing is, he wants to sit and talk after his run. Nope. You go bathe. Unacceptable. You go bathe. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:10:11 He has sweat, juice, and sun all mixed in a jar of nastiness. Dude. Oh, brother. And Pierce smells like
Starting point is 01:10:20 a werewolf. Yeah. Pierce smells like goddamn Twilight. He's goddamn Team Jacob when he walks in. Pierce told me the other day he went to the gym and he had a personal trainer, and he was lifting arms. First off, I said, why?
Starting point is 01:10:38 Why are you a personal trainer? Was it like a promo? Like they just gave it to you, like a free session? Oh, no, I was roped into it. He just didn't know how to say no? Yeah, he's like, here's $100. like a promo like they just gave it to you like a free session oh no i was broke to do it he just didn't know to say no yeah he's like here's a hundred dollars yeah but he said he went and uh he came back and said i didn't know i had that many veins in my arm and i said what do you mean he's like i thought i only had two he thought he had two veins in his arm. And I almost struck him for saying that.
Starting point is 01:11:07 100%. Don't tell HR. But simply looking at your arm, I immediately see four. Before even really looking for it, there's four. Yeah. What do you mean you only thought there was two? How does one even say that? Well, so the point of it was, like, my workout was not as intense as the personal trainer's workout.
Starting point is 01:11:34 So she had more veins, like, opened up. Like, when I was doing, yeah. He said I had more veins opened up. You always had them, bro. No, I know, but like they've shown. Like they've shown. Shown. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 01:11:52 If you follow along on Patreon, right, all the Koala Club people, you watched the 10-Minute Talks last week. We talked about our work environment here at UChino. If you want to know what behind the scenes is like, go watch the latest. It's episode 99 of 10-Minute Talk we interviewed pierce we had gorgeous pierce on and there was a lot of commentary in the comment section right a lot of there was there was right and so i always say i'm like damn i never got the corporate life yeah he didn't either he hasn't either none of our employees you're the only one and so i called my mom and she that's what she's been doing her whole life yeah and she's retired now retired queen yeah
Starting point is 01:12:30 good morning to you i still haven't paid her that full 10 000 it's on layaway oh my god yo and she's so sweet she tries to bring it up she goes i'm just you know just i was searching up words the other day and it just randomly the word gift came across i don't does that mean anything to you yeah no i gotta remind me mom i gotta pay that money give it to her i give her most of it there's like a couple thousand give her all of it right now no um so i was calling her i was like mom like tell me about like corporate life because i'm thinking of like we're moving into a new studio hopefully soon and I'm like I want to make this like a more like actual work environment like what are some of the things I can take from the corporate life into this life
Starting point is 01:13:14 right because this is not a regular job yeah nowhere near my mom brought up company potlucks. And I said, Mom, Potlucks might be the worst idea and the nastiest thing I have ever heard of. I don't want to see Pierce's dishes. I don't want to see what tinfoil he brings into the office. I'm not going to lie. Potlucks are gross bro i to hell with the dishes in the cutlery i don't know what we would eat if y'all three had to cook if you couldn't buy something and cater it yeah you physically had to make food we would be it would be the worst potluck ever go down the line right now it's a lunch it's a luncheon potluck ever. Go down the line right now. It's a lunch. It's a luncheon potluck.
Starting point is 01:14:06 Lunchtime foods. What would you bring? I would bring abundance of chips and snacks. You would bring potato chips to a lunch
Starting point is 01:14:15 for the work employees. You'd bring f***ing lays and you'd call it quits. Yes. Oh my God. We're off to a great start. What do you think you'd bring, Pierce?
Starting point is 01:14:26 Either mac and cheese or a green bean casserole. Oh, Pierce has the whitest mac and cheese. I cannot imagine his mac and cheese. No crust. There's no crust on it. No broil setting on the oven. Okay, pick. Which one?
Starting point is 01:14:39 You got to pick one. Hurry. A green bean casserole. Oh, God damn. White people with a casserole. CJ, what would you bring?'s not thanksgiving damn it it's february it's not i don't need another casserole cj what would you bring probably taco soup but son of a bitch taco no his taco soup is good his taco soup is it makes me shit
Starting point is 01:15:00 yeah so you're bringing and then if i was actually making us like supper it's not supper. Supper? Are you... Yeah, what is supper? Is it Little House on the Prairie? He has an okay smash burger. It's a pretty good smash burger. But it's lunch.
Starting point is 01:15:16 It's lunch. It's got to be something that you can kind of pre-prep or something like that. Oh my God, dude. We need a review. Okay. Let's take it outside of ourselves right the idea of a potluck is disgusting and it's it's it's just bad dude it's it's like okay if i don't know and especially working in corporate we all know each other oh i am not eating sandra from accountings spaghetti eaten Sandra from Accounting's spaghetti. Dude, your kids are gross. Oh my God. I just remembered we had a potluck when I was a teacher and you saying that literally just unlocked that. It is,
Starting point is 01:15:55 you're, you are describing it. You've never experienced it, but you would have thought you have. You just described it to the T. It's disgusting. Cause you don't know these people. I don't know how you clean. You don't know what they do. You don't know if they get butt-ass naked, roll on the floor, then go to bed. Yeah. You don't know what they do. And we just talked about these people's weird-ass pets. Imagine they got a ferret at home. Ferret running around.
Starting point is 01:16:14 He just like, he strokes the ferret and he's like, let's make these burgers. Oh my God. Corporate potluck. That should, that literally should be illegal. The only way, the only way it gets a green check for me and I'm good to go with it is if it's themed. If it is themed and you kind of like, because listen. What does that change the cleanliness of people's dishes? You're so worried about the cleanliness.
Starting point is 01:16:34 Dog, I've seen the people's houses. Okay, first of all, if we're doing a corporate potluck, if I'm working at H&R Block and we're doing a corporate potluck, I'm stalking everybody on Instagram and I'm looking at your kitchen and your bathroom so worried about the kitchen because bro like i don't and i gotta see what your kids look like do you clean your dishes oh i don't have dishes but kids dog if you're a kid you ever seen some of these kids and you can tell what kind of environment their household is if you got a kid with a double front tooth missing oh yeah no if. No. If both of their two front teeth are gone at the same time, you're skipping instructions at dinner.
Starting point is 01:17:08 No, but you can just tell, like, your kid's always got a snotty nose. You're not wiping your kid's nose. You're not clean. House ain't clean. House ain't clean. You're making sure your dishes aren't. I'm not going to lie.
Starting point is 01:17:18 One of my favorite pastimes is stalking people's Instagrams and looking at their bathroom. You're a creep. I know what I'm saying. I can tell a lot from a person's bathroom you're a creep like what okay okay i'm gonna paint you a picture yeah you gotta tell me the person though you gotta tell me describe just the person male female age stuff like that just like real quick say like a 30 year old man 30 year old
Starting point is 01:17:39 man we'll call him a 30 year old uh kyle yeah okay you see a picture of kyle's bathroom yeah the rod is a little it's a little cattywampus. What does that mean? What is that telling about him? Oh, see, now it's going to get a little dangerous because I wouldn't even say about the cattywampus. What? That's why I've got to be careful. Okay.
Starting point is 01:17:58 There's only one. He has white towels. Yes. There's only one hanging up on the towel holder. Okay. It's stained to hell. Oh, my God. What does that tell you? It's that he doesn't use that to dry off
Starting point is 01:18:06 the commentary in the back is great first okay keep going okay first of all he's got a problem okay he's 30 yeah but he has uh let's say he has two empty beer cans on the corner of his shower. He's stuck at his fraternity. He misses college? He misses college a lot. He misses college a lot, and we've got to check his phone. That's the second thing. Okay.
Starting point is 01:18:34 Take the rod down. He has a glass shower, but the glass door is incredibly stained. Like, very dirty. He does not clean it. It describes what the towel is for. It's all coming together, Kyle. Last but not least, Kyle, for whatever reason, he loves the scents and appreciates the women products, the feminine products for bath time. Love it.
Starting point is 01:18:56 Say he has a woman's shampoo, a woman's conditioner, a woman's body wash. Yeah. What does it tell you about Kyle? I'd be like, okay, Kyle, that's cool. Do I know Kyle? You know Kyle. Have I smelled him before? He smells like your Aunt Mole.
Starting point is 01:19:09 Baby powder? Snakes? Gold bond? Gold bond! One of the telltale signs for somebody's bathroom, and it makes me crank them up, if there's too many electrical cords out, loose cords. Like, if you have too many things that plug into your bathroom, something's going wrong. Straightener, hair dryer, curler, iPod, all these things and it's like most of the time i can't even tell what these
Starting point is 01:19:29 cords are for like the actual product isn't shown in the picture i'm just seeing cords i'm like what is happening in your goddamn bathroom also if you have like walmart or target bags just around your bathroom no something's wrong here. I agree on that one. Also, if you have a to-go cup in your bathroom, burn in hell. That's you. You tried to sneak that in there, you little bastard.
Starting point is 01:19:55 That's so him. It looks like you have five course meals in your bathroom. Yeah, that's strange. Your bathroom's massive. You have a huge bathroom. You have like a built-in changing table in there. Have you ever thought about that? Yeah, I don't know what that's for. Your bathroom's massive. You have a huge bathroom. You have like a built-in changing table in there. Have you ever thought about that? Yeah, I don't know what that's for.
Starting point is 01:20:08 What is that little corner for? I swear to God, I think it's a built-in changing table. I just use it to sit. I'm not kidding. It's perfect. I sit on that. I sit on it for pictures. You're kidding me.
Starting point is 01:20:22 You sit on that thing? Yeah. Why? That's such an isolated, lonely corner. Well, I'm an isolated, lonely man. That's fitting. Touche. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:31 I think I could eat my son's foot. I think I could put it in a sandwich and eat it. I'm going to say something about you real quick, man. Let's hear it. I'm ready for it. I think I could take his foot. I could put some pickled onions in there. A little bit of sauce,
Starting point is 01:20:45 some real pickles, a bit of a shredded lettuce and a cheese of your picking. I'd down that bitch in one clean bite. It'd be gone. His feet are so cute and they smell like, oh man. Now he's doing something. Let's be clear here. Okay. Very clear. Cuteness is an aggression. Oh, my God. You thought I was aggressively cute with Ruby? Dude, I almost bit him the other day. No, I'm sorry. That is obviously half joke, but God, he's cute.
Starting point is 01:21:15 Now, okay, so we're making it clear here. He doesn't actually want to eat his son's foot. Not at all. Cuteness is an aggression. And when you're, like, you just want to fight on it. Yeah, I get it but okay as your son's getting older though i'm starting to lose it for what at what just starting to too much like you i said it last week it's too much you in there it's creepy it's like
Starting point is 01:21:35 i'm like oh i want to just but i'm like i'm like you stupid you stupid idiot lose some weight. Oh, shit. All right, before we get out of here, let's get into people's favorite segment. You know what that is? Pop culture, pay it in, Kim. Pop culture, pay it in, Kim. Bow! The Hot Honey McCrispy is so back at McDonald's. With juicy 100% Canadian-raised seasoned chicken,
Starting point is 01:22:06 shredded lettuce, crispy jalapenos, and that completely craveable hot honey sauce, it's a sweet heat repeat you don't want to miss. Get your hot honey McCrispy today. Available for a limited time only at McDonald's. Now, this is probably one of the more inappropriate pop cultures. Oh, God. And it's the second thing I'm getting from Twitter this week.
Starting point is 01:22:27 I brought up the Montoya thing earlier, right? Montoya thing. I saw this thing on Twitter, and it was like this exotic body art guy. Have you seen this? Oh, my God. Are you talking about the guy with the paint? Yes.
Starting point is 01:22:37 Oh, dude. Yes. Dude? Yes. Okay, so if you don't know, there's this video going on on Twitter, and I don't know what the purpose of this art show was. Freaks. Yes.
Starting point is 01:22:46 These are freaks. You just see some ladies in the back. They're like. They're just openly like this. So let me give some context, right? Please. There's this video, and it's like a crowd of like 13 people, right? Like a square room.
Starting point is 01:23:01 Like a square regular room, and it's this big muscular man. Butt naked. No clothes on. Butt ass naked. And he's fully painted in white paint. He is dripping in eggshell white. It's like they dumped paint on his body. And you see him.
Starting point is 01:23:23 And I'm saying everything's out, right? And he's gotten a little blood flow yeah oh it's not flaccid we'll just say that and i'm not gonna lie impressive on the man this guy is like a goddamn horse brother and he's painting the ground with with his man meat, right? He's hitting splits. Brother is agile. Flexible as shit. Acrobatic. My God. Right?
Starting point is 01:23:51 Now, what's the purpose of this show? What's the convention called? I'm going to call it 12 Freaks and a Nude Guy. Because there's not a single sign. There's not a TV. There's not an announcer. There's not a flyer's there's not a single sign there's not a tv there's not an announcer literally not a flyer there's not a brand deal it's literally a butt naked guy bricked up dripping in pain hitting the full-blown splits adjusting his johnson on the floor
Starting point is 01:24:17 painting with this that's all it is and then there's random people literally like this okay and that's the thing when he he walked out, no one was like, they knew what they were coming for. They knew they were getting naked painted white guys. They were just like, yep, there he is. Here's Trevor. Here we go. Let's give him a round of applause. Oh, wow, look at that circle.
Starting point is 01:24:37 Okay. Dude, freaky. And this might be my freakiness coming out. I said, imagine Cam doing that art. No, why? You know how low you have to get? Cam would have to damn near lay on his stomach to get some drawing up. And my chain's gone.
Starting point is 01:25:01 Hey, that's not true. If I had whatever enhancements he had. I think that's purebred. He definitely took something from a gas station. Oh, he might have. That shit was looking straight at you. There's no way. There's no way.
Starting point is 01:25:14 He was like this. That is not. It went. Like, it is not. He was not. It's not natural. Okay, I'm saying. What would you draw?
Starting point is 01:25:23 Oh, I don't know. It'd have to be something just short and concise. Something in a small parameter that I could really get to quick. You're not making 3D art with that one. Oh, my God. And my hip would dislocate by the time I got down to the ground. Hip would pop out. I'd probably fall directly on my Johnson, and I'd be in a lot of pain.
Starting point is 01:25:42 Imagine, okay. That guy was a nimble giant. He was 10 out of 10 in every aspect. Creativity, art, body, skill. Okay.
Starting point is 01:25:56 Now I want you to describe me doing this art from the walkout. I want you to give me the full show. Okay, the first thing that would happen, you'd be painted. It's still going to be the white paint, right? Yeah. But the first thing that would happen, your back would be to the audience, okay? They'd play your theme song, and all you would do, you would start the show like this. They don't see anything.
Starting point is 01:26:21 They'd see naked, long-ass body dripping in paint, and you would start the show like this. And you't see anything. They just see naked, long ass body dripping in paint and you would start the show like this. And you would just look at it and go and you would stare and then you would open up and you'd be like you'd open up, bricked up and you'd start walking, right? And you'd just be walking up to the thing
Starting point is 01:26:39 and then you would definitely do something handsy. You'd do something handsy. I don't know, you'd be like you'd get in front of the know, you'd be like... You'd get in front of the crowd, you'd be like... And they'd go... And then you're just sitting there. And you go, it's time for the show.
Starting point is 01:26:53 You start popping fingers and stuff. You're like... And then, unfortunately, due to your dexterity, you couldn't get too low. It'd be a bad performance. Wouldn't need to get too low. Oh! Oh, tripod jumps in the conversation, but... I make splatter paint.
Starting point is 01:27:18 You'd be like... And you'd go... Oh, that'd be your skill! You'd be like that, you'd take your paint and you'd go... And you'd go... And that'd be your skill. You literally be like that. You take your paint and you go, and you go, and it's just like this. That's what you would do. And you make a smiley face out of paint from your splatter. And you literally go.
Starting point is 01:27:38 It just keeps coming right back every time. That's what you would do. And then you would thank him with a bow. You literally go like this. He'd be like. Imagine my gnarled footprint from the pain. Oh, my God. That'd be the scariest part of the show.
Starting point is 01:27:57 Your feet would be out. They'd literally be looking at you. They'd start your eyes. They'd go down there. They'd be like. And they'd be terrified. Your talons. Dude, your big toe. It'd be like. And they'd be terrified. Your talons. Dude, your big toe.
Starting point is 01:28:06 It literally looks like a cartoon big toe. It is bad. It looks like a regular big toe. And someone took a cartoon hammer and they went. And it just got wide and swollen. Oh. Oh, man. Well, if I needed a warm up for the show, I'd call you.
Starting point is 01:28:19 So here we go. All right. That was. Pop culture. Pay a daycare. Pop culture Pop Culture Payday Cam. Pop Culture Payday Cam. Bow! Get us out of here, Cam.
Starting point is 01:28:30 Thank every single one of you for coming back to another week's episode. This is episode 152. Most, most importantly, make sure you tell P on his Instagram, here in the comments, Tell him happy birthday. A little happy birthday gift you can get him. Send this to your friend. Tell him to go wish him a happy birthday and just keep the train going. I'm 26.
Starting point is 01:28:53 26th birthday is a very special year for him. It's not. No, it is. It is, buddy. It is. A lot of things coming for y'all. Everything you need to know is linked in the description below. And to confuse the casuals, get your good karma.
Starting point is 01:29:04 You already know. It's going to be H-B-D-P. Happy birthday to you. So, maybe on the extended clip, I'll get a gift. Thank you to all my lovely employees, my friends, and my family for all the gifts this year
Starting point is 01:29:25 yep all the gifts that you're gonna get on your birthday alright guys thank you so much for watching this episode of the Usain O' Podcast
Starting point is 01:29:32 join that Patreon this was a it got a little explicit oh my god it was great so just wait to see what happens on Patreon
Starting point is 01:29:39 great episode for the extended episode remember Koala Royalty gets a bonus episode every month and a live stream that's coming up. Love you so much. Remember, one out of ten koala bears don't make it home to Christmas.
Starting point is 01:29:51 And we'll see you next time. No, just two gallons of the white paint.

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